FWD | The Comparison Trap. Comparing is human—rooting against another child is a choice.

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stories, get I'm Kevin Mulhern.
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this is FWD Podcast, Better Athletes, Better People.
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Today's episode is the comparison trap.
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Hey, everybody.
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I'm Coach Joe Clemente here with the captain
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Uh, I, I told you J- Joe, I love that nickname because I was never a captain on any of my sports teams even though I really wanted to be.
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Well, listen, you're the captain here, right?
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Th- thank you, sir.
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so, today's an interesting, topic, uh, that n- not a lot of people talk about.
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but it's about parents, who have kids playing sports, comparing their kid to other kids.
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And, I just want your general overview
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So it happens all the time.
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As a coach out on the field, okay, I've been very fortunate that I coach kids from, youth ages, probably seven years old, all the way up to the professional ranks.
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Mostly middle school and high school kids, okay, being in our program.
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So some of the things that I witness on a game to game, basis is, there, there's two sides.
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But there's more parents that are vicious than, positive.
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I'm just gonna say that outright.
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So-
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Now thi-this is what age?
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Are you talking about s-parents of seven-year-olds?
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I'm talking about parents of all ages.
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it starts then.
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It's crazy.
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Cap, it's really crazy.
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I see people, like, watching other kids.
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They're standing on the fences, right?
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they're pretending to root and, I've seen them turn around, like if a kid strikes out, they'll be like,"Yeah!" I'm like, that's crazy.
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He's an eight-year-old kid.
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But it's real.
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I'm not kidding with you, it's real.
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And then take that and just heighten it every year, right?
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As they get to the high school level, and then put them in a situation where they're now at high school and trying to win a varsity job.
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Forget it, man
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to win a varsity job.
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Forget it.
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So you've seen a, an, a parent of an eight-year-old actually verbally cheer the strikeout of one of his kid's teammates?
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Oh, absolutely.
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It made me sick.
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Like I actually had to say something.
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And that was one time, but it happens all the time
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this is eight-year-old, eight U baseball, which every kid plays, every kid's g-gonna get at bats.
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It's not like it's a fierce competition where, like high school, where you only have so many players on the field.
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Everybody's playing at eight U.
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So why would the co- why would the parent, a, a kid that young root openly against his kid's teammate?
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I don't understand why that would happen.
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it's ego, right?
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It's ego.
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My kid has to be the best.
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My kid is the best, whether he is or he isn't.
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So that, that's what you run into.
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You have to see these...
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You have to see some of these parents.
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And again, I know we're talking about 8U.
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they are like...
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I actually have...
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I had to take some video.
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I can't show it on the show'cause I don't wanna do that to people, but I actually started recording people, like parents, that are like literally, as the kid's going up to the plate, like hanging on the fence.
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"Johnny, don't swing, don't swing at the pitch away.
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don't..." I'm like, dude, the kid's eight years old, 10 years old.
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Even if he's 13, let him go up there and do his thing.
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But it's hard.
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I- look, I don't know what happened, from your standpoint, you've gone through this way more than I have, right?
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My sons are younger than Dennis, okay?
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But I see it all the time.
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I see it all the time when we go out and play, like on our club teams, I see it all the time.
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The high school level, There are more people and parents talking about us as coaches and the other players in the stands.
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they don't think that we know.
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You guys don't think that we know, but we know, okay?
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And the bottom line is, like that's gotta stop.
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That's like toxic, right?
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you've been in the stands.
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D- have you ever heard anything?
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Toxic.
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you've been in the stands.
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Okay, but c-c- Have you ever heard anything?
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uh, of course.
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you, you hear a lot.
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you hear a lot of parents chirping when their kid's on the bench.
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that's just how it is.
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but I can tell you, I'll give you the counterpoint to that Y- you send your kid to a, a, a high school like Don Bosco Prep, any of the really good schools- high level high level non-Public A baseball.
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you're sitting there, and you're watching.
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You want your kid to play.
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y- you-- What we talked about last week, you didn't send your kid to sit on the bench.
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you, you want your kid to forge a baseball career and play, and you can't help but compare your kids to the, the other players who play the same positions.
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There's only three outfielders who can play at one time.
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so this is just human nature.
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This-- And there's not a damn thing that can be done about it.
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You're watching your kid, and you're sizing him up in your own mind against the other three or four outfielders or five outfielders who are trying to get on the field.
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And it-- I, I don't think, I don't think y- you-- we're honest with each other if we say, you shouldn't be comparing y- your kid to other kids.
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You just let him be." The fact is human nature takes over, and you're gonna say,"Okay, my, my kid is here.
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he should be-- He may not be the best outfielder, but he's definitely one of the top three." or sometimes objectively you could say, maybe he's not one of the top three or four outfielders." That happens, too, although most parents don't admit that to themselves.
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Most parents always see the best of their kid, and that's, again, a natural manifestation of being a parent.
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You love your kid.
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You see the best of him, not the worst, or not even what other people see.
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You see your kid at his zenith.
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so I think, it's really hard when you're watching, all these, these highly competitive games, high school, college.
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There's a lot of really good players on the field, and you can't help but measure your kid as opposed to the other kids who are fighting for that same spot.
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and I think the, the key is y- you can compare your kid, but it's how you do it.
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Y- y- I think it's gotta be mostly in your mind.
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I think talking and squawking and bitching and moaning about your kid a- as compared to another kid who's actually playing is really bad.
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but I think y- in your own mind you are doing that, you're making mental notes.
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Again, the-- is, is this a school that my kid should stay at and play?
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And you're looking if, if Ken Griffey Jr., and, and Clay Bellinger a- and Aaron Judge are out there on the field with your kid and he's an outfielder, y- you might wanna, to get a, a, another program or reassess'cause your kid's not gonna be playing.
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That's just how it is.
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so I, I think the comparisons are natural, but the q- the question is when does comparison become unhealthy?
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Well, here's the thing.
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I have a question for you, right?
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'Cause you're, you've been in the stands a lot more than I have, right?
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I'm, I'm on the field most of the time, right?
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So my question to you is when parents deal with that, okay?
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you're sitting there and little Johnny's out on the field, or there's three outfielders, or there's competition.
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They're in the stands and watching this happen, and literally rooting for the other kids not to do well.
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is that healthy?
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that healthy?
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That-- I could tell you that's really unhealthy, and I try hard not to do that.
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but it-- but again, y-y-you're looking to see w-we know, how is my kid gonna have a road to play?
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I agree with that
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b-but, rooting openly, for the kid to fail is something that should never happen.
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Y-y-you should keep your own internal thoughts to yourself on that,'cause sharing it, it's just, it's small, it's petty.
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It makes you look bad.
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if you're out there like that, the, the eight-year-old knucklehead parent cheering on one of his kid's teammates striking out.
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Yeah.
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how do you do that?
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how do you do that?
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but I'll tell you, with, with the, in the baseball context at least, there's a lot of numbers that go, that, that people look at.
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there's this thing called GameChanger, which, which is, is-- which tracks every game, e-every at bat.
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it, it's a sc- it's a running box score of your kid's season, and I've seen parents fight with each other, about a, a ba- a ball being called an error or a hit when the guy's running the, the, the most competi- the most, uh, pressurized, role in the field other than coach and player is GameChanger operator.
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Be-because he's got, parents looking at him, how can you call that an error?" the,
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Oh, they get, it's brutal, right?
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right?
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It, it-- because it's all numbers, and numbers are a metric for comparison.
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So you're looking if, if you go two for three, that's a great day.
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You go one for three, it's an okay day, and that one i-is, could be a hit or an error, and that GameChanger operator has the sole discretion as to how to score it.
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and
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And it, what if his kid, what if his kid or her kid is the competition or is in competition?
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biased now,
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is in competition- I've seen that- It's nice, right?
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I've seen that too.
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I've seen the game.
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I won't name names because this
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I hope not.
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This is public podcast, right?
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high level intrigue here.
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But I've seen GameChanger operators rule h-hits for their own kid on balls that were clearly errors and then rule errors on kids, on, on, on balls for their competitors who were clearly hits.
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So really, you're really putting your foot on the scale quite a bit as a GameChanger operator sometimes.
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You gotta love,
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You gotta love, you gotta love when they look at you, right?
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And the ball gets hit up in the air.
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It's a fly ball to the infield.
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The ball, the, the ball gets up in the air, and the kid goes to settle under it, and, it lands right next to him.
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It's an error.
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Yeah.
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Yep
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And every time, it's a hit and game changer.
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if that parent, if that's your kid, that is a...
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He didn't touch, he didn't touch
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if it don't touch the glove, that's a
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If he didn't
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If it doesn't- So
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Yeah it's a hit, man.
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But, are you helping your kids?
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that's where this really...
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being a game changer guru, I don't know if that's, really helping your kid.
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but again, we're talking about the nat- the natural-- life is a com- a competition, uh, and baseball is a competition.
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All sports are competitions, and baseball particularly is a game measured by numbers.
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everybody l- you look at n-n-nj.com, they post the stats of high school baseball players.
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you can track a kid the whole season, every game, what did he do?
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and, a-again, you can have a generous official scorer that can inflate stats.
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You can have a tough official scorer that, that makes it harder to get those hits.
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I always found that in the Bosco games, the, the higher we got up in the playoffs and in the tournaments, the harder it was to get hits.
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Because- Yeah because the official scorers who didn't have any skin in the game would say, that's an error." And, sometimes- Non-biased.
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It's non-biased.
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sometimes, we have a, a kid who's maybe the manager of the team or f- or f- is friends with one of the
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No doubt
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who's playing.
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He's gonna give a hit for just about anything.
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Oh, that ball ricocheted off of his glove, hit him in the head, but went in the gap.
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It's a triple,
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Ball went under his l- under his legs.
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then he, then he dropped it when he picked it up to throw.
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But he would've beaten that out.
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He would've beaten that out.
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He would've beaten the throw, so it's a hit
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but you're sitting there as a parent, watching your kid the whole time, and I, I do think it's a little different.
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I think when you're playing, travel ball eight-U to maybe 13-U, you, you really should, be, be much more open-minded about all the other kids on the team.
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Yeah, pressure takes over everything, right?
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So those kids that you're talking about, think about what Dr.
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Adam Wright said, right?
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In our book, the bottom line is most kids at 13 quit, right?
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Or after 13, right in that area.
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The pressure's there.
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If they weren't, if they're no longer the superstar from when they were younger, right?
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Think about all that pressure that they're getting from home or the parents, and then the comparisons.
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how come you're not as good as this guy?
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Why are you not as y- you're not as good as this guy?"
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what we talked about with Dr.
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Wright.
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He's talking about k-kids being robbed of the joy by their parents, and I think one of the w- the discrete ways the parent does that, a parent robs a kid's joy by comparing him unfavorably to another player.
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"Oh, you had w- you had a, a double, one for three.
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Great.
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Johnny had two home runs and a triple." Y-
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Why not be happy for that guy?
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but a p- but a parent who is doing that, who's really e-emphasizing the comparative, the negative comparisons, is really robbing himself or herself of joy watching his kid play, as well as robbing his kid f- of joy from playing.
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It's a double-edged sword.
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You do both.
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Yeah.
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And it's all ba- and it's all bad.
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and the worst part about it is those parents know they're doing it.
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I'll tell you what, when any of the viewers that are out there that are watching this, do me a favor, right?
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I got a little challenge for you.
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your kids play sports.
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Let's just stay focused on baseball, because that's what we talk about a lot, okay?
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Watch the next game that your kid's at, okay?
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Watch and see how many parents, without saying anything, watch and see how many parents when their kid goes to play a position or goes to the plate, like they're sitting somewhere.
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I don't know where they're gonna be sitting in the outfield, right field line, left field line.
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see how many parents get up and start walking closer to the plate, w- closer to where their kids are, okay?
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Watch how they act.
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Watch how...
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just if you watch it, you'll start to pick it up and you're like,"Man, holy cow, like the captain and Clemente are right." I didn't realize that.
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you don't think about it.
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Watch how many parents...
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Watch this one, right?
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This is gonna throw everybody for a loop
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Joe, the captain of Clemente, we should co-produce a song.
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Kyle
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Cattle write it for us, right?
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K- Murph, you'll, you'll write that for us?
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but yeah, but you watch.
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And when...
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You can always tell, right?
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You can always tell the parents that you know are going to be, I don't wanna say issues, cause they're not all issues.
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I think it's unfair for me to say that.
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But what I can say to you is when parents show up and put the tent right next to the dugout, I mean, they could stick their hand through the fence into the dugout to grab their kid.
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they do.
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Some of them do.
00:14:19.480 --> 00:14:19.919
And they do,
00:14:19.970 --> 00:14:21.309
So- And they
00:14:21.321 --> 00:14:22.490
think that we don't see it.
00:14:22.691 --> 00:14:26.921
So as coaches, if you don't stop that, it will never stop.
00:14:27.400 --> 00:14:28.951
I've never seen anything like it.
00:14:29.130 --> 00:14:40.471
I remember my coaches, they would be like,"If your parents come anywhere near the dugout, you're not playing." And they wouldn't tell you, you'd be sitting on the bench and be like,"I go, I'm not playing." And then you'd look to your left and you're like,"Damn, Dad.
00:14:40.650 --> 00:14:42.831
can you get away from the dugout so I can get in the game?"
00:14:43.317 --> 00:15:11.518
Dennis, Dennis told me after f- when he was first at Don Bosco, he was a freshman, he said,"Dad," he said,"One thing I gotta tell you, you can't ever take the bag out of the car and bring, and, and bring it- Never to the field." He said,"Once you get to the field, your," he said,"Your job is done when you pop the trunk,'cause I gotta grab the bag and that's my job." And he said,"It's really bad form if anybody sees you carrying my bag anywhere near the baseball field." And I think that's true.
00:15:11.591 --> 00:15:13.561
we call that baseball etiquette, right?
00:15:13.910 --> 00:15:26.620
It gets to a point, as coaches wanna make sure that not only are the kids coachable, but they're also able to be independent because they need to want it more than the parents, and this is exactly what we're talking about.
00:15:27.650 --> 00:15:33.480
Th- people are rooting against teammates, right?
00:15:33.510 --> 00:15:36.821
Because they just want what's best for their kids, right?
00:15:36.831 --> 00:15:46.010
My kid's gotta go play, my little j- But the, what happens on the car ride home, the conversations.
00:15:46.341 --> 00:15:47.451
we talk about that in the book.
00:15:47.630 --> 00:15:58.280
It's not just about what you're saying to your kid about your kid, but what are you also talking about to them about all their other teammates, their coaches, badmouthing this.
00:15:58.551 --> 00:16:02.350
if you're a coach, okay, and you're going out there and you're working with your kids.
00:16:03.020 --> 00:16:07.041
Okay, we talk about this all the time at Bosco, especially hitting, okay?
00:16:07.160 --> 00:16:08.750
Mike Dwyer does a great job with this.
00:16:09.130 --> 00:16:18.551
But we'll talk about it and be like,"Okay, look, this may not be the way that you have been taught, okay?" Now, I'm not saying you have to change everything.
00:16:18.770 --> 00:16:22.150
Okay, for me, if you're natural, I'm gonna let you be, okay?
00:16:22.390 --> 00:16:23.691
But we're gonna make some tweaks, right?
00:16:23.711 --> 00:16:30.341
It's almost like the engine is already built, we're just gonna tighten a couple of bolts just to make sure it's all good, okay?
00:16:30.671 --> 00:16:37.301
But ultimately, a lot of these kids will come in and hit with us, train, maybe the winter workouts, whatever it was.
00:16:37.551 --> 00:16:44.071
As soon as they get in the car, their parents are like,"Hey, what'd you do today?" and the kid will be like,"Hey, I did this," and they'll be like,"Nope, nope, don't do it.
00:16:44.520 --> 00:16:45.370
You can't hit like that.
00:16:45.640 --> 00:16:55.811
I've been your coach for 10 years, and you're gonna hit this way." And if they don't like it, then they can go take a hike, and they don't realize the damage that they just did.
00:16:56.541 --> 00:17:01.091
The kid is trying, he's fighting for his life out there, right?
00:17:01.130 --> 00:17:02.390
And then what happens is...
00:17:02.811 --> 00:17:05.030
Listen, you have, you had to have seen this.
00:17:05.760 --> 00:17:09.871
Now you have a kid who listens to his dad, right?
00:17:09.891 --> 00:17:14.691
Or listens to his hitting coach or somebody, uncle, whatever it is, friend.
00:17:15.601 --> 00:17:26.881
They go out on the field, they don't play, and the kid that was at the winter workout that listened to the coach, made some adjustments, is now getting the nod.
00:17:27.171 --> 00:17:32.121
Whether it's fair or not, whether this kid's a better hitter or not, okay?
00:17:32.131 --> 00:17:33.151
L- let's be honest.
00:17:33.342 --> 00:17:35.681
Maybe this kid hits the ball much harder.
00:17:36.461 --> 00:17:39.441
This kid listened to what the coaches said, right?
00:17:39.530 --> 00:17:40.730
And they're hap- They're...
00:17:40.740 --> 00:17:41.590
They can trust him.
00:17:41.590 --> 00:17:42.990
They feel like they can trust him.
00:17:43.391 --> 00:17:45.280
They don't, they don't know if they can trust that.
00:17:45.921 --> 00:17:46.921
That's understandable.
00:17:47.101 --> 00:17:48.461
Does it make it right?
00:17:49.260 --> 00:17:49.921
make it right?
00:17:50.859 --> 00:17:51.018
listened to what the coaches said, right?
00:17:51.018 --> 00:17:51.115
And they're half, they're, they can trust him.
00:17:51.115 --> 00:17:51.199
They feel like they can trust him.
00:17:51.199 --> 00:17:51.319
They don't, they don't know if they can trust that.
00:17:51.319 --> 00:17:51.690
That's understandable.
00:17:51.690 --> 00:17:51.740
Does it make it right?
00:17:51.740 --> 00:17:51.789
Does it make it right?
00:17:51.789 --> 00:17:58.589
well, th- that's what the whole comparison thing is kinda interesting is that because all coaches have to compare kids.
00:17:58.819 --> 00:18:02.690
That's the, how they, they make value judgments as to who's gonna play and who's not gonna play.
00:18:02.920 --> 00:18:12.930
You're comparing a certain group of kids, and certain kids make y- make your cut as a coach as the kid deserving to be on the field and getting at bats, and other kids don't.
00:18:13.279 --> 00:18:17.579
So y- you as a coach are, have to necessarily make comparisons all the time.
00:18:18.009 --> 00:18:19.839
and, we, we talk about comparisons.
00:18:20.210 --> 00:18:30.029
There's a, a remarkable, amount of numbers that are thrown out there at a very early age at, rating kids, ranking kids.
00:18:30.269 --> 00:18:33.759
You look at Perfect Game, th- they start ranking kids very early.
00:18:33.759 --> 00:18:39.990
They put a number on, s- seven five, 8.0, or the top college prospect is a 8.5.
00:18:40.470 --> 00:18:44.410
but they'll put n- numerical values on kids at a very young age.
00:18:44.440 --> 00:18:49.730
They w- Perfect Game, I don't know how early they start, but I know- Early I know- Seven U.
00:18:49.779 --> 00:18:52.819
so they have numbers on kids that, that young, at seven?
00:18:53.400 --> 00:18:55.990
and I know by 11 or 12 for sure they have numbers.
00:18:56.259 --> 00:19:00.339
so the, we're talking a couple years even before high school, they have a numerical value.
00:19:00.809 --> 00:19:09.789
W- Johnny's rated seven five, which is a good solid ballplayer, but Joey over there is a 8.5, which means, that's, on the road to D1 scholarship.
00:19:10.190 --> 00:19:19.880
and these are Perfect Game evaluations that they make watching a kid r- in a very small period of time, either at a showcase event or, or at, at tournaments, what have you.
00:19:20.200 --> 00:19:25.099
But, the, the comparisons are everywhere, and that's something you need to n- to navigate.
00:19:25.339 --> 00:19:34.960
And I know parents who've gone nuts, when their kid got a seven O rating s- and a kid who they thought was not as good as their own kid got a seven five or an 8.0.
00:19:35.019 --> 00:19:39.980
they go nuts at how, h- how do they rate my kid so much lower than, uh, than Jimmy over there.
00:19:40.430 --> 00:19:42.339
but it's not a damn thing you can do about it as a parent.
00:19:42.680 --> 00:19:51.079
in, in, in my mind, I actually threw those numbers out, the Perfect Game numbers when Dennis was starting to prepare, to try to get in front of college coaches.
00:19:51.079 --> 00:19:52.809
I said,"Just play.
00:19:53.049 --> 00:19:57.616
Just do it," because your number at Perfect Game doesn't mean jack.
00:19:57.916 --> 00:19:58.717
The eye test.
00:19:59.686 --> 00:20:01.386
Th- listen, you can have all those numbers.
00:20:02.517 --> 00:20:04.866
Think about when you go to a college showcase, right?
00:20:04.866 --> 00:20:06.287
Or kids go to a college showcase.
00:20:06.386 --> 00:20:06.957
They show up.
00:20:07.297 --> 00:20:15.336
Okay, and I know we're talking about older guys now, we were starting with the younger guys, but the older guys, when they go and they go to a college showcase, it's to get their attention.
00:20:16.007 --> 00:20:25.146
No one's getting signed unless you're throwing 95 or you're hitting balls 420 and you got 110 exit velo or you run a 6.5 below, okay?
00:20:25.146 --> 00:20:26.086
It's just not happening.
00:20:27.227 --> 00:20:29.106
They wanna see you play.
00:20:29.876 --> 00:20:32.446
So now what they're gonna do is they gotta figure out your schedule.
00:20:32.836 --> 00:20:40.497
They wanna be able to see you play live, and most of the time these coaches are going there, they wanna see you fail, right?
00:20:40.497 --> 00:20:41.426
We-- I hear it all
00:20:41.632 --> 00:20:42.821
They wanna see how you react to
00:20:42.846 --> 00:20:43.487
Yeah.
00:20:43.497 --> 00:20:48.376
I hear it all over, all these guys, Coach Bobby at, Chasing Baseball Dreams does an awesome job.
00:20:48.636 --> 00:20:51.176
He has a bunch of guests that he talks to, right?
00:20:51.186 --> 00:20:53.196
Travel ball dads, the, the, the podcast.
00:20:53.406 --> 00:20:57.497
They talk to other coaches about the college side and what they're looking for.
00:20:57.517 --> 00:20:59.846
Most of these coaches tell you the same thing.
00:21:00.126 --> 00:21:02.866
They're showing up to see you fail'cause they wanna know how you're gonna react.
00:21:03.146 --> 00:21:04.567
You a good teammate, right?
00:21:04.606 --> 00:21:05.777
Are you gonna be able to overcome it?
00:21:06.166 --> 00:21:06.946
Because guess what?
00:21:07.017 --> 00:21:08.807
You're gonna fail more than you succeed in this game.
00:21:09.116 --> 00:21:21.436
And that's where this whole thing of parents, w- and I say this, wishing bad upon other players that are on your kid's team, like that's
00:21:21.758 --> 00:21:26.468
You ever see a parent w-wish or hope that another kid gets hurt so that his kid can take his spot?
00:21:26.522 --> 00:21:32.883
listen, I, I hate, I never wanna be the guy to say, I wish that is, is a false statement, but it's true.
00:21:33.563 --> 00:21:34.333
It's true.
00:21:34.413 --> 00:21:36.732
I've seen it in all my years.
00:21:37.232 --> 00:21:40.742
I always think that I show up and I'm like,"Oh, I've seen it all.
00:21:40.752 --> 00:21:45.113
I've seen it all." Kap, I'm telling you right now, I haven't seen it all.
00:21:45.673 --> 00:21:48.903
There's something new that happens all the time.
00:21:49.553 --> 00:21:50.272
I see...
00:21:51.423 --> 00:21:56.252
I feel like parents sometimes end up making a scene, right?
00:21:56.432 --> 00:21:57.913
To make it, obvious.
00:21:58.403 --> 00:22:12.103
sometimes there are situations where you're watching your kid and you know he's better than the kids who are playing, and for whatever reason, be it politics or anything else, who, who knows, Johnny's dad is the number one donor to the school.
00:22:12.363 --> 00:22:21.752
and Johnny somehow finds a way to get out there in, in, in left field when my kid's a left fielder and he batted 150 points higher in the travel team the year before.
00:22:21.752 --> 00:22:26.363
He's got better power, he's got a better arm, but Johnny's kid is...
00:22:26.682 --> 00:22:36.242
Johnny the kid is, i- is the donor's son, and the donor's s- giving a couple million dollars a year to the school, and he's gonna play come hell or high, high water.
00:22:36.252 --> 00:22:37.242
That's just how it is.
00:22:37.663 --> 00:22:41.002
And, those are frustrating moments, I'm sure, for parents.
00:22:41.262 --> 00:22:54.063
But at the same time, i- in, in every context, the only thing there has to be a, a code of conduct the parent needs to conduct himself or herself with respect to the other people in the stands watching the game.
00:22:54.452 --> 00:23:05.752
to, to openly root against another kid who's on your kid's team, in my mind, is extremely bad form and if, if I saw a parent do that openly, I would really hold that parent in very low regard.
00:23:06.532 --> 00:23:07.232
What's your thoughts on
00:23:07.532 --> 00:23:09.669
Yeah, so we're parents.
00:23:09.788 --> 00:23:12.239
We're always gonna be biased to our own kids.
00:23:12.979 --> 00:23:16.479
Anybody is,'cause all we want is the best for our kids, right?
00:23:16.909 --> 00:23:18.969
But there's also, you have to be realistic.
00:23:19.648 --> 00:23:26.189
You have to be realistic and say,"Okay, let's compare the two kids." Or three kids or four kids that are out there.
00:23:26.739 --> 00:23:36.739
Dennis being in college, I feel like being in college, like h- he's, he's accomplished something that only 7% of the population is going to accomplish, okay?
00:23:36.739 --> 00:23:39.888
like, when they're there, I expect them all to be pretty good.
00:23:40.259 --> 00:23:44.459
So I think you as a parent, and correct me if I'm wrong, right Kat?
00:23:44.919 --> 00:23:47.134
But you as a parent understood,
00:23:47.434 --> 00:23:47.644
like
00:23:48.848 --> 00:23:50.888
he's in college, okay?
00:23:51.288 --> 00:23:54.479
You went through a lot of ups and downs in high school, too, right?
00:23:54.479 --> 00:23:59.699
'Cause you were unsure, and I'm sure there were moments that you were like,"Man, what's going on?
00:23:59.699 --> 00:24:09.469
Why is he not getting a shot?" But you had faith in Runes and the staff, us at Bosco, to be like,"Hey, I trust them." And that's what it comes down to.
00:24:09.522 --> 00:24:12.308
Yeah, no, and listen, Let me ask you this question, okay?
00:24:12.872 --> 00:24:17.612
When do you get to a point as a parent, and again, this is...
00:24:17.622 --> 00:24:20.142
You've dealt with a varsity baseball player.
00:24:20.412 --> 00:24:22.711
My son is now going to be a sophomore.
00:24:23.001 --> 00:24:25.592
My other son is gonna be a freshman, okay?
00:24:25.632 --> 00:24:28.961
I've already dealt with this one, with, as a freshman, but not at the varsity level yet.
00:24:29.711 --> 00:24:31.491
At the varsity level, knowing that,
00:24:31.791 --> 00:24:32.534
varsity level yet.
00:24:32.534 --> 00:24:32.917
At the varsity level, knowing that,
00:24:32.968 --> 00:24:39.807
this is what you've been fighting, what they've been fighting for their entire life, to play varsity baseball, especially for Don Bosco Prep, okay?
00:24:40.688 --> 00:24:41.778
But they keep winning.
00:24:42.948 --> 00:24:44.107
Are you okay with that?
00:24:44.178 --> 00:24:49.627
are you okay with a parent saying, my kid's just gonna sit over there," and he's getting much better because he's getting practice.
00:24:49.637 --> 00:24:51.887
he's practicing with the best and he's getting reps.
00:24:51.948 --> 00:24:53.228
are you okay with that?
00:24:53.528 --> 00:24:55.736
and he's getting reps." are you okay with that?
00:24:55.736 --> 00:24:55.851
No.
00:24:55.851 --> 00:24:58.105
Y- you, you're there to watch your kid play.
00:24:58.306 --> 00:25:04.425
I don't think any parent who's, who watches their kid sit the bench is happy about him sitting the bench, even if the team is winning.
00:25:04.766 --> 00:25:06.076
Now, winning is a great salve.
00:25:06.086 --> 00:25:10.976
it, it heals a l- a lot of wounds, but not all of them,'cause you want your kid to play.
00:25:11.355 --> 00:25:16.905
And, especially if you think that your kid is good enough to play, it doesn't matter whether the team's undefeated.
00:25:16.915 --> 00:25:20.017
Y- you're not ha- you're not a happy camper watching your kid sit the bench.
00:25:20.317 --> 00:25:23.297
So do you agree or disagree with this question I'm gonna ask?
00:25:23.297 --> 00:25:23.876
Are you ready?
00:25:24.317 --> 00:25:27.696
And it's not you,'cause I kn- I've known you for a long time, and I know Dennis.
00:25:28.277 --> 00:25:29.467
I know you're not this way.
00:25:30.412 --> 00:25:30.836
Careful now.
00:25:31.136 --> 00:25:31.217
Careful now.
00:25:31.217 --> 00:25:31.626
I, I...
00:25:32.301 --> 00:25:32.781
Don't be so
00:25:32.817 --> 00:25:33.116
hang on.
00:25:33.116 --> 00:25:33.396
I've a
00:25:33.442 --> 00:25:33.872
So-
00:25:34.057 --> 00:25:35.606
double-edged sword right here, right?
00:25:35.916 --> 00:25:44.047
So are there people or parents that you've encountered, okay, at that point, ready for this?
00:25:44.096 --> 00:25:54.396
At that point that they are winning, the configuration is staying the same, their kid has not played, that now all of a sudden the comparison turns into, hatred
00:25:55.932 --> 00:25:56.711
Absolutely.
00:25:57.729 --> 00:25:58.528
You're right
00:25:58.682 --> 00:26:01.949
it's, real, anger and animosity at the coaching staff.
00:26:02.249 --> 00:26:02.909
That's what it is
00:26:03.011 --> 00:26:09.981
c- coaching a- at a high school level and beyond is extra- extraordinarily hard because you can't possibly please everybody.
00:26:10.372 --> 00:26:17.811
and you're gonna disappoint a lot of kids and a lot of kids' parents who want their kids to be on the field a- and playing and showing their stuff.
00:26:18.132 --> 00:26:19.051
It's just how it is.
00:26:19.154 --> 00:26:23.855
So it's human nature for people to be like,"I'm mad at the coaching staff.
00:26:23.954 --> 00:26:30.204
I'm mad at the kids that are better than my kid right now." Or maybe they're not better, but they're, they are producing, right?
00:26:30.204 --> 00:26:31.755
And they have the opportunity right then and
00:26:31.892 --> 00:26:34.132
opportunity right then and there A- again, everybody's making comparisons.
00:26:34.309 --> 00:26:38.912
Coaches are comparing kids just like parents are, but the coach's decisions matter.
00:26:39.241 --> 00:26:49.102
Their final determinations as to who- who's a bit better than one guy being a little better than the next, t- good enough to play is what counts.
00:26:49.102 --> 00:26:50.071
That's someone who makes a...
00:26:50.082 --> 00:26:51.402
The parent doesn't make the lineup.
00:26:51.632 --> 00:26:53.001
It's the coach that makes the lineup.
00:26:53.501 --> 00:26:53.612
So here's-
00:26:53.757 --> 00:26:59.576
s- so I have a story that you're gonna and this will be my last, I guess I'll let, my last touch on the comparison thing, right?
00:27:00.017 --> 00:27:08.186
So when I first came in and started coaching at Bosco, Bruins brought me in, Skip brought me in, and, there was...
00:27:09.007 --> 00:27:15.866
It was a very prestigious program, but there was a situation there when Mike first came in, right?
00:27:15.866 --> 00:27:20.307
That there was s- there was a situation where we had gone through a few coaches, right?
00:27:20.307 --> 00:27:21.686
There were some issues going on.
00:27:21.916 --> 00:27:27.267
they were looking for the right fit, and then they found the perfect fit with Mike Rooney.
00:27:28.186 --> 00:27:31.287
So Skip came in, he hired the staff, right?
00:27:31.336 --> 00:27:31.707
Some of the...
00:27:31.727 --> 00:27:32.777
Jimmy was already there.
00:27:33.227 --> 00:27:36.747
He, of course, he brought in Dwyer and the guy, Smitty was there too and all.
00:27:37.366 --> 00:27:45.777
And what ended up happening was the first few years that I, we were there, we were dealing with this all the time.
00:27:46.037 --> 00:27:47.846
We were de- I'm gonna tell you how crazy it was.
00:27:48.037 --> 00:27:50.636
We were dealing with kids getting cut.
00:27:51.237 --> 00:27:52.467
I'm not even gonna lie to you, okay?
00:27:52.467 --> 00:27:53.557
This is a true story.
00:27:54.116 --> 00:27:59.602
Kids, first of all, everybody needs to understand that the worst day for us as coaches is cut day.
00:27:59.872 --> 00:28:00.842
like I need you to know that.
00:28:00.842 --> 00:28:05.152
We don't sleep the night before, maybe two nights before, and Skip does not.
00:28:05.172 --> 00:28:06.342
he is miserable.
00:28:06.392 --> 00:28:09.001
don't talk to him the week of cuts, okay?
00:28:09.352 --> 00:28:11.041
Other than about the kids that we're looking at.
00:28:11.372 --> 00:28:17.771
But it gets to a point, like this is how crazy it was, that a kid we, a kid got cut, unfortunately.
00:28:17.942 --> 00:28:20.561
Nice kid, really nice kid, but he was below average.
00:28:21.142 --> 00:28:23.142
And his mom asked for a meeting.
00:28:24.352 --> 00:28:30.375
So we came into the meeting, and this woman walks in with a box.
00:28:30.375 --> 00:28:32.615
I'm not kidding you, dude.
00:28:32.914 --> 00:28:37.384
a box like this, and Mike and I are sitting there.
00:28:38.375 --> 00:28:44.154
"Nice to meet you, We're here to answer any questions." And she starts pulling out trophies.
00:28:45.355 --> 00:28:48.454
Trophies and newspaper, I'm telling you the truth.
00:28:48.755 --> 00:28:51.484
Skip, if you're watching this, you know how real this is.
00:28:51.494 --> 00:28:52.375
He'll remember this.
00:28:53.055 --> 00:28:59.055
And newspaper articles of how well her kid did in the town, okay?
00:28:59.055 --> 00:29:00.454
And that he was an all-star.
00:29:00.769 --> 00:29:01.628
baseball stats
00:29:01.835 --> 00:29:02.795
It was incredible.
00:29:02.795 --> 00:29:04.724
He was 12-year-old baseball stats.
00:29:05.025 --> 00:29:06.944
y- look, at that point you feel terrible.
00:29:07.255 --> 00:29:08.734
So we left that meeting-
00:29:08.836 --> 00:29:10.017
Did you give her back the trophies?
00:29:10.403 --> 00:29:12.063
And she took'em home, right?
00:29:12.063 --> 00:29:17.083
We left that meeting and Skip said to me, he goes,"We're gonna..." He's like, I gotta...
00:29:17.153 --> 00:29:29.123
I'm gonna come up with something better to make this easier for all of us, and fair for everybody." So the following year, okay, we end up getting this booklet, right?
00:29:29.123 --> 00:29:30.813
We get this booklet like this.
00:29:31.472 --> 00:29:34.772
He's like,"Okay." He's like,"Every kid, all metrics.
00:29:35.073 --> 00:29:40.333
I need notes on everything, on the way he throws, anything positive, negative," right?
00:29:40.333 --> 00:29:40.573
"We...
00:29:40.722 --> 00:29:41.442
I want it all."
00:29:42.573 --> 00:29:42.772
So
00:29:42.823 --> 00:29:53.383
I remember that after that first year, I'm getting ready to hand these in and I'm like, the stack is like this, and I'm like,"This is crazy."
00:29:53.409 --> 00:29:54.749
every coach had one of
00:29:54.893 --> 00:29:57.143
And every coach had a form.
00:29:57.143 --> 00:29:57.623
Every coach had a form.
00:29:57.623 --> 00:29:58.242
Okay?
00:29:58.432 --> 00:30:03.472
Now, thank God that Runes is a, he's pretty much a genius.
00:30:04.083 --> 00:30:07.903
He, we f- we figured out how to be able to, f- streamline that.
00:30:08.413 --> 00:30:12.282
But for the first, I'm not kidding you, for the probably the first five years,
00:30:12.800 --> 00:30:13.181
like
00:30:13.813 --> 00:30:17.593
we needed everything on every kid because he wanted to make sure...
00:30:18.962 --> 00:30:33.803
he wanted to make sure that the parents that showed up at Bosco tryouts that sit in the stands, that are making your kid look really bad, because every coach there is like,"What's this?""They're gonna baby him like that?
00:30:33.803 --> 00:30:34.532
that's crazy.
00:30:34.542 --> 00:30:35.843
You gotta trust us.
00:30:36.012 --> 00:30:37.093
That's why they're here, okay?
00:30:37.472 --> 00:30:46.242
W- we're here to make the right decisions." Now, when that happened, after kids got cut, we had to bring in...
00:30:46.272 --> 00:30:56.742
we, we would bring in a stack and the parents would look at us and"That's all on my kid?""Yeah, that's on your kid." And that's how he rectified some of the issues, okay?
00:30:57.073 --> 00:30:57.432
That's how he rectified some of the issues, okay?
00:30:57.432 --> 00:31:00.432
So the par- the parents realized that this was not a nilly-willy decision- Exactly that there was data behind it.
00:31:00.467 --> 00:31:01.896
There was as much data...
00:31:02.146 --> 00:31:04.166
he was, I'm telling you, Skip was strict about it.
00:31:04.426 --> 00:31:05.646
He's like,"I wanna know everything.
00:31:05.666 --> 00:31:07.836
If he pitches, I wanna know every pitch, every-"
00:31:08.182 --> 00:31:08.373
I'm telling you, Skip was strict about it.
00:31:08.373 --> 00:31:08.383
Yeah.
00:31:08.383 --> 00:31:08.452
He's like,"I want to know everything.
00:31:08.452 --> 00:31:08.482
How many pitches?
00:31:08.482 --> 00:31:08.792
I want to know every pitch." let me ask you this, Joe.
00:31:08.823 --> 00:31:18.303
Did, did you guys ever make a cut of a kid and a couple of days later y- you came back to, to, to the, the huddle, the dugout and said,"Boy, we were nuts.
00:31:18.303 --> 00:31:19.522
We just really screwed up.
00:31:19.553 --> 00:31:22.712
We cut this kid who should not have been cut." That ever ha- that ever happen?
00:31:23.843 --> 00:31:23.883
Never.
00:31:23.883 --> 00:31:24.333
Not once?
00:31:24.742 --> 00:31:24.782
Never.
00:31:25.022 --> 00:31:25.982
Oh, interesting.
00:31:26.128 --> 00:31:26.689
It's true.
00:31:26.722 --> 00:31:27.103
Yeah.
00:31:27.509 --> 00:31:28.949
we, we're very diligent.
00:31:29.578 --> 00:31:37.868
And I would tell you that I think that most coaches at these parochial schools and the publics, okay, have gotten to the point where they have to be diligent.
00:31:38.519 --> 00:31:47.108
I think that what you run into in the publics, okay, is that most of them are, like, the homegrown, right?
00:31:47.128 --> 00:31:49.068
they stay in their public schools.
00:31:49.489 --> 00:31:52.209
They've gone through the system, okay?
00:31:52.459 --> 00:32:00.769
I think you're, you run into more, situations there that like, hey, Johnny knows Timmy, and Timmy's friends with, Bobby, and Bob...
00:32:00.798 --> 00:32:08.298
and their dad coached, and now you're at the high school, and the high school coach knew, the, that, his father or...
00:32:08.648 --> 00:32:09.648
I think it's there.
00:32:09.659 --> 00:32:10.128
I do.
00:32:10.128 --> 00:32:12.229
And I don't mean to say that to be rude.
00:32:12.778 --> 00:32:19.278
I just think there's more home cooking there than there is at a parochial because of the amount of talent that comes in
00:32:19.421 --> 00:32:19.441
in.
00:32:19.441 --> 00:32:25.961
Have you ever seen a, a parent receive blowback for bad behavior regarding negative comparisons of other kids?
00:32:26.391 --> 00:32:27.260
At Bosco?
00:32:28.411 --> 00:32:38.530
So I've dealt with a few, and I've, and I actually have seen my counterpart, Coach Santos, Coach Vic Santos, who owns Santos Baseball, he, he will not tolerate it.
00:32:38.901 --> 00:32:45.721
he- I've seen his kids, like we've played against them, and there's, like we were in a tournament, there has been a situation where, like parent...
00:32:45.750 --> 00:32:50.590
Like I saw the parent get And he li- like he literally was like,"Hey, listen, I don't, we don't need you.
00:32:50.990 --> 00:32:54.381
Just take your kid and go." And it's unfortunate'cause you don't wanna take it out on the kid
00:32:54.416 --> 00:32:54.983
wanna take it out on the kid.
00:32:54.983 --> 00:32:55.844
but kids hear everything.
00:32:55.983 --> 00:32:57.564
they know everything that's going on in the field.
00:32:58.074 --> 00:33:09.104
if a, a p- a parent is making it clear,"Oh man, look at Johnny Smith, another strikeout," and making a scene about it, everybody on their field w- will know that's going on.
00:33:09.554 --> 00:33:16.983
And I would imagine what that does is really isolates the parent and the parent's kid, uh, by that kind of behavior.
00:33:17.013 --> 00:33:19.973
it, in my mind, that's just s- such awful behavior.
00:33:20.314 --> 00:33:28.364
If you're rooting for your kid to play and another kid not to play, again, it has to be done under hat in your own mind.
00:33:28.683 --> 00:33:31.874
Was to actually vis- visually...
00:33:32.023 --> 00:33:32.294
what's that?
00:33:32.294 --> 00:33:32.403
The
00:33:32.555 --> 00:33:33.375
The book, right?
00:33:33.375 --> 00:33:34.233
that's why we love it
00:33:34.534 --> 00:33:35.713
on the r- on the ride home.
00:33:35.763 --> 00:33:46.253
Even, but even on the ride home, let's talk about that too because h- do you talk to your kid about comparisons when, when your kid's not playing, say, or he's f- he's fighting for a spot?
00:33:46.884 --> 00:33:48.874
How do you talk to your kid about his competitor- So
00:33:49.063 --> 00:33:50.073
So I'm gonna tell you,
00:33:50.124 --> 00:33:50.794
on his team
00:33:50.932 --> 00:34:18.693
I'm gonna tell you right now that the ride home, if you're not having a conversation about your s- your kid and how they, and how they perform, if they wanna talk about it, and you handle it the right way, if you're talking about other kids and you're comparing your kids and it's not in a positive manner, you've just ruined the chemistry of your athlete and that athlete.
00:34:18.693 --> 00:34:21.793
I, listen, I know you wanna be like,"That's pretty harsh," but you did.
00:34:22.012 --> 00:34:25.112
Because every time, it's like the subconscious.
00:34:25.353 --> 00:34:31.632
Every time that the kid goes to practice, or goes to a game, and that kid fails, and you're gonna fail.
00:34:31.693 --> 00:34:33.253
um, again, we talk about baseball.
00:34:33.632 --> 00:34:35.253
You're gonna fail more than you succeed.
00:34:35.532 --> 00:34:37.262
Every time he fails, what's the kid gonna say?
00:34:37.293 --> 00:34:39.072
"Ah, my parent was right.
00:34:39.733 --> 00:34:40.373
My parent was right.
00:34:41.103 --> 00:34:45.672
My parent was right." And now what happens is now it just, it seeps in.
00:34:46.233 --> 00:34:47.092
It seeps in.
00:34:47.393 --> 00:34:47.742
What...
00:34:48.021 --> 00:34:48.233
again-
00:34:48.322 --> 00:34:54.822
so subconsciously the, the kid is actually, if not rooting, expecting the failure of his teammate as well
00:34:55.121 --> 00:34:55.661
100%.
00:34:56.010 --> 00:34:58.610
and then that's where the negativity starts to come in.
00:34:58.860 --> 00:35:01.110
and here's the thing about today's society.
00:35:01.590 --> 00:35:03.681
I have four kids at home, okay?
00:35:04.121 --> 00:35:08.411
Ages 16, 15, 13, and 12, right?
00:35:09.150 --> 00:35:24.690
And, that was trying because what you're watching happen, okay, with, like, all those different age levels, is whether you like it or not, today's society is always about the joking around.
00:35:24.920 --> 00:35:25.181
Have you...
00:35:25.280 --> 00:35:26.610
think about what I'm about to say.
00:35:27.161 --> 00:35:28.931
They'll say something, right?
00:35:28.931 --> 00:35:38.721
Because our, the society today, I don't wanna say that they're not confident enough, but they're, they've been taught that they are allowed...
00:35:38.740 --> 00:35:46.141
they can say something in a joking manner, even if it hurts somebody's feelings, and just be like,"I was just kidding, man.
00:35:46.561 --> 00:35:48.050
I was just kidding." Man, that's
00:35:48.159 --> 00:35:48.351
Yeah.
00:35:48.650 --> 00:35:53.289
And you see this happen on the diamonds, in, in the fields, in, in the courts as well for kids.
00:35:53.619 --> 00:35:54.480
That happens a lot.
00:35:54.780 --> 00:35:55.085
Yeah.
00:35:55.094 --> 00:35:56.014
I hear it all the time.
00:35:56.065 --> 00:35:59.675
that's what, that's where, that's what the parents don't understand.
00:35:59.985 --> 00:36:01.465
That's what they're setting in motion.
00:36:01.985 --> 00:36:03.735
It's not just the one conversation.
00:36:04.135 --> 00:36:09.985
It's now the mindset, and now the mindset turns into, wishing bad on your teammates.
00:36:10.244 --> 00:36:15.025
And now the chemistry disappears, and now all of a sudden, we were good friends, but we're not friends anymore.
00:36:15.275 --> 00:36:19.364
And then you start hearing comments come out of the dugout and what happens is when they're joking or...
00:36:19.394 --> 00:36:20.494
they'll just make it a joke.
00:36:20.875 --> 00:36:23.014
They're like,"Don't swing and miss, man.
00:36:23.244 --> 00:36:23.875
You can't hit this.
00:36:23.885 --> 00:36:24.585
You ain't gonna hit this.
00:36:24.644 --> 00:36:25.025
You ain't gonna hit...
00:36:25.094 --> 00:36:26.485
Oh, I was just kidding.
00:36:26.704 --> 00:36:31.045
I was just kidding." for me, like I, I wouldn't stand for that if I was playing.
00:36:31.364 --> 00:36:32.804
As a coach, I don't stand for it.
00:36:32.804 --> 00:36:35.014
I'll turn to the kids, I'm like,"Yo, positive."
00:36:35.315 --> 00:36:41.545
the kids and"Yo, positive." Like or the-- you see a lot of teams where a kid strikes out and, and one of his teammates will rag on him for striking out.
00:36:41.925 --> 00:36:42.994
that's three strikeouts, man.
00:36:42.994 --> 00:36:43.875
you stink."
00:36:43.927 --> 00:36:44.856
Yeah, you suck.
00:36:45.467 --> 00:36:46.487
Like what are you doing here?
00:36:46.563 --> 00:36:46.952
are you doing here?
00:36:46.952 --> 00:36:47.050
Yep.
00:36:47.050 --> 00:36:47.561
that, too.
00:36:47.920 --> 00:36:48.869
I see it everywhere.
00:36:49.170 --> 00:36:50.650
that is toxic, as they say.
00:36:50.650 --> 00:36:51.119
Toxic.
00:36:51.119 --> 00:36:51.230
Toxic.
00:36:51.480 --> 00:37:11.829
but one of the things that's interesting to me, again, the, the, the one thing that the viewers and listeners to this podcast should get from this episode is the really r-right way to do it with kids, I think, is to just m-make clear to your child that he can only control what he can control.
00:37:12.329 --> 00:37:17.550
and the focus is not on what Johnny's doing or Jimmy's doing or what little Freddy's doing.
00:37:17.869 --> 00:37:25.679
It's on what your kid is doing and h- and how is he gonna make his own experience as positive as, as it possibly can be.
00:37:25.980 --> 00:37:29.570
How is he gonna work as hard as he can to be the best version of himself?
00:37:30.000 --> 00:37:35.900
And once he does that, then generally, often, the competition's gonna take care of itself.
00:37:36.179 --> 00:37:42.099
His success is gonna manifest by th- by that effort and attitude because he can control it.
00:37:42.519 --> 00:37:44.670
He can control attitude and effort.
00:37:44.989 --> 00:37:46.099
That's all you can control.
00:37:46.480 --> 00:37:53.369
But you can't control what another kid does, and you can't control what a coach perceives a, a, another kid's, strengths or weaknesses to be either.
00:37:53.619 --> 00:37:57.900
you can control y-your own effort, your own a- your, and your own attitude.
00:37:57.989 --> 00:37:58.679
That's it.
00:37:59.130 --> 00:38:13.688
And I think w-when you get, especially when you start talking negatively to your own kid about other kids, teammates, It's just, it's just negative all along because you're, you're elevating the things that can't control above and beyond the things that he can control.
00:38:13.938 --> 00:38:15.208
do you know what I learned, Cap?
00:38:15.708 --> 00:38:16.568
I learned this-
00:38:16.586 --> 00:38:17.820
learned this- It makes sense to you, by the way?
00:38:17.898 --> 00:38:22.378
100%, because they have to be able to handle that situation, right?
00:38:22.748 --> 00:38:24.177
We are
00:38:25.039 --> 00:38:27.010
but they also, they have to have the agency of themselves.
00:38:27.199 --> 00:38:33.820
it's themselves, w- it's what's within that's gonna really run, rule the day at the end of the, at, at the end of it.
00:38:34.000 --> 00:38:35.820
what are you doing to get better?
00:38:35.820 --> 00:38:37.349
What are you doing to get on the field?
00:38:37.650 --> 00:38:38.429
if you work...
00:38:38.670 --> 00:38:42.920
We talked last week again about Nick Pombaco, the guy who was earmarked as a non-player.
00:38:43.340 --> 00:38:48.010
But if you work y- your butt off and you show something, y- you're gonna elevate.
00:38:48.039 --> 00:38:52.579
N- Nick didn't elevate himself by downgrading and denigrating the other kids who he was competing with.
00:38:53.130 --> 00:39:00.559
He elevated himself by sheer performance and, and attitude and effort, which was seen and recognized and valued eventually.
00:39:01.030 --> 00:39:02.429
it's a really good lesson to learn.
00:39:02.646 --> 00:39:06.436
And at, I'm gonna say this to you, at a young age, right?
00:39:06.436 --> 00:39:10.186
'Cause we started talking at seven, you eight you, we got to the high school, college, right?
00:39:10.195 --> 00:39:12.016
It's always, it's a little different that way.
00:39:12.356 --> 00:39:22.976
But I'm gonna tell you right now that the reason why the parents get upset at games and start knocking other players is one, it's one reason.
00:39:23.646 --> 00:39:30.155
They feel that they did not do everything that they could to help their own kid be successful.
00:39:30.436 --> 00:39:36.675
And it, it could be I didn't spend enough time with them hitting, I didn't give them an opportunity to throw.
00:39:36.856 --> 00:39:38.556
I, it's their failure.
00:39:38.865 --> 00:39:41.826
So what, it's so much easier to blame, right?
00:39:41.896 --> 00:39:46.126
or now wish bad on another kid, which is terrible.
00:39:46.635 --> 00:39:49.206
And instead of just saying,"Okay, you know what?
00:39:49.275 --> 00:40:02.335
Instead of me wishing bad or comparing my kid, let's just fo- I'm just gonna focus on my kid and I'm just gonna help them get better," whatever it is, whatever their sport is, whatever they compete in, whatever it is.
00:40:02.706 --> 00:40:06.465
That is the real mental side, and that's what I've learned.
00:40:06.615 --> 00:40:07.596
Because I was there.
00:40:08.166 --> 00:40:09.496
I'm a dad, right?
00:40:09.556 --> 00:40:19.856
I'm not gonna lie to you, there have been plenty of times that I compare my kid to another kid and say,"Hey, why is he getting all the recognition and my kid's not?" My kid's doing just as much as he did.
00:40:20.146 --> 00:40:21.865
And then I turn around and I say, you know what?
00:40:22.706 --> 00:40:23.905
That's because of me.
00:40:23.925 --> 00:40:32.405
Like I, I need to be able to focus on him more and focus on this area because that's his weakness, instead of continuing to work on his strengths.
00:40:32.576 --> 00:40:38.516
let's make his weaknesses his strengths, and let me just focus on that with him, as long as that's what he wants to do.
00:40:38.976 --> 00:40:45.510
And then whatever happens." and I, we've all been there So Kap, I think it's pretty simple.
00:40:46.101 --> 00:41:09.150
You're going out to watch the game or you're going to a practice, I think you just, you need to be positive and you need to understand that your athlete, whether male or female, is there to get better and develop, and all the other kids, no matter who their parents are, who they know, are there to do the same thing.
00:41:09.251 --> 00:41:19.460
And ultimately it's having trust in the coaches that you, you know, that you've left your kid there to go and learn from.
00:41:19.940 --> 00:41:21.280
That's really what it comes down to.
00:41:21.280 --> 00:41:28.210
I think I think if parents just allow that to happen, let there be one voice, right?
00:41:28.221 --> 00:41:44.010
Especially when they're coaching or they're, uh, you know, they're, playing or they're practicing, and they can just sit on the sideline and understand that, hey, whatever the athlete feels like they didn't do well enough today, we'll just work on
00:41:44.659 --> 00:41:52.519
And, and don't you think i-it's a good idea for a parent to congratulate, uh, other kids who do well and and celebrate their successes?
00:41:52.530 --> 00:41:52.539
100%.
00:41:52.672 --> 00:41:53.702
100%.
00:41:53.730 --> 00:42:00.630
And when you th- Kids when you think about you're not taking away from your own child at all by, by celebrating somebody else's success.
00:42:01.039 --> 00:42:05.869
In, in fact, uh, I, I think you're you're l- letting your kids share in that success.
00:42:05.920 --> 00:42:07.190
a little bit if you celebrate it.
00:42:07.489 --> 00:42:07.659
you-
00:42:07.777 --> 00:42:08.757
teaching them to be good
00:42:09.215 --> 00:42:09.710
to be good teammates.
00:42:09.710 --> 00:42:09.969
And good
00:42:10.317 --> 00:42:10.706
and good
00:42:10.960 --> 00:42:11.070
And good people.
00:42:11.070 --> 00:42:12.876
Be- better people, better athletes.
00:42:13.769 --> 00:42:13.789
Yeah.
00:42:13.789 --> 00:42:13.840
That's right.
00:42:14.429 --> 00:42:15.650
Or I said, reverse that.
00:42:15.670 --> 00:42:17.248
better athletes, better people, better
00:42:17.277 --> 00:42:17.626
people.
00:42:17.626 --> 00:42:18.327
Yeah, absolutely
00:42:18.909 --> 00:42:24.699
and, and again, do you think as a, a parent you should discuss issues of playing time with your kid?
00:42:24.996 --> 00:42:29.646
the, the coach's decisions of who's gonna play, how much you're gonna play, et cetera, where you bat in the lineup.
00:42:29.947 --> 00:42:33.706
Is that something that should, should be a subject of discussion with your own child?
00:42:34.110 --> 00:42:38.510
If I say to you no, I'll be lying because everybody talks about it.
00:42:39.021 --> 00:42:41.641
Because kids are, you know, they, they're very curious.
00:42:41.851 --> 00:42:47.920
They're gonna ask the parents,"Hey, Mom, Dad, do you think I should be hitting seventh?" Okay?
00:42:48.831 --> 00:42:57.431
Ultimately, the answer for, for me to them and giving them a piece of advice, the best advice that I have, is don't worry about where you hit in the lineup.
00:42:58.311 --> 00:43:08.630
Don't worry about, like, just go have, fun and get the reps and, and enjoy your, your teammates, enjoy your coaches, develop, right?
00:43:08.630 --> 00:43:09.501
Be coachable.
00:43:10.050 --> 00:43:12.481
Go out and, and do the best you can.
00:43:12.931 --> 00:43:13.900
That's what you gotta do.
00:43:14.481 --> 00:43:23.820
As, as parents, to be able to kinda navigate away from that, I think you just need to explain to your, your athlete and say,"Hey, listen, let's...
00:43:24.221 --> 00:43:26.021
Don't worry about everything else, right?
00:43:26.021 --> 00:43:26.621
You're young.
00:43:27.030 --> 00:43:27.471
Enjoy.
00:43:27.510 --> 00:43:28.431
I want you to enjoy this.
00:43:28.440 --> 00:43:29.610
We'll do whatever we can do.
00:43:29.621 --> 00:43:38.431
You know, I'll help you We work together to make sure that, you know, your, your understanding and the necessity of, uh, you.
00:43:38.431 --> 00:43:40.170
being better is not...
00:43:40.340 --> 00:43:41.880
doesn't have to be right now.
00:43:41.900 --> 00:43:43.601
Like, it doesn't all have to happen right now.
00:43:43.891 --> 00:43:49.561
That just, it's a process and it takes time, and let's worry about it you know, as you get older."
00:43:49.900 --> 00:43:58.440
and again, you wanna, you wanna praise your kid's effort, n- not in comparison to other team- his other teammates or his performance.
00:43:58.701 --> 00:44:02.001
You wanna praise the effort b- in it, in it of itself.
00:44:02.440 --> 00:44:10.610
if you, if you always couch it with, with how other kids are doing, uh, sometimes, you know, your own kid's effort gets diminished somewhat.
00:44:10.960 --> 00:44:18.650
and, and, and again, especially baseball, which is a hard game, it's, it's about a- attitude and, effort is what you can control.
00:44:18.951 --> 00:44:20.190
Everything else you can't control.
00:44:20.570 --> 00:44:22.561
And you can't control whether you're playing either.
00:44:22.851 --> 00:44:23.780
you can't control.
00:44:23.831 --> 00:44:25.010
you know, where you bat in the lineup.
00:44:25.010 --> 00:44:28.911
you can't control whether you're on the starting lineup, on the field.
00:44:29.090 --> 00:44:29.923
You can't control, any of that.
00:44:30.141 --> 00:44:48.090
You can control the attitude you're gonna bring to that field, the kinda teammate you're gonna be And when you think about it, the-- part of the, the joy of baseball, especially high-level baseball, is just sh- sharing a, a common goal and, and going out playing a really hard game and having a lot of fun with it.
00:44:48.530 --> 00:44:57.501
And to, to master that game, I mean, these kids, w- we're, we're playing now the level of baseball that, that we've seen the last three or four years.
00:44:58.340 --> 00:45:02.161
we're, we're looking at kids throwing 90 miles an hour plus routinely.
00:45:02.550 --> 00:45:12.471
I, I, I played a few, a few years ago and, and I can tell you the aces were throwing low 80s, maybe 82, 83.
00:45:12.471 --> 00:45:15.760
The best pitchers on the other team were throwing low 80s.
00:45:15.831 --> 00:45:18.521
Th- these kids now, it's, it's 10 miles an hour faster.
00:45:18.751 --> 00:45:23.184
It's that much different on the fastball from what it is now than when I played.
00:45:23.590 --> 00:45:26.190
and I'm, I'm, I'm dating myself telling you how long ago I played
00:45:26.317 --> 00:45:27.666
parents don't realize that either.
00:45:27.666 --> 00:45:28.277
You know that.
00:45:28.746 --> 00:45:30.387
Like, you're going into a great point.
00:45:30.927 --> 00:45:32.447
Like, the, the game has evolved.
00:45:32.746 --> 00:45:34.286
Every- all sports have evolved.
00:45:34.476 --> 00:45:34.666
So
00:45:34.885 --> 00:45:41.284
like, I, I was, I was, I was all le- all league first team, all Ivy League, Poly Prep first base as a senior.
00:45:41.755 --> 00:45:46.215
I would not have been the f- I would've been the fourth best first baseman on Don Bosco team in 2025.
00:45:46.405 --> 00:45:46.875
Fourth.
00:45:47.324 --> 00:45:49.434
Uh, and, and that's, that's being fair.
00:45:49.704 --> 00:45:51.085
I would've been Fourth.
00:45:51.085 --> 00:45:54.458
A- and I was all league, um, back in the
00:45:54.492 --> 00:45:56.063
Yeah, but you, but that's what I'm saying.
00:45:56.063 --> 00:45:59.402
Like, parents, they always look at where they were.
00:45:59.413 --> 00:46:03.043
They don't see where it's evolved to, right?
00:46:03.103 --> 00:46:04.222
You, you just don't...
00:46:04.512 --> 00:46:05.362
They don't get it.
00:46:05.483 --> 00:46:07.652
So now the m- the pressure is harder.
00:46:07.702 --> 00:46:09.402
Well, it's rose-colored glasses, Joe.
00:46:09.413 --> 00:46:24.242
You're, uh, and, and a lot of, a, a lot of us parents, we're, we're always thinking that,"Hey, maybe my kid's gonna be center fielder for the New York Yankees." it's always in the back of your mind when you, when your kid is showing a little talent at 12, 13, 14 years old.
00:46:24.672 --> 00:46:25.353
Who knows?
00:46:25.525 --> 00:46:26.322
Who knows?
00:46:26.512 --> 00:46:27.282
things happen.
00:46:27.713 --> 00:46:37.532
you, know, at s- at some point w- w- we as parents have to realize that most of our kids are not gonna be playing center field for the Yankees or for the Mariners for that matter, or any other team.
00:46:37.902 --> 00:46:48.652
but there's still a great deal of development, growth, and fun that can be had, by fostering your, your kid's athletic career in the right way.
00:46:49.672 --> 00:46:53.753
When we talk about, like, right now, they're, they're...
00:46:53.922 --> 00:47:00.702
As players, all this stuff, like, it doesn't really matter at 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 14.
00:47:01.023 --> 00:47:04.112
When they get to high school and they get to varsity baseball, we'll know what's going on.
00:47:04.663 --> 00:47:11.853
But at this point, like, let them enjoy it, develop, but it is a life learn- It's for, it's for life, right?
00:47:11.903 --> 00:47:16.653
People are coming in and wanting to hire me because I was a part of sports.
00:47:16.653 --> 00:47:17.403
I was a coach.
00:47:17.403 --> 00:47:18.224
I played.
00:47:18.583 --> 00:47:20.673
They want you to be a part of a team.
00:47:20.994 --> 00:47:22.007
Like, that's important.
00:47:22.494 --> 00:47:23.023
They don't...
00:47:23.083 --> 00:47:46.634
Parents right now don't understand how important that really is, how important that lesson is, about allowing your kids to enjoy it, and, and learning about being a part of a team, and camaraderie, and chemistry, and friends, and people you can trust, instead of always going on the backside and being like,"Oh, man, I hope Johnny punches out twice so I can play today." Doesn't...
00:47:46.643 --> 00:47:47.463
It's not healthy
00:47:47.478 --> 00:48:03.007
uh, so so again, Uh, uh, if, if your kid's in the competitive position where he's vying for playing time on a competitive team, you real- you really don't wanna focus on the fact that, hey, Johnny's, uh, Johnny's in your position He's playing where you should be playing.
00:48:03.347 --> 00:48:05.177
you wanna focus on your kid.
00:48:05.358 --> 00:48:08.668
So what do you need to do to, to better yourself?
00:48:08.978 --> 00:48:19.878
And, and if things break right, and You have some talent and, and you work hard, uh, maybe the, the forces will be with you, and you'll actually get the opportunity to do something and play and succeed.
00:48:20.268 --> 00:48:26.998
and there's also a possibility that that's not gonna happen, and you're gonna have to be a teammate who's gonna watch your friends from the bench.
00:48:27.197 --> 00:48:29.527
That happens, too, and that's not a crime.
00:48:29.847 --> 00:48:31.717
I can't even tell you how many times I've seen it.
00:48:32.018 --> 00:48:36.208
I've seen kids at practice where parents aren't there, no big deal.
00:48:36.208 --> 00:48:36.458
They...
00:48:36.777 --> 00:48:52.418
I've seen two players that are tighter, you know, thicker than thieves, and then all of a sudden game day gets there and, like, one, like, won't even, like, stay near the other because little Bobby's, you know, parents are like,"He shouldn't be playing.
00:48:52.858 --> 00:48:57.858
He shouldn't be playing over you," or,"He shouldn't be playing more than you." Or,"He should..." Look, they're all gonna play.
00:48:58.157 --> 00:49:03.387
There's, there's nine positions, and most of the time you," have 12, 13 kids on a team.
00:49:04.148 --> 00:49:04.728
rotate.
00:49:04.737 --> 00:49:06.568
They're gonna rotate, especially at a young age.
00:49:06.847 --> 00:49:07.938
They're gonna get an opportunity.
00:49:07.987 --> 00:49:15.438
and the other thing is, I hate, I can't stand when people are like,"Oh, well, I'm hitting eighth in the lineup." Let me explain something to you, okay?
00:49:15.438 --> 00:49:17.277
Let, let's be really, really smart about this.
00:49:17.748 --> 00:49:30.918
You're eighth in the lineup, but after, y- you, know, at any given moment, depending on what happens after, the first inning, if they go one, two, three, well, guess what You're no longer eighth in the lineup, right?
00:49:30.927 --> 00:49:36.998
You're only eighth in the lineup at the start of the game to be kn- to know that You're in the lineup, okay?
00:49:37.248 --> 00:49:39.177
Like, you sit there and you sulk.
00:49:39.664 --> 00:49:43.367
Like, there's plenty of kids out there that would love to be eighth in the lineup, okay?
00:49:43.679 --> 00:49:44.739
Don't get to...
00:49:44.798 --> 00:49:51.168
Don't get so caught up that like,"Oh my God, I'm not hitting one, two, or three." Who cares?
00:49:51.369 --> 00:49:51.628
You
00:49:51.681 --> 00:49:53.210
for pa- pa- Well, parents care.
00:49:53.891 --> 00:50:03.311
Pa- pa- parents look at a kid, they, they think their kid's a really good ballplayer and he's batting eighth or ninth, a lot of times the parents get really ticked at just-- That happens.
00:50:03.601 --> 00:50:14.431
I mean, a parent looks at the lineup and if, if a kid is batting eighth or ninth, and he thinks That h- his kid is a top of the lineup kid, batting eighth or ninth is kind of viewed as an insult.
00:50:14.440 --> 00:50:14.621
Yeah,
00:50:14.851 --> 00:50:18.130
Yeah, but, but again, it, let's be smart mathematically, right?
00:50:18.130 --> 00:50:19.510
You're, you're like a genius.
00:50:19.990 --> 00:50:20.731
If you...
00:50:21.061 --> 00:50:23.900
It, it all depends on where the last out is made.
00:50:24.710 --> 00:50:25.471
That's all it is.
00:50:25.641 --> 00:50:26.721
So what if, what If you...
00:50:26.721 --> 00:50:29.181
hit seven-- What if seven guys get up, and guess what?
00:50:29.181 --> 00:50:30.190
Now you're the leadoff guy
00:50:30.512 --> 00:50:37.333
the leadoff guy Well, and, and that's, you know, some coaches, they put a good hitter down there at number nine because you get a, you get a second leadoff guy sometimes.
00:50:37.373 --> 00:50:37.672
They have
00:50:37.675 --> 00:50:39.463
two guys down there all the time.
00:50:39.842 --> 00:50:43.934
And let me tell you something, it has worked for 20 years.
00:50:44.681 --> 00:50:45.851
When you roll, you roll with the
00:50:46.063 --> 00:50:46.862
one of my secrets.
00:50:46.862 --> 00:50:47.702
Don't tell nobody
00:50:47.710 --> 00:50:52.501
tell nobody you roll with the top of your lineup, you have a good hitter who's about a ninth who runs, who can-- who's athletic.
00:50:52.605 --> 00:50:55.054
my second leadoff guy hits, hits nine.
00:50:55.664 --> 00:51:03.175
Because now It's like, okay, I got a contact guy, I got a fast guy, I got a l- but but again, parents at a young age, they get blinded by that.
00:51:03.744 --> 00:51:13.925
They don't, they don't understand that coaches, like, you know, at a young age, they're just gonna plug kids in, go hit and have fun and just be natural and enjoy your friends.
00:51:13.954 --> 00:51:14.914
They can't do it.
00:51:15.195 --> 00:51:19.485
They, parents are the ones who are ruining the game for the kids.
00:51:19.554 --> 00:51:20.744
We talk about it all the time.
00:51:21.034 --> 00:51:26.864
So now, as a parent, how are you gonna be able to identify yourself after this podcast, right?
00:51:26.875 --> 00:51:27.764
Now you're gonna know.
00:51:28.085 --> 00:51:33.264
are you the person, male or female, walking up and down the sidelines, the court?
00:51:33.445 --> 00:51:34.864
Am I the guy standing in...
00:51:35.065 --> 00:51:37.125
Am I at my seat and I'm screaming at my kid?
00:51:37.385 --> 00:51:43.184
Does my kid, every time that he makes an out, look exactly over, like look over to me and put his head down?
00:51:43.704 --> 00:51:45.454
Listen, if that's you, stop.
00:51:46.175 --> 00:51:46.914
Just stop.
00:51:47.545 --> 00:51:52.965
Like, you're, you're ruining your kid, and if you, can't do it, then don't go to the game
00:51:53.817 --> 00:51:56.507
you ever tell a parent that you really should stay away from the field?
00:51:56.556 --> 00:51:57.206
Oh, man.
00:51:58.067 --> 00:52:00.266
If I, if I t- like, more times than not.
00:52:00.586 --> 00:52:01.726
It's, it's crazy.
00:52:02.047 --> 00:52:02.496
And you know what?
00:52:02.516 --> 00:52:03.327
You know what happens?
00:52:03.327 --> 00:52:03.721
Do
00:52:03.797 --> 00:52:04.387
they listen to you?
00:52:04.427 --> 00:52:05.086
Do they stay away?
00:52:05.297 --> 00:52:05.407
Do they stay away?
00:52:05.407 --> 00:52:06.246
Yeah, they, they do.
00:52:06.456 --> 00:52:11.697
They, they, they stay away until they can't stay away any longer, And then they come apologize, and they think I'm stupid.
00:52:11.987 --> 00:52:15.536
You know what the m- you wanna know the first red flag, okay?
00:52:15.677 --> 00:52:21.547
I have been doing this for so long, especially when I pick, when we pick club teams, when we're picking our club teams.
00:52:22.036 --> 00:52:25.617
The first red flag is the parent that walks over to me and says,"Hey.
00:52:26.000 --> 00:52:30.626
Hey coach, I just wanna let you know, like I, I, I'm not one of those parents." No, no, you are.
00:52:31.916 --> 00:52:32.947
That is the first...
00:52:33.157 --> 00:52:35.047
Dude, that is the first red...
00:52:35.306 --> 00:52:36.547
That red flag is like the
00:52:36.559 --> 00:52:38.166
is the first red flag- I, I, I never, I, I never said that to you, did I?
00:52:38.166 --> 00:52:38.527
No, you never.
00:52:38.907 --> 00:52:39.817
No, never, never.
00:52:40.106 --> 00:52:44.786
But, but, but I see it all, like th- that is the first thing they say,"Coach, coach.
00:52:45.067 --> 00:52:45.677
Oh, pleasure.
00:52:45.806 --> 00:52:49.286
Like I just wanted to let you know, like I'm not one of those par-" No, you are.
00:52:49.376 --> 00:52:49.786
You are.
00:52:49.996 --> 00:52:57.847
And just so you know, I'm letting you know, I just put a check, a check mark next to your son's name to know that I'm gonna be dealing with this parent.
00:52:57.856 --> 00:52:59.416
And if it's a bubble, right?
00:52:59.416 --> 00:53:05.637
If, uh, if they're, if he's on a bubble, I'm not taking him, And it's unfortunate because you just screwed your kid.
00:53:06.077 --> 00:53:06.777
It had nothing...
00:53:07.137 --> 00:53:09.996
Don't say that ever to a coach.
00:53:10.786 --> 00:53:12.817
"Coach, I'm, I'm one of..." Don't do It
00:53:13.369 --> 00:53:13.389
it.
00:53:13.398 --> 00:53:13.548
Just
00:53:13.666 --> 00:53:15.237
if you're gonna say if you're...
00:53:15.487 --> 00:53:15.836
Cap.
00:53:16.077 --> 00:53:17.806
You know exactly what I'm talking about.
00:53:18.246 --> 00:53:20.117
The people that always tell you that they're not...
00:53:20.277 --> 00:53:25.847
Oh, what about the people that stand, like at tryouts, like they stand like right next to the field?
00:53:26.197 --> 00:53:29.266
"Oh, no, no, no, I, I, I won't be any issues, coach." No, no, you are.
00:53:29.786 --> 00:53:30.007
You are.
00:53:30.036 --> 00:53:31.356
You, you, you've gotta let
00:53:31.451 --> 00:53:33.880
You guys really hate parents being at tryouts, don't you?
00:53:35.152 --> 00:53:39.492
At the vars- at the high school level, it is like a, it is like a sin.
00:53:40.143 --> 00:53:40.773
I'm telling you?
00:53:40.773 --> 00:53:42.342
right now, it is like the kiss of death.
00:53:42.623 --> 00:53:56.483
And I'll tell you, it's, it's only because most of the time, not all, I wanna tell you, that, not all, but most of the time it's it's a parent who is very, very unsure of their kid's ability, okay?
00:53:56.793 --> 00:54:02.293
And they are super nervous of whether or not their kid's gonna make it or not make it.
00:54:02.672 --> 00:54:06.242
But, but once you get out there, and now you take...
00:54:06.273 --> 00:54:09.023
Like, you, you, you said rose-colored glasses, right?
00:54:09.052 --> 00:54:10.182
You have to be honest.
00:54:10.722 --> 00:54:15.353
and when you see the rest of the playing field and you're like,"Whoa, these kids are good.
00:54:15.682 --> 00:54:19.083
My kid may not make it." Like, you have to be real with yourself.
00:54:19.112 --> 00:54:20.253
You gotta be honest.
00:54:20.592 --> 00:54:28.612
And when you get in the car, like, don't be like,"Oh, you know, everything's cool." Like, just go out and, you know, tell your kid,"Go, work as hard as you can.
00:54:28.733 --> 00:54:34.764
Do the best you I walked into the dugout, during tryouts, and the kids didn't know I was there.
00:54:34.974 --> 00:54:41.355
I was, I was walking in, and there was a bunch of the kids that were trying out, and I walked behind.
00:54:41.445 --> 00:54:44.164
I t- I went through the dugout, and I came back around the back.
00:54:45.355 --> 00:55:01.465
I must have heard, I don't know, probably five or six kids that were like,"Oh, I'm gonna be starting on this team when I, you know, once the season goes," and,"I'm gonna be starting in right,""I'm gonna be starting in center,""I'm gonna be this, this, this." You know, they all got cut?
00:55:02.425 --> 00:55:03.085
They all got cut.
00:55:03.664 --> 00:55:05.125
Now, I, I didn't, I didn't cut'em.
00:55:05.235 --> 00:55:07.304
Like, it was just in the tryouts, they got cut?
00:55:07.355 --> 00:55:08.114
They didn't make the team.
00:55:08.525 --> 00:55:10.954
So Now, what, what, what were those parents...
00:55:10.985 --> 00:55:11.525
Now again,
00:55:11.869 --> 00:55:14.050
Do you think the parents are feeding delusions o-
00:55:14.164 --> 00:55:14.934
my God Where
00:55:14.949 --> 00:55:17.289
where they're overvaluing their kid's ability as a
00:55:17.434 --> 00:55:19.394
their kids delu- delusional, and that's what they're doing.
00:55:19.675 --> 00:55:26.744
They're taking kids, they're putting down kids to try to mentally, like, like, screw those kids up
00:55:26.753 --> 00:55:32.414
but think about it, Joe, it's a pretty far leap from, from s- from starting, on a team to not making the team.
00:55:32.764 --> 00:55:39.224
Uh, the, the, the gap there between actuality and is enormous in that context, you would
00:55:39.282 --> 00:55:41.362
Well, isn't it the kids' perception too?
00:55:41.494 --> 00:55:41.733
isn't it the, kid's perception too?
00:55:41.733 --> 00:55:42.253
But where does the kid get his
00:55:42.483 --> 00:55:45.672
That's exactly where they get it, Cap, right from the parents.
00:55:46.262 --> 00:55:48.503
That's just blowing smoke, right?
00:55:48.523 --> 00:55:56.233
Just keep blowing it, up, blowing it up, blowing it up, instead of, hey, from the start, be realistic, be positive, cheer on your teammates.
00:55:56.262 --> 00:55:58.023
Parents, go out, enjoy the games.
00:55:58.302 --> 00:55:58.972
They're young.
00:55:59.253 --> 00:56:00.693
Root for the kids.
00:56:00.793 --> 00:56:02.262
Root for all of the kids.
00:56:02.733 --> 00:56:04.163
Have, have a great time.
00:56:04.172 --> 00:56:08.742
Go get your pizza afterwards, your ice cream, and keep enjoying yourselves.
00:56:08.793 --> 00:56:14.362
And then all of a sudden, when, you know, when the time is right, y- your, your athlete will blossom.
00:56:14.362 --> 00:56:21.813
And if they don't, then it's okay too, and they'll-- they're gonna be good or great at something else that they love
00:56:21.992 --> 00:56:26.601
and and I have a little secret as a, as a parent of, of, of a baseball player.
00:56:27.081 --> 00:56:35.791
It's a, a heck of a lot more watching your, your kid's teammates and actually rooting for everybody to succeed rather than fail.
00:56:36.052 --> 00:56:42.161
It's a very lonely process if you're only rooting for your kid to do well and you're, you're rooting for the other kids to to do poorly.
00:56:42.532 --> 00:56:43.302
Absolutely.
00:56:43.572 --> 00:56:44.461
Well said, Cap.
00:56:44.514 --> 00:56:49.494
So I, I think this is a good spot to, to end Uh, this was a fun conversation, a- as always.
00:56:49.494 --> 00:56:49.994
Always is.
00:56:50.465 --> 00:56:52.605
Uh, and, and illuminating for me.
00:56:53.034 --> 00:56:58.324
Um, can't wait till next week, and until then, uh, keep moving forward.
00:56:58.965 --> 00:56:59.655
Signing off.
00:57:00.527 --> 00:57:02.688
Thanks for joining us for another episode of FWrd.
00:57:03.068 --> 00:57:10.708
If today's conversation helped you, we'd love for you to subscribe and share it with someone who cares about developing better athletes and better people.
00:57:11.887 --> 00:57:20.998
FWrd is a Hard Knock Press publication where we're building books, conversations, and ideas that challenge conventional thinking and help people grow.
00:57:22.137 --> 00:57:24.628
Until next time, keep moving forward