#32: Overthinking Everything — Why Your Brain Won’t Shut Up (And How to Deal)

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Don't even bother.
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okay.
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So what's gonna be really fun is that you and I are both really massive overthinkers,
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we're very skilled over at thinking
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at the art of over overly thinking.
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So I think we should talk about it.
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Okay.
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'cause I know we're not the only people.
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There is such a generalized high level of anxiety, I think, in the world.
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Yeah.
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Right now where I do think, and I forgot who told me this, that anxiety's being used almost, it's almost being used too much as an excuse as we'll.
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Put that in quotations as an excuse or as a reason for.
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Some things that people are experiencing.
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I'm not saying overthinking, I'm just saying as a generalized thing, saying, why can't you know my anxiety does this to me?
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Sometimes I think it's just being a little bit overused.
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It's
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being a hundred percent overused
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and it's tending to take away the, just
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like gaslighting,
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right?
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Being overused.
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I don't, right.
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I don't wanna take out the importance of people suffering from anxiety and things like that because it is legit.
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But I would like to give you.
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I would like to share,
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I'm gonna overthink this mic stand right now.
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Just let it and we'll let it go find.
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Find the way in your mind.
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Just like, let it go because it's, I'll just talk
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real loud.
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Okay.
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I look at overthinking and I think it's.
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It's being stuck in a web of your own mind and your own thoughts.
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Yeah.
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I love that
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because I mean, I don't
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love it, but I love the
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analogy.
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But you love, I know.
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I was, thank you.
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I came up with, that one was really good.
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What I did find from the internet, the, the worldwide web, I was curious as to what personality is an overthinker.
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So people who are overthinkers tend to have high levels of anxiety, perfectionism, and underlying stress.
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I don't know that I'm a perfectionist.
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I am definitely not.
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You're more of a perfectionist than I am
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probably.
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But I am more of a perfectionist in the sense of it's not even perfectionism, it's accomplishment.
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So if I have a list, which, you know, I live and die by the list.
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I love my list.
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That is something that I need to get done.
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If I have a set of tasks for the day, it really gives me an, it causes me stress to not get it done and to have to rewrite it to the next day.
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Do you, um, if you do something that was on your list, but it was like a task that you checked off, do you add it to your list?
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Yes, I do.
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You can check it off?
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Yes, I do.
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I do.
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I, I love a good list.
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Am I bound by that list?
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No, because I am just walking chaos.
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I think, and I, I mean, I'm gonna have a list, but
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my list will get shifted a lot.
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But there is nothing that gives me more of a sense of accomplishment than crossing off 70% of a list and not having to add things to it.
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Because when I add things to it, it means that something didn't get accomplished and it has to go to the next day.
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Oh, okay.
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So it's a running list, but there are certain things, if it's a.
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For example, email this person, this person, this person.
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I know I have to email those people 'cause they're in my email box, but so are 500 other emails.
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So if I don't specify who is of importance to email today, maybe I won't see it because I'm, same with the text messages.
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If I have 15 text messages at one time, my.
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The thing that I try to do as much as I can is not open a text message if I know I don't have the time to respond to it right now.
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Mm-hmm.
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And I'll leave it or I'll try to remarket as unread.
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Yeah.
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Because it's too, I do that a lot.
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It's too much at the moment, but I'll have on my list sometimes, like text this person, check in with this, whatever it is.
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But I do love accomplishing things on that list.
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They're not done always in a perfect manner.
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So like when I have a task at hand, that's why I say like, I'm not a perfectionist.
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I wouldn't think.
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Stress out about something.
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If I do a job well done, do I overanalyze it and say, but it could have been better.
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I don't, yeah, I
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don't either.
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I have a, a former family member who would cook something and everyone would be like, this is amazing.
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No, I really should have done this.
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And we're like, Ugh.
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That's exhausting.
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It is
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exhausting.
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I, the, my problem is, uh, I think they call it oppositional defiance disorder, which then my husband is like, there's a name for everything.
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It means that I thrive on a list and structure, but then even if I made that own list, my own brain goes into my own brain and goes, fuck, you don't tell me what to do.
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I mean, that's very different.
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So, so then you'll appreciate some of the root causes of overthinking.
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You know me when I have to, and I, I'm not citing sources this time because it's just knowledge.
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It is a mix.
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These are just a few of 'em.
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Some root causes are a mix of psychological factors, past experiences, especially trauma.
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Yeah.
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Okay.
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Which, yes.
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And situational stress.
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Sure.
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So those were three that I selected.
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'cause I was like, we late.
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Yeah.
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Like we can,
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yeah,
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we can go with that.
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Um, some, okay.
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Wait.
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Some ways to manage, let's talk about ways to manage from a professional.
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And if I got any information, it was from all of the health sites.
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And then I also have my best friend who is,
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I'm sorry.
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I'm just a mess
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right now.
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Megan's tired today.
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I'm not that tired.
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I just can't catch a good breath.
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So when that is the worst.
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Yeah.
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When you can't catch a good breath.
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And then I overthink why I can't catch a good breath.
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Yeah.
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And then I think something to do with my heart.
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Do I need to make an appointment with a cardiologist?
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Do we need to add it to the list?
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Yeah.
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There's a,
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so if I yawn, I'm not tired and I'm not bored.
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I'm just,
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it's a whole, it's just a, a downward spiral of this weird tornado.
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So some ways to manage stress that he shared with me that I thought were really cool, were recognition like.
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Mm-hmm.
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So it's kind of, you go through the steps of admitting right, or whatever.
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So recognition, and that's tied in with like self-reflection to shift your perspective on the matter, as in.
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I mean everything dependent on the certain situation, but put yourself in the shoes of someone else.
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The bystander looking in.
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Mm-hmm.
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Right.
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Yeah.
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And try to refute any kind of counterpoint or just like argument that you could, that could be made hypothetically.
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Sure.
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And then the third was to temper the concept and attach something to help the transition in finding the solution.
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So be solutions oriented, be positive about it.
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Because I think the problem with overthinking is when we get stuck in our own mind, at least for me, it is very easy to just keep going down.
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Yeah.
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And then almost being consumed in a way by it.
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So it's,
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yeah,
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it's a little challenging.
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I tend to try to find the positive.
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That's me.
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Oh, we've talked about that before.
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Me too.
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We try.
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I'm a big silver lining person.
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Yes.
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Even if it's like a very farfetched silver lining, it's still there.
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Oh yeah.
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It's
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as J as it is,
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I have clung for dear life to some very tenuous silver linings.
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But whatever gets you through,
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and I think a lot of people just go through this where they think of that one thing and just can't stop thinking about it.
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Now, I will tell you that there are some advantages to being an overthinker.
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That is exactly that, that you will analyze issues from multiple angles considering various outcomes and possibilities.
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Yeah, that's what we just said.
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If you can get past the like analysis paralysis, then hell yeah.
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Then you're unstoppable
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because you've thought so many things through which actually means the good, bad, and the ugly.
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Yeah.
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You've calculated out risk.
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This is like risk assessment type situation.
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Yep.
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But.
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Also just, I think it helps me on preparing myself for maybe something I wasn't expecting.
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Oh, yeah.
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So if it's like a bad thing.
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Mm-hmm.
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I just wanna prepare myself a little bit for it, and I wanna know that at least I've already thought through that this was a possibility.
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There are some things that happened to me in my life that never could I have even thought of or imagined.
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Yeah.
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That then will set me on a Okay.
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But I have been very good in trying to implement.
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Let it go if it's not, you know, there's, there's the whole thing of, we talk about control a lot and I love being in control of certain aspects of my life that I can control, but I'm not in control.
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Big picture, I'm not in control'cause God is in control, but also on the medium or the median or average picture, I'm not in control of a lot of other stuff.
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I can control literally the actions I take.
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Mm-hmm.
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The words I take, what I put in my body.
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How I react, like how I let my emotions react to something, my emotions, and that's the only control that's there.
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So you kind of have to give that up in a way.
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But I think I used to see it as more of a negative thing that I was overthinking, and I've really tried to train myself not to spiral.
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Yeah.
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And sometimes it's hard.
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It is hard.
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It's like a conscious effort.
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It's like a, you'll never, once you're an overthinker, you'll never not.
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Overthink it, but you can, you have to consciously work at it all the time to keep it healthy.
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Yeah.
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I don't think it'll ever be that second nature thing.
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Yeah.
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Where it'll just, oh, I would've, I would've thought too much about that.
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I just think I don't like the spiral that it can potentially take me to.
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So with all of those advantages of, yeah, I can analyze everything from so many different angles and kind of think already, or not predict, but.
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Sometimes pattern recognition goes along with that.
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So there's a lot of good that I see to it, but then there's also, okay, but if it takes this one, let's say it goes the bad route.
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What are the, what are the rabbit hole stems from the bad route?
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Because technically, I guess overthinking is just, you're putting yourself in the web, the rabbit hole of your own mind.
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Yeah.
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Because once you do start going down that you'll create shit that wasn't even supposed to be there.
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Oh yeah.
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The things, the scenarios, excuse
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me.
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The scenarios I've created in my brain are movie worthy.
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Like that would never happen.
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Do you know what?
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So I never do this.
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I don't know if you do it, but I know people who do, they'll be telling you how to have conversations with people.
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They know that you have to go meet with someone or have a conversation, and they'll basically talk out the whole conversation like, yeah, and then you go, and then he'll go, or she'll go and you go, and I'm like, wait, wait.
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I'm so sorry.
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I'm not in that conversation right now.
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I can't take a hypothetical script of how this and what to say, but some people really like that.
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They really get into it.
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The hard part of that for me is that if I've built up this script in my mind and you are not following that script, my brain will go haywire and now I am out of the conversation and I have no idea how to, especially if it's like a confrontational conversation.
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Because I definitely do that.
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If I have to have a potentially high stakes or tense conversation with somebody, if I'm reacting right in the moment, I mean I can, I can carry that.
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But if I know that I have to go to somebody and say, Hey, this was wrong, or whatever the conversation is, and I rehearsed it in my head.
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'cause that's, I will just do that by default setting.
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Then if that person is, or they'll throw a wrench in it and then all of a sudden I am on my heels, like, what?
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And now I have lost the entire thing.
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And so I have to really consciously try to not do that or what I will do, especially if it's somebody I know really well.
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I will play out a conversation.
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Okay, but what if they say this?
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Okay, now what if they say this and then what?
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And I have gone through 30 different of the same version of this conversation.
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That's not healthy.
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I will tell you right now, I am trying so hard 'cause that just sucks all of my energy.
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But there's a part of my little fight or flight brain that is like, no, you have to be prepared for every possible outcome.
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Well, hold on.
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'cause I think that that's good.
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So I think that playing out the conversation in your own mind is good, but it would be like you telling one of your kids.
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This is how it's gonna go.
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You're gonna go like this, they're gonna go like this.
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You're gonna, you're dictating it out, scripting it out for them.
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I can't tell that to another person.
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Like I can't tell you about the conversation that you're gonna have, that you already have to play out in your head, because of course you go in knowing what you're gonna say.
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You know that there's gonna be one of, however, typically like three responses for you.
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30.
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But I'm just saying there's always gonna be a. Yeah, agree.
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I see the picture, what you're, you're wild for even saying that you're crazy or three, the wild card.
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But then what if they had a terrible day?
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What if you just,
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what if they're constipated?
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I used to have a coworker who, anytime somebody was rude to us, she'd be like, and I'd be back, you know, in the break room like this motherfucker, and she'd be like, Megan, what if he's constipated today?
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What?
00:13:23.957 --> 00:13:25.008
And I was like, Colleen,
00:13:25.878 --> 00:13:26.477
he's not a baby.
00:13:26.477 --> 00:13:27.582
I don't want to be.
00:13:28.653 --> 00:13:32.163
I just please be mean to me or with me for just a minute.
00:13:32.373 --> 00:13:33.753
Like, stop being so reasonable.
00:13:33.753 --> 00:13:34.232
But hold on.
00:13:34.232 --> 00:13:38.013
What if he's constipated is such a, you think a baby, right?
00:13:38.043 --> 00:13:39.033
Oh, the baby's grumpy.
00:13:39.033 --> 00:13:40.202
'cause the baby has to burp.
00:13:40.202 --> 00:13:41.013
The baby's grumpy.
00:13:41.013 --> 00:13:42.932
'cause the baby this, whatever it may be.
00:13:42.932 --> 00:13:43.293
That was her
00:13:43.383 --> 00:13:43.788
go-to for
00:13:43.788 --> 00:13:44.067
everything.
00:13:44.067 --> 00:13:44.192
That was the
00:13:44.673 --> 00:13:45.452
hysterical
00:13:45.543 --> 00:13:47.523
you would, I would never think to put that on an adult.
00:13:47.673 --> 00:13:48.003
Yeah.
00:13:48.243 --> 00:13:48.482
Oh.
00:13:49.202 --> 00:13:49.682
Oh.
00:13:49.712 --> 00:13:50.222
Hello?
00:13:50.883 --> 00:13:52.802
Uh, I will give you a fun fact.
00:13:53.312 --> 00:13:53.702
Okay.
00:13:53.972 --> 00:13:54.092
Okay.
00:13:54.092 --> 00:13:54.903
Fun facts are fun.
00:13:55.832 --> 00:14:05.102
Overthinkers tend to often be deeply loyal and committed and have attentiveness to the smallest details.
00:14:05.133 --> 00:14:13.653
That's because we have already played out every freaking scenario and we've decided to maintain that relationship.
00:14:14.222 --> 00:14:20.013
We're rolling the dice on this one, and, uh, and sometimes that doesn't, you know, this is just human nature.
00:14:20.013 --> 00:14:22.263
Sometimes that doesn't always, uh, go, but.
00:14:22.847 --> 00:14:25.278
I like trying to pay attention to small details.
00:14:25.278 --> 00:14:30.918
My mom, sometimes when she's here, she'll get mad at me if she's talking to me and I'm on the computer doing something.
00:14:30.977 --> 00:14:31.097
Mm-hmm.
00:14:31.548 --> 00:14:34.577
And she'll be like, can you just focus and like, pay attention to me?
00:14:34.577 --> 00:14:37.337
And I'm, and I tell her, no, I, I know what you said.
00:14:37.847 --> 00:14:40.998
I can do two things at once, but some people just need that.
00:14:40.998 --> 00:14:42.077
And, and I, I get it.
00:14:42.077 --> 00:14:42.857
It's totally,
00:14:42.918 --> 00:14:43.967
I do that to my kids too.
00:14:43.998 --> 00:14:44.327
It's a,
00:14:44.327 --> 00:14:45.528
would you turn around and look at my face,
00:14:45.528 --> 00:14:45.707
please.
00:14:45.707 --> 00:14:50.373
Yeah, it's, and I, I can, I can repeat exactly what she said and I know how she meant it, and I know the whole thing.
00:14:51.273 --> 00:15:03.692
But I also think that there is a point of, we have just become so consumed in general with everything on that list or on our task list that needs to get done because we're just slaves to the man.
00:15:04.052 --> 00:15:07.572
Um, and that's not one man, that's the government man group.
00:15:07.592 --> 00:15:09.243
The man, the, the man.
00:15:09.722 --> 00:15:09.962
The
00:15:09.962 --> 00:15:10.773
man there.
00:15:10.773 --> 00:15:11.192
That's it.
00:15:11.582 --> 00:15:12.663
Whoever it may be.
00:15:12.663 --> 00:15:12.722
Yeah.
00:15:12.753 --> 00:15:14.613
Or whatever group might be running it.
00:15:15.153 --> 00:15:18.722
So we're just, we've, you know, we've all been kind of trained and fixated in that.
00:15:18.722 --> 00:15:20.102
So I understand where.
00:15:20.868 --> 00:15:22.038
I need to just focus.
00:15:22.038 --> 00:15:26.898
That'll actually help me a lot to be able to just put it aside and do it.
00:15:27.197 --> 00:15:41.508
But then I think there's also, like, for me right now holding this, there's, okay, I did it, I'll put it down in a second, but I, uh, it's like a, not a comfort, but it's just that habit, that habit of, well, I always am doing something.
00:15:41.508 --> 00:15:42.557
So now it's become.
00:15:43.187 --> 00:15:44.508
If I don't do it, then it won't get done.
00:15:44.508 --> 00:15:48.077
And if it doesn't get done, then this and this, but I can also listen to you and I can do this.
00:15:48.437 --> 00:15:50.057
It's just a weird, this is a,
00:15:50.057 --> 00:15:50.477
yeah,
00:15:50.567 --> 00:15:56.177
we're connected and, or, um, not obsessed, but we're just not used to not having devices.
00:15:56.177 --> 00:15:57.317
And I just miss the nineties.
00:15:58.488 --> 00:15:58.908
That's it.
00:15:59.238 --> 00:16:00.378
I think it all comes down to that.
00:16:00.378 --> 00:16:07.067
Like I just don't wanna have that to, you know, even, even just the internet, even just standard work, standard emails.
00:16:07.128 --> 00:16:08.717
Okay, now, oh, great.
00:16:08.717 --> 00:16:12.378
Now if I respond to this one though, I have to respond to all of them, and it just becomes that.
00:16:13.548 --> 00:16:15.288
It's a, it's like never ending.
00:16:15.288 --> 00:16:21.347
I think when you are an overthinker, when you go through this and just trying to, I guess this is just managing life in general.
00:16:21.347 --> 00:16:21.437
Mm-hmm.
00:16:22.187 --> 00:16:26.057
It's hard sometimes to just put it down and take a step back.
00:16:26.057 --> 00:16:26.118
Yeah.
00:16:27.138 --> 00:16:35.268
Well that's why like I have kind of built up the expectation at my actual job, not really my freelance job.
00:16:35.273 --> 00:16:38.957
I'm a lot more responsive in that because freelance depends on that.
00:16:38.957 --> 00:16:41.057
But in my actual office job.
00:16:41.613 --> 00:16:44.913
I don't reply to emails right away.
00:16:45.393 --> 00:16:55.263
Typically, I like to let 'em sit for about a day because a no part of my job is an emergency.
00:16:55.383 --> 00:16:55.623
That's right.
00:16:55.623 --> 00:17:02.822
And the amount of times I've told people that, like having come from emergency vet med, I, I know what an emergency is.
00:17:03.033 --> 00:17:07.742
No part of marketing is an emergency in my particular.
00:17:08.748 --> 00:17:09.708
It is just not.
00:17:10.428 --> 00:17:14.718
And so I don't owe anybody a 30 second response.
00:17:15.377 --> 00:17:16.728
Let me think on it for a day.
00:17:16.758 --> 00:17:17.208
Let me go.
00:17:17.238 --> 00:17:23.928
I will get back to you most of the time, but take a, take a breather.
00:17:24.288 --> 00:17:26.268
We all came from the 19 hundreds.
00:17:26.597 --> 00:17:30.917
There's very few people that I deal with in my job currently that are not,
00:17:30.948 --> 00:17:31.637
are two thousands
00:17:31.637 --> 00:17:32.718
from the 19 hundreds.
00:17:32.718 --> 00:17:35.087
And so like, let's all take a step back.
00:17:35.327 --> 00:17:36.222
You can wait 24 hours.
00:17:37.097 --> 00:17:40.008
For me to respond to you and it'll be okay.
00:17:40.488 --> 00:17:41.867
The world will keep turning.
00:17:43.428 --> 00:17:44.117
It'll be okay.
00:17:44.238 --> 00:17:45.708
I wish I had that in my job.
00:17:45.708 --> 00:17:46.458
Yeah, you, yeah.
00:17:46.458 --> 00:17:46.637
I
00:17:46.637 --> 00:17:46.788
can
00:17:46.788 --> 00:17:47.387
see how you wouldn't,
00:17:47.387 --> 00:17:51.498
you know, when I do have that, and I've, and I'm always very polite about it.
00:17:51.498 --> 00:18:00.978
If I have someone email me, like, past client, future client, whatever it is, if someone emails me and it's not pertinent to like, Hey, I saw this article and I thought you'd enjoy it.
00:18:01.337 --> 00:18:02.028
'cause that's happened to me.
00:18:02.028 --> 00:18:03.377
I've got one person that does that.
00:18:03.377 --> 00:18:06.407
And sometimes two days will go by and.
00:18:06.768 --> 00:18:13.278
It's just, it's not that I didn't find it important, it's that number one, oops, I opened it and I didn't have the time to actually read this.
00:18:13.278 --> 00:18:13.698
Are you respond
00:18:13.698 --> 00:18:14.238
in your head
00:18:14.238 --> 00:18:16.367
beneficial email or I'll deal with it later.
00:18:16.847 --> 00:18:26.718
But you know, we've talked about how much we love the schedule send because I, when I figured that out, that was a game changer for me because a lot of these times when I'm finally having the time
00:18:26.748 --> 00:18:26.837
mm-hmm.
00:18:27.347 --> 00:18:28.038
It's midnight.
00:18:28.038 --> 00:18:28.097
Yeah.
00:18:28.188 --> 00:18:31.367
I'm not gonna go reply to someone at midnight, number one.
00:18:31.698 --> 00:18:33.678
Maybe they'll get it in the morning, but number two.
00:18:34.008 --> 00:18:39.978
I don't want people to see it at midnight and know that, oh, if I ever have a question Uhhuh, I can reach out at midnight and she'll respond.
00:18:39.978 --> 00:18:41.178
That's, yeah.
00:18:41.327 --> 00:18:43.847
I'm trying to, and that was a, a more recent
00:18:43.968 --> 00:18:44.268
mm-hmm.
00:18:44.508 --> 00:18:47.087
Revelation to me in my own brain.
00:18:47.147 --> 00:18:48.557
Don't send it in the middle of the night.
00:18:48.557 --> 00:18:54.317
Even though maybe you have insomnia and can't sleep, even though they'll see it at 7:00 AM they're gonna see that timestamp.
00:18:54.528 --> 00:18:54.917
Yeah.
00:18:55.008 --> 00:18:58.577
And they're gonna think, well, she'll just respond to me then.
00:18:59.208 --> 00:19:02.837
Yeah, I get a solid amount of work done between
00:19:02.837 --> 00:19:17.178
00 AM and it's a rare person who gets a reply from me right back at that moment like you do because I know that, you know, we can text each other whenever.
00:19:17.208 --> 00:19:17.417
Yeah.
00:19:17.778 --> 00:19:19.067
But, um.
00:19:21.242 --> 00:19:31.742
One of the only people, like right now I'm in the midst of building a new website and the gal that I'm working with is on the East coast, so I don't mind emailing her at six in the morning because fine, that's no big deal.
00:19:31.742 --> 00:19:39.903
But generally speaking, if somebody I'm working with local, yeah, they're getting a scheduled send 'cause Well, and then you're talking about focus.
00:19:39.903 --> 00:19:46.413
So a, that's part of why I like to crochet so much because it does keep my hands and my brain busy, but I'm not on my phone.
00:19:48.722 --> 00:19:59.853
Then I have a friend who has a unique ability to just kill my focus for the entire day.
00:20:00.093 --> 00:20:08.853
I can be in a flow at work, just killing it, and then I'll get a notification of a reel or something and I'm, I'm gone now.
00:20:09.242 --> 00:20:10.383
I may as well go home.
00:20:11.268 --> 00:20:17.117
And I was in one of one of those conversations one day and a coworker came and brought a little rock.
00:20:17.238 --> 00:20:23.958
It's like smaller than a golf ball and on a little polished rock and engraved on it is the word focus.
00:20:23.958 --> 00:20:29.867
And she put it on my desk during the middle of one of these focus killer conversations.
00:20:29.897 --> 00:20:29.938
Oh no.
00:20:29.938 --> 00:20:29.982
Oh no.
00:20:30.468 --> 00:20:32.057
And so I look at that.
00:20:32.057 --> 00:20:34.938
Every time I look at that, I just crack up laughing.
00:20:34.938 --> 00:20:36.077
'cause I'm like, oh yeah, you're right.
00:20:36.167 --> 00:20:36.738
Focus.
00:20:36.768 --> 00:20:37.067
Yeah.
00:20:37.847 --> 00:20:38.357
Focus.
00:20:38.357 --> 00:20:38.508
Focus.
00:20:38.657 --> 00:20:39.137
Um.
00:20:39.573 --> 00:20:40.742
I forgot to share.
00:20:40.742 --> 00:20:42.093
I rewrote these notes.
00:20:42.093 --> 00:20:44.163
I had it on a smaller notebook and then I rewrote them.
00:20:44.192 --> 00:20:47.192
'cause number one, writing helps me learn and retain.
00:20:47.583 --> 00:20:58.143
But it was, if you find yourself in a spell, like a real deep web, or I guess a, a wide web, maybe practice, it's like the 3, 3, 3 rule.
00:20:59.167 --> 00:21:03.182
It's identify three different things in a room that you're in.
00:21:03.393 --> 00:21:03.423
Okay?
00:21:03.423 --> 00:21:05.583
Like stop, identify three different things.
00:21:05.853 --> 00:21:07.532
Listen for three different sounds.
00:21:08.087 --> 00:21:10.097
And move three body parts.
00:21:10.637 --> 00:21:11.478
Oh, interesting.
00:21:11.837 --> 00:21:16.258
And it kind of, and you always say the motion stuff, Uhhuh how, like the benefit of that.
00:21:16.258 --> 00:21:16.442
But
00:21:16.442 --> 00:21:18.317
it needs to be like a bilateral motion.
00:21:18.347 --> 00:21:18.557
Yeah.
00:21:18.557 --> 00:21:20.657
To get your whole brain in involved.
00:21:20.657 --> 00:21:30.077
So I sometimes I think if, sometimes I'll sit still, sometimes I don't, we know I use my hands all the time to talk.
00:21:30.077 --> 00:21:32.458
I feel like I can't sit still The way that you use your hands.
00:21:33.317 --> 00:21:36.407
You're moving your hands all the time and I'm just moving everything all the time.
00:21:36.438 --> 00:21:37.998
Like I cannot sit still.
00:21:38.327 --> 00:21:39.833
I It is, it is pretty.
00:21:40.907 --> 00:21:48.587
Nuts when I'm, when I'm talking I, and so then, then I'll cla bum or I'll sit on them to try to not be such a mime about it.
00:21:48.798 --> 00:21:49.127
Okay.
00:21:49.127 --> 00:21:55.278
But I thought that that was like an Italian stereotype until we went to that Italian dinner.
00:21:55.548 --> 00:21:57.678
And you brought that cute little Italian couple.
00:21:57.678 --> 00:21:57.798
Oh yeah.
00:21:57.798 --> 00:21:58.518
Older couple.
00:21:58.518 --> 00:22:04.758
And then they were talking with the other Italian man and these two Italian men, like speaking in Italian.
00:22:05.268 --> 00:22:09.198
Just the hand movements were incredible.
00:22:09.557 --> 00:22:10.008
It was.
00:22:11.103 --> 00:22:11.643
I loved it.
00:22:11.673 --> 00:22:14.133
It made my whole day because I was like, this is real.
00:22:14.222 --> 00:22:15.542
It's, it is real.
00:22:15.542 --> 00:22:16.623
It's definitely real.
00:22:16.623 --> 00:22:17.702
It's just everything.
00:22:17.702 --> 00:22:19.413
And they're much more exaggerated.
00:22:19.413 --> 00:22:24.303
Obviously when you're with or when you're in Italy or when you're with people like that, like they
00:22:24.303 --> 00:22:27.333
had just met each other and they're slapping each other on the back.
00:22:27.333 --> 00:22:28.472
You son of a bitch.
00:22:28.532 --> 00:22:29.883
I mean, it was incredible.
00:22:29.913 --> 00:22:30.962
It's so good.
00:22:30.962 --> 00:22:34.442
I love it, but it also reminds me of.
00:22:34.623 --> 00:22:37.022
Because it's just a whole other language.
00:22:37.022 --> 00:22:41.823
The hands, there's motions for certain things that, you know, everybody knows over there.
00:22:41.823 --> 00:22:43.952
So there's just, it's a lot.
00:22:43.982 --> 00:22:44.702
It's complex.
00:22:44.732 --> 00:22:49.053
But I will say there's the guy on the internet who does HO math.
00:22:50.133 --> 00:22:54.123
The handle is, I think it's ho math, and I've sent you charts of his before.
00:22:54.333 --> 00:22:58.923
He'll be like, women that are doing this and like crying about this and he'll break it down.
00:22:58.923 --> 00:22:59.702
It's called HO Math.
00:22:59.762 --> 00:23:00.873
Okay, at HO Math.
00:23:01.563 --> 00:23:03.093
This is for you in a loving way.
00:23:03.587 --> 00:23:06.678
He was saying that, so I do, I do this a lot, right?
00:23:06.678 --> 00:23:06.738
Yeah.
00:23:06.738 --> 00:23:09.258
Like with the hands, like this, like an Italian.
00:23:09.258 --> 00:23:12.738
And he was, he had this whole video about women who do this.
00:23:12.917 --> 00:23:13.607
Oh, the bird.
00:23:13.613 --> 00:23:15.258
The bird, yeah, the bird hand.
00:23:15.258 --> 00:23:15.948
And it's like Bach.
00:23:15.948 --> 00:23:16.428
Bach.
00:23:16.817 --> 00:23:17.387
So.
00:23:17.762 --> 00:23:19.923
Now when I do it, I get super self-conscious.
00:23:19.923 --> 00:23:21.452
'cause I'm gonna, I'm like, oh my gosh.
00:23:21.452 --> 00:23:27.153
What's gonna happen is someone's gonna clip that portion of one of the videos and be like, look at this girl.
00:23:27.153 --> 00:23:29.012
She's totally doing, she's telling us what to do.
00:23:29.042 --> 00:23:29.823
No, I'm not.
00:23:29.823 --> 00:23:30.813
I'm just Italian.
00:23:30.813 --> 00:23:31.428
I talk with my hands.
00:23:31.428 --> 00:23:31.708
Sorry.
00:23:31.708 --> 00:23:34.803
The Italian hands are different than the bird hands though.
00:23:35.073 --> 00:23:37.923
I know, but still it's just, it's the motion.
00:23:38.252 --> 00:23:38.462
I get it.
00:23:38.492 --> 00:23:38.643
Okay.
00:23:38.643 --> 00:23:47.343
So back in the day, I worked at this job with a wide, weird variety of people and there was a woman who worked up in the administrative office.
00:23:48.137 --> 00:23:55.127
And my department was kind of the rebellious group.
00:23:55.548 --> 00:23:56.573
We kinda did whatever we wanted.
00:23:56.573 --> 00:23:56.972
Perfect.
00:23:56.972 --> 00:23:58.518
We were not chained to a desk.
00:23:58.548 --> 00:24:03.377
We were not, you know, we did, we could go outside like we were pretty rogue.
00:24:03.377 --> 00:24:05.057
Can I guess what job this was, or do you not wanna
00:24:05.057 --> 00:24:05.117
say?
00:24:05.117 --> 00:24:05.778
Yeah, no, you can guess.
00:24:05.778 --> 00:24:06.978
Was this car dealership stuff?
00:24:07.008 --> 00:24:08.087
No, this was at the hotel.
00:24:08.357 --> 00:24:09.048
Oh.
00:24:09.198 --> 00:24:11.387
I worked at lots of hotels, but this was at the local hotel.
00:24:11.417 --> 00:24:11.748
Oh,
00:24:11.748 --> 00:24:12.258
okay.
00:24:12.258 --> 00:24:12.268
Okay.
00:24:12.268 --> 00:24:12.278
Okay.
00:24:12.278 --> 00:24:16.532
And I know that we have one person who is listening who a hundred percent knows and probably can guess who this is that I'm gonna talk about.
00:24:17.222 --> 00:24:26.403
So this older lady worked up in the administrative office and she was super, like skinny, older lady, very sharp features.
00:24:26.403 --> 00:24:35.432
And when she got mad at us, oh no, she, she would come down and put her hands on her hips and talk to us with her head moving front and back.
00:24:35.583 --> 00:24:36.482
And it, we.
00:24:37.097 --> 00:24:39.498
One of us pointed out that she looked like a chicken.
00:24:40.248 --> 00:24:44.718
And then when we could never take her seriously when she was reprimanding us, it was the freaking funniest.
00:24:44.867 --> 00:24:49.397
So that's all I can think of when you're talking about the chicken hand, because this woman was a whole chicken body.
00:24:49.488 --> 00:24:50.028
The whole chicken,
00:24:50.057 --> 00:24:52.518
and she'd be meaning it with her whole soul.
00:24:52.518 --> 00:24:53.748
She was so mad at us.
00:24:53.807 --> 00:24:54.048
And
00:24:54.048 --> 00:24:55.667
were you all trying not to laugh?
00:24:55.728 --> 00:24:56.807
Oh, I'd have to walk away.
00:24:56.807 --> 00:24:58.877
I'd have to be like, I have to go to the, I have a bloody nose.
00:24:58.877 --> 00:25:02.627
Like I cannot stand here and do this with you because I'm gonna laugh in your face.
00:25:02.657 --> 00:25:04.907
Oh, like that?
00:25:04.938 --> 00:25:04.998
Yeah.
00:25:04.998 --> 00:25:05.357
Okay.
00:25:05.883 --> 00:25:06.573
That's crazy.
00:25:06.663 --> 00:25:06.843
No.
00:25:06.843 --> 00:25:08.133
So I've never seen anyone do that.
00:25:08.133 --> 00:25:09.212
I do wanna see that now though.
00:25:09.212 --> 00:25:10.323
I wanna see that like on a live, that's
00:25:10.682 --> 00:25:11.252
incredible
00:25:11.282 --> 00:25:12.423
human to do that.
00:25:12.423 --> 00:25:18.452
I mean, you know what, if I look hard enough on the internet, I'm pretty sure I could watch something of current and I'll, I'll recreate it for
00:25:18.452 --> 00:25:18.932
you later.
00:25:19.083 --> 00:25:19.442
Okay.
00:25:20.103 --> 00:25:22.353
But the hands thing, I talk all the time.
00:25:22.353 --> 00:25:25.682
So I get the back to the 3, 3, 3 thing.
00:25:26.103 --> 00:25:27.843
I do get that I get.
00:25:28.458 --> 00:25:29.897
You're trying to train.
00:25:29.897 --> 00:25:30.107
Right?
00:25:30.107 --> 00:25:35.508
It's, it's the whole training your brain to be solutions based, to be recognizing everything.
00:25:35.597 --> 00:25:36.587
I get it.
00:25:37.367 --> 00:25:38.298
In theory.
00:25:38.357 --> 00:25:39.167
I totally get it.
00:25:39.198 --> 00:25:40.577
I wanna practice all this stuff.
00:25:41.057 --> 00:25:50.718
I don't want my mind to become Then, you know, you also run the risk of, generally speaking, your mind becoming a prison in more ways than one.
00:25:50.718 --> 00:25:53.897
People already go through stuff in their life where their mind is like a prison to them.
00:25:53.928 --> 00:25:54.167
Yeah.
00:25:54.873 --> 00:25:58.113
When you fixate, it's fixating really, I guess overthinking.
00:25:58.202 --> 00:26:02.103
It's kind of fixating in a weird, in a weird, oh my gosh.
00:26:02.942 --> 00:26:04.113
In a weird way.
00:26:04.202 --> 00:26:05.853
Let's, let's get that out.
00:26:06.722 --> 00:26:07.383
What a day.
00:26:07.923 --> 00:26:09.843
So I get it.
00:26:09.873 --> 00:26:15.633
I'm trying to find solutions for it, but man, I like that feeling of so much.
00:26:16.968 --> 00:26:18.347
We are chaos today.
00:26:19.038 --> 00:26:19.758
I think it's me.
00:26:19.758 --> 00:26:20.478
I'm sorry.
00:26:20.657 --> 00:26:22.307
Its kind of, I'm just biting all the chaos.
00:26:22.337 --> 00:26:22.488
That's okay.
00:26:22.488 --> 00:26:25.127
I's hit this mic stand 15 times.
00:26:25.218 --> 00:26:26.238
Can't sit still.
00:26:26.298 --> 00:26:29.448
I'm like tangents galore.
00:26:29.508 --> 00:26:30.347
Tangents are fine.
00:26:30.347 --> 00:26:31.458
We love the tangents.
00:26:31.458 --> 00:26:31.847
The tangents.
00:26:31.847 --> 00:26:37.367
Myd is high today and I am patched up.
00:26:37.367 --> 00:26:40.428
Like I, I should be focused and I'm not.
00:26:41.147 --> 00:26:41.748
Focus.
00:26:41.748 --> 00:26:42.978
Megan, where's your rock?
00:26:43.728 --> 00:26:44.718
Where's the rock?
00:26:44.778 --> 00:26:46.038
No, I feel like I need it.
00:26:46.097 --> 00:26:47.448
It's in my, it's in my office.
00:26:47.538 --> 00:26:47.688
Okay.
00:26:49.188 --> 00:26:59.057
So, no, I just, I feel like people, you could be in a prison in your own mind for the stupidest thing, and then I think of, I'm very.
00:26:59.807 --> 00:27:03.978
You bring any toxicity into my life, I'm out like, yeah, I don't have the room anymore.
00:27:04.008 --> 00:27:04.188
No.
00:27:04.188 --> 00:27:07.248
In my life for anything like that.
00:27:07.518 --> 00:27:18.587
And I had to learn that the hard way, and we've talked about this, we've talked about it so many times, but when you then, when you're dealing with, you know, not everybody deal with shit.
00:27:18.587 --> 00:27:19.698
The way that we deal with it.
00:27:19.698 --> 00:27:21.768
The way you deal with it is different than the way I deal with it.
00:27:21.768 --> 00:27:23.627
It's just that's human nature.
00:27:23.627 --> 00:27:25.337
It's the way we all kind of function.
00:27:25.998 --> 00:27:38.028
But when I have a situation or I'm a concept that I'm just can't figure out the solution for, or gosh, it's, you know, I have to do this, but what if I, what if this happens?
00:27:38.028 --> 00:27:43.097
Or what if this happens and you now create all those scenarios because you're trying to process the solution?
00:27:43.248 --> 00:27:49.458
I think that the main point is that as someone who tends to overthink about everything a lot.
00:27:50.478 --> 00:27:55.067
I am doing it from an approach of figure out the answer.
00:27:55.188 --> 00:27:55.307
Mm-hmm.
00:27:55.637 --> 00:27:59.867
It's never a web too big where the, where you get stuck in it.
00:27:59.928 --> 00:28:03.857
Like you're stuck in it, but you're trying to find the way out of it.
00:28:03.887 --> 00:28:04.817
Where sit.
00:28:04.817 --> 00:28:06.498
You don't wanna a people who can soak,
00:28:07.553 --> 00:28:10.218
sit, sit and swallow in it.
00:28:11.028 --> 00:28:12.228
Sit in the ick.
00:28:12.228 --> 00:28:12.288
Yeah.
00:28:12.288 --> 00:28:13.698
Who was it that said that?
00:28:13.938 --> 00:28:15.948
You're just, you're stuck in the yuck.
00:28:16.278 --> 00:28:18.678
Oh, very Dr. Seuss.
00:28:19.853 --> 00:28:20.333
I like it.
00:28:20.452 --> 00:28:21.653
Stuck in the yuck.
00:28:21.742 --> 00:28:22.133
I like it
00:28:22.702 --> 00:28:24.232
because it's like, yeah, that makes sense.
00:28:24.232 --> 00:28:24.712
I get it.
00:28:24.712 --> 00:28:25.012
Mm-hmm.
00:28:25.137 --> 00:28:27.143
So that that sits with me.
00:28:27.143 --> 00:28:28.252
I don't wanna be stuck there.
00:28:28.313 --> 00:28:28.492
No.
00:28:28.492 --> 00:28:29.242
I wanna get out of it.
00:28:29.303 --> 00:28:30.038
I wanna find the next thing.
00:28:30.038 --> 00:28:32.063
It's the same way when I go through like seasonal depression.
00:28:32.063 --> 00:28:32.182
Yeah.
00:28:32.182 --> 00:28:33.383
I don't wanna be there very long.
00:28:33.653 --> 00:28:34.432
I wanna get the fuck out of it.
00:28:34.432 --> 00:28:34.492
Yeah.
00:28:34.542 --> 00:28:38.593
I don't wanna be here, but I'm not gonna force myself to.
00:28:38.998 --> 00:28:40.347
Fake being happy or something.
00:28:40.347 --> 00:28:42.567
I'm gonna process whatever it is I'm going through.
00:28:42.627 --> 00:28:42.958
Yeah.
00:28:43.407 --> 00:28:44.188
Down a rabbit hole.
00:28:44.188 --> 00:28:44.248
Yeah.
00:28:44.367 --> 00:28:45.897
But like I'm gonna process it.
00:28:46.528 --> 00:28:47.607
I'm just gonna do it in my own way.
00:28:47.667 --> 00:28:48.057
Yeah.
00:28:48.988 --> 00:28:56.488
You know, when I overthink, I think the most the, I am one of those people that I wish I could Google my own brain.
00:28:57.117 --> 00:28:58.288
If you're like, what's your favorite movie?
00:28:58.288 --> 00:29:00.807
I'll be like, I don't know what movies exist.
00:29:00.897 --> 00:29:02.278
Like I forget things all the time.
00:29:02.278 --> 00:29:10.407
So what I'm gonna say, it may or may not be true, but when I think one of the times I.
00:29:05.698 --> 00:29:16.887
Overthink the most is I am a person who looks for signs all the time.
00:29:17.548 --> 00:29:20.127
Like if it's something I've been preying on a lot, I'll be like, oh, gimme a sign.
00:29:20.127 --> 00:29:22.107
But you have to give me like a really good sign.
00:29:22.137 --> 00:29:24.357
'cause I am not that bright all the time.
00:29:24.597 --> 00:29:24.688
Okay.
00:29:24.718 --> 00:29:32.127
Gimme something that's like legit concrete that I know without a doubt, but the rest of the time I'm like, was that a sign?
00:29:32.248 --> 00:29:32.907
Was that a sign?
00:29:33.028 --> 00:29:33.657
What color was that?
00:29:33.657 --> 00:29:34.167
Dump truck.
00:29:34.288 --> 00:29:34.917
What is that?
00:29:34.978 --> 00:29:36.387
I've seen three of those today.
00:29:36.478 --> 00:29:37.198
What does that mean?
00:29:37.782 --> 00:29:55.782
I, that's where I will go off onto another planet and it's half of my brain is completely just ruminating on this thing now until I can either figure it out or occasionally I'll get bored of it and I'll just set it down.
00:29:55.903 --> 00:29:57.417
So that's the benefit of the a DD.
00:29:57.432 --> 00:30:02.563
But there's a couple things where I look for signs all.
00:30:02.982 --> 00:30:03.913
The time.
00:30:03.913 --> 00:30:10.692
And I know that if you are looking for a red Toyota Camry, you're gonna see Red Toyota Camrys all the time.
00:30:10.692 --> 00:30:11.923
Like I get that.
00:30:13.212 --> 00:30:20.022
But I have a couple things where I'm just constantly like, or I will have decided, okay, I'm done with that.
00:30:20.113 --> 00:30:21.192
I'm gonna set that down.
00:30:21.972 --> 00:30:25.482
And then God, in his sense of humor goes, no, you're not.
00:30:25.512 --> 00:30:26.712
Here's one of those again.
00:30:27.373 --> 00:30:29.262
And then I'm like, shit, I'm back in it.
00:30:29.893 --> 00:30:31.272
So you're hyper aware.
00:30:31.423 --> 00:30:31.722
Mm-hmm.
00:30:32.637 --> 00:30:36.567
And I mean, we went through that with the situational awareness, episode two, when you talked about all that.
00:30:36.988 --> 00:30:37.917
I'm not aware.
00:30:38.038 --> 00:30:43.528
I'm aware of certain things, hold on situationally if I'm traveling, if I'm doing whatever.
00:30:43.532 --> 00:30:43.617
Sure, sure.
00:30:43.617 --> 00:30:45.597
If it's that kind of situation, I'm aware.
00:30:46.077 --> 00:30:58.587
Behaviors, I'm aware to an extent, and then I'm not like, I don't, there's just certain things because I think my attitude is, it's not my job to figure out behavior.
00:30:59.127 --> 00:30:59.938
Of another person.
00:30:59.998 --> 00:31:03.928
It's my job to figure out my own behavior and how I act when whatever happens.
00:31:03.928 --> 00:31:04.077
Like
00:31:04.077 --> 00:31:04.468
yeah,
00:31:04.708 --> 00:31:07.617
that's just, it's just, it's the interactions with people.
00:31:07.617 --> 00:31:17.097
It's not my job and I don't have the capacity in my own brain to be hyper aware of why someone might be acting the way they're acting.
00:31:17.367 --> 00:31:20.907
And I think it's just because I expect that everyone deals with their own shit.
00:31:20.938 --> 00:31:21.238
Yeah.
00:31:21.238 --> 00:31:22.678
And doesn't project it on others.
00:31:22.708 --> 00:31:22.798
Mm-hmm.
00:31:23.038 --> 00:31:23.127
But
00:31:23.488 --> 00:31:24.327
that's not always the case.
00:31:24.508 --> 00:31:24.928
So.
00:31:25.752 --> 00:31:27.373
I overthink my own shit.
00:31:27.432 --> 00:31:28.932
I don't overthink other people's
00:31:28.938 --> 00:31:29.077
shit.
00:31:29.083 --> 00:31:30.883
I unfortunately overthink other people's.
00:31:30.883 --> 00:31:38.742
I will analyze the whole time, like if I, I generally will say what I mean and mean what I say like I am.
00:31:38.893 --> 00:31:49.932
I've gotten a lot better about that, but I also want other people to do that, and when I feel like somebody maybe isn't being completely forthcoming with me, I will.
00:31:50.472 --> 00:31:54.252
Well, what was that tone and what was that and what, why did they choose this word instead of that word?
00:31:54.252 --> 00:31:55.573
And I, I will do that.
00:31:55.633 --> 00:31:57.373
Oh, okay.
00:31:57.403 --> 00:31:58.542
Not with everybody.
00:31:58.962 --> 00:31:58.992
Okay.
00:31:58.992 --> 00:31:59.982
But with certain people.
00:32:00.192 --> 00:32:00.792
That's why
00:32:00.792 --> 00:32:01.303
it's hard.
00:32:01.303 --> 00:32:01.557
It sucks.
00:32:01.557 --> 00:32:04.272
That's why voice memos are, are good because you're getting the tone.
00:32:04.272 --> 00:32:05.893
That's why we, we, that's why we love them.
00:32:05.893 --> 00:32:08.232
'cause they're just easy and there's no question about it.
00:32:08.712 --> 00:32:10.512
Um, yeah.
00:32:10.843 --> 00:32:14.653
I don't, I think I just get to a point where I read it and it's like, is that bitchy?
00:32:15.012 --> 00:32:15.462
Is that fine?
00:32:15.853 --> 00:32:16.123
Okay.
00:32:16.393 --> 00:32:19.542
And I don't try to deep dive on certain things.
00:32:19.542 --> 00:32:19.678
Yeah, yeah.
00:32:19.682 --> 00:32:23.502
If it's, and it doesn't, I don't really get money of those where I'm questioning.
00:32:23.532 --> 00:32:27.432
'cause a lot of people that I know are doing the voice memo thing, or like a quick call, whatever it may be.
00:32:28.002 --> 00:32:34.423
But even interacting with people, you can tell when you're in person and you're like, oh, you're being a bitch right now.
00:32:34.423 --> 00:32:34.482
Yeah.
00:32:34.542 --> 00:32:36.522
Because of just general tone.
00:32:36.583 --> 00:32:39.432
The word they chose, you're not even questioning like why they choose that word.
00:32:39.432 --> 00:32:40.153
Like, you know, because
00:32:40.363 --> 00:32:40.798
you just heard it.
00:32:41.833 --> 00:32:54.012
Body language and my spidey senses and like the unspoken things there are thi it's like, because that was a form of survival for me growing up.
00:32:54.492 --> 00:32:58.303
You know, having to read the room, having to just the vibes of it.
00:32:59.083 --> 00:33:08.938
I am so hypervigilant to that, so I can tell if somebody is grumpy with me before they even really acknowledge that they're grumpy with me in their own brain.
00:33:09.807 --> 00:33:11.248
I can just freaking feel it.
00:33:11.788 --> 00:33:19.347
And I think that's why I gravitated so much towards vet me and animals, because that's all there is, is body language.
00:33:20.008 --> 00:33:21.448
But they're not trying to hide it.
00:33:21.988 --> 00:33:22.377
No.
00:33:22.498 --> 00:33:26.938
And so I can like, that's why I don't do birds'cause I can't read birds.
00:33:28.018 --> 00:33:30.028
But like I can read dogs and cat.
00:33:30.028 --> 00:33:34.678
Most mammals I'm down with, I can tell you how they're feeling, what's going on.
00:33:34.978 --> 00:33:39.178
If they're stressed, if they're nervous, if they're scared, if like, I get that.
00:33:39.748 --> 00:33:43.857
'cause that's just one of my special powers.
00:33:43.857 --> 00:33:44.218
I guess
00:33:44.218 --> 00:33:47.008
I was gonna say, this sounds a little like woowoo, but I
00:33:47.008 --> 00:33:49.228
don't know how to always fix it or make it better.
00:33:49.228 --> 00:33:51.748
But like I can, I just can feel it.
00:33:52.798 --> 00:33:53.127
Yeah.
00:33:53.428 --> 00:33:53.788
So
00:33:54.897 --> 00:33:56.998
it's uh, yeah, it's a, it's,
00:33:57.538 --> 00:33:59.488
but then with other people, humans, it stresses me out.
00:33:59.488 --> 00:34:03.508
'cause then I'm like hard, you know, my husband will come home and be grumpy 'cause he had a bad day or whatever.
00:34:03.508 --> 00:34:04.528
And I'll be like, are you mad at me?
00:34:05.008 --> 00:34:05.357
Are you mad at me?
00:34:05.893 --> 00:34:06.462
Is he mad at me?
00:34:06.553 --> 00:34:07.212
What if he's mad at me?
00:34:07.363 --> 00:34:08.293
He said this, this way.
00:34:08.353 --> 00:34:11.143
And what if I, and I will, now I'm spiraling.
00:34:11.172 --> 00:34:12.132
Oh.
00:34:12.463 --> 00:34:13.063
So
00:34:13.152 --> 00:34:13.422
yeah.
00:34:13.422 --> 00:34:15.733
So that's probably not, that's not the good place Yeah.
00:34:15.762 --> 00:34:16.393
To be.
00:34:16.572 --> 00:34:17.023
I get it.
00:34:17.293 --> 00:34:25.693
But so, um, I've instituted a 24 hour rule, uh, to where if something makes me upset, I give myself 24 hours.
00:34:26.503 --> 00:34:31.032
'cause I don't always, if I respond right in the moment, it may not come out right.
00:34:31.242 --> 00:34:31.572
Hmm.
00:34:32.472 --> 00:34:33.583
And so.
00:34:34.782 --> 00:34:39.492
I give myself 24 hours to dec from that moment to decide is this something worth bringing up or not?
00:34:40.452 --> 00:34:49.873
And then I don't have to like fester on it for three days before I decide that it's probably worth bringing up or I have to let it go then.
00:34:50.563 --> 00:34:52.003
And that's been incredible.
00:34:52.003 --> 00:34:53.052
I recommend that to everyone.
00:34:53.083 --> 00:34:54.463
That's a good, that's a good thing.
00:34:54.463 --> 00:34:56.802
It's, it's kind of the think before you speak.
00:34:56.807 --> 00:34:56.947
Mm-hmm.
00:34:57.027 --> 00:34:57.228
Or.
00:34:59.233 --> 00:35:04.393
Yeah, there's a lot of examples that I could use for that, but I am, I'm kind of like that as well.
00:35:04.393 --> 00:35:09.432
I never, I give grace too for certain things because you just never know.
00:35:09.432 --> 00:35:15.853
Not everyone, I do know for a fact that not everyone, right, not everyone is like the way you process.
00:35:15.853 --> 00:35:16.963
The way I process.
00:35:16.963 --> 00:35:16.983
Oh yeah.
00:35:16.983 --> 00:35:25.512
So when you are dealing with humans and unfortunately not animals because they are so much easier to kind of just not have to overthink about.
00:35:25.753 --> 00:35:25.902
Yeah.
00:35:25.932 --> 00:35:26.983
But when it is people.
00:35:27.688 --> 00:35:34.197
And you don't know how they navigate certain situations in their own life because of whatever's going on there and then they impart that on you.
00:35:34.228 --> 00:35:39.807
It's not your duty or responsibility to pick that up, and so that's really difficult.
00:35:39.807 --> 00:35:47.458
I love the think before you send or think before the response, because I give grace for everything.
00:35:47.458 --> 00:35:48.838
So that's.
00:35:49.588 --> 00:35:52.677
I do that and it's a trait to a fault.
00:35:52.768 --> 00:35:56.188
'cause sometimes it shouldn't be, it's not deserved on the other end.
00:35:56.757 --> 00:36:00.657
And again, these are things that don't happen to me much anymore, but they used to more
00:36:00.657 --> 00:36:01.047
Sure.
00:36:01.318 --> 00:36:07.677
And then I learned to kind of set those boundaries of, yeah, no, that's, that's not what this phone is for.
00:36:07.757 --> 00:36:09.648
but I also don't.
00:36:09.992 --> 00:36:18.873
Wanna overthink anyone's email, communication words, anything that anyone says, I have enough in my mind,
00:36:18.963 --> 00:36:19.052
mm-hmm.
00:36:19.293 --> 00:36:23.943
That I'm dealing with and just trying to survive and live and attempt to thrive.
00:36:24.333 --> 00:36:33.032
I have enough enough that I can already overthink that I don't need to add someone else's shit to as well, because then that just makes it more complex.
00:36:33.032 --> 00:36:36.112
So anyone in my life, and I get these things.
00:36:36.637 --> 00:36:42.608
Again, not very often, but sometimes I'll get them from clients where they're not voice memoing me, they're texting me.
00:36:42.608 --> 00:36:44.708
So then it's like, you gotta read those words.
00:36:44.708 --> 00:36:44.797
Mm-hmm.
00:36:44.797 --> 00:36:46.182
Or just pick up the phone and call because.
00:36:47.032 --> 00:36:48.652
In business transactions.
00:36:48.652 --> 00:36:50.753
I am so the fan of having the conversation.
00:36:50.992 --> 00:36:51.742
Please don't text me.
00:36:51.802 --> 00:36:53.902
I mean, if it's a quick answer, quick question.
00:36:53.902 --> 00:36:53.992
Sure.
00:36:53.992 --> 00:36:59.842
But on a monumental something, I don't wanna respond to you on that via text because I don't know what you're thinking about the tone.
00:36:59.842 --> 00:37:02.003
So now I'm overthinking how you're gonna react.
00:37:02.003 --> 00:37:03.922
And I just said, I don't wanna do that.
00:37:03.922 --> 00:37:11.452
I don't wanna have to overthink how someone else processes something that I say because they didn't take the extra step to get the clarity that they needed.
00:37:11.452 --> 00:37:12.592
Yeah, I'm huge on clarity.
00:37:12.652 --> 00:37:12.862
Yeah.
00:37:12.862 --> 00:37:14.632
Just tell me.
00:37:15.427 --> 00:37:19.717
Like straightforward, have the conversation because you, you go through it real quick.
00:37:19.717 --> 00:37:19.807
Mm-hmm.
00:37:20.108 --> 00:37:23.407
And you don't sit on something that you had to think of before you texted it.
00:37:24.038 --> 00:37:25.507
You had to brainstorm it first.
00:37:25.507 --> 00:37:26.617
And I'm not talking about bad stuff.
00:37:26.617 --> 00:37:34.597
I'm talking about like ideas that people have in the sense of, hey, well I was thinking for this particular situation or this transaction, and it's like, hold on.
00:37:34.807 --> 00:37:36.188
You're talking about legal documents now.
00:37:36.188 --> 00:37:37.728
Like contracts, you need to call me.
00:37:38.268 --> 00:37:39.858
This isn't something that we talk about on text.
00:37:40.367 --> 00:37:41.597
Or with anything serious.
00:37:41.628 --> 00:37:41.688
Yeah.
00:37:41.688 --> 00:37:42.887
I don't do that with anyone.
00:37:42.887 --> 00:37:48.918
I don't want to, but I don't, I don't, don't be in a, don't put me in a position to overthink what you meant Just call me if it's a question.
00:37:48.978 --> 00:37:49.277
Yeah.
00:37:49.668 --> 00:37:53.898
But I definitely like to take the time to respond when I have it, and when I don't have to answer on the fly.
00:37:54.047 --> 00:37:54.438
Yeah.
00:37:54.438 --> 00:37:55.188
I don't like that.
00:37:55.217 --> 00:37:56.358
I just don't want the pressure
00:37:57.318 --> 00:37:58.788
on the thought of clarity.
00:38:00.108 --> 00:38:04.188
Something that says, something that somebody said to me once,
00:38:05.628 --> 00:38:06.318
you know, I leave all
00:38:06.318 --> 00:38:06.407
this.
00:38:06.407 --> 00:38:07.697
I was gonna say, you can keep it or leave it.
00:38:07.697 --> 00:38:08.117
I don't care.
00:38:08.117 --> 00:38:08.568
I do that.
00:38:08.597 --> 00:38:11.117
If you talk to me any amount of time, you know, I do that.
00:38:12.947 --> 00:38:22.277
That was a game changer for my overthinking this, because I think of myself as a fairly competent communicator, right?
00:38:22.547 --> 00:38:25.697
So the people who.
00:38:28.398 --> 00:38:30.827
Want to understand you.
00:38:31.157 --> 00:38:36.257
The people who are for you will break their legs tripping over themself to understand you.
00:38:37.038 --> 00:38:54.648
The people who are determined to make you the villain or don't want to understand like they, you could make it the most crystal clear set of words anybody has ever come up with in their lives, and they will find a way to misunderstand you.
00:38:55.382 --> 00:38:55.893
Oh, for sure.
00:38:56.103 --> 00:38:58.083
And that was like, oh yeah.
00:38:59.132 --> 00:39:00.902
And that made me feel a lot better.
00:39:00.932 --> 00:39:09.992
'cause I've definitely had, you know, I'm just falling all over myself to try to make my point as clear as possible because being misunderstood just breaks my heart.
00:39:09.992 --> 00:39:13.472
I don't, I don't want somebody to misunderstand what I'm saying.
00:39:13.952 --> 00:39:15.032
And then they do anyway.
00:39:15.032 --> 00:39:15.722
And I'm just like,
00:39:15.722 --> 00:39:20.733
especially when you're trying actively, you're actively trying to not be misunderstood, to be as clear as possible.
00:39:21.032 --> 00:39:21.092
Yeah.
00:39:21.092 --> 00:39:28.472
You said something about this, um, before when you've said it's like the people who you say, I love pancakes.
00:39:28.472 --> 00:39:29.583
Well, why do you hate waffles?
00:39:29.643 --> 00:39:29.702
Yeah.
00:39:30.483 --> 00:39:42.483
It's, there's always going to someone, which is why when it comes to the concept of overthinking and the situational or underlying stress and all the root causes of it, and you know, the anxiety.
00:39:42.887 --> 00:39:52.637
These are things that we have enough of in our life, and I wasn't even bringing this up to bring it into a other people conversation, but sure.
00:39:52.637 --> 00:40:00.797
That adds so much, so many elements to anyone who struggles with just getting through their daily routine without being able to focus.
00:40:01.518 --> 00:40:05.748
Maybe it's a DD, maybe you're just overthinking'cause you have high anxiety for other reasons.
00:40:05.748 --> 00:40:05.958
Maybe.
00:40:05.963 --> 00:40:06.168
Maybe it's
00:40:06.168 --> 00:40:06.648
Maybelline.
00:40:06.648 --> 00:40:07.518
Maybe it's Maybelline.
00:40:07.637 --> 00:40:08.628
There's, that's what I'm saying.
00:40:08.628 --> 00:40:10.847
There's always a whole thing.
00:40:10.878 --> 00:40:11.117
Yeah.
00:40:11.552 --> 00:40:22.503
Where when someone else, unfortunately, who maybe hasn't done the work or isn't doing the work on themselves to kind of know better or know different, that's where it becomes really difficult.
00:40:22.503 --> 00:40:35.302
So in a professional aspect, I see this with everybody, and it's difficult because I'm just trying to sit over here and kind of move through doing everything I need to do.
00:40:35.302 --> 00:40:37.822
I've got enough in my head that I don't need to analyze that.
00:40:38.722 --> 00:40:39.353
I don't know.
00:40:39.353 --> 00:40:42.682
You were mad because I said I couldn't go to lunch with you on that day.
00:40:42.742 --> 00:40:45.262
And then I tried to reschedule to a different day and now it's like, forget it.
00:40:45.802 --> 00:40:49.822
So now you're thinking, okay, well she's obviously, or he's obviously mad at me, whatever it may be.
00:40:49.822 --> 00:40:59.152
But that, and that's a stupid petty example, but that's also just the point of I don't have the capacity to navigate someone else's life.
00:40:59.213 --> 00:41:01.583
And I also don't wanna overthink.
00:41:02.182 --> 00:41:03.472
Behavior of other people.
00:41:03.532 --> 00:41:03.682
Mm-hmm.
00:41:03.983 --> 00:41:06.592
I think most overthinkers do that.
00:41:06.623 --> 00:41:06.682
Yeah.
00:41:06.682 --> 00:41:17.213
I think most overthinkers they take that one conversation or those words and the, this isn't a, this isn't like an individualized, like it is the way you do it, but I'm saying this isn't a soul,
00:41:17.242 --> 00:41:18.382
it's not in a vacuum.
00:41:18.443 --> 00:41:18.713
No.
00:41:18.713 --> 00:41:18.833
Like
00:41:18.833 --> 00:41:20.452
there are a lot of variables.
00:41:20.483 --> 00:41:21.538
There's a lot of VA or.
00:41:22.327 --> 00:41:30.338
There's also a lot of variables and vacuums, um, which is weird to use vacuum 'cause I'm, I'm trying to research vacuums right now, so I've got vacuum on the brain.
00:41:30.697 --> 00:41:38.617
But yeah, there's a lot of different variables and I don't think it's a, a problem that maybe just your ex I think it's very widespread.
00:41:38.648 --> 00:41:38.797
Yeah.
00:41:38.797 --> 00:41:41.197
In the sense of who overthinks the behaviors of others.
00:41:41.708 --> 00:41:45.878
I just stopped doing it because it was to, to the best that I can.
00:41:45.878 --> 00:41:47.557
There's obviously still a little bit.
00:41:48.202 --> 00:41:50.242
I stopped giving it so much power.
00:41:50.452 --> 00:41:50.813
Yeah.
00:41:50.873 --> 00:41:52.463
Because that's what it was doing.
00:41:52.523 --> 00:42:02.032
I would, you know, when I turned from the person that said yes to doing everything for everybody, and then I started to say no because I had to prioritize my own health and people started now.
00:42:02.032 --> 00:42:03.983
Well that's bitchy or that's selfish.
00:42:04.492 --> 00:42:11.242
No, it's just the one time in my life that I'm actually standing up for myself and saying, no, I can't do that because I have to prioritize my own health.
00:42:11.572 --> 00:42:12.652
Saying no to committees.
00:42:12.652 --> 00:42:14.753
That was huge for me to be able to finally.
00:42:15.547 --> 00:42:19.447
Do that because I'd been just, well, I have, I mean, I have to, right?
00:42:20.378 --> 00:42:21.608
Am I gonna be viewed differently?
00:42:21.668 --> 00:42:25.358
And then when I got to that point where I thought, I actually don't care how I'm viewed.
00:42:25.358 --> 00:42:26.887
I need to do this for myself.
00:42:26.887 --> 00:42:32.947
Because if I'm not even around to defend myself because I said yes all the time, then what good is this?
00:42:32.947 --> 00:42:33.277
Yeah.
00:42:33.938 --> 00:42:37.717
Well, and other people's opinion of you is none of your business.
00:42:37.838 --> 00:42:38.288
Totally.
00:42:38.887 --> 00:42:41.407
That's like one I wanna have that embroidered on a pillow.
00:42:41.438 --> 00:42:43.148
Like that's just, that was.
00:42:44.378 --> 00:42:45.547
That also changed my life.
00:42:45.577 --> 00:42:46.358
Like, oh, okay.
00:42:46.958 --> 00:42:47.257
Yeah,
00:42:48.188 --> 00:42:49.628
I'll make myself as clear as possible.
00:42:49.628 --> 00:42:53.047
And if you choose not to get what I'm saying, then that's your problem.
00:42:53.077 --> 00:42:53.467
Yeah.
00:42:53.467 --> 00:42:58.447
And we always say like, you don't, there's so many people in the world, you don't have to like everybody.
00:42:58.478 --> 00:42:58.838
Yeah.
00:42:59.257 --> 00:43:01.717
I mean, I could, I could look on tv.
00:43:01.777 --> 00:43:04.867
So many people on TV I don't like, I don't wanna be friends with them.
00:43:05.257 --> 00:43:08.197
But the same way for us, not everyone's gonna like you, and that's okay.
00:43:08.288 --> 00:43:08.617
Yeah.
00:43:08.648 --> 00:43:09.458
It's totally fine.
00:43:09.458 --> 00:43:12.427
This is that thing called life and finding your, we talked about this.
00:43:13.237 --> 00:43:13.958
We always do.
00:43:13.958 --> 00:43:16.177
We like our, we like our core people.
00:43:16.327 --> 00:43:16.898
It's good.
00:43:16.898 --> 00:43:22.538
It's a good feeling to have that and not have to feel like you have to chameleon to everybody.
00:43:22.568 --> 00:43:22.777
Yeah.
00:43:22.777 --> 00:43:23.737
That's so much.
00:43:23.918 --> 00:43:24.637
And then why?
00:43:24.668 --> 00:43:28.027
'cause you're worried about what people are thinking That's overthinking someone else's feelings.
00:43:28.027 --> 00:43:29.197
Like don't worry about it.
00:43:29.197 --> 00:43:29.588
Yeah.
00:43:29.797 --> 00:43:31.027
Just focus on you.
00:43:31.447 --> 00:43:31.717
Yeah.
00:43:31.958 --> 00:43:32.347
I dunno.
00:43:32.407 --> 00:43:36.068
I, I think for me, when I stopped giving it so much power.
00:43:37.253 --> 00:43:41.842
That particular part was recent with all the committees, you know, that's like of this year.
00:43:41.842 --> 00:43:41.932
Mm-hmm.
00:43:41.932 --> 00:43:53.242
I trimmed down last year a lot, but with the stop giving peoples like, stop overthinking so much about people that came before, and that was even game changing for me because I thought, yeah, okay.
00:43:53.302 --> 00:43:58.643
I mean, oh well, I, I get, I will overthink, I think about.
00:43:59.992 --> 00:44:03.112
I like, and I, I talk about this in therapy, so I don't care to share.
00:44:03.143 --> 00:44:05.213
I mean, I don't care that I'm sharing it.
00:44:05.963 --> 00:44:07.068
I, I live my life.
00:44:08.197 --> 00:44:11.648
Pretty good in the sense of I treat people with respect.
00:44:12.007 --> 00:44:13.358
I help you when I can.
00:44:13.418 --> 00:44:14.438
I'm very kind.
00:44:14.438 --> 00:44:15.367
I'm very genuine.
00:44:15.367 --> 00:44:16.628
There's nothing fake about me.
00:44:16.958 --> 00:44:20.527
There's nothing bitchy about me unless you push me in a corner, then everyone's a bitch.
00:44:20.947 --> 00:44:22.628
Um, or I'm defending myself.
00:44:22.657 --> 00:44:22.748
Mm-hmm.
00:44:23.168 --> 00:44:27.367
Or you're cruel, then I'm, I mean, it's gonna come across as bitchy, but it's really just defending.
00:44:27.367 --> 00:44:33.362
I'm not gonna go be mean for the sake of being mean, but there is that weird part that I can't.
00:44:34.478 --> 00:44:45.068
Knowing in my own mind that I can't, I can't fill in the narrative for what someone else is viewing that as.
00:44:45.577 --> 00:44:56.018
Sometimes that's a thought that I'm just thinking that story's gonna be completely different, or that version of events is gonna be totally different, but you just kinda have to let that shit go too.
00:44:56.018 --> 00:44:56.077
Yeah.
00:44:56.077 --> 00:45:00.248
And also, I know who I am and people who know me know me.
00:45:00.248 --> 00:45:02.347
I'm not a mean per like, whatever.
00:45:03.367 --> 00:45:03.547
Well, it's
00:45:03.547 --> 00:45:05.978
like that, but people get the version of you that they deserve.
00:45:06.998 --> 00:45:07.387
Yeah.
00:45:07.387 --> 00:45:11.498
But it's also when you're saying you don't wanna be misunderstood, I also don't wanna be misunderstood.
00:45:11.503 --> 00:45:11.543
Yeah.
00:45:11.543 --> 00:45:15.487
But I also don't wanna be misrepresented.
00:45:15.577 --> 00:45:15.878
Yeah.
00:45:16.297 --> 00:45:24.128
Because that I've worked, I've spent a lot of time and self, you know, work to be the person that I am.
00:45:24.128 --> 00:45:31.327
So sometimes I just think, gosh, isn't it just funny how, kind of like when we were talking about with Joey about Google reviews or something.
00:45:31.333 --> 00:45:31.512
Mm-hmm.
00:45:31.592 --> 00:45:31.873
You know.
00:45:32.813 --> 00:45:35.003
You always do your best at everything.
00:45:36.202 --> 00:45:37.342
And hold on.
00:45:37.713 --> 00:45:40.472
I don't even know where we were before that pause, but
00:45:40.472 --> 00:45:40.983
I don't either.
00:45:41.463 --> 00:45:47.193
I think I'm gonna say do what you can and we're all guilty of it.
00:45:47.222 --> 00:45:55.972
We're all guilty of going down our own mind and, and just getting trapped in our own thoughts, but, take cool necessary steps that you need to take.
00:45:55.972 --> 00:46:00.172
I think that that's great to have solutions, be solutions based in everything.
00:46:00.172 --> 00:46:06.023
So if you're an overthinker like us, just know what your know, what your end goal is.
00:46:06.052 --> 00:46:12.143
If you wanna find a solution to a problem or if you wanna sit there and be stuck there.
00:46:12.802 --> 00:46:14.813
Those are two choices that you can distinctly make.
00:46:15.532 --> 00:46:24.293
But that would be my big and don't, don't say things to people without saying what you mean, when you talk mean, what you say.
00:46:24.293 --> 00:46:36.233
Well, and also think about it a little bit, like you don't need to think on it for five straight days until you're just so wrapped up, wrapped around the axle that you can't even function anymore.
00:46:36.282 --> 00:46:43.842
but think about it for 12 to 24 hours before you just like go off, you know, think about it a little bit, and there's two sides to every coin.
00:46:43.842 --> 00:46:51.132
So there's the positives to overthinking and the negatives like, try to shift it just a little more to the positive side.
00:46:51.972 --> 00:46:52.273
Yeah.
00:46:52.318 --> 00:46:55.512
And, and don't let the weight of other people's opinions.
00:46:55.572 --> 00:46:57.253
Don't overthink that 'cause
00:46:57.702 --> 00:46:58.572
Well that's a waste of time.
00:46:58.572 --> 00:46:59.322
They don't matter.
00:46:59.382 --> 00:46:59.652
Yeah.
00:47:00.043 --> 00:47:00.282
Yeah.
00:47:00.793 --> 00:47:03.577
So on that note, I guess have a good day to everyone.
00:47:04.422 --> 00:47:08.532
Except anyone who doesn't know how to read a room, just read the room.
00:47:08.563 --> 00:47:08.802
Yeah.
00:47:09.463 --> 00:47:16.393
I feel like that's becoming more of a thing these days and we got out of it for a while, so let's go back to when it was the thing.
00:47:16.452 --> 00:47:17.413
Sense the tone
00:47:17.472 --> 00:47:18.943
when they know how to read the room.
00:47:19.003 --> 00:47:19.063
Yeah.
00:47:19.068 --> 00:47:19.208
Yes.
00:47:19.277 --> 00:47:19.568
Okay.
00:47:19.677 --> 00:47:19.967
Okay.
00:47:20.347 --> 00:47:20.568
Bye.