All About Anal with EngErotics!

WEBVTT
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Anal play.
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But stuff.
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We hear the jokes, we see the reactions, but rarely have real honest conversations about it.
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Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to this month's Engerotics live stream.
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I am Jackie Mick, Chief Marketing Officer at Engerotics, and I will be your awkward host today.
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This month we're breaking down anal play, what it actually is, why so many people are curious, and how to explore it safely, comfortably, and without shame.
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I say this every time.
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Our vibe is curious, smart, a little sassy, uh grounded in real life and real bodies, and that's real important to us.
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Uh, if something resonates, explore more at engirotics.com.
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We have amazing blogs written by the amazing Amanda and lots of cool products.
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Um let's get into it.
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Today I'm joined by the leadership, some of the leadership team behind Enderotics.
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Um we normally do like a one-word reaction thing, but it doesn't have to be one word because we can't limit ourselves to that.
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We're gonna just keep it simple.
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I'm gonna introduce you when you hear anal play, just give me your immediate reaction.
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Uh, first up, we have Raven, our founder and CEO.
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What you got for me?
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Um don't knock it until you try it.
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Don't yuck somebody else's yum.
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That kind of vibe.
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All right.
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Amanda, our sexologist and CBD researcher who wrote an amazing blog all about butt stuff.
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Uh, how do you feel about it?
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Raven kind of still my answer, but along the same line, if you don't want to do it, that's cool too.
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But once again, uh don't yuck somebody else's yum.
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Yeah, like don't yuck somebody else's yum is my favorite advice for like literally anything.
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And I think that um in general, the internet has made it easier for people to yuck other people's yum and it like almost accept it.
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And I do rail against that pretty vocally against my friends who I see doing that.
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I'm like, why are you giving somebody a hard time for doing something they like?
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It doesn't make any sense to me.
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Yeah, I mean if everybody's like consenting and enjoying themselves, right?
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Like, I mean, there's like I mean, I want to say that there's exceptions to every rule.
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So it's like we're talking about like, you know, within like, I would say like safe, reasonable context, you know, like of course there are like examples way out there where, you know, yeah, absolutely hell no to that.
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But we're not talking about that.
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We're talking about like the everyday things that, you know, pineapple on pizza, um, you know, um what's another example besides butt sex?
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Like one of the things that I fight with my friends about, all that's not fight, but this comes up with all the time with television shows.
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Like they want to rail on people liking television shows.
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Like, what so what if they like Love Island?
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It's it's just what does it have to do with you?
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That that's a really good, that's a really good example.
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Like, people are gonna like what they like, people are gonna drive what they drive, people are gonna wear brands that they wear.
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You know, it's like, I don't know, like fast fashion is a good example.
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Like, you know, either it's like, oh, well, you know, what do you mean?
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You got that from Shein, or you got that from, you know, it's like like people like what they like, people spend their money the way they're gonna spend their money.
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It doesn't have anything to do with you.
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You're not there, it's not your money, it's not your sex life.
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You know, of course, as I said, there's like, you know, there there are there's like there are things out there where it's like, you know, I think as a society, we all look at that and we're like, yeah, no, that's not cool.
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And if you're participating in that, like that sucks.
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Um, and you suck.
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But in the con, like for the sake of this conversation, it's understood.
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We're not talking about that stuff.
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So for all of you contrarians out there that want to slide in to be like, oh, well, you know, just to play devil's advocate, like, no, like we know, okay, like we know.
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Like you're talking about like I like I like to say I am my own devil's advocate, because any argument that you can come up with for me not liking some some something, I've come up with it already because of the way I grew up, where I got made fun of constantly for the things that I like, like musicals, award shows, all of the things that make me me today, uh, were you know um belittled and uh I was made to feel bad for liking them.
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So I go through anything that I like, I go through one million arguments on my head as to well, what are the bad things someone can say about this?
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And but stuff is no exception to that rule.
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Yeah, there's a lot of like um uh misinformation, misconceived notions, um stigma taboo attached to anal play, especially when it comes to um heterosexual, cisgendered men.
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We can talk about that too.
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Um I remember there was I I can't well, yes, I do remember who I was talking to.
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I will not say their name, but we were having a conversation about um backdoor play, anal sex, and um they were like, Well, I just don't understand why you would want shit on your dick.
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Like that's that's how they said it.
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Um well, I'll say it was a he, okay?
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So this is like that's it was a he.
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I don't understand why you would, you know, and that was those are the words he used, and like that's not how it works.
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You don't know what you don't know.
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So if you don't take the time to learn about it, get educated about it, of course you're gonna have like a lot of misconceptions about how it works, what it is.
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Um is that the poop hole?
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Yes, that's where the yeah, you know.
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Um, however, uh there are a lot of people who enjoy that sort of play, um, engage in it safely, uh pleasurably, um, and that's okay.
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The first time that I ever encountered even like the concept of butt anal sex was in high school.
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I grew up in Georgia, and I it was a small town, and it was a pretty religious town, like um the social I the town I grew up in was called social circle, and I was about to say the social circles in my town, uh the social circles in my town were kind of formed by like what church you went to.
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And so everybody was really religious.
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And the girls that I went to school with would be proud of the fact that they were virgins, but having buzz sex all the time, bro.
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All the time.
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It's the only kind of sex that God can't see, Jackie.
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There's a there's a garf uncle and oats song about this concept called the poop hole loophole, and it the first time I heard it, I lost my shit.
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It's so funny.
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But isn't that one of the misconceptions though?
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Like, wouldn't y'all agree?
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Like, you know, it's that's you know, I and I don't really think it's a loophole because sex is sex, you know.
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Like it's agree some form of of intercourse.
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Um but yeah, so I I've heard the same.
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Um and as an adult who has had a healthy amount of anal play in my life, I cannot imagine that being my first introduction to penetration.
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Yeah, that neither can I be wild to me.
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Oh my gosh, neither neither can I.
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I mean, it it seems like very, I don't know, for lack of a better term, um, advanced, maybe.
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Yes.
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Like you need to have more um more education, more understanding about how that area works.
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And I mean, just to be clear, like, you know, the that area, the anus, it doesn't work the way that the vagina does.
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It's not self-lubricating.
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Um, there are two sphincter muscles in there.
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Um, you can't just like go to town.
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And so, like, I kind of feel like, you know, anal sex is not something, I mean, I it to each their own, but it it wouldn't be something that I would I would consider something that you do with just anybody, you know, like you have to be with a partner who understands, who knows what they're doing, um, who listens to you.
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Um, that's so very important.
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It's like um, it's the trust ball, you know.
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I mean, everything in sex, good sex, good intimacy, um, trust is, you know, paramount and it's to be prioritized.
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Trust and communication and respect.
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Um, but there's a lot of ways that you can get hurt.
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Um yeah.
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Um, yes.
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Amanda, you haven't said anything about butt sex.
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Do you have anything else to say about, you know?
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You guys are nailing everything.
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All of my thoughts are being taken today.
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I don't I kind of feel like um in our society, I mean maybe less so in 2026, but even more so like 10, 15 years ago, you know, this particular activity was very like taboo, you know, like, oh my gosh, like you do that, like, oh my gosh, like you're so bad, you know, and it's like, you know, it's but it's like something that a lot of people don't talk about.
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I feel like it's something that a lot of people are scared to explore, um, scared to um admit that they like, either to themselves or with their partner.
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You know, it's like, you know, a lot we're not even talking like, you know, this is my you know new boyfriend, this is my new girlfriend.
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This is like, you know, we're talking about this is my my partner of many, many years, and like, oh, I can never ask her, I can never ask him.
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Um, you have to ask, you have to talk about it.
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You can't just like slip it in on the sly.
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That's not how it works.
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Don't do that, don't do that.
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Um anal anal play needs a hefty amount of warm up, warm-up and communication.
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Absolutely, absolutely.
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Um, and a flared base, if we're talking about, if nobody takes anything else from this conversation, flared base, making sure that there is either a human on the other end or there's a flared base.
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Yeah, either way, you need some sort of stopping point because there are many, many, many instances of people ending up in the emergency room because the way the anus muscles work is it literally can suck things up, whether you want it to or not.
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It's a very involuntary response.
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And if you don't have that flared base, it you're it's gonna be sucked up, and you're gonna have to have someone remove it.
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And uh definitely happened.
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Somebody once told me, I might be getting this a little bit wrong, uh, that the vagina is a cul-de-sac, and the anus is a highway, like it goes all the way through your body.
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Like there's an end to the vagina, so that's why the flared base isn't as important in a vagina.
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But in in the butt, if it goes in there, it could go all the way, it can end up, you know, places you don't want it to end up.
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Absolutely.
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You have the cervix, and so that cervix is that stopping point.
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Uh, you're not gonna get past that cervix unless you're dilated, ready for labor.
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Yeah, but you're right, the the anus is it's much longer, and it has that that vacuum effect um that can make it uh I don't want to say dangerous, but a trip to the ER.
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Yeah.
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And there's a list that comes out every year from uh like collected from ER doctors around the country about the things that their patients have gotten stuck in their ass that year.
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And you don't want to be on that list.
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I know I don't want to be on.
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So like cans of baked beans and all sorts of things.
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Please don't pick put don't put baked beans in your ass.
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A flare.
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If whatever it is, just make sure it has a flared base.
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Obviously, we promote uh toys that are meant for anal play.
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However, if you want to get crazy, just make sure it has a flared base.
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This message brought to you by thoughts and prayers by angerotics.
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Yeah.
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Pour your butt.
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It's safe.
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And if if there's like something, if there's something weird that you want to try, uh, I don't know, reach out to somebody that makes toys and see if they can make that, because I'm sure you're not the only one.
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Oh, definitely not.
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Um there's something that just came to mind that I feel like never gets talked about like at all.
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It's like the um the aftermath, the after-effects, after anal sex.
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And um I think people need to be prepared for.
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Um so the best way that I can describe what's happening during vigorous analysis a mascara tube, and you know how like, you know, you'd see like ladies just boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
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You know, that's not how I do my mascara because you're pumping air into the tube and you're drying out your mascara.
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And so it's like kind of the same thing with anal.
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Like, you know, you're gonna get some air pumped into uh into the backside.
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And so what I feel like a lot of people are not prepared for is that in the hours in the day, after, depending upon how vigorous play is, um your bowel movements might be a little, they might be a little interesting.
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Like there's gonna be gas, you might, and you know, if it and you might like, I don't know, I I wouldn't say that um, you know, I've I've heard of anybody having like painful gas pockets, but I suppose it could happen if you get enough in there.
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But I think that's something that doesn't get talked about enough.
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Um, people feel like, oh, well, I did something wrong, or you know, or they don't make the connection, like, oh, it's something that I ate, but they don't think about like the air that can get pumped in to one's backside with vigor of sex.
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I will say that I feel like the smaller the penetrative toy, so like, you know, a finger or a safe bullet or whatever, I feel like there's more potential for more air to get pumped in.
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Whereas if you have something with more size, it's a little less.
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But either way, you're gonna get like that mascara tube effect.
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So, like for you receivers out there who are inexperienced, do not be surprised if after the fact, like you've got to like, you know, release some gas or you know, your morning poop is not quite what you're used to.
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Um, because you're putting, you know, like lubricant, you're putting air, and so it's gonna be, you know, um might be a little strange.
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And I think that that's something that most people, like who are new, they don't anticipate.
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And I don't think it gets talked about enough.
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I think aftercare is really important as well as the before and the foreplay and really making sure that you are relaxed, both mentally, physically, making sure that those muscles can be a little more relaxed to really help with that penetration.
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Not only does it help with potential pain, if you're not, um, I think it also helps with those air pockets as well.
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Yeah, absolutely.
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I I feel like a lot of people like they don't, I don't know.
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If you're experienced, you can just like jump right into it.
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Like if you're experienced, you already know like what it is you need to do, not do, if you feel like that's gonna be on the menu during that session.
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Um, and it's just like, I don't know, I think that there's a lot of things to consider.
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Like, for example, if you know that you're lactose intolerant, but you like to cheat every once in a while, that's probably not the day to have dairy or, you know, like things, things like that.
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You know, it's like things like minding your diet that can make things more pleasant.
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There's a show that I really love called The Other Two, and there's a scene in, I want to say season two or season three, where it's two gay fellows who have just met for the first time.
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They're on like kind of a first date and they're nearing the end of the date.
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They know something's gonna happen, they go to get pizza afterwards, and they're both avoiding eating the pizza because they don't know who's gonna be the bottom.
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And so they have this really beautiful, honest conversation about like who's gonna eat the pizza tonight.
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And I think that's just such a good way to look at it.
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Uh, and like it's a way to talk about the thing without being like gross, not gross, but like explicit about it.
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Yeah.
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Also, I mean, I feel like if you do the sex before dinner, you don't even have to worry about that.
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Something what it doesn't matter, front door, back door.
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I can't do any sex after a big hearty meal.
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I just can't.
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So it's like there came a time where I was like, you know, we could have sex before we go out to this decadent dinner.
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Like, but what do we see like in the movies?
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You go out, you have a nice evening, blah blah blah blah, and you you come home and then there's sex.
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It just doesn't work that way.
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So it's like, um, there would have been do a pizza after anal sex, like have anal sex, then have pizza.
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Yeah, then you can both eat the pizza.
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Exactly, exactly.
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But we don't, we often don't think about those things.
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I think that um most people, um, well, you know, yeah, I'll say most people, most people don't think about, you know, getting educated about this sort of thing, even if they are curious about it, because stigma, right?
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And even like talking about it openly and honestly with a trusted partner, like leaves you exposed.
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Like, oh my gosh, they're gonna know I have some sort of interest in this.
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Um, which, you know, okay, you know, yes, that's true, but also like you should be able to like bring that to your partner, right?
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It keeps everybody satisfied and safe.
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Um, and and it keeps the lines of communication open, and it also invites them to the table to be like, oh, well, I'm so glad you brought that up because I'm also interested in yada, yada, yada.
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So, I mean, what would y'all say is like the first step in preparing for this particular activity, like both as a like either as a newbie or like an expert in practice?
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Communication.
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Yeah.
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What does that look like for you?
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I mean, we need to have a conversation on expectations, on um what each of us maybe want to try, maybe some boundaries of things of like not really into that right now.
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Um, and also keeping in mind that like boundaries can change and you can say no to something now.
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I'm not interested in that now.
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Um doesn't mean in the future.
00:19:27.519 --> 00:19:36.079
Um, but yeah, I think first and foremost, communication needs to happen even before foreplay happens, just to make sure we're on the same page.
00:19:36.400 --> 00:19:36.799
Agreed.
00:19:37.279 --> 00:19:52.480
I also think that establishing a safe word is important, I even though it's not traditionally like a BDSM practice that you're taking part in, but it's still out of the realm of normality for most people.
00:19:53.119 --> 00:20:00.079
So have a word to get out of something if you feel unsafe or uncomfortable that is like a stopping, like a red light.
00:20:00.160 --> 00:20:01.680
We you need like a red light word.
00:20:01.920 --> 00:20:02.559
Absolutely.
00:20:02.799 --> 00:20:04.720
By the way, that's my dishwasher completing.
00:20:05.200 --> 00:20:05.440
I don't know.
00:20:05.680 --> 00:20:06.400
I don't even hear it.
00:20:06.559 --> 00:20:07.119
We can't hear it.
00:20:08.000 --> 00:20:09.519
It plays a song when it's done.
00:20:09.680 --> 00:20:10.880
I wasn't sure if you could hear it.
00:20:11.119 --> 00:20:22.880
I was giggling when I asked that question because um I'm like really direct and all I would probably just be like, so is XYZ on the menu this evening?
00:20:23.039 --> 00:20:25.039
Like, do you want to do this?
00:20:25.279 --> 00:20:32.960
Um, I understand that a lot of people like, you know, will beat around the bush and I'll just be like, hey, like, how are we planning dinner tonight?
00:20:33.119 --> 00:20:36.079
Like, because I'm trying to, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:20:36.240 --> 00:20:39.839
Like, I need to make sure my situation is okay.
00:20:40.240 --> 00:20:48.160
Um, so I was giggling like to myself about that, like, you know, as I was asking y'all, like, what how do you initiate that conversation?
00:20:48.400 --> 00:20:52.240
Because I know how I initiate like conversations around sex.
00:20:52.400 --> 00:20:53.440
It's very direct.
00:20:53.599 --> 00:20:56.319
I mean, like, at this point in time, like, there's no shame.
00:20:56.480 --> 00:20:59.279
Like, yeah, there can't be.
00:20:59.440 --> 00:21:10.720
You know, after somebody watches you have two babies, like that's like it's you know, it's like it's a grand thing, I'm sure, to watch new life being come like coming into the world.
00:21:10.960 --> 00:21:13.200
Is it a sexy position to be in?
00:21:13.440 --> 00:21:15.680
No, no, absolutely not.
00:21:15.920 --> 00:21:27.039
So, so yeah, I had to laugh about that to myself because uh I feel like so many people are like, oh, well, I don't want them to think that I'm some sort of like deviant or whatever.
00:21:27.119 --> 00:21:29.279
Like, I can't be too excited about this.
00:21:29.519 --> 00:21:35.759
But I I agree, like communication, like communication around the thing so that you can have a good time.
00:21:36.160 --> 00:21:36.480
Absolutely.
00:21:36.640 --> 00:21:40.400
I like how you phrase uh put saying, is this on the menu?
00:21:40.559 --> 00:21:52.799
I think that's a really cute way of like, you know, you're you're being direct in in asking without the being direct of like it's not a force, it's a question.
00:21:52.880 --> 00:21:56.240
So I think approaching it with curiosity is really important.
00:21:56.640 --> 00:21:59.039
Um, and just by saying, like, is this on the menu?
00:21:59.119 --> 00:21:59.599
I just think is.
00:22:01.200 --> 00:22:03.279
I think it's cute and I might start using it.
00:22:05.759 --> 00:22:10.960
I think that it keeps it playful and I think it keeps it lighthearted.
00:22:11.200 --> 00:22:17.920
Because the alternative, and and very well this could work for many people, is just being like, So you want to try this?
00:22:18.160 --> 00:22:19.599
So are you into that?
00:22:19.839 --> 00:22:24.960
Um, but even just by like making it a little more playful of saying, is this on the menu?
00:22:25.119 --> 00:22:49.519
Um, and giving your partner the opportunity to say no with without rebuttal, I think is something that I see um with couples, especially is if you prompt something and they're just like not interested, once again, like that not interested can change in the future, and don't um make them feel bad for not wanting to try that right now.
00:22:49.759 --> 00:22:58.559
Yeah, um, leave that door open, keep it, keep it curious, um, and meet in the middle with what you guys want to try and maybe not want to try.
00:22:58.799 --> 00:22:59.200
Absolutely.
00:22:59.920 --> 00:23:12.880
I think a lot of times when people make other people feel bad when they're turned down or said no to, they're making that about themselves instead of whatever makes the other person comfortable.
00:23:13.119 --> 00:23:22.640
And they they really need to think about this person feels safe enough with you to say no, don't make them feel bad for it, or they'll they'll stop doing it and that's not gonna end up in a in a good spot.
00:23:22.960 --> 00:23:23.839
Absolutely.
00:23:24.079 --> 00:23:39.599
I feel like um, you know, when I when I like refer to things like being on the menu, um, you know, it's like at this point in time there is there's a menu, there's like a whole selection of things that we've tried and explored and discovered from which we can choose.
00:23:39.759 --> 00:23:42.160
So it's like we're not new.
00:23:42.240 --> 00:23:46.240
Like this is like a different dynamic from, you know, you can have a menu with a new partner.
00:23:46.480 --> 00:23:57.119
But it's like with me and you know, and within my marriage and my relationship now, it's like, you know, we've had, well, I guess we're coming up on 15 years together, 14 years married in September.
00:23:57.279 --> 00:24:06.000
So there's been a lot of time to understand and talk about, you know, new things, old things, likes, dislikes, you know, flexible boundaries, things like that.
00:24:06.160 --> 00:24:17.599
So it's like, you know, yeah, there's quite literally a whole list of things to choose from, depending upon how one or both of us is feeling, um, which I think is really cool.
00:24:17.839 --> 00:24:22.400
And it kind of is like a non like what's the word I'm looking for?
00:24:22.559 --> 00:24:24.319
Is it non-confrontational?
00:24:24.559 --> 00:24:29.279
Like, or it yeah, like it's very like, you know, it's soft in approach.
00:24:29.519 --> 00:24:32.480
It's not like, hey, this is an expectation.
00:24:32.559 --> 00:24:38.240
It's just like, hey, are you open um to this like later on or whatever?
00:24:38.480 --> 00:24:44.559
So and I think that helps foster, you know, trust and security in one another.
00:24:44.799 --> 00:24:52.880
Um, but I mean, like, I don't know, would you say that people have a harder time with like new relationships as opposed to established relationships?
00:24:53.039 --> 00:24:56.079
Like when it comes to, I mean, this is certainly not true for everybody.
00:24:56.319 --> 00:25:13.359
So this is not like, you know, I'm not trying to generalize, but would you say that there's more difficulty in like going into like activities like anal sex and similar, like in newer relationships as opposed to, you know, well, we've done everything else, why don't we may as well give this a try, you know?
00:25:13.599 --> 00:25:25.440
I would really say but uh I I also think it, yes, I think it would be maybe a little more difficult in the beginning, um, especially if you haven't had those conversations yet.
00:25:25.680 --> 00:25:28.240
Uh the first one can can be awkward, right?
00:25:28.319 --> 00:25:33.359
If you don't know how to navigate it with that specific person, because each relationship is is different, right?
00:25:33.440 --> 00:25:34.640
A different entity.
00:25:34.960 --> 00:25:44.000
Um, but with that said, I also think that there's people that's been in relationships 15, 20 years and still don't know how to navigate those sort of conversations.
00:25:44.319 --> 00:25:44.880
That's fair.
00:25:44.960 --> 00:25:45.519
That's very true.
00:25:45.759 --> 00:25:45.920
Yeah.
00:25:46.160 --> 00:25:56.079
Yeah, I think it really depends a lot on how comfortable you are with yourself and your likes and dislikes and wants and needs, which is why it's so important to explore with yourself before exploring with other people.
00:25:56.319 --> 00:25:56.799
Absolutely.
00:25:56.880 --> 00:26:00.000
And that's something that Amanda's blog touches on this month, too.
00:26:01.200 --> 00:26:08.160
Did the blog talk about, I think that we were focused on penetrative play, but do you want to do y'all want to talk about oral play?
00:26:08.319 --> 00:26:10.480
Like, because that's play too.
00:26:10.720 --> 00:26:15.359
Um, and and I feel like that like really like can skeef people out.
00:26:15.839 --> 00:26:18.640
I think the whole taboo subject in itself.
00:26:19.119 --> 00:26:23.839
I think anal penetration um is one thing.
00:26:24.079 --> 00:26:31.759
I think oral anal is a whole other, for whatever reason, bottle of wax of just taboo.
00:26:32.079 --> 00:26:32.400
Yeah.
00:26:33.039 --> 00:26:40.319
It it eating ass has had a moment in open mic comedy for like the last four to five years.
00:26:40.480 --> 00:26:48.240
When I lived in Orlando, all of the bad open mic comedies were making derogatory jokes about uh oral anal.
00:26:48.640 --> 00:26:53.200
And then when we moved up to here to Michigan, it was like the same thing.
00:26:53.440 --> 00:26:58.960
So people are not afraid to make fun of it, but they are afraid to talk about it seriously.
00:26:59.200 --> 00:27:00.799
They're probably the ones that do it the most.
00:27:01.119 --> 00:27:03.759
I mean, if they're that's internalized shame.
00:27:04.079 --> 00:27:08.960
If if I'm if I'm being honest, they're probably the ones that do it the most or like the most curious about it.
00:27:09.119 --> 00:27:16.240
Um, you know, and it's like at this point in my life, like giving like given what I do for a living and you know, running and erotics, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:27:16.400 --> 00:27:24.000
Like, it is my job to listen to other people's proclivities without judgment.
00:27:24.079 --> 00:27:33.279
Like, you know, of course, as always, my boundary is that everybody involved needs to be of legal age and consenting.
00:27:33.440 --> 00:27:35.119
Like, that's that's my boundary.
00:27:35.200 --> 00:27:41.200
So you're not gonna come to me and and talk to me about anything illegal or anything like, no, we're not gonna go there.
00:27:41.279 --> 00:27:49.519
So it's like, but everything else, you know, it's like it is quite literally my job to to hear these things, and people do be sharing with me.
00:27:50.319 --> 00:28:06.400
I can't imagine that, you know, uh that I would hold any credibility or trust as a founder, CEO of Engurotics, if I spent my time dragging people for doing things like eating ass.
00:28:06.559 --> 00:28:19.279
I mean, like, you know, there people there have been people who have asked me, like, okay, well, you know, Raven, if I use the salve stick for anal, and then, you know, there's ass eating afterward, like, you know, what do you think?
00:28:19.440 --> 00:28:23.440
Like, I answer those questions because they're valid questions.
00:28:23.599 --> 00:28:27.839
I don't think that it would, I don't think I'd be a very good leader.
00:28:28.000 --> 00:28:34.720
I wouldn't have any business running this company if I was just making fun of people for doing something like that.
00:28:34.960 --> 00:28:45.839
Like, look, if you want your cheeks in the cheeks and you want them clapping, you know, like you want to know about the salve stick and you know the toys, like that's totally fine.
00:28:45.920 --> 00:28:47.599
And we need more of that, you know.
00:28:47.759 --> 00:28:50.160
We need we really do need more of that.
00:28:50.319 --> 00:28:54.240
Because I feel like there's just so many people that feel so ashamed.
00:28:54.319 --> 00:28:57.440
Like, for example, am I gonna get poop all over myself, you know?
00:28:57.599 --> 00:29:01.200
And I mean, in general, like every you know when you have to poop.
00:29:01.279 --> 00:29:04.160
There are some people out there, they have conditions where they can't feel it.
00:29:04.240 --> 00:29:05.119
That's different.
00:29:05.359 --> 00:29:13.680
But it's like, you know, the feeling of when you need to have a bowel movement, when you feel gassy, you know what that feels like.
00:29:13.920 --> 00:29:18.319
That's not the time for anal sex when you're feeling like that.
00:29:18.480 --> 00:29:20.079
Don't, don't do that.
00:29:20.319 --> 00:29:28.319
But you know what it feels like when you're not, you don't have to go to the bathroom like that, you know, and that's a good time.
00:29:28.480 --> 00:29:34.720
So you don't have any fecal material in the rectum ready to evacuate, like, you know, just things like that.
00:29:34.799 --> 00:29:42.559
If people would take the time to um, you know, about their bodies, yes, yes, absolutely.
00:29:42.960 --> 00:29:48.799
Um, but you know, there are people out there, it's like for them, it's much more appealing to make fun of other people.
00:29:48.960 --> 00:29:50.240
Um it's easier.
00:29:50.559 --> 00:29:57.279
It's easier, it doesn't require any self-reflection or curiosity, and that's easy for people.
00:29:57.680 --> 00:30:03.680
Do you think that part of it could also be a tinge of envy slash jealousy too?
00:30:04.000 --> 00:30:05.039
Oh, yeah, 100%.
00:30:05.599 --> 00:30:30.079
What one of the things that I did a lot of work on uh in therapy and then just in my in general mental health journey is sometimes they're like movie characters or people that I know that I like them, but I'm like mad at this is in the past, like mad at them for some reason.
00:30:30.240 --> 00:30:44.240
And I after I did a little bit of research and deep dive into my own brain, I figured out it was because I was jealous of like how free they were to be themselves and envious that I couldn't do that myself, and then I was like, well, why can't I?
00:30:44.400 --> 00:30:54.000
And so all of that has fallen by the wayside, and I am mad at myself for living like that for so many years, but I didn't know any different.
00:30:54.240 --> 00:30:55.759
Yeah, well, we've all been there.
00:30:55.920 --> 00:31:02.880
I actually just had an experience, it's not about butt sex, it's about cake, like not cake, like you know, food is cake, not that kind of cake.
00:31:03.119 --> 00:31:03.920
Bacon cake.
00:31:04.160 --> 00:31:05.359
I just bacon cakes, yeah.
00:31:05.440 --> 00:31:07.759
I just I was I was I was telling my husband about it.
00:31:08.000 --> 00:31:17.119
Um there's this um lady on Instagram, and she loves to use ganache on her cakes rather than buttercream.
00:31:17.359 --> 00:31:22.799
And a lot of her videos open with don't use buttercream, like use ganache instead.
00:31:22.880 --> 00:31:25.839
And she's like, I hate using buttercream because blah, blah, blah.
00:31:25.920 --> 00:31:27.039
And I'm like, well, fuck you.
00:31:27.119 --> 00:31:28.799
I love buttercream, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:31:29.200 --> 00:31:33.200
But then I got to thinking, like, well, maybe I need to find out what ganache is all about.
00:31:33.359 --> 00:31:34.799
Maybe I need to make a ganache.
00:31:34.880 --> 00:31:41.200
Am I having cake envy because I've not tried to make ganache and cover a cake?
00:31:41.440 --> 00:31:43.200
So that's what I did, y'all.
00:31:43.279 --> 00:31:51.039
Like, I I made I baked a cake and I made some ganache to find out what it was all about.
00:31:51.200 --> 00:31:52.799
And I didn't quite get it right.
00:31:52.880 --> 00:31:55.279
I overmixed it, but I'm like, I'm gonna give that another try.
00:31:55.519 --> 00:32:01.839
But you know, yeah, it's you know, I would the videos would pop up and I'd be like, I like buttercream just fine.
00:32:01.920 --> 00:32:02.799
Buttercream is great.
00:32:02.960 --> 00:32:04.319
Like, what's this lady talking about?
00:32:04.480 --> 00:32:07.920
And it's like, oh wait, Raven, you've never actually made ganache before.
00:32:08.160 --> 00:32:14.000
Maybe is it possible that you know, maybe you just need to like expand your talent?
00:32:14.160 --> 00:32:15.359
Why are you hating on this lady?
00:32:15.440 --> 00:32:25.680
I'm like, because I keep watching her videos, but in that case, though, like ganache and buttercream are two completely different textures and flavors, so they shouldn't even be in the same conversation.
00:32:26.000 --> 00:32:28.079
Well, not according to this lady, okay?
00:32:30.160 --> 00:32:37.599
She's got some issues to work through on her own, it sounds like her cakes look beautiful, her ganaches look delicious.
00:32:37.759 --> 00:32:42.480
Um, you know, and the truth is that I had never made ganache before.
00:32:42.559 --> 00:32:45.200
I'd never like tried to cover my cake with it.
00:32:45.359 --> 00:32:55.519
And so it's like, you know what, Raven, instead of just being like low-key irritated because this woman is singing the praises of ganache, maybe you should just try, try it and see what you think.
00:32:55.680 --> 00:32:56.400
Try it.
00:32:56.640 --> 00:32:58.079
Have your family try it.
00:32:58.240 --> 00:32:59.200
And so that's what I did.
00:32:59.359 --> 00:32:59.920
It went well.
00:33:00.000 --> 00:33:02.559
I'm gonna make another one because I need a smooth ganache.
00:33:02.640 --> 00:33:05.039
So, you know, like I didn't make quite enough to cover my cake.
00:33:05.119 --> 00:33:05.680
That's okay.
00:33:06.000 --> 00:33:07.519
Um it looked beautiful.
00:33:07.759 --> 00:33:08.480
Oh, thank you.
00:33:08.559 --> 00:33:11.839
It was not my usual style, it was like more on the rustic.
00:33:12.160 --> 00:33:18.559
It it looks like the type of cake that people order when they're getting married in a barn in cowboy boots.
00:33:19.119 --> 00:33:23.519
And, you know, that that's the type of cake you can envision that.
00:33:23.680 --> 00:33:27.359
Like so, um, but it was it was very good.
00:33:27.519 --> 00:33:32.720
Um, and it was just like purely baking for the sake of baking, trying for the sake of trying.
00:33:32.880 --> 00:33:35.359
Um, and my ganache wasn't quite right.
00:33:35.440 --> 00:33:52.000
It wasn't my typical style, you know, tying that into butt sex, you know, when you go into anal sex or anything new, I think people need to be prepared for the fact, not even the possibility, but the fact that, you know, it might not go as you expect.
00:33:52.160 --> 00:33:55.039
It might not be your typical session.
00:33:55.359 --> 00:34:01.839
Um, it may because you're adding something new, you're trying something new, and there's a learning curve, and that's okay.
00:34:02.960 --> 00:34:12.800
And earlier you you said that someone asked you about eating ass after using the salve stick for anal penetration.
00:34:13.199 --> 00:34:13.760
Is it okay?
00:34:13.920 --> 00:34:14.880
Is it safe?
00:34:15.360 --> 00:34:16.079
I mean, yeah.
00:34:16.239 --> 00:34:17.840
I mean, it's the salve stick.
00:34:18.320 --> 00:34:22.719
The salvestick is not flavored, it's not designed to be eaten.
00:34:22.960 --> 00:34:26.639
But here's the thing that y'all gotta understand in our formulation.
00:34:26.800 --> 00:34:31.760
Like, you know, Heather, who's not here today, she's our COO and formulation specialist.
00:34:32.079 --> 00:34:41.199
We are acutely aware that the things that we formulate that are designed to go on or in your body might end up in your mouth.
00:34:41.280 --> 00:34:48.079
Not because they're flavored, not because they're designed to be eaten, but because, you know, sometimes you're gonna take it there.
00:34:48.239 --> 00:34:58.960
You know, if you're using, like, you know, o-nectar massage oil or the salve on the breasts and the nipples, and you know, you're you're rubbing and everything, you know, and somebody's mouth goes there, that's a real thing that happens.
00:34:59.039 --> 00:34:59.760
Is it flavored?
00:34:59.920 --> 00:35:01.920
Is it designed to no and no?
00:35:02.320 --> 00:35:07.679
Um, however, at the same time, like it's not gonna hurt you if you ingest some.
00:35:07.920 --> 00:35:09.840
So you'll be fine.
00:35:09.920 --> 00:35:12.000
Like, yes, the answer is is yeah.
00:35:12.159 --> 00:35:21.199
You might have like salve, like all on your, you know, your face is going to be nice and moisturized, you know, just um, but yes, it is it is safe to do.
00:35:21.440 --> 00:35:32.239
Um, I should add though, um, because we haven't talked about um condoms in anal sex, and a lot of people um, you know, want to use condoms for anal sex.
00:35:32.480 --> 00:35:42.960
I do want to throw out the caveat that um the salve and the o-nectra massage oil, which are both great for anal, they are not compatible with latex condoms.
00:35:43.119 --> 00:35:54.159
So if you are using our products for anal sex, um, you'll want to be sure that you use something like polyurethane, something that is compatible with oil-based products.
00:35:54.639 --> 00:35:58.960
But yeah, our products, the CBD, fantastic for anal.
00:35:59.519 --> 00:36:00.159
Yes.
00:36:01.199 --> 00:36:11.760
And another thing that I I want to say, um, my background in this industry comes from doing marketing for a small chain of retail stores.
00:36:12.239 --> 00:36:22.719
And one of the things that customers would come in and ask is for something like analyses or something to numb the area so that they don't feel what's happening.
00:36:22.880 --> 00:36:24.719
And that is a bad idea.
00:36:24.960 --> 00:36:25.599
Full stop.
00:36:25.840 --> 00:36:26.559
End of story.
00:36:26.960 --> 00:36:27.679
Full stop.
00:36:28.079 --> 00:36:29.199
Let's talk about that.
00:36:29.360 --> 00:36:32.239
Let's I haven't thought about analyses in years.
00:36:32.400 --> 00:36:35.440
Um, I haven't I've not thought about analyses in years.
00:36:35.519 --> 00:36:37.039
I'm so happy that you brought it up though.
00:36:37.280 --> 00:36:44.320
Um, and that was actually one of the products years and years ago when I was still working in direct sales and I was doing sex toy parties.
00:36:44.559 --> 00:36:49.440
Analese was, excuse me, analysed was like one of the products that I sold.
00:36:49.519 --> 00:36:51.039
You know, you don't know what you don't know.
00:36:51.199 --> 00:36:53.519
So it's like yeah.
00:36:53.840 --> 00:37:04.639
Um but these days, and for many years prior to today, um, no to desensitizing creams, no to numbing creams.
00:37:04.880 --> 00:37:05.280
Why?
00:37:05.440 --> 00:37:09.920
It's because pain is your body's way of telling you that you're pushing it.
00:37:10.239 --> 00:37:11.679
Yeah, it's your alarm system.
00:37:12.000 --> 00:37:13.679
That is your alarm system.
00:37:14.159 --> 00:37:37.119
Um so yeah, I mean, I understand the appeal, um, but rather than like going into it like I need a product to make this not painful, so I can't feel it, you need to go into it with the mindset of how do I engage in this activity in such a way where it doesn't hurt or injure me and what I do feel is pleasurable.
00:37:37.360 --> 00:37:40.480
Yeah, because it can be very pleasurable, 100%.
00:37:40.960 --> 00:37:42.639
Oh, it's packed with nerve endings, yeah.
00:37:42.719 --> 00:37:44.639
Yeah, it's packed with nerve endings back there.
00:37:44.719 --> 00:37:54.639
So it's like, you know, it has the potential to cause great pain, you know, it stands to reason that there's great potential for pleasure as well.
00:37:54.960 --> 00:37:59.440
And so you're like, you know, using a numbing cream, you're cutting both of those off, right?
00:37:59.519 --> 00:38:09.280
Like, no, you're not gonna experience any pain or discomfort, but you're also not gonna experience the full um effect of what could be pleasurable.
00:38:09.519 --> 00:38:13.760
And it's gonna be more difficult to for you to know if there's something going terribly wrong.
00:38:14.000 --> 00:38:14.559
Exactly.
00:38:14.800 --> 00:38:15.199
Exactly.
00:38:15.280 --> 00:38:16.559
And things can and do.
00:38:16.800 --> 00:38:17.679
Things can do.
00:38:18.000 --> 00:38:19.760
Um, any thoughts, Amanda?
00:38:19.840 --> 00:38:22.000
Am I are we taking all your thoughts again?
00:38:22.239 --> 00:38:22.880
Yeah.
00:38:30.480 --> 00:38:31.440
You're the sexologist.
00:38:34.000 --> 00:38:36.000
What what do you what what do you have to add?
00:38:36.159 --> 00:38:37.280
You're the sexologist.
00:38:37.360 --> 00:38:40.400
Like, you know, you gotta, you know, you got your degrees in the background.
00:38:42.880 --> 00:38:48.400
Yeah, like share with us, like, you know, what what what else what gems do you have to add?
00:38:49.679 --> 00:39:06.320
Um, you know, something that um a lot of people don't realize is that there is still um not only a pregnancy risk with anal play, but also an STI risk as well.
00:39:06.639 --> 00:39:18.400
Um pretty much any orifice that you play with that has mucosal membrane um that uh could give potential to getting an STI.
00:39:18.559 --> 00:39:29.440
So even though if you're only doing anal penetration, you still want to get STI tested, chlamydia, gonorrhea, HIV, all those, um, it's still very important.
00:39:29.519 --> 00:39:32.000
And that's the sexual health side of me.
00:39:32.719 --> 00:39:33.599
Absolutely.
00:39:33.920 --> 00:39:35.039
See, that was at C.
00:39:35.280 --> 00:39:36.400
Like, I didn't think of that.
00:39:36.559 --> 00:39:37.360
Like, you thought of that.
00:39:37.519 --> 00:39:38.800
I got some nuggets.
00:39:40.960 --> 00:39:57.280
Uh yeah, pregnancy can still, not because you get pregnant through your behind, but you know, if you have like, you know, semen that drips out, and you know, and it it if it comes in contact with the vagina, you know, and you know, like those little guys, they start swimming.
00:39:57.440 --> 00:39:57.840
I mean, it's a few.
00:40:00.159 --> 00:40:01.679
It only takes one sperm.
00:40:01.760 --> 00:40:05.280
And and in ejaculate, there's millions of sperm.
00:40:05.440 --> 00:40:05.519
Yeah.
00:40:05.679 --> 00:40:11.679
And it only takes one to just do a little swimming, meet one egg, and there you go.
00:40:11.920 --> 00:40:13.920
So it can happen.
00:40:14.079 --> 00:40:19.039
Um, it can happen, and I don't think that enough people are aware of that.
00:40:19.119 --> 00:40:26.159
So you still need to be careful, you still need to be mindful for all sorts of reasons with anal play.
00:40:26.320 --> 00:40:30.400
Um, and when we were talking about oral, um, using dental dams.
00:40:30.800 --> 00:40:43.360
Dental dams um for for oral play, whether it's vaginal, anal, um, those are also going to be important to protect yourself from STIs because you can still get STIs of the mouth.
00:40:43.519 --> 00:40:46.639
You can still have chlamydia, gonorrhea of the mouth.
00:40:46.800 --> 00:40:53.039
Um, so to avoid that, you use protective barriers and yeah, and get tested.
00:40:53.920 --> 00:40:57.920
And I and I'm like I'm a stickler for for hygiene.
00:40:58.079 --> 00:41:02.000
Like, you know, no, nobody wants to eat nasty, dirty ass.
00:41:02.159 --> 00:41:04.639
I mean, unless unless that's your jam.
00:41:04.960 --> 00:41:21.280
Unless it's your thing, but generally, I'm assuming that most people, like, I just I just feel like, you know, there are a lot of people that they're grown adults out there that don't know about wiping themselves properly.
00:41:21.679 --> 00:41:24.239
And so that's a big deal.
00:41:24.719 --> 00:41:27.360
Unrelated to this, uh, well, but kind of related.
00:41:27.519 --> 00:41:33.119
Um, I just fell down a Reddit rabbit hole this morning about people.
00:41:33.280 --> 00:41:38.480
Someone asked the question what is a hygiene tip that you think many people overlook?
00:41:38.639 --> 00:41:46.239
And one of the resounding answers was people not cleaning between their ass cheeks because they think it's gay.
00:41:49.280 --> 00:41:50.559
And I'm like, oh no.
00:41:51.599 --> 00:41:56.800
No, that's like yeah, you know, you know what it is though, right?
00:41:56.960 --> 00:42:07.599
It's like that homophobic thing about anything having to do with anal play, butt play, anything having to do with the butt has to do with being gay.
00:42:07.760 --> 00:42:09.039
It absolutely does not.
00:42:09.199 --> 00:42:18.159
There are straight men, straight cisgendered men who enjoy anal play from their straight cisgender female partner.
00:42:18.239 --> 00:42:22.079
Like it, it's it's like pretty like status quo, and that, but they enjoy that.
00:42:22.239 --> 00:42:26.559
It doesn't have anything to do with their sexuality at all.
00:42:26.719 --> 00:42:42.400
Like, and and that is a really good point because in our society, there is just like such this, um, such a connection between like, you know, what you enjoy sexually and what your sexuality is.
00:42:42.960 --> 00:42:44.960
And and that it's just it's not true.
00:42:45.039 --> 00:42:50.239
So it's like, if there are grown-ass men out there not wiping their asses because it makes you gay.
00:42:50.400 --> 00:42:51.599
No, it doesn't make you gay.
00:42:51.760 --> 00:42:52.480
It makes you nasty.
00:42:55.440 --> 00:42:59.280
Even if that's not your thing, I still need you guys to wipe your face.
00:42:59.519 --> 00:42:59.679
What?
00:42:59.920 --> 00:43:00.480
Yeah, yeah.
00:43:00.880 --> 00:43:02.400
Like wipe your ass.
00:43:03.280 --> 00:43:09.519
Why you are not you would not be gay, but you will be nasty as fuck, okay?
00:43:09.599 --> 00:43:12.000
There's over and God knows what.
00:43:12.559 --> 00:43:12.880
Oh my god.
00:43:16.800 --> 00:43:17.599
Like, at all.
00:43:17.760 --> 00:43:23.440
Like, and you know, the thing is that if you're not like taking care of that, like that's something we can smell.
00:43:23.519 --> 00:43:25.679
That is not sexy at all.
00:43:25.840 --> 00:43:27.840
That is that is not sexy at all.
00:43:27.920 --> 00:43:30.880
Like, you need to walk you gotta wash your ass.
00:43:31.039 --> 00:43:32.960
Everybody should be washing their ass.
00:43:33.119 --> 00:43:37.280
If you're a hairy ass man, you better be doing double duty.
00:43:37.360 --> 00:43:40.639
Like, don't let that crust get stuck up.
00:43:40.719 --> 00:43:44.159
Like, don't like all that, don't don't do it, you know.
00:43:44.320 --> 00:43:46.639
Um nobody wants a poop tangle.
00:43:46.880 --> 00:43:48.480
Nobody wants that.
00:43:48.559 --> 00:43:52.719
I think hygiene, and you know, for health reasons, you know, like for health reasons.
00:43:52.800 --> 00:43:58.960
So it's like if you're engaging in, you know, anal sex or you know, mouth to mouth to anal.
00:43:59.360 --> 00:44:06.480
Um You know, and you're not there's no cleanliness, you know, that bacteria can make you sick, you know.
00:44:06.800 --> 00:44:14.000
If you just have like nastiness on you, that also affects your health as well.
00:44:14.400 --> 00:44:22.400
I could go on and on, but I just like you know, people need to like be alright with their bodies, okay?
00:44:22.559 --> 00:44:30.960
Like, I don't care what you need to do, get a therapist, go talk to your minister, your pastor, whatever you need to do.
00:44:31.039 --> 00:44:32.079
I don't care.
00:44:32.400 --> 00:44:39.760
Um, but it is so important to have good hygiene, not just for backdoor play, but front door play.
00:44:39.920 --> 00:44:47.360
Like, you know, you wouldn't go in, like, don't don't bring your your you know a dirty penis into vaginal sex, like and upset this woman's pH.
00:44:47.760 --> 00:44:58.559
Oh, here's another here's another thing that I think is very important that I don't think a lot of people who are unexperienced realize, and that is do not go from the back door to the front door without cleaning yourself.
00:44:58.960 --> 00:44:59.679
Do not go from the door.
00:44:59.840 --> 00:45:00.800
Please do not do that.
00:45:01.039 --> 00:45:01.920
Don't do that.
00:45:02.239 --> 00:45:02.960
And why?
00:45:03.199 --> 00:45:05.440
Because of you know, fecal bacteria.
00:45:05.599 --> 00:45:07.360
And and it's gonna, it's gonna be there.
00:45:07.519 --> 00:45:08.159
It's gonna be there.
00:45:08.239 --> 00:45:15.760
And I think that that's something that um I mean, like when we talk about sex as a whole, there's I mean, sex is messy.
00:45:16.000 --> 00:45:23.119
Sex is not like this really like clean, neat, like there's a lot of exchange of fluids.
00:45:23.280 --> 00:45:26.719
Like, I don't want anybody to spit on me, right?
00:45:26.880 --> 00:45:28.880
Well, I I don't enjoy that anyway.
00:45:28.960 --> 00:45:30.800
Like, I'm not trying to yuck anybody's young.
00:45:30.880 --> 00:45:34.480
Like, I'm just talking about like in general preferences, you know.
00:45:34.559 --> 00:45:37.360
I don't really want like somebody like like, hey, what's going on?
00:45:37.440 --> 00:45:42.400
But you know, I don't want like, you know, but like you kiss somebody and you kiss them deeply, you know.
00:45:42.559 --> 00:45:44.320
Are you sharing saliva?
00:45:44.480 --> 00:45:47.039
Yeah, you are doing that, you know.
00:45:47.199 --> 00:45:52.559
So um, so yeah, I think that people, I mean, I don't know.
00:45:52.639 --> 00:46:03.039
We lived in live in such a stigmatized puritanical society, though, which is like why we're having this so much is controlled by shame in the world that we live in right now, and it's very sad.
00:46:03.280 --> 00:46:04.559
Yeah, absolutely.
00:46:04.719 --> 00:46:13.760
I mean, I've gotten a lot over the years, I've gotten like, you know, so many emails and DMs and things like that, you know, like, hey Raven, I'm into XYZ.
00:46:13.920 --> 00:46:15.119
Like, what do you think?
00:46:15.280 --> 00:46:23.840
I'm like, you know, as long as it's pleasurable for you and your partner, you guys are like, you know, why are you asking me what I think?
00:46:24.000 --> 00:46:25.920
What do you think about it?
00:46:26.079 --> 00:46:33.199
Like, I used to be a big fan, or I still am a big fan of Dan Savage, but I used to listen to him and read his stuff pretty regularly.
00:46:33.280 --> 00:46:36.320
And the thing that he always said is safe, sane, and consensual.
00:46:36.400 --> 00:46:40.159
And like that is the best advice I can give for knowing when to move forward.
00:46:40.239 --> 00:46:41.199
Do you feel safe?
00:46:41.360 --> 00:46:43.039
Does the person you're with feel sane?
00:46:43.199 --> 00:46:44.480
Is this consensual?
00:46:44.800 --> 00:46:45.199
Yes.
00:46:45.360 --> 00:46:46.400
Yeah, absolutely.
00:46:46.559 --> 00:46:49.119
I think that's really good practice.
00:46:49.360 --> 00:46:58.400
And, you know, also like you don't have to engage in this activity like day after day after day, night after night after night.
00:46:58.639 --> 00:47:05.199
In fact, I think like with something with anal, like I think it's probably better to like, you know, give yourself a rest in between sessions.
00:47:05.360 --> 00:47:06.719
Like that's just that's just me.
00:47:06.800 --> 00:47:25.119
Like other people might, you know, like feel differently, but um, you know, but as part of that aftercare, um, or even like, you know, vigorous, like, you know, front door play, vigorous, you know, vaginal sex, I think it's important to like, it's like when you go to the gym and you have a hard workout, you know, you gotta like rest and and everything.
00:47:25.280 --> 00:47:37.119
So um, I mean, I I I have a hard time, I have a hard time relating to the stigma, the shame because I am who I am, and you know, it's like this is endurotics and everything.
00:47:37.199 --> 00:47:38.800
Like it's not my normal.
00:47:39.280 --> 00:47:51.360
But um, it is my job to hold space and have empathy for um, I don't want to call it a hangout, but these these hesitations, you know, because they are very real.
00:47:51.679 --> 00:47:56.559
And that turns into like, well, what kind of a person am I if I'm into blah bitty blah?
00:47:56.639 --> 00:48:08.559
Like there are people who genuinely think that they have a character flaw if they engage in certain activities, which blows my mind because it doesn't change who you are.
00:48:08.719 --> 00:48:15.199
Like it doesn't change like what kind of parent you are, what kind of mother you are, what kind of professional you are.
00:48:15.599 --> 00:48:16.400
It really doesn't.
00:48:16.480 --> 00:48:20.239
But there are a lot of people who are like, well, what what kind of person am I?
00:48:20.400 --> 00:48:25.360
Like, I'm I'm a I'm I'm a good person, you know, I I go to church, I love the Lord.
00:48:25.519 --> 00:48:30.000
All of those things can be true and still enjoy anal and everything else.
00:48:30.159 --> 00:48:43.039
Um, but it really just blows my mind because I feel like for a lot of people, like, not only is there the taboo of the the physical act, but also like, you know, well, what kind of person does this make me?
00:48:43.199 --> 00:48:52.000
Am I a sexual deviant because I would ask for this or enjoy this, or I enjoy watching pornography with this activity, that sort of thing.
00:48:52.800 --> 00:49:00.559
Oh, that's that's another thing that just because you like watching it in porn does not necessarily mean you're gonna like having it done to you or doing it to someone else.
00:49:00.719 --> 00:49:01.039
Absolutely.
00:49:01.440 --> 00:49:04.719
You can enjoy something in porn and not have it not do it.
00:49:04.800 --> 00:49:09.280
You don't have to, you it unless you really want to experience it, you can just enjoy it in porn.
00:49:09.519 --> 00:49:10.320
Well, absolutely.
00:49:10.480 --> 00:49:14.800
And and I think that porn, I mean, and this is just not just for anal, but for a lot of things.
00:49:14.960 --> 00:49:17.440
Like, you know, porn sets people up for failure.
00:49:17.599 --> 00:49:25.119
And we're not, I'm not talking about like the ethical porn avenues that we all know about, and that's like a whole nother conversation.
00:49:25.280 --> 00:49:36.480
A lot of people are not familiar with ethical porn and what that's about, but we're talking about your like mainstream free porn, like a lot of the things that people are concerned about.
00:49:36.719 --> 00:49:48.159
I think it really does set people up for failure because they see, well, I mean, it's like kind of like watching the Fast and the Furious and thinking you've got a handle on driving.
00:49:48.320 --> 00:49:48.480
Yeah.
00:49:48.639 --> 00:49:52.239
Like, oh, that's how you drive, like, you know, that's how you do whatever.
00:49:52.480 --> 00:49:56.079
And it it's not an instruction, it's entertainment.
00:49:56.239 --> 00:50:03.199
And so, you know, in some porn videos, you'll see like really rough, really vigorous anal sex.
00:50:03.440 --> 00:50:06.960
It seems like no prep has happened.
00:50:07.119 --> 00:50:13.280
Like you'll see all kinds of wild things, like double penetration, toys, like all kinds of things.
00:50:13.440 --> 00:50:18.639
And for people who do not know any better, that kind of sets the standard.
00:50:18.960 --> 00:50:20.800
Like this, this, oh, this is how it works.
00:50:20.960 --> 00:50:23.119
This is what it I can just shove it in there.
00:50:23.360 --> 00:50:24.159
Yeah, yeah.
00:50:24.400 --> 00:50:26.400
And and there's no communication.
00:50:26.559 --> 00:50:30.960
It's not like you're gonna in your typical scene, you're not going to see.
00:50:31.280 --> 00:50:38.000
I mean, and and of course, in order to do the scene, there has to be a conversation to do the scene, right?
00:50:38.079 --> 00:50:44.719
So there is a conversation between actors and actresses before the camera cameras and the lights turn on.
00:50:44.880 --> 00:50:50.800
There is a conversation, there has to be, but you don't see that as part of the scene because it's like that's not part of the city.
00:50:50.960 --> 00:50:51.599
That's not sexy.
00:50:51.920 --> 00:50:52.880
That's not sexy.
00:50:53.119 --> 00:50:54.400
But it is sexy.
00:50:54.639 --> 00:50:59.599
Like if you if if you watch if either of you watched Heated Rivalry, the the gay hockey show.
00:50:59.920 --> 00:51:00.639
I have not seen it.
00:51:00.960 --> 00:51:06.960
One of the hottest things about that show is the communication and the way that they checked in with each other.
00:51:07.119 --> 00:51:15.119
Like, there was just so many good things to see about communication and relationships in that show.
00:51:15.199 --> 00:51:16.400
It's not, and it's it's hot.
00:51:16.480 --> 00:51:18.960
Don't get me wrong, it's hot, but it's more than just hot.
00:51:19.039 --> 00:51:27.679
Like I thought I was watching it and I was gonna be watching like this little bop of a show, but I got emotionally invested in everybody, and I was just in awe of what they did with that show.
00:51:27.840 --> 00:51:28.719
I'm gonna check it out.
00:51:28.800 --> 00:51:30.159
It's been on my list for a little bit.
00:51:30.719 --> 00:51:31.280
So good.
00:51:31.519 --> 00:51:38.559
I just like I can't stress enough that you know, you cannot learn about sex from pornography.
00:51:38.880 --> 00:51:48.159
And this like ties into like me being a parent as well, because like obviously, like when it comes to, you know, this it's not a singular sex talk.
00:51:48.320 --> 00:51:54.000
There are sex talks, you know, um early and often, okay, like early and often.
00:51:54.320 --> 00:52:03.519
And the fact is, is that a lot of young people they will go straight to the internet um to learn about these things.
00:52:03.679 --> 00:52:07.280
Um, and oftentimes what they're gonna find is porn.
00:52:07.519 --> 00:52:12.800
And that is like their first interaction, like with, oh, this must be what sex is.
00:52:12.880 --> 00:52:14.800
Like, you know, how does anal sex work?
00:52:14.880 --> 00:52:17.119
Maybe that's the question for Google or whatever.
00:52:17.280 --> 00:52:20.880
And there's a high probability that you're gonna get something from Pornhub.
00:52:20.960 --> 00:52:30.239
And yeah, it'll tell you, it shows you like the mechanics of how it works, like, you know, but it's for entertainment, it's not educational.
00:52:30.400 --> 00:52:47.840
And so, like, I can't stress enough, like, for people who are trying to learn whatever, like, you know, or or they're trying to like, you know, educate you know, their children about whatever, like, make sure that you have the wherewithal to get educated about it yourself first.
00:52:48.000 --> 00:52:53.679
Like, you know, you can't engage in something thoughtfully and mindfully if you don't know shit about it.
00:52:53.760 --> 00:52:58.960
Yeah, like if you're just feeling like some kind of way, like, oh, I don't want to read about it, like blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:52:59.119 --> 00:53:00.159
And there are people like that.
00:53:00.320 --> 00:53:12.079
Like, you know, like there are people out there like that, or you know, or you know, women who are like, oh, well, my husband really wants anal and I don't know anything about it.
00:53:12.320 --> 00:53:15.679
I don't know that I'm comfortable with it, but this is my husband.
00:53:15.760 --> 00:53:17.280
Like, I want to make him happy.
00:53:17.519 --> 00:53:34.079
I want to make him happy, like, and you know, that kind of ties into the you know, like purity culture, religious sect, and I I I really think that many men don't understand how often women do that.
00:53:35.039 --> 00:53:40.000
And that it just partly pushes into the patriarchy.
00:53:41.920 --> 00:53:44.159
Yeah, yeah, absolutely, absolutely.
00:53:44.400 --> 00:53:59.760
Because, you know, it's like, you know, when it comes to that sort of culture, it's like, you know, well, this is part of my duty as a wife, um, and I need to satisfy my husband sexually.
00:54:00.320 --> 00:54:13.840
And so unfortunately, anal is like, you know, that that is part of like something that women haven't engaged in without having like a frank conversation about enjoying it or not.
00:54:14.079 --> 00:54:20.480
Um so so yeah, I mean, it's like all all sex should be talked about.
00:54:20.639 --> 00:54:21.920
Um, all of it.
00:54:22.000 --> 00:54:23.199
It's equally important.
00:54:23.440 --> 00:54:28.400
Since we're focused on anal play today, like, yeah, you absolutely should be talking about that.
00:54:28.559 --> 00:54:31.440
Um it shouldn't be something that's forced upon you.
00:54:31.760 --> 00:54:37.039
And uh if you're curious about it, uh seriously, play play, play with yourself.
00:54:37.280 --> 00:54:37.440
Yeah.
00:54:37.760 --> 00:54:39.599
Play with play with your own little starfish.
00:54:39.679 --> 00:54:41.840
You'll like it if that's what you're into.
00:54:42.480 --> 00:54:44.079
That's also in the blog.
00:54:44.239 --> 00:54:59.280
That is also something that Amanda mentions in the blog, which I really appreciate because I think that a lot of people don't um, you know, they think about masturbation and they don't include anal stimulation as part of that.
00:54:59.519 --> 00:55:06.400
But, you know, truly understanding your own body and how it works and how it feels is beneficial in so, so many ways.
00:55:06.639 --> 00:55:07.360
So, so many ways.
00:55:07.519 --> 00:55:20.559
Like, if you know, like honestly, I forget it may have been it may it may have been Betty Dodson who whose recommendation was to take a mirror and give yourself a good what was it, Betty?
00:55:21.039 --> 00:55:21.920
Betty Dodson.
00:55:22.320 --> 00:55:23.840
I mean, I think that's so important.
00:55:24.000 --> 00:55:25.840
You need to know what all of that looks like.
00:55:25.920 --> 00:55:42.480
You need to know what your what your butthole looks like when it's healthy, because if something feels off down there and you take a mirror and look, and something doesn't look quite right, like you know, that is really important so that you can um, you know, seek medical assistance, you know.
00:55:42.639 --> 00:55:49.199
So I mean, but there are people who are like, oh man, I can I couldn't imagine like squatting over a mirror, like shit, I can't.
00:55:49.280 --> 00:55:50.239
I need to know what's going on.
00:55:50.480 --> 00:55:56.559
Like, yeah, one of I I I you have to have a baseline, and that's one of the ways you establish a baseline.
00:55:56.800 --> 00:55:58.000
Absolutely, absolutely.
00:55:58.159 --> 00:56:03.039
I mean, even if you got like, I don't know, you got a mole like right next to your exit hole.
00:56:03.119 --> 00:56:12.239
You got a mole, and that's important to know, you know, like it's important, like, because that way maybe you look back down there and that mole has grown or it looks different, you're like, nah, that ain't right.
00:56:12.320 --> 00:56:14.239
You know, that's that is important.
00:56:14.480 --> 00:56:21.760
And so, like, when it comes to anal play, anal masturbation, you know, like all of that stuff.
00:56:22.000 --> 00:56:33.440
Um, I think it's so important for people to to know that like what you enjoy physically doesn't have a damn thing to do with your sexuality, what type of person you are.
00:56:33.599 --> 00:56:36.400
Like, you can still enjoy this and go to church.
00:56:36.639 --> 00:56:40.880
You can still enjoy this and be a good per a good person, good parent, whatever.
00:56:41.039 --> 00:56:42.480
Um, yeah.
00:56:42.960 --> 00:56:51.679
And I I I will admit this, I enjoy anal toys more than I enjoy vaginal ones because there's such a range of sensation.
00:56:51.760 --> 00:57:08.960
Like, you're not gonna get the same sensation from a butt plug as you do anal beads, because the butt plug for me is like a feel feeling of fullness, but the anal beads is the I don't know, there's something about the ins in insert and out and the taking it in and out.
00:57:09.039 --> 00:57:11.920
It's just a good, it's a it's a different sensation.
00:57:12.079 --> 00:57:18.239
And I am a sensation seeker, so I I love all of the options that are are available there.
00:57:18.559 --> 00:57:20.079
Absolutely, absolutely.
00:57:20.239 --> 00:57:22.960
And we didn't even touch on the prostate today.
00:57:23.119 --> 00:57:28.079
I mean, it's like that's that's how you access that is through the back.
00:57:28.320 --> 00:57:35.440
And what a lot of people don't understand is that that is very pleasurable for you know, many.
00:57:35.519 --> 00:57:45.760
I'm gonna say people who have a prostate, you know, like usually when we we talk about the prostate, we're talking about cisgendered men, but you know, for the trans community that still have they have a prostate as well.
00:57:45.920 --> 00:57:50.079
And so um I don't know, did anybody see what was it?
00:57:50.320 --> 00:57:53.119
Um was it Road Trip?
00:57:53.440 --> 00:57:58.800
And from the 90s, it was like one of those, it was one of those movies that did not age well.
00:57:58.960 --> 00:58:27.840
But anyway, like one of the guys like discovers that you know he's really into backdoor play because they're short on money, and he's like donate donating his semen at a sperm bank, and um you know, and so the nurse puts two fingers and he's like, oh my god, that was amazing, and you know, so um, so I I feel like, you know, like yeah, there's like yeah, I really like this, but I can't tell anybody, but you know, the prostate's there, it's a thing.
00:58:28.079 --> 00:58:38.320
So um I will say again, thoughts and prayers, like thoughts and prayers is designed for for the booty, and uh I'm really proud of that product.
00:58:38.400 --> 00:58:43.039
Um if anybody's looking for someplace to start, um, start there.
00:58:43.119 --> 00:58:43.679
You don't have to do that.
00:58:43.840 --> 00:58:48.320
That's a great it's a really great set, it is a really great starter set.
00:58:48.480 --> 00:58:51.840
Um it's something you can use by yourself if you want to.
00:58:52.159 --> 00:58:54.079
Absolutely, absolutely.
00:58:54.239 --> 00:59:05.360
And I mean, I think that I don't know, it's like having the the confidence to play by yourself um is helpful to play with a friend or a partner, you know.
00:59:05.440 --> 00:59:06.000
So anyway.
00:59:06.239 --> 00:59:10.559
Yeah, you have to know what you like before you can show somebody else how to make you feel pleasure.
00:59:10.800 --> 00:59:12.719
Absolutely, absolutely.
00:59:13.119 --> 00:59:15.360
Well, with that, we're almost at an hour.
00:59:15.519 --> 00:59:16.719
Jackie, do you want to wrap this up?
00:59:17.119 --> 00:59:17.519
So fast.
00:59:17.760 --> 00:59:18.800
It did, it really did.
00:59:19.039 --> 00:59:21.599
Amanda, do you have anything to add before we get out of here?
00:59:21.920 --> 00:59:23.199
No, you guys took it off.
00:59:25.360 --> 00:59:30.239
Then I just want to end by saying curiosity isn't wrong, it's human.
00:59:30.480 --> 00:59:35.119
The more we understand our bodies, the safer and more enjoyable our experiences can be.
00:59:35.280 --> 00:59:40.000
Whether anal play is a yes, a maybe, or a no for you, you get to choose.
00:59:40.159 --> 00:59:48.239
If you're ready to explore with more comfort, confidence, and the right tools, visit engirotics.com and find what feels good to you.
00:59:48.400 --> 00:59:52.079
And make sure you're subscribed to the YouTube channel so you don't miss next month.
00:59:52.159 --> 00:59:53.599
Which, do you know what the topic is?
00:59:53.679 --> 00:59:55.039
Because I forgot to check again.
00:59:55.440 --> 00:59:59.679
New sex and intimacy through the life stages.
01:00:00.239 --> 01:00:02.000
Ooh, okay.
01:00:02.480 --> 01:00:03.679
That's gonna be great.
01:00:03.920 --> 01:00:05.119
Uh thank you all for being here.
01:00:05.199 --> 01:00:06.880
And I'm gonna say goodbye now.
01:00:07.360 --> 01:00:07.920
Bye.