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Welcome to Design Pause, a space for women who are thinking about taking an intentional career break.
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I'm Deidra Green.
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Today's episode is adapted from a recent video where I reflect on what it really means to pause, not to escape your life, but to design what comes next.
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If you're in a season of transition, you're in the right place.
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Okay, I am so excited today, y'all.
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We have Miss Kalilah Wright with us today, and if you have been living under a rock, you don't know what Mess In A Bottle is, I am about to tell you.
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So there are people who leave corporate and spend years just wondering if they made the right decision, and then there are people who leave corporate and just build something.
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And my guest today is the second kind.
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Kalilah Wright is a Jamaican-born, Brooklyn-raised entrepreneur and trained architect who founded Mess In A Bottle in Baltimore in 2016.
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It's an apparel brand built on a simple and powerful idea, that you should be able to say exactly what you want without ever having to say a word.
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Mess In A Bottle is an expressive brand, a wearable message, a way of being outspoken and vocal without opening your mouth, and one of the several businesses that Kalilah has launched.
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What I find most compelling about her story is the foundation underneath it.
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She's a trained architect, which means she always understands that the most powerful things, whether buildings or brands, are built on structure, intention, and a very clear point of view.
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She left corporate to find out what she could build on her own terms, and now she's in a season of transition where she is sharing what that looks like online, and all of this is worth talking about.
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So Kalilah, welcome to Design Pause.
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I'm so happy to have you here today.
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Yeah, thank you.
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Thank you again for having me.
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Absolutely.
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So I wanna start with your background in architecture.
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What did your professional life look like before you made the leap into entrepreneurship full time? So I worked for a retail, uh, fashion brand, um, for a couple years before starting Mess In A Bottle.
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And, um, I was doing architecture, like helping them with their store layouts and designs.
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And so I have a love, I think, for fashion, for design, and this was my way of merging them, by going into retail design.
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And, and retail, and for a retail fashion brand.
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And while I was there, I just really felt the urge of creating and starting something of my own, and that's really how the birth of Mess In A Bottle happened.
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Mm, amazing.
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And was it something, was there something that made you feel like, "Okay, it's time for me to branch out on my own"? Was there anything specific that happened or was it like a slow build? Uh, it was, I think life was happening, and that's why the brand is called Mess In A Bottle.
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Um, mess around me was happening.
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Uh, this was the time of Freddie Gray, an African American male who died in police custody.
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Um, I was going through a divorce, or I was going to go into a divorce at that time.
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I had a small child.
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And it felt like even though I was making decent money at this job, I still was, like, struggling to, like, make ends meet and f- you know, dive into the life that I really wanted.
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Um, so I think it was one of those things where I just told myself I gotta bet on myself and see where this goes.
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Um, I just have never been, um, like, having a scared or a scarcity mindset, which, where I'm like, "Okay, you know, if I don't do this," you know, um, just thinking about, like, even the repercussions.
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Like, I'm, I was a YOLO, dive head in first and see if you could swim kinda person.
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So it was just like with all the mess happening around me, it kinda forced me to, like, bet on myself and try to figure it out.
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And what's, uh, that feeling of, you know, "I'm gonna bet on myself," is that something that you've always had within you, or do you feel like it's something that you had to cultivate? I think that it was something that was always secretly, like, whispering anytime I got, like, a job.
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I never...
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And especially, architecture itself is a very white, male, dominant field, um- Mm-hmm dominated field.
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And so it's a, a space in which there's not a lot of, like, Black women, and women period.
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And so, you know, I think that I've always, like, questioned, like, is this my place? And so- Mm-hmm even though, um, you know, I did well and enjoyed architecture, um, I just was like, it just kept on, anytime I would work for a firm or work somewhere, I think I had the bug to be like, "Is this where you belong? Is this, do you feel, is this where you're destined to be and go down?" And there always was that question.
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And so this time when I felt that, I was like, "Let's act on it and let's do something about it."
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Yeah.
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That's incredibly relatable.
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I think a lot of people who are listening to this, if you've made it, um, in any space in corporate and you find yourself being one of the only, it's always kind of like, "Is this where I'm supposed to be?" So I can completely understand what you mean by that.
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Um, even though you're this type of person who ha- you know, has said, "I'm gonna dive in.
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I'm gonna bet on myself.
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I'm gonna do what I need to do," was there anything that you were afraid of walking away from, and how did you push through that fear? I think overall I wasn't really fearful just because, um, when I kinda did like a soft launch of Mess In A Bottle, a lot of different types of people gravitated towards it, and they really resonated with the message, and I didn't, like, think that.
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And so because this thing I did caught fire really quickly, I just knew, like, oh, you gotta run with this, you know? Mm-hmm.
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And see where it takes you.
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Um, and I think at that time too, entrepreneurship, like people were getting into entrepreneurship, but it wasn't as big as things were today.
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Even with T-shirts and messages and all that, that stuff- Mm-hmm wasn't a thing then 10 years ago.
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And so like- Right you know, like, I was like one of the first at the cusp of that, and so it feels like me just really going into it, and then social media at that time was crafting.
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You know, like, it, it was a very interesting time.
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So I think that there were several things that I did really well during that time- Mm-hmm that helped make my success what it is today.
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Mm-hmm.
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And so you said you had kind of a soft launch, and so what that's...
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What jumped out in my mind when you said that was, like, preparedness.
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Like, you, you, you were like, "Okay, let me dip my toe in."
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There was, there was thoughtfulness, there was intention around it.
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So can you describe a little bit more about what the early days were actually like, and what did you have and what did you not have yet? Well, I did not have a lot of capital.
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So I always say I started my company with $500 and le- or less.
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And so, um, I started with a little bit of startup capital, um, and I didn't have also a lot of knowledge.
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Like, it wasn't something Like, though I worked for a retail brand, I didn't have the knowledge in, like, the textile type of department.
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I had You know, I d- I've never done, like, T-shirts or printing T-shirts.
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I had none of that experience.
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So I had a lot going against me that I did not know.
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But I also, I think on the flip side, as a, you know, and this is where I always credit my architecture background and degree, I feel like being a designer is a universal language.
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And so- Mm-hmm because I had those type of skills, I was able to transfer them into creating my T-shirts, designing things, you know, figuring out certain things that I think that if I had either a different profession or didn't know those things, it might have taken me longer.
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So, um, I would say that there was a lot of things I was lacking, but overall I had, and especially those days, and you still have to have that now, you have to have, like, sort of the belief that this thing that you're building in your head, like, you could see the bigger vision of it.
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I had that, you know, that, that will, that drive that was telling me, like, "Run and run faster.
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Don't slow down."
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And so I think those things really motivated me in those area, um, early years.
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And it also, I was a, I'm the kind of person where I'm okay to fail, you know? Mm-hmm.
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I have that as well.
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Not a lot of people are good at failing and being able to recover.
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And so I was able to know, like, all right, if you stumble, if you fall, that's all right.
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You just gotta get back up and you gotta keep going, and I had that in those early years.
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Wow.
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You said so many amazing things right there.
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My mind is going crazy about what, what the next right, uh, question should be.
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But one of the things that really stood out, um, to me is that you said that you used your architecture background to help you, um, you know, excel in a new space.
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And so to me that says that, that nothing is wasted.
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I think a lot of times people think that, "Oh, you know, I have- I'm trying to pivot into this other area.
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I don't know anything about it, so therefore none of my skills or none of my background is going to help me" but there's always these common threads and common themes that, you know, you can, can kinda trust yourself and use your instincts to kind of, to move things forward.
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So I love that you said that.
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And then you also said that you're, you're not a fail- you're not afraid to fail.
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Mm-hmm.
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Um, so tell me a little bit a more, more about that.
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How did you know that it was time to, um, transition out of, uh, Meth in a Bottle, or what...
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Tell me about the transition, 'cause anybody who's watched you online, who has seen it kind of unfold, you could see there was a little bit of a back and forth there.
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So do you mind kinda getting into some of, some of that pr- um, uh, time, and how did that work out for you? So, um, I think you kinda missed like a chapter in a like, you know, like so I started my business working at a, you know, the architecture firm and transitioned- Mm-hmm to owning and starting my business.
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But then, you know, so I've had 10 years of, I would, you know, classify it as success.
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I've had- Mm-hmm.
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Absolutely like almost like, you know, $10 million in busine- in revenue.
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I've been on national television with Mark Cuban, and um, I've done partnerships with YouTube, Google.
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Um, I've been featured and we've done Target.
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So we had like a 10-year stint of- Yes so many amazing things.
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But I think what has happened now, you know, 10 years later, um, things have changed.
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I was 30 then, I'm 42 now.
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Mm-hmm.
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You know? Like so- Mm-hmm my 32-year-old self who was, um, and had like a three-year-old, like I was, the things that I could fail at then, um, and not to say that it wasn't weighed as heavy then, but the things that I could fail at in my early 30s are a lot more different now failing in my early 40s.
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Mm-hmm.
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You know? Because I've acquired different things.
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I've acquired a home that I love.
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Mm-hmm.
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My son is in private school.
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Like, so I think those are the things that sometimes, you know, will, um, kind of shift the decisions and the things that you have to make because the stakes are higher.
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You know? Yeah.
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You're playing with, you know, like I, I'm not a poker player, but like now you're playing with like big, you know, like the, the number- Mm-hmm the money is heavy.
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Mm-hmm.
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Mm-hmm.
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You know? So you can't play too much out there 'cause if you lose, like, you know, so again, in my 30s I was okay with failing, falling.
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Now I'm okay with falling, having a little bit of bruise, but I can't break a leg right now.
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Yeah.
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You know what I...
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You know, like so it's like that.
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Yeah.
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Like I could be a little cut up and I could be a little, but I can't break nothing.
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Yeah.
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And that's definitely where I'm at in my 40s, you know? Yes, yes.
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And so I think that my back and forth, um, you know, there's just a lot of, um, strategy things in which, you know, I've built a very successful brand- There's a lot of, I think, um, what do you call it? Like, maybe like juxtapositioning.
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Like, there's a lot- Mm-hmm of like yin and yang that's happening right now.
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I'm in my 40s.
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I just had, I have a two-year-old.
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My son is about to turn, you know, about almost...
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I have a almost three-year-old and a almost 13-year-old.
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You know, I have a partner now.
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I have like a home.
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I have assets.
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I have, you know, investment things.
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I have a car that I love.
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Like, there's so many more moving parts than there were- Yeah then.
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And so many more things that I have to like protect as well.
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Like, protecting- Yeah your assets.
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Yeah.
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And so I think that it is about, um, like strategy and being smart.
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So you know, is it that going back to a 9:00 to 5:00, what does that do? Um, does it really save and recover and change anything? Does, you know, still going out on your own and doing certain things, is it...
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There's a hustle that even comes with when you start a business compared to now.
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Mm-hmm.
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You know? And that kind of hustle and marketing, I don't know if...
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My 42-year-old self can't move and shake the way my 32-year-old self did.
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Yes.
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Yeah.
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That's, that's just the reality of it.
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So it's thinking about all those different layers and really figuring out what is best for you.
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And so it's almost like your personal life, your business life, your dream life are all colliding at once.
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How do you navigate what that ends up becoming? Mm-hmm.
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And that is where I am.
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Mm-hmm.
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That crossroad.
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And so, uh, so I wanna go back to the, one, the fact that your, your brand was immensely and incredibly successful.
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And I just wanna say that we, the people who have been watching you, like there's probably any number of people who have been inspired to do their own thing by watching what you were doing.
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Um, I definitely was one of those people because at the same time I had a s- a stint in entrepreneurship, and we were both in Baltimore at the same time.
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And so seeing how huge you got, it was like, oh my God, you know, i- on those days where it was really hard, where you're like, "I don't know if I can keep going and keep doing this," seeing your post pop up and knowing, I'm like, "She's in Baltimore too," like, I, it was like, okay, we, we can keep going.
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We can keep doing this.
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So I do wanna commend you for everything that you've built, and, um, just say thank you to all of us, you know, for all of us who are watching who were, who were inspired by that.
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Thank you.
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Um, and, and the space that you're in now, you know, you ask the perfect question, and I think it's the question that all of my listeners have is, how do you navigate this space? And I think that, you know, there are some things that you can prepare for and some things you're just putting one foot in front of the other and, you know, just waiting for the rest of the staircase to appear.
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Um, what would y- what would you say about that? Are you, are you, is there a plan that you have for your next chapter that is unfolding, or are you just in a space of I'm taking it one day at a time? Um, a little bit of both.
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Um, a little bit of both, but I believe in just in, in, I believe in two things.
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I believe in strategy, and then I believe in like- Spitting a spitball at a wall until you see what sticks.
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Mm-hmm.
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You know? So it's a little bit of both.
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Like, so where I feel like it's smart to strategize and, like, figure out what you're going to chase.
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And, um, you know, like, a book that I really have modeled my more recent years by is called The 12 Week Year.
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It's like- Mm-hmm I take to myself, like, or I tell myself, like, "All right, you got 12 weeks.
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You know, you got, like, almost three months.
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Like, what are you chasing? Like, what are you doing? How are you structuring things? What do you plan to do?" And, like, if it works, it works.
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If it doesn't work, all right, scrap that plan.
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You know, ideate, start again, figure it out, go again, run.
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You know, like, I'm kinda like that because, like, right now I don't have the, I don't have the bandwidth to play.
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I don't have it- Mm-hmm to, like, figure it out or, like, one foot in front of the other.
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Like, every day that I wake up, I'm trying again and in a different capacity.
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But I'm also giving myself, like, an ounce.
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I'm not a big, like...
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I, I'm not, I hate the word a little bit, of grace.
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Um, I think we all need it, but I'm also in a place where I'm like, "Listen, all right, you got enough grace.
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You know, here and there, like, run."
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Yeah.
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And so I think I am more just- You know, able to assess if something is working, and then if it's not, trying again.
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And then, um, just also I was gonna say about grace, just really identifying, like, how I'm feeling today or, like, you know, realizing and recognizing that every day is not gonna be a day where I'm gonna be doing great, like business-wise, where I could chase- Right whatever I gotta chase in business because my, my daughter's sick, my son is this, he gotta be picked up.
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You know, like there's, my partner got whatever going on.
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Like, there's just various different...
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I don't feel like it.
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I'm tired.
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I'm, you know, there's- Mm-hmm.
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You gotta still honor that life, like I said, that's a big, um, thing, where it's like what's happening in the personal life, the business life, or the thing, the income d- you know, or the thing that's gonna pay you part, and then the dreamer part, the part that you see- Yeah yourself going towards.
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So some days I know that one of those buckets might be, you know, either overflowing or depleted- Mm-hmm and it's gonna take a minute to fill it back up.
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So, you know, depending on what's going on, that is how.
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So I'm not really, I'm not slow motioning.
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I'm not- Mm-hmm one foot in front of the other, seeing where things take me.
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I'm running towards everything and hoping for the best.
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I'm trying to smash, smash through walls, and then, or if it's like, all right, this wall is a brick wall, I can't go through it, I gotta turn around and go another way.
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Like, that's how I'm chasing life and time right now because I just- Yes feel like that we don't have a lot of it left.
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Yes.
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Oh, my gosh.
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I love that.
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Like, just running towards everything all at the same time and, and, and putting your energy everywhere, not knowing, you know, that, uh, not knowing if it's gonna work out in this way or that way or whatever.
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It seems to me that you're not attached necessarily to the how, you just know that it's going to happen in one way or another.
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Is that, am I interpreting- Yeah that correctly? You are.
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Like, I mean, it's not an assessment that I probably would have made on my own, but you're probably right.
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I think it's because I'm in just that place where I know ultimately what I want, you know? Like- Mm-hmm what I want life to feel like, not even look like- Yes what I want life to feel like.
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And so right now I'm like, shit, however, however I gotta get it, I'ma take it.
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It don't, it, and I think that- It's good to, like, feel like that.
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You know- Yeah some of my friends don't agree sometimes, but I do.
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Um, like, you know, it's kinda my motto and how I'm running right now.
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Even my partner doesn't agree with it.
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But the reason I am, and I feel like it's just the right direction because it's like that will then separate you from feeling like if your business is not going well, don't beat the dead horse, run towards a different direction or run towards a different way that you're doing it and try to do something else.
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I think that that's something that harms us as business owners because sometimes it's like you keep feeling like, and I've been in that place as well- Mm-hmm but now I'm learning it's like however you could get it, however you could cut it, that's what you should be, you know, and what makes the most sense for you and still feels good at the end of the day.
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Yeah, absolutely.
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I completely agree with you.
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I feel like I had a similar, um, you know, thing when I was deciding to end my business.
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I was like, there was a grief there, right? And I had to acknowledge the fact that, you know, there was some grief, but I also had to acknowledge the fact that, you know, it was time to turn the page and it was time to go into the next, the next chapter.
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And I ultimately wound up going back into corporate and then, you know, transitioning out again.
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So, um, right now you're a professor at an HBCU.
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How do you, how do you feel about, um, that, that piece of your transition? Um, and can you or do you feel comfortable naming other things that you are focusing on right now? So when I started- So actually it started a year ago.
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So a year ago I realized that I'm kind of putting my business on pause, on ice.
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I wasn't too sure what I wanted to do with it, but I did know that chasing the way, like the marketing and the dollars and the money, you know, it just was not working the way it once was.
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So I decided that I no longer wanted to chase it, um, 'cause it was too demanding on me.
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Uh, so then I'm like, "Okay, well if you ain't chasing it, you now need to figure out where your money is coming from," you know? And that was a significant six-figure income.
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So I started, like sort of making these videos, I thought about.
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So at the top of the year I decided that my main focus was these f- three or four areas maybe.
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It was content, consultation, e- community at one point, and I always forget one.
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Content, consultations, co- uh, community and courses.
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Mm-hmm.
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So I think a C 'cause it was like a di- you know, digital products.
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Mm-hmm.
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So those were my four areas, and so what I did...
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And like community ended up dropping off, 'cause again, it takes a lot to really nourish, uh, and really, you know, thing, a community.
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And I'm building community, but when I say community, like having a private group, and doing certain things, and showing up, and yeah.
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And I have homework time, bath time in the evenings, like it just wasn't...
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I didn't feel like it was the right place.
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Right.
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Then consultation, so again, I have to, you know, like that's a bigger conversation, but I started dabbling in different areas, realized what areas were good for me, what areas were not, where was it like being too overwhelming for me, and I'm like, so I shifted.
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So in the top of this year, I kind of was down to creating content, which I love doing and I naturally do it, um- Doing, uh, my courses still, so digital product.
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And then lastly, still focusing on consultations since they brought in bigger checks, but changing my direction in how I would get, you know, work with people.
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And I would say that since I identified that and really locked in that strategy, since the top of the year I've been keeping a spreadsheet and, like, managing these areas.
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Mm-hmm.
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Teaching was sort of like an additive.
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Mm-hmm.
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It was like one of those things where, again, my h- my experience afforded me to be able to now be into these rooms in which, like, I could say like, "Oh, let me go teach architecture."
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Not everyone can say that.
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Right.
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But it did lend for, like, a side, you know, type of hustle that it can help to supplement my income.
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What ended up occurring, like teaching was great and I still love, like, my kids, but it was just, um...
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I think if all three buckets of income really worked fully, then teaching would be a viable one that I would continue doing.
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But because it's only certain periods of the year, and because they pay per credit and certain things, as an adjunct professor it just was not the most lucrative form- Mm-hmm for me to be able to replace my income.
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Mm-hmm.
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So I'm actually going forward with becoming a director in marketing of a company very soon.
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Oh, wow.
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Congratulations.
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Thank you.
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That is so...
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I- breaking news, breaking news.
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I love this.
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Okay, I, I, I love this.
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I absolutely love this.
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So with everything that you have, um, said and everything that you have done and achieved, do you have any regrets? No, I mean, I don't have any regrets.
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I never do.
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Like, I'm not a person that, you know, live with regrets.
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I mean, there are, like, I think I would say, you know, I think every business owners probably feels like this as they're going through transition.
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Like, sometimes it feels like if I, I wish that I could've either switched something sooner, started something else sooner, be able to be...
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You know, but you can't.
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You don't know what you don't know.
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Yeah.
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Mm-hmm.
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And so I think that, um, it is, it's just one of those things where I'm okay with where I'm landing- Mm-hmm but it doesn't mean it's still not the end of my story.
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So, like- Yeah even this position, I might talk to you six months from now, and it may not even be a thing that's a thing that's a thing.
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Yes.
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Yes, yes, yes, yes.
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You know, who knows? I mean, I'm hoping, but this is all, again, a part of the strategy.
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It's all a part of how it lends to my, my full story, and what, you know, and, and how I have to feed my family, and what I have to do- Yeah and what the next chapter for me in business even looks like.
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Mm-hmm.
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You know, for some reason, something happened between maybe last night and tonight with a creative bug, which I went to sleep feeling like I haven't been able to dream in such a long time because I've been so focused on the finances, and the this, and the that- Mm-hmm and what am I gonna do.
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And, like, something happened where I was dreaming.
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I created something that I'm really excited about.
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Um, I put up a new T-shirt today, which I haven't done in months.
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Oh, wow.
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And I'm just like, okay, so again, I have no idea.
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I'm just like, I'm just getting it however it can come and trying to make sure that I, you know, remain intact while I'm doing it.
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Yes.
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I love that you ended on that because I think a lot of entrepreneurs feel like if they're not running themselves into the ground, then they're, they didn't try hard enough or they're not doing enough for their business.
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And it's like, if there is no you, there's no business either.
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Like, you have to not be afraid to pivot.
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You have to not be afraid to, you know, try something different because...
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And I saw something on social media the other day that I absolutely love, and it was so, so simple, but this guy was in a video, and he was just saying, you know, "If you ran it up once, you can run it up again."
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And that is so true, and it doesn't necessarily have to be in the same exact way that you did it, did it the first time.
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I mean, this is, uh, this conversation has been, been so great.
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Thank you so much again.
291
00:27:12,302.7775815 --> 00:27:37,462.7775815
So I, I wanna kind of begin to wind it down and, and have you give some advice for the women who are m- in a position where they may be sitting at, at corporate, and they're privately building something on the side, or maybe somebody is in their business, and they are feeling like maybe it's time to transition to something else.
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What do you want those people who are in those, those, uh, states of mind right now, what do you want them to know? Um, so I think one of my favorite messages that I, you know, hold, um, in the back of my mind- Um, that I really love is failure is progress.
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Um, you know, some of us are so scared to like move forward or like, you know, either transition from a job or pivot or change or do certain things because we feel like it can lead to failure.
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And I think that if we really hold space for the fact that failing forward and failing is only helping you to get to where you are destined to be, then we wouldn't be like so afraid of it.
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So I'm just, um...
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I wanna tell anyone who is trying to transition, trying to pivot, like you'll be fine, and continue it.
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You know, continue just being smart about how you're failing forward.
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Mm, absolutely.
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And, um, what, what does your day actually look like now? Like, what's a day in, in your- life now going after all of these things? A really long to-do list.
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Um, but it, I, I, you know, I allow myself to know like what I could get done, what I can't, what I need to push off for another day, um, and just being realistic with my time.
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But, you know, my days are just filled with trying to fill up different buckets.
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Yes, absolutely.
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So I wanna say I know your time is incredibly valuable, and I thank you so much for sharing some of it with me today.
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I love this conversation.
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I love what you built, not just the products, but the point of view that you had, um, behind it.
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Uh, for anyone listening, if you've ever wanted to say something and did not know how, go check out Message in a Bottle.
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I'm excited to see what the new T-shirt design is.
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Um, I'm gonna have all of Kalilah's links in the description.
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Um, so if you have the opportunity, wear your message.
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Um, if this conversation is stirring something in you about starting your next chapter, um, the thing you've been thinking about but you haven't moved on yet, I can help with that.
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The Design Pause Decision Kit is where that work will start for you.
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It will help you get clear on what kind of pause makes sense for you in this life, your finances, and your energy right now, and that link for you is in the description.
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I am Deidra Green.
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This is Design Pause.
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Kalilah, thank you so much for being here, and I will see you in the next one.
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If this episode resonated, you can explore more reflections on the design paused YouTube channel.
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Take what you need, leave what you don't, and I'll meet you in the next pause.
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Welcome to Design Pause, a space for women who are thinking about taking an intentional career break.
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I'm Deidra Green.
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Today's episode is adapted from a recent video where I reflect on what it really means to pause, not to escape your life, but to design what comes next.
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If you're in a season of transition, you're in the right place.
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Okay, I am so excited today, y'all.
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We have Miss Kalilah Wright with us today, and if you have been living under a rock, you don't know what Mess In A Bottle is, I am about to tell you.
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So there are people who leave corporate and spend years just wondering if they made the right decision, and then there are people who leave corporate and just build something.
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And my guest today is the second kind.
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Kalilah Wright is a Jamaican-born, Brooklyn-raised entrepreneur and trained architect who founded Mess In A Bottle in Baltimore in 2016.
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It's an apparel brand built on a simple and powerful idea, that you should be able to say exactly what you want without ever having to say a word.
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Mess In A Bottle is an expressive brand, a wearable message, a way of being outspoken and vocal without opening your mouth, and one of the several businesses that Kalilah has launched.
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What I find most compelling about her story is the foundation underneath it.
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She's a trained architect, which means she always understands that the most powerful things, whether buildings or brands, are built on structure, intention, and a very clear point of view.
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She left corporate to find out what she could build on her own terms, and now she's in a season of transition where she is sharing what that looks like online, and all of this is worth talking about.
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So Kalilah, welcome to Design Pause.
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I'm so happy to have you here today.
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Yeah, thank you.
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Thank you again for having me.
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Absolutely.
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So I wanna start with your background in architecture.
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What did your professional life look like before you made the leap into entrepreneurship full time? So I worked for a retail, uh, fashion brand, um, for a couple years before starting Mess In A Bottle.
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And, um, I was doing architecture, like helping them with their store layouts and designs.
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And so I have a love, I think, for fashion, for design, and this was my way of merging them, by going into retail design.
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And, and retail, and for a retail fashion brand.
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And while I was there, I just really felt the urge of creating and starting something of my own, and that's really how the birth of Mess In A Bottle happened.
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Mm, amazing.
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And was it something, was there something that made you feel like, "Okay, it's time for me to branch out on my own"? Was there anything specific that happened or was it like a slow build? Uh, it was, I think life was happening, and that's why the brand is called Mess In A Bottle.
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Um, mess around me was happening.
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Uh, this was the time of Freddie Gray, an African American male who died in police custody.
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Um, I was going through a divorce, or I was going to go into a divorce at that time.
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I had a small child.
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And it felt like even though I was making decent money at this job, I still was, like, struggling to, like, make ends meet and f- you know, dive into the life that I really wanted.
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Um, so I think it was one of those things where I just told myself I gotta bet on myself and see where this goes.
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Um, I just have never been, um, like, having a scared or a scarcity mindset, which, where I'm like, "Okay, you know, if I don't do this," you know, um, just thinking about, like, even the repercussions.
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Like, I'm, I was a YOLO, dive head in first and see if you could swim kinda person.
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So it was just like with all the mess happening around me, it kinda forced me to, like, bet on myself and try to figure it out.
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And what's, uh, that feeling of, you know, "I'm gonna bet on myself," is that something that you've always had within you, or do you feel like it's something that you had to cultivate? I think that it was something that was always secretly, like, whispering anytime I got, like, a job.
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I never...
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And especially, architecture itself is a very white, male, dominant field, um- Mm-hmm dominated field.
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And so it's a, a space in which there's not a lot of, like, Black women, and women period.
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And so, you know, I think that I've always, like, questioned, like, is this my place? And so- Mm-hmm even though, um, you know, I did well and enjoyed architecture, um, I just was like, it just kept on, anytime I would work for a firm or work somewhere, I think I had the bug to be like, "Is this where you belong? Is this, do you feel, is this where you're destined to be and go down?" And there always was that question.
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And so this time when I felt that, I was like, "Let's act on it and let's do something about it."
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Yeah.
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That's incredibly relatable.
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I think a lot of people who are listening to this, if you've made it, um, in any space in corporate and you find yourself being one of the only, it's always kind of like, "Is this where I'm supposed to be?" So I can completely understand what you mean by that.
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Um, even though you're this type of person who ha- you know, has said, "I'm gonna dive in.
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I'm gonna bet on myself.
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I'm gonna do what I need to do," was there anything that you were afraid of walking away from, and how did you push through that fear? I think overall I wasn't really fearful just because, um, when I kinda did like a soft launch of Mess In A Bottle, a lot of different types of people gravitated towards it, and they really resonated with the message, and I didn't, like, think that.
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And so because this thing I did caught fire really quickly, I just knew, like, oh, you gotta run with this, you know? Mm-hmm.
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And see where it takes you.
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Um, and I think at that time too, entrepreneurship, like people were getting into entrepreneurship, but it wasn't as big as things were today.
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Even with T-shirts and messages and all that, that stuff- Mm-hmm wasn't a thing then 10 years ago.
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And so like- Right you know, like, I was like one of the first at the cusp of that, and so it feels like me just really going into it, and then social media at that time was crafting.
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You know, like, it, it was a very interesting time.
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So I think that there were several things that I did really well during that time- Mm-hmm that helped make my success what it is today.
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Mm-hmm.
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And so you said you had kind of a soft launch, and so what that's...
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What jumped out in my mind when you said that was, like, preparedness.
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Like, you, you, you were like, "Okay, let me dip my toe in."
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There was, there was thoughtfulness, there was intention around it.
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So can you describe a little bit more about what the early days were actually like, and what did you have and what did you not have yet? Well, I did not have a lot of capital.
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So I always say I started my company with $500 and le- or less.
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And so, um, I started with a little bit of startup capital, um, and I didn't have also a lot of knowledge.
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Like, it wasn't something Like, though I worked for a retail brand, I didn't have the knowledge in, like, the textile type of department.
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I had You know, I d- I've never done, like, T-shirts or printing T-shirts.
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I had none of that experience.
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So I had a lot going against me that I did not know.
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But I also, I think on the flip side, as a, you know, and this is where I always credit my architecture background and degree, I feel like being a designer is a universal language.
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And so- Mm-hmm because I had those type of skills, I was able to transfer them into creating my T-shirts, designing things, you know, figuring out certain things that I think that if I had either a different profession or didn't know those things, it might have taken me longer.
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So, um, I would say that there was a lot of things I was lacking, but overall I had, and especially those days, and you still have to have that now, you have to have, like, sort of the belief that this thing that you're building in your head, like, you could see the bigger vision of it.
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I had that, you know, that, that will, that drive that was telling me, like, "Run and run faster.
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Don't slow down."
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And so I think those things really motivated me in those area, um, early years.
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And it also, I was a, I'm the kind of person where I'm okay to fail, you know? Mm-hmm.
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I have that as well.
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Not a lot of people are good at failing and being able to recover.
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And so I was able to know, like, all right, if you stumble, if you fall, that's all right.
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You just gotta get back up and you gotta keep going, and I had that in those early years.
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Wow.
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You said so many amazing things right there.
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My mind is going crazy about what, what the next right, uh, question should be.
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But one of the things that really stood out, um, to me is that you said that you used your architecture background to help you, um, you know, excel in a new space.
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And so to me that says that, that nothing is wasted.
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I think a lot of times people think that, "Oh, you know, I have- I'm trying to pivot into this other area.
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I don't know anything about it, so therefore none of my skills or none of my background is going to help me" but there's always these common threads and common themes that, you know, you can, can kinda trust yourself and use your instincts to kind of, to move things forward.
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So I love that you said that.
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And then you also said that you're, you're not a fail- you're not afraid to fail.
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Mm-hmm.
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Um, so tell me a little bit a more, more about that.
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How did you know that it was time to, um, transition out of, uh, Meth in a Bottle, or what...
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Tell me about the transition, 'cause anybody who's watched you online, who has seen it kind of unfold, you could see there was a little bit of a back and forth there.
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So do you mind kinda getting into some of, some of that pr- um, uh, time, and how did that work out for you? So, um, I think you kinda missed like a chapter in a like, you know, like so I started my business working at a, you know, the architecture firm and transitioned- Mm-hmm to owning and starting my business.
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But then, you know, so I've had 10 years of, I would, you know, classify it as success.
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I've had- Mm-hmm.
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Absolutely like almost like, you know, $10 million in busine- in revenue.
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I've been on national television with Mark Cuban, and um, I've done partnerships with YouTube, Google.
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Um, I've been featured and we've done Target.
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So we had like a 10-year stint of- Yes so many amazing things.
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But I think what has happened now, you know, 10 years later, um, things have changed.
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I was 30 then, I'm 42 now.
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Mm-hmm.
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You know? Like so- Mm-hmm my 32-year-old self who was, um, and had like a three-year-old, like I was, the things that I could fail at then, um, and not to say that it wasn't weighed as heavy then, but the things that I could fail at in my early 30s are a lot more different now failing in my early 40s.
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Mm-hmm.
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You know? Because I've acquired different things.
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I've acquired a home that I love.
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Mm-hmm.
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My son is in private school.
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Like, so I think those are the things that sometimes, you know, will, um, kind of shift the decisions and the things that you have to make because the stakes are higher.
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You know? Yeah.
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You're playing with, you know, like I, I'm not a poker player, but like now you're playing with like big, you know, like the, the number- Mm-hmm the money is heavy.
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Mm-hmm.
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Mm-hmm.
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You know? So you can't play too much out there 'cause if you lose, like, you know, so again, in my 30s I was okay with failing, falling.
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Now I'm okay with falling, having a little bit of bruise, but I can't break a leg right now.
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Yeah.
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You know what I...
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You know, like so it's like that.
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Yeah.
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Like I could be a little cut up and I could be a little, but I can't break nothing.
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Yeah.
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And that's definitely where I'm at in my 40s, you know? Yes, yes.
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And so I think that my back and forth, um, you know, there's just a lot of, um, strategy things in which, you know, I've built a very successful brand- There's a lot of, I think, um, what do you call it? Like, maybe like juxtapositioning.
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Like, there's a lot- Mm-hmm of like yin and yang that's happening right now.
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I'm in my 40s.
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I just had, I have a two-year-old.
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My son is about to turn, you know, about almost...
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I have a almost three-year-old and a almost 13-year-old.
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You know, I have a partner now.
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I have like a home.
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I have assets.
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I have, you know, investment things.
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I have a car that I love.
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Like, there's so many more moving parts than there were- Yeah then.
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And so many more things that I have to like protect as well.
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Like, protecting- Yeah your assets.
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Yeah.
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And so I think that it is about, um, like strategy and being smart.
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So you know, is it that going back to a 9:00 to 5:00, what does that do? Um, does it really save and recover and change anything? Does, you know, still going out on your own and doing certain things, is it...
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There's a hustle that even comes with when you start a business compared to now.
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Mm-hmm.
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You know? And that kind of hustle and marketing, I don't know if...
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My 42-year-old self can't move and shake the way my 32-year-old self did.
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Yes.
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Yeah.
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That's, that's just the reality of it.
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So it's thinking about all those different layers and really figuring out what is best for you.
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And so it's almost like your personal life, your business life, your dream life are all colliding at once.
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How do you navigate what that ends up becoming? Mm-hmm.
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And that is where I am.
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Mm-hmm.
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That crossroad.
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And so, uh, so I wanna go back to the, one, the fact that your, your brand was immensely and incredibly successful.
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And I just wanna say that we, the people who have been watching you, like there's probably any number of people who have been inspired to do their own thing by watching what you were doing.
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Um, I definitely was one of those people because at the same time I had a s- a stint in entrepreneurship, and we were both in Baltimore at the same time.
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And so seeing how huge you got, it was like, oh my God, you know, i- on those days where it was really hard, where you're like, "I don't know if I can keep going and keep doing this," seeing your post pop up and knowing, I'm like, "She's in Baltimore too," like, I, it was like, okay, we, we can keep going.
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We can keep doing this.
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So I do wanna commend you for everything that you've built, and, um, just say thank you to all of us, you know, for all of us who are watching who were, who were inspired by that.
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Thank you.
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Um, and, and the space that you're in now, you know, you ask the perfect question, and I think it's the question that all of my listeners have is, how do you navigate this space? And I think that, you know, there are some things that you can prepare for and some things you're just putting one foot in front of the other and, you know, just waiting for the rest of the staircase to appear.
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Um, what would y- what would you say about that? Are you, are you, is there a plan that you have for your next chapter that is unfolding, or are you just in a space of I'm taking it one day at a time? Um, a little bit of both.
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Um, a little bit of both, but I believe in just in, in, I believe in two things.
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I believe in strategy, and then I believe in like- Spitting a spitball at a wall until you see what sticks.
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Mm-hmm.
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You know? So it's a little bit of both.
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Like, so where I feel like it's smart to strategize and, like, figure out what you're going to chase.
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And, um, you know, like, a book that I really have modeled my more recent years by is called The 12 Week Year.
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It's like- Mm-hmm I take to myself, like, or I tell myself, like, "All right, you got 12 weeks.
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You know, you got, like, almost three months.
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Like, what are you chasing? Like, what are you doing? How are you structuring things? What do you plan to do?" And, like, if it works, it works.
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If it doesn't work, all right, scrap that plan.
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You know, ideate, start again, figure it out, go again, run.
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You know, like, I'm kinda like that because, like, right now I don't have the, I don't have the bandwidth to play.
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I don't have it- Mm-hmm to, like, figure it out or, like, one foot in front of the other.
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Like, every day that I wake up, I'm trying again and in a different capacity.
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But I'm also giving myself, like, an ounce.
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I'm not a big, like...
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I, I'm not, I hate the word a little bit, of grace.
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Um, I think we all need it, but I'm also in a place where I'm like, "Listen, all right, you got enough grace.
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You know, here and there, like, run."
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Yeah.
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And so I think I am more just- You know, able to assess if something is working, and then if it's not, trying again.
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And then, um, just also I was gonna say about grace, just really identifying, like, how I'm feeling today or, like, you know, realizing and recognizing that every day is not gonna be a day where I'm gonna be doing great, like business-wise, where I could chase- Right whatever I gotta chase in business because my, my daughter's sick, my son is this, he gotta be picked up.
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You know, like there's, my partner got whatever going on.
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Like, there's just various different...
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I don't feel like it.
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I'm tired.
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I'm, you know, there's- Mm-hmm.
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You gotta still honor that life, like I said, that's a big, um, thing, where it's like what's happening in the personal life, the business life, or the thing, the income d- you know, or the thing that's gonna pay you part, and then the dreamer part, the part that you see- Yeah yourself going towards.
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So some days I know that one of those buckets might be, you know, either overflowing or depleted- Mm-hmm and it's gonna take a minute to fill it back up.
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So, you know, depending on what's going on, that is how.
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So I'm not really, I'm not slow motioning.
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I'm not- Mm-hmm one foot in front of the other, seeing where things take me.
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I'm running towards everything and hoping for the best.
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I'm trying to smash, smash through walls, and then, or if it's like, all right, this wall is a brick wall, I can't go through it, I gotta turn around and go another way.
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Like, that's how I'm chasing life and time right now because I just- Yes feel like that we don't have a lot of it left.
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Yes.
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Oh, my gosh.
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I love that.
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Like, just running towards everything all at the same time and, and, and putting your energy everywhere, not knowing, you know, that, uh, not knowing if it's gonna work out in this way or that way or whatever.
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It seems to me that you're not attached necessarily to the how, you just know that it's going to happen in one way or another.
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Is that, am I interpreting- Yeah that correctly? You are.
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Like, I mean, it's not an assessment that I probably would have made on my own, but you're probably right.
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I think it's because I'm in just that place where I know ultimately what I want, you know? Like- Mm-hmm what I want life to feel like, not even look like- Yes what I want life to feel like.
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And so right now I'm like, shit, however, however I gotta get it, I'ma take it.
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It don't, it, and I think that- It's good to, like, feel like that.
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You know- Yeah some of my friends don't agree sometimes, but I do.
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Um, like, you know, it's kinda my motto and how I'm running right now.
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Even my partner doesn't agree with it.
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But the reason I am, and I feel like it's just the right direction because it's like that will then separate you from feeling like if your business is not going well, don't beat the dead horse, run towards a different direction or run towards a different way that you're doing it and try to do something else.
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I think that that's something that harms us as business owners because sometimes it's like you keep feeling like, and I've been in that place as well- Mm-hmm but now I'm learning it's like however you could get it, however you could cut it, that's what you should be, you know, and what makes the most sense for you and still feels good at the end of the day.
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Yeah, absolutely.
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I completely agree with you.
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I feel like I had a similar, um, you know, thing when I was deciding to end my business.
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I was like, there was a grief there, right? And I had to acknowledge the fact that, you know, there was some grief, but I also had to acknowledge the fact that, you know, it was time to turn the page and it was time to go into the next, the next chapter.
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And I ultimately wound up going back into corporate and then, you know, transitioning out again.
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So, um, right now you're a professor at an HBCU.
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How do you, how do you feel about, um, that, that piece of your transition? Um, and can you or do you feel comfortable naming other things that you are focusing on right now? So when I started- So actually it started a year ago.
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So a year ago I realized that I'm kind of putting my business on pause, on ice.
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I wasn't too sure what I wanted to do with it, but I did know that chasing the way, like the marketing and the dollars and the money, you know, it just was not working the way it once was.
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So I decided that I no longer wanted to chase it, um, 'cause it was too demanding on me.
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Uh, so then I'm like, "Okay, well if you ain't chasing it, you now need to figure out where your money is coming from," you know? And that was a significant six-figure income.
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So I started, like sort of making these videos, I thought about.
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So at the top of the year I decided that my main focus was these f- three or four areas maybe.
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It was content, consultation, e- community at one point, and I always forget one.
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Content, consultations, co- uh, community and courses.
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Mm-hmm.
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So I think a C 'cause it was like a di- you know, digital products.
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Mm-hmm.
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So those were my four areas, and so what I did...
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And like community ended up dropping off, 'cause again, it takes a lot to really nourish, uh, and really, you know, thing, a community.
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And I'm building community, but when I say community, like having a private group, and doing certain things, and showing up, and yeah.
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And I have homework time, bath time in the evenings, like it just wasn't...
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I didn't feel like it was the right place.
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Right.
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Then consultation, so again, I have to, you know, like that's a bigger conversation, but I started dabbling in different areas, realized what areas were good for me, what areas were not, where was it like being too overwhelming for me, and I'm like, so I shifted.
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So in the top of this year, I kind of was down to creating content, which I love doing and I naturally do it, um- Doing, uh, my courses still, so digital product.
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And then lastly, still focusing on consultations since they brought in bigger checks, but changing my direction in how I would get, you know, work with people.
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And I would say that since I identified that and really locked in that strategy, since the top of the year I've been keeping a spreadsheet and, like, managing these areas.
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Mm-hmm.
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Teaching was sort of like an additive.
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Mm-hmm.
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It was like one of those things where, again, my h- my experience afforded me to be able to now be into these rooms in which, like, I could say like, "Oh, let me go teach architecture."
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Not everyone can say that.
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Right.
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But it did lend for, like, a side, you know, type of hustle that it can help to supplement my income.
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What ended up occurring, like teaching was great and I still love, like, my kids, but it was just, um...
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I think if all three buckets of income really worked fully, then teaching would be a viable one that I would continue doing.
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But because it's only certain periods of the year, and because they pay per credit and certain things, as an adjunct professor it just was not the most lucrative form- Mm-hmm for me to be able to replace my income.
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Mm-hmm.
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So I'm actually going forward with becoming a director in marketing of a company very soon.
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Oh, wow.
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Congratulations.
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Thank you.
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That is so...
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I- breaking news, breaking news.
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I love this.
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Okay, I, I, I love this.
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I absolutely love this.
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So with everything that you have, um, said and everything that you have done and achieved, do you have any regrets? No, I mean, I don't have any regrets.
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I never do.
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Like, I'm not a person that, you know, live with regrets.
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I mean, there are, like, I think I would say, you know, I think every business owners probably feels like this as they're going through transition.
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Like, sometimes it feels like if I, I wish that I could've either switched something sooner, started something else sooner, be able to be...
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You know, but you can't.
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You don't know what you don't know.
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Yeah.
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Mm-hmm.
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And so I think that, um, it is, it's just one of those things where I'm okay with where I'm landing- Mm-hmm but it doesn't mean it's still not the end of my story.
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So, like- Yeah even this position, I might talk to you six months from now, and it may not even be a thing that's a thing that's a thing.
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Yes.
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Yes, yes, yes, yes.
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You know, who knows? I mean, I'm hoping, but this is all, again, a part of the strategy.
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It's all a part of how it lends to my, my full story, and what, you know, and, and how I have to feed my family, and what I have to do- Yeah and what the next chapter for me in business even looks like.
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Mm-hmm.
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You know, for some reason, something happened between maybe last night and tonight with a creative bug, which I went to sleep feeling like I haven't been able to dream in such a long time because I've been so focused on the finances, and the this, and the that- Mm-hmm and what am I gonna do.
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And, like, something happened where I was dreaming.
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I created something that I'm really excited about.
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Um, I put up a new T-shirt today, which I haven't done in months.
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Oh, wow.
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And I'm just like, okay, so again, I have no idea.
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I'm just like, I'm just getting it however it can come and trying to make sure that I, you know, remain intact while I'm doing it.
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Yes.
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I love that you ended on that because I think a lot of entrepreneurs feel like if they're not running themselves into the ground, then they're, they didn't try hard enough or they're not doing enough for their business.
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And it's like, if there is no you, there's no business either.
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Like, you have to not be afraid to pivot.
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You have to not be afraid to, you know, try something different because...
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And I saw something on social media the other day that I absolutely love, and it was so, so simple, but this guy was in a video, and he was just saying, you know, "If you ran it up once, you can run it up again."
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And that is so true, and it doesn't necessarily have to be in the same exact way that you did it, did it the first time.
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I mean, this is, uh, this conversation has been, been so great.
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Thank you so much again.
291
00:27:12,302.7775815 --> 00:27:37,462.7775815
So I, I wanna kind of begin to wind it down and, and have you give some advice for the women who are m- in a position where they may be sitting at, at corporate, and they're privately building something on the side, or maybe somebody is in their business, and they are feeling like maybe it's time to transition to something else.
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What do you want those people who are in those, those, uh, states of mind right now, what do you want them to know? Um, so I think one of my favorite messages that I, you know, hold, um, in the back of my mind- Um, that I really love is failure is progress.
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Um, you know, some of us are so scared to like move forward or like, you know, either transition from a job or pivot or change or do certain things because we feel like it can lead to failure.
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And I think that if we really hold space for the fact that failing forward and failing is only helping you to get to where you are destined to be, then we wouldn't be like so afraid of it.
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So I'm just, um...
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I wanna tell anyone who is trying to transition, trying to pivot, like you'll be fine, and continue it.
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You know, continue just being smart about how you're failing forward.
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Mm, absolutely.
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And, um, what, what does your day actually look like now? Like, what's a day in, in your- life now going after all of these things? A really long to-do list.
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Um, but it, I, I, you know, I allow myself to know like what I could get done, what I can't, what I need to push off for another day, um, and just being realistic with my time.
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But, you know, my days are just filled with trying to fill up different buckets.
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Yes, absolutely.
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So I wanna say I know your time is incredibly valuable, and I thank you so much for sharing some of it with me today.
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I love this conversation.
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I love what you built, not just the products, but the point of view that you had, um, behind it.
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Uh, for anyone listening, if you've ever wanted to say something and did not know how, go check out Message in a Bottle.
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I'm excited to see what the new T-shirt design is.
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Um, I'm gonna have all of Kalilah's links in the description.
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Um, so if you have the opportunity, wear your message.
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Um, if this conversation is stirring something in you about starting your next chapter, um, the thing you've been thinking about but you haven't moved on yet, I can help with that.
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The Design Pause Decision Kit is where that work will start for you.
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It will help you get clear on what kind of pause makes sense for you in this life, your finances, and your energy right now, and that link for you is in the description.
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I am Deidra Green.
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This is Design Pause.
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Kalilah, thank you so much for being here, and I will see you in the next one.
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If this episode resonated, you can explore more reflections on the design paused YouTube channel.
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Take what you need, leave what you don't, and I'll meet you in the next pause.
