Retired Marine Officer Shares How She Harnesses Sexy Confidence To Overcome Adversity

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Scott DeLuzio: [00:00:00] Hey everybody. Welcome back to Drive On. I’m your host Scott DeLuzio, and today my guest is Sandra Gonzalez. Sandra is a retired marine officer who helps her clients take self-doubt in perfectionism, and we’re going to talk about how she’s used adversity to her advantage and how you can do the same. So welcome to the show, Sandra.

I’m glad to have you here.

Sandra Gonzalez: Well, thank you for having me, Scott. It’s an honor to be here and like you said, I am just that a retired marine officer terms high performance coach, speaker, so you’re right. I do help my clients, men and women, kick self doubt and perfectionism to the curb. I believe it’s important to up level your mindset, especially as an entrepreneur.

So thank you for having me.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah, absolutely. I’m really excited to get into this because I have found, not only in my own [00:01:00] life, but just through talking to other people on this podcast where, uh, you know, that that perfectionism and then self-doubt creeps in because maybe things aren’t as perfect as you thought they were going to be.

And, you know, am I really capable? Do I, you know, there’s that, that term imposter syndrome, that, that comes in. Am I, am I even. Doing what I’m supposed to be doing, am I capable of doing these things? So, um, you know, these things creep up into people’s minds all the time. And, um, you know, just hearing about your experiences and, and everything I, I think is gonna be really interesting.

Um, you know, for this episode and, and for the listeners, I know I’m gonna take some stuff away from this episode, but hopefully the listeners will as well. Um, For the listeners who aren’t familiar with you, um, could you tell us a little bit more about yourself and your background? Sure.

Sandra Gonzalez: So I, you know, I’m a retired marine officer.

What that means is I served 20 years of honorable service as a US Marine, [00:02:00] and while I was a Marine, I realized I loved leading, I loved. Mentoring, motivating, coaching, empowering men and women to step into the best version of themselves. So understanding that about me as I retired from the Marine Corps, I knew I, I wanted to do that and become an entrepreneur.

So, I became a high performance coach and speaker. Now I’ve branded myself, my business. It’s a continuous process. But how did I go about doing that? And I think one of the, the things that’s really important, Scott, that’s worth mentioning is that, Life is dropping subtle hints. Life is continuously dropping subtle hints, and the onus [00:03:00] is on us to really listen.

You know? And one of the things that I share with my clients and your amazing viewers that are watching your listeners, is that it’s important for us to listen to what is calling at us, not. What is clawing at us, right? So what is clawing at, at us is, is the ego. Now the ego is not an amigo. And I, I have found this, you know, throughout my 20 years of service as a US Marine, and I’m also Mexican American.

I was, you know, born here, uh, in Los Angeles, California, raised in San Diego. Um, Just a little bit of personal background. I am, you know, a mother to two independent, successful young women. My oldest actually served five years in the Marine Corps. She’s now studying in North Carolina, and my youngest is a [00:04:00] sophomore at U C S D.

So I share this because it’s so important to listen again to what is calling at us.

Scott DeLuzio: I like that. Um, but before we get more into that, Sandra, I’d love for you to tell me a little bit more about your experience in the Marine Corps. And you know, maybe what Motivat mo, excuse me. What motivated you to join the Marines?

Sandra Gonzalez: Uh, so beautiful question Scott. So what motivated me to join the Marines? Um, I would say it was my father. Who actually brought it up. You know, I’m the eldest of three and he was my father. May he rest in peace. I just lost him two years ago. He was, he was my hero, Scott. He was a patriot. He loved this country more than anything, you know, and he always wanted to.

Joined the military. And I do believe he [00:05:00] lived somewhat vicariously through me, but he was the one that suggested, you know, he said, Miha, I think you should join the military because you can, you know, go to college. I can’t give you this opportunity at this moment to further your education. You can travel, you can develop the discipline you need, you know?

Right. So he, he. That seed, he made that subtle, small suggestion and I took and I ran with it. And the Marine Corps automatically appealed to me, Scott, because you know the few, the proud the Marines. And walking into my recruiter’s office, I saw this gorgeous feminine female marine in her dress blues. And I was like, ah, I wanna be like her.

So I was immediately sold on this idea. And the rest is history. But it [00:06:00] wasn’t easy, you know, being a Marine, especially as a Latina, as a female minority, it was not easy. And my first duty station, I. Was with seventh Marines at infantry unit who, you know, these guys, I mean, you could smell the testosterone in the room, type a personality.

They could, they could smell weakness. And I, I remember, I really, I said I have to work harder than my male counterparts. I have to develop my work ethic, you know, my credibility, and I have to work. Three or four times harder than them just to establish the respect that I need, you know, so I can move, uh, you know, through the ranks and, and develop other leaders.

So that’s, that’s how I realized that I needed [00:07:00] to, you know, develop my leadership skills through working hard, you know, establishing that work ethic coupled with. Discipline, which is another topic for another day that I think is pretty sexy.

Scott DeLuzio: Well, you know, I, I think as a infantry, I was army, not Marines, but I was an infantryman myself.

Uh, I think you’re spot on with what you’re saying there about how the guys in, in the infantry, they can smell weakness, they. They will root out that weakness. And um, I think at the end of the day, a lot of that comes from a sense of self-preservation. If you have weakness amongst the ranks, you’re not going to be as successful as you can be.

And when you’re talking about war, that that’s talking about life and death. And so you want to root out that weakness and you wanna make everybody. [00:08:00] Not, not to kick them out necessarily, but you want to make everybody as strong as they can be and as good as they can be. And, um, right. And I think in a way that sort of ties into what you do now, it’s not necessarily, you know, picking at weaknesses and, and knocking people down or anything like that, but it’s, it’s looking, okay, well where are some of these weak points and how can we make these stronger?

Sandra Gonzalez: Right. Absolutely. Absolutely. Scott, it, it, it all ties. In together. And so I realized, you know, because life and the military experience was dropping subtle hints, I learned to infuse that into my coaching methodology now as a coach and speaker, you know, and I realized that. Now as this high performance coach who helps high caliber entrepreneurs up-level their mindset, I help them harness sexy confidence.

And I’ll get into a moment what that means. [00:09:00] Uh, which is one of the first things I experienced being part of the infantry unit, you know, so I help ’em cultivate sexy confidence so they can. Take command of any room they step into and magnetize opportunities for impact and growth. So that’s what I do as a coach and speaker when I help my clients.

But going back to the sexy confidence, if I may, Scott. Confidence. I can only imagine what thoughts, you know, your viewers are listening. Uh, listeners are conjuring up, but I wanna be very direct. I wanna be very clear about what sexy confidence means. It’s this ability to master yourself and stay calm.

During stressful challenges and situations, it’s, it’s sexy. Confidence is this high performance attitude. It’s the state of mind that enables you to believe in yourself, [00:10:00] right? And, and that’s the things that I realized being in that infantry unit. Now, I experienced sexy confidence. I, I that, the best example was my commanding officer.

Now, my commanding officer was this, this. At the time he was a colonel, but he became a General, general James n Mattis, who later on became a s you know, the, he’s a former Secretary of Defense for President Trump. So this man displayed sexy confidence, Scott. He had the, the wherewithal, the conviction, the courage.

You know? Mm-hmm. To be authentic, to respect himself and others. And when he spoke, we listened. Now I share this because I was just a private first class, and I would go in there and I would clean his office, but he was. [00:11:00] My father and General Mattis were some examples to me of what it means to cultivate sexy confidence.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. And when you described that term, when you first described that term, and uh, the thought that came to my mind was, you know, you watch a movie and you, you see this terrible incident take place and. Everybody’s freaking out. They’re panicking, they’re running around, they don’t know what to do. And you have that one person who is just calm, cool, collected, they know what to do.

They go, they walk into the fire, they walk into the building that’s collapsing all around them, and they go and they do what they need to do. And it’s like, that’s. To me that, that type of confidence or, or, you know, after, uh, you know, a real life event, someone like the, um, uh, the people at the Boston Marathon bombing a few years ago where there’s people bleeding out on the streets and [00:12:00] people went to, into the danger zone and they went and they, they took care of what needed to be taken care of, and they helped save people’s lives and that they, they were confident that knowing what they.

Need to do, how to do it. And they just went in and they did it. Um, they, you know, without really having to think twice about it, they just knew what to do and it, and it just kicked in and they did it. Um, and so, you know, is that kind of along the lines of how you help your clients who maybe are struggling with self-doubt or imposter syndrome like I mentioned before, to kind of kick that to the curb and, and get back on their feet and really act in a more confident way.

Sandra Gonzalez: Absolutely. You know, it’s, it’s this ability to let go of perfectionism and, you know, I, I used to think perfectionism was a good thing. I. And there’s, you know, like it’s, it’s, it’s not, you know, it’s really a cop out. So [00:13:00] perfectionism, it doesn’t allow you to be authentically who you are. And when you harness and cultivate sexy confidence, what helps you do, you know, is really shift your perspective and recognize where.

You know, where you might be holding yourself back, because ultimately I’m here to, you know, help, I’m here to coach my clients, but then they’re gonna take whatever they’ve learned from me and move forward with the emotional intelligence, you know, with the sexy confidence. Let that enables them to let go of imposter syndrome.

Recognizing when, when is, when it is happening, right? So, It’s perfectionism, there’s, and there’s these other things that come into play, whether it’s in our personal or professional lives. And then there [00:14:00] it’s these internal enemies, the enemies of self-doubt. Fear and uncertainty, and if you can recognize when these enemies, so to speak, right?

When, when you, when you’re like, okay, well, well, what am I afraid of? And I’m afraid of giving the speaking engagement in front of 500 people. Well, these are the things that I coach my clients with, you know, that I, I live vicariously through them and it’s also. Setting the example because I’ve been there when I know it can be scary.

Pulling the trigger. I know it can be scary speaking in front of a live audience. I know it can be scary. Uh, in, in my personal case, finding my dad unconscious and subsequently losing him two months later and, you know, going through. Having a marriage. I was married for 15 years and I went through a difficult divorce.

So whether it’s [00:15:00] dealing with a difficult divorce, dealing with a death of a loved one, dealing with debt, you know, financial debt or some type of disaster, whether it’s a global pandemic, it’s learning. To harness the sexy confidence so you can shift your perspective and learn that adversity is your advantage.

So now it’s like, okay, so, so this thing is happening to me. How can I shift my perspective so I can focus on the cure and not the disease?

Scott DeLuzio: Um, so Sandra, what. When we’re in the military, we’re taught to sort of be perfectionists, right? Uh, when we mess up in basic training, we’re told that these types of things are what get people killed.

Um, So how do we let go of that perfectionism when we get out of the military?

Sandra Gonzalez: Great question, Scott. You know what comes to mind? [00:16:00] Especially you brought up my military experience. You know, I was a Marine Corps Journal instructor for three years, and during that timeframe I trained over 500 women recruits for.

The rigors of combat. I taught them how to survive and thrive in a hostile environment. Now, I bring this up because the very first thing we teach our female and male recruits is, To make an impeccable bed, right their bed, the rack has to be made specifically to our standards. There better be a 45 degree angle.

It better be six inches. And you know, after a while, just by looking at it, I could tell if it was six inches and there was a 45 degree angle, and it was impeccable. Otherwise I would mess it up. I would be that horrible drill instructor that’d mess up their, you know, I, I’d

Scott DeLuzio: create, I [00:17:00] hated people like you.

I, I gotta tell you,

Sandra Gonzalez: I was that Bt c h you know, but they, I was, I realized the more. I poured into these recruits, the more dis, the more challenging I made it for them, the better they will be. They’d be able to survive in a hostile environment. So going back to the bed. Why am I bringing this up? Because I can, this is one of the things that I still continue to teach.

I actually share this on my social media. I make my bed every day. I actually wake up earlier than what I used to in the military, but that’s personally because I’m a high performance coach and I know, you know when I have peak performance. But anyways, not to deviate from what we’re talking now. Why is a bet important?

Right. So there’s so much that’s tied [00:18:00] to that. It’s attention to detail. It’s teaching them to raise their standards. It’s teaching them to be perfect in a way. So I know these militant standards have been, you know, like we’ve been like, I mean, for 20 years this is what I taught. I still, I’m still teaching it, but as an entrepreneur, Being a perfectionist, and even in the military, it doesn’t serve us.

Because if you want to be a better leader, if you want to connect, if you want to delegate authority, the best way to do this is to be authentically yourself. And nobody is perfect. Nobody’s perfect, right? So it’s important to understand this human concept of. N I’m never going to be perfect. So why, why strive for perfectionism?

You know? Because it’s [00:19:00] never gonna happen. So what do you do instead? You, you wanna make sure one of my recommendations, if I may, Scott, is 80% is good enough if you’re like working on something, you know, it’s like if it’s 80%. It’s good. Get it out there. That book, 80%, get it out there. You know the content.

Get it out there. This podcast, there’s gonna be mistakes in this podcast. Who cares? Get it out there. People wanna see you being authentically yourself, and when you do this, you can connect authentically to those. You’re leading and serving, and this builds trust. This builds rapport. More importantly, as a result of you respecting your authenticity, you know, people are gonna respect you.

So, I mean, I can go on and on, Scott, about the importance of, you know, [00:20:00] letting go of perfectionism because, We think there’s a positive connotation associated with, you know, perfectionism. That’s what I used to think. I realize it’s really a cop out. It was holding me back.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. And I think that there’s a time and place for things that, that need to be perfect.

You know, if you, if you’re, uh, a doctor and your. Doing a surgery and you need blood for a patient, well, it better be the right type of blood, otherwise that patient’s not gonna make it right. Oh yeah. And so, so there’s a time and a place for things to be perfect. But, but I think what you’re saying is that we’re not a hundred percent, like a hundred percent of our lives don’t need to be perfect and they’re not going to be, no matter how much time, effort, energy we expend in it, they’re not going to be perfect a hundred percent of the time anyways.

So, Don’t let that be the thing that holds you back. Don’t let that be the thing that holds you back from starting to write that book or, uh, [00:21:00] going for that job that may be a little bit outside of your, your comfort zone or, or any number of other things that you may be, uh, you know, going for. Don’t let those just because it’s not perfect.

Don’t let that be the thing that holds you back. Like you said, 80% is better than nothing. Mm-hmm. And so if you get that book out there, maybe it’s not a hundred percent perfect. Yeah. Maybe there’s, you know, a small typo. Maybe you don’t have a comma where it’s supposed to be. It’s not a hundred percent perfect, but it’s good.

You know, like the, the content that’s there is good. It’s an important story maybe that needs to be told. I think those are, are the things that we should be focusing on as opposed to being a hundred percent perfect a hundred percent of the time. Right.

Sandra Gonzalez: Oh, absolutely. I mean, you always want to raise your high caliber standards always, especially if a, if there’s a doctor operating on me, oh, he better give it 110% on anybody, right?

He better give it absolute best. Same thing can be [00:22:00] set for others. You, you want to give it your absolute best. However, you know, we have this. This not, I don’t wanna say screwed up way of thinking, but sometimes it’s, it was the perfectionist in me that didn’t allow me to put my best foot forward. And when you put your best foot forward, that’s good enough.

As you move forward, you know, as you fail forward, which is part of life and business, it’s about accepting that we’re gonna make mistakes, we’re gonna. You know, we’re gonna experience setbacks, we’re gonna fail. The thing is to keep getting back up, developing the mental toughness, resiliency to keep moving forward.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. And I, I think that’s, that’s important is to keep moving forward despite the fact that things aren’t perfect. [00:23:00] Um, the other thing I wanted to, to bring up is related to the military and your experiences, you obviously spent. Uh, good amount of time in the military. Um, the military gives us a good sense of purpose while we’re serving.

Um, but after leaving the military, sometimes it’s hard to find that sense of purpose. Was that a struggle for you when you got out of the military?

Sandra Gonzalez: So good, Scott. You know, I was actually just, Uh, at this, I was invited to speak at Laura’s College here in, uh, San Diego, California, and I, most of the students there are veterans and I was asked to speak, speak veterans that, you know, want to start and build or have a business, they’re now entrepreneurs.

And so I was asked to speak there, and thankfully for me, because I’ve allowed myself to. [00:24:00] Listen to the subtle hints. I knew that, you know, my military experience, there were things there that I knew I wanted to transition into becoming an entrepreneur. Now that’s not the case for most people. So how do you therefore make that transition, especially after 20 years of military service?

Were your identity tied? To this organization, you don’t know anything else. It can be very scary starting something else, you know, and, and same thing for me, but I knew. I said, I want this more than anything. I wanna be an entrepreneur. Where I started is different to where I’m at now, and this is a beautiful process of continuously developing yourself, whether it’s in the personal aspect or the professional.

So how did I make that transition? [00:25:00] You know, I knew, so in my military experience, I connected with other entrepreneurs. Uh, a quick example, if I may share with you, Scott. You know, I was on the home shopping network Live, live. I had to give a testimonial because I was part of, you know, this international fitness model.

I was part of her. Fitness, you know, I was a master instructor that became part of her, her fitness DVDs. I actually came out on her DVDs and we were there promoting her DVDs. So it was in that moment, Scott, I realized, wait a minute, this woman has branded herself. If she can do it, I can do it too. So, you know, that was the first glimpse into me becoming an entrepreneur and just taking that idea and running with it.

But for the viewers and the listeners that are watching, how do you [00:26:00] transition? My recommendation is to understand your strengths. You wanna understand your strengths, you know, understand your weaknesses, and you wanna build upon those so you can put your best foot forward. So for me, like I love naturally motivating people.

Like, I don’t want people to give up ever, you know, and this is, this is why I, I’ve created my business. Because, you know, if you’re. Around me or I, I become a coach. Giving up is not an option. It is not an option. So it’s about failing forward and honoring your journey. So I hope that answers your question, Scott, as far as how do you make that transition for me, I had, I had hints.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. And I think it’s, again, like you were saying before, just following those hints and, and picking up on those cues, paying attention to those little details and following [00:27:00] along with that. Um, Sandra, the military, when I was in, when you were in it, instills for sure a sense of discipline in all of us. Um, but it also gave us a sense of structure to let that discipline, discipline really take hold.

Um, but after we get out of the military, we lose that structure, which I think is a key component to the discipline. It’s really easy to be disciplined when everything is structured. Your day is, is lined up. You, you have to be at a certain place wearing a certain, uh, uniform, doing a certain thing at a certain time.

You have that structure that is built in to the, the military, but when we leave, we lose that structure. So question for you is, how do you coach people to. Stay disciplined and develop more consistency in their lives after leaving the military? Maybe if they’re in the military or, or just in general. Just how, how do they stay disciplined?

And like you were saying earlier, you, you wake up every morning, you make your bed and you know, [00:28:00] you, you have that discipline and that, that routine in your life. Uh, how do, how do people regain that? Ooh.

Sandra Gonzalez: So how do they stay and how do they regain? Self-discipline, right? Because Scott, you know what? And I’ve, if I haven’t shared this with you before, thank you for your service and creating this platform that people can listen and watch, you know, and achieve a wealth of information and wisdom and motivation.

So how can you drive on and develop the sexy self-discipline that you need to move forward in accomplishing your goals? Or losing weight or, you know, just achieving this desired outcome. Now, Eagles, I keep it simple, Scott, it’s, if it’s not simple, I don’t do it. And, you know, simplicity is the way to go. [00:29:00] So, going back to, I, you know, my clients high caliber women entrepreneurs, most of them I sh I teach them.

To make. I’m like, I show them, make your bed, start there. And they’re like, really, Sandra? I’m like, yes, start making your bed. And I wanna see it every day because I’m showing them my bed, my bed’s made every day on social media. I’m setting that example. So I want them to show me every day. So what does this do?

You develop self-discipline, you strengthen your self-esteem because you’ve accomplished the first thing every morning. It’s tied to your self-esteem because now you feel accomplished. You look at your bed and you’re like, oh my goodness. I am structured, I am organized. And this, this, this strengthens your self-esteem, which is tied to your.

[00:30:00] Self-worth your, your sexy confidence, right? So why is this important? Because it will bleed into other areas of your life. So now that you’ve made your bed, and hopefully you’ve gotten up a little bit earlier, get things done right, um, right now you will do the next. What I call high caliber habit. So what is that for you?

For an entrepreneur? It could be like journaling. It could be meditating, it could be praying, it could be reading something that primes your brain, right? So you develop what I call this bulletproof. Mindset, which is essential for men and women entrepreneurs. It’s so important to develop this warrior’s mindset.

So it’s, it’s small [00:31:00] little habits, right? It starts as a, as a routine that eventually develops into a ritual. Mm-hmm. And now it becomes this high caliber habit if consistently performed. You know, 30, 45 days, 66 days, I would say, for the rest of your life.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. And those habits, once it may become habits, it almost feels uncomfortable not to have that in your life.

Right. And so if you’re doing the thing that is leading you to. Whatever that end goal is for you. If it’s, um, you know, a career-oriented or personal, you know, maybe a fitness-oriented thing, you know, once it becomes a habit and you’ve developed it into your life and you don’t do it, you know, you’ve been going to the gym every single day for the last year, now it’s, now it’s a habit.

Um, you stop, you stop going. Like one [00:32:00] day you’re gonna be like, wait a minute, this feels weird. Like, I didn’t get that exercise in. I, I didn’t get that. That good sweat or, you know, lift or, you know, whatever it is that you, you were going to the gym to do, you didn’t get that in. It’s gonna feel a little strange.

Um, you know, and it’s the same thing with about any other area of your life that you’re trying to improve. There’s, there’s good habits, there’s bad habits, and you can, you can make a bad habit of not doing the thing that’s gonna lead you to whatever your goal is. Or you can do the good habits so that the things that are going to get you closer to that goal.

And so, You know, I, I think to your point, you know, developing those habits and getting the, that ritual and making it uncomfortable to not have that in your life, I think is, is probably a critical component of all of this. Right?

Sandra Gonzalez: Exactly. Exactly. So it’s these little things too. And more, more importantly, you know, further recognizing.

[00:33:00] At, at least for me, now that I’m a retired, you know, I’m, I’m retired, but my family’s like, why the heck do you get up so early, Sandra? And, and you know, what they don’t know is I’m passionate about something I have, I gotta drive on. You know what I’m saying? Just like you, Scott, right? I gotta drive on. So I refuse.

To give into mediocrity. This is the thing. This is the thing that gets me up. Sure. Like this morning I’m like, oh my goodness, I’m sore. I’m not motivated. But if you incorporate the right self talk, you’re gonna have this positive dialogue with yourself, then now you know how to intrinsically motivate yourself so you can drive on and get your butt to the gym, and now fall in love.

With discomfort because that’s another habit that I, [00:34:00] I help. You know, these entrepreneurs with Scott is fall in love with discomfort. Now people shy away from this. They run away from this. People have gone so complacent, and this is why self discipline is so sexy, Scott, because if you fall in love with.

This ability to feel comfortable with the discomfort that you’re gonna be okay, and this is what entrepreneurs need.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah, absolutely. I, and I think more than just entrepreneurs, I think, I think everybody needs that, that level of discipline and that being able to be comfortable with being uncomfortable, uh, in, in their lives.

Yes. So, because I mean, life isn’t perfect. It’s not pretty and neat and. Organize uncomfortable things come your way all the time, and when you’re comfortable with that discomfort and you’re able to push [00:35:00] through, regardless of the fact that it’s an uncomfortable situation that you’re going through, it could be, you know, loss of a job.

It could be a loss of a loved one. It could be, you know, other things that happen, unexpected expenses that come up with your, you know, in your personal finances. You know, these are all uncomfortable things, but if you. Are comfortable with being uncomfortable, you’re able to push through a little bit, uh, easier than you are if you’re just sitting there and panicking and not knowing what to do, and, and you’re just reacting to things as opposed to thinking about, okay, well what was my game plan?

I, I already wore, game this out in my head. This is what I’m gonna do in this situation. You know? And, and, uh, I think that gives you a little bit more confidence and a little bit more ability to bounce back from, uh, some of these things, right.

Sandra Gonzalez: Right, right. And that’s why you want to develop the self-discipline to do these small routines, rituals, high caliber habits, so you can ultimately master yourself, [00:36:00] right?

We can’t control external circumstances. All we can do is control ourselves, master ourselves, and stay calm during stressful and challenging situations. And self-confidence is key.

Scott DeLuzio: Absolutely. Were there ever times where you struggled with your own motivation, maybe having self-doubt yourself or dealing with perfectionism or other, other things like that?

Um, and, and if so, what did you do to overcome these things in your own life?

Sandra Gonzalez: Great question, Scott. So I’ve, it’s like a roller rollercoaster, you know, it’s like a, like life. And this is a thing like look at life in business. Is an adventure. Like it’s a rollercoaster. You’re gonna have, you go through these trials and tribulations.

Sometimes you know you’re not gonna be as confident and sometimes you won’t be more confident and you same thing can [00:37:00] be said. For me, the only thing, now thankfully, I’ve developed the emotional intelligence to know when. My confidence is being assaulted and what I can do to get it back up, to be present during a podcast, to be present with my clients, right?

To not allow a challenging situation in this moment deter or derail me. So to answer your question, what? What do I do? Well, first of all, like I develop self-awareness. That’s key. Developing self-awareness around what am I thinking? What am I, what behaviors am I displaying every day as a result? Am I taking action or am I not taking action?

So it all goes back to this beautiful thing, you know, are how am I priming my brain to date to be successful, to [00:38:00] achieve this thing that I want, and all of a sudden, You know, I’m going through a divorce. Oh my goodness. But wait a minute, I, I was a perfect wife. At least I thought I was, I did everything right.

You know, I, I took care of myself. I took care of my husband, the family, but now after 15 years, he wants a divorce. What do I do in that moment? Was I infuriated? Damn right. You know, I was, I was, Pissed the hell off when things like this happen. Now I was dealing with betrayal. So in those moments that trigger you, there’s the beautiful challenge.

Life is giving, teaching you a lesson in those moments. So one of your listeners or viewers is going through that right now. The most important thing you can do right now is. Breathe, [00:39:00] take in a deep breath. Develop the self-awareness about what is happening, and relax yourself. You know, your nervous system because all of this triggers your nervous system and your thoughts, your behaviors, your actions, or lack thereof.

So I’ve realized, oh my goodness, it’s adversity’s my advantage and how I deal with these challenging moments. Makes all the difference. So it’s been a beautiful lesson and I’ve learned that I didn’t lose an ex-husband. I gained a valuable lesson, you know? And I wish him the very best. I didn’t lose a father.

I’m grateful I had a dad. You know, I lost my dad two years ago. That’s the real man. That, you know, my, my, my heart was broken. He was my hero. He was everything. But I didn’t lose a dad. I’m grateful I had a hero in this [00:40:00] lifetime. Many people go through this entire lifetime without a father figure, and yet I had one.

So it’s learning to focus on the cure, not the disease,

Scott DeLuzio: and that’s such a great, uh, powerful way to look at things, um, and not look at. Setbacks and adversity as this self-defeating kind of way where it’s like, whoa is me. And, uh, everything’s bad and negative and you’re, you’re beating yourself up over all these things.

It’s, it’s like there’s, there’s good that comes out of even the biggest struggles that, that take place. Um, Sandra, um, this episode, uh, to me it’s been really beneficial, um, you know, hearing your. Your background and your story and how you’ve used setbacks in your life to, uh, your advantage and any kind of adversities and things like that, you look, [00:41:00] see those as opportunities as opposed to, um, you know, problems in your life.

Um, for the listeners who are out there who might be struggling with some of this stuff on their own, where can they go to find out more about the services that you offer to help out? Uh, with people with the, these types of issues.

Sandra Gonzalez: Uh, well thank you, Scott. So they can reach me directly through social media or my, my website is uh, sandra gonzalez.com and that’s s a n d r.

A G O N Z A L E z.com. I know sometimes the Gonzalez can be misspelled, so I just wanted to clarify that. And if you can contact me directly on Instagram, send me a dm. I’m at Coach Sandra Gonzalez. I also offer free training. I have free training out there. It’s sexy confidence. [00:42:00] training.com, and they will automatically get additional training as to knowing a little bit more of what I have to offer as a high performance coach and speaker.

So those are the direct platforms. I, I love those dms. You know, so I love, I welcome those, uh, dms and I’m here to serve you, Scott, and your community. And, and thank you for having me by the way.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah, absolutely. And thank you for joining me. I know, um, you know, sometimes recording these episodes, it, it can take a chunk out of the day and, you know, when people like you come on the show, share your experiences and also, you know, how you can help people.

You know, it’s one thing to talk about and experience, which is, I think, important to do. But, uh, then the, the follow through, like how, how do people benefit from this and how can they, um, how can they improve their lives through. Maybe some of the struggles that you’ve gone through and, um, you know, I know a lot of times we will talk to people who [00:43:00] have gone through different experiences, but we don’t always listen to how they’ve benefited from those experiences and how they’ve come out the other side better off through those experiences.

And so, um, you know, hearing your story and, and things that you’ve done and now that you’re helping. Your clients do just that. Um, it, to me it’s a, it’s a great. Thing that you’re doing. Um, because it’s, it’s not like, Hey, I figured this thing out. Now I’m gonna keep it to myself and just go about my day. You know, you, you go out and you, you go out and help other people.

So I, I do appreciate everything that you do and I appreciate you taking the time to come on the show. Um, so again, for the listeners, the websites and the social media links and everything will be in the show notes. So if you, uh, didn’t catch that when. Sandra put ’em out there. We’ll have all those links in the show notes.

Um, Sandra, again, thank you for taking the time to join us.

Sandra Gonzalez: Oh, it’s been an absolute honor. Scott, [00:44:00] it was so much fun being here. Um, anything I can do to serve you and your community, this is what ignites my passion. And keep going because we’re here to serve others.

Scott DeLuzio: Exactly, and I, I, for me, that’s why I do this podcast and this, this show.

I, it’s because I want to help other people. I know there’s people out there who are struggling. I’ve struggled myself and I’ve, I’ve had issues and I’ve needed help and I’ve not known where to turn. And there are other people out there who are just like me, people who are like you, who needed some help, needed some guidance, assistance, whatever you wanna call it.

And. You know, if I can put some information, some resources out there for people, then I feel like I’m giving back to that community and, and helping to continue to serve in that community. So, um, thanks again for taking the time to join us.

Sandra Gonzalez: Thank you for having me. And just a reminder for you and your viewers to drive on.[00:45:00]