Finding Middle Ground: How Compromise Strengthens Romantic Relationships

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what's up, guys?
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Welcome to demo with mo.
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I'm your host, monique simmons.
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We'll be discussing dating, engaged and married objectives from a young christian's perspective.
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Are you guys ready?
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Let's dive in.
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Hey, what's up, guys?
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Welcome to a new episode of demo with mo.
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I am your host, monique simmons, and today we are going to be discussing compromises in romantic relationships.
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I had a whole subject that I was going to be discussing today.
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I had a real life moment or experience that happened and it made me completely throw my topic out of the window.
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Well, let me not say throw it out of the window, but kind of place it to the side to discuss it at a later date.
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You ever have that happen where you have a game plan, you have something planned, you know what you're going to do, but it's like something happens.
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You're like this is the thing that I really need to do, this is the thing that I really need to talk about, this is the thing that I really need to focus on.
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Yeah, that's the moment that I just had Well.
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That's the moment that I just had Well Monday, as you guys know, those of you who have been rocking with me I need to get that put on a t-shirt, because that's like one of my favorite things to say.
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I've been saying it over the years.
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Now, those of you who have been rocking with me, like I really need to like put that on a t-shirt.
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Those of you who have been with me for a while now, you probably are aware that Mondays are my self-care days.
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That's the day I usually record podcast episodes, unless I'm interviewing a guest.
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Mondays are my strict days where I have this set-aside time where I'm recording the podcast episode, editing the podcast, doing something for myself.
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I usually go out to eat, I may go for a drive, I may.
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Whatever it is, it's just set aside self-care time.
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Today I went and got my nails done and my feet done.
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It's just self-care time where I do something for myself.
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It's a set aside, intentional day where I focus on doing something for myself, and I've been doing it for a couple of years now, since I've actually been doing the podcast.
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And today my husband called me, maybe in a couple hours before his.
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He called me before his usual time to get out and said they had some people to call and say they had to do some things and they were going to have to work late, later than they would usually have to work.
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Well, you know, monday is my self-care day, so usually when my husband gets home, I'm clocking out, and when I say clock clocking out, I'm leaving home and he's taking over duties with the kids.
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That's what I mean when I say I'm clocking out.
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Well, now, this changes things, because now he's going to get off work late, so that's going to change what I have planned, because I usually have planned in advance what I'm going to do for that day.
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Some days I may wing it I mean, some weeks I may wing it but I usually have it planned.
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I may wing it, but I usually have it planned in advance, exactly what I want to do, because I'm on a schedule Cause, think about it I'm recording the podcast, I'm editing that podcast, and I usually go out for dinner and I edit the podcast.
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I usually choose a restaurant that has wifi, cause I'm editing the podcast on my laptop.
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It's just a whole system.
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It's something that you know.
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It's a whole system to what I do.
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So it's and I try to be home by a decent hour because I still have to get up early the next morning for work.
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So it's a whole system.
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So now this is going to put me behind my usual schedule and I like to do things a certain way.
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So I'm saying this because now this is going to throw my schedule off and it could.
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I could easily get upset or feel some type of way or all type of things.
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You know it's easy to get caught up in that, you know.
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But this is out of his control.
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He has no authority over this.
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He called me in advance to communicate this with me.
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I was able to be flexible and receive that and be okay with that and just adjust my schedule and be able to help our youngest child with her homework and get dinner ready and get things, make things easier for him when he gets home.
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Because now this is also messing with his schedule and just instead of reacting in a way that could cause issues for us in our relationship, which in return cause issues in our home with our kids schedule and issues with my self-care time, I didn't react that way.
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I just thought about compromising Okay, this is completely out of his control.
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He is not intentionally trying to mess with my self-care time.
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He knows this is my set aside timeide time for me each week, this same day.
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It's one day a week where this time is set aside for me specifically to do something for myself.
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He's not intentionally doing this.
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He communicated with me.
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He told me in advance to give me a few hours to adjust my schedule, to adjust things around the home, and then Internet Returns gives me the opportunity.
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I didn't have to, but it gives me the opportunity to support him and make things easier for him, because now he's getting later, getting home later than what he wants to get home.
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So instead of me thinking only about myself, I can also support my husband and think about him as well, to help lighten the load for him.
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Even though this is my self-care day and I could be selfish and just think about myself and how it would affect me, I can also, in return, think about how this is going to affect him and help lighten his load as well.
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So that's what made me think about.
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Let's talk about compromise.
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That's what made me think about.
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Let's talk about compromise, compromising in relationships, and how it is beneficial to our relationships and our marriages.
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So what is compromise?
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Compromise in relationships is about finding solutions that work for both partners, even if it means not getting everything you want.
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Remember, I told you guys, I could have easily just thought about myself, but I was thinking about how is this going to be beneficial for both of us?
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I'm still going to give myself care time, I'm still going to be able to record my podcast and edit my podcast and go out and have dinner by myself and enjoy myself, but also I'm able to get dinner fixed, I'm able to help my daughter with her homework, and my husband is still able to have those couple hours to do stuff with the kids and get things ready for them for bedtime and also have a few moments for himself, because he's getting home later than what he planned on getting home.
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It's about recognizing and respecting each other's desires and needs and working together to meet in the middle, because it's not about one person getting everything they want and the other part not getting anything, or vice versa, but it's about meeting in the middle so both partners benefit.
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Why is compromise important?
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It builds a stronger connection.
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Compromise demonstrates that you value your partner's opinions and feelings, which can strengthen the bond between you.
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Two, it resolves conflicts.
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Compromise helps navigate disagreements and find solutions that satisfy both partners, preventing resentment and conflict.
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Three, it promotes understanding.
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Compromising requires listening to your partner's perspective and understanding their needs, leading to greater empathy and understanding.
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Four it fosters a sense of partnership.
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When you both contribute to finding solutions, you create a sense of teamwork and shared responsibility and shared responsibility, and that's kind of what my husband and I did with today.
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It was not one partner in a relationship doing everything, but it was about teamwork.
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Even though today is my self-care day, I partnered with him.
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It was a partnership.
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Care day I partnered with him.
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It was a partnership.
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I realized that he now has to work a couple hours later at work than what he was supposed to do, than he usually has to.
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So now this is going to be more on him, less hours for him to sleep, less hours before you know, with what his usual schedule is.
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Instead of me only thinking about myself, I'm thinking about how this is going to also affect him.
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So, instead of me not doing anything to help lighten his load, to help take up the slack, I cook dinner, which I usually don't do on Mondays.
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I help my daughter with her homework, which I usually don't do on Mondays.
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But this is about teamwork.
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Because we're married, we're both parents, we're a team.
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What affects one affects the other how to compromise effectively, communicate openly and honestly Express your thoughts, feelings and desires clearly to your partner and invite them to do the same.
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Listen actively, pay attention to your partner's perspective and try to understand their point of view.
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Be flexible.
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Be willing to consider the different options and adjust your plans to meet your partner's needs.
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This one was so good.
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This is exactly what happened today.
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I was willing to be flexible.
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My husband didn't even ask me to be flexible, but that was something that I was willing to do on my own.
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Find common ground, look for areas where you both agree and build on no shared interest On no shared interest.
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Be patient.
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Compromising takes time and effort, so be patient with yourself and your partner.
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I thought this was a really great one because, if I'm being honest, I haven't always felt this way.
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The years ago, I would have took this personally.
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Or years ago, my husband wouldn't even communicate it in a way that he communicated to me today.
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That's what happened.
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They were going to be, they needed them to stay late, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, with all the context, for me to be able to empathize and really understand everything that was going on With both of us.
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It just would have been a completely different experience.
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It would have been.
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I got to work late and then I would have been upset.
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He knows, today is my self-care day, so be patient.
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You or your partner may not be exactly where you want to be when it comes to compromising, but you can grow.
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You don't have to stay exactly where you want to be when it comes to compromising, but you can grow.
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You don't have to stay exactly where you are right now.
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You guys can continue to talk and have conversations and communicate.
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Man, communication is so important.
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I promise I feel like I'm repeating it over and over and over and over and over.
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I feel like I even say that in my marriage a lot, in my friendships, a lot in all my relationships, a lot because communication is so important.
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I feel like we assume a lot and most of the times when we assume, we assume the worst.
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I feel like this is what you would have thought.
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I assume this is how you would have felt.
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But if we communicate, if we put our feelings out there openly and honestly, even if we think we're not going to like what we hear, we will know.
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But be patient with one another.
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Examples of compromise Deciding on a vacation destination Instead of each partner insisting on their preferred location.
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You can brainstorm together and find a compromise that suits both of you.
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Usually, when my husband and I are vacationing, or even with our kids as a family, what I do and this is the compromise that we do because I'm big on vacations, I probably know this as well, but I love to go on vacation and my husband has now jumped on that bandwagon.
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He loves to vacation as well now, but it hasn't always been this way.
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It hasn't but one of the things that I do.
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I ask everybody, whoever's going on a vacation.
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I ask everybody what is it that you would like to do?
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What is it?
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What type of activities are you interested in?
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What type of restaurants would you like to go to?
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Like?
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What type of food would you like to have?
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Like?
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What is it that you're interested in doing?
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What type of surrounding places do you want to see?
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Like, do you want to be in the mountains?
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Do you want it to be cold?
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Do you want to be warm areas?
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Do you want the beaches?
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Like?
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What is it that you're interested in?
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And that's kind of how we brainstorm together to kind of choose a place, because if I'm looking for the cans in the mountains and you're saying you want the beach and the sand, we're on different pages.
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So we kind of got to brainstorm to figure out together where would we like to vacation.
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But if you say you'd like to go to an NBA game and I'm saying I want some Cajun food, okay, I say it sounds like we can kind of compromise on New Orleans, you know, because we can get both.
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I can get Cajun food, you can get your NBA game, you know.
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So that's kind of how you can kind of brainstorm that thing together where you both can meet in the middle.
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He may not be able, he or she may not be able to get that beach and that sand, but they can be able to get that NBA game.
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So that's kind of how you compromise.
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Because compromise back to what we were talking about earlier is not where one person gets everything that they want while the other partner gets none of what they want, but it's about you guys meeting in the middle.
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None of what they want, but it's about you guys meeting in the middle.
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If both of you are able to get some of the things that you want, that's a beautiful thing.
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That's a compromise.
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Next example dividing household chores Instead of one person always doing the dishes.
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You can agree on a schedule that fairly distributes the workload.
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And the last example choosing a movie to watch.
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Instead of each partner insisting on their preferred movie, you can compromise by choosing a genre or movie that appeals to both of you.
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Okay now, last but not least, because we've been talking about compromise, there are some times when you should not compromise or when to avoid compromise.
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I do want to touch on it a little bit before we close out today.
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So when to avoid compromise?
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Because I am aware there are some times.
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Number one, when your partner is being manipulative or abusive.
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If your partner is using compromise as a way to control you or make you feel bad, it's important to set boundaries and stand up for yourself, because this is a sensitive one here, and I don't want you to just listen to me and take my word for that and assume that I know everything.
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When it comes to this one.
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I'm going to put a pen right there.
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I'm just going to stick a pen right here, because these points that I'm making, this is just from a lot of research.
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I would encourage you because I'm actively in therapy.
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I would encourage you if you're unsure about this one, right here, because I know there may be some people on the other end of my voice who are in abusive relationships or who are unsure.
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If they are in abusive relationships and I am speaking from someone who have been in abusive relationships myself If you are unsure, I would encourage you to speak with someone, and speak with a trusted party, whether that's a therapist or a counselor, or maybe your pastor or a trusted friend, somebody whom you trust but I would personally encourage a therapist, a non-biased person who can give you resources, if this one right here sticks out to you.
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Yeah, I just wanted to make sure.
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I said that.
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I just didn't want to skim too fast past that.
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Number two when your partner is not willing to compromise.
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If your partner is unwilling to listen to your needs or find solutions that work for both of you, it may be a sign of a deeper problem in your relationship.
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Number three when your values are at stake, there are some things that are non-negotiable and you should not compromise on your core values.
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Okay, put an exclamation point right there.
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You know I'm not you and I'm not going to tell you what your core values are, but you know what your core values is.
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This is a relationship podcast from a Christian perspective.
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So you know what one of my core values is is my faith.
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That's a non-negotiable for me.
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It's a non-negotiable.
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That's one of my.
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My faith, my relationship with God, that's a non-negotiable for me.
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If anyone ever tried to make me compromise when it came to my walk with God, that would be a non-negotiable for me.
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What are your non-negotiables?
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What are those core values, those things that you're not compromising for?
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What are those values?
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What are those things that you're not willing to give up change?
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What are those things?
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For you?
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That's when you avoid compromise.
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So, yeah, so compromise in a romantic relationship is a beautiful, beautiful thing and it is beneficial to your relationship, beneficial to your marriage, if you are willing to apply it.
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We can have things that you know, things that we want to do, that we want to hold on to hold on to that we desire, that we want.
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But at what cost?
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Is it at the cost of your marriage?
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Is it at the cost of your romantic relationship with your partner?
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Because compromise is about both people getting some of the things that they need and desire in a relationship.
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Are you willing to compromise?
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I hope you have enjoyed today's episode.
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Remember I love you, but God loves you so much more.
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Share this episode with someone you think would enjoy it.
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Remember to follow me on all social media platforms on TikTok and Facebook at Demo with Mo.
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On Instagram at Demo with Mo Podcast.
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And I'll see you guys next week.
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Bye, I hope you guys have enjoyed Follow me on Facebook at Demo with Mo.
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If you have any questions you would like answered here live on my podcast, email them to me.
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At Demo with Mo at gmailcom.
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That's D-E-M-O-W-I-T-H-M-O at gmailcom.