ICU/NICU Survival: Mindset Tools from Coach & Medical Mom Leah Darrow

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Whether you've just been blindsided by your child's diagnosis or you've been in the trenches of their complex medical needs for a while, empowered by Hope, is here for you.
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Though we wish you didn't know this heartache, we're so glad you found us, so together we can walk this journey in hope.
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Hello, welcome to the Empowered by Hope podcast brought to you by Parent Empowerment Network.
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This is your host, emily Whiting, today, and I am beyond elated because today we have a very special guest with us, ms Leah Darrow.
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And she's special for countless reasons, but special to me personally because our paths crossed long before you even knew who I was, leah, but I knew who you were, which comes a lot with the territory of being a public speaker, I'm sure.
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And so Leah and I crossed paths when I was never in your live audience as a public speaker, but I always knew of your name.
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And then I became a public speaker in the faith realm.
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And then, long story short, we ended up crossing paths as entrepreneurs, and now we're crossing paths with having beautiful babies who have complex medical needs, and so I'm elated to have Ms Leah Darrow here and I'm going to toss it over to her to introduce herself and a little bit about herself, and then we'll talk about what it is we're going to cover today.
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You guys definitely don't want to miss today's episode.
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It's going to be so full of insight and inspiration and mindset nuggets that are absolutely critical to help us get through the day-to-day with our beautiful babies.
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So, leah, tell us a little bit about yourself.
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Yeah, well, I'm so happy to be here.
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I can't wait to unpack a little bit more of how our paths have crossed in multiple ways that we maybe planned in some ways and other ones we did not plan on crossing paths later on.
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But yeah, so my name is Leah Darrow.
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I am, I'm a mindset coach.
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I'm a public speaker.
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I've been, I've been a public speaker for we are we are almost pushing 20 years now, almost pushing 20 years now.
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I have been working in the area of personal development heavily, probably for the past, heavily, for I say probably for the past 10 years, but really just always loving that.
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I started out, like you know, public speaking on faith-based topics and sharing my life, sharing my faith a little bit on stages just across the world, and that was wonderful and great and I loved it.
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But I noticed that every time I would talk and share some good news, I was always, always pushing people into a space of taking action and that just got me.
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I've always loved that space of personal development but as a Christian, it was always for me.
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I was always tiptoeing around topics or ways that things were said that I'm like I don't know, I don't know if I love that as much.
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And so it just got to the point that I was doing this so much and I ended up taking on not realizing, but mentoring many people in terms of mindset work over well over a decade, and it just kind of clued into me that I really love it, I'm good at it and I'm just going to go all in.
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So that's when I just started saying, okay, I'm just going to do mindset work and my professional life has just blossomed in that space, because I just started to really dive into my passion.
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I really dived into figuring out I really do love this, I love this one little aspect of something else I'm doing, and so, instead of just doing everything else and only doing the thing that I love 5% of the time, I'm going to do the 5% 100% of the time, and so that, professionally, that's what got me into being a mindset coach and working in personal development.
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Since then, I noticed a big gap of there not being someplace where, at least in my opinion, where Christians could feel comfortable and kind of relax in the space of personal development in terms of we always center this on Christ and but yet he calls us to grow.
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So I created my own program that was Christocentric, so you know, based on Christ, he is the center of that work and personal development.
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That's called Power Made Perfect.
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So I've done that and I've been working in that space, of course, by creating all these products and doing all this work.
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I am an entrepreneur, so, and I've been an entrepreneur, like probably since I was born, and it made sense because I had a lot of people coming to me at that point too, which is where we, how we intersected, you know, face to face, at this point where people were asking me to help them with their business because of things that I had done.
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That was in this similar track, and I just realized there's a lot of space for moms, especially as you have these side businesses or side hustles and you're trying to get it up and going.
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You're trying to help your family bring in income, or maybe it's just like this passion project.
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You're like I have a nonprofit and I need to help these people in this space, like you, nonprofit, and I need to help these people in this space, like you.
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And it's like how can I fast track my progress?
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How can I fast track profit?
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How can I fast track so I don't have to, like, make all the mistakes that everybody else makes and just do the thing that works the first time.
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And that brought me into creating the program of motivated mompreneur, which is helping new entrepreneurs or entrepreneurs that have been in the space for a while but just haven't gotten the traction they want up to that big next level, to let them soar.
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And that's where we met and so you came into my program, motivated Mompreneur, and we did lots of fun things and you talked about your own work and your nonprofit and your business that you have and how you help people, and it was always just so intriguing.
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And never in a million years would I ever think that I would be like, wow, I would be going through so much trauma.
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On May 1st of 2024, I was pregnant with my seventh baby, and on May 1st I was 22 weeks pregnant and I had an emergency C-section.
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I ended up becoming very, very sick and at the time we had no idea why, but we knew something had to happen.
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I was dying, my baby was dying.
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It was a very, very traumatic situation.
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Quick, fast action was taken and my son, sylvester we call him Sly Sly was born May 1st at 1158 PM, and that we began a 199 day journey in the NICU.
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I had no idea how many days that would be, but I knew it was going to be long.
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I knew that if it was short it would be a real bad day.
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Yeah, so I remember.
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I remember praying in that NICU God, please give me a long journey, like, give me the longest journey that you can give me.
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I don't want a short stay in this NICU, because I know what a short stay means.
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It means I don't have my son, and that happens a lot, you know, especially for babies born at 22 weeks, which he was so critical, and babies born in that space you know of, you know, before their lungs being developed at 26 weeks.
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I mean the chances he had less than a 2% chance to survive.
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So all this is going on in my life.
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In May, and I don't know when, but at some point I remember getting a message from you early on and you just said don't, don't, don't respond.
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But yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm praying for you, I'm here for you, anything you need.
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And I remember thinking, wow, like it's amazing how God has these people cross our paths in these way.
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I mean I never thought that I would be coming to you for resources or for help or anything, because I have a medically complex child, you know.
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And like you were coming to me for your business, I'm like, yeah, let's do business and let's do this work.
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And then I'm like I got to go back to my clients, I need help from them.
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Like you've been through this, you've done this, what do I do here now?
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And you sent me podcasts to listen, to listen to.
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You're like, hey, here's something if you want to, if you're passing it, want to pass the time in the NICU, listen to this.
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And I just um, I was so grateful.
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So, long story short, that's a little bit about me, a little bit how we, how our paths crossed and why we're here today chatting and talking about all of this.
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And it was just and it's still a long ride.
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I mean, it's still going.
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It doesn't end, you know.
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It's like I had this idea that I just I just need to get out of the NICU and like it's a good thing, you want that goal, you need that small goal.
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But there is some type of, you know, naivety.
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Maybe you know that.
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I just was like, and then it'll be over, everything will be fine and it's going to go back to normal.
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When I get my baby out of the hospital, I just want like, and that's just, that's just that deep hope that I think moms have you know, parents have of just like I just want to get back to normal.
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And then you get your baby back from the NICU and you get home and you're like, oh, okay, we got over a massive hurdle, but this isn't over and there's a lot more work and training and I am learning new things that I never thought I would ever learn in G tubes and um, you know, oxygen support and the things that Sly has, um, when he came home from the NICU and, granted, honestly, what I have is pretty dang good.
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It's pretty minor compared to a lot of other situations.
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But not to demean anyone's situation and I'm not going to do it to myself and I don't want anybody who hears this to do it to themselves Just because your baby's not as medically complex as another baby doesn't mean, doesn't mean anything, right, it doesn't mean anything.
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So, but I am grateful.
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I am grateful for fewer tubes, fewer appointments, maybe, so so, but but there is that.
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So like there's just a lot of extra support that you have when, like a lot of support that you need and you don't realize you need when you get, when you get out of the hospital.
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So anyway, I'll stop and let you just tend to take it from here.
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But that's kind of where we're at and what I'm doing, what I was doing in the before and now, like, like where's my life go after this, where you know there's so many things, oh gosh, like there's just so many things.
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After you get your baby home from that situation and your child home from that situation where you're just like how does my life look after this?
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Yeah, yeah.
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And going back to your life is like this is not going to work.
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So many things have to be redone and reconfigured to accommodate a new level of care, of emotional trauma.
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So many things I have.
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I'm just learning every single day like, oh my gosh, this is just, it's just different and I also can't expect other people to understand Like it's just wrong.
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I need to not do that.
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People, most people won't understand what's going on and I shouldn't have that expectation.
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I need to let go of the expectation that I have to be understood by other people in my child caring of this medically complex child.
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I also need to let go of expectations, of what I thought, of how I, how I thought I needed to parent this kid, or parenting the same as other kids, cause he's number seven.
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This is not my first rodeo.
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I have done this before.
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So I think there's a lot of benefit when you have a medically complex kid and it's your first child, because that is what you're doing, like you know, like you don't, you don't have anything to compare it to.
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So actually it can be a benefit to you, you know, trying to have like a good mindset about it, at least Now, when it's not your first child, because you have this experience and I've had, you know, six experiences of kids, raising them a certain way, taking care of them as a newborn stage, how their feedings go, how their breathing goes.
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You know it's like it's so different, and so I've had to let go of my expectations of you do not know what you're doing, and that's okay, but you can learn.
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You're going to learn how to do this.
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You're going to learn to take care of Sly.
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You're going to learn to take care of all the things he needs.
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You're going to learn to monitor all of his therapies that he has and all these different doctors and his nutritionists and all these people.
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You are going to learn how to do this and just because you don't know how to do it now does not mean you're not going to learn tomorrow or next week or next month.
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And just being patient.
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I have to be so patient with myself of understanding what Sly needs today might not be what he needs tomorrow or next week, and how that changes, and monitoring it and using my gut as, honestly, my best resource of like how does this feel?
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This doesn't feel right.
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You know, and I don't.
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You know again, not caring really what other people think about you or what they or even other medical professionals like you know, like no, I'm bringing my kid in because there's something not, there's just something not right.
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Just go with that.
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So I keep telling you I'm going to throw the ball over to you, the ball on your court, and I don't.
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So that's the problem.
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I am loving.
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I'm just sitting here nodding my head because everything you're saying, I guarantee there are so many countless parents listening to this, going yes, yes, yes, yes and yes, and there's so many nuggets that you have tossed out that I could go down a million rabbit holes, but I will not.
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I will stay focused, at least to the best of my ability.
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Something I think that I noticed, Leah, as I followed your journey on social, as I followed your journey on social, is you obviously?
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had this training of mindset going into it, and that is a huge leg up compared to, I would say, most of us Right.
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And so I guess I want to ask you you've already touched on it a little bit but how has your mindset training, how did it affect you in the NICU and help you to navigate the day-to-day?
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Because the NICU is exactly what it's called it's an intensive care unit and it is filled with trauma, just like you said, and you walk out there a whole new person, refined by the fire and also totally raw, and having to figure out how to pick up the pieces of life, how to decide what matters anymore and what doesn't right, Because you literally walk to the edge of life and back and it's really hard to look at life the same ever again and, quite frankly, I wouldn't want to look at life the same ever again.
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So I guess I'd just like to ask and it's a pretty broad question so you can go any direction you want with it but I noticed in your posts there was a level of mindset management that you always incorporated, because I could sense it in your posts.
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How did your mindset training affect you in the NICU?
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And what's a nugget for somebody who's listening, who maybe doesn't have that training, but they're in an intense situation right now.
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Maybe not the ICU, but they're fighting for their child's life one way or another that they can help manage their mindset, yeah, outside of my faith in God himself, who is a massive piece in this, but it's kind of hard to chat on that forever, so I'll just put that as like that's first and foremost the biggest source of everything inspiration, motivation, help, security, healing, miracles.
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Everything there is there.
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But what I did and what God had provided in my life, that mindset training that I have done for well over a decade I mean, I've been working with clients for over 10 years but been in that space of I've always been somebody who loves personal development.
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I just I'm one of those people.
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I just love it, love it, love it.
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And so I have spent so much time not just loving it right, but studying it, and not studying it from an abstract form of like oh, I read these books, how interesting of a technique but actually reading it and using those resources and applying them to your life.
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Like that is when I, when I say like I'm working in mindset, that's what I mean I'm working on, I'm working on me.
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When I say I've worked on my like I've worked on me and my mindset and all the negativity and all the limiting beliefs and all the imposter syndrome, everything that encompasses and that's just like those are the highlight reels of my problems, but that mindset work needs to help with.
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So when I came to the NICU and, honestly, keep in mind, sly was in the NICU, obviously, minute one, second, one of his life.
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I was in ICU for the first almost two weeks while he was in the NICU, fighting for my life, and they would, if I was stable enough that day, wheel me down and I'd be able to see him and I could just see him and I couldn't touch him or anything.
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So when you, when I was going through that, my mindset work thank God, was on autopilot.
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You know, it's something where, when you're doing it for that long.
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So and I say that because when you, when you are committed to working on yourself in any way, and you do it over and over and over, sometimes at some point, like it kind of clicks, like we always have, everybody has a, everybody has blips.
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You know, everybody has blips, you know.
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But if you're always going up with your blips, then you are, you are, you are winning, you're winning.
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You're always going to have moments like, oh, I didn't apply those techniques in that moment, that's okay, that's okay.
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And so what if I had to, if I had to help somebody who was going through something with mindset like what do you do if, like, okay, you know, sorry, lee, I don't have the 10 years to put in right now.
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I'm dealing with it now, right, right.
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So what do I do?
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I would do, I would do two things.
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Do not worry about what you cannot control.
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Do not worry what you cannot.
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So, and if you have to I'm a paper and pencil person write down the things that you can control.
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What can you control, what can you control?
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And they might be very, they might seem very superficial, but I want you to write them down.
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What can you control?
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If it's I can control, that I can take a shower every day and brush my hair.
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Write that down.
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Write it down, cause you can control that.
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And if that piece of self-care helps you with feeling like you can handle the day a little bit better, then that's something you can control and you can do.
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Then I say that because that's literally what I did and I was like what can I control?
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And I cannot control if Sly lives or dies, I can't control the fact that his lungs are not developed and they're being pushed to breathe outside air.
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I can't control what these doctors are going to be doing.
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I don't even know half the things they're saying to me right now.
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They are saying so much freaking jargon that I have no flipping clue what's happening.
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And they're saying it to me literally at life and death moments, literally when they're saying to me we can only do one compression on his chest, otherwise we'll break his bones and we cannot do any more life-saving techniques.
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So I coded twice in the NICU and I sat there.
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Just they're telling me all these things going on.
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I don't know what the number of the blood pressure or this thing should be, and how he's satting and it's actually a sat and not a stat, and all these different words of like what?
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Like it's just I couldn't control it.
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So I just decided that I'm not going to.
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I'm not even going to try, like you get, to give your energy to the world and however you see fit, you choose where to put your energy.
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Believe it or not, you do choose it.
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So where do you want to put your energy?
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I am not going to put my energy in trying to get an MD degree in four weeks.
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I'm not going to do that.
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I'm not going to do that.
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So it won't serve Sly anyway.
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Sly doesn't know.
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You know, my, my kid doesn't know what's going on.
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My kid, what can I do?
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And I remember just being in this process and being in that situation, just being like what can I control?
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And I remember thinking, okay, this is what I can control.
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I can control and this is, of course, after I got out myself, got out of the ICU.
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I had my own health issues.
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I had kidney failure.
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I wasn't because I had sepsis and I was going into shock, so there's a lot of things.
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Once my health got to the point where I was actually discharged and I could, you know, be with Sly like all day long instead of having to be in my hospital bed as well, I had a little bit more control then.
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Right, so then I was like, okay, so what can I control?
00:20:05.856 --> 00:20:08.598
And I was like I can control showing up every day.
00:20:08.598 --> 00:20:20.993
I can walk into the room every day, okay, so that's what I'm going to do, I can control.
00:20:20.993 --> 00:20:23.741
Every night, before I go to bed, I'm going to take a shower, I'm going to wash my hair and I'm going to put some oil on my face.
00:20:23.741 --> 00:20:29.621
That makes me feel like maybe, maybe, you know, I can regain some, I don't know, youth or just like sleep, really Like it doesn't matter.
00:20:29.621 --> 00:20:38.323
And I say these things and they're so trivial, but this is literally what I wrote down as I was going through everything, because it was all that I could do.
00:20:38.323 --> 00:20:43.981
I could say my prayers every day and I could remain in a place of hope.
00:20:43.981 --> 00:20:51.480
So I put my energy towards the things that I thought would help best and I spoke hopeful and hopeful words.
00:20:51.480 --> 00:21:01.273
When the nurses came in, I talked to them in a hopeful voice and, listen, I could say I cannot believe this is happening to me.
00:21:01.273 --> 00:21:03.078
I cannot believe this is happening to Sly.
00:21:03.078 --> 00:21:04.451
This is so terrible.
00:21:04.451 --> 00:21:06.015
He has a 2% chance to live.
00:21:06.015 --> 00:21:08.058
It was very apparent to me.
00:21:08.058 --> 00:21:12.239
I could tell that nurses and doctors did not think he was going to make it.
00:21:12.239 --> 00:21:15.554
They did not think he was going to make it Before he was transferred.
00:21:15.574 --> 00:21:19.532
He was transferred by helicopter from one hospital to another hospital in a different city.
00:21:19.532 --> 00:21:26.717
So before we were transferred, the hospitals at the first hospital, the one where he was born at they were just waiting for him to die.
00:21:26.717 --> 00:21:27.720
They were just like he's.
00:21:27.720 --> 00:21:30.553
There's no like, there's no way this kid's going to make it Right.
00:21:30.553 --> 00:21:36.352
So I knew that and I knew that their energy affects how they care for that patient.
00:21:36.974 --> 00:21:49.077
Right, and my mindset training at least taught me that of like you bring energy into rooms, into people, into conversations, so I mean, and that's like, that's not like woohoo stuff, that's just normal Like.
00:21:49.077 --> 00:21:50.443
If you're a parent, you know that.
00:21:50.443 --> 00:21:57.953
Yeah, you, you know that when you're a parent and you walk into a room, actually you can see this really well in a school setting.
00:21:57.953 --> 00:22:03.653
So when you have a teacher who's super cheery and she's like hey guys, welcome to today.
00:22:03.653 --> 00:22:08.103
Wednesday's great, and we're like, the kids respond in kind.
00:22:08.103 --> 00:22:19.907
You get these smaller classes like kindergarten through third grade, where kids are not so affected by the world as much, and you have a teacher who's very, very cheery, they respond with that type of energy.
00:22:19.907 --> 00:22:28.397
You have a teacher who comes in and you'll see this later, especially in a school setting like, let's just say, college, right, they're very serious, we've got this.
00:22:28.397 --> 00:22:36.419
The students, even though they're older, they respond in kind of like, oh, this is going to be rough, like all right, here we go.
00:22:36.900 --> 00:22:44.851
So your energy matters and I knew I had to walk in there with an energy that would serve Sly so and it was also going to benefit me.
00:22:44.851 --> 00:22:49.181
So I walked in just being like hi, how are you, how was your night last night?
00:22:49.181 --> 00:22:50.070
How are you doing?
00:22:50.070 --> 00:22:53.778
I asked them about them very brief, you know, but I did.
00:22:54.140 --> 00:23:06.050
I wanted to make sure that, like I care about you taking care of my son, I made it a point to tell every single nurse and I mean I swear if we had to interview every NICU nurse that I worked with, they'd be like yes, leah did that.
00:23:06.050 --> 00:23:13.739
I went up to them in the eyes and I said I cannot thank you enough for taking care of my son.
00:23:13.739 --> 00:23:15.967
Yeah, thank you so much.
00:23:15.967 --> 00:23:18.555
It means everything to me that you are caring for him.
00:23:18.555 --> 00:23:32.556
Every day that I was in the NICU I said that to them because I meant it and I also was just like I can't be here literally 24 hours a day, seven days a week, because I have these other six kids, so of course your heart wants to, right, but you can't, yeah, but you can't, you can't.
00:23:32.615 --> 00:23:36.644
And it's so hard to walk away from your kid in a hospital setting.
00:23:36.644 --> 00:23:38.455
So, again, what can I control?
00:23:38.455 --> 00:23:42.060
I can control the attitude and the energy I bring into that room.
00:23:42.060 --> 00:23:53.811
I can make sure that the people who are taking care of my kid know that they are appreciated, that I deeply love them and I'm so grateful that they're taking care of my son and I know they have other babies they're taking care of.
00:23:53.811 --> 00:23:54.834
It's very obvious.
00:23:54.834 --> 00:23:57.096
But I want them to feel special for a few minutes.
00:23:57.096 --> 00:24:06.205
I want them to know that their work matters and that also I'm going to speak powerful words of hope about Sly to them Like he's a fighter.
00:24:07.769 --> 00:24:14.260
He's a fighter Because if they have those words in their head and they hear them, they will react and treat this kid like he's a fighter.
00:24:14.260 --> 00:24:15.703
He's going to make it.
00:24:15.703 --> 00:24:21.813
He's a fighter, and I was like he's a fighter, he's going to do it.
00:24:21.813 --> 00:24:22.193
I just know it.
00:24:22.193 --> 00:24:24.199
He's a fighter and those words, those positive words, matter.
00:24:24.199 --> 00:24:27.333
Our words carry so much weight and they carry so much power.
00:24:27.333 --> 00:24:35.676
So, again, if you, if you just change your language a little bit, whatever the language is, but try to make it.
00:24:35.676 --> 00:24:39.718
You want to empower that language, make it positive in whatever way.
00:24:39.718 --> 00:24:40.819
That is true for you.
00:24:40.819 --> 00:24:54.317
So, again, an example of how not to do this is if, like you're like really overwhelmed and you're just like you're exhausted, you've had no sleep, you don't want to start lying to yourself being like I'm full of energy and the day is great.
00:24:57.480 --> 00:24:59.923
Let's be real, it's not going to work.
00:24:59.923 --> 00:25:06.180
It's not going to work because your brain's going to know you're trying to trick me and that your brain doesn't want to be tricked.
00:25:06.180 --> 00:25:12.554
Your brain always works in the affirmative, so it's always going to find ways to affirm what you're saying and it knows a lie.
00:25:12.554 --> 00:25:14.479
It knows a lot your brain does.
00:25:14.479 --> 00:25:18.404
So what you want to do with your mind is you want to do a little Jedi mind trick.
00:25:18.404 --> 00:25:24.510
You want to be like okay, I'm going to, so if I'm overwhelmed, I'm going to use a different word that doesn't have as much of a punch to it, right?
00:25:24.510 --> 00:25:30.693
Maybe that overwhelmed word carries too much of a punch to your psyche, to your mood or your energy, maybe it's.
00:25:31.315 --> 00:25:33.336
I'm feeling very in demand right now.
00:25:33.336 --> 00:25:38.558
I'm feeling very in demand, and so it just de-escalates the negative word a bit.
00:25:38.558 --> 00:25:40.780
Yeah, so that's something else that you can do.
00:25:40.780 --> 00:25:42.442
It's just like what words are you saying?
00:25:42.442 --> 00:25:58.131
And then control what you can control, control what you can control, find the things that are going to give you a little bit of reprieve, a little bit of reprieve, and maybe don't run back.
00:25:58.131 --> 00:26:00.919
Don't run backwards, meaning don't go back, don't try to go back to the life that you had before.
00:26:00.919 --> 00:26:01.980
It's not there.
00:26:01.980 --> 00:26:03.510
It's not there.
00:26:03.510 --> 00:26:10.151
Everything changed the moment your baby, your child, had that problem and is dealing with that issue.
00:26:10.151 --> 00:26:12.134
Everything changed.
00:26:12.134 --> 00:26:16.823
It's like you cannot go back, like that's a burning house.
00:26:16.823 --> 00:26:18.131
You can't go back in it.
00:26:18.131 --> 00:26:19.253
It's not livable.
00:26:19.535 --> 00:26:20.777
You might be able to salvage.
00:26:20.777 --> 00:26:23.931
Yeah, yeah, you can salvage a few things.
00:26:23.931 --> 00:26:25.515
You can take a few things from it.
00:26:25.515 --> 00:26:26.877
That was, that was helpful.
00:26:26.877 --> 00:26:33.175
But as you try to reinsert yourself back into that life, it will feel so uncomfortable.
00:26:33.175 --> 00:26:36.060
I mean you won't stay there long because you'll know I don't fit here anymore.
00:26:36.060 --> 00:26:36.721
This doesn't work.
00:26:36.721 --> 00:26:37.863
It does not.
00:26:37.962 --> 00:26:40.010
It does not work, and I think that's the thing of like.
00:26:40.010 --> 00:26:44.041
This is a new space, this is a new life, and I have to figure out this new life.
00:26:44.041 --> 00:26:51.299
You know, I, I, I relate this, this idea, so much to many things, and one of the ways I relate it to is to like a pregnancy test.
00:26:51.299 --> 00:26:53.002
You take a pregnancy test.
00:26:53.002 --> 00:26:59.377
Five minutes before that test, you know, popped, whatever it was, life was a certain way okay.
00:26:59.377 --> 00:27:05.570
The moment you look at it, everything changes and you cannot go back.
00:27:05.570 --> 00:27:14.186
You cannot go back to living a life where you weren't pregnant, because then you realize, well, I was pregnant an hour ago and I just didn't know it, you know.
00:27:14.186 --> 00:27:23.705
So for me it's like, like you look at that pregnancy test and you're like everything's changing and no matter what happens in the future, you just can't go back to how it was before.
00:27:24.847 --> 00:27:51.459
Everything changes in that moment when you realize that new information and that truth of what's happening to your life and to your child and you just you're going to have to find a different way to to go with it and it's going to be messy and, um, you know, be, be, be really good at forgiveness, like, be so merciful that it's just it overwhelms other people.
00:27:51.459 --> 00:27:55.108
Be merciful, especially like number one, to yourself.
00:27:55.108 --> 00:28:02.030
Forgive yourself over and over again and literally say it like Nope, I'm forgiving myself for this.
00:28:02.030 --> 00:28:03.314
I was doing my best.
00:28:03.314 --> 00:28:04.436
It did not work out.
00:28:04.436 --> 00:28:06.968
Now I'm learning something new and now I'm going to move on.
00:28:06.968 --> 00:28:08.009
I forgive myself.
00:28:08.289 --> 00:28:19.644
Forgive other people when they say things that are, like, are so irritating and so inappropriate and so like how can you, as a human, think that that would be an okay thing to say to me?
00:28:19.644 --> 00:28:21.730
I had so many.
00:28:21.730 --> 00:28:31.368
I mean, I have a public presence on social media so it was shocking how many comments I would get, and they would even post them publicly.
00:28:31.368 --> 00:28:32.571
They wouldn't even DM me.
00:28:32.571 --> 00:28:33.113
I'm like.
00:28:33.113 --> 00:28:41.346
You clearly don't know how off you are in these comments, because you put it out there for the world to see that you think that's okay.
00:28:41.346 --> 00:28:50.765
It's so hard, trust me, it is so hard to wrap your head around those, but it's just like, trust me, it is so hard to wrap your head around those, but it's just like.
00:28:50.765 --> 00:29:00.018
Like I forgive you for your ignorance, I forgive you for your inability to know what to do here, because maybe you, yeah, you just don't know, yeah, and I can't expect you to do that.
00:29:00.964 --> 00:29:09.192
Yeah, I remember having you know when I came to this realization and then I'm going to come back to the points you've made because they're so good.
00:29:09.192 --> 00:29:10.095
I want to not lose them.
00:29:10.095 --> 00:29:21.836
I remember having this realization when I just kept getting rubbed raw by, of course, very, very well-meaning people saying things that were very hurtful because you're in an ICU.
00:29:21.836 --> 00:29:22.657
What more can I say?
00:29:22.657 --> 00:29:22.979
Right?
00:29:22.979 --> 00:29:25.086
So, anyway, anyone listening gets it.
00:29:25.086 --> 00:29:26.386
Who's gone through it?
00:29:26.926 --> 00:29:32.470
When I realized they don't understand what I'm going through, and praise God, they don't.
00:29:32.470 --> 00:29:36.392
It's okay, they don't, they don't get this journey.
00:29:36.392 --> 00:29:37.832
They're trying to show up for me.
00:29:37.832 --> 00:29:39.212
They don't have a clue how.
00:29:39.212 --> 00:29:45.736
So I'm just going to be grateful that they keep trying and that's beautiful and that freed me from any.
00:29:45.736 --> 00:29:57.582
You know, when I would hear, like the nails on the chalkboard, comments just like, okay, I can forgive that because they don't have a clue what we're going through, and my instant prayer was thank you, God.
00:29:57.582 --> 00:29:58.142
They don't know.
00:29:58.142 --> 00:29:58.863
That's really.
00:29:58.863 --> 00:29:59.663
That's great for them.
00:29:59.663 --> 00:30:05.250
So, okay, you've made so many amazing points.
00:30:05.250 --> 00:30:13.951
I'm going to wrap it in a little bow and end it here because I don't want to overwhelm our listeners, who are going through intense situations and can only absorb so much.
00:30:15.253 --> 00:30:16.016
God love you yeah.
00:30:17.045 --> 00:30:20.941
So for the four I've written down, you said two, but you gave us four.
00:30:20.941 --> 00:30:23.932
So you're amazing and that's always how Leah Darrow works.
00:30:23.932 --> 00:30:34.826
She says one thing and then she gives more than that, and I can attest to it.
00:30:34.826 --> 00:30:38.704
I have my little binder from Motivated Mompreneur Branding Strategy and she was a huge catalyst that helped us take the leap from Charlotte's Hope Foundation to Parent Empowerment Network.
00:30:38.704 --> 00:30:46.170
Not that, like you never said that's what we should do, but you held our hand through the whole branding strategy process.
00:30:46.170 --> 00:30:51.189
That made us realize we're growing big, we're growing fast and we've got to act like it.
00:30:51.189 --> 00:30:58.027
So, anyway, my point is Leah shows up big always, and I knew she would.
00:30:58.027 --> 00:31:00.913
So you gave us four mindset tips.
00:31:01.273 --> 00:31:11.632
One you said don't worry about what you cannot control, and I love your tip and our listeners if they've listened to past podcasts, they're very used to hearing being told to write things down.
00:31:11.632 --> 00:31:25.646
Because I'm a huge writer, obviously I wrote a book, but it gets you out of your head and onto paper, and for me, a lot of times it's prayer journaling, it's praying to God, it's writing it all down with God, with me, and then that helps me decipher things.
00:31:25.646 --> 00:31:26.689
But for who?
00:31:26.689 --> 00:31:27.590
You know if you're listening.
00:31:27.590 --> 00:31:46.297
However, you need to write it down, to write what can you control, and sometimes it's equally as helpful to write what I can't control, so that you can relinquish that, that grip, that death grip that we have on those things Like I want to go home with my kid, I want to be able to feed them with a bottle, I want to you know, fill in the blank, I want to hold them, whatever.
00:31:47.419 --> 00:32:14.728
The second thing you said is the energy we bring and the words we say make a huge difference, and anyone who's been on this journey for more than a week knows that and I say that with the best encouragement, because it's such a good reminder, because the way we show up for our kids matters, and it's why we're called Empowered by Hope, and it goes back to research papers that it's called the hope theory, but honestly it doesn't matter, because it's also just common sense.
00:32:14.728 --> 00:32:22.977
When we hold on to hope as parents and we speak hope over our children, they are able to accomplish their optimal quality of life within whatever limitations.
00:32:22.977 --> 00:32:27.835
That means Right, and so the energy and the words we show up with is huge.
00:32:27.835 --> 00:32:31.971
The third thing you said is to not try to go back to the life you lived before.
00:32:31.971 --> 00:32:45.946
I think that's so profound I don't know if we've ever put it quite so concise as that and that is, we could do a whole series of podcasts on that and, honestly, if you're like listening to those two points and feeling guilty about it, it's okay.
00:32:46.007 --> 00:32:48.472
Have mercy with yourself, as Leah said.
00:32:48.472 --> 00:32:55.767
Point number four have mercy with yourself and others, because you don't know what you don't know until you know it, and so you know.
00:32:55.767 --> 00:33:01.493
If you've been showing up for your kid with negative energy and now you're beating yourself up for it, don't do that.
00:33:01.493 --> 00:33:04.173
It's so you know gosh.
00:33:04.213 --> 00:33:09.847
No, yeah, don't, don't, don't't, don't do that.
00:33:09.847 --> 00:33:12.136
I mean, and that kind of come, that kind of brings every, like you said, it does bring everything together.
00:33:12.156 --> 00:33:31.410
Just there is nothing you could have done different to prepare you for this type of fire yeah this is a special refining fire that you would not choose if you could choose it, but we were given it and we can make it a gift or we can make it a burden, and it's our choice.
00:33:31.410 --> 00:33:32.090
That's again.
00:33:32.090 --> 00:33:39.705
We have a beautiful ability to choose how we see the world, and you can see the world as it's working out for you and it's and it's a gift.
00:33:39.705 --> 00:33:41.568
Even the suffering is a gift.
00:33:41.568 --> 00:33:56.534
Or we can say it's a burden, and whatever path you choose has a certain, has a certain mindset with it, it has certain expectations and it has certain consequences, and so you get to choose the path.
00:33:56.534 --> 00:34:14.666
And so, looking at life as a gift that's constantly learning and refining you will always give you better results, for you and your family will always that will always give you better results for you and your family, and doesn't it?
00:34:14.686 --> 00:34:20.076
you know, sly is such a testament and all of our children who have brought us to this podcast are such testaments to the gift of life, because it's so fragile.
00:34:20.076 --> 00:34:39.490
And for those of us who never had I never had any medical experiences whatsoever until my, my daughter, was born, and then we were slammed into an insane world of medical issues and nothing will make it so obvious how fragile and beautiful life is when you walk to the edge of it and back.
00:34:40.612 --> 00:34:45.387
Yeah, there is, um, if I can say one like last story, like one last thing to share with this.
00:34:45.387 --> 00:34:50.135
This was given to me when I was going through everything, but it's a story, it's true.
00:34:50.135 --> 00:35:08.259
It's a true story of um, of this the way it was, as a monk actually, and this monk was explaining what he was trying to explain, what suffering is like, like, like deep, like deep suffering that we everybody on this podcast you were in this club deep suffering, deep, deep suffering.
00:35:08.259 --> 00:35:22.695
And he says that suffering is like being pushed to the edge of the abyss and looking down and all you see is just darkness and it's scary and you don't know what to do.
00:35:22.695 --> 00:35:32.114
And then God pulls you back after those few moments of being pushed to the edge of the abyss, and he has you sit down and have a cup of tea.
00:35:33.637 --> 00:35:47.038
And that life is this beautiful dance between having a cup of tea and being pushed to the edge of the abyss, where you have the deepest suffering and the deepest pain and all the fears, and everything is coming at you.
00:35:47.038 --> 00:36:06.885
And I don't know for me at least, when I heard that, I physically could see this imagery in my head and I just remember it was my priest who told me this story, and I would call him when I was in the hospital and I'd say we're at the edge of the abyss again, and he would make his way up immediately.
00:36:06.885 --> 00:36:32.713
Or I'd be like it's a cup of tea type of a day where we're just holding back, we're just stable, we're just staying here, and life is this dance between the two and instead of trying to run from either one or refusing to embrace either one, it's better that we engage in the dance, like go to the edge of the abyss and stay, go, sit down and have your cup of tea.
00:36:32.713 --> 00:36:43.338
And when you're having the cup of tea, don't feel guilty that you're resting, Don't feel guilty that you need that moment to just, you know, veg out.
00:36:44.385 --> 00:36:47.971
And when you're at the abyss, just focus on that, because that's what it does.
00:36:47.971 --> 00:36:48.315
That's what suffering does.
00:36:48.315 --> 00:36:48.742
It blocks everything out.
00:36:48.742 --> 00:36:49.532
And when you're at the abyss, just focus on that, because that's what it does.
00:36:49.532 --> 00:36:50.134
That's what suffering does.
00:36:50.134 --> 00:36:52.396
It blocks everything out.
00:36:52.396 --> 00:36:58.009
It gives you such clarity Suffering is a gift that gives you clarity of what's really important.
00:36:58.009 --> 00:36:59.452
What must I do right now?
00:36:59.452 --> 00:37:10.989
And you focus in on that one thing and both pieces the abyss and the cup of tea have their place, and when you embrace both, then you embrace that gift of life.
00:37:11.974 --> 00:37:15.324
That is the most beautiful way to end this podcast.
00:37:15.324 --> 00:37:16.626
Thank you so much, Leah.
00:37:16.626 --> 00:37:22.818
So you can see why I was over the moon to bring Leah to you all today.
00:37:22.818 --> 00:37:26.873
So if you would like to stay in touch with her, you can find her at Leah.
00:37:26.873 --> 00:37:30.454
This feels so ridiculous to even like talk about anything.
00:37:30.454 --> 00:37:32.251
We should just end right there, period.
00:37:32.251 --> 00:37:46.579
But I want people to be able to find you because you are so powerful in the way you approach life and I think it just so aligns with our mission and what we do every day here at Parent Empowerment Network.
00:37:46.704 --> 00:37:48.853
So you can find her at leahderocom.
00:37:48.853 --> 00:37:53.335
She has her Power Made Perfect Christian Personal Development Program.
00:37:53.335 --> 00:37:59.010
She also has Leah Darrow Podcast, which you said you're getting up and running again today, which is so exciting.
00:37:59.010 --> 00:38:02.594
And then, of course, you can find her on social Instagram and Facebook.
00:38:02.594 --> 00:38:07.233
Leah, we are so grateful for your time today and we are praying for Sly and not just Sly, Of course.
00:38:07.233 --> 00:38:10.067
We are so grateful for your time today and we are praying for Sly and not just Sly, Of course.
00:38:10.067 --> 00:38:10.951
We are lifting up Sly.
00:38:10.951 --> 00:38:13.755
We are lifting up your entire family, because this affects everyone.
00:38:13.755 --> 00:38:19.974
So know that we are just surrounding you all in prayers and just so grateful for your time.
00:38:20.715 --> 00:38:21.596
Thank you, glory to God.
00:38:21.596 --> 00:38:22.436
I really appreciate it.
00:38:22.436 --> 00:38:32.485
Thank you so much and, yeah, feel free If there's anything I can do to reach out, or if you just want to reach out and say, hey, I heard the podcast and you know, if you want to share anything with me, send me a DM.
00:38:32.485 --> 00:38:39.998
I actually read those and I'd love to hear from anybody who's been through this fire, because, gosh, it's, it's something special.
00:38:39.998 --> 00:38:41.067
Yeah.
00:38:41.409 --> 00:38:45.956
I can attest she does respond to DMs, all right.
00:38:49.065 --> 00:38:50.708
Well, thank you so much.
00:38:50.708 --> 00:38:55.936
Thank you, you are capable, you are equipped and you are not alone.
00:38:55.936 --> 00:38:58.726
Together, we can do hard things for our children.
00:38:58.726 --> 00:39:04.186
If this episode connected with you and you want to hear more, be sure to hit the subscribe button.
00:39:04.186 --> 00:39:08.393
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