What Changes After 45? Shizzle We Learned the Hard Way

WEBVTT
00:00:00.017 --> 00:00:04.327
What about all that time and energy that we spent when we were younger worrying
00:00:04.327 --> 00:00:05.667
about, like, if we were cool?
00:00:05.667 --> 00:00:09.072
Yeah, apparently, according to my teenager, I still need to worry about that.
00:00:10.057 --> 00:00:14.847
You know what? I'm sorry, but I am cool. I will put 80s music up any day.
00:00:14.847 --> 00:00:17.832
I think the fun part is, though, like you were saying, it's like, who cares?
00:00:18.244 --> 00:00:19.007
Oh, yeah, I don't.
00:00:19.007 --> 00:00:23.087
I think I'm cool, so. Yeah. And yeah, it's like, it just, it doesn't matter.
00:00:23.087 --> 00:00:27.617
My daughter always makes me aware, though. You're going to wear that? Yes, yes, I am.
00:00:27.977 --> 00:00:31.877
I'm sorry. why can't I drop you off at school with my fuzzy slippers and my
00:00:31.877 --> 00:00:36.077
flannel pajama bottoms and my nice work shirt on the top because I just came
00:00:36.077 --> 00:00:40.814
from a meeting what is the problem with that she's just like oh so embarrassed,
00:00:41.668 --> 00:00:46.297
like I promise you people don't care yes they do they will judge me based on
00:00:46.297 --> 00:00:51.267
your lack of pulling it together okay well I'm still driving you to school in
00:00:51.267 --> 00:00:54.305
my fuzzy slippers so suck it up buttercup.
00:01:02.026 --> 00:01:07.315
Welcome to Drinks with the Girls, conversations for women over 40 around connection,
00:01:07.315 --> 00:01:09.892
change, and the power of female friendship.
00:01:10.316 --> 00:01:14.205
Living well with stories to tell. I'm Karen, and this is Lisa.
00:01:14.205 --> 00:01:18.765
We are moms and solopreneurs stepping into our own, diving into real conversations
00:01:18.765 --> 00:01:21.075
about things that matter to women in midlife.
00:01:21.075 --> 00:01:25.293
We're here to spill the tea on everything that affects women in their 40s and beyond.
00:01:25.734 --> 00:01:29.485
Topics like loss and grief, changing relationships, launching kids,
00:01:29.485 --> 00:01:34.145
of menopause, and reinventing ourselves in midlife. We are here to tackle it all.
00:01:34.145 --> 00:01:37.611
Connect with us through a blend of our lived experiences, our friendship,
00:01:37.872 --> 00:01:42.425
the memory of our moms, plus a collection of real stories, honest conversations,
00:01:42.425 --> 00:01:46.625
and engaging interviews that will make women over 40 feel seen and remind them
00:01:46.625 --> 00:01:48.546
that they're not alone on this journey called life.
00:01:54.386 --> 00:01:58.131
Welcome back to another episode of Drinks with the Girls. Today we're talking
00:01:58.131 --> 00:02:04.847
about all of the incredible things that you learn really only with age.
00:02:05.404 --> 00:02:11.683
From the little truths to the big life lessons that sometimes we wish we didn't have to learn.
00:02:12.326 --> 00:02:15.601
But all the things that would have saved us a lot of time if someone had just
00:02:15.601 --> 00:02:19.878
pulled us aside when we were about 27 and said, hey, here's the deal.
00:02:20.694 --> 00:02:23.950
I wish. Wouldn't that be nice? Not having to figure it out.
00:02:24.374 --> 00:02:28.536
ourselves the hard way the brutally hilarious way the,
00:02:29.345 --> 00:02:32.461
had to fix the problems that we created you know like when i talk about the
00:02:32.461 --> 00:02:34.239
exploding to-do list how that's like my,
00:02:34.904 --> 00:02:37.921
bane of my existence when i'm like oh yeah i'm gonna check the sucker off and
00:02:37.921 --> 00:02:43.311
then all of a sudden six tasks explode onto my to-do list it's just it's the
00:02:43.311 --> 00:02:47.363
ultimate bait and switch pisses me off anyways squirrel.
00:02:48.355 --> 00:02:53.881
Squirrel so this will be all the things lisa and i have learned after 45.
00:02:53.881 --> 00:02:58.921
So grab a drink, pull up a chair, and let's talk about all the shit we learned in midlife.
00:02:58.921 --> 00:03:02.761
Okay. Disclaimer. It may not be all the shit because, y'all,
00:03:02.761 --> 00:03:07.441
I don't know that we have time to cover all that in an hour or 40 minutes for
00:03:07.441 --> 00:03:10.052
you public listeners, but we're going to give it a go.
00:03:10.847 --> 00:03:13.117
And we're still learning also. There's that.
00:03:13.500 --> 00:03:14.005
Clearly.
00:03:14.638 --> 00:03:18.941
Oh, so what I'm drinking today, I'm drinking something new. I am drinking a
00:03:19.281 --> 00:03:24.021
Wild Wonder, which I've drank, I've drunk, drank Wild Wonder before.
00:03:24.021 --> 00:03:24.931
I've drank it.
00:03:24.931 --> 00:03:31.141
It's a sparkling drink with probiotic, prebiotic stuff. And it's pink pomelo limeade.
00:03:31.141 --> 00:03:31.891
Oh, wow.
00:03:32.552 --> 00:03:36.001
But what I did was I made it into a cocktail with vodka.
00:03:38.607 --> 00:03:43.641
So the probiotic just like has its happy little swim and then the alcohol kills
00:03:43.641 --> 00:03:45.016
it before you hit your system. Yeah.
00:03:45.138 --> 00:03:46.701
The vodka kills all the good stuff.
00:03:46.701 --> 00:03:50.861
Hey, that makes perfect sense. Oh, my gosh.
00:03:52.284 --> 00:03:56.844
I had a listener who's also a friend of mine sent me a text, a picture to me today.
00:03:57.169 --> 00:03:59.684
And she's like, got all these drinks lined up. She goes, I'm going to try all
00:03:59.684 --> 00:04:02.278
of them. I'm like, oh, we should do a listener review episode.
00:04:02.724 --> 00:04:08.164
So I forgot all about today. She texts me just a picture and it says, disgusting.
00:04:10.868 --> 00:04:13.504
It's like, all right, that one's getting crossed off our list.
00:04:13.504 --> 00:04:14.757
Won't be trying that one.
00:04:15.216 --> 00:04:19.474
That is such a good idea. Wouldn't it be so fun if all of our listeners would
00:04:19.474 --> 00:04:24.044
just be really, you know, curious and just try new things and send us their
00:04:24.044 --> 00:04:28.964
reviews they can even just send us like thumbs up or thumbs down or they could send the barf emoji or
00:04:28.964 --> 00:04:33.504
Whatever i would love to get like screenshots or little like voice memos try
00:04:33.504 --> 00:04:39.225
this drink it sucks kind of a thing or just on anything i think that would be super duper fun okay.
00:04:39.836 --> 00:04:42.761
Yes awesome into our dms on instagram let's
00:04:42.878 --> 00:04:50.144
Go okay i am drinking boring but happy my blood orange hot water i freaking
00:04:50.144 --> 00:04:53.297
love this stuff i finally got martin into it. He's like, oh, I don't like it.
00:04:53.692 --> 00:04:56.694
I was like, it mellows you out. Now he's like addicted, just like me.
00:04:56.694 --> 00:05:00.078
He's like, I feel so good after I drink this. I'm like, I know. Isn't it great?
00:05:00.628 --> 00:05:04.524
Okay. Boring, but happy. That's our next merch bumper sticker.
00:05:04.524 --> 00:05:08.164
Hey, man, just like I shame you about your frigging Coors Light,
00:05:08.164 --> 00:05:12.184
you can shame me about my hop water. I will still drink it. You said that.
00:05:12.184 --> 00:05:14.884
That wasn't me. You said, I'm boring.
00:05:14.884 --> 00:05:18.534
But happy. I think that's our next drinks with the girls merch.
00:05:18.534 --> 00:05:21.276
Oh, my God. Boring but happy.
00:05:22.797 --> 00:05:25.864
Interesting. I don't know if that will fly off the shelves, but let's see.
00:05:26.604 --> 00:05:31.544
Speaking of merch, once again, another plea. So our big issue with the merch
00:05:31.544 --> 00:05:35.179
is not coming up with ideas because we have some great ideas or logos or anything.
00:05:35.475 --> 00:05:38.384
The problem is we don't have anywhere to store, like warehouse,
00:05:38.384 --> 00:05:44.654
a crap ton of merch. So it's hard to find businesses that would basically make
00:05:44.654 --> 00:05:49.517
on demand until we're like the big time, which, you know, should happen any day now.
00:05:50.097 --> 00:05:56.664
So that's kind of the conundrum, is figuring out a source or something or other
00:05:56.664 --> 00:06:00.394
that can basically make the merch on demand, which is why we just keep it to
00:06:00.394 --> 00:06:01.314
like two or three things.
00:06:01.314 --> 00:06:08.398
So, yes, sending a plea out to our peeps out there in the listenersphere.
00:06:08.851 --> 00:06:12.754
Suggestions. I have to say, too, so my niece, who started her wine,
00:06:12.754 --> 00:06:17.504
her box wine company, who just recently rebranded to Fussy, by the way.
00:06:17.964 --> 00:06:21.604
Interesting. so it's no longer vino disco which i love that's.
00:06:21.604 --> 00:06:26.124
Too bad it's no longer because somebody stole it from them so it's fussy and
00:06:26.124 --> 00:06:29.516
they are their target market is gen z's
00:06:30.004 --> 00:06:34.784
so they're just going hard which is so it's their instagram for them their branding
00:06:34.784 --> 00:06:39.147
is really good anyway she was saying that you know the merch is very
00:06:39.983 --> 00:06:46.474
you know it's almost not cost effective round one point round one what is the
00:06:46.474 --> 00:06:48.124
first thing or not the first thing.
00:06:48.504 --> 00:06:50.642
What's one thing that we've learned after 45?
00:06:50.792 --> 00:06:58.691
Girl, no one, and I mean no one, is thinking about you half as much as you think they are.
00:06:59.344 --> 00:07:00.474
Isn't that so true?
00:07:00.474 --> 00:07:03.484
Just no. It's just not. You know?
00:07:04.132 --> 00:07:08.474
I wish our 20-year-old selves and 30-year-old selves knew that.
00:07:08.996 --> 00:07:10.704
Even 40-year-old selves. I
00:07:16.366 --> 00:07:19.803
I, certain things still cross my mind.
00:07:20.355 --> 00:07:22.798
Like, oh, should I wear this? Should I wear the shoes? Should I,
00:07:23.141 --> 00:07:25.916
you know, oh, I don't have my toenails done. Can I wear the sandals?
00:07:26.416 --> 00:07:29.811
You know, and then you'd step back and you're like, who the fuck cares? Nobody.
00:07:30.206 --> 00:07:33.456
Yeah. And if somebody, if somebody gets that close to your toenails,
00:07:33.456 --> 00:07:36.794
it better be Tony or there's a problem. Just saying.
00:07:37.677 --> 00:07:42.296
Yeah. And I think people are just too, you know, wrapped up in their own stuff
00:07:42.296 --> 00:07:46.100
to worry about what's, you know, going on with somebody else.
00:07:46.396 --> 00:07:50.766
Sometimes I think about the amount of time I've spent like thinking about what
00:07:50.766 --> 00:07:55.436
to wear and all that and then realizing like I'll go somewhere and I won't remember
00:07:55.436 --> 00:07:58.136
what any, I won't know what anybody else is wearing. It's like nobody,
00:07:58.136 --> 00:07:59.013
you don't pay attention.
00:07:59.269 --> 00:08:00.174
No, no.
00:08:00.354 --> 00:08:00.755
Good point.
00:08:01.080 --> 00:08:05.596
My daughter always makes me aware though. You're going to wear that? Yes, yes I am.
00:08:05.956 --> 00:08:09.856
I'm sorry. Why can't I drop you off at school with my fuzzy slippers and my
00:08:09.856 --> 00:08:14.606
flannel pajama bottoms and my nice work shirt on the top because I just came from a meeting?
00:08:15.157 --> 00:08:18.797
What is the problem with that? She's just like, oh, so embarrassed.
00:08:19.651 --> 00:08:24.086
Like, I promise you people don't care. Yes, they do. They will judge me based
00:08:24.086 --> 00:08:25.756
on your lack of pulling it together.
00:08:26.236 --> 00:08:30.196
Okay. Well, I'm still driving you to school in my fuzzy slippers.
00:08:30.196 --> 00:08:32.256
So suck it up, buttercup.
00:08:32.736 --> 00:08:36.626
All right. One of the other things I've learned after 45, I think I probably
00:08:36.626 --> 00:08:39.483
learned it after 40 or closer to 40.
00:08:40.656 --> 00:08:44.946
Is that I don't have to give my energy and my time away to everybody.
00:08:45.579 --> 00:08:49.434
Like I used to have this thought that, you know, I had to be friends with everybody
00:08:49.434 --> 00:08:54.084
and I have to, you know, be, everybody has to, I have to be okay with everybody
00:08:54.084 --> 00:08:57.414
and everybody has to be okay with me. And that's just not true. Yes.
00:08:57.714 --> 00:09:01.954
So I just, I think we become much more deliberate about who gets our time,
00:09:01.954 --> 00:09:04.537
who gets our energy and what gets our time.
00:09:04.647 --> 00:09:05.544
Yes, for sure.
00:09:05.544 --> 00:09:11.984
I'm less likely to, you know, waste my time on stuff that doesn't matter now
00:09:11.984 --> 00:09:14.014
than I was, you know, 20 years ago. Yes.
00:09:14.014 --> 00:09:18.829
Yes. Since I am now, we are entering the period of two months,
00:09:19.253 --> 00:09:21.848
two and a half months, actually eight weeks.
00:09:22.219 --> 00:09:27.394
I don't know. When I am older than you, I can I can sufficiently say that,
00:09:27.394 --> 00:09:31.204
yes, that is correct. In the two months I've been on this planet longer than you.
00:09:32.399 --> 00:09:33.434
I will wise one
00:09:33.894 --> 00:09:39.534
I know it's just seeps from my pores I will say though that the one I have not
00:09:39.534 --> 00:09:44.740
been able to let go of that I still have to work really hard on is when people think badly of me,
00:09:45.857 --> 00:09:50.924
through something that is not true like they made a decision about me and who
00:09:50.924 --> 00:09:55.626
I am based on something that happened that just isn't correct like that that
00:09:56.009 --> 00:09:58.936
that's a tough one for me and I don't know why,
00:09:59.675 --> 00:10:03.246
that is such a hiccup for me. I'm not quite sure.
00:10:04.250 --> 00:10:08.849
Because it's not true. And you're like, well, if people are making decisions
00:10:08.849 --> 00:10:12.602
about who I am based on false things.
00:10:13.183 --> 00:10:16.149
But yeah, I think, you know, we've talked about this before.
00:10:16.149 --> 00:10:20.279
I think, you know, me being okay, being the villain in my divorce story really
00:10:20.279 --> 00:10:23.829
took care of me really caring about what anybody else, you know,
00:10:23.829 --> 00:10:28.019
anybody else misunderstanding me or me feeling like I have to explain anything.
00:10:28.019 --> 00:10:29.553
I'm like, I just don't care.
00:10:30.104 --> 00:10:34.799
Well and it's not so much that I care I just get hooked on the well they need
00:10:34.799 --> 00:10:40.409
to know the right story piece for some idiotic reason but you know.
00:10:41.889 --> 00:10:46.929
I think something else kind of related to this whole piece is it took me a really
00:10:46.929 --> 00:10:51.269
long time to notice those what do they call them energy vampires
00:10:52.129 --> 00:10:56.109
people who you know it's like you get off the phone with them and it's never
00:10:56.109 --> 00:10:59.889
like a 10 minute call it's like a 45 minute call and you're always like wow,
00:10:59.889 --> 00:11:01.989
why do I feel like shit after I talk to this person?
00:11:01.989 --> 00:11:03.451
They just suck you dry.
00:11:03.631 --> 00:11:06.809
Yeah. Or after you are physically with somebody like that.
00:11:07.309 --> 00:11:11.419
So it took me a while to really kind of pick up on all of that and to kind of
00:11:11.419 --> 00:11:12.334
set boundaries about that.
00:11:12.642 --> 00:11:17.329
I had a neighbor that was like that. And it got to the point where it was,
00:11:17.329 --> 00:11:20.759
we lived in this old house and it was made into apartments.
00:11:21.148 --> 00:11:24.649
And it got to the point where like, I would hear her coming down the hall and
00:11:24.649 --> 00:11:27.487
like turn the light off and like hide,
00:11:28.569 --> 00:11:32.489
cover my dog because I was like that is going to be an hour of my life that
00:11:32.489 --> 00:11:36.879
I don't have it was like always talking about this guy that she should break
00:11:36.879 --> 00:11:40.889
up with and it was just yeah I just felt like I needed a nap every time I talked
00:11:40.889 --> 00:11:42.980
to her and I was like I can't I can't so.
00:11:43.357 --> 00:11:48.559
Yeah there you go sometimes you just yeah you have to just not pick up the phone or avoid the person
00:11:48.559 --> 00:11:49.690
Altogether because.
00:11:50.849 --> 00:11:51.536
Yeah sometimes you have
00:11:51.914 --> 00:11:56.354
Which brings us to the third thing, boundaries.
00:11:56.633 --> 00:12:00.598
We love boundaries. Love us some good boundaries. You can love people,
00:12:00.940 --> 00:12:03.198
but you can also not love people.
00:12:04.923 --> 00:12:05.409
Just saying.
00:12:06.822 --> 00:12:07.205
Yeah.
00:12:07.901 --> 00:12:10.421
You can love people and not love being around them.
00:12:11.030 --> 00:12:11.303
Yep.
00:12:11.628 --> 00:12:14.372
Because, you know, friends and other people in your life, like,
00:12:14.372 --> 00:12:17.932
we love them. Yeah. But we don't always love being around them.
00:12:17.932 --> 00:12:24.492
And I think it took me a really long time to learn to set boundaries. Yeah.
00:12:25.310 --> 00:12:31.507
Yeah. And it, I mean, no one can trample on a boundary quite like a family member.
00:12:32.105 --> 00:12:34.990
There's just that special stomping that they do.
00:12:35.234 --> 00:12:40.862
Like the other day, my dad called and I I've talked to him a couple of times
00:12:40.862 --> 00:12:42.469
since we had our big blowout.
00:12:42.777 --> 00:12:47.781
And I realized after I hung the phone up, oh, he's doing this on purpose.
00:12:48.199 --> 00:12:52.252
He's calling me and pretending like nothing has happened. So he doesn't have
00:12:52.252 --> 00:12:54.010
to take responsibility for this.
00:12:54.404 --> 00:12:58.722
I was like, oh, that's the M.O. So that's how we're going to that's how we're
00:12:58.722 --> 00:13:02.955
going to play this. He's just going to call and pretend nothing ever happened. And.
00:13:04.010 --> 00:13:07.929
That way he gets what I want, what he wants. So I realized, oh,
00:13:08.033 --> 00:13:11.613
the next time he calls, I need to be very specific and just say,
00:13:11.613 --> 00:13:15.253
you know, dad, have you thought anything about what we talked about?
00:13:15.253 --> 00:13:20.033
Because I got to tell you, I'm not interested in being an everyday part of your
00:13:20.033 --> 00:13:23.483
life if that is still the situation.
00:13:23.483 --> 00:13:26.953
So but it was like this aha moment I had. I think it was yesterday night.
00:13:26.953 --> 00:13:32.123
I was like, oh, my God, he has wormed his way back in there with no consequences.
00:13:32.123 --> 00:13:35.833
And it was like, it was so easy, right? Like, I was like, girl,
00:13:35.833 --> 00:13:37.238
have you learned nothing?
00:13:37.656 --> 00:13:42.353
Yeah. What is wrong with you? I have to say in my family, you know,
00:13:42.353 --> 00:13:47.410
it's been really cool because I have a couple of my sisters have,
00:13:47.617 --> 00:13:49.533
well, one's been in recovery for a long time.
00:13:49.533 --> 00:13:53.382
So she's been, you know, she's been doing personal growth work for a minute.
00:13:53.765 --> 00:13:57.513
And then I have another sister who's really dove into therapy.
00:13:58.313 --> 00:14:01.706
I would say when during the time that my stepmom had her stroke.
00:14:02.356 --> 00:14:10.153
And, you know, to see, you know, to see people in your family who are continuing
00:14:10.153 --> 00:14:12.083
to grow and continuing to learn.
00:14:12.083 --> 00:14:16.653
I mean, it's super cool to see, you know, women in their 50s and 60s who are
00:14:16.653 --> 00:14:19.435
not, you know, staying healthy.
00:14:20.544 --> 00:14:23.708
in the status quo especially if you know maybe it's not
00:14:24.468 --> 00:14:29.390
But what's what's hard though is that makes the ones who aren't doing that just
00:14:29.810 --> 00:14:34.520
that much more obvious and it's like oh okay all right yeah hey there i'm lisa
00:14:34.520 --> 00:14:38.660
coricella mcdell your midlife pacific northwest princess here to guide you in
00:14:38.660 --> 00:14:40.309
the art of next leveling your life,
00:14:40.779 --> 00:14:44.680
i'm passionate about women's health and wellness in midlife especially for moms
00:14:44.680 --> 00:14:48.714
parenting kids with unique needs like i do i truly believe we can learn,
00:14:48.912 --> 00:14:52.570
grow, advocate, and care for the planet while taking care of ourselves and our
00:14:52.570 --> 00:14:54.560
families. And I'd love to help you do the same.
00:14:54.752 --> 00:14:58.620
And I'm beyond excited to tell you about my membership from Maxed Out Mamas,
00:14:58.620 --> 00:15:03.040
just like me, the Empowered Parent Collective. It's a space for parents to confidently
00:15:03.040 --> 00:15:06.660
advocate for their kids, build inclusive communities, educate themselves,
00:15:06.660 --> 00:15:08.806
and find balance and support along the way.
00:15:09.160 --> 00:15:12.240
To find out more about the Empowered Parent Collective, my classes,
00:15:12.240 --> 00:15:17.000
wellness offerings, parenting tips, advocacy resources, and exclusive drinks
00:15:17.000 --> 00:15:21.740
with the girl's goodies head to next level life with lisa.com let's survive
00:15:21.740 --> 00:15:22.950
and thrive in the messy middle.
00:15:22.950 --> 00:15:26.890
Together i've actually learned you know i mean boundaries is just for me it's
00:15:26.890 --> 00:15:32.090
always something that is just i'm always learning and i've really learned a
00:15:32.090 --> 00:15:34.263
lot this past i would say six months
00:15:34.935 --> 00:15:40.460
you know about how i i don't do a good job with certain people like it's it's
00:15:40.470 --> 00:15:45.379
interesting because certain people you know i can have boundaries with easy peasy and
00:15:46.522 --> 00:15:48.247
Other people, it's just.
00:15:48.549 --> 00:15:52.082
And it's a, it's a theme. It's the same type of person. Oh, is it?
00:15:52.082 --> 00:15:52.555
Okay.
00:15:52.769 --> 00:15:56.442
Yeah. So that's, you know, those are things that I have to look at for myself
00:15:56.442 --> 00:16:00.642
and be like, well, why do I have such a hard time setting a boundary with this
00:16:00.642 --> 00:16:04.270
type of person? You know? And I just, I think we're always figuring it out. Yeah.
00:16:04.664 --> 00:16:09.489
This is in no particular order. This isn't like, oh, and then on the fourth
00:16:09.662 --> 00:16:11.912
year of our lives after 27 we learned.
00:16:11.912 --> 00:16:12.827
This like
00:16:13.128 --> 00:16:14.672
Or yeah yeah.
00:16:14.672 --> 00:16:17.732
No it's not the fourth most important one either yeah yeah there's
00:16:17.732 --> 00:16:19.252
There's no ranking it's just.
00:16:19.252 --> 00:16:23.772
Random just the brain dump yeah yeah but that you know being nice and being
00:16:23.772 --> 00:16:25.502
kind are not the same thing
00:16:25.822 --> 00:16:26.907
That's such a good one.
00:16:27.573 --> 00:16:31.702
And this didn't make sense to me for a while like when i was younger i i i'm
00:16:31.702 --> 00:16:36.686
like what i think i remember oprah talking about it like gosh i don't know 20 years ago or something
00:16:37.655 --> 00:16:44.502
and i'm like what but man Now I understand that. Yeah. It's like, I don't care if I'm nice.
00:16:44.882 --> 00:16:48.598
I don't need to be nice. I don't owe anybody nice. I do owe kind.
00:16:48.760 --> 00:16:51.488
Like I'm, I'm here to be kind, but.
00:16:52.069 --> 00:16:57.518
And giving respect when respect is given to you. But other than that. Yeah. Yeah.
00:16:57.820 --> 00:16:59.724
But I, it's hard when you're a people pleaser.
00:16:59.916 --> 00:17:00.247
Yeah.
00:17:01.309 --> 00:17:05.033
And you avoid conflict above all else.
00:17:05.033 --> 00:17:09.013
Like, conflict is the worst thing possible for me growing up.
00:17:09.013 --> 00:17:13.003
So you're not going to worry. You're going to try to be nice.
00:17:13.003 --> 00:17:18.953
And you're going to try, you know, to care about being nice to people that might not even deserve.
00:17:18.953 --> 00:17:24.702
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I agree. I was a people pleaser, too. And I feel like I've gone the opposite way.
00:17:25.143 --> 00:17:29.523
Like, I feel like I'm just so intolerant now, you know. And maybe I'm like a
00:17:29.523 --> 00:17:31.754
little further than I should be.
00:17:32.102 --> 00:17:35.910
So like in certain situations like work, for example, I've had to just like,
00:17:36.709 --> 00:17:43.588
like just not care as much because it drives me nuts just to function, you know.
00:17:43.930 --> 00:17:46.867
But I do think kindness, respect, that kind of thing.
00:17:47.917 --> 00:17:51.308
That's just like basic human decency to people kind of a thing.
00:17:52.213 --> 00:17:57.342
We've been looking for a new couch. So for months, we've been trying to find
00:17:57.342 --> 00:18:00.872
a new couch. And it's like buying a new car, buying furniture.
00:18:00.872 --> 00:18:04.171
It really is. Because, you know, nothing is, it's all BS.
00:18:04.334 --> 00:18:06.552
Like, they can manipulate the prices.
00:18:07.213 --> 00:18:11.219
It's not, you know, it is what it is, but it is no. It's all in flux.
00:18:11.637 --> 00:18:17.582
And so we were there over the weekend re-looking at ones we've already seen.
00:18:17.582 --> 00:18:22.192
And the salespeople were trying to be like, oh, well, you know,
00:18:22.192 --> 00:18:24.712
you have to get it today because it's, you know, blah, blah,
00:18:24.712 --> 00:18:26.847
blah. And I'm like, no, that's not true.
00:18:27.591 --> 00:18:30.912
We know that's not true because we were here literally in July and you had this.
00:18:30.912 --> 00:18:33.721
It was the same, same thing, same prices, same everything.
00:18:34.057 --> 00:18:36.182
And then we had another one at another store and she's like,
00:18:36.182 --> 00:18:38.782
oh, well, you know, what's too expensive? And we're like, well,
00:18:38.782 --> 00:18:41.682
the delivery fee. Oh, well, we can work on that. I'm like, well,
00:18:41.682 --> 00:18:45.782
why don't you work on that in the beginning then? And so my tolerance for bullshit
00:18:45.782 --> 00:18:47.293
is just so small these days.
00:18:47.444 --> 00:18:52.252
And I wasn't being unkind, but I was saying, I don't need to hear about all
00:18:52.252 --> 00:18:55.582
that. I just need to hear, I don't need any excuses. I just need to hear what
00:18:55.582 --> 00:18:57.881
is the price and then I'm going to make a decision of what I want.
00:18:58.912 --> 00:19:05.692
And see, yeah, unfortunately, people that are good at sales understand that
00:19:05.692 --> 00:19:11.807
there's a basic respect and there's a way to do it, right, that is respectful to people.
00:19:12.301 --> 00:19:20.619
but people in retail it's like they're taught this very limited vocabulary i guess yeah i would say.
00:19:21.055 --> 00:19:26.012
And i always get the sense they're extremely desperate yeah yeah because i mean on commission
00:19:26.686 --> 00:19:30.832
Probably probably be minimum wage plus commission but yeah there there's a great
00:19:30.832 --> 00:19:36.142
divide between like your basic salesperson in the mall and someone to be fair
00:19:36.142 --> 00:19:39.004
honest like me that does it for a living Like,
00:19:39.759 --> 00:19:43.445
there's a whole nuance and, yeah, so.
00:19:43.764 --> 00:19:50.442
The grand negotiation that starts after your 20s between you and your body and
00:19:50.442 --> 00:19:54.199
that kind of lifetime dance, shall we say.
00:19:55.081 --> 00:19:58.253
I was reminded of this on Monday. I had a, what's it called?
00:19:58.253 --> 00:20:00.422
Appointment with my doctor.
00:20:01.541 --> 00:20:03.663
And I've been having these back problems and he's asking me,
00:20:03.663 --> 00:20:05.963
well, are you taking any anti-inflammatories? I'm like, why?
00:20:06.363 --> 00:20:08.493
Why would I do that? Just send me to the chiropractor or let's,
00:20:08.493 --> 00:20:11.346
you know, send me somewhere so I can figure this out.
00:20:11.891 --> 00:20:16.071
And he literally looks at me and he said, you are not in your 30s.
00:20:17.958 --> 00:20:22.538
He said, you need, you could have arthritis in your back.
00:20:22.538 --> 00:20:27.898
Yeah. That's what my husband has. What? Yeah. I was like, no.
00:20:30.622 --> 00:20:35.875
But my dad had that. So I'm like, oh my God, I'm at, we're at that, we're there.
00:20:36.026 --> 00:20:39.945
I'm almost 60 and we're there. And it's like this.
00:20:40.386 --> 00:20:40.717
Yeah.
00:20:41.024 --> 00:20:42.818
So your body is going to tell you.
00:20:42.818 --> 00:20:46.218
Just so I understand the paradigm we're dealing with here. So this whole time
00:20:46.218 --> 00:20:49.688
when your back has been hurting you, basically, you've been like,
00:20:49.688 --> 00:20:54.324
I just need to go to a doctor so he can refer me to a chiropractor and then it'll be gone.
00:20:55.018 --> 00:20:58.120
This is the operating system. Is that what I'm understanding, my friend?
00:20:58.712 --> 00:21:04.047
Back it up. So he referred me last year because I've literally had this for one year.
00:21:04.244 --> 00:21:05.178
Yeah, I know.
00:21:05.538 --> 00:21:09.829
This tells you how I feel about doctors and medic taking prescribed medication.
00:21:10.502 --> 00:21:14.418
So, yeah. So he prescribed me to go to or not prescribe me. he said,
00:21:14.418 --> 00:21:17.658
here, go to this chiropractor. Or he even just, he just flippantly gave me a
00:21:17.658 --> 00:21:19.753
name. It wasn't like he really took me too seriously.
00:21:20.392 --> 00:21:23.515
So here I am a year later and I'm like, look, my back is still bothering me,
00:21:24.207 --> 00:21:27.808
but it doesn't bother me enough to take me out of the game. It's just like annoying.
00:21:27.808 --> 00:21:29.525
And then as the day goes on, it gets more annoying.
00:21:29.734 --> 00:21:32.658
So I was like, just tell me what we need to do. And then that's when I got the
00:21:32.658 --> 00:21:35.190
lecture about taking the anti-inflammatory.
00:21:35.869 --> 00:21:39.078
Yeah. Okay. We're going to take some x-rays and whatnot. So yeah,
00:21:39.078 --> 00:21:42.168
I mean, And I'm admitting I'm not a good patient.
00:21:42.354 --> 00:21:42.592
I'm not.
00:21:42.905 --> 00:21:46.533
I'm picturing you. I have to be, though, because now we're getting older.
00:21:46.858 --> 00:21:49.860
I have to be a good patient now. It's like we have too much at risk.
00:21:49.993 --> 00:21:51.044
Yeah. I have too much at risk.
00:21:51.334 --> 00:21:56.458
Yeah. I really, not to go down too far of a rabbit hole, but I really enjoy
00:21:56.458 --> 00:22:00.483
my holistic integrated doctor because all these specialties kind of.
00:22:01.480 --> 00:22:06.594
He just has it all under one roof and it just makes it so much easier.
00:22:06.594 --> 00:22:09.824
But yeah, no, I mean, I've done that. I've done things where I'm like,
00:22:09.824 --> 00:22:11.366
well, what's the problem? I don't get it.
00:22:11.685 --> 00:22:15.185
Right. And I'm constantly like, if something's sore, I'm always like,
00:22:15.980 --> 00:22:17.334
is that the beginning of the end?
00:22:17.334 --> 00:22:20.241
Like, I really, you know what I mean? Like, I'm just like, no,
00:22:20.375 --> 00:22:23.451
no, I will be more flexible. I will this. I will that. You know,
00:22:23.695 --> 00:22:27.730
some of it, I mean, I'm making fun of you, but I do the same damn thing.
00:22:27.968 --> 00:22:31.574
It's OK. Go ahead and make fun of me. I think the other thing,
00:22:31.574 --> 00:22:36.953
too, is that I never realized how important sleep was.
00:22:37.336 --> 00:22:40.624
And, you know, honestly, it wasn't, not that it wasn't important,
00:22:40.624 --> 00:22:44.557
but it's not as important as it is now. Like, sleep is everything now.
00:22:45.221 --> 00:22:52.373
And I will faithfully take my progesterone and my magnesium so I can sleep at night.
00:22:52.715 --> 00:22:57.524
And I will tell you that this doctor I've been going to, that's the dental sleep
00:22:57.524 --> 00:23:01.983
specialist that we're going to have, Your mind will be so freaking blown.
00:23:02.569 --> 00:23:04.144
It's, yeah.
00:23:05.184 --> 00:23:08.144
Somebody made that title up. Like a dental sleep specialist?
00:23:08.624 --> 00:23:13.304
Right. And I was like, whatever. I'm telling you, after this episode,
00:23:13.304 --> 00:23:15.096
you're going to be like, give me some of that.
00:23:15.769 --> 00:23:16.664
I'm very excited.
00:23:16.664 --> 00:23:20.674
Yes. I'm going to keep my powder dry on that one. Because, yeah,
00:23:20.674 --> 00:23:23.274
I'm excited about this guest for many, many, many reasons. Okay.
00:23:24.356 --> 00:23:32.574
Unfortunately, to my daughter's great dismay, I could give a flying fork about being cool.
00:23:32.951 --> 00:23:37.340
You know, the other thing also that I didn't realize 20 years ago when we would
00:23:37.340 --> 00:23:41.360
get to this stage in life is that alcohol just affects you differently.
00:23:41.360 --> 00:23:42.140
Yeah, it does.
00:23:42.140 --> 00:23:46.779
Like even just one glass of wine, you can tell, you know, Jack's my sleep up.
00:23:47.266 --> 00:23:50.610
I just don't feel right in the morning. Although, I mean, it doesn't keep me
00:23:50.610 --> 00:23:53.080
from having cocktails on drinks with the girls.
00:23:53.080 --> 00:23:54.029
Just say it.
00:23:54.517 --> 00:23:55.829
It's certainly annoying.
00:23:56.363 --> 00:24:02.500
So we are leaving for a trip we've been looking forward to a long time to Spain
00:24:02.500 --> 00:24:05.363
and France and Italy in two and a half days.
00:24:05.740 --> 00:24:10.490
And I, in the last few months, have started getting a sensitivity to,
00:24:11.070 --> 00:24:13.407
wait for it, Spanish wines.
00:24:13.698 --> 00:24:18.930
I'm so pissed. Like the Tempranillos, the Malbecs.
00:24:18.930 --> 00:24:22.240
And they're like, I love those wines. And it's because the tannins are really,
00:24:22.240 --> 00:24:25.440
they just mess with my stomach. I'm like, God damn it. Like,
00:24:25.440 --> 00:24:29.587
couldn't we just have done that body after I went to Spain?
00:24:30.057 --> 00:24:36.464
And I have to be extremely careful to not drink any kind of wine on an empty stomach.
00:24:37.339 --> 00:24:40.728
Like that episode a few ones ago where I was like munching on the crackers,
00:24:41.117 --> 00:24:44.350
right? Because I had alcohol. And I'm like, if I don't have something on my
00:24:44.350 --> 00:24:48.380
stomach, I'm going to be doubled over in massive amounts of pain.
00:24:48.380 --> 00:24:49.629
So yeah, that part sucks.
00:24:49.879 --> 00:24:57.211
I can see a world not very in the distant future when I am going to have to give it up entirely.
00:24:57.803 --> 00:25:03.310
And I sound like a complete alcoholic when I say this, but I will be sad when
00:25:03.310 --> 00:25:05.195
that day comes. Very sad.
00:25:06.171 --> 00:25:10.055
Well, I have a friend who had similar issues, and she says that the New Zealand
00:25:10.055 --> 00:25:12.057
wines are the ones that are
00:25:12.225 --> 00:25:19.569
Safe for her. All right. So Kiwis, not the Spanish. Right. Good to know. Good to know.
00:25:19.847 --> 00:25:25.765
All right. So what about all that time and energy that we spent when we were
00:25:25.765 --> 00:25:28.549
younger worrying about, like, if we were cool?
00:25:29.331 --> 00:25:32.687
Yeah, apparently, according to my teenager, I still need to worry about that.
00:25:33.775 --> 00:25:35.462
Well, she is cool. She would know.
00:25:35.613 --> 00:25:40.455
Right? Like to her utter dismay, I just could give a flying.
00:25:41.232 --> 00:25:44.890
And it's like her definition of cool, right? Like, that's not cool.
00:25:45.110 --> 00:25:48.465
And I have to keep my mouth shut because she's like hurt, right?
00:25:48.465 --> 00:25:52.117
Like, no, no, you don't understand, Mom. And I was like, okay.
00:25:52.924 --> 00:25:57.515
All right. Well, yes, we can agree that I don't know what is cool anymore.
00:25:57.910 --> 00:25:59.210
I know. Isn't that so sad?
00:25:59.466 --> 00:26:04.735
Well, and you know what? I'm sorry, but I am cool. I will put 80s music up any day.
00:26:05.615 --> 00:26:08.925
I will say that she's got some really good taste in music. Both my kids do.
00:26:08.925 --> 00:26:13.587
And they listen to like old school kind of stuff that we used to listen to. So.
00:26:14.480 --> 00:26:18.883
But I don't know. I just I think I'm still cool, but it's somebody's definition
00:26:18.883 --> 00:26:21.664
of cool is as cool does, I guess.
00:26:22.853 --> 00:26:27.973
Well, I think, too, it's been like when I ever I listen to, you know, new music.
00:26:27.973 --> 00:26:32.393
God, I sound like ancient right here. But whenever I listen to like new artists
00:26:32.393 --> 00:26:36.443
or or even like new actresses and actors, like new people in,
00:26:36.443 --> 00:26:40.800
you know, movies and things, it's like I don't know who all the people are these days.
00:26:41.450 --> 00:26:44.983
so it's like I'm not and not that that makes you cool or not but it's like I'm
00:26:44.983 --> 00:26:49.916
just not in the know I'm not on the in the yeah in the mix
00:26:50.119 --> 00:26:55.471
I used to be like I was her girl for trivia and pop culture and like who's dating who like
00:26:55.912 --> 00:27:00.683
I'm on it and now and it's like oh actress blah blah like I was reading something
00:27:00.683 --> 00:27:03.667
actress yada yada yada married so and so and I'm like
00:27:04.026 --> 00:27:08.173
oh that's this person no it wasn't and I'm just like I have no idea who this
00:27:08.173 --> 00:27:13.401
person is you know top actress and model i'm like who the hell is this yeah that makes me feel old.
00:27:14.330 --> 00:27:16.383
I think the fun part is though like you were saying it's
00:27:16.383 --> 00:27:18.753
Like who cares oh yeah i don't i think.
00:27:18.753 --> 00:27:22.833
I think i'm cool so yeah and yeah it's like it's just it doesn't matter i mean
00:27:22.833 --> 00:27:24.893
like look at my hair today you know how dirty my hair
00:27:25.353 --> 00:27:30.933
Oh okay wait as long as okay since we're doing the youtube special here i don't
00:27:30.933 --> 00:27:33.471
know if you can like zoom in on this but
00:27:33.877 --> 00:27:38.273
it is like it looks like somebody like threw a tumbleweed in there and picked
00:27:38.273 --> 00:27:40.713
it up because I was so tired.
00:27:40.713 --> 00:27:44.043
I forgot to dry my hair the other day and I just don't care.
00:27:44.043 --> 00:27:45.754
Like I was like, Oh, should I like,
00:27:46.576 --> 00:27:50.233
you know, wash it again this morning and dry. No, don't care.
00:27:50.378 --> 00:27:53.385
Goes up in a messy bun. Screw that. Next.
00:27:54.064 --> 00:27:56.816
I think the other thing, and I don't know if this is later on our list,
00:27:56.816 --> 00:28:01.446
I can't remember, but it's like, I don't care about not going to events anymore.
00:28:02.006 --> 00:28:02.716
Oh, I know.
00:28:02.716 --> 00:28:06.288
I used to be the party queen. I mean, I would host a bunch of parties and then,
00:28:06.759 --> 00:28:09.776
and also proximity helps. Like I lived in a town where, you know,
00:28:09.776 --> 00:28:11.666
everything was literally less than five minutes away. Yeah.
00:28:12.604 --> 00:28:16.261
Yeah. Now, not so much, but it's like, if I miss a party, I just don't,
00:28:16.523 --> 00:28:21.497
I don't care anymore. Like being home in my comfies with no bronze, it sounds great to me.
00:28:21.927 --> 00:28:25.246
Yeah. Yeah. It's definitely like I was talking with some good friends of ours.
00:28:25.246 --> 00:28:28.576
We went out for my birthday and we're talking about all the things that we wanted
00:28:28.576 --> 00:28:32.236
to do over the winter. Because that's the only that's the one thing about Oregon
00:28:32.236 --> 00:28:37.084
that I hate is it's just like it's really hard to find things to do in the winter when it's cold.
00:28:37.421 --> 00:28:40.956
I am not one of those people that's like outdoors in the pouring rain and cold.
00:28:40.956 --> 00:28:44.679
Like, no, thank you. Snow, sure. But rain, nope.
00:28:45.201 --> 00:28:47.676
So we were talking about all the stuff we wanted to do. And then I'm like,
00:28:47.676 --> 00:28:50.516
you know, we always say this every year, like we're going to do this and that
00:28:50.516 --> 00:28:51.766
and every year we don't do it.
00:28:52.146 --> 00:28:56.259
And they're like, because it's cold. I'm like, I know. So I don't know. Haven't solved that.
00:28:56.555 --> 00:29:01.126
Good luck. Yeah. My name is Karen Shatafian, and I am a shameless coffee addict,
00:29:01.126 --> 00:29:04.786
an empowerment coach for women, and my love language is authenticity.
00:29:05.135 --> 00:29:09.471
My mission is helping women unapologetically design a life they're in love with.
00:29:09.802 --> 00:29:13.226
Because what the hell are we waiting for? My website, KarenShatafian.com,
00:29:13.226 --> 00:29:17.441
has all my coaching packages and free offers like my midlife reclamation guide.
00:29:17.731 --> 00:29:21.436
In it, you'll find tools to help you decide how to create the most inspired
00:29:21.436 --> 00:29:24.105
and empowered version of yourself and your life.
00:29:24.587 --> 00:29:28.326
You can find me on Facebook and Instagram talking about ways women can show
00:29:28.326 --> 00:29:31.600
up for themselves after decades of showing up for everyone else.
00:29:32.110 --> 00:29:35.826
Join me as we throw off the shackles and live our best freaking lives.
00:29:36.180 --> 00:29:37.991
See the show notes for all the details.
00:29:38.159 --> 00:29:43.639
Cheers! The best relationships require the hardest conversations.
00:29:44.278 --> 00:29:47.807
Yeah, I guess just press play doesn't quite work anymore.
00:29:48.691 --> 00:29:53.241
And I think understanding that maybe not necessarily the best relationships,
00:29:53.241 --> 00:29:58.231
but creating the best relationships takes the hard conversations.
00:29:58.231 --> 00:30:02.551
Because you can have a relationship that is surface level for your whole life,
00:30:03.021 --> 00:30:06.711
right? But is that really, like, I don't know, for me, that might have been
00:30:06.711 --> 00:30:10.921
fine 30 years ago, but not so much anymore. Like, I don't want the surface level.
00:30:10.921 --> 00:30:14.851
And I think it's like the hard changes, right? Like when I was 27,
00:30:14.851 --> 00:30:17.957
I thought, oh, well, you know, you want to work hard in a relationship.
00:30:18.375 --> 00:30:21.063
Turns out I was just dating assholes.
00:30:21.782 --> 00:30:26.591
So like eject. Right. Like I look back and I'm like, girl, what,
00:30:26.951 --> 00:30:30.121
what were you thinking? And it was this whole, well, it's hard work.
00:30:30.121 --> 00:30:32.557
And it's like, no, no, no, no, no, not that kind of hard.
00:30:32.963 --> 00:30:37.491
You know, hard where you're really going deep with someone and you're really
00:30:37.851 --> 00:30:43.021
having, you know, intense conversations and you have to just stick with it,
00:30:43.021 --> 00:30:44.196
that kind of thing, you know?
00:30:44.890 --> 00:30:49.922
Yeah. I think accountability is a big deal also in terms of all those.
00:30:50.160 --> 00:30:53.901
For sure. And I feel like I'm mostly good at being accountable.
00:30:53.901 --> 00:30:58.691
Like, I feel like I'm good at owning my shit and then, you know, being accountable.
00:30:58.691 --> 00:31:02.581
But, you know, like I said, in that boundaries conversation we had a little
00:31:02.581 --> 00:31:06.061
while ago, I'm finding some things out about myself that it's like,
00:31:06.061 --> 00:31:10.697
oh, wow, maybe I'm not as good in these areas as I thought I was.
00:31:11.295 --> 00:31:14.743
But I think accountability goes a long way when it comes to,
00:31:15.150 --> 00:31:20.231
you know, making and forming the best relationships possible.
00:31:20.231 --> 00:31:23.961
Well, and I keep like throwing my dad under the bus, but he's just such a good
00:31:23.961 --> 00:31:27.181
example of this, you know, because I was like, I mean, I'm telling you,
00:31:27.181 --> 00:31:33.591
last night I was like, oh, my God, this was sneaky as F, you know.
00:31:33.971 --> 00:31:36.981
And once I realized it, I mean, like, it's good that I realized it,
00:31:36.981 --> 00:31:40.889
but I was just like, dang, no wonder this has been so hard for me.
00:31:41.411 --> 00:31:43.948
Right. Like it just snuck right in again.
00:31:45.716 --> 00:31:53.456
So I think that it is so hard to just resist the pull of the comfortable status quo.
00:31:54.202 --> 00:31:59.966
Yeah, and the patterns that we've been operating in for decades.
00:32:00.088 --> 00:32:00.396
Yeah.
00:32:00.640 --> 00:32:03.836
Yeah. So deciding to break those is really hard because, you know,
00:32:03.836 --> 00:32:07.786
like you said earlier, like the people that you're setting boundaries with,
00:32:08.244 --> 00:32:10.026
like they're not changing. Nope.
00:32:10.636 --> 00:32:14.586
And so they're going to keep doing the same things. And so it's up to us to
00:32:14.586 --> 00:32:18.113
really have to be the ones that change that. And it's not always easy.
00:32:18.252 --> 00:32:22.798
No, no, no, no. Case in point. All right. What else? What you got?
00:32:24.232 --> 00:32:28.481
That peace, I think at this stage in life, I just feel like,
00:32:28.748 --> 00:32:32.644
oh my, I would rather have peace than anything. Like, you know,
00:32:32.644 --> 00:32:34.924
just save the drama. I don't want the drama.
00:32:35.406 --> 00:32:38.554
Just give me the peace. Drama is exhausting. It is exhausting.
00:32:38.554 --> 00:32:42.819
You know, I think sometimes we get used to functioning in chaos.
00:32:44.008 --> 00:32:47.304
But man, these days I protect my peace like crazy.
00:32:47.304 --> 00:32:50.854
Yeah, it really. I don't know.
00:32:50.854 --> 00:32:56.724
I go back and forth about the whole pandemic isolation thing because don't get
00:32:56.724 --> 00:33:00.444
me wrong. I don't think it was great we had the pandemic, but I just feel like
00:33:00.444 --> 00:33:02.886
a lot of us just forgot how to relate to other people.
00:33:03.258 --> 00:33:08.994
So I have a hard time separating what is just me getting older and not wanting
00:33:08.994 --> 00:33:14.194
to be there for it and what is, well, I didn't, like, interact with people for
00:33:14.194 --> 00:33:16.580
two years. I don't know. For two years?
00:33:17.384 --> 00:33:19.784
Well, but you know what I'm saying? Like, in person, really,
00:33:19.784 --> 00:33:21.644
like, for significant amounts of time.
00:33:21.644 --> 00:33:25.734
Like, yes, we did over freaking Zoom and everything else. But in terms of belly
00:33:25.734 --> 00:33:31.824
to belly, like conversations, I mean, look, even if you call it 18 months,
00:33:31.824 --> 00:33:34.374
that's still still a lot, you know.
00:33:34.814 --> 00:33:38.454
And I think people just between that and social media and all the other stuff,
00:33:38.454 --> 00:33:42.294
I think people just forgot how to listen to each other, myself included.
00:33:42.294 --> 00:33:47.844
So, yeah, I feel like during the pandemic, like in the beginning, I mean, certainly.
00:33:47.844 --> 00:33:52.444
Yeah. And then as time went on, we we cheated like we would be we would take
00:33:52.444 --> 00:33:55.444
our lawn chairs to our neighbors. And we'd all, you know, of course,
00:33:55.444 --> 00:33:57.805
you did the six feet distancing and all that stuff.
00:33:58.380 --> 00:34:03.374
But it's like I, yeah, that was it was a challenge to not, like you say,
00:34:03.374 --> 00:34:05.188
be belly to belly with people face to face.
00:34:05.485 --> 00:34:10.074
Yeah. Yeah. We did that, too. We would do like barbecues across the street with
00:34:10.074 --> 00:34:13.656
my neighbors. We did it. Actually, it was really fun. Our neighborhood one time
00:34:14.050 --> 00:34:16.495
did a social distancing barbecue. Yeah.
00:34:17.493 --> 00:34:21.342
And we just decided all over the neighborhood, everybody was going to barbecue at the same time.
00:34:21.905 --> 00:34:25.902
And you could just like drive by and wave at people or just stop and say hello
00:34:25.902 --> 00:34:29.512
or whatever. And it was it was good. There was a few people like cruised around,
00:34:29.512 --> 00:34:32.602
but it was kind of neat to do that. And it felt like, oh, OK,
00:34:32.602 --> 00:34:34.412
there's some normalcy there, you know?
00:34:34.412 --> 00:34:39.382
Yeah, that reminds me. So when at the time I lived in Seal Beach and they would
00:34:39.382 --> 00:34:43.552
always have a car show and like, you know, we would just get we would it would
00:34:43.552 --> 00:34:45.425
our town would be packed with people.
00:34:45.825 --> 00:34:49.086
and of course they couldn't do it hold the event so what they did was they did
00:34:49.410 --> 00:34:53.282
we did a drive we did like a parade so you would just get in your car and just
00:34:53.282 --> 00:34:56.556
drive around like a certain route you know throughout town
00:34:57.215 --> 00:35:00.542
and so that that was kind of fun but man isn't that wild to think back on that
00:35:00.542 --> 00:35:02.582
those were wild times it's those are
00:35:02.582 --> 00:35:08.612
Wild yeah it really just yeah i really think that the studies that are going
00:35:08.612 --> 00:35:12.042
to come out of that were just now there's so many things that were affected
00:35:12.042 --> 00:35:16.319
so but anyways we're not here to talk about the pandemic moving on.
00:35:16.621 --> 00:35:19.071
Moving else did we learn after 45
00:35:19.256 --> 00:35:26.437
Okay so the dream life changes and i will i will say also that i think that you end up,
00:35:27.169 --> 00:35:31.262
having different dreams at different times in your life like you've talked about
00:35:31.262 --> 00:35:35.062
this really honestly about how you're kind of going through this with your your
00:35:35.062 --> 00:35:39.201
little hobby farm which was a dream that you manifested and now you're like,
00:35:40.652 --> 00:35:44.225
i don't know is this what i want you know yeah.
00:35:44.953 --> 00:35:48.616
Yeah. And I think I just wrote a sub stack article about this today.
00:35:48.616 --> 00:35:53.196
It's, it's, I think that it takes, you know, we are, we are constantly evolving,
00:35:53.196 --> 00:35:54.885
you know, into different versions of ourselves.
00:35:55.112 --> 00:36:00.446
Sometimes life shows up in the form of like trauma and forces us to take on
00:36:00.446 --> 00:36:01.596
these new identities. Right.
00:36:01.996 --> 00:36:05.716
But yeah, I mean, it's like we, we are constantly growing and changing and our
00:36:05.716 --> 00:36:09.176
dreams are constantly growing and changing. And it's kind of exciting to think
00:36:09.176 --> 00:36:13.006
about because first of all, we're not dead yet. We still have dreams inside of.
00:36:13.006 --> 00:36:17.014
Well, thank God for that. Jesus. Right. Way to set the bar high.
00:36:17.420 --> 00:36:22.246
Seriously, though, I think people think, oh, well, you're almost 60 now.
00:36:22.246 --> 00:36:25.546
OK. What are you going to do next? You know, sorry. No. But yes,
00:36:25.546 --> 00:36:29.936
there are still things I could do next. Not just, you know, be a grandma or. Yep.
00:36:30.476 --> 00:36:33.636
Yep. Raised chickens. You know, it's like what's next? It's kind of exciting
00:36:33.636 --> 00:36:37.706
to think about because it's it's deliberate. Like what we want to do is deliberate.
00:36:37.706 --> 00:36:42.241
It's up to us. We could stay in the status quo or we could, you know,
00:36:42.885 --> 00:36:44.134
create a different dream.
00:36:44.482 --> 00:36:49.136
I think you follow her on Instagram and, you know, we would love to say she's a friend of the podcast.
00:36:49.136 --> 00:36:54.326
Call us Brooke, but that's a dream. At any rate, but she's done this whole thing
00:36:54.326 --> 00:36:57.756
this year because I think it was this year that she turned 60 where she was
00:36:57.756 --> 00:37:00.196
just like, I'm going to go all over the place and do all these things.
00:37:00.196 --> 00:37:02.911
And she's like posting it on Instagram. So I thought that was kind of fun.
00:37:03.558 --> 00:37:07.491
That is fun. I don't think I do follow. I must follow her. But,
00:37:07.752 --> 00:37:10.127
yeah, I don't recall having her in my algorithm.
00:37:10.579 --> 00:37:13.596
I was thinking because Tony and I will turn 60 in the same year.
00:37:14.863 --> 00:37:19.776
He's 58 right now. I will be turning 58. So when we turn 60 in a couple of years,
00:37:19.776 --> 00:37:23.406
I was thinking something similar. Like how fun that would be instead of doing
00:37:23.406 --> 00:37:26.665
like one big trip, you know, just like every month do something,
00:37:26.816 --> 00:37:28.216
you know, just super, super fun.
00:37:28.970 --> 00:37:30.589
I like it. I don't know. We'll see. TBD.
00:37:31.152 --> 00:37:31.696
I like it.
00:37:32.336 --> 00:37:34.321
I think something that we learn as we get older is...
00:37:35.001 --> 00:37:38.234
Is that we don't have to worry about the shoulds anymore.
00:37:38.716 --> 00:37:41.018
You know, it's not like, well, what should I do? Or, you know,
00:37:41.018 --> 00:37:44.608
what do people expect me to do? Or, you know, what am I supposed to do?
00:37:45.171 --> 00:37:47.232
You know, we get after 40.
00:37:47.821 --> 00:37:52.140
It's like, I don't care. What do I want to do? What feels good? That's what I'm doing.
00:37:52.482 --> 00:37:55.708
And I think there's grief in that, too. Like, for me, it was just like,
00:37:55.708 --> 00:38:01.638
oh, well, I thought if I did all the shoulds, that I'd be happy or things would be good. Right.
00:38:01.878 --> 00:38:07.048
And I think that's kind of the beginning of not giving two forks anymore is
00:38:07.048 --> 00:38:08.258
you're like, wait a minute.
00:38:08.258 --> 00:38:12.948
We've talked about this before on the podcast. Like I did all these things that
00:38:12.948 --> 00:38:16.188
did not add up to what it was supposed to add up.
00:38:16.188 --> 00:38:21.658
And so I think it hastens the whole not give a forkness about this time in life
00:38:21.658 --> 00:38:23.560
because you're like, well, what did that get me?
00:38:23.995 --> 00:38:31.543
you know? And so I think should becomes a much different type of scenario, i.e.
00:38:32.140 --> 00:38:33.754
you should be kind to people.
00:38:34.652 --> 00:38:37.984
I still believe that. You should be kind to people, right? Now,
00:38:38.111 --> 00:38:41.908
if someone's an asshole to you, that doesn't mean that you should be kind to them.
00:38:42.239 --> 00:38:48.589
But in general, I like to think that I lead with kindness and respect first, right?
00:38:49.380 --> 00:38:57.864
But on the other hand, I should, I'm trying to think of another example of the not should.
00:38:58.887 --> 00:39:02.971
Like, like, this is such a random example. But like, you remember when we were
00:39:02.971 --> 00:39:07.061
talking on the Our Favorite Things episode, we were talking about finding a
00:39:07.061 --> 00:39:10.889
blouse or a shirt or top that we loved. And then like, I'll take 10 of that.
00:39:11.406 --> 00:39:15.591
Right. And then I'm good to go. Like, you know, 27 year old me would have been
00:39:15.591 --> 00:39:19.040
like, Jesus Christ, everybody's going to know you're wearing the same shirt.
00:39:19.202 --> 00:39:23.681
58 year old me is like, yes, it's all lined up. I can grab it.
00:39:23.681 --> 00:39:25.006
Different color today. Woo.
00:39:25.209 --> 00:39:27.264
Done. Sorted. Plant.
00:39:27.850 --> 00:39:34.178
Like that's. That's awesome. So I think you re-evaluate the things that really
00:39:34.340 --> 00:39:36.691
should be shoulds versus all
00:39:36.691 --> 00:39:41.171
that stuff that you thought you should be doing, if that makes any sense.
00:39:41.171 --> 00:39:45.321
Or that society tells us should be shoulds. Because what I was thinking of is
00:39:45.321 --> 00:39:51.604
like, oh, you should wear a one-piece bathing suit after a certain age. You know? Fuck that.
00:39:51.802 --> 00:39:55.056
Nope. I got a cute one. I'm taking a vacation with me.
00:39:55.230 --> 00:39:59.941
Nice. All right, listeners. Well, we could probably keep this conversation going
00:39:59.941 --> 00:40:05.366
for another two hours because there are definitely lots more things that we have learned after 40.
00:40:05.569 --> 00:40:10.811
Because once you start talking about all this, you realize you've really barely scratched the surface.
00:40:11.113 --> 00:40:15.431
Yes. And this is kind of a spoiler alert, but we're going to keep the conversation
00:40:15.431 --> 00:40:17.992
going. Psych! On Patreon.
00:40:18.645 --> 00:40:22.871
What is Patreon, you say? Patreon is Drinks with the Girls 2.0.
00:40:22.871 --> 00:40:28.421
So Drinks with the Girls After Hours is our membership on Patreon.
00:40:28.421 --> 00:40:32.761
What is that you say? Well, our Patreon is when the real talk happens,
00:40:32.761 --> 00:40:40.837
all those things that we should have said that we just have no forks about anymore. And so we say them.
00:40:41.463 --> 00:40:45.343
And it is available to all listeners. It is,
00:40:46.228 --> 00:40:51.385
Less than the cost of a bougie cocktail per month. We're talking $9.97,
00:40:51.385 --> 00:40:52.857
y'all, per month. That's it.
00:40:53.217 --> 00:40:57.555
And with all that, you get the bonus episode. You get it drops a day earlier
00:40:57.555 --> 00:41:01.939
than everybody on the public gets it. That's where all our new stuff is going to be announced first.
00:41:02.050 --> 00:41:06.935
And you also support us to keep bringing this content that we always work so
00:41:06.935 --> 00:41:10.067
hard every week to bring to you. So it's a win-win.
00:41:10.287 --> 00:41:14.055
I just want to add that this is how we are able to keep it ad-free.
00:41:14.217 --> 00:41:16.565
like do you ever listen to podcasts and like every such
00:41:16.565 --> 00:41:17.136
A good point.
00:41:17.479 --> 00:41:20.795
You just are getting into it and then they're breaking for another break to
00:41:21.195 --> 00:41:24.467
to you know hawk the latest mattress
00:41:25.001 --> 00:41:30.525
so yeah so that that's how we are able to keep this podcast pure just us and
00:41:30.525 --> 00:41:34.035
and our guests when they're here and and just to keep the ads out of it for
00:41:34.335 --> 00:41:38.115
For now such a good point i completely forgot about that yeah and that i mean
00:41:38.115 --> 00:41:41.505
we could have done ads we that was one of the ways we could have gone and we
00:41:41.505 --> 00:41:43.551
decided nope this is the way we're going to do it. So,
00:41:44.826 --> 00:41:49.019
All right. If you are not able to join us on Patreon, though, we get it.
00:41:49.339 --> 00:41:54.069
We will see you here next week on Drinks with the Girls. See ya.
00:41:54.190 --> 00:41:57.749
Well, we've reached the part of the conversation where we probably should stop talking.
00:41:57.749 --> 00:41:58.619
But we never do.
00:41:59.059 --> 00:42:02.889
We really don't. But hold up. You're probably wondering where the rest of this episode went.
00:42:02.889 --> 00:42:06.569
I got you. This is why we have one brain. We've launched Drinks with the Girls
00:42:06.569 --> 00:42:08.824
2.0, and it's over on Patreon.
00:42:09.120 --> 00:42:13.277
We've realized some of our best conversations happen after we've officially wrapped things up.
00:42:13.486 --> 00:42:17.029
This is where you'll get the end of the conversation, plus early access to all
00:42:17.029 --> 00:42:19.231
the episodes so you never miss Last Call.
00:42:19.690 --> 00:42:23.509
You'll get the stories we probably shouldn't share, the things we weren't planning
00:42:23.509 --> 00:42:27.629
to say, the random rabbit holes that somehow become the best part of the conversation.
00:42:27.629 --> 00:42:30.559
Basically, all the stuff that happens when the microphones are still on,
00:42:30.559 --> 00:42:33.549
but we're no longer behaving ourselves like that ever happens.
00:42:33.549 --> 00:42:37.069
And best of all, you'll get in on the ground floor of the rocket ship that is
00:42:37.069 --> 00:42:38.749
Drinks with the Girls 2.0.
00:42:38.749 --> 00:42:41.709
We've been teasing this for a while now, and it's finally here.
00:42:41.709 --> 00:42:46.039
you'll get to own your very own slice of drinks with the girls 2.0 and help
00:42:46.039 --> 00:42:47.629
us launch this sucker into the
00:42:47.629 --> 00:42:51.309
Stratosphere so if you'd like to pull up a seat for one more round or join us
00:42:51.309 --> 00:42:54.749
for a coffee date come join us on patreon the link is in the show notes we'd.
00:42:54.749 --> 00:42:56.442
Love to have you and we're saving you a seat
00:42:57.272 --> 00:42:59.902
Wait why are you still here head over to patreon and.