WEBVTT
00:00:00.239 --> 00:00:02.720
This is Doc Jock, your addiction lifeguard.
00:00:02.799 --> 00:00:09.759
And if you're here, you already know that addiction is brutal, recovery is hard, and the road between them is longer than anybody tells you.
00:00:09.919 --> 00:00:10.480
I'm Dr.
00:00:10.640 --> 00:00:11.119
Jock D.
00:00:11.199 --> 00:00:17.920
Brucker, a licensed professional counselor and addiction specialist, and this podcast exists for one reason: to walk that road with you.
00:00:18.079 --> 00:00:22.879
No sugar coating, no magic pills, just the truth about what recovery really looks like.
00:00:23.120 --> 00:00:28.079
Quick note: this show is for information and entertainment only, not professional treatment.
00:00:28.239 --> 00:00:29.679
A real human being is.
00:00:29.839 --> 00:00:59.280
Now let's get to it.com website.
00:00:59.439 --> 00:01:02.799
It's up and running, and uh it's your portal to me.
00:01:03.039 --> 00:01:06.079
So if you want to communicate with me, reach out through that website.
00:01:06.400 --> 00:01:09.040
Docjoc.com.
00:01:11.200 --> 00:01:14.640
Today on the DocShock podcast, we're gonna talk about the 12 steps.
00:01:15.439 --> 00:01:23.200
You know, one of the biggest mistakes people make early in recovery is thinking that stopping the substance means starting recovery.
00:01:24.319 --> 00:01:25.120
It doesn't.
00:01:25.439 --> 00:01:27.120
It means you stop using.
00:01:28.000 --> 00:01:30.560
Recovery is what starts after that.
00:01:30.959 --> 00:01:34.400
What you've entered into at that point is called abstinence.
00:01:35.359 --> 00:01:39.200
So let's just keep an idea here about what we're talking about.
00:01:40.079 --> 00:01:41.599
The twelve steps are structure.
00:01:41.760 --> 00:01:48.159
The twelve steps are the foundation of the beginnings of those changes where you're actually formally walking through a process.
00:01:48.879 --> 00:01:52.319
When you stop using, all you've done is just stopped using.
00:01:52.480 --> 00:01:54.640
You're not actually doing anything at that point.
00:01:54.959 --> 00:01:56.159
You're just not using.
00:01:56.560 --> 00:01:57.680
So you need structure.
00:01:57.920 --> 00:02:00.239
And that's why this twelve the twelve steps matter.
00:02:00.799 --> 00:02:12.560
It's not because they're magic, not because they instantly fix your life, and not because sitting in a church basement drinking cold bad coffee somehow cures addiction.
00:02:12.719 --> 00:02:13.360
It doesn't.
00:02:13.680 --> 00:02:14.479
It really doesn't.
00:02:14.719 --> 00:02:16.240
You're just in a room with people.
00:02:17.199 --> 00:02:20.879
But the steps matter because addiction is bigger than the chemical.
00:02:21.439 --> 00:02:36.960
You know, we I I heard Jordan Peterson describe that the only way that you can actually truly find a change towards recovery, the only way you can truly recover is through a spiritual change, a spiritual transformation, and I believe that to be true.
00:02:37.520 --> 00:02:40.319
Because the chemical was the coping mechanism.
00:02:41.039 --> 00:02:43.599
It wasn't anything other than that.
00:02:43.919 --> 00:02:47.360
The steps are about rebuilding the person underneath it.
00:02:47.840 --> 00:02:49.520
And so that's what you've got to do.
00:02:50.479 --> 00:02:55.120
Rebuild that person underneath the coping mechanism.
00:02:56.960 --> 00:03:02.240
Most people think that sobriety should immediately make you feel better.
00:03:02.639 --> 00:03:03.439
And it doesn't.
00:03:03.599 --> 00:03:04.879
It doesn't make you feel better.
00:03:05.919 --> 00:03:11.120
Listen, when you remove the substance, you've just now removed the anesthetic.
00:03:11.919 --> 00:03:21.759
Now all that pain, that shame, fear, anger, trauma, insecurity, all of that starts waking up and coming back, and it's gonna come back really strong.
00:03:22.000 --> 00:03:27.919
And that's why people end up relapsing as they collapse under the weight of that change.
00:03:30.240 --> 00:03:37.520
So when when you start to abstain, that's when the pain creeps back in.
00:03:37.840 --> 00:03:41.919
People think something is wrong because they feel worse after getting sober.
00:03:42.879 --> 00:03:46.000
No, they're actually feeling pretty normal.
00:03:46.240 --> 00:03:48.240
They're so used to not feeling normal.
00:03:48.479 --> 00:03:57.360
They've got emotional dysregulation, boredom, restlessness, shame spirals, irritability, anxiety.
00:03:57.599 --> 00:03:59.840
That's all the things that happen when you stop.
00:04:00.159 --> 00:04:02.560
Because you've removed your co your coping mechanism.
00:04:04.000 --> 00:04:10.159
And this is exactly where people start avoiding the step work because they have to confront that.
00:04:12.080 --> 00:04:16.079
So what is it that people are looking for in recovery?
00:04:16.319 --> 00:04:20.560
And and many times I ask people who come into my office, what why are you here?
00:04:20.800 --> 00:04:21.920
Because I really want to know.
00:04:22.079 --> 00:04:26.240
Like, are you here because somebody's forcing you to, or are you here because you actually want to get better?
00:04:26.639 --> 00:04:33.439
And many times they'll say, Because some so-and-so told them to go, or the judge, or their wife, their husband, their boyfriend, girlfriend.
00:04:34.480 --> 00:04:38.879
So they want relief, but people often want relief without the honesty.
00:04:39.120 --> 00:04:46.160
They want the addiction to stop destroying their life, but they don't want to examine the life that fed the addiction.
00:04:46.480 --> 00:04:48.399
And that's what the twelve steps do.
00:04:49.519 --> 00:04:52.000
It it starts to put the structure around you.
00:04:52.160 --> 00:05:00.160
It's about taking an inventory and confessing and making you accountable and you have to surrender and making amends.
00:05:00.240 --> 00:05:01.759
Those are all what the steps do.
00:05:02.079 --> 00:05:04.560
Because each step is moving progressively towards that.
00:05:04.720 --> 00:05:06.399
The steps force you to stop hiding.
00:05:06.560 --> 00:05:10.000
You have to be authentic, you have to be real, you have to be really you.
00:05:10.160 --> 00:05:12.639
And that's what happens when you begin the step work.
00:05:13.279 --> 00:05:15.600
Isolation is addiction's best friend.
00:05:15.920 --> 00:05:22.000
Step work takes you out of isolation, it makes you do things in front of somebody who's going to bear witness for you.
00:05:22.160 --> 00:05:27.199
They're not doing the work, they're just asking you questions, they're walking you through the process.
00:05:28.560 --> 00:05:30.959
There's a couple things that addiction needs.
00:05:31.120 --> 00:05:33.519
Now remember, I've talked about this many times.
00:05:33.680 --> 00:05:37.279
The enemy wants you to become a victim.
00:05:37.839 --> 00:05:48.079
And the way to do that is kind of like the way that animals, predatory uh uh animals, apex predators, they move in packs usually.
00:05:48.240 --> 00:05:51.360
Sometimes they don't, cheetahs don't, lions do.
00:05:51.519 --> 00:05:58.079
They move in packs, and what they do is they try to isolate one of the animals from the herd, and they just focus on that one animal.
00:05:58.240 --> 00:06:00.319
And that's really what the enemy's doing to you.
00:06:00.480 --> 00:06:03.680
It's making it so that it can be you can be isolated.
00:06:03.920 --> 00:06:08.959
Because in isolation, you're defenseless, you don't have any allies, there's nobody there.
00:06:09.279 --> 00:06:11.600
So what isolation is addiction is best friend.
00:06:11.680 --> 00:06:13.120
I've said that so many times.
00:06:13.199 --> 00:06:14.480
That's my little catchphrase.
00:06:15.279 --> 00:06:20.720
Secrets protect addiction, and secrets can ha can only happen in isolation.
00:06:21.199 --> 00:06:24.480
Hidden shame, that's what fuels the relapse.
00:06:25.040 --> 00:06:26.240
But shame.
00:06:26.639 --> 00:06:28.639
Shame causes you to isolate.
00:06:29.120 --> 00:06:32.399
Confession disrupts self-deception.
00:06:32.879 --> 00:06:37.519
That self-deception about, hey, I'm not this, I'm not that.
00:06:37.920 --> 00:06:38.720
Yes, you are.
00:06:38.879 --> 00:06:41.360
And when you're working the steps, you're finding those things out.
00:06:41.439 --> 00:06:43.199
You're finding out what you really are.
00:06:43.439 --> 00:06:47.040
And it it yeah, it feels like you're you feel shameful when you say it.
00:06:47.120 --> 00:06:50.720
And that's what's really interesting when people they begin the 12 steps.
00:06:50.879 --> 00:07:00.879
When you get to step four, the fearless searching moral inventory of your character defects, they have to actually actually have to identify the things that um are the things they don't want to talk about, you know.
00:07:01.120 --> 00:07:11.600
I'm a liar, I'm a thief, I'm a deceiver, I'm an abuser, uh, you know, all the things that we talk about, those horrible things, that's when shame can kick back in.
00:07:11.759 --> 00:07:25.199
But when you're doing that in front of somebody who's actually done the same exact thing, they probably were the same exact kind of person as you, you're not saying anything out loud to them that they don't themselves have as a label at time in at times in their life.
00:07:25.439 --> 00:07:35.360
So you're doing it in front of somebody, and and that makes it much more comfortable when you feel that shame, but the person across from you that you're talking to about it has also felt that shame.
00:07:35.680 --> 00:07:40.800
So it's important to have the courage to take on those 12 steps.
00:07:46.240 --> 00:07:49.680
The resistance is usually emotional, it's not intellectual.
00:07:50.079 --> 00:07:54.240
Most addicts are not confused about recovery, they're scared about recovery.
00:07:55.199 --> 00:07:57.839
They're scared of the process, they're scared of what's next.
00:07:58.000 --> 00:07:59.279
Well, what do I have to be?
00:07:59.360 --> 00:08:01.519
I don't want to face the truth, right?
00:08:01.680 --> 00:08:10.079
The truth, but you if you understand the truth, the truth will set you free to paraphrase some uh scripture out of context, but that is true.
00:08:10.879 --> 00:08:12.800
They have a fear of accountability.
00:08:14.000 --> 00:08:21.680
Um I don't I don't want to have to face the stuff that I did to my spouse.
00:08:22.000 --> 00:08:32.399
I I don't I don't I'm I owe people money because I've borrowed money like crazy and I don't want to have to deal with that, so I'm just gonna get drunk, get high, that makes it all go away.
00:08:32.799 --> 00:08:39.600
They the accountability is the thing that draws you out of uh reality if you avoid it.
00:08:39.759 --> 00:08:42.320
Accountability puts you back in reality.
00:08:42.480 --> 00:08:48.879
And I don't know about you, but when I was at my worst, accountability was not a thing that was a driver for me.
00:08:49.039 --> 00:08:54.240
I was not necessarily destructive and irresponsible like many many of the addicts that I treat.
00:08:54.399 --> 00:09:03.759
I didn't I didn't go that direction, but I was destructive and I did avoid accountability because I just all I wanted to do was drink and get drunk.
00:09:04.480 --> 00:09:07.440
The fear of identity is another issue.
00:09:07.759 --> 00:09:10.960
You have built an entire identity around your usage.
00:09:11.120 --> 00:09:13.360
That's what happens when people become addicts.
00:09:13.600 --> 00:09:20.480
And and you've done this, I know if you're listening to this and you're an addict or in your recovery or you're not, you understand what that means.
00:09:20.559 --> 00:09:21.840
Like I am the thing.
00:09:22.000 --> 00:09:32.240
I I've noticed in um treatment, especially in residential treatment programs and detox centers, man, when when addicts come in, they have an incredible amount of flair.
00:09:32.480 --> 00:09:45.279
There's a lot of tattoos, there's a lot of wild-looking clothes, hairstyles, piercings, there's a lot of like that affect of identity, and it's all attached to the usage.
00:09:45.440 --> 00:09:54.320
They're sl, they're they're gritty, they're they're um they're counterculture, they're oppositional to what's going on around them.
00:09:54.559 --> 00:09:56.879
That's many times that's what I see.
00:09:57.039 --> 00:10:02.159
And when you stop using and you start moving into recovery, you've lost your identity.
00:10:02.720 --> 00:10:05.840
You have lost that need for that flair.
00:10:05.919 --> 00:10:21.440
All of a sudden you realize a lot of times, and I know you've if you're listening to this, you probably have done this when you've stopped using and you go into a treatment center, and you know, that all of a sudden the crazy makeup and the hair and the piercings and everything, that stays in place for a while.
00:10:21.600 --> 00:10:48.320
It usually lasts about a couple of days to a week, maybe a week and a half, and then and then it just becomes annoying to you and irritating, and you realize that nobody else around you is that way, and people come in and they they're scrubbing off the makeup, they're they're not doing the crazy gel hair stuff, and it's just kind of like you're starting to look like everybody else there, kind of relaxed and easygoing, and you're not as attached as much to your identity.
00:10:48.399 --> 00:10:54.240
If you're tatted up in your pierced, you're still gonna have those, but the rest of it starts to kind of go away.
00:10:55.120 --> 00:10:58.879
Which leads me to the next point vulnerability.
00:11:00.080 --> 00:11:04.639
Many times people are scared, they have a fear of vulnerability.
00:11:05.120 --> 00:11:23.600
Uh most addicts, in my experience, as a clinician, have been traumatized as children, where they feel like they've they've you know they have no power, they've lost agency, sexually abused, physically abused, emotionally abused, verbally abused, they've abandoned the five forms of big big trauma.
00:11:23.840 --> 00:11:27.440
And and so vulnerability means that you're at risk of being that again.
00:11:27.759 --> 00:11:35.519
Trusting of um authority, trusting people, trusting your sponsor, trusting your counselors, trusting the people in there.
00:11:35.679 --> 00:11:45.360
You you see a lot of almost paranoia level of concern about guardedness of identity and self and emotion.
00:11:45.519 --> 00:11:50.320
And so there's a fear of fear of vulnerability because if you're vulnerable, you could be hurt again.
00:11:50.399 --> 00:11:52.320
And that's that's the thing you've been trying to avoid.
00:11:52.399 --> 00:11:53.919
That's why you're getting high and drunk.
00:11:54.080 --> 00:11:59.519
Um, because you you don't want to be vulnerable, you want to be strong, and you feel like that makes you strong.
00:12:00.000 --> 00:12:04.159
Which then also can lead into that issue about the fear of losing control.
00:12:05.279 --> 00:12:07.360
Losing control is a big deal.
00:12:07.679 --> 00:12:08.799
I control everything.
00:12:08.960 --> 00:12:15.200
If I'm high and I'm drunk, it seems from the outside, when you see that person, you you think, wow, they've just lost it, you know.
00:12:15.440 --> 00:12:20.639
Um, maybe even it looks like you're very emotionally out of out of out of control.
00:12:21.279 --> 00:12:26.399
But as an addict, you feel like you have ultimate control because you're controlling everything around you.
00:12:26.559 --> 00:12:30.399
That fear of losing control is another one that keeps you from working the 12 steps.
00:12:30.639 --> 00:12:36.240
Because if if I really work the 12 steps honestly, then I can't keep pretending anymore.
00:12:36.480 --> 00:12:39.600
Is kind of what the thing that goes on in your head.
00:12:39.840 --> 00:12:40.480
Yeah.
00:12:41.039 --> 00:12:42.960
So what happens?
00:12:43.039 --> 00:12:47.759
Well, I've had clients that come into my office and say, I already know what my problems are.
00:12:47.919 --> 00:12:49.600
I love it when they say that.
00:12:49.840 --> 00:12:50.799
Because I'm like, really?
00:12:51.120 --> 00:13:05.440
And then I start talking to them, but then I noticed on the intake forms, on one of them I have an ACE test, and that's the uh which is a test that I administer that allows me in 10 questions to figure out what your uh chance of being an addict are.
00:13:05.600 --> 00:13:20.399
And I see when they fill that out, there's questions about abuse, um, emotional abuse, physical abuse, all these things that they're exposed to as a child, and they've checked off like six of the ten things, but then they already tell me what their problems are, but when they're describing them, they never mention any of that stuff.
00:13:20.559 --> 00:13:22.159
I'm like, oh, okay.
00:13:22.799 --> 00:13:31.759
Then, you know, you're you're you're going into these abusive relationships, you're constantly um, you know, lashing out at people.
00:13:32.159 --> 00:13:36.240
Um it's like if you know what your problems are, then why do you keep repeating them?
00:13:38.799 --> 00:13:40.159
That's crazy.
00:13:40.399 --> 00:13:41.519
Why do you do that?
00:13:41.679 --> 00:13:45.600
And this is why recovery starts becoming different from abstinence.
00:13:45.919 --> 00:13:49.440
The steps create structure around your recovery.
00:13:49.600 --> 00:13:52.320
The steps are not punishment, they are structure.
00:13:52.480 --> 00:13:59.519
They are the structure, they connect you to your reality.
00:13:59.919 --> 00:14:05.039
There's a there's an issue around discipline in your life, routine.
00:14:06.159 --> 00:14:09.919
Uh it's like you don't want that consistency.
00:14:10.159 --> 00:14:12.480
You're just consistently higher drunk, yeah.
00:14:12.639 --> 00:14:15.120
But I mean, as far as are you accountable?
00:14:15.440 --> 00:14:17.919
So there's no discipline around your life.
00:14:18.000 --> 00:14:25.440
That's why a lot of addicts that can't hold jobs, they they can't stay in relationships, they can't housing is a problem.
00:14:26.000 --> 00:14:28.720
You never know when they're gonna show up or not show up, whatever, right?
00:14:28.799 --> 00:14:29.840
So they're all over the place.
00:14:29.919 --> 00:14:31.200
There's no routine.
00:14:31.519 --> 00:14:43.919
This is why sponsorships and and and uh meetings and connectivity and consistency in the in the 12-step uh world we say you should do 90 meetings in 90 days.
00:14:44.240 --> 00:14:54.159
Now you think about it 90 90 meetings in 90 days automatically you've got discipline, routine, you got honesty, you got connection, you got a sponsor.
00:14:55.200 --> 00:15:00.240
Addiction creates chaos, but recovery requires structure.
00:15:00.559 --> 00:15:02.960
You can't have it any other way, really.
00:15:05.600 --> 00:15:09.120
A drowning person doesn't need more chaos.
00:15:09.200 --> 00:15:10.080
They need a lifeline.
00:15:10.240 --> 00:15:17.600
They need that that rescue ring, they need the lifeguard, they need something, they need that lifeline.
00:15:18.399 --> 00:15:26.639
The steps are not about becoming a religious robot, and that's a concern I've heard from people about the whole God thing, they have opposition to that.
00:15:27.120 --> 00:15:30.960
But the steps are about becoming emotionally honest human beings.
00:15:31.120 --> 00:15:32.559
That's really what it is.
00:15:32.879 --> 00:15:38.799
So if you got issues with God and you don't have you believe in God and that's your issue, that's fine.
00:15:39.120 --> 00:15:41.440
Then just ignore the God talk.
00:15:41.600 --> 00:15:43.200
If if that's what you're gonna do.
00:15:43.360 --> 00:15:45.600
But at least get the structure of the 12 steps.
00:15:45.759 --> 00:15:54.320
I don't think I there's not many people I know that go through the 12-step process that don't end up becoming very, very connected to an idea of faith, honestly.
00:15:54.559 --> 00:16:04.480
But hey, if that's your jam, I'd rather see you get clean and sober uh and and go that path and than not do it because of the God thing.
00:16:05.600 --> 00:16:09.360
Why early recovery needs other people is a big deal.
00:16:09.600 --> 00:16:11.360
Early recovery does need people.
00:16:11.519 --> 00:16:12.159
You need people.
00:16:12.320 --> 00:16:15.440
Recovery can't happen fully in isolation, it doesn't.
00:16:15.600 --> 00:16:21.039
And anybody who comes into my office and says, Yeah, I've I've uh I've been I've been sober for the last year.
00:16:21.200 --> 00:16:22.480
And like, do you go to meetings?
00:16:22.559 --> 00:16:22.720
No.
00:16:22.799 --> 00:16:23.679
Do you have a sponsor?
00:16:23.759 --> 00:16:23.919
No.
00:16:24.080 --> 00:16:25.600
Do you go to any recovery groups?
00:16:25.679 --> 00:16:25.919
No.
00:16:26.000 --> 00:16:26.799
Did you go to rehab?
00:16:26.879 --> 00:16:27.039
No.
00:16:27.120 --> 00:16:28.080
Did you go to detox?
00:16:28.399 --> 00:16:28.720
No.
00:16:28.960 --> 00:16:29.759
What did you do?
00:16:30.000 --> 00:16:33.039
Oh, I just uh I just stopped and I was healed.
00:16:33.200 --> 00:16:36.639
I'm like, yeah, you're just waiting to pick back up.
00:16:37.360 --> 00:16:40.080
It can't happen in isolation fully.
00:16:40.320 --> 00:16:43.679
You gotta have sponsors who help you.
00:16:43.840 --> 00:16:47.200
These are the people that are your peers who have walked this walk.
00:16:47.360 --> 00:16:51.360
They have gone through this process of recovery, they know what it's like.
00:16:51.600 --> 00:16:58.799
Now, I'm not gonna kid myself or try to convince you that the 12 steps are perfect.
00:16:58.879 --> 00:16:59.360
They're not.
00:16:59.519 --> 00:17:01.200
The execution of it is not perfect.
00:17:01.279 --> 00:17:09.440
It's it's inherently imperfect because the people who are in it and are doing this work are people who are in recovery.
00:17:09.519 --> 00:17:18.319
They're not trained therapists, they're not counselors, they're amateurs attempting to do some help for you because you need help.
00:17:18.559 --> 00:17:28.559
They've gone through a process and they were taught by their sponsor how to do it, and that sponsor was taught by their grand sponsor and their great grandsponsor and their great-great-grandsponsor and so on and so on and so on.
00:17:28.720 --> 00:17:30.880
This has been going on since 1934.
00:17:31.039 --> 00:17:33.519
So is it is it an imperfect process?
00:17:33.680 --> 00:17:34.160
Absolutely.
00:17:34.319 --> 00:17:36.160
But sponsors are gonna help.
00:17:36.319 --> 00:17:42.240
And if you have a sponsor and your sponsor is nearly not the perfect person for you, that's fine.
00:17:42.559 --> 00:17:46.079
Then you can get another sponsor and just move on.
00:17:46.400 --> 00:17:59.440
But you need a guide, you need a peer-level guide who's gone through this, has already executed it, they know what it looks like, they're gonna spot the lies, they're gonna not let you get squirrely, they're not gonna let you run away, they're gonna make you accountable.
00:17:59.599 --> 00:18:01.279
They are vital to the process.
00:18:01.440 --> 00:18:08.400
And and I have had people who have tried or convinced themselves that they could probably do the step work by themselves.
00:18:08.720 --> 00:18:09.680
You can't.
00:18:09.920 --> 00:18:15.440
It's not a self-help group, it's a mutual aid society form of help.
00:18:16.000 --> 00:18:19.200
But in that, you also need professional help.
00:18:19.359 --> 00:18:30.880
So you've got to get into therapy because it's not just about why you're drinking uh in the moment, it's about the why you're drinking at all.
00:18:31.359 --> 00:18:41.200
And a sponsor and the 12-step process and working the steps is gonna point out the things that trigger you into drinking about yourself.
00:18:41.279 --> 00:18:43.839
It's a search about it's a search of the inner person.
00:18:44.480 --> 00:18:46.640
But therapy is about trauma.
00:18:46.799 --> 00:18:55.839
Therapy, you need a trained trauma therapist if you're an addict, who helps you go through your trauma and heal from that.
00:18:56.000 --> 00:18:59.519
And that takes training, it takes understanding.
00:18:59.680 --> 00:19:02.400
You're only going to get that from a licensed professional.
00:19:02.559 --> 00:19:07.680
And frankly, a lot of licensed professionals are ill-equipped to do that.
00:19:07.839 --> 00:19:18.240
And I don't mean to disparage my colleagues, but there's a whole lot of therapists out there who are not good therapists, and they're not particularly good at trauma work.
00:19:18.319 --> 00:19:19.039
And that's fine.
00:19:19.119 --> 00:19:24.799
They got some other thing that they can do uh in therapy, some other specialization they can focus on.
00:19:24.880 --> 00:19:32.720
But you got to find somebody who's trained in trauma and you got to find somebody who has a combination of trauma training and addiction training.
00:19:32.880 --> 00:19:34.400
They understand addiction.
00:19:34.559 --> 00:19:36.720
That's kind of a rare thing, frankly.
00:19:36.880 --> 00:19:38.720
I I find not many of those.
00:19:38.880 --> 00:19:42.559
I find lots of people who are trained therapists, but not in those two areas.
00:19:42.720 --> 00:19:44.960
So you got to find somebody that does that.
00:19:45.359 --> 00:19:51.839
But part of the sponsorship thing is you've also got to be able to um to get into group accountability.
00:19:52.079 --> 00:19:59.839
If you go into the the rooms and you find out that um that, you know, you I'm I'm Jock, I'm an alcoholic.
00:19:59.920 --> 00:20:00.559
Hello, Jock.
00:20:01.119 --> 00:20:09.200
Okay, I've identified myself, and I go to that same group over and over and over again, and then when I disappear, the people in that group are going to be affected by that.
00:20:09.359 --> 00:20:22.079
It's going to affect them because they have now attached themselves to you, and it's going to affect their relationship with you and their understanding, and they know you need help because again, it's a peer group.
00:20:22.240 --> 00:20:24.319
They've already done the same things you've done.
00:20:24.400 --> 00:20:26.960
Nothing you're going to do in recovery is unique to you.
00:20:27.119 --> 00:20:28.880
I know everybody feels like they're unique.
00:20:29.119 --> 00:20:32.079
I'm the only person who's ever done this, and they're not going to know what this is.
00:20:32.240 --> 00:20:36.160
No, they've all done it, and they've probably done a lot of things you haven't even thought of yet.
00:20:36.400 --> 00:20:41.279
So the accountability part is if you disappear from a group, it affects them.
00:20:41.440 --> 00:20:47.200
It affects the way they think about themselves in recovery, but it also affects the way they think about you and they're concerned about you.
00:20:47.279 --> 00:20:50.720
So they're going to they're going to help find you and bring you back in.
00:20:50.880 --> 00:20:55.200
You're going to be the lost sheep at that point, and they're going to go out looking for you.
00:20:55.519 --> 00:20:59.200
Um it's about being witnessed.
00:20:59.440 --> 00:21:00.880
It's about being witnessed.
00:21:00.960 --> 00:21:04.559
It's about having the opportunity for somebody to say, I'm here.
00:21:04.720 --> 00:21:06.880
This, you know, we don't have crosstalk in meetings.
00:21:06.960 --> 00:21:10.319
So if you stand up and say something, nobody's going to say anything in response to it.
00:21:10.480 --> 00:21:12.240
But you're going to get that positive feeling.
00:21:12.319 --> 00:21:16.000
You're going to see people nodding their heads and, you know, they're going to pat you on the back.
00:21:16.079 --> 00:21:23.759
I've I've seen people, you know, they'll talk, they'll say something, and the person next to them reaches over and holds their hand because they know the person needs connectivity.
00:21:23.920 --> 00:21:24.960
They need that.
00:21:25.200 --> 00:21:28.799
And so you're going to be witnessed in those meetings.
00:21:28.880 --> 00:21:31.119
And that's really what step five is about.
00:21:31.359 --> 00:21:36.480
Uh saying out loud to yourself, to another person of God, the nature and extent of those character defects.
00:21:36.640 --> 00:21:39.279
That's where real recovery lives.
00:21:39.599 --> 00:21:42.160
So you have to say the things out loud.
00:21:42.319 --> 00:21:49.519
Not because God doesn't already know, not because your sponsor is perfect, but because addiction survives in secrecy.
00:21:49.759 --> 00:21:52.960
So here's what to think about if you don't do the work.
00:21:54.319 --> 00:21:56.319
You end up being a dry drunk.
00:21:56.480 --> 00:21:57.680
That's dry sobriety.
00:21:57.920 --> 00:21:59.839
And I've seen people stop drinking and become adverse.
00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:02.400
Absolutely miserable in that process.
00:22:02.640 --> 00:22:15.359
And it's kind of unfair to you as a recovery person or a person who's trying to work on recovery because you're you're not even halfway there, you're not even partway there, you're just kind of in this stationary stagnation point.
00:22:15.920 --> 00:22:21.599
You end up getting angry, you have resentment, you got emotional volatility.
00:22:22.000 --> 00:22:28.400
There's there's this bitterness that kind of creeps in, and you are at your highest risk of relapse.
00:22:28.799 --> 00:22:42.240
And I think one of the things that really drives that uh being a dried drunk is that sense of superiority, that you have it figured out because you just not consumed your drug of choice, and that makes you feel like you've got it, right?
00:22:42.319 --> 00:22:59.119
So we talk about um being sober, and that word gets used a lot, um, especially by people who are working on recovery or those people who have been attempting recovery, or even those who have the concept of recovery who are not addicts, but they talk about sobriety.
00:22:59.200 --> 00:23:06.720
And I I work really hard in my practice at correcting people and trying to teach them the difference between uh abstinence and sobriety.
00:23:07.279 --> 00:23:17.599
The the model I use, and I'm pointing my finger at myself, is um abstinence is up here in your head, and sobriety is in your heart.
00:23:17.920 --> 00:23:22.880
So you you're at that risk of relapse because you haven't you've just abstained.
00:23:22.960 --> 00:23:23.759
It's a head thing.
00:23:23.839 --> 00:23:24.720
It's not a heart thing.
00:23:24.799 --> 00:23:26.319
There's been no change in your heart.
00:23:26.559 --> 00:23:29.759
The substance was removed, but the person never changed.
00:23:30.160 --> 00:23:31.119
That's the issue.
00:23:31.279 --> 00:23:33.599
You don't change, you just remove the substance.
00:23:33.759 --> 00:23:37.279
What you've done is you've taken out the coping mechanism and it's now gone.
00:23:37.759 --> 00:23:43.200
Um you can quit drinking and still think like an addict.
00:23:44.000 --> 00:23:46.480
And that's the change that needs to happen.
00:23:46.720 --> 00:23:49.039
You need to change the way that you think.
00:23:50.720 --> 00:23:53.920
Recovery is reconstruction.
00:23:54.160 --> 00:23:55.920
It's it's rebuilding.
00:23:56.160 --> 00:23:59.680
It's changing you, but it's rebuilding.
00:24:00.079 --> 00:24:02.400
And that's why you have to have structure around it.
00:24:02.559 --> 00:24:11.920
You would never attempt to remodel a home, or even for that matter, try to build a home without some kind of construction plans.
00:24:12.160 --> 00:24:13.519
It would just look terrible.
00:24:13.599 --> 00:24:20.720
And it probably wouldn't stand, it wouldn't pass code uh on inspection, and and it would not be livable.
00:24:20.960 --> 00:24:22.400
You have to have a plan.
00:24:22.559 --> 00:24:26.880
The steps are not about punishment, they are the reconstruction.
00:24:26.960 --> 00:24:36.640
They are the plans, they are the guardrails, they are the the foundation that you're building this house on is through that idea of planned reconstruction.
00:24:37.200 --> 00:24:51.759
You are rebuilding your life, you're rebuilding trust, you're rebuilding honesty, you're rebuilding character, you're rebuilding your relationship with God, you're re you're rebuilding your relationship with yourself and with others.
00:24:52.000 --> 00:24:59.839
And you can't do that without real structured, planned work towards that.
00:25:00.079 --> 00:25:04.960
And none of that happens accidentally, it happens on purpose.
00:25:05.279 --> 00:25:07.759
So I'm gonna give you this challenge.
00:25:07.920 --> 00:25:16.799
If you're working on recovery and you're resisting the idea of doing some kind of structured work, like the step work, which I think is it's brilliant, honestly.
00:25:17.680 --> 00:25:28.000
If you're new to sobriety and you're avoiding the step work because you think you can outthink addiction, you are making a grave mistake.
00:25:28.319 --> 00:25:30.240
You cannot heal in hiding.
00:25:30.400 --> 00:25:40.480
Isolation is addiction's best friend, and not working the steps, not having a plan, not connecting with the community, that is all about hiding.
00:25:40.640 --> 00:25:41.680
That's isolation.
00:25:41.920 --> 00:25:47.680
You cannot recover while you're protecting dishonesty, lies, deception.
00:25:47.759 --> 00:25:53.279
That's what the enemy's got you doing, and it's and it feels empowering, but it is a lie.
00:25:53.359 --> 00:25:59.680
And you cannot build a different life using the exact same thinking that destroyed the last one.
00:26:00.160 --> 00:26:01.440
You can't.
00:26:01.920 --> 00:26:05.440
So go on, get that work done.
00:26:05.680 --> 00:26:10.480
Look, don't destroy your life because you're trying to protect your addiction.
00:26:10.559 --> 00:26:11.279
That's that's ridiculous.
00:26:11.359 --> 00:26:15.039
Get honest, get help, get into recovery, do the work.
00:26:15.440 --> 00:26:20.799
Go to the room, find somebody to help you, get a therapist, get a trained trauma addiction therapist.
00:26:20.960 --> 00:26:23.359
If you want to reach out to me, you can.
00:26:23.519 --> 00:26:26.799
Through my website, docjock.com, send me a message.
00:26:27.039 --> 00:26:28.640
Give me a message about what you're doing.
00:26:28.799 --> 00:26:33.200
If you have questions, you need some advice, you need some direction, you need some help, I'm there for you.
00:26:33.279 --> 00:26:34.000
Just reach out.
00:26:34.160 --> 00:26:35.680
Docjock.com.
00:26:36.559 --> 00:26:41.599
Until then, this is DocJoc, your addiction lifeguard, saying see ya.
00:00:00.239 --> 00:00:02.720
This is Doc Jock, your addiction lifeguard.
00:00:02.799 --> 00:00:09.759
And if you're here, you already know that addiction is brutal, recovery is hard, and the road between them is longer than anybody tells you.
00:00:09.919 --> 00:00:10.480
I'm Dr.
00:00:10.640 --> 00:00:11.119
Jock D.
00:00:11.199 --> 00:00:17.920
Brucker, a licensed professional counselor and addiction specialist, and this podcast exists for one reason: to walk that road with you.
00:00:18.079 --> 00:00:22.879
No sugar coating, no magic pills, just the truth about what recovery really looks like.
00:00:23.120 --> 00:00:28.079
Quick note: this show is for information and entertainment only, not professional treatment.
00:00:28.239 --> 00:00:29.679
A real human being is.
00:00:29.839 --> 00:00:59.280
Now let's get to it.com website.
00:00:59.439 --> 00:01:02.799
It's up and running, and uh it's your portal to me.
00:01:03.039 --> 00:01:06.079
So if you want to communicate with me, reach out through that website.
00:01:06.400 --> 00:01:09.040
Docjoc.com.
00:01:11.200 --> 00:01:14.640
Today on the DocShock podcast, we're gonna talk about the 12 steps.
00:01:15.439 --> 00:01:23.200
You know, one of the biggest mistakes people make early in recovery is thinking that stopping the substance means starting recovery.
00:01:24.319 --> 00:01:25.120
It doesn't.
00:01:25.439 --> 00:01:27.120
It means you stop using.
00:01:28.000 --> 00:01:30.560
Recovery is what starts after that.
00:01:30.959 --> 00:01:34.400
What you've entered into at that point is called abstinence.
00:01:35.359 --> 00:01:39.200
So let's just keep an idea here about what we're talking about.
00:01:40.079 --> 00:01:41.599
The twelve steps are structure.
00:01:41.760 --> 00:01:48.159
The twelve steps are the foundation of the beginnings of those changes where you're actually formally walking through a process.
00:01:48.879 --> 00:01:52.319
When you stop using, all you've done is just stopped using.
00:01:52.480 --> 00:01:54.640
You're not actually doing anything at that point.
00:01:54.959 --> 00:01:56.159
You're just not using.
00:01:56.560 --> 00:01:57.680
So you need structure.
00:01:57.920 --> 00:02:00.239
And that's why this twelve the twelve steps matter.
00:02:00.799 --> 00:02:12.560
It's not because they're magic, not because they instantly fix your life, and not because sitting in a church basement drinking cold bad coffee somehow cures addiction.
00:02:12.719 --> 00:02:13.360
It doesn't.
00:02:13.680 --> 00:02:14.479
It really doesn't.
00:02:14.719 --> 00:02:16.240
You're just in a room with people.
00:02:17.199 --> 00:02:20.879
But the steps matter because addiction is bigger than the chemical.
00:02:21.439 --> 00:02:36.960
You know, we I I heard Jordan Peterson describe that the only way that you can actually truly find a change towards recovery, the only way you can truly recover is through a spiritual change, a spiritual transformation, and I believe that to be true.
00:02:37.520 --> 00:02:40.319
Because the chemical was the coping mechanism.
00:02:41.039 --> 00:02:43.599
It wasn't anything other than that.
00:02:43.919 --> 00:02:47.360
The steps are about rebuilding the person underneath it.
00:02:47.840 --> 00:02:49.520
And so that's what you've got to do.
00:02:50.479 --> 00:02:55.120
Rebuild that person underneath the coping mechanism.
00:02:56.960 --> 00:03:02.240
Most people think that sobriety should immediately make you feel better.
00:03:02.639 --> 00:03:03.439
And it doesn't.
00:03:03.599 --> 00:03:04.879
It doesn't make you feel better.
00:03:05.919 --> 00:03:11.120
Listen, when you remove the substance, you've just now removed the anesthetic.
00:03:11.919 --> 00:03:21.759
Now all that pain, that shame, fear, anger, trauma, insecurity, all of that starts waking up and coming back, and it's gonna come back really strong.
00:03:22.000 --> 00:03:27.919
And that's why people end up relapsing as they collapse under the weight of that change.
00:03:30.240 --> 00:03:37.520
So when when you start to abstain, that's when the pain creeps back in.
00:03:37.840 --> 00:03:41.919
People think something is wrong because they feel worse after getting sober.
00:03:42.879 --> 00:03:46.000
No, they're actually feeling pretty normal.
00:03:46.240 --> 00:03:48.240
They're so used to not feeling normal.
00:03:48.479 --> 00:03:57.360
They've got emotional dysregulation, boredom, restlessness, shame spirals, irritability, anxiety.
00:03:57.599 --> 00:03:59.840
That's all the things that happen when you stop.
00:04:00.159 --> 00:04:02.560
Because you've removed your co your coping mechanism.
00:04:04.000 --> 00:04:10.159
And this is exactly where people start avoiding the step work because they have to confront that.
00:04:12.080 --> 00:04:16.079
So what is it that people are looking for in recovery?
00:04:16.319 --> 00:04:20.560
And and many times I ask people who come into my office, what why are you here?
00:04:20.800 --> 00:04:21.920
Because I really want to know.
00:04:22.079 --> 00:04:26.240
Like, are you here because somebody's forcing you to, or are you here because you actually want to get better?
00:04:26.639 --> 00:04:33.439
And many times they'll say, Because some so-and-so told them to go, or the judge, or their wife, their husband, their boyfriend, girlfriend.
00:04:34.480 --> 00:04:38.879
So they want relief, but people often want relief without the honesty.
00:04:39.120 --> 00:04:46.160
They want the addiction to stop destroying their life, but they don't want to examine the life that fed the addiction.
00:04:46.480 --> 00:04:48.399
And that's what the twelve steps do.
00:04:49.519 --> 00:04:52.000
It it starts to put the structure around you.
00:04:52.160 --> 00:05:00.160
It's about taking an inventory and confessing and making you accountable and you have to surrender and making amends.
00:05:00.240 --> 00:05:01.759
Those are all what the steps do.
00:05:02.079 --> 00:05:04.560
Because each step is moving progressively towards that.
00:05:04.720 --> 00:05:06.399
The steps force you to stop hiding.
00:05:06.560 --> 00:05:10.000
You have to be authentic, you have to be real, you have to be really you.
00:05:10.160 --> 00:05:12.639
And that's what happens when you begin the step work.
00:05:13.279 --> 00:05:15.600
Isolation is addiction's best friend.
00:05:15.920 --> 00:05:22.000
Step work takes you out of isolation, it makes you do things in front of somebody who's going to bear witness for you.
00:05:22.160 --> 00:05:27.199
They're not doing the work, they're just asking you questions, they're walking you through the process.
00:05:28.560 --> 00:05:30.959
There's a couple things that addiction needs.
00:05:31.120 --> 00:05:33.519
Now remember, I've talked about this many times.
00:05:33.680 --> 00:05:37.279
The enemy wants you to become a victim.
00:05:37.839 --> 00:05:48.079
And the way to do that is kind of like the way that animals, predatory uh uh animals, apex predators, they move in packs usually.
00:05:48.240 --> 00:05:51.360
Sometimes they don't, cheetahs don't, lions do.
00:05:51.519 --> 00:05:58.079
They move in packs, and what they do is they try to isolate one of the animals from the herd, and they just focus on that one animal.
00:05:58.240 --> 00:06:00.319
And that's really what the enemy's doing to you.
00:06:00.480 --> 00:06:03.680
It's making it so that it can be you can be isolated.
00:06:03.920 --> 00:06:08.959
Because in isolation, you're defenseless, you don't have any allies, there's nobody there.
00:06:09.279 --> 00:06:11.600
So what isolation is addiction is best friend.
00:06:11.680 --> 00:06:13.120
I've said that so many times.
00:06:13.199 --> 00:06:14.480
That's my little catchphrase.
00:06:15.279 --> 00:06:20.720
Secrets protect addiction, and secrets can ha can only happen in isolation.
00:06:21.199 --> 00:06:24.480
Hidden shame, that's what fuels the relapse.
00:06:25.040 --> 00:06:26.240
But shame.
00:06:26.639 --> 00:06:28.639
Shame causes you to isolate.
00:06:29.120 --> 00:06:32.399
Confession disrupts self-deception.
00:06:32.879 --> 00:06:37.519
That self-deception about, hey, I'm not this, I'm not that.
00:06:37.920 --> 00:06:38.720
Yes, you are.
00:06:38.879 --> 00:06:41.360
And when you're working the steps, you're finding those things out.
00:06:41.439 --> 00:06:43.199
You're finding out what you really are.
00:06:43.439 --> 00:06:47.040
And it it yeah, it feels like you're you feel shameful when you say it.
00:06:47.120 --> 00:06:50.720
And that's what's really interesting when people they begin the 12 steps.
00:06:50.879 --> 00:07:00.879
When you get to step four, the fearless searching moral inventory of your character defects, they have to actually actually have to identify the things that um are the things they don't want to talk about, you know.
00:07:01.120 --> 00:07:11.600
I'm a liar, I'm a thief, I'm a deceiver, I'm an abuser, uh, you know, all the things that we talk about, those horrible things, that's when shame can kick back in.
00:07:11.759 --> 00:07:25.199
But when you're doing that in front of somebody who's actually done the same exact thing, they probably were the same exact kind of person as you, you're not saying anything out loud to them that they don't themselves have as a label at time in at times in their life.
00:07:25.439 --> 00:07:35.360
So you're doing it in front of somebody, and and that makes it much more comfortable when you feel that shame, but the person across from you that you're talking to about it has also felt that shame.
00:07:35.680 --> 00:07:40.800
So it's important to have the courage to take on those 12 steps.
00:07:46.240 --> 00:07:49.680
The resistance is usually emotional, it's not intellectual.
00:07:50.079 --> 00:07:54.240
Most addicts are not confused about recovery, they're scared about recovery.
00:07:55.199 --> 00:07:57.839
They're scared of the process, they're scared of what's next.
00:07:58.000 --> 00:07:59.279
Well, what do I have to be?
00:07:59.360 --> 00:08:01.519
I don't want to face the truth, right?
00:08:01.680 --> 00:08:10.079
The truth, but you if you understand the truth, the truth will set you free to paraphrase some uh scripture out of context, but that is true.
00:08:10.879 --> 00:08:12.800
They have a fear of accountability.
00:08:14.000 --> 00:08:21.680
Um I don't I don't want to have to face the stuff that I did to my spouse.
00:08:22.000 --> 00:08:32.399
I I don't I don't I'm I owe people money because I've borrowed money like crazy and I don't want to have to deal with that, so I'm just gonna get drunk, get high, that makes it all go away.
00:08:32.799 --> 00:08:39.600
They the accountability is the thing that draws you out of uh reality if you avoid it.
00:08:39.759 --> 00:08:42.320
Accountability puts you back in reality.
00:08:42.480 --> 00:08:48.879
And I don't know about you, but when I was at my worst, accountability was not a thing that was a driver for me.
00:08:49.039 --> 00:08:54.240
I was not necessarily destructive and irresponsible like many many of the addicts that I treat.
00:08:54.399 --> 00:09:03.759
I didn't I didn't go that direction, but I was destructive and I did avoid accountability because I just all I wanted to do was drink and get drunk.
00:09:04.480 --> 00:09:07.440
The fear of identity is another issue.
00:09:07.759 --> 00:09:10.960
You have built an entire identity around your usage.
00:09:11.120 --> 00:09:13.360
That's what happens when people become addicts.
00:09:13.600 --> 00:09:20.480
And and you've done this, I know if you're listening to this and you're an addict or in your recovery or you're not, you understand what that means.
00:09:20.559 --> 00:09:21.840
Like I am the thing.
00:09:22.000 --> 00:09:32.240
I I've noticed in um treatment, especially in residential treatment programs and detox centers, man, when when addicts come in, they have an incredible amount of flair.
00:09:32.480 --> 00:09:45.279
There's a lot of tattoos, there's a lot of wild-looking clothes, hairstyles, piercings, there's a lot of like that affect of identity, and it's all attached to the usage.
00:09:45.440 --> 00:09:54.320
They're sl, they're they're gritty, they're they're um they're counterculture, they're oppositional to what's going on around them.
00:09:54.559 --> 00:09:56.879
That's many times that's what I see.
00:09:57.039 --> 00:10:02.159
And when you stop using and you start moving into recovery, you've lost your identity.
00:10:02.720 --> 00:10:05.840
You have lost that need for that flair.
00:10:05.919 --> 00:10:21.440
All of a sudden you realize a lot of times, and I know you've if you're listening to this, you probably have done this when you've stopped using and you go into a treatment center, and you know, that all of a sudden the crazy makeup and the hair and the piercings and everything, that stays in place for a while.
00:10:21.600 --> 00:10:48.320
It usually lasts about a couple of days to a week, maybe a week and a half, and then and then it just becomes annoying to you and irritating, and you realize that nobody else around you is that way, and people come in and they they're scrubbing off the makeup, they're they're not doing the crazy gel hair stuff, and it's just kind of like you're starting to look like everybody else there, kind of relaxed and easygoing, and you're not as attached as much to your identity.
00:10:48.399 --> 00:10:54.240
If you're tatted up in your pierced, you're still gonna have those, but the rest of it starts to kind of go away.
00:10:55.120 --> 00:10:58.879
Which leads me to the next point vulnerability.
00:11:00.080 --> 00:11:04.639
Many times people are scared, they have a fear of vulnerability.
00:11:05.120 --> 00:11:23.600
Uh most addicts, in my experience, as a clinician, have been traumatized as children, where they feel like they've they've you know they have no power, they've lost agency, sexually abused, physically abused, emotionally abused, verbally abused, they've abandoned the five forms of big big trauma.
00:11:23.840 --> 00:11:27.440
And and so vulnerability means that you're at risk of being that again.
00:11:27.759 --> 00:11:35.519
Trusting of um authority, trusting people, trusting your sponsor, trusting your counselors, trusting the people in there.
00:11:35.679 --> 00:11:45.360
You you see a lot of almost paranoia level of concern about guardedness of identity and self and emotion.
00:11:45.519 --> 00:11:50.320
And so there's a fear of fear of vulnerability because if you're vulnerable, you could be hurt again.
00:11:50.399 --> 00:11:52.320
And that's that's the thing you've been trying to avoid.
00:11:52.399 --> 00:11:53.919
That's why you're getting high and drunk.
00:11:54.080 --> 00:11:59.519
Um, because you you don't want to be vulnerable, you want to be strong, and you feel like that makes you strong.
00:12:00.000 --> 00:12:04.159
Which then also can lead into that issue about the fear of losing control.
00:12:05.279 --> 00:12:07.360
Losing control is a big deal.
00:12:07.679 --> 00:12:08.799
I control everything.
00:12:08.960 --> 00:12:15.200
If I'm high and I'm drunk, it seems from the outside, when you see that person, you you think, wow, they've just lost it, you know.
00:12:15.440 --> 00:12:20.639
Um, maybe even it looks like you're very emotionally out of out of out of control.
00:12:21.279 --> 00:12:26.399
But as an addict, you feel like you have ultimate control because you're controlling everything around you.
00:12:26.559 --> 00:12:30.399
That fear of losing control is another one that keeps you from working the 12 steps.
00:12:30.639 --> 00:12:36.240
Because if if I really work the 12 steps honestly, then I can't keep pretending anymore.
00:12:36.480 --> 00:12:39.600
Is kind of what the thing that goes on in your head.
00:12:39.840 --> 00:12:40.480
Yeah.
00:12:41.039 --> 00:12:42.960
So what happens?
00:12:43.039 --> 00:12:47.759
Well, I've had clients that come into my office and say, I already know what my problems are.
00:12:47.919 --> 00:12:49.600
I love it when they say that.
00:12:49.840 --> 00:12:50.799
Because I'm like, really?
00:12:51.120 --> 00:13:05.440
And then I start talking to them, but then I noticed on the intake forms, on one of them I have an ACE test, and that's the uh which is a test that I administer that allows me in 10 questions to figure out what your uh chance of being an addict are.
00:13:05.600 --> 00:13:20.399
And I see when they fill that out, there's questions about abuse, um, emotional abuse, physical abuse, all these things that they're exposed to as a child, and they've checked off like six of the ten things, but then they already tell me what their problems are, but when they're describing them, they never mention any of that stuff.
00:13:20.559 --> 00:13:22.159
I'm like, oh, okay.
00:13:22.799 --> 00:13:31.759
Then, you know, you're you're you're going into these abusive relationships, you're constantly um, you know, lashing out at people.
00:13:32.159 --> 00:13:36.240
Um it's like if you know what your problems are, then why do you keep repeating them?
00:13:38.799 --> 00:13:40.159
That's crazy.
00:13:40.399 --> 00:13:41.519
Why do you do that?
00:13:41.679 --> 00:13:45.600
And this is why recovery starts becoming different from abstinence.
00:13:45.919 --> 00:13:49.440
The steps create structure around your recovery.
00:13:49.600 --> 00:13:52.320
The steps are not punishment, they are structure.
00:13:52.480 --> 00:13:59.519
They are the structure, they connect you to your reality.
00:13:59.919 --> 00:14:05.039
There's a there's an issue around discipline in your life, routine.
00:14:06.159 --> 00:14:09.919
Uh it's like you don't want that consistency.
00:14:10.159 --> 00:14:12.480
You're just consistently higher drunk, yeah.
00:14:12.639 --> 00:14:15.120
But I mean, as far as are you accountable?
00:14:15.440 --> 00:14:17.919
So there's no discipline around your life.
00:14:18.000 --> 00:14:25.440
That's why a lot of addicts that can't hold jobs, they they can't stay in relationships, they can't housing is a problem.
00:14:26.000 --> 00:14:28.720
You never know when they're gonna show up or not show up, whatever, right?
00:14:28.799 --> 00:14:29.840
So they're all over the place.
00:14:29.919 --> 00:14:31.200
There's no routine.
00:14:31.519 --> 00:14:43.919
This is why sponsorships and and and uh meetings and connectivity and consistency in the in the 12-step uh world we say you should do 90 meetings in 90 days.
00:14:44.240 --> 00:14:54.159
Now you think about it 90 90 meetings in 90 days automatically you've got discipline, routine, you got honesty, you got connection, you got a sponsor.
00:14:55.200 --> 00:15:00.240
Addiction creates chaos, but recovery requires structure.
00:15:00.559 --> 00:15:02.960
You can't have it any other way, really.
00:15:05.600 --> 00:15:09.120
A drowning person doesn't need more chaos.
00:15:09.200 --> 00:15:10.080
They need a lifeline.
00:15:10.240 --> 00:15:17.600
They need that that rescue ring, they need the lifeguard, they need something, they need that lifeline.
00:15:18.399 --> 00:15:26.639
The steps are not about becoming a religious robot, and that's a concern I've heard from people about the whole God thing, they have opposition to that.
00:15:27.120 --> 00:15:30.960
But the steps are about becoming emotionally honest human beings.
00:15:31.120 --> 00:15:32.559
That's really what it is.
00:15:32.879 --> 00:15:38.799
So if you got issues with God and you don't have you believe in God and that's your issue, that's fine.
00:15:39.120 --> 00:15:41.440
Then just ignore the God talk.
00:15:41.600 --> 00:15:43.200
If if that's what you're gonna do.
00:15:43.360 --> 00:15:45.600
But at least get the structure of the 12 steps.
00:15:45.759 --> 00:15:54.320
I don't think I there's not many people I know that go through the 12-step process that don't end up becoming very, very connected to an idea of faith, honestly.
00:15:54.559 --> 00:16:04.480
But hey, if that's your jam, I'd rather see you get clean and sober uh and and go that path and than not do it because of the God thing.
00:16:05.600 --> 00:16:09.360
Why early recovery needs other people is a big deal.
00:16:09.600 --> 00:16:11.360
Early recovery does need people.
00:16:11.519 --> 00:16:12.159
You need people.
00:16:12.320 --> 00:16:15.440
Recovery can't happen fully in isolation, it doesn't.
00:16:15.600 --> 00:16:21.039
And anybody who comes into my office and says, Yeah, I've I've uh I've been I've been sober for the last year.
00:16:21.200 --> 00:16:22.480
And like, do you go to meetings?
00:16:22.559 --> 00:16:22.720
No.
00:16:22.799 --> 00:16:23.679
Do you have a sponsor?
00:16:23.759 --> 00:16:23.919
No.
00:16:24.080 --> 00:16:25.600
Do you go to any recovery groups?
00:16:25.679 --> 00:16:25.919
No.
00:16:26.000 --> 00:16:26.799
Did you go to rehab?
00:16:26.879 --> 00:16:27.039
No.
00:16:27.120 --> 00:16:28.080
Did you go to detox?
00:16:28.399 --> 00:16:28.720
No.
00:16:28.960 --> 00:16:29.759
What did you do?
00:16:30.000 --> 00:16:33.039
Oh, I just uh I just stopped and I was healed.
00:16:33.200 --> 00:16:36.639
I'm like, yeah, you're just waiting to pick back up.
00:16:37.360 --> 00:16:40.080
It can't happen in isolation fully.
00:16:40.320 --> 00:16:43.679
You gotta have sponsors who help you.
00:16:43.840 --> 00:16:47.200
These are the people that are your peers who have walked this walk.
00:16:47.360 --> 00:16:51.360
They have gone through this process of recovery, they know what it's like.
00:16:51.600 --> 00:16:58.799
Now, I'm not gonna kid myself or try to convince you that the 12 steps are perfect.
00:16:58.879 --> 00:16:59.360
They're not.
00:16:59.519 --> 00:17:01.200
The execution of it is not perfect.
00:17:01.279 --> 00:17:09.440
It's it's inherently imperfect because the people who are in it and are doing this work are people who are in recovery.
00:17:09.519 --> 00:17:18.319
They're not trained therapists, they're not counselors, they're amateurs attempting to do some help for you because you need help.
00:17:18.559 --> 00:17:28.559
They've gone through a process and they were taught by their sponsor how to do it, and that sponsor was taught by their grand sponsor and their great grandsponsor and their great-great-grandsponsor and so on and so on and so on.
00:17:28.720 --> 00:17:30.880
This has been going on since 1934.
00:17:31.039 --> 00:17:33.519
So is it is it an imperfect process?
00:17:33.680 --> 00:17:34.160
Absolutely.
00:17:34.319 --> 00:17:36.160
But sponsors are gonna help.
00:17:36.319 --> 00:17:42.240
And if you have a sponsor and your sponsor is nearly not the perfect person for you, that's fine.
00:17:42.559 --> 00:17:46.079
Then you can get another sponsor and just move on.
00:17:46.400 --> 00:17:59.440
But you need a guide, you need a peer-level guide who's gone through this, has already executed it, they know what it looks like, they're gonna spot the lies, they're gonna not let you get squirrely, they're not gonna let you run away, they're gonna make you accountable.
00:17:59.599 --> 00:18:01.279
They are vital to the process.
00:18:01.440 --> 00:18:08.400
And and I have had people who have tried or convinced themselves that they could probably do the step work by themselves.
00:18:08.720 --> 00:18:09.680
You can't.
00:18:09.920 --> 00:18:15.440
It's not a self-help group, it's a mutual aid society form of help.
00:18:16.000 --> 00:18:19.200
But in that, you also need professional help.
00:18:19.359 --> 00:18:30.880
So you've got to get into therapy because it's not just about why you're drinking uh in the moment, it's about the why you're drinking at all.
00:18:31.359 --> 00:18:41.200
And a sponsor and the 12-step process and working the steps is gonna point out the things that trigger you into drinking about yourself.
00:18:41.279 --> 00:18:43.839
It's a search about it's a search of the inner person.
00:18:44.480 --> 00:18:46.640
But therapy is about trauma.
00:18:46.799 --> 00:18:55.839
Therapy, you need a trained trauma therapist if you're an addict, who helps you go through your trauma and heal from that.
00:18:56.000 --> 00:18:59.519
And that takes training, it takes understanding.
00:18:59.680 --> 00:19:02.400
You're only going to get that from a licensed professional.
00:19:02.559 --> 00:19:07.680
And frankly, a lot of licensed professionals are ill-equipped to do that.
00:19:07.839 --> 00:19:18.240
And I don't mean to disparage my colleagues, but there's a whole lot of therapists out there who are not good therapists, and they're not particularly good at trauma work.
00:19:18.319 --> 00:19:19.039
And that's fine.
00:19:19.119 --> 00:19:24.799
They got some other thing that they can do uh in therapy, some other specialization they can focus on.
00:19:24.880 --> 00:19:32.720
But you got to find somebody who's trained in trauma and you got to find somebody who has a combination of trauma training and addiction training.
00:19:32.880 --> 00:19:34.400
They understand addiction.
00:19:34.559 --> 00:19:36.720
That's kind of a rare thing, frankly.
00:19:36.880 --> 00:19:38.720
I I find not many of those.
00:19:38.880 --> 00:19:42.559
I find lots of people who are trained therapists, but not in those two areas.
00:19:42.720 --> 00:19:44.960
So you got to find somebody that does that.
00:19:45.359 --> 00:19:51.839
But part of the sponsorship thing is you've also got to be able to um to get into group accountability.
00:19:52.079 --> 00:19:59.839
If you go into the the rooms and you find out that um that, you know, you I'm I'm Jock, I'm an alcoholic.
00:19:59.920 --> 00:20:00.559
Hello, Jock.
00:20:01.119 --> 00:20:09.200
Okay, I've identified myself, and I go to that same group over and over and over again, and then when I disappear, the people in that group are going to be affected by that.
00:20:09.359 --> 00:20:22.079
It's going to affect them because they have now attached themselves to you, and it's going to affect their relationship with you and their understanding, and they know you need help because again, it's a peer group.
00:20:22.240 --> 00:20:24.319
They've already done the same things you've done.
00:20:24.400 --> 00:20:26.960
Nothing you're going to do in recovery is unique to you.
00:20:27.119 --> 00:20:28.880
I know everybody feels like they're unique.
00:20:29.119 --> 00:20:32.079
I'm the only person who's ever done this, and they're not going to know what this is.
00:20:32.240 --> 00:20:36.160
No, they've all done it, and they've probably done a lot of things you haven't even thought of yet.
00:20:36.400 --> 00:20:41.279
So the accountability part is if you disappear from a group, it affects them.
00:20:41.440 --> 00:20:47.200
It affects the way they think about themselves in recovery, but it also affects the way they think about you and they're concerned about you.
00:20:47.279 --> 00:20:50.720
So they're going to they're going to help find you and bring you back in.
00:20:50.880 --> 00:20:55.200
You're going to be the lost sheep at that point, and they're going to go out looking for you.
00:20:55.519 --> 00:20:59.200
Um it's about being witnessed.
00:20:59.440 --> 00:21:00.880
It's about being witnessed.
00:21:00.960 --> 00:21:04.559
It's about having the opportunity for somebody to say, I'm here.
00:21:04.720 --> 00:21:06.880
This, you know, we don't have crosstalk in meetings.
00:21:06.960 --> 00:21:10.319
So if you stand up and say something, nobody's going to say anything in response to it.
00:21:10.480 --> 00:21:12.240
But you're going to get that positive feeling.
00:21:12.319 --> 00:21:16.000
You're going to see people nodding their heads and, you know, they're going to pat you on the back.
00:21:16.079 --> 00:21:23.759
I've I've seen people, you know, they'll talk, they'll say something, and the person next to them reaches over and holds their hand because they know the person needs connectivity.
00:21:23.920 --> 00:21:24.960
They need that.
00:21:25.200 --> 00:21:28.799
And so you're going to be witnessed in those meetings.
00:21:28.880 --> 00:21:31.119
And that's really what step five is about.
00:21:31.359 --> 00:21:36.480
Uh saying out loud to yourself, to another person of God, the nature and extent of those character defects.
00:21:36.640 --> 00:21:39.279
That's where real recovery lives.
00:21:39.599 --> 00:21:42.160
So you have to say the things out loud.
00:21:42.319 --> 00:21:49.519
Not because God doesn't already know, not because your sponsor is perfect, but because addiction survives in secrecy.
00:21:49.759 --> 00:21:52.960
So here's what to think about if you don't do the work.
00:21:54.319 --> 00:21:56.319
You end up being a dry drunk.
00:21:56.480 --> 00:21:57.680
That's dry sobriety.
00:21:57.920 --> 00:21:59.839
And I've seen people stop drinking and become adverse.
00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:02.400
Absolutely miserable in that process.
00:22:02.640 --> 00:22:15.359
And it's kind of unfair to you as a recovery person or a person who's trying to work on recovery because you're you're not even halfway there, you're not even partway there, you're just kind of in this stationary stagnation point.
00:22:15.920 --> 00:22:21.599
You end up getting angry, you have resentment, you got emotional volatility.
00:22:22.000 --> 00:22:28.400
There's there's this bitterness that kind of creeps in, and you are at your highest risk of relapse.
00:22:28.799 --> 00:22:42.240
And I think one of the things that really drives that uh being a dried drunk is that sense of superiority, that you have it figured out because you just not consumed your drug of choice, and that makes you feel like you've got it, right?
00:22:42.319 --> 00:22:59.119
So we talk about um being sober, and that word gets used a lot, um, especially by people who are working on recovery or those people who have been attempting recovery, or even those who have the concept of recovery who are not addicts, but they talk about sobriety.
00:22:59.200 --> 00:23:06.720
And I I work really hard in my practice at correcting people and trying to teach them the difference between uh abstinence and sobriety.
00:23:07.279 --> 00:23:17.599
The the model I use, and I'm pointing my finger at myself, is um abstinence is up here in your head, and sobriety is in your heart.
00:23:17.920 --> 00:23:22.880
So you you're at that risk of relapse because you haven't you've just abstained.
00:23:22.960 --> 00:23:23.759
It's a head thing.
00:23:23.839 --> 00:23:24.720
It's not a heart thing.
00:23:24.799 --> 00:23:26.319
There's been no change in your heart.
00:23:26.559 --> 00:23:29.759
The substance was removed, but the person never changed.
00:23:30.160 --> 00:23:31.119
That's the issue.
00:23:31.279 --> 00:23:33.599
You don't change, you just remove the substance.
00:23:33.759 --> 00:23:37.279
What you've done is you've taken out the coping mechanism and it's now gone.
00:23:37.759 --> 00:23:43.200
Um you can quit drinking and still think like an addict.
00:23:44.000 --> 00:23:46.480
And that's the change that needs to happen.
00:23:46.720 --> 00:23:49.039
You need to change the way that you think.
00:23:50.720 --> 00:23:53.920
Recovery is reconstruction.
00:23:54.160 --> 00:23:55.920
It's it's rebuilding.
00:23:56.160 --> 00:23:59.680
It's changing you, but it's rebuilding.
00:24:00.079 --> 00:24:02.400
And that's why you have to have structure around it.
00:24:02.559 --> 00:24:11.920
You would never attempt to remodel a home, or even for that matter, try to build a home without some kind of construction plans.
00:24:12.160 --> 00:24:13.519
It would just look terrible.
00:24:13.599 --> 00:24:20.720
And it probably wouldn't stand, it wouldn't pass code uh on inspection, and and it would not be livable.
00:24:20.960 --> 00:24:22.400
You have to have a plan.
00:24:22.559 --> 00:24:26.880
The steps are not about punishment, they are the reconstruction.
00:24:26.960 --> 00:24:36.640
They are the plans, they are the guardrails, they are the the foundation that you're building this house on is through that idea of planned reconstruction.
00:24:37.200 --> 00:24:51.759
You are rebuilding your life, you're rebuilding trust, you're rebuilding honesty, you're rebuilding character, you're rebuilding your relationship with God, you're re you're rebuilding your relationship with yourself and with others.
00:24:52.000 --> 00:24:59.839
And you can't do that without real structured, planned work towards that.
00:25:00.079 --> 00:25:04.960
And none of that happens accidentally, it happens on purpose.
00:25:05.279 --> 00:25:07.759
So I'm gonna give you this challenge.
00:25:07.920 --> 00:25:16.799
If you're working on recovery and you're resisting the idea of doing some kind of structured work, like the step work, which I think is it's brilliant, honestly.
00:25:17.680 --> 00:25:28.000
If you're new to sobriety and you're avoiding the step work because you think you can outthink addiction, you are making a grave mistake.
00:25:28.319 --> 00:25:30.240
You cannot heal in hiding.
00:25:30.400 --> 00:25:40.480
Isolation is addiction's best friend, and not working the steps, not having a plan, not connecting with the community, that is all about hiding.
00:25:40.640 --> 00:25:41.680
That's isolation.
00:25:41.920 --> 00:25:47.680
You cannot recover while you're protecting dishonesty, lies, deception.
00:25:47.759 --> 00:25:53.279
That's what the enemy's got you doing, and it's and it feels empowering, but it is a lie.
00:25:53.359 --> 00:25:59.680
And you cannot build a different life using the exact same thinking that destroyed the last one.
00:26:00.160 --> 00:26:01.440
You can't.
00:26:01.920 --> 00:26:05.440
So go on, get that work done.
00:26:05.680 --> 00:26:10.480
Look, don't destroy your life because you're trying to protect your addiction.
00:26:10.559 --> 00:26:11.279
That's that's ridiculous.
00:26:11.359 --> 00:26:15.039
Get honest, get help, get into recovery, do the work.
00:26:15.440 --> 00:26:20.799
Go to the room, find somebody to help you, get a therapist, get a trained trauma addiction therapist.
00:26:20.960 --> 00:26:23.359
If you want to reach out to me, you can.
00:26:23.519 --> 00:26:26.799
Through my website, docjock.com, send me a message.
00:26:27.039 --> 00:26:28.640
Give me a message about what you're doing.
00:26:28.799 --> 00:26:33.200
If you have questions, you need some advice, you need some direction, you need some help, I'm there for you.
00:26:33.279 --> 00:26:34.000
Just reach out.
00:26:34.160 --> 00:26:35.680
Docjock.com.
00:26:36.559 --> 00:26:41.599
Until then, this is DocJoc, your addiction lifeguard, saying see ya.
