CPTSD Permission Pause: Delay One Yes by Twenty Minutes

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Welcome to CPTSD making sense of it. I'm Gregory. On
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this Friday, we're turning to a practice that gives you
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a little room before you answer. The practice is called
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the permission pause, and it simply means you delay one
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automatic yes by twenty minutes. Many of us learned early
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that saying yes kept us safer. Pete Walker writes about
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this pattern in complex pt SD from Surviving to Thriving.
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He describes how the faun response shows up as quick
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agreement even when the body signals otherwise. Today's focus is
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interrupting that response, so the yes comes from choice instead
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of reflex. The thing is, twenty minutes is enough time
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for your nervous system to settle and for you to
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check what you actually want. It does not require a
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big confrontation. It just buys a short gap between the
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request and your reply. Here's the thing. You can start
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right now by noticing your body. Feel your feet on
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the floor and the weight of your hands. Notice whether
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your shoulders are already moving forward or pulling back. That
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awareness is the first part of the pause. Take a
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moment with that. You might notice your feet resting against
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the floor or the surface beneath them right now. Let
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your attention rest there for a breath or two without
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trying to adjust anything from that point. Move upward through
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your ankles and into your calves, noticing whether the muscles
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feel loose or held in place. Continue past your knees
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and along your thighs, registering any sense of weight or
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pressure that is simply there. Shift next to your hips
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and lower back, allowing whatever tension or ease lives in
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that region to register with other judgment or effort to
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release it. Bring the scan higher into your stomach and
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then your chest, feeling for any holding or movement that
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might connect to an automatic response you have been weighing.
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This part of the body often carries signals about whether
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a yes is coming from habit rather than choice. Take
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one slow breath in through your nose and release it
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through your mouth while you stay with that area, and
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notice if an urge to agree shows up as tightness, pressure,
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or even a subtle forward lean. Let the exhale finish
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completely before you decide whether to stay with the sensation
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a moment longer. The whole scan takes very little time,
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yet it gives your system a chance to settle enough
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for the twenty minute pause to do its work. You
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can repeat the path from feet to chest if the
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first pass feels rushed, though most people find once is
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enough to create a small gap between the old pattern
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and the next step. When you finish the breath, bring
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your attention back to whatever decision sits in front of
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you and see whether the urge has softened or remained steady.
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That shift in the body often shows up before the
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mind catches on, so the check serves as an early
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warning that the permission pause is worth using. That automatic
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yes often traces back to the faign response that developed
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long before you had words for it. Pete Walker describes
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this pattern clearly in complex PTSD from Surviving to Thriving,
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where agreeing quickly became a way to reduce threat in
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environments where saying no carried real costs. Because the body
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learned that compliance brought safety, the reaction still fires even
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when the current situation holds no actual danger. Beseel van
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der Kolk writes in The Body Keeps the Score that
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these stored responses live in the nervous system and surface
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through physical tension or a sudden urge to settle the
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matter right away, the somatic check in you just did
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helps catch that tension before it turns into an immediate answer.
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While your attention moved from feet to stomach to chest,
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you gave the system a moment to register what was
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present instead of jumping straight to agreement. That small shift
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matters because the faun response runs on speed, it skips
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the step where you ask whether the request fits your
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energy or your actual willingness. A twenty minute delay therefore
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interrupts the old circuit. During those minutes, the nervous system
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can settle enough for a different signal to reach awareness.
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The holding in your chest may soften, or the quick
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mental yes may lose its urgency. Instead of fighting the impulse,
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you simply postpone the decision. This pause does not require
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you to feel calm first. It only asks that you
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wait while the body does what it already knows how
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to do. Once given time. Many people notice that after
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the delay, the original request feels less loaded. The same
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words that seemed urgent now carry a clearer sense of choice.
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Because the fawn response loses momentum when action is postponed,
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the body he begins to associate waiting with safety rather
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than risk. That association strengthens Each time the pause is
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used over repeated practice, the automatic pathway weakens and a
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new one forms, where checking in becomes possible. The delay
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also supports nervous system regulation in a direct way. When
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you hold off on answering, the sympathetic activation that accompanies
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the faun response has space to discharge. Heart rate may
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slow and breath may deepen without any extra effort. The
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twenty minutes function as a built in buffer that lets
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the parasympathetic branch come online. You do not need to
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force relaxation. The simple act of postponing gives the system
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permission to return to balance on its own timeline. Now
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that the body has had that brief scan and the
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idea of the pause sits with you, the next step
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is to try it with one small request that appears today.
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Take one request that usually gets an immediate answer from you.
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Choose something that shows up in your day, like a
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favor from a friend or an extra task at work.
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Set a timer for twenty minutes before you send any reply.
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The reply itself can still be yes, it just comes
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after the weight. Because this delay interrupts the pattern, you
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get a moment to notice what your body is saying
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while the timer runs, you might check in with your
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feet again or notice your breathing. However, the main point
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is the pores itself. Many people find that the pressure
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to answer drops once the clock starts. Instead of jumping in,
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you give your system time to settle. Although the request
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might still feel important after twenty minutes, it often lands
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with less urgency since you have already done the quick
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scan from earlier. That tension in your chest or stomach
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can guide whether the yes still fits. Meanwhile, the simple
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act of waiting builds a small habit that interrupts the
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old response. In fact, you do not need to change
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what you say in the end. The goal is only
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to add that space before the answer goes out. Therefore,
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the reply stays yours rather than automatic. Although it can
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feel odd at first, most listeners notice the difference shows
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up in how their body relaxes during the weight. Because
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the timer is short, it fits into a normal day
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without much effort. On top of that, you can repeat
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this with one request at a time. While you practice
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the twenty minute hold, you might also notice how often
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these asks arrive. However, you keep the focus narrow so
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the exercise stays simple. The truth is this small shift
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supports the regulation you started with the body scan. Now
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that you have the first tool in place, the second
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one adds a quick check you can use right after
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the timer ends. After the timer runs out, you can
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check in once more with the same body areas you
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noticed earlier, because the pause has already interrupted the old pattern.
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The next step is simply to observe what changed. Take
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a moment to write down what you felt in your
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body while those twenty mins in its past. You might
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notice tightness in your shoulders, or a shift in your breathing,
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or even a quiet sense of space in your chest.
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The point is to record the actual sensations, rather than
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any story about them. Since this is only a quick reflection,
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you can keep the whole note under three minutes. Jot
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one small physical shift if anything stood out, maybe your
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jaw loosened a little or your stomach settled. Once the
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immediate pressure to answer faded, writing it down helps because
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it turns the experience into something you can see later
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instead of letting it slip away. Although the change might
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feel minor, it still shows your system responding to the delay.
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On top of that, the note becomes a record you
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can look back at the next time a similar request
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comes up, that said, the goal stays the same. You
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are giving yourself evidence that the twenty minute space actually
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affects how the body holds tension. Meanwhile, you do not
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need to judge what you wrote or decide what it
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means right away. Instead, just capture the details while they
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are fresh. pH For example, some people notice their hands
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relax once they stop rushing toward an answer. Others find
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their breath moves lower in the chest after the first
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few minutes of waiting. Either way, the act of noting
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keeps the practice grounded in what actually happened, rather than
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in old assumptions. Although the shift may seem small, it
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still interrupts the automatic yes long enough for a different
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choice to appear. Now that you have added this short reflection,
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the tool feels more complete. You can carry both the
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timer and the note into daily life without extra effort.
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When you are ready, we will take a short break.
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The single action of delaying one yes by twenty minutes
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gives your system space to settle before any answer forms.
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That pause interrupts the rush many of us learned early on,
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and the body scan plus the short note after the
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timer helped track what actually shifts once the pressure eases.
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Try the same pause with one request next week. Pick
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something that usually pulls an immediate answer. Start the twenty minutes,
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and notice again how your stomach or chest feels when
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the clock runs. The note you jot afterward keeps a
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simple record you can glance at later if the same
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kind of request appears again. If this podcast helps you
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can find the link to join in the episode description.
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Take one breath in and let it out slowly.