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Speaker 1: Life Audio.
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Speaker 2: You're listening to every Day Prayers with Million Praying Moms, where we help you pray God's word for your family in the areas you need it most.
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Speaker 1: I'm your host, Nicolette Bell.
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Speaker 2: Here, we believe prayer isn't a last resort, it's our first and best response in parenting. It's a partnership for the hearts of our children that God invites us into. Today, we are continuing on in our Friday Conversation series as we are headed back to school, and I am so excited to have my friend Elizabeth Lange Thompson on the podcast with us today.
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Speaker 1: Elizabeth, welcome to the show.
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Speaker 3: Hey, thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to be with you.
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Speaker 2: So we're going to be talking today about sports and navigating failure with your kids. Elizabeth has produced so beautiful new devotional that we're going to kind.
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Speaker 1: Of talk a little bit about.
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Speaker 2: But she has a lot of wisdom and encouragement to share with us as moms who are navigating these things with our children. So, Elizabeth, as we get started, would you begin by just telling us a little bit about you?
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Speaker 1: Sure?
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Speaker 3: Well, I am a mom of four and I am still so grateful I get to say that sentence after a long journey with infertility. I'm sure some of the moms and listeners here have been through that. What a blessing they are. Two of my children are now in college, and then I've still got two at home. All of them sports have played a huge part of their life, so I'm sure we'll talk about that. But I write for women and teens, and I have a special place in my heart for teenagers. I love meeting people at that messy place where we bring our faith and feelings together. And so I've written a book called All the Fields, another called All the Feels for teens about man emotions, and then this one is a real passion project about bringing our sports and our feelings and our.
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Speaker 1: Faith all together.
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Speaker 3: So it's a really fun one to get to talk to you about today.
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Speaker 2: I'm so excited it's it's called in Season, a ninety day devotional for female athletes to build fate, strength and confidence and train a growth mindset. And while this is specifically for females, our conversation today is going to be broader than that, So don't tune us out if you are a boy mom listening to us today. So tell us just kind of a little bit why you wrote this book, and I think that'll help get us into our back to school conversation.
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Speaker 1: Sure.
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Speaker 3: Well, my daughter Avery my third child. I have girl boy, girl girl, and Avery is my kid who I mean, sports are her favorite thing. She loves sports, and she loves Jesus's life, and.
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Speaker 1: She plays lacrosse.
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Speaker 3: And as what I started noticing with Avery was she would go through these like ups and downs as the year progressed. Get the excitement, the anticipation of her lacrosse season starting, her favorite time of year would start so happy, so excited, but then you know, mid season, you start to get that overwhelm, which every sports parent or former athlete understands, where they're balancing a lot of things. Sports are very intense today, even if it's just you know, at the high school level, it's not or middle school level. It's all consuming, and so they're balancing academics, they're balancing schoolwork and chores at home, and maybe some of them have a job and the pressures of competition and their own internal pressures to succeed in their own goals, and then meanwhile also trying to stay close to God. And find time to read a Bible verse in the morning or pray a little bit. And so I started noticing that for Avery this was really challenging and she wanted to be close to God during the season. But we were struggling to figure out how do we empower this, how do we make this possible for her? So we started looking around just trying to find, Okay, well, what resources exist, like can what tools can I put in your hands to make this a little easier for you? And we just couldn't find what Avery was looking for. And so this devotional book is really born out of like a deep love for my Avery, and it is it is for my Avery and all the Avery's out there, the kids who love Jesus and love sports and really want to walk with God daily as they run after their athletic dreams.
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Speaker 1: That's so good. That's so good.
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Speaker 2: I think, you know, you can identify so much with the all consumingness of the sports in this season, right, and it's even changed so much.
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Speaker 1: Sense I have been.
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Speaker 2: Out of high school and college. My husband and I were both collegiate athletes, and so we were so used to that, you know, getting out at to be at a six am practice, going to class during the day, having practice in the evenings, like having meets or matches or whatever that would look like. And so having these schedules that you're keeping, and then yes, having that desire of wanting to be close to God, wanting to be involved in a community of.
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Speaker 1: Faith, Then what does that look like when you're pursuing.
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Speaker 2: This a sport, maybe in a venue that you really feel like God has placed you in and wants you to do that, and you're being able to minister in in that and so but yeah, it's crazy even how even since we've been out of college, how much the pressure has even increased just in such a short amount of time.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean the pressures that that young athletes are juggling are immense, And you know, I think something that's I think it's very outcome oriented. You know, sometimes the just the simple joy of competition and the joy of growing as a human being and embracing all the hard things that come with sports as a part of like, hey, this is God shaping me, this is me growing as a human And that can get a little bit lost in that pressure they feel to simply produce, like you are only as good as your last performance as your last workout, as your last victory.
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Speaker 1: That's a lot for kids to learn to manage.
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Speaker 3: And then I think two sports are there year round now, Like even if you just play one sport, that sport, you are probably playing it all year in a travel league or even in your high school team. Like the workouts go all year long. Which that's so different from how when I was in sports. We weren't allowed to practice together in the summer. It was like we had to do it on the slot, you know, like secretly.
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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. Now it's like no, you got to be there, come on, so expectation, Yeah, it is. It is around.
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Speaker 2: My dad was a high school coach for thirty two years and he just retired, and that was one of the things he really struggled with the most at the end because of that transition, because he grew up playing multiple sports and coaching multiple sports and in helping kids do multiple sports. And so this kind of idea of you pick your one thing and that's all you can do is a very new and different idea, and I do think that it puts a lot of pressure on I've served in youth ministry for a long time and I remember like kids in middle school trying to figure out like what is my thing?
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Speaker 1: Like what is the thing that I'm going to do?
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Speaker 2: And I'm like, well, you don't like really have to decide that right now, you know, But it's that pressure that they feel from the outside world. So how do you think that as kind of parents are going into the back to school start, a lot of sports seasons jumping into school and sports rhythms and our kind of schedules change as we jump back into the school year. What do you think are kind of the challenges that parents and children are facing and maybe around identity and worth in their children.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, well, I love what you said about middle schoolers coming to you and saying what's my thing? And you know, I think one of the messages that our kids need to hear from us is you don't have to have a thing.
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Speaker 1: You can have a lot of things.
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Speaker 3: Or do you know what, maybe right now God is your thing and you don't have like you might not have this very hyper specific focus and passion in your life that photographs beautifully on social media or makes it cool real I see. But like helping our children to not define themselves based on what they do, but on who they are in God's eyes. That is a recurring theme and conversation at our house, like especially with Avery. Avery, lacrosse is what you do. It is not who you are. Who you are is you are a daughter of God and you have a beautiful calling. Yes, you love to play sports, and I think you honor God and you glorify Him through that. And maybe for other kids it's academics or it's art, or it's singing or whatever. They love you honor God as you pursue excellence in those areas.
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Speaker 1: But you are a child of God.
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Speaker 3: Let's not lose that most important identity and that most important calling as we pursue the things that we enjoy and that we feel motivated to succeed in.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's so good, I think.
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Speaker 2: And you know, so you say you're having those kind of conversations with her, are there any other like practical ways that you help live that out, help remind her of that truth because I think we all know that to be true and we want our children to believe that.
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Speaker 1: But what does that actually look.
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Speaker 2: Like in the day to day when you're running her from school to practice or in a game match?
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Speaker 1: What do they call it? In lacrosse. I'm not super familiar game. It's a game. We don't play much lacrosse here in Mississippi.
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Speaker 2: So so what do you what does that look like for you and your family on a real practical basis.
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Speaker 1: That's a great question, you know.
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Speaker 3: Funny enough, I think a lot of this starts with simply helping our kids with scheduling and priorities, like how do we keep making space for God and for time in His word and for prayer and even a family devotional time if that's something that your family does, Like, how do we keep making space for God as the all these demands of life and pressure and responsibility, real responsibility are creeping in.
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Speaker 1: So that's a big.
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Speaker 3: Thing that we start talking about at the beginning of every semester. We have to kind of sit down and have a big family meeting about let's all bring our calendar and schedule together. How are we all going to stay close together to God? How are we going to pursue Him together as a family, Like can we have a little connection where we open the Word at dinner time on Mondays?
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Speaker 1: Is that our night this semester?
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Speaker 3: Or maybe Mondays doesn't work this semester because you always have games. Maybe now it's Thursdays, or we get up early on a Friday and we sort of brainstorm this family schedule together, and you know, it's an imperfect thing and it has to be flexible, and some weeks we miss. But I think that's a great way to start the semester, is just making that space and then having those regular check ins of how are you doing, Like, how are you feeling about your schedule? Are you feeling close to the family, close to God? Okay, as a human being, not burning the candle at both ends in a damaging way, So those periodic check in conversations as well.
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Speaker 2: And just making that normal, like this is just what we use we're talking about, and.
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Speaker 1: Doing it on the front end instead of on the back end.
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Speaker 2: We're burnt out, we're overwhelmed all of those things. Certainly we need to make adjustments at that point, but what can we navigate on the front end. I love that suggestion, and I want to ask you as a young mom, I have a four year old and a seven month old. So my four year old's about to be five, and so she's kind of starting out like we are going to have our first soccer season, and we're we've been taking gymnastics over the summer, like we're kind of starting the activities. And it really is kind of amazing to me how many kids, even at her age, are burning the candle at both ends doing all the activities. And I think it's usually maybe the kids that have older siblings that are already in those activities and doing the things right. But as a young mom, what advice would you give to me as I'm kind of just stepping our toes into the activities sports world, and how do we navigate that where it's not where that doesn't become an idol in our life.
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Speaker 3: I love that question so much because I remember feeling right at when my kids, my oldest were at your age, your kid's age.
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Speaker 1: I remember.
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Speaker 3: Suddenly feeling like I'm already behind, Like yes.
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Speaker 1: Yes, like I see all these other families. She started soccer late. Yeah, Like she's never gonna make the World Cup. She's four. We missed our shot. But I think there.
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Speaker 3: Is a lot of pressure on you as the parent to feel like you are giving your kid every possibility, every opportunity, and you were cultivating every part of her or him as a human being. And if you don't enroll them and all the different things, you've kind of messed them up and you've robbed them. Listen, our kids are going to be great and they are going to gravitate towards their areas of giftedness, their areas of passion and interest as.
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Speaker 1: They grow up. And sure we can give them.
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Speaker 3: Opportunities, but I think we just have to constantly guard against that lie that tells us, hey, it's all on you and they need every opportunity. You know, there are some opportunities my kids didn't get along the way. They had a lot of them, but not everyone. There are some activities. It was like, you know what, guys, we're not doing that one. We just can't. We can't do that and be a close family and still prioritize God in our lives.
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Speaker 1: We still want to.
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Speaker 3: Go to church on Sunday, Like we can't. We can't do everything for all four kids. We're going to have to make some hard choices. And I think giving yourself permission to like, let your kids do one thing, have a simple life.
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Speaker 1: It's okay. They're not missing out.
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Speaker 3: They're they're gonna be happy, fun children, and God will lead them appropriately as time goes on.
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Speaker 2: Well, I got and convicted a couple of weeks ago. I don't remember what all. I think it maybe was swimming lessons and then maybe gymnastics fell in the same day. It was just a lot kind of in one day for my little one. And she just looked at me and said, I just wanted to stay home today, and I went, you know, like.
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Speaker 1: Wow, I've missed it.
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Speaker 2: Like she just is super content to be here playing with her toys with me, you know, doing the things that she wants to do here at home. Not that we don't, you know, go out and do things, but it just for me, it was like, Nicole, you have been trying to run her and do the make sure she has all these opportunities that you feel like everybody else has. But she's looking at you, going, I'm a child and I want to play at home with my imagination and my dolls and my toys and whatever. And it was just a very convicting kind of moment for me of going, okay, Lord, like protect me from putting all this pressure on her when she's so.
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Speaker 1: Little, Like she's just so little.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, and play is good, you know, And I think I, you know, it's funny. I've had to, like, I feel like that is a conversation I have with myself probably like five times a year, Like at the beginning of every new season, it's like, well, how busy are we going to be? And what what are we going to pursue? And what are we not and what that's great for that family that they're pursuing that, but we're not. We're going to miss that one, you know, because we just want a little more time to be home and play. And you know, and every family is different, you know what every kid is different, what they want and what fills them up.
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Speaker 1: And so I love that.
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Speaker 2: Well, I want to talk to you a little bit about failure because you address that in your book. And even if somebody's child isn't in sports per se, they are still going to deal with failure. And so how do we help our children navigate failure in a way that's God honoring as moms who are seeking Jesus.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think you know, certainly, sports are a great tool that God can use to shape our kids characters in many, many ways, and they're going to face a lot of disappointment and failure and mistakes along the way. And in every activity. Some of my kids are really into music, and they've had, you know, different auditions and chair auditions and symphony orchestras that they were trying to get into. My son practiced for months trying to get into the symphony orchestra and he was one chair away from making it.
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Speaker 1: I mean just devastated. And he put the work in.
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Speaker 3: You know, but you can't control you can't control anyone else's performance but your own. And so we've navigated failure in music and sports and all those things. And one of the things that I think God uses those opportunities to teach our kids' humility that hey, you know, it's okay to not be perfect. I'm not gonna always be the best. And I don't need to always be the best. Am I doing something that I love?
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Speaker 1: Great? Am I doing it to glorify God or just to have joy? Great?
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Speaker 3: It's not always about being the best in everything. So teaching that humility that bigger perspective. And we've talked a lot. We try to incorporate scriptures of There's this funny little proverb that says the horse is made ready for the day of battle, but victory rests with the Lord, and you know, obviously we're not sending our kids into battle with music or sports or their activit, but sort of understanding that sometimes the outcome is out of your hands and God's going to decide, Hey, I want you to I want you to make that team, or I want you to make that orchestra. I want you to have this opportunity. And sometimes He might be directing you somewhere else the victory might be. It might be in another area, so He may be guiding you and protecting you.
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Speaker 1: And we have to trust God.
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Speaker 3: When we do fail and we don't make the team, we don't get that thing we were hoping for. So I think there are a lot of ways we can bring scripture in and that bigger picture perspective of how God is working in your life, even through the disappointments and the failures.
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Speaker 2: I remember my mom I had to navigate a little bit of failure situation, and I remember my mom telling me, you know, I was on the back row of whatever performance we were doing, and she told me, be the best back row performer you could ever be. You just stand back there and you shine on that back row. And it was just such a reminder of you know what you're doing and who you're doing it for.
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Speaker 1: And I think about that even today.
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Speaker 2: You know, it's like you just when you're faced with maybe not getting the spot you want or maybe not doing what you have in story. And I can think of so many times that the Lord kind of redirected me, as you were talking about, like something didn't turn out, but then six months later something came along that if I would have been doing the other thing, I wouldn't have had this opportunity.
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Speaker 1: And it was really the best opportunity for me, and.
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Speaker 2: I didn't even know it existed, you know, at the point of where I was having that failure. And so so many times we've seen that happen in our lives, and so I think as parents we can speak that into our kids, and you know, sometimes they don't want to hear that from their parents, but I think, you know, we continue to just point out God's faithfulness in our own lives, and that helps them to see that in their lives and to look for that and expect it in their lives.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think, like, I love what your mom did for you because she helped you to not lean into a victim mindset. Really, what your mom was teaching you was resilience and at that overcoming attitude. And I think so much of how we as parents, how we respond to our kids' failures in the moment, will help to shape their resilience and their perspective on those moments. Because let's be honest, when my kids are crying and they're heartbroken over something they worked for that they didn't get, I want to cry with them. And I also want to be mad and like blame someone and be like, how dare they? You're the best, You're my little angel child and you're perfect. But that's not helpful necessarily right for my kids. Right, So I think we have to like straddle that balance of we validate and we say this is hard and it stinks, and you did work hard and your effort did deserve to make it or did deserve the success that you're not getting, and maybe you are being overlooked. But how can we with prayer, with God, with the word, how can we turn this into a win? How can you just use this as an opportunity to grow and to be strong, to be a support for someone else who is getting the role you wanted.
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Speaker 1: How can you use this.
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Speaker 3: As an opportunity to serve behind the scenes, to be that back row awesomeness, whatever.
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Speaker 1: The thing is. But when we do that, we are teaching our kids to turn failure into victory, a different kind of victory, but a victory nonetheless, And that is a skill that they are going to take with them and a character trait that is going to serve them for the rest of their lives. Oh that's so good. That's so good.
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Speaker 2: That idea of encouragement and I think are just so much of culture teaches us and our children that other people are a threat to what we are doing. And I always just like to remember with God, there's always room at the table, right just because she's good at something doesn't mean I'm not good at it. There's room for us both to be good at it, or there's room for me to be good at this and her to be good at this, or vice versa in when you're dealing with with with guys. And so I think that we can just have this dialogue in our head about that really without even realizing it a lot at the time, and so helping our children to identify that and to say, you know, great job, my friend, that made the team when I didn't, even though it's really hard, and we don't belittle what they're feeling, like you said, we acknowledge it, but we do teach that encouragement and that kind of there's there's room at the table mindset instead of like there's not enough, not enough space for us both to be in this in this way.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, I really love that teaching them.
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Speaker 3: You know that God has God has a plan for you, and He has a plan for all the people around you. So you know, if he didn't give you this opportunity, that means that he has a different plan and that is okay, and we're going to find out what that is.
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Speaker 1: It may not be right away.
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Speaker 3: We might spend some time looking and praying and thinking, but we can rejoice for others and just wait and see what God has in mind for you as well. He has different plans for each of us. That's so good, So good, Lizbeth.
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Speaker 2: So you have so much more to say about helping student athletes navigate failure and navigate just the sports world and finding Jesus in the midst of it, dealing with emotions and feelings in your book in season, So tell us where we can find it and how people can connect with you.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, you can find the book wherever you like to purchase your books christianbook dot Com, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Target, Walmart, all those different places. You can find me online at all the usual suspects. I'm on Instagram at elizabethlank Thompson. I'm on Facebook elizabethlank Thompson Writer, and I have a website my name as well, so I'm real easy to find and I love engaging with families and readers and.
00:25:24
Speaker 1: Schools, athletes, all of that.
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Speaker 3: So reach out and I'd love to get to know any of your listeners who want to reach out.
00:25:31
Speaker 1: Thanks Elizabeth, this has been such a great conversation. I appreciate it so much.
00:25:36
Speaker 2: I wonder if you would end our time together by praying for our moms as they navigate sports and failure in this new school year.
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Speaker 1: Absolutely, let's pray. Lord.
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Speaker 3: We love you so much. And it is a privilege to be moms. It is a privilege to help shape young hearts and to shepherd them, to lead them in your ways, to introduce them to your to grow together with them in our faith, because parenting certainly tests our faith, our trust God, I pray for all the moms and the grandmothers, and the aunts and the women listening to these words today that you will strengthen and equip them to shape the children in their lives. God, give them wisdom and courage, give them the right scriptures to share. Give them the resilience and that growth mindset and toughness that they need, so that we can all pass that on to our children.
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Speaker 1: It's hard to pass on what you don't have.
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Speaker 3: God, we know that you are shaping us through our children's growth pains as well, and so we invite you to shape us, and we ask you to help us all to grow together and to raise the next generation of children who love you, who trust you, and who honor you in sports and arts, in school and work, in whatever it is that you have called them to do. We thank you for the privilege of shaping them in your son's pressure this name.
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Speaker 1: We pray, Amen, Amen, Amen.
00:27:05
Speaker 2: As part of our Fruit of the Spirit prayers and everyday prayers for the School Year book Club, Tara Cole and I created a free car Conversations guide for your family to use this fall. The car is sometimes the best place for our most precious conversations with our kids as we are praying through the Fruit of the Spirit. Our hope is that you can have meaningful conversations with your kids about what living out these fruit looks like in their daily lives. Tara and I created a series of quick questions. She wrote some for the older kids, I wrote some for younger kids, and we share a prayer that you can share with your children about each of the Fruit of the Spirit. Download your copy for free on our website or the link in our show notes.
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Speaker 1: Until next time, friends, the Lord bless you and keep you.
00:27:55
Speaker 2: Make His face shine upon you, and be gracious to you. The Lord look with favor on you, and give you peace.
Speaker 1: Life Audio.
00:00:15
Speaker 2: You're listening to every Day Prayers with Million Praying Moms, where we help you pray God's word for your family in the areas you need it most.
00:00:22
Speaker 1: I'm your host, Nicolette Bell.
00:00:24
Speaker 2: Here, we believe prayer isn't a last resort, it's our first and best response in parenting. It's a partnership for the hearts of our children that God invites us into. Today, we are continuing on in our Friday Conversation series as we are headed back to school, and I am so excited to have my friend Elizabeth Lange Thompson on the podcast with us today.
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Speaker 1: Elizabeth, welcome to the show.
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Speaker 3: Hey, thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to be with you.
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Speaker 2: So we're going to be talking today about sports and navigating failure with your kids. Elizabeth has produced so beautiful new devotional that we're going to kind.
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Speaker 1: Of talk a little bit about.
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Speaker 2: But she has a lot of wisdom and encouragement to share with us as moms who are navigating these things with our children. So, Elizabeth, as we get started, would you begin by just telling us a little bit about you?
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Speaker 1: Sure?
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Speaker 3: Well, I am a mom of four and I am still so grateful I get to say that sentence after a long journey with infertility. I'm sure some of the moms and listeners here have been through that. What a blessing they are. Two of my children are now in college, and then I've still got two at home. All of them sports have played a huge part of their life, so I'm sure we'll talk about that. But I write for women and teens, and I have a special place in my heart for teenagers. I love meeting people at that messy place where we bring our faith and feelings together. And so I've written a book called All the Fields, another called All the Feels for teens about man emotions, and then this one is a real passion project about bringing our sports and our feelings and our.
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Speaker 1: Faith all together.
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Speaker 3: So it's a really fun one to get to talk to you about today.
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Speaker 2: I'm so excited it's it's called in Season, a ninety day devotional for female athletes to build fate, strength and confidence and train a growth mindset. And while this is specifically for females, our conversation today is going to be broader than that, So don't tune us out if you are a boy mom listening to us today. So tell us just kind of a little bit why you wrote this book, and I think that'll help get us into our back to school conversation.
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Speaker 1: Sure.
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Speaker 3: Well, my daughter Avery my third child. I have girl boy, girl girl, and Avery is my kid who I mean, sports are her favorite thing. She loves sports, and she loves Jesus's life, and.
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Speaker 1: She plays lacrosse.
00:03:03
Speaker 3: And as what I started noticing with Avery was she would go through these like ups and downs as the year progressed. Get the excitement, the anticipation of her lacrosse season starting, her favorite time of year would start so happy, so excited, but then you know, mid season, you start to get that overwhelm, which every sports parent or former athlete understands, where they're balancing a lot of things. Sports are very intense today, even if it's just you know, at the high school level, it's not or middle school level. It's all consuming, and so they're balancing academics, they're balancing schoolwork and chores at home, and maybe some of them have a job and the pressures of competition and their own internal pressures to succeed in their own goals, and then meanwhile also trying to stay close to God. And find time to read a Bible verse in the morning or pray a little bit. And so I started noticing that for Avery this was really challenging and she wanted to be close to God during the season. But we were struggling to figure out how do we empower this, how do we make this possible for her? So we started looking around just trying to find, Okay, well, what resources exist, like can what tools can I put in your hands to make this a little easier for you? And we just couldn't find what Avery was looking for. And so this devotional book is really born out of like a deep love for my Avery, and it is it is for my Avery and all the Avery's out there, the kids who love Jesus and love sports and really want to walk with God daily as they run after their athletic dreams.
00:04:47
Speaker 1: That's so good. That's so good.
00:04:49
Speaker 2: I think, you know, you can identify so much with the all consumingness of the sports in this season, right, and it's even changed so much.
00:05:00
Speaker 1: Sense I have been.
00:05:01
Speaker 2: Out of high school and college. My husband and I were both collegiate athletes, and so we were so used to that, you know, getting out at to be at a six am practice, going to class during the day, having practice in the evenings, like having meets or matches or whatever that would look like. And so having these schedules that you're keeping, and then yes, having that desire of wanting to be close to God, wanting to be involved in a community of.
00:05:30
Speaker 1: Faith, Then what does that look like when you're pursuing.
00:05:35
Speaker 2: This a sport, maybe in a venue that you really feel like God has placed you in and wants you to do that, and you're being able to minister in in that and so but yeah, it's crazy even how even since we've been out of college, how much the pressure has even increased just in such a short amount of time.
00:05:58
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean the pressures that that young athletes are juggling are immense, And you know, I think something that's I think it's very outcome oriented. You know, sometimes the just the simple joy of competition and the joy of growing as a human being and embracing all the hard things that come with sports as a part of like, hey, this is God shaping me, this is me growing as a human And that can get a little bit lost in that pressure they feel to simply produce, like you are only as good as your last performance as your last workout, as your last victory.
00:06:36
Speaker 1: That's a lot for kids to learn to manage.
00:06:38
Speaker 3: And then I think two sports are there year round now, Like even if you just play one sport, that sport, you are probably playing it all year in a travel league or even in your high school team. Like the workouts go all year long. Which that's so different from how when I was in sports. We weren't allowed to practice together in the summer. It was like we had to do it on the slot, you know, like secretly.
00:07:02
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. Now it's like no, you got to be there, come on, so expectation, Yeah, it is. It is around.
00:07:09
Speaker 2: My dad was a high school coach for thirty two years and he just retired, and that was one of the things he really struggled with the most at the end because of that transition, because he grew up playing multiple sports and coaching multiple sports and in helping kids do multiple sports. And so this kind of idea of you pick your one thing and that's all you can do is a very new and different idea, and I do think that it puts a lot of pressure on I've served in youth ministry for a long time and I remember like kids in middle school trying to figure out like what is my thing?
00:07:45
Speaker 1: Like what is the thing that I'm going to do?
00:07:48
Speaker 2: And I'm like, well, you don't like really have to decide that right now, you know, But it's that pressure that they feel from the outside world. So how do you think that as kind of parents are going into the back to school start, a lot of sports seasons jumping into school and sports rhythms and our kind of schedules change as we jump back into the school year. What do you think are kind of the challenges that parents and children are facing and maybe around identity and worth in their children.
00:08:24
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, I love what you said about middle schoolers coming to you and saying what's my thing? And you know, I think one of the messages that our kids need to hear from us is you don't have to have a thing.
00:08:37
Speaker 1: You can have a lot of things.
00:08:38
Speaker 3: Or do you know what, maybe right now God is your thing and you don't have like you might not have this very hyper specific focus and passion in your life that photographs beautifully on social media or makes it cool real I see. But like helping our children to not define themselves based on what they do, but on who they are in God's eyes. That is a recurring theme and conversation at our house, like especially with Avery. Avery, lacrosse is what you do. It is not who you are. Who you are is you are a daughter of God and you have a beautiful calling. Yes, you love to play sports, and I think you honor God and you glorify Him through that. And maybe for other kids it's academics or it's art, or it's singing or whatever. They love you honor God as you pursue excellence in those areas.
00:09:34
Speaker 1: But you are a child of God.
00:09:37
Speaker 3: Let's not lose that most important identity and that most important calling as we pursue the things that we enjoy and that we feel motivated to succeed in.
00:09:49
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's so good, I think.
00:09:51
Speaker 2: And you know, so you say you're having those kind of conversations with her, are there any other like practical ways that you help live that out, help remind her of that truth because I think we all know that to be true and we want our children to believe that.
00:10:07
Speaker 1: But what does that actually look.
00:10:08
Speaker 2: Like in the day to day when you're running her from school to practice or in a game match?
00:10:15
Speaker 1: What do they call it? In lacrosse. I'm not super familiar game. It's a game. We don't play much lacrosse here in Mississippi.
00:10:22
Speaker 2: So so what do you what does that look like for you and your family on a real practical basis.
00:10:30
Speaker 1: That's a great question, you know.
00:10:32
Speaker 3: Funny enough, I think a lot of this starts with simply helping our kids with scheduling and priorities, like how do we keep making space for God and for time in His word and for prayer and even a family devotional time if that's something that your family does, Like, how do we keep making space for God as the all these demands of life and pressure and responsibility, real responsibility are creeping in.
00:11:03
Speaker 1: So that's a big.
00:11:05
Speaker 3: Thing that we start talking about at the beginning of every semester. We have to kind of sit down and have a big family meeting about let's all bring our calendar and schedule together. How are we all going to stay close together to God? How are we going to pursue Him together as a family, Like can we have a little connection where we open the Word at dinner time on Mondays?
00:11:27
Speaker 1: Is that our night this semester?
00:11:28
Speaker 3: Or maybe Mondays doesn't work this semester because you always have games. Maybe now it's Thursdays, or we get up early on a Friday and we sort of brainstorm this family schedule together, and you know, it's an imperfect thing and it has to be flexible, and some weeks we miss. But I think that's a great way to start the semester, is just making that space and then having those regular check ins of how are you doing, Like, how are you feeling about your schedule? Are you feeling close to the family, close to God? Okay, as a human being, not burning the candle at both ends in a damaging way, So those periodic check in conversations as well.
00:12:08
Speaker 2: And just making that normal, like this is just what we use we're talking about, and.
00:12:11
Speaker 1: Doing it on the front end instead of on the back end.
00:12:13
Speaker 2: We're burnt out, we're overwhelmed all of those things. Certainly we need to make adjustments at that point, but what can we navigate on the front end. I love that suggestion, and I want to ask you as a young mom, I have a four year old and a seven month old. So my four year old's about to be five, and so she's kind of starting out like we are going to have our first soccer season, and we're we've been taking gymnastics over the summer, like we're kind of starting the activities. And it really is kind of amazing to me how many kids, even at her age, are burning the candle at both ends doing all the activities. And I think it's usually maybe the kids that have older siblings that are already in those activities and doing the things right. But as a young mom, what advice would you give to me as I'm kind of just stepping our toes into the activities sports world, and how do we navigate that where it's not where that doesn't become an idol in our life.
00:13:16
Speaker 3: I love that question so much because I remember feeling right at when my kids, my oldest were at your age, your kid's age.
00:13:24
Speaker 1: I remember.
00:13:27
Speaker 3: Suddenly feeling like I'm already behind, Like yes.
00:13:30
Speaker 1: Yes, like I see all these other families. She started soccer late. Yeah, Like she's never gonna make the World Cup. She's four. We missed our shot. But I think there.
00:13:44
Speaker 3: Is a lot of pressure on you as the parent to feel like you are giving your kid every possibility, every opportunity, and you were cultivating every part of her or him as a human being. And if you don't enroll them and all the different things, you've kind of messed them up and you've robbed them. Listen, our kids are going to be great and they are going to gravitate towards their areas of giftedness, their areas of passion and interest as.
00:14:15
Speaker 1: They grow up. And sure we can give them.
00:14:18
Speaker 3: Opportunities, but I think we just have to constantly guard against that lie that tells us, hey, it's all on you and they need every opportunity. You know, there are some opportunities my kids didn't get along the way. They had a lot of them, but not everyone. There are some activities. It was like, you know what, guys, we're not doing that one. We just can't. We can't do that and be a close family and still prioritize God in our lives.
00:14:46
Speaker 1: We still want to.
00:14:46
Speaker 3: Go to church on Sunday, Like we can't. We can't do everything for all four kids. We're going to have to make some hard choices. And I think giving yourself permission to like, let your kids do one thing, have a simple life.
00:15:02
Speaker 1: It's okay. They're not missing out.
00:15:03
Speaker 3: They're they're gonna be happy, fun children, and God will lead them appropriately as time goes on.
00:15:11
Speaker 2: Well, I got and convicted a couple of weeks ago. I don't remember what all. I think it maybe was swimming lessons and then maybe gymnastics fell in the same day. It was just a lot kind of in one day for my little one. And she just looked at me and said, I just wanted to stay home today, and I went, you know, like.
00:15:31
Speaker 1: Wow, I've missed it.
00:15:33
Speaker 2: Like she just is super content to be here playing with her toys with me, you know, doing the things that she wants to do here at home. Not that we don't, you know, go out and do things, but it just for me, it was like, Nicole, you have been trying to run her and do the make sure she has all these opportunities that you feel like everybody else has. But she's looking at you, going, I'm a child and I want to play at home with my imagination and my dolls and my toys and whatever. And it was just a very convicting kind of moment for me of going, okay, Lord, like protect me from putting all this pressure on her when she's so.
00:16:12
Speaker 1: Little, Like she's just so little.
00:16:15
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, and play is good, you know, And I think I, you know, it's funny. I've had to, like, I feel like that is a conversation I have with myself probably like five times a year, Like at the beginning of every new season, it's like, well, how busy are we going to be? And what what are we going to pursue? And what are we not and what that's great for that family that they're pursuing that, but we're not. We're going to miss that one, you know, because we just want a little more time to be home and play. And you know, and every family is different, you know what every kid is different, what they want and what fills them up.
00:16:49
Speaker 1: And so I love that.
00:16:51
Speaker 2: Well, I want to talk to you a little bit about failure because you address that in your book. And even if somebody's child isn't in sports per se, they are still going to deal with failure. And so how do we help our children navigate failure in a way that's God honoring as moms who are seeking Jesus.
00:17:14
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think you know, certainly, sports are a great tool that God can use to shape our kids characters in many, many ways, and they're going to face a lot of disappointment and failure and mistakes along the way. And in every activity. Some of my kids are really into music, and they've had, you know, different auditions and chair auditions and symphony orchestras that they were trying to get into. My son practiced for months trying to get into the symphony orchestra and he was one chair away from making it.
00:17:54
Speaker 1: I mean just devastated. And he put the work in.
00:17:57
Speaker 3: You know, but you can't control you can't control anyone else's performance but your own. And so we've navigated failure in music and sports and all those things. And one of the things that I think God uses those opportunities to teach our kids' humility that hey, you know, it's okay to not be perfect. I'm not gonna always be the best. And I don't need to always be the best. Am I doing something that I love?
00:18:28
Speaker 1: Great? Am I doing it to glorify God or just to have joy? Great?
00:18:33
Speaker 3: It's not always about being the best in everything. So teaching that humility that bigger perspective. And we've talked a lot. We try to incorporate scriptures of There's this funny little proverb that says the horse is made ready for the day of battle, but victory rests with the Lord, and you know, obviously we're not sending our kids into battle with music or sports or their activit, but sort of understanding that sometimes the outcome is out of your hands and God's going to decide, Hey, I want you to I want you to make that team, or I want you to make that orchestra. I want you to have this opportunity. And sometimes He might be directing you somewhere else the victory might be. It might be in another area, so He may be guiding you and protecting you.
00:19:23
Speaker 1: And we have to trust God.
00:19:25
Speaker 3: When we do fail and we don't make the team, we don't get that thing we were hoping for. So I think there are a lot of ways we can bring scripture in and that bigger picture perspective of how God is working in your life, even through the disappointments and the failures.
00:19:42
Speaker 2: I remember my mom I had to navigate a little bit of failure situation, and I remember my mom telling me, you know, I was on the back row of whatever performance we were doing, and she told me, be the best back row performer you could ever be. You just stand back there and you shine on that back row. And it was just such a reminder of you know what you're doing and who you're doing it for.
00:20:10
Speaker 1: And I think about that even today.
00:20:12
Speaker 2: You know, it's like you just when you're faced with maybe not getting the spot you want or maybe not doing what you have in story. And I can think of so many times that the Lord kind of redirected me, as you were talking about, like something didn't turn out, but then six months later something came along that if I would have been doing the other thing, I wouldn't have had this opportunity.
00:20:37
Speaker 1: And it was really the best opportunity for me, and.
00:20:40
Speaker 2: I didn't even know it existed, you know, at the point of where I was having that failure. And so so many times we've seen that happen in our lives, and so I think as parents we can speak that into our kids, and you know, sometimes they don't want to hear that from their parents, but I think, you know, we continue to just point out God's faithfulness in our own lives, and that helps them to see that in their lives and to look for that and expect it in their lives.
00:21:08
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think, like, I love what your mom did for you because she helped you to not lean into a victim mindset. Really, what your mom was teaching you was resilience and at that overcoming attitude. And I think so much of how we as parents, how we respond to our kids' failures in the moment, will help to shape their resilience and their perspective on those moments. Because let's be honest, when my kids are crying and they're heartbroken over something they worked for that they didn't get, I want to cry with them. And I also want to be mad and like blame someone and be like, how dare they? You're the best, You're my little angel child and you're perfect. But that's not helpful necessarily right for my kids. Right, So I think we have to like straddle that balance of we validate and we say this is hard and it stinks, and you did work hard and your effort did deserve to make it or did deserve the success that you're not getting, and maybe you are being overlooked. But how can we with prayer, with God, with the word, how can we turn this into a win? How can you just use this as an opportunity to grow and to be strong, to be a support for someone else who is getting the role you wanted.
00:22:30
Speaker 1: How can you use this.
00:22:32
Speaker 3: As an opportunity to serve behind the scenes, to be that back row awesomeness, whatever.
00:22:37
Speaker 1: The thing is. But when we do that, we are teaching our kids to turn failure into victory, a different kind of victory, but a victory nonetheless, And that is a skill that they are going to take with them and a character trait that is going to serve them for the rest of their lives. Oh that's so good. That's so good.
00:22:57
Speaker 2: That idea of encouragement and I think are just so much of culture teaches us and our children that other people are a threat to what we are doing. And I always just like to remember with God, there's always room at the table, right just because she's good at something doesn't mean I'm not good at it. There's room for us both to be good at it, or there's room for me to be good at this and her to be good at this, or vice versa in when you're dealing with with with guys. And so I think that we can just have this dialogue in our head about that really without even realizing it a lot at the time, and so helping our children to identify that and to say, you know, great job, my friend, that made the team when I didn't, even though it's really hard, and we don't belittle what they're feeling, like you said, we acknowledge it, but we do teach that encouragement and that kind of there's there's room at the table mindset instead of like there's not enough, not enough space for us both to be in this in this way.
00:24:05
Speaker 1: Yeah, I really love that teaching them.
00:24:07
Speaker 3: You know that God has God has a plan for you, and He has a plan for all the people around you. So you know, if he didn't give you this opportunity, that means that he has a different plan and that is okay, and we're going to find out what that is.
00:24:21
Speaker 1: It may not be right away.
00:24:22
Speaker 3: We might spend some time looking and praying and thinking, but we can rejoice for others and just wait and see what God has in mind for you as well. He has different plans for each of us. That's so good, So good, Lizbeth.
00:24:37
Speaker 2: So you have so much more to say about helping student athletes navigate failure and navigate just the sports world and finding Jesus in the midst of it, dealing with emotions and feelings in your book in season, So tell us where we can find it and how people can connect with you.
00:24:56
Speaker 3: Yeah, you can find the book wherever you like to purchase your books christianbook dot Com, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Target, Walmart, all those different places. You can find me online at all the usual suspects. I'm on Instagram at elizabethlank Thompson. I'm on Facebook elizabethlank Thompson Writer, and I have a website my name as well, so I'm real easy to find and I love engaging with families and readers and.
00:25:24
Speaker 1: Schools, athletes, all of that.
00:25:26
Speaker 3: So reach out and I'd love to get to know any of your listeners who want to reach out.
00:25:31
Speaker 1: Thanks Elizabeth, this has been such a great conversation. I appreciate it so much.
00:25:36
Speaker 2: I wonder if you would end our time together by praying for our moms as they navigate sports and failure in this new school year.
00:25:45
Speaker 1: Absolutely, let's pray. Lord.
00:25:47
Speaker 3: We love you so much. And it is a privilege to be moms. It is a privilege to help shape young hearts and to shepherd them, to lead them in your ways, to introduce them to your to grow together with them in our faith, because parenting certainly tests our faith, our trust God, I pray for all the moms and the grandmothers, and the aunts and the women listening to these words today that you will strengthen and equip them to shape the children in their lives. God, give them wisdom and courage, give them the right scriptures to share. Give them the resilience and that growth mindset and toughness that they need, so that we can all pass that on to our children.
00:26:33
Speaker 1: It's hard to pass on what you don't have.
00:26:34
Speaker 3: God, we know that you are shaping us through our children's growth pains as well, and so we invite you to shape us, and we ask you to help us all to grow together and to raise the next generation of children who love you, who trust you, and who honor you in sports and arts, in school and work, in whatever it is that you have called them to do. We thank you for the privilege of shaping them in your son's pressure this name.
00:27:00
Speaker 1: We pray, Amen, Amen, Amen.
00:27:05
Speaker 2: As part of our Fruit of the Spirit prayers and everyday prayers for the School Year book Club, Tara Cole and I created a free car Conversations guide for your family to use this fall. The car is sometimes the best place for our most precious conversations with our kids as we are praying through the Fruit of the Spirit. Our hope is that you can have meaningful conversations with your kids about what living out these fruit looks like in their daily lives. Tara and I created a series of quick questions. She wrote some for the older kids, I wrote some for younger kids, and we share a prayer that you can share with your children about each of the Fruit of the Spirit. Download your copy for free on our website or the link in our show notes.
00:27:50
Speaker 1: Until next time, friends, the Lord bless you and keep you.
00:27:55
Speaker 2: Make His face shine upon you, and be gracious to you. The Lord look with favor on you, and give you peace.
