Are Your Self-Made Rules Suffocating Your Growth?

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And so when I realized that there was such a polarity between the two of us, um, I don't think either of them was necessarily wrong, but more of understanding again what was hidden and underneath this rule, this script, this like hard and fast, this is how I have to do it that I had created for myself was actually limiting my ability to grow.
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Welcome to Flip the Inner Script, a podcast for female founders who are over their inner critic showing up when they are scaling to bigger things.
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This podcast is for the woman who has built something and still finds herself wondering why success doesn't feel the way she thought it would.
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We'll dive deep into inner stories, social conditioning, self-leadership, identity, and what it actually takes to master being the woman who meets her next level.
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This is your permission slip to finally flip the script so that you can unlock the success you dream about.
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Let's go.
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Hello, gorgeous.
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Welcome back to another episode.
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I'm so excited that you're here to tune in today.
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I have a really exciting episode planned, and um, I want to talk to you today about rules.
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The end.
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We're talking about rules, and we are talking about the rules specifically that we set on ourselves.
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Which, like, listen, when you are in business for yourself, when you are trying to structure and create a life that feels good for you, there definitely are rules and boundaries and systems and processes that you put in place that allow for that to happen for you, right?
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That's like part of the intentionality.
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But I want to talk about these rules also in a way that reminds you that if these rules that you have created are becoming too rigid, if they are becoming too much of a hindrance in you actually growing and expanding and evolving and doing things that make sense or doing things that feel good, then it's like the reminder that you are the one that makes the rules and so you can decide to change them.
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Perfect example, literally right now, in this moment.
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I had decided that for this podcast, in order for it to be a low lift for me and as high impact as possible, I was like, okay, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna batch record.
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I'm gonna record like once or twice a month.
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Spoiler alert, I like to peel back all the curtains here.
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Um, I'm gonna record like once or twice a month in batches, and then that is gonna help me to be sustainable with this podcast to be able to show up in the most flow.
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And of course, I'm outsourcing my editing, which has been incredibly fabulous.
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I have a podcast editor who is a friend of mine's son, and he's great.
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He's listening to this right now.
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Thank you, Jackson.
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And um, and so it was like that was the rule that I had created for myself was like, okay, I'm gonna record once or twice a month, and then that's it.
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And so I have a running list of episodes on my phone that it's like every time I get an intuitive hit or a download or an idea for like, oh my gosh, this is a conversation that I need to have, I put it on my list.
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And this idea I put on my list about a week and a half ago, and I have not stopped thinking about it.
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I have not stopped thinking about it so much so that I decided to sit down today to record this episode, even though I didn't have recording for the podcast.
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This is outside of the rules that I have set for myself for a batch recording day, but I'm also such a firm believer in like harnessing the flow.
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And when you are in that, it's like we don't want to stifle or block our creativity from coming forward.
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So I'm here today breaking my own rule to talk to you about rules because I feel like there's a lot of women, a lot of people who are gonna listen to this episode and be like, oh man, here are, you know, I've had this rule for myself of, I mean, there's there's so many rules that we create for ourselves when we are like starting from scratch with a business, starting from scratch with life creation and and schedule when you have time freedom.
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You know, it is important to put these kind of structures in place.
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Um, but there there does reach a point sometimes where those rules don't work anymore.
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The idea that came through for this episode that I actually wanted to share specifically with you is something that I have been, it's a script that I have been working through for a long time.
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And it really never came to my um like came to the forefront for me as something that like I realized was a thing until it like kind of hit me in the face.
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Um I was planning an event with three other women, the Bloom event, if you've been around here for a while.
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Um, and we were all planning to do keynote talk, like keynote talks on that day.
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And so I had written my keynote and I had been rehearsing it like crazy, down to like every single word.
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And I have always been someone who feels like I need to over-prepare for things, and the more that I unpacked that, you know, part of the reason of why I felt like I wanted to over-prepare and over-script and over like really make sure, you know, make a ton of slides and put everything that I wanted to say on my slides, I over-prepared out of a place of anxiety and out of a out of a place of lack of self-trust, quite honestly, because it was like, I don't think it was conscious, but there was a part of me that felt like if I got up there in front of those people, that if I forgot what to say, that I wouldn't know what to say, and that I wouldn't say anything that actually mattered or was impactful or had value.
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And so if I could spend enough time ahead of time thinking through all of the things that I wanted to say, making sure that I wrote it down and making sure that I memorized it so that I got those good because I have incredible things to say.
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There is a lot on my heart and in my mind and part of my lived experience that creates impact for people.
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And I believe that about so many of us that, you know, we actually can just show up and share and create such impact for people in a way that we sometimes don't even realize.
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So, you know, that is innately within me, but I don't know.
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There was like a there was an anxious energy around that.
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And so I'm like really over scripting for this keynote.
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I'm really making sure that I can remember every single word.
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And I remember saying to my friend who I have uh one of the other co-hosts, she like off the cuffs everything.
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Um, and it's such a a skill that she has, and it's such a a gift that she has to be able to do that and really just like lean into that self-trust of like, I just I'm gonna trust that whatever needs to be said will come forward.
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Like it was something that I kind of aspired to.
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And so when I realized that there was such a polarity between the two of us, um, I don't think either of them was necessarily wrong, but more of understanding again what was hidden and underneath this rule, this script, this like hard and fast, this is how I have to do it, that I had created for myself was actually limiting my ability to grow my self-trust and to lessen and decrease the anxiety that I was feeling and was actually blocking me from like fully embodying what I believe in and what I have to say and how I share that message.
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And so since that time in 2024, I have been actively working on exercising that self-trust muscle.
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And for this example in particular, like I've really been working on not scripting things as much, not necessarily planning a whole ton before I show up and have a conversation.
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You know, if I'm delivering a workshop or a keynote, a really cool analogy was given to me one time.
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And I have shared this many times over again.
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But, you know, when I'm putting together a talk or something, it's like, okay, what are the what are the key stories that I want to share?
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And it's like imagining that the whole talk is a clothesline, and each of the points that you want to make, maybe this is helpful for you if you speak in in your life.
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Um, it's like the clothesline is the talk, and on that clothesline are t-shirts, and each of those t-shirts are the story that you want to hang up on, or the stories that you want to share are the shirts that you would hang up on the line.
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And it doesn't really matter what order all of those t-shirts get hung up in.
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All that really matters and what you maybe hang up in between those t-shirts, like what words you use to fill that space and share.
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All that really matters is that you get all five of those t-shirts on the line so that they can dry and that you know, so it's like it doesn't matter um what's you know, the order of how I share information.
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All that really matters is that all of the information that I want to share gets out there.
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And so I've really been I like you know, I use that analogy now.
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I've really been leaning into not preparing and not scripting and really like trusting that my heart is gonna come through and what needs to be shared is gonna come through.
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And that has allowed for me to exercise that muscle immensely.
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I can tell you right now that every single one of these podcast episodes up until this point, the only thing that I've come to with them is an idea.
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It's like, okay, I want to talk about this.
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And then I turn it on and then I riff because I think that part of what I have really unpacked and really um done is like taken off this perfection mask of like, you know, if I fumble over my words, or if what I say kind of doesn't make sense, or it takes me like a little bit to get there.
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It's like that is that is the human part of us and trusting that like just because those things happen, you know, it doesn't really diminish what I have to say on this podcast, you know, if it's not perfectly edited, or if it doesn't maybe come out in the right way, or if you hear me, I don't know, smacking my microphone with my hand, or fumbling over my words, I I'm trusting that the message is still landing for you.
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And, you know, when people read my book, they've said to me, it feels like I'm sitting across from you on the couch, listening to you talk.
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Um, because that's just kind of like how I communicate.
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It's like that's just something that I've really like just decided to let go of is that like perfect, polished human being, because I actually feel like that that makes me more relatable.
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And so when I'm not perfectly scripted, um I can just show up and be me.
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And so that's what I've done all along with recording these episodes is I just show up with my idea and I share as a result of that.
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That said, there has been one episode, and I intend to do this again because I think that it's actually really powerful to do this reflection.
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When we had the three questions that we were working through and my bonus question, um, you know, that one I thought of those questions ahead of time, of course.
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Um, but really it's just whatever's on my heart to share with you.
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Where this rules comes in is so I've been working on this for a really long time.
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And of course, I shared with you that I have been making notes of, you know, ideas that I want for the podcast um episodes, but I haven't really like, you know, used AI to help me brainstorm, or I haven't even like sat down and really wrote things ahead of time because I there's now been, and this is where this is where I was like, I gotta call myself on my own story that I'm creating because now I I caught myself actually creating a rule and a story the other way.
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And I talk so much about the stories and the inner scripts, and how it's like if you have a script that's happening and it is blocking you from doing something, let's take a look at that.
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And how is that script serving you?
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And who decided that it had to be done like that?
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And again, who decided what the rules are?
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Oftentimes it's you and it's us, and it's our own stories, I don't know, that we've created that like stop us from the thing.
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So as I was continuing to think about, you know, the longevity of this show, and you know, maybe it's like there will be some weeks where I sit down to batch record, and it's like I might have an idea, but I might want some support or I might want to do some planning to like start to create that.
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I noticed that I had a story that was the script was telling me if I have to prepare, if I have to script, or if I have to like make a bunch of notes for myself to follow, then that somehow diminishes my knowledge of those pieces, of those things.
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And then I was like, what's that about?
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Just because I have to make some notes ahead of time that I'm gonna look at doesn't mean that what I'm saying doesn't have value.
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It doesn't all of a sudden change my credibility or my expertise or my, you know, ability to create change or, you know, it doesn't change anything.
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The only thing that it means is that I prepared for the episode a little bit more than I typically do.
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And it was a reminder for me of how easy it is for us to make something mean something, and for us to create such a rigid rule or structure or routine or identity, and then those that doesn't serve us anymore.
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And some for some reason, just because we created it initially or it worked for us initially, and now it's like if it doesn't work for us anymore, then we make it mean something about us.
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And I actually don't believe that to be true at all.
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I was on a discovery call with a potential client recently, and um, and one of the things that she asked me was, you know, she said, I'm only available to to meet with you in the evenings, like, and I know that you only work during the day because she was in my book club and I talked in the book club about boundaries and about how one of the boundaries that I created for myself part of it was because I burnt the fuck out working every single night.
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And so I've made this boundary that I will not take meetings or do things in the evening that are like client or work related, of course, unless it's an event.
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And of course, I made the exception for the book club because that felt really good to me.
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And I was like, I want I want to do this in the evening.
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I want this to be accessible for everyone.
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And sitting down for six weeks for an hour in the evening with people to talk about the book and talk about their lives and what's on their heart, like that feels good to me.
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And so she asked me, like, you know, because I was like, Do you have any questions?
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Like, what's coming up for you?
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And she said, Well, you know, I can only meet in the evenings.
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Like, is that okay?
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And I was like, Yeah, that's fine with me.
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Like, that's a rule that I have that I'm off, like I'm I'm usually very quite strict about that.
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But there are situations and circumstances where I'm willing to be flexible on those rules that I've created for myself when it feels good.
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And I think that that's like the ultimate takeaway that I want you to have is that like everything that you're doing in your day-to-day, everything that you're doing in your business, everything that you're doing in your partnerships and your collaborations, and in you know what tasks you're taking on and what things you're delegating or in your life, who you're spending time with, who you're allowing to have access to you and protecting your energy.
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Ultimately, what it comes down to is what feels good for you and what's going to allow you to have the fullest experience and to lean into self-mastery as much as possible.
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And what was a hard and fast rule for you a year ago, two years ago, doesn't need to stay a hard and fast rule for you now in this season of your life.
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And so for me, it's like, okay, historically, scripting the shit and preparing the shit out of everything worked at that time.
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Then I noticed it was no longer working for me anymore.
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It was hindering me from my own growth and expansion up to my next level because I do feel like we master many levels.
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And, you know, the deeper I go into my self-work, the more I am collapsing my business growth and the timeline.
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You know, it's like it's it's happening faster and more expansive and more transformative.
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Um, so that rule that I had about over scripting was not really working for me anymore.
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And so I intentionally tried to break out of that and it was uncomfortable.
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And but and it built this muscle for me of like so much ability to show up and riff and share.
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Not that I don't ever prepare, I definitely do, but I've really kind of swung the punt pendulum almost the other way.
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And then I was like resisting myself to come back to the other side.
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But it's like all can exist, all can be true as long as they are coming from that place of again embodiment, that place of deep self-trust, that place of like mastering yourself and massive self-leadership.
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And when it's coming from that place, then anything you do is going to make sense for you and and eliminating the blocks that you're putting on yourself um is is you know, eliminating those blocks is going to allow for you to get there, but you have to notice what those are.
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So what are the rules?
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What are the blocks?
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What are the scripts or the stories that are playing for you?
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And oftentimes, again, they're not conscious.
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It's not like we're like, oh, well, I'm blocking myself today, you know, don't worry, you're not doing that, Andrea.
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A lot of them are unconscious, which is why these types of conversations and when you surround yourself with people who are calling you forward, like that's where the magic happens.
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But what could possibly, you know, if you knew the answer, what are you doing right now that's blocking you from that deeper growth, that's blocking you from that greater expansion?
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And what rules are you like living out that just aren't working for you anymore?
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Because again, any decision that you make from a place of deep self-trust, of deep inner knowing, of complete embodiment, um, that's gonna be the right one for you.
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I'm being reminded in this moment as I close out this episode.
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Um, a couple years ago, when when Zero, my dog, um, who's no longer with us, got hurt.
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Um, and we were, you know, trying to figure out what we were gonna do, what was the best decision for her.
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Her leg had basically healed as much as it could.
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It wasn't gonna get any better.
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She's an old dog.
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This was the fall, and it was gonna be coming into the winter, and our vet was really concerned about her ability to move outside in the winter, and we could see that things were declining, you know?
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And and I it was just a horrible time to have to make that decision.
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I was like, how can I possibly decide what to do in this situation?
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And somebody said to me that you'll never know what the right decision is, like what the right, what the thing you should do is the exact right thing to do.
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But if you make a decision for her out of love and care, then it can't possibly be the wrong one.
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And so I want to give that to you.
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You know, if you are making a decision for yourself, not out of fear, not out of lack, not out of scarcity, but if you are making a decision out of deep love and protection and honoring of yourself, then it will never be the wrong decision.
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That's it.
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That's the rule.
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That's the last rule that I want to leave you with.
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Thank you so much.
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I hope this landed for you, and I will catch you next week.
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That's a wrap on today's episode.
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If something you heard hit home for you, share it with someone who you think could resonate with you.
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And as a thank you, if you screenshot your review and send it to me on Instagram at the dot balance.blit, I will send you a special gift as a thank you.
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Ready to go deeper?
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Grab my book and body blitz, break free from the shows, and move into more joy through the link in the show notes.
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Or if you're curious about working together, your free 20 minute connection call is waiting.
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Love you for sharing your time with me today.
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Now go flip that inner script and see you next time.