WEBVTT
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.799
I need things that make my life feel a little easier.
00:00:03.040 --> 00:00:11.199
And not in the, you know, get your life together kind of way, but in how do I actually enjoy my life while I'm in it kind of way.
00:00:11.439 --> 00:00:12.880
So here's what I notice.
00:00:13.039 --> 00:00:18.000
When I'm in a season where things feel hard, my first instinct is to add something.
00:00:18.160 --> 00:00:21.440
Add a strategy, add a structure, add a plan.
00:00:21.600 --> 00:00:29.199
And what I'm learning is that slowly, and sometimes the hard way, is that what actually helps is usually the opposite of more.
00:00:29.359 --> 00:00:30.640
It's less.
00:00:33.679 --> 00:00:35.600
Motherhood is beautiful.
00:00:35.840 --> 00:00:39.039
But let's be real, it's also overwhelming.
00:00:39.280 --> 00:00:47.039
If you're a mom who loves her kids fiercely, but also has ambitions beyond the carpool line, you might be feeling something else too.
00:00:47.359 --> 00:00:48.000
Torn.
00:00:48.320 --> 00:00:55.920
You're keeping everything running, managing the schedules, the meals, the mental load, but you're also craving something more.
00:00:56.159 --> 00:01:02.960
Maybe it's your career, your creativity, or just remembering who you were before everyone needed something from you.
00:01:03.200 --> 00:01:06.560
And the guilt of wanting both, it's exhausting.
00:01:06.879 --> 00:01:17.439
From the outside, you look like you have it all together, but inside you're stretched thin, wondering if you have to choose between being a great mom and becoming the woman you're meant to be.
00:01:17.680 --> 00:01:21.519
Here's the truth: you don't have to choose between both.
00:01:21.840 --> 00:01:29.760
I'm Liz Emmerich, licensed therapist, mom of three, and someone who deeply understands the both and tension of motherhood.
00:01:30.079 --> 00:01:37.200
This is Experience Motherhood, the place where we dismantle the myth that you have to do it all or lose yourself.
00:01:37.439 --> 00:01:48.799
Through honest conversations with experts and moms in the trenches, you'll get mental health insights, grounded encouragement, and permission to build a life that honors every part of you.
00:01:49.120 --> 00:01:53.040
Let's live motherhood fully, honestly, and together.
00:01:53.280 --> 00:01:56.319
It's time to experience motherhood.
00:01:59.519 --> 00:02:06.159
So I've been thinking a lot lately about how I don't actually need more ideas as a mom.
00:02:06.640 --> 00:02:15.439
I don't need another productivity system, another morning routine, another, you know, five habits of highly effective parents.
00:02:15.680 --> 00:02:18.639
I need things that make my life feel a little easier.
00:02:18.879 --> 00:02:27.280
And not in the, you know, get your life together kind of way, but in how do I actually enjoy my life while I'm in it kind of way.
00:02:28.000 --> 00:02:29.759
So here's what I notice.
00:02:30.000 --> 00:02:39.599
When I'm in a season where things feel hard, my first instinct is to add something, add a strategy, add a structure, add a plan.
00:02:40.159 --> 00:02:48.560
And what I'm learning is that slowly, and sometimes the hard way, is that what actually helps is usually the opposite of more.
00:02:48.879 --> 00:02:50.000
It's less.
00:02:50.240 --> 00:02:51.439
It's permission.
00:02:51.599 --> 00:02:55.919
It's letting go of something I didn't even realize I was still holding on to.
00:02:56.960 --> 00:02:59.599
So that's what this episode is going to be.
00:02:59.840 --> 00:03:11.280
It's nothing groundbreaking, nothing that requires a trip to Target or a new app on your phone, but just a handful of things that are genuinely making my life feel a little lighter right now.
00:03:11.439 --> 00:03:15.599
And it's helping me show up more like the mom I actually want to be.
00:03:16.000 --> 00:03:24.159
Some of these are going to be mindset things, some are practical, and some are so small they almost feel embarrassing to say out loud.
00:03:24.400 --> 00:03:25.439
But they're real.
00:03:25.599 --> 00:03:27.680
And that's what this show has always been about.
00:03:27.840 --> 00:03:29.680
I want to keep it real with you.
00:03:31.199 --> 00:03:37.520
We're going to talk about seven different things that are actually making my life easier right now as a mom.
00:03:38.159 --> 00:03:45.680
The first one I want to talk about is, um, and really the biggest shift is that I've stopped trying to get ahead of my life.
00:03:45.919 --> 00:03:50.960
And I know that sounds a little woo-woo, but just stay with me for a minute.
00:03:51.199 --> 00:03:56.400
So for a long time, I really operated in this constant low-level urgency.
00:03:56.639 --> 00:03:58.080
Maybe you can relate.
00:03:58.400 --> 00:04:11.120
Like there was always something I needed to get through before I could settle, you know, get through this week, get through this busy season, get these kids to the weekend, get to nap time, get to summer, get to the part where things slow down.
00:04:11.280 --> 00:04:15.360
And I kept thinking, once I get ahead, I'll relax.
00:04:15.599 --> 00:04:18.160
Once I get ahead, I'll be more patient.
00:04:18.399 --> 00:04:21.839
You know, once I get ahead, I'll actually be more present.
00:04:22.879 --> 00:04:27.920
But here's what I finally had to admit to myself that moment, it never comes.
00:04:28.160 --> 00:04:29.759
There is no ahead.
00:04:30.000 --> 00:04:31.439
Life just keeps moving.
00:04:31.519 --> 00:04:38.879
And if I'm always sprinting towards some imaginary finish line, I'm going to spend my kids' entire childhood waiting to enjoy it.
00:04:39.519 --> 00:04:43.279
So I've been practicing, and it really is a practice.
00:04:43.600 --> 00:04:55.759
Just being where I am, not where I'm going, not where I should be, but right here this week, this morning, this hard, ordinary, fast, fleeting moment.
00:04:56.399 --> 00:05:02.480
And weirdly, letting go of that urgency has made me more functional, not less.
00:05:02.800 --> 00:05:04.560
I'm less exhausted.
00:05:04.879 --> 00:05:12.399
I make fewer reactive decisions, and I'm a lot easier to be around, which honestly my family would probably confirm.
00:05:13.040 --> 00:05:23.759
So the second thing is something that I don't talk about enough because it doesn't make for a very inspiring Instagram caption or podcast episode.
00:05:23.920 --> 00:05:30.079
But I've been quietly lowering the bar in several areas of my life, and it really has been huge.
00:05:30.480 --> 00:05:48.399
Not in the things that really matter to me, of course, but not in how I show up for my kids emotionally or even how I'm investing in relationships that are important to me, but lowering the bar in all the things I was doing out of habit or expectation or some old version of what I thought a good mom looked like.
00:05:48.800 --> 00:05:50.399
Like meals, for example.
00:05:50.560 --> 00:05:54.720
I have simplified dinner to a degree that would probably make some people cringe.
00:05:55.040 --> 00:05:56.639
We have things on rotation.
00:05:56.879 --> 00:05:58.639
There's a lot of repetition.
00:05:58.879 --> 00:06:00.000
And you know what?
00:06:00.240 --> 00:06:01.519
My kids are fine.
00:06:01.680 --> 00:06:03.120
My family is fed.
00:06:03.279 --> 00:06:05.600
And I'm not standing in my kitchen at 5 p.m.
00:06:05.759 --> 00:06:12.240
feeling resentful and overwhelmed, which means I actually have something left to give at the end of the day.
00:06:12.639 --> 00:06:13.680
Or weekends.
00:06:13.839 --> 00:06:16.639
I used to feel this pressure to make weekends meaningful.
00:06:16.720 --> 00:06:20.720
Like if we didn't do something fun or intentional, we were wasting it.
00:06:21.040 --> 00:06:23.839
And now I'm I've mostly let that go.
00:06:24.079 --> 00:06:31.120
Sometimes a weekend is just rest, sometimes it's errands and a little more screen time, and sometimes nobody's showered.
00:06:31.279 --> 00:06:33.120
And that's actually fine.
00:06:33.759 --> 00:06:40.480
I think I had this belief for a long time that really everything needed to be done well for me to be a good mom.
00:06:41.040 --> 00:06:46.399
And what I'm realizing is the bar I set for myself was never really about my kids.
00:06:46.639 --> 00:06:48.560
It was about my own anxiety.
00:06:48.800 --> 00:06:52.560
Letting it down has truly felt like exhaling.
00:06:53.759 --> 00:06:56.480
Related to that, there's something I've been opting out of.
00:06:56.560 --> 00:06:59.680
And I didn't really have language for it until recently.
00:06:59.920 --> 00:07:03.600
But I've been opting out of doing too much for my kids.
00:07:03.920 --> 00:07:06.399
Okay, here's what this looked like for me.
00:07:06.639 --> 00:07:18.480
Whenever one of my boys was frustrated or bored or couldn't figure something out, my usual instinct is to, you know, jump in immediately, fix it, redirect it, offer a solution, make it easier.
00:07:18.720 --> 00:07:22.079
And on the surface, that looks like attentive parenting.
00:07:22.319 --> 00:07:27.439
But when I really get honest with myself, a lot of it wasn't about them at all.
00:07:27.759 --> 00:07:31.759
It was about me not being able to sit with their discomfort.
00:07:32.000 --> 00:07:34.879
Their frustration was making me anxious.
00:07:35.120 --> 00:07:38.480
Their boredom made me feel like I was failing them.
00:07:38.879 --> 00:07:40.399
So I managed it.
00:07:40.560 --> 00:07:43.519
Not for them, but to manage my own feelings about it.
00:07:44.399 --> 00:07:52.560
And the thing is, when you're constantly smoothing everything over, your kids never get the chance to figure out that they can handle hard things.
00:07:52.800 --> 00:07:54.639
And you never get to see it either.
00:07:54.800 --> 00:08:00.800
Which means you both stay stuck in this loop where they need you to fix everything and you feel like you have to.
00:08:01.759 --> 00:08:11.279
So I've been sitting on my hands a little more, waiting a beat before I respond, letting a moment be uncomfortable instead of immediately rescuing it.
00:08:11.759 --> 00:08:14.639
And more often than not, they work it out.
00:08:15.279 --> 00:08:19.600
Not perfectly, not without some complaining, but they get there.
00:08:20.319 --> 00:08:28.639
And there's something in their face when they do that that I would have completely stolen from them if I had jumped in 30 seconds earlier.
00:08:29.360 --> 00:08:33.440
It's not about being hands-off or detached and not talking about that.
00:08:33.600 --> 00:08:42.720
It's about trusting them a little more and honestly trusting myself that I don't have to earn my place in this family by constantly being useful.
00:08:44.000 --> 00:08:45.600
Okay, the fourth thing.
00:08:45.840 --> 00:08:48.480
So sharing what I've been doing less a moment ago.
00:08:48.639 --> 00:08:51.600
Now I want to talk about what I've been doing more of.
00:08:51.840 --> 00:08:53.840
And it's really so simple.
00:08:53.919 --> 00:08:58.639
It almost feels too small to mention, but it's made a real difference in our days.
00:08:58.960 --> 00:09:05.440
I have been more intentional about having small connection moments, and I mean really small.
00:09:05.759 --> 00:09:12.960
Just a few minutes at a certain point in the day where I can put my phone down or out of the room, and I'm just with my kids.
00:09:13.200 --> 00:09:19.759
I'm not teaching anything, I'm not redirecting anything, I'm not even trying to be productive about anything.
00:09:19.919 --> 00:09:21.759
I'm just being present.
00:09:22.000 --> 00:09:33.279
There's no agenda, just asking what they're do right now, or sitting next to them while they do something they love, or just being in the same room without being halfway somewhere else in my head.
00:09:33.679 --> 00:09:36.559
And it's amazing how much it fills their cup.
00:09:36.720 --> 00:09:38.879
And honestly, mine too.
00:09:39.120 --> 00:09:44.399
Because I think sometimes I was physically present all day, but mentally somewhere else.
00:09:44.559 --> 00:09:46.080
And they can feel that.
00:09:46.720 --> 00:09:47.919
This is different.
00:09:48.080 --> 00:09:52.080
It's a small thing, but it's intentional, and I know the difference.
00:09:52.399 --> 00:09:55.600
And I and they know the difference.
00:09:56.320 --> 00:09:59.279
It doesn't fix everything for sure.
00:09:59.519 --> 00:10:04.480
There are still hard days and loud days and days where I feel like I'm getting it all wrong.
00:10:04.720 --> 00:10:08.960
But this one little anchor has made our rhythm feel more connected.
00:10:09.200 --> 00:10:14.080
And connection is usually what we were both missing when things started to feel hard.
00:10:14.320 --> 00:10:27.759
So I put together something for you that you can print out or keep on your phone or computer, just so that you have something to reference when you need some ideas of what are some small intentional ways that you can connect.
00:10:27.919 --> 00:10:29.519
So check out the show notes.
00:10:29.679 --> 00:10:30.879
That's where it'll be.
00:10:31.039 --> 00:10:34.559
And hopefully you'll find it just as useful as I do.
00:10:35.679 --> 00:10:44.000
If you're listening to this while folding laundry, driving to practice, or grabbing a minute to yourself, I want to invite you a little closer.
00:10:44.240 --> 00:10:55.919
My email list is where I show up in between episodes with practical, real life support for motherhood, things that actually help in the middle of the week, not just ideas that sound good in theory.
00:10:56.159 --> 00:11:02.240
It's encouragement, perspective, and simple tools to help you feel a little more grounded as you move through your week.
00:11:02.480 --> 00:11:05.840
No pressure, no perfection, just support.
00:11:06.159 --> 00:11:11.279
You can join me over at experiencemotherhood.com or click the link in the show notes.
00:11:11.440 --> 00:11:13.519
I'd truly love to have you there.
00:11:13.759 --> 00:11:16.000
Okay, back to our conversation.
00:11:16.639 --> 00:11:17.919
Okay, number five.
00:11:18.159 --> 00:11:25.360
I've also gotten a lot more intentional too about what I do when the day starts to go sideways, because it will.
00:11:26.080 --> 00:11:28.320
Something will happen before 9 a.m.
00:11:28.480 --> 00:11:29.840
that throws everything off.
00:11:29.919 --> 00:11:34.960
And I have a choice in that moment spiral with it or interrupt it.
00:11:35.600 --> 00:11:45.360
My reset is embarrassingly simple, but I do I stop, I take a real breath, not a rushed, anxious breath, but an actual slow one.
00:11:45.519 --> 00:11:50.320
And I ask myself one question What actually matters right now?
00:11:50.879 --> 00:11:54.639
Not today, not this week, but right now.
00:11:55.759 --> 00:11:58.399
And usually the answer is pretty small.
00:11:58.559 --> 00:12:04.240
It's be regulated, help this kid feel heard, get everyone fed and out the door.
00:12:04.399 --> 00:12:05.200
That's it.
00:12:05.440 --> 00:12:09.519
Not all the other things I was mentally managing while the morning fell apart.
00:12:10.240 --> 00:12:25.759
And this doesn't fix everything, of course, but it interrupts the spiral of overwhelm that I think so many of us get stuck in, where one thing goes wrong and suddenly we're catastrophizing the whole day, the whole week and our whole existence as a mother.
00:12:26.399 --> 00:12:32.320
Something also that's been surprisingly helpful is a small boundary I've been holding.
00:12:32.559 --> 00:12:37.360
It's honestly, again, almost embarrassingly small, but it's made a really big difference.
00:12:37.519 --> 00:12:39.519
And hopefully it will for you too.
00:12:40.080 --> 00:12:43.200
So I have stopped answering things immediately.
00:12:43.519 --> 00:12:48.399
Text, questions, decisions that feel urgent, but you know, actually aren't.
00:12:48.639 --> 00:12:55.200
I've given myself permission to have a few hours in the day where I'm just not available in that reactive way.
00:12:55.440 --> 00:13:01.039
And here's what I realized: I was giving away so much energy in these tiny moments.
00:13:01.200 --> 00:13:07.519
Someone would text and I'd drop what I was doing to respond, or a question would come in and I'd immediately try to solve it.
00:13:07.600 --> 00:13:13.279
And by the end of the day, I was depleted and I couldn't even trace where it all went.
00:13:13.759 --> 00:13:19.600
So protecting even a small moment of that attention has been like plugging a slow leak.
00:13:19.759 --> 00:13:24.000
It doesn't sound like much, I know, but the cumulative effect is real.
00:13:24.159 --> 00:13:27.759
And I have more of myself for the things that actually matter.
00:13:28.720 --> 00:13:31.039
Okay, one more thing I want to talk about.
00:13:31.200 --> 00:13:40.080
So the seventh thing that I want to address is then just practically, I've simplified a few things at home in the most boring ways possible.
00:13:40.320 --> 00:13:47.519
And I'm telling you this because I think sometimes we overlook the boring stuff in search of something more inspiring.
00:13:47.919 --> 00:13:50.000
So for us, it looks like this.
00:13:50.320 --> 00:13:55.519
We have, you know, about six dinners or so that we rotate through, and that's genuinely it.
00:13:55.759 --> 00:14:02.879
The same things on repeat every single week, you know, taco Tuesdays, we have pasta sometime in the week.
00:14:03.039 --> 00:14:15.840
And I stopped trying to introduce like brand new recipes on a really busy weeknight because I had three boys, and the feedback I was getting on anything new was that it wasn't really worth the effort for the most part.
00:14:16.080 --> 00:14:18.720
Nobody was feeling grateful, nobody was impressed.
00:14:18.799 --> 00:14:21.279
And I was standing in my kitchen at 5 p.m.
00:14:21.759 --> 00:14:27.360
having spent mental energy I didn't have on a meal that got picked apart anyway.
00:14:28.080 --> 00:14:35.200
So now I grocery shop almost so now I grocery shop off almost the exact list every week.
00:14:35.440 --> 00:14:37.039
I make the decision once.
00:14:37.200 --> 00:14:39.519
And the question, what's for dinner?
00:14:39.759 --> 00:14:46.720
Which honestly, I hate that question, but it has basically disappeared from my life because everyone already knows.
00:14:47.039 --> 00:14:49.039
And here's what I didn't expect to.
00:14:49.360 --> 00:14:52.639
The simplifying dinner didn't just save me the time in the kitchen.
00:14:52.799 --> 00:14:55.200
It did really save me that mental energy.
00:14:55.279 --> 00:14:57.840
And I didn't even realize I was spending that.
00:14:58.159 --> 00:15:00.159
Because I wasn't just making dinner.
00:15:00.320 --> 00:15:02.159
I was thinking about dinner at 2 p.m.
00:15:02.320 --> 00:15:09.039
or I was texting my husband about it, or scrolling for ideas and realizing I didn't have an ingredient and I had to pivot.
00:15:09.200 --> 00:15:11.039
And all of that is less.
00:15:11.200 --> 00:15:12.399
It's not all gone.
00:15:12.480 --> 00:15:13.600
And I am not perfect.
00:15:13.679 --> 00:15:17.840
So, of course, there's still times where I am, what are we gonna have for dinner?
00:15:18.080 --> 00:15:20.799
But a lot of that energy now goes somewhere else.
00:15:21.039 --> 00:15:31.440
It goes into actually being present when my boys get home from school instead of being kind of half checked out because I'm already three steps ahead trying to figure out the evening.
00:15:32.399 --> 00:15:36.879
Fewer choices, simpler meals, routines that run on autopilot.
00:15:37.039 --> 00:15:40.720
I know it's not that exciting, but it removes so much mental load.
00:15:40.799 --> 00:15:49.200
And mental load is the thing that I really feel like is just secretly exhausting me way more than anything else.
00:15:50.080 --> 00:15:54.720
So those are the things that have been making my life feel a little easier right now.
00:15:54.960 --> 00:16:02.320
None of them are revolutionary, I know, but some of them are probably, and some of them even probably sound obvious.
00:16:02.639 --> 00:16:06.559
But the obvious things become powerful when you actually do them.
00:16:06.799 --> 00:16:13.679
When you give yourself permission to actually choose the easier path instead of just admiring it from a distance.
00:16:14.080 --> 00:16:20.240
And if there's anything I hope you take from this episode, it's that it doesn't have to be complicated to make a difference.
00:16:20.480 --> 00:16:29.120
The smallest shift in how you're thinking or what you're allowing yourself to let go of can really change the whole texture of your day.
00:16:29.440 --> 00:16:32.799
You're not supposed to be running at full capacity all the time.
00:16:32.960 --> 00:16:35.120
And easier isn't lazy.
00:16:35.440 --> 00:16:39.440
Simpler is isn't simpler isn't settling.
00:16:39.840 --> 00:16:42.960
It might actually be the most intentional choice you make.
00:16:43.840 --> 00:16:49.679
Okay, I have to mention before we end today that next week is episode 100.
00:16:49.919 --> 00:16:52.720
And I've been sitting with this a lot this week.
00:16:53.039 --> 00:16:54.799
A hundred episodes.
00:16:54.960 --> 00:17:02.320
That's a lot of conversations, a lot of me talking into a microphone, hoping something lands for someone out there.
00:17:02.399 --> 00:17:04.400
And I know so much of it has.
00:17:04.799 --> 00:17:16.880
I'm planning something a little different for that episode, a little more personal, a little more reflective, less about tips and more about what this journey has actually looked like and what I want the season to be.
00:17:17.119 --> 00:17:20.400
I'm really looking forward to it, and I hope you'll be there for it.
00:17:20.480 --> 00:17:26.079
So make sure that you hit follow on the podcast app that you're listening to so you don't miss it.
00:17:26.559 --> 00:17:29.039
Until then, thank you for being here.
00:17:29.279 --> 00:17:35.039
Thank you for every listen, every message, every time you've shared this show with another mom who needed it.
00:17:35.200 --> 00:17:38.880
It means more than you know, and I'll see you next week.
00:17:39.119 --> 00:17:41.920
It's time to go experience motherhood.
00:17:43.119 --> 00:17:53.519
If you want even more encouragement, behind the scenes moments, and a peek at my daily life as a mom and therapist, come follow me on Instagram at Experience Motherhood.
00:17:53.680 --> 00:17:55.920
I'd love to connect with you there.
00:17:58.400 --> 00:18:03.920
The Experienced Motherhood Podcast is for informational and educational purposes only.
00:18:04.240 --> 00:18:10.720
Nothing shared on this podcast should be considered clinical advice or a substitute for individualized mental health care.
00:18:10.960 --> 00:18:17.599
Although I am a licensed professional clinical counselor, this podcast does not establish a therapeutic relationship.
00:18:17.839 --> 00:18:22.640
If you're needing support, please reach out to a qualified mental health provider near you.
00:18:22.880 --> 00:18:29.759
If you're in crisis, contact your local emergency services or the 988 Suicide in Crisis Lifeline.
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.799
I need things that make my life feel a little easier.
00:00:03.040 --> 00:00:11.199
And not in the, you know, get your life together kind of way, but in how do I actually enjoy my life while I'm in it kind of way.
00:00:11.439 --> 00:00:12.880
So here's what I notice.
00:00:13.039 --> 00:00:18.000
When I'm in a season where things feel hard, my first instinct is to add something.
00:00:18.160 --> 00:00:21.440
Add a strategy, add a structure, add a plan.
00:00:21.600 --> 00:00:29.199
And what I'm learning is that slowly, and sometimes the hard way, is that what actually helps is usually the opposite of more.
00:00:29.359 --> 00:00:30.640
It's less.
00:00:33.679 --> 00:00:35.600
Motherhood is beautiful.
00:00:35.840 --> 00:00:39.039
But let's be real, it's also overwhelming.
00:00:39.280 --> 00:00:47.039
If you're a mom who loves her kids fiercely, but also has ambitions beyond the carpool line, you might be feeling something else too.
00:00:47.359 --> 00:00:48.000
Torn.
00:00:48.320 --> 00:00:55.920
You're keeping everything running, managing the schedules, the meals, the mental load, but you're also craving something more.
00:00:56.159 --> 00:01:02.960
Maybe it's your career, your creativity, or just remembering who you were before everyone needed something from you.
00:01:03.200 --> 00:01:06.560
And the guilt of wanting both, it's exhausting.
00:01:06.879 --> 00:01:17.439
From the outside, you look like you have it all together, but inside you're stretched thin, wondering if you have to choose between being a great mom and becoming the woman you're meant to be.
00:01:17.680 --> 00:01:21.519
Here's the truth: you don't have to choose between both.
00:01:21.840 --> 00:01:29.760
I'm Liz Emmerich, licensed therapist, mom of three, and someone who deeply understands the both and tension of motherhood.
00:01:30.079 --> 00:01:37.200
This is Experience Motherhood, the place where we dismantle the myth that you have to do it all or lose yourself.
00:01:37.439 --> 00:01:48.799
Through honest conversations with experts and moms in the trenches, you'll get mental health insights, grounded encouragement, and permission to build a life that honors every part of you.
00:01:49.120 --> 00:01:53.040
Let's live motherhood fully, honestly, and together.
00:01:53.280 --> 00:01:56.319
It's time to experience motherhood.
00:01:59.519 --> 00:02:06.159
So I've been thinking a lot lately about how I don't actually need more ideas as a mom.
00:02:06.640 --> 00:02:15.439
I don't need another productivity system, another morning routine, another, you know, five habits of highly effective parents.
00:02:15.680 --> 00:02:18.639
I need things that make my life feel a little easier.
00:02:18.879 --> 00:02:27.280
And not in the, you know, get your life together kind of way, but in how do I actually enjoy my life while I'm in it kind of way.
00:02:28.000 --> 00:02:29.759
So here's what I notice.
00:02:30.000 --> 00:02:39.599
When I'm in a season where things feel hard, my first instinct is to add something, add a strategy, add a structure, add a plan.
00:02:40.159 --> 00:02:48.560
And what I'm learning is that slowly, and sometimes the hard way, is that what actually helps is usually the opposite of more.
00:02:48.879 --> 00:02:50.000
It's less.
00:02:50.240 --> 00:02:51.439
It's permission.
00:02:51.599 --> 00:02:55.919
It's letting go of something I didn't even realize I was still holding on to.
00:02:56.960 --> 00:02:59.599
So that's what this episode is going to be.
00:02:59.840 --> 00:03:11.280
It's nothing groundbreaking, nothing that requires a trip to Target or a new app on your phone, but just a handful of things that are genuinely making my life feel a little lighter right now.
00:03:11.439 --> 00:03:15.599
And it's helping me show up more like the mom I actually want to be.
00:03:16.000 --> 00:03:24.159
Some of these are going to be mindset things, some are practical, and some are so small they almost feel embarrassing to say out loud.
00:03:24.400 --> 00:03:25.439
But they're real.
00:03:25.599 --> 00:03:27.680
And that's what this show has always been about.
00:03:27.840 --> 00:03:29.680
I want to keep it real with you.
00:03:31.199 --> 00:03:37.520
We're going to talk about seven different things that are actually making my life easier right now as a mom.
00:03:38.159 --> 00:03:45.680
The first one I want to talk about is, um, and really the biggest shift is that I've stopped trying to get ahead of my life.
00:03:45.919 --> 00:03:50.960
And I know that sounds a little woo-woo, but just stay with me for a minute.
00:03:51.199 --> 00:03:56.400
So for a long time, I really operated in this constant low-level urgency.
00:03:56.639 --> 00:03:58.080
Maybe you can relate.
00:03:58.400 --> 00:04:11.120
Like there was always something I needed to get through before I could settle, you know, get through this week, get through this busy season, get these kids to the weekend, get to nap time, get to summer, get to the part where things slow down.
00:04:11.280 --> 00:04:15.360
And I kept thinking, once I get ahead, I'll relax.
00:04:15.599 --> 00:04:18.160
Once I get ahead, I'll be more patient.
00:04:18.399 --> 00:04:21.839
You know, once I get ahead, I'll actually be more present.
00:04:22.879 --> 00:04:27.920
But here's what I finally had to admit to myself that moment, it never comes.
00:04:28.160 --> 00:04:29.759
There is no ahead.
00:04:30.000 --> 00:04:31.439
Life just keeps moving.
00:04:31.519 --> 00:04:38.879
And if I'm always sprinting towards some imaginary finish line, I'm going to spend my kids' entire childhood waiting to enjoy it.
00:04:39.519 --> 00:04:43.279
So I've been practicing, and it really is a practice.
00:04:43.600 --> 00:04:55.759
Just being where I am, not where I'm going, not where I should be, but right here this week, this morning, this hard, ordinary, fast, fleeting moment.
00:04:56.399 --> 00:05:02.480
And weirdly, letting go of that urgency has made me more functional, not less.
00:05:02.800 --> 00:05:04.560
I'm less exhausted.
00:05:04.879 --> 00:05:12.399
I make fewer reactive decisions, and I'm a lot easier to be around, which honestly my family would probably confirm.
00:05:13.040 --> 00:05:23.759
So the second thing is something that I don't talk about enough because it doesn't make for a very inspiring Instagram caption or podcast episode.
00:05:23.920 --> 00:05:30.079
But I've been quietly lowering the bar in several areas of my life, and it really has been huge.
00:05:30.480 --> 00:05:48.399
Not in the things that really matter to me, of course, but not in how I show up for my kids emotionally or even how I'm investing in relationships that are important to me, but lowering the bar in all the things I was doing out of habit or expectation or some old version of what I thought a good mom looked like.
00:05:48.800 --> 00:05:50.399
Like meals, for example.
00:05:50.560 --> 00:05:54.720
I have simplified dinner to a degree that would probably make some people cringe.
00:05:55.040 --> 00:05:56.639
We have things on rotation.
00:05:56.879 --> 00:05:58.639
There's a lot of repetition.
00:05:58.879 --> 00:06:00.000
And you know what?
00:06:00.240 --> 00:06:01.519
My kids are fine.
00:06:01.680 --> 00:06:03.120
My family is fed.
00:06:03.279 --> 00:06:05.600
And I'm not standing in my kitchen at 5 p.m.
00:06:05.759 --> 00:06:12.240
feeling resentful and overwhelmed, which means I actually have something left to give at the end of the day.
00:06:12.639 --> 00:06:13.680
Or weekends.
00:06:13.839 --> 00:06:16.639
I used to feel this pressure to make weekends meaningful.
00:06:16.720 --> 00:06:20.720
Like if we didn't do something fun or intentional, we were wasting it.
00:06:21.040 --> 00:06:23.839
And now I'm I've mostly let that go.
00:06:24.079 --> 00:06:31.120
Sometimes a weekend is just rest, sometimes it's errands and a little more screen time, and sometimes nobody's showered.
00:06:31.279 --> 00:06:33.120
And that's actually fine.
00:06:33.759 --> 00:06:40.480
I think I had this belief for a long time that really everything needed to be done well for me to be a good mom.
00:06:41.040 --> 00:06:46.399
And what I'm realizing is the bar I set for myself was never really about my kids.
00:06:46.639 --> 00:06:48.560
It was about my own anxiety.
00:06:48.800 --> 00:06:52.560
Letting it down has truly felt like exhaling.
00:06:53.759 --> 00:06:56.480
Related to that, there's something I've been opting out of.
00:06:56.560 --> 00:06:59.680
And I didn't really have language for it until recently.
00:06:59.920 --> 00:07:03.600
But I've been opting out of doing too much for my kids.
00:07:03.920 --> 00:07:06.399
Okay, here's what this looked like for me.
00:07:06.639 --> 00:07:18.480
Whenever one of my boys was frustrated or bored or couldn't figure something out, my usual instinct is to, you know, jump in immediately, fix it, redirect it, offer a solution, make it easier.
00:07:18.720 --> 00:07:22.079
And on the surface, that looks like attentive parenting.
00:07:22.319 --> 00:07:27.439
But when I really get honest with myself, a lot of it wasn't about them at all.
00:07:27.759 --> 00:07:31.759
It was about me not being able to sit with their discomfort.
00:07:32.000 --> 00:07:34.879
Their frustration was making me anxious.
00:07:35.120 --> 00:07:38.480
Their boredom made me feel like I was failing them.
00:07:38.879 --> 00:07:40.399
So I managed it.
00:07:40.560 --> 00:07:43.519
Not for them, but to manage my own feelings about it.
00:07:44.399 --> 00:07:52.560
And the thing is, when you're constantly smoothing everything over, your kids never get the chance to figure out that they can handle hard things.
00:07:52.800 --> 00:07:54.639
And you never get to see it either.
00:07:54.800 --> 00:08:00.800
Which means you both stay stuck in this loop where they need you to fix everything and you feel like you have to.
00:08:01.759 --> 00:08:11.279
So I've been sitting on my hands a little more, waiting a beat before I respond, letting a moment be uncomfortable instead of immediately rescuing it.
00:08:11.759 --> 00:08:14.639
And more often than not, they work it out.
00:08:15.279 --> 00:08:19.600
Not perfectly, not without some complaining, but they get there.
00:08:20.319 --> 00:08:28.639
And there's something in their face when they do that that I would have completely stolen from them if I had jumped in 30 seconds earlier.
00:08:29.360 --> 00:08:33.440
It's not about being hands-off or detached and not talking about that.
00:08:33.600 --> 00:08:42.720
It's about trusting them a little more and honestly trusting myself that I don't have to earn my place in this family by constantly being useful.
00:08:44.000 --> 00:08:45.600
Okay, the fourth thing.
00:08:45.840 --> 00:08:48.480
So sharing what I've been doing less a moment ago.
00:08:48.639 --> 00:08:51.600
Now I want to talk about what I've been doing more of.
00:08:51.840 --> 00:08:53.840
And it's really so simple.
00:08:53.919 --> 00:08:58.639
It almost feels too small to mention, but it's made a real difference in our days.
00:08:58.960 --> 00:09:05.440
I have been more intentional about having small connection moments, and I mean really small.
00:09:05.759 --> 00:09:12.960
Just a few minutes at a certain point in the day where I can put my phone down or out of the room, and I'm just with my kids.
00:09:13.200 --> 00:09:19.759
I'm not teaching anything, I'm not redirecting anything, I'm not even trying to be productive about anything.
00:09:19.919 --> 00:09:21.759
I'm just being present.
00:09:22.000 --> 00:09:33.279
There's no agenda, just asking what they're do right now, or sitting next to them while they do something they love, or just being in the same room without being halfway somewhere else in my head.
00:09:33.679 --> 00:09:36.559
And it's amazing how much it fills their cup.
00:09:36.720 --> 00:09:38.879
And honestly, mine too.
00:09:39.120 --> 00:09:44.399
Because I think sometimes I was physically present all day, but mentally somewhere else.
00:09:44.559 --> 00:09:46.080
And they can feel that.
00:09:46.720 --> 00:09:47.919
This is different.
00:09:48.080 --> 00:09:52.080
It's a small thing, but it's intentional, and I know the difference.
00:09:52.399 --> 00:09:55.600
And I and they know the difference.
00:09:56.320 --> 00:09:59.279
It doesn't fix everything for sure.
00:09:59.519 --> 00:10:04.480
There are still hard days and loud days and days where I feel like I'm getting it all wrong.
00:10:04.720 --> 00:10:08.960
But this one little anchor has made our rhythm feel more connected.
00:10:09.200 --> 00:10:14.080
And connection is usually what we were both missing when things started to feel hard.
00:10:14.320 --> 00:10:27.759
So I put together something for you that you can print out or keep on your phone or computer, just so that you have something to reference when you need some ideas of what are some small intentional ways that you can connect.
00:10:27.919 --> 00:10:29.519
So check out the show notes.
00:10:29.679 --> 00:10:30.879
That's where it'll be.
00:10:31.039 --> 00:10:34.559
And hopefully you'll find it just as useful as I do.
00:10:35.679 --> 00:10:44.000
If you're listening to this while folding laundry, driving to practice, or grabbing a minute to yourself, I want to invite you a little closer.
00:10:44.240 --> 00:10:55.919
My email list is where I show up in between episodes with practical, real life support for motherhood, things that actually help in the middle of the week, not just ideas that sound good in theory.
00:10:56.159 --> 00:11:02.240
It's encouragement, perspective, and simple tools to help you feel a little more grounded as you move through your week.
00:11:02.480 --> 00:11:05.840
No pressure, no perfection, just support.
00:11:06.159 --> 00:11:11.279
You can join me over at experiencemotherhood.com or click the link in the show notes.
00:11:11.440 --> 00:11:13.519
I'd truly love to have you there.
00:11:13.759 --> 00:11:16.000
Okay, back to our conversation.
00:11:16.639 --> 00:11:17.919
Okay, number five.
00:11:18.159 --> 00:11:25.360
I've also gotten a lot more intentional too about what I do when the day starts to go sideways, because it will.
00:11:26.080 --> 00:11:28.320
Something will happen before 9 a.m.
00:11:28.480 --> 00:11:29.840
that throws everything off.
00:11:29.919 --> 00:11:34.960
And I have a choice in that moment spiral with it or interrupt it.
00:11:35.600 --> 00:11:45.360
My reset is embarrassingly simple, but I do I stop, I take a real breath, not a rushed, anxious breath, but an actual slow one.
00:11:45.519 --> 00:11:50.320
And I ask myself one question What actually matters right now?
00:11:50.879 --> 00:11:54.639
Not today, not this week, but right now.
00:11:55.759 --> 00:11:58.399
And usually the answer is pretty small.
00:11:58.559 --> 00:12:04.240
It's be regulated, help this kid feel heard, get everyone fed and out the door.
00:12:04.399 --> 00:12:05.200
That's it.
00:12:05.440 --> 00:12:09.519
Not all the other things I was mentally managing while the morning fell apart.
00:12:10.240 --> 00:12:25.759
And this doesn't fix everything, of course, but it interrupts the spiral of overwhelm that I think so many of us get stuck in, where one thing goes wrong and suddenly we're catastrophizing the whole day, the whole week and our whole existence as a mother.
00:12:26.399 --> 00:12:32.320
Something also that's been surprisingly helpful is a small boundary I've been holding.
00:12:32.559 --> 00:12:37.360
It's honestly, again, almost embarrassingly small, but it's made a really big difference.
00:12:37.519 --> 00:12:39.519
And hopefully it will for you too.
00:12:40.080 --> 00:12:43.200
So I have stopped answering things immediately.
00:12:43.519 --> 00:12:48.399
Text, questions, decisions that feel urgent, but you know, actually aren't.
00:12:48.639 --> 00:12:55.200
I've given myself permission to have a few hours in the day where I'm just not available in that reactive way.
00:12:55.440 --> 00:13:01.039
And here's what I realized: I was giving away so much energy in these tiny moments.
00:13:01.200 --> 00:13:07.519
Someone would text and I'd drop what I was doing to respond, or a question would come in and I'd immediately try to solve it.
00:13:07.600 --> 00:13:13.279
And by the end of the day, I was depleted and I couldn't even trace where it all went.
00:13:13.759 --> 00:13:19.600
So protecting even a small moment of that attention has been like plugging a slow leak.
00:13:19.759 --> 00:13:24.000
It doesn't sound like much, I know, but the cumulative effect is real.
00:13:24.159 --> 00:13:27.759
And I have more of myself for the things that actually matter.
00:13:28.720 --> 00:13:31.039
Okay, one more thing I want to talk about.
00:13:31.200 --> 00:13:40.080
So the seventh thing that I want to address is then just practically, I've simplified a few things at home in the most boring ways possible.
00:13:40.320 --> 00:13:47.519
And I'm telling you this because I think sometimes we overlook the boring stuff in search of something more inspiring.
00:13:47.919 --> 00:13:50.000
So for us, it looks like this.
00:13:50.320 --> 00:13:55.519
We have, you know, about six dinners or so that we rotate through, and that's genuinely it.
00:13:55.759 --> 00:14:02.879
The same things on repeat every single week, you know, taco Tuesdays, we have pasta sometime in the week.
00:14:03.039 --> 00:14:15.840
And I stopped trying to introduce like brand new recipes on a really busy weeknight because I had three boys, and the feedback I was getting on anything new was that it wasn't really worth the effort for the most part.
00:14:16.080 --> 00:14:18.720
Nobody was feeling grateful, nobody was impressed.
00:14:18.799 --> 00:14:21.279
And I was standing in my kitchen at 5 p.m.
00:14:21.759 --> 00:14:27.360
having spent mental energy I didn't have on a meal that got picked apart anyway.
00:14:28.080 --> 00:14:35.200
So now I grocery shop almost so now I grocery shop off almost the exact list every week.
00:14:35.440 --> 00:14:37.039
I make the decision once.
00:14:37.200 --> 00:14:39.519
And the question, what's for dinner?
00:14:39.759 --> 00:14:46.720
Which honestly, I hate that question, but it has basically disappeared from my life because everyone already knows.
00:14:47.039 --> 00:14:49.039
And here's what I didn't expect to.
00:14:49.360 --> 00:14:52.639
The simplifying dinner didn't just save me the time in the kitchen.
00:14:52.799 --> 00:14:55.200
It did really save me that mental energy.
00:14:55.279 --> 00:14:57.840
And I didn't even realize I was spending that.
00:14:58.159 --> 00:15:00.159
Because I wasn't just making dinner.
00:15:00.320 --> 00:15:02.159
I was thinking about dinner at 2 p.m.
00:15:02.320 --> 00:15:09.039
or I was texting my husband about it, or scrolling for ideas and realizing I didn't have an ingredient and I had to pivot.
00:15:09.200 --> 00:15:11.039
And all of that is less.
00:15:11.200 --> 00:15:12.399
It's not all gone.
00:15:12.480 --> 00:15:13.600
And I am not perfect.
00:15:13.679 --> 00:15:17.840
So, of course, there's still times where I am, what are we gonna have for dinner?
00:15:18.080 --> 00:15:20.799
But a lot of that energy now goes somewhere else.
00:15:21.039 --> 00:15:31.440
It goes into actually being present when my boys get home from school instead of being kind of half checked out because I'm already three steps ahead trying to figure out the evening.
00:15:32.399 --> 00:15:36.879
Fewer choices, simpler meals, routines that run on autopilot.
00:15:37.039 --> 00:15:40.720
I know it's not that exciting, but it removes so much mental load.
00:15:40.799 --> 00:15:49.200
And mental load is the thing that I really feel like is just secretly exhausting me way more than anything else.
00:15:50.080 --> 00:15:54.720
So those are the things that have been making my life feel a little easier right now.
00:15:54.960 --> 00:16:02.320
None of them are revolutionary, I know, but some of them are probably, and some of them even probably sound obvious.
00:16:02.639 --> 00:16:06.559
But the obvious things become powerful when you actually do them.
00:16:06.799 --> 00:16:13.679
When you give yourself permission to actually choose the easier path instead of just admiring it from a distance.
00:16:14.080 --> 00:16:20.240
And if there's anything I hope you take from this episode, it's that it doesn't have to be complicated to make a difference.
00:16:20.480 --> 00:16:29.120
The smallest shift in how you're thinking or what you're allowing yourself to let go of can really change the whole texture of your day.
00:16:29.440 --> 00:16:32.799
You're not supposed to be running at full capacity all the time.
00:16:32.960 --> 00:16:35.120
And easier isn't lazy.
00:16:35.440 --> 00:16:39.440
Simpler is isn't simpler isn't settling.
00:16:39.840 --> 00:16:42.960
It might actually be the most intentional choice you make.
00:16:43.840 --> 00:16:49.679
Okay, I have to mention before we end today that next week is episode 100.
00:16:49.919 --> 00:16:52.720
And I've been sitting with this a lot this week.
00:16:53.039 --> 00:16:54.799
A hundred episodes.
00:16:54.960 --> 00:17:02.320
That's a lot of conversations, a lot of me talking into a microphone, hoping something lands for someone out there.
00:17:02.399 --> 00:17:04.400
And I know so much of it has.
00:17:04.799 --> 00:17:16.880
I'm planning something a little different for that episode, a little more personal, a little more reflective, less about tips and more about what this journey has actually looked like and what I want the season to be.
00:17:17.119 --> 00:17:20.400
I'm really looking forward to it, and I hope you'll be there for it.
00:17:20.480 --> 00:17:26.079
So make sure that you hit follow on the podcast app that you're listening to so you don't miss it.
00:17:26.559 --> 00:17:29.039
Until then, thank you for being here.
00:17:29.279 --> 00:17:35.039
Thank you for every listen, every message, every time you've shared this show with another mom who needed it.
00:17:35.200 --> 00:17:38.880
It means more than you know, and I'll see you next week.
00:17:39.119 --> 00:17:41.920
It's time to go experience motherhood.
00:17:43.119 --> 00:17:53.519
If you want even more encouragement, behind the scenes moments, and a peek at my daily life as a mom and therapist, come follow me on Instagram at Experience Motherhood.
00:17:53.680 --> 00:17:55.920
I'd love to connect with you there.
00:17:58.400 --> 00:18:03.920
The Experienced Motherhood Podcast is for informational and educational purposes only.
00:18:04.240 --> 00:18:10.720
Nothing shared on this podcast should be considered clinical advice or a substitute for individualized mental health care.
00:18:10.960 --> 00:18:17.599
Although I am a licensed professional clinical counselor, this podcast does not establish a therapeutic relationship.
00:18:17.839 --> 00:18:22.640
If you're needing support, please reach out to a qualified mental health provider near you.
00:18:22.880 --> 00:18:29.759
If you're in crisis, contact your local emergency services or the 988 Suicide in Crisis Lifeline.
