S2 | EP 44: What Does Your Friendship Budget Say About You?

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Welcome back to another Elevators episode.
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If you are tuning in, I'm Amanda Booz.
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I'm Crystal Vega, and we're so excited to be back for another week of elevating.
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How are you, Amanda?
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As always, I'm good, girl.
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I'm good.
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It is fall, y'all.
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Okay, so I am trying to slowly but surely get into the fall season.
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As you guys know, Crystal and I live in Miami, so it's summer all year round here.
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Okay.
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I'm trying to do a little thing, little things in the house.
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I bought like some candles and you know, cinnamon broom.
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You know, that little cinnamon broom that has like the scent of fall.
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I'm like trying to do little things to just in the fall.
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To make it feel like fall.
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Yeah.
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Cause I'm like, my I look outside, it looks like we need to go to the beach.
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So no, I'm not.
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I went outside this morning and I told Will, I'm like, it's beach weather.
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Like it's so it's not insanely hot, but it's hot enough to be on the beach and not be like scorching the way we usually are in the summer.
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It's definitely beach weather right now.
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But I also will say that last year it did get cold down here.
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So we do have seasons.
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It's not hot all year round the way like a lot of people make it seem like.
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We we be needing like light jackets down here for real.
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Yeah, but that's not until like December, January.
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But that's one thing I will say I miss about living in New York is dressing for the weather.
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Like I feel like everyone in New York this this weekend looks super cute because it's not super cold, it's not super hot.
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So you get to put on your, you better, you get to put that, put that ish on.
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You know what I mean?
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Like in Miami, if you put a leather jacket on right now, you'll look crazy.
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So that's the one downside about living down here.
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Or plus, I guess if you look at it that way, if you love the heat, then you're good.
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But if you want to dress for the fall, then it's like not happening.
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But girl, one thing I was gonna tell you about this weekend, so I went to like a restaurant, super random thought.
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But I went to a restaurant this weekend, right?
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And you know how that everything has been crazed with like the food recalls and like being concerned about like things being lab grown.
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So I went out to eat, and I kid you not for the first time, I was so scared of ordering like meat from the menu because I was like, it looked weird, right?
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So I don't know if you guys have thought about this as well.
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But when we go to the grocery store, like, of course, you could read the labels, you could see how things say that they're like genetically manufactured, which is code for lab grown.
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But like, I'm wondering if restaurants are gonna be required to do that.
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Because when you think about it, we don't know what we're getting at these restaurants and if they're required.
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And sometimes they have all the overhead and they don't wanna, you know.
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So I'm like, are we eating lab grown things at the restaurant?
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I'm scared.
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It's very possible.
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No, it's very possible because it think about how many people they have to serve in a day.
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So the the quantity that they need to fulfill is much larger.
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I could see restaurants doing that just as fast as like fast food restaurants.
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Girl, girl.
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You gotta go, you just gotta go to your local butcher, your local farmer.
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Will has a friend who ended up um like going 50-50 with another friend and they bought a cow and then just had it cut up.
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You know, there is a farm here that they do that, and it's super cheap.
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So, my girl Joe, you know, Joe, my girl Joe does that.
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Like, there's like a butcher here that you could pick like an animal and do that.
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Yeah.
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That's not a bad idea.
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I hate the idea of like that that'll make me want to go vegan or something because I gotta pick it and like finish it.
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I don't know how I feel about it.
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It'll be a freezer forever.
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It's definitely, it's definitely much healthier and stimulates the economy doing it in that way.
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Because you're giving to like a local farmer and stuff like that.
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Girl, you know what's so funny?
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Will and I have lately been talking so much about acres and having like that sort of chicken farms, yeah, that just sort of land.
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I'm like, Yeah, oh, I kind of think our next house might be that.
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Cause listen, they're saying like if you can get seeds at the stores, get them now because you notice everything is becoming seedless, and that is code for not real fruit.
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So if you could get seeds and start planting and starting your own little garden in your backyard, do so because you know I'm working on it.
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I am working on it, girl.
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We are making so much progress with this house.
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Like, God is the greatest.
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Amen.
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I'm excited to be like hopefully putting up like fencing the property soon.
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And then once I do that, I can build like this like mini garden in the back, which is what I really want to do.
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But I gotta wait because the animals and all the things.
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So I'm like, I need to put a fence first and then to at least like semi-protect it and then build, you know, around that.
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But I am excited.
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That's good.
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Soon come, soon come girl.
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When you come to my house, you're gonna see like so many different things.
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You're like, I'm gonna bring a basket here.
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I'm gonna bring a basket card.
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Seriously, and I and I and that's like what I want to do.
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Like, I want to be able to just, you know, hand it out because there's no reason we should be paying five dollars for tomatoes.
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Like, be be so serious, you know?
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It's crazy, it's so crazy.
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But what's been you what's been here?
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Oh, maybe maybe maybe I'll start a a farm to kitchen, a farm to kitchen little series in my house.
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That'll be so much fun.
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Farm to kitchen table.
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I like that.
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Yeah.
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I like that.
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But yeah, so what what else been what's what else has been going on with you?
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What's how's the weekend been?
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What was what was going on this weekend?
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Seeing you right a concert.
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Yes, went to a concert, everything has been good.
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I'm trying to get back on my routine because this last week I have been working a lot, but also falling asleep really late, which makes me wake up really late.
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So I definitely fell out of my rhythm for like the last week or two, but I have to get back into it because October, November, December is about to be a marathon.
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And I gotta make sure that I am present and performing at the highest expectation of myself, but also like being in my routine.
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So I'm trying not to be like too hard on myself.
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So anybody who's listening who feels like they fell out of their rhythm or whatever, it happens.
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It's a new week.
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Let's get back on it.
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And we just gonna keep going because we're in Q4 and that's what we gotta do.
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But I'm excited.
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I feel like, yeah, I feel like this is our um our marathon for the end of the year, like from here, like our marathon stretch.
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It's lock-in season, it's the fall arc, winter arc, whatever it is that you want to call it.
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But yeah, I feel the same way.
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I'm like, this is this, I'm feeling good this this fall, winter season.
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Me too.
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Yeah, like I'm like creatively, I'm like, there's just so many things um that I'm working through for this this season.
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And you know how I've been seeing it all over the internet and all over threads.
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I'm like, Q4 is sponsored by God.
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Okay, and Jesus Christ.
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We are gonna get through it.
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And you don't need new, you don't need a new year.
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We say it all the time.
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You don't need a new year to start over, to start fresh.
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Do it now.
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Let's reframe from overthinking.
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All the things that you wanted to do from January, baby, it is October.
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Let's get it done now.
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You could start now and still be ways ahead for January of 2027.
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So let's leave overthinking behind and let's just get to it.
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On our socials, if you have seen it, if you haven't seen it, we are telling you right now the phone lines are always open on our podcast.
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So if you have anything that you want to talk to us about, whether it's advice, questions, tips, you want to leave a comment, you like the latest episode, you want to tell us what you feel, you want to get something off your chest, you can do so, and you can even do it anonymously.
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We want to hear from you.
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So we do have a message from one of our listeners that I think we're gonna play right now.
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So let's get into it.
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Yeah, let's listen to this speak pipe we've got.
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Ladies, hi, I love your podcast.
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Um, my question is basically how do you manage expectations of different friendships, especially different friendship groups, but also just stay true to yourself and like your morals, your and you know, basically not expecting all friends to be a you or to be like.
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So, how do you guys manage expectations of different friends?
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That's a good question.
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I love that.
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Wait, do you want to go first or do you want I don't I that's a good question?
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Honestly, if that that question had, I mean, there were so many layers to that question.
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I personally, the simple answer is if it's too much work, then it's not a friendship for me.
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Okay.
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And I mean that in a way like I think relationships are always gonna take work, you know, whether it's with your friends or your life partner, but I think there is a very thin line between a relationship taking work versus a relationship that is requiring overtime.
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And I have had friendships where I feel like it is taking too much work to maintain.
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They expect too much of me.
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And that person could probably look at me and be like, she was not a good friend.
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And I would respect their feelings and their perspective to say, like, oh yeah, she's not the best, you know, the best kind of friend because she she might not show up here and she might not show up there.
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But baby, when it's important, I show up, right?
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And but that's my perspective.
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So I might not be a good fit for somebody who requires much more attention and much more energy in a friendship.
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So for me personally, if it requires almost too much work where I feel like I'm overexhausting myself, it's not my kind of friendship.
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However, I will say that I have a really good friend, love her dearly, but she's very self-centered.
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And I love her down.
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But because I know that about her, I manage my own expectations when it comes to her.
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And I'm okay with that.
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Even though somebody could look at me and be like, oh, she's not, she doesn't put enough into the friendship.
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I could look at another friend and say the same thing.
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You get what I'm saying?
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So it really is not a one-direction answer.
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Yeah.
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For me, it's really about obviously figuring out where you're overexerting yourself.
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Because again, if it's like too much, then it might not be the right friendship for you, but also striking a balance between that and just setting your own expectations for people when you really cannot expect you from anybody but you.
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That's a fact.
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Period.
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That's a fact.
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Yeah, I agree.
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I think that the the question is amazing, by the way.
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Thank you so much for for asking us this question.
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I feel like it like you, it has a lot of layers.
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So I think what you should ask yourself is what was the reason you wanted to be friends with this person in the first place, right?
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Because I feel like as adults, we're not 20.
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You may be friends with this person from when you were in your teens or when you were in your early 20s.
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The demands of life and where we were at that stage in our life has changed drastically in our 30s.
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And I feel like it's so important in friendships to understand that, right?
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So for me, I understand certain seasons that my friends are in, right?
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So friends that I we talk to every single day, every other hour back then, we're not doing that now because we're requiring, like our season in life requires a different version of us, of us right now, right?
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But if the true core of that friendship remains the same, like that person is still true to who you remember them to be, they still pour into you when they can.
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I think friendship's a give and take, right?
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I feel like sometimes you're you may be on your, you're you may be your best version of yourself to be a friend.
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And then there's sometimes where you may not, right?
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So, like, for example, friends who have kids, sometimes you got to give them grace.
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They may not be as available or as intentional as they once were because now they have another human that they that they're requiring more of, right?
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That is requiring more of them.
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So I think it it it it's it's it's a twofold question, right?
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It's a two-sided question because I feel like some friendships just over time and in different seasons just change.
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And I do agree, you cannot expect you out of everybody, right?
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So don't allow that to change who you are and how you show up for that person.
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Cause some people really do need friends to show up for them a little bit, sometimes more often than they show up for you.
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But I feel like as long as the intentions are there and the person's feelings for you are true and pure, I think, hey, still remain friends with them, have boundaries, check in when you can, be there for your friends when you can.
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Because you know how they say check on check in on your strong friends.
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Okay.
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Some friends may look and appear on the internet or in life as if everything is good and honky dory, but then you really do have to like, hey girl, how are you doing?
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Like, really, how are you doing?
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How is your mental health like?
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You know what I mean?
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Like all those things.
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Cause because sometimes you could be positive, but baby, you be you might be finding demons inside.
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You don't even realize the things that you're battling, but until you ask somebody.
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I feel like you just even open up another conversation, like with the social media stuff.
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And I don't know about you, but I personally experience this because I mean I'm scheduling content out, I'm posting all my stories and stuff, and like everything will probably look fine and dandy because I'm not the kind of person to be on the internet, like you get what I'm saying?
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Because to me, I use the internet as a tool, it's work for me, and the job's gonna get done whether I'm in a good mood or not.
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So I don't know if you experience this, but I very much experience this sometimes where it's like I I could be going through it.
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And my friends would never know because I am not gonna post about it on the internet.
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And if you don't call me and check on me, you're not gonna know either.
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That's just how I am.
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Yeah, I agree.
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I'm not that person that I'm gonna tell my life on the internet.
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Yeah, a lot of people are.
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I'm like, I don't think I'm at that stage.
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I do feel like there's I think who posted this?
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I think Aaliyah's face posted this and it was so like spot on.
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Where like you could show up, I love her too.
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You could show up and be online and still have such a private part of your life that no one knows about, right?
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You could be so transparent and so vulnerable with certain things, but then you could still have so much private things that just people know nothing about.
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And I felt that so much because I agree.
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Like, there's times where I could be doubting myself, I could feel like not as confident, but then on the internet, I may show up as the most confident person as somebody that has all, you know, the positivity in the world.
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But behind closed doors, I cry too.
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I'm calling my my friend or my man and being like, yo, I'm I'm I'm not sure what to do or I'm not feeling this.
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Like, oh my gosh.
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Like, and you would never realize.
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So that's why I say it is so important to check on your strong friends and your not so strong friends, because there's times where people see things on the internet and they're your friends and they think, one, let's also know that sometimes people don't post in real time.
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So people could be batching content that you know nothing about, especially people like us who this is okay.
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Yeah, and people could be like, oh my God, girl, it looks like you're doing so good.
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And it's like looks can be deceiving, right?
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Not to say that people aren't doing well, but I don't think that that means you should count them out and not one, give them opportunities because they look like they're doing well, or two, support them because they look like they don't need support.
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We all need support.
00:14:35.840 --> 00:14:41.600
We all need the engagement, we all need the love, we all need following up outside of the internet.
00:14:41.919 --> 00:14:44.320
Social media is literally not a real place.
00:14:44.480 --> 00:14:49.279
Like for Crystal and myself, it's like it's like LinkedIn child, to be honest.
00:14:49.440 --> 00:14:53.600
It's like a creator's LinkedIn, like it's not real life.
00:14:53.840 --> 00:14:59.600
Some things are put on there for work, majority of the things, 80%, 90%.
00:15:00.320 --> 00:15:07.519
So call your friend, text your friend, and don't just be in the DMs, like really reach out, really be intentional because you just never know.
00:15:07.679 --> 00:15:08.000
Yeah.
00:15:08.159 --> 00:15:15.200
Another part of the question was like, how do you kind of like manage friendships that you don't align with morally?
00:15:15.440 --> 00:15:18.799
And I think that we are too old.
00:15:19.120 --> 00:15:24.240
We are too old to try to manage friendships that you don't align with morally.
00:15:24.559 --> 00:15:31.919
Because when it comes to morals and characteristics for me personally, very important, very, very, very important.
00:15:32.080 --> 00:15:38.960
And I have had friendships where I'm all about giving grace, but there's just some things where I'm like, mm-mm.
00:15:39.200 --> 00:15:42.639
I don't know why you think that's okay, because that's not okay, you know?
00:15:42.879 --> 00:15:49.360
And I think when it you have to decide what that looks like, and I can I can give an example, but like, because I was just talking to my man about this.
00:15:49.519 --> 00:15:57.600
It's like I had an old friend from many, many years ago, and basically we were cool and like we would check in with each other here and there.
00:15:57.759 --> 00:16:05.919
Long story short, like she was kind of like having a relationship with somebody who was married on paper, but you know, was supposedly separated.
00:16:06.000 --> 00:16:09.279
But then the girl would call whenever she's around, and I'm like, girl.
00:16:09.440 --> 00:16:11.039
Wait, the wife would call?
00:16:11.360 --> 00:16:12.000
Yes.
00:16:12.240 --> 00:16:13.600
While she was with the husband.
00:16:13.679 --> 00:16:14.879
Well, the the wife's husband.
00:16:15.039 --> 00:16:15.600
Yeah, yeah.
00:16:17.759 --> 00:16:24.799
And I'm like, stop, stop, stop, stop trying to convince yourself that what's happening here is not happening.
00:16:24.960 --> 00:16:27.279
You're doing something that I really don't like.
00:16:27.440 --> 00:16:29.120
Like, I don't think that's okay.
00:16:29.279 --> 00:16:35.120
That to me is like I absolutely not such a line of like disrespect.
00:16:35.200 --> 00:16:38.240
And like that to me was morally not okay.
00:16:38.480 --> 00:16:47.519
And the fact that that continued, I was like, like that was my confirmation because if you could do that to to anybody, you could do that to one person, you could do that to anybody.
00:16:47.679 --> 00:16:49.279
Yeah, it's being sneaky, it's lying.
00:16:49.600 --> 00:16:57.120
Certain things is just like the same way as it's kind of like when when you hear people talk about others and you're like, you talk about them like that?
00:16:57.200 --> 00:16:58.720
I know you talk about me like that.
00:16:59.039 --> 00:17:00.080
Yeah, I agree.
00:17:00.159 --> 00:17:03.200
And I feel like sometimes one thing leads to the next, right?
00:17:03.279 --> 00:17:14.319
So you could see it as your friend is being like conniving, sneaky, and like their morals aren't straight in a relationship, but then that kind of like has a trickle-down effect in like how they just do things in life, period.
00:17:14.640 --> 00:17:15.119
Period.
00:17:15.359 --> 00:17:15.839
Yeah.
00:17:16.000 --> 00:17:18.240
So, so I agree with you doing that.
00:17:18.400 --> 00:17:22.079
And it's one thing, don't get me wrong, no one is perfect.
00:17:22.160 --> 00:17:23.599
Like, not one person is perfect.
00:17:23.680 --> 00:17:29.839
Like, I can't sit up here and say I don't have friends who have dealt with like people who were married and all that, whatever, right?
00:17:30.000 --> 00:17:35.200
However, you know it's wrong, and it think I think it's okay for you to tell your friend that it's wrong.
00:17:35.359 --> 00:17:40.559
And then if your friend decides to leave the situation, I think you could still be friends with them, right?
00:17:40.640 --> 00:17:53.119
But if your friend wants to repeatedly be in a situation that you know just doesn't sit well with your spirit because you're evolving and you're becoming a woman that doesn't like engage with that type of behavior, then exit.
00:17:53.279 --> 00:17:57.200
But I think at the first step, give your friends grace, right?
00:17:57.359 --> 00:18:00.240
Because I'm not gonna lie, it's it's ghetto out here dating, right?
00:18:00.400 --> 00:18:01.759
The dating pool is ghetto.
00:18:01.839 --> 00:18:10.000
I've had so many friends be like, girl, you are like our men may not be perfect, men are per are perfect, period, but it's ghetto, okay?
00:18:10.160 --> 00:18:12.000
So I that's all I'm gonna say.
00:18:12.160 --> 00:18:20.720
The other part I kind of wanna just to double back into is kind of like dealing with not receiving what you put out.
00:18:20.880 --> 00:18:22.480
And I have been through that personally.
00:18:22.559 --> 00:18:26.720
Like, like I said, I have a friend, I absolutely love her down, but she she's super self-centered.
00:18:26.799 --> 00:18:33.759
Like, we'll do a barbecue and she'll she'll be like, okay, I'll I'm I'm gonna show up and like not participate in anything.
00:18:33.920 --> 00:18:39.039
And we have a unanimous understanding in our friendship that she is, she'll be like, I'm just gonna send money.
00:18:39.119 --> 00:18:40.720
And I'm like, that's not the point.
00:18:40.960 --> 00:18:49.440
Yeah, you need to put effort, come with hot dogs, you know, like, but and it's like kind of lighthearted, but like little things like that, you know, whatever.
00:18:49.519 --> 00:18:56.240
So long story short, again, love her down, and we have a unanimous understanding in our friend group that she's just that friend.
00:18:56.720 --> 00:18:59.920
And it's fine, but we only have room for one of those people.
00:19:00.240 --> 00:19:00.480
Right.
00:19:00.559 --> 00:19:03.680
I'm like, you got the planners and you got the people that are gonna send the money.
00:19:03.759 --> 00:19:05.440
You can't have everybody sending the money.
00:19:05.519 --> 00:19:06.400
There gotta be some planners.
00:19:06.640 --> 00:19:08.319
Yes, there's gotta be some planners.
00:19:08.559 --> 00:19:17.599
So, anyways, long story short, um, when it comes to like navigating that sort of friendship where you feel like you are putting in more and they're not putting in as much.
00:19:17.759 --> 00:19:23.440
I think the real hard part is managing your own expectations and reeling it in.
00:19:23.680 --> 00:19:37.680
For example, if you are a giver and you love giving and you're like gift giving or whatever, and you realize this person is not reciprocating that energy, it's really hard for you to not be such a giver because that's naturally who you are.
00:19:37.839 --> 00:19:40.000
It's what you do, it's what you love.
00:19:40.160 --> 00:19:45.359
And the hard part is really stopping yourself from doing what you naturally do.
00:19:45.519 --> 00:19:49.680
It's not necessarily accepting the fact that they're not giving as much as you.
00:19:49.759 --> 00:19:50.640
Does that make sense?
00:19:50.799 --> 00:19:51.039
Yeah.
00:19:51.279 --> 00:19:53.839
So it's really more of a battle with yourself than anything.
00:19:54.079 --> 00:19:54.640
Anything else.
00:19:54.720 --> 00:19:55.519
Yeah, I agree.
00:19:55.680 --> 00:20:02.640
And I also think it's okay in friendships to have some friends that you do certain things with and for, and some that you don't.
00:20:02.799 --> 00:20:03.759
And I think it's okay.
00:20:03.839 --> 00:20:11.839
I think that there is a level of being a giver because that's just something that is in the Bible and that's something that we should just naturally want to do.
00:20:12.160 --> 00:20:17.920
However, I think that sometimes things do fall into like, hey, I treat people how they treat me, right?
00:20:18.079 --> 00:20:26.960
So if me and my friends are naturally, you know, showing up and doing certain things for each other and it's mutual, it's it's so easy to do the same, right?
00:20:27.039 --> 00:20:30.160
It's so easy to kind of give what you're already receiving from another friend.
00:20:30.319 --> 00:20:30.559
Yes.
00:20:30.799 --> 00:20:38.240
And trust me, the friends that aren't giving and they see the receiving and the other giving on the other end, some of them start to kind of follow suit and be like, oh, well, you know what?
00:20:38.319 --> 00:20:39.759
Let me let me do a little extra.
00:20:39.920 --> 00:20:43.440
Let me do, let me, I don't want to miss out on the excitement.
00:20:43.680 --> 00:20:49.839
So, like the there's been times where like I've had friends where I've hung out with, and like other friends will be like, Well, dang, I want to hang out too.
00:20:49.920 --> 00:20:53.440
And it's like, well, girl, when we invite you and when we say come hang out, you don't hang out.
00:20:53.519 --> 00:20:55.440
But now when you see the phone, you want to hang out.
00:20:55.519 --> 00:20:56.400
So now you're gonna run.
00:20:56.480 --> 00:20:56.880
Yeah, you know?
00:20:57.119 --> 00:20:57.920
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:20:58.160 --> 00:21:05.759
And and and really it's just about, like I said, sto stopping yourself sometimes and being like, I am doing too much actually.
00:21:06.079 --> 00:21:07.039
Let me reel it in.
00:21:07.119 --> 00:21:16.160
And I have had to have that conversation with myself over the years, just as I've grown as an individual, even in my friend group, because I'm like the one cooking, the one planning, I'm the one doing all the things.
00:21:16.240 --> 00:21:24.480
And then, you know, when my life starts to spiral and get a little crazy, then I start looking around, like, hold on, why am I the only one doing this stuff here?
00:21:24.720 --> 00:21:26.720
And then I gotta check myself.
00:21:26.880 --> 00:21:32.799
And a lot of times, you really just gotta check yourself and how much you're pouring into so many other cups.
00:21:32.880 --> 00:21:35.680
And not that you can't do it, but there's a season for everything.
00:21:35.839 --> 00:21:40.640
Sometimes this season, you you gotta be this the send money friend and not the planner.
00:21:40.799 --> 00:21:41.039
Mm-hmm.
00:21:41.200 --> 00:21:44.400
And and it's okay to have the friendships where you switch off and do that stuff.
00:21:44.640 --> 00:21:53.200
Yeah, and you know what else I think is so important in friendships to realize is I know I mentioned like the friends are in certain seasons.
00:21:53.359 --> 00:22:02.559
I don't wanna really say jealousy, but there are some seasons where you may be experiencing something that one of your friends really Wants and they may not be experiencing that.
00:22:02.720 --> 00:22:09.839
And I feel like if you're a really good friend, you can kind of pay attention to that and kind of show up for your friend in certain elements.
00:22:10.000 --> 00:22:15.119
For example, you may have a friend that is really trying to be in a relationship.
00:22:15.279 --> 00:22:21.759
Like this girl or guy is like a lover, girl, lover boy, always wants to be in a relationship.
00:22:21.920 --> 00:22:28.079
They may live in a city where it's just not working out, but then you're in a relationship and you're happy and so on and so forth.
00:22:28.240 --> 00:22:31.039
They may feel a way and they may not know how to express that.
00:22:31.200 --> 00:22:51.200
So I think sometimes it's important to kind of clock that and be there for your friend, whether it's encouraging words, whether it's, hey, come hang out with us, or whether it's like putting them in the position to, you know, like not be at home and be, you know, around people to where they can meet people, or just just, you know, kind of like giving words of affirmation, like to that friend.
00:22:51.279 --> 00:22:52.960
Because sometimes we, and that could be anything.
00:22:53.039 --> 00:22:57.599
A friend be preg of one friend could be pregnant, a friend be want maybe wanting to get pregnant, can't get pregnant.
00:22:57.680 --> 00:23:05.680
Like, there's so many different layers to friendships as we're getting older that a lot of friends may not be experiencing that they may not know how to say, like, girl, I'm a little jealous.
00:23:05.759 --> 00:23:06.400
You know what I mean?
00:23:06.480 --> 00:23:09.440
Like, and I don't know if jealousy is the word I'm looking for.
00:23:10.000 --> 00:23:11.200
But you get what I'm saying?
00:23:11.759 --> 00:23:13.759
There's like no, I get what you're saying.
00:23:14.000 --> 00:23:20.559
I just have a very hard stance on people who can't be alone and who are always wanting to be in a relationship.
00:23:20.799 --> 00:23:23.839
That to me, those kind of people are scary straight up.
00:23:24.480 --> 00:23:32.960
Those kind of people are scary because there's just so many different things that can come from those kind of people who just can't be by themselves.
00:23:33.200 --> 00:23:34.400
It it I don't know.
00:23:34.559 --> 00:23:40.640
I personally, I know internet might eat me up for this, but I tend to stray away from people like that.
00:23:40.720 --> 00:23:44.720
If you cannot be by yourself, because those are the people who exert like misery loves company.
00:23:45.119 --> 00:23:49.359
You gotta be very careful with people who constantly are throwing a pity party.
00:23:49.519 --> 00:23:50.240
That's a fact.
00:23:50.480 --> 00:23:51.680
Just me, personally.
00:23:51.920 --> 00:23:52.559
That's a fact.
00:23:52.799 --> 00:23:55.200
But I'm also like probably hyper-independent.
00:23:55.440 --> 00:23:58.160
So But everyone might not be the person.
00:23:58.400 --> 00:24:01.359
Yeah, I'm like, at some point, you gotta love your shadow, baby.
00:24:01.440 --> 00:24:09.200
You gotta love being at home by yourself, yes, entertaining yourself, whether you plan some music and you have an at-home concert.
00:24:09.279 --> 00:24:12.480
Like, I literally can be by myself at any given time.
00:24:12.640 --> 00:24:14.240
And I don't know if it's like an Aries thing.
00:24:14.319 --> 00:24:15.680
It might be an Aries thing, Crystal.
00:24:15.759 --> 00:24:22.720
I don't know if it's like we're just super independent in that way where we Yeah, it might just be because honestly, I feel the same way.
00:24:22.799 --> 00:24:27.519
Like, I don't understand people who have to be in a relationship and it's like rebound after rebound after rebound.
00:24:27.599 --> 00:24:30.160
It's like, girl, if it's not working out, sometimes you gotta look at you.
00:24:30.319 --> 00:24:32.640
It may be you, it may not be them.
00:24:32.799 --> 00:24:43.759
It may be you not realizing your personal traumas and things that you gotta work on outside of a relationship before putting yourself back in one, but that might be we might need to get a psychologist for that.
00:24:44.000 --> 00:24:44.319
For that.
00:24:44.640 --> 00:24:45.519
No, seriously.
00:24:45.680 --> 00:24:45.920
Seriously.
00:24:46.319 --> 00:24:51.519
Speaking of, we may actually have one on our podcast very, very soon.
00:24:51.759 --> 00:24:53.039
So this month.
00:24:53.119 --> 00:24:55.680
So you might want to stay tuned once we confirm that.
00:24:55.759 --> 00:25:00.720
But yeah, we're gonna have a dating relationship episode that you don't want to miss.
00:25:01.519 --> 00:25:01.920
I love that.
00:25:02.319 --> 00:25:02.960
Had to tease back.
00:25:03.920 --> 00:25:04.559
Yes.
00:25:05.759 --> 00:25:06.640
But you know what?
00:25:06.720 --> 00:25:17.119
This it this is all making me think of there was a really juicy hot topic that I'm sure you all have been seeing on your timelines on social media everywhere.
00:25:17.279 --> 00:25:20.319
And this is also something that ties into friendship as we're talking about this.
00:25:20.400 --> 00:25:23.759
And we unintentionally just had this episode talking about friendships, y'all.
00:25:23.839 --> 00:25:25.759
So I think this kind of plays a factor.
00:25:25.920 --> 00:25:34.559
But have you seen the Savannah James and April story go viral about their friendships and their travel girl?
00:25:34.799 --> 00:25:35.119
Yes.
00:25:35.359 --> 00:25:49.279
Okay, so for those who don't know, there was a recent clip that came out where Savannah and her friend, who they both share podcasts, they have a business together, like myself and Crystal, whatever, they were talking about, I guess, their friendship dynamic.
00:25:49.440 --> 00:25:59.599
And I want to say April was saying that, like, and I'm paraphrasing here, that she doesn't really require certain things or expect certain things of Savannah when they're traveling.
00:25:59.759 --> 00:26:03.279
So there's times where they both will be traveling to some said destination.
00:26:03.519 --> 00:26:10.720
Savannah may be in first class, and April may be in business or coach, and she doesn't think anything of it.
00:26:10.799 --> 00:26:11.519
Am I saying that right?
00:26:11.599 --> 00:26:13.200
Like she doesn't really think there's anything wrong with it.
00:26:13.440 --> 00:26:14.720
Like she doesn't require, yeah.
00:26:15.039 --> 00:26:19.119
She doesn't require to constantly be upgraded whenever she travels with her best friend.
00:26:19.279 --> 00:26:20.400
That's basically what she said.
00:26:20.559 --> 00:26:21.440
Yeah, pretty much.
00:26:21.680 --> 00:26:22.960
And people went crazy about it.
00:26:23.200 --> 00:26:24.160
They went on it.
00:26:24.720 --> 00:26:31.920
I just think it's funny that they ate us up when I said, first of all, let's rewind the tape.
00:26:32.000 --> 00:26:35.200
Let's re- Let's throw a clip in here.
00:26:35.519 --> 00:26:35.680
Okay.
00:26:36.400 --> 00:26:40.720
Because the internet ate me up when I basically said the same thing that Savannah said.
00:26:40.880 --> 00:26:45.039
However, there's a big financial difference between me and Savannah.
00:26:45.200 --> 00:26:47.839
And I think that's a billion dollars here.
00:26:48.160 --> 00:26:49.279
We're talking about billions.
00:26:49.519 --> 00:26:49.759
Yeah.
00:26:50.000 --> 00:26:52.160
But first of all, if they like it, I love it.
00:26:52.400 --> 00:26:53.200
First and foremost.
00:26:53.359 --> 00:26:55.599
If they like it.
00:26:55.759 --> 00:26:58.400
What the what does it why are people so up in arms?
00:26:58.480 --> 00:27:06.240
We got so many other things going on in this world, and people are so up in arms about somebody not upgrading their friend to business class.
00:27:06.480 --> 00:27:10.240
Child, there is so much real life stuff happening in front of our eyes.
00:27:10.400 --> 00:27:13.839
And we're talking about being upgraded to business class, wrap it up, wrap it up.
00:27:14.160 --> 00:27:18.480
We need to be figuring out why the murders of Nolan Wells has not been solved.
00:27:18.559 --> 00:27:20.240
That's what we need to be really, really talking about.
00:27:20.319 --> 00:27:21.359
But anyways, that's not a good thing.
00:27:21.519 --> 00:27:22.640
Let's focus, right?
00:27:22.880 --> 00:27:23.119
Right.
00:27:23.279 --> 00:27:31.119
But but if we're gonna play on a playground, right, I think that um talk to my friend.
00:27:31.279 --> 00:27:32.720
The whole fight, maybe.
00:27:32.960 --> 00:27:36.880
So if if I'm a billionaire, I will upgrade you.
00:27:37.119 --> 00:27:41.839
However, when I when we were talking about that, oh my it's so crazy.
00:27:41.920 --> 00:27:49.519
We talked about this like a year and a half ago, and we were talking about vacationing and like budgeting and having a friend who comes on a vacation that didn't properly budget.
00:27:49.839 --> 00:27:52.480
And I was like, you have to stay behind.
00:27:52.559 --> 00:28:01.920
And the internet tore me up because they were like, Well, if I got it, my friend has it, and blah, blah, blah, and all these different nuances.
00:28:02.000 --> 00:28:06.880
And I'm like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, sounds good, but that's not the situation we were talking about.
00:28:06.960 --> 00:28:16.480
We were talking about a group trip where everybody budgeted X amount of dollars, and that one friend didn't budget properly, and they forced the trip.
00:28:16.640 --> 00:28:25.599
And I personally felt like you can't do that because if everybody did what they had to do and budget themselves, you wanted to come on the trip and you didn't do what you had to do to budget yourself.
00:28:25.759 --> 00:28:28.880
Now everybody has to accommodate, you know, your economic status.
00:28:29.039 --> 00:28:32.240
I think that's slightly unfair and slightly selfish, in my opinion.
00:28:32.400 --> 00:28:34.960
Because if we all budgeted, you gotta budget too.
00:28:35.200 --> 00:28:35.440
Yeah.
00:28:35.680 --> 00:28:41.279
However, obviously speaking in a scenario where it's like, yeah, you have millions and billions of dollars.
00:28:41.440 --> 00:28:43.119
Okay, maybe that's not the case, you know?
00:28:43.279 --> 00:28:47.519
Maybe, maybe, you know, said person with a lot of money will pay for everybody.
00:28:47.680 --> 00:28:51.279
But I think that again, there's nuances and everything.
00:28:51.519 --> 00:29:05.519
And when they were speaking about their situation specifically, how I understood it was, for example, my friends are in a group chat and they're planning a group trip trip with or without me, and I happen to also go on the group trip, right?
00:29:05.680 --> 00:29:10.319
Then then, yeah, everybody pays for their own stuff because I'm not planning this, right?
00:29:10.480 --> 00:29:13.359
Like I'm joining something that everybody else is planning.
00:29:13.519 --> 00:29:17.839
Because you also kind of create a habit where it's like people are only inviting you so you could pay.
00:29:18.079 --> 00:29:20.880
So there's a thin line there, right?
00:29:21.039 --> 00:29:29.200
But assuming that obviously the friendship is really organic and like that's not ever the case, hey, like I said, a bunch of nuances.
00:29:29.359 --> 00:29:36.960
However, how I understood it was that Savannah was saying, you know, but if she is planning the trip, then there are instances where she's like, nah, I got it.
00:29:37.119 --> 00:29:37.920
Everybody come.
00:29:38.319 --> 00:29:40.480
I didn't hear her say that she never does that.
00:29:40.559 --> 00:29:43.680
I heard sometimes she do, sometimes she don't.
00:29:43.759 --> 00:29:44.480
That's what I heard.
00:29:44.640 --> 00:29:46.720
And that's but I hear too.
00:29:46.880 --> 00:29:50.880
But I also hear the other side where it's like, why wouldn't you do it all the time?
00:29:51.119 --> 00:29:58.880
See, and this is this is what I first and foremost, I think that we as a society need to stop pocket watching people, right?
00:29:59.119 --> 00:30:04.079
And also, if that works in their friendship dynamic, that's cool.
00:30:04.319 --> 00:30:10.079
I think it's okay for them to work like that, and you and your friendship red friendship dynamic to work like that.
00:30:10.240 --> 00:30:12.319
And I think there's multiple layers here, right?
00:30:12.480 --> 00:30:14.240
LeBron James is a billionaire.
00:30:14.480 --> 00:30:16.160
Savannah is married to him, right?
00:30:16.240 --> 00:30:19.920
But we don't know financially how money is allocated.
00:30:20.079 --> 00:30:23.519
Maybe she's has a set budget that she's supposed to have as a spouse.
00:30:23.680 --> 00:30:29.680
Like, we don't know what they have in place for their children and the money that they have set up and put aside that they're not spending.
00:30:29.839 --> 00:30:31.920
Like, we don't know how they budget their life.
00:30:32.079 --> 00:30:34.640
Just like no one knows how you budget your own life.
00:30:34.880 --> 00:30:41.599
So I do think that there are certain instances where I'm sure they get a PJ to go on family vacations, or I'm sure they get a PJ to go on certain things.
00:30:41.680 --> 00:30:43.759
And I'm sure April has been on plenty of PJs with them.
00:30:43.839 --> 00:30:46.559
I'm sure there's been plenty of times she has been on first class with her.
00:30:46.720 --> 00:30:52.319
But I just think that it's not necessarily something that she's requiring or expecting of her friend every single time.
00:30:52.559 --> 00:30:58.640
And also, let's do remember that April has her own company and it's worth millions of dollars.
00:30:58.880 --> 00:31:00.640
So she's not broke, right?
00:31:00.799 --> 00:31:02.079
April has her own funds.
00:31:02.160 --> 00:31:06.000
So I feel like if she wanted to fly first class herself, I feel like she's capable.
00:31:06.079 --> 00:31:07.519
And I'm sure she does fly first class.
00:31:07.680 --> 00:31:11.359
I'm sure she has status with an airline where she does that frequently, right?
00:31:11.519 --> 00:31:18.319
I just think people are up in arms because of who Savannah's married to and the fact that LeBron has is a billionaire, right?
00:31:18.400 --> 00:31:25.920
And I think it's something that people expect that if your friend is a billionaire, that this is like certain things that you're acquired or you're accustomed to, excuse me.
00:31:26.079 --> 00:31:37.119
But I think if it's me and my friend, if I have it and I have it to spend, yes, I would want my friend to fight first with me if that is something that is in my budget to do, right?
00:31:37.279 --> 00:31:42.799
But I feel like if you're fully transparent with your friend and your friend knows like what it is, then it is what it is, right?
00:31:42.880 --> 00:31:45.359
I think it just it depends on what the circumstances are.
00:31:45.519 --> 00:31:47.920
And I think that every situation doesn't look like this.
00:31:48.000 --> 00:31:51.920
And I also do think they got us talking so we could watch that podcast.
00:31:52.079 --> 00:31:54.960
I feel like this was definitely a publicity.
00:31:56.319 --> 00:31:57.279
Y'all know how it is.
00:31:57.519 --> 00:32:01.680
Like when Beyonce doesn't speak and the minute she speaks, we want to know what you got to say, right?
00:32:01.759 --> 00:32:07.920
You know, and I think that's how people look at Savannah because she doesn't necessarily speak controversially about a lot of different things.
00:32:08.079 --> 00:32:16.079
So I feel like the minute something went controversial, we like you're gonna be tuned into the next episode because I'm sure they're gonna be breaking down exactly what that means.
00:32:16.240 --> 00:32:20.240
But I'm sure that friendship has so many benefits to a girl.
00:32:20.480 --> 00:32:25.680
I'm sure she's been gifted things and experienced things that some of y'all couldn't even fathom, right?
00:32:25.839 --> 00:32:29.119
So I think one of those things is like that works for them.
00:32:29.279 --> 00:32:30.000
You know what I mean?
00:32:30.079 --> 00:32:32.799
But if you and your friend group doesn't operate like that, cool.
00:32:32.960 --> 00:32:43.039
And I also think sometimes it could be a broke mentality also to think that your friend should be getting the same thing that you get every single time because like it should be motivating you.
00:32:43.119 --> 00:32:46.400
Like if my friend isn't first, I might be like, oh, I need to figure out how I can get to first.
00:32:47.440 --> 00:32:59.279
Like, friendship should be motivating, it shouldn't be a requirement that because your friend has it, that you have it is kind that your friend is kind enough to or to, you know, give you this experience, but it's not a requirement.
00:32:59.359 --> 00:33:03.839
It doesn't make you a bad friend if you're not giving your friend a first class ticket.
00:33:03.920 --> 00:33:04.559
You know what I mean?
00:33:04.640 --> 00:33:06.000
Especially if you can afford it yourself.
00:33:06.160 --> 00:33:08.400
Which is probably the the real, you know, the truth.
00:33:08.559 --> 00:33:13.680
But I think what has people up in arms about the situation is the dollar amount, like the equivalent.
00:33:13.839 --> 00:33:22.480
I think somebody was like, oh, well, a$10,000 first class ticket is an equivalent of$150 to them or something like that.
00:33:22.799 --> 00:33:24.720
Because people are looking at net worth.
00:33:24.880 --> 00:33:30.720
And obviously, we we should all know at this grown age that net worth does not equal living cash.
00:33:31.039 --> 00:33:31.599
That's a fact.
00:33:31.839 --> 00:33:39.519
However, however, I think people are also up in arms about the fact that you don't put it in the budget to have your friend around.
00:33:39.680 --> 00:33:43.680
And I personally, if I got it, everybody got it.
00:33:44.000 --> 00:33:51.680
And I just think that that's for me more rooted in spirituality because whatever blessings I have, I want to share it.
00:33:51.759 --> 00:33:53.440
And actually Drake talked about this a little bit.
00:33:53.519 --> 00:34:00.319
It's like if you when you have so much money at a certain point, you only find joy in seeing joy to other people.
00:34:00.720 --> 00:34:00.880
Yeah.
00:34:01.039 --> 00:34:07.680
And I feel like that's how I would feel if if and when I get there, I love giving.
00:34:09.280 --> 00:34:16.400
And I love seeing people like happy feel fulfilled, which is a big part of like what I do with Fortune and Forks.
00:34:16.559 --> 00:34:19.760
Seeing people leave a room fulfilled excites me.
00:34:20.000 --> 00:34:22.400
And that has nothing to do with the money.
00:34:22.559 --> 00:34:23.360
You get what I'm saying?
00:34:23.519 --> 00:34:25.599
So it's just it's just, you know, perspective.
00:34:25.760 --> 00:34:28.239
But again, I think that job well done, ladies.
00:34:28.400 --> 00:34:29.519
I got us all talking about it.
00:34:29.840 --> 00:34:30.559
Got us talking.
00:34:30.639 --> 00:34:31.519
They definitely do.
00:34:31.679 --> 00:34:32.800
And I love that for them.
00:34:33.039 --> 00:34:34.320
Yeah, definitely do.
00:34:34.480 --> 00:34:35.039
But I agree.
00:34:35.119 --> 00:34:38.159
I think that's one of the things that I also pray about too, right?
00:34:38.239 --> 00:34:46.880
Is like being able to, when you receive abundantly and have a certain, you know, amount that you also can be a good servant and give to other people.
00:34:47.039 --> 00:34:50.480
Because I think you having is a reflection of God giving to you.
00:34:50.559 --> 00:34:58.559
But then also that person receiving sees the work that God is doing in you, may also make want them to spiritually be aligned in that same way.
00:34:58.880 --> 00:35:03.039
So I totally agree with having more to give to people.
00:35:03.199 --> 00:35:06.480
And even honestly, if you don't have, you know what I'm saying?
00:35:06.559 --> 00:35:11.920
Like I think it says a lot about you when you don't have what people would deem as a lot, and you still give.
00:35:12.079 --> 00:35:15.119
Like that is such a pure heart for people to have.
00:35:15.360 --> 00:35:16.400
And you never know.
00:35:16.559 --> 00:35:20.719
You never know, you blessing somebody, how that may tremendously impact and bless you.
00:35:20.960 --> 00:35:22.880
And we don't really know the dynamic.
00:35:22.960 --> 00:35:24.079
So I'm just like, you know what?
00:35:24.159 --> 00:35:32.079
I might need to hear, I might need to tune in to see what Savannah got to say because I'm sure she has something to say about everybody up in arms about this situation for sure.
00:35:32.719 --> 00:35:36.639
And I love that we talk about how to navigate different situations on this podcast.
00:35:36.719 --> 00:35:46.400
And I and I hope that our listeners find this to be helpful and enlightening and shares a different perspective that they might not have considered in the past because I think that's where the growth is at.
00:35:46.480 --> 00:35:50.079
It's really in hearing out another perspective that you might not have thought about.
00:35:50.239 --> 00:35:52.559
So yeah, I love that we talk about this.
00:35:52.800 --> 00:35:55.280
And I hope, I hope, hope this helps.
00:35:55.519 --> 00:35:57.199
Yes, same here.
00:35:57.920 --> 00:36:04.159
And while we are on the subject, if you need help with anything, definitely tap us again in the speak pipe.
00:36:04.400 --> 00:36:10.480
We have this, and we'll actually leave it in our notes for the show if you're on the YouTube or if you're on wherever you listen to your podcast.
00:36:10.800 --> 00:36:17.039
Tap into our speak pipe, ask us a question, you need advice, you need helpful tips, anything, we're your girls.
00:36:17.119 --> 00:36:17.679
We got you.
00:36:17.760 --> 00:36:28.639
Okay, and you can even do it and not leave a name so we don't have to know who you are, a scenario you may be going through with a friend pertaining to money, because we know a lot of people have stories about that lending money and all that.
00:36:28.719 --> 00:36:33.039
So we can help you out with any of the things that you want to know.
00:36:33.199 --> 00:36:34.960
Just ask us, tap in the speak party.
00:36:35.199 --> 00:36:36.079
Yeah, yeah.
00:36:36.239 --> 00:36:39.840
So make sure you guys tune in next week for another episode.
00:36:40.000 --> 00:36:44.400
Elevators and like, comment, subscribe, and we'll catch you next time.
00:36:44.639 --> 00:36:45.199
Bye.