WEBVTT
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Last week, we kind of ended the show with a huge
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cliffhanger and yeah, that's it. Any questions?
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No kidding. Okay. So yeah, last week there was
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a question, you know, asking what are our genders?
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And we stated them. Some people had some questions
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and we didn't really answer that. We just kind
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of like dropped it. We were like, Tune in next
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week. Have fun by which dog dad has pointed out
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in chat already. You know, hey, I thought we
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were going to talk about this. We were we were
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just waiting for waiting for more people to kind
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of come in. Because right around this time, I
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think is like kind of when we peak on Twitch
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and YouTube and stuff. So anyways, yeah. So I
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think a lot of people were kind of Shocked, I
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guess when I said like, yeah, my pronouns are
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they them? Especially since for the majority
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of this show, I'm. Yeah, I had a pretty big beard
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and I was as Alex put a pretty big guy. I think
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I think the beard thing was the first thing that
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really shocked them. I think that was the bird
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to be fair, the first week that you had shaved
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the beard, that was that was where everybody
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went, huh? What's up? Yeah, and I even had at
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work the director of marketing say, oh my gosh,
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you shaved your beard. That is pretty much your
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brand. And I was like, yeah. And he was like,
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and I know you're in MBA school and changing
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your brand can be kind of a hard thing to do.
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Also not getting on a tangent here, but if you
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look at how Cracker Barrel tried to change their
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band brand, it didn't really work out. They lost
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over a hundred million dollars very quickly.
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By the way, by the way, by the way. That's a
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crazy story that I can't wait to talk about and
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probably like my next MBA class. But because
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I know that's going to come up. Yeah. So they
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then. Where did that come from? Well, pretty
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much. Alex is really pushing for five thousand
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subs on YouTube, and he said the only way we're
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going to get there is if we have if it's not
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two guys on this podcast. So here we are. I had
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nothing to do with this. I'm kidding. That was
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a joke. But. Yeah, so a long story short. I am
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just exploring my gender, which a lot of people
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probably are not going to understand that. Like,
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what does that mean? And honestly, like, I don't
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even know fully what that means. I have been
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asked why now, you know, you're in your you're
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like mid thirties. Why are you exploring your
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gender now? Typically? That's something that
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happens like in your 20s I am and the easy answer
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here is Yeah, I grew up in Florida so when my
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doctor my doctor literally asked my doctor and
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this was probably the most Uncomfortable thing
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I have so far went through in my doctor asked,
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you know why now I am But as soon as I said,
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well, I'm from Florida I just recently moved
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to the Seattle area. He literally was like, oh,
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yeah, OK, never mind. That makes sense. Growing
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up in northwest Florida. You don't really explore
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things like this. Some people do. I had a few
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few of my friends go through this. And it did
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not go well for them. They were bullied, they
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were harassed. They were disowned. They were
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kicked out of their houses. And then they finally
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left Florida to come to a few of them came to
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the promised land of Seattle. That's kind of
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what put Seattle a little bit on the map, but
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then also just traveling in general. My wife
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and I came out here at least three times on vacation
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before we decided to move. But Like, yeah, it's
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exploring my gender. I can say. First of all,
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Alex, do you have any questions so far or are
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there any questions in chat that you want to
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ask? Mostly, I'm seeing a lot of support in chat.
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A lot of people are saying I'll read off. Your
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journey is your journey. Jake West bravely venture
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boldly. Tip says they figured you were in self
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discovery mode, which I don't think is a bad
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way to put it. Somebody else in YouTube chat
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said facial hair is a bra for your jaw. Feels
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great to whip it off, which I loved. That was
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that was a good one. Mostly, again, the beard
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was the the shocking part. So far, again, a lot
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of a lot of support coming out of the chat. Yeah,
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well, thank you guys. I'm. Yeah, growing up,
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I am. I can say this. So my mother passed away
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three years ago. I grew up with my father. My
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father had a complete 100 % custody of me when
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I was in, I don't know, elementary school. I
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want to say around like the third grade. When
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my mother, just before my mother passed away,
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She felt so horrible. I am and she told me she
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was like, you know, I feel I feel really bad.
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I feel like I left you and and I knew how your
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father was and and how he could be very abusive.
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I am and she said she was like, you know, when
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you were a kid, I thought we had hung out too
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much. So supposedly my mother would dress me
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up as a girl, put makeup on me. And I wanted
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to do girl things when I was a kid. So she she
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was like, I, you know, we thought you were gay
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as a child. But. This was this is kind of funny,
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but also really not. She was I think you playing
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soccer and then you going to church really helped
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you. And you became like the man you are today.
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And that was like a huge knife into my side.
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I was like, oh crap. Because I do remember I
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am in elementary school. I made the mistake of
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asking there was like some sort of. Well, I don't
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know some sort of like limited doll, limited
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edition doll, and I asked for it for Christmas
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and it did not go over well. Let's just say that
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and. I'm growing up with my father. So I will
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say, I come from a military family without being
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a military family, if that makes sense. So my
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father wasn't in the military by the time I was
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born, but both my grandparents were in the military.
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One side was a Marine. One side was a Ranger
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in World War II. My father was in the Army. And
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then my father became a police officer in Detroit
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during the 70s and then moved down to Florida
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and had me. So there is this my father also comes
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from the farm kind of lifestyle. So my father
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raised me how he thought I should be raised.
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I think he saw a couple of things. I think he
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saw a kid that was more like my mother than him
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and he did not like that. And also I think he
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saw a kid that growing up I was always really
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small and you could yell at me and I would just
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cry. So he saw like kind of a weak kid that needed
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to be tough enough if I was going to go out into
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the world. So, yeah, and that's what he kind
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of set out to do. So if I got in trouble for
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something stupid, like if I made a bad grade
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in a class, I would be punished for that physically.
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And then once he was done, he would say, OK,
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now I'm going to punish you for crying. So I
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grew up. Really quickly learning not to be myself
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If I was going to survive I had to be who my
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dad wanted me to be I had to be who? Everyone
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else wanted me to be I am this worked out really
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really great growing up I became very popular
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had a lot of friends Even when I graduated I
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was able to get a job move up really quickly
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because if you If you work for like a corporation
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and you say I'll be whoever you want me to be.
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And I'll work however many hours a week you want
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me to work. You're going to move up. Yeah. And
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you're you're reinforced. Right. I mean I went
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from living in a trailer growing up in a trailer
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growing up homeless to then all of a sudden buying
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a house at the age of 21. You get all of these
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things. You buy the nice car that you want to
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get. You buy all the things you want to get.
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You do all the things that you're supposed to
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do. You go out, you get married, you get a fancy
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engineering degree. But no matter what you do,
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you're never really, truly happy. And I think
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a couple of things happened. One. My entire family
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like passed away. So my father passed away. My
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mother passed away. And then we left Florida.
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And I think once I got into a safe environment
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where people asked me like I don't like I'm not
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going to tell you who you are. Like I want to
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know who you are. And once I started, you know,
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kind of being involved with like LGBT Councils
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and stuff like that. I started opening up a little
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bit more and Obviously going through a lot of
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therapy I decided to start exploring my gender
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that I didn't really have the courage to when
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I was younger so I'm gonna pause there Alex.
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What do you think? I mean this obviously this
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this is not about me I have known about this
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for a little while not like forever, but for
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a little while Let me let me chime back in with
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some chat stuff for you though Somebody chat
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said they hope they're not out of line, but your
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dad sounds like an asshole You know Somebody
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said they're glad you got out of Florida. It
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won't be safe until Miami like breaks off to
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the Caribbean and everyone north of Miami Dade
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and Proud Counties runs like is gone migrates
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north. Semi serious question. Did the movie Fight
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Club speak to you? Right. I I've always really
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liked Fight Club. I'm I'm kind of curious like
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why. Like. Why why the question I don't know
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Very good question. Oh, I I love that movie.
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I've seen it probably like a hundred times I
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mean I was gonna make a con that I I'm gonna
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backtrack that one joke there, but I'm leaving
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that one Hurray therapy fantasy football for
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your feelings. I like that one. That's a good
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one Yeah, so again a lot of a lot of support
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coming from our chat. Thank you chat for being
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so supportive and an understanding of this it's
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you know, again, we've been kind of mulling this
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one for a couple of weeks couple three weeks
00:13:39.820 --> 00:13:43.159
now about when to talk about it and then somebody
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asked last week in the chat what Jay's pronouns
00:13:45.240 --> 00:13:48.220
were and Jay just to clarify because I don't
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think we've we've kind of put a Hard button on
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that and somebody else did ask in the chat. Are
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we are we sticky with they them for now? Yeah,
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so they them I'm You know, I've I've I've been
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asked a lot for like, you know, oh, do you think
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you're like non -binary? Do you think you're
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trans? Do you think your gender fluid? And I
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don't know honestly, I really don't I'm I'm just
00:14:16.440 --> 00:14:20.899
sticking with they them for now and I will say
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I am I changed at work. So my work is I They're
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a huge advocate for like pronouns putting your
00:14:29.730 --> 00:14:32.809
pronouns and your email signature Stuff like
00:14:32.809 --> 00:14:36.730
that. Um, so I sent an email to the Kind of a
00:14:36.730 --> 00:14:38.809
group of people I work with the closest letting
00:14:38.809 --> 00:14:42.110
them know that I was changing My pronouns today
00:14:42.110 --> 00:14:47.629
them very very brief reasoning why? Nothing this
00:14:47.629 --> 00:14:55.019
detailed And I primarily did that Because I like
00:14:55.019 --> 00:14:59.740
to joke around a lot I'm always like, I don't
00:14:59.740 --> 00:15:02.940
know the one that's making jokes laughing having
00:15:02.940 --> 00:15:08.440
a good time and I didn't want to Do something
00:15:08.440 --> 00:15:12.340
like wear more feminine clothing to work and
00:15:12.340 --> 00:15:15.000
then someone think it's a joke and like oh ha
00:15:15.000 --> 00:15:19.220
ha like like look at Jay like That's so funny
00:15:19.220 --> 00:15:24.799
and it's like no not a joke Primarily for kind
00:15:24.799 --> 00:15:27.360
of kind of to notify everyone like hey, this
00:15:27.360 --> 00:15:29.340
isn't a joke like I'm going through this like
00:15:29.340 --> 00:15:34.259
kind of Exploring phase which everyone I work
00:15:34.259 --> 00:15:37.740
was super supportive I am I really work at like
00:15:37.740 --> 00:15:44.399
a amazing place with amazing people Yeah, they
00:15:44.399 --> 00:15:47.259
them for now I'm still going through therapy
00:15:47.259 --> 00:15:53.190
obviously and I have been now for I think like
00:15:53.190 --> 00:15:58.370
four years now every Friday, but yeah, so I don't
00:15:58.370 --> 00:16:01.250
I don't know where it'll go. But yeah, they them
00:16:01.250 --> 00:16:05.179
for now. Adding to the the question that you
00:16:05.179 --> 00:16:07.399
asked about why I asked about Fight Club The
00:16:07.399 --> 00:16:09.039
response was there's a part where Tyler Durden
00:16:09.039 --> 00:16:11.759
talks about his dad's advice, you know, his dad
00:16:11.759 --> 00:16:13.519
said go to college Okay, been to college now
00:16:13.519 --> 00:16:15.639
what get a career? Okay got a career now what
00:16:15.639 --> 00:16:17.840
get married? Okay. Now what you know what you
00:16:17.840 --> 00:16:21.679
were saying earlier in your your talk here Apparently
00:16:21.679 --> 00:16:24.159
made them think of that. So that makes sense,
00:16:24.159 --> 00:16:32.259
you know, okay I see the parallel now chat Yeah
00:16:32.759 --> 00:16:36.700
All right. So yeah, that that does make sense.
00:16:37.799 --> 00:16:42.279
And yeah, again, I think it was you're kind of
00:16:42.279 --> 00:16:44.919
taught like, oh, if you do this, you'll be happy,
00:16:45.220 --> 00:16:47.120
right? Like if you buy a house, you'll be happy.
00:16:47.259 --> 00:16:50.899
If you get that promotion, you'll be happy. If
00:16:50.899 --> 00:16:55.500
you get a I don't know, a harder degree, right?
00:16:55.559 --> 00:16:57.240
Like an engineering degree, you're going to get
00:16:57.240 --> 00:17:00.440
a nice job. You're going to be happy. Well, maybe
00:17:00.440 --> 00:17:02.139
if you move out of Florida, you're going to be
00:17:02.139 --> 00:17:10.579
happy. And that's not really the case. And that
00:17:10.579 --> 00:17:13.440
was like one thing that I first started going
00:17:13.440 --> 00:17:16.759
to therapy for was like, I feel like I'm just
00:17:16.759 --> 00:17:21.440
going to the next milestone. Like. OK, like now,
00:17:21.440 --> 00:17:23.759
what do I need to do? Like, I'm not happy. What
00:17:23.759 --> 00:17:27.349
do I need to do now? Is it? Getting my masters.
00:17:27.349 --> 00:17:30.569
Will that make me happy? Will I get if I get
00:17:30.569 --> 00:17:35.309
my PhD? Will I be happy? If I move up in the
00:17:35.309 --> 00:17:37.609
company that I'm currently out, will I be happy?
00:17:38.650 --> 00:17:41.410
So you keep looking externally for things that
00:17:41.410 --> 00:17:45.970
will make you happy. And yeah, I realized very
00:17:45.970 --> 00:17:49.130
quickly that I was getting worn out. I was getting
00:17:49.130 --> 00:17:54.200
worn out and physically like my health. It's
00:17:54.200 --> 00:17:56.160
kind of like, I don't want to say like declining,
00:17:56.160 --> 00:18:00.140
right? But like, I am the most out of shape I
00:18:00.140 --> 00:18:04.880
am now that I ever been in my life. So I'm like
00:18:04.880 --> 00:18:09.480
six one, right? I used to be like 140 pounds,
00:18:09.539 --> 00:18:14.140
which is way too skinny. But now I'm like 240,
00:18:14.500 --> 00:18:19.220
which is a lot more. I will say I was on the
00:18:19.220 --> 00:18:23.819
soccer team and I ran track. So Oddly enough,
00:18:23.859 --> 00:18:26.099
when you stop running like 10 miles a day, you're
00:18:26.099 --> 00:18:31.759
going to start gaining weight. But yeah, I just
00:18:31.759 --> 00:18:35.559
kind of. And I think also the thing that really
00:18:35.559 --> 00:18:38.579
hit me out here really hard when I first moved
00:18:38.579 --> 00:18:42.140
out here, because we moved. We moved into our
00:18:42.140 --> 00:18:49.619
place. Halloween 2021. 2021 was a very tough
00:18:49.619 --> 00:18:52.460
gray period. Our neighbors told us like, oh,
00:18:52.460 --> 00:18:56.740
that was a very abnormal, like more gray than
00:18:56.740 --> 00:19:00.500
usual. I did not know you're supposed to take
00:19:00.500 --> 00:19:03.720
like vitamin D supplements. And from Florida,
00:19:03.900 --> 00:19:08.400
what the heck are vitamin D supplements? So I
00:19:08.400 --> 00:19:13.279
became very depressed pretty quickly. Part of
00:19:13.279 --> 00:19:16.160
it seasonal depression, part of it also just
00:19:17.790 --> 00:19:20.769
Not really knowing what I'm supposed to do with
00:19:20.769 --> 00:19:26.150
my life, right? I am And yeah, I think I think
00:19:26.150 --> 00:19:28.150
I reached a moment where I was like something
00:19:28.150 --> 00:19:33.670
has to change right like I I don't think I can
00:19:33.670 --> 00:19:36.210
keep going on the way that I'm currently going
00:19:36.210 --> 00:19:42.490
on like Oddly enough. I'm going to therapy which
00:19:42.490 --> 00:19:50.049
I couldn't really do I'm When my dad, for instance,
00:19:50.109 --> 00:19:54.670
was alive. And again, if you've never lived in
00:19:54.670 --> 00:19:57.430
the South, the South is like the polar opposite
00:19:57.430 --> 00:20:03.349
of the Pacific Northwest. No one talks about
00:20:03.349 --> 00:20:06.329
mental health. You're not supposed to talk about
00:20:06.329 --> 00:20:12.430
mental health. Like my father, I grew up listening
00:20:12.430 --> 00:20:15.349
to my father make fun of people who went to therapy.
00:20:15.720 --> 00:20:22.240
So waste of money, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, you
00:20:22.240 --> 00:20:26.559
don't place like places that you work at. They
00:20:26.559 --> 00:20:29.160
don't have mental health programs. They don't
00:20:29.160 --> 00:20:31.640
talk about it. You're not supposed to be yourself
00:20:31.640 --> 00:20:34.460
at work either. Like you show up to be the person
00:20:34.460 --> 00:20:37.559
that they want you like you show up and you become
00:20:37.559 --> 00:20:40.099
the person that they want you to be. And then
00:20:40.099 --> 00:20:42.420
when you leave work, you can be your your own
00:20:42.420 --> 00:20:47.119
person. Polar opposite from but the Pacific Northwest
00:20:47.119 --> 00:20:51.099
from what I've experienced so far So yeah, I
00:20:51.099 --> 00:20:53.980
was able to kind of get into therapy But the
00:20:53.980 --> 00:20:57.160
more therapy I had I I felt like I was getting
00:20:57.160 --> 00:21:01.099
like more and more depressed. Um so I realized
00:21:01.099 --> 00:21:04.500
like something had to change like I need to Kind
00:21:04.500 --> 00:21:06.900
of figure out who I am if I'm ever going to be
00:21:06.900 --> 00:21:13.789
happy. Um So yeah, Florida sucks I know some
00:21:13.789 --> 00:21:17.210
of you are probably wondering So I have mentioned
00:21:17.210 --> 00:21:20.089
that I'm married. I do have a wife. Like what
00:21:20.089 --> 00:21:22.970
does that? What does all of this mean to her?
00:21:23.869 --> 00:21:28.650
I will say somehow right somehow I have found
00:21:28.650 --> 00:21:35.789
an amazing person I am And she we've talked obviously
00:21:35.789 --> 00:21:38.490
a lot and she was like, you know, you deserve
00:21:38.490 --> 00:21:43.680
to be happy Even if you transitioned, right?
00:21:43.720 --> 00:21:48.099
Even if you started growing boobs and she was
00:21:48.099 --> 00:21:50.640
like, I would prefer you not to, right? Like
00:21:50.640 --> 00:21:54.559
I'm not like attracted to women, but even if
00:21:54.559 --> 00:21:58.759
you grew boobs, I'm not going anywhere. Like
00:21:58.759 --> 00:22:01.079
you're still the same person I fell in love with.
00:22:01.079 --> 00:22:03.519
You're still the same person I love. It might
00:22:03.519 --> 00:22:05.740
be a little awkward when we lean in and kiss
00:22:05.740 --> 00:22:08.680
each other and I feel boobs press against me,
00:22:08.779 --> 00:22:11.900
but I'm not going anywhere. So I was like, okay,
00:22:12.480 --> 00:22:18.619
which obviously, if you come out to your to your
00:22:18.619 --> 00:22:22.299
wife, and you're having these thoughts, you know,
00:22:22.299 --> 00:22:27.099
I was kind of prepared for like a divorce. And
00:22:27.099 --> 00:22:29.660
I try to make sure that like, I would understand
00:22:29.660 --> 00:22:31.640
you like I try to make sure that she understood
00:22:31.640 --> 00:22:34.380
that I like I understood like, Hey, totally get
00:22:34.380 --> 00:22:37.759
this. Like if you're not into this if you want
00:22:37.759 --> 00:22:40.180
to leave that's fine We can still be friends
00:22:40.180 --> 00:22:41.839
everything like that. Like I don't want to feel
00:22:41.839 --> 00:22:43.500
like you're I don't want to make you feel like
00:22:43.500 --> 00:22:47.740
you're trapped in this at all But no, she's been
00:22:47.740 --> 00:22:51.900
super supportive Everyone has been super supportive,
00:22:51.920 --> 00:22:56.400
which is kind of surprising. I I'm not gonna
00:22:56.400 --> 00:22:59.900
lie. I was expecting Career was over at work.
00:22:59.920 --> 00:23:02.039
I'm gonna lose all my friends. I'm gonna get
00:23:02.039 --> 00:23:04.240
a divorce. I'm gonna become homeless and see
00:23:04.240 --> 00:23:07.579
I had all like boom, whole life changes. And
00:23:07.579 --> 00:23:10.839
I think that's a lot of one coming from Florida,
00:23:10.920 --> 00:23:13.319
but then also like the fears of like just thinking
00:23:13.319 --> 00:23:16.019
about everything for, you know, your entire life.
00:23:16.019 --> 00:23:18.240
You kind of think things are going to go one
00:23:18.240 --> 00:23:22.500
way and you're often that's not the case. So
00:23:22.500 --> 00:23:27.519
that is good. What is Alex, what's chat saying
00:23:27.519 --> 00:23:33.920
now? Mostly that Florida sucks. Yeah, mostly
00:23:33.920 --> 00:23:35.640
Florida sucks. There's a lot of there's there's
00:23:35.640 --> 00:23:39.539
a lot of Florida sucks in the chat, which I can't
00:23:39.539 --> 00:23:42.240
I can't rightly disagree with Florida kind of
00:23:42.240 --> 00:23:44.980
sucks and we don't like it because it's Florida
00:23:44.980 --> 00:23:48.359
and Florida I don't go through Florida for a
00:23:48.359 --> 00:23:52.259
reason. I've been to Florida I have no desire
00:23:52.259 --> 00:23:54.599
to go back to Florida at this current point in
00:23:54.599 --> 00:23:59.160
time For many many reasons, but yeah, it's a
00:23:59.160 --> 00:24:01.460
lot right now. We're a lot of Florida sucks again
00:24:02.500 --> 00:24:05.920
A lot of people are kind of like echoing your
00:24:05.920 --> 00:24:08.339
your thing about self -fulfillment, right? And
00:24:08.339 --> 00:24:09.880
and you know, oh this thing's gonna make him
00:24:09.880 --> 00:24:13.740
but what's gonna make you happy? You know a lot
00:24:13.740 --> 00:24:15.660
of people happy for you and again, it's it's
00:24:15.660 --> 00:24:18.160
it's a lot of I think a lot of understanding
00:24:18.160 --> 00:24:21.960
I Think that there are a lot I think that the
00:24:21.960 --> 00:24:25.400
number of people Whether it's and it's not always
00:24:25.400 --> 00:24:29.759
necessarily sexuality but I think that the number
00:24:29.759 --> 00:24:33.240
of people who at varying times in their lives
00:24:33.240 --> 00:24:36.380
for whatever reason struggle with a sense of
00:24:36.380 --> 00:24:39.599
identity right and I think that that's that's
00:24:39.599 --> 00:24:43.279
that's most we focus on it a lot these days when
00:24:43.279 --> 00:24:45.460
it comes to gender identity and sexual identity
00:24:45.460 --> 00:24:47.480
and things like that but I don't think that that's
00:24:47.480 --> 00:24:49.460
the only place it stems from and I think we would
00:24:49.460 --> 00:24:52.400
have a lot more understanding for people in the
00:24:52.400 --> 00:24:56.539
lgbtq plus community if if we frame it more from
00:24:56.539 --> 00:24:59.240
a position of everybody kind of struggles with
00:24:59.240 --> 00:25:03.259
identity who the fuck am I right like as a as
00:25:03.259 --> 00:25:07.640
a core thing and for some people that's sexuality
00:25:07.640 --> 00:25:09.539
for some it's gender for some something else
00:25:09.539 --> 00:25:11.799
so again i think there's a lot of people who
00:25:11.799 --> 00:25:14.019
whether they've they've done it in the form of
00:25:14.019 --> 00:25:16.039
of sexual or gender identity and i'm not speaking
00:25:16.039 --> 00:25:17.759
for anybody in the chat i think there's a lot
00:25:17.759 --> 00:25:22.299
of people who are going yeah i i don't i've gone
00:25:22.299 --> 00:25:24.839
through points in my life where i did not feel
00:25:24.839 --> 00:25:27.640
that sense of i feel comfortable in my own skin
00:25:27.640 --> 00:25:30.700
with who i am right and I think a lot of people
00:25:30.700 --> 00:25:33.839
go through that and and I think that that's why
00:25:33.839 --> 00:25:35.380
again I think we're getting some of the reaction
00:25:35.380 --> 00:25:37.980
that we're getting uh from chat again I think
00:25:37.980 --> 00:25:40.160
it's it's a lot of understanding again I I think
00:25:40.160 --> 00:25:41.579
that the way that you put it is really really
00:25:41.579 --> 00:25:45.119
good I think that a lot it you know and you and
00:25:45.119 --> 00:25:48.099
I I think had this discussion a while ago where
00:25:48.099 --> 00:25:50.920
where my theory has always been a lot of it is
00:25:50.920 --> 00:25:54.259
exposure and a lot of it is how you're introduced
00:25:54.259 --> 00:25:59.900
to the LGBTQ Plus community right and and that
00:25:59.900 --> 00:26:03.299
that manner in which you are first because I
00:26:03.299 --> 00:26:04.960
think I told you about the first time like I
00:26:04.960 --> 00:26:08.680
Knew that I was around trans people and the environment
00:26:08.680 --> 00:26:12.819
that I was in and how that came to be Made it
00:26:12.819 --> 00:26:15.539
a lot easier for me to be like, okay. This is
00:26:15.539 --> 00:26:19.000
this is fine. This is normal like Yeah, cool,
00:26:19.380 --> 00:26:22.289
right And I, you know, I could, I could get myself
00:26:22.289 --> 00:26:24.450
into that frame of mind and not look back. And
00:26:24.450 --> 00:26:26.650
I think that, again, I think that, that stories
00:26:26.650 --> 00:26:29.990
like yours, situations like this, where you can,
00:26:30.049 --> 00:26:34.589
you can draw those parallels and explain it,
00:26:34.730 --> 00:26:36.750
I think puts it into a perspective for people
00:26:36.750 --> 00:26:40.390
that again, I don't think happens enough. If
00:26:40.390 --> 00:26:48.250
that makes sense. Yeah. I think, I think it totally
00:26:48.250 --> 00:26:52.000
does. And That's the really sad reality of Florida
00:26:52.000 --> 00:26:56.059
is that you have all these people are going through
00:26:56.059 --> 00:26:59.680
like. When you grow up in a place like northwest
00:26:59.680 --> 00:27:03.000
Florida, which is really just the south. It's
00:27:03.000 --> 00:27:06.900
the south. Yeah. In the south, you think you're
00:27:06.900 --> 00:27:08.960
like the only one going through it. You think
00:27:08.960 --> 00:27:14.559
you're the only. Weirdo, right? Like that's feeling
00:27:14.559 --> 00:27:18.059
this way or going through this when you're really
00:27:18.059 --> 00:27:24.950
not like. I Yeah, it's it's kind of crazy there
00:27:24.950 --> 00:27:30.369
was a study that came out I am When I was in
00:27:30.369 --> 00:27:35.390
engineering school at FSU I am I think it was
00:27:35.390 --> 00:27:38.829
something like 50 % of all engineering students
00:27:38.829 --> 00:27:42.490
were like Depressed and then like a lower number
00:27:42.490 --> 00:27:46.509
was like suicidal. I am which is crazy because
00:27:46.509 --> 00:27:49.839
no one talks about it like No one talks about
00:27:49.839 --> 00:27:53.000
it. And I started advocating for mental health
00:27:53.000 --> 00:27:58.500
when I was at FSU. I got out of Florida pretty
00:27:58.500 --> 00:28:01.200
much as soon as I graduated from engineering
00:28:01.200 --> 00:28:06.400
school from FSU. And I remember my best friend
00:28:06.400 --> 00:28:13.720
in college, insanely smart guy, finished like
00:28:13.720 --> 00:28:18.460
Magna Coolade. I said that right. But Yeah, incredibly
00:28:18.460 --> 00:28:23.220
smart my best friend I I told him like what I
00:28:23.220 --> 00:28:25.980
was not gender, but I told him like how depressed
00:28:25.980 --> 00:28:32.680
I was and he was like Holy crap, dude, like you
00:28:32.680 --> 00:28:36.200
like no one No one would ever think that you're
00:28:36.200 --> 00:28:39.440
going through anything like you were like the
00:28:39.440 --> 00:28:42.359
happiest guy like you're the guy that everyone
00:28:42.359 --> 00:28:45.660
looks to and They're like Jay has it figured
00:28:45.660 --> 00:28:50.019
out Jay is like he's on a path. He's on a war
00:28:50.019 --> 00:28:53.579
path He is happy. He is the one that's always
00:28:53.579 --> 00:28:58.000
like laughing and joking He's like uplifting
00:28:58.000 --> 00:29:02.799
everyone else and I would like I'll never forget
00:29:02.799 --> 00:29:08.039
it. He made a parallel between Myself and Robin
00:29:08.039 --> 00:29:09.920
Williams, and I don't want to compare myself
00:29:09.920 --> 00:29:12.779
to him at all Jesus, but because I think he's
00:29:12.779 --> 00:29:17.369
an amazing person But he was like you're like
00:29:17.369 --> 00:29:19.609
the person that makes everyone else laugh and
00:29:19.609 --> 00:29:24.309
feel happy and like at ease and then you're like
00:29:24.309 --> 00:29:27.490
super depressed and like struggling with like
00:29:27.490 --> 00:29:29.970
Suicidal thoughts and like no one no one knows
00:29:29.970 --> 00:29:33.589
it and I think This is a really sad thing for
00:29:33.589 --> 00:29:37.589
Florida that I'm really sad about is that everyone
00:29:37.589 --> 00:29:42.130
That could really make a change in Florida everyone
00:29:42.130 --> 00:29:46.970
that could change Florida, whether it be like
00:29:46.970 --> 00:29:50.490
mental health, whether it be LGBT or whatever.
00:29:52.470 --> 00:29:56.930
They leave Florida like no one is that I saw
00:29:56.930 --> 00:29:59.390
me personally. I don't think that's just a Florida
00:29:59.390 --> 00:30:01.829
problem. I think that's anywhere that's that's
00:30:01.829 --> 00:30:04.950
of that. That similar cultural thing, right?
00:30:05.029 --> 00:30:07.849
And they talk about like rural brain drain and
00:30:07.849 --> 00:30:10.950
kids not going back to rural communities all
00:30:10.950 --> 00:30:12.710
over the country. And I think that's that's definitely
00:30:13.519 --> 00:30:17.559
Why that happens and I'll be honest, I don't
00:30:17.559 --> 00:30:20.180
know what the solution there is I really don't
00:30:20.180 --> 00:30:30.480
I have no idea Anyway I think yeah Unfortunately,
00:30:30.480 --> 00:30:32.180
I don't think it'll ever change with everyone
00:30:32.180 --> 00:30:35.039
leaving but also I don't blame it anyone for
00:30:35.039 --> 00:30:40.200
for believing like you'd need to be happy Yeah,
00:30:41.319 --> 00:30:45.529
what's that is That is my story. That is the
00:30:45.529 --> 00:30:47.710
very long explanation of my pronouns
00:00:01.659 --> 00:00:04.599
Last week, we kind of ended the show with a huge
00:00:04.599 --> 00:00:10.119
cliffhanger and yeah, that's it. Any questions?
00:00:10.279 --> 00:00:15.980
No kidding. Okay. So yeah, last week there was
00:00:15.980 --> 00:00:22.219
a question, you know, asking what are our genders?
00:00:22.920 --> 00:00:26.600
And we stated them. Some people had some questions
00:00:26.600 --> 00:00:28.379
and we didn't really answer that. We just kind
00:00:28.379 --> 00:00:30.640
of like dropped it. We were like, Tune in next
00:00:30.640 --> 00:00:34.280
week. Have fun by which dog dad has pointed out
00:00:34.280 --> 00:00:37.299
in chat already. You know, hey, I thought we
00:00:37.299 --> 00:00:39.859
were going to talk about this. We were we were
00:00:39.859 --> 00:00:43.079
just waiting for waiting for more people to kind
00:00:43.079 --> 00:00:45.299
of come in. Because right around this time, I
00:00:45.299 --> 00:00:48.020
think is like kind of when we peak on Twitch
00:00:48.020 --> 00:00:54.219
and YouTube and stuff. So anyways, yeah. So I
00:00:54.219 --> 00:00:59.289
think a lot of people were kind of Shocked, I
00:00:59.289 --> 00:01:02.030
guess when I said like, yeah, my pronouns are
00:01:02.030 --> 00:01:05.790
they them? Especially since for the majority
00:01:05.790 --> 00:01:11.090
of this show, I'm. Yeah, I had a pretty big beard
00:01:11.090 --> 00:01:14.290
and I was as Alex put a pretty big guy. I think
00:01:14.290 --> 00:01:16.109
I think the beard thing was the first thing that
00:01:16.109 --> 00:01:19.590
really shocked them. I think that was the bird
00:01:19.590 --> 00:01:21.870
to be fair, the first week that you had shaved
00:01:21.870 --> 00:01:24.510
the beard, that was that was where everybody
00:01:24.510 --> 00:01:31.780
went, huh? What's up? Yeah, and I even had at
00:01:31.780 --> 00:01:39.500
work the director of marketing say, oh my gosh,
00:01:39.540 --> 00:01:44.239
you shaved your beard. That is pretty much your
00:01:44.239 --> 00:01:49.540
brand. And I was like, yeah. And he was like,
00:01:49.579 --> 00:01:52.819
and I know you're in MBA school and changing
00:01:52.819 --> 00:01:55.939
your brand can be kind of a hard thing to do.
00:01:56.409 --> 00:01:59.209
Also not getting on a tangent here, but if you
00:01:59.209 --> 00:02:01.849
look at how Cracker Barrel tried to change their
00:02:01.849 --> 00:02:04.450
band brand, it didn't really work out. They lost
00:02:04.450 --> 00:02:06.849
over a hundred million dollars very quickly.
00:02:06.969 --> 00:02:11.770
By the way, by the way, by the way. That's a
00:02:11.770 --> 00:02:15.409
crazy story that I can't wait to talk about and
00:02:15.409 --> 00:02:19.469
probably like my next MBA class. But because
00:02:19.469 --> 00:02:24.990
I know that's going to come up. Yeah. So they
00:02:24.990 --> 00:02:28.659
then. Where did that come from? Well, pretty
00:02:28.659 --> 00:02:34.659
much. Alex is really pushing for five thousand
00:02:34.659 --> 00:02:37.139
subs on YouTube, and he said the only way we're
00:02:37.139 --> 00:02:39.900
going to get there is if we have if it's not
00:02:39.900 --> 00:02:43.280
two guys on this podcast. So here we are. I had
00:02:43.280 --> 00:02:46.000
nothing to do with this. I'm kidding. That was
00:02:46.000 --> 00:02:54.599
a joke. But. Yeah, so a long story short. I am
00:02:54.599 --> 00:02:59.960
just exploring my gender, which a lot of people
00:02:59.960 --> 00:03:03.039
probably are not going to understand that. Like,
00:03:03.039 --> 00:03:08.060
what does that mean? And honestly, like, I don't
00:03:08.060 --> 00:03:11.599
even know fully what that means. I have been
00:03:11.599 --> 00:03:15.580
asked why now, you know, you're in your you're
00:03:15.580 --> 00:03:18.780
like mid thirties. Why are you exploring your
00:03:18.780 --> 00:03:21.530
gender now? Typically? That's something that
00:03:21.530 --> 00:03:26.490
happens like in your 20s I am and the easy answer
00:03:26.490 --> 00:03:32.009
here is Yeah, I grew up in Florida so when my
00:03:32.009 --> 00:03:34.729
doctor my doctor literally asked my doctor and
00:03:34.729 --> 00:03:38.050
this was probably the most Uncomfortable thing
00:03:38.050 --> 00:03:40.949
I have so far went through in my doctor asked,
00:03:40.949 --> 00:03:45.710
you know why now I am But as soon as I said,
00:03:45.870 --> 00:03:49.250
well, I'm from Florida I just recently moved
00:03:49.250 --> 00:03:51.889
to the Seattle area. He literally was like, oh,
00:03:51.889 --> 00:03:56.250
yeah, OK, never mind. That makes sense. Growing
00:03:56.250 --> 00:04:02.389
up in northwest Florida. You don't really explore
00:04:02.389 --> 00:04:06.969
things like this. Some people do. I had a few
00:04:06.969 --> 00:04:12.590
few of my friends go through this. And it did
00:04:12.590 --> 00:04:16.269
not go well for them. They were bullied, they
00:04:16.269 --> 00:04:20.790
were harassed. They were disowned. They were
00:04:20.790 --> 00:04:24.550
kicked out of their houses. And then they finally
00:04:24.550 --> 00:04:28.670
left Florida to come to a few of them came to
00:04:28.670 --> 00:04:31.990
the promised land of Seattle. That's kind of
00:04:31.990 --> 00:04:36.069
what put Seattle a little bit on the map, but
00:04:36.069 --> 00:04:38.250
then also just traveling in general. My wife
00:04:38.250 --> 00:04:42.629
and I came out here at least three times on vacation
00:04:42.629 --> 00:04:50.750
before we decided to move. But Like, yeah, it's
00:04:50.750 --> 00:04:56.089
exploring my gender. I can say. First of all,
00:04:56.209 --> 00:04:58.470
Alex, do you have any questions so far or are
00:04:58.470 --> 00:05:01.629
there any questions in chat that you want to
00:05:01.629 --> 00:05:04.569
ask? Mostly, I'm seeing a lot of support in chat.
00:05:04.689 --> 00:05:07.949
A lot of people are saying I'll read off. Your
00:05:07.949 --> 00:05:10.209
journey is your journey. Jake West bravely venture
00:05:10.209 --> 00:05:13.029
boldly. Tip says they figured you were in self
00:05:13.029 --> 00:05:15.009
discovery mode, which I don't think is a bad
00:05:15.009 --> 00:05:18.709
way to put it. Somebody else in YouTube chat
00:05:18.709 --> 00:05:20.769
said facial hair is a bra for your jaw. Feels
00:05:20.769 --> 00:05:23.509
great to whip it off, which I loved. That was
00:05:23.509 --> 00:05:27.949
that was a good one. Mostly, again, the beard
00:05:27.949 --> 00:05:31.829
was the the shocking part. So far, again, a lot
00:05:31.829 --> 00:05:35.870
of a lot of support coming out of the chat. Yeah,
00:05:35.889 --> 00:05:42.370
well, thank you guys. I'm. Yeah, growing up,
00:05:42.870 --> 00:05:48.939
I am. I can say this. So my mother passed away
00:05:48.939 --> 00:05:54.000
three years ago. I grew up with my father. My
00:05:54.000 --> 00:06:00.480
father had a complete 100 % custody of me when
00:06:00.480 --> 00:06:03.579
I was in, I don't know, elementary school. I
00:06:03.579 --> 00:06:09.980
want to say around like the third grade. When
00:06:09.980 --> 00:06:12.500
my mother, just before my mother passed away,
00:06:14.680 --> 00:06:20.000
She felt so horrible. I am and she told me she
00:06:20.000 --> 00:06:21.839
was like, you know, I feel I feel really bad.
00:06:22.740 --> 00:06:28.779
I feel like I left you and and I knew how your
00:06:28.779 --> 00:06:34.379
father was and and how he could be very abusive.
00:06:36.480 --> 00:06:39.160
I am and she said she was like, you know, when
00:06:39.160 --> 00:06:42.379
you were a kid, I thought we had hung out too
00:06:42.379 --> 00:06:45.639
much. So supposedly my mother would dress me
00:06:45.639 --> 00:06:49.740
up as a girl, put makeup on me. And I wanted
00:06:49.740 --> 00:06:56.240
to do girl things when I was a kid. So she she
00:06:56.240 --> 00:06:58.660
was like, I, you know, we thought you were gay
00:06:58.660 --> 00:07:05.079
as a child. But. This was this is kind of funny,
00:07:05.100 --> 00:07:08.360
but also really not. She was I think you playing
00:07:08.360 --> 00:07:11.199
soccer and then you going to church really helped
00:07:11.199 --> 00:07:13.879
you. And you became like the man you are today.
00:07:14.139 --> 00:07:17.100
And that was like a huge knife into my side.
00:07:17.379 --> 00:07:23.319
I was like, oh crap. Because I do remember I
00:07:23.319 --> 00:07:28.300
am in elementary school. I made the mistake of
00:07:28.300 --> 00:07:32.279
asking there was like some sort of. Well, I don't
00:07:32.279 --> 00:07:34.639
know some sort of like limited doll, limited
00:07:34.639 --> 00:07:37.259
edition doll, and I asked for it for Christmas
00:07:37.259 --> 00:07:40.420
and it did not go over well. Let's just say that
00:07:40.420 --> 00:07:45.490
and. I'm growing up with my father. So I will
00:07:45.490 --> 00:07:49.610
say, I come from a military family without being
00:07:49.610 --> 00:07:52.569
a military family, if that makes sense. So my
00:07:52.569 --> 00:07:55.170
father wasn't in the military by the time I was
00:07:55.170 --> 00:07:59.230
born, but both my grandparents were in the military.
00:08:00.069 --> 00:08:03.930
One side was a Marine. One side was a Ranger
00:08:03.930 --> 00:08:09.470
in World War II. My father was in the Army. And
00:08:09.470 --> 00:08:12.569
then my father became a police officer in Detroit
00:08:12.569 --> 00:08:16.790
during the 70s and then moved down to Florida
00:08:16.790 --> 00:08:22.970
and had me. So there is this my father also comes
00:08:22.970 --> 00:08:31.189
from the farm kind of lifestyle. So my father
00:08:31.189 --> 00:08:35.009
raised me how he thought I should be raised.
00:08:37.399 --> 00:08:41.259
I think he saw a couple of things. I think he
00:08:41.259 --> 00:08:45.159
saw a kid that was more like my mother than him
00:08:45.159 --> 00:08:48.960
and he did not like that. And also I think he
00:08:48.960 --> 00:08:53.159
saw a kid that growing up I was always really
00:08:53.159 --> 00:08:56.320
small and you could yell at me and I would just
00:08:56.320 --> 00:09:02.419
cry. So he saw like kind of a weak kid that needed
00:09:02.419 --> 00:09:04.820
to be tough enough if I was going to go out into
00:09:04.820 --> 00:09:09.460
the world. So, yeah, and that's what he kind
00:09:09.460 --> 00:09:14.200
of set out to do. So if I got in trouble for
00:09:14.200 --> 00:09:16.460
something stupid, like if I made a bad grade
00:09:16.460 --> 00:09:22.960
in a class, I would be punished for that physically.
00:09:24.059 --> 00:09:27.960
And then once he was done, he would say, OK,
00:09:27.960 --> 00:09:32.600
now I'm going to punish you for crying. So I
00:09:32.600 --> 00:09:37.860
grew up. Really quickly learning not to be myself
00:09:37.860 --> 00:09:42.320
If I was going to survive I had to be who my
00:09:42.320 --> 00:09:46.620
dad wanted me to be I had to be who? Everyone
00:09:46.620 --> 00:09:50.600
else wanted me to be I am this worked out really
00:09:50.600 --> 00:09:54.960
really great growing up I became very popular
00:09:54.960 --> 00:09:59.440
had a lot of friends Even when I graduated I
00:09:59.440 --> 00:10:02.799
was able to get a job move up really quickly
00:10:02.799 --> 00:10:06.279
because if you If you work for like a corporation
00:10:06.279 --> 00:10:10.039
and you say I'll be whoever you want me to be.
00:10:10.879 --> 00:10:13.240
And I'll work however many hours a week you want
00:10:13.240 --> 00:10:19.039
me to work. You're going to move up. Yeah. And
00:10:19.039 --> 00:10:21.840
you're you're reinforced. Right. I mean I went
00:10:21.840 --> 00:10:26.299
from living in a trailer growing up in a trailer
00:10:26.299 --> 00:10:30.860
growing up homeless to then all of a sudden buying
00:10:30.860 --> 00:10:35.809
a house at the age of 21. You get all of these
00:10:35.809 --> 00:10:37.850
things. You buy the nice car that you want to
00:10:37.850 --> 00:10:40.009
get. You buy all the things you want to get.
00:10:41.950 --> 00:10:45.870
You do all the things that you're supposed to
00:10:45.870 --> 00:10:49.750
do. You go out, you get married, you get a fancy
00:10:49.750 --> 00:10:55.090
engineering degree. But no matter what you do,
00:10:56.070 --> 00:11:01.929
you're never really, truly happy. And I think
00:11:01.929 --> 00:11:08.100
a couple of things happened. One. My entire family
00:11:08.100 --> 00:11:11.220
like passed away. So my father passed away. My
00:11:11.220 --> 00:11:15.559
mother passed away. And then we left Florida.
00:11:16.120 --> 00:11:19.720
And I think once I got into a safe environment
00:11:19.720 --> 00:11:22.559
where people asked me like I don't like I'm not
00:11:22.559 --> 00:11:25.679
going to tell you who you are. Like I want to
00:11:25.679 --> 00:11:29.200
know who you are. And once I started, you know,
00:11:29.279 --> 00:11:33.529
kind of being involved with like LGBT Councils
00:11:33.529 --> 00:11:36.389
and stuff like that. I started opening up a little
00:11:36.389 --> 00:11:40.450
bit more and Obviously going through a lot of
00:11:40.450 --> 00:11:45.929
therapy I decided to start exploring my gender
00:11:45.929 --> 00:11:48.490
that I didn't really have the courage to when
00:11:48.490 --> 00:11:53.669
I was younger so I'm gonna pause there Alex.
00:11:53.789 --> 00:11:58.750
What do you think? I mean this obviously this
00:11:58.750 --> 00:12:05.940
this is not about me I have known about this
00:12:05.940 --> 00:12:08.779
for a little while not like forever, but for
00:12:08.779 --> 00:12:14.240
a little while Let me let me chime back in with
00:12:14.240 --> 00:12:18.500
some chat stuff for you though Somebody chat
00:12:18.500 --> 00:12:22.080
said they hope they're not out of line, but your
00:12:22.080 --> 00:12:29.019
dad sounds like an asshole You know Somebody
00:12:29.019 --> 00:12:31.299
said they're glad you got out of Florida. It
00:12:31.299 --> 00:12:35.279
won't be safe until Miami like breaks off to
00:12:35.279 --> 00:12:37.700
the Caribbean and everyone north of Miami Dade
00:12:37.700 --> 00:12:40.740
and Proud Counties runs like is gone migrates
00:12:40.740 --> 00:12:43.679
north. Semi serious question. Did the movie Fight
00:12:43.679 --> 00:12:49.980
Club speak to you? Right. I I've always really
00:12:49.980 --> 00:12:53.820
liked Fight Club. I'm I'm kind of curious like
00:12:53.820 --> 00:13:00.259
why. Like. Why why the question I don't know
00:13:00.259 --> 00:13:04.000
Very good question. Oh, I I love that movie.
00:13:04.000 --> 00:13:08.419
I've seen it probably like a hundred times I
00:13:08.419 --> 00:13:11.620
mean I was gonna make a con that I I'm gonna
00:13:11.620 --> 00:13:15.279
backtrack that one joke there, but I'm leaving
00:13:15.279 --> 00:13:18.919
that one Hurray therapy fantasy football for
00:13:18.919 --> 00:13:21.840
your feelings. I like that one. That's a good
00:13:21.840 --> 00:13:29.000
one Yeah, so again a lot of a lot of support
00:13:29.000 --> 00:13:30.720
coming from our chat. Thank you chat for being
00:13:30.720 --> 00:13:34.879
so supportive and an understanding of this it's
00:13:34.879 --> 00:13:36.940
you know, again, we've been kind of mulling this
00:13:36.940 --> 00:13:39.820
one for a couple of weeks couple three weeks
00:13:39.820 --> 00:13:43.159
now about when to talk about it and then somebody
00:13:43.159 --> 00:13:45.240
asked last week in the chat what Jay's pronouns
00:13:45.240 --> 00:13:48.220
were and Jay just to clarify because I don't
00:13:48.220 --> 00:13:50.960
think we've we've kind of put a Hard button on
00:13:50.960 --> 00:13:53.480
that and somebody else did ask in the chat. Are
00:13:53.480 --> 00:13:57.480
we are we sticky with they them for now? Yeah,
00:13:57.500 --> 00:14:02.220
so they them I'm You know, I've I've I've been
00:14:02.220 --> 00:14:05.720
asked a lot for like, you know, oh, do you think
00:14:05.720 --> 00:14:07.940
you're like non -binary? Do you think you're
00:14:07.940 --> 00:14:12.580
trans? Do you think your gender fluid? And I
00:14:12.580 --> 00:14:16.440
don't know honestly, I really don't I'm I'm just
00:14:16.440 --> 00:14:20.899
sticking with they them for now and I will say
00:14:20.899 --> 00:14:26.590
I am I changed at work. So my work is I They're
00:14:26.590 --> 00:14:29.730
a huge advocate for like pronouns putting your
00:14:29.730 --> 00:14:32.809
pronouns and your email signature Stuff like
00:14:32.809 --> 00:14:36.730
that. Um, so I sent an email to the Kind of a
00:14:36.730 --> 00:14:38.809
group of people I work with the closest letting
00:14:38.809 --> 00:14:42.110
them know that I was changing My pronouns today
00:14:42.110 --> 00:14:47.629
them very very brief reasoning why? Nothing this
00:14:47.629 --> 00:14:55.019
detailed And I primarily did that Because I like
00:14:55.019 --> 00:14:59.740
to joke around a lot I'm always like, I don't
00:14:59.740 --> 00:15:02.940
know the one that's making jokes laughing having
00:15:02.940 --> 00:15:08.440
a good time and I didn't want to Do something
00:15:08.440 --> 00:15:12.340
like wear more feminine clothing to work and
00:15:12.340 --> 00:15:15.000
then someone think it's a joke and like oh ha
00:15:15.000 --> 00:15:19.220
ha like like look at Jay like That's so funny
00:15:19.220 --> 00:15:24.799
and it's like no not a joke Primarily for kind
00:15:24.799 --> 00:15:27.360
of kind of to notify everyone like hey, this
00:15:27.360 --> 00:15:29.340
isn't a joke like I'm going through this like
00:15:29.340 --> 00:15:34.259
kind of Exploring phase which everyone I work
00:15:34.259 --> 00:15:37.740
was super supportive I am I really work at like
00:15:37.740 --> 00:15:44.399
a amazing place with amazing people Yeah, they
00:15:44.399 --> 00:15:47.259
them for now I'm still going through therapy
00:15:47.259 --> 00:15:53.190
obviously and I have been now for I think like
00:15:53.190 --> 00:15:58.370
four years now every Friday, but yeah, so I don't
00:15:58.370 --> 00:16:01.250
I don't know where it'll go. But yeah, they them
00:16:01.250 --> 00:16:05.179
for now. Adding to the the question that you
00:16:05.179 --> 00:16:07.399
asked about why I asked about Fight Club The
00:16:07.399 --> 00:16:09.039
response was there's a part where Tyler Durden
00:16:09.039 --> 00:16:11.759
talks about his dad's advice, you know, his dad
00:16:11.759 --> 00:16:13.519
said go to college Okay, been to college now
00:16:13.519 --> 00:16:15.639
what get a career? Okay got a career now what
00:16:15.639 --> 00:16:17.840
get married? Okay. Now what you know what you
00:16:17.840 --> 00:16:21.679
were saying earlier in your your talk here Apparently
00:16:21.679 --> 00:16:24.159
made them think of that. So that makes sense,
00:16:24.159 --> 00:16:32.259
you know, okay I see the parallel now chat Yeah
00:16:32.759 --> 00:16:36.700
All right. So yeah, that that does make sense.
00:16:37.799 --> 00:16:42.279
And yeah, again, I think it was you're kind of
00:16:42.279 --> 00:16:44.919
taught like, oh, if you do this, you'll be happy,
00:16:45.220 --> 00:16:47.120
right? Like if you buy a house, you'll be happy.
00:16:47.259 --> 00:16:50.899
If you get that promotion, you'll be happy. If
00:16:50.899 --> 00:16:55.500
you get a I don't know, a harder degree, right?
00:16:55.559 --> 00:16:57.240
Like an engineering degree, you're going to get
00:16:57.240 --> 00:17:00.440
a nice job. You're going to be happy. Well, maybe
00:17:00.440 --> 00:17:02.139
if you move out of Florida, you're going to be
00:17:02.139 --> 00:17:10.579
happy. And that's not really the case. And that
00:17:10.579 --> 00:17:13.440
was like one thing that I first started going
00:17:13.440 --> 00:17:16.759
to therapy for was like, I feel like I'm just
00:17:16.759 --> 00:17:21.440
going to the next milestone. Like. OK, like now,
00:17:21.440 --> 00:17:23.759
what do I need to do? Like, I'm not happy. What
00:17:23.759 --> 00:17:27.349
do I need to do now? Is it? Getting my masters.
00:17:27.349 --> 00:17:30.569
Will that make me happy? Will I get if I get
00:17:30.569 --> 00:17:35.309
my PhD? Will I be happy? If I move up in the
00:17:35.309 --> 00:17:37.609
company that I'm currently out, will I be happy?
00:17:38.650 --> 00:17:41.410
So you keep looking externally for things that
00:17:41.410 --> 00:17:45.970
will make you happy. And yeah, I realized very
00:17:45.970 --> 00:17:49.130
quickly that I was getting worn out. I was getting
00:17:49.130 --> 00:17:54.200
worn out and physically like my health. It's
00:17:54.200 --> 00:17:56.160
kind of like, I don't want to say like declining,
00:17:56.160 --> 00:18:00.140
right? But like, I am the most out of shape I
00:18:00.140 --> 00:18:04.880
am now that I ever been in my life. So I'm like
00:18:04.880 --> 00:18:09.480
six one, right? I used to be like 140 pounds,
00:18:09.539 --> 00:18:14.140
which is way too skinny. But now I'm like 240,
00:18:14.500 --> 00:18:19.220
which is a lot more. I will say I was on the
00:18:19.220 --> 00:18:23.819
soccer team and I ran track. So Oddly enough,
00:18:23.859 --> 00:18:26.099
when you stop running like 10 miles a day, you're
00:18:26.099 --> 00:18:31.759
going to start gaining weight. But yeah, I just
00:18:31.759 --> 00:18:35.559
kind of. And I think also the thing that really
00:18:35.559 --> 00:18:38.579
hit me out here really hard when I first moved
00:18:38.579 --> 00:18:42.140
out here, because we moved. We moved into our
00:18:42.140 --> 00:18:49.619
place. Halloween 2021. 2021 was a very tough
00:18:49.619 --> 00:18:52.460
gray period. Our neighbors told us like, oh,
00:18:52.460 --> 00:18:56.740
that was a very abnormal, like more gray than
00:18:56.740 --> 00:19:00.500
usual. I did not know you're supposed to take
00:19:00.500 --> 00:19:03.720
like vitamin D supplements. And from Florida,
00:19:03.900 --> 00:19:08.400
what the heck are vitamin D supplements? So I
00:19:08.400 --> 00:19:13.279
became very depressed pretty quickly. Part of
00:19:13.279 --> 00:19:16.160
it seasonal depression, part of it also just
00:19:17.790 --> 00:19:20.769
Not really knowing what I'm supposed to do with
00:19:20.769 --> 00:19:26.150
my life, right? I am And yeah, I think I think
00:19:26.150 --> 00:19:28.150
I reached a moment where I was like something
00:19:28.150 --> 00:19:33.670
has to change right like I I don't think I can
00:19:33.670 --> 00:19:36.210
keep going on the way that I'm currently going
00:19:36.210 --> 00:19:42.490
on like Oddly enough. I'm going to therapy which
00:19:42.490 --> 00:19:50.049
I couldn't really do I'm When my dad, for instance,
00:19:50.109 --> 00:19:54.670
was alive. And again, if you've never lived in
00:19:54.670 --> 00:19:57.430
the South, the South is like the polar opposite
00:19:57.430 --> 00:20:03.349
of the Pacific Northwest. No one talks about
00:20:03.349 --> 00:20:06.329
mental health. You're not supposed to talk about
00:20:06.329 --> 00:20:12.430
mental health. Like my father, I grew up listening
00:20:12.430 --> 00:20:15.349
to my father make fun of people who went to therapy.
00:20:15.720 --> 00:20:22.240
So waste of money, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, you
00:20:22.240 --> 00:20:26.559
don't place like places that you work at. They
00:20:26.559 --> 00:20:29.160
don't have mental health programs. They don't
00:20:29.160 --> 00:20:31.640
talk about it. You're not supposed to be yourself
00:20:31.640 --> 00:20:34.460
at work either. Like you show up to be the person
00:20:34.460 --> 00:20:37.559
that they want you like you show up and you become
00:20:37.559 --> 00:20:40.099
the person that they want you to be. And then
00:20:40.099 --> 00:20:42.420
when you leave work, you can be your your own
00:20:42.420 --> 00:20:47.119
person. Polar opposite from but the Pacific Northwest
00:20:47.119 --> 00:20:51.099
from what I've experienced so far So yeah, I
00:20:51.099 --> 00:20:53.980
was able to kind of get into therapy But the
00:20:53.980 --> 00:20:57.160
more therapy I had I I felt like I was getting
00:20:57.160 --> 00:21:01.099
like more and more depressed. Um so I realized
00:21:01.099 --> 00:21:04.500
like something had to change like I need to Kind
00:21:04.500 --> 00:21:06.900
of figure out who I am if I'm ever going to be
00:21:06.900 --> 00:21:13.789
happy. Um So yeah, Florida sucks I know some
00:21:13.789 --> 00:21:17.210
of you are probably wondering So I have mentioned
00:21:17.210 --> 00:21:20.089
that I'm married. I do have a wife. Like what
00:21:20.089 --> 00:21:22.970
does that? What does all of this mean to her?
00:21:23.869 --> 00:21:28.650
I will say somehow right somehow I have found
00:21:28.650 --> 00:21:35.789
an amazing person I am And she we've talked obviously
00:21:35.789 --> 00:21:38.490
a lot and she was like, you know, you deserve
00:21:38.490 --> 00:21:43.680
to be happy Even if you transitioned, right?
00:21:43.720 --> 00:21:48.099
Even if you started growing boobs and she was
00:21:48.099 --> 00:21:50.640
like, I would prefer you not to, right? Like
00:21:50.640 --> 00:21:54.559
I'm not like attracted to women, but even if
00:21:54.559 --> 00:21:58.759
you grew boobs, I'm not going anywhere. Like
00:21:58.759 --> 00:22:01.079
you're still the same person I fell in love with.
00:22:01.079 --> 00:22:03.519
You're still the same person I love. It might
00:22:03.519 --> 00:22:05.740
be a little awkward when we lean in and kiss
00:22:05.740 --> 00:22:08.680
each other and I feel boobs press against me,
00:22:08.779 --> 00:22:11.900
but I'm not going anywhere. So I was like, okay,
00:22:12.480 --> 00:22:18.619
which obviously, if you come out to your to your
00:22:18.619 --> 00:22:22.299
wife, and you're having these thoughts, you know,
00:22:22.299 --> 00:22:27.099
I was kind of prepared for like a divorce. And
00:22:27.099 --> 00:22:29.660
I try to make sure that like, I would understand
00:22:29.660 --> 00:22:31.640
you like I try to make sure that she understood
00:22:31.640 --> 00:22:34.380
that I like I understood like, Hey, totally get
00:22:34.380 --> 00:22:37.759
this. Like if you're not into this if you want
00:22:37.759 --> 00:22:40.180
to leave that's fine We can still be friends
00:22:40.180 --> 00:22:41.839
everything like that. Like I don't want to feel
00:22:41.839 --> 00:22:43.500
like you're I don't want to make you feel like
00:22:43.500 --> 00:22:47.740
you're trapped in this at all But no, she's been
00:22:47.740 --> 00:22:51.900
super supportive Everyone has been super supportive,
00:22:51.920 --> 00:22:56.400
which is kind of surprising. I I'm not gonna
00:22:56.400 --> 00:22:59.900
lie. I was expecting Career was over at work.
00:22:59.920 --> 00:23:02.039
I'm gonna lose all my friends. I'm gonna get
00:23:02.039 --> 00:23:04.240
a divorce. I'm gonna become homeless and see
00:23:04.240 --> 00:23:07.579
I had all like boom, whole life changes. And
00:23:07.579 --> 00:23:10.839
I think that's a lot of one coming from Florida,
00:23:10.920 --> 00:23:13.319
but then also like the fears of like just thinking
00:23:13.319 --> 00:23:16.019
about everything for, you know, your entire life.
00:23:16.019 --> 00:23:18.240
You kind of think things are going to go one
00:23:18.240 --> 00:23:22.500
way and you're often that's not the case. So
00:23:22.500 --> 00:23:27.519
that is good. What is Alex, what's chat saying
00:23:27.519 --> 00:23:33.920
now? Mostly that Florida sucks. Yeah, mostly
00:23:33.920 --> 00:23:35.640
Florida sucks. There's a lot of there's there's
00:23:35.640 --> 00:23:39.539
a lot of Florida sucks in the chat, which I can't
00:23:39.539 --> 00:23:42.240
I can't rightly disagree with Florida kind of
00:23:42.240 --> 00:23:44.980
sucks and we don't like it because it's Florida
00:23:44.980 --> 00:23:48.359
and Florida I don't go through Florida for a
00:23:48.359 --> 00:23:52.259
reason. I've been to Florida I have no desire
00:23:52.259 --> 00:23:54.599
to go back to Florida at this current point in
00:23:54.599 --> 00:23:59.160
time For many many reasons, but yeah, it's a
00:23:59.160 --> 00:24:01.460
lot right now. We're a lot of Florida sucks again
00:24:02.500 --> 00:24:05.920
A lot of people are kind of like echoing your
00:24:05.920 --> 00:24:08.339
your thing about self -fulfillment, right? And
00:24:08.339 --> 00:24:09.880
and you know, oh this thing's gonna make him
00:24:09.880 --> 00:24:13.740
but what's gonna make you happy? You know a lot
00:24:13.740 --> 00:24:15.660
of people happy for you and again, it's it's
00:24:15.660 --> 00:24:18.160
it's a lot of I think a lot of understanding
00:24:18.160 --> 00:24:21.960
I Think that there are a lot I think that the
00:24:21.960 --> 00:24:25.400
number of people Whether it's and it's not always
00:24:25.400 --> 00:24:29.759
necessarily sexuality but I think that the number
00:24:29.759 --> 00:24:33.240
of people who at varying times in their lives
00:24:33.240 --> 00:24:36.380
for whatever reason struggle with a sense of
00:24:36.380 --> 00:24:39.599
identity right and I think that that's that's
00:24:39.599 --> 00:24:43.279
that's most we focus on it a lot these days when
00:24:43.279 --> 00:24:45.460
it comes to gender identity and sexual identity
00:24:45.460 --> 00:24:47.480
and things like that but I don't think that that's
00:24:47.480 --> 00:24:49.460
the only place it stems from and I think we would
00:24:49.460 --> 00:24:52.400
have a lot more understanding for people in the
00:24:52.400 --> 00:24:56.539
lgbtq plus community if if we frame it more from
00:24:56.539 --> 00:24:59.240
a position of everybody kind of struggles with
00:24:59.240 --> 00:25:03.259
identity who the fuck am I right like as a as
00:25:03.259 --> 00:25:07.640
a core thing and for some people that's sexuality
00:25:07.640 --> 00:25:09.539
for some it's gender for some something else
00:25:09.539 --> 00:25:11.799
so again i think there's a lot of people who
00:25:11.799 --> 00:25:14.019
whether they've they've done it in the form of
00:25:14.019 --> 00:25:16.039
of sexual or gender identity and i'm not speaking
00:25:16.039 --> 00:25:17.759
for anybody in the chat i think there's a lot
00:25:17.759 --> 00:25:22.299
of people who are going yeah i i don't i've gone
00:25:22.299 --> 00:25:24.839
through points in my life where i did not feel
00:25:24.839 --> 00:25:27.640
that sense of i feel comfortable in my own skin
00:25:27.640 --> 00:25:30.700
with who i am right and I think a lot of people
00:25:30.700 --> 00:25:33.839
go through that and and I think that that's why
00:25:33.839 --> 00:25:35.380
again I think we're getting some of the reaction
00:25:35.380 --> 00:25:37.980
that we're getting uh from chat again I think
00:25:37.980 --> 00:25:40.160
it's it's a lot of understanding again I I think
00:25:40.160 --> 00:25:41.579
that the way that you put it is really really
00:25:41.579 --> 00:25:45.119
good I think that a lot it you know and you and
00:25:45.119 --> 00:25:48.099
I I think had this discussion a while ago where
00:25:48.099 --> 00:25:50.920
where my theory has always been a lot of it is
00:25:50.920 --> 00:25:54.259
exposure and a lot of it is how you're introduced
00:25:54.259 --> 00:25:59.900
to the LGBTQ Plus community right and and that
00:25:59.900 --> 00:26:03.299
that manner in which you are first because I
00:26:03.299 --> 00:26:04.960
think I told you about the first time like I
00:26:04.960 --> 00:26:08.680
Knew that I was around trans people and the environment
00:26:08.680 --> 00:26:12.819
that I was in and how that came to be Made it
00:26:12.819 --> 00:26:15.539
a lot easier for me to be like, okay. This is
00:26:15.539 --> 00:26:19.000
this is fine. This is normal like Yeah, cool,
00:26:19.380 --> 00:26:22.289
right And I, you know, I could, I could get myself
00:26:22.289 --> 00:26:24.450
into that frame of mind and not look back. And
00:26:24.450 --> 00:26:26.650
I think that, again, I think that, that stories
00:26:26.650 --> 00:26:29.990
like yours, situations like this, where you can,
00:26:30.049 --> 00:26:34.589
you can draw those parallels and explain it,
00:26:34.730 --> 00:26:36.750
I think puts it into a perspective for people
00:26:36.750 --> 00:26:40.390
that again, I don't think happens enough. If
00:26:40.390 --> 00:26:48.250
that makes sense. Yeah. I think, I think it totally
00:26:48.250 --> 00:26:52.000
does. And That's the really sad reality of Florida
00:26:52.000 --> 00:26:56.059
is that you have all these people are going through
00:26:56.059 --> 00:26:59.680
like. When you grow up in a place like northwest
00:26:59.680 --> 00:27:03.000
Florida, which is really just the south. It's
00:27:03.000 --> 00:27:06.900
the south. Yeah. In the south, you think you're
00:27:06.900 --> 00:27:08.960
like the only one going through it. You think
00:27:08.960 --> 00:27:14.559
you're the only. Weirdo, right? Like that's feeling
00:27:14.559 --> 00:27:18.059
this way or going through this when you're really
00:27:18.059 --> 00:27:24.950
not like. I Yeah, it's it's kind of crazy there
00:27:24.950 --> 00:27:30.369
was a study that came out I am When I was in
00:27:30.369 --> 00:27:35.390
engineering school at FSU I am I think it was
00:27:35.390 --> 00:27:38.829
something like 50 % of all engineering students
00:27:38.829 --> 00:27:42.490
were like Depressed and then like a lower number
00:27:42.490 --> 00:27:46.509
was like suicidal. I am which is crazy because
00:27:46.509 --> 00:27:49.839
no one talks about it like No one talks about
00:27:49.839 --> 00:27:53.000
it. And I started advocating for mental health
00:27:53.000 --> 00:27:58.500
when I was at FSU. I got out of Florida pretty
00:27:58.500 --> 00:28:01.200
much as soon as I graduated from engineering
00:28:01.200 --> 00:28:06.400
school from FSU. And I remember my best friend
00:28:06.400 --> 00:28:13.720
in college, insanely smart guy, finished like
00:28:13.720 --> 00:28:18.460
Magna Coolade. I said that right. But Yeah, incredibly
00:28:18.460 --> 00:28:23.220
smart my best friend I I told him like what I
00:28:23.220 --> 00:28:25.980
was not gender, but I told him like how depressed
00:28:25.980 --> 00:28:32.680
I was and he was like Holy crap, dude, like you
00:28:32.680 --> 00:28:36.200
like no one No one would ever think that you're
00:28:36.200 --> 00:28:39.440
going through anything like you were like the
00:28:39.440 --> 00:28:42.359
happiest guy like you're the guy that everyone
00:28:42.359 --> 00:28:45.660
looks to and They're like Jay has it figured
00:28:45.660 --> 00:28:50.019
out Jay is like he's on a path. He's on a war
00:28:50.019 --> 00:28:53.579
path He is happy. He is the one that's always
00:28:53.579 --> 00:28:58.000
like laughing and joking He's like uplifting
00:28:58.000 --> 00:29:02.799
everyone else and I would like I'll never forget
00:29:02.799 --> 00:29:08.039
it. He made a parallel between Myself and Robin
00:29:08.039 --> 00:29:09.920
Williams, and I don't want to compare myself
00:29:09.920 --> 00:29:12.779
to him at all Jesus, but because I think he's
00:29:12.779 --> 00:29:17.369
an amazing person But he was like you're like
00:29:17.369 --> 00:29:19.609
the person that makes everyone else laugh and
00:29:19.609 --> 00:29:24.309
feel happy and like at ease and then you're like
00:29:24.309 --> 00:29:27.490
super depressed and like struggling with like
00:29:27.490 --> 00:29:29.970
Suicidal thoughts and like no one no one knows
00:29:29.970 --> 00:29:33.589
it and I think This is a really sad thing for
00:29:33.589 --> 00:29:37.589
Florida that I'm really sad about is that everyone
00:29:37.589 --> 00:29:42.130
That could really make a change in Florida everyone
00:29:42.130 --> 00:29:46.970
that could change Florida, whether it be like
00:29:46.970 --> 00:29:50.490
mental health, whether it be LGBT or whatever.
00:29:52.470 --> 00:29:56.930
They leave Florida like no one is that I saw
00:29:56.930 --> 00:29:59.390
me personally. I don't think that's just a Florida
00:29:59.390 --> 00:30:01.829
problem. I think that's anywhere that's that's
00:30:01.829 --> 00:30:04.950
of that. That similar cultural thing, right?
00:30:05.029 --> 00:30:07.849
And they talk about like rural brain drain and
00:30:07.849 --> 00:30:10.950
kids not going back to rural communities all
00:30:10.950 --> 00:30:12.710
over the country. And I think that's that's definitely
00:30:13.519 --> 00:30:17.559
Why that happens and I'll be honest, I don't
00:30:17.559 --> 00:30:20.180
know what the solution there is I really don't
00:30:20.180 --> 00:30:30.480
I have no idea Anyway I think yeah Unfortunately,
00:30:30.480 --> 00:30:32.180
I don't think it'll ever change with everyone
00:30:32.180 --> 00:30:35.039
leaving but also I don't blame it anyone for
00:30:35.039 --> 00:30:40.200
for believing like you'd need to be happy Yeah,
00:30:41.319 --> 00:30:45.529
what's that is That is my story. That is the
00:30:45.529 --> 00:30:47.710
very long explanation of my pronouns
