How to Trust a New Beginning When You Miss What Was

Tyona Vallejo: Hello and welcome to Enough In Evolving Podcast. I'm your host, Tyona Vallejo, master certified life coach and mindfulness expert, helping you reclaim confidence, break through unhelpful patterns and manifest the relationships and life you desire. Now let's get started. Hey friends, welcome back to the podcast. And if you're new here, thanks for joining. I wanted to share a shorter episode today in light of the eclipse and the new moon and the energy that is associated with those. A lot of times it is the energy of endings, change, and new beginnings. And new beginnings are often presented as something that can be really exciting. We're told to embrace the fresh start, focus on the possibilities, and be hopeful for what's to come. But new beginnings don't always feel exciting. Sometimes they arrive because a relationship ends, a job changes, a child leaves home, a loved one passes. A dream didn't unfold the way you expected, or life simply just looks different than you're used to. Even when we know it's time to move forward, part of us may still be reaching for what's familiar. And that doesn't mean you're resisting your growth or doing anything wrong. It may mean your nervous system is trying to find its sense of safety. Our nervous system naturally looks for familiar patterns. Familiarity helps the brain predict what will happen next. And predictability can feel really safe. We become accustomed to someone being there. We become accustomed to a particular routine, role, relationship, or aversion of ourselves. Even when that situation maybe wasn't completely fulfilling, our bodies knew what to expect. And then something changes. And the familiar cues that once helped us orient are no longer available. The nervous system may respond then with some anxiousness, sadness, irritability, possibly creating some overthinking in the mind. just an overall feeling of exhaustion or possibly an urge to regain control. This is one reason new beginnings can feel really uncomfortable, And I know for me, I've been experiencing this since Scooty's passing. I have definitely Been feeling this knowing there is this new beginning ahead of me. However, I'm still holding on to what was. And so maybe it's something for you, maybe again, a job or a relationship or a loved one that has passed that has you still. Feeling like you're holding on to something that was and not really excited about the new beginning coming up. Your mind may understand that life has changed, but your body may still be looking for the life it knew. So, how do we make peace with what is while remaining hopeful about what could be? First, We allow ourselves to acknowledge what has changed. Acceptance doesn't mean that you wanted the change or that you're approving of everything that happened, or even that you have to pretend that you're okay. Acceptance simply means that you're recognizing this is where I am now. and acknowledge what that looks like. So for me again in dealing with the loss of my little scooty that I've shared with you guys about That some days looks like seeing my frustration, my sadness, my wishing he was still here, and just acknowledging that for the moment, not staying lost in the story, but just acknowledging the hurt, the sadness that is present. There can be grief in a new beginning, and you can be. still grateful for what was and still know that it's time to move forward. so while I am experiencing my grief, my sadness that comes up, I'm still open to The new transition, this new beginning, connecting with him in spirit and starting this relationship with him as he is passed over. You can miss someone or something while slowly creating a life that holds meaning again. That is possible. We don't have to rush ourselves into any kind of fake positivity. Sometimes hope begins as something much quieter. It might sound like, I don't know what comes next, but I'm willing to stay open. Or this feels unfamiliar, but unfamiliar doesn't necessarily mean unsafe. Teaching your nervous system that unfamiliar can be okay. And it might also sound like I can meet this new chapter one moment at a time. The second thing we can do is give that nervous system new signals of safety. When life feels uncertain, return to what is available right now. Feel your feet touching the floor. Place your hand on your heart. Take a slow breath in and look around the room, noticing the light, the colors, the sound, and the physical support beneath you. Then remind yourself you are here in this moment. You are safe in this moment. And you don't have to figure everything out in this moment. This is how we begin creating familiarity within ourselves. Instead of depending entirely on a person, a role, a routine, or circumstance to help us feel safe. We practice becoming safe and steady within ourselves. Finally, we can become curious about what. This change is making possible. Not because every loss happens for a reason or because we need to find a silver lining immediately, but because an ending can eventually create space for something we couldn't see before. this may be an invitation at the season, not to force a dramatic reinvention, but to realize that we can loosen our grip on the life that we thought we were supposed to have and gently meet the life that is here today. So if you're standing at the beginning of something new, remember you don't have to feel completely confident yet. And you don't have to stop grieving what was. You don't have to even know how everything will unfold moving forward. Your only responsibility is to meet yourself here where you are. With compassion, with presence, and a willingness to take the next small step. A new beginning doesn't ask you to erase the past. It asks you to carry its wisdom forward while allowing you to step into something new. Now in closing, I will offer a few different questions that you can journal on that can help you think about maybe a new beginning that you have been possibly resisting in your life. And that could be what familiar version of life are you still reaching for that may no longer be serving you? And what are you being asked to acknowledge or grieve? And what would help your body feel safe in this new reality? And lastly, what possibility are you willing to remain open to? Maybe hope isn't that everything will work out exactly as we plan. Maybe hope is actually trusting that we can meet what comes next And that there is still more life, more love, and more possibility waiting for us. Thanks again for spending time with me this week. I hope you are taking care of yourself and remembering that you are enough exactly as you are, and you are always evolving. See you next week. If you're listening to this and you're recognizing yourself in these patterns, this is exactly the work I do inside my coaching. This isn't something you have to figure out alone. If you're ready to feel more confident, grounded, and self-trusting, I'd love to support you. Check out the show notes to book a consultation coaching call today.