Comic quest Ep9: Scumming

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Here we are again! We have 40 media in staff in the lines of Dungeons and Dragons.
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How are we gonna get back home?
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We don't know.
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This is Comic Quest.
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Alright, and welcome back to another episode of Comic Quest.
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It is a special episode.
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Solo, solo app.
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It's just me and Gareth here today.
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And thank God that we don't have those loud, brash Canadians, huh?
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This is nice already, it just feels nice.
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Oh yeah, there might be still be a bit of chaos kicking around, but it won't be Canadian chaos.
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I know that.
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Yeah.
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So we're not recording uh bad today, but that's not because bad is a bad venue.
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No, it's uh it's the opposite of bad.
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Aye.
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Bad's a great venue.
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Uh it's a great venue to see uh a whole variety of different art forms.
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Such as?
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Well they do live podcasts.
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Oh.
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They do DJ sets.
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The best live podcasts.
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Exactly.
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DJ sets, buskin, they've got uh live music, they do live comedy.
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What don't they do?
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And what don't they do well?
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Exactly.
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Well they do pizza as well.
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You can get class, class, yeah.
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If you're looking for someone to go out in Glasgow, you know, it's gotta be bad.
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Or you can try the sister venue, Blackfriars, which is a really more of a comedy hotspot and it is absolutely booming right now.
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It's becoming the place to be, really, in Scottish comedy, I would say.
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Exactly.
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So make sure you check it out.
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That brings us to this episode.
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In the last episode, what happened was you fought the half dragon primeval.
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The big bad, yeah, the big bad.
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We saw Tom Stade do sexy sexy maths.
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That I'm still, I'm still just going, how did he do that?
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Like, of all the episodes that we've done so far, I didn't think he had that in the locker.
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I had no idea he could do that.
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There was a moment when he was just casually doing it and Kate was like somewhat backing him up.
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You and me were just staring at each other, like, what is happening?
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What is going on here?
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He he he done great uh and he's also killed Derek Clittlehammer.
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Yeah.
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And then it was gonna happen though.
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That's true.
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As soon as he agreed to come on that trip, he was counting fodder.
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He really was.
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He was fodder.
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Well, we'll see if that comes back to bite you at any point.
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And then you took on primeval and you won.
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Fairly easily.
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I think that should be in there.
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Fairly easily.
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I think I was more than the tom.
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It really was that that fucking rod that he keeps going on about.
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Actually, I was like, that's a that's a I'm glad we had the immovable rod.
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Uh so he smashed it and then you cut the penis off of Yeah, for proof.
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For proof.
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You need to bring something back.
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I don't think I suggested penis.
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That's that's to me, I can I can't remember.
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That sounds like a fanny move.
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That sounds like a yeah, we should take his car back.
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Well, Fanny bashed his head in and then I think you all so the head was just not an option.
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Was that an option?
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So I think because of that, that's very second point of call.
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Well, if we can do head, obviously it's knob.
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Obviously.
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Uh and as you were cutting the penis off, uh a bunch of guards uh stormed into the the lighthouse where you all were and knocked you out, knocked Fanny out, and wrestled Bill and Shawn Michaels into a jail cart.
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You were put in your own jail cart.
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Yeah.
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So now you're knocked out and on your own.
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Sucked.
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As well, you join this so er I'll I'll explain what you're kinda in.
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So basically it's like a kind of it's a cage on wheels, effectively.
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Kind of four feet wide, about six foot long, and then about seven foot tall.
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How is this thing powered?
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Engine or horse?
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So that I was it Okay.
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This is good to be.
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No, no, you you've seen where I'm going.
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So it's powered because it's been pulled along by a giant boar.
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Yeah, I was gonna say horse was too normal.
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But it's a that would be too normal for DD.
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Yeah, a giant giant boar.
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Giant boar, which has been Oh, I've just had an idea.
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Well, you're knocked out.
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I've just yeah, I know I'm at a knocked out right now, but oh brother.
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You I talk to animals, don't you?
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No, I don't want to talk.
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Um I've got now I've got two ideas.
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Not uh wild shape.
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I could bore it up.
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Well, that hits another interesting point that I'll come on to quickly.
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Jesus.
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I'll just explain to you as well.
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You've just been sat in your gaff last night going, then he's gonna try and do this, and I'll count and I'm like Well done.
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Uh you've read you've read me well, Farley.
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I want you to succeed.
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Oh, I've a lot for this attack.
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You so think I'm against you and I'm trying to fuck your plans.
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I think that's DD lore, just as going back as an age old time.
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The the the DM is always trying to fuck you.
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That's just truth.
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He is not trying to progress the game with the story.
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That's all bollocks.
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He's just trying to make as difficult a time for his players as possible.
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I just want you to succeed.
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But uh what is who's I don't know if you would say right.
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He's not riding it.
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It's like a so your cage is kind of like a carriage and he's sat on top of it, yeah, uh steering and driving the thing.
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Uh and that guy is a bug bear warrior.
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A bugbear warrior.
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Uh-huh.
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So he's kind of he's almost like a kind of goblin-y kind of ock looking thing.
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Oh nice.
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So he's and he's he's the one in control.
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Okay.
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And then he's got two guards on horses behind him and two in front of him.
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So he's he's just kind of in charge of that.
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Yeah.
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So you're knocked out.
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Uh also you've not had the time to do like a long or a short rest since your battle.
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So you will have I think you used up all your wild shapes, and I think you've only got maybe two or f two you got your first level spell slots?
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I used Yeah, I used I definitely used Wild Shape once, because I want I just I went to bear, didn't I?
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I went full bear.
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You went from bear and then you turned into an eagle.
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So I did do the eagle, I can't even deny that.
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Fuck.
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So I've only got one of them left.
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Or is that both?
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I think you're bought your out.
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Ah, shit on it.
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That's fucking pish.
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I presented you a couple of options here.
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I like this.
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This makes me feel like you do want me to see it.
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You hear you kinda and you're in a dreamlike state, but you kinda hear them over talk talking over, and you kinda work out where they say you're going, but they say it's gonna take you eight hours to get there.
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Fuck.
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So I will just tell you some game mechanics quite quickly.
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You can do a short rest, which is like two hours, and that will regain you one wild shape.
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Okay.
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You can do a long rest, which is the whole eight hours, but you'll be back up to full strength.
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The issue is whenever they're taking you, you'll be uh blissfully unaware of how to get there, where the fuck we are.
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And then when you wake up, you will be fully ready to go, but you will be in a position that they want you to be in.
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Here's the thing.
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How much can I really drink in when it's eight hours away?
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It's I think I already know everything I need to know.
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Far.
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We are far away from where we were.
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Like, if we were going, I'd say max an hour away.
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I'm like, maybe you could go, and then it was a left, and then it was the second round of uh the roundabout.
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The second the second line, then it was a right, then we went off for 500 yards, then it was another.
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For eight hours, finally, I mean I ain't trying to fucking track shit at this point.
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I am very happy to succumb to my situation and where Don is and get myself a very long list.
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I want to do the long rest, man.
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Because what the fu I know what I need to know in eight hours.
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Well, you could do the short list and maybe do it.
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But then that's just half that's half ours, in it.
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Yeah, but then you get a wild shape, you can maybe try and escape.
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A wild shape.
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Oh my god.
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See, that says everything about Gareth that just at no point, at no point did I even have the thought of I should try and get out of this.
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I just my whole thing is just, well, that's happened.
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We're in it now.
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Commit.
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I might as well get a big sleep.
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And then, hey, I've got to sleep out of it.
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Weirdly, a nice sleep in the back of that cage.
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Um, oh fuck.
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Why didn't I think about the option of escaping?
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It feels like I've been led down a path.
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We can edit this out.
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No, you can ask.
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I wanna I now have changed my answer.
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Well, I want to change to short rest, and I'm then gonna see if I can get out of this.
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Well, I've I've prepared for all of it.
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Either option.
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So whatever you want to do, there's no right or wrong answer.
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I just wanted to make sure you're fully aware of now.
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Succumb, succumb, go with my gun.
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Succumb.
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Okay.
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Succumb to the what's happening to me.
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So as you are asleep, visited by I won't say a friend, not an acquaintance, not an adversary, because he's disappointed in you, but he always loves you.
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This guy again.
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It's God.
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Oh, fuck.
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I hate this fucking guy.
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He hates me.
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He hates me.
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He has punished me more than anyone else in this game.
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So God is there and he says, bastard.
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Hello, Don.
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Yeah, hello God.
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I I feel like we've got off on the wrong foot here.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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You can say that again.
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We don't like each other.
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I I love you.
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Do you?
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I do.
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Do you?
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I do.
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I love all my children.
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What is it?
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Well, I just thought, listen, you're in the back, you're in a cage.
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Okay?
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Should we maybe have a think about the choices and the actions that you have made that have led to you getting in this cage?
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So we cannot get in the cage again, Don.
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I like my choices though.
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I don't you're in a c do you like being in a cage?
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No, but so I feel pretty inevitable.
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I don't why would that be inevitable, Don?
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This is the first this is the first peek into the character work that I've been doing behind the scenes here.
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Here's the first peak, the first little peek behind the curtain of who Don is.
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Because I feel voice breaks.
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I feel like I've spent my whole life inside of a cage.
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Get me the fucking globe now.
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Give me the globe now.
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Don is looking down at the ground in this fucking piece of shit cage.
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Just he's dead.
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You've seen Dawn search for booze, you've seen Dawn be kind of useless, you've seen Dawn trying to explain what a fucking Natchez.
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We've seen Dawn in a bunch of situations.
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This is the first time Don looks genuinely, sincerely sad.
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No, okay.
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He's sad.
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So why do you feel you were born in a cage, Don?
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I don't feel like I was born in a cage.
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I feel like I've fucked up my life and my life has become a cage.
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Well, that's very good.
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That's you're you're you're self-actualizing here.
00:11:37.759 --> 00:11:40.879
So how do you think you ended up in the cage?
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Bad choices.
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And what were those choices?
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Oh, how far are we going back?
00:11:47.120 --> 00:11:48.879
Well, how far back do you want to go?
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What's your earliest memory, Don?
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My earliest memory.
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Don is reaching as far back in his memory as he can.
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He's trying to search, going, surely I have something from like childhood.
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And he's like, I can't there's nothing there.
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I can't fucking I don't know.
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So God says, Would you like me to show you Don?
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Please.
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So Don and God turn.
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You can't see God, because God's very tall.
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So you just you're just kinda Of course.
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I I I I I thought that about God.
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It'd be weird if God was under five foot.
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Yeah, so you're basically you can you can kinda see one of his knees and that's that's as much as you're getting.
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Talking shit about my childhood to God's knees.
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So he turns and before you is the scene in a forest, and there is a young a young boy and he's running around the forest.
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Do I recognise this boy?
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You see something very familiar, almost like a younger's you.
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Okay.
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And this boy does a big jump and then he turns into an eagle and flies high up into a tree.
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Perfectly normal.
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That's all about board.
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He turns and he jumps, turns into an eagle, and flies up into a tree.
00:13:07.279 --> 00:13:07.679
Yeah.
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Right.
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Okay, that's t terrifying.
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That would not be what Don thought his fucking first memory was.
00:13:14.480 --> 00:13:16.240
Don is creeped out by this.
00:13:16.639 --> 00:13:18.399
Yeah, so you creeped out, Don?
00:13:18.639 --> 00:13:18.879
Yeah.
00:13:19.120 --> 00:13:19.919
Who is that?
00:13:20.240 --> 00:13:20.879
That's you?
00:13:21.039 --> 00:13:21.759
It can't be.
00:13:21.919 --> 00:13:24.639
I'm not a fucking half man, half-eagle boy.
00:13:24.960 --> 00:13:29.360
Well, you did you not just turn into a giant eagle and cut the penis off a half dragon?
00:13:29.519 --> 00:13:30.960
Yeah, but that's in this world.
00:13:31.360 --> 00:13:34.080
And you is this the first time you've been in this world?
00:13:34.480 --> 00:13:34.960
Yes.
00:13:35.200 --> 00:13:35.840
Are you sure?
00:13:36.080 --> 00:13:37.440
God don't fuck with me.
00:13:38.000 --> 00:13:39.120
I'm not fucking with you.
00:13:39.200 --> 00:13:40.720
I would never fuck with you.
00:13:41.519 --> 00:13:43.600
I really wish that it was how God talked.
00:13:43.759 --> 00:13:45.519
I ain't fucking with you, my mate.
00:13:48.799 --> 00:13:49.360
Am I?
00:13:50.720 --> 00:13:52.320
Have I been here before?
00:13:52.639 --> 00:13:53.840
Was I here as a child?
00:13:54.159 --> 00:13:55.679
Certainly looks that way, doesn't it?
00:13:56.000 --> 00:14:00.399
Dawn is fucking perplexed.
00:14:00.559 --> 00:14:02.320
Uh could I roll.
00:14:02.480 --> 00:14:04.480
I mean, I don't even know what it would be under.
00:14:04.639 --> 00:14:07.120
Um history, insight.
00:14:07.679 --> 00:14:08.080
Insight.
00:14:08.480 --> 00:14:09.600
Insight for sure.
00:14:09.840 --> 00:14:11.200
Uh so that's also plus two.
00:14:11.600 --> 00:14:14.720
Are you wanting to see if God's lying or if this is a trick or something?
00:14:15.679 --> 00:14:22.000
Not even that if he's lying, just trying to get a bit more of a grasp on the understanding of this.
00:14:22.320 --> 00:14:22.559
Okay.
00:14:22.799 --> 00:14:23.360
Three.
00:14:24.799 --> 00:14:25.919
And it's a three.
00:14:26.080 --> 00:14:26.799
Plus two.
00:14:27.279 --> 00:14:28.159
Five, actually.
00:14:28.480 --> 00:14:30.240
Your fucking cheeky tone of three.
00:14:30.879 --> 00:14:36.639
So as you kind of turn away from it, you do start to realise that was a real memory.
00:14:36.720 --> 00:14:37.919
Like you now remember that.
00:14:38.159 --> 00:14:39.279
I'm starting to piece it in, yeah.
00:14:39.440 --> 00:14:45.120
You're like, well, yeah, I do remember being in the forest and I could turn into an eagle and jump into trees and stuff.
00:14:45.360 --> 00:14:45.519
Okay.
00:14:45.679 --> 00:14:49.279
But you know, I'm starting to I'm starting to remember it.
00:14:49.919 --> 00:14:52.000
Holy shit, I'm I'm from here.
00:14:52.639 --> 00:14:53.440
Yes, Don.
00:14:54.080 --> 00:15:00.159
But how okay, well how did I how did I end up in the other world?
00:15:00.480 --> 00:15:03.600
See, this is what I mean about the choices you make, Don.
00:15:04.480 --> 00:15:06.559
Oh, I fucked up again, didn't I?
00:15:06.799 --> 00:15:07.360
Stupid.
00:15:07.919 --> 00:15:25.759
Stupid now turns and he kinda you think he waves his hand, you can't see his hand, so you just kinda see like a shadow uh kind of move over, and then it goes into another scene, which I'm gonna leave up to you to describe.
00:15:26.159 --> 00:15:28.879
Oh shit, the bird, that's massive.
00:15:29.200 --> 00:15:38.159
Um He's still gotta be quite young then if it was forgotten initially, do you know what I mean?
00:15:38.480 --> 00:16:17.039
Um so I think it's and I can only really give loose here some sort of r uh running away from parents or guardians uh and like they're like on a fucking walk or whatever, and Don's off by himself, on the off the beaten track, and is just in his natural quisitive, childlike sort of state, is fucking around by himself and in some way ends up in as the youth refer to IRL in real in real life.
00:16:17.279 --> 00:16:19.360
But I don't know how the fuck he could get there.
00:16:19.600 --> 00:16:20.399
Not a clue.
00:16:20.639 --> 00:16:21.360
You don't know how.
00:16:21.600 --> 00:16:22.000
Nah.
00:16:22.240 --> 00:16:24.000
Do you think he was maybe chasing something?
00:16:24.240 --> 00:16:25.360
I'm happy to go with that.
00:16:25.600 --> 00:16:28.960
But how but is there like a is it like a portal?
00:16:29.679 --> 00:16:32.080
So I would say it's the smoke again.
00:16:32.159 --> 00:16:34.720
So the smoke that kicked Let's keep it in the lore, yeah.
00:16:34.879 --> 00:16:35.120
Yeah.
00:16:35.279 --> 00:16:42.080
So he's chasing something, some weird little creature he's never seen before in the woods, on a walk with his parents or guardians.
00:16:42.240 --> 00:16:56.399
Uh, and yeah, he's off by himself chasing this little creature, and just walk and just he sees the creature go into the smoke, he doesn't even think, just guns it straight into the smoke, trying to follow the creature.
00:16:56.639 --> 00:16:58.480
Ends up IRL.
00:16:58.799 --> 00:16:59.600
And Canada.
00:16:59.840 --> 00:17:01.440
In Canada, of course.
00:17:01.600 --> 00:17:02.879
That's where else would the smoke?
00:17:03.120 --> 00:17:05.119
Fucking Toronto.
00:17:07.440 --> 00:17:07.920
Is that okay?
00:17:08.079 --> 00:17:09.920
Is that good for the lore of DD?
00:17:10.000 --> 00:17:10.319
Is that okay?
00:17:10.480 --> 00:17:13.920
Yeah, no, it's just at the end of the day, it's your character, so you go to her, it's your character.
00:17:14.160 --> 00:17:14.960
I want to keep it real.
00:17:15.039 --> 00:17:17.440
I'd uh yeah, as I my instinct was portal.
00:17:18.160 --> 00:17:20.000
And you went, no, let's keep it with the smoke, mate.
00:17:20.240 --> 00:17:22.160
Well, it's uh we've put the smoke out though.
00:17:23.759 --> 00:17:24.160
No, you're right.
00:17:24.480 --> 00:17:27.920
Aye, so Don now knows he's from this land.
00:17:28.160 --> 00:17:36.400
Big he's clearly always been a druid, he's always had these possibilities, and now God goes, do you see how you've wasted your potential?
00:17:36.720 --> 00:17:38.160
Don starts to cry.
00:17:39.680 --> 00:17:41.200
I fucked it all up.
00:17:41.759 --> 00:17:43.119
Well, there's no need to cry.
00:17:43.279 --> 00:17:44.640
Let's let's not.
00:17:45.519 --> 00:17:47.599
I fucked it all up, God.
00:17:48.480 --> 00:17:50.000
How am I fucking meaning?
00:17:50.880 --> 00:17:53.519
Well, yeah, there's no need to cry though, let's not.
00:17:53.680 --> 00:17:56.160
This is You fucking made me cry.
00:17:56.400 --> 00:17:57.359
You made yourself cry.
00:17:57.599 --> 00:17:58.640
You made me cry.
00:17:59.039 --> 00:18:00.720
I'm God, I don't make you do anything.
00:18:00.880 --> 00:18:02.079
You have free will.
00:18:06.319 --> 00:18:07.440
You have free will.
00:18:07.599 --> 00:18:08.240
Shut up.
00:18:08.880 --> 00:18:09.839
Alright, I'm sorry.
00:18:10.160 --> 00:18:15.440
God now goes, so you started doing comedy, and he waves his hand and it's Don't.
00:18:15.599 --> 00:18:17.359
So we feel that scans is very real.
00:18:17.680 --> 00:18:20.160
A lost soul in Toronto.
00:18:20.400 --> 00:18:22.160
Where the fuck else would you turn?
00:18:22.319 --> 00:18:22.640
Comedy.
00:18:22.960 --> 00:18:24.480
This is Don's first ever gig.
00:18:24.640 --> 00:18:27.359
Do you want to uh tell me tell me about it?
00:18:27.759 --> 00:18:28.960
Uh Gong Show.
00:18:29.119 --> 00:18:29.680
Gong Show.
00:18:29.839 --> 00:18:31.039
It's a Gong Show.
00:18:31.119 --> 00:18:35.200
Uh at a good club in Canada, Yuck Yucks, or should we call them Tuk Tux?
00:18:35.440 --> 00:18:38.480
Because we've been we've been kind of changing little details.
00:18:38.640 --> 00:18:43.680
So he's at a premier venue on a very low-end night.
00:18:44.000 --> 00:18:50.240
Dawn goes up, does a couple of one-liners, uh does not go well.
00:18:50.799 --> 00:18:54.480
He sees uh two cards go up from the audience.
00:18:54.720 --> 00:18:58.400
If you get all three audience card members go up, you're gonged off.
00:18:58.559 --> 00:19:00.000
He sees two of them go up.
00:19:00.319 --> 00:19:06.559
Dawn just decides look, this is already me taking a shot uh at something new in my life.
00:19:06.799 --> 00:19:07.920
It's not going well.
00:19:08.079 --> 00:19:09.839
Plan A did not go to fucking plan.
00:19:10.240 --> 00:19:12.079
I might as well chuck out a Hail Mary.
00:19:12.240 --> 00:19:19.440
So Don just makes one joke about the Prime Minister at that time and just shares a view.
00:19:19.599 --> 00:19:19.759
Okay.
00:19:20.079 --> 00:19:26.960
And he sees that one of the people holding the cards, he sees the card like moving and he goes, the cun's laughing.
00:19:27.039 --> 00:19:28.319
That guy's laughing.
00:19:28.799 --> 00:19:45.599
And then he s shares another view about just what's going on, and he sees the other card laughing, and in fact, he sees one card go down, and then the other card goes down, and he just keeps sharing these sort of political sort of views, and the place starts to go fucking wild.
00:19:45.759 --> 00:19:48.319
And Dawn goes, Oh, this is who I should be.
00:19:48.400 --> 00:19:51.759
I should be this politically minded buffoon.
00:19:52.480 --> 00:19:59.039
And people really pick up on that and they they like him, his smart, dumb guy sort of act.
00:19:59.279 --> 00:20:07.440
Beats the gong, wins the cheer off on the night, and Don is he's in it now, he's in this world.
00:20:07.680 --> 00:20:10.000
He he goes, This is what I should do, I should be a comedian.
00:20:10.240 --> 00:20:11.440
So it was all going so well.
00:20:11.599 --> 00:20:14.559
You find it felt like you belonged in a world you didn't belong in.
00:20:14.880 --> 00:20:16.400
It didn't last though, did it, Don?
00:20:16.640 --> 00:20:18.480
No, we fell too close to the sun.
00:20:18.880 --> 00:20:23.519
And then God throws something down at you, and it is a review.
00:20:25.359 --> 00:20:25.759
Bennett.
00:20:28.240 --> 00:20:29.839
It's our old friend.
00:20:30.640 --> 00:20:31.759
TV Bennett.
00:20:36.400 --> 00:20:38.079
Yeah, well, give him a different name.
00:20:38.160 --> 00:20:41.039
It's uh it's a review by Fennel.
00:20:42.640 --> 00:20:43.599
Ben Stenet.
00:20:44.000 --> 00:20:44.799
Ben Stennet.
00:20:45.039 --> 00:20:51.519
Wow, I wonder if I'm gonna be able to decode that fucking Wow, how do you come up with it?
00:20:52.319 --> 00:20:57.200
It's Ben Stenet's review from the website Hortle.
00:21:01.759 --> 00:21:03.440
I think you went right, we'll change his name.
00:21:03.519 --> 00:21:05.039
Come on, an animate and all that.
00:21:05.200 --> 00:21:07.920
Right, so Ben Tennett.
00:21:08.160 --> 00:21:08.799
Ben Stenet.
00:21:09.119 --> 00:21:12.319
Stenet from Hortle.
00:21:12.480 --> 00:21:13.119
Hortle.
00:21:13.519 --> 00:21:14.640
Yeah, he hated Don.
00:21:14.960 --> 00:21:15.440
He hated Don.
00:21:16.160 --> 00:21:17.279
He really didn't like Don at all.
00:21:17.519 --> 00:21:18.400
What did he say about Don?
00:21:18.720 --> 00:21:50.079
I think the kindest, let's start with it, the kindest thing he says is he does acknowledge that people were laughing, but he he just shits on his whole sort of uh his soul his whole sort of gimmick and his whole his whole sort of act of going the headline could be Don Baldree pretends to be a smart guy in a dumb world.
00:21:51.039 --> 00:21:54.960
But he's actually a dumb guy in a smart world.
00:21:55.279 --> 00:22:02.079
Sound like shit ton of Subpar.
00:22:02.799 --> 00:22:03.359
Subpar.
00:22:03.680 --> 00:22:04.319
So yeah.
00:22:04.640 --> 00:22:15.759
Because I always think like if someone if someone just outright calls you like shit you can almost you can almost pad ah well comedy subjective taste.
00:22:16.000 --> 00:22:21.279
If they just genuinely critique nah like on all fronts, this is rubbish.
00:22:21.599 --> 00:22:23.519
It's it's more that sort of angle.
00:22:23.599 --> 00:22:27.839
It's more just I don't care what sort of comedy you like, this isn't comedy.
00:22:28.400 --> 00:22:29.200
It's subpar.
00:22:29.759 --> 00:22:42.640
So Don's reading that and you can you see remember this, and then another kind of image comes across to you, it's Dawn sat alone at the bar reading reading the review and just sinking drinks.
00:22:43.279 --> 00:22:45.440
That's maybe where the love of booze came from.
00:22:45.680 --> 00:22:46.319
Yes.
00:22:46.559 --> 00:22:47.119
Yes.
00:22:47.279 --> 00:22:51.839
So it's just Dawn at the bar, just going drink after drink after drink.
00:22:52.240 --> 00:22:56.240
Even the bartender's like, look, you you might be the only one in here.
00:22:56.480 --> 00:22:58.799
You might be the only one keeping us in business right now.
00:22:58.880 --> 00:23:05.759
But I feel like as a fellow man on this earth, at some point morally I should step in and go, This kind of should stop.
00:23:06.079 --> 00:23:07.599
And then you see Dawn.
00:23:07.839 --> 00:23:13.839
Maybe it should be like a fun little like sort of montage of like other people were in in and out.
00:23:14.079 --> 00:23:14.319
Yeah.
00:23:14.559 --> 00:23:17.519
But Don's just in the same spot, just neck and drink.
00:23:17.680 --> 00:23:19.440
So it's like obviously a passage of time.
00:23:19.680 --> 00:23:27.920
He comes back in here every day, first thing, grabs his seat at the and then everyone else comes and goes, Don just drinks in there all day, leaves.
00:23:28.079 --> 00:23:31.920
First thing in the morning comes back in, takes his seat, drinks all day, leaves.
00:23:32.079 --> 00:23:32.960
He's just on a loop.
00:23:33.200 --> 00:23:46.160
And then the last thing we see is Don on stage at the Chuckle Bucket and he's doing a joke about the Prime Minister, but that person hasn't been the Prime Minister in 20 years.
00:23:47.759 --> 00:23:49.359
Oh, that's very good.
00:23:49.599 --> 00:23:50.000
Yeah.
00:23:50.640 --> 00:23:51.920
That's the last joke he wrote.
00:23:52.079 --> 00:23:53.359
The last joke he wrote.
00:23:53.519 --> 00:23:56.640
Definitely I mean at a push, early 90s.
00:23:56.880 --> 00:23:57.359
Aye.
00:23:57.599 --> 00:24:02.559
So he's talking about Bill Clinton to a group of very confused students.
00:24:02.799 --> 00:24:04.000
In a different country.
00:24:04.319 --> 00:24:05.599
In a different country.
00:24:05.759 --> 00:24:07.039
Not even in Canada now.
00:24:07.200 --> 00:24:08.400
So different country.
00:24:08.640 --> 00:24:12.000
Politicians that are 20, 30 years old in reference point.
00:24:12.160 --> 00:24:15.839
Yeah, to a bunch of fucking freshers who are like, what the fuck is this?
00:24:16.000 --> 00:24:19.359
They're all going, Is is that the guy from the Epstein files?
00:24:20.799 --> 00:24:24.720
Uh Dawn just put Dawn's on stage, just dying.
00:24:24.880 --> 00:24:35.119
Just gives the one big ah looks up, and he just goes, in the in the real moment in Don's life, he just goes, you know, this was this was really funny.
00:24:36.720 --> 00:24:38.000
It really was.
00:24:38.720 --> 00:24:40.000
But it's not now.
00:24:41.359 --> 00:24:53.680
And he almost remembers that feeling of his first gong show when he made that choice to go off plan A and go to plan B and it fucking all panned out for him.
00:24:53.839 --> 00:25:01.440
He's on this stage at the choco bucket to a bunch of confused, not laughing students, and he goes, I'll change it up again.
00:25:01.759 --> 00:25:04.480
I'll share another view and I'll win him.
00:25:05.200 --> 00:25:13.039
And Dawn just changes the pace, shares a view, and Don just feels just impact on his chest.
00:25:13.680 --> 00:25:14.960
It's an egg.
00:25:16.079 --> 00:25:21.920
He looks down and just sees just yoke dripping off his old leather jacket and old shirt.
00:25:22.400 --> 00:25:24.799
And he goes, Yeah, it didn't work.
00:25:25.279 --> 00:25:29.039
Don puts the mic back in the mic stand, walks off stage.
00:25:29.359 --> 00:25:36.640
And then Fanny Bigwind walks on stage and goes, See what he was trying to say is because it's not your balls and it's not your ass.
00:25:38.559 --> 00:25:40.720
It does make sense.
00:25:41.039 --> 00:25:42.000
It so does.
00:25:42.160 --> 00:25:43.039
I stand by that.
00:25:43.119 --> 00:25:44.640
It's the same use of language.
00:25:44.720 --> 00:25:45.519
I stand by it.
00:25:45.680 --> 00:25:48.799
Motherface and the Nature is the same.
00:25:48.960 --> 00:25:52.880
I don't know what you would call it, granted, but it's the same.
00:25:53.119 --> 00:25:53.839
Anyway.
00:25:54.160 --> 00:26:00.160
Now you've woken up and you realise you're in a massive city.
00:26:00.400 --> 00:26:01.680
You're still in the cage.
00:26:01.839 --> 00:26:09.039
The guards and the horses they've kind of trailed off to go up to and you see them heading towards what looks like a massive kind of palace.
00:26:09.279 --> 00:26:10.160
Oh wow.
00:26:10.559 --> 00:26:17.599
And all that the only person they've left you with is this Bugbear Warrior and his giant boar.
00:26:17.920 --> 00:26:21.039
But you are now back up to full health, full everything.
00:26:21.359 --> 00:26:21.680
Good.
00:26:21.839 --> 00:26:24.880
You you can you're ready to rumble, but you are in this cage.
00:26:25.279 --> 00:26:25.920
That's good news.
00:26:26.160 --> 00:26:35.680
The Bugbear Warrior has got a eyes on you, and as you have a look around, you are kind of like it looks almost like they're kind of near the entrance of this city.
00:26:35.839 --> 00:26:50.319
This is a massive walled city, and you're kinda at the stables, and as you look across, you realize there is a lot of guards and other bugbear kind of warriors to like saddles and stuff on their kind of their mounts.
00:26:50.400 --> 00:26:50.480
Yeah.
00:26:50.720 --> 00:26:51.759
You get giant balls and that.
00:26:51.839 --> 00:26:53.599
So there's a lot of guards and stuff around.
00:26:54.240 --> 00:26:57.920
I'm just about to you know okay, they're already around or they're about to be around.
00:26:58.160 --> 00:27:00.079
So they're in within iShop.
00:27:01.039 --> 00:27:01.440
Yeah, yeah.
00:27:01.599 --> 00:27:04.160
So 50 to 100 yards away.
00:27:04.480 --> 00:27:04.799
Yeah.
00:27:05.039 --> 00:27:05.200
Okay.
00:27:05.519 --> 00:27:09.759
So if I was to make a move, n now is the time because I'm about to be.
00:27:10.000 --> 00:27:11.200
Can I ask one question?
00:27:11.440 --> 00:27:11.759
Yeah.
00:27:12.079 --> 00:27:12.960
And it's a big one.
00:27:13.119 --> 00:27:13.440
Okay.
00:27:14.000 --> 00:27:17.680
Am I and I'm gonna use the word shackled here.
00:27:17.839 --> 00:27:19.039
Am I shackled?
00:27:19.279 --> 00:27:21.119
No, you're just uh I'm loose.
00:27:21.519 --> 00:27:22.400
I'm loose in the cage.
00:27:22.720 --> 00:27:23.440
Just in the cage.
00:27:23.680 --> 00:27:24.960
Dumb as fuck choice.
00:27:25.200 --> 00:27:27.680
Dumb as fuck choice on these gun spots.
00:27:27.920 --> 00:27:28.799
I'm not shackled.
00:27:29.119 --> 00:27:29.519
Yeah.
00:27:29.680 --> 00:27:31.759
Uh could I wild shape?
00:27:32.400 --> 00:27:32.720
Okay.
00:27:33.359 --> 00:27:34.000
Thank you.
00:27:34.240 --> 00:27:36.000
Into spider, please.
00:27:36.400 --> 00:27:38.960
I was really I was hoping that's what you were gonna do.
00:27:39.440 --> 00:27:40.960
I was like, I'm gonna have to run.
00:27:41.119 --> 00:27:48.160
There was a bit when I said there was a lot of guards, I was like thinking like at least 25 if you went on the offensive.
00:27:48.400 --> 00:27:50.160
Oh no, that's that's gonzo.
00:27:50.799 --> 00:27:51.680
That's absolutely gonzo.
00:27:51.839 --> 00:27:57.519
I get if it w if it wasn't spider just trying to crawl out of this fucking cage.
00:27:57.839 --> 00:27:58.880
You would go for it.
00:27:59.119 --> 00:28:01.599
Uh no, I would no, I would I was never going for it.
00:28:01.680 --> 00:28:02.559
It'd be succumb again.
00:28:02.799 --> 00:28:04.640
I would be going, succumb, succumb, succumb.
00:28:04.960 --> 00:28:06.799
Hopefully I'll see my pals again.
00:28:07.039 --> 00:28:14.079
But it was at no point would I see 30 guards and go, I think Don's got this in the locker to take out all 25 of them.
00:28:14.319 --> 00:28:15.599
But uh yeah, yeah.
00:28:15.680 --> 00:28:16.799
Let's wild shape.
00:28:17.119 --> 00:28:17.440
Okay.
00:28:18.000 --> 00:28:18.640
Spider.
00:28:18.960 --> 00:28:20.720
Now remind me here again what am I doing.
00:28:20.799 --> 00:28:23.920
You gain three temporary HP hit points, is that?
00:28:24.000 --> 00:28:24.079
Yeah.
00:28:24.240 --> 00:28:27.519
So do I need to I don't need to roll anything just to go into that, it's just spell, right?
00:28:27.680 --> 00:28:30.319
Yeah, you just go into wild shape, you don't have to roll for that.
00:28:30.400 --> 00:28:32.880
Uh so roll me, uh, we'll say stealth.
00:28:33.039 --> 00:28:34.240
Stealth, stealth, stealth.
00:28:34.400 --> 00:28:36.559
Well, you get spider stealth, so you get plus four.
00:28:36.720 --> 00:28:37.759
Oh, fucking yeah.
00:28:37.839 --> 00:28:39.920
I've I've actually already got plus four stealth.
00:28:40.079 --> 00:28:40.400
There you go.
00:28:40.559 --> 00:28:41.759
So it's not plus eight, is it?
00:28:41.920 --> 00:28:43.599
No, no, you just get plus four.
00:28:43.839 --> 00:28:45.759
Oh fuck me.
00:28:45.920 --> 00:28:48.079
So plus four, eight.
00:28:48.240 --> 00:28:48.640
Right.
00:28:48.880 --> 00:28:54.720
Oh Jesus! Fucking Christ, just do one bastard thing well.
00:28:54.960 --> 00:28:56.880
You know, it's not the end of the world.
00:28:57.440 --> 00:28:58.960
It's not obviously not ideal.
00:28:59.200 --> 00:29:00.240
Not what we're hoping for.
00:29:00.640 --> 00:29:02.480
And he thinks he's so sneaky as well.
00:29:02.640 --> 00:29:05.119
He's like, I'm about to be a little spider.
00:29:05.519 --> 00:29:07.599
Uh the god's just gonna see all of it, in he?
00:29:07.759 --> 00:29:08.640
Spider, right there.
00:29:09.039 --> 00:29:09.519
He's right there.
00:29:09.759 --> 00:29:10.640
He's a spider and he's right.
00:29:10.960 --> 00:29:15.839
You hear a kind of thunder and it sounds Thunder Wave.
00:29:16.160 --> 00:29:19.920
It just sounds like kind of God from above going, oh, for fuck's sake.
00:29:20.240 --> 00:29:21.359
This is a good choice, God.
00:29:21.839 --> 00:29:23.279
You can't even be angry at this one.
00:29:23.359 --> 00:29:24.400
This is a good choice.
00:29:24.559 --> 00:29:25.839
This uh this isn't a class.
00:29:26.160 --> 00:29:26.880
I know what you're thinking.
00:29:26.960 --> 00:29:28.880
You're thinking this is a classic Don Boltry.
00:29:29.039 --> 00:29:29.519
Fuck up.
00:29:29.599 --> 00:29:30.000
It isn't.
00:29:30.079 --> 00:29:31.119
This is a good choice, God.
00:29:31.440 --> 00:29:41.279
So the bug bell warrior, he's immediately noticed and he shouts, escape, escape, you try to escape, and he starts to move towards the cage you're in.
00:29:41.440 --> 00:29:44.000
As a spider, you are small enough to get through the gaps the cage.
00:29:44.640 --> 00:29:44.880
Easy.
00:29:45.039 --> 00:29:46.480
So are you are you making a break for that?
00:29:46.880 --> 00:29:47.440
100%.
00:29:48.000 --> 00:29:48.319
Okay.
00:29:48.640 --> 00:29:50.960
So I'll explain to you what's inside the cage.
00:29:51.119 --> 00:29:57.359
So what's outside the cage is there's a stable that he was bringing his uh giant boar into.
00:29:57.759 --> 00:30:04.240
Uh, so it's hey, there's a couple like stables next to each other where you put like an individual kind of animal in.
00:30:04.319 --> 00:30:06.240
So you've got about six of them in a row.
00:30:06.480 --> 00:30:07.599
Yeah, don't mind that.
00:30:07.839 --> 00:30:12.319
And then it's just kind of like a runoff kind of drain sewage.
00:30:12.559 --> 00:30:13.920
So you want to run it in the drains.
00:30:14.240 --> 00:30:14.880
Drain me.
00:30:14.960 --> 00:30:16.319
That's where spiders should be.
00:30:16.559 --> 00:30:19.279
Okay, so he's gonna make an attempt to grab you.
00:30:19.440 --> 00:30:25.119
So if you roll me uh a dexterity, I'll tell you what a spider dexterity is.
00:30:25.279 --> 00:30:26.799
It is plus two.
00:30:27.440 --> 00:30:29.039
He's fucking rolled a four again.
00:30:29.279 --> 00:30:31.200
He's fucking rolled a four again.
00:30:31.359 --> 00:30:33.039
Nah, nah, I'm not having this.
00:30:33.119 --> 00:30:35.119
Uh it was such a fucking good ep.
00:30:35.279 --> 00:30:37.839
When it's just story, I'm fucking all over it.
00:30:37.920 --> 00:30:40.799
As soon as I need to roll one of these fucking dices.
00:30:40.960 --> 00:30:42.799
Oh wait, what you got four?
00:30:43.119 --> 00:30:43.599
Four.
00:30:44.000 --> 00:30:50.079
So he got three plus two five, but you get plus two as a spider, so you've you've escaped.
00:30:50.319 --> 00:30:53.440
Jesus Jiminy Cricks, that's close.
00:30:53.599 --> 00:30:54.880
That is fucking close.
00:30:55.039 --> 00:30:58.079
Oh, you got a f I I can't even believe you actually got.
00:30:58.640 --> 00:30:59.519
Oh my god.
00:30:59.920 --> 00:31:00.400
Me neither.
00:31:00.480 --> 00:31:03.599
No, I'm so literally by one dexterity.
00:31:03.920 --> 00:31:06.240
So he has He's like gone to get me.
00:31:06.640 --> 00:31:12.799
So his hand was on top of you, he was bringing the he's closing his hand in and you just escaped through the gap.
00:31:13.680 --> 00:31:18.640
Gap in the finger, flew away, you're now in the drain, so there's just a pipe that's going down.
00:31:18.799 --> 00:31:19.200
Yeah.
00:31:19.519 --> 00:31:22.160
Smells terrible, it smells like sewage.
00:31:22.720 --> 00:31:22.960
Of course.
00:31:23.279 --> 00:31:24.000
It's not good.
00:31:24.160 --> 00:31:34.079
What he's gonna do is as he he sees you run into the drain, he's gonna go and he can see he's got dark vision as well, so he's looking down the pipe and he can see you.
00:31:34.240 --> 00:31:40.720
So he's gonna try and make a move to grab you, but he's not gonna his hands are not gonna fit down there.
00:31:40.880 --> 00:31:44.720
So instead, he grabs water, a bucket of water that's there for one of the horses.
00:31:44.880 --> 00:31:46.000
That's really smart, actually.
00:31:46.079 --> 00:31:46.720
Well done, mate.
00:31:46.799 --> 00:31:47.279
Well done, mate.
00:31:47.359 --> 00:31:47.920
That's smart.
00:31:48.160 --> 00:31:50.720
Throws it down the drain to try and flush you out.
00:31:50.880 --> 00:31:51.519
Yeah, smart.
00:31:51.680 --> 00:31:52.400
Just good play.
00:31:52.559 --> 00:31:53.759
Can't even be annoyed at it.
00:31:53.920 --> 00:31:54.799
I would have done the same.
00:31:55.039 --> 00:31:58.559
Now you've been washed into the proper sewers.
00:31:58.880 --> 00:32:02.160
So it's very much like classic, like ninja turtles sewers.
00:32:02.720 --> 00:32:03.680
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:32:03.920 --> 00:32:06.240
I mean, we all we we can all visualize the sewer.
00:32:06.400 --> 00:32:06.880
We're all there.
00:32:07.039 --> 00:32:07.200
Yeah.
00:32:07.759 --> 00:32:13.519
We've seen enough stuff with people kicking about sewers for us to know exactly what exactly where he is.
00:32:13.759 --> 00:32:18.720
Now you're in the sewer, it's the classic sewer with the big running water through the middle and the two kind of walkways either side.
00:32:18.960 --> 00:32:21.039
Now you're down there, what are you wanting to do?
00:32:21.200 --> 00:32:27.279
Because it's like there's kind of you're looking at kind of like a maze situation here where there's different kind of passages and stuff like that.
00:32:27.359 --> 00:32:28.720
So you're wanting to start investigating.
00:32:29.200 --> 00:32:30.720
That would be a good move.
00:32:30.880 --> 00:32:33.519
Let's just blindly go back on ourselves.
00:32:33.680 --> 00:32:34.720
You want to go back up the pipe?
00:32:34.799 --> 00:32:35.119
Yeah.
00:32:35.279 --> 00:32:35.519
Okay.
00:32:35.680 --> 00:32:38.400
In a bit, in a in a in a like a minute.
00:32:38.640 --> 00:32:38.960
Alright.
00:32:39.200 --> 00:32:40.559
Because that's the last thing they'd expect.
00:32:40.720 --> 00:32:41.920
That's the last thing they'd expect.
00:32:42.079 --> 00:32:42.400
Okay.
00:32:42.799 --> 00:32:45.759
I think they're all now good and good knowing right, he's down there.
00:32:45.839 --> 00:32:47.039
We've flushed him down there.
00:32:47.200 --> 00:32:47.359
Okay.
00:32:47.599 --> 00:32:49.359
I'm gonna go back, I want to go back up the pipe.
00:32:49.519 --> 00:32:52.640
Because also, if I am gonna get out of this, I don't want to get out of this alone.
00:32:52.720 --> 00:32:54.160
I want to get out of this with my friends.
00:32:54.319 --> 00:32:56.160
So I need to somewhat find them.
00:32:56.240 --> 00:32:56.400
Okay.
00:32:56.640 --> 00:32:57.279
It's the last thing.
00:32:57.519 --> 00:32:59.359
It's like when you're playing hide and seek, Liam, right?
00:32:59.440 --> 00:33:00.720
I always say this in life.
00:33:00.960 --> 00:33:04.480
Sometimes I'm in a quandary and I go, what would I do if I was playing hide and seek?
00:33:04.720 --> 00:33:05.599
Do you know what I would do?
00:33:05.680 --> 00:33:06.240
I would hide.
00:33:06.400 --> 00:33:12.079
I'm not an idiot, I would hide, but as near to the person that's about to seek as possible.
00:33:12.319 --> 00:33:15.839
Because that's the last place they'd think you'd fucking hide.
00:33:16.079 --> 00:33:16.720
Behind them.
00:33:17.039 --> 00:33:18.880
So that's what that's what Don's doing now.
00:33:19.039 --> 00:33:22.240
The last thing they'd expect me to do is run back up this pipe.
00:33:22.480 --> 00:33:22.720
Okay.
00:33:23.119 --> 00:33:23.920
Back up the pipe.
00:33:24.240 --> 00:33:26.079
Do you want to roll me a dexterity?
00:33:26.240 --> 00:33:26.559
I do.
00:33:26.640 --> 00:33:28.480
And I I and I'll tell you something else, Liam.
00:33:28.559 --> 00:33:29.519
I want to roll it well.
00:33:29.759 --> 00:33:29.920
Okay.
00:33:30.319 --> 00:33:33.039
I really could do with this being the first good roll of the day.
00:33:33.200 --> 00:33:37.920
I could really do with that, actually, Liam, because you haven't filled me with confidence this is a good idea at all.
00:33:38.079 --> 00:33:39.279
I thought you'd be proud of me.
00:33:39.519 --> 00:33:41.039
I'm pretty I'm proud to say.
00:33:41.680 --> 00:33:43.519
Two! It's got worse.
00:33:43.839 --> 00:33:46.400
It's got so significantly worse.
00:33:46.559 --> 00:33:46.880
Right.
00:33:47.200 --> 00:33:48.960
How could it get worse from four?
00:33:49.119 --> 00:33:50.640
Well, it's not got totally worse.
00:33:50.880 --> 00:33:51.680
Oh no, it has.
00:33:51.759 --> 00:33:52.720
And don't fucking care.
00:33:53.200 --> 00:33:56.480
I I was I I'll tell you what's gonna ha uh what could have happened.
00:33:56.720 --> 00:33:59.440
If you got a one, he was gonna catch you.
00:33:59.759 --> 00:34:00.240
Two.
00:34:00.559 --> 00:34:09.599
So I this this is a two well as a as a a person trying to control the game kind of thing.
00:34:09.760 --> 00:34:20.480
Uh my original thing was if this was happening to me because I have so many other people around to catch you, I would stay trying to look down and be like, oh can I see him and then send them down.
00:34:20.639 --> 00:34:25.440
So he was gonna stay, and I was like, but he might not be that clever, so I rolled his uh wisdom.
00:34:25.599 --> 00:34:30.480
He rolled a 17, so I was like, Well, here's that clever, he's really smart.
00:34:30.639 --> 00:34:34.880
So shit, he he stayed looking at it, looking down the pipe.
00:34:35.360 --> 00:34:37.280
I bet this dumb fuck's gonna come right back.
00:34:38.400 --> 00:34:47.280
So he seen you come back up the pipe, and as you came back up the pipe, you seen his eye and you shatter and you fell back down the pipe.
00:34:47.519 --> 00:34:47.760
Good.
00:34:47.840 --> 00:34:48.320
You know what?
00:34:48.480 --> 00:34:48.800
Good.
00:34:48.960 --> 00:34:52.000
Uh so I'm gonna say that you took a wee bit of damage for that.
00:34:52.159 --> 00:34:54.239
So we're gonna say you took two damage from the fall.
00:34:54.480 --> 00:34:58.400
What is Don's HP, by the way, because you've got your normal HP plus three.
00:34:58.559 --> 00:34:59.679
Twenty-one, so twenty-four.
00:34:59.840 --> 00:35:01.440
Minus was it two, I said?
00:35:01.840 --> 00:35:02.000
Yes.
00:35:02.159 --> 00:35:02.400
Yes.
00:35:02.639 --> 00:35:03.519
22 you've got.
00:35:03.679 --> 00:35:07.039
Now that you're landed back on the floor of the sewer you originally are.
00:35:07.280 --> 00:35:08.079
Okay, dumb plan.
00:35:08.400 --> 00:35:09.920
You hear stupid plan.
00:35:10.159 --> 00:35:11.599
Stupid, stupid Don.
00:35:11.840 --> 00:35:13.119
Oh, just go back up the pipe.
00:35:13.199 --> 00:35:14.320
What a dumb fuck.
00:35:14.400 --> 00:35:16.239
You're a dumb fuck, don't.
00:35:16.480 --> 00:35:23.519
You hear the sound of footsteps and you coming from you don't get a moment's peace in this fucking world.
00:35:23.760 --> 00:35:38.320
It's they're coming from the north, so you can hear people running, be like, yeah, yeah, he's down, he's this way, and you hear the guy for the top who is looking down the pipe, he's shouting, he's like, Yeah, he's got an echoe pipe voice, and he's been like, yeah, yeah, he's down here, he's doing right.
00:35:38.559 --> 00:35:39.599
I can still see myself.
00:35:40.079 --> 00:35:42.719
Oh, this is baby so dumb.
00:35:43.039 --> 00:35:44.880
Why am I just full of dumb choices?
00:35:45.039 --> 00:35:46.079
Right, first things first.
00:35:46.239 --> 00:35:49.360
Can I roll to investigate how many voices I heard?
00:35:49.679 --> 00:35:55.039
And the steps, just like gather all the data to gather a guess of how many cunts are going to.
00:35:55.360 --> 00:35:59.920
I'll just tell you that you don't need to roll for that so you can tell it's at least like five guys.
00:36:00.159 --> 00:36:00.400
Five.
00:36:00.559 --> 00:36:01.840
And they're all making burgers.
00:36:02.320 --> 00:36:02.960
Yeah.
00:36:04.880 --> 00:36:09.199
Don't want to use all my fucking wild shape in uh hiding.
00:36:09.440 --> 00:36:09.599
Okay.
00:36:10.159 --> 00:36:13.039
But I I thought that would have been maybe a good plan.
00:36:13.280 --> 00:36:16.639
So there is a whole load of water running water next year and stuff.
00:36:17.440 --> 00:36:17.920
Yes.
00:36:18.079 --> 00:36:20.960
That's why I was looking at this giant opinion.
00:36:22.000 --> 00:36:24.639
So I was like, get me in the water, I could hide in the water.
00:36:24.800 --> 00:36:25.519
Here's a question.
00:36:25.679 --> 00:36:26.079
Yes.
00:36:26.320 --> 00:36:36.719
I know that because I've through my various years of watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here, I know there is such a thing as a a water spider, and spiders can hack it in the water.
00:36:36.800 --> 00:36:38.719
But is that a certain type of spider?
00:36:38.880 --> 00:36:40.960
Or is that all spiders?
00:36:41.119 --> 00:36:45.119
Because I think some spiders would fucking hate to be in water and could maybe actually kill them.
00:36:45.760 --> 00:36:51.440
The spider that is in the book for you, uh it doesn't say anything about water, so I'm assuming it doesn't like it.
00:36:51.519 --> 00:36:55.760
It does say spider climb those so it can climb the ceilings and stuff like that.
00:36:55.920 --> 00:36:57.199
Oh for fuck's sake, yeah.
00:36:57.360 --> 00:36:58.400
What am I doing?
00:36:58.559 --> 00:37:00.239
What am I fucking doing?
00:37:00.400 --> 00:37:05.599
I'm a bastard spider, and all I've all I've tried to do is oh run back up the drain pipe.
00:37:06.000 --> 00:37:07.679
Yeah, fucking yes.
00:37:07.840 --> 00:37:14.719
Uh I'm gonna try and fucking wall climb onto the ceiling and scurry over these five bastards.
00:37:14.880 --> 00:37:16.559
It's dark down there as well, they won't be able to.
00:37:16.800 --> 00:37:21.280
Well, some of them will ha some of them have night vision because one of them's gonna be a bug bell body.
00:37:21.440 --> 00:37:29.039
I'm just gonna tell you, see you know, uh, I've been trying you want to scurry to it so to the other platform separated by the water because it's two walkways.
00:37:29.280 --> 00:37:31.199
But I want to stay on the roof over them first.
00:37:31.360 --> 00:37:32.000
Right, okay.
00:37:32.239 --> 00:37:35.920
I get the two walkways, just a bunch of shit and piss in the middle.
00:37:36.159 --> 00:37:37.920
And you just want to stay there, does it say or not?
00:37:38.159 --> 00:37:40.239
I want to I want to be constantly on the move.
00:37:40.320 --> 00:37:42.000
I want to So if they're coming from here.
00:37:42.320 --> 00:37:43.199
They're coming from the north.
00:37:43.440 --> 00:37:46.079
Right, so let's say this is north, uh, and I'm here.
00:37:46.239 --> 00:37:49.679
I want to wall climb above, and hopefully it'll be this sort of situation.
00:37:50.000 --> 00:37:53.119
So you want to stealth over them and try and come out the way they came out?
00:37:53.199 --> 00:37:53.360
Yes.
00:37:53.679 --> 00:37:55.360
Like, okay, I I can work with that.
00:37:55.519 --> 00:37:57.199
So roll me stealth again.
00:37:57.360 --> 00:37:59.280
You get plus four because you're the spider.
00:37:59.519 --> 00:38:00.320
Come on.
00:38:00.719 --> 00:38:01.119
Eleven.
00:38:01.440 --> 00:38:03.199
That's the first not terrible roll.
00:38:03.360 --> 00:38:03.519
Okay.
00:38:03.760 --> 00:38:04.320
So 15.
00:38:04.400 --> 00:38:04.480
Yeah.
00:38:05.119 --> 00:38:06.079
Stop smiling.
00:38:06.239 --> 00:38:08.800
Stop sm when you smile at that.
00:38:09.039 --> 00:38:11.119
No, it's just it's never good.
00:38:11.280 --> 00:38:12.480
These are all looking pretty low.
00:38:12.639 --> 00:38:14.000
Two two of them have seen you.
00:38:14.159 --> 00:38:14.800
Oh fuck.
00:38:15.119 --> 00:38:16.079
Two of them immediately.
00:38:16.159 --> 00:38:18.719
Uh he's he's on the ceiling, he's trying to run in behind us.
00:38:19.039 --> 00:38:22.639
So they're gonna try they can't reach you because you're too far above them.
00:38:22.800 --> 00:38:26.719
So well, one of them has a light hammer, so he's gonna challenge you.
00:38:26.800 --> 00:38:29.119
That is a range attack, so he's gonna try and throw it at you.
00:38:29.360 --> 00:38:30.800
I'll dodge that every day of the week.
00:38:30.960 --> 00:38:31.199
Okay.
00:38:31.599 --> 00:38:33.039
Every day of the week I'll dodge that.
00:38:33.119 --> 00:38:34.960
Oh what's that noise?
00:38:35.119 --> 00:38:36.239
He's got a 21.
00:38:36.800 --> 00:38:38.320
So I need to roll a 20.
00:38:38.480 --> 00:38:42.400
You can say I'll give you a chance, there's a dexterity saving throw.
00:38:42.480 --> 00:38:45.440
So your sterity saving throw is a plus two, so roll.
00:38:45.679 --> 00:38:46.559
And it needs to be a twenty?
00:38:46.880 --> 00:38:48.079
Pretty much, yeah.
00:38:48.480 --> 00:38:49.360
So you know what?
00:38:49.440 --> 00:38:53.599
This is actually the sort of fucking moment that Gareth will fucking pull through with.
00:38:53.760 --> 00:38:54.880
This is me all over.
00:38:55.199 --> 00:38:56.639
Been rolling fours and twos.
00:38:56.880 --> 00:38:58.239
You don't think he's got it in the locker?
00:38:58.639 --> 00:39:00.000
I just thought you were gonna run the other way.
00:39:00.159 --> 00:39:01.119
Oh well, I no be it.
00:39:01.199 --> 00:39:03.280
No, I wasn't gonna run the other way.
00:39:03.519 --> 00:39:05.519
I'll give it a good fucking bash.
00:39:05.679 --> 00:39:06.159
15.
00:39:06.320 --> 00:39:08.079
So he has hit you with his hammer.
00:39:08.159 --> 00:39:09.840
He taken eight damage.
00:39:10.079 --> 00:39:10.559
Eight?
00:39:11.599 --> 00:39:13.679
Oh, for the love of shit.
00:39:14.000 --> 00:39:16.159
Solo eps are the fucking worst.
00:39:16.320 --> 00:39:17.440
22 minus eight.
00:39:17.599 --> 00:39:21.599
I'm also gonna need you to do a dexterity saving throw to see if you fall in the water.
00:39:21.840 --> 00:39:23.519
So D20 plus two.
00:39:24.239 --> 00:39:24.880
Oh no.
00:39:25.519 --> 00:39:25.760
No.
00:39:26.079 --> 00:39:26.800
So four.
00:39:26.880 --> 00:39:28.000
So nah no.
00:39:30.719 --> 00:39:32.400
This is fucking crap.
00:39:32.559 --> 00:39:32.880
Okay.
00:39:33.039 --> 00:39:34.800
This is so not going my way.
00:39:34.960 --> 00:39:36.559
So you've fallen in the water now.
00:39:36.719 --> 00:39:38.000
Yeah, yeah, I have.
00:39:38.159 --> 00:39:46.079
If you want to stay in spider form, you're gonna need to make a constitution saving throw to see if we you start drowning or if you want to do something else.
00:39:46.320 --> 00:39:49.199
I might just change into this fucking octopus, bruh.
00:39:49.440 --> 00:39:49.760
Okay.
00:39:50.960 --> 00:39:53.840
I might just change it into an octopus, bruh.
00:39:54.639 --> 00:39:57.440
I might just do nah, let's do the saving throw first.
00:39:57.679 --> 00:40:04.800
Okay, so it's minus one on constitution, so whatever you roll you have to make to stay a spatline.
00:40:05.280 --> 00:40:08.239
Yeah, what why do I want to stay a spider?
00:40:08.480 --> 00:40:10.000
The spider has not worked out for me.
00:40:10.079 --> 00:40:11.199
I mean, it got me out of the cage.
00:40:11.360 --> 00:40:12.719
So let's talk about the positives.
00:40:12.880 --> 00:40:14.400
Hey, look at that, bruh.
00:40:14.800 --> 00:40:15.440
19.
00:40:15.760 --> 00:40:18.639
So you've survived and now you're being swept.
00:40:18.800 --> 00:40:21.119
You're not drowning, but you're being swept further.
00:40:21.280 --> 00:40:22.480
The water is running south.
00:40:22.639 --> 00:40:24.960
It's sweeping you away, but they can still see you.
00:40:25.280 --> 00:40:25.760
Finally.
00:40:26.639 --> 00:40:28.000
What is Don's whole thing?
00:40:28.159 --> 00:40:31.760
Boys and girls, listen to this podcast and everything beautiful in between.
00:40:31.920 --> 00:40:32.960
Say it with me now.
00:40:33.119 --> 00:40:33.920
Succumb.
00:40:34.559 --> 00:40:35.519
Let's succumb.
00:40:35.760 --> 00:40:37.280
Let's just fucking stay in the water.
00:40:37.360 --> 00:40:38.719
Let's see where the it takes me.
00:40:38.880 --> 00:40:39.199
Okay.
00:40:39.519 --> 00:40:40.719
Let's just succumb.
00:40:40.960 --> 00:40:42.239
It's gonna lead somewhere.
00:40:42.639 --> 00:40:45.440
Probably an op an open body of water.
00:40:46.159 --> 00:40:47.280
Become the octopus.
00:40:47.760 --> 00:40:49.440
Bingo bingo bingo.
00:40:49.519 --> 00:40:50.239
We're grand.
00:40:50.400 --> 00:40:50.480
Okay.
00:40:50.800 --> 00:40:51.280
Succumb.
00:40:51.519 --> 00:40:51.920
Succumb.
00:40:52.159 --> 00:40:53.679
And I could probably beat five guys.
00:40:53.760 --> 00:40:54.159
No, go.
00:40:54.639 --> 00:40:55.280
What am I talking about?
00:40:55.440 --> 00:40:56.079
Beat five guys.
00:40:56.159 --> 00:40:58.159
I'm a spider and I just got hit by a fucking hammer.
00:40:58.239 --> 00:40:59.039
I'm talking at my R.
00:40:59.280 --> 00:41:00.239
They all see you now.
00:41:01.039 --> 00:41:03.360
A little spider and some fucking shit water.
00:41:03.519 --> 00:41:03.760
Yeah.
00:41:03.920 --> 00:41:06.559
So four of them still have ranged weapons and spears.
00:41:06.800 --> 00:41:08.639
They're gonna take a roll run at you.
00:41:08.800 --> 00:41:10.719
One misses completely.
00:41:10.880 --> 00:41:12.239
What's your AC again?
00:41:12.400 --> 00:41:12.960
It's 13.
00:41:13.199 --> 00:41:18.320
We've missed one, so now two of them don't have weapons, but it is still three to go.
00:41:18.480 --> 00:41:19.840
Now you know what I'm feeling positive about it.
00:41:20.000 --> 00:41:20.320
Four.
00:41:20.400 --> 00:41:20.719
That's fine.
00:41:21.280 --> 00:41:21.840
Miss again.
00:41:24.800 --> 00:41:25.679
16 plus.
00:41:26.239 --> 00:41:26.880
That sounds like a hit.
00:41:26.960 --> 00:41:27.679
That sounds like a hit.
00:41:27.760 --> 00:41:30.800
I will give you the chance to make a dexterity saving throw to try and avoid this.
00:41:31.519 --> 00:41:37.920
But if you do it on this one, that's one that gets thrown, there's one left, you're not gonna make if that hits, that hits, there's no way it.
00:41:38.159 --> 00:41:43.599
Can I try and do I ha can I decide what I do when I'm trying to dodge it or do it am I just trying to dodge it?
00:41:44.159 --> 00:41:46.239
Like can I jump out of the water onto the other side?
00:41:46.480 --> 00:41:50.159
If you want to, but you're gonna get disadvantage on your roll.
00:41:50.400 --> 00:41:51.519
Yeah, let's just try and dodge it then.
00:41:51.599 --> 00:41:51.840
Fuck it.
00:41:52.000 --> 00:41:52.079
Okay.
00:41:52.400 --> 00:41:52.960
17.
00:41:53.440 --> 00:41:54.239
I have a minute of that.
00:41:55.119 --> 00:41:56.639
I'm gonna say 17 plus two.
00:41:56.960 --> 00:41:58.320
So it's 1919.
00:41:58.480 --> 00:41:59.679
Uh it's a straight draw.
00:42:00.239 --> 00:42:00.719
Nothing happened.
00:42:00.880 --> 00:42:01.199
I don't know.
00:42:01.360 --> 00:42:02.320
I need to Google this now.
00:42:02.639 --> 00:42:02.960
Drawing it.
00:42:03.039 --> 00:42:03.360
No, no.
00:42:03.599 --> 00:42:04.880
I think it favours the attacker.
00:42:05.039 --> 00:42:05.679
I'm googling.
00:42:05.840 --> 00:42:06.400
Hold on.
00:42:06.639 --> 00:42:08.880
Oh, of course it fucking does.
00:42:09.199 --> 00:42:10.639
I roll a 17.
00:42:11.119 --> 00:42:12.639
Get a 19 overall.
00:42:12.800 --> 00:42:14.880
One away from fucking ultimate.
00:42:15.519 --> 00:42:17.039
And it's a draw.
00:42:17.360 --> 00:42:19.360
Thinking of the offside rule is what you're thinking of.
00:42:19.519 --> 00:42:20.719
The old offside rule as well.
00:42:20.960 --> 00:42:22.880
No one's favoured the attacker in years, bro.
00:42:24.320 --> 00:42:26.400
It's a tough one because from what I'm reading.
00:42:26.639 --> 00:42:28.719
Maybe go with your gut on it then, maybe just let it pass, huh?
00:42:28.880 --> 00:42:31.760
Yeah, it basically says nothing happens for what I can see on Google.
00:42:32.800 --> 00:42:40.320
So he he misses, but is it's you are now knocked off balance on the next person who takes a run who's frozen spear that you're gonna get advantage.
00:42:40.480 --> 00:42:42.000
It's fine, because he's gonna get fuck all.
00:42:42.079 --> 00:42:42.639
That's fine.
00:42:42.800 --> 00:42:43.119
Watch.
00:42:43.199 --> 00:42:43.519
I know it.
00:42:43.599 --> 00:42:44.239
He's gonna get he.
00:42:44.639 --> 00:42:45.679
So he got 17.
00:42:45.840 --> 00:42:46.159
That's good.
00:42:46.320 --> 00:42:47.360
So he's gonna have shit.
00:42:47.519 --> 00:42:47.920
That's really good.
00:42:48.079 --> 00:42:49.679
And he does six damage.
00:42:49.840 --> 00:42:50.960
So you're down to ten.
00:42:51.679 --> 00:42:52.559
Fuck me.
00:42:53.039 --> 00:42:57.599
But they all are now out of weapons, so if it it would only be hand to hand.
00:42:57.760 --> 00:43:06.320
But you are being swept away in a uh in this current, and before they can even get a chance to do another move, they're completely out of eye shot now, and you've been swept.
00:43:06.559 --> 00:43:07.440
Almost like a water slide.
00:43:07.519 --> 00:43:10.320
There's a lot of twists, a lot of turns, you're getting thrown about the place a bit.
00:43:10.400 --> 00:43:11.760
Is it anything you want to do?
00:43:12.079 --> 00:43:12.719
Yes, no.
00:43:12.800 --> 00:43:16.320
I think I tried to do this last time, and I think you told me I couldn't.
00:43:16.480 --> 00:43:19.760
I can't do spells as a not as a spider.
00:43:20.239 --> 00:43:28.719
So with the the three big ones, your bear, the octopus, and the eagle, you can there's three spells you can do in no shape.
00:43:28.960 --> 00:43:29.360
Right.
00:43:29.519 --> 00:43:31.199
Um They're out of eyeshot now.
00:43:31.360 --> 00:43:32.320
Yeah, you can't see them anymore.
00:43:32.480 --> 00:43:34.960
So you're just being swept along, you don't know where this ends.
00:43:35.280 --> 00:43:36.079
I don't know where I am.
00:43:36.159 --> 00:43:37.920
I don't know uh anything about this.
00:43:38.559 --> 00:43:42.719
If I'm trying to get if we're trying to get to the bottom of stuff, all of this is new.
00:43:42.960 --> 00:43:50.960
So as you're getting swept along though, you do see like there is like kind of ladders, like you're getting swept, like there is ways out of this sewer.
00:43:51.519 --> 00:43:52.719
Let's let's do that then.
00:43:52.880 --> 00:43:56.639
Let's get out of the water onto one of the side walkways.
00:43:56.800 --> 00:43:57.119
Right.
00:43:57.360 --> 00:43:58.239
As the spider.
00:43:58.480 --> 00:43:58.639
Okay.
00:43:59.039 --> 00:43:59.599
And then try.
00:44:00.239 --> 00:44:03.280
Transition to a you just want to be running about?
00:44:03.760 --> 00:44:04.000
No.
00:44:05.360 --> 00:44:06.239
No, no, I don't.
00:44:06.320 --> 00:44:11.519
I want to spider in the water, out onto the walkway, come out of the spider, de-dawn.
00:44:11.760 --> 00:44:12.159
De dawn.
00:44:12.559 --> 00:44:13.360
Climb ladder.
00:44:13.920 --> 00:44:16.719
Open the fucking hatch or whatever at the top of the ladder.
00:44:16.880 --> 00:44:17.199
Come out.
00:44:17.360 --> 00:44:18.719
Then I'm then I want to roll a wee.
00:44:18.960 --> 00:44:19.280
Investigate.
00:44:19.519 --> 00:44:20.239
See my surroundings.
00:44:20.400 --> 00:44:21.679
And then I'll and then I'll decide from there.
00:44:21.840 --> 00:44:22.239
Can I do that?
00:44:22.320 --> 00:44:23.199
Can I Sure.
00:44:23.440 --> 00:44:23.599
Okay.
00:44:23.840 --> 00:44:25.119
So Climb up the ladder.
00:44:25.440 --> 00:44:29.039
So roll me a dexterity as a spider just to see make sure you get out or out.
00:44:29.119 --> 00:44:29.840
That's 20.
00:44:30.079 --> 00:44:30.880
The dirty 20.
00:44:30.960 --> 00:44:31.039
Yeah.
00:44:31.199 --> 00:44:32.320
So you got an 18 plus two.
00:44:32.559 --> 00:44:39.039
So you're out, you climb easily climb up through the you turn back into dawn, obviously, when you hit the kind of walkway.
00:44:39.360 --> 00:44:42.639
Then you climb up the ladder, you get out of the sewer out of a drain.
00:44:42.880 --> 00:44:43.599
Peak peek out.
00:44:43.760 --> 00:44:44.159
Peak out.
00:44:44.239 --> 00:44:45.440
So you want to roll investigation?
00:44:45.679 --> 00:44:48.400
I do, because I feel like I've travelled a couple of blocks at least.
00:44:48.559 --> 00:44:49.039
15.
00:44:49.119 --> 00:44:50.159
Now we're rolling.
00:44:50.400 --> 00:44:51.360
Now we're rolling.
00:44:51.519 --> 00:44:52.320
It's a minus one.
00:44:52.880 --> 00:44:54.320
You might have a minus one in investigation.
00:44:55.679 --> 00:44:57.039
Why the fuck would I put that in?
00:44:57.199 --> 00:45:02.079
I think you said you didn't want to be very absorbent when we were making the characters.
00:45:02.480 --> 00:45:03.840
Yeah, that's fun, isn't it?
00:45:03.920 --> 00:45:04.719
That's very fun.
00:45:04.880 --> 00:45:06.880
Uh so 14 is actually what I got.
00:45:07.199 --> 00:45:12.480
Okay, so you you've came out at uh the retail district of the city.
00:45:12.559 --> 00:45:25.360
So there's a lot of like you're kinda in like a market, there's a lot of stalls, people kind of selling selling the whales, so there's like people selling like married and like things that smell nice, there's people selling like scarves and clothing.
00:45:25.440 --> 00:45:31.840
Uh there's a small kind of animal one where it's like selling like rabbits and guinea pigs and shit like that.
00:45:32.320 --> 00:45:33.199
Mad question.
00:45:33.360 --> 00:45:33.760
Uh-huh.
00:45:34.079 --> 00:45:34.880
Mad question.
00:45:35.119 --> 00:45:37.440
Are they all I don't even know what the word would be human?
00:45:37.840 --> 00:45:44.239
So when you look around, there's a mix, so there's like humans and humanoids, so like kind of human-looking lizard people.
00:45:45.039 --> 00:45:46.880
Is there any animals kicking about this market?
00:45:47.039 --> 00:45:53.119
Yeah, there's the people selling animals, so there's something animals just l free, loose, free in the market.
00:45:53.519 --> 00:45:58.239
Well, you see like a rat you see like kind of rats, but they're more coming towards the soil that you're coming out of.
00:45:58.639 --> 00:45:58.800
Right.
00:45:59.440 --> 00:46:04.480
There's no like any just like loose animals kind of walking about, apart for like pigeons and stuff like that.
00:46:04.639 --> 00:46:04.800
Yeah.
00:46:05.039 --> 00:46:05.519
Shiser.
00:46:06.320 --> 00:46:09.599
I mean, I didn't expect the fucking badger to be shopping in the market.
00:46:09.920 --> 00:46:10.159
Sad.
00:46:10.320 --> 00:46:14.400
There's also a there's a rat coming straight towards you and it's kind of squeaking at you.
00:46:14.800 --> 00:46:15.920
Fuck off rat.
00:46:16.719 --> 00:46:17.599
Fuck off rat.
00:46:17.920 --> 00:46:20.000
Well, it's just squeaking, you don't know what it's trying to say.
00:46:20.320 --> 00:46:22.800
I see what you're I'm picking up what you're putting down.
00:46:22.960 --> 00:46:25.840
I'm picking up what you're putting down for the first time in this game.
00:46:26.079 --> 00:46:27.519
I'm picking up what you're putting down.
00:46:27.679 --> 00:46:29.280
Uh let's speak to this rat.
00:46:29.519 --> 00:46:29.679
Okay.
00:46:30.000 --> 00:46:31.519
I'd like to know what it's saying.
00:46:31.679 --> 00:46:35.360
So you cast Speak with Animals, that uses a first level spell slot.
00:46:35.519 --> 00:46:35.920
That's okay.
00:46:36.079 --> 00:46:45.039
It's uh it's you hear the squeaking and then you cast it and it starts to change from a squeak to quite a kind of nasally kind of why are you in the show?
00:46:46.239 --> 00:46:51.519
I didn't know Vladimir makes that gonna be in this game as a rat.
00:46:54.639 --> 00:46:58.960
I say to the rat, which is something I never thought I'd be saying in this game.
00:46:59.119 --> 00:46:59.760
Can you help me?
00:46:59.840 --> 00:47:01.119
Uh I'm on the run.
00:47:01.199 --> 00:47:04.960
I don't know where I am, I don't know who these people were that were taking me here.
00:47:05.119 --> 00:47:07.760
They tried to take me up into like the sort of palacy bit.
00:47:07.840 --> 00:47:09.039
They've got two of my friends.
00:47:09.199 --> 00:47:09.760
Can you help me?
00:47:09.920 --> 00:47:10.480
Find my friend.
00:47:10.800 --> 00:47:11.519
That goes.
00:47:12.000 --> 00:47:12.320
Oh.
00:47:15.360 --> 00:47:17.519
And now it's a junky rat.
00:47:17.760 --> 00:47:20.400
Oh man, you're on the run name.
00:47:23.760 --> 00:47:25.199
I'm loving this little rat.
00:47:25.360 --> 00:47:26.639
Yeah, I I don't like to.
00:47:27.039 --> 00:47:28.800
I spend my whole life on the run.
00:47:28.880 --> 00:47:31.599
People constantly try to trap me, eat me, they hate me.
00:47:35.119 --> 00:47:38.000
Hey, so the rat the rat relates to your cause.
00:47:38.079 --> 00:47:43.440
So he he he he likes it, he he kind of he likes your vibe because you smell like he likes it.
00:47:43.599 --> 00:47:46.559
Well, he you smell like shit because you've just been in the soil bottle.
00:47:46.719 --> 00:47:48.239
So he's a little shit rat as well.
00:47:48.400 --> 00:47:48.559
Right.
00:47:48.639 --> 00:47:49.920
So he's like, I get this guy.
00:47:50.320 --> 00:47:50.719
I get this.
00:47:51.760 --> 00:47:53.360
I'm loving this guy.
00:47:53.599 --> 00:47:57.599
So he goes, listen, listen, let me take you back to my nest.
00:47:57.840 --> 00:48:02.800
I'll go and we'll talk to my I'm very I'm a very well connected rat.
00:48:02.960 --> 00:48:04.719
We'll talk to everybody, we'll see what the story is.
00:48:04.800 --> 00:48:05.199
How about that?
00:48:05.760 --> 00:48:06.719
I like this, I like this.
00:48:06.800 --> 00:48:08.079
I'll follow you to your nest.
00:48:08.239 --> 00:48:08.880
Right, okay.
00:48:09.039 --> 00:48:10.880
The rat kind of starts to scamper off.
00:48:10.960 --> 00:48:12.159
You could chase the rat.
00:48:12.800 --> 00:48:17.840
The only thing that's bothering me is I shouldn't be kicking about as me.
00:48:18.000 --> 00:48:18.239
Right.
00:48:18.400 --> 00:48:29.840
So I'm what I'm doing now is, gang, for the listeners, is I'm looking through all of Dom's wild shapes and I'm trying to pick what one of these is most likely to be friends with a rat.
00:48:30.239 --> 00:48:32.320
I can tell you one piece of information if you want.
00:48:32.559 --> 00:48:36.000
Yeah, I th I have made my uh my mind up, but yes.
00:48:36.320 --> 00:48:39.280
A spider is small enough to ride on the back of a rat.
00:48:39.599 --> 00:48:40.000
Phenomenal.
00:48:40.159 --> 00:48:42.239
I mean, apps I mean, just phenomenal help.
00:48:42.400 --> 00:48:42.800
Yeah.
00:48:43.039 --> 00:48:49.119
Rather than I think a badger could be friends with a rat.
00:48:49.519 --> 00:48:50.639
Uh yeah.
00:48:50.880 --> 00:48:52.639
It feels mad though, doesn't it?
00:48:52.719 --> 00:48:59.840
I'm gonna use up two I only get two, and I'm about to use them both up, both times being a spider.
00:49:00.079 --> 00:49:02.400
Um, but yeah, let's spider it up again.
00:49:02.639 --> 00:49:04.400
So you turn into this spider again.
00:49:04.719 --> 00:49:05.760
And I jump on the back.
00:49:06.079 --> 00:49:12.159
Well, say obviously before you go, listen, you say that you he's playing to the rat, uh, I can't be seen.
00:49:12.320 --> 00:49:15.280
I will turn into a spider, and then can I jump on your back and you take me a nest?
00:49:15.440 --> 00:49:17.280
And he goes, I like your style.
00:49:17.519 --> 00:49:20.079
You make you're just making the whole thing consensual with the rat.
00:49:20.320 --> 00:49:24.559
Well, I'm just making sure the rat doesn't run away and then you're just a spider because you can't talk to him as a spider.
00:49:25.280 --> 00:49:25.679
Oh fuck.
00:49:26.000 --> 00:49:28.639
Because you can't do wild to talk with an animal.
00:49:28.800 --> 00:49:31.440
So he goes, Right, I I get what's going on.
00:49:31.519 --> 00:49:33.599
You can't speak as a spider, I'm gonna take you.
00:49:33.920 --> 00:49:35.360
If I I bring him up today.
00:49:35.599 --> 00:49:37.039
Here's what's gonna happen now.
00:49:37.280 --> 00:49:39.199
I'm about to become a spider again.
00:49:39.360 --> 00:49:40.079
Jump on your back.
00:49:40.159 --> 00:49:42.159
I can't even chance here when I'm a spider.
00:49:42.320 --> 00:49:44.559
But as soon as we get to your nest, I'll talk to you.
00:49:44.719 --> 00:49:46.000
Well, we we'll talk through meme.
00:49:46.159 --> 00:49:50.400
I'll I'll talk I'll we'll Oh, do you speak you speak rat sign language?
00:49:50.559 --> 00:49:51.039
RSL?
00:49:51.199 --> 00:49:52.000
You speak RSL.
00:49:52.239 --> 00:49:54.000
We'll figure it out when we get in the nest, okay?
00:49:54.239 --> 00:49:54.400
Okay.
00:49:54.880 --> 00:50:00.079
So you jump in the rat's back and you're writing through the city on the back of a rat as a spider.
00:50:00.639 --> 00:50:05.360
Wanting to say a million things to this rat, just seeing a whole new place in the world.
00:50:05.599 --> 00:50:08.079
All he's wanted to do is chat with this rat, but alas he can't.
00:50:08.480 --> 00:50:22.880
Run through the detail district into kind of the rougher west side of town, which is kind of like apartment built, not apartment buildings because there's no like high-rise flats or anything like that, but it's like where people live, but it's you can tell looking at the houses are not very nice.
00:50:23.519 --> 00:50:25.760
Uh he runs far away from the palace vibes.
00:50:26.000 --> 00:50:26.719
I was just in.
00:50:27.119 --> 00:50:29.119
Maybe you should have stuck out of the fucking palace.
00:50:29.679 --> 00:50:31.119
Well, you wouldn't have this wee rats.
00:50:33.039 --> 00:50:42.639
So he runs into an abandoned building, you go under a floorboard, f under the floor, down and into a basement that is full of rats.
00:50:42.800 --> 00:50:43.519
How many rats?
00:50:43.840 --> 00:50:45.199
We're talking at least a hundred rats.
00:50:45.440 --> 00:50:45.840
Wow.
00:50:46.079 --> 00:50:47.119
That's a fucking shit.
00:50:47.679 --> 00:50:49.679
Do you know they they have babies every three months?
00:50:49.840 --> 00:50:50.159
Rats.
00:50:50.320 --> 00:50:50.559
Uh-huh.
00:50:50.960 --> 00:50:53.599
A rat can have a children and it's like a big litter.
00:50:53.760 --> 00:50:56.559
It's like I think it's like something like six or eight.
00:50:56.719 --> 00:50:57.760
Oh, I don't like that.
00:50:57.920 --> 00:50:59.039
I really don't care for that.
00:50:59.199 --> 00:51:02.320
Well, he you can't I was about to say he says this, but you can't understand.
00:51:02.559 --> 00:51:12.000
So he squeaks at you and he's like and he kind of waves his arms like Rats! I can figure out he's probably he's probably just going, see, I'm a very well connected rat.
00:51:12.079 --> 00:51:13.440
I wasn't fucking lying to you.
00:51:13.519 --> 00:51:15.039
Look at all these rats, mate.
00:51:15.360 --> 00:51:16.639
How big is it in this room?
00:51:16.880 --> 00:51:22.320
So it's like the basement of what looks like the uh kind of an a bag Height wise.
00:51:22.639 --> 00:51:31.519
Uh it's a it's a decent it's it's one of those ones, but for if I a a six foot free man like me would have to kind of crouch in this basement.
00:51:32.239 --> 00:51:34.639
So down there and then it's just full of kind of shit.
00:51:34.719 --> 00:51:36.079
Like they've the rats have picked up.
00:51:36.400 --> 00:51:37.440
The rats haven't cleaned up for me.
00:51:37.519 --> 00:51:38.559
The rats weren't expecting me.
00:51:38.719 --> 00:51:38.800
No.
00:51:39.039 --> 00:51:43.599
I'm I'm not I'm not judging, going, Oh god, you guys are living like rats.
00:51:43.920 --> 00:51:44.960
Because the rats live.
00:51:45.280 --> 00:51:49.360
I'm gonna forgive the rats for not having the best um etiquette for guests.
00:51:49.599 --> 00:51:51.280
The rat starts got me crazy.
00:51:51.360 --> 00:51:52.320
I'd forgive a rat for that.
00:51:52.480 --> 00:51:58.159
So another rat kind of comes up and nodding towards the spider on well, we need to give this rat a name.
00:51:58.320 --> 00:52:02.639
Oh, well, I was that's what I was gonna do when I transformed out of the thing back into Dawn.
00:52:02.719 --> 00:52:04.719
The first thing I was gonna say was, What's your name, buddy?
00:52:04.960 --> 00:52:06.400
Trying to think of famous rats.
00:52:06.480 --> 00:52:08.159
The rat is called Ashley Cole.
00:52:08.559 --> 00:52:14.000
I was just I was right on the same vibe as you, and I was gonna be like Alexander Isaac rats.
00:52:14.880 --> 00:52:17.280
So the uh Andy Cole or Ashley Cole.
00:52:17.440 --> 00:52:20.880
Ashley Cole, so he's squeaking out Ashley Cole's squeaking away.
00:52:21.199 --> 00:52:22.159
Very famous rat.
00:52:22.320 --> 00:52:34.159
Uh and the other rat nods, and then in front of you, all the rats kind of climb on top of each other to start forming shapes for the spider to try and describe what they know.
00:52:34.320 --> 00:52:41.360
They kind of form a kind of like all together, kind of create almost like a tableau that looks a bit like Dawn in the Cage.
00:52:42.159 --> 00:52:47.280
And then turns into a spider, jumps down, these are fucking talented rats.
00:52:47.440 --> 00:52:49.920
I've seen these before as well, but I don't know if it was ever rats.
00:52:50.000 --> 00:52:52.719
But I've seen when there's like a bunch of people, usually on a beach.
00:52:52.800 --> 00:52:58.800
I don't know why, but in my head, I'm picturing it on a beach and they are all moving around to spell out words and stuff.
00:52:59.119 --> 00:53:02.239
Well, I I'm I'm directly ripping this off from Finding Nemo.
00:53:02.559 --> 00:53:03.039
Finding Nemo.
00:53:05.119 --> 00:53:06.000
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:53:06.320 --> 00:53:07.119
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:53:07.280 --> 00:53:09.679
There's a few examples of this in in cinema.
00:53:09.840 --> 00:53:10.880
Uh but that's a good one, yeah.
00:53:11.440 --> 00:53:14.800
So they form that, and you're like, alright, that's me.
00:53:14.880 --> 00:53:16.000
They know I ran away.
00:53:16.159 --> 00:53:21.840
Now they form a a couple of smaller guards looking around, looking very angry.
00:53:22.079 --> 00:53:22.320
Yeah.
00:53:22.480 --> 00:53:25.360
So I mean, so far they're just replaying out all the things that I'm aware of.
00:53:25.599 --> 00:53:28.559
So they're letting you know that the guards are still looking for you.
00:53:28.800 --> 00:53:29.039
Right.
00:53:29.199 --> 00:53:32.320
And then they hold up a few of them form like a kind of sheet.
00:53:32.400 --> 00:53:36.800
The sheet goes close to you as it goes closer to you, more rats joining the sheet to give it more detail.
00:53:36.960 --> 00:53:37.119
Yeah.
00:53:37.280 --> 00:53:40.320
And it's a wanted picture, wanted poster of your face.
00:53:40.480 --> 00:53:53.199
They create a picture of the palace, and you see the ruler of this land looking out angry, and then kind of the smaller sheet again being like slamming it down, being like pointing at it, squeaking away, like meh meh meh.
00:53:53.360 --> 00:53:54.960
Okay, I'm picking up what you're putting down here, rat.
00:53:55.199 --> 00:53:56.320
Here's a fun question.
00:53:56.480 --> 00:53:58.400
How would I communicate to a rat?
00:53:58.559 --> 00:54:00.159
I want to know where my friends are.
00:54:00.400 --> 00:54:01.280
As a spider.
00:54:01.519 --> 00:54:02.480
As a spider.
00:54:02.880 --> 00:54:03.280
Nope.
00:54:03.440 --> 00:54:04.480
Nothing coming to me.
00:54:04.960 --> 00:54:13.280
Uh my first instinct, which is fucking crazy, was the spider should the spider should do the riff from friends, the TV show.
00:54:16.239 --> 00:54:18.320
And then just throw off his arms like, where?
00:54:18.639 --> 00:54:36.400
But you go din din din and then the uh they all clap at the that is fucking oh fuck, fuck, that's great.
00:54:36.960 --> 00:54:44.639
And then and then yeah, Don just does like a aware, like whoa, looking around, like, where are they?
00:54:44.800 --> 00:54:52.000
So friend, there and then they obviously got that because they're very cultured, these rats.
00:54:52.480 --> 00:54:53.440
Uh and then where.
00:54:53.760 --> 00:55:02.400
So yeah, friends where they form the palace again, and then a couple of them from a big kind of arrow, and they move the arrow back and forth to be like in the palace.
00:55:02.639 --> 00:55:02.960
Right.
00:55:03.119 --> 00:55:06.159
I might have to go back into dawn here to communicate with these rats again.
00:55:06.239 --> 00:55:08.239
I know that would leave me then out of everything.
00:55:08.400 --> 00:55:10.960
Well, you could try and do the Charlotte Webb manoeuvre.
00:55:11.119 --> 00:55:13.039
What the fuck's a Charlotte Webb manoeuvre?
00:55:13.199 --> 00:55:14.960
You never you never seen Charlotte's Webb?
00:55:15.119 --> 00:55:15.599
Nah, bruv.
00:55:15.760 --> 00:55:18.159
Well, she put she writes messages in the webs.
00:55:18.320 --> 00:55:20.800
Where she's she's trying to get a save a pig's life.
00:55:21.039 --> 00:55:23.599
I don't even think that requires fucking Charlotte Webb.
00:55:24.159 --> 00:55:29.440
Liam, why seriously now, why do I not have any good instincts?
00:55:30.320 --> 00:55:32.000
You've just never seen Charlotte's Webb isn't that.
00:55:32.239 --> 00:55:33.599
That's really, really good.
00:55:33.840 --> 00:55:35.280
That's really, really good.
00:55:36.159 --> 00:55:37.679
That's really good, though.
00:55:38.320 --> 00:55:40.320
Fucking playing the ref from friends.
00:55:40.960 --> 00:55:42.239
He's talking about friends, yeah.
00:55:42.719 --> 00:55:44.159
He's probably gonna ask where they are.
00:55:44.480 --> 00:55:47.599
So get ready to do the ballast again.
00:55:48.159 --> 00:55:49.360
Uh yeah.
00:55:49.679 --> 00:55:50.639
Let's web it up.
00:55:50.719 --> 00:55:54.559
Let's fucking sext with these fucking no, not sex.
00:55:54.960 --> 00:55:55.519
Text.
00:55:56.000 --> 00:55:57.039
Why did I go to sex?
00:55:58.400 --> 00:56:00.079
No, I don't want a sex with any rat.
00:56:00.320 --> 00:56:05.119
That was a genuine, that was a one of the rats starts to kind of move his eyebrows out you're looking at the bottom.
00:56:05.440 --> 00:56:07.119
I couldn't do an avocado.
00:56:07.840 --> 00:56:08.880
Not an avocado.
00:56:09.119 --> 00:56:10.159
Not an avocado.
00:56:10.320 --> 00:56:12.719
A fucking aubergine.
00:56:13.360 --> 00:56:14.719
What is wrong with me today?
00:56:14.800 --> 00:56:15.920
An avocado.
00:56:16.159 --> 00:56:17.760
That's that's not sexy.
00:56:18.400 --> 00:56:20.480
Yeah, let's make guacamole together.
00:56:20.639 --> 00:56:22.480
I'm gonna spell out using webs.
00:56:22.639 --> 00:56:24.480
Do you know a safe way into the past?
00:56:24.800 --> 00:56:27.039
They all form a big word that says yes.
00:56:27.360 --> 00:56:27.840
Beautiful.
00:56:28.239 --> 00:56:31.039
Are you all willing?
00:56:31.519 --> 00:56:35.360
Now think, don't act emo don't act emotionally here, okay?
00:56:35.599 --> 00:56:37.119
No, I want you to act emotionally.
00:56:37.199 --> 00:56:38.159
Don't act logically.
00:56:38.320 --> 00:56:41.599
Think of what this the moment could be when you answer this question.
00:56:41.840 --> 00:56:45.840
Dawn in the form of a spider spells out in a web, are you all?
00:56:46.000 --> 00:56:51.519
and he underlines in the web all willing to help me gain entry to the power.
00:56:51.599 --> 00:56:52.239
Think about this, Liam.
00:56:52.320 --> 00:56:57.119
Because if I rock up to this palace with a rat army, who wouldn't want that, Liam?
00:56:57.199 --> 00:57:01.360
I know everyone listening to this is going, oh, let him rock up with a rat army.
00:57:01.599 --> 00:57:03.760
Let him rock up with a rat army.
00:57:04.159 --> 00:57:06.800
So are you all willing to help me gain entry to the power?
00:57:06.960 --> 00:57:10.239
They all form the word yes, but then the word but.
00:57:10.639 --> 00:57:10.800
Oh.
00:57:11.199 --> 00:57:22.239
And then they form a massive block of cheese, and then Ashley Cole points at the block of cheese the rat block of cheese, points at it, points at himself, and then gives you a thumbs up.
00:57:22.480 --> 00:57:25.360
If you help me gain entry to the palace, spelling it.
00:57:25.519 --> 00:57:27.920
Why don't you just point at the cheese and we go, yeah?
00:57:28.159 --> 00:57:31.039
Oh, surely they're wanting, they're saying we need paid and cheese.
00:57:31.119 --> 00:57:31.360
Yeah.
00:57:31.440 --> 00:57:31.679
Yeah.
00:57:31.760 --> 00:57:33.599
Yeah, no, I'm not I'm doing it my way.
00:57:33.840 --> 00:57:34.000
Okay.
00:57:34.400 --> 00:57:47.280
Spells out if you help me gain entry to this palace and help me find my friends again, you will all lose your shit at the size of this fucking cheese I'm gonna get you.
00:57:47.440 --> 00:57:54.079
I can tell you've no seen Charlotte's web because one of the major plot points in it is that she can only really do one word at a time.
00:57:54.719 --> 00:57:56.079
I'm gonna allow it though.
00:57:56.880 --> 00:57:57.920
I'll roll for it.
00:57:58.079 --> 00:57:59.360
That's how passionate I am.
00:57:59.679 --> 00:58:02.400
Okay, roll roll uh charisma.
00:58:02.639 --> 00:58:03.119
You know what?
00:58:03.199 --> 00:58:04.079
Let's just forget that.
00:58:04.239 --> 00:58:06.960
Yeah, I'll just have I'll just point to the gate.
00:58:07.199 --> 00:58:07.840
I'll point at the cheese.
00:58:08.079 --> 00:58:08.480
What did you get?
00:58:08.639 --> 00:58:09.599
Liam, I'll point at the cheese.
00:58:09.760 --> 00:58:10.320
Did you get eight?
00:58:10.480 --> 00:58:11.920
No, no, no, no, no, I moved it.
00:58:12.159 --> 00:58:12.719
What did you get?
00:58:13.119 --> 00:58:14.559
I'll point a one cheese.
00:58:14.639 --> 00:58:15.199
I'll point at the cheese.
00:58:15.360 --> 00:58:15.840
Did you get a one?
00:58:16.079 --> 00:58:16.639
Did you get a one?
00:58:16.880 --> 00:58:17.840
I will point at the cheese.
00:58:18.159 --> 00:58:18.880
Did you get a one, Carrie?
00:58:21.039 --> 00:58:21.760
Okay, I got two.
00:58:22.480 --> 00:58:25.519
The bad news is spiders have minus four charisma.
00:58:26.559 --> 00:58:33.039
But I think the good news is I don't think you actually your charisma points carry over, so you have to so use Don's charisma.
00:58:33.280 --> 00:58:33.760
Plus one.
00:58:34.159 --> 00:58:34.880
So it's three.
00:58:35.199 --> 00:58:35.599
Three.
00:58:35.840 --> 00:58:38.639
So all the the rats are just a bit confused.
00:58:39.280 --> 00:58:41.280
And they face it out going, are we getting cheese or are we not?
00:58:41.440 --> 00:58:47.360
They're like, Yeah, so they put so again Ashley Cole just points at the cheese, points at himself, and then gives you a thumbs up, like what you're doing.
00:58:48.320 --> 00:58:52.960
Don points at the cheese, does this with his Yeah to say big, a large amount of cheese.
00:58:53.199 --> 00:58:53.920
And then thumbs up.
00:58:54.079 --> 00:58:54.480
Thumbs up.
00:58:54.639 --> 00:59:07.360
And then Ashley squeaks all the rats form together and one of them lifts up a kind of hatch that is it's like a kind of almost like a straw hatch, lifts it up, it's a pipe, and it all s back in the fucking sewers again.
00:59:07.519 --> 00:59:23.679
Well, it's it's not as the sewers, it's more of a pipe, and it just goes and you're uh riding on the back of Ashley Cole for what feels like at least twenty minutes, and then Ashley turns back to you and gives you a squeak and he gives you the kind of thumbs up as if to be like, You ready?
00:59:23.760 --> 00:59:24.079
Yeah.
00:59:24.320 --> 00:59:25.360
You give him a thumbs up.
00:59:25.519 --> 00:59:26.159
Oh, I'm nodding.
00:59:26.239 --> 00:59:28.480
This spider's never nodded harder in its life.
00:59:28.800 --> 00:59:35.840
You burst out of the pipe as you're bursting it, you f you feel very wet, and that's because you're climbing up through a toilet.
00:59:36.079 --> 00:59:42.079
If I see an arse here, Lee, if I see a fucking arse here, and just a set of d balls dangling over the top.
00:59:42.400 --> 00:59:53.599
There's no one on the toilet today, but nobody's there, and then Ashley runs out of the toilet with his whole gang, and you are in the kind of entrance hall, kind of like where the throne is.
00:59:53.840 --> 00:59:54.400
Oh wow.
00:59:54.559 --> 00:59:56.880
Uh we are in the fucking palace.
00:59:57.039 --> 01:00:02.000
And there is a man sitting on the throne, a man that you recognise as Taz.
01:00:02.719 --> 01:00:05.280
Shut the fuck up.
01:00:05.440 --> 01:00:06.159
That's mad.
01:00:06.320 --> 01:00:07.119
That's actually mad.
01:00:07.440 --> 01:00:11.360
Taz, the owner of the Chuckle Bucket, is now the ruler of Never Winter.
01:00:11.519 --> 01:00:12.480
That's fucking insane.
01:00:12.559 --> 01:00:13.840
That's fucking crazy.
01:00:14.159 --> 01:00:15.760
That brings us to the end of this episode.
01:00:16.079 --> 01:00:16.800
Shit the bed.
01:00:17.039 --> 01:00:17.519
Taz.
01:00:17.840 --> 01:00:21.039
So I'm already starting to fucking I was gonna say piece together.
01:00:21.199 --> 01:00:25.440
Let's not be after the horror show of an episode that I just fucking every decision.
01:00:25.599 --> 01:00:28.239
Let's not at the end go, well, I'm already started pieces together.
01:00:28.400 --> 01:00:29.199
But I think so.
01:00:29.280 --> 01:00:32.000
Taz was maybe the reason that we fucking ended up here.
01:00:32.159 --> 01:00:34.320
Well, you'll need to question them in the next episode.
01:00:34.480 --> 01:00:35.440
Oh, and I will be.
01:00:35.599 --> 01:00:37.199
With me and my rat army.
01:00:37.360 --> 01:00:39.360
I've got a lot of questions for this cun.
01:00:39.519 --> 01:00:42.239
Oh, I've got so many questions about the other solo apps though.
01:00:42.320 --> 01:00:44.880
Am I allowed to know what Fanny and Bill are gonna be getting up to?
01:00:45.039 --> 01:00:48.559
Nothing that actually ended up happening there, boys, but I planned for you.
01:00:50.719 --> 01:00:51.840
Ow, fuck.
01:00:52.079 --> 01:00:54.639
I don't know if that's amazing or terrible.
01:00:54.880 --> 01:01:02.960
Yeah, to be fair, it'd be weird you going, I bet, I bet any money is a spider in the sewage making pals with rat armies.
01:01:03.119 --> 01:01:04.880
I'd g I'd guarantee that.
01:01:05.199 --> 01:01:10.000
Well, let us know in the comments of whatever uh place you're listening to this podcast.
01:01:10.159 --> 01:01:14.320
Just chucked in if you think I'm uh distraction in a good or a negative way.
01:01:14.559 --> 01:01:17.199
Alright, and join us in the next episode.
01:01:17.440 --> 01:01:18.719
Like and subscribe.
01:01:19.519 --> 01:01:20.960
Like and subscribe.
01:01:26.000 --> 01:01:27.440
Thanks so much for listening, everyone.
01:01:27.519 --> 01:01:30.079
Just a few quick shout-outs before we wrap up the episode.
01:01:30.239 --> 01:01:47.760
First of all, a big shout out to the person who designed our image, uh, Kitty Fritzland R Alan Orr, who did the theme music, and last but certainly not least, John Stables, who does all of our sound production and editing, and there was a lot of work and stuff to sit through that.
01:01:48.000 --> 01:01:49.599
So thank you, John Allen.