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[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome to the Great Spanning Podcast.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Hey guys, we're so excited to be back talking about really relevant topic to right now as so many parents are sending their kids back to school or they're starting the homeschool year up again and we're talking about anxiety, overwhelm, maybe trying to recalibrate your family during the seasons of transition.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Two steps you can take to get clear and make wise choices and we're gonna give you several warnings and one of them is to embrace being
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[SPEAKER_01]: different.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Be peculiar.
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[SPEAKER_01]: If you're decision-making is looking a lot like a lot of the Christian's Randy or normal Christian decisions, maybe there's some upgrades in recalibration so you can be there.
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[SPEAKER_01]: This is going to really help you have a marriage conversation with Oakland for the show.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Wow, this is such a relevant topic for us.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I hope it is for you, it's transitions right now.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Well, yeah, I mean, there's a few different times a year where you go into some major transitions.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I think that for parents, obviously, the beginning and the ending of school years is an obvious one, but there's also like holidays, new years.
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[SPEAKER_00]: There's transitions of adding a new baby to a family or job change or moving.
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[SPEAKER_00]: There's big transitions.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So I think today's topic applies to all of those seasons.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And sometimes they're going to be anxiety during transition because you haven't got clear exactly what you're going to do.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I think the worst thing you could do is keep doing exactly the same things you've done in the past.
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[SPEAKER_01]: When there's transition, it's really important to at least even if you do end up doing the same things to actually think a new prey and come up with these things together so you have a renewed conviction, even if they are in the same direction.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But I think you'll find what we have found
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[SPEAKER_01]: is we do upgrade some things.
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[SPEAKER_00]: That's right.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It's interesting because this time a year obviously at church we're like in the midst of starting up the co-op year in a few weeks here.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And so we have like you know planning meeting for parents and there's that kind of stuff schools here in Idaho most of them have started already and so
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[SPEAKER_00]: Some of the Chitter Chatter among moms is about getting back into the school rhythms and all that kind of stuff and what's interesting is that over the years I have heard a lot of women lamenting about new rhythms and trying to get their kids on a schedule and I also have experienced that regardless of what the transition is, although because we homeschool year round for the most part.
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[SPEAKER_00]: that hasn't been as much of a stretch as I think a lot of people do, and so it got me thinking today.
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[SPEAKER_00]: One of the things that we want to encourage you guys with is to have like a solid communicative between husbands and wife, family culture, and that that really is like a stabilization for whatever transition that you go into.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But in those moments when you are struggling with anxiety or overwhelmed, sometimes they are related to these moments of transition or
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[SPEAKER_01]: So we have two really good points for you and then unprecedented times tip at the very end.
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[SPEAKER_01]: How to do with this and the first thing is the question really that we're going to try and answer and discuss together is how do you get clear on what is the best rhythms, what are the best decisions?
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[SPEAKER_01]: How do you get clear together and implement so you go back into this?
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[SPEAKER_01]: Because for dads too, there's new spiritual leadership rhythms you might be doing.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, a lot of that should already be in place, but maybe it hasn't been.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And you're like, I really desire this to be happening in my family.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Or you notice something off with your culture and your family.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You're like, I'd really like to pull it back to this over here.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Or maybe you've never had a certain element that you see in another family who heard us talk about on the podcast or somewhere else.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And you're like, we've never had that in our family.
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[SPEAKER_01]: We want this and what is that?
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[SPEAKER_01]: So how do you get clear on those things?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I think the first step for me is to pray, to stop and pray.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I know that a lot of people they were like, okay, well that's an obvious Angie, but
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[SPEAKER_00]: But truly digging into the word because we like to keep things biblical, Philippians 4, gives us kind of a, I mean the Bible doesn't have equations per se, but this really is a plan if you will that God gives us for when we're struggling with overwhelm, when we are struggling with anxiety or we're frustrated.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I want to read it for a second because God does
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that there are some things we're going to talk about, you know, making a plan, communicating with your kids that can help you to not feel anxious when it feels a little bit chaotic, because transitions can feel chaotic, right?
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[SPEAKER_00]: But if you are certainly things ID, that is something that we need to take ownership over from a sole perspective and a mind perspective.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And so let's just look at what the Bible says in Philippians chapter 4,
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[SPEAKER_00]: It says in verse 6, be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And then the very next scripture is all about focusing on whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are
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[SPEAKER_00]: Virtue, if there is anything praiseworthy, meditate on these things, the things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do and the God of Peace will be with you.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It's interesting because a lot of people will list out the things to focus on, but they forget the very last verse, the things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So we have Paul here saying, listen to my words, what have I been teaching you?
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[SPEAKER_00]: This is like the spiritual aspect of life.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Like if you're focusing on the things I am teaching you on and then you do them, then the God of peace will be with you.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Hmm.
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[SPEAKER_00]: The God of Peace will be with you.
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[SPEAKER_00]: What do you desire and crave more than anything when you're anxious?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Peace.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Anxious when you're overwhelmed, you just want peace.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You want, you want to be able to like let it go and not be stressed out, you want peace.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It's literally the opposite of what you're experiencing, you need.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I'm a little warning for you when you pray about and when you're an anxiety and when you're thinking about what you want to do is I would caution you not to pray for easier lives.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I think that that would be a common thing to pray for.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Now, simplifying life in some ways, absolutely.
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[SPEAKER_01]: That's great.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But praying for an easier life does God really want us to have an easier life or does he actually maybe want our lives to be even more productive for the Kingdom of God?
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[SPEAKER_01]: Does he maybe, and that's hard?
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[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I see.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I don't see.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I see all the examples in the Bible of them actually choosing to live harder lives because they're actually being obedient to the Lord, which causes them to make harder decisions, cause them do harder things, and then they have harder consequences sometimes.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And they do, and be willing to be persecuted for me.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So I don't see this pray for easier lives mentality in the Bible.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I want to glorify you, and usually it's harder decisions.
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[SPEAKER_01]: that do that.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So as you go in, just be careful about that.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I think, you know, I would pray for growth.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I would pray for wisdom.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I'd pray for what do I need to say no to that's not as fruitful as things I'm not even thinking about.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I need to say yes to that are more fruitful.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So the next step in how to get clear, I mean, obviously, certain personalities are gonna relate to this a little bit more where there can be anxiety if there is not an actual plan, right?
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[SPEAKER_00]: I know that that's my personality is that if I have something coming up or if there's a change that I'm foreseen, right?
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[SPEAKER_00]: And a transition, if there's not a plan and how to go about it most productively,
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[SPEAKER_00]: I can get stressed out.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you're that way.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I think that for women, especially when it comes to school, like, I'm going to relate to the home school moms here for a second.
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[SPEAKER_00]: There is a lot of pressure that is on home school moms, too, that is additional pressure.
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[SPEAKER_00]: with am i choosing the right curriculum and my doing enough from my child are they getting socialized this and that like there's so many things that this world can impress upon us if we allow it to and i just want to encourage you as a mom who's been homeschooling for 24 years and i've graduated five and only a four left
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[SPEAKER_00]: I look at that.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Like I was talking to Isaac earlier today because he was like, you know what, I feel like the next year starts and there's not this like huge, oh, we got to go back to school shopping like, no, because we're usually doing it year round and it's just like the seasons, right, the fall winter spring summer, right, is kind of like the seasons we experience in our family.
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[SPEAKER_00]: He's like, why is it that all guys in September don't generally tend to seem extra stressful for us, but maybe for other families they do?
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that part of it is that I've grown in the first few years.
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[SPEAKER_00]: The first 10 years, I do think I put more pressure on myself than I have the last 17.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I'll just be honest.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I think that like you start to see like what is the most valuable
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[SPEAKER_00]: and you have grace with yourself in a different kind of way when you're seasoned.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And so I just want to encourage you as someone who has already, you know, homeschool and graduated five of my nine children that you can't compare yourself to where other people are and expect to be doing it the same.
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[SPEAKER_00]: you have to understand that there's growth capacities and like Isaac was just saying don't pray for easier pray for wisdom to do what God said in front of you well right it's like God would you give me the strength and the stamina and the perseverance to do what's before me even if it seems harder
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[SPEAKER_01]: I think God's always wanting to call us up versus call us to recede into ease and you never arrive.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I think that that for me has been part of this like okay our life looks different now than it did with the first kids you're in your full-time ministry versus full-time running the business right and so even just the family dynamics and your schedule looks totally different than it did before in a lot of ways.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And so parenting kind of shifts in changes with your family as their transitions, right?
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[SPEAKER_01]: I think too as from a husband perspective is that sometimes we can be creating pressure on our wives that we aren't even aware of and we can sometimes have directions that we've just haven't our brain from maybe how we were raised or what we think is important and so forth.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I just want to challenge you is that the very best what you have in your mind to do.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Have you prayed about it?
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[SPEAKER_01]: Have you recalibrated?
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[SPEAKER_01]: And if something like I call I did an episode in the Resilman show called Clear Thinking where you get alone you pray you have an open journal and no distractions And you really ask God to give you wisdom about the decisions you're making even if you made them before like we always do this or that or whatever No, okay.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Well, is that the very best thing and you might come to the same conclusion?
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[SPEAKER_01]: My personal experience is things are over the years have been upgraded, like, oh, and you start to look different than a lot of your surroundings.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, but that's because I don't think a lot of people are constantly recalibrating with the Lord helping them.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And so they're kind of in a normal mode of rhythms, like most Christians.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I would say that in this, in unprecedented times, the normal rhythms of most Christians isn't the best.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I think that that's where having a plan and communicating, even doing a visionary and date night.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I think that if there's one thing a married couple can do that would benefit the wife to be less anxious, especially for Christian wives.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Like we have this, there's the potential pressure of the new year.
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[SPEAKER_00]: and all of the things that they're starting up whether that's adding on sports, school activities, but just it's the fall, right?
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[SPEAKER_00]: So you're starting, you're shifting gears.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You're maybe going from a less structured day to a fully structured day.
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[SPEAKER_00]: If you are making a big transition like that, and so there's that, but then there's all of the regulars that are fall on the wife's play and the homemakers play of the meals and has been coming home from work and
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[SPEAKER_00]: like what does he need your help as a help me with a business that they're running or Ministry that they're potentially volunteering with right there's all these it's literally like extra Is going on the play and that can be a pressure and then sometimes I know that over the years There have been a few seasons in life where like you'll get really excited about something that you are feeling called to build or do
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[SPEAKER_00]: and there are aspects that you want my help with on certain things, but then you can't be constantly saying yes to absolutely everything, right?
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[SPEAKER_00]: And so it can become challenging for the wife, because she wants to be submissive to her husband and to help, but then you've got this full plate over here, that's a first jurisdiction, also that's important.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And so balancing that can create some stress.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So when you're adding something new, especially a big thing,
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[SPEAKER_01]: Like right now, we're planting a second church.
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[SPEAKER_01]: The Lord's really doing all that.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, when there's another big thing that comes on, you have to figure out, okay, how do I make sure my family's not sacrificed?
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[SPEAKER_01]: When you do that next big thing.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And so that's the only reason we would say yes.
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[SPEAKER_01]: to the Lord doing this, because he also gave us a yes to another way to make it more enriching for our family as well, and also to keep the first church healthy and not sacrifice to either.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So those things that you have to think through, which is really important.
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[SPEAKER_01]: The final thing is when you're anxious and when you're, you have so, that feeling, I know the feeling, everybody else is feeling.
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[SPEAKER_01]: When there's too many things to do, then you can get done.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I have a
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[SPEAKER_01]: right now.
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[SPEAKER_01]: There's literally too many things that I actually really need to get done then I can get done today and you might feel that a lot of the time.
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[SPEAKER_01]: The first thing I would say is how can you get better?
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[SPEAKER_01]: See, that's not the thought most people go to.
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[SPEAKER_01]: They just go to within how I've been this seems overwhelming.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Well, how do you need to grow?
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[SPEAKER_01]: That's the first I literally in my quiet mind ask myself that question.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, this is season for you to grow Isaac because there's another church plant and you can't sacrifice these other things So how do you need to grow?
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[SPEAKER_01]: How do you need to get even better with your time even more productive even more energy even more healthy?
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[SPEAKER_01]: And in more discipline in some areas, you haven't been that's got to be part of the answer and the second thing you've got to do and be praying about that second thing is you got to write things down in husbands.
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[SPEAKER_01]: This is where you can come in with some intentional leadership women are great at this too.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But I think there's something special when a husband takes initiative and go, let's get some time together and recalibrate.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Let's talk about, I'd love to hear the things that you're anxious about or are consuming or what you feel is overwhelming.
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[SPEAKER_01]: to understand and then working together on a plan and that comes to our second point which is how do you make good decisions?
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[SPEAKER_00]: I think this is a huge part of it because the anxiety and overwhelm that I know that I've experienced is usually attached to either people pleasing and having a hard time saying no to things or just there's so many good things right but what is God actually calling you to and trying to figure out what is God's will for your life in the season that you're in.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And so, you know, this is honestly like a life talk in a sense that could apply to anybody regardless of the season of life they're in, maybe they're not even parents.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And when it comes to decision-making, you have to recognize that there's 24 hours in a day, time is your most valuable commodity, God wants to order your days, man will plan his ways, but the Lord directs our steps when
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[SPEAKER_00]: We submit to surrender them to him.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So it goes back to like, okay, you may have a plan But is that God's plan for you?
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[SPEAKER_00]: And so always holding the plans open handed That's kind of where my heart has had to go.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It's okay.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Listen, God's called me to just right now, but
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[SPEAKER_00]: This may not be what he wants me to be doing in a year from now, or in six months from now, and always holding it open-handed to the Lord.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I want to just, I'm sharing that with you guys because I think there's actually a freedom in that because you can make a decision and if it's not working for your family, you can pivot.
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[SPEAKER_00]: you don't have to stay doing the sports activity.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You don't actually have to if it's a bad environment for your kids.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Now in some cases, I'm just going to use that as an example.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Some cases, we've said yes to a kid or some kids doing a specific sport, right?
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[SPEAKER_00]: And maybe like on the outside, you could say, okay, bad influences, this and that, this isn't working for these kids or this family are why are we doing this?
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[SPEAKER_00]: It's painful, right?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Well, sometimes the bigger lesson of seeing things through is actually what you want to teach your kids.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You want to be people that follow through, finish a commitment, and that's important.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But if there's a situation where that's not the case, but you're literally seeing that your child is a follower and they need to be disciplined in a situation where it's like, no, this is the consequence, like you're falling for their leadership and you're not ready yet.
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[SPEAKER_00]: then it becomes a different kind of consequence and discipline that your children are learning that's a big lesson that they need to learn to right and so
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[SPEAKER_01]: I think you also have to look at all of the ramifications of those kinds of big decisions.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Like, if you're going to do a sport, we're not against sports and the sports of fantastic.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But if you're going to do a sport, what are the positive and negative ramifications of that?
18:45.045 --> 19:00.717
[SPEAKER_01]: And if you find that it's so serious for your young children, like the coaches and the number of practices and the games and the competitiveness and if it's so serious, that it causes you to completely reorientate everything in your family.
19:01.197 --> 19:07.022
[SPEAKER_01]: You're missing dinners, you're missing church on Sundays, travel away games, attitudes, and your kids change because of that.
19:07.443 --> 19:13.167
[SPEAKER_00]: It's rare when a homeschool curriculum works for all different personalities, but when it does, it makes homeschooling children so much easier.
19:13.588 --> 19:19.533
[SPEAKER_00]: In my home, everyone is wired so differently, and for the first time ever, everyone loves and is excelling in math.
19:19.953 --> 19:22.636
[SPEAKER_00]: A year ago, I switched all of my children 10 to 17 to CTC math.
19:24.337 --> 19:29.801
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19:30.241 --> 19:32.783
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19:33.223 --> 19:35.224
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19:35.364 --> 19:38.627
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19:38.967 --> 19:41.789
[SPEAKER_00]: That's ctcmath, the online curriculum that works for everyone.
19:42.427 --> 19:47.449
[SPEAKER_01]: influences because maybe they're not leaders like you want to be, they're more followers, maybe, are they ready for that?
19:47.829 --> 19:49.189
[SPEAKER_01]: Lots of things to consider.
19:49.670 --> 19:53.891
[SPEAKER_01]: And this is where we don't want to just conform to the system.
19:54.591 --> 19:57.152
[SPEAKER_01]: See, there is kind of a system, isn't there?
19:57.552 --> 19:58.093
[SPEAKER_01]: Think about it.
19:58.373 --> 19:58.693
[SPEAKER_01]: How is
19:59.153 --> 20:01.234
[SPEAKER_01]: church done in youth programs and things like that.
20:01.274 --> 20:12.720
[SPEAKER_01]: And then there's sports and then there's activities in school and in your heart attitude is I want them to have the best experience to be equipped and well-rounded as I possibly can.
20:13.120 --> 20:24.545
[SPEAKER_01]: Well within that, where is the spiritual disciplines of your family, which is the first seven chapters, session one, section one of the courageous parenting book, you know, courageous parenting on a person sometimes, a stronger relationship,
20:28.312 --> 20:30.174
[SPEAKER_01]: grow as a stronger team for the Lord.
20:30.554 --> 20:34.297
[SPEAKER_01]: The family rhythm, the crushes pride, cultivating unwavering identity and Christ.
20:34.657 --> 20:36.619
[SPEAKER_01]: How are these things happening?
20:36.699 --> 20:37.720
[SPEAKER_01]: Those are the seven chapters.
20:38.040 --> 20:43.224
[SPEAKER_01]: How are these things happening within your system, in your family, the rhythm?
20:43.425 --> 20:50.991
[SPEAKER_01]: Or are you conforming to the system that's yielding right now 1% of Gen Z have a biblical worldview?
20:51.831 --> 20:55.652
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and 60% to 70% of kids leaving the church by age 18.
20:55.713 --> 21:03.255
[SPEAKER_01]: So just be careful how you're inserting yourself into for lack of better terms and call it the matrix.
21:03.596 --> 21:20.262
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, are you are you a little bit pressured into the matrix and that is the matrix, the healthiest thing and where do you need to subtract or recalibrate the matrix, maybe you still do sports, but you make sure it's in the less competitive, actually.
21:21.263 --> 21:24.665
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's not confirming you're being a witness and saying no, sorry on Sundays.
21:24.705 --> 21:30.750
[SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't work for our family If there's an away game and we're not going to be back for church We're not going to participate in the way again.
21:31.351 --> 21:37.476
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean that those are the things where kids are like oh We're we're serious about our walk with God.
21:37.496 --> 21:38.677
[SPEAKER_01]: We're serious about what we're doing
21:39.473 --> 21:44.578
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, and I think that it's modeled first by our commitment, right?
21:44.718 --> 21:52.506
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, if our kids see that it's important to not neglect the gathering, for example, not forsake the gathering together, which is the church meeting time.
21:53.047 --> 21:59.113
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's like, okay, if that's important, then you're going to not make an idle out of things that take you away from that.
21:59.848 --> 22:03.290
[SPEAKER_00]: because we can make idols out of all kinds of things in life.
22:03.350 --> 22:11.995
[SPEAKER_00]: We humans are horrible at doing a gut check on what really owns me and makes the decisions for how I spend my time.
22:12.195 --> 22:14.396
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna ask you some really pinpointed questions.
22:14.797 --> 22:15.837
[SPEAKER_00]: What are your kids love?
22:16.338 --> 22:17.418
[SPEAKER_00]: Do they love a sport?
22:18.079 --> 22:20.040
[SPEAKER_00]: More than they love serving God.
22:20.600 --> 22:27.890
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, that's like ultimately I have seen kids, I have kids that are addicted to serving God.
22:28.290 --> 22:29.612
[SPEAKER_00]: Literally addicted, they love it.
22:29.652 --> 22:34.459
[SPEAKER_00]: They love it so much that when we try to go on a vacation to go away, they're like, well, I'm going to church.
22:34.539 --> 22:36.221
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to go home early if I have to.
22:36.361 --> 22:43.630
[SPEAKER_01]: And I would say two of those kids are literally pro spikeball players, so it's not that they don't do sports.
22:43.971 --> 22:46.654
[SPEAKER_00]: And we do go to tournaments some time, right?
22:46.754 --> 22:52.181
[SPEAKER_00]: But there's this element of like for them, their first commitment and their first love, like it's their love.
22:52.382 --> 22:52.642
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
22:53.182 --> 23:05.152
[SPEAKER_00]: Is that they understand they're supposed to love the bread of Christ and that they have a part in the body of Christ and if kid and kid You just listen kids do not need to be grown up to be feeling that that they're a part of the body, right?
23:05.232 --> 23:11.517
[SPEAKER_00]: Like we have a 10-year-old that is He loves going to church and he's he's does audio.
23:11.757 --> 23:17.202
[SPEAKER_00]: He's the audio guy the many audio guy and it's like no He is there every Sunday faithfully
23:18.043 --> 23:22.167
[SPEAKER_01]: And so this is a phyzen created by normal Christian decisions.
23:22.668 --> 23:26.993
[SPEAKER_01]: This is created by looking different not for the sake of looking different.
23:27.354 --> 23:32.420
[SPEAKER_01]: That's prideful no, but you end up looking different when you make some different decisions.
23:32.920 --> 23:39.504
[SPEAKER_01]: that what you're involved with for us, it's like how can we keep our family together as we do things as much as possible?
23:39.925 --> 23:47.749
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't mean making the whole family go to every one to the games for every one person that's playing a sports home.
23:47.830 --> 23:48.210
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh yeah.
23:48.630 --> 23:51.232
[SPEAKER_01]: That's not what we call like we're doing things together.
23:51.372 --> 23:58.658
[SPEAKER_01]: Like how do you create a culture of family teamwork if it's if we're just spectators of one child's activity constantly?
23:59.098 --> 24:00.359
[SPEAKER_01]: So there's things to think about.
24:00.459 --> 24:05.603
[SPEAKER_01]: I know we didn't mean to hit sports so hard on this one, wasn't the goal, but it's just an example of many things.
24:06.184 --> 24:07.625
[SPEAKER_01]: And so there's recalibration.
24:07.665 --> 24:09.346
[SPEAKER_01]: So decision making is really important.
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[SPEAKER_01]: What are you saying yes to?
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[SPEAKER_01]: What are you saying no to and really thinking through that?
24:13.039 --> 24:41.494
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I just want to go to the scripture that pops into your mind immediately when you hear the word conform because we're talking about not conforming to the system not conforming to the world actually the world's system and what people in I mean we live in America so there's this American way that is impressed upon people on a regular basis of like what is a good childhood and what does that look like right and honestly what it leaves is a legacy of empty soul
24:42.894 --> 24:44.295
[SPEAKER_00]: Christianity, right?
24:44.555 --> 24:47.376
[SPEAKER_00]: Because is someone going to play their sport their whole life?
24:47.556 --> 24:51.157
[SPEAKER_00]: Now there might be some people who end up being pro in a specific sport.
24:51.317 --> 24:52.138
[SPEAKER_00]: That is true, right?
24:52.538 --> 24:55.219
[SPEAKER_00]: But the reality is is are they going to be playing at their whole life?
24:55.519 --> 24:59.961
[SPEAKER_00]: No, so then when they're not doing it anymore, they're like all of a sudden, where's my identity?
25:00.181 --> 25:03.682
[SPEAKER_00]: Because that is actually the true test of if you've made an idol.
25:04.102 --> 25:08.564
[SPEAKER_00]: Because an idol is literally going to be attached to your identity.
25:09.084 --> 25:11.426
[SPEAKER_00]: When people say, well, hi, we'll tell me about yourself.
25:11.566 --> 25:17.311
[SPEAKER_00]: It's the first thing they say, not I'm a Christian, and I love Jesus, it's, I'm a basketball player.
25:17.452 --> 25:18.653
[SPEAKER_00]: Or I'm a football player.
25:18.793 --> 25:22.256
[SPEAKER_00]: Or I'm this, or I play guitar, or I, right?
25:22.596 --> 25:25.719
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, is there identity fully unwavering in Christ?
25:25.759 --> 25:29.082
[SPEAKER_00]: And we have an entire chapter on the crage parenting book that's about that.
25:29.142 --> 25:34.427
[SPEAKER_00]: But in Romans chapter 12, God literally commands it's not to be conformed to the pattern of this world's first two.
25:34.887 --> 25:37.350
[SPEAKER_00]: and do not be conformed to this world.
25:37.550 --> 25:38.592
[SPEAKER_00]: He's literally saying, do not.
25:38.832 --> 25:41.094
[SPEAKER_00]: There's no, maybe there.
25:41.515 --> 25:42.916
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like, oh, can look different.
25:42.956 --> 25:50.025
[SPEAKER_00]: No, do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
25:50.465 --> 25:51.166
[SPEAKER_00]: How does that happen?
25:51.626 --> 25:52.507
[SPEAKER_00]: By reading the Bible.
25:53.208 --> 25:59.193
[SPEAKER_00]: So if we're not reading the Bible every day, and we know that our minds and our human nature does try to take hold of us every day.
25:59.534 --> 25:59.914
[SPEAKER_00]: It does.
26:00.114 --> 26:01.916
[SPEAKER_00]: It tries to take hold of us every moment, actually.
26:02.056 --> 26:07.240
[SPEAKER_00]: It's easy for humans to make idols out of things, to make something more important than something else, right?
26:07.320 --> 26:20.252
[SPEAKER_00]: And so don't be conform to the world, to the flesh, but be transformed by being in the word, by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
26:20.832 --> 26:25.754
[SPEAKER_00]: We all want to be walking in God's will as Christians, we want our kids to be walking in God's will.
26:26.114 --> 26:34.959
[SPEAKER_00]: They need to be taught how do you find God's will because they're going to have to like get another chapter that we put on how to teach your kids good decision-making, or biblical decision-making, here's the deal.
26:35.499 --> 26:37.580
[SPEAKER_00]: If you're not making good decision-making,
26:38.140 --> 26:43.886
[SPEAKER_00]: you're not walking in God's will as a parent in the decisions that you're saying yes to and no to for your children.
26:44.346 --> 26:47.349
[SPEAKER_00]: How much harder is it for them to make good decisions?
26:47.709 --> 26:49.791
[SPEAKER_00]: They need to see you honestly.
26:50.232 --> 26:55.397
[SPEAKER_00]: You need to you need to teach them this process of like yeah I'm wrestling those both are good things.
26:55.997 --> 26:59.501
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's pray about it and ask God what his will for you is.
26:59.841 --> 27:11.584
[SPEAKER_00]: And then when you pray about it together, that you're literally teaching your kids the process of what it looks like to bring a decision before the Lord and that you're not just trying to make a decision based upon your feelings or your wants.
27:11.904 --> 27:12.504
[SPEAKER_00]: That's huge.
27:12.704 --> 27:18.005
[SPEAKER_01]: And sometimes we get in this honor of the other kind of mindset and I just want you to be careful of that.
27:18.065 --> 27:19.906
[SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes one of the other is important.
27:19.986 --> 27:20.626
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's wise.
27:20.986 --> 27:24.207
[SPEAKER_01]: And sometimes both can happen.
27:24.647 --> 27:25.967
[SPEAKER_01]: But how would both happen?
27:26.527 --> 27:31.732
[SPEAKER_01]: And sometimes you have to cut, you have to cut, you have to prune so that the fruit you have can be more fruitful.
27:32.233 --> 27:36.257
[SPEAKER_01]: And sometimes you make a decision where both are possible, but we have to change this thing over here.
27:36.797 --> 27:42.523
[SPEAKER_01]: We have to get better at it or we have to be more efficient or we have to get more help or we have to hire somebody or whatever the thing is.
27:42.583 --> 27:49.830
[SPEAKER_01]: So there's always a best path in a cost and a best path and you got to think through those things and
27:50.450 --> 28:04.674
[SPEAKER_01]: So recalibration is important, so the first tip was how to get clear and start to make a list of things and pray about things and the second thing is decision making and not conforming and recalibrating together as a marriage and I can't emphasize that enough.
28:04.774 --> 28:15.477
[SPEAKER_01]: We are in a constant, I wouldn't say constant of it, often we're in an often dialogue about assessing what's good and what's not good and trying to upgrade.
28:15.937 --> 28:25.863
[SPEAKER_01]: We don't just, we don't have a status quo, there's a few status quo, the status quo things are deeply embedded principles within our family, like I'll give you an example.
28:26.183 --> 28:32.767
[SPEAKER_01]: If we're not eating dinner together four days a week, something's wrong with the way we've set up how we're doing things.
28:32.787 --> 28:34.227
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, we have to recall it.
28:34.287 --> 28:38.650
[SPEAKER_01]: That's a principle, so there's certain principles we've dug in the ground that are about our family culture.
28:39.282 --> 28:43.629
[SPEAKER_01]: and keeping that family culture strong, that we kind of assess everything else against.
28:43.909 --> 28:46.353
[SPEAKER_01]: So that does cause us to say no to certain things that has.
28:46.513 --> 28:54.184
[SPEAKER_00]: And I would say that in saying no to those certain things to protect even just four days a week, what has happened is that it's actually more like six days a week.
28:55.025 --> 29:04.312
[SPEAKER_00]: Most weeks, seven days week that we're eating dinner together and usually every day we have breakfast together And we do a family meeting with Bible and all the things.
29:04.332 --> 29:13.899
[SPEAKER_00]: That's like that's for us that recalibrates the day because recalibration can be a seasonal thing, but it's also a daily thing for
29:14.699 --> 29:18.803
[SPEAKER_00]: a gut check of where's my heart at today with the Lord and with everybody else.
29:19.343 --> 29:22.866
[SPEAKER_00]: It sets the tone in the atmosphere of the day and so having specific rhythms.
29:22.886 --> 29:26.990
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I would say that's one of our rhythms that helps me to have a better day with the kids.
29:27.030 --> 29:28.892
[SPEAKER_00]: It helps the kids to be better with each other.
29:29.272 --> 29:31.334
[SPEAKER_00]: And when we don't do that, they're at each other.
29:31.774 --> 29:33.656
[SPEAKER_00]: It just doesn't work in the same kind of way.
29:33.916 --> 29:34.917
[SPEAKER_00]: Like life doesn't work.
29:35.195 --> 29:36.836
[SPEAKER_01]: And I understand there's different seasons.
29:36.956 --> 29:41.638
[SPEAKER_01]: I remember a season where I was gone by six of the morning, up at five, that kind of thing.
29:41.958 --> 29:43.759
[SPEAKER_00]: I knew it had our conversations at dinner.
29:43.799 --> 29:44.779
[SPEAKER_00]: We were doing it dinner.
29:45.079 --> 29:46.980
[SPEAKER_01]: And but you know, there came a point.
29:47.120 --> 29:54.383
[SPEAKER_01]: It's funny because you know, a God really helped us be very successful financially early on and then I lost everything.
29:54.443 --> 29:55.944
[SPEAKER_01]: Most of you've heard that story before.
29:56.444 --> 30:02.267
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I realized, wait a minute, what was I sacrificing to create what I just lost?
30:03.763 --> 30:10.106
[SPEAKER_01]: And some of you are like, I'll never, I used to think this, I think I'm used to increase every single year for the first 15 years.
30:11.527 --> 30:12.687
[SPEAKER_01]: And it was incredible.
30:12.807 --> 30:18.790
[SPEAKER_01]: I thought I was, you know, the Lord was just, he was, he was blessing us, but this thing happened and it was a powerful lesson and I realized,
30:19.362 --> 30:22.523
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what, I just need to be with my family more.
30:22.743 --> 30:29.767
[SPEAKER_01]: I need to reorientate my life and figure out what the Lord wants for me and how that could lay on me with my family more.
30:30.247 --> 30:31.547
[SPEAKER_01]: Doesn't mean I don't work hard.
30:31.687 --> 30:34.769
[SPEAKER_01]: It just put me more in control of my time and when I'm working.
30:35.309 --> 30:39.791
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I'll do things like, yeah, I don't get to early start anymore for work.
30:40.671 --> 30:43.132
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, why, I said, okay, go, because, you know what?
30:43.913 --> 30:46.534
[SPEAKER_01]: All that stuff, all the money, all the different things.
30:47.465 --> 30:50.186
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just as a matter as much as my kids walk and strong with the Lord.
30:50.806 --> 30:52.026
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, it was a possible for both.
30:52.407 --> 30:53.487
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, absolutely.
30:53.627 --> 30:58.989
[SPEAKER_01]: And I see God redeeming that situation and He gave us this amazing house in property, that's a miracle story.
30:59.409 --> 31:01.289
[SPEAKER_01]: Story of God.
31:01.309 --> 31:09.032
[SPEAKER_01]: I see the Lord's provision coming in different ways and I see the future being bright on a financial side too, but that's not my focus.
31:09.092 --> 31:13.393
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not, I am just not willing to sacrifice anything.
31:14.192 --> 31:39.758
[SPEAKER_01]: Relationally for that and I know that it takes time to shift gears if men you're listening On that you could ask God to give you wisdom on that and how that could be and I will say part of it is getting better I mean literally while I was waiting for Angie right I'm not trying to brag or anything But I just I've done once you have experienced in life and capacity I launched the the Garden Valley website URL
31:40.838 --> 31:56.008
[SPEAKER_01]: uh... i ordered a banner for an event they need an order wristbands all within uh... fifteen minutes now was already working on that website yes but you know that it's it's like what can get done in fifteen minutes yeah like how can you get better how can you get more productive
31:56.768 --> 32:20.762
[SPEAKER_00]: And it doesn't do the same thing even within the house where I actually it is a 15 minute time like I literally give myself 15 minutes in the morning and in the afternoon I've done this for probably 20 years where I just choose a project that I can try to get done in 15 minutes and I tell the kids I just need 15 minutes, okay, I said a timer and I will literally organize a drawer or like yesterday morning you know what it was it was cleaning up the coffee bar area and washing that window.
32:21.262 --> 32:22.583
[SPEAKER_00]: And I got done in 15 minutes.
32:22.684 --> 32:42.685
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, but how many times do we think, oh, if I'm going to clean it, it's the cool kitchen and it's two hours and you know, I'm saying it's like, how can you be proud of us called time blocking such a good thing, which is give a certain amount of time and you give a certain number of things to get done and you let nothing to rail you and you get it done unless it's important for kids, right?
32:43.085 --> 32:46.667
[SPEAKER_01]: but it's really, really important, like how can you get more things done?
32:46.727 --> 32:51.851
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not necessarily about how things don't need to take as long as most of us think they need to shake.
32:52.431 --> 33:00.717
[SPEAKER_01]: We can get way more done, whereas your capacity at forgetting things done, and you need to really audit that, because if your capacity is lower, it's
33:01.397 --> 33:04.459
[SPEAKER_01]: then yeah, it's going to be harder to do all the things.
33:04.980 --> 33:17.268
[SPEAKER_01]: That's why I said don't pray for easy your lives, pray for strength, pray for wisdom, pray for higher capacity, pray for his blessing which looks like you may be getting honest and introspective with yourself from realizing you waste time.
33:17.628 --> 33:24.532
[SPEAKER_00]: And then if you do realize that, then maybe reaching out to somebody for accountability or learning how to do something differently or talking to your husband about it.
33:24.632 --> 33:30.455
[SPEAKER_00]: So, or your spouse, because that really holds you accountable if you're struggling to be able to share that with somebody.
33:30.495 --> 33:31.175
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a big deal.
33:31.795 --> 33:34.116
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I was thinking about the cost.
33:34.156 --> 33:37.658
[SPEAKER_00]: You brought up how sometimes when you make a choice, you have to prune.
33:38.299 --> 33:42.221
[SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, that immediately reminded me of this summer.
33:42.521 --> 33:46.803
[SPEAKER_00]: One of the things that I've been very passionate about, I absolutely love.
33:47.643 --> 33:48.604
[SPEAKER_00]: I love to garden.
33:49.184 --> 33:52.026
[SPEAKER_00]: I love to grow my own fruits and vegetables.
33:52.246 --> 33:56.629
[SPEAKER_00]: I love flowers, and I have done it for many many years.
33:56.689 --> 34:00.131
[SPEAKER_00]: There were a few years when we moved to Bend where the climate was different.
34:00.151 --> 34:02.352
[SPEAKER_00]: We weren't owning our own property where I...
34:02.792 --> 34:06.133
[SPEAKER_00]: had to cut way back and just do pots for a few years, right?
34:06.433 --> 34:07.413
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's just not the same.
34:07.433 --> 34:09.394
[SPEAKER_00]: And so when we moved here, I was like, all about it.
34:09.434 --> 34:14.655
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, we are full on home setting again, because we had done that before, and I'm like, we are going at a full force.
34:15.055 --> 34:15.475
[SPEAKER_00]: And we did.
34:15.595 --> 34:16.175
[SPEAKER_00]: We were growing.
34:16.195 --> 34:17.376
[SPEAKER_00]: We had a quarter acre crop.
34:17.416 --> 34:21.757
[SPEAKER_00]: We had about 900 pounds of potatoes, 260 pounds of onions, and
34:22.437 --> 34:23.418
[SPEAKER_00]: 500 pounds of pumpkin.
34:23.438 --> 34:28.680
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, we would literally, and tomatoes in the canning and the preserving, it was all so I loved it.
34:28.780 --> 34:30.761
[SPEAKER_00]: I used to teach that online, actually.
34:31.362 --> 34:34.083
[SPEAKER_00]: And we have a few podcast episodes on that as well.
34:34.583 --> 34:44.628
[SPEAKER_00]: And while I so value that, and it's part of my passion for helping take care of my family and providing for my family, the just the healthy, nutritious foods.
34:44.889 --> 34:51.112
[SPEAKER_00]: This year, I decided to take a break from all of it to plant spiritual seeds, to get the book done.
34:51.952 --> 34:57.353
[SPEAKER_01]: this was instead of my garden and that was instead of the several other things I was doing too.
34:57.693 --> 35:16.177
[SPEAKER_00]: And so there was a cost and so when you when you say yes to certain things even if those things are God things sometimes he can make a way for you to be able to do both but sometimes you have to really look at your life and choose what things you're going to say no to for other things and God so for us like I'm looking at this and
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I get that some people in our life who love us earlier, like what we're planning another church.
35:20.478 --> 35:23.959
[SPEAKER_00]: What they're worried, you know, oh, Isaac and Angie, we gotta take care of you.
35:23.979 --> 35:25.380
[SPEAKER_00]: We gotta make sure you're still at that.
35:25.660 --> 35:26.440
[SPEAKER_00]: And I love that.
35:26.560 --> 35:27.260
[SPEAKER_00]: I love that.
35:27.640 --> 35:32.802
[SPEAKER_00]: But I also know that God knew ahead of time and he had prepared my heart to sacrifice the garden.
35:33.202 --> 35:38.883
[SPEAKER_00]: And so here we are about to launch a second rooted Bible church and it's literally right during harvest season.
35:39.003 --> 35:40.364
[SPEAKER_00]: But I don't have a harvest this year.
35:41.004 --> 35:45.286
[SPEAKER_00]: And so it's like, for me, it's like, God already carved out that time.
35:45.446 --> 35:46.987
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm done with the book lunch.
35:47.407 --> 35:47.987
[SPEAKER_00]: It's different.
35:48.047 --> 35:48.807
[SPEAKER_00]: It's different.
35:49.188 --> 35:50.188
[SPEAKER_00]: And God knew, right?
35:50.228 --> 35:56.371
[SPEAKER_00]: So like, I knew that I was being obedient by back burnering the garden and the harvest.
35:56.491 --> 36:01.433
[SPEAKER_00]: And I knew that that was gonna give me a full eight months of the year that was hundreds of hours.
36:01.473 --> 36:03.474
[SPEAKER_00]: Cause I used to spend hundreds of hours doing that right?
36:03.494 --> 36:03.994
[SPEAKER_01]: And you loved it.
36:04.334 --> 36:04.855
[SPEAKER_00]: And I love it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I still love it.
36:05.835 --> 36:07.776
[SPEAKER_00]: I hope to be able to do that next year.
36:10.986 --> 36:26.278
[SPEAKER_00]: bitter about the things you are doing because you don't have that and that you understand it's just a season you'll be able to go back to that it is just a season I think sometimes we have to well and I always I'm realizing what is what is the dream right what is the life that you dreamt of and
36:26.998 --> 36:29.640
[SPEAKER_00]: so many years ago, I dreamed of being a missionary.
36:29.680 --> 36:32.281
[SPEAKER_00]: And here, that's the life that we are living.
36:32.541 --> 36:37.104
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know what, I have close friends that have done missions overseas for 20 years.
36:37.584 --> 36:39.786
[SPEAKER_00]: And they had a sacrifice a lot in order to do that.
36:40.026 --> 36:42.767
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes God does call us to sacrifice.
36:42.788 --> 36:47.010
[SPEAKER_00]: There are many scriptures about that, about laying down our own life and taking up the cross-to-christ.
36:47.090 --> 36:54.955
[SPEAKER_00]: And like, I have had the benefit of being able to teach my children what it looks like to homestead and to grow things.
36:55.615 --> 37:02.077
[SPEAKER_00]: to, you know, they're learning all kinds of things now from people in the body of Christ like hunting last year, right?
37:02.157 --> 37:07.858
[SPEAKER_00]: And they learned how to preserve and process deer, which I didn't know how to teach them.
37:08.298 --> 37:19.561
[SPEAKER_00]: And I, and I look at that and I go, that is a fruit and a harvest in my children for their life skills, their knowledge, their experience that came from planting the church, which required me to sacrifice things in my life.
37:19.896 --> 37:26.250
[SPEAKER_01]: And just to wrap up, we are giving you an unprecedented time's tip, which is to brace being different.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Be peculiar.
37:29.375 --> 37:43.449
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's so important right here says, Bo-E, our chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a whole in the holy nation, a peculiar people that you should shoot forth the praises of him who have called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.
37:43.889 --> 37:45.291
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's first Peter to nine.
37:45.891 --> 37:47.313
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know, just be careful.
37:47.433 --> 37:50.376
[SPEAKER_01]: Even Gents, you know, providing his awesome and it's a wonderful thing.
37:50.896 --> 37:54.859
[SPEAKER_01]: But do you actually, are you growing in the way you're providing?
37:55.719 --> 37:57.600
[SPEAKER_01]: Are you doing joy at least some parts of it?
37:57.980 --> 38:02.043
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you feel like you're using your gifts that God has given you in that?
38:02.483 --> 38:12.249
[SPEAKER_01]: And I would say that even if the provision is great and if you can't answer yes to those things, you might find yourself with a retirement deadline that is the end goal.
38:12.749 --> 38:18.973
[SPEAKER_01]: And then afterwards it becomes a let up versus a dig in for the Lord.
38:19.733 --> 38:21.193
[SPEAKER_01]: And I just want to warn you of that.
38:21.673 --> 38:26.154
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that when we are doing what we're called to do, we are passionate about what we're doing.
38:26.174 --> 38:28.635
[SPEAKER_01]: It's all the things that we don't like in aspects of things.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But then we're not looking for me time.
38:32.716 --> 38:38.057
[SPEAKER_01]: We're in the journey with the Lord and enjoying much of it.
38:38.697 --> 38:40.518
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that how could that look?
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[SPEAKER_01]: So it's something for you.
38:42.239 --> 38:47.851
[SPEAKER_01]: And so we're ramping up on 551's here, and we're just getting started.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Right, yeah?
38:48.252 --> 38:49.133
[SPEAKER_01]: That's right.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So embrace, different, embrace, be, and cure.