Jack McBrayer

WEBVTT
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The Irish Rail has a website on the TFI website.
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Delicious beef ragout for dinner because you can't keep up
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with all the group chats. Spicy beef burrito for lunch
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because you deserve it. Mouth-watering beef stir-fry because you hit
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reply all by accident. Beef because you deserve a tasty,
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nutritious meal you can feel good about any day of
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the week. And every time you choose beef with the
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Bored Be A Quality mark, you're making a real difference
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to those who produce it.
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Make your mark.
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Always choose beef with the Bored Be A Quality mark.
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Hi, my name is Jack McBrayer. And I feel honored
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about being Conan O'Brien's friend.
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Fall is here, hear the yell. Back to school, ring
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the bell.
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Brand new shoes, walking blues.
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Climb the fence, books and pens. I can tell that
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we are gonna be friends. I can tell that we
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are gonna be friends. Hello there. Welcome to Conan O'Brien
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Needs a Friend. As always, join my good pals. That's
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not a real sentence. I said, join my, join my
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good pals. This is stroke prevention week. If you think
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you're having a stroke, immediately chew some aspirin and then
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operate on your own head with a knitting needle. I'm
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here with Matt Gourley. Hi. And I'm here with Sonam Obsessian. Hello.
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Now I can feel my face again. I want to
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mention someone who I believe we brought him into the
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conversation before, but he's one of the unsung heroes here, Eduardo. Eduardo.
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Yes.
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You do a wonderful job. Thank you, sir. As do you.
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You're on thin ice with me, Eduardo. Oh, my God.
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What is your exact title, Eduardo? Audio engineer for simple terms. Production,
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audio engineer, whatever you want to call it. So Eduardo
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and I get along fine. He's very good at what
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he does, and he did a brilliant job setting up.
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this new podcast studio that we have, and we are
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indebted to you, sir. But you and I have run
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afoul of one another.
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We have.
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Because I guess you're a music fan, and you started,
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in my opinion, aggressively choosing the music that would be
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playing even before we start recording. So I would come in,
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and you made some strong choices early on. I played some,
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I think you called it aggressive jazz when I first.
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I came in here, and it was scootily-oot-doot-doot jazz, you know?
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Scatting jazz, kind of?
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It was that kind of jazz. And you, I didn't
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know if you were running an after hours club. You
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offered me a brandy.
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That's right.
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You said have a seat, daddy-o.
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Sounds pretty good. I underestimated your level of coolness.
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Oh.
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Anywho, Eduardo, I came in and I said, what's with
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the music? And it's interesting. I think a lot of
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people in your position probably at that point would have
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killed all music. But no, you kept swinging for the fences.
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And every time I come in, there's new genres playing,
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new tunes. And today I came in, you had the
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Killers blaring. That's right.
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Which, should I admit that you thought it was Maroon 5?
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Not to, you know, throw you under the bus, but.
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You did, though. You just did. I appreciate it. But
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I did say, I mean, I didn't have any idea
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who it was.
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Right.
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But I just said, hey, let's, you know, let's can
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it with the Maroon 5. I wasn't trying to actually
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identify them as Maroon 5, but it's just all music
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in general. I'm not ready to hear music when I
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come in here. I think that might be it.
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I have.
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To be honest, I'm enraged right now.
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And I'm going to tell you why.
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It's because earlier you guys were having an exchange and
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Eduardo was telling you how to position your mic. And
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you're like, thank you, Eduardo. And then that was it.
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And then there was no bit afterwards. And then now
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the only gripe you have with him is is music.
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You told people I was a vampire for like the
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first two years that I knew you. I honestly thought
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you were. That wasn't me doing a.
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I honestly thought that you drank the blood of the living,
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that you slept mostly during the day, that you had
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to be covered in the native soil of Armenia before...
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These were things I thought were true. Well, we've moved
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on from that.
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But my thing is, your whole thing now with Eduardo
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is that he plays music you don't like?
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I'm enraged. I'm so angry. Well, first of all, Eduardo
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is very accomplished at what he does. Yes. And does
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a very good job. You famously, and you've written a
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book about... how you're terrible at what you do. I
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think it's called World's Worst Assistant. That was your title,
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not mine, by Sonam Ossessian. I appreciate the plug, but this,
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you need a better, you need, you need to shit
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on Eduardo.
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Yeah, I think it's time.
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I'm upset. No, no, first of all. You shit on
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all of us. You shit on Adam, you shit on Blay,
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you shit on Matt, you shit on- I'm just gonna be,
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I'm gonna be really honest with you. Eduardo is very knowledgeable.
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He's very skilled. He's a good looking fella. I come
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in here, he's just killing it day in, day out.
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And so other than him playing music loudly whenever I
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come into the studio, which you know, isn't my favorite thing.
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I have no gripe with Eduardo. Eduardo is, we're lucky
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to have him. But you don't need gripe. And I
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can't say that about you.
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But you don't need gripes.
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You don't need gripes.
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You make fun of his tweed. And you make fun
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of Adam with his Rolls Royce. And you just make
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fun of Blay.
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Just in general.
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Matt Gourley is a legitimately comical character. You know, he
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comes in here.
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You are.
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You have your stuff that you just bought on eBay.
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Doubling down. Wearing a gray t-shirt. That weird birdhouse you
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got on Etsy. You're just a- Gray Hanes t-shirt. Right, right.
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You dress defensively now because the first couple of times
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you showed up, when I first met him, he was
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wearing a Sherlock Holmes deerstalker cap that he got on Etsy.
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Why are you laughing? Yes, it's true. Why are you laughing, Vlad?
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It's true.
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Do you want to do this? He smokes a kooky pipe.
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He's turning us against each other. Do you see that?
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You see that?
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Aren't you angry there's nothing mean about Eduardo?
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Eduardo is just... What are you going to say? Back
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me up on this. You shut up, you motherfucker. My God.
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You know what I love? You just read that swear
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off on the card you wrote. Because you've been practicing
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that to seem less gory-ish so hard. No. You mitherfacker.
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Go ride a dick car, you stupid Scrooge.
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You're a big fuzz dick. Straight on weirdo. It's so weird.
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He just can't do it. It's weird. He can't do it.
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It's coming off a little weird. You can't do it.
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Go lose a tooth.
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Yeah.
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Strong sibling energy from Soda, right? As somebody who has
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two older sisters.
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Yes.
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And I have one specifically who would always tell my
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mom or dad, hey, why are you yelling at me?
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Yes.
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Yell at him. Same. But see, anyone listening right now
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is like, man, I could listen to Eduardo all day,
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you know? And we've done studies that show that Soda,
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when you start talking, people turn the radio way down.
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Oh, okay.
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Just because of the volume. The radio. The volume. When
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people listen to this and they gather around the Philco
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and they've come in and they're wearing their bib overalls
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because they've been toiling all day in the field and
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it's time to listen to the Conrad O'Brien Podcast Hour
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on the old Philco.
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It's time to take a little paper cup of pills
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and start the show.
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There's nothing to fear but fear itself.
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Okay.
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And now this program brought to you by corn cob cookies.
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Drink your Geritol.
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Now made with real corn cob.
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Let's go.
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So angry.
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All right.
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Well, anyway, you're the best, Eduardo. And this sounds beautiful
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because of you.
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Thank you. Nicely done.
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You don't even know.
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You don't even listen.
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I can't listen to this crap. We got things to do.
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This is absolute shit.
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My guest today, right from corncob into this, my guest
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today played Kenneth the Page on the NBC series 30 Rock.
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He's also appeared in countless sketches on my show over
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the years. He sure has. He played some kind of
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farmer in every one. Now you can see him in
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the Apple TV Plus series, Hello Jack, The Kindness Show.
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I am very excited to chat with my old buddy today,
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Jack McBrayer, welcome. You and I have a very odd relationship,
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and I want to clue the listeners in. I want
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to say I met you in, was it 95, 96?
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2002.
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You're way off. Who am I thinking of? Who am
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I thinking of? You're looking at me.
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I didn't know you then.
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I thought I knew you a lot longer than that.
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No, a bunch of the Chicago writers had come to
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your late night show back in the 90s, but I'd
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never even been to New York until 2002.
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You first arrived in New York City in 2002.
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Yeah.
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Okay. I didn't do any research for this.
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No, no.
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You are, which guy is he? That's Jack McBrayer. Oh,
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Jack McBrayer. Jack.
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I just said it. Okay.
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A lot of people say they're Jack McBrayer. Who? This guy,
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Jack McBrayer.
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Touche.
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I've known you since, let's say, 2002. You come to
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New York. That's still a long time. Not as long
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as I thought I knew you. I really thought I
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knew you since 95, but that's clearly someone else I'm
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thinking of. But that's a long time. And I don't think,
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and I'm being honest here, that you and I have
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ever had a long, real conversation.
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You might be right.
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Yeah.
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Now, what do you think the problem is? You.
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Yeah, it's not him.
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Yeah.
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100%.
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Well, hold on, let's.
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Get to something straight. First of all, I'll describe what
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I do, which is- Abuse. Hold on.
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Let me just- Sorry.
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Let me get to this particular type of abuse, because
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it's important to be clear.
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Okay.
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Jack, I always, we go into, I go into schtick,
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where you are the country rube. and I am the
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cruel city slicker. And we've been doing this since I
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met you. You've been to my house many times.
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Yes.
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Invited. Yeah. I know. I know.
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And we've spent hours and hours together. I'm never real.
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And part of the problem, and I just want to
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say this to Matt and Sona, is that he is
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so good at playing his part.
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Yes.
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You always go into, sir, I did Well, please, sir,
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you are wrong, sir. And that keeps me going. You
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have to admit that you.
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That's victim blaming. Yes.
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Yeah.
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That is victim blaming.
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Well, that's your contribution to that argument? Jesus. That is
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victim blaming. I don't know what law school you went to.
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Repeat with emphasis law. I have to tell you- Excuse me?
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They said, ugh. Thank you. And I agree. He repeated
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with emphasis.
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There you go.
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So we've known each other a long time, and this
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is the kind of stuff that we do.
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It's fun.
250
00:11:12.179 --> 00:11:17.080
And I ran into mutual friend, Mr. Jon Hamm, just
251
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the other day. And what did we talk about?
252
00:11:18.820 --> 00:11:19.320
You.
253
00:11:19.720 --> 00:11:22.980
Yes, about the time you came backstage at one of
254
00:11:23.019 --> 00:11:23.580
my shows.
255
00:11:23.779 --> 00:11:23.980
Yes.
256
00:11:24.220 --> 00:11:27.320
And I had a guitar on, strapped on, and I
257
00:11:27.360 --> 00:11:30.899
was doing my, way, way, way, it's Jack McBrayer schtick.
258
00:11:31.590 --> 00:11:34.389
And you were saying, sir, please, sir, no, sir. And
259
00:11:34.429 --> 00:11:40.340
then I started to play dueling banjos theme, on the guitar,
260
00:11:40.500 --> 00:11:45.500
and you started to clog dance against your will. And Jack,
261
00:11:45.679 --> 00:11:47.620
and we were, what's that?
262
00:11:47.879 --> 00:11:48.220
John Hamm.
263
00:11:48.340 --> 00:11:52.509
Yeah, John Hamm was chuckling about that memory. I remember
264
00:11:53.409 --> 00:11:56.649
that because it showed up in a documentary, a critic
265
00:11:57.049 --> 00:12:00.750
acting is for the New York Times saying, this is terrible, Conan, it's,
266
00:12:01.139 --> 00:12:03.820
His cruel side came out and he forced Jack to dance,
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00:12:05.000 --> 00:12:07.370
as if you have no control over what you do
268
00:12:07.409 --> 00:12:10.590
when someone plays dueling banjos. But that has been our dynamic.
269
00:12:10.690 --> 00:12:10.950
Yes?
270
00:12:11.309 --> 00:12:13.169
I don't know. I did feel bullied there.
271
00:12:13.429 --> 00:12:16.059
Oh, yes!
272
00:12:16.830 --> 00:12:21.789
But listen, I don't. Nice. I am here to try
273
00:12:21.830 --> 00:12:24.049
and have a real conversation with you. Get to the
274
00:12:24.110 --> 00:12:29.090
real Jack McBrayer, not any of our old shenanigans where
275
00:12:29.230 --> 00:12:31.509
I role play. So let's go through. I do have
276
00:12:31.570 --> 00:12:34.269
research on the real you. That's true.
277
00:12:34.549 --> 00:12:34.830
I do.
278
00:12:35.450 --> 00:12:38.509
You were born in Corn Cob, Georgia. Okay.
279
00:12:38.610 --> 00:12:40.850
Jesus. Thank you for having me. This was a lot
280
00:12:40.889 --> 00:12:41.090
of fun.
281
00:12:42.340 --> 00:12:44.100
Your father is a tractor.
282
00:12:44.399 --> 00:12:45.480
My father's a tractor.
283
00:12:45.620 --> 00:12:45.840
Yeah.
284
00:12:45.899 --> 00:12:49.340
Like an inanimate tractor. Your mother is a corn silo.
285
00:12:50.179 --> 00:12:50.620
None of this.
286
00:12:50.820 --> 00:12:52.539
When you first came to the big city, it was
287
00:12:52.620 --> 00:12:53.360
on that bus.
288
00:12:53.879 --> 00:12:54.279
That bus?
289
00:12:54.299 --> 00:12:58.139
And you had a cardboard suitcase. When you disembarked in
290
00:12:58.240 --> 00:13:00.700
New York, did you or did you not step off
291
00:13:00.720 --> 00:13:04.860
the bus and go, garsh, they sure made these buildings
292
00:13:05.000 --> 00:13:05.759
real tall.
293
00:13:06.019 --> 00:13:07.379
Where did you research this?
294
00:13:08.019 --> 00:13:10.940
You called an elevator a moving room for six years.
295
00:13:12.450 --> 00:13:13.379
And I did find my way out.
296
00:13:13.429 --> 00:13:16.710
They changed all the furniture around between the time I
297
00:13:16.750 --> 00:13:21.169
got on and I got off. It's completely different. Is
298
00:13:21.210 --> 00:13:25.169
this true? None of this is true. Cardboard suitcase, that's
299
00:13:25.210 --> 00:13:32.090
a box. I think I have the facts on my side.
300
00:13:33.029 --> 00:13:36.539
You refused. to go on 30 Rock for a while
301
00:13:36.600 --> 00:13:40.200
because you were afraid those cameras would capture your spirit.
302
00:13:40.279 --> 00:13:40.659
Nah.
303
00:13:40.860 --> 00:13:42.700
True or false? Way false.
304
00:13:43.059 --> 00:13:44.440
Extremely false.
305
00:13:44.740 --> 00:13:46.259
You said to Tina Fey, and this is a quote,
306
00:13:46.399 --> 00:13:47.899
I'm going to want my spirit back.
307
00:13:48.139 --> 00:13:48.980
No, no.
308
00:13:49.580 --> 00:13:50.379
The opposite.
309
00:13:50.399 --> 00:13:51.340
No. No.
310
00:13:53.279 --> 00:13:58.139
No. The car that you drove here in is made
311
00:13:58.179 --> 00:14:04.990
of husks that were woven together. True or false? Very false.
312
00:14:05.049 --> 00:14:07.350
There's not a corn cob car.
313
00:14:09.029 --> 00:14:12.169
Hey, I'm just going to make a sort of symbolic button.
314
00:14:12.230 --> 00:14:14.509
And if anytime you press that, you can tag out
315
00:14:14.549 --> 00:14:15.009
and I'll just.
316
00:14:15.029 --> 00:14:17.200
Go to town. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
317
00:14:17.559 --> 00:14:18.700
Oh, I'm real scared. Yeah.
318
00:14:18.879 --> 00:14:20.980
I'm just going to get brutal. So that's just there
319
00:14:21.039 --> 00:14:21.620
if you need it.
320
00:14:21.799 --> 00:14:22.039
Okay.
321
00:14:22.059 --> 00:14:24.240
If at any point the baby lamb gets scared of
322
00:14:24.259 --> 00:14:27.960
the tiger, he's going to tap out. And the wounded
323
00:14:28.799 --> 00:14:32.690
black cap chickadee is going to leave its nest and
324
00:14:32.730 --> 00:14:37.370
come after me. Unbelievable. But anyway, this is the nonsense
325
00:14:37.399 --> 00:14:43.049
that we engage in. And I want to- Apologize? No,
326
00:14:43.129 --> 00:14:46.470
that's not it. That's not the word I was looking for. Oh,
327
00:14:47.340 --> 00:14:50.460
I want to congratulate you on being such a good
328
00:14:50.500 --> 00:14:52.159
improv partner with me all these years.
329
00:14:52.870 --> 00:14:54.629
You know what? I do have to comment on that.
330
00:14:54.909 --> 00:14:57.950
On paper, this is not good improv. And I'll tell
331
00:14:57.970 --> 00:14:58.549
you why.
332
00:14:58.929 --> 00:15:00.389
Because you deny everything.
333
00:15:00.590 --> 00:15:03.669
I say no to every single thing. I ask questions.
334
00:15:04.149 --> 00:15:06.929
If you transcribe to my conversations, that's bad improv.
335
00:15:06.980 --> 00:15:09.419
You know what's really funny is that all of the, quote,
336
00:15:09.519 --> 00:15:13.200
improv we do is me laying out ridiculous details, you know?
337
00:15:13.779 --> 00:15:17.039
And you are trained. You are Second City trained as
338
00:15:17.080 --> 00:15:20.240
an improviser. You are an excellent improviser. Very funny guy,
339
00:15:20.279 --> 00:15:23.200
very talented. But you break all the improv rules with me,
340
00:15:23.279 --> 00:15:26.559
which is everything I say, you say, no, sir. No, sir,
341
00:15:26.600 --> 00:15:29.679
that is not true, sir. My mother is not a tractor, sir.
342
00:15:30.259 --> 00:15:33.519
And then I- I repeat with emphasis? Yeah, yeah. And
343
00:15:33.559 --> 00:15:37.120
then I keep going and you say, well, I don't
344
00:15:37.179 --> 00:15:41.350
like this at all. You deny all the information on that,
345
00:15:41.389 --> 00:15:43.870
which is- The worst thing you can do in improv,
346
00:15:43.929 --> 00:15:47.669
but when you do it, it's so funny. And I remember,
347
00:15:47.830 --> 00:15:50.629
I've talked about this before with you many times, but
348
00:15:50.950 --> 00:15:53.269
you did 60, I didn't realize it was so many,
349
00:15:53.269 --> 00:15:56.230
60 different bits for me on Late Night. Wow. Long
350
00:15:56.269 --> 00:15:59.039
before you got 30 Rock, you would come on the
351
00:15:59.059 --> 00:16:00.740
show and you would do bits on Late Night for
352
00:16:00.759 --> 00:16:03.480
us and you were always hilarious, usually playing a certain part,
353
00:16:03.820 --> 00:16:04.379
let's say.
354
00:16:04.399 --> 00:16:05.320
Yeah, laughs.
355
00:16:05.600 --> 00:16:08.120
Yeah, well, no, honestly, you were usually the kid in
356
00:16:08.179 --> 00:16:12.990
overalls who said, gosh, um... you know, but it's okay.
357
00:16:13.230 --> 00:16:14.960
Or you had a milk pail or whatever. You were
358
00:16:14.980 --> 00:16:19.840
looking for your blueberries. But it's true. That's what we
359
00:16:19.879 --> 00:16:22.039
used to cast you in because that's kind of what
360
00:16:22.080 --> 00:16:25.539
you play. And not that you're limited to that, but
361
00:16:25.580 --> 00:16:29.730
that's what your abilities will let you play. And so, wait,
362
00:16:29.750 --> 00:16:32.309
you are, that means you're limited. Okay.
363
00:16:32.350 --> 00:16:34.110
Well, what note was that?
364
00:16:34.250 --> 00:16:38.149
What are you? But I used to do my thing.
365
00:16:38.169 --> 00:16:40.950
You'd come through the doors and I'd be like, well, well, Jack. And,
366
00:16:41.580 --> 00:16:44.639
This was at rehearsal and you would say, sir, please, sir.
367
00:16:44.759 --> 00:16:45.120
No, sir.
368
00:16:45.519 --> 00:16:47.279
Sir, I do not like what you're saying, sir.
369
00:16:47.470 --> 00:16:48.590
I do not smell like hay.
370
00:16:48.769 --> 00:16:50.710
I do not smell like hay. Sam, I am. I
371
00:16:51.110 --> 00:16:53.250
do not like these green eggs and ham. And then
372
00:16:53.789 --> 00:16:55.789
the crew once came and talked to me and said,
373
00:16:56.210 --> 00:16:58.830
you know, you were real tough on Jack. I said, what?
374
00:16:59.570 --> 00:17:00.009
Do you really?
375
00:17:00.029 --> 00:17:02.190
They said, Jack.
376
00:17:02.580 --> 00:17:04.660
You're nice to everybody. But when Jack comes by, you
377
00:17:04.680 --> 00:17:07.839
start smelling the air and saying that you detect the
378
00:17:07.880 --> 00:17:11.420
slight aroma of- Wet manure. Wet manure.
379
00:17:11.549 --> 00:17:12.640
Hey. Hey.
380
00:17:13.470 --> 00:17:15.769
You always ask where my mule is, where I park it.
381
00:17:15.930 --> 00:17:19.869
And I'd always do this over-the-top voice like, now, wee, wee, wee,
382
00:17:19.890 --> 00:17:22.970
if it isn't Jack McBrayer. And the crew really thought
383
00:17:23.299 --> 00:17:28.339
that I had suddenly become this over-the-top city slicker and
384
00:17:28.380 --> 00:17:31.240
that you were indignant that I thought you had a mule.
385
00:17:31.559 --> 00:17:33.700
I have to admit, it made me laugh. that made
386
00:17:33.740 --> 00:17:36.160
me laugh more than anybody. But here's what was funniest
387
00:17:36.180 --> 00:17:38.420
to me is, you know, there was a job to
388
00:17:38.460 --> 00:17:40.500
be done. And so you'd walk in and I know
389
00:17:40.539 --> 00:17:44.119
you'd like catch me in the periphery that I was there.
390
00:17:44.220 --> 00:17:45.500
And so you wouldn't even look at me. You just
391
00:17:45.539 --> 00:17:46.000
start going.
392
00:17:46.799 --> 00:17:47.019
Yes.
393
00:17:47.200 --> 00:17:49.509
As like writers were coming up to you, like asking
394
00:17:49.549 --> 00:17:53.630
for notes and stuff. You would like hold production to
395
00:17:53.750 --> 00:17:54.309
mock me.
396
00:17:54.789 --> 00:17:56.869
Now you have to admit my commitment to the bit
397
00:17:57.009 --> 00:17:57.750
is extraordinary.
398
00:17:57.950 --> 00:18:03.069
I mean, yeah. To the, You've ruined relationships with people.
399
00:18:04.750 --> 00:18:06.990
No, I actually was thinking about it today. God forbid
400
00:18:07.059 --> 00:18:11.779
something happened to you or something happened to me. One
401
00:18:11.799 --> 00:18:14.440
of us would go to the other's memorial and people
402
00:18:14.460 --> 00:18:15.779
would say, what did this person mean? You'd go like,
403
00:18:15.859 --> 00:18:20.380
I never talked to him. All I did was berate
404
00:18:20.400 --> 00:18:24.160
him as a city slicker from a cartoon. And all
405
00:18:24.200 --> 00:18:27.720
he did was defend himself as like an animated character.
406
00:18:28.210 --> 00:18:32.150
Corn Cobb, who was standing up for his rights. But seriously,
407
00:18:32.230 --> 00:18:34.410
we both live in a cartoon reality a little bit.
408
00:18:34.450 --> 00:18:38.089
That's true. And that's okay.
409
00:18:38.150 --> 00:18:41.180
I don't think it is. Let's talk about the real you,
410
00:18:41.200 --> 00:18:43.279
because I do want to get to know you after,
411
00:18:44.220 --> 00:18:48.839
God knows, 20 years of me behaving like an ass
412
00:18:49.240 --> 00:18:51.940
and you enabling it. by not sticking up for yourself.
413
00:18:52.299 --> 00:18:54.220
So again, your fault, victim blaming.
414
00:18:55.200 --> 00:18:56.640
Surviving.
415
00:18:59.549 --> 00:19:01.329
Born and raised in Conyers, Georgia.
416
00:19:01.829 --> 00:19:03.869
Born in Macon, Georgia, which is right in the middle
417
00:19:03.890 --> 00:19:06.170
of Georgia. When I was 15, I moved to Conyers, Georgia.
418
00:19:06.269 --> 00:19:09.529
Okay, and Conyers, I've been to Macon. I bought a
419
00:19:09.589 --> 00:19:11.849
bumper sticker that said, I'm making it in Macon.
420
00:19:12.490 --> 00:19:14.759
Oh, okay.
421
00:19:14.980 --> 00:19:16.420
I did, I did.
422
00:19:18.680 --> 00:19:21.849
I'm pretty proud of myself. I did go to Macon, Georgia.
423
00:19:22.430 --> 00:19:25.809
I'm guessing Conyers is smaller and not as bustling as Macon.
424
00:19:26.309 --> 00:19:26.950
That is correct.
425
00:19:27.289 --> 00:19:27.609
Okay.
426
00:19:27.750 --> 00:19:30.170
That is correct. Okay. But it's closer to Atlanta.
427
00:19:30.349 --> 00:19:30.529
Okay.
428
00:19:30.549 --> 00:19:32.369
Let me take you through this. This is going to
429
00:19:32.390 --> 00:19:33.930
be a painless procedure where we get to know each
430
00:19:33.950 --> 00:19:37.279
other and then we'll get back to our shtick. Yeah.
431
00:19:37.740 --> 00:19:38.960
You were interested in comedy always?
432
00:19:39.640 --> 00:19:42.440
I was interested in it, but I didn't know anything
433
00:19:42.460 --> 00:19:45.559
about performing it because, you know, in Georgia, there was
434
00:19:45.599 --> 00:19:46.680
no frame of reference for it.
435
00:19:47.180 --> 00:19:49.970
So there was no, you know, There was no doing improv.
436
00:19:50.309 --> 00:19:53.829
with the local kids or anything like that. There was just....
437
00:19:56.230 --> 00:19:58.390
No, I would do like, you know, bits with my
438
00:19:58.430 --> 00:20:02.420
friends and stuff, but on a very unofficial capacity.
439
00:20:05.059 --> 00:20:08.500
So when did you know? In high school, were you
440
00:20:08.519 --> 00:20:09.220
in plays?
441
00:20:09.420 --> 00:20:09.619
Yes.
442
00:20:09.859 --> 00:20:13.009
So in Conyers, so 15, 16, 17, I would do
443
00:20:13.049 --> 00:20:15.390
the plays in high school. And I was often the
444
00:20:15.490 --> 00:20:18.509
comic relief, which was super fun. I guess I got
445
00:20:18.569 --> 00:20:21.140
bit by the bug then. Mm-hmm. But when it was
446
00:20:21.180 --> 00:20:23.359
time to go to college, I was like, well, I
447
00:20:23.359 --> 00:20:24.900
don't know if I can make a career out of
448
00:20:24.940 --> 00:20:26.539
this because I never knew anybody who could make a
449
00:20:26.579 --> 00:20:28.720
career out of it. So when I went off to
450
00:20:28.769 --> 00:20:31.369
college in Indiana, I just studied a program so I
451
00:20:31.390 --> 00:20:33.789
could be part of the theater department. But I was
452
00:20:33.809 --> 00:20:35.650
getting some business courses and all that kind of stuff.
453
00:20:35.730 --> 00:20:37.789
It was a BS in theater management.
454
00:20:38.190 --> 00:20:39.210
Do you know how to manage a theater?
455
00:20:39.690 --> 00:20:40.150
I do.
456
00:20:40.390 --> 00:20:40.970
I don't want to.
457
00:20:43.359 --> 00:20:44.420
You kind of have to now.
458
00:20:44.640 --> 00:20:46.539
No. Well, no, that's not how this works.
459
00:20:47.299 --> 00:20:47.700
What do you mean?
460
00:20:47.940 --> 00:20:51.250
No, just whatever you study doesn't like. set your path
461
00:20:51.289 --> 00:20:51.630
for life.
462
00:20:51.650 --> 00:20:55.109
Eventually, yeah. You've had your success. Now it's time to
463
00:20:55.150 --> 00:20:56.009
go manage a theater.
464
00:20:56.170 --> 00:20:59.430
I don't think that's, that's not right. That doesn't even
465
00:20:59.450 --> 00:21:00.259
make sense.
466
00:21:00.279 --> 00:21:02.140
You've had a good run. You've had a lot of success.
467
00:21:02.160 --> 00:21:03.059
What did you study in college?
468
00:21:03.480 --> 00:21:07.420
History and literature of American South. You know, I studied South.
469
00:21:07.440 --> 00:21:08.819
Dig up bones or whatever that means.
470
00:21:09.960 --> 00:21:14.460
Dig up bones? I read Faulkner and Flannery O'Connor. I
471
00:21:14.500 --> 00:21:18.480
studied the modernists. I think I didn't dig up bones.
472
00:21:18.609 --> 00:21:19.160
I don't know.
473
00:21:19.180 --> 00:21:20.970
Well, stop yelling at me and go do.
474
00:21:20.869 --> 00:21:23.930
More of that. That was not yelling. That was me
475
00:21:24.049 --> 00:21:26.329
speaking in a normal tone of voice with a slight
476
00:21:26.390 --> 00:21:28.470
edge to it because you're enraging me.
477
00:21:28.829 --> 00:21:31.579
Okay. I would like to leave, and you have to
478
00:21:31.640 --> 00:21:33.920
honor that. This is false imprisonment.
479
00:21:36.160 --> 00:21:37.900
I just want to point out to the listener that
480
00:21:38.079 --> 00:21:41.140
while we've been talking, Jack has been buttering the microphone.
481
00:21:41.769 --> 00:21:44.009
to chomp it like an ear of corn. True or false?
482
00:21:44.130 --> 00:21:44.869
Very false.
483
00:21:45.089 --> 00:21:47.910
Okay. Just saying. Also there are cameras.
484
00:21:48.210 --> 00:21:50.940
There's video evidence that I did not do that.
485
00:21:50.980 --> 00:21:52.579
He forgot there were cameras.
486
00:21:52.640 --> 00:21:53.960
He forgot there were cameras.
487
00:21:53.980 --> 00:21:55.980
Butter a microphone. Because you wanted to take a good
488
00:21:56.019 --> 00:21:57.339
old chomp out of it. That's why.
489
00:21:57.359 --> 00:21:58.740
Have a sip of my tea.
490
00:21:59.180 --> 00:22:01.509
That's not tea. I think it is. By the way,
491
00:22:01.519 --> 00:22:03.240
I'm going to get a plug out for your favorite drink.
492
00:22:03.279 --> 00:22:05.579
And everyone who knows Jack knows that his favorite drink
493
00:22:05.880 --> 00:22:10.710
is Mountain Dew. And it is a... I'm going to
494
00:22:10.730 --> 00:22:15.150
say it's a radioactive yellow. Doesn't that look like- Like
495
00:22:15.170 --> 00:22:18.420
something in a fusion reactor. Yes, exactly. And that is
496
00:22:18.460 --> 00:22:20.220
the drink that you must have. Is that true?
497
00:22:20.359 --> 00:22:22.259
I mean, not must have it.
498
00:22:22.259 --> 00:22:24.440
Well, it's in your rider. We have been told at
499
00:22:24.480 --> 00:22:26.339
times when we have done work together that you would
500
00:22:26.359 --> 00:22:27.519
like Mountain Dew there.
501
00:22:27.839 --> 00:22:28.119
Okay.
502
00:22:28.259 --> 00:22:29.039
True or false?
503
00:22:29.779 --> 00:22:32.440
See, I don't like this grilling, but here's the thing.
504
00:22:32.539 --> 00:22:35.509
I don't drink coffee. And so I'd need caffeine. Yeah.
505
00:22:35.900 --> 00:22:36.849
And so Mountain Dew.
506
00:22:36.920 --> 00:22:40.069
Best way to get it is through this radioactive yellow drink. Okay, look.
507
00:22:40.329 --> 00:22:51.670
Mountain Dew. Nature. This is good. It's all natural.
508
00:22:51.769 --> 00:22:52.329
Oh, man.
509
00:22:52.410 --> 00:22:56.890
It looks like the Hulk's urine, doesn't it? Again, natural.
510
00:22:56.950 --> 00:22:58.359
Bombarded with gamma rays.
511
00:22:59.019 --> 00:23:00.859
We're never going to get a sponsorship from them.
512
00:23:01.240 --> 00:23:02.099
No, I don't think so.
513
00:23:02.740 --> 00:23:06.500
Every day, you make around 35,000 choices. What to wear?
514
00:23:06.779 --> 00:23:09.700
Toast or cereal? One more episode or time for bed?
515
00:23:10.319 --> 00:23:12.140
The last thing you need is to stress over your
516
00:23:12.180 --> 00:23:15.440
car insurance. That's where Corn Market comes in. We make
517
00:23:15.460 --> 00:23:18.460
choosing your car insurance simple. We do all the hard
518
00:23:18.500 --> 00:23:20.480
work so you don't have to spend your time comparing
519
00:23:20.609 --> 00:23:24.549
endless quotes. Call us today and save up to € 200
520
00:23:23.930 --> 00:23:24.809
off your car insurance.
521
00:23:25.319 --> 00:23:25.500
Oh, yeah.
522
00:23:46.180 --> 00:23:49.779
This ad, it belongs right here on your radio because
523
00:23:49.799 --> 00:23:52.220
when something is in the right place, it reaches its
524
00:23:52.240 --> 00:23:55.849
full potential. That's why at Amgen, a world leader in
525
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independent biotech innovation and human therapeutics, we believe in a
526
00:24:00.269 --> 00:24:03.609
culture of belonging. Whether you're looking to kickstart your career
527
00:24:03.829 --> 00:24:06.329
or are ready for your next opportunity, you have a
528
00:24:06.390 --> 00:24:10.630
place here. By fostering an environment that values learning, collaboration
529
00:24:10.799 --> 00:24:13.920
and purpose, we empower people to take charge of their
530
00:24:13.960 --> 00:24:20.559
journeys to live, win and thrive visit careers.amgen.com and find
531
00:24:20.619 --> 00:24:22.019
where you belong.
532
00:24:27.420 --> 00:24:29.160
Okay now you worked for a factory in a time
533
00:24:29.200 --> 00:24:30.880
did you know what factory was it.
534
00:24:31.089 --> 00:24:34.130
It was called cafco pool manufacturing and what we did
535
00:24:34.170 --> 00:24:37.589
is we uh took the vinyl swimming pool liners that
536
00:24:37.609 --> 00:24:39.190
go in the bottom of your swimming pool and you
537
00:24:39.210 --> 00:24:41.730
know those big sheets of plastic that we would then
538
00:24:41.750 --> 00:24:43.589
uh weld together with this.
539
00:24:43.730 --> 00:24:43.869
Okay.
540
00:24:43.890 --> 00:24:44.990
That sounds like a tough job.
541
00:24:45.170 --> 00:24:46.710
It was not easy or fun.
542
00:24:46.829 --> 00:24:48.829
And there's probably a lot of fumes and stuff, right?
543
00:24:48.890 --> 00:24:49.289
Yeah.
544
00:24:49.549 --> 00:24:52.470
I mean, God knows what happened to you there. You're
545
00:24:52.490 --> 00:24:56.650
working in an enclosed space with this strange chemicals.
546
00:24:56.970 --> 00:24:57.250
Okay.
547
00:24:57.670 --> 00:24:57.970
Yeah.
548
00:24:58.230 --> 00:25:02.200
It was fine. It was big and open, like those
549
00:25:02.259 --> 00:25:04.859
big garage doors that were open. So we got ventilation.
550
00:25:05.279 --> 00:25:07.160
It was real hot. It was summertime in Georgia.
551
00:25:07.240 --> 00:25:07.460
Yes.
552
00:25:07.619 --> 00:25:12.069
And so un-air-conditioned. But yeah, probably not the best.
553
00:25:12.109 --> 00:25:15.049
Because I've seen footage of you before you worked. You
554
00:25:15.069 --> 00:25:19.150
did not have a Southern accent. He did. He sounded
555
00:25:19.210 --> 00:25:20.190
like Winston Churchill.
556
00:25:20.390 --> 00:25:23.180
What happened to you just talking to him like you said,
557
00:25:23.240 --> 00:25:23.920
like normally?
558
00:25:23.960 --> 00:25:26.839
You're right. I get back to that. So you worked
559
00:25:26.960 --> 00:25:29.480
in this factory, a lot of fumes. We don't know
560
00:25:29.500 --> 00:25:31.339
what happened to you, but- I'm fine.
561
00:25:32.140 --> 00:25:32.819
Okay.
562
00:25:34.150 --> 00:25:35.809
And then you also worked at an Applebee's, right?
563
00:25:36.009 --> 00:25:37.869
I did. And in between there, it was a Poe Folks.
564
00:25:38.089 --> 00:25:40.750
What's a Poe Folks? It's a restaurant. It's home-style cooking.
565
00:25:40.950 --> 00:25:44.539
It just means fried food. It was real good.
566
00:25:45.259 --> 00:25:47.799
Was it Poe after poor boy, like Poe Boy, or
567
00:25:48.119 --> 00:25:49.200
Poe after poor?
568
00:25:49.859 --> 00:25:52.180
I think it was Poe after poor. But that does
569
00:25:52.200 --> 00:25:55.779
beg the question. Poe Boy would probably be poor, right? Yeah.
570
00:25:56.039 --> 00:25:57.509
So yeah, I think it's the same thing. But yeah,
571
00:25:57.549 --> 00:26:00.890
so I went from factory to restaurant to showbiz.
572
00:26:00.910 --> 00:26:01.170
Yeah.
573
00:26:03.059 --> 00:26:04.819
Well, let's get to the part that I think most
574
00:26:04.839 --> 00:26:06.470
people are going to be interested in. I don't know
575
00:26:06.809 --> 00:26:09.130
my listeners that well, but I'm assuming they want to
576
00:26:09.170 --> 00:26:15.049
hear more about you pressing pieces of vinyl together in
577
00:26:15.089 --> 00:26:15.950
an enclosed space.
578
00:26:16.470 --> 00:26:18.119
I mean, it was a factory job.
579
00:26:18.339 --> 00:26:18.700
Yeah.
580
00:26:18.799 --> 00:26:20.460
I was 18. You were 18.
581
00:26:20.460 --> 00:26:22.740
It's an honest living. It was. You go on, you
582
00:26:22.759 --> 00:26:27.640
get your education, learn your letters and such. Then you go,
583
00:26:27.759 --> 00:26:28.160
excuse me.
584
00:26:28.339 --> 00:26:28.710
Excuse me.
585
00:26:30.180 --> 00:26:30.680
Excuse me.
586
00:26:30.920 --> 00:26:31.500
Excuse him.
587
00:26:31.799 --> 00:26:32.599
No, excuse you.
588
00:26:32.619 --> 00:26:34.259
Well, thank you.
589
00:26:34.700 --> 00:26:37.539
That's not insulting to say you learned your letters, is it?
590
00:26:37.599 --> 00:26:40.009
At age 18?
591
00:26:40.009 --> 00:26:42.890
I'm proud of you for having the courage to realize
592
00:26:42.930 --> 00:26:44.970
you had a limitation and you passed through it.
593
00:26:44.990 --> 00:26:47.710
This is the second time you've mentioned limitations with me.
594
00:26:47.730 --> 00:26:56.400
I'm getting tired of it. There you go, yes.
595
00:26:56.480 --> 00:26:59.740
Sorry. You go to Second City and there you meet,
596
00:27:00.220 --> 00:27:02.539
you hit the sweet spot because tell me who's there
597
00:27:02.579 --> 00:27:03.039
when you're there.
598
00:27:03.259 --> 00:27:05.420
Okay. So the first show I saw at Second City,
599
00:27:05.599 --> 00:27:07.400
I moved there in the summer of 95. I'd just
600
00:27:07.440 --> 00:27:09.539
graduated college. I didn't know what I wanted to do,
601
00:27:09.619 --> 00:27:11.049
but I knew I wanted to go to a big
602
00:27:11.119 --> 00:27:13.690
city that wasn't necessarily Atlanta. You know, I just wanted
603
00:27:13.710 --> 00:27:15.089
to see more of the country, more of the world.
604
00:27:15.650 --> 00:27:18.730
I moved to Chicago. So the summer of 95, there's
605
00:27:18.769 --> 00:27:22.849
this crazy heat wave in Chicago. It killed people. Like
606
00:27:22.849 --> 00:27:26.490
800 people died in Chicago that year. So here I am.
607
00:27:27.059 --> 00:27:28.480
With my cardboard suitcase.
608
00:27:30.099 --> 00:27:31.859
No one to blame but yourself now.
609
00:27:32.299 --> 00:27:32.819
Gosh.
610
00:27:33.069 --> 00:27:33.509
No.
611
00:27:33.880 --> 00:27:36.109
That train's up in the sky.
612
00:27:36.119 --> 00:27:40.650
The elevated train in Chicago. No, I get it. But
613
00:27:41.170 --> 00:27:44.309
so that was my first, you know, taste of life
614
00:27:44.329 --> 00:27:47.309
in the big city. And it was so hot. One
615
00:27:47.329 --> 00:27:49.509
of my roommates was saying like, hey, you know what?
616
00:27:49.869 --> 00:27:53.829
There's a comedy theater downtown. They do free improv after
617
00:27:53.869 --> 00:27:58.329
their show. cheap beer, and it's air conditioned. I was like, sold.
618
00:27:59.029 --> 00:28:02.150
So I went to Second City for one of their
619
00:28:02.190 --> 00:28:05.150
free improv sets. And I'll never forget it. That was
620
00:28:05.210 --> 00:28:06.190
like my bing.
621
00:28:06.390 --> 00:28:07.250
My aha moment.
622
00:28:07.289 --> 00:28:11.029
Exactly, exactly. So it would have been, I think, Adam McKay,
623
00:28:11.269 --> 00:28:17.410
John Glazer, Kevin Dorff, Rachel Dratch, Jenna Jolovitz, and I
624
00:28:17.430 --> 00:28:21.849
think Scott Allman were on stage then. And so that's
625
00:28:21.869 --> 00:28:23.599
when I just fell in love. And it really was
626
00:28:23.630 --> 00:28:25.150
one of those things where I was like, this is
627
00:28:25.190 --> 00:28:27.589
what I do with my friends, just like hanging out.
628
00:28:27.849 --> 00:28:30.869
They're doing this for a job. This whole audience is
629
00:28:31.049 --> 00:28:33.309
eating them up with a spoon. And so I was like,
630
00:28:33.369 --> 00:28:35.259
I want to do this. So I signed up for
631
00:28:35.279 --> 00:28:38.720
the classes and I would just keep going back to shows.
632
00:28:39.140 --> 00:28:41.960
I would see Tina Fey, who joined the main stage,
633
00:28:42.059 --> 00:28:44.700
taking the place of John Glazer. It was just so
634
00:28:44.839 --> 00:28:48.099
fun to see the evolution of these things. And For me,
635
00:28:48.140 --> 00:28:49.650
like the feather in my cap, you know, and of
636
00:28:49.690 --> 00:28:52.430
course going all through all that. But from remembering that
637
00:28:52.549 --> 00:28:56.349
point in 1995 to working my way up and then
638
00:28:56.390 --> 00:28:59.490
being able to work with Adam McKay and being able
639
00:28:59.519 --> 00:29:02.400
to work with John Glazer and Rachel Dratch and Tina
640
00:29:02.440 --> 00:29:04.400
Fey and Kevin Dorff and like all these people who
641
00:29:04.440 --> 00:29:09.529
like inspired me. That's pretty cool. That's it was fun.
642
00:29:09.549 --> 00:29:11.250
And I do not take it for granted.
643
00:29:12.000 --> 00:29:13.859
And then you come to New York. They were the
644
00:29:13.900 --> 00:29:16.339
bridge that got me to you. Yeah, you came to
645
00:29:16.380 --> 00:29:18.759
New York and you started doing stuff for us. And
646
00:29:18.799 --> 00:29:21.579
then it was really fun because for years you did
647
00:29:21.619 --> 00:29:24.700
bits for us. Then you get cast in 30 Rock
648
00:29:25.180 --> 00:29:29.420
and you start coming on as a celebrity, which was,
649
00:29:30.009 --> 00:29:32.130
you know, I mean, just wrong.
650
00:29:32.450 --> 00:29:33.930
Wait, what?
651
00:29:36.990 --> 00:29:39.109
No, no, it was just, it was really cool to
652
00:29:39.130 --> 00:29:41.460
see that happen to you. I'm being, it's no, it's
653
00:29:41.509 --> 00:29:45.150
no fun when I'm sincere, but it's not as funny.
654
00:29:46.730 --> 00:29:48.349
I'll get the sincere shit out of the way, but
655
00:29:48.670 --> 00:29:50.509
it was really nice to see you. You were always
656
00:29:50.529 --> 00:29:54.349
a very talented and funny, sweet guy. And you did
657
00:29:54.369 --> 00:29:56.319
all this great work for us. And then you became
658
00:29:56.519 --> 00:29:58.819
Jack McBrayer and we would have you on as Jack
659
00:29:58.859 --> 00:30:00.619
McBrayer and the crowd would be like, oh my God,
660
00:30:00.720 --> 00:30:01.460
there he is.
661
00:30:01.480 --> 00:30:02.720
Right.
662
00:30:02.940 --> 00:30:06.519
When, you know, you didn't have to be dressed as
663
00:30:06.559 --> 00:30:09.369
a mule or a spinning wheel or anything.
664
00:30:09.440 --> 00:30:10.450
I just chose to.
665
00:30:10.710 --> 00:30:14.430
Yeah, exactly. You still came on as a mule, but
666
00:30:14.450 --> 00:30:18.769
that was your choice. So but you come on and
667
00:30:18.950 --> 00:30:22.519
when Tina approached you to play this page, Kenneth, on
668
00:30:22.539 --> 00:30:24.259
the show on 30 Rock, did you look at the
669
00:30:24.299 --> 00:30:27.480
character and just know exactly how to do it? I did.
670
00:30:27.500 --> 00:30:29.359
And she kind of wrote to you.
671
00:30:29.500 --> 00:30:31.859
She did. And I don't think that's any secret at all.
672
00:30:31.900 --> 00:30:36.700
But Tina, I knew Tina from Chicago Second City days.
673
00:30:37.329 --> 00:30:40.349
Her husband, Jeff Richmond, was my director at Second City.
674
00:30:40.529 --> 00:30:42.769
So I was definitely connected to them and they knew
675
00:30:42.809 --> 00:30:45.480
my work. Um, so when it came time for her
676
00:30:45.509 --> 00:30:47.890
to write the pilot for 30 Rock, they did add
677
00:30:47.930 --> 00:30:50.470
a page and I think it was written towards me.
678
00:30:50.549 --> 00:30:52.150
I still had to audition and everything.
679
00:30:52.250 --> 00:30:55.049
But, um, man, I'm glad. How did you prepare for that?
680
00:30:55.089 --> 00:30:55.490
Did you?
681
00:30:56.009 --> 00:30:59.130
Well, I knew that script backwards and forwards because even
682
00:30:59.150 --> 00:31:01.829
though Tina was really rooting for me, you know, I
683
00:31:01.890 --> 00:31:04.329
still had to prove myself to all the network, the studio,
684
00:31:04.369 --> 00:31:07.130
all that kind of thing. So I got prepared and
685
00:31:07.490 --> 00:31:09.059
I don't know if you know this story. Do you
686
00:31:09.079 --> 00:31:11.339
know the story about when I put myself on tape
687
00:31:11.359 --> 00:31:13.859
for the 30 Rock audition? Mm-hmm. I happened to be
688
00:31:13.880 --> 00:31:16.859
in New York. So this would have been the summer
689
00:31:17.259 --> 00:31:20.420
of 2005. And I happened to be in New York,
690
00:31:21.059 --> 00:31:23.339
I think for an improv festival. Tina got wind that
691
00:31:23.359 --> 00:31:25.180
I was in town. So she was like, hey, I
692
00:31:25.609 --> 00:31:27.650
know you're in town. Will you stop by the NBC
693
00:31:27.690 --> 00:31:31.329
casting people, put yourself on tape for the untitled Tina
694
00:31:31.369 --> 00:31:35.190
Fey pilot? And I was like, yeah. So I knew
695
00:31:35.670 --> 00:31:37.549
because I knew that she had like kind of tailored
696
00:31:37.569 --> 00:31:39.990
it towards me. I needed to crush this. I needed
697
00:31:40.039 --> 00:31:41.759
to knock it out of the park. So besides being
698
00:31:41.799 --> 00:31:43.809
very prepared, I was like, how can I make the
699
00:31:43.869 --> 00:31:48.569
best impression possible? You know, I've actually played a page
700
00:31:49.109 --> 00:31:52.930
on Conan's late night show multiple times. I wonder if,
701
00:31:53.289 --> 00:31:57.279
so I called up y'all's page desk and I got
702
00:31:57.339 --> 00:31:58.299
up there and.
703
00:31:58.200 --> 00:31:59.059
I talked to wardrobe.
704
00:31:59.099 --> 00:32:01.559
I was like, can I borrow just for 20 minutes,
705
00:32:01.839 --> 00:32:04.259
a page uniform? Well, yeah, whatever. So they put me
706
00:32:04.319 --> 00:32:06.779
in there, your hair and your makeup people, like, you know,
707
00:32:07.099 --> 00:32:10.319
gussied me up. And I went upstairs to the whatever floor,
708
00:32:10.559 --> 00:32:13.519
put myself on tape for the unpaid Tina Fey pilot.
709
00:32:13.980 --> 00:32:17.339
And that is the tape that got me through the studio,
710
00:32:17.400 --> 00:32:19.339
through the network. It got me the job. It got
711
00:32:19.369 --> 00:32:19.720
me the job.
712
00:32:20.329 --> 00:32:22.009
Is it fair for me to say that you- No, no, no.
713
00:32:22.029 --> 00:32:22.990
Whatever you're gonna say.
714
00:32:23.029 --> 00:32:23.750
No, no, no.
715
00:32:23.789 --> 00:32:25.890
You used my people. No, no, no.
716
00:32:26.069 --> 00:32:26.519
Absolutely not.
717
00:32:26.529 --> 00:32:28.170
You used my wardrobe. You used my makeup.
718
00:32:28.269 --> 00:32:30.619
Okay, and see, this was supposed to be a nice story,
719
00:32:30.630 --> 00:32:31.819
and here you go.
720
00:32:32.079 --> 00:32:34.960
Well, I just, I'm sure I deserve some percentage.
721
00:32:35.000 --> 00:32:36.619
I'm sure you don't.
722
00:32:36.740 --> 00:32:37.200
Percentage?
723
00:32:37.220 --> 00:32:38.619
That's from my law school.
724
00:32:40.680 --> 00:32:42.339
I did not know that. I did not know that
725
00:32:42.660 --> 00:32:47.240
you had- Stepped on my back to reach this great height.
726
00:32:47.569 --> 00:32:51.589
But whatever, I'm used to it. What else is new?
727
00:32:51.849 --> 00:32:54.849
You play that part. And I remembered, it's so funny,
728
00:32:54.950 --> 00:32:58.000
I occasionally remember, wait a minute, I'm in the early
729
00:32:58.059 --> 00:33:00.460
Three Rocks. I completely forgot.
730
00:33:00.579 --> 00:33:00.940
Yeah.
731
00:33:01.200 --> 00:33:06.609
Because I remembered Tina coming by to shoot a part where... Um,
732
00:33:06.769 --> 00:33:08.509
I think Tracy was on my show.
733
00:33:09.349 --> 00:33:10.269
Tracy does Conan.
734
00:33:10.329 --> 00:33:10.650
Yeah.
735
00:33:10.730 --> 00:33:12.549
And then the sixth episode of the first season.
736
00:33:12.809 --> 00:33:13.109
Yeah.
737
00:33:13.289 --> 00:33:16.329
And then she has, uh, she, I guess we used
738
00:33:16.369 --> 00:33:18.529
to go out was the idea. Correct. I think I,
739
00:33:18.670 --> 00:33:22.970
I was, uh, Tina's, uh, uh, Liz Lemon's old boyfriend.
740
00:33:23.190 --> 00:33:25.930
Correct. Y'all were supposed to lose your virginity to each other.
741
00:33:26.190 --> 00:33:27.009
Yes. Yeah.
742
00:33:27.410 --> 00:33:31.990
And then, which is very plausible. Uh, and then, um,
743
00:33:32.589 --> 00:33:33.940
I did a scene, I remember I had a scene
744
00:33:33.960 --> 00:33:37.509
with Alec Baldwin on the show once. And so I
745
00:33:37.750 --> 00:33:39.910
remembered that was just the very beginning of the show.
746
00:33:39.970 --> 00:33:42.569
And then the show took off. They did not meet me.
747
00:33:44.970 --> 00:33:47.230
You came back, we made many references to you.
748
00:33:47.470 --> 00:33:50.609
Yes, I remembered, I think Tim Conway's character had a
749
00:33:50.630 --> 00:33:53.210
great- Tim Conway makes a reference. He made such a
750
00:33:53.250 --> 00:33:56.049
funny joke, Tim Conway, I think Tim Conway's line was
751
00:33:56.089 --> 00:33:58.970
something like, I saw Conan O'Brien, who is she and
752
00:33:59.009 --> 00:34:00.049
why is she so sad?
753
00:34:02.869 --> 00:34:04.750
I think, honestly, I think it was like, I saw
754
00:34:04.789 --> 00:34:07.450
a tall lesbian with a guitar. Who is Conan and
755
00:34:07.509 --> 00:34:08.269
why is she so sad?
756
00:34:09.349 --> 00:34:16.820
Okay. Better. That's such a great. Saw a tall lesbian
757
00:34:16.880 --> 00:34:23.070
in the hallway. But it makes me very happy. And
758
00:34:23.090 --> 00:34:24.590
I think at the very end, they brought me in
759
00:34:24.650 --> 00:34:27.679
for a thing to sort of tie up the loose ends.
760
00:34:27.739 --> 00:34:30.280
Correct. And we actually had a little bit in that
761
00:34:30.320 --> 00:34:33.199
same episode, Tracy Does Conan, where I'm pretending to be
762
00:34:33.239 --> 00:34:35.659
a guest on your late night show as Kenneth the Page.
763
00:34:36.380 --> 00:34:38.460
And then I start clogging for the audience.
764
00:34:38.579 --> 00:34:39.219
Oh, my God.
765
00:34:39.519 --> 00:34:42.340
And you walk through and say something terrible.
766
00:34:42.940 --> 00:34:45.820
I know. So what happened was we institutionalized this bit
767
00:34:45.860 --> 00:34:50.250
we were doing with each other, became institutionalized. So, yeah.
768
00:34:50.449 --> 00:34:53.750
So you do that and then you start to have,
769
00:34:53.849 --> 00:34:57.409
you branch out and you've had quite some success with, say,
770
00:34:57.449 --> 00:35:00.610
the Wreck-It Ralph. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which led to,
771
00:35:00.639 --> 00:35:03.280
I had a Christmas party once at my house, and
772
00:35:03.300 --> 00:35:04.820
you're always invited to the Christmas party.
773
00:35:04.840 --> 00:35:05.619
It's a fun party.
774
00:35:06.119 --> 00:35:08.679
And you always show up fairly early.
775
00:35:08.699 --> 00:35:09.360
Okay.
776
00:35:09.800 --> 00:35:13.960
And you and one other person are always the last
777
00:35:13.980 --> 00:35:15.039
to leave. Do you know who it is?
778
00:35:15.340 --> 00:35:15.840
Joel McHale?
779
00:35:15.920 --> 00:35:20.980
Yes! You guys do not leave. My wife will go
780
00:35:21.019 --> 00:35:23.500
to bed and do a lot of like fake yawning
781
00:35:23.619 --> 00:35:26.519
and then say, well, time to turn in. The sun's
782
00:35:26.599 --> 00:35:31.440
coming up. And you two will look at each other
783
00:35:31.559 --> 00:35:35.960
and say, hey, Conan, you know, is there any ham left? Seriously.
784
00:35:36.079 --> 00:35:38.179
And then we sit around the table and we eat ham.
785
00:35:38.619 --> 00:35:39.360
With our hands.
786
00:35:39.500 --> 00:35:43.820
With our hands, like monsters. Some of my son's friends
787
00:35:43.840 --> 00:35:45.539
were there and some of my daughter's friends were there
788
00:35:45.639 --> 00:35:47.920
one year. And this girl came up to you. Remember,
789
00:35:47.960 --> 00:35:49.699
I want to say, I won't give her name away
790
00:35:49.719 --> 00:35:51.599
because I think it's unfair when it's a child's involve.
791
00:35:51.989 --> 00:35:54.579
But let's say she's about, nine or 10 years old
792
00:35:54.619 --> 00:35:56.300
at the time. And she walked up to you and
793
00:35:56.320 --> 00:35:58.860
you were standing there dressed very nicely for my Christmas party.
794
00:35:58.889 --> 00:35:59.679
And what did she say to you?
795
00:35:59.949 --> 00:36:01.469
Are you a teenager or a grownup?
796
00:36:01.929 --> 00:36:10.130
And she was serious. She didn't know. And I'm not sure.
797
00:36:10.150 --> 00:36:11.610
None of us are sure.
798
00:36:12.289 --> 00:36:13.909
I didn't, I don't remember.
799
00:36:14.250 --> 00:36:14.829
Well, are you?
800
00:36:15.150 --> 00:36:17.750
Yeah. You know what, somebody called me up, Sean Hayes
801
00:36:17.849 --> 00:36:20.280
once pointed out, he's like, Jack, you look like a
802
00:36:20.380 --> 00:36:23.280
child's drawing of a grown-up.
803
00:36:27.159 --> 00:36:29.659
It's true though, you know, in an eerie way, you
804
00:36:29.719 --> 00:36:32.510
look exactly the way that you did when I met
805
00:36:32.550 --> 00:36:37.030
you in 2002. No, you look exactly the same. You
806
00:36:37.090 --> 00:36:37.989
don't change.
807
00:36:38.010 --> 00:36:38.489
Clean living.
808
00:36:38.750 --> 00:36:43.590
Clean living, he said, thanks to Mountain Dew. Nate with
809
00:36:43.929 --> 00:36:47.590
all natural mountain dew. The dew of the mountain.
810
00:36:47.610 --> 00:36:49.590
We're the worst.
811
00:36:49.610 --> 00:36:50.829
Where they do nuclear testing.
812
00:36:50.949 --> 00:36:51.409
Oh, right.
813
00:36:51.469 --> 00:36:52.210
Oh, come on!
814
00:36:52.230 --> 00:36:52.710
Shut up down.
815
00:36:53.389 --> 00:36:55.090
Please. But.
816
00:36:55.110 --> 00:36:57.210
This is your job.
817
00:36:57.469 --> 00:37:00.030
This is the dumbest thing in the world.
818
00:37:00.389 --> 00:37:03.570
It really is. But you know, I'm very... There are
819
00:37:03.590 --> 00:37:06.260
certain people who I think have created their own reality.
820
00:37:06.280 --> 00:37:08.019
I think I've somehow managed to do that too. I
821
00:37:08.079 --> 00:37:11.719
created an environment where I could be a complete ass and...
822
00:37:12.550 --> 00:37:15.019
Somehow it keeps the lights on. I don't really know how.
823
00:37:15.030 --> 00:37:17.630
I don't know how it happened. I have no idea
824
00:37:17.650 --> 00:37:18.670
who allowed this to happen.
825
00:37:18.690 --> 00:37:19.949
You think someone would shut this down?
826
00:37:19.989 --> 00:37:20.530
Yeah.
827
00:37:20.550 --> 00:37:22.909
We're working on it. I think they are. We're working
828
00:37:22.929 --> 00:37:23.110
on it.
829
00:37:23.210 --> 00:37:27.300
I've notified the proper authorities. Who are the proper authorities?
830
00:37:27.320 --> 00:37:28.139
This is my job. I know.
831
00:37:28.159 --> 00:37:29.079
Who did you notify?
832
00:37:30.059 --> 00:37:31.400
Ronald Hammersmith.
833
00:37:31.599 --> 00:37:31.780
L-A-C-W-P.
834
00:37:31.800 --> 00:37:31.920
Yeah.
835
00:37:36.159 --> 00:37:36.659
Right, okay.
836
00:37:36.760 --> 00:37:39.219
Arch is part of a comptroller.
837
00:37:39.280 --> 00:37:42.360
He's a lieutenant governor. He's just saying words. He might
838
00:37:42.429 --> 00:37:43.289
be having a stroke.
839
00:37:43.309 --> 00:37:46.429
He said lieutenant governor of California?
840
00:37:46.469 --> 00:37:49.190
Well, he's a state between California and Nevada.
841
00:37:49.289 --> 00:37:50.369
I'm going to move on.
842
00:37:50.710 --> 00:37:52.039
One road, one road.
843
00:37:52.079 --> 00:37:52.599
I got to run.
844
00:37:57.849 --> 00:38:00.469
Have you ever... Here's the thing I want to ask
845
00:38:00.489 --> 00:38:02.869
you about. You were in a music video once with
846
00:38:02.909 --> 00:38:03.590
Mariah Carey.
847
00:38:03.889 --> 00:38:04.550
I was.
848
00:38:04.909 --> 00:38:07.570
And I want to know about that because I'm always intrigued.
849
00:38:07.909 --> 00:38:10.820
For better or worse, I'm comfortable with you in my sphere.
850
00:38:11.340 --> 00:38:13.900
And then, of course, on 30 Rock, which felt like, well,
851
00:38:13.920 --> 00:38:16.099
you're just literally two floors away from me.
852
00:38:16.179 --> 00:38:16.800
So it's still.
853
00:38:17.039 --> 00:38:18.840
But then when you go out in the real world
854
00:38:19.219 --> 00:38:24.230
and you interact with real big celebrities... I'm confused. Me too.
855
00:38:24.289 --> 00:38:26.909
I don't know what's happening. Me neither. And so you
856
00:38:27.090 --> 00:38:30.340
were in like a big, it was Mariah Carey's 2008
857
00:38:30.340 --> 00:38:33.360
music video, Touch My Body. Touch My Body. And you're
858
00:38:33.500 --> 00:38:35.400
in it. I'm not interested.
859
00:38:36.380 --> 00:38:36.980
Why?
860
00:38:37.000 --> 00:38:40.130
I don't know. I don't know anything. Yeah, my life
861
00:38:40.190 --> 00:38:43.769
is weird. And I honestly, if I'm being completely honest,
862
00:38:43.869 --> 00:38:45.789
I bet you there were 12 people who were either
863
00:38:45.849 --> 00:38:48.210
unavailable or said, no, thank you. And so, you know,
864
00:38:48.530 --> 00:38:49.489
call on Jack McBrayer.
865
00:38:49.530 --> 00:38:54.360
I don't think so. I think she wanted Jack McBrayer.
866
00:38:54.400 --> 00:38:56.320
You were famous from 30 Rock and she wanted you.
867
00:38:56.519 --> 00:38:58.940
I got to say, it was fun. It was surreal,
868
00:38:59.079 --> 00:39:02.199
but it was fun. It was over two days and
869
00:39:02.400 --> 00:39:06.159
it was just the weirdest thing of, you know, having
870
00:39:06.300 --> 00:39:10.550
the director saying like, okay, no. Okay, Mariah, spank Jack more.
871
00:39:10.809 --> 00:39:12.960
Spank Jack more. Okay, Jack.
872
00:39:13.039 --> 00:39:14.099
I've had dreams like this.
873
00:39:14.179 --> 00:39:14.699
Yeah, me too.
874
00:39:14.739 --> 00:39:18.739
Jack, walk more slowly with the unicorn foot.
875
00:39:19.019 --> 00:39:20.699
It was weird and very.
876
00:39:20.400 --> 00:39:22.929
Strange and fun. A lot of stuff like that in
877
00:39:22.929 --> 00:39:25.679
my life. Did you get to know Mariah Carey at all?
878
00:39:25.679 --> 00:39:27.400
Well, yes, and our paths.
879
00:39:27.019 --> 00:39:30.389
Have crossed a couple of times since. Whatever year Seth
880
00:39:30.449 --> 00:39:35.039
Meyers hosted the Golden Globes, Emmys? One of the big parties.
881
00:39:35.119 --> 00:39:36.619
ESPYs.
882
00:39:36.639 --> 00:39:39.019
Might have been. But Mariah Carey would have been there.
883
00:39:39.039 --> 00:39:40.760
Latin Grammys. Okay.
884
00:39:40.820 --> 00:39:43.079
You're just saying award shows now.
885
00:39:43.300 --> 00:39:44.360
I thought we were supposed to do that.
886
00:39:44.460 --> 00:39:44.980
No, we weren't.
887
00:39:45.000 --> 00:39:45.820
I thought that was the assignment.
888
00:39:45.840 --> 00:39:46.800
No, it literally wasn't.
889
00:39:46.820 --> 00:39:47.039
Okay.
890
00:39:47.079 --> 00:39:49.320
We were trying to find the answer to a question. Okay.
891
00:39:49.380 --> 00:39:54.420
All right. but she was there and we- The Ebony
892
00:39:54.480 --> 00:39:56.000
Magazine Awards. Okay.
893
00:39:56.019 --> 00:40:01.260
Please just stop talking forever. But what if that worked?
894
00:40:01.500 --> 00:40:03.719
I could do it for a podcast.
895
00:40:03.760 --> 00:40:04.469
Fantastic.
896
00:40:04.489 --> 00:40:06.239
You can take over. Well, frantic waving.
897
00:40:06.280 --> 00:40:10.650
Learn your improv skills here. Would you stop talking forever?
898
00:40:11.010 --> 00:40:12.230
But you have to yes and that.
899
00:40:12.389 --> 00:40:12.929
See?
900
00:40:13.309 --> 00:40:17.369
I can't. Not allowed to. Denial is not a river
901
00:40:17.409 --> 00:40:19.889
in Egypt. So- So you got to know her. You
902
00:40:19.929 --> 00:40:21.030
got to know Mariah Carey.
903
00:40:21.170 --> 00:40:23.010
Well, and you know me. I can make friends with wallpaper.
904
00:40:23.090 --> 00:40:26.269
So once you're friends with me, you're going to stay
905
00:40:26.289 --> 00:40:28.570
friends with me. Unless you cross me.
906
00:40:28.590 --> 00:40:30.400
You do not have to talk about this next thing
907
00:40:30.440 --> 00:40:31.159
I'm going to bring up.
908
00:40:31.179 --> 00:40:31.570
What is it?
909
00:40:31.780 --> 00:40:34.320
You were invited to a wedding. A celebrity wedding.
910
00:40:34.340 --> 00:40:34.409
Yes.
911
00:40:34.900 --> 00:40:35.679
Can we talk about it?
912
00:40:36.019 --> 00:40:36.639
I think so, yeah.
913
00:40:36.920 --> 00:40:40.239
Okay. You were invited to a huge celebrity wedding.
914
00:40:40.260 --> 00:40:40.840
I know.
915
00:40:41.039 --> 00:40:42.050
And you don't know why.
916
00:40:42.610 --> 00:40:43.889
I do know why.
917
00:40:44.230 --> 00:40:44.849
I was.
918
00:40:44.869 --> 00:40:48.579
I think I was just so... flattered and excited and
919
00:40:48.699 --> 00:40:50.949
honored that it kind of didn't make sense.
920
00:40:51.329 --> 00:40:54.010
Well, tell us, tell the story. All right. And start
921
00:40:54.050 --> 00:40:58.519
at the beginning where you're in your bed. Corn crib, whatever.
922
00:40:58.579 --> 00:41:00.010
See, you were so close.
923
00:41:00.030 --> 00:41:01.949
You were in your normal bed.
924
00:41:01.969 --> 00:41:03.070
Thank you.
925
00:41:03.130 --> 00:41:07.389
That a person in the 21st century would have. Thank you.
926
00:41:07.409 --> 00:41:09.849
And you got the covers pulled up and you are
927
00:41:10.730 --> 00:41:11.289
waking up.
928
00:41:11.530 --> 00:41:11.750
Yes.
929
00:41:11.949 --> 00:41:12.369
Outside.
930
00:41:12.389 --> 00:41:14.710
Oh, there it is.
931
00:41:14.769 --> 00:41:15.199
Come on.
932
00:41:15.219 --> 00:41:16.030
Wait a minute. That's not.
933
00:41:16.050 --> 00:41:16.639
There it is.
934
00:41:17.019 --> 00:41:20.940
A lot of people have chickens now. Really? And roosters.
935
00:41:21.000 --> 00:41:21.679
Yes, they do.
936
00:41:22.139 --> 00:41:22.860
Let's take a poll.
937
00:41:23.039 --> 00:41:24.039
I don't. I don't.
938
00:41:24.300 --> 00:41:24.659
I don't.
939
00:41:24.960 --> 00:41:28.079
I don't. I guess I went. That's my point. My
940
00:41:28.139 --> 00:41:30.469
point is we don't, but we are in a bubble.
941
00:41:30.840 --> 00:41:32.570
Most people out there have chickens.
942
00:41:32.619 --> 00:41:35.349
But you specifically.
943
00:41:35.710 --> 00:41:37.289
And you wake up and.
944
00:41:38.510 --> 00:41:39.230
Eat my slop.
945
00:41:40.510 --> 00:41:44.639
Thank you. Eat your slop. Then it's out to the
946
00:41:44.699 --> 00:41:46.969
North 40 and you get to work. No, anyway, please
947
00:41:47.010 --> 00:41:48.809
tell us. I'll walk you through it. Tell us about
948
00:41:48.829 --> 00:41:51.429
the celebrity wedding. This is a big one. Okay.
949
00:41:51.769 --> 00:41:55.090
So here's how it all began. The year was 2009.
950
00:41:55.070 --> 00:41:57.210
So 30 Walk was going. Alec Baldwin was hosting SNL
951
00:41:57.309 --> 00:41:59.130
on February 14th, 2009. The musical guest.
952
00:42:06.199 --> 00:42:07.090
Were the Jonas Brothers.
953
00:42:07.110 --> 00:42:09.250
Oh, for God's sake. Oh, okay, I see where you're
954
00:42:09.269 --> 00:42:10.829
going now. For a minute, I didn't know where this
955
00:42:10.869 --> 00:42:11.349
was all going.
956
00:42:11.369 --> 00:42:13.590
You were already fresh, let him tell a story.
957
00:42:13.610 --> 00:42:15.489
Well, I thought he was gonna, it's like he was
958
00:42:15.510 --> 00:42:17.789
testifying and he was giving dates and I got nervous. No,
959
00:42:17.809 --> 00:42:19.550
I wanna hear the story. All right, I don't wanna
960
00:42:19.590 --> 00:42:21.070
ruin it, because I think it was a beginner. Take
961
00:42:21.110 --> 00:42:22.409
us from the beginning and go.
962
00:42:22.699 --> 00:42:23.619
I literally was.
963
00:42:23.719 --> 00:42:25.179
Yes, I know. I know, I apologize.
964
00:42:25.199 --> 00:42:26.239
He's doing the thing you asked.
965
00:42:26.360 --> 00:42:26.820
I apologize.
966
00:42:26.840 --> 00:42:28.500
And you stopped him to tell him to do the
967
00:42:28.519 --> 00:42:28.840
thing you asked.
968
00:42:28.860 --> 00:42:31.280
Well, he started giving dates. I don't want dates, but anyway,
969
00:42:31.320 --> 00:42:31.599
go ahead.
970
00:42:31.619 --> 00:42:33.179
You do dates all the time.
971
00:42:33.280 --> 00:42:33.539
Please.
972
00:42:33.559 --> 00:42:34.019
Okay, I'm sorry.
973
00:42:35.079 --> 00:42:38.429
So anyways, the musical guest were the Jonas Brothers. Alec
974
00:42:38.469 --> 00:42:40.530
had me come on and do a little cameo during
975
00:42:40.550 --> 00:42:42.610
his opening monologues. Of course, I was thrilled to do that.
976
00:42:42.630 --> 00:42:44.829
I was like, absolutely. But during the course of the
977
00:42:44.869 --> 00:42:47.570
rehearsals and the performances and stuff, you know, just hanging out,
978
00:42:47.679 --> 00:42:50.840
I got to know the Jonas Brothers. Delightful individuals, all
979
00:42:50.860 --> 00:42:52.980
three of them. And so that was in 2009. And like,
980
00:42:54.199 --> 00:42:57.010
they were babies back then. And so it's not like
981
00:42:57.030 --> 00:42:59.489
I was like, hey, let's exchange information and be friends forever.
982
00:42:59.980 --> 00:43:03.420
But during the course of years, our paths crossed again.
983
00:43:03.440 --> 00:43:06.710
I saw them at a different SNL when Tracy Morgan
984
00:43:06.750 --> 00:43:10.469
was hosting. I was staying in a hotel in Toronto
985
00:43:10.530 --> 00:43:13.610
that Nick Jonas happened to be at. And then here
986
00:43:13.820 --> 00:43:17.210
in Los Angeles, I'm neighbors with a very talented actor
987
00:43:17.269 --> 00:43:20.050
named Glenn Powell. He was just in the Top Gun movie.
988
00:43:20.170 --> 00:43:20.690
Oh, yeah.
989
00:43:20.750 --> 00:43:21.230
He's the best.
990
00:43:21.269 --> 00:43:24.230
So many attractive men in this story.
991
00:43:24.369 --> 00:43:29.429
So Glenn and Nick Jonas had worked together on Screen Queens,
992
00:43:29.630 --> 00:43:32.730
which I think was either Fox or FX. Yeah. And
993
00:43:32.829 --> 00:43:35.489
so Glenn is just such a lovely host. He would
994
00:43:35.530 --> 00:43:37.650
have game nights, movie nights, you know, just, you know,
995
00:43:37.769 --> 00:43:41.889
hangout nights. And so... Nick Jonas would come to those parties.
996
00:43:41.909 --> 00:43:44.699
I was their neighbor. So I would come over again.
997
00:43:44.719 --> 00:43:47.239
I'm a thousand years old, older than any of these children.
998
00:43:47.360 --> 00:43:52.420
So I'd be like, quiet down now. And just as
999
00:43:52.460 --> 00:43:55.369
a side note, Nick Jonas happens to be a big
1000
00:43:55.449 --> 00:43:58.630
fan of the movie. They came together that I was in.
1001
00:43:58.650 --> 00:44:00.570
I mean, I have to admit, I haven't even seen
1002
00:44:00.590 --> 00:44:03.800
the movie, but. He was such a big fan. Glenn
1003
00:44:03.840 --> 00:44:06.090
would invite me over and then Nick would ask me
1004
00:44:06.130 --> 00:44:07.869
all these questions about the movie that I simply didn't
1005
00:44:07.909 --> 00:44:09.849
have the answer to.
1006
00:44:09.889 --> 00:44:13.469
So I'm going to catch us up. You became tight
1007
00:44:13.489 --> 00:44:14.510
with some of the Jonas Brothers.
1008
00:44:15.230 --> 00:44:16.650
Am I taking too long? A little bit.
1009
00:44:16.670 --> 00:44:17.170
No.
1010
00:44:17.530 --> 00:44:18.170
I'm sorry.
1011
00:44:18.230 --> 00:44:19.309
No, stop it.
1012
00:44:19.349 --> 00:44:19.880
I'm sorry.
1013
00:44:19.909 --> 00:44:21.679
I was trying to get us down the road a
1014
00:44:21.679 --> 00:44:21.929
little bit.
1015
00:44:21.940 --> 00:44:24.380
I want to hear more about Glenn Powell and stuff too.
1016
00:44:24.480 --> 00:44:26.019
Let's just stop butting in.
1017
00:44:26.059 --> 00:44:27.440
Let the man go on his journey. You asked me
1018
00:44:27.460 --> 00:44:27.900
the question.
1019
00:44:27.940 --> 00:44:28.840
Yeah, sorry.
1020
00:44:29.280 --> 00:44:30.079
We're sorry about it.
1021
00:44:30.079 --> 00:44:30.739
Yeah, we're sorry.
1022
00:44:31.079 --> 00:44:33.239
We only have so much tape in the machine. Stop.
1023
00:44:33.320 --> 00:44:34.989
There is no tape. You stop talking.
1024
00:44:35.050 --> 00:44:38.769
Let me talk. This is the worst day of my life.
1025
00:44:42.949 --> 00:44:43.230
Okay.
1026
00:44:43.369 --> 00:44:48.179
So, at this time, Nick Jonas is dating Priyanka. Priyanka Chopra. Lovely,
1027
00:44:48.280 --> 00:44:54.079
very talented actress. And so, Nick would have these fun
1028
00:44:54.179 --> 00:44:57.500
activities with Priyanka, but want to introduce some of his
1029
00:44:57.559 --> 00:45:00.010
friends to her. So... Like we went on a beautiful
1030
00:45:00.300 --> 00:45:04.820
yacht ride over Memorial Day weekend. Just the three of you? No, no.
1031
00:45:04.940 --> 00:45:07.000
It was Glenn Powell, you know, that whole crowd.
1032
00:45:07.300 --> 00:45:11.139
You were on a yacht with Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra.
1033
00:45:11.280 --> 00:45:11.960
Yeah.
1034
00:45:12.059 --> 00:45:14.159
You on a yacht. It's just fantastic.
1035
00:45:14.400 --> 00:45:15.420
Are you making fun of me?
1036
00:45:15.420 --> 00:45:17.480
I'm not making fun of you. I think the idea
1037
00:45:17.500 --> 00:45:19.900
of me on a yacht is absurd. I've never been
1038
00:45:19.940 --> 00:45:20.539
on a yacht.
1039
00:45:20.760 --> 00:45:22.940
I mean, there's a great many things in my life
1040
00:45:22.980 --> 00:45:26.460
that I'm like, this is crazy. The Mariah Carey video.
1041
00:45:27.090 --> 00:45:30.690
getting eventually invited to Nick and Priyanka's wedding.
1042
00:45:30.710 --> 00:45:35.389
Okay, well, you jumped into that. Stop it. India. In India?
1043
00:45:36.110 --> 00:45:38.329
In India. This is the thing I was trying to
1044
00:45:38.369 --> 00:45:42.469
get you to some 40 minutes ago. Oh, come on. No, no, no.
1045
00:45:42.909 --> 00:45:45.090
It's his podcast. He's yammering on all this time, and
1046
00:45:45.110 --> 00:45:46.650
then he gets mad when somebody else talks.
1047
00:45:46.909 --> 00:45:47.969
Oh, snap.
1048
00:45:48.050 --> 00:45:48.849
Wow, finally.
1049
00:45:49.190 --> 00:45:50.050
I'm sorry.
1050
00:45:50.329 --> 00:45:52.050
I'm just saying it like it is.
1051
00:45:52.269 --> 00:45:57.739
Okay, so... Tell the story of you getting invited to
1052
00:45:57.800 --> 00:46:02.510
a wedding in India. Not any wedding. Nick Jonas, Priyanka Chopra.
1053
00:46:02.530 --> 00:46:04.670
This is amazing. No, no. But now I want to
1054
00:46:04.690 --> 00:46:07.849
hear about the wedding. Okay. Okay. So that's the, I mean,
1055
00:46:08.090 --> 00:46:09.969
this is a great story, but let's really get to
1056
00:46:09.989 --> 00:46:10.449
the meat of it.
1057
00:46:10.489 --> 00:46:13.389
So I get invited to this wedding in India. Have
1058
00:46:13.409 --> 00:46:14.360
I ever been to India?
1059
00:46:14.659 --> 00:46:14.880
No.
1060
00:46:15.239 --> 00:46:15.619
I don't even know.
1061
00:46:15.639 --> 00:46:17.659
Did you think it was Indiana at first? Be honest.
1062
00:46:18.599 --> 00:46:19.840
Can you leave the room?
1063
00:46:19.860 --> 00:46:20.460
Yeah.
1064
00:46:23.239 --> 00:46:24.460
Eduardo, let's cut his mic.
1065
00:46:24.519 --> 00:46:28.820
Let's cut his mic. They've cut my mic.
1066
00:46:28.920 --> 00:46:29.980
Cut his vocal cords.
1067
00:46:31.380 --> 00:46:32.679
Okay, so you get invited.
1068
00:46:33.099 --> 00:46:33.320
Go.
1069
00:46:33.559 --> 00:46:36.079
I'm sorry. I swear to God, I'll shut up until
1070
00:46:36.119 --> 00:46:37.199
we get through the wedding. Go.
1071
00:46:37.380 --> 00:46:42.909
So I was so honored. It was bonkers. I was like, yes.
1072
00:46:43.250 --> 00:46:48.170
If you're being serious, yes. And so I had a
1073
00:46:48.650 --> 00:46:52.099
mutual friend help me figure out how to book that flight. Now,
1074
00:46:52.480 --> 00:46:53.940
have you ever been to an Indian wedding?
1075
00:46:54.420 --> 00:46:55.119
I have not.
1076
00:46:55.519 --> 00:46:58.630
If you ever get invited to an Indian wedding, say yes.
1077
00:46:58.809 --> 00:46:59.829
Isn't it days long?
1078
00:47:00.230 --> 00:47:04.289
It's a week long and it's amazing. It's like there's
1079
00:47:04.449 --> 00:47:09.300
so many different events and there's so many different wardrobe changes.
1080
00:47:09.360 --> 00:47:13.820
Like it's bonkers and it is fun. And it's just
1081
00:47:14.280 --> 00:47:19.400
beautiful and musical and like, Colors everywhere. It was really,
1082
00:47:19.500 --> 00:47:20.260
really fantastic.
1083
00:47:20.380 --> 00:47:21.840
So you flew all the way to India.
1084
00:47:21.860 --> 00:47:22.980
I flew to India.
1085
00:47:23.119 --> 00:47:24.239
Which city?
1086
00:47:24.579 --> 00:47:25.239
Jaipur.
1087
00:47:25.480 --> 00:47:28.079
Jaipur. Jaipur. Sona and I have been to Jaipur.
1088
00:47:28.139 --> 00:47:28.699
We have.
1089
00:47:28.760 --> 00:47:29.860
Yeah. Am I saying it right?
1090
00:47:30.110 --> 00:47:31.730
Jaipur. Jaipur.
1091
00:47:31.809 --> 00:47:33.710
Maybe you're saying it right and we're saying it wrong.
1092
00:47:33.750 --> 00:47:36.969
No. J-O-D-H-P-U-R?
1093
00:47:37.510 --> 00:47:39.110
We're J-A-I. Those are boots. Jaipur.
1094
00:47:39.230 --> 00:47:40.269
But that's what they're named from.
1095
00:47:40.309 --> 00:47:40.969
And they're not boots.
1096
00:47:41.010 --> 00:47:42.699
They're those hip pants with the little.
1097
00:47:42.969 --> 00:47:43.380
Jaipur.
1098
00:47:43.429 --> 00:47:46.929
Yes, that's right. The director's... If you're doing a takeoff
1099
00:47:46.969 --> 00:47:50.530
of a director in the 1920s, he's wearing jodhpurs. Yes. Well,
1100
00:47:50.550 --> 00:47:53.570
we've been to Jaipur. Which is different. I don't know.
1101
00:47:53.829 --> 00:47:55.170
Is it? How do you spell yours?
1102
00:47:55.510 --> 00:47:57.050
J-A-I-P-U-R.
1103
00:47:57.090 --> 00:47:58.230
Sounds different to me.
1104
00:47:58.250 --> 00:48:01.380
Yeah, but it's, I don't know. Maybe you know it's
1105
00:48:01.440 --> 00:48:02.860
the proper spelling too.
1106
00:48:03.059 --> 00:48:03.500
Who knows?
1107
00:48:03.760 --> 00:48:04.780
I think they're two places.
1108
00:48:04.800 --> 00:48:05.960
I think it might be two places.
1109
00:48:06.019 --> 00:48:10.239
Okay, okay, okay. But it was beautiful and it was
1110
00:48:10.599 --> 00:48:13.300
so fun. It was like nothing I had ever, it
1111
00:48:13.340 --> 00:48:15.480
was like a royal wedding, I guess. I've never been
1112
00:48:15.500 --> 00:48:18.570
to one, but it was wild. And like, I'm still
1113
00:48:18.610 --> 00:48:21.710
friends with all of Priyanka's cousins. And, you know, I
1114
00:48:21.750 --> 00:48:24.409
know all the North Carolina family on the Jonah side.
1115
00:48:24.590 --> 00:48:28.250
It was fun. So you were there for several days.
1116
00:48:28.530 --> 00:48:28.710
Yeah.
1117
00:48:29.050 --> 00:48:32.170
And you have to wear, you wear special costumes, right?
1118
00:48:32.329 --> 00:48:32.510
Yeah.
1119
00:48:33.449 --> 00:48:35.710
And like within a day you have to like change
1120
00:48:35.869 --> 00:48:36.590
over and stuff.
1121
00:48:37.150 --> 00:48:38.610
Can I ask you a question? This is a little,
1122
00:48:38.769 --> 00:48:39.909
did you pay for the costumes?
1123
00:48:40.309 --> 00:48:40.530
Oh yeah.
1124
00:48:40.969 --> 00:48:41.269
You did?
1125
00:48:41.429 --> 00:48:41.650
Yes, sir.
1126
00:48:42.230 --> 00:48:44.789
Because I know that you are somewhat frugal. Is that
1127
00:48:44.829 --> 00:48:45.269
fair to say?
1128
00:48:45.289 --> 00:48:46.670
I guess. Where's this going?
1129
00:48:47.030 --> 00:48:48.389
No, I'm just wondering if you thought.
1130
00:48:48.250 --> 00:48:48.750
It was an imposition.
1131
00:48:48.769 --> 00:48:50.610
Did I make homemade clothes for this?
1132
00:48:51.880 --> 00:48:54.079
If there's a way you... Do you know what I mean?
1133
00:48:54.219 --> 00:48:56.769
You are a frugal man. When they said to you,
1134
00:48:56.800 --> 00:49:00.039
you're going to have to buy six outfits and have
1135
00:49:00.079 --> 00:49:02.360
them made for you, there was no hesitation at all?
1136
00:49:02.659 --> 00:49:06.369
No. And here's what else. I did book my flight
1137
00:49:06.510 --> 00:49:09.409
there with miles. And so I only paid $ 300 to
1138
00:49:09.429 --> 00:49:13.340
get over there. I love that I whisper.
1139
00:49:13.619 --> 00:49:17.469
You whispered into a microphone. No one can know.
1140
00:49:18.110 --> 00:49:20.639
Do they tell you what kind of clothes you'll need
1141
00:49:20.659 --> 00:49:21.280
for each event?
1142
00:49:21.300 --> 00:49:24.119
Yes, they were very, very helpful for all of this.
1143
00:49:25.019 --> 00:49:26.719
So they actually hooked us up with a company that
1144
00:49:26.760 --> 00:49:31.690
specializes in the clothes that you'd wear for the certain ceremonies. And,
1145
00:49:31.769 --> 00:49:34.150
you know, each one had different meanings and it was
1146
00:49:34.190 --> 00:49:35.730
like nothing else I had ever seen. And they made
1147
00:49:35.769 --> 00:49:39.969
it very user-friendly and welcoming and It was awesome. Now
1148
00:49:39.989 --> 00:49:41.329
I have to call these people and say, hey, I
1149
00:49:41.349 --> 00:49:42.170
talked about your wedding.
1150
00:49:42.530 --> 00:49:42.789
Yeah.
1151
00:49:42.889 --> 00:49:43.429
Oh, it's fine.
1152
00:49:43.469 --> 00:49:46.250
You said only nice things. It's not like you said
1153
00:49:46.289 --> 00:49:51.309
anything untoward. Untoward. Well, I think he acquitted himself well.
1154
00:49:51.369 --> 00:49:52.769
Oh, I think it's a rave review.
1155
00:49:52.989 --> 00:49:54.909
It's a rave review of a beautiful wedding.
1156
00:49:55.219 --> 00:49:58.119
It was like nothing I had ever, ever, ever experienced before.
1157
00:49:58.699 --> 00:50:00.760
Sometimes you just got to say yes to the weird stuff.
1158
00:50:00.900 --> 00:50:01.559
Oh, my God.
1159
00:50:01.619 --> 00:50:02.159
Yeah.
1160
00:50:02.219 --> 00:50:03.159
How do you think I got here?
1161
00:50:03.179 --> 00:50:04.300
Okay.
1162
00:50:04.539 --> 00:50:07.110
You know, take it easy, buddy. Best thing that ever
1163
00:50:07.139 --> 00:50:08.730
happened to you. That's what should put you on the map.
1164
00:50:09.230 --> 00:50:10.889
Before this, you were on the Quiggles and Beans show.
1165
00:50:12.050 --> 00:50:12.809
I was happy then.
1166
00:50:13.110 --> 00:50:14.010
Cradles and Beans.
1167
00:50:14.230 --> 00:50:16.429
Quiggles and Beans. What's Cradles and Beans?
1168
00:50:17.429 --> 00:50:17.789
Anyway.
1169
00:50:17.829 --> 00:50:18.590
Yeah, Jack.
1170
00:50:19.010 --> 00:50:20.630
Yeah.
1171
00:50:21.230 --> 00:50:28.139
Listen, you have... What a great journey that you have had.
1172
00:50:28.159 --> 00:50:32.800
To go from, you know, you're working in a factory
1173
00:50:33.300 --> 00:50:35.969
in Georgia. Yeah. And then you're at pretty much a
1174
00:50:36.110 --> 00:50:43.480
royal wedding of huge superstars in India and being feted,
1175
00:50:43.760 --> 00:50:47.320
you know? I mean, what an incredible, and it's, fair
1176
00:50:47.340 --> 00:50:49.340
to say, kind of a rags to riches story.
1177
00:50:49.360 --> 00:50:54.260
I mean, you're not wrong, but it's pretty, like sometimes,
1178
00:50:54.280 --> 00:50:56.769
you know, just even living here in Los Angeles, I'll
1179
00:50:56.809 --> 00:50:58.519
look out and I'm like, I can't believe I live
1180
00:50:58.539 --> 00:51:01.619
in California. I have a swimming pool. I have a
1181
00:51:01.639 --> 00:51:02.139
swimming pool.
1182
00:51:02.159 --> 00:51:03.219
Well, you call it the cement pond.
1183
00:51:03.280 --> 00:51:03.639
I knew it.
1184
00:51:03.659 --> 00:51:05.250
I knew it. He calls it the cement pond. I
1185
00:51:05.289 --> 00:51:07.489
knew it. He has told it.
1186
00:51:07.250 --> 00:51:08.030
The cement pond.
1187
00:51:08.050 --> 00:51:09.829
You have too. You have too.
1188
00:51:09.849 --> 00:51:11.110
I braced. I braced.
1189
00:51:12.329 --> 00:51:13.869
Dude. Howdy.
1190
00:51:14.309 --> 00:51:16.510
I'm trying to think like what other weird things. Like,
1191
00:51:17.480 --> 00:51:19.840
I was at Kenny G's Super Bowl party.
1192
00:51:20.199 --> 00:51:23.440
What? Wait, those two things don't go together. You are
1193
00:51:23.460 --> 00:51:27.119
the celebrity Where's Waldo. You show up everywhere.
1194
00:51:27.219 --> 00:51:28.619
Nothing makes sense to me.
1195
00:51:28.659 --> 00:51:29.719
Wait, how do you know Kenny G?
1196
00:51:29.880 --> 00:51:31.960
From Chris Martin's birthday party.
1197
00:51:32.000 --> 00:51:32.820
Well, how do you know Chris?
1198
00:51:32.860 --> 00:51:35.440
What? That doesn't explain it. How do you know Chris Martin? Fella,
1199
00:51:35.780 --> 00:51:36.420
I don't know.
1200
00:51:36.639 --> 00:51:37.699
I don't know how things in my life work.
1201
00:51:37.719 --> 00:51:39.300
Don't call me Fella. Them's just fighting words.
1202
00:51:39.599 --> 00:51:39.860
Jim's?
1203
00:51:41.860 --> 00:51:42.079
Uh-uh.
1204
00:51:42.699 --> 00:51:46.530
We've established I'm a very sad lesbian. Do not call
1205
00:51:46.550 --> 00:51:49.789
me fella. I don't understand it. I mean, I looked
1206
00:51:49.829 --> 00:51:53.170
at all of your explanations for, how do you know
1207
00:51:53.210 --> 00:51:56.349
Chris Martin? Well, Robert De Niro introduced him. Well, how
1208
00:51:56.469 --> 00:51:59.739
do you know Robert De Niro? Well, I was at
1209
00:51:59.840 --> 00:52:01.119
Al Pacino's St. Patrick's Day salute.
1210
00:52:01.139 --> 00:52:01.260
What?
1211
00:52:05.219 --> 00:52:05.780
How do you know St.
1212
00:52:05.820 --> 00:52:06.179
Patrick?
1213
00:52:06.300 --> 00:52:06.699
Yeah.
1214
00:52:07.059 --> 00:52:10.039
Jack is like the opposite of you. Your podcast is
1215
00:52:10.059 --> 00:52:12.670
called Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, and Jack just has
1216
00:52:13.070 --> 00:52:14.190
so many friends.
1217
00:52:14.210 --> 00:52:16.550
You know what's interesting? You are, I think that's where
1218
00:52:16.590 --> 00:52:18.949
all this rage on my part comes from, is that
1219
00:52:19.789 --> 00:52:22.869
I try and try and try, but like Nixon, all
1220
00:52:22.909 --> 00:52:25.449
my efforts only make me less popular. Do you know
1221
00:52:25.469 --> 00:52:25.699
what I mean?
1222
00:52:25.719 --> 00:52:26.420
That's true.
1223
00:52:26.659 --> 00:52:32.159
And you are just this- this, you know, you're this grinning.
1224
00:52:32.179 --> 00:52:34.940
Well, let's take a look at why that may be.
1225
00:52:35.380 --> 00:52:36.179
He's nice.
1226
00:52:36.199 --> 00:52:40.809
He is really nice. Jack is the friendliest person I know.
1227
00:52:40.849 --> 00:52:41.150
You are nice.
1228
00:52:41.170 --> 00:52:44.199
And he's accomplished everything So much, and he's still so
1229
00:52:44.280 --> 00:52:45.400
kind to everybody.
1230
00:52:45.500 --> 00:52:48.559
And also, he hosts the Apple TV +, Hello Jack,
1231
00:52:48.599 --> 00:52:49.889
The Kindness Show.
1232
00:52:49.909 --> 00:52:50.909
I do, I'm real proud of that.
1233
00:52:50.929 --> 00:52:53.809
And you know what? It's very nice. It's a children's show.
1234
00:52:53.829 --> 00:52:56.230
It's kind of like Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood, okay?
1235
00:52:57.250 --> 00:52:59.449
My daughter has taken to this show like no other.
1236
00:52:59.469 --> 00:53:00.530
I know, you told me that.
1237
00:53:00.750 --> 00:53:01.510
My boys love it, too.
1238
00:53:01.530 --> 00:53:02.449
That's a big compliment.
1239
00:53:02.469 --> 00:53:02.949
I really love that.
1240
00:53:02.969 --> 00:53:03.449
I'm not kidding.
1241
00:53:03.530 --> 00:53:04.530
She adores it.
1242
00:53:04.739 --> 00:53:08.980
No, congratulations on that, because it premiered last fall. A
1243
00:53:09.019 --> 00:53:11.159
special episode was just released in June.
1244
00:53:11.219 --> 00:53:11.480
Correct.
1245
00:53:11.840 --> 00:53:15.019
This is a very popular show. You've been very, I've
1246
00:53:15.039 --> 00:53:16.719
known you for a long time and it has meant
1247
00:53:16.760 --> 00:53:19.090
a lot to you to want to do a children's show.
1248
00:53:19.110 --> 00:53:19.449
Yeah.
1249
00:53:19.969 --> 00:53:22.690
And when you came out with, that's the kind of show,
1250
00:53:22.889 --> 00:53:24.909
which is kind of on brand for you. You do
1251
00:53:24.969 --> 00:53:27.130
believe in, and this is where you and I don't
1252
00:53:27.190 --> 00:53:29.210
see eye to eye.
1253
00:53:29.230 --> 00:53:32.559
Don't you show your asshole show for kids.
1254
00:53:32.579 --> 00:53:35.059
My Apple TV Plus salute to Satan.
1255
00:53:35.559 --> 00:53:35.940
Oh no.
1256
00:53:36.869 --> 00:53:42.690
Conan O'Brien makes good on his deal with the devil. Mr. O'Brien,
1257
00:53:42.710 --> 00:53:49.150
can I have a lollipop? I'll get nothing and like it.
1258
00:53:49.269 --> 00:53:49.630
Mr.
1259
00:53:50.010 --> 00:53:55.750
O'Brien, what happens to us as we get it? We die. Oh, man. Gee, Mr. O'Brien.
1260
00:53:56.530 --> 00:53:57.659
Cigarette on the floor.
1261
00:54:00.469 --> 00:54:02.840
No, but it comes from a real place with you.
1262
00:54:02.860 --> 00:54:03.739
That's nice.
1263
00:54:04.360 --> 00:54:08.110
Yes, I have. limited skill sets, as you've pointed out.
1264
00:54:08.119 --> 00:54:11.219
I'm not saying limited, but- But it fits here. Have
1265
00:54:11.260 --> 00:54:13.780
you ever thought, I want to play a villain? I
1266
00:54:13.820 --> 00:54:16.179
want to play someone who's evil. I want to play,
1267
00:54:16.219 --> 00:54:19.769
because you are a very, you know, all joking aside,
1268
00:54:19.809 --> 00:54:23.309
you are a very talented fellow. You could, and I'm
1269
00:54:23.349 --> 00:54:25.150
sure a terrific actor. Do you ever want to play
1270
00:54:25.210 --> 00:54:26.530
completely against type?
1271
00:54:27.010 --> 00:54:27.260
No.
1272
00:54:27.639 --> 00:54:28.139
You don't want to?
1273
00:54:28.579 --> 00:54:29.159
I mean, not yet.
1274
00:54:29.179 --> 00:54:32.099
What about a guy who's just a real, like an assassin?
1275
00:54:32.119 --> 00:54:32.260
Yeah.
1276
00:54:32.869 --> 00:54:35.280
And a murderer, do you think you could do that?
1277
00:54:35.340 --> 00:54:36.760
Do you think you have it within you to say
1278
00:54:36.820 --> 00:54:40.300
things like, nice try, now you die, that kind of stuff?
1279
00:54:40.699 --> 00:54:41.519
Let's try that.
1280
00:54:41.980 --> 00:54:42.900
Do you want to try it?
1281
00:54:43.500 --> 00:54:44.000
Like that?
1282
00:54:44.579 --> 00:54:50.769
How would Jack McBrayer be an assassin? A terrible murderer
1283
00:54:50.829 --> 00:54:52.530
who's just out for blood?
1284
00:54:52.630 --> 00:54:54.929
I'll lay in like an action music sting here.
1285
00:55:08.269 --> 00:55:10.070
Nice try, now you die.
1286
00:55:10.090 --> 00:55:19.360
Coming this fall. I would watch that.
1287
00:55:19.400 --> 00:55:19.880
Yeah, I would too.
1288
00:55:19.900 --> 00:55:22.460
Because you know what, it's a new take on evil.
1289
00:55:22.480 --> 00:55:25.920
You know, you're a guy who's got manners banged into you,
1290
00:55:26.079 --> 00:55:28.510
you know, from childhood, but you got into this profession
1291
00:55:28.530 --> 00:55:30.110
and you're good at killing. And you know, it doesn't
1292
00:55:30.150 --> 00:55:32.929
particularly make you too upset to kill, but you still
1293
00:55:32.949 --> 00:55:35.400
have the same affect that you have. Don't you think
1294
00:55:35.420 --> 00:55:36.000
that'd be great?
1295
00:55:36.179 --> 00:55:37.800
I guess. I just don't care for the killing.
1296
00:55:38.820 --> 00:55:41.079
I know, but that part, you kill with a gun,
1297
00:55:41.099 --> 00:55:42.760
so it's not personal. You know what I mean?
1298
00:55:42.780 --> 00:55:50.320
There you go. Good justifying. What does he kill with?
1299
00:55:50.699 --> 00:55:51.869
Dude break. Dude break.
1300
00:55:53.789 --> 00:55:55.570
Dude, do me a favor. Just say, if I don't
1301
00:55:55.610 --> 00:55:58.289
get my money in 24 hours, the puppy dies.
1302
00:56:10.159 --> 00:56:12.429
I don't get my money in 24 hours. That puppy
1303
00:56:12.449 --> 00:56:13.070
will die.
1304
00:56:16.070 --> 00:56:18.440
Let's strip away all of the madness. Would you call
1305
00:56:18.480 --> 00:56:18.960
us friends?
1306
00:56:19.360 --> 00:56:19.440
Oh.
1307
00:56:20.030 --> 00:56:24.130
Yes, come on, we are. We're friends, we're pals.
1308
00:56:24.510 --> 00:56:25.090
We are.
1309
00:56:25.489 --> 00:56:27.369
You can plead the fifth on this. You don't have
1310
00:56:27.389 --> 00:56:27.769
to answer this.
1311
00:56:27.789 --> 00:56:28.389
No, we are friends.
1312
00:56:28.429 --> 00:56:30.469
What is it? Do you understand that you are like
1313
00:56:30.530 --> 00:56:34.110
catnip to me? That your very presence makes me insane.
1314
00:56:34.159 --> 00:56:35.280
You've seen it, Sona, right?
1315
00:56:35.320 --> 00:56:38.780
It really is. It's very specific people. When they're around him,
1316
00:56:38.940 --> 00:56:42.119
he lights up and then he's like, oh, the amount
1317
00:56:42.239 --> 00:56:44.920
of things he can think of. And you know what?
1318
00:56:45.260 --> 00:56:47.519
You play along and I think it just empowers him.
1319
00:56:47.559 --> 00:56:49.920
So this is a true story. Just before we started
1320
00:56:49.940 --> 00:56:53.530
this podcast, here at our new podcast studio space here
1321
00:56:53.570 --> 00:56:56.889
in Larchmont in Los Angeles, I see that you've just
1322
00:56:57.030 --> 00:56:59.269
entered and you're walking down towards the podcast studio. And
1323
00:56:59.289 --> 00:57:02.250
I get so excited. I turn to Sona, who is
1324
00:57:02.570 --> 00:57:02.989
eating what?
1325
00:57:03.639 --> 00:57:06.260
I was eating some chocolate. I was eating a crunch
1326
00:57:06.300 --> 00:57:07.650
bar and a small Snickers bar.
1327
00:57:07.849 --> 00:57:09.349
I had them in both hands. And what did I do?
1328
00:57:09.369 --> 00:57:10.090
I was so excited.
1329
00:57:10.230 --> 00:57:12.429
One of them, this was awful.
1330
00:57:12.449 --> 00:57:14.130
In one hand, I had like a wrapper.
1331
00:57:14.449 --> 00:57:16.329
And then you knock the wrapper out of my hand.
1332
00:57:16.389 --> 00:57:18.869
And then I grabbed the chocolate out of my mouth
1333
00:57:18.949 --> 00:57:21.750
because I'm angry. Then you knock that out of my hand.
1334
00:57:22.179 --> 00:57:23.900
And then you step on it.
1335
00:57:24.659 --> 00:57:27.960
And you laugh. Like a maniac. Just like a maniac.
1336
00:57:28.019 --> 00:57:32.449
And it was the behavior of... Look, I am a
1337
00:57:32.469 --> 00:57:33.429
44-year-old grown man.
1338
00:57:33.489 --> 00:57:34.219
Oh, sir.
1339
00:57:34.219 --> 00:57:34.360
45.
1340
00:57:34.360 --> 00:57:38.039
Oh, sir. I am a 78-year-old man who should know better.
1341
00:57:38.079 --> 00:57:42.860
But I literally do become a giddy puppy when you're
1342
00:57:43.039 --> 00:57:57.760
around and I behave differently. In an insane manner. And
1343
00:57:57.860 --> 00:57:59.699
I hope you take it as a compliment that it
1344
00:57:59.760 --> 00:58:00.139
should be.
1345
00:58:00.159 --> 00:58:03.900
I love it. I love it. But also, again, when
1346
00:58:03.920 --> 00:58:06.039
you think back to where you were and where you are,
1347
00:58:06.059 --> 00:58:10.679
I can't believe, like, I'm hanging out with you, you know? Like,
1348
00:58:10.699 --> 00:58:12.119
I used to watch you on my TV.
1349
00:58:12.510 --> 00:58:18.170
You didn't own a television. That was your takeaway? My
1350
00:58:18.190 --> 00:58:21.230
takeaway from that very nice statement was, you didn't own
1351
00:58:21.309 --> 00:58:22.110
a television.
1352
00:58:22.130 --> 00:58:23.289
I know, he's being so nice.
1353
00:58:23.369 --> 00:58:26.559
No, no, that was... No, listen, that was... I don't
1354
00:58:26.579 --> 00:58:28.610
take it for granted either. And we went out to dinner,
1355
00:58:28.800 --> 00:58:32.309
we won't say with who, very famous comedy person just
1356
00:58:32.329 --> 00:58:37.699
the other night. Famous people are the best. You and
1357
00:58:37.780 --> 00:58:40.400
I had a really nice dinner the other night with
1358
00:58:40.619 --> 00:58:42.480
a famous person who won't be mentioned.
1359
00:58:42.539 --> 00:58:42.699
Great.
1360
00:58:42.960 --> 00:58:44.760
But we had a blast with Hayter. It was great.
1361
00:58:45.550 --> 00:58:46.690
Was it really?
1362
00:58:47.170 --> 00:58:48.659
He didn't say first name though.
1363
00:58:48.840 --> 00:58:52.639
Yeah, I won't say witch hater. But he went on
1364
00:58:52.679 --> 00:58:54.480
his way and then I walked you to your car
1365
00:58:55.500 --> 00:58:58.780
and we hugged each other. It was quite late at night. Yeah.
1366
00:58:59.199 --> 00:59:01.860
And I said, I hugged you and I went, well,
1367
00:59:01.929 --> 00:59:04.070
love you, Jack. You didn't say anything in return.
1368
00:59:04.449 --> 00:59:05.230
I don't remember that.
1369
00:59:05.409 --> 00:59:07.010
You blacked out.
1370
00:59:07.530 --> 00:59:09.610
Blacked out and you just let me get behind the wheel?
1371
00:59:09.630 --> 00:59:09.829
Yeah.
1372
00:59:13.909 --> 00:59:15.869
Did he really? Did that hurt your feelings? Were you
1373
00:59:15.909 --> 00:59:16.849
waiting for it? Did it linger?
1374
00:59:16.869 --> 00:59:19.510
I knew he couldn't do it. He's a cartoon mule.
1375
00:59:19.570 --> 00:59:20.590
He's not going to say.
1376
00:59:20.469 --> 00:59:21.730
I love you.
1377
00:59:21.739 --> 00:59:23.840
He probably first couldn't even process it. It was in
1378
00:59:23.900 --> 00:59:25.300
denial and then grief.
1379
00:59:26.099 --> 00:59:28.099
Or making sure that you were being sincere.
1380
00:59:28.400 --> 00:59:28.920
Yeah.
1381
00:59:29.300 --> 00:59:29.480
Right.
1382
00:59:29.519 --> 00:59:32.159
Maybe I've stung you so many times that you couldn't.
1383
00:59:32.199 --> 00:59:32.889
Yeah, I think so.
1384
00:59:32.909 --> 00:59:35.389
Well, I love hanging out with you. You are one
1385
00:59:35.409 --> 00:59:37.510
of my favorite people. Every time I see you, this
1386
00:59:37.690 --> 00:59:43.050
is as sincere as I can be. Every time I
1387
00:59:43.110 --> 00:59:46.309
lay eyes on you, I am a giddy kid at Christmas.
1388
00:59:47.070 --> 00:59:52.190
And I love, I don't care. I know at some
1389
00:59:52.250 --> 00:59:54.590
point you and I are gonna exchange real information about
1390
00:59:54.630 --> 00:59:55.130
each other.
1391
00:59:55.150 --> 00:59:56.969
We did good, we did good today.
1392
00:59:57.010 --> 01:00:00.510
Today was good. Today we did pretty well. Today was good.
1393
01:00:00.550 --> 01:00:02.889
Today was the start. Today was the start. You're gonna
1394
01:00:02.909 --> 01:00:04.409
have to go through and dig through this.
1395
01:00:04.670 --> 01:00:04.739
God.
1396
01:00:06.820 --> 01:00:09.179
Find the moments and string it together like a conversation.
1397
01:00:09.199 --> 01:00:11.860
For real, this will not make sense to anybody.
1398
01:00:12.659 --> 01:00:14.039
This is one of the more lucid.
1399
01:00:13.840 --> 01:00:17.219
Ones, really. Oh, no. It is pretty good. But anyway,
1400
01:00:17.239 --> 01:00:18.940
and before we go, I did want, we have a
1401
01:00:18.980 --> 01:00:20.320
special surprise guest.
1402
01:00:20.639 --> 01:00:20.860
Who?
1403
01:00:21.179 --> 01:00:25.250
Your first donkey.
1404
01:00:26.789 --> 01:00:27.489
Wow.
1405
01:00:29.070 --> 01:00:31.969
Out of control. I just did it because I don't
1406
01:00:32.030 --> 01:00:37.219
know if they can see your reaction. This just absolute.
1407
01:00:37.400 --> 01:00:38.860
We're all so embarrassed.
1408
01:00:38.900 --> 01:00:39.639
Yeah, we really are.
1409
01:00:39.860 --> 01:00:41.619
We are all so embarrassed.
1410
01:00:41.679 --> 01:00:45.480
We were heading towards a beautiful denouement.
1411
01:00:45.539 --> 01:00:47.219
I can't do it. He can't do it.
1412
01:00:47.269 --> 01:00:48.949
I can't do it. Wonderful conclusion.
1413
01:00:48.989 --> 01:00:49.329
Yeah.
1414
01:00:49.769 --> 01:00:50.190
I'm sorry.
1415
01:00:50.210 --> 01:00:51.369
You braid like a donkey.
1416
01:00:51.429 --> 01:00:52.329
Like a donkey.
1417
01:00:52.349 --> 01:00:52.690
Yeah.
1418
01:00:53.150 --> 01:00:53.889
Unbelievable.
1419
01:00:54.710 --> 01:00:55.949
We can't end on that note.
1420
01:00:56.210 --> 01:00:56.630
No.
1421
01:00:57.030 --> 01:00:58.150
Or we can.
1422
01:00:58.909 --> 01:00:59.230
Yeah.
1423
01:00:59.920 --> 01:01:05.110
No, Jack, seriously, please continue success and success with Hello Jack,
1424
01:01:05.119 --> 01:01:07.690
the kindness show. Thanks. You are a force for good
1425
01:01:07.710 --> 01:01:11.889
in the universe. And I swear to God, at some point,
1426
01:01:12.489 --> 01:01:14.750
I hope it's not for a long, long time, but
1427
01:01:14.789 --> 01:01:17.500
I will be on my deathbed. And I know that
1428
01:01:18.059 --> 01:01:20.199
they'll be saying, well, he's pretty much gone. He's not
1429
01:01:20.239 --> 01:01:24.269
responding to anybody. If you bring Jack into the room,
1430
01:01:24.650 --> 01:01:25.449
you know this song, right?
1431
01:01:25.469 --> 01:01:26.469
Yeah, it's like a defibrillator.
1432
01:01:26.530 --> 01:01:28.190
If you bring Jack into the room and he goes,
1433
01:01:28.429 --> 01:01:31.050
excuse me, sir, and I know it's him, I don't
1434
01:01:31.090 --> 01:01:34.429
care how deep my coma is. If there's any brain
1435
01:01:34.530 --> 01:01:39.059
activity left, I will snap out of him. Wee, wee, wee.
1436
01:01:39.360 --> 01:01:43.559
Jack McBrayer. And I'll go right into it. Now this is.
1437
01:01:43.460 --> 01:01:45.739
Like in 30 years this is going to happen and
1438
01:01:45.760 --> 01:01:46.599
they're going to bring you in.
1439
01:01:46.579 --> 01:01:48.579
30?
1440
01:01:48.579 --> 01:01:56.389
30? nine months seriously jack uh you will if if
1441
01:01:56.489 --> 01:01:58.519
this guy doesn't bring me around nothing's bringing me around
1442
01:01:58.559 --> 01:02:00.659
yes i so but thank you so much for coming
1443
01:02:00.739 --> 01:02:03.460
in and um you're a good man you're a good
1444
01:02:03.480 --> 01:02:05.059
man and i do love you you're a good fellow
1445
01:02:05.179 --> 01:02:05.639
i love.
1446
01:02:05.519 --> 01:02:06.719
You too conan.
1447
01:02:07.119 --> 01:02:13.489
I've already i've already cut it i've already cut it.
1448
01:02:20.280 --> 01:02:24.050
Every day you make around 35,000 choices. What to wear,
1449
01:02:24.329 --> 01:02:27.269
toast or cereal? One more episode or time for bed?
1450
01:02:27.869 --> 01:02:29.690
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1451
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01:03:07.360 --> 01:03:09.760
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1459
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1461
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1463
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1464
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01:03:31.500 --> 01:03:38.119
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1466
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1467
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Last episode, we had a voicemail from a listener and
1468
01:03:48.460 --> 01:03:50.340
there seemed to be a bit of a debate because
1469
01:03:50.650 --> 01:03:52.730
Sona and I, many other people in the room thought
1470
01:03:52.789 --> 01:03:56.510
that he was authentic in his persona and his voice
1471
01:03:56.550 --> 01:03:58.690
and his style. You think that this guy, Conan, is
1472
01:03:58.750 --> 01:03:59.989
maybe doing a bit.
1473
01:04:00.190 --> 01:04:02.360
When I first heard his voice, his name was Arnold.
1474
01:04:02.449 --> 01:04:02.679
Right.
1475
01:04:02.889 --> 01:04:06.639
And he called in, I thought, okay, I'm listening. But
1476
01:04:06.719 --> 01:04:10.059
then he kind of doubled down and started talking about
1477
01:04:10.099 --> 01:04:14.329
his tractor. And I thought, It felt to me like
1478
01:04:14.349 --> 01:04:19.059
an improviser doubling down on his shtick. And it reminded
1479
01:04:19.099 --> 01:04:21.420
me of, you know, Brian Stack or some of the
1480
01:04:21.460 --> 01:04:23.539
people that did great voices that I've worked with over
1481
01:04:23.579 --> 01:04:25.949
the years and go into characters. And I thought for
1482
01:04:25.969 --> 01:04:28.090
a minute, is this like something out of Tom Sharpling
1483
01:04:28.150 --> 01:04:31.909
where someone's calling in and it just felt like this
1484
01:04:31.969 --> 01:04:34.900
person was putting a little bit of mustard on the fastball.
1485
01:04:35.039 --> 01:04:37.440
And that's when I thought this might be inauthentic. This
1486
01:04:37.519 --> 01:04:40.639
person may not be real. Maybe someone's pulling our chain.
1487
01:04:40.900 --> 01:04:43.179
OK, well, there's a little bit of a development in this.
1488
01:04:43.239 --> 01:04:46.179
But first, let's recap the voicemail. Hear it again so
1489
01:04:46.199 --> 01:04:48.340
we can just all get reoriented, the listener as well.
1490
01:04:48.780 --> 01:04:49.280
All right, bucko.
1491
01:05:17.400 --> 01:05:20.840
Okay. And that was the other thing. It was old.
1492
01:05:21.090 --> 01:05:23.809
When he goes like, oh, the old 78 International. And
1493
01:05:23.829 --> 01:05:29.389
then he goes like, bucko. I thought, not sure. Not sure.
1494
01:05:29.489 --> 01:05:31.329
So I was highly suspicious.
1495
01:05:31.769 --> 01:05:32.949
We're going to be able to get to the bottom
1496
01:05:32.989 --> 01:05:35.150
of this, I think, because we have Arnold on the line.
1497
01:05:35.449 --> 01:05:36.730
Oh, shit. You guys ready?
1498
01:05:37.130 --> 01:05:37.429
No.
1499
01:05:37.849 --> 01:05:40.849
Okay. I just so hope he comes on and he
1500
01:05:40.889 --> 01:05:42.190
does say like, hello. Yeah.
1501
01:05:43.099 --> 01:05:43.699
I think he's real.
1502
01:05:43.820 --> 01:05:47.090
Arnold here. I hope you fell for my little scheme,
1503
01:05:47.429 --> 01:05:51.250
did you? I'm calling from the Lawrence Livermore Institute, where
1504
01:05:51.269 --> 01:05:55.090
I've been working on various physiological experiments.
1505
01:05:55.510 --> 01:05:57.170
Or he's like, hi, I'm Arnold.
1506
01:05:58.110 --> 01:05:58.849
Okay. Let's do it.
1507
01:05:59.070 --> 01:06:00.710
Let's bring Arnold on. I'm going to patch him in now.
1508
01:06:01.050 --> 01:06:01.989
Hello, is this Arnold?
1509
01:06:02.380 --> 01:06:03.360
It's Arnold right here.
1510
01:06:03.599 --> 01:06:06.159
Oh, hey, Arnold. This is Conan O'Brien talking to you.
1511
01:06:06.440 --> 01:06:07.420
What a nice surprise.
1512
01:06:07.519 --> 01:06:07.760
Hi.
1513
01:06:08.039 --> 01:06:10.380
Well, this is what's a very nice surprise to talk
1514
01:06:10.400 --> 01:06:13.610
to you, Arnold. We got your very nice voicemail. And
1515
01:06:13.670 --> 01:06:16.010
I thought I'd like to talk to this gentleman. And
1516
01:06:16.110 --> 01:06:18.730
so here we are having a nice conversation. How are you, sir?
1517
01:06:19.309 --> 01:06:23.500
About medium. You know, you can't have a good day.
1518
01:06:24.000 --> 01:06:24.519
Medium?
1519
01:06:25.079 --> 01:06:25.420
Medium.
1520
01:06:25.480 --> 01:06:26.679
It's a nice M.
1521
01:06:26.699 --> 01:06:31.219
Vindicated. Medium international superstar Conan O'Brien is on the phone
1522
01:06:31.239 --> 01:06:35.510
with you, and you're at medium? He's authentic. He's authentic.
1523
01:06:35.769 --> 01:06:38.489
No, no, sir. Let me make it really clear. I'm
1524
01:06:38.570 --> 01:06:40.869
very happy to talk to you. Just, you know, sometimes
1525
01:06:40.949 --> 01:06:42.809
it's just a straight line, and there ain't nothing you
1526
01:06:42.829 --> 01:06:44.409
can do about it, but roll with it.
1527
01:06:46.110 --> 01:06:48.469
Well, Arnold, I got to admit, we listened, I'm going
1528
01:06:48.489 --> 01:06:52.449
to admit right now, we listened to your voicemail and
1529
01:06:52.510 --> 01:06:54.969
I thought, is this guy putting me on? I thought
1530
01:06:55.070 --> 01:06:58.670
maybe you were, because sometimes people in this world will
1531
01:06:58.730 --> 01:07:01.829
call a show like mine and they'll put on an
1532
01:07:01.969 --> 01:07:05.150
accent and kind of a character. And I thought, is
1533
01:07:05.170 --> 01:07:08.769
this guy putting me on? And so we wanted to
1534
01:07:08.829 --> 01:07:11.570
talk to you to make sure that you are really Arnold.
1535
01:07:11.630 --> 01:07:14.429
And gosh darn it, you are. You are Arnold. What's
1536
01:07:14.449 --> 01:07:15.389
your last name, Arnold?
1537
01:07:16.639 --> 01:07:17.019
What's that?
1538
01:07:17.260 --> 01:07:17.780
Arnold Smith?
1539
01:07:17.800 --> 01:07:19.079
My last name is Smith.
1540
01:07:19.760 --> 01:07:19.920
Oh.
1541
01:07:19.980 --> 01:07:20.340
Yes, sir.
1542
01:07:20.480 --> 01:07:21.239
Now I'm doubting it.
1543
01:07:21.239 --> 01:07:26.079
Now I'm doubting it again. Arnold, I think you're an actor,
1544
01:07:26.219 --> 01:07:27.900
and this is a put-on. That's what I think you're
1545
01:07:27.920 --> 01:07:28.389
doing right now.
1546
01:07:28.400 --> 01:07:29.409
Where are you from, Arnold?
1547
01:07:29.929 --> 01:07:32.829
Originally from Benton, Kentucky. There's a lot of Smiths down there.
1548
01:07:32.849 --> 01:07:36.119
It's like... I don't know, how high can you count?
1549
01:07:38.039 --> 01:07:42.119
Wow, you are from, okay, so you're from Kentucky. All right, well,
1550
01:07:42.159 --> 01:07:45.389
I'm eating crow right now, a nice big slice of
1551
01:07:45.469 --> 01:07:48.289
crow pie is what I'm having. Kentucky crow pie. Yeah,
1552
01:07:48.329 --> 01:07:53.469
Kentucky crow pie. So you're from Kentucky and- And Arnold.
1553
01:07:53.710 --> 01:07:54.170
Yeah, yeah.
1554
01:07:54.269 --> 01:07:55.210
Oh, hey, I gotcha.
1555
01:07:55.230 --> 01:07:56.829
What do you mean you got him?
1556
01:07:57.050 --> 01:07:58.349
Oh, come on, I borrowed.
1557
01:07:59.550 --> 01:08:00.030
It.
1558
01:08:00.070 --> 01:08:00.679
You're my writer.
1559
01:08:00.909 --> 01:08:03.719
Are you going for the original recipe or are you
1560
01:08:03.739 --> 01:08:04.820
going for the extra crispy?
1561
01:08:04.980 --> 01:08:10.659
I like it. Extra crispy, Arnold. No, Arnold, you know,
1562
01:08:10.679 --> 01:08:13.340
I have to ask you something. Your question was, can
1563
01:08:13.380 --> 01:08:17.550
you be intermittently funny? And you seem like you're very
1564
01:08:17.649 --> 01:08:22.170
funny and very authentically funny. And no one's got a
1565
01:08:22.170 --> 01:08:26.149
100% perfect. I cannot think of one person in the
1566
01:08:26.210 --> 01:08:29.029
history of the world to show me all the funniest
1567
01:08:29.069 --> 01:08:31.550
people in the world who were always funny every second.
1568
01:08:31.810 --> 01:08:34.810
So I think everybody's intermittently funny, even the funniest people
1569
01:08:34.850 --> 01:08:38.720
in the world. So I like your style. I really do.
1570
01:08:38.810 --> 01:08:40.529
I think you're a very amusing fellow.
1571
01:08:40.560 --> 01:08:45.739
I try. I like, it's nice to see people smile. Oh.
1572
01:08:46.600 --> 01:08:47.359
That's very nice.
1573
01:08:47.380 --> 01:08:48.800
Well, what about his tractor?
1574
01:08:49.060 --> 01:08:51.819
Yeah, what about the old 78 International? Is it in
1575
01:08:51.859 --> 01:08:52.359
the pond?
1576
01:08:52.380 --> 01:08:53.550
Yeah, did you get it out?
1577
01:08:53.560 --> 01:08:57.710
No, it's not in the pond no more, that damn thing.
1578
01:08:57.890 --> 01:08:59.590
Rosie gives me trouble sometimes, I don't know.
1579
01:09:00.430 --> 01:09:03.630
Okay, Rosie would still be the tractor, I hope. I
1580
01:09:03.649 --> 01:09:05.569
hope that's not someone else who's giving you trouble.
1581
01:09:05.670 --> 01:09:07.130
Arnold, what year were you born, if you don't mind
1582
01:09:07.149 --> 01:09:07.649
me asking?
1583
01:09:08.189 --> 01:09:10.890
I was born in 66, November 14th.
1584
01:09:10.949 --> 01:09:13.500
Oh, so you're dating a younger woman than Rosie, the
1585
01:09:13.500 --> 01:09:14.159
78 International.
1586
01:09:14.319 --> 01:09:14.420
Yeah.
1587
01:09:14.439 --> 01:09:14.539
Yeah.
1588
01:09:16.010 --> 01:09:20.500
Well, it's a 1486 model. I guess I'll tell you
1589
01:09:20.520 --> 01:09:21.279
a little about it.
1590
01:09:21.600 --> 01:09:21.699
Yeah.
1591
01:09:21.739 --> 01:09:22.039
Sure.
1592
01:09:22.220 --> 01:09:22.420
Yeah.
1593
01:09:23.060 --> 01:09:28.279
It's got 16 forward speeds and eight backwards speeds. It's
1594
01:09:28.359 --> 01:09:30.100
got a 7.1. Wait a minute.
1595
01:09:30.239 --> 01:09:34.529
Arnold, why does it need 16 forward speeds? That just
1596
01:09:34.609 --> 01:09:37.970
feels excessive, doesn't it? Doesn't it? Do you use all
1597
01:09:37.970 --> 01:09:41.409
16 forward speeds? Or be honest, have you mostly used two?
1598
01:09:41.430 --> 01:09:41.489
No.
1599
01:09:43.699 --> 01:09:45.739
I would have to tell you that, you know, honestly,
1600
01:09:45.859 --> 01:09:48.199
I've never worked the whole range.
1601
01:09:48.340 --> 01:09:49.039
Of course not.
1602
01:09:49.100 --> 01:09:53.029
Maybe one time. One time, I think I just, but once.
1603
01:09:53.210 --> 01:09:55.729
What would be a circumstance where you'd need to use
1604
01:09:55.770 --> 01:09:57.010
the 16th speed?
1605
01:09:57.409 --> 01:09:58.130
Tractor chicken.
1606
01:09:58.750 --> 01:10:00.399
Oh, right. Yeah, like in Footloose.
1607
01:10:00.609 --> 01:10:00.960
Yeah.
1608
01:10:01.119 --> 01:10:01.340
Yeah.
1609
01:10:01.619 --> 01:10:02.619
Wow, so nice.
1610
01:10:02.939 --> 01:10:04.439
I don't know about that one, but.
1611
01:10:04.619 --> 01:10:08.550
Have you seen the movie Footloose, Arnold, where. They play
1612
01:10:08.569 --> 01:10:10.930
tractor chicken and they drive their tractors right at each
1613
01:10:11.010 --> 01:10:13.260
other and the last one to turn away wins.
1614
01:10:13.760 --> 01:10:15.739
Maybe a long time ago. I kind of forgot. It's
1615
01:10:15.960 --> 01:10:16.460
been a while.
1616
01:10:17.159 --> 01:10:19.399
If you watch Footloose and you watch the scene with
1617
01:10:19.439 --> 01:10:21.960
tractor chicken, you would not forget it, Arnold.
1618
01:10:22.560 --> 01:10:23.510
It changes a man.
1619
01:10:23.600 --> 01:10:27.770
You're right. That's something that would stand out. But in
1620
01:10:27.890 --> 01:10:31.529
top gear, top speed, like maybe 20, 21 miles an
1621
01:10:31.569 --> 01:10:32.369
hour if you're lucky.
1622
01:10:32.760 --> 01:10:34.680
Yeah, I've been stuck behind some tractors on the highway
1623
01:10:34.699 --> 01:10:38.439
a couple of times. In L.A.? Yeah, they're not moving. No,
1624
01:10:38.460 --> 01:10:40.659
I like to drive to rural areas and find tractors
1625
01:10:40.699 --> 01:10:43.369
and get behind them and then just really ride the
1626
01:10:43.409 --> 01:10:48.869
bumper and act real impatient. And when old Gus tries
1627
01:10:48.909 --> 01:10:52.010
to wave me ahead, you go on ahead. You go around.
1628
01:10:52.029 --> 01:10:54.069
There's no car coming. I just stay right behind him
1629
01:10:54.090 --> 01:10:57.029
and lean on that horn because I.
1630
01:10:56.909 --> 01:10:58.529
Hate agriculture, Arnold.
1631
01:10:59.689 --> 01:11:03.100
I hate the growing and producing of food to feed humanity.
1632
01:11:03.779 --> 01:11:05.140
It just gets my goat.
1633
01:11:05.979 --> 01:11:06.779
Are you a farmer?
1634
01:11:07.979 --> 01:11:10.539
Not anymore, but I've grown corn for a while and
1635
01:11:10.579 --> 01:11:13.720
all that. Oh, I forgot to tell you about the tractor.
1636
01:11:13.920 --> 01:11:16.989
It's got like a people aquarium on it, you know,
1637
01:11:17.029 --> 01:11:19.229
big square kind of glassed-in spot.
1638
01:11:20.119 --> 01:11:24.640
What? Wait a minute.
1639
01:11:25.039 --> 01:11:28.060
Are you scooping people up with your tractor and putting
1640
01:11:28.079 --> 01:11:28.720
them in an aquarium?
1641
01:11:28.760 --> 01:11:30.819
Yeah, I'm curious about this. Arnold, you say that you
1642
01:11:30.880 --> 01:11:34.939
drive the tractor and there's a people aquarium on it? Oh, yeah.
1643
01:11:35.000 --> 01:11:36.600
It's like a cab, but it looks more like an
1644
01:11:36.619 --> 01:11:38.890
aquarium than a cab. Yeah, it's just a thing.
1645
01:11:40.829 --> 01:11:42.489
I love that you said there's something I forgot to
1646
01:11:42.529 --> 01:11:45.130
tell you about the tractor. When it's clear, Arnold, there's
1647
01:11:45.270 --> 01:11:48.060
probably nothing you haven't told us about this tractor. I
1648
01:11:48.119 --> 01:11:51.420
know how many speeds it has. I know it's top
1649
01:11:51.460 --> 01:11:53.979
mile per hour. I know its name.
1650
01:11:54.010 --> 01:11:55.430
Well, I could give you some more.
1651
01:11:55.630 --> 01:11:56.670
Oh, yeah, okay.
1652
01:11:56.789 --> 01:11:57.329
Can you?
1653
01:11:57.449 --> 01:11:59.710
Okay, I dare you, Arnold. Let's have it.
1654
01:12:00.510 --> 01:12:02.510
All right, get ready for this. So it's got, it
1655
01:12:02.529 --> 01:12:05.369
can do tandem wheels in the back. Whoa. Singular.
1656
01:12:05.529 --> 01:12:06.479
Okay.
1657
01:12:06.529 --> 01:12:06.770
Yep.
1658
01:12:06.949 --> 01:12:09.479
You can get like a four wheel drive, two wheel
1659
01:12:09.520 --> 01:12:13.359
drive arrangement. Just depends on, you know, how much you are,
1660
01:12:13.640 --> 01:12:17.130
you're in the thick of it working. I got it.
1661
01:12:17.159 --> 01:12:18.859
You know, I just got the four by two.
1662
01:12:20.100 --> 01:12:21.720
All you need is the four by two right now.
1663
01:12:21.920 --> 01:12:23.739
You know what I mean? You said you're not farming.
1664
01:12:23.760 --> 01:12:25.359
You're not really in the thick of it right now.
1665
01:12:26.260 --> 01:12:28.260
So you just stick with the four by two, you know,
1666
01:12:28.479 --> 01:12:30.659
that's all you need at this point. Everything, anything else
1667
01:12:30.720 --> 01:12:35.439
is overkill in my opinion, Arnold. Well, you are a, you, Arnold,
1668
01:12:35.539 --> 01:12:38.920
you are a, you are a fine gentleman. I'm sorry
1669
01:12:38.939 --> 01:12:41.680
that I doubted your authenticity when you left the message. That,
1670
01:12:41.939 --> 01:12:47.050
that is me showing my own frailty and weakness. I've
1671
01:12:47.069 --> 01:12:49.470
been in the comedy world too, too long. And I've
1672
01:12:49.510 --> 01:12:53.060
worked with too many people. who love to do various accents.
1673
01:12:53.369 --> 01:12:53.989
You're cynical.
1674
01:12:54.710 --> 01:12:57.390
Maybe I'm a little cynical and people call, you know,
1675
01:12:57.430 --> 01:12:59.170
and I thought, well, here's a guy who's putting on,
1676
01:12:59.510 --> 01:13:02.369
I right away nailed it as Kentucky. I knew that.
1677
01:13:02.829 --> 01:13:05.210
And I was like, but I thought it was a
1678
01:13:05.270 --> 01:13:08.760
comedic artist giving me the old Kentucky spielaroo.
1679
01:13:09.000 --> 01:13:10.859
Arnold, I want you to know that Sona and I
1680
01:13:10.899 --> 01:13:11.699
never doubted you.
1681
01:13:12.750 --> 01:13:13.529
That's true.
1682
01:13:13.609 --> 01:13:17.060
Did you get Kentucky rolled or something there? I did.
1683
01:13:17.260 --> 01:13:19.699
I got Kentucky rolled back in the day. I don't
1684
01:13:19.720 --> 01:13:21.060
want to talk about it. There was a period of
1685
01:13:21.100 --> 01:13:25.920
my life where I roamed the country barefoot. All right.
1686
01:13:26.039 --> 01:13:26.539
All right.
1687
01:13:26.600 --> 01:13:26.800
Yeah.
1688
01:13:27.300 --> 01:13:29.800
And I spent some time in Kentucky. And yes, sir,
1689
01:13:29.859 --> 01:13:30.979
I got Kentucky rolled.
1690
01:13:31.260 --> 01:13:31.439
So.
1691
01:13:32.380 --> 01:13:34.659
Well, there was something else I was thinking about I
1692
01:13:34.659 --> 01:13:37.680
want to touch on that you said, and I definitely
1693
01:13:37.699 --> 01:13:40.800
identify with. You talk about being a skeptic. I'm kind
1694
01:13:40.840 --> 01:13:42.640
of a born skeptic myself.
1695
01:13:43.050 --> 01:13:43.149
Oh.
1696
01:13:43.520 --> 01:13:47.210
You know, just not so quick to be agreeable all
1697
01:13:47.250 --> 01:13:50.069
the time and really just watch and learn. Yeah.
1698
01:13:50.449 --> 01:13:53.270
I like that approach to life. I think that that's
1699
01:13:53.350 --> 01:13:56.369
why when I first heard your voicemail, I thought, really?
1700
01:13:56.390 --> 01:13:59.819
Is this some guy? you know, pretending to be Arnold
1701
01:13:59.859 --> 01:14:03.239
who isn't really Arnold. But I learned a lesson, and
1702
01:14:03.260 --> 01:14:05.659
I hope you did too, that when you reach out
1703
01:14:05.739 --> 01:14:11.550
and you talk to the real person, you realize that,
1704
01:14:11.619 --> 01:14:14.010
you know, there's a lot of authenticity out there in
1705
01:14:14.029 --> 01:14:15.510
the world. We just have to look for it and
1706
01:14:15.529 --> 01:14:19.189
be prepared. And I should not be as suspicious as
1707
01:14:19.270 --> 01:14:22.529
I was, and I think Matt and Sona have shown
1708
01:14:22.550 --> 01:14:25.590
me the right way to be. Oh, that's weird. I
1709
01:14:25.630 --> 01:14:26.170
don't like that.
1710
01:14:26.590 --> 01:14:27.470
No problem, Matt.
1711
01:14:27.949 --> 01:14:32.050
Yeah, I mean, it's tough for me. I could learn
1712
01:14:32.090 --> 01:14:34.829
from these two, and I think I've been around too
1713
01:14:34.869 --> 01:14:37.770
much comedy, I've read too many books, I'm too smart,
1714
01:14:37.829 --> 01:14:41.850
I'm so talented. What would you.
1715
01:14:41.390 --> 01:14:44.449
Say the thing about comedy is, does it make you
1716
01:14:44.489 --> 01:14:47.899
too smart to, I don't know, I mean, there's education,
1717
01:14:47.939 --> 01:14:49.939
there's life education, learning about people.
1718
01:14:51.130 --> 01:14:53.250
I don't think it has anything. I think it's in you.
1719
01:14:53.329 --> 01:14:56.380
I think you're a funny guy, Arnold. And so you,
1720
01:14:56.529 --> 01:14:59.319
I think you are 95% of the way there. So
1721
01:14:59.359 --> 01:15:00.800
you don't need to be thinking about it.
1722
01:15:00.800 --> 01:15:03.680
I appreciate that. I just, I was thinking it just,
1723
01:15:03.779 --> 01:15:06.039
it's just the thing that comes out, you know, maybe
1724
01:15:06.460 --> 01:15:08.739
sometimes I feel like in a weird way, I'd lose
1725
01:15:08.779 --> 01:15:10.520
control of it. It just gets going.
1726
01:15:10.579 --> 01:15:13.909
And that's the good stuff, Arnold. That's the good stuff.
1727
01:15:14.109 --> 01:15:16.810
Sometimes you're up there on Rosie and you're, you're clicking
1728
01:15:16.850 --> 01:15:22.739
along and 35th gear. And we're doing 140 miles an
1729
01:15:22.800 --> 01:15:30.819
hour and you've driven through seven billboards and you get
1730
01:15:30.899 --> 01:15:33.670
doing some of your, you know, telling one of your
1731
01:15:33.770 --> 01:15:36.529
stem winders and then the next thing you know, yeah,
1732
01:15:36.550 --> 01:15:38.609
you want to go too far. That's the idea. It's
1733
01:15:38.649 --> 01:15:41.310
your whole career. Yeah, my whole career has been going
1734
01:15:41.329 --> 01:15:41.520
too far.
1735
01:15:41.529 --> 01:15:43.439
When I lose control of it, I've been known to
1736
01:15:43.449 --> 01:15:45.359
offend because I go a little too far. It's hard
1737
01:15:45.399 --> 01:15:50.359
to tell who's offended, who is offendable. Is that something?
1738
01:15:50.380 --> 01:15:54.520
Well, that's more and more an issue all the time, Arnold. But,
1739
01:15:54.560 --> 01:15:57.479
you know, but as long as you have a good, yeah,
1740
01:15:57.520 --> 01:15:59.390
but as long as you have a good heart and
1741
01:15:59.399 --> 01:16:03.239
you're not trying to hurt people, yeah. If someone gets offended,
1742
01:16:03.300 --> 01:16:06.380
you can usually straighten it out with them and apologize.
1743
01:16:06.460 --> 01:16:11.300
So I think keep doing you, Arnold. You do you.
1744
01:16:11.600 --> 01:16:14.510
It's you know, that's the way to go. You got
1745
01:16:14.550 --> 01:16:17.430
the right idea. Well, it was very nice talking to you, sir.
1746
01:16:17.590 --> 01:16:21.449
Really nice talking to you. And thanks so much for
1747
01:16:21.489 --> 01:16:23.630
calling into our show. We really do appreciate it.
1748
01:16:23.770 --> 01:16:26.859
All right. Can I give you a little Kentucky roll here? Sure.
1749
01:16:27.520 --> 01:16:27.659
Yeah.
1750
01:16:27.680 --> 01:16:28.060
Hello.
1751
01:16:30.229 --> 01:16:33.180
That was it? That's it.
1752
01:16:33.239 --> 01:16:34.659
Sorry, you're Chloe.
1753
01:16:34.779 --> 01:16:35.819
Hello.
1754
01:16:35.899 --> 01:16:36.260
Hello.
1755
01:16:36.300 --> 01:16:36.619
Hello.
1756
01:16:36.800 --> 01:16:39.359
Hello. Is that it? Hello.
1757
01:16:40.100 --> 01:16:41.140
Hello. There it is.
1758
01:16:41.199 --> 01:16:43.300
And you signed off with Bucko, right?
1759
01:16:43.600 --> 01:16:45.520
I say that sometimes. That's kind of, you know.
1760
01:16:45.560 --> 01:16:49.029
That's how you signed off on the voicemail. You went, okay, Bucko.
1761
01:16:49.470 --> 01:16:50.149
I like bucko.
1762
01:16:50.670 --> 01:16:54.729
Yeah, it's kind of a thing where it's just bucko.
1763
01:16:55.090 --> 01:16:55.409
Bucko.
1764
01:16:57.270 --> 01:16:57.609
Bucko.
1765
01:16:57.789 --> 01:17:01.029
I like how you really get that O working for you. Bucko.
1766
01:17:01.050 --> 01:17:01.760
I love it.
1767
01:17:02.109 --> 01:17:03.449
It's a solid shape. It rolls.
1768
01:17:03.670 --> 01:17:05.909
All right. Well, Arnold, you're the master and you've taught
1769
01:17:05.949 --> 01:17:07.409
me well. Thank you very much, sir.
1770
01:17:07.800 --> 01:17:09.920
All right. Good talking to you, Cone. It's been a
1771
01:17:09.960 --> 01:17:10.800
really nice talk.
1772
01:17:10.979 --> 01:17:13.180
It's been a great talk. Thank you, Arnold. Take care.
1773
01:17:13.439 --> 01:17:14.819
All right. Love you.
1774
01:17:16.619 --> 01:17:20.529
Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, with Conan O'Brien, Sona Movsesian,
1775
01:17:20.789 --> 01:17:24.369
and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced
1776
01:17:24.390 --> 01:17:28.069
by Adam Sachs, Joanna Solitaroff, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco,
1777
01:17:28.270 --> 01:17:31.430
and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song
1778
01:17:31.449 --> 01:17:34.640
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1779
01:17:34.960 --> 01:17:35.680
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1780
01:17:39.079 --> 01:17:42.060
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1781
01:17:42.100 --> 01:17:43.420
producer is Jennifer Samples.
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01:17:43.859 --> 01:17:45.039
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1783
01:17:45.399 --> 01:17:49.300
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01:17:49.600 --> 01:17:52.760
Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review
1785
01:17:52.800 --> 01:17:55.279
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1786
01:17:55.340 --> 01:17:58.369
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1787
01:17:58.670 --> 01:18:04.250
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01:18:04.289 --> 01:18:06.409
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1789
01:18:06.449 --> 01:18:09.409
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1790
01:18:09.470 --> 01:18:13.750
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1791
01:18:19.220 --> 01:18:24.260
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