Conversation With Rob Scheer

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Welcome back to the Fostering Conversation podcast
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presented by Welcome Home Youth Advocacy. Today
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we have Rob Shear joining the show. Rob is the
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founder of Comfort Cases. He's an author and
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has been featured on CNN Heroes, NBC Nightly
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News, The Ellen Show and more. We are excited
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to hear from him today. So Mike, go ahead and
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kick us off. Thanks so much, Brad. Hey, Rob,
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thanks for joining us today. Do you just want
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to take a second and introduce yourself? Sure,
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my name is Rob sheer and I have the greatest
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gift in the world Mike. I'm a dad Dad, you know,
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it's something that I actually always wanted
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to be, you know, I've had people call me a CEO
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I've had people call me a founder. I've even
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had people say that I'm a celebrity None of that
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matters What matters is every day I get to hear
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the voice of five amazing humans to call me dad.
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Hmm. That's great Rob, so we call our podcast
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Fostering Conversation as a former foster youth
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myself. It's such a, it's an interesting way
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to grow up. I'll say that. And you have your
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own foster care story. Would you be willing to
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share that with us? Sure. You know, the fact
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is, is that Right now we're looking at about
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one child every two minutes who are entering
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foster care 700 a day and We know that these
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kids enter because of a choice. It's someone
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else made and That happened to me. It happened
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to me and it happened to my siblings, you know
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I'm actually the youngest of ten kids Yeah, my
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mother had been married six times. We lived in
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and out of every shelter. And I remember as a
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young boy never having... any sense of belonging,
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never having any feeling of connection to anyone,
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and never feeling wanted. And even when I went
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into the system as a young boy, again, you know,
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I went to a quote neighbor, and, you know, I
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knew people, but you know, again, feeling when
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you're in the system, when you're a kid, not
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with your family of origin, life is hard. And
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that's what it is for so many kids in foster
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care. care like it was for me. Yeah, I think
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that's something that we talked about. I had
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my biological sister on the show a couple episodes
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back, and that separation from your biological
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family, especially your sibling unit, is so difficult.
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And, you know, the fact that 70 % of siblings
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get split up in the foster care system is so
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hard, because that's your only stability point
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that you really have in your life. You know,
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you're not placed... ever I don't think that
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you know Mike I don't think no matter what and
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I am I'm gonna be 60 years old this year and
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I have no relationship with any of my siblings
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I think that there's like four alive but the
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system did that to us and the thing is and this
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is truly how I look at this you know I truly
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think that the system does exactly what the system
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was supposed to do, which is make money on the
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back of children. It doesn't think about our
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mental state. It doesn't think about what is
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our long -term trauma. I mean, I hear you talk
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about your story and about how, you know, facing
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some of your demons at an older age. I mean,
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look at if somebody had invested in you as a
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young boy. Okay, um just think of that investment
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how it could have paid off a set of paying off
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Where you know the payoff was you went behind
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bars? I mean so so you know so if you want to
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talk about you know Let's talk about people want
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to talk about it's all about dollars. Okay. Let's
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talk about the dollars You paid the dollars to
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support this kid while he was in the system.
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You didn't give him any support whatsoever So
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what did he do he went back? He committed a crime
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and you went in jail and guess what they supported
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you again? So if that doesn't tell you that this
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is a system that is shattered nothing else well
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my friend Yeah, and I try to explain to people
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you know kids in foster care and you know a lot
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of kids don't even find homes and so they end
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up in group homes or JDC's juvenile detention
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centers, so we institutionalize these kids at
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a very early age very early on and we expect
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a different outcome from them and just expect
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them to Pick themselves up by their bootstraps
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and make it work and figure it out. That's just
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not the reality You know when you were placed
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into that early on and that's your your baseline.
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That's your go -to That's what you're gonna gravitate
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towards. You know, that's why I mean, look at
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the fact of, I mean, look at, look at just statistics.
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We as humans, we are moved by numbers. So if
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you look at statistics, you only see that closely
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the 400 ,000 kids we have in foster care. And
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by the way, Mike, I don't think that we have
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a true number. You know, I mean, the thing is,
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is that we say we have, we. Guarantee you I could
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call 20 nonprofits who are all touched by foster
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care and all 20 of them will have different numbers
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Yeah, for sure. Yeah, you know the thing that
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the thing is is that I've said this so many times
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I Made a decision. Okay. I made a decision a
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long time ago. I'm not gonna blame the system.
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Okay, I'm gonna change the system My brothers
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and sisters, they've continued to blame the system
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and with that there is no healing, you know There's
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no and I think that is important. We have to
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forgive and then we have to start healing But
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yeah, I can completely relate to that I think
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for me I carried a lot of bitterness and resentment
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for a long time because of what I went through
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and then once I started dealing with it and processing
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it and saying to myself like Mike, you know You're
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responsible for the decisions you made. Those
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were your choices. No matter what you've been
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through, you made the choices. Now, what you've
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been through might have changed how your mindset
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worked and how you got there, but still they're
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your choices and they're your responsibility.
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And once I could shift my focus from the resentment
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and the anger of it all and trying to look at
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how do I use this to help other people that are
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still in it, it helped me in a lot of ways let
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go of some of that baggage I was carrying for
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such a long time. That's something that you and
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I don't see that within the foster care arena
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for us alumni, as I should say. We don't see,
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and by the way, I come from the .com world. I
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got out of foster care, aged out, was homeless.
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And I remember when I finally got my very first
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apartment, I said to myself as I stood in that
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bathroom with not even able to afford a shower
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curtain, but I remember it was my apartment.
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And it was like a, it was a... It was like one
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of those, you know, studio apartments. And so
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it didn't matter, a bedroom. But I had my, it
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was mine. It was your space, yep. In that bathroom,
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I said, you know what, you're never gonna talk
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about foster care again. And I didn't until my
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children arrived. And I remember at that moment,
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as my kids arrived, I thought, what a disservice
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I had done. I had been so worried that people
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were going to realize that I was this phony that,
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by the way, I didn't know the difference between
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there, there and there. I was a really good businessman.
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But, you know, but then when my kids arrived
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from foster care carrying a trash bag, I just
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was like, God, I failed. I failed. And so for
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me, that was a big eye opener and aha moment,
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my friend. So I kind of want to. touch on that,
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you talk about in your story, you know, the indignity
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of the trash bag and moving with a trash bag.
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And I had that experience as well. When you're
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given five minutes to pack up your stuff and
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move to the next place when the caseworker shows
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up. Can you explain how that moment impacted
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you so much and how that makes you feel going
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through that? You know, I have to tell you, I
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didn't think about it. I actually didn't think
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about it until my daughter and my son arrived
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and they were four and two and both had a trash
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bag um and it just hit me and it was all of those
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wave of emotions of wow you know this was me
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at one time even though she's four I was 12 I
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was still a child and it helped mold me by the
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way and that's the thing that I don't think people
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understand you know I look at our kids and our
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kids arrived when they were six months two two
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four and then 18 um But I look at our kids and
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even though our baby arrived at six months and
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our boys arrived at two, they were still much
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molding that happened before they came to us,
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that came out as they got older. And so that
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behavior and stuff. And so, you know, Mike, I
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just have to tell you this whole entire journey
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for me has been eye -opener. It's been an eye
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-opener. Yeah, when I, you know, started... you
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know welcome home and going through the process
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of Doing research and and you know just trying
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to figure out. What was this? What were the problems
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still? It blew my mind the amount of kids that
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are still going through this the amount of kids
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that are Just tossed about in the system with
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their best interest totally not at heart in the
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decisions that are being made and the things
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that are happening, you know, the outcomes for
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these kids with, you know, 80 % of the prison
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population coming from foster care and 60 % of
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child sex trafficking victims coming from foster
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care and 20 ,000 kids aging out of foster care
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every year with nowhere to go and no one to help
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them. And, you know, and I was like, there's
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no way that I can't get involved and try to help
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and use my experience and my story to try to
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give kids and families a connection point to
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help them know like hey you're not going through
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this on your own I think it's so hard a lot of
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the times kids you alluded to the behaviors and
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stuff that you come with you build these things
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up because a lot of kids When they get, if they
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end up in the city, you, you live in survival
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mode for a long period of time. And then you're
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placed into that stays with you. I'll repeat,
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I'm going to be 60 years old. I love my therapist
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because couldn't made it without him. And you
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know, the thing is, is that even at 60 and it's
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even though, let me tell you something. I am
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so lucky. I am married to most wonderful person.
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I've been together 21 years. He is an absolute
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saint. He is the most amazing stay -at -home
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father. I have five of the most incredible kids.
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I have not a job, but I have a purpose. But I
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will tell you, I can't think of a day that I
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haven't had that there wasn't a moment within
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all of this that I haven't stopped and thought,
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why am I here? I didn't answer. You know, you
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feel that not worthy. Oh, yeah. So that never
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leaves you, Mike. You know that doesn't leave.
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I carry that constantly. My sense of self worth
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is really sometimes it really hits me hard. And
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I'm like, man, what? Why am I? Why have I been
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given this? Why do I get to do this? Who am I?
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You know, I'm nobody. You know, I'm just a street
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kid from Reading, Pennsylvania. I'm no one, you
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know. And let me tell you something, especially
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when you have siblings who haven't come out on
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the other side as good as you have. So I have
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a lot of guilt with my siblings because I can't
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relate to them. I mean, I tried. I have tried.
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I can't relate to them, you know, and I wish
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them the best and I want the best for them. I
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just I'm not there to be with them. When I had
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my sister Tasha on, we spoke about the weird
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reality of not having seen her for a quarter
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century and then trying to connect and build
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a relationship again. It's like, yes, you're
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my sibling, but... We live different lives now.
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I'm from a different place. I didn't experience
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life with you. You know, so it's really hard
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sometimes to connect. I think, you know, we see
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those connections and those reunions framed in
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the Hollywood light of, you know, well, it's
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the happy ending. They got to, they got to see
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each other again and talk to each other. And
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now everything's going to be great. And that's
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just not realistic because there's so, so many
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complexities that go into all that. And, you
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know, and by the way, I've lived it. I have literally
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lived it twice because I lived it with my siblings
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getting to know them. Some of my siblings, I
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had never met them before. I didn't meet them
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until COVID. And then I get to experience my
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children. So far, we've experienced two of our
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kids meet birth families and experience that.
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How do I put it? Because my kids listen to everything
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I'm on. You know, and I've been very upfront
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with my kids. And by the way, my kids are now
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17. 19, 19, 21, and 25. But you know, my, my
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kids went in it with this, oh my gosh, you know,
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this is gonna be the greatest, I'm, you know,
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gonna be with my birth family, and they're gonna
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be amazing, and we're gonna, and it didn't go
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that way. And I remember my kid, one of my kids
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coming back and saying to me, they're just not
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like me. I said, yeah, that's right. I said,
00:14:40.309 --> 00:14:43.370
you know, I said, but that's okay. You can still
00:14:43.370 --> 00:14:45.470
love them. You can still, but you don't have
00:14:45.470 --> 00:14:47.470
to live with them and you don't have to, you
00:14:47.470 --> 00:14:50.029
know, be with them every day. And so I just think
00:14:50.029 --> 00:14:52.370
that, you know, um, everybody has a different
00:14:52.370 --> 00:14:54.549
journey, Mike. And I think you having platforms
00:14:54.549 --> 00:14:57.429
that you have to tell people and let people know
00:14:57.429 --> 00:15:00.529
and hear that, you know, let me tell you, I don't,
00:15:00.730 --> 00:15:04.649
I'm a lot older than you. And when I was younger,
00:15:04.850 --> 00:15:08.330
you didn't talk about it. No. for sure talk about
00:15:08.330 --> 00:15:12.090
it you didn't you know and and what i love and
00:15:12.090 --> 00:15:16.029
by the way this 17 and a half years ago when
00:15:16.029 --> 00:15:19.210
Reese and I decided to be parents we knew not
00:15:19.210 --> 00:15:23.309
one person who were foster parents we did not
00:15:23.309 --> 00:15:26.429
know one gay couple that were foster parents
00:15:26.429 --> 00:15:31.710
and so we stepped into water that we had never
00:15:31.710 --> 00:15:37.399
heard or done and so now You know, I look and
00:15:37.399 --> 00:15:41.139
I'm like, wow, look at the fact that, you know,
00:15:41.480 --> 00:15:43.779
there's not a newspaper I can't pick up where
00:15:43.779 --> 00:15:45.860
I don't hear people talk about foster care. I
00:15:45.860 --> 00:15:48.200
just wish that they would start doing more things
00:15:48.200 --> 00:15:50.860
instead of just talking. Yeah, I think, you know,
00:15:51.100 --> 00:15:53.320
awareness has definitely grown back in the 80s
00:15:53.320 --> 00:15:55.879
and 90s when I was a kid. You didn't talk about
00:15:55.879 --> 00:15:57.799
that stuff. I knew there was other kids that
00:15:57.799 --> 00:15:59.679
had been adopted, but we didn't really talk about
00:15:59.679 --> 00:16:01.820
it. We didn't converse about it with each other.
00:16:01.919 --> 00:16:03.259
You know, you just were kind of on an island
00:16:03.259 --> 00:16:06.360
by yourself and we've made strides in that. And
00:16:06.360 --> 00:16:09.820
then. I think also recognizing the mental health
00:16:09.820 --> 00:16:12.000
aspect and trying to get kids that help is such
00:16:12.000 --> 00:16:14.759
a big deal because there's so many underlying
00:16:14.759 --> 00:16:16.700
things that they're dealing with and trying to
00:16:16.700 --> 00:16:19.320
understand and trying to unpack and it comes
00:16:19.320 --> 00:16:22.519
out in different ways. verbal things and physical
00:16:22.519 --> 00:16:24.519
things and all this other stuff that foster kids
00:16:24.519 --> 00:16:26.740
do. And people are like, well - And by the way,
00:16:26.879 --> 00:16:29.279
Mike, let me tell you something. And we've gone
00:16:29.279 --> 00:16:31.480
through it with our kids. We know what it's like
00:16:31.480 --> 00:16:33.720
to have a child with fetal alcohol syndrome,
00:16:34.179 --> 00:16:38.700
reactive attachment disorder, bipolar, schizophrenia.
00:16:39.440 --> 00:16:42.899
We have had the gambit, but I will tell you what
00:16:42.899 --> 00:16:46.259
I have said to each of our children. I love you
00:16:46.259 --> 00:16:49.120
unconditionally. I am your father. I am your
00:16:49.120 --> 00:16:53.059
dad. And there is nothing you can say, do, that
00:16:53.059 --> 00:16:57.980
will ever push you out of my life. And so yeah,
00:16:58.139 --> 00:17:00.799
you know, and fortunately, right now, I'm just
00:17:00.799 --> 00:17:03.940
saying right now, we're on the other side. But
00:17:03.940 --> 00:17:06.180
I will tell you, it's taken a lot to get to the
00:17:06.180 --> 00:17:08.319
other side, but we've gotten there. Well, and
00:17:08.319 --> 00:17:11.759
I think reinforcing that idea that I love you
00:17:11.759 --> 00:17:14.160
and I'm not going anywhere is such a big thing
00:17:14.160 --> 00:17:17.160
for these kids because I know from my own experience,
00:17:17.640 --> 00:17:20.190
I thought if I screwed up, People were gonna
00:17:20.190 --> 00:17:22.970
leave and I was gonna lose everybody and so I
00:17:22.970 --> 00:17:24.970
would keep everybody at arm's length I build
00:17:24.970 --> 00:17:27.109
up walls and it's just easier I didn't want to
00:17:27.109 --> 00:17:28.250
build relationships because I didn't want to
00:17:28.250 --> 00:17:30.369
get hurt, you know, so that's such an important
00:17:30.369 --> 00:17:34.250
thing to tell kids Can you kind of talk about?
00:17:34.789 --> 00:17:37.849
Your experience at 18 after you aged out ending
00:17:37.849 --> 00:17:40.829
up homeless like how how that affects so many
00:17:40.829 --> 00:17:43.589
kids in the system and what because a lot of
00:17:43.589 --> 00:17:46.410
people don't understand what aging out even means
00:17:46.410 --> 00:17:48.750
and what it is and as someone that's experienced
00:17:48.750 --> 00:17:50.450
it if you could share your experience with that
00:17:50.450 --> 00:17:53.349
that would be awesome yeah you know the fact
00:17:53.349 --> 00:17:56.329
is is for me i'd live with a family that i didn't
00:17:56.329 --> 00:17:59.490
actually think about foster care anymore social
00:17:59.490 --> 00:18:02.630
workers didn't come and check on me um i was
00:18:02.630 --> 00:18:05.970
the kid that went to church every sunday i good
00:18:05.970 --> 00:18:09.289
grades. They were a Mormon family. So I went
00:18:09.289 --> 00:18:12.230
to seminary every day. And for those who don't
00:18:12.230 --> 00:18:14.309
know, that's when you're in high school, you
00:18:14.309 --> 00:18:16.390
have to go to church every day if you're Mormons.
00:18:16.430 --> 00:18:19.690
And so so I was that kid, I was that nerd. And
00:18:19.690 --> 00:18:24.750
so when I walked into that home, and my trash
00:18:24.750 --> 00:18:27.329
bag was sitting there, I was shocked. And to
00:18:27.329 --> 00:18:29.150
be told that I was no longer going to be able
00:18:29.150 --> 00:18:30.849
to live there because it was no longer going
00:18:30.849 --> 00:18:34.470
to be a check. provided to them I was even more
00:18:34.470 --> 00:18:38.210
shocked to know that and by the way I knew that
00:18:38.210 --> 00:18:40.490
they were getting a check so don't it wasn't
00:18:40.490 --> 00:18:43.130
like a oh wow you were getting money I knew they
00:18:43.130 --> 00:18:46.309
were getting a check every month um I knew that
00:18:46.309 --> 00:18:49.009
it arrived on the fourth of every month or the
00:18:49.009 --> 00:18:51.369
third I knew it arrived in a yellow envelope
00:18:51.369 --> 00:18:55.069
I knew that they were receiving that But I didn't
00:18:55.069 --> 00:18:59.150
think anything about it. But I also didn't realize
00:18:59.150 --> 00:19:01.849
that because it wasn't coming any longer, that
00:19:01.849 --> 00:19:05.329
in the middle of the month, by the way, that
00:19:05.329 --> 00:19:07.930
I couldn't live there. And so I literally became
00:19:07.930 --> 00:19:11.450
homeless. I've had people come up to me, Mike,
00:19:11.609 --> 00:19:13.369
and say, well, I don't understand why you didn't
00:19:13.369 --> 00:19:16.029
tell somebody. Let me explain to you something.
00:19:17.009 --> 00:19:19.250
You know this better than anybody, but let's
00:19:19.250 --> 00:19:23.869
educate your listeners. When kids tell people
00:19:23.869 --> 00:19:27.289
about situations like this, let me tell you,
00:19:27.289 --> 00:19:29.490
you know what they do to us. They stick us in
00:19:29.490 --> 00:19:32.049
psychiatric hospitals. They stick us in reform
00:19:32.049 --> 00:19:35.950
schools. They think that we are the issue when
00:19:35.950 --> 00:19:40.440
actually society created us. And for me, I knew
00:19:40.440 --> 00:19:42.819
that's what was going to happen. And I couldn't
00:19:42.819 --> 00:19:46.319
have that. I needed to finish those last six
00:19:46.319 --> 00:19:49.960
months of school and get that high school diploma.
00:19:50.380 --> 00:19:55.039
So I just hid my trash bag and I just walked
00:19:55.039 --> 00:19:57.680
into school every day. I remember and understanding
00:19:57.680 --> 00:20:02.839
this was back in the 80s and so late 70s, early
00:20:02.839 --> 00:20:06.779
80s. And I remember I would go into the public
00:20:06.779 --> 00:20:10.539
library and I would go into the very, very back.
00:20:10.700 --> 00:20:12.940
And I would hide because back in those days,
00:20:13.079 --> 00:20:17.380
they didn't have cameras. You know, I'd wait
00:20:17.380 --> 00:20:19.559
for them to turn all the lights off. And I grabbed
00:20:19.559 --> 00:20:23.799
that beanbag chair and I would sleep there. And
00:20:23.799 --> 00:20:26.460
I did that six months, my friend. I would wait
00:20:26.460 --> 00:20:29.599
for kids to leave the cafeteria, and I would
00:20:29.599 --> 00:20:32.380
go over to that big green trash can, and I would
00:20:32.380 --> 00:20:34.259
dig in there and grab all that food that those
00:20:34.259 --> 00:20:37.740
rich kids wouldn't eat. And I would fill my bag,
00:20:37.779 --> 00:20:41.039
because I was going to eat good that night. Yeah,
00:20:41.119 --> 00:20:46.099
that was my life. Yeah, I think that's, thank
00:20:46.099 --> 00:20:49.119
you so much for sharing that. We talk about this
00:20:49.119 --> 00:20:51.670
a lot, and it's one thing that we as welcome
00:20:51.670 --> 00:20:54.250
home are trying to change. You know, so a lot
00:20:54.250 --> 00:20:56.930
of kids and a lot of families that are in these
00:20:56.930 --> 00:21:00.009
situations that they face poverty in community.
00:21:00.529 --> 00:21:02.589
They don't have a community of people around
00:21:02.589 --> 00:21:04.470
them to help them when all these things happen.
00:21:05.309 --> 00:21:07.789
And so to build that community for these kids
00:21:07.789 --> 00:21:10.309
and these families, like, you know, if you'd
00:21:10.309 --> 00:21:12.869
had a community around you, if you had families
00:21:12.869 --> 00:21:15.109
around you that, you know, were willing to help,
00:21:15.609 --> 00:21:17.309
they could have made a different impact for you
00:21:17.309 --> 00:21:20.009
at that time. Now I'm not saying that You know
00:21:20.009 --> 00:21:22.390
you didn't turn out great because obviously you've
00:21:22.390 --> 00:21:24.950
made you've made a big big change in your life
00:21:24.950 --> 00:21:27.529
from that point But you know no kids should have
00:21:27.529 --> 00:21:29.490
to experience that no kids should have to go
00:21:29.490 --> 00:21:31.730
through that. That's an awful thing You know
00:21:31.730 --> 00:21:35.009
I I've talked about you know my story on this
00:21:35.009 --> 00:21:39.230
this show and being four years old and Going
00:21:39.230 --> 00:21:40.990
to the corner store to rob it because we needed
00:21:40.990 --> 00:21:43.049
food because we didn't have food And that was
00:21:43.049 --> 00:21:45.259
the only way we knew how to feed ourselves You
00:21:45.259 --> 00:21:47.720
know, and so no kids should have to do that.
00:21:47.759 --> 00:21:50.220
No kids should experience that, you know, and
00:21:50.220 --> 00:21:53.680
have to to deal with that lack of community support.
00:21:53.680 --> 00:21:56.680
And that's for me, you know, a home is not just
00:21:56.680 --> 00:21:58.339
the building. The home is the community that
00:21:58.339 --> 00:22:00.339
surrounds you. And that's what's so important.
00:22:00.859 --> 00:22:02.279
But thank you for being open and sharing that.
00:22:02.420 --> 00:22:04.900
That's such a. And you know, Mike, the thing
00:22:04.900 --> 00:22:08.349
is, is that, you know, there were people. and
00:22:08.349 --> 00:22:11.130
acts of kindness throughout my life. I mean,
00:22:11.349 --> 00:22:16.710
you know, neighbors, you know, amazing. Other
00:22:16.710 --> 00:22:19.470
students, you know, opening up their basement
00:22:19.470 --> 00:22:21.910
window and letting me climb in and sleep there
00:22:21.910 --> 00:22:26.509
at night. You know, there was just so many, but
00:22:26.509 --> 00:22:29.950
I do remember, I truly remember. The fact is,
00:22:30.069 --> 00:22:32.849
is that, you know, I was an angry person too.
00:22:33.740 --> 00:22:37.599
I was so angry at my community. But what I've
00:22:37.599 --> 00:22:40.819
realized in this journey is that I'm not angry
00:22:40.819 --> 00:22:44.180
at my community. What I've realized is my community,
00:22:44.420 --> 00:22:47.279
they weren't educated about me. They weren't
00:22:47.279 --> 00:22:50.279
educated about me. And now that we are educating
00:22:50.279 --> 00:22:52.900
our community because of platforms like yours,
00:22:54.059 --> 00:22:58.289
now. they have no excuse. So now I want to see
00:22:58.289 --> 00:23:02.289
those numbers change. I want to see all of the
00:23:02.289 --> 00:23:05.289
things that we know should be happening. We need
00:23:05.289 --> 00:23:09.190
to see our faith base come in and be accountable
00:23:09.190 --> 00:23:13.109
for that. tax break that they get. We need communities
00:23:13.109 --> 00:23:15.670
to stand up and realize that children in foster
00:23:15.670 --> 00:23:19.309
care are not bad kids. They are in bad situations
00:23:19.309 --> 00:23:22.549
because of choices that other people made, not
00:23:22.549 --> 00:23:25.829
them, not them. And so if we start to make their
00:23:25.829 --> 00:23:28.130
choices right, by the way, don't give them a
00:23:28.130 --> 00:23:30.799
trash bag, give them dignity and hope with a
00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:33.079
comfort case. Number two, let them go to camp.
00:23:33.220 --> 00:23:36.099
Number three, let them go on vacations. Let them
00:23:36.099 --> 00:23:38.819
wear new clothes and not your crappy old shit
00:23:38.819 --> 00:23:41.599
that you have in your basement. Let them know
00:23:41.599 --> 00:23:45.319
that they stand with us and not behind us. I
00:23:45.319 --> 00:23:50.000
think, yeah, that's, you know, I often say, you
00:23:50.000 --> 00:23:52.220
know, you don't know what you don't know, but
00:23:52.220 --> 00:23:54.920
once I tell you what you do with it, that is
00:23:54.920 --> 00:23:57.549
on you. you know, once I once I give you awareness
00:23:57.549 --> 00:24:00.170
and educate you on what's happening, it's on
00:24:00.170 --> 00:24:02.289
you then to get involved and be a part of the
00:24:02.289 --> 00:24:03.890
solution. And if you're not part of the solution,
00:24:03.970 --> 00:24:06.130
you're part of the issue at hand. You know, there's
00:24:06.130 --> 00:24:09.289
a statistic that says, you know, kids success
00:24:09.289 --> 00:24:11.309
is determined by a point six mile radius in the
00:24:11.309 --> 00:24:13.730
home in which they grow up. That's a really small
00:24:13.730 --> 00:24:16.069
number for a lot of kids. We need to grow that
00:24:16.069 --> 00:24:19.170
as a community around these kids and be digging
00:24:19.170 --> 00:24:21.170
into their lives and helping these families.
00:24:22.529 --> 00:24:27.369
So. You shared about comfort cases. Can you explain
00:24:27.369 --> 00:24:31.509
what that is and what you try to accomplish by
00:24:31.509 --> 00:24:33.190
starting that organization and what you guys
00:24:33.190 --> 00:24:37.410
do and how that gives dignity to kids in foster
00:24:37.410 --> 00:24:40.509
care? You know, I'm a true believer that if you
00:24:40.509 --> 00:24:43.289
pick the low hanging fruit, your tree will grow
00:24:43.289 --> 00:24:48.410
taller. And I saw some low hanging fruit. I saw
00:24:48.410 --> 00:24:55.640
a... step in the journey of children that maybe
00:24:55.640 --> 00:24:59.220
we could see a different outcome. And I then
00:24:59.220 --> 00:25:02.740
saw an opportunity to teach our children. See,
00:25:02.779 --> 00:25:07.059
the thing is, is for me, I had done the biggest
00:25:07.059 --> 00:25:12.259
mistake as a father. I had tried to teach my
00:25:12.259 --> 00:25:16.539
children that all the material things that they
00:25:16.539 --> 00:25:19.460
got was what was important. because I didn't
00:25:19.460 --> 00:25:23.119
have any of that stuff. And so I overcompensated.
00:25:23.680 --> 00:25:26.799
I put my kids in private schools, designer clothes,
00:25:27.259 --> 00:25:30.660
passports, travel the world. And then I realized
00:25:30.660 --> 00:25:34.759
that I had raised entitled children who truly
00:25:34.759 --> 00:25:37.160
did not know the two important things in our
00:25:37.160 --> 00:25:39.720
life. And those two things are number one. Our
00:25:39.720 --> 00:25:42.339
legacy. See, the thing is, Mike, is we all must
00:25:42.339 --> 00:25:44.740
understand is that our legacy is what we give
00:25:44.740 --> 00:25:47.660
and not what we take. And then we must understand
00:25:47.660 --> 00:25:51.220
that empathy is not in our DNA. Empathy is taught.
00:25:51.579 --> 00:25:54.019
And I wanted my children to know that. And so
00:25:54.019 --> 00:25:57.539
I. grabbed a backpack and in that backpack I
00:25:57.539 --> 00:26:00.900
wanted all the things to have in it that I knew
00:26:00.900 --> 00:26:03.859
affected a child. See, I knew that a brand new
00:26:03.859 --> 00:26:07.000
pair of pajamas with a tag on it meant that those
00:26:07.000 --> 00:26:09.819
children knew that we saw them. We knew that
00:26:09.819 --> 00:26:12.720
they weren't second hand. We knew that during
00:26:12.720 --> 00:26:16.420
this moment of their life being in turmoil that
00:26:16.420 --> 00:26:20.180
they were handed something new, not stained,
00:26:20.599 --> 00:26:24.789
ripped, old, used, new. I wanted every child
00:26:24.789 --> 00:26:26.490
to get their own lotion, their own shampoo, their
00:26:26.490 --> 00:26:28.549
own conditioner and their own bar soap. These
00:26:28.549 --> 00:26:32.410
kids walk into a house of strangers and we expect
00:26:32.410 --> 00:26:36.390
them to assimilate like that. We, not one of
00:26:36.390 --> 00:26:39.690
us, would go to a hotel and use a bar of soap
00:26:39.690 --> 00:26:42.930
from the people before you. They're strangers.
00:26:43.369 --> 00:26:45.880
It's called dignity. I wanted every kid to get
00:26:45.880 --> 00:26:48.539
a toothbrush and toothpaste. We both know that
00:26:48.539 --> 00:26:50.680
people don't give a crap about dental hygiene
00:26:50.680 --> 00:26:53.099
when you're a kid in foster care. I then wanted
00:26:53.099 --> 00:26:55.440
every kid to get an activity, a book, a stuffed
00:26:55.440 --> 00:27:00.660
animal, a blankie, those basic items. One, to
00:27:00.660 --> 00:27:03.339
let them know that we're there with them, that
00:27:03.339 --> 00:27:05.920
they're worth more than a trash bag, that they
00:27:05.920 --> 00:27:09.779
are not less than, that they are seen, and then
00:27:09.779 --> 00:27:12.000
we can help them move throughout the system.
00:27:13.160 --> 00:27:18.440
That's awesome. Yeah, we have a resource store
00:27:18.440 --> 00:27:21.400
with Welcome Home that we try to provide. And
00:27:21.400 --> 00:27:24.900
I love that you emphasize the point of new items
00:27:24.900 --> 00:27:28.099
with tags on them. So these kids get to, so we
00:27:28.099 --> 00:27:30.119
have a store and we try to treat it as a shopping
00:27:30.119 --> 00:27:32.480
experience. So kids get to do that. We're not
00:27:32.480 --> 00:27:34.059
just giving them hand -me -downs. We're not just
00:27:34.059 --> 00:27:36.359
giving them the leftovers that other people didn't
00:27:36.359 --> 00:27:39.099
want. I think that's such an important piece
00:27:39.099 --> 00:27:42.410
of that to give these kids that. Oh, that self
00:27:42.410 --> 00:27:44.769
-worth and that idea that I matter because I'm
00:27:44.769 --> 00:27:46.849
getting brand new things. Like that's huge for
00:27:46.849 --> 00:27:53.519
a kid that comes with nothing. Okay, so as you
00:27:53.519 --> 00:27:56.099
know, we're getting ready, we're in spring, even
00:27:56.099 --> 00:27:58.240
though it's a little cold here in the DMV where
00:27:58.240 --> 00:28:01.880
I live, it's still we're in spring. And I literally
00:28:01.880 --> 00:28:05.259
spend so much time having to respond to people
00:28:05.259 --> 00:28:08.420
who tag me in posts that say, oh, you got old
00:28:08.420 --> 00:28:10.500
luggage, take it to your child welfare office.
00:28:10.700 --> 00:28:14.960
No, don't. It's in foster care, do not want your
00:28:14.960 --> 00:28:20.400
old smelly, stinky, ugh. luggage they don't and
00:28:20.400 --> 00:28:23.259
that's why you know eight years ago Reese and
00:28:23.259 --> 00:28:27.180
I You know, as I was sitting back, I had given
00:28:27.180 --> 00:28:33.880
up my career and all of a sudden I realized that
00:28:33.880 --> 00:28:36.380
that backpack was not doing what I needed it
00:28:36.380 --> 00:28:39.519
to do, which was to eliminate the trash bag.
00:28:39.819 --> 00:28:43.539
And so I went door knocking and I ended up finding
00:28:43.539 --> 00:28:46.880
a manufacturer to make me what we call a Comfort
00:28:46.880 --> 00:28:51.140
XL. And that Comfort XL is a 32 inch duffel bag.
00:28:51.359 --> 00:28:53.599
By the way, it was designed by Briggs and Riley.
00:28:53.579 --> 00:28:58.079
It is the leading luxury luggage brand. This
00:28:58.079 --> 00:29:03.720
piece of luggage retails for $129. I have given
00:29:03.720 --> 00:29:09.720
over 190 ,000 of them away for free. And they
00:29:09.720 --> 00:29:15.759
actually fold up the size of a book. And I did
00:29:15.759 --> 00:29:17.400
that because people were like, oh, I don't have
00:29:17.400 --> 00:29:19.880
any space. I don't have any space. And then when
00:29:19.880 --> 00:29:23.140
it's completely full, This is how big it is.
00:29:23.339 --> 00:29:27.180
Yeah. No, it's awesome. And those are given to
00:29:27.180 --> 00:29:29.940
police officers, they're given to social workers,
00:29:30.279 --> 00:29:32.740
they're given to anyone that's in first contact
00:29:32.740 --> 00:29:35.400
with kids in our system. That's great. No, that's
00:29:35.400 --> 00:29:38.460
incredible. I think, you know, that's such a
00:29:38.460 --> 00:29:42.559
need that people just tend to gloss over. And
00:29:42.559 --> 00:29:45.220
it seems like such a small thing, but it's such
00:29:45.220 --> 00:29:48.000
a big piece that gives you, like you've said
00:29:48.000 --> 00:29:49.779
so many times, it gives you dignity in what you're
00:29:49.779 --> 00:29:52.859
doing in your move. Plus, I don't know about
00:29:52.859 --> 00:29:55.099
you, but for me as a foster kid when I moved
00:29:55.099 --> 00:29:57.400
and didn't have anything, to have something to
00:29:57.400 --> 00:29:59.319
call my own and know it was mine and it was gonna
00:29:59.319 --> 00:30:02.220
go with me was such an important thing as well.
00:30:02.680 --> 00:30:05.720
And so that's just such a neat thing that you
00:30:05.720 --> 00:30:12.099
do there. I love that you focus on collaboration
00:30:12.099 --> 00:30:14.779
over competition. I think that's such a needed
00:30:14.779 --> 00:30:18.650
thing in the nonprofit space. Especially in this
00:30:18.650 --> 00:30:22.150
sector as I've walked this road And I like I
00:30:22.150 --> 00:30:23.849
said, I'm nobody I have a culinary arts degree.
00:30:23.849 --> 00:30:27.109
I didn't start in this this field I didn't I
00:30:27.109 --> 00:30:29.930
didn't do any of this work But you know, there's
00:30:29.930 --> 00:30:33.309
so many silos built up in the nonprofit world
00:30:33.309 --> 00:30:36.950
and people can't get the help they need Because
00:30:36.950 --> 00:30:38.789
organizations won't collaborate with each other
00:30:38.789 --> 00:30:40.329
because they're all thinking they have to fight
00:30:40.329 --> 00:30:44.210
over the same dollar But if our end goal's the
00:30:44.210 --> 00:30:46.670
same, if we're trying to help kids, why aren't
00:30:46.670 --> 00:30:48.789
we all working together? Why aren't we doing
00:30:48.789 --> 00:30:50.450
these things to collaborate and do what's best
00:30:50.450 --> 00:30:53.849
for these kids and these families? That to me...
00:30:53.849 --> 00:30:57.950
It's the same reason that we started Fostering
00:30:57.950 --> 00:31:04.809
Change, my podcast. I come from the dot com world.
00:31:04.849 --> 00:31:07.990
I'm a taker. Okay, so I'm a banker. I was a banker
00:31:07.990 --> 00:31:12.730
for 28 years. You want to talk about a cutthroat
00:31:12.730 --> 00:31:16.569
industry. And then I got into the dot org world
00:31:16.569 --> 00:31:21.549
and I was like, wow. This is crazy. These people
00:31:21.549 --> 00:31:24.609
don't play well in the sandbox together. And
00:31:24.609 --> 00:31:28.789
this has got to stop. Because again, again, again,
00:31:28.809 --> 00:31:31.470
if we all came together and threw our pebble
00:31:31.470 --> 00:31:33.450
in the water at the same time, the wave would
00:31:33.450 --> 00:31:35.789
be so much bigger, Mike, it would be so much
00:31:35.789 --> 00:31:39.230
bigger. And so we were like, okay, we're going
00:31:39.230 --> 00:31:41.049
to start a podcast and we're going to invite,
00:31:41.049 --> 00:31:43.670
we're going to invite nonprofits on and we're
00:31:43.670 --> 00:31:46.900
going to lift those nonprofits up. to our listeners
00:31:46.900 --> 00:31:49.680
and viewers. Little would I know that that podcast
00:31:49.680 --> 00:31:52.619
would become an award -winning podcast now and
00:31:52.619 --> 00:31:55.579
we're in our seventh season and nonprofits ask
00:31:55.579 --> 00:31:57.460
me all the time, why do you do this? I say, why,
00:31:57.559 --> 00:31:59.180
what do you mean? Why, why do you, you know,
00:31:59.339 --> 00:32:01.640
and I remind them there's enough money to go
00:32:01.640 --> 00:32:04.140
around. And by the way, not everybody is going
00:32:04.140 --> 00:32:06.940
to be warm and fuzzy about foster care. And so
00:32:06.940 --> 00:32:08.319
people are going to want to hear about something
00:32:08.319 --> 00:32:10.400
else. Maybe people, my, I have a good friend
00:32:10.400 --> 00:32:13.779
of mine, you know, he has a nonprofit for, for
00:32:13.779 --> 00:32:18.500
hunger, you know, I support him. I support anyone
00:32:18.500 --> 00:32:21.140
that is let me tell you I've said this and you've
00:32:21.140 --> 00:32:23.119
heard that I've said this in my talks all over
00:32:23.119 --> 00:32:26.160
this country now all over the world That the
00:32:26.160 --> 00:32:29.039
people have taught us that the world goes around
00:32:29.039 --> 00:32:33.400
by an axle. That is not true The world goes around
00:32:33.400 --> 00:32:36.200
by people like you and me. We're the doers who
00:32:36.200 --> 00:32:38.940
push it every single day So what I tell people
00:32:38.940 --> 00:32:45.089
I don't care what you do just do do Dogs kids
00:32:45.089 --> 00:32:50.049
what do you know and you know, I I am so blessed
00:32:50.049 --> 00:32:52.109
and I'm so honored to you know We're building
00:32:52.109 --> 00:32:55.509
our new facility and we have three other organizations
00:32:55.509 --> 00:32:58.049
in there that we're collaborating with and we're
00:32:58.049 --> 00:33:00.930
housing in that space Just to support families,
00:33:00.930 --> 00:33:03.549
you know, and that's such a great thing You know
00:33:03.549 --> 00:33:05.609
to bring that to our community and to bring that
00:33:05.609 --> 00:33:09.019
to people and I don't care if You come to me
00:33:09.019 --> 00:33:10.680
just for information about another organization
00:33:10.680 --> 00:33:12.980
and use them. I don't care at all. Doesn't bother
00:33:12.980 --> 00:33:15.019
me in the least. Just get the information and
00:33:15.019 --> 00:33:17.480
the resources you need. And I just want to see
00:33:17.480 --> 00:33:19.319
you get help. So to me, that's all that really
00:33:19.319 --> 00:33:22.079
matters. And I think that's so important. So
00:33:22.079 --> 00:33:24.460
I really appreciate your approach in that. I
00:33:24.460 --> 00:33:26.460
think that's such an important thing to see.
00:33:28.170 --> 00:33:31.809
get away from this idea that we all have to get
00:33:31.809 --> 00:33:34.829
the most donor dollars that we possibly can at
00:33:34.829 --> 00:33:37.089
the expense of everybody we're trying to serve
00:33:37.089 --> 00:33:38.930
and the community we're trying to help. It just
00:33:38.930 --> 00:33:42.369
doesn't make any sense. One other thing I wanted
00:33:42.369 --> 00:33:45.410
to talk to you about is your Pathways program
00:33:45.410 --> 00:33:48.589
for kids that are aging out and supporting them.
00:33:48.730 --> 00:33:50.950
And can you get into that a little bit and what
00:33:50.950 --> 00:33:54.420
you guys offer with that? So and you know as
00:33:54.420 --> 00:33:57.460
I one thing you'll know about me is I have a
00:33:57.460 --> 00:33:59.619
real soft spot when it comes to the older kids
00:33:59.619 --> 00:34:04.220
You know, my husband and I in 2019 Had an 18
00:34:04.220 --> 00:34:06.640
year old come and live with us from foster care
00:34:06.640 --> 00:34:10.519
and a year and a half later we adopted him and
00:34:10.519 --> 00:34:14.619
so I do know that if we want to see the change
00:34:14.619 --> 00:34:17.059
in our foster care system that we have to open
00:34:17.059 --> 00:34:19.579
up our Education pathways to our youth and foster
00:34:19.579 --> 00:34:23.380
care and I do not mean just pay to win These
00:34:23.380 --> 00:34:26.679
kids need complete wraparound services. These
00:34:26.679 --> 00:34:30.400
kids need so much more than just the tuition
00:34:30.400 --> 00:34:34.179
part. So we've started a program where we give
00:34:34.179 --> 00:34:37.139
out a scholarship through Comfort Cases. We give
00:34:37.139 --> 00:34:40.820
$2 ,500 the first semester, $2 ,500 the second
00:34:40.820 --> 00:34:43.780
semester. But the thing that we give that I've
00:34:43.780 --> 00:34:48.199
heard back from our fellow alumni is that we
00:34:48.199 --> 00:34:52.289
give them hope. We actually give them a mentor
00:34:52.289 --> 00:34:55.610
that helps them, walk them, help them with FAFSA,
00:34:55.809 --> 00:34:59.889
finding different scholarships. For the first
00:34:59.889 --> 00:35:03.030
12 months, we send them a hope box full of all
00:35:03.030 --> 00:35:05.510
the things that we would give any kid who's our
00:35:05.510 --> 00:35:09.070
kid, who's in college, like my children get.
00:35:09.369 --> 00:35:14.010
And so, yeah, it's just been such a success.
00:35:14.030 --> 00:35:17.130
And what I truly do love is when I hear from
00:35:17.130 --> 00:35:21.409
these amazing scholars. And by the way, you can
00:35:21.409 --> 00:35:23.690
go to ComfortCases .org. You still have about
00:35:23.690 --> 00:35:25.590
another, I don't know when this is gonna air,
00:35:25.809 --> 00:35:30.050
Mike, but we still are taking applications up
00:35:30.050 --> 00:35:32.349
till the end of April. But this year we've rolled
00:35:32.349 --> 00:35:36.190
out a new program with a new college that's in
00:35:36.190 --> 00:35:39.570
North Carolina that they are actually giving
00:35:39.570 --> 00:35:43.150
$10 ,000 yearly scholarships if they apply to
00:35:43.150 --> 00:35:45.730
that particular school and they're very foster
00:35:45.730 --> 00:35:48.719
care driven. So go to ComfortCases .org. find
00:35:48.719 --> 00:35:51.860
out all the information. That's awesome because,
00:35:52.199 --> 00:35:54.960
you know, again, the educational disparity for
00:35:54.960 --> 00:35:59.260
foster care kids is so, so huge. You know, only
00:35:59.260 --> 00:36:01.820
half graduating high school in four years and
00:36:01.820 --> 00:36:06.260
only 3 % graduating college. So again, it's another
00:36:06.260 --> 00:36:09.659
instance in where these kids are starting behind
00:36:09.659 --> 00:36:13.139
the rest of the, the rest of the pack by a wide
00:36:13.139 --> 00:36:15.500
margin because they don't have those support
00:36:15.500 --> 00:36:17.000
systems. So that's such a neat thing that you
00:36:17.000 --> 00:36:21.750
do. You know, Rob, I really just appreciate your
00:36:21.750 --> 00:36:26.110
heart for this and using your past and your experiences
00:36:26.110 --> 00:36:31.050
and your experience as a foster dad to kind of,
00:36:31.050 --> 00:36:32.929
you know, guide your mission and comfort cases
00:36:32.929 --> 00:36:35.590
and what you do. I think it's so awesome to see
00:36:35.590 --> 00:36:38.949
that. I love seeing people use their stories
00:36:38.949 --> 00:36:41.070
and use their experiences to help other people.
00:36:41.150 --> 00:36:44.190
We had a woman on that said, you know, we we
00:36:44.190 --> 00:36:46.329
take our mess and turn it into a message. And
00:36:46.329 --> 00:36:47.909
I think that's such an important thing to be
00:36:47.909 --> 00:36:51.050
able to do. Yeah, it's awesome. I think that's
00:36:51.050 --> 00:36:52.929
great. Before we sign off here, I want to remind
00:36:52.929 --> 00:36:56.210
the listener registration for trailblazer camp
00:36:56.210 --> 00:36:58.949
is open now. So that's for kids ages nine to
00:36:58.949 --> 00:37:04.460
13. It's. June 22nd is the first day and again,
00:37:04.719 --> 00:37:06.619
that's all the kids will be covered by sponsorships
00:37:06.619 --> 00:37:09.119
for that So get your kids registered at welcome
00:37:09.119 --> 00:37:11.380
home youth org and get them signed up for summer
00:37:11.380 --> 00:37:13.719
camp throughout I just want to again take this
00:37:13.719 --> 00:37:15.739
time to thank you for joining us and sharing
00:37:15.739 --> 00:37:20.159
your story and and just talking to us today Thank
00:37:20.159 --> 00:37:24.929
you, my friend Thanks for joining the conversation
00:37:24.929 --> 00:37:27.949
today. Rob's story and mission are incredibly
00:37:27.949 --> 00:37:30.269
inspiring and our hope is that you learn something
00:37:30.269 --> 00:37:33.530
today that you can take with you to share, encourage,
00:37:33.849 --> 00:37:36.050
and spread hope in your corner of the world.
00:37:36.570 --> 00:37:38.949
Until next time, we pray that God blesses you
00:37:38.949 --> 00:37:39.769
in the days ahead.