WEBVTT
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[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, I'm calling all of my Al-Rest later women to the front today.
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[SPEAKER_00]: All of my Al-Rest later women come to the front.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You know who you are.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Your body says, girl, we need to slow down.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And you're like, absolutely at about 730.
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[SPEAKER_00]: that 730 comes.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I'll finish this.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Then it's 10 o'clock.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I'm not as well finish everything now.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Anybody else.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Because somehow risk keeps getting rescheduled.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But responsibility never does.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe for you is not even risk.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe it's out of eat after this meeting.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I'll take something for the pain when I get home.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I'll make that appointment next week.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I'll deal with it after I finish everything everybody else needs for me.
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[SPEAKER_00]: There's always an after.
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[SPEAKER_00]: There's always a later, and somehow you keep making it through, you finish the work, you make the meeting, you get take care of everybody else, you get through another day, and then we celebrate it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We live whoo!
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[SPEAKER_00]: I made it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But wait, I wanted to start asking a different question.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You got through it, but what did it cost you?
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[SPEAKER_00]: what did it call to you.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And when I say calls, I'm not talking about money.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm asking, what did getting through it take out of you?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Did it cost you your energy, your patience, your evening, your weekend?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Did you get through everything you had to do to have nothing left for what you wanted to do?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Did everybody else get what they needed from you?
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[SPEAKER_00]: And you got whatever was left?
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[SPEAKER_00]: That's the cost I'm talking about.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And that's what we're getting in today.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So if you are ready to sit in there like, okay, Giovanni, you didn't have to comfort me like that.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Drop later in the comments, drop later in the comments.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And if you're watching on your favorite podcast, just to be sure platform, just go ahead and hit follow on the show and give it a rating as soon as we did through this episode.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Cause that's what we're talking about today.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But before we dive into this episode, don't already know what time it is.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But me, y'all, welcome to the Empower Plates Empowerlands Park.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Y'all, welcome back to another episode of The Empowered Place, Empowered Loss podcast.
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[SPEAKER_00]: This podcast is brought to you by four by abrasions, helping women with persistent pelvic pain, build a life pain no longer gets to define y'all.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm Giovanni and today we're talking about something.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Many of us have gotten really, really good at, and that is pushing.
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[SPEAKER_00]: If you want to know YouTube, make sure you subscribe to the channel, go ahead and call me pushing through to make sure I have your attention.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Alright, so okay, think about the last time your body was trying to tell you to slow down.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe your pelvic pain was bland.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you barely slept through the night before.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you were bloated, feeling heavy, exhausted.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe your back was hurting.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you just knew I'm not 100% today.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Shoot, you might not even have been around 50% today if we're being honest, but then life, you still have somewhere to be, something to do.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Somebody needed something.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So what did you do?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Did you start negotiating with yourself?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Saying, okay, come on, just get through this meeting.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Just finish these last few things, just make it until lunch, just make it until five.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I'll rest when I get home.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And somehow you did it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You made it the work, you handled the kids, you answered the email, you cooked the dinner, you finished the project, you showed up.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Everybody got what they needed.
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[SPEAKER_00]: you were done.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't mean, oh, I'm a little tired.
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[SPEAKER_00]: No, I mean, heat and pet, couch, bed, maybe over the countermeas, don't call me, don't text me, don't ask me for nothing, don't call my name, don't say my name, don't ask me what we're eating tomorrow, don't ask me what we have in later.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And please don't ask me to make another decision.
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[SPEAKER_00]: anyone know about that kind of time?
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[SPEAKER_00]: See, that's what I'm talking about.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Because technically, pushing through work, you accomplish what you needed to accomplish.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But now I want you to calculate something we don't normally calculate.
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[SPEAKER_00]: What did getting through it take out of you?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Because that right there is the cost.
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[SPEAKER_00]: This is where I think we've had a blind spot.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to talk about bonds, but I'm talking about you didn't even know that she weren't even really aware.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We measure whether pushing through work by what we accomplished.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Did I make it to work?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yep.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Did I finish the project?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yep.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Did everybody get what they need it?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yep.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Did I handle my responsibilities?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yep.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Okay then.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Successful day.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But wait.
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[SPEAKER_00]: What happened to you?
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[SPEAKER_00]: That's the part we don't always count.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you made it through Monday, but Tuesday, you had nothing left.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you pushed through the entire workweek and spent your weekend recovering from the workweek.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe everybody at work got your patients and everybody at home got, what?
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[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, let's just be honest, maybe you handle everything you had to do but cancel the thing you actually want it to do.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you kept telling yourself, I'm good,
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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm good.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, comes and now what?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Your body's like, oh, we finally stop.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Great, my turn.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And now you're down.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Have you ever had that happen to you?
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[SPEAKER_00]: You finally have the time to enjoy yourself and that's when your body crashes.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So yes, pushing through got you through the week and got all the things done that you felt like you needed to do, but if it took your entire weekend to recover, the weekend was part of the cost, if everybody got the best version of you at work and you had nothing left for the people you love that was a part of the cost, if you accomplished everything, but couldn't enjoy any of it because you were completely depleted.
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[SPEAKER_00]: that was a part of the calls too.
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[SPEAKER_00]: See what I'm saying?
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[SPEAKER_00]: What we're learning is how to truly calculate this differently.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You got through it, but what did it actually cost you?
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[SPEAKER_00]: And listen, I'm not sitting here talking about this like I've always known how to listen to my body.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely not.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I know this woman, because I was this woman.
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[SPEAKER_00]: When I think back to my own health journey, my body was giving me information.
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[SPEAKER_00]: fatigue, painful bowel movements during my cycles.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Eregular cycles, low-back pain, things were happening, but guess what else was happening?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Life, comment life if that resonates to you.
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[SPEAKER_00]: L. I. F. E. Life.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I was working showing up handling responsibilities doing what needed to be done.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And if somebody had asked me back then, Giovanni, are you pushing yourself to art?
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[SPEAKER_00]: I probably would have looked at them and said, push it myself, girl, I have stuff to do things that need to get done because I didn't see pushing through as a problem.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I saw
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[SPEAKER_00]: Capable, strong, caring, and that's what makes this pattern so easy to miss.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes the pay heavier, that's costing me.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I said at one more time, sometimes the behavior that's costing you is also the behavior that everybody is praising you for so grateful for your talent, your skills, your strengths.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Think about it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: How many of us heard you're so strong or I don't know how you do it or you know how to figure things out so well or
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[SPEAKER_00]: I know I can always count on you and listen, y'all.
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[SPEAKER_00]: That can feel really good.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Really, really good because it makes you feel valuable.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But there's nothing wrong with being dependable.
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[SPEAKER_00]: There's nothing wrong with being ambitious.
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[SPEAKER_00]: There's nothing even wrong with being resilient.
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[SPEAKER_00]: There's nothing wrong with having responsibilities.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm not about to sit here and make strength the villain.
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[SPEAKER_00]: That's not this conversation.
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[SPEAKER_00]: This conversation is about when the strength
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[SPEAKER_00]: become self override, self override.
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[SPEAKER_00]: When does it?
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[SPEAKER_00]: I can keep going.
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[SPEAKER_00]: quietly becomes, I don't give myself permission to stop.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna say that one again.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I don't give myself permission to stop.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And when you give yourself permission, that's when you activate and become more aware of the power that you are ready to have.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Because those things are
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[SPEAKER_00]: I can keep going versus I don't give myself permission to stop.
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[SPEAKER_00]: This is where I think we have to go just a little bit deeper.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes pushing through isn't just something you do.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes it becomes connected to who you believe you have to be.
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[SPEAKER_00]: strong, dependable, capable, the one who handles it, the one who doesn't complain, the one who figures it out, the one everybody can count on.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And maybe you know her too, because what happens when everybody knows you as the strong one?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Better question, what happens when you know yourself as
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[SPEAKER_00]: Does that really mean saying I can't do that today?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, wait, resting while you know something still needs to be done.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Girl, your body might be laying on the couch, but your brain is walking around the house doing chores.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I really wish I was washing those dishes.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I really need to respond to that email.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I could be doing laundry.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I need to get up.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I need to figure out the next step in my.
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[SPEAKER_00]: business, I need to know what's going on.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So now you're technically resting, but you're not actually at risk.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And that's why I don't think telling women girl you need the risk is a no.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Because sometimes when I find risks, we're protecting and identity.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We're not fighting risk.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We are protecting and identity.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And that's where I want you to start getting curious.
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[SPEAKER_00]: What does pushing through allow you to believe about yourself?
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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm strong, I'm dependable, I'm not lazy, people can count on me.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I go handle anything because if slowing down threatens one of those beliefs that you have about yourself it makes sense why you keep pushing and now that we know what I mean when I say cost let's go just even a little bit more deeper because sometimes pushing through cost you your energy that's the obvious one but sometimes it causes you your presence.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You're physically there, but you're too depleted to enjoy being there.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes it cost you your patience.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You spend all day holding it together.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And now the smallest thing gets on your last nerve.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes it's you and your connection.
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[SPEAKER_00]: That's what it could cause you, your connection.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You don't wanna talk, you don't wanna go anywhere, you don't want nobody touching you, you don't want anybody meeting one more thing from you because you have nothing left.
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[SPEAKER_00]: sometimes it cost you your joy.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You had enough energy for everything you had to do, but nothing left for what you wanted to do.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes it cost you your choice because you kept pushing when you had options until eventually your body forced you to stop.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And now you don't have an option.
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[SPEAKER_00]: That's different.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So I want you to think about this.
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[SPEAKER_00]: How much of your energy goes towards surviving your responsibilities versus actually enjoying your life.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna ask that question one more time because I want you to really reflect on this.
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[SPEAKER_00]: How much of your energy goes towards surviving your responsibilities versus actually enjoying your life.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Because now we're not just asking, can I handle everything?
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[SPEAKER_00]: We're asking what kind of life am I creating while I'm handling everything?
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[SPEAKER_00]: what kind of life in my hand am I creating while I'm handling everything.
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[SPEAKER_00]: This is one of the five hidden survival patterns I've identified in my work.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I call this the push through pattern and it's favorite phrase is I'll rest later.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Push through can sound like I just need to finish this.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm fine.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I can handle it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: other people have it worse.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I don't have time to slow down after this week, things will come down.
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[SPEAKER_00]: How many times have we said that after this week, things will come down.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And here's what I want you to really get.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Push through isn't simply, I work hard.
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[SPEAKER_00]: That's not what I'm talking about.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It's when overwriting yourself becomes the automatic response.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Your body says, I'm exhausted and automatically.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You keep going.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Your body says, I'm hurting and you keep going.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Your body says, I need something and you say later.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Again.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And again, and again, until eventually your body has to get really loud before it could truly get your attention.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Now here's something that really starts to get interesting if pushing through has a cost.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Why don't we keep doing it because it also has a reward.
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[SPEAKER_00]: and we need to acknowledge that.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Pushing through gets stuff done.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It can help you feel in control.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It can protect your income.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It can keep you from disappointing somebody.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It can get you praise.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It can make you feel accomplished.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It can reinforce.
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[SPEAKER_00]: See, I know I can handle it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: That's the exchange.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Pushing through gives you something.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And it can take something from you.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Let me say it one more time.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And it can take something from you, maybe the reward it, the reward is I got everything done, but the cost was I had nothing left, maybe the reward is nobody was disappointed in me, but the cost is I ignored what I needed, maybe the reward is I proved I can handle it, but the cost.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Now I need two days to recover.
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[SPEAKER_00]: See, now we're starting to calculate the whole transaction, not just what it pushing through helped me accomplish, but what did I have to spin to accomplish it?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Energy, time, rest, presence, patience, joy, connection.
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[SPEAKER_00]: That's the cost.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm not telling you the cost automatically means you shouldn't have pushed.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes you may decide, this is worth it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: That's agency.
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[SPEAKER_00]: The problem is when we never stop long enough to even ask, okay, now I want you to think about you.
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[SPEAKER_00]: When your body says, I'm tired.
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[SPEAKER_00]: What do you automatically say about it?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Do you respond, do you negotiate?
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[SPEAKER_00]: When you're hurting, do you ask, what do I need?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Or how much longer cannot tolerate this pain?
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[SPEAKER_00]: I hear the big one, do you rest when you need rest?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Or when you've finished everything?
16:14.081 --> 16:18.005
[SPEAKER_00]: Because if your answer is, our rest when everything is done, girl!
16:19.243 --> 16:20.864
[SPEAKER_00]: when is everything done?
16:20.924 --> 16:24.267
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's just be honest, when is everything done?
16:24.347 --> 16:27.049
[SPEAKER_00]: Seriously, there's always another email.
16:27.109 --> 16:35.815
[SPEAKER_00]: There's another load of laundry or another person that you have to engage with or another task, another deadline, another thing you could be doing.
16:36.235 --> 16:41.139
[SPEAKER_00]: So if rest has to wait until life is finished, rest will always be waiting.
16:41.659 --> 16:44.021
[SPEAKER_00]: And some of y'all already dropped later in the chat.
16:44.081 --> 16:45.683
[SPEAKER_00]: So now let's calculate it.
16:46.023 --> 16:48.065
[SPEAKER_00]: You said, I'll rest later.
16:48.405 --> 16:50.748
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, what did later cost you?
16:51.148 --> 16:55.492
[SPEAKER_00]: Did it cost you your evening, your energy, your patience, your weekend?
16:55.852 --> 16:57.714
[SPEAKER_00]: Did you miss something you wanted to do?
16:57.914 --> 16:58.795
[SPEAKER_00]: Did you crash?
16:59.236 --> 17:01.438
[SPEAKER_00]: Did you have nothing left?
17:02.058 --> 17:03.800
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what I want you to start noticing.
17:04.623 --> 17:12.905
[SPEAKER_00]: Now I already know some of y'all are like, okay, you're buying a this sounds great, but I just can't stop every single time I'm tired.
17:13.405 --> 17:16.666
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm not asking you to, because sometimes we're gonna push.
17:17.146 --> 17:17.726
[SPEAKER_00]: That's life.
17:18.166 --> 17:21.007
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes the daylight really is the daylight.
17:21.327 --> 17:23.728
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes somebody genuinely needs you.
17:24.368 --> 17:26.689
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes you have to get through something.
17:27.149 --> 17:30.810
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes life requires more from us than we'd prefer to give that day.
17:31.350 --> 17:31.930
[SPEAKER_00]: That's real.
17:33.194 --> 17:37.939
[SPEAKER_00]: So no, I don't want you leaving here saying, Giovanni said, I need to stop pushing.
17:38.399 --> 17:46.207
[SPEAKER_00]: Nope, I'm asking you to stop confusing the ability to push with the requirement to push.
17:47.266 --> 17:53.868
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm asking you to stop confusing the ability to push with the requirement to push.
17:53.988 --> 17:55.568
[SPEAKER_00]: Those are two different things.
17:56.108 --> 18:02.210
[SPEAKER_00]: I can do this is capacity, but I have to do this no matter what it calls me.
18:02.670 --> 18:12.593
[SPEAKER_00]: That's where I want you to start paying attention because there's a difference between I choose to push today because this matters to me and I don't know how not to push.
18:13.533 --> 18:14.294
[SPEAKER_00]: one is a choice.
18:14.755 --> 18:17.397
[SPEAKER_00]: The other may just be a pattern.
18:17.718 --> 18:19.840
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's what we're learning to recognize.
18:20.140 --> 18:22.402
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm not giving you five tips today.
18:22.603 --> 18:24.425
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm giving you one thing.
18:24.785 --> 18:35.496
[SPEAKER_00]: The next time you hear yourself say our rest later, catch it and ask yourself, while later, that's it, while later.
18:36.693 --> 18:38.854
[SPEAKER_00]: is something genuinely urgent.
18:39.414 --> 18:41.575
[SPEAKER_00]: Am I afraid of disappointing somebody?
18:41.975 --> 18:43.835
[SPEAKER_00]: Do I feel guilty stopping?
18:44.415 --> 18:46.936
[SPEAKER_00]: Am I trying to prove that I can handle it?
18:47.837 --> 18:50.077
[SPEAKER_00]: Is there truly no other option?
18:50.978 --> 18:54.739
[SPEAKER_00]: Or did later just come out automatically?
18:55.599 --> 18:57.500
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I want you to add one more question.
18:57.880 --> 19:02.241
[SPEAKER_00]: If I push right now, what's it likely to cause me later?
19:05.336 --> 19:16.731
[SPEAKER_00]: What's it likely to cause me later, not to scare yourself, not to tell yourself you can't do it, just your simply gathering information, maybe you decide you know what this matters.
19:16.831 --> 19:17.872
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to push through today.
19:18.252 --> 19:24.000
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, now that's a choice or maybe you realize this actually can wait.
19:24.925 --> 19:25.887
[SPEAKER_00]: That's the choice too.
19:26.348 --> 19:28.812
[SPEAKER_00]: The goal isn't to never push.
19:28.932 --> 19:33.219
[SPEAKER_00]: The goal is to know when you're choosing to push instead of automatically pushing.
19:33.600 --> 19:34.422
[SPEAKER_00]: It's about the choice.
19:34.822 --> 19:35.624
[SPEAKER_00]: That's the difference.
19:36.191 --> 19:40.133
[SPEAKER_00]: So all my later women, here's our challenge.
19:40.573 --> 19:42.974
[SPEAKER_00]: The next time you hear yourself, I'll risk later.
19:43.254 --> 19:45.295
[SPEAKER_00]: I want you to hear two questions.
19:45.636 --> 19:48.457
[SPEAKER_00]: While later, and what's later going to cost me?
19:48.937 --> 19:50.878
[SPEAKER_00]: No judgment, just curiosity.
19:51.158 --> 19:53.559
[SPEAKER_00]: Because we're not trying to become less responsible.
19:53.900 --> 19:58.622
[SPEAKER_00]: We're learning how to include ourselves among the people we're responsible for.
19:58.722 --> 20:01.523
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to say that one more time because I want you to make sure you pick that up.
20:01.943 --> 20:04.905
[SPEAKER_00]: We're learning how to include ourselves
20:05.545 --> 20:08.346
[SPEAKER_00]: among the people we're responsible for.
20:09.006 --> 20:09.846
[SPEAKER_00]: Now, imagine this.
20:10.647 --> 20:15.248
[SPEAKER_00]: Imagine being strong without strength requiring you to abandon yourself.
20:15.868 --> 20:23.150
[SPEAKER_00]: Imagine being dependable without everybody always getting the best of you while you get what's left.
20:24.131 --> 20:27.932
[SPEAKER_00]: Imagine being productive without automatically
20:33.420 --> 20:43.662
[SPEAKER_00]: Imagine being able to say today I'm choosing to push and also today the cost is too high I'm pulling back.
20:44.440 --> 20:53.624
[SPEAKER_00]: And trusting yourself enough to know that difference, that's not weakness, that's not laziness, that's not giving up, that's self leadership.
20:54.084 --> 21:05.828
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's what I want for us, not becoming less capable, not becoming less ambitious, not becoming less responsible, becoming more aware of what our choices are requiring from us.
21:06.529 --> 21:12.711
[SPEAKER_00]: And more responsive to the woman who's actually carrying all of those responsibilities.
21:13.070 --> 21:16.952
[SPEAKER_00]: And that is you, why, oh, you.
21:17.232 --> 21:21.394
[SPEAKER_00]: Because the goal isn't to stop living because you experience pelvic pain.
21:21.794 --> 21:27.917
[SPEAKER_00]: The goal is to build a life that no pain gets to define.
21:28.720 --> 21:29.040
[SPEAKER_00]: All right.
21:29.240 --> 21:30.261
[SPEAKER_00]: So now I want to hear from you.
21:30.381 --> 21:35.325
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm putting this is that question in the show notes because I really want real answers.
21:35.905 --> 21:39.988
[SPEAKER_00]: What this pushing through usually cost you afterward.
21:40.308 --> 21:41.389
[SPEAKER_00]: I said that question on my time.
21:41.729 --> 21:45.572
[SPEAKER_00]: What is pushing through usually cost you afterward.
21:46.132 --> 21:52.837
[SPEAKER_00]: And now you know exactly what I mean by cost and if you don't rewind this episode and listen again.
21:53.077 --> 21:53.437
[SPEAKER_00]: All right.
21:53.778 --> 21:56.740
[SPEAKER_00]: And then also what is getting through take out of you.
21:57.180 --> 22:00.261
[SPEAKER_00]: What is getting through it really take out of you?
22:00.341 --> 22:09.944
[SPEAKER_00]: Is it your energy, your sleep, your evening, your weekend, your patience, your plans, time with people you love, your ability to actually enjoy yourself.
22:10.504 --> 22:12.084
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you crash out afterwards?
22:12.284 --> 22:13.685
[SPEAKER_00]: Tell me, one word.
22:14.685 --> 22:24.592
[SPEAKER_00]: one sentence, whatever feels true because I want us talking about more than just what woman managed to accomplish while living with persistent pelvic pain.
22:24.892 --> 22:29.836
[SPEAKER_00]: I want us to talk about what it can take out of us to keep accomplishing it.
22:31.025 --> 22:34.948
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you're listening to this episode, thank and girl, that's me.
22:35.469 --> 22:36.750
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to hear from you too.
22:37.070 --> 22:39.332
[SPEAKER_00]: I created a 30 second pelvic pain survey.
22:39.412 --> 22:40.873
[SPEAKER_00]: Three quick questions, that's it.
22:41.314 --> 22:44.596
[SPEAKER_00]: Does your pelvic pain feel random or unpredictable?
22:44.897 --> 22:47.859
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you push through pain or exhaustion just to get through the day?
22:48.320 --> 22:51.462
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you feel like something is affecting your symptoms?
22:51.542 --> 22:53.444
[SPEAKER_00]: But you can't quite figure it out.
22:53.844 --> 22:57.087
[SPEAKER_00]: If you answer yes to any of these, go and take the survey.
22:57.387 --> 22:59.469
[SPEAKER_00]: The link is in the show notes.
22:59.529 --> 23:07.598
[SPEAKER_00]: 30 seconds, three questions I want to hear what living with persistent pelvic pain actually looks like for you.
23:07.618 --> 23:08.459
[SPEAKER_00]: All right.
23:08.899 --> 23:18.430
[SPEAKER_00]: And the next time we're going to be talking about something, I think a lot of women are going to recognize because what happens when everybody looks at you and thinks she's good.
23:19.599 --> 23:28.683
[SPEAKER_00]: you're working, you're smiling, you're showing up, you handling your responsibilities, but on the outside, everything looks normal.
23:29.043 --> 23:31.564
[SPEAKER_00]: But you know, you don't really feel like yourself.
23:32.185 --> 23:34.586
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what we're talking about, and the next,
23:35.146 --> 23:37.008
[SPEAKER_00]: episode of this series.
23:37.448 --> 23:43.594
[SPEAKER_00]: We're talking about looking normal on the outside, so why don't you feel normal on the inside?
23:43.674 --> 23:45.555
[SPEAKER_00]: We are going there.
23:45.876 --> 23:50.720
[SPEAKER_00]: But until next time, if you're toned in on YouTube, make sure you subscribe to the channel.
23:50.900 --> 23:53.743
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you listen on your favorite podcast, distribution platform,
23:54.343 --> 23:56.826
[SPEAKER_00]: Give the show a follow and a rating.
23:57.187 --> 24:03.055
[SPEAKER_00]: Yuh, it's Giovanni and I am so grateful that you are here for this series and I hope you're enjoying.
24:03.095 --> 24:05.037
[SPEAKER_00]: So make sure you engage and talk back to me.
24:05.257 --> 24:07.861
[SPEAKER_00]: But most importantly, thanks for bothering with me, yuh.
00:01.177 --> 00:07.340
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, I'm calling all of my Al-Rest later women to the front today.
00:07.520 --> 00:11.221
[SPEAKER_00]: All of my Al-Rest later women come to the front.
00:11.662 --> 00:12.642
[SPEAKER_00]: You know who you are.
00:13.082 --> 00:16.364
[SPEAKER_00]: Your body says, girl, we need to slow down.
00:16.684 --> 00:18.905
[SPEAKER_00]: And you're like, absolutely at about 730.
00:19.778 --> 00:21.019
[SPEAKER_00]: that 730 comes.
00:21.359 --> 00:21.719
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
00:22.099 --> 00:22.900
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll finish this.
00:23.300 --> 00:24.241
[SPEAKER_00]: Then it's 10 o'clock.
00:24.681 --> 00:26.782
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I'm not as well finish everything now.
00:27.363 --> 00:27.943
[SPEAKER_00]: Anybody else.
00:28.403 --> 00:31.385
[SPEAKER_00]: Because somehow risk keeps getting rescheduled.
00:31.625 --> 00:33.146
[SPEAKER_00]: But responsibility never does.
00:33.326 --> 00:34.787
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe for you is not even risk.
00:35.108 --> 00:37.369
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe it's out of eat after this meeting.
00:37.689 --> 00:39.811
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll take something for the pain when I get home.
00:40.211 --> 00:41.872
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll make that appointment next week.
00:42.192 --> 00:45.954
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll deal with it after I finish everything everybody else needs for me.
00:46.695 --> 00:48.376
[SPEAKER_00]: There's always an after.
00:49.039 --> 01:00.944
[SPEAKER_00]: There's always a later, and somehow you keep making it through, you finish the work, you make the meeting, you get take care of everybody else, you get through another day, and then we celebrate it.
01:01.024 --> 01:01.824
[SPEAKER_00]: We live whoo!
01:02.524 --> 01:03.124
[SPEAKER_00]: I made it.
01:03.625 --> 01:06.606
[SPEAKER_00]: But wait, I wanted to start asking a different question.
01:06.926 --> 01:09.467
[SPEAKER_00]: You got through it, but what did it cost you?
01:10.733 --> 01:12.133
[SPEAKER_00]: what did it call to you.
01:12.153 --> 01:14.254
[SPEAKER_00]: And when I say calls, I'm not talking about money.
01:14.594 --> 01:19.275
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm asking, what did getting through it take out of you?
01:19.615 --> 01:24.536
[SPEAKER_00]: Did it cost you your energy, your patience, your evening, your weekend?
01:24.936 --> 01:30.378
[SPEAKER_00]: Did you get through everything you had to do to have nothing left for what you wanted to do?
01:30.978 --> 01:33.398
[SPEAKER_00]: Did everybody else get what they needed from you?
01:34.259 --> 01:35.559
[SPEAKER_00]: And you got whatever was left?
01:36.565 --> 01:38.186
[SPEAKER_00]: That's the cost I'm talking about.
01:38.507 --> 01:39.928
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's what we're getting in today.
01:40.188 --> 01:44.651
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you are ready to sit in there like, okay, Giovanni, you didn't have to comfort me like that.
01:45.152 --> 01:49.075
[SPEAKER_00]: Drop later in the comments, drop later in the comments.
01:49.115 --> 01:57.161
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you're watching on your favorite podcast, just to be sure platform, just go ahead and hit follow on the show and give it a rating as soon as we did through this episode.
01:57.201 --> 01:59.503
[SPEAKER_00]: Cause that's what we're talking about today.
01:59.764 --> 02:03.787
[SPEAKER_00]: But before we dive into this episode, don't already know what time it is.
02:04.487 --> 02:08.613
[SPEAKER_00]: But me, y'all, welcome to the Empower Plates Empowerlands Park.
02:20.123 --> 02:24.807
[SPEAKER_00]: Y'all, welcome back to another episode of The Empowered Place, Empowered Loss podcast.
02:25.067 --> 02:34.796
[SPEAKER_00]: This podcast is brought to you by four by abrasions, helping women with persistent pelvic pain, build a life pain no longer gets to define y'all.
02:34.896 --> 02:37.017
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm Giovanni and today we're talking about something.
02:37.578 --> 02:41.922
[SPEAKER_00]: Many of us have gotten really, really good at, and that is pushing.
02:42.862 --> 02:49.087
[SPEAKER_00]: If you want to know YouTube, make sure you subscribe to the channel, go ahead and call me pushing through to make sure I have your attention.
02:49.448 --> 02:53.851
[SPEAKER_00]: Alright, so okay, think about the last time your body was trying to tell you to slow down.
02:54.732 --> 02:56.493
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe your pelvic pain was bland.
02:56.973 --> 02:59.135
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you barely slept through the night before.
02:59.696 --> 03:03.899
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you were bloated, feeling heavy, exhausted.
03:04.380 --> 03:05.701
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe your back was hurting.
03:06.101 --> 03:09.804
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you just knew I'm not 100% today.
03:10.485 --> 03:20.793
[SPEAKER_00]: Shoot, you might not even have been around 50% today if we're being honest, but then life, you still have somewhere to be, something to do.
03:21.313 --> 03:22.674
[SPEAKER_00]: Somebody needed something.
03:22.874 --> 03:23.495
[SPEAKER_00]: So what did you do?
03:25.167 --> 03:27.108
[SPEAKER_00]: Did you start negotiating with yourself?
03:27.648 --> 03:30.029
[SPEAKER_00]: Saying, okay, come on, just get through this meeting.
03:30.429 --> 03:35.791
[SPEAKER_00]: Just finish these last few things, just make it until lunch, just make it until five.
03:36.311 --> 03:37.671
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll rest when I get home.
03:38.452 --> 03:40.132
[SPEAKER_00]: And somehow you did it.
03:40.552 --> 03:49.215
[SPEAKER_00]: You made it the work, you handled the kids, you answered the email, you cooked the dinner, you finished the project, you showed up.
03:50.136 --> 03:51.576
[SPEAKER_00]: Everybody got what they needed.
03:54.552 --> 03:56.554
[SPEAKER_00]: you were done.
03:57.054 --> 03:59.337
[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't mean, oh, I'm a little tired.
03:59.477 --> 04:13.910
[SPEAKER_00]: No, I mean, heat and pet, couch, bed, maybe over the countermeas, don't call me, don't text me, don't ask me for nothing, don't call my name, don't say my name, don't ask me what we're eating tomorrow, don't ask me what we have in later.
04:14.250 --> 04:17.874
[SPEAKER_00]: And please don't ask me to make another decision.
04:18.713 --> 04:21.034
[SPEAKER_00]: anyone know about that kind of time?
04:21.875 --> 04:23.556
[SPEAKER_00]: See, that's what I'm talking about.
04:23.636 --> 04:29.039
[SPEAKER_00]: Because technically, pushing through work, you accomplish what you needed to accomplish.
04:29.359 --> 04:32.561
[SPEAKER_00]: But now I want you to calculate something we don't normally calculate.
04:33.061 --> 04:36.543
[SPEAKER_00]: What did getting through it take out of you?
04:36.903 --> 04:40.165
[SPEAKER_00]: Because that right there is the cost.
04:40.685 --> 04:43.167
[SPEAKER_00]: This is where I think we've had a blind spot.
04:43.936 --> 04:47.859
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to talk about bonds, but I'm talking about you didn't even know that she weren't even really aware.
04:48.199 --> 04:51.781
[SPEAKER_00]: We measure whether pushing through work by what we accomplished.
04:52.181 --> 04:53.122
[SPEAKER_00]: Did I make it to work?
04:53.622 --> 04:53.902
[SPEAKER_00]: Yep.
04:54.363 --> 04:55.564
[SPEAKER_00]: Did I finish the project?
04:56.044 --> 04:56.364
[SPEAKER_00]: Yep.
04:56.744 --> 04:58.125
[SPEAKER_00]: Did everybody get what they need it?
04:58.746 --> 04:59.186
[SPEAKER_00]: Yep.
04:59.646 --> 05:01.327
[SPEAKER_00]: Did I handle my responsibilities?
05:01.868 --> 05:02.328
[SPEAKER_00]: Yep.
05:02.908 --> 05:03.449
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay then.
05:03.729 --> 05:04.629
[SPEAKER_00]: Successful day.
05:04.970 --> 05:05.410
[SPEAKER_00]: But wait.
05:06.030 --> 05:08.492
[SPEAKER_00]: What happened to you?
05:09.511 --> 05:11.092
[SPEAKER_00]: That's the part we don't always count.
05:11.653 --> 05:15.015
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you made it through Monday, but Tuesday, you had nothing left.
05:15.436 --> 05:20.360
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you pushed through the entire workweek and spent your weekend recovering from the workweek.
05:20.800 --> 05:25.284
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe everybody at work got your patients and everybody at home got, what?
05:26.445 --> 05:34.751
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, let's just be honest, maybe you handle everything you had to do but cancel the thing you actually want it to do.
05:35.212 --> 05:37.454
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you kept telling yourself, I'm good,
05:39.667 --> 05:40.387
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm good.
05:41.368 --> 05:46.730
[SPEAKER_00]: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, comes and now what?
05:46.870 --> 05:49.491
[SPEAKER_00]: Your body's like, oh, we finally stop.
05:49.971 --> 05:52.132
[SPEAKER_00]: Great, my turn.
05:52.452 --> 05:53.592
[SPEAKER_00]: And now you're down.
05:54.172 --> 05:55.593
[SPEAKER_00]: Have you ever had that happen to you?
05:56.293 --> 06:01.175
[SPEAKER_00]: You finally have the time to enjoy yourself and that's when your body crashes.
06:02.215 --> 06:28.204
[SPEAKER_00]: So yes, pushing through got you through the week and got all the things done that you felt like you needed to do, but if it took your entire weekend to recover, the weekend was part of the cost, if everybody got the best version of you at work and you had nothing left for the people you love that was a part of the cost, if you accomplished everything, but couldn't enjoy any of it because you were completely depleted.
06:29.411 --> 06:31.012
[SPEAKER_00]: that was a part of the calls too.
06:31.452 --> 06:32.232
[SPEAKER_00]: See what I'm saying?
06:32.932 --> 06:37.114
[SPEAKER_00]: What we're learning is how to truly calculate this differently.
06:37.454 --> 06:40.795
[SPEAKER_00]: You got through it, but what did it actually cost you?
06:41.516 --> 06:47.238
[SPEAKER_00]: And listen, I'm not sitting here talking about this like I've always known how to listen to my body.
06:47.738 --> 06:48.618
[SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely not.
06:49.078 --> 06:52.200
[SPEAKER_00]: I know this woman, because I was this woman.
06:52.400 --> 06:56.661
[SPEAKER_00]: When I think back to my own health journey, my body was giving me information.
06:58.622 --> 07:01.687
[SPEAKER_00]: fatigue, painful bowel movements during my cycles.
07:01.888 --> 07:07.357
[SPEAKER_00]: Eregular cycles, low-back pain, things were happening, but guess what else was happening?
07:08.198 --> 07:11.063
[SPEAKER_00]: Life, comment life if that resonates to you.
07:11.697 --> 07:13.678
[SPEAKER_00]: L. I. F. E. Life.
07:14.219 --> 07:20.083
[SPEAKER_00]: I was working showing up handling responsibilities doing what needed to be done.
07:20.363 --> 07:25.086
[SPEAKER_00]: And if somebody had asked me back then, Giovanni, are you pushing yourself to art?
07:25.546 --> 07:35.953
[SPEAKER_00]: I probably would have looked at them and said, push it myself, girl, I have stuff to do things that need to get done because I didn't see pushing through as a problem.
07:36.193 --> 07:36.433
[SPEAKER_00]: I saw
07:39.395 --> 07:46.046
[SPEAKER_00]: Capable, strong, caring, and that's what makes this pattern so easy to miss.
07:46.507 --> 07:49.531
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes the pay heavier, that's costing me.
07:50.383 --> 08:03.709
[SPEAKER_00]: I said at one more time, sometimes the behavior that's costing you is also the behavior that everybody is praising you for so grateful for your talent, your skills, your strengths.
08:04.349 --> 08:04.890
[SPEAKER_00]: Think about it.
08:05.210 --> 08:13.894
[SPEAKER_00]: How many of us heard you're so strong or I don't know how you do it or you know how to figure things out so well or
08:14.434 --> 08:18.137
[SPEAKER_00]: I know I can always count on you and listen, y'all.
08:18.337 --> 08:19.478
[SPEAKER_00]: That can feel really good.
08:19.998 --> 08:22.319
[SPEAKER_00]: Really, really good because it makes you feel valuable.
08:22.640 --> 08:26.242
[SPEAKER_00]: But there's nothing wrong with being dependable.
08:26.482 --> 08:28.483
[SPEAKER_00]: There's nothing wrong with being ambitious.
08:28.724 --> 08:30.865
[SPEAKER_00]: There's nothing even wrong with being resilient.
08:31.225 --> 08:34.247
[SPEAKER_00]: There's nothing wrong with having responsibilities.
08:34.547 --> 08:38.030
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm not about to sit here and make strength the villain.
08:38.550 --> 08:40.131
[SPEAKER_00]: That's not this conversation.
08:40.331 --> 08:42.813
[SPEAKER_00]: This conversation is about when the strength
08:43.273 --> 08:48.855
[SPEAKER_00]: become self override, self override.
08:49.155 --> 08:49.655
[SPEAKER_00]: When does it?
08:50.256 --> 08:51.876
[SPEAKER_00]: I can keep going.
08:52.416 --> 08:56.398
[SPEAKER_00]: quietly becomes, I don't give myself permission to stop.
08:57.478 --> 08:58.399
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna say that one again.
08:58.999 --> 09:02.300
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't give myself permission to stop.
09:02.920 --> 09:09.523
[SPEAKER_00]: And when you give yourself permission, that's when you activate and become more aware of the power that you are ready to have.
09:09.923 --> 09:11.123
[SPEAKER_00]: Because those things are
09:13.043 --> 09:17.790
[SPEAKER_00]: I can keep going versus I don't give myself permission to stop.
09:18.331 --> 09:20.974
[SPEAKER_00]: This is where I think we have to go just a little bit deeper.
09:21.355 --> 09:24.759
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes pushing through isn't just something you do.
09:25.180 --> 09:29.706
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes it becomes connected to who you believe you have to be.
09:30.498 --> 09:40.683
[SPEAKER_00]: strong, dependable, capable, the one who handles it, the one who doesn't complain, the one who figures it out, the one everybody can count on.
09:41.083 --> 09:46.886
[SPEAKER_00]: And maybe you know her too, because what happens when everybody knows you as the strong one?
09:47.446 --> 09:51.908
[SPEAKER_00]: Better question, what happens when you know yourself as
09:59.971 --> 10:04.112
[SPEAKER_00]: Does that really mean saying I can't do that today?
10:05.052 --> 10:10.413
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, wait, resting while you know something still needs to be done.
10:10.713 --> 10:17.394
[SPEAKER_00]: Girl, your body might be laying on the couch, but your brain is walking around the house doing chores.
10:18.034 --> 10:20.375
[SPEAKER_00]: I really wish I was washing those dishes.
10:20.795 --> 10:23.295
[SPEAKER_00]: I really need to respond to that email.
10:23.615 --> 10:24.995
[SPEAKER_00]: I could be doing laundry.
10:25.176 --> 10:26.056
[SPEAKER_00]: I need to get up.
10:26.176 --> 10:27.876
[SPEAKER_00]: I need to figure out the next step in my.
10:27.936 --> 10:30.298
[SPEAKER_00]: business, I need to know what's going on.
10:30.678 --> 10:36.363
[SPEAKER_00]: So now you're technically resting, but you're not actually at risk.
10:36.864 --> 10:41.168
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's why I don't think telling women girl you need the risk is a no.
10:41.528 --> 10:46.152
[SPEAKER_00]: Because sometimes when I find risks, we're protecting and identity.
10:48.237 --> 10:49.318
[SPEAKER_00]: We're not fighting risk.
10:49.758 --> 10:52.399
[SPEAKER_00]: We are protecting and identity.
10:52.740 --> 10:54.881
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's where I want you to start getting curious.
10:55.221 --> 10:59.143
[SPEAKER_00]: What does pushing through allow you to believe about yourself?
11:00.164 --> 11:06.428
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm strong, I'm dependable, I'm not lazy, people can count on me.
11:07.385 --> 11:30.212
[SPEAKER_00]: I go handle anything because if slowing down threatens one of those beliefs that you have about yourself it makes sense why you keep pushing and now that we know what I mean when I say cost let's go just even a little bit more deeper because sometimes pushing through cost you your energy that's the obvious one but sometimes it causes you your presence.
11:30.798 --> 11:35.163
[SPEAKER_00]: You're physically there, but you're too depleted to enjoy being there.
11:35.623 --> 11:37.345
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes it cost you your patience.
11:38.026 --> 11:39.928
[SPEAKER_00]: You spend all day holding it together.
11:40.929 --> 11:45.234
[SPEAKER_00]: And now the smallest thing gets on your last nerve.
11:46.095 --> 11:48.718
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes it's you and your connection.
11:49.982 --> 11:51.703
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what it could cause you, your connection.
11:51.963 --> 12:02.707
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't wanna talk, you don't wanna go anywhere, you don't want nobody touching you, you don't want anybody meeting one more thing from you because you have nothing left.
12:03.495 --> 12:05.056
[SPEAKER_00]: sometimes it cost you your joy.
12:05.536 --> 12:10.778
[SPEAKER_00]: You had enough energy for everything you had to do, but nothing left for what you wanted to do.
12:11.358 --> 12:20.722
[SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes it cost you your choice because you kept pushing when you had options until eventually your body forced you to stop.
12:21.227 --> 12:22.428
[SPEAKER_00]: And now you don't have an option.
12:23.029 --> 12:23.649
[SPEAKER_00]: That's different.
12:24.110 --> 12:25.591
[SPEAKER_00]: So I want you to think about this.
12:25.972 --> 12:33.199
[SPEAKER_00]: How much of your energy goes towards surviving your responsibilities versus actually enjoying your life.
12:33.239 --> 12:36.182
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna ask that question one more time because I want you to really reflect on this.
12:36.562 --> 12:45.051
[SPEAKER_00]: How much of your energy goes towards surviving your responsibilities versus actually enjoying your life.
12:46.564 --> 12:49.909
[SPEAKER_00]: Because now we're not just asking, can I handle everything?
12:50.269 --> 12:55.216
[SPEAKER_00]: We're asking what kind of life am I creating while I'm handling everything?
12:56.280 --> 13:01.625
[SPEAKER_00]: what kind of life in my hand am I creating while I'm handling everything.
13:01.705 --> 13:05.869
[SPEAKER_00]: This is one of the five hidden survival patterns I've identified in my work.
13:05.889 --> 13:12.055
[SPEAKER_00]: I call this the push through pattern and it's favorite phrase is I'll rest later.
13:12.415 --> 13:15.558
[SPEAKER_00]: Push through can sound like I just need to finish this.
13:15.818 --> 13:16.439
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm fine.
13:16.799 --> 13:17.760
[SPEAKER_00]: I can handle it.
13:18.147 --> 13:19.427
[SPEAKER_00]: other people have it worse.
13:19.807 --> 13:24.089
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't have time to slow down after this week, things will come down.
13:24.429 --> 13:30.670
[SPEAKER_00]: How many times have we said that after this week, things will come down.
13:31.010 --> 13:33.631
[SPEAKER_00]: And here's what I want you to really get.
13:34.571 --> 13:37.372
[SPEAKER_00]: Push through isn't simply, I work hard.
13:38.117 --> 13:39.417
[SPEAKER_00]: That's not what I'm talking about.
13:39.637 --> 13:43.859
[SPEAKER_00]: It's when overwriting yourself becomes the automatic response.
13:44.279 --> 13:47.320
[SPEAKER_00]: Your body says, I'm exhausted and automatically.
13:47.720 --> 13:48.480
[SPEAKER_00]: You keep going.
13:48.780 --> 13:52.161
[SPEAKER_00]: Your body says, I'm hurting and you keep going.
13:52.422 --> 13:56.043
[SPEAKER_00]: Your body says, I need something and you say later.
13:56.483 --> 13:56.843
[SPEAKER_00]: Again.
13:57.482 --> 14:05.725
[SPEAKER_00]: And again, and again, until eventually your body has to get really loud before it could truly get your attention.
14:06.365 --> 14:11.326
[SPEAKER_00]: Now here's something that really starts to get interesting if pushing through has a cost.
14:11.907 --> 14:16.188
[SPEAKER_00]: Why don't we keep doing it because it also has a reward.
14:17.273 --> 14:18.894
[SPEAKER_00]: and we need to acknowledge that.
14:19.234 --> 14:21.075
[SPEAKER_00]: Pushing through gets stuff done.
14:21.416 --> 14:22.917
[SPEAKER_00]: It can help you feel in control.
14:23.077 --> 14:24.437
[SPEAKER_00]: It can protect your income.
14:24.798 --> 14:26.979
[SPEAKER_00]: It can keep you from disappointing somebody.
14:27.299 --> 14:28.500
[SPEAKER_00]: It can get you praise.
14:28.860 --> 14:30.601
[SPEAKER_00]: It can make you feel accomplished.
14:30.901 --> 14:32.002
[SPEAKER_00]: It can reinforce.
14:32.222 --> 14:34.123
[SPEAKER_00]: See, I know I can handle it.
14:34.684 --> 14:35.824
[SPEAKER_00]: That's the exchange.
14:36.345 --> 14:38.526
[SPEAKER_00]: Pushing through gives you something.
14:38.946 --> 14:40.868
[SPEAKER_00]: And it can take something from you.
14:41.368 --> 14:42.469
[SPEAKER_00]: Let me say it one more time.
14:45.500 --> 15:07.067
[SPEAKER_00]: And it can take something from you, maybe the reward it, the reward is I got everything done, but the cost was I had nothing left, maybe the reward is nobody was disappointed in me, but the cost is I ignored what I needed, maybe the reward is I proved I can handle it, but the cost.
15:07.958 --> 15:10.240
[SPEAKER_00]: Now I need two days to recover.
15:10.761 --> 15:21.651
[SPEAKER_00]: See, now we're starting to calculate the whole transaction, not just what it pushing through helped me accomplish, but what did I have to spin to accomplish it?
15:22.272 --> 15:28.557
[SPEAKER_00]: Energy, time, rest, presence, patience, joy, connection.
15:29.310 --> 15:30.211
[SPEAKER_00]: That's the cost.
15:30.671 --> 15:34.733
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm not telling you the cost automatically means you shouldn't have pushed.
15:35.294 --> 15:38.916
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes you may decide, this is worth it.
15:39.536 --> 15:40.517
[SPEAKER_00]: That's agency.
15:40.857 --> 15:47.021
[SPEAKER_00]: The problem is when we never stop long enough to even ask, okay, now I want you to think about you.
15:47.862 --> 15:50.043
[SPEAKER_00]: When your body says, I'm tired.
15:50.883 --> 15:52.504
[SPEAKER_00]: What do you automatically say about it?
15:53.765 --> 15:56.487
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you respond, do you negotiate?
15:58.028 --> 16:01.051
[SPEAKER_00]: When you're hurting, do you ask, what do I need?
16:02.892 --> 16:06.055
[SPEAKER_00]: Or how much longer cannot tolerate this pain?
16:06.895 --> 16:10.559
[SPEAKER_00]: I hear the big one, do you rest when you need rest?
16:11.079 --> 16:13.461
[SPEAKER_00]: Or when you've finished everything?
16:14.081 --> 16:18.005
[SPEAKER_00]: Because if your answer is, our rest when everything is done, girl!
16:19.243 --> 16:20.864
[SPEAKER_00]: when is everything done?
16:20.924 --> 16:24.267
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's just be honest, when is everything done?
16:24.347 --> 16:27.049
[SPEAKER_00]: Seriously, there's always another email.
16:27.109 --> 16:35.815
[SPEAKER_00]: There's another load of laundry or another person that you have to engage with or another task, another deadline, another thing you could be doing.
16:36.235 --> 16:41.139
[SPEAKER_00]: So if rest has to wait until life is finished, rest will always be waiting.
16:41.659 --> 16:44.021
[SPEAKER_00]: And some of y'all already dropped later in the chat.
16:44.081 --> 16:45.683
[SPEAKER_00]: So now let's calculate it.
16:46.023 --> 16:48.065
[SPEAKER_00]: You said, I'll rest later.
16:48.405 --> 16:50.748
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, what did later cost you?
16:51.148 --> 16:55.492
[SPEAKER_00]: Did it cost you your evening, your energy, your patience, your weekend?
16:55.852 --> 16:57.714
[SPEAKER_00]: Did you miss something you wanted to do?
16:57.914 --> 16:58.795
[SPEAKER_00]: Did you crash?
16:59.236 --> 17:01.438
[SPEAKER_00]: Did you have nothing left?
17:02.058 --> 17:03.800
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what I want you to start noticing.
17:04.623 --> 17:12.905
[SPEAKER_00]: Now I already know some of y'all are like, okay, you're buying a this sounds great, but I just can't stop every single time I'm tired.
17:13.405 --> 17:16.666
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm not asking you to, because sometimes we're gonna push.
17:17.146 --> 17:17.726
[SPEAKER_00]: That's life.
17:18.166 --> 17:21.007
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes the daylight really is the daylight.
17:21.327 --> 17:23.728
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes somebody genuinely needs you.
17:24.368 --> 17:26.689
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes you have to get through something.
17:27.149 --> 17:30.810
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes life requires more from us than we'd prefer to give that day.
17:31.350 --> 17:31.930
[SPEAKER_00]: That's real.
17:33.194 --> 17:37.939
[SPEAKER_00]: So no, I don't want you leaving here saying, Giovanni said, I need to stop pushing.
17:38.399 --> 17:46.207
[SPEAKER_00]: Nope, I'm asking you to stop confusing the ability to push with the requirement to push.
17:47.266 --> 17:53.868
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm asking you to stop confusing the ability to push with the requirement to push.
17:53.988 --> 17:55.568
[SPEAKER_00]: Those are two different things.
17:56.108 --> 18:02.210
[SPEAKER_00]: I can do this is capacity, but I have to do this no matter what it calls me.
18:02.670 --> 18:12.593
[SPEAKER_00]: That's where I want you to start paying attention because there's a difference between I choose to push today because this matters to me and I don't know how not to push.
18:13.533 --> 18:14.294
[SPEAKER_00]: one is a choice.
18:14.755 --> 18:17.397
[SPEAKER_00]: The other may just be a pattern.
18:17.718 --> 18:19.840
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's what we're learning to recognize.
18:20.140 --> 18:22.402
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm not giving you five tips today.
18:22.603 --> 18:24.425
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm giving you one thing.
18:24.785 --> 18:35.496
[SPEAKER_00]: The next time you hear yourself say our rest later, catch it and ask yourself, while later, that's it, while later.
18:36.693 --> 18:38.854
[SPEAKER_00]: is something genuinely urgent.
18:39.414 --> 18:41.575
[SPEAKER_00]: Am I afraid of disappointing somebody?
18:41.975 --> 18:43.835
[SPEAKER_00]: Do I feel guilty stopping?
18:44.415 --> 18:46.936
[SPEAKER_00]: Am I trying to prove that I can handle it?
18:47.837 --> 18:50.077
[SPEAKER_00]: Is there truly no other option?
18:50.978 --> 18:54.739
[SPEAKER_00]: Or did later just come out automatically?
18:55.599 --> 18:57.500
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I want you to add one more question.
18:57.880 --> 19:02.241
[SPEAKER_00]: If I push right now, what's it likely to cause me later?
19:05.336 --> 19:16.731
[SPEAKER_00]: What's it likely to cause me later, not to scare yourself, not to tell yourself you can't do it, just your simply gathering information, maybe you decide you know what this matters.
19:16.831 --> 19:17.872
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to push through today.
19:18.252 --> 19:24.000
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, now that's a choice or maybe you realize this actually can wait.
19:24.925 --> 19:25.887
[SPEAKER_00]: That's the choice too.
19:26.348 --> 19:28.812
[SPEAKER_00]: The goal isn't to never push.
19:28.932 --> 19:33.219
[SPEAKER_00]: The goal is to know when you're choosing to push instead of automatically pushing.
19:33.600 --> 19:34.422
[SPEAKER_00]: It's about the choice.
19:34.822 --> 19:35.624
[SPEAKER_00]: That's the difference.
19:36.191 --> 19:40.133
[SPEAKER_00]: So all my later women, here's our challenge.
19:40.573 --> 19:42.974
[SPEAKER_00]: The next time you hear yourself, I'll risk later.
19:43.254 --> 19:45.295
[SPEAKER_00]: I want you to hear two questions.
19:45.636 --> 19:48.457
[SPEAKER_00]: While later, and what's later going to cost me?
19:48.937 --> 19:50.878
[SPEAKER_00]: No judgment, just curiosity.
19:51.158 --> 19:53.559
[SPEAKER_00]: Because we're not trying to become less responsible.
19:53.900 --> 19:58.622
[SPEAKER_00]: We're learning how to include ourselves among the people we're responsible for.
19:58.722 --> 20:01.523
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to say that one more time because I want you to make sure you pick that up.
20:01.943 --> 20:04.905
[SPEAKER_00]: We're learning how to include ourselves
20:05.545 --> 20:08.346
[SPEAKER_00]: among the people we're responsible for.
20:09.006 --> 20:09.846
[SPEAKER_00]: Now, imagine this.
20:10.647 --> 20:15.248
[SPEAKER_00]: Imagine being strong without strength requiring you to abandon yourself.
20:15.868 --> 20:23.150
[SPEAKER_00]: Imagine being dependable without everybody always getting the best of you while you get what's left.
20:24.131 --> 20:27.932
[SPEAKER_00]: Imagine being productive without automatically
20:33.420 --> 20:43.662
[SPEAKER_00]: Imagine being able to say today I'm choosing to push and also today the cost is too high I'm pulling back.
20:44.440 --> 20:53.624
[SPEAKER_00]: And trusting yourself enough to know that difference, that's not weakness, that's not laziness, that's not giving up, that's self leadership.
20:54.084 --> 21:05.828
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's what I want for us, not becoming less capable, not becoming less ambitious, not becoming less responsible, becoming more aware of what our choices are requiring from us.
21:06.529 --> 21:12.711
[SPEAKER_00]: And more responsive to the woman who's actually carrying all of those responsibilities.
21:13.070 --> 21:16.952
[SPEAKER_00]: And that is you, why, oh, you.
21:17.232 --> 21:21.394
[SPEAKER_00]: Because the goal isn't to stop living because you experience pelvic pain.
21:21.794 --> 21:27.917
[SPEAKER_00]: The goal is to build a life that no pain gets to define.
21:28.720 --> 21:29.040
[SPEAKER_00]: All right.
21:29.240 --> 21:30.261
[SPEAKER_00]: So now I want to hear from you.
21:30.381 --> 21:35.325
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm putting this is that question in the show notes because I really want real answers.
21:35.905 --> 21:39.988
[SPEAKER_00]: What this pushing through usually cost you afterward.
21:40.308 --> 21:41.389
[SPEAKER_00]: I said that question on my time.
21:41.729 --> 21:45.572
[SPEAKER_00]: What is pushing through usually cost you afterward.
21:46.132 --> 21:52.837
[SPEAKER_00]: And now you know exactly what I mean by cost and if you don't rewind this episode and listen again.
21:53.077 --> 21:53.437
[SPEAKER_00]: All right.
21:53.778 --> 21:56.740
[SPEAKER_00]: And then also what is getting through take out of you.
21:57.180 --> 22:00.261
[SPEAKER_00]: What is getting through it really take out of you?
22:00.341 --> 22:09.944
[SPEAKER_00]: Is it your energy, your sleep, your evening, your weekend, your patience, your plans, time with people you love, your ability to actually enjoy yourself.
22:10.504 --> 22:12.084
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you crash out afterwards?
22:12.284 --> 22:13.685
[SPEAKER_00]: Tell me, one word.
22:14.685 --> 22:24.592
[SPEAKER_00]: one sentence, whatever feels true because I want us talking about more than just what woman managed to accomplish while living with persistent pelvic pain.
22:24.892 --> 22:29.836
[SPEAKER_00]: I want us to talk about what it can take out of us to keep accomplishing it.
22:31.025 --> 22:34.948
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you're listening to this episode, thank and girl, that's me.
22:35.469 --> 22:36.750
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to hear from you too.
22:37.070 --> 22:39.332
[SPEAKER_00]: I created a 30 second pelvic pain survey.
22:39.412 --> 22:40.873
[SPEAKER_00]: Three quick questions, that's it.
22:41.314 --> 22:44.596
[SPEAKER_00]: Does your pelvic pain feel random or unpredictable?
22:44.897 --> 22:47.859
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you push through pain or exhaustion just to get through the day?
22:48.320 --> 22:51.462
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you feel like something is affecting your symptoms?
22:51.542 --> 22:53.444
[SPEAKER_00]: But you can't quite figure it out.
22:53.844 --> 22:57.087
[SPEAKER_00]: If you answer yes to any of these, go and take the survey.
22:57.387 --> 22:59.469
[SPEAKER_00]: The link is in the show notes.
22:59.529 --> 23:07.598
[SPEAKER_00]: 30 seconds, three questions I want to hear what living with persistent pelvic pain actually looks like for you.
23:07.618 --> 23:08.459
[SPEAKER_00]: All right.
23:08.899 --> 23:18.430
[SPEAKER_00]: And the next time we're going to be talking about something, I think a lot of women are going to recognize because what happens when everybody looks at you and thinks she's good.
23:19.599 --> 23:28.683
[SPEAKER_00]: you're working, you're smiling, you're showing up, you handling your responsibilities, but on the outside, everything looks normal.
23:29.043 --> 23:31.564
[SPEAKER_00]: But you know, you don't really feel like yourself.
23:32.185 --> 23:34.586
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what we're talking about, and the next,
23:35.146 --> 23:37.008
[SPEAKER_00]: episode of this series.
23:37.448 --> 23:43.594
[SPEAKER_00]: We're talking about looking normal on the outside, so why don't you feel normal on the inside?
23:43.674 --> 23:45.555
[SPEAKER_00]: We are going there.
23:45.876 --> 23:50.720
[SPEAKER_00]: But until next time, if you're toned in on YouTube, make sure you subscribe to the channel.
23:50.900 --> 23:53.743
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you listen on your favorite podcast, distribution platform,
23:54.343 --> 23:56.826
[SPEAKER_00]: Give the show a follow and a rating.
23:57.187 --> 24:03.055
[SPEAKER_00]: Yuh, it's Giovanni and I am so grateful that you are here for this series and I hope you're enjoying.
24:03.095 --> 24:05.037
[SPEAKER_00]: So make sure you engage and talk back to me.
24:05.257 --> 24:07.861
[SPEAKER_00]: But most importantly, thanks for bothering with me, yuh.
