WEBVTT
00:00:08.000 --> 00:00:12.640
You're listening to Dissociated, Breaking Silence, Building Joy.
00:00:12.800 --> 00:00:16.960
I'm your host, Cheryl Brown, and I'm glad you found me.
00:00:17.280 --> 00:00:27.920
This podcast explores what happens when we find our voices after years of silence and how joy can exist, even after the unthinkable.
00:00:32.399 --> 00:00:36.640
Before we begin, I want to share a quick content note.
00:00:37.520 --> 00:00:48.079
Throughout this episode and throughout this next season, we'll be talking about childhood trauma and how it can show up in adulthood.
00:00:48.719 --> 00:01:07.760
That may include conversations about relationships, emotional experiences, coping mechanisms, identity, triggers, boundaries, and other topics that could feel personal or triggering.
00:01:08.319 --> 00:01:11.280
Please take care of yourself as you listen.
00:01:11.599 --> 00:01:13.519
Pause if you need to.
00:01:14.000 --> 00:01:16.079
Come back when you're ready.
00:01:16.719 --> 00:01:22.879
And know that you're always in control of how you engage with these conversations.
00:01:28.640 --> 00:01:36.319
Welcome back to Dissociated, a space where we're breaking silence and building understanding.
00:01:37.840 --> 00:01:43.519
I owe you, my listeners, an explanation for my recent hiatus.
00:01:44.879 --> 00:01:47.680
I disappeared for a little while.
00:01:48.480 --> 00:01:53.920
I had every intention of recording this episode much sooner.
00:01:54.319 --> 00:02:06.480
But the truth is, towards the end of season one, I received a message from my mother that deeply affected me.
00:02:08.400 --> 00:02:12.240
She called me a liar, among other things.
00:02:14.000 --> 00:02:32.400
And even though part of me expected her to reach out with that kind of response to my podcast that really speaks my truth, it still hit harder than I was prepared for.
00:02:33.919 --> 00:02:45.919
Because no matter how old you are, there is something incredibly painful about not being believed by your mother.
00:02:47.759 --> 00:03:02.479
Especially when you spent years trying to survive things you never should have had to survive in the first place in order to hold that relationship and keep those people in your life.
00:03:04.719 --> 00:03:14.319
I think people sometimes underestimate how much courage it takes to speak publicly about trauma.
00:03:16.479 --> 00:03:34.000
Not just because of the memories themselves, but because somewhere deep inside, many survivors are still carrying the fear that if they finally tell the truth, they'll be abandoned for it.
00:03:34.879 --> 00:03:44.319
They'll be rejected for it, called dramatic, called broken, called a liar.
00:03:46.879 --> 00:03:50.080
From the people that are supposed to love them the most.
00:03:52.159 --> 00:04:01.360
And when those fears get confirmed by someone you hoped would protect you, it does something to your nervous system.
00:04:03.120 --> 00:04:04.479
It shakes you.
00:04:06.319 --> 00:04:10.479
For a little while, it shook me too.
00:04:12.319 --> 00:04:16.079
I found myself emotionally exhausted.
00:04:17.040 --> 00:04:20.560
I even questioned whether I could keep going or not.
00:04:21.920 --> 00:04:24.480
I wanted to disappear again.
00:04:26.399 --> 00:04:37.279
And that's hard for me to admit, because what I really want is for this podcast to be a place of hope and healing.
00:04:38.879 --> 00:04:42.879
But healing isn't clean and it isn't linear.
00:04:44.959 --> 00:04:49.360
Sometimes healing looks brave and powerful.
00:04:50.319 --> 00:05:01.040
And sometimes healing looks like sitting in your car trying to convince yourself to hit record again.
00:05:03.519 --> 00:05:12.639
Sometimes it's someone reaching out and thanking you for helping them find their own voice.
00:05:15.279 --> 00:05:25.120
This podcast means everything to me because I know I'm not the only person carrying these kinds of wounds.
00:05:27.199 --> 00:05:34.560
And if I'm asking other people to stop hiding, then I need to be honest when I struggle too.
00:05:35.519 --> 00:05:44.720
So instead of pretending the silence never happened, I wanted to tell you the truth that I was hurt.
00:05:45.600 --> 00:06:04.160
I'm still hurt, but I am healing, and I am still here, and I will not allow my abuser, even in his death, or those that support him, to slow me down.
00:06:11.199 --> 00:06:19.040
If you've been here through season one, you've walked with me through some deeply personal parts of my story.
00:06:19.839 --> 00:06:25.040
And if you're new here, I'm really glad you found your way to this space.
00:06:26.800 --> 00:06:29.360
This episode is a little different.
00:06:29.680 --> 00:06:33.519
This is both a closing and a beginning.
00:06:34.639 --> 00:06:41.279
A moment to gently wrap what we've uncovered so far and step into what comes next.
00:06:42.079 --> 00:07:01.839
Because while season one was about me finding my words, season two is about helping others find theirs, while also understanding what those words mean and how the experiences behind them continue to shape our lives.
00:07:04.000 --> 00:07:11.040
So as we close season one, I've been reflecting on everything we've uncovered.
00:07:11.439 --> 00:07:16.319
Not just the facts of what happened to me, but the impact of it.
00:07:16.720 --> 00:07:32.319
Because for so long, so much of my life existed in fragments, pieces, reactions, survival patterns I didn't fully understand until I started speaking them out loud.
00:07:34.399 --> 00:07:48.000
Even though I thought season one was just going to be my story, I was finally going to have my voice, and everyone was going to know what happened to me.
00:07:49.279 --> 00:07:51.759
It wasn't just storytelling.
00:07:52.639 --> 00:08:01.519
It was me slowly walking back through the rooms of my own life, turning the lights on one by one.
00:08:02.720 --> 00:08:09.199
In the beginning, I shared what dissociation actually felt like for me.
00:08:09.519 --> 00:08:19.920
Not just the textbook definition, but the lived experience of moving through life, feeling disconnected from myself.
00:08:20.800 --> 00:08:33.519
Feeling emotionally numb in moments that should have mattered, that should have been so important to me, that should have overwhelmed me with emotion.
00:08:35.600 --> 00:08:41.600
Feeling like I was surviving my own life instead of fully living it.
00:08:43.200 --> 00:08:48.159
And that became the foundation for everything else.
00:08:49.840 --> 00:09:15.600
As the season continued, I began unpacking the reality of growing up in an environment where fear, silence, and confusion became normal, where survival often meant disconnecting emotionally because fully feeling what was happening would have been way too overwhelming for a child to carry.
00:09:17.200 --> 00:09:26.000
I talked about the complexity of family dynamics and how trauma doesn't always come wrapped in obvious language.
00:09:26.559 --> 00:09:38.480
Sometimes it lives in what wasn't said, in what wasn't protected, in the things that everyone quietly learns not to acknowledge.
00:09:40.159 --> 00:09:48.240
I shared the experience of carrying those survival patterns into adulthood without realizing it.
00:09:49.519 --> 00:10:03.840
How disassociation affected my relationships, my sense of identity, my ability to connect emotionally, even my ability to understand myself.
00:10:05.519 --> 00:10:16.960
There were moments where I realized I had spent years functioning more like a shell of myself, doing what life required of me.
00:10:18.320 --> 00:10:28.080
While internally, I was disconnected from my own emotions, my own needs, my own experiences.
00:10:29.600 --> 00:10:32.559
And it still shows up even today.
00:10:34.639 --> 00:10:40.240
We talked about what happens when trauma gets buried instead of processed.
00:10:41.519 --> 00:10:44.480
How the nervous system stays on alert.
00:10:44.960 --> 00:10:49.440
How the body remembers things the mind tries to suppress.
00:10:51.120 --> 00:10:55.519
At least for me, I do realize that that doesn't happen for everyone.
00:10:55.759 --> 00:10:59.120
Not everyone has that ability to suppress.
00:11:01.039 --> 00:11:10.559
How coping mechanisms that once helped me survive can quietly begin to shape the entire adult life.
00:11:11.759 --> 00:11:15.279
I also shared the grief that comes with awareness.
00:11:16.639 --> 00:11:19.919
Because healing isn't just relief.
00:11:21.600 --> 00:11:28.240
Sometimes healing is mourning the years you spent disconnected from yourself.
00:11:29.759 --> 00:11:34.000
Mourning relationships you couldn't fully show up in.
00:11:35.120 --> 00:11:42.639
Mourning a version of you that you never got the chance to feel safe enough to simply be a child.
00:11:44.320 --> 00:11:52.480
And somewhere throughout all of these conversations, something started happening to me.
00:11:53.679 --> 00:11:55.919
And probably not just for me.
00:11:57.039 --> 00:11:59.840
In fact, I know not just for me.
00:12:01.120 --> 00:12:06.480
Because it's happened for so many people that are listening.
00:12:07.840 --> 00:12:16.080
Messages have started coming in to me from people saying, I thought I was the only one.
00:12:16.559 --> 00:12:21.200
Or I never had the words for this before.
00:12:21.519 --> 00:12:26.639
Or I finally understand myself a little better.
00:12:27.759 --> 00:12:54.559
And friends of mine who have known me since I was little are also reaching out with the realization that now they understand where my position was and what I was going through in particular moments that they recall that they couldn't understand, but now ring clear as a bell.
00:12:56.960 --> 00:13:04.480
And I think that's when I realized this podcast had become something bigger than my own story.
00:13:06.000 --> 00:13:14.799
Because while the details may differ, the impact of trauma echoes through so many lives.
00:13:15.759 --> 00:13:22.399
And as I've been sitting with all of this, one thing keeps coming back to me.
00:13:23.600 --> 00:13:28.080
Breaking silence is powerful.
00:13:30.080 --> 00:13:35.039
But eventually, another question starts to emerge.
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Now what?
00:13:39.519 --> 00:13:43.200
What do I do with all these things we've said out loud finally?
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What do I do with them?
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How do I begin to understand the ways those experiences have shaped me?
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Not just then, but now.
00:13:55.679 --> 00:14:05.120
Because trauma doesn't stay in the past, just because we've named it, just because we want it to stay back there.
00:14:06.320 --> 00:14:12.080
It follows us, sometimes loudly, sometimes quietly.
00:14:13.360 --> 00:14:30.159
It shows up in relationships, in our sense of identity, in our boundaries, or lack of them, in the ways we communicate, or avoid communication altogether.
00:14:31.440 --> 00:14:52.960
It shows up in perfectionism, people pleasing, anxiety, emotional shutdown, fear of abandonment, hyperindependence, difficulty trusting ourselves or other people.
00:14:55.600 --> 00:15:11.200
It shows up sporadically when we least expect it because of a scent, a touch, a feeling, a word, a tone.
00:15:11.679 --> 00:15:16.480
You name it, it shows up over and over and over again.
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And I realized I don't want to just tell my story anymore.
00:15:24.480 --> 00:15:26.399
I want to understand it.
00:15:27.440 --> 00:15:43.759
I want to understand how trauma continues to live in the body, in relationships, in behaviors, in coping mechanisms, and in the lives we build around our survival.
00:15:44.720 --> 00:15:48.879
And I have a feeling I'm not the only one.
00:15:50.480 --> 00:16:00.639
So, as we move into season two, this journey is going to expand beyond just my voice.
00:16:02.240 --> 00:16:16.559
This second season, we'll be speaking with therapists, specialists, and professionals who can help us understand the why behind what we experience.
00:16:18.000 --> 00:16:29.679
Not in a cold or clinical way, but in a way that connects the dots between what we've lived through and how it's still showing up in adulthood.
00:16:31.360 --> 00:16:34.399
You'll also hear from other survivors.
00:16:36.159 --> 00:16:42.799
Some stories I'll share on behalf of people who aren't ready to speak publicly.
00:16:44.320 --> 00:16:50.399
But they know that their voices still matter, even in silence.
00:16:51.919 --> 00:17:06.319
And some conversations will be with people directly through interviews with survivors that are willing to share their story in their own words and voice.
00:17:08.240 --> 00:17:14.880
Because healing doesn't happen in isolation, it happens in connection.
00:17:16.079 --> 00:17:24.240
In those moments where someone says something and suddenly you realize that makes sense.
00:17:24.960 --> 00:17:26.720
That's me too.
00:17:27.200 --> 00:17:29.200
Hence the me too movement.
00:17:29.759 --> 00:17:31.680
Or I'm not alone in this.
00:17:31.920 --> 00:17:34.160
Thank God I'm not alone in this.
00:17:34.799 --> 00:17:39.279
And there's no perfect order for the conversations that we're going to have.
00:17:40.319 --> 00:17:52.079
This season is going to unfold based on the stories that find their way here and the professionals I can convince to spend time with me on these topics.
00:17:52.640 --> 00:17:57.119
Whatever order that comes is what it is.
00:17:58.640 --> 00:18:07.599
But every conversation, no matter the topic, is going to connect back to the same thread.
00:18:08.720 --> 00:18:18.960
Understanding how childhood trauma continues to shape our adult lives and how we begin to heal from it.
00:18:20.880 --> 00:18:26.640
And that brings me to the first conversation you're going to hear this next season.
00:18:28.079 --> 00:18:30.240
It's with Amanda Deverich.
00:18:32.799 --> 00:18:37.680
Amanda is a licensed marriage and family therapist.
00:18:38.000 --> 00:18:43.119
She's an author, and she's the founder of Williamsburg Counseling.
00:18:44.079 --> 00:18:53.920
She specialized in many things over the years, but her current specialization is in working with couples that are navigating infidelity.
00:18:55.200 --> 00:19:10.079
In this conversation, we're going to explore how childhood trauma can show up in adult relationships, and sometimes even in marriages, in ways people fully don't understand.
00:19:12.880 --> 00:19:18.640
And that just happens to be where Amanda is in her area of expertise.
00:19:20.000 --> 00:19:30.000
But again, this conversation is only one piece of a much bigger exploration that we're going to be having together this season.
00:19:30.640 --> 00:19:38.720
So wherever this topic lands for you, I invite you to listen through the lens of understanding.
00:19:40.319 --> 00:19:42.880
No judgment in this space.
00:19:44.000 --> 00:19:54.640
Because if there's one thing I've learned in my life, it is that you never say you'll never do something.
00:19:57.599 --> 00:20:00.079
This is just the beginning.
00:20:05.119 --> 00:20:16.960
Thank you so much for being here with me, for listening, for holding space, for walking through these conversations with honesty and compassion.
00:20:18.400 --> 00:20:32.400
If you feel ready to share your story, or even just a small piece of it, you can always reach me at info at dissociatedpod.com.
00:20:34.240 --> 00:20:36.960
You don't have to have perfect words.
00:20:37.359 --> 00:20:40.400
You don't have to have everything figured out.
00:20:40.960 --> 00:20:43.359
You just have to start.
00:20:44.480 --> 00:20:51.920
Because there's something incredibly powerful about realizing you don't have to carry it alone anymore.
00:20:53.680 --> 00:20:57.200
Until next time, take care of yourself.
00:20:58.160 --> 00:21:00.880
And I'll see you in season two.
00:21:02.400 --> 00:21:03.119
Thank you.
00:21:12.640 --> 00:21:13.599
Dissociated.
00:21:14.079 --> 00:21:16.480
Breaking silence, building joy.
00:21:16.720 --> 00:21:18.960
Hosted by me, Cheryl Brown.
00:21:19.920 --> 00:21:21.759
Because healing isn't the end of the story.
00:21:22.640 --> 00:21:24.400
It's where the joy begins.
00:00:08.000 --> 00:00:12.640
You're listening to Dissociated, Breaking Silence, Building Joy.
00:00:12.800 --> 00:00:16.960
I'm your host, Cheryl Brown, and I'm glad you found me.
00:00:17.280 --> 00:00:27.920
This podcast explores what happens when we find our voices after years of silence and how joy can exist, even after the unthinkable.
00:00:32.399 --> 00:00:36.640
Before we begin, I want to share a quick content note.
00:00:37.520 --> 00:00:48.079
Throughout this episode and throughout this next season, we'll be talking about childhood trauma and how it can show up in adulthood.
00:00:48.719 --> 00:01:07.760
That may include conversations about relationships, emotional experiences, coping mechanisms, identity, triggers, boundaries, and other topics that could feel personal or triggering.
00:01:08.319 --> 00:01:11.280
Please take care of yourself as you listen.
00:01:11.599 --> 00:01:13.519
Pause if you need to.
00:01:14.000 --> 00:01:16.079
Come back when you're ready.
00:01:16.719 --> 00:01:22.879
And know that you're always in control of how you engage with these conversations.
00:01:28.640 --> 00:01:36.319
Welcome back to Dissociated, a space where we're breaking silence and building understanding.
00:01:37.840 --> 00:01:43.519
I owe you, my listeners, an explanation for my recent hiatus.
00:01:44.879 --> 00:01:47.680
I disappeared for a little while.
00:01:48.480 --> 00:01:53.920
I had every intention of recording this episode much sooner.
00:01:54.319 --> 00:02:06.480
But the truth is, towards the end of season one, I received a message from my mother that deeply affected me.
00:02:08.400 --> 00:02:12.240
She called me a liar, among other things.
00:02:14.000 --> 00:02:32.400
And even though part of me expected her to reach out with that kind of response to my podcast that really speaks my truth, it still hit harder than I was prepared for.
00:02:33.919 --> 00:02:45.919
Because no matter how old you are, there is something incredibly painful about not being believed by your mother.
00:02:47.759 --> 00:03:02.479
Especially when you spent years trying to survive things you never should have had to survive in the first place in order to hold that relationship and keep those people in your life.
00:03:04.719 --> 00:03:14.319
I think people sometimes underestimate how much courage it takes to speak publicly about trauma.
00:03:16.479 --> 00:03:34.000
Not just because of the memories themselves, but because somewhere deep inside, many survivors are still carrying the fear that if they finally tell the truth, they'll be abandoned for it.
00:03:34.879 --> 00:03:44.319
They'll be rejected for it, called dramatic, called broken, called a liar.
00:03:46.879 --> 00:03:50.080
From the people that are supposed to love them the most.
00:03:52.159 --> 00:04:01.360
And when those fears get confirmed by someone you hoped would protect you, it does something to your nervous system.
00:04:03.120 --> 00:04:04.479
It shakes you.
00:04:06.319 --> 00:04:10.479
For a little while, it shook me too.
00:04:12.319 --> 00:04:16.079
I found myself emotionally exhausted.
00:04:17.040 --> 00:04:20.560
I even questioned whether I could keep going or not.
00:04:21.920 --> 00:04:24.480
I wanted to disappear again.
00:04:26.399 --> 00:04:37.279
And that's hard for me to admit, because what I really want is for this podcast to be a place of hope and healing.
00:04:38.879 --> 00:04:42.879
But healing isn't clean and it isn't linear.
00:04:44.959 --> 00:04:49.360
Sometimes healing looks brave and powerful.
00:04:50.319 --> 00:05:01.040
And sometimes healing looks like sitting in your car trying to convince yourself to hit record again.
00:05:03.519 --> 00:05:12.639
Sometimes it's someone reaching out and thanking you for helping them find their own voice.
00:05:15.279 --> 00:05:25.120
This podcast means everything to me because I know I'm not the only person carrying these kinds of wounds.
00:05:27.199 --> 00:05:34.560
And if I'm asking other people to stop hiding, then I need to be honest when I struggle too.
00:05:35.519 --> 00:05:44.720
So instead of pretending the silence never happened, I wanted to tell you the truth that I was hurt.
00:05:45.600 --> 00:06:04.160
I'm still hurt, but I am healing, and I am still here, and I will not allow my abuser, even in his death, or those that support him, to slow me down.
00:06:11.199 --> 00:06:19.040
If you've been here through season one, you've walked with me through some deeply personal parts of my story.
00:06:19.839 --> 00:06:25.040
And if you're new here, I'm really glad you found your way to this space.
00:06:26.800 --> 00:06:29.360
This episode is a little different.
00:06:29.680 --> 00:06:33.519
This is both a closing and a beginning.
00:06:34.639 --> 00:06:41.279
A moment to gently wrap what we've uncovered so far and step into what comes next.
00:06:42.079 --> 00:07:01.839
Because while season one was about me finding my words, season two is about helping others find theirs, while also understanding what those words mean and how the experiences behind them continue to shape our lives.
00:07:04.000 --> 00:07:11.040
So as we close season one, I've been reflecting on everything we've uncovered.
00:07:11.439 --> 00:07:16.319
Not just the facts of what happened to me, but the impact of it.
00:07:16.720 --> 00:07:32.319
Because for so long, so much of my life existed in fragments, pieces, reactions, survival patterns I didn't fully understand until I started speaking them out loud.
00:07:34.399 --> 00:07:48.000
Even though I thought season one was just going to be my story, I was finally going to have my voice, and everyone was going to know what happened to me.
00:07:49.279 --> 00:07:51.759
It wasn't just storytelling.
00:07:52.639 --> 00:08:01.519
It was me slowly walking back through the rooms of my own life, turning the lights on one by one.
00:08:02.720 --> 00:08:09.199
In the beginning, I shared what dissociation actually felt like for me.
00:08:09.519 --> 00:08:19.920
Not just the textbook definition, but the lived experience of moving through life, feeling disconnected from myself.
00:08:20.800 --> 00:08:33.519
Feeling emotionally numb in moments that should have mattered, that should have been so important to me, that should have overwhelmed me with emotion.
00:08:35.600 --> 00:08:41.600
Feeling like I was surviving my own life instead of fully living it.
00:08:43.200 --> 00:08:48.159
And that became the foundation for everything else.
00:08:49.840 --> 00:09:15.600
As the season continued, I began unpacking the reality of growing up in an environment where fear, silence, and confusion became normal, where survival often meant disconnecting emotionally because fully feeling what was happening would have been way too overwhelming for a child to carry.
00:09:17.200 --> 00:09:26.000
I talked about the complexity of family dynamics and how trauma doesn't always come wrapped in obvious language.
00:09:26.559 --> 00:09:38.480
Sometimes it lives in what wasn't said, in what wasn't protected, in the things that everyone quietly learns not to acknowledge.
00:09:40.159 --> 00:09:48.240
I shared the experience of carrying those survival patterns into adulthood without realizing it.
00:09:49.519 --> 00:10:03.840
How disassociation affected my relationships, my sense of identity, my ability to connect emotionally, even my ability to understand myself.
00:10:05.519 --> 00:10:16.960
There were moments where I realized I had spent years functioning more like a shell of myself, doing what life required of me.
00:10:18.320 --> 00:10:28.080
While internally, I was disconnected from my own emotions, my own needs, my own experiences.
00:10:29.600 --> 00:10:32.559
And it still shows up even today.
00:10:34.639 --> 00:10:40.240
We talked about what happens when trauma gets buried instead of processed.
00:10:41.519 --> 00:10:44.480
How the nervous system stays on alert.
00:10:44.960 --> 00:10:49.440
How the body remembers things the mind tries to suppress.
00:10:51.120 --> 00:10:55.519
At least for me, I do realize that that doesn't happen for everyone.
00:10:55.759 --> 00:10:59.120
Not everyone has that ability to suppress.
00:11:01.039 --> 00:11:10.559
How coping mechanisms that once helped me survive can quietly begin to shape the entire adult life.
00:11:11.759 --> 00:11:15.279
I also shared the grief that comes with awareness.
00:11:16.639 --> 00:11:19.919
Because healing isn't just relief.
00:11:21.600 --> 00:11:28.240
Sometimes healing is mourning the years you spent disconnected from yourself.
00:11:29.759 --> 00:11:34.000
Mourning relationships you couldn't fully show up in.
00:11:35.120 --> 00:11:42.639
Mourning a version of you that you never got the chance to feel safe enough to simply be a child.
00:11:44.320 --> 00:11:52.480
And somewhere throughout all of these conversations, something started happening to me.
00:11:53.679 --> 00:11:55.919
And probably not just for me.
00:11:57.039 --> 00:11:59.840
In fact, I know not just for me.
00:12:01.120 --> 00:12:06.480
Because it's happened for so many people that are listening.
00:12:07.840 --> 00:12:16.080
Messages have started coming in to me from people saying, I thought I was the only one.
00:12:16.559 --> 00:12:21.200
Or I never had the words for this before.
00:12:21.519 --> 00:12:26.639
Or I finally understand myself a little better.
00:12:27.759 --> 00:12:54.559
And friends of mine who have known me since I was little are also reaching out with the realization that now they understand where my position was and what I was going through in particular moments that they recall that they couldn't understand, but now ring clear as a bell.
00:12:56.960 --> 00:13:04.480
And I think that's when I realized this podcast had become something bigger than my own story.
00:13:06.000 --> 00:13:14.799
Because while the details may differ, the impact of trauma echoes through so many lives.
00:13:15.759 --> 00:13:22.399
And as I've been sitting with all of this, one thing keeps coming back to me.
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Breaking silence is powerful.
00:13:30.080 --> 00:13:35.039
But eventually, another question starts to emerge.
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Now what?
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What do I do with all these things we've said out loud finally?
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What do I do with them?
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How do I begin to understand the ways those experiences have shaped me?
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Not just then, but now.
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Because trauma doesn't stay in the past, just because we've named it, just because we want it to stay back there.
00:14:06.320 --> 00:14:12.080
It follows us, sometimes loudly, sometimes quietly.
00:14:13.360 --> 00:14:30.159
It shows up in relationships, in our sense of identity, in our boundaries, or lack of them, in the ways we communicate, or avoid communication altogether.
00:14:31.440 --> 00:14:52.960
It shows up in perfectionism, people pleasing, anxiety, emotional shutdown, fear of abandonment, hyperindependence, difficulty trusting ourselves or other people.
00:14:55.600 --> 00:15:11.200
It shows up sporadically when we least expect it because of a scent, a touch, a feeling, a word, a tone.
00:15:11.679 --> 00:15:16.480
You name it, it shows up over and over and over again.
00:15:17.039 --> 00:15:23.200
And I realized I don't want to just tell my story anymore.
00:15:24.480 --> 00:15:26.399
I want to understand it.
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I want to understand how trauma continues to live in the body, in relationships, in behaviors, in coping mechanisms, and in the lives we build around our survival.
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And I have a feeling I'm not the only one.
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So, as we move into season two, this journey is going to expand beyond just my voice.
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This second season, we'll be speaking with therapists, specialists, and professionals who can help us understand the why behind what we experience.
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Not in a cold or clinical way, but in a way that connects the dots between what we've lived through and how it's still showing up in adulthood.
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You'll also hear from other survivors.
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Some stories I'll share on behalf of people who aren't ready to speak publicly.
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But they know that their voices still matter, even in silence.
00:16:51.919 --> 00:17:06.319
And some conversations will be with people directly through interviews with survivors that are willing to share their story in their own words and voice.
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Because healing doesn't happen in isolation, it happens in connection.
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In those moments where someone says something and suddenly you realize that makes sense.
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That's me too.
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Hence the me too movement.
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Or I'm not alone in this.
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Thank God I'm not alone in this.
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And there's no perfect order for the conversations that we're going to have.
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This season is going to unfold based on the stories that find their way here and the professionals I can convince to spend time with me on these topics.
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Whatever order that comes is what it is.
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But every conversation, no matter the topic, is going to connect back to the same thread.
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Understanding how childhood trauma continues to shape our adult lives and how we begin to heal from it.
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And that brings me to the first conversation you're going to hear this next season.
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It's with Amanda Deverich.
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Amanda is a licensed marriage and family therapist.
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She's an author, and she's the founder of Williamsburg Counseling.
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She specialized in many things over the years, but her current specialization is in working with couples that are navigating infidelity.
00:18:55.200 --> 00:19:10.079
In this conversation, we're going to explore how childhood trauma can show up in adult relationships, and sometimes even in marriages, in ways people fully don't understand.
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And that just happens to be where Amanda is in her area of expertise.
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But again, this conversation is only one piece of a much bigger exploration that we're going to be having together this season.
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So wherever this topic lands for you, I invite you to listen through the lens of understanding.
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No judgment in this space.
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Because if there's one thing I've learned in my life, it is that you never say you'll never do something.
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This is just the beginning.
00:20:05.119 --> 00:20:16.960
Thank you so much for being here with me, for listening, for holding space, for walking through these conversations with honesty and compassion.
00:20:18.400 --> 00:20:32.400
If you feel ready to share your story, or even just a small piece of it, you can always reach me at info at dissociatedpod.com.
00:20:34.240 --> 00:20:36.960
You don't have to have perfect words.
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You don't have to have everything figured out.
00:20:40.960 --> 00:20:43.359
You just have to start.
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Because there's something incredibly powerful about realizing you don't have to carry it alone anymore.
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Until next time, take care of yourself.
00:20:58.160 --> 00:21:00.880
And I'll see you in season two.
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Thank you.
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Dissociated.
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Breaking silence, building joy.
00:21:16.720 --> 00:21:18.960
Hosted by me, Cheryl Brown.
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Because healing isn't the end of the story.
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It's where the joy begins.
