WEBVTT
1
00:00:03.250 --> 00:00:10.029
Battle Report! With Ben and Steve. Alright, so explain to
2
00:00:10.070 --> 00:00:11.750
me then why the Romans are better than the Greeks.
3
00:00:12.470 --> 00:00:13.269
Oh, we're going to do this?
4
00:00:13.410 --> 00:00:14.390
Yeah, I want to fucking know.
5
00:00:14.529 --> 00:00:16.829
I don't think the Romans are better than the Greeks.
6
00:00:16.850 --> 00:00:17.149
Yeah, you do.
7
00:00:17.190 --> 00:00:18.489
You said the best empire was the Roman Empire.
8
00:00:18.510 --> 00:00:20.879
Yeah, and you said the Greek Empire is better.
9
00:00:21.109 --> 00:00:22.019
The Attic Empire.
10
00:00:22.050 --> 00:00:22.879
Which Greek Empire?
11
00:00:22.899 --> 00:00:23.660
The Attic Empire.
12
00:00:23.679 --> 00:00:26.000
There was no such empire called the Attic Empire.
13
00:00:26.019 --> 00:00:27.100
Yeah, well, it wasn't very big.
14
00:00:27.399 --> 00:00:30.199
There was the Athenian League. There was the Second Athenian League.
15
00:00:30.260 --> 00:00:30.440
Yeah.
16
00:00:30.820 --> 00:00:32.320
There was... So, I.
17
00:00:32.679 --> 00:00:34.380
Listened to a fucking podcast, mate.
18
00:00:34.600 --> 00:00:34.740
Yeah.
19
00:00:34.759 --> 00:00:36.259
Oh, have you fucking known? Oh, really?
20
00:00:36.299 --> 00:00:37.420
The Attic Empire.
21
00:00:38.039 --> 00:00:38.280
No.
22
00:00:38.340 --> 00:00:40.679
It was called the Attic Empire. Was it in Attica?
23
00:00:40.939 --> 00:00:44.770
They were talking about... Attica! Attica! Attica!
24
00:00:45.009 --> 00:00:45.380
Like that?
25
00:00:45.649 --> 00:00:45.920
Yeah.
26
00:00:46.409 --> 00:00:49.670
That was for you fucking people who don't know what
27
00:00:49.689 --> 00:00:53.450
the fuck Raymond Carver means. That was Dog Day Afternoon.
28
00:00:54.369 --> 00:00:56.409
Fucking old people who listen to this podcast will know
29
00:00:56.450 --> 00:00:57.009
that reference.
30
00:00:57.820 --> 00:01:01.159
So I was listening to a podcast about the Athenian League. Right.
31
00:01:01.189 --> 00:01:04.849
And they were saying, should we actually reframe the Athenian
32
00:01:04.909 --> 00:01:07.549
League as the Athenian Empire? Because they had all these
33
00:01:07.590 --> 00:01:08.269
vassal states.
34
00:01:09.069 --> 00:01:09.549
You know, I.
35
00:01:09.569 --> 00:01:10.950
That was what they were talking about.
36
00:01:10.969 --> 00:01:13.549
I don't think so. I mean, like, what for?
37
00:01:14.939 --> 00:01:15.379
Modern.
38
00:01:15.519 --> 00:01:18.680
Like an empire that consisted of a bunch of islands?
39
00:01:18.739 --> 00:01:20.060
So modern academics?
40
00:01:20.500 --> 00:01:20.900
Okay, so.
41
00:01:20.920 --> 00:01:23.439
So modern academics can say it was bad? Because that's
42
00:01:23.459 --> 00:01:24.500
what modern academia is?
43
00:01:24.540 --> 00:01:28.739
Listen, you inveterately contrary fucking asshole. I will accept the
44
00:01:28.780 --> 00:01:30.879
premise that the Greeks are better than the Romans. I
45
00:01:30.900 --> 00:01:32.659
think even the Romans would admit that the Greeks were
46
00:01:32.680 --> 00:01:33.140
better than the Romans.
47
00:01:33.159 --> 00:01:33.900
Well, they ate them, didn't they?
48
00:01:34.959 --> 00:01:36.250
Yeah, for sure. Stole their gods.
49
00:01:36.510 --> 00:01:41.870
Stole their fucking philosophy. Stole their fucking jugs with cocks
50
00:01:41.930 --> 00:01:44.750
on them. The Herms? Is that what they're called?
51
00:01:45.060 --> 00:01:45.799
The cocks, I think.
52
00:01:46.359 --> 00:01:46.739
Oh. So.
53
00:01:47.640 --> 00:01:50.000
Um, and I would also accept if someone wanted to
54
00:01:50.060 --> 00:01:51.650
argue that the Romans are better than the Greeks and
55
00:01:51.670 --> 00:01:53.590
they have their own reasoning for it. But if you
56
00:01:53.629 --> 00:01:55.670
say something like the Greek empire, or even if you
57
00:01:55.689 --> 00:01:57.870
want to call it the second Athenian league or the ad,
58
00:01:57.890 --> 00:01:59.129
whatever the fuck you're calling it.
59
00:01:59.150 --> 00:02:01.969
I like to call the Athenian league, the Athenian empire.
60
00:02:02.450 --> 00:02:05.659
I don't think it's plausible to say that the, the
61
00:02:05.719 --> 00:02:07.859
second Athenian empire, is that what we're talking about now?
62
00:02:08.039 --> 00:02:09.199
Athenian league. Yeah.
63
00:02:09.280 --> 00:02:11.719
That this was better in any way than the Roman empire.
64
00:02:11.759 --> 00:02:13.080
What's your criteria then?
65
00:02:13.300 --> 00:02:15.219
What are yours? I'm sorry. Why is the burden of
66
00:02:15.240 --> 00:02:15.780
proof on me?
67
00:02:15.840 --> 00:02:18.909
Philosophy. I don't think they.
68
00:02:18.849 --> 00:02:22.150
Had a lot of philosophy in the second Athenian empire.
69
00:02:23.250 --> 00:02:25.610
Except the strong do what they can, the weak suffer
70
00:02:25.629 --> 00:02:26.090
what they must.
71
00:02:26.129 --> 00:02:26.710
Yeah, right.
72
00:02:27.449 --> 00:02:30.389
That was actually the Peloponnesian War, wasn't it?
73
00:02:30.469 --> 00:02:31.469
Fucking Thermopylae.
74
00:02:32.889 --> 00:02:33.729
That's the Persian War.
75
00:02:34.129 --> 00:02:38.509
Yeah? Oh, Spartans weren't Greek. Oh, no true Spartan. Is
76
00:02:38.530 --> 00:02:39.750
that what you're trying to fucking tell me?
77
00:02:39.780 --> 00:02:42.500
The Spartans certainly weren't part of the second Athenian empire,
78
00:02:42.520 --> 00:02:43.460
or whatever you want to call it.
79
00:02:43.460 --> 00:02:44.219
I don't care, though.
80
00:02:45.259 --> 00:02:49.250
Okay, so because you recently listened to a podcast about
81
00:02:49.280 --> 00:02:51.289
the subject, that's why they're better.
82
00:02:51.349 --> 00:02:53.389
I don't remember much about it, really, to be honest.
83
00:02:53.590 --> 00:02:55.509
Okay, well, do you know anything about the premise of
84
00:02:55.530 --> 00:02:56.889
the game that we have laid out before us?
85
00:02:56.889 --> 00:02:58.069
So what game are we playing, Stephen?
86
00:02:58.229 --> 00:03:02.569
We are playing the game The Barracks Emperors. I'm going
87
00:03:02.590 --> 00:03:04.330
to try that again. I'm going to try that again.
88
00:03:04.590 --> 00:03:07.289
We are playing The Barracks Emperors.
89
00:03:07.330 --> 00:03:10.560
So the point is... The point is, I don't need
90
00:03:10.580 --> 00:03:11.460
to ask you that question.
91
00:03:12.020 --> 00:03:12.199
Why?
92
00:03:12.259 --> 00:03:15.400
Because when the episode comes out, I mean, with various
93
00:03:15.500 --> 00:03:17.039
punctuation errors and spacing.
94
00:03:17.180 --> 00:03:20.560
Right. How many apostrophes are you going to put unnecessarily into.
95
00:03:20.460 --> 00:03:21.400
The title of this game? All of them.
96
00:03:21.599 --> 00:03:24.819
Right. Apostrophe S, apostrophe.
97
00:03:27.020 --> 00:03:31.000
Hyphen, emperors, period. S, apostrophe S.
98
00:03:31.340 --> 00:03:32.909
How about duh instead of the?
99
00:03:33.050 --> 00:03:37.719
Like the emperor's new clothes. Right. S apostrophe S. Right.
100
00:03:37.840 --> 00:03:39.139
New clothes. Right.
101
00:03:39.719 --> 00:03:40.580
Yep.
102
00:03:40.719 --> 00:03:45.699
Exactly. I assume, what with you being an insufferable nerd.
103
00:03:45.840 --> 00:03:46.080
Right.
104
00:03:46.960 --> 00:03:49.060
I don't just mean a nerd. I don't mean here
105
00:03:49.099 --> 00:03:50.370
that nerds are insufferable.
106
00:03:50.729 --> 00:03:51.430
I mean, it's pretty like.
107
00:03:51.449 --> 00:03:53.449
But there is a type of nerd that is insufferable.
108
00:03:53.509 --> 00:03:57.110
It's pretty insufferably nerdy to actually want to argue about
109
00:03:57.169 --> 00:03:58.990
which of the ancient empires was best.
110
00:03:59.250 --> 00:04:01.250
Yeah, because it was obviously Greece. Why would you argue?
111
00:04:01.840 --> 00:04:03.770
I mean, I just don't really consider this an empire.
112
00:04:03.789 --> 00:04:05.370
Gladiators versus Aristophanes.
113
00:04:05.430 --> 00:04:07.530
It was a bunch of fucking islands attached to Athens
114
00:04:07.550 --> 00:04:09.229
for a brief period of time.
115
00:04:09.610 --> 00:04:10.009
Aristophanes.
116
00:04:10.030 --> 00:04:13.229
Before the Romans fucking destroyed them. Actually, before the Macedonians
117
00:04:13.270 --> 00:04:15.310
destroyed them, and then the Romans destroyed them.
118
00:04:15.449 --> 00:04:17.670
Which Romans fucking wrote the Frogs?
119
00:04:19.329 --> 00:04:22.509
So your basis for calling the Greeks better than the
120
00:04:22.550 --> 00:04:26.709
Romans are the cultural achievements of the Greeks during the
121
00:04:26.750 --> 00:04:27.610
classical period.
122
00:04:27.629 --> 00:04:28.589
Have you read the Frogs?
123
00:04:29.269 --> 00:04:30.160
Probably a long time ago.
124
00:04:30.180 --> 00:04:31.040
Oh, yeah? What's it about?
125
00:04:31.079 --> 00:04:33.720
Caxa, caxa, cax. Caxa, caxa, cax.
126
00:04:33.959 --> 00:04:34.769
That's the birds, is it?
127
00:04:35.459 --> 00:04:36.660
No, I think that's the frogs.
128
00:04:37.160 --> 00:04:39.680
Who's the main character in the frogs?
129
00:04:39.779 --> 00:04:41.399
I don't remember. Who's the main character? I didn't just
130
00:04:41.420 --> 00:04:42.240
listen to the podcast.
131
00:04:42.259 --> 00:04:44.730
Fucking Diana. I didn't. I studied at fucking university, you
132
00:04:44.769 --> 00:04:45.430
cheeky fuck.
133
00:04:45.529 --> 00:04:46.829
Who's the main character in The Clouds?
134
00:04:47.769 --> 00:04:48.310
Bob Johnson.
135
00:04:48.449 --> 00:04:51.069
Good, good, very good. What else did you study in university?
136
00:04:52.129 --> 00:04:55.800
Prancing around. A lot of drinking. A lot of drinking. Yeah.
137
00:04:55.920 --> 00:04:57.240
In my last year of university.
138
00:04:57.339 --> 00:04:59.480
Did you cut your wine the way the Greeks did?
139
00:04:59.779 --> 00:05:02.120
No. I don't know the Romans.
140
00:05:02.420 --> 00:05:03.879
The Romans cut, they probably did as well.
141
00:05:03.899 --> 00:05:04.879
I'm like Polyphemus, man.
142
00:05:05.319 --> 00:05:07.490
I think the Romans probably cut their wine as well,
143
00:05:07.529 --> 00:05:08.790
but they would have, I think the Greeks and the
144
00:05:08.870 --> 00:05:12.310
Romans probably drank wine a little bit like Glühwein.
145
00:05:12.810 --> 00:05:12.990
Yeah.
146
00:05:13.069 --> 00:05:15.189
But I don't think they heated it up. Like they
147
00:05:15.209 --> 00:05:16.230
put herbs and shit in it.
148
00:05:16.410 --> 00:05:17.370
Well, in a short story.
149
00:05:17.389 --> 00:05:17.990
Spices in that.
150
00:05:18.029 --> 00:05:21.350
In a short story I wrote. Where the lead character
151
00:05:21.569 --> 00:05:22.509
is Pythagoras.
152
00:05:22.870 --> 00:05:23.110
Right.
153
00:05:23.269 --> 00:05:23.949
As a young man.
154
00:05:24.310 --> 00:05:25.029
I remember this one.
155
00:05:25.149 --> 00:05:28.829
He drinks a lot of undiluted wine because he's so
156
00:05:28.879 --> 00:05:29.629
desperate to get pissed.
157
00:05:30.120 --> 00:05:32.139
Pythagoras. Was he from Sicily?
158
00:05:32.160 --> 00:05:34.540
He was from Samos, yeah.
159
00:05:34.560 --> 00:05:35.879
Samos is different from Sicily.
160
00:05:37.040 --> 00:05:38.560
Well, it's... Who's the guy.
161
00:05:38.579 --> 00:05:41.180
It's in Italy, isn't it? Who's the guy with the... Samos?
162
00:05:41.459 --> 00:05:41.920
Samos, yeah.
163
00:05:41.939 --> 00:05:44.060
It's like an island in the Aegean, isn't it? Ancient
164
00:05:44.100 --> 00:05:47.000
Samos was Italy. I think Samos is an island.
165
00:05:47.019 --> 00:05:48.050
Fucking vamp. Vamp.
166
00:05:48.250 --> 00:05:49.610
I'm pretty sure Samos is an island in the Aegean.
167
00:05:49.629 --> 00:05:51.009
I haven't got my phone with me.
168
00:05:51.009 --> 00:05:52.389
You want to look up where Samos was?
169
00:05:52.410 --> 00:05:56.550
Yeah. So Steve's getting his phone out there. Oh, his
170
00:05:56.610 --> 00:06:01.120
wallpaper is a fucking picture of a man in a speedo.
171
00:06:01.139 --> 00:06:06.980
Yeah, let's see. Samos, Greece, as I said, is an
172
00:06:07.100 --> 00:06:07.920
island in the Aegean.
173
00:06:07.959 --> 00:06:11.810
Samos, ancient Greece. Yeah, yeah. It's not Samos, Greece. Samos,
174
00:06:11.870 --> 00:06:12.170
ancient Greece.
175
00:06:12.189 --> 00:06:13.009
It's the same thing.
176
00:06:13.089 --> 00:06:16.389
It's not. It is. Where was Pythagoras from? Type that
177
00:06:16.430 --> 00:06:18.589
into fucking, don't look at Google Maps.
178
00:06:18.910 --> 00:06:19.810
Hang on a second here.
179
00:06:19.930 --> 00:06:21.329
Fucking Lake America.
180
00:06:21.360 --> 00:06:25.620
You're going to love this. So where was Pythagoras from?
181
00:06:28.120 --> 00:06:31.180
Pythagoras, he was born on the island of Samos off
182
00:06:31.199 --> 00:06:35.620
the coast of what's now Turkey around 570 BC. He
183
00:06:35.660 --> 00:06:38.519
later emigrated to CROH Tun in southern Italy.
184
00:06:38.959 --> 00:06:41.740
Where he founded his famous school. So C-R-O-H, ton.
185
00:06:43.860 --> 00:06:46.449
So I got mixed up. He went there, though. We
186
00:06:46.470 --> 00:06:47.990
were both right. He did his work in Italy.
187
00:06:48.209 --> 00:06:48.930
We were both right.
188
00:06:48.990 --> 00:06:49.149
Yeah.
189
00:06:49.290 --> 00:06:53.329
Because I remember Pythagoras being from Italy or Sicily. You
190
00:06:53.350 --> 00:06:56.069
said Samos. So he's from Samos, which is actually in Greece,
191
00:06:56.089 --> 00:06:57.800
but he did spend time in Italy. But I was
192
00:06:57.839 --> 00:07:01.920
also thinking of the guy who discovered buoyancy and did
193
00:07:02.139 --> 00:07:04.240
the Archimedes and the lever and the screw.
194
00:07:04.300 --> 00:07:05.699
He was from Athens, wasn't he?
195
00:07:06.490 --> 00:07:07.490
No, he was from Sicily.
196
00:07:07.769 --> 00:07:09.790
All right. Okay. Anyway, so what are we playing, Stephen?
197
00:07:09.810 --> 00:07:12.509
He lived in Syracuse under the Emperor Dionysus.
198
00:07:13.410 --> 00:07:13.689
Really?
199
00:07:13.990 --> 00:07:17.810
He used to put people into a bronze cow and
200
00:07:17.829 --> 00:07:19.970
then light a fire under the cow. I like that one.
201
00:07:20.170 --> 00:07:21.329
I like the ancient torches.
202
00:07:21.750 --> 00:07:21.990
Anyway.
203
00:07:22.149 --> 00:07:24.649
Just so he could hear them screaming. Wait a second.
204
00:07:24.689 --> 00:07:26.920
The music's gone out. They probably can't hear it, but
205
00:07:26.939 --> 00:07:27.620
we need to hear it.
206
00:07:27.649 --> 00:07:28.620
We need to hear it. It's ween.
207
00:07:28.720 --> 00:07:29.519
For inspiration.
208
00:07:30.300 --> 00:07:30.500
All right.
209
00:07:30.519 --> 00:07:30.959
There we go.
210
00:07:31.060 --> 00:07:31.519
Oh, I don't want.
211
00:07:31.759 --> 00:07:32.819
Sam doesn't like this song.
212
00:07:33.319 --> 00:07:33.500
Why?
213
00:07:33.519 --> 00:07:35.379
I don't know. She thinks it's childish.
214
00:07:35.879 --> 00:07:38.189
It is childish, deliberately so. It's sung by a child.
215
00:07:38.250 --> 00:07:40.350
I'm dancing in the show tonight. Yeah, it's sung by
216
00:07:40.370 --> 00:07:46.410
a child. Anyway, so we're playing the barracks emperors.
217
00:07:46.610 --> 00:07:49.009
All right. Can you give us a brief, and I
218
00:07:49.050 --> 00:07:52.430
mean fucking brief, treatise on the state of the Roman
219
00:07:52.490 --> 00:07:53.709
Empire when this game is set?
220
00:07:55.649 --> 00:07:59.000
The Roman Empire was beginning to fall apart and fragment.
221
00:07:59.060 --> 00:08:00.060
What century are we talking?
222
00:08:00.759 --> 00:08:04.420
This is the second to... Fourth century, I guess.
223
00:08:04.480 --> 00:08:05.540
It's like Diocletian time.
224
00:08:05.800 --> 00:08:09.439
There's Diocletian on the board right there. He lasted particularly long.
225
00:08:09.519 --> 00:08:12.579
He gave up his own emperorship. I think he built
226
00:08:12.899 --> 00:08:15.339
the largest of the famous Roman baths in the city
227
00:08:15.379 --> 00:08:15.779
of Rome.
228
00:08:16.879 --> 00:08:17.800
Who built the ones in Bath?
229
00:08:17.819 --> 00:08:18.699
And I suppose he.
230
00:08:19.279 --> 00:08:21.480
Pardon? Who built the ones in Bath?
231
00:08:21.819 --> 00:08:22.220
I don't know.
232
00:08:22.459 --> 00:08:23.060
Hadrian, probably.
233
00:08:23.399 --> 00:08:25.000
I don't know. You think Hadrian?
234
00:08:25.600 --> 00:08:27.680
Well, he was the guy in Britain, wasn't he? No.
235
00:08:27.699 --> 00:08:28.990
Oh, because of the wall.
236
00:08:29.050 --> 00:08:29.459
Yeah.
237
00:08:29.490 --> 00:08:30.519
Did he go to Britain, though?
238
00:08:30.670 --> 00:08:30.750
Yeah.
239
00:08:30.759 --> 00:08:31.810
I don't know if he went there personally.
240
00:08:31.829 --> 00:08:33.700
He built the wall personally. Okay.
241
00:08:34.100 --> 00:08:38.269
Anyway, Diocletian, also famous for building Diocletian's Palace. I don't
242
00:08:38.289 --> 00:08:39.850
think they called it Diocletian's Palace.
243
00:08:39.870 --> 00:08:42.889
I bet they did. They were arrogant cunts, those Romans.
244
00:08:43.830 --> 00:08:46.529
In what is now Croatia, and has become the center
245
00:08:46.570 --> 00:08:49.549
of the city of Split, which is what I wish
246
00:08:49.570 --> 00:08:51.320
you would do sometimes when you're annoying.
247
00:08:51.360 --> 00:08:52.860
You don't want to take your fucking milk there when
248
00:08:52.879 --> 00:08:55.299
you're making fucking whipped cream, do you?
249
00:08:55.759 --> 00:08:59.159
Definitely not. Very good, very good. Cooking jokes. Or baking jokes?
250
00:08:59.200 --> 00:08:59.799
Baking jokes?
251
00:09:00.539 --> 00:09:03.250
Well, it depends where the whipped cream's going. On my
252
00:09:03.279 --> 00:09:03.679
nip plates.
253
00:09:03.730 --> 00:09:07.309
Anyway, I wouldn't say that I know this period particularly well.
254
00:09:07.370 --> 00:09:09.830
It just, it so happens that there were like a
255
00:09:09.909 --> 00:09:12.370
series of emperors, some of whom lasted a few years,
256
00:09:12.389 --> 00:09:13.769
some of them only a few months. And it was
257
00:09:13.789 --> 00:09:17.029
just like one after another. And most of them were
258
00:09:17.090 --> 00:09:20.259
generals and they would win battles. And either like their
259
00:09:20.299 --> 00:09:22.480
soldiers would declare them emperor, then they would murder them
260
00:09:22.559 --> 00:09:23.919
or the Praetorian Guard would murder them.
261
00:09:24.000 --> 00:09:26.120
And they were getting invaded by Robert Smith and that
262
00:09:26.159 --> 00:09:27.299
a lot, right? Yeah.
263
00:09:27.559 --> 00:09:27.759
What?
264
00:09:28.080 --> 00:09:29.500
They were getting invaded by Robert Smith a lot.
265
00:09:30.000 --> 00:09:30.799
Robert Smith?
266
00:09:30.840 --> 00:09:31.019
Yeah.
267
00:09:31.620 --> 00:09:32.360
Who's Robert Smith?
268
00:09:32.379 --> 00:09:33.179
The lead singer of The Cure.
269
00:09:33.639 --> 00:09:34.340
I don't get the joke.
270
00:09:34.559 --> 00:09:40.179
Like the Goths were coming in and... Allah, Steve. Like
271
00:09:40.200 --> 00:09:43.019
Sisters of Mercy were fucking knocking on the gates of
272
00:09:43.059 --> 00:09:43.519
Rome and that.
273
00:09:43.759 --> 00:09:45.220
I knew I was walking into something.
274
00:09:45.799 --> 00:09:46.679
It's good, though. That's good.
275
00:09:46.700 --> 00:09:47.059
That's good.
276
00:09:47.120 --> 00:09:47.340
Yes.
277
00:09:47.399 --> 00:09:52.250
Yes, indeed. The barbarians were at the proverbial gates.
278
00:09:52.370 --> 00:09:53.350
So when you.
279
00:09:54.639 --> 00:09:57.909
Until Constantine, I think, stabilized things a bit for a while.
280
00:09:57.950 --> 00:10:00.610
So barbarians are named after the way they speak.
281
00:10:00.389 --> 00:10:03.070
By the greeks your favorite empire.
282
00:10:03.559 --> 00:10:06.500
When you listen to like regional british accents is that
283
00:10:06.519 --> 00:10:09.159
what you think yeah yeah yeah basically yes yeah like
284
00:10:09.179 --> 00:10:11.860
that one time yeah When I called up the farm
285
00:10:11.879 --> 00:10:12.259
that we were.
286
00:10:12.200 --> 00:10:12.460
Going to sell.
287
00:10:12.480 --> 00:10:14.230
Right, and you couldn't understand a fucking word he was saying.
288
00:10:14.250 --> 00:10:15.129
That was Northumbrian.
289
00:10:15.269 --> 00:10:15.429
Yeah.
290
00:10:15.450 --> 00:10:17.169
It's like, all right, we're going to come around.
291
00:10:17.190 --> 00:10:18.570
Well, how much is that going to cost?
292
00:10:18.590 --> 00:10:19.210
Oh, I don't care.
293
00:10:19.230 --> 00:10:20.549
Go down to the pub and get your shit to say.
294
00:10:26.049 --> 00:10:26.970
Then I had to hand you the phone.
295
00:10:26.990 --> 00:10:29.269
You had to hand me the phone. Indeed. You couldn't
296
00:10:29.309 --> 00:10:30.210
understand the British.
297
00:10:30.350 --> 00:10:31.960
What a fucking word.
298
00:10:32.009 --> 00:10:34.360
So, why have you bought this game? Because you bought
299
00:10:34.399 --> 00:10:36.379
this game over this weekend. I did.
300
00:10:37.019 --> 00:10:38.620
Okay, so I'm going to tell you a little bit
301
00:10:38.639 --> 00:10:39.120
of a story.
302
00:10:39.200 --> 00:10:39.450
Okay.
303
00:10:39.470 --> 00:10:41.850
Because this is sort of like my odyssey. You know
304
00:10:41.889 --> 00:10:43.610
that shit movie that came out recently?
305
00:10:43.629 --> 00:10:43.710
Yeah.
306
00:10:44.220 --> 00:10:45.200
Based on... Reading the.
307
00:10:45.159 --> 00:10:46.799
Odyssey at the moment, the more I read, the more
308
00:10:46.820 --> 00:10:49.639
I realize that Nolan's film is a bag of shitey white.
309
00:10:49.720 --> 00:10:50.039
Really not.
310
00:10:50.059 --> 00:10:53.419
This is going to be controversial, I think, on the Patreon.
311
00:10:53.620 --> 00:10:54.960
Not the Patreon, the Discord.
312
00:10:55.139 --> 00:10:55.279
Yeah.
313
00:10:55.379 --> 00:10:57.919
Or maybe not. I mean, I think actually... We're an
314
00:10:58.139 --> 00:11:01.519
educated bunch. Yeah, the Discord dickheads have taste.
315
00:11:01.740 --> 00:11:02.840
Don't know who Raymond Carver is.
316
00:11:03.440 --> 00:11:05.700
I assume many of them have heard of Homer. He's
317
00:11:05.759 --> 00:11:08.419
one of the most famous of your favorite group of
318
00:11:08.490 --> 00:11:11.269
people's epic poets. Although I don't know if it's really
319
00:11:11.909 --> 00:11:15.009
appropriate to call him Greek. But nevertheless, I went on
320
00:11:15.049 --> 00:11:16.669
my own odyssey.
321
00:11:17.860 --> 00:11:18.620
You wouldn't call him Greek?
322
00:11:21.159 --> 00:11:22.399
I don't think. I don't know.
323
00:11:22.659 --> 00:11:23.799
He wrote in Greek, though, didn't he?
324
00:11:24.940 --> 00:11:29.179
Well, did he exist? Homeric Greek itself is a kind
325
00:11:29.220 --> 00:11:31.639
of poetic, synthetic language.
326
00:11:31.789 --> 00:11:33.669
So you think it's an amalgam of different writers?
327
00:11:33.889 --> 00:11:35.570
I mean, we call it Greek. I don't think they
328
00:11:35.590 --> 00:11:36.190
called it Greek.
329
00:11:36.389 --> 00:11:37.350
They called it Helene.
330
00:11:37.909 --> 00:11:39.789
Yeah, probably. Or Achaean.
331
00:11:40.090 --> 00:11:41.009
Yeah, maybe. Maybe.
332
00:11:41.029 --> 00:11:42.429
I'm not even sure. I'm not even sure. I don't
333
00:11:42.450 --> 00:11:44.379
remember exactly. what they would have called it. I mean,
334
00:11:44.399 --> 00:11:45.899
at some point they would have called it Greek, but
335
00:11:45.919 --> 00:11:47.620
the Romans are the ones who started calling the Greeks
336
00:11:47.659 --> 00:11:50.889
the Greeks based on a sub-tribe of Greeks called Greeks.
337
00:11:51.330 --> 00:11:54.769
Yeah, but... You could say the Croats exist, and they
338
00:11:54.809 --> 00:11:56.210
don't call themselves the Croats, do they?
339
00:11:56.230 --> 00:11:57.110
What do they call themselves?
340
00:11:57.149 --> 00:12:01.330
I don't know. Crovatska is the name of their country. Yeah, yeah.
341
00:12:01.769 --> 00:12:04.090
Also the Germans don't call themselves Germans.
342
00:12:04.110 --> 00:12:05.210
No, they call themselves Deutsch.
343
00:12:05.370 --> 00:12:07.769
It's basically you come in contact with the people, and
344
00:12:07.809 --> 00:12:09.730
whoever you come in contact with first, that's what you
345
00:12:09.750 --> 00:12:10.490
start calling them.
346
00:12:10.629 --> 00:12:13.879
Why are they called Germans in English, you know? Originally? Yeah.
347
00:12:13.899 --> 00:12:17.679
I don't know. The Romans called this area Germania. Yeah,
348
00:12:18.200 --> 00:12:19.960
so it's probably from Latin, isn't it? Well, I think
349
00:12:19.980 --> 00:12:22.580
that they first encountered a group of people called the Germani.
350
00:12:22.620 --> 00:12:27.419
It doesn't make any sense. I know I heard this
351
00:12:27.769 --> 00:12:30.169
at some point that there was a tribe called the Alimani.
352
00:12:30.409 --> 00:12:30.590
Yeah.
353
00:12:30.970 --> 00:12:35.309
And for some reason, Germany got associated by the French
354
00:12:35.330 --> 00:12:37.830
and the Spanish with the Alimani. Interesting.
355
00:12:37.850 --> 00:12:40.350
Interesting. I need to do some research on that. Especially
356
00:12:40.470 --> 00:12:41.750
as we speak a Germanic language.
357
00:12:41.990 --> 00:12:44.289
You squeeze all these facts into your brain and they
358
00:12:44.309 --> 00:12:46.450
just spill out. But, you know, CD Hunter will set
359
00:12:46.490 --> 00:12:46.850
us straight.
360
00:12:46.909 --> 00:12:47.669
Yeah, he knows the shit.
361
00:12:47.769 --> 00:12:49.429
For sure, he's got all of this down cold.
362
00:12:49.610 --> 00:12:50.750
You know it. Anyway, so.
363
00:12:51.730 --> 00:12:54.149
Anyway, my odyssey. Why did I buy this game? So
364
00:12:54.190 --> 00:12:56.110
I've been hearing about it for years. I've wanted to
365
00:12:56.149 --> 00:12:58.850
buy it for years. It got mentioned on the Discord
366
00:12:58.870 --> 00:13:00.529
a couple of times in the last couple of weeks.
367
00:13:00.570 --> 00:13:02.120
And I thought, I need to finally get this game.
368
00:13:02.620 --> 00:13:03.509
So I asked.
369
00:13:04.470 --> 00:13:06.269
Papa Doppelukas?
370
00:13:06.309 --> 00:13:07.149
Papa Doppelukas.
371
00:13:07.450 --> 00:13:08.750
Is that his name? Papa Lukas?
372
00:13:08.909 --> 00:13:09.429
Something like that.
373
00:13:09.460 --> 00:13:10.480
Something like that.
374
00:13:10.500 --> 00:13:10.740
Greek.
375
00:13:11.059 --> 00:13:15.940
On the Discord, clearly Greek, which is somehow not relevant
376
00:13:15.960 --> 00:13:19.710
and yet completely relevant to the story. If his store,
377
00:13:20.169 --> 00:13:22.289
rival to your store, Gamers HQ in Berlin.
378
00:13:22.309 --> 00:13:22.990
They're not rivals.
379
00:13:23.570 --> 00:13:25.269
A much better store, Gamers HQ.
380
00:13:25.330 --> 00:13:27.370
That I'm not commenting on, but they're not rivals.
381
00:13:27.509 --> 00:13:28.600
In Steglitz, Berlin.
382
00:13:28.620 --> 00:13:31.379
Funtainment is a different thing. It's more like a sort
383
00:13:31.419 --> 00:13:32.759
of fun emporium rather than.
384
00:13:32.840 --> 00:13:35.200
It's too bad you don't still work at Brettspielgeschäft, because
385
00:13:35.259 --> 00:13:38.059
then we would have an interesting debate about this. Gamers
386
00:13:38.200 --> 00:13:40.700
HQ is a very nice board game shop. It's in Steglitz,
387
00:13:40.720 --> 00:13:42.340
which is really far from where I live, so I
388
00:13:42.379 --> 00:13:44.799
hardly ever go there. But if I want to actually
389
00:13:44.840 --> 00:13:46.860
go to a game store and buy a game, that
390
00:13:46.879 --> 00:13:50.029
would be the place. So I asked Alex Papadopouloukas if
391
00:13:50.230 --> 00:13:52.639
they still had a copy of The Barracks Emperors. And
392
00:13:52.679 --> 00:13:55.000
he said he thought they still had one copy, and
393
00:13:55.059 --> 00:13:56.600
if not, he has his own copy.
394
00:13:56.679 --> 00:13:56.860
Yeah.
395
00:13:57.519 --> 00:14:01.250
So it turns out that some weeks ago, I got
396
00:14:02.230 --> 00:14:04.669
a message from the Doyen of British Gaming.
397
00:14:04.690 --> 00:14:05.230
That's right.
398
00:14:05.590 --> 00:14:05.889
Sir?
399
00:14:06.330 --> 00:14:06.529
Sir.
400
00:14:06.570 --> 00:14:07.049
Is he Sir?
401
00:14:07.990 --> 00:14:08.169
Yes.
402
00:14:08.409 --> 00:14:09.429
Did we give him a higher title?
403
00:14:09.450 --> 00:14:11.110
Oh, yes. He should get a higher title. We need
404
00:14:11.129 --> 00:14:12.350
to do that. What are we doing?
405
00:14:12.549 --> 00:14:13.769
What goes above Sir, though?
406
00:14:14.610 --> 00:14:16.490
Like, it starts with Earl or something, doesn't it? Okay.
407
00:14:16.669 --> 00:14:21.250
Sir Tony Boydell sent me a package saying, Now, because
408
00:14:21.289 --> 00:14:26.029
the UK wisely decided to leave the EU a couple
409
00:14:26.070 --> 00:14:28.570
of years ago, it turns out you can't just send
410
00:14:28.669 --> 00:14:32.950
packages pell-mell to Germany from the UK. So, you know,
411
00:14:32.970 --> 00:14:34.330
I didn't get the package. He's like, did you get
412
00:14:34.350 --> 00:14:36.049
the package? Nope, didn't get anything. I didn't get a
413
00:14:36.090 --> 00:14:40.269
delivery slip. Berlin is famous for being a difficult place
414
00:14:40.289 --> 00:14:41.149
to receive packages.
415
00:14:41.169 --> 00:14:41.789
Yeah, that's true.
416
00:14:41.879 --> 00:14:42.789
But, you know, you typically.
417
00:14:43.200 --> 00:14:45.860
Certainly not in the nightclubs, though, Steve.
418
00:14:47.419 --> 00:14:49.080
You at least get a slip, Ben.
419
00:14:49.200 --> 00:14:51.440
Yeah. Yeah, it's great.
420
00:14:51.519 --> 00:14:52.580
You at least get a slip.
421
00:14:52.779 --> 00:14:52.980
Yeah.
422
00:14:53.440 --> 00:14:55.259
Especially in the, I was trying to follow up on
423
00:14:55.279 --> 00:14:55.450
your guy.
424
00:14:55.460 --> 00:14:56.779
Yeah, slip it in. Yeah, exactly.
425
00:14:57.120 --> 00:14:57.700
I didn't get a slip.
426
00:14:57.720 --> 00:14:58.080
At the bottom.
427
00:14:58.259 --> 00:14:58.960
I didn't get the slip.
428
00:14:58.980 --> 00:14:59.309
Carry on.
429
00:14:59.460 --> 00:15:01.519
No slip. There was no slip in my box.
430
00:15:01.539 --> 00:15:03.179
Yeah, because you got my fucking game anyway.
431
00:15:03.460 --> 00:15:06.100
And I thought, okay, maybe it got held up by
432
00:15:06.360 --> 00:15:09.919
the customs office, as we call it in German, the Zollamt.
433
00:15:10.799 --> 00:15:12.980
There's a P in it.
434
00:15:13.830 --> 00:15:19.009
Zollamt. Not ampt. Zollamt. Yeah, you say Zollamt. There's no
435
00:15:19.029 --> 00:15:21.669
P in it. Zollamt. Zol amt.
436
00:15:21.990 --> 00:15:23.629
Yeah, it said zol amt.
437
00:15:23.649 --> 00:15:25.029
You put a P before the T every time.
438
00:15:25.409 --> 00:15:26.730
Does it sound like I'm saying P?
439
00:15:27.070 --> 00:15:28.129
Zol amt. Amt.
440
00:15:28.590 --> 00:15:31.409
Amt. It's actually hard to say A-M-T without kind of
441
00:15:31.470 --> 00:15:32.110
inserting a P.
442
00:15:32.190 --> 00:15:34.750
No, amt. Amt. No, you put a P in it
443
00:15:34.769 --> 00:15:35.129
every time.
444
00:15:35.350 --> 00:15:35.590
Amt.
445
00:15:36.149 --> 00:15:37.850
Yeah, you put a P in it every time. There's
446
00:15:37.889 --> 00:15:38.389
a P in it.
447
00:15:38.389 --> 00:15:39.000
How do you say it?
448
00:15:39.169 --> 00:15:42.289
Zol amt. Zol amt. No P.
449
00:15:42.529 --> 00:15:43.600
I'm not putting a P in.
450
00:15:43.620 --> 00:15:44.279
Okay, now.
451
00:15:44.399 --> 00:15:45.919
I know how zol amt is spelled.
452
00:15:45.940 --> 00:15:49.500
Fuck me, you'd cost... Zol amt. That was it. There
453
00:15:49.519 --> 00:15:50.100
was no P there.
454
00:15:50.120 --> 00:15:50.779
Zollamt.
455
00:15:51.200 --> 00:15:51.840
There was P in that one.
456
00:15:51.860 --> 00:15:53.259
It's really hard to say. All right, carry on. It's
457
00:15:53.279 --> 00:15:58.100
really hard to say. Anyway, finally, the other day, I
458
00:15:58.139 --> 00:15:59.620
got a letter from the Zollamt.
459
00:15:59.639 --> 00:16:02.980
The government, the other day, I opened and read it.
460
00:16:03.019 --> 00:16:05.769
It said they were suckers. They wanted me for the
461
00:16:05.909 --> 00:16:09.610
army or whatever. Picture me giving a damn. I said never.
462
00:16:10.070 --> 00:16:11.370
And Ben, I went on a journey.
463
00:16:11.389 --> 00:16:12.580
What was that? I.
464
00:16:13.200 --> 00:16:17.850
I went on an Odysseus-like journey to the underworld of
465
00:16:17.909 --> 00:16:18.690
Berlin bureaucracy.
466
00:16:18.710 --> 00:16:20.490
Not the one in Schöneberg.
467
00:16:20.629 --> 00:16:22.110
Yeah, on the far side of Schöneberg.
468
00:16:22.129 --> 00:16:24.340
Oh, I've been to that one a lot. Why? I
469
00:16:24.340 --> 00:16:26.919
used to order shit from America and not realize that
470
00:16:26.940 --> 00:16:28.039
I'd have to pay toll on it.
471
00:16:28.059 --> 00:16:31.009
So I traveled. It took me like an hour and
472
00:16:31.029 --> 00:16:33.899
a half to get there. It's like an hour on
473
00:16:34.080 --> 00:16:37.019
the U-Bahn, or I think S-Bahn to U-Bahn, and then
474
00:16:37.039 --> 00:16:40.230
I had to walk for 15 minutes. This is exactly
475
00:16:40.309 --> 00:16:41.990
like Odysseus going to the underworld. I had to get
476
00:16:42.029 --> 00:16:44.330
my golden bow. Does he have to get a golden bow? No,
477
00:16:44.350 --> 00:16:45.730
that's Jason in it or something. Or is it only
478
00:16:45.750 --> 00:16:46.269
in the Aeneid?
479
00:16:46.509 --> 00:16:46.889
No idea.
480
00:16:46.929 --> 00:16:48.500
Think of the Aeneid, he has to take a golden bow.
481
00:16:48.529 --> 00:16:49.759
That's how you get into the underworld.
482
00:16:49.820 --> 00:16:50.019
Okay.
483
00:16:50.799 --> 00:16:53.259
And so I go into the Zollamt. Yeah.
484
00:16:53.600 --> 00:16:53.799
Right?
485
00:16:54.159 --> 00:16:58.340
Right. And it's like, you know, typical Berlin bureaucratic office.
486
00:16:58.440 --> 00:16:59.639
It was quite polite to me, to be honest.
487
00:17:00.039 --> 00:17:01.679
Nobody was mean to me. I mean, I think this
488
00:17:01.720 --> 00:17:04.859
building was constructed in the 60s. There's like nobody there.
489
00:17:04.880 --> 00:17:05.500
Yeah, it's not pleasant.
490
00:17:05.700 --> 00:17:07.480
There's literally nobody there. There's like no one in the
491
00:17:07.500 --> 00:17:09.460
waiting room. And there are a bunch of signs that
492
00:17:09.539 --> 00:17:11.920
sort of explain in German like what you're supposed to do.
493
00:17:12.009 --> 00:17:12.769
It's very unclear.
494
00:17:12.789 --> 00:17:13.509
It's arcane, yeah.
495
00:17:13.750 --> 00:17:15.589
It's like you need to go through the white door,
496
00:17:15.630 --> 00:17:16.630
but you don't go through the white door.
497
00:17:16.650 --> 00:17:17.170
Until you're called.
498
00:17:17.430 --> 00:17:19.349
Yeah, but you have to go through the white door
499
00:17:19.430 --> 00:17:20.269
in order to get a number.
500
00:17:20.529 --> 00:17:22.329
Yes, you do. Yeah, so it goes to the little booth.
501
00:17:22.529 --> 00:17:26.910
So I went through... the white door. And, uh, actually
502
00:17:26.930 --> 00:17:28.289
I went, I had to go to a desk and
503
00:17:28.309 --> 00:17:30.190
then some guy told me, and I'm like, what do I,
504
00:17:30.369 --> 00:17:32.710
I have a package. I need to pick up my package.
505
00:17:32.730 --> 00:17:35.450
I had the letter, right? There's nobody there. Mind you, nobody.
506
00:17:35.470 --> 00:17:35.950
Right.
507
00:17:36.049 --> 00:17:37.410
I'm like, I have this letter. I'd like to pick
508
00:17:37.450 --> 00:17:38.880
up my package. And this guy's like, well, you have
509
00:17:38.900 --> 00:17:42.299
to get a number. I'm like, okay, my colleague is
510
00:17:42.339 --> 00:17:44.880
going to come out to the waiting area, to the
511
00:17:44.940 --> 00:17:46.980
desk in the waiting area and give you a number.
512
00:17:47.920 --> 00:17:51.269
So I go back out of the door. And this
513
00:17:51.329 --> 00:17:54.230
woman actually follows me through the door and goes behind
514
00:17:54.250 --> 00:17:55.829
the desk and then she gives me a number.
515
00:17:55.890 --> 00:17:56.430
Of course she does.
516
00:17:56.839 --> 00:17:57.099
Right?
517
00:17:57.519 --> 00:18:01.200
And I give her the paper and then she goes away.
518
00:18:01.220 --> 00:18:04.400
And at some point I think I probably... And you've.
519
00:18:04.299 --> 00:18:06.160
Got like a flashing screen where your number comes up.
520
00:18:06.400 --> 00:18:08.460
Yes, there's a flashing screen where the number comes up
521
00:18:08.579 --> 00:18:11.849
and they call my number. And I have to explain
522
00:18:11.890 --> 00:18:12.190
to her.
523
00:18:13.890 --> 00:18:16.289
I think before she goes away again, I had to
524
00:18:16.329 --> 00:18:19.039
explain to her what's in the package... And this is
525
00:18:19.099 --> 00:18:21.000
a way to ruin a surprise, right? And how much
526
00:18:21.160 --> 00:18:21.559
it's worth.
527
00:18:21.759 --> 00:18:21.960
Right.
528
00:18:22.259 --> 00:18:24.099
I'm like, well, it's a board game, and I don't
529
00:18:24.119 --> 00:18:25.859
know how much it's worth. It's worth nothing. It's a
530
00:18:25.880 --> 00:18:28.440
board game published in the 1980s. It's used. It's a
531
00:18:28.460 --> 00:18:30.180
gift from a friend. So she had to write all
532
00:18:30.220 --> 00:18:33.119
this down, like used, gift, blah, blah. She's like, I
533
00:18:33.160 --> 00:18:34.380
have to put a number down here. I need to
534
00:18:34.400 --> 00:18:36.049
know what it's worth. I'm like, well, I don't know.
535
00:18:36.609 --> 00:18:38.829
She's like, check eBay. I'm like sitting there on my
536
00:18:38.869 --> 00:18:41.109
phone checking eBay. Do you think there's a copy of
537
00:18:41.170 --> 00:18:43.369
History of the World first edition on eBay?
538
00:18:43.549 --> 00:18:43.730
No.
539
00:18:43.869 --> 00:18:47.990
There isn't. I call Tony up, and he answers.
540
00:18:48.029 --> 00:18:48.230
Yeah.
541
00:18:49.319 --> 00:18:52.279
I'm just like, you know, Tony, thanks for the gift.
542
00:18:52.319 --> 00:18:53.900
I had to travel a fucking hour and a half
543
00:18:53.940 --> 00:18:56.170
to South Berlin to pick up. And by the way, Tony,
544
00:18:56.230 --> 00:18:58.849
I really do appreciate the gift. And I really do
545
00:18:58.869 --> 00:19:01.190
appreciate that you answered the phone to tell me that
546
00:19:01.269 --> 00:19:04.109
you thought, well, he got the game for free.
547
00:19:04.430 --> 00:19:04.650
Right.
548
00:19:04.880 --> 00:19:06.519
In like an estate.
549
00:19:06.559 --> 00:19:07.180
Job lot, yeah.
550
00:19:07.700 --> 00:19:09.500
No, no, no, an estate. I think a friend of
551
00:19:09.539 --> 00:19:11.599
his passed away and he got the game as part
552
00:19:11.640 --> 00:19:13.559
of a large lot. And he gave me a copy
553
00:19:13.599 --> 00:19:16.289
because he already had one. So, I don't know, does
554
00:19:16.309 --> 00:19:18.490
it mean technically the game has no value, or do
555
00:19:18.509 --> 00:19:20.160
you have to assign some kind of value to it?
556
00:19:20.609 --> 00:19:22.230
So he said that he thought that if he were
557
00:19:22.269 --> 00:19:25.190
selling it, it would be worth £ 30. I thought it
558
00:19:25.210 --> 00:19:26.509
would have been great if he had said £ 5. Yes,
559
00:19:26.630 --> 00:19:29.990
of course it would. But he said £ 30, you know,
560
00:19:30.049 --> 00:19:32.450
and I have no idea if I'm being eavesdropped on
561
00:19:32.490 --> 00:19:35.930
or whatever. And I didn't really care. I figured that
562
00:19:35.950 --> 00:19:37.890
they would let me have it for free in the end.
563
00:19:37.930 --> 00:19:40.339
And I told her, he says £ 30. So she writes
564
00:19:40.359 --> 00:19:44.559
all this down. She goes back behind... whatever, wherever they go,
565
00:19:44.660 --> 00:19:49.150
wherever they go. And then they call my number and
566
00:19:49.170 --> 00:19:50.910
then I went through the door again. And I went
567
00:19:50.950 --> 00:19:53.349
to the desk. Did you have to unpack it? She
568
00:19:53.369 --> 00:19:55.130
was there again at a different desk.
569
00:19:55.210 --> 00:19:55.490
Sure.
570
00:19:55.519 --> 00:19:58.079
Same woman. Sure. She handed me a box cutter.
571
00:19:58.380 --> 00:19:58.559
Yeah.
572
00:19:58.779 --> 00:20:00.720
And she told me, you need to open this package.
573
00:20:00.740 --> 00:20:01.039
Yeah, yeah.
574
00:20:01.079 --> 00:20:03.700
She handed me a box cutter in a government office.
575
00:20:03.720 --> 00:20:06.920
So I opened the box. And I take out the game.
576
00:20:07.140 --> 00:20:09.700
And there's also an Ian Banks book that Tony got me.
577
00:20:11.029 --> 00:20:14.710
And she's like, you know, we're looking through the game components.
578
00:20:15.599 --> 00:20:17.700
And she's looking at them. And then she's like, okay,
579
00:20:17.720 --> 00:20:19.839
put everything back together. And I did. And then she
580
00:20:19.880 --> 00:20:22.019
took it and she went back to wherever they go.
581
00:20:22.119 --> 00:20:24.279
I'm like, what is she doing? She's out the back
582
00:20:24.299 --> 00:20:28.470
having a fag. Is she swabbing it? So then I
583
00:20:28.509 --> 00:20:30.769
have to go back to the waiting area and wait
584
00:20:30.829 --> 00:20:34.349
for her to buzz me in again. And eventually she does.
585
00:20:34.369 --> 00:20:35.710
I mean, it doesn't take that long. But I'm like,
586
00:20:35.970 --> 00:20:37.849
what is this for? And I go back through the
587
00:20:37.890 --> 00:20:39.869
door and back to the same desk. She's there again.
588
00:20:39.910 --> 00:20:41.910
She's like, okay, you can go. And she gives me
589
00:20:41.930 --> 00:20:44.250
the package, and then that was it. I asked to
590
00:20:44.329 --> 00:20:46.750
use the toilet, and that was down a very long,
591
00:20:46.829 --> 00:20:50.079
dark hallway with no lights. And I don't know. The
592
00:20:50.119 --> 00:20:53.200
whole thing felt like just going to the underworld and
593
00:20:53.319 --> 00:20:57.339
confronting the ineffable and then coming back out again.
594
00:20:57.400 --> 00:20:59.740
How do we then get to the Barracks Empress from there?
595
00:21:00.079 --> 00:21:07.049
So I realized that the Tzol Amt is... close enough
596
00:21:07.569 --> 00:21:10.279
to Gamers HQ that I could pay a visit.
597
00:21:10.410 --> 00:21:10.690
Nice.
598
00:21:11.039 --> 00:21:14.539
And I realized if I took the U9... You.
599
00:21:14.259 --> 00:21:20.259
Know, people love public transport chat. This is like that
600
00:21:20.279 --> 00:21:22.400
Saturday Night Live skit.
601
00:21:22.680 --> 00:21:26.319
So from here, you have to get the S40... Which
602
00:21:26.380 --> 00:21:28.910
one goes counterclockwise? S42? I think S42. I got the S42...
603
00:21:30.380 --> 00:21:35.819
from Schenhauser Allee to Westhofen, then the U9 from Westhofen
604
00:21:35.859 --> 00:21:39.539
to Bundesplatz. And then I got back on the U9,
605
00:21:39.599 --> 00:21:42.900
which I took from Bundesplatz, I think three more stops
606
00:21:42.960 --> 00:21:46.619
south to Schlossstrasse, I believe it is. Yeah, it is.
607
00:21:46.700 --> 00:21:48.789
And then it's like a 10-minute walk or so to
608
00:21:48.809 --> 00:21:51.349
Gamers HQ. And I got there with like 10 minutes
609
00:21:51.410 --> 00:21:56.650
to spare. Alex wasn't there, but his colleague very helpfully
610
00:21:56.690 --> 00:21:59.450
directed me to their one remaining copy that they did
611
00:21:59.490 --> 00:22:02.630
in fact have of the barracks emperors. And then I
612
00:22:02.670 --> 00:22:06.220
decided to take like a very long circuitous route home
613
00:22:06.660 --> 00:22:09.019
because I was listening to an audio book.
614
00:22:09.099 --> 00:22:09.299
Yeah.
615
00:22:09.539 --> 00:22:12.220
So instead of taking the, the U nine back to
616
00:22:12.259 --> 00:22:15.589
Vesthaven and then the S 41 in this case, I
617
00:22:15.710 --> 00:22:19.390
took the, I took the M 86 bus all the
618
00:22:19.410 --> 00:22:20.390
way to Potsdam or plots.
619
00:22:20.529 --> 00:22:21.430
I prefer taking the bus.
620
00:22:21.470 --> 00:22:23.329
I had a, I had a, yeah, I wanted to take,
621
00:22:23.349 --> 00:22:25.119
I wanted to be like out and see things, you
622
00:22:25.130 --> 00:22:25.460
know what I mean?
623
00:22:25.470 --> 00:22:25.839
Exactly.
624
00:22:25.880 --> 00:22:27.380
And I wasn't in a rush. I got out of
625
00:22:27.400 --> 00:22:29.460
Potsdamer Platz and I had a beer at the Curb
626
00:22:29.480 --> 00:22:30.640
Food Court. Have you been there before?
627
00:22:30.759 --> 00:22:30.900
No.
628
00:22:31.329 --> 00:22:33.690
They've got like a Berliner Berg thing there.
629
00:22:33.769 --> 00:22:35.609
It's nice to just stop and have a random beer.
630
00:22:35.930 --> 00:22:38.109
I had a beer and I had a snack because
631
00:22:38.130 --> 00:22:41.650
they have the food court. And then I actually walked
632
00:22:42.390 --> 00:22:46.009
all the way to, I think, Rosenthaler Platz. And then
633
00:22:46.029 --> 00:22:48.940
I took the U-Aucht to Bernauer Straße and then I
634
00:22:49.000 --> 00:22:50.200
walked the rest of the way home from there.
635
00:22:50.819 --> 00:22:52.279
So, who's going to win this game then?
636
00:22:52.380 --> 00:22:54.329
This was my odyssey, Ben.
637
00:22:54.509 --> 00:22:57.769
Yeah, incredible. It's an incredible story of the minutiae of
638
00:22:57.809 --> 00:22:58.329
modern life.
639
00:22:58.349 --> 00:23:01.829
Now, according to the Discord dickheads, this game is best
640
00:23:01.910 --> 00:23:04.170
played at either 2, 3, or 4.
641
00:23:04.170 --> 00:23:04.519
Okay.
642
00:23:04.640 --> 00:23:07.279
And it's also a terrible game at 2 and 3.
643
00:23:07.279 --> 00:23:07.539
Right.
644
00:23:07.960 --> 00:23:10.329
So we're going to play it at 4. And maybe
645
00:23:10.369 --> 00:23:12.450
some other time, if we ever play it again, we'll
646
00:23:12.470 --> 00:23:13.849
try out two or three.
647
00:23:14.230 --> 00:23:15.619
Excellent. So who's going to win?
648
00:23:15.650 --> 00:23:16.130
Who's going to win?
649
00:23:16.170 --> 00:23:16.630
Who's going to win?
650
00:23:16.900 --> 00:23:19.420
Well, it's a trick-taking game. Yeah.
651
00:23:19.500 --> 00:23:21.200
And we all know I'm best at trick-taking games because
652
00:23:21.240 --> 00:23:22.460
I'm common as muck. Exactly.
653
00:23:22.500 --> 00:23:26.779
You're always claiming that your working class background gives you
654
00:23:26.839 --> 00:23:28.329
some kind of edge in trick-taking games.
655
00:23:28.349 --> 00:23:28.829
Yeah, it does, yeah.
656
00:23:28.960 --> 00:23:31.970
However, this being a Roman-themed game, I believe that I
657
00:23:32.029 --> 00:23:34.210
have an edge for thematic reasons.
658
00:23:34.829 --> 00:23:34.970
So.
659
00:23:35.869 --> 00:23:38.130
I think probably one of the other two players is
660
00:23:38.150 --> 00:23:38.549
going to win.
661
00:23:38.750 --> 00:23:39.150
All right.
662
00:23:39.230 --> 00:23:42.789
Well, after that incredibly exciting story. I'm sorry.
663
00:23:42.809 --> 00:23:43.109
I'm sorry.
664
00:23:43.130 --> 00:23:46.190
Would you rather hear me retell that story again, but
665
00:23:46.259 --> 00:23:49.599
let's say twice as long, or would you rather re-watch
666
00:23:49.640 --> 00:23:50.819
Christopher Nolan's Odyssey?
667
00:23:51.019 --> 00:23:53.740
Oh. So, listeners, we're going to go away and listen
668
00:23:53.759 --> 00:23:58.059
to Steve's story. You can listen to the rest of
669
00:23:58.099 --> 00:24:01.240
this show and hundreds of hours of bonus content, including
670
00:24:01.289 --> 00:24:07.750
convention reports, in-game bickering and loads more at patreon.com forward
671
00:24:07.789 --> 00:24:08.609
slash 5G4D.
1
00:00:03.250 --> 00:00:10.029
Battle Report! With Ben and Steve. Alright, so explain to
2
00:00:10.070 --> 00:00:11.750
me then why the Romans are better than the Greeks.
3
00:00:12.470 --> 00:00:13.269
Oh, we're going to do this?
4
00:00:13.410 --> 00:00:14.390
Yeah, I want to fucking know.
5
00:00:14.529 --> 00:00:16.829
I don't think the Romans are better than the Greeks.
6
00:00:16.850 --> 00:00:17.149
Yeah, you do.
7
00:00:17.190 --> 00:00:18.489
You said the best empire was the Roman Empire.
8
00:00:18.510 --> 00:00:20.879
Yeah, and you said the Greek Empire is better.
9
00:00:21.109 --> 00:00:22.019
The Attic Empire.
10
00:00:22.050 --> 00:00:22.879
Which Greek Empire?
11
00:00:22.899 --> 00:00:23.660
The Attic Empire.
12
00:00:23.679 --> 00:00:26.000
There was no such empire called the Attic Empire.
13
00:00:26.019 --> 00:00:27.100
Yeah, well, it wasn't very big.
14
00:00:27.399 --> 00:00:30.199
There was the Athenian League. There was the Second Athenian League.
15
00:00:30.260 --> 00:00:30.440
Yeah.
16
00:00:30.820 --> 00:00:32.320
There was... So, I.
17
00:00:32.679 --> 00:00:34.380
Listened to a fucking podcast, mate.
18
00:00:34.600 --> 00:00:34.740
Yeah.
19
00:00:34.759 --> 00:00:36.259
Oh, have you fucking known? Oh, really?
20
00:00:36.299 --> 00:00:37.420
The Attic Empire.
21
00:00:38.039 --> 00:00:38.280
No.
22
00:00:38.340 --> 00:00:40.679
It was called the Attic Empire. Was it in Attica?
23
00:00:40.939 --> 00:00:44.770
They were talking about... Attica! Attica! Attica!
24
00:00:45.009 --> 00:00:45.380
Like that?
25
00:00:45.649 --> 00:00:45.920
Yeah.
26
00:00:46.409 --> 00:00:49.670
That was for you fucking people who don't know what
27
00:00:49.689 --> 00:00:53.450
the fuck Raymond Carver means. That was Dog Day Afternoon.
28
00:00:54.369 --> 00:00:56.409
Fucking old people who listen to this podcast will know
29
00:00:56.450 --> 00:00:57.009
that reference.
30
00:00:57.820 --> 00:01:01.159
So I was listening to a podcast about the Athenian League. Right.
31
00:01:01.189 --> 00:01:04.849
And they were saying, should we actually reframe the Athenian
32
00:01:04.909 --> 00:01:07.549
League as the Athenian Empire? Because they had all these
33
00:01:07.590 --> 00:01:08.269
vassal states.
34
00:01:09.069 --> 00:01:09.549
You know, I.
35
00:01:09.569 --> 00:01:10.950
That was what they were talking about.
36
00:01:10.969 --> 00:01:13.549
I don't think so. I mean, like, what for?
37
00:01:14.939 --> 00:01:15.379
Modern.
38
00:01:15.519 --> 00:01:18.680
Like an empire that consisted of a bunch of islands?
39
00:01:18.739 --> 00:01:20.060
So modern academics?
40
00:01:20.500 --> 00:01:20.900
Okay, so.
41
00:01:20.920 --> 00:01:23.439
So modern academics can say it was bad? Because that's
42
00:01:23.459 --> 00:01:24.500
what modern academia is?
43
00:01:24.540 --> 00:01:28.739
Listen, you inveterately contrary fucking asshole. I will accept the
44
00:01:28.780 --> 00:01:30.879
premise that the Greeks are better than the Romans. I
45
00:01:30.900 --> 00:01:32.659
think even the Romans would admit that the Greeks were
46
00:01:32.680 --> 00:01:33.140
better than the Romans.
47
00:01:33.159 --> 00:01:33.900
Well, they ate them, didn't they?
48
00:01:34.959 --> 00:01:36.250
Yeah, for sure. Stole their gods.
49
00:01:36.510 --> 00:01:41.870
Stole their fucking philosophy. Stole their fucking jugs with cocks
50
00:01:41.930 --> 00:01:44.750
on them. The Herms? Is that what they're called?
51
00:01:45.060 --> 00:01:45.799
The cocks, I think.
52
00:01:46.359 --> 00:01:46.739
Oh. So.
53
00:01:47.640 --> 00:01:50.000
Um, and I would also accept if someone wanted to
54
00:01:50.060 --> 00:01:51.650
argue that the Romans are better than the Greeks and
55
00:01:51.670 --> 00:01:53.590
they have their own reasoning for it. But if you
56
00:01:53.629 --> 00:01:55.670
say something like the Greek empire, or even if you
57
00:01:55.689 --> 00:01:57.870
want to call it the second Athenian league or the ad,
58
00:01:57.890 --> 00:01:59.129
whatever the fuck you're calling it.
59
00:01:59.150 --> 00:02:01.969
I like to call the Athenian league, the Athenian empire.
60
00:02:02.450 --> 00:02:05.659
I don't think it's plausible to say that the, the
61
00:02:05.719 --> 00:02:07.859
second Athenian empire, is that what we're talking about now?
62
00:02:08.039 --> 00:02:09.199
Athenian league. Yeah.
63
00:02:09.280 --> 00:02:11.719
That this was better in any way than the Roman empire.
64
00:02:11.759 --> 00:02:13.080
What's your criteria then?
65
00:02:13.300 --> 00:02:15.219
What are yours? I'm sorry. Why is the burden of
66
00:02:15.240 --> 00:02:15.780
proof on me?
67
00:02:15.840 --> 00:02:18.909
Philosophy. I don't think they.
68
00:02:18.849 --> 00:02:22.150
Had a lot of philosophy in the second Athenian empire.
69
00:02:23.250 --> 00:02:25.610
Except the strong do what they can, the weak suffer
70
00:02:25.629 --> 00:02:26.090
what they must.
71
00:02:26.129 --> 00:02:26.710
Yeah, right.
72
00:02:27.449 --> 00:02:30.389
That was actually the Peloponnesian War, wasn't it?
73
00:02:30.469 --> 00:02:31.469
Fucking Thermopylae.
74
00:02:32.889 --> 00:02:33.729
That's the Persian War.
75
00:02:34.129 --> 00:02:38.509
Yeah? Oh, Spartans weren't Greek. Oh, no true Spartan. Is
76
00:02:38.530 --> 00:02:39.750
that what you're trying to fucking tell me?
77
00:02:39.780 --> 00:02:42.500
The Spartans certainly weren't part of the second Athenian empire,
78
00:02:42.520 --> 00:02:43.460
or whatever you want to call it.
79
00:02:43.460 --> 00:02:44.219
I don't care, though.
80
00:02:45.259 --> 00:02:49.250
Okay, so because you recently listened to a podcast about
81
00:02:49.280 --> 00:02:51.289
the subject, that's why they're better.
82
00:02:51.349 --> 00:02:53.389
I don't remember much about it, really, to be honest.
83
00:02:53.590 --> 00:02:55.509
Okay, well, do you know anything about the premise of
84
00:02:55.530 --> 00:02:56.889
the game that we have laid out before us?
85
00:02:56.889 --> 00:02:58.069
So what game are we playing, Stephen?
86
00:02:58.229 --> 00:03:02.569
We are playing the game The Barracks Emperors. I'm going
87
00:03:02.590 --> 00:03:04.330
to try that again. I'm going to try that again.
88
00:03:04.590 --> 00:03:07.289
We are playing The Barracks Emperors.
89
00:03:07.330 --> 00:03:10.560
So the point is... The point is, I don't need
90
00:03:10.580 --> 00:03:11.460
to ask you that question.
91
00:03:12.020 --> 00:03:12.199
Why?
92
00:03:12.259 --> 00:03:15.400
Because when the episode comes out, I mean, with various
93
00:03:15.500 --> 00:03:17.039
punctuation errors and spacing.
94
00:03:17.180 --> 00:03:20.560
Right. How many apostrophes are you going to put unnecessarily into.
95
00:03:20.460 --> 00:03:21.400
The title of this game? All of them.
96
00:03:21.599 --> 00:03:24.819
Right. Apostrophe S, apostrophe.
97
00:03:27.020 --> 00:03:31.000
Hyphen, emperors, period. S, apostrophe S.
98
00:03:31.340 --> 00:03:32.909
How about duh instead of the?
99
00:03:33.050 --> 00:03:37.719
Like the emperor's new clothes. Right. S apostrophe S. Right.
100
00:03:37.840 --> 00:03:39.139
New clothes. Right.
101
00:03:39.719 --> 00:03:40.580
Yep.
102
00:03:40.719 --> 00:03:45.699
Exactly. I assume, what with you being an insufferable nerd.
103
00:03:45.840 --> 00:03:46.080
Right.
104
00:03:46.960 --> 00:03:49.060
I don't just mean a nerd. I don't mean here
105
00:03:49.099 --> 00:03:50.370
that nerds are insufferable.
106
00:03:50.729 --> 00:03:51.430
I mean, it's pretty like.
107
00:03:51.449 --> 00:03:53.449
But there is a type of nerd that is insufferable.
108
00:03:53.509 --> 00:03:57.110
It's pretty insufferably nerdy to actually want to argue about
109
00:03:57.169 --> 00:03:58.990
which of the ancient empires was best.
110
00:03:59.250 --> 00:04:01.250
Yeah, because it was obviously Greece. Why would you argue?
111
00:04:01.840 --> 00:04:03.770
I mean, I just don't really consider this an empire.
112
00:04:03.789 --> 00:04:05.370
Gladiators versus Aristophanes.
113
00:04:05.430 --> 00:04:07.530
It was a bunch of fucking islands attached to Athens
114
00:04:07.550 --> 00:04:09.229
for a brief period of time.
115
00:04:09.610 --> 00:04:10.009
Aristophanes.
116
00:04:10.030 --> 00:04:13.229
Before the Romans fucking destroyed them. Actually, before the Macedonians
117
00:04:13.270 --> 00:04:15.310
destroyed them, and then the Romans destroyed them.
118
00:04:15.449 --> 00:04:17.670
Which Romans fucking wrote the Frogs?
119
00:04:19.329 --> 00:04:22.509
So your basis for calling the Greeks better than the
120
00:04:22.550 --> 00:04:26.709
Romans are the cultural achievements of the Greeks during the
121
00:04:26.750 --> 00:04:27.610
classical period.
122
00:04:27.629 --> 00:04:28.589
Have you read the Frogs?
123
00:04:29.269 --> 00:04:30.160
Probably a long time ago.
124
00:04:30.180 --> 00:04:31.040
Oh, yeah? What's it about?
125
00:04:31.079 --> 00:04:33.720
Caxa, caxa, cax. Caxa, caxa, cax.
126
00:04:33.959 --> 00:04:34.769
That's the birds, is it?
127
00:04:35.459 --> 00:04:36.660
No, I think that's the frogs.
128
00:04:37.160 --> 00:04:39.680
Who's the main character in the frogs?
129
00:04:39.779 --> 00:04:41.399
I don't remember. Who's the main character? I didn't just
130
00:04:41.420 --> 00:04:42.240
listen to the podcast.
131
00:04:42.259 --> 00:04:44.730
Fucking Diana. I didn't. I studied at fucking university, you
132
00:04:44.769 --> 00:04:45.430
cheeky fuck.
133
00:04:45.529 --> 00:04:46.829
Who's the main character in The Clouds?
134
00:04:47.769 --> 00:04:48.310
Bob Johnson.
135
00:04:48.449 --> 00:04:51.069
Good, good, very good. What else did you study in university?
136
00:04:52.129 --> 00:04:55.800
Prancing around. A lot of drinking. A lot of drinking. Yeah.
137
00:04:55.920 --> 00:04:57.240
In my last year of university.
138
00:04:57.339 --> 00:04:59.480
Did you cut your wine the way the Greeks did?
139
00:04:59.779 --> 00:05:02.120
No. I don't know the Romans.
140
00:05:02.420 --> 00:05:03.879
The Romans cut, they probably did as well.
141
00:05:03.899 --> 00:05:04.879
I'm like Polyphemus, man.
142
00:05:05.319 --> 00:05:07.490
I think the Romans probably cut their wine as well,
143
00:05:07.529 --> 00:05:08.790
but they would have, I think the Greeks and the
144
00:05:08.870 --> 00:05:12.310
Romans probably drank wine a little bit like Glühwein.
145
00:05:12.810 --> 00:05:12.990
Yeah.
146
00:05:13.069 --> 00:05:15.189
But I don't think they heated it up. Like they
147
00:05:15.209 --> 00:05:16.230
put herbs and shit in it.
148
00:05:16.410 --> 00:05:17.370
Well, in a short story.
149
00:05:17.389 --> 00:05:17.990
Spices in that.
150
00:05:18.029 --> 00:05:21.350
In a short story I wrote. Where the lead character
151
00:05:21.569 --> 00:05:22.509
is Pythagoras.
152
00:05:22.870 --> 00:05:23.110
Right.
153
00:05:23.269 --> 00:05:23.949
As a young man.
154
00:05:24.310 --> 00:05:25.029
I remember this one.
155
00:05:25.149 --> 00:05:28.829
He drinks a lot of undiluted wine because he's so
156
00:05:28.879 --> 00:05:29.629
desperate to get pissed.
157
00:05:30.120 --> 00:05:32.139
Pythagoras. Was he from Sicily?
158
00:05:32.160 --> 00:05:34.540
He was from Samos, yeah.
159
00:05:34.560 --> 00:05:35.879
Samos is different from Sicily.
160
00:05:37.040 --> 00:05:38.560
Well, it's... Who's the guy.
161
00:05:38.579 --> 00:05:41.180
It's in Italy, isn't it? Who's the guy with the... Samos?
162
00:05:41.459 --> 00:05:41.920
Samos, yeah.
163
00:05:41.939 --> 00:05:44.060
It's like an island in the Aegean, isn't it? Ancient
164
00:05:44.100 --> 00:05:47.000
Samos was Italy. I think Samos is an island.
165
00:05:47.019 --> 00:05:48.050
Fucking vamp. Vamp.
166
00:05:48.250 --> 00:05:49.610
I'm pretty sure Samos is an island in the Aegean.
167
00:05:49.629 --> 00:05:51.009
I haven't got my phone with me.
168
00:05:51.009 --> 00:05:52.389
You want to look up where Samos was?
169
00:05:52.410 --> 00:05:56.550
Yeah. So Steve's getting his phone out there. Oh, his
170
00:05:56.610 --> 00:06:01.120
wallpaper is a fucking picture of a man in a speedo.
171
00:06:01.139 --> 00:06:06.980
Yeah, let's see. Samos, Greece, as I said, is an
172
00:06:07.100 --> 00:06:07.920
island in the Aegean.
173
00:06:07.959 --> 00:06:11.810
Samos, ancient Greece. Yeah, yeah. It's not Samos, Greece. Samos,
174
00:06:11.870 --> 00:06:12.170
ancient Greece.
175
00:06:12.189 --> 00:06:13.009
It's the same thing.
176
00:06:13.089 --> 00:06:16.389
It's not. It is. Where was Pythagoras from? Type that
177
00:06:16.430 --> 00:06:18.589
into fucking, don't look at Google Maps.
178
00:06:18.910 --> 00:06:19.810
Hang on a second here.
179
00:06:19.930 --> 00:06:21.329
Fucking Lake America.
180
00:06:21.360 --> 00:06:25.620
You're going to love this. So where was Pythagoras from?
181
00:06:28.120 --> 00:06:31.180
Pythagoras, he was born on the island of Samos off
182
00:06:31.199 --> 00:06:35.620
the coast of what's now Turkey around 570 BC. He
183
00:06:35.660 --> 00:06:38.519
later emigrated to CROH Tun in southern Italy.
184
00:06:38.959 --> 00:06:41.740
Where he founded his famous school. So C-R-O-H, ton.
185
00:06:43.860 --> 00:06:46.449
So I got mixed up. He went there, though. We
186
00:06:46.470 --> 00:06:47.990
were both right. He did his work in Italy.
187
00:06:48.209 --> 00:06:48.930
We were both right.
188
00:06:48.990 --> 00:06:49.149
Yeah.
189
00:06:49.290 --> 00:06:53.329
Because I remember Pythagoras being from Italy or Sicily. You
190
00:06:53.350 --> 00:06:56.069
said Samos. So he's from Samos, which is actually in Greece,
191
00:06:56.089 --> 00:06:57.800
but he did spend time in Italy. But I was
192
00:06:57.839 --> 00:07:01.920
also thinking of the guy who discovered buoyancy and did
193
00:07:02.139 --> 00:07:04.240
the Archimedes and the lever and the screw.
194
00:07:04.300 --> 00:07:05.699
He was from Athens, wasn't he?
195
00:07:06.490 --> 00:07:07.490
No, he was from Sicily.
196
00:07:07.769 --> 00:07:09.790
All right. Okay. Anyway, so what are we playing, Stephen?
197
00:07:09.810 --> 00:07:12.509
He lived in Syracuse under the Emperor Dionysus.
198
00:07:13.410 --> 00:07:13.689
Really?
199
00:07:13.990 --> 00:07:17.810
He used to put people into a bronze cow and
200
00:07:17.829 --> 00:07:19.970
then light a fire under the cow. I like that one.
201
00:07:20.170 --> 00:07:21.329
I like the ancient torches.
202
00:07:21.750 --> 00:07:21.990
Anyway.
203
00:07:22.149 --> 00:07:24.649
Just so he could hear them screaming. Wait a second.
204
00:07:24.689 --> 00:07:26.920
The music's gone out. They probably can't hear it, but
205
00:07:26.939 --> 00:07:27.620
we need to hear it.
206
00:07:27.649 --> 00:07:28.620
We need to hear it. It's ween.
207
00:07:28.720 --> 00:07:29.519
For inspiration.
208
00:07:30.300 --> 00:07:30.500
All right.
209
00:07:30.519 --> 00:07:30.959
There we go.
210
00:07:31.060 --> 00:07:31.519
Oh, I don't want.
211
00:07:31.759 --> 00:07:32.819
Sam doesn't like this song.
212
00:07:33.319 --> 00:07:33.500
Why?
213
00:07:33.519 --> 00:07:35.379
I don't know. She thinks it's childish.
214
00:07:35.879 --> 00:07:38.189
It is childish, deliberately so. It's sung by a child.
215
00:07:38.250 --> 00:07:40.350
I'm dancing in the show tonight. Yeah, it's sung by
216
00:07:40.370 --> 00:07:46.410
a child. Anyway, so we're playing the barracks emperors.
217
00:07:46.610 --> 00:07:49.009
All right. Can you give us a brief, and I
218
00:07:49.050 --> 00:07:52.430
mean fucking brief, treatise on the state of the Roman
219
00:07:52.490 --> 00:07:53.709
Empire when this game is set?
220
00:07:55.649 --> 00:07:59.000
The Roman Empire was beginning to fall apart and fragment.
221
00:07:59.060 --> 00:08:00.060
What century are we talking?
222
00:08:00.759 --> 00:08:04.420
This is the second to... Fourth century, I guess.
223
00:08:04.480 --> 00:08:05.540
It's like Diocletian time.
224
00:08:05.800 --> 00:08:09.439
There's Diocletian on the board right there. He lasted particularly long.
225
00:08:09.519 --> 00:08:12.579
He gave up his own emperorship. I think he built
226
00:08:12.899 --> 00:08:15.339
the largest of the famous Roman baths in the city
227
00:08:15.379 --> 00:08:15.779
of Rome.
228
00:08:16.879 --> 00:08:17.800
Who built the ones in Bath?
229
00:08:17.819 --> 00:08:18.699
And I suppose he.
230
00:08:19.279 --> 00:08:21.480
Pardon? Who built the ones in Bath?
231
00:08:21.819 --> 00:08:22.220
I don't know.
232
00:08:22.459 --> 00:08:23.060
Hadrian, probably.
233
00:08:23.399 --> 00:08:25.000
I don't know. You think Hadrian?
234
00:08:25.600 --> 00:08:27.680
Well, he was the guy in Britain, wasn't he? No.
235
00:08:27.699 --> 00:08:28.990
Oh, because of the wall.
236
00:08:29.050 --> 00:08:29.459
Yeah.
237
00:08:29.490 --> 00:08:30.519
Did he go to Britain, though?
238
00:08:30.670 --> 00:08:30.750
Yeah.
239
00:08:30.759 --> 00:08:31.810
I don't know if he went there personally.
240
00:08:31.829 --> 00:08:33.700
He built the wall personally. Okay.
241
00:08:34.100 --> 00:08:38.269
Anyway, Diocletian, also famous for building Diocletian's Palace. I don't
242
00:08:38.289 --> 00:08:39.850
think they called it Diocletian's Palace.
243
00:08:39.870 --> 00:08:42.889
I bet they did. They were arrogant cunts, those Romans.
244
00:08:43.830 --> 00:08:46.529
In what is now Croatia, and has become the center
245
00:08:46.570 --> 00:08:49.549
of the city of Split, which is what I wish
246
00:08:49.570 --> 00:08:51.320
you would do sometimes when you're annoying.
247
00:08:51.360 --> 00:08:52.860
You don't want to take your fucking milk there when
248
00:08:52.879 --> 00:08:55.299
you're making fucking whipped cream, do you?
249
00:08:55.759 --> 00:08:59.159
Definitely not. Very good, very good. Cooking jokes. Or baking jokes?
250
00:08:59.200 --> 00:08:59.799
Baking jokes?
251
00:09:00.539 --> 00:09:03.250
Well, it depends where the whipped cream's going. On my
252
00:09:03.279 --> 00:09:03.679
nip plates.
253
00:09:03.730 --> 00:09:07.309
Anyway, I wouldn't say that I know this period particularly well.
254
00:09:07.370 --> 00:09:09.830
It just, it so happens that there were like a
255
00:09:09.909 --> 00:09:12.370
series of emperors, some of whom lasted a few years,
256
00:09:12.389 --> 00:09:13.769
some of them only a few months. And it was
257
00:09:13.789 --> 00:09:17.029
just like one after another. And most of them were
258
00:09:17.090 --> 00:09:20.259
generals and they would win battles. And either like their
259
00:09:20.299 --> 00:09:22.480
soldiers would declare them emperor, then they would murder them
260
00:09:22.559 --> 00:09:23.919
or the Praetorian Guard would murder them.
261
00:09:24.000 --> 00:09:26.120
And they were getting invaded by Robert Smith and that
262
00:09:26.159 --> 00:09:27.299
a lot, right? Yeah.
263
00:09:27.559 --> 00:09:27.759
What?
264
00:09:28.080 --> 00:09:29.500
They were getting invaded by Robert Smith a lot.
265
00:09:30.000 --> 00:09:30.799
Robert Smith?
266
00:09:30.840 --> 00:09:31.019
Yeah.
267
00:09:31.620 --> 00:09:32.360
Who's Robert Smith?
268
00:09:32.379 --> 00:09:33.179
The lead singer of The Cure.
269
00:09:33.639 --> 00:09:34.340
I don't get the joke.
270
00:09:34.559 --> 00:09:40.179
Like the Goths were coming in and... Allah, Steve. Like
271
00:09:40.200 --> 00:09:43.019
Sisters of Mercy were fucking knocking on the gates of
272
00:09:43.059 --> 00:09:43.519
Rome and that.
273
00:09:43.759 --> 00:09:45.220
I knew I was walking into something.
274
00:09:45.799 --> 00:09:46.679
It's good, though. That's good.
275
00:09:46.700 --> 00:09:47.059
That's good.
276
00:09:47.120 --> 00:09:47.340
Yes.
277
00:09:47.399 --> 00:09:52.250
Yes, indeed. The barbarians were at the proverbial gates.
278
00:09:52.370 --> 00:09:53.350
So when you.
279
00:09:54.639 --> 00:09:57.909
Until Constantine, I think, stabilized things a bit for a while.
280
00:09:57.950 --> 00:10:00.610
So barbarians are named after the way they speak.
281
00:10:00.389 --> 00:10:03.070
By the greeks your favorite empire.
282
00:10:03.559 --> 00:10:06.500
When you listen to like regional british accents is that
283
00:10:06.519 --> 00:10:09.159
what you think yeah yeah yeah basically yes yeah like
284
00:10:09.179 --> 00:10:11.860
that one time yeah When I called up the farm
285
00:10:11.879 --> 00:10:12.259
that we were.
286
00:10:12.200 --> 00:10:12.460
Going to sell.
287
00:10:12.480 --> 00:10:14.230
Right, and you couldn't understand a fucking word he was saying.
288
00:10:14.250 --> 00:10:15.129
That was Northumbrian.
289
00:10:15.269 --> 00:10:15.429
Yeah.
290
00:10:15.450 --> 00:10:17.169
It's like, all right, we're going to come around.
291
00:10:17.190 --> 00:10:18.570
Well, how much is that going to cost?
292
00:10:18.590 --> 00:10:19.210
Oh, I don't care.
293
00:10:19.230 --> 00:10:20.549
Go down to the pub and get your shit to say.
294
00:10:26.049 --> 00:10:26.970
Then I had to hand you the phone.
295
00:10:26.990 --> 00:10:29.269
You had to hand me the phone. Indeed. You couldn't
296
00:10:29.309 --> 00:10:30.210
understand the British.
297
00:10:30.350 --> 00:10:31.960
What a fucking word.
298
00:10:32.009 --> 00:10:34.360
So, why have you bought this game? Because you bought
299
00:10:34.399 --> 00:10:36.379
this game over this weekend. I did.
300
00:10:37.019 --> 00:10:38.620
Okay, so I'm going to tell you a little bit
301
00:10:38.639 --> 00:10:39.120
of a story.
302
00:10:39.200 --> 00:10:39.450
Okay.
303
00:10:39.470 --> 00:10:41.850
Because this is sort of like my odyssey. You know
304
00:10:41.889 --> 00:10:43.610
that shit movie that came out recently?
305
00:10:43.629 --> 00:10:43.710
Yeah.
306
00:10:44.220 --> 00:10:45.200
Based on... Reading the.
307
00:10:45.159 --> 00:10:46.799
Odyssey at the moment, the more I read, the more
308
00:10:46.820 --> 00:10:49.639
I realize that Nolan's film is a bag of shitey white.
309
00:10:49.720 --> 00:10:50.039
Really not.
310
00:10:50.059 --> 00:10:53.419
This is going to be controversial, I think, on the Patreon.
311
00:10:53.620 --> 00:10:54.960
Not the Patreon, the Discord.
312
00:10:55.139 --> 00:10:55.279
Yeah.
313
00:10:55.379 --> 00:10:57.919
Or maybe not. I mean, I think actually... We're an
314
00:10:58.139 --> 00:11:01.519
educated bunch. Yeah, the Discord dickheads have taste.
315
00:11:01.740 --> 00:11:02.840
Don't know who Raymond Carver is.
316
00:11:03.440 --> 00:11:05.700
I assume many of them have heard of Homer. He's
317
00:11:05.759 --> 00:11:08.419
one of the most famous of your favorite group of
318
00:11:08.490 --> 00:11:11.269
people's epic poets. Although I don't know if it's really
319
00:11:11.909 --> 00:11:15.009
appropriate to call him Greek. But nevertheless, I went on
320
00:11:15.049 --> 00:11:16.669
my own odyssey.
321
00:11:17.860 --> 00:11:18.620
You wouldn't call him Greek?
322
00:11:21.159 --> 00:11:22.399
I don't think. I don't know.
323
00:11:22.659 --> 00:11:23.799
He wrote in Greek, though, didn't he?
324
00:11:24.940 --> 00:11:29.179
Well, did he exist? Homeric Greek itself is a kind
325
00:11:29.220 --> 00:11:31.639
of poetic, synthetic language.
326
00:11:31.789 --> 00:11:33.669
So you think it's an amalgam of different writers?
327
00:11:33.889 --> 00:11:35.570
I mean, we call it Greek. I don't think they
328
00:11:35.590 --> 00:11:36.190
called it Greek.
329
00:11:36.389 --> 00:11:37.350
They called it Helene.
330
00:11:37.909 --> 00:11:39.789
Yeah, probably. Or Achaean.
331
00:11:40.090 --> 00:11:41.009
Yeah, maybe. Maybe.
332
00:11:41.029 --> 00:11:42.429
I'm not even sure. I'm not even sure. I don't
333
00:11:42.450 --> 00:11:44.379
remember exactly. what they would have called it. I mean,
334
00:11:44.399 --> 00:11:45.899
at some point they would have called it Greek, but
335
00:11:45.919 --> 00:11:47.620
the Romans are the ones who started calling the Greeks
336
00:11:47.659 --> 00:11:50.889
the Greeks based on a sub-tribe of Greeks called Greeks.
337
00:11:51.330 --> 00:11:54.769
Yeah, but... You could say the Croats exist, and they
338
00:11:54.809 --> 00:11:56.210
don't call themselves the Croats, do they?
339
00:11:56.230 --> 00:11:57.110
What do they call themselves?
340
00:11:57.149 --> 00:12:01.330
I don't know. Crovatska is the name of their country. Yeah, yeah.
341
00:12:01.769 --> 00:12:04.090
Also the Germans don't call themselves Germans.
342
00:12:04.110 --> 00:12:05.210
No, they call themselves Deutsch.
343
00:12:05.370 --> 00:12:07.769
It's basically you come in contact with the people, and
344
00:12:07.809 --> 00:12:09.730
whoever you come in contact with first, that's what you
345
00:12:09.750 --> 00:12:10.490
start calling them.
346
00:12:10.629 --> 00:12:13.879
Why are they called Germans in English, you know? Originally? Yeah.
347
00:12:13.899 --> 00:12:17.679
I don't know. The Romans called this area Germania. Yeah,
348
00:12:18.200 --> 00:12:19.960
so it's probably from Latin, isn't it? Well, I think
349
00:12:19.980 --> 00:12:22.580
that they first encountered a group of people called the Germani.
350
00:12:22.620 --> 00:12:27.419
It doesn't make any sense. I know I heard this
351
00:12:27.769 --> 00:12:30.169
at some point that there was a tribe called the Alimani.
352
00:12:30.409 --> 00:12:30.590
Yeah.
353
00:12:30.970 --> 00:12:35.309
And for some reason, Germany got associated by the French
354
00:12:35.330 --> 00:12:37.830
and the Spanish with the Alimani. Interesting.
355
00:12:37.850 --> 00:12:40.350
Interesting. I need to do some research on that. Especially
356
00:12:40.470 --> 00:12:41.750
as we speak a Germanic language.
357
00:12:41.990 --> 00:12:44.289
You squeeze all these facts into your brain and they
358
00:12:44.309 --> 00:12:46.450
just spill out. But, you know, CD Hunter will set
359
00:12:46.490 --> 00:12:46.850
us straight.
360
00:12:46.909 --> 00:12:47.669
Yeah, he knows the shit.
361
00:12:47.769 --> 00:12:49.429
For sure, he's got all of this down cold.
362
00:12:49.610 --> 00:12:50.750
You know it. Anyway, so.
363
00:12:51.730 --> 00:12:54.149
Anyway, my odyssey. Why did I buy this game? So
364
00:12:54.190 --> 00:12:56.110
I've been hearing about it for years. I've wanted to
365
00:12:56.149 --> 00:12:58.850
buy it for years. It got mentioned on the Discord
366
00:12:58.870 --> 00:13:00.529
a couple of times in the last couple of weeks.
367
00:13:00.570 --> 00:13:02.120
And I thought, I need to finally get this game.
368
00:13:02.620 --> 00:13:03.509
So I asked.
369
00:13:04.470 --> 00:13:06.269
Papa Doppelukas?
370
00:13:06.309 --> 00:13:07.149
Papa Doppelukas.
371
00:13:07.450 --> 00:13:08.750
Is that his name? Papa Lukas?
372
00:13:08.909 --> 00:13:09.429
Something like that.
373
00:13:09.460 --> 00:13:10.480
Something like that.
374
00:13:10.500 --> 00:13:10.740
Greek.
375
00:13:11.059 --> 00:13:15.940
On the Discord, clearly Greek, which is somehow not relevant
376
00:13:15.960 --> 00:13:19.710
and yet completely relevant to the story. If his store,
377
00:13:20.169 --> 00:13:22.289
rival to your store, Gamers HQ in Berlin.
378
00:13:22.309 --> 00:13:22.990
They're not rivals.
379
00:13:23.570 --> 00:13:25.269
A much better store, Gamers HQ.
380
00:13:25.330 --> 00:13:27.370
That I'm not commenting on, but they're not rivals.
381
00:13:27.509 --> 00:13:28.600
In Steglitz, Berlin.
382
00:13:28.620 --> 00:13:31.379
Funtainment is a different thing. It's more like a sort
383
00:13:31.419 --> 00:13:32.759
of fun emporium rather than.
384
00:13:32.840 --> 00:13:35.200
It's too bad you don't still work at Brettspielgeschäft, because
385
00:13:35.259 --> 00:13:38.059
then we would have an interesting debate about this. Gamers
386
00:13:38.200 --> 00:13:40.700
HQ is a very nice board game shop. It's in Steglitz,
387
00:13:40.720 --> 00:13:42.340
which is really far from where I live, so I
388
00:13:42.379 --> 00:13:44.799
hardly ever go there. But if I want to actually
389
00:13:44.840 --> 00:13:46.860
go to a game store and buy a game, that
390
00:13:46.879 --> 00:13:50.029
would be the place. So I asked Alex Papadopouloukas if
391
00:13:50.230 --> 00:13:52.639
they still had a copy of The Barracks Emperors. And
392
00:13:52.679 --> 00:13:55.000
he said he thought they still had one copy, and
393
00:13:55.059 --> 00:13:56.600
if not, he has his own copy.
394
00:13:56.679 --> 00:13:56.860
Yeah.
395
00:13:57.519 --> 00:14:01.250
So it turns out that some weeks ago, I got
396
00:14:02.230 --> 00:14:04.669
a message from the Doyen of British Gaming.
397
00:14:04.690 --> 00:14:05.230
That's right.
398
00:14:05.590 --> 00:14:05.889
Sir?
399
00:14:06.330 --> 00:14:06.529
Sir.
400
00:14:06.570 --> 00:14:07.049
Is he Sir?
401
00:14:07.990 --> 00:14:08.169
Yes.
402
00:14:08.409 --> 00:14:09.429
Did we give him a higher title?
403
00:14:09.450 --> 00:14:11.110
Oh, yes. He should get a higher title. We need
404
00:14:11.129 --> 00:14:12.350
to do that. What are we doing?
405
00:14:12.549 --> 00:14:13.769
What goes above Sir, though?
406
00:14:14.610 --> 00:14:16.490
Like, it starts with Earl or something, doesn't it? Okay.
407
00:14:16.669 --> 00:14:21.250
Sir Tony Boydell sent me a package saying, Now, because
408
00:14:21.289 --> 00:14:26.029
the UK wisely decided to leave the EU a couple
409
00:14:26.070 --> 00:14:28.570
of years ago, it turns out you can't just send
410
00:14:28.669 --> 00:14:32.950
packages pell-mell to Germany from the UK. So, you know,
411
00:14:32.970 --> 00:14:34.330
I didn't get the package. He's like, did you get
412
00:14:34.350 --> 00:14:36.049
the package? Nope, didn't get anything. I didn't get a
413
00:14:36.090 --> 00:14:40.269
delivery slip. Berlin is famous for being a difficult place
414
00:14:40.289 --> 00:14:41.149
to receive packages.
415
00:14:41.169 --> 00:14:41.789
Yeah, that's true.
416
00:14:41.879 --> 00:14:42.789
But, you know, you typically.
417
00:14:43.200 --> 00:14:45.860
Certainly not in the nightclubs, though, Steve.
418
00:14:47.419 --> 00:14:49.080
You at least get a slip, Ben.
419
00:14:49.200 --> 00:14:51.440
Yeah. Yeah, it's great.
420
00:14:51.519 --> 00:14:52.580
You at least get a slip.
421
00:14:52.779 --> 00:14:52.980
Yeah.
422
00:14:53.440 --> 00:14:55.259
Especially in the, I was trying to follow up on
423
00:14:55.279 --> 00:14:55.450
your guy.
424
00:14:55.460 --> 00:14:56.779
Yeah, slip it in. Yeah, exactly.
425
00:14:57.120 --> 00:14:57.700
I didn't get a slip.
426
00:14:57.720 --> 00:14:58.080
At the bottom.
427
00:14:58.259 --> 00:14:58.960
I didn't get the slip.
428
00:14:58.980 --> 00:14:59.309
Carry on.
429
00:14:59.460 --> 00:15:01.519
No slip. There was no slip in my box.
430
00:15:01.539 --> 00:15:03.179
Yeah, because you got my fucking game anyway.
431
00:15:03.460 --> 00:15:06.100
And I thought, okay, maybe it got held up by
432
00:15:06.360 --> 00:15:09.919
the customs office, as we call it in German, the Zollamt.
433
00:15:10.799 --> 00:15:12.980
There's a P in it.
434
00:15:13.830 --> 00:15:19.009
Zollamt. Not ampt. Zollamt. Yeah, you say Zollamt. There's no
435
00:15:19.029 --> 00:15:21.669
P in it. Zollamt. Zol amt.
436
00:15:21.990 --> 00:15:23.629
Yeah, it said zol amt.
437
00:15:23.649 --> 00:15:25.029
You put a P before the T every time.
438
00:15:25.409 --> 00:15:26.730
Does it sound like I'm saying P?
439
00:15:27.070 --> 00:15:28.129
Zol amt. Amt.
440
00:15:28.590 --> 00:15:31.409
Amt. It's actually hard to say A-M-T without kind of
441
00:15:31.470 --> 00:15:32.110
inserting a P.
442
00:15:32.190 --> 00:15:34.750
No, amt. Amt. No, you put a P in it
443
00:15:34.769 --> 00:15:35.129
every time.
444
00:15:35.350 --> 00:15:35.590
Amt.
445
00:15:36.149 --> 00:15:37.850
Yeah, you put a P in it every time. There's
446
00:15:37.889 --> 00:15:38.389
a P in it.
447
00:15:38.389 --> 00:15:39.000
How do you say it?
448
00:15:39.169 --> 00:15:42.289
Zol amt. Zol amt. No P.
449
00:15:42.529 --> 00:15:43.600
I'm not putting a P in.
450
00:15:43.620 --> 00:15:44.279
Okay, now.
451
00:15:44.399 --> 00:15:45.919
I know how zol amt is spelled.
452
00:15:45.940 --> 00:15:49.500
Fuck me, you'd cost... Zol amt. That was it. There
453
00:15:49.519 --> 00:15:50.100
was no P there.
454
00:15:50.120 --> 00:15:50.779
Zollamt.
455
00:15:51.200 --> 00:15:51.840
There was P in that one.
456
00:15:51.860 --> 00:15:53.259
It's really hard to say. All right, carry on. It's
457
00:15:53.279 --> 00:15:58.100
really hard to say. Anyway, finally, the other day, I
458
00:15:58.139 --> 00:15:59.620
got a letter from the Zollamt.
459
00:15:59.639 --> 00:16:02.980
The government, the other day, I opened and read it.
460
00:16:03.019 --> 00:16:05.769
It said they were suckers. They wanted me for the
461
00:16:05.909 --> 00:16:09.610
army or whatever. Picture me giving a damn. I said never.
462
00:16:10.070 --> 00:16:11.370
And Ben, I went on a journey.
463
00:16:11.389 --> 00:16:12.580
What was that? I.
464
00:16:13.200 --> 00:16:17.850
I went on an Odysseus-like journey to the underworld of
465
00:16:17.909 --> 00:16:18.690
Berlin bureaucracy.
466
00:16:18.710 --> 00:16:20.490
Not the one in Schöneberg.
467
00:16:20.629 --> 00:16:22.110
Yeah, on the far side of Schöneberg.
468
00:16:22.129 --> 00:16:24.340
Oh, I've been to that one a lot. Why? I
469
00:16:24.340 --> 00:16:26.919
used to order shit from America and not realize that
470
00:16:26.940 --> 00:16:28.039
I'd have to pay toll on it.
471
00:16:28.059 --> 00:16:31.009
So I traveled. It took me like an hour and
472
00:16:31.029 --> 00:16:33.899
a half to get there. It's like an hour on
473
00:16:34.080 --> 00:16:37.019
the U-Bahn, or I think S-Bahn to U-Bahn, and then
474
00:16:37.039 --> 00:16:40.230
I had to walk for 15 minutes. This is exactly
475
00:16:40.309 --> 00:16:41.990
like Odysseus going to the underworld. I had to get
476
00:16:42.029 --> 00:16:44.330
my golden bow. Does he have to get a golden bow? No,
477
00:16:44.350 --> 00:16:45.730
that's Jason in it or something. Or is it only
478
00:16:45.750 --> 00:16:46.269
in the Aeneid?
479
00:16:46.509 --> 00:16:46.889
No idea.
480
00:16:46.929 --> 00:16:48.500
Think of the Aeneid, he has to take a golden bow.
481
00:16:48.529 --> 00:16:49.759
That's how you get into the underworld.
482
00:16:49.820 --> 00:16:50.019
Okay.
483
00:16:50.799 --> 00:16:53.259
And so I go into the Zollamt. Yeah.
484
00:16:53.600 --> 00:16:53.799
Right?
485
00:16:54.159 --> 00:16:58.340
Right. And it's like, you know, typical Berlin bureaucratic office.
486
00:16:58.440 --> 00:16:59.639
It was quite polite to me, to be honest.
487
00:17:00.039 --> 00:17:01.679
Nobody was mean to me. I mean, I think this
488
00:17:01.720 --> 00:17:04.859
building was constructed in the 60s. There's like nobody there.
489
00:17:04.880 --> 00:17:05.500
Yeah, it's not pleasant.
490
00:17:05.700 --> 00:17:07.480
There's literally nobody there. There's like no one in the
491
00:17:07.500 --> 00:17:09.460
waiting room. And there are a bunch of signs that
492
00:17:09.539 --> 00:17:11.920
sort of explain in German like what you're supposed to do.
493
00:17:12.009 --> 00:17:12.769
It's very unclear.
494
00:17:12.789 --> 00:17:13.509
It's arcane, yeah.
495
00:17:13.750 --> 00:17:15.589
It's like you need to go through the white door,
496
00:17:15.630 --> 00:17:16.630
but you don't go through the white door.
497
00:17:16.650 --> 00:17:17.170
Until you're called.
498
00:17:17.430 --> 00:17:19.349
Yeah, but you have to go through the white door
499
00:17:19.430 --> 00:17:20.269
in order to get a number.
500
00:17:20.529 --> 00:17:22.329
Yes, you do. Yeah, so it goes to the little booth.
501
00:17:22.529 --> 00:17:26.910
So I went through... the white door. And, uh, actually
502
00:17:26.930 --> 00:17:28.289
I went, I had to go to a desk and
503
00:17:28.309 --> 00:17:30.190
then some guy told me, and I'm like, what do I,
504
00:17:30.369 --> 00:17:32.710
I have a package. I need to pick up my package.
505
00:17:32.730 --> 00:17:35.450
I had the letter, right? There's nobody there. Mind you, nobody.
506
00:17:35.470 --> 00:17:35.950
Right.
507
00:17:36.049 --> 00:17:37.410
I'm like, I have this letter. I'd like to pick
508
00:17:37.450 --> 00:17:38.880
up my package. And this guy's like, well, you have
509
00:17:38.900 --> 00:17:42.299
to get a number. I'm like, okay, my colleague is
510
00:17:42.339 --> 00:17:44.880
going to come out to the waiting area, to the
511
00:17:44.940 --> 00:17:46.980
desk in the waiting area and give you a number.
512
00:17:47.920 --> 00:17:51.269
So I go back out of the door. And this
513
00:17:51.329 --> 00:17:54.230
woman actually follows me through the door and goes behind
514
00:17:54.250 --> 00:17:55.829
the desk and then she gives me a number.
515
00:17:55.890 --> 00:17:56.430
Of course she does.
516
00:17:56.839 --> 00:17:57.099
Right?
517
00:17:57.519 --> 00:18:01.200
And I give her the paper and then she goes away.
518
00:18:01.220 --> 00:18:04.400
And at some point I think I probably... And you've.
519
00:18:04.299 --> 00:18:06.160
Got like a flashing screen where your number comes up.
520
00:18:06.400 --> 00:18:08.460
Yes, there's a flashing screen where the number comes up
521
00:18:08.579 --> 00:18:11.849
and they call my number. And I have to explain
522
00:18:11.890 --> 00:18:12.190
to her.
523
00:18:13.890 --> 00:18:16.289
I think before she goes away again, I had to
524
00:18:16.329 --> 00:18:19.039
explain to her what's in the package... And this is
525
00:18:19.099 --> 00:18:21.000
a way to ruin a surprise, right? And how much
526
00:18:21.160 --> 00:18:21.559
it's worth.
527
00:18:21.759 --> 00:18:21.960
Right.
528
00:18:22.259 --> 00:18:24.099
I'm like, well, it's a board game, and I don't
529
00:18:24.119 --> 00:18:25.859
know how much it's worth. It's worth nothing. It's a
530
00:18:25.880 --> 00:18:28.440
board game published in the 1980s. It's used. It's a
531
00:18:28.460 --> 00:18:30.180
gift from a friend. So she had to write all
532
00:18:30.220 --> 00:18:33.119
this down, like used, gift, blah, blah. She's like, I
533
00:18:33.160 --> 00:18:34.380
have to put a number down here. I need to
534
00:18:34.400 --> 00:18:36.049
know what it's worth. I'm like, well, I don't know.
535
00:18:36.609 --> 00:18:38.829
She's like, check eBay. I'm like sitting there on my
536
00:18:38.869 --> 00:18:41.109
phone checking eBay. Do you think there's a copy of
537
00:18:41.170 --> 00:18:43.369
History of the World first edition on eBay?
538
00:18:43.549 --> 00:18:43.730
No.
539
00:18:43.869 --> 00:18:47.990
There isn't. I call Tony up, and he answers.
540
00:18:48.029 --> 00:18:48.230
Yeah.
541
00:18:49.319 --> 00:18:52.279
I'm just like, you know, Tony, thanks for the gift.
542
00:18:52.319 --> 00:18:53.900
I had to travel a fucking hour and a half
543
00:18:53.940 --> 00:18:56.170
to South Berlin to pick up. And by the way, Tony,
544
00:18:56.230 --> 00:18:58.849
I really do appreciate the gift. And I really do
545
00:18:58.869 --> 00:19:01.190
appreciate that you answered the phone to tell me that
546
00:19:01.269 --> 00:19:04.109
you thought, well, he got the game for free.
547
00:19:04.430 --> 00:19:04.650
Right.
548
00:19:04.880 --> 00:19:06.519
In like an estate.
549
00:19:06.559 --> 00:19:07.180
Job lot, yeah.
550
00:19:07.700 --> 00:19:09.500
No, no, no, an estate. I think a friend of
551
00:19:09.539 --> 00:19:11.599
his passed away and he got the game as part
552
00:19:11.640 --> 00:19:13.559
of a large lot. And he gave me a copy
553
00:19:13.599 --> 00:19:16.289
because he already had one. So, I don't know, does
554
00:19:16.309 --> 00:19:18.490
it mean technically the game has no value, or do
555
00:19:18.509 --> 00:19:20.160
you have to assign some kind of value to it?
556
00:19:20.609 --> 00:19:22.230
So he said that he thought that if he were
557
00:19:22.269 --> 00:19:25.190
selling it, it would be worth £ 30. I thought it
558
00:19:25.210 --> 00:19:26.509
would have been great if he had said £ 5. Yes,
559
00:19:26.630 --> 00:19:29.990
of course it would. But he said £ 30, you know,
560
00:19:30.049 --> 00:19:32.450
and I have no idea if I'm being eavesdropped on
561
00:19:32.490 --> 00:19:35.930
or whatever. And I didn't really care. I figured that
562
00:19:35.950 --> 00:19:37.890
they would let me have it for free in the end.
563
00:19:37.930 --> 00:19:40.339
And I told her, he says £ 30. So she writes
564
00:19:40.359 --> 00:19:44.559
all this down. She goes back behind... whatever, wherever they go,
565
00:19:44.660 --> 00:19:49.150
wherever they go. And then they call my number and
566
00:19:49.170 --> 00:19:50.910
then I went through the door again. And I went
567
00:19:50.950 --> 00:19:53.349
to the desk. Did you have to unpack it? She
568
00:19:53.369 --> 00:19:55.130
was there again at a different desk.
569
00:19:55.210 --> 00:19:55.490
Sure.
570
00:19:55.519 --> 00:19:58.079
Same woman. Sure. She handed me a box cutter.
571
00:19:58.380 --> 00:19:58.559
Yeah.
572
00:19:58.779 --> 00:20:00.720
And she told me, you need to open this package.
573
00:20:00.740 --> 00:20:01.039
Yeah, yeah.
574
00:20:01.079 --> 00:20:03.700
She handed me a box cutter in a government office.
575
00:20:03.720 --> 00:20:06.920
So I opened the box. And I take out the game.
576
00:20:07.140 --> 00:20:09.700
And there's also an Ian Banks book that Tony got me.
577
00:20:11.029 --> 00:20:14.710
And she's like, you know, we're looking through the game components.
578
00:20:15.599 --> 00:20:17.700
And she's looking at them. And then she's like, okay,
579
00:20:17.720 --> 00:20:19.839
put everything back together. And I did. And then she
580
00:20:19.880 --> 00:20:22.019
took it and she went back to wherever they go.
581
00:20:22.119 --> 00:20:24.279
I'm like, what is she doing? She's out the back
582
00:20:24.299 --> 00:20:28.470
having a fag. Is she swabbing it? So then I
583
00:20:28.509 --> 00:20:30.769
have to go back to the waiting area and wait
584
00:20:30.829 --> 00:20:34.349
for her to buzz me in again. And eventually she does.
585
00:20:34.369 --> 00:20:35.710
I mean, it doesn't take that long. But I'm like,
586
00:20:35.970 --> 00:20:37.849
what is this for? And I go back through the
587
00:20:37.890 --> 00:20:39.869
door and back to the same desk. She's there again.
588
00:20:39.910 --> 00:20:41.910
She's like, okay, you can go. And she gives me
589
00:20:41.930 --> 00:20:44.250
the package, and then that was it. I asked to
590
00:20:44.329 --> 00:20:46.750
use the toilet, and that was down a very long,
591
00:20:46.829 --> 00:20:50.079
dark hallway with no lights. And I don't know. The
592
00:20:50.119 --> 00:20:53.200
whole thing felt like just going to the underworld and
593
00:20:53.319 --> 00:20:57.339
confronting the ineffable and then coming back out again.
594
00:20:57.400 --> 00:20:59.740
How do we then get to the Barracks Empress from there?
595
00:21:00.079 --> 00:21:07.049
So I realized that the Tzol Amt is... close enough
596
00:21:07.569 --> 00:21:10.279
to Gamers HQ that I could pay a visit.
597
00:21:10.410 --> 00:21:10.690
Nice.
598
00:21:11.039 --> 00:21:14.539
And I realized if I took the U9... You.
599
00:21:14.259 --> 00:21:20.259
Know, people love public transport chat. This is like that
600
00:21:20.279 --> 00:21:22.400
Saturday Night Live skit.
601
00:21:22.680 --> 00:21:26.319
So from here, you have to get the S40... Which
602
00:21:26.380 --> 00:21:28.910
one goes counterclockwise? S42? I think S42. I got the S42...
603
00:21:30.380 --> 00:21:35.819
from Schenhauser Allee to Westhofen, then the U9 from Westhofen
604
00:21:35.859 --> 00:21:39.539
to Bundesplatz. And then I got back on the U9,
605
00:21:39.599 --> 00:21:42.900
which I took from Bundesplatz, I think three more stops
606
00:21:42.960 --> 00:21:46.619
south to Schlossstrasse, I believe it is. Yeah, it is.
607
00:21:46.700 --> 00:21:48.789
And then it's like a 10-minute walk or so to
608
00:21:48.809 --> 00:21:51.349
Gamers HQ. And I got there with like 10 minutes
609
00:21:51.410 --> 00:21:56.650
to spare. Alex wasn't there, but his colleague very helpfully
610
00:21:56.690 --> 00:21:59.450
directed me to their one remaining copy that they did
611
00:21:59.490 --> 00:22:02.630
in fact have of the barracks emperors. And then I
612
00:22:02.670 --> 00:22:06.220
decided to take like a very long circuitous route home
613
00:22:06.660 --> 00:22:09.019
because I was listening to an audio book.
614
00:22:09.099 --> 00:22:09.299
Yeah.
615
00:22:09.539 --> 00:22:12.220
So instead of taking the, the U nine back to
616
00:22:12.259 --> 00:22:15.589
Vesthaven and then the S 41 in this case, I
617
00:22:15.710 --> 00:22:19.390
took the, I took the M 86 bus all the
618
00:22:19.410 --> 00:22:20.390
way to Potsdam or plots.
619
00:22:20.529 --> 00:22:21.430
I prefer taking the bus.
620
00:22:21.470 --> 00:22:23.329
I had a, I had a, yeah, I wanted to take,
621
00:22:23.349 --> 00:22:25.119
I wanted to be like out and see things, you
622
00:22:25.130 --> 00:22:25.460
know what I mean?
623
00:22:25.470 --> 00:22:25.839
Exactly.
624
00:22:25.880 --> 00:22:27.380
And I wasn't in a rush. I got out of
625
00:22:27.400 --> 00:22:29.460
Potsdamer Platz and I had a beer at the Curb
626
00:22:29.480 --> 00:22:30.640
Food Court. Have you been there before?
627
00:22:30.759 --> 00:22:30.900
No.
628
00:22:31.329 --> 00:22:33.690
They've got like a Berliner Berg thing there.
629
00:22:33.769 --> 00:22:35.609
It's nice to just stop and have a random beer.
630
00:22:35.930 --> 00:22:38.109
I had a beer and I had a snack because
631
00:22:38.130 --> 00:22:41.650
they have the food court. And then I actually walked
632
00:22:42.390 --> 00:22:46.009
all the way to, I think, Rosenthaler Platz. And then
633
00:22:46.029 --> 00:22:48.940
I took the U-Aucht to Bernauer Straße and then I
634
00:22:49.000 --> 00:22:50.200
walked the rest of the way home from there.
635
00:22:50.819 --> 00:22:52.279
So, who's going to win this game then?
636
00:22:52.380 --> 00:22:54.329
This was my odyssey, Ben.
637
00:22:54.509 --> 00:22:57.769
Yeah, incredible. It's an incredible story of the minutiae of
638
00:22:57.809 --> 00:22:58.329
modern life.
639
00:22:58.349 --> 00:23:01.829
Now, according to the Discord dickheads, this game is best
640
00:23:01.910 --> 00:23:04.170
played at either 2, 3, or 4.
641
00:23:04.170 --> 00:23:04.519
Okay.
642
00:23:04.640 --> 00:23:07.279
And it's also a terrible game at 2 and 3.
643
00:23:07.279 --> 00:23:07.539
Right.
644
00:23:07.960 --> 00:23:10.329
So we're going to play it at 4. And maybe
645
00:23:10.369 --> 00:23:12.450
some other time, if we ever play it again, we'll
646
00:23:12.470 --> 00:23:13.849
try out two or three.
647
00:23:14.230 --> 00:23:15.619
Excellent. So who's going to win?
648
00:23:15.650 --> 00:23:16.130
Who's going to win?
649
00:23:16.170 --> 00:23:16.630
Who's going to win?
650
00:23:16.900 --> 00:23:19.420
Well, it's a trick-taking game. Yeah.
651
00:23:19.500 --> 00:23:21.200
And we all know I'm best at trick-taking games because
652
00:23:21.240 --> 00:23:22.460
I'm common as muck. Exactly.
653
00:23:22.500 --> 00:23:26.779
You're always claiming that your working class background gives you
654
00:23:26.839 --> 00:23:28.329
some kind of edge in trick-taking games.
655
00:23:28.349 --> 00:23:28.829
Yeah, it does, yeah.
656
00:23:28.960 --> 00:23:31.970
However, this being a Roman-themed game, I believe that I
657
00:23:32.029 --> 00:23:34.210
have an edge for thematic reasons.
658
00:23:34.829 --> 00:23:34.970
So.
659
00:23:35.869 --> 00:23:38.130
I think probably one of the other two players is
660
00:23:38.150 --> 00:23:38.549
going to win.
661
00:23:38.750 --> 00:23:39.150
All right.
662
00:23:39.230 --> 00:23:42.789
Well, after that incredibly exciting story. I'm sorry.
663
00:23:42.809 --> 00:23:43.109
I'm sorry.
664
00:23:43.130 --> 00:23:46.190
Would you rather hear me retell that story again, but
665
00:23:46.259 --> 00:23:49.599
let's say twice as long, or would you rather re-watch
666
00:23:49.640 --> 00:23:50.819
Christopher Nolan's Odyssey?
667
00:23:51.019 --> 00:23:53.740
Oh. So, listeners, we're going to go away and listen
668
00:23:53.759 --> 00:23:58.059
to Steve's story. You can listen to the rest of
669
00:23:58.099 --> 00:24:01.240
this show and hundreds of hours of bonus content, including
670
00:24:01.289 --> 00:24:07.750
convention reports, in-game bickering and loads more at patreon.com forward
671
00:24:07.789 --> 00:24:08.609
slash 5G4D.
