The Sidequest Stump

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That's all folks.
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Alright, hello everyone, and welcome to another episode of Comedy and Dice.
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My name is Tyler Wood.
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I play AIE the Barbarian Era Kakra, and I am joined by our DM.
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Hi, I am Grant Janik.
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I am your DM.
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DM, of course, stands for Damn My Wish Shane was here, or Dungeon Master.
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And to my left, as always, is I'm Mark Brady.
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I play John Lick, which is uh now uh Irish setter.
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Correct.
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Yes, yes A plus, you did it.
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Thank you.
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I remember Scottish Terrier.
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It is a Scottish Terrier.
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Is it a Scottish Terrier?
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It was Scottish because you you've rolled a lot of R's for being Irish.
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Uh yes, that's true.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Yeah.
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Scottish Terrier.
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And yeah, still still a dog.
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And then to my left, nowhere to be seen, Shane Smith is missing on this one.
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Oh he's he is not Noah.
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He's not in Hawaii this go around, but he is a busy little bee, so we will be um we have ravenous fans, everybody.
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We we need to get these episodes out.
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They're gonna be so disappointed if we miss one.
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True.
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So we we're meeting up on a Monday via Discord to bring you an interlude.
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Grant, why don't you set the scene?
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Yes, yes.
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So we will pick up with everybody driving.
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Obviously, when we last left off, you guys were in the middle of the desert, sort of a mad maxified version of Dunkel Sprout.
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And as you are traveling, you are currently in a Dune buggy.
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Tyler has gotten dune powers, so very fun.
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Uh as you are traveling in your little buggy.
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Now this is j just uh I want to make sure we're not out of sequence here.
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The last thing I did was blow up the uh cartoon into the hole.
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Yes, correct.
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And then you teleported back and you're like, boy, have I been busy, right?
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So now the whole buggy.
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You're going to the hole.
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Okay.
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You're trying to catch back up to it.
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Uh Shane has decided to drive, so Ranger has decided to drive.
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And the Doom buggy is chugging along, chugging along, and all of a sudden, crash.
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I'm sure man, you'll put sound effects in here.
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Kurchou.
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Uh I don't like it when you give me work, Grant.
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That's fine.
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I'll do the sound effects myself.
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You know, we're we're here and yada yada yada.
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Grant, you'll add in some DM shit here.
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That's uh you know what podcast over.
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You guys did it.
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You escaped.
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Um tune in next week, everyone.
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Yeah.
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You guys all of a sudden feel the Doom Buggy stop as it comes to a crash, and a loud uh in the front happens.
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And Shane, who was in the Ranger, who was in the driver's seat, his head bangs against the steering wheel and he gets knocked the fuck out.
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So he is currently out cold.
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Uh you see some smoke start to come up from the top of the Doom buggy.
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Looks like the cattle trow or whatever it's called didn't help from whatever was out in front here.
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So what do you do?
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Uh what's a trowel?
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You mean as in drop trow?
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Like you're you're shitting outside.
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Yes.
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Uh the cattle trow.
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It's a new upgrade that you guys have to the buggy.
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It just smells bad.
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It's a cow catcher, is what you're what you're looking for.
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Yes.
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What do we do?
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Uh I get out, I I take a look, I go, is the buggy okay?
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So as you walk out and take a look at the buggy, you see almost out of place a wooden tree stump, as all tree stumps are.
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But it's rather large, and it's out of place because this is more of a foresty stump.
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And you count the rings in the stump, and you see that it has currently eight rings.
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I look at the buggy.
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Is the buggy okay?
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Oh shit.
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Uh the first question I asked?
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Yeah, no, as you look at the buggy, it's the front is steaming, and the there's a couple of dents in one.
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It is not operable at its current stage.
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Like, it's gonna have to get fixed up.
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I uh I look at Ranger and uh I just try to pick his head up and open his eyes.
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You pick his head up, and as you open his eyes, you don't see his pupils because they're rolled so far back into his skull, and as you let go of his head, he just falls right back onto the steering wheel and it goes as his head hits the wheel and it honks.
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Okay.
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Uh check for a heartbeat, yes.
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Mm-hmm.
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Yep.
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He's alive, he's just unconscious.
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Until AI, he's dead.
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He's dead.
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What he's dead?
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I'm just kidding, he's just knocked out a little bit.
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He's just knocked out.
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He's knocked out.
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Uh I gotta shake off your accent.
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It's really starting to get to me.
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What's all this then?
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Hold on, what if we uh what if we uh what if we do this?
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Drag his dead body with us and we put him around like a puppet master.
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Do I have a canteen on me?
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Canteen of water?
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For lack of, or for not lack, for curiosity's sake, yes you do.
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Okay, I take it and I put some water in my mouth, and then I spray it all over Ranger's face to try to wake him up.
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Does it do anything?
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Let me roll for this here.
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Yes, he is now wet.
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You see him kind of go, uh, and he goes back to sleep.
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Ah, damn it.
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Right.
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Yeah, he's dead.
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Well, I'll just scoot his body out and just uh leave him here and we can keep on driving.
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Yeah, we we can go around this stump considering that we ain't on no road and it's just a giant well, I guess it's kind of a path, but it we can obviously just go around this and there's no there's no reason to to do anything further with this stump.
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Yeah.
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Uh upon hearing that stump, you see the bookworm inch out of a pocket uh as he was in Ranger's pocket, and he was like, Did someone say stump?
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Oh, I thought you were dead.
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I figured it was that you would have been smushed on impact.
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I gotta be honest, I completely forgot you were even in part of a group.
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No, don't worry.
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Thank God this buggy doesn't not have any airbags.
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Because otherwise I'd be fucked.
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Anyway, you mention a stump, yes.
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Yeah, it's right here, you can see it.
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Oh.
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Uh and so he uh inches all the way up to the top of the dash to look at the stump, and he goes, Oh my.
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Yes, yes, this is perfect.
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Oh guys, this is no ordinary stump.
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This is a side quest stump.
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Okay.
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Oh, so we can just go around the No no no no no.
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This stump was not originally a part of the story, which means that you must have an ally on the outside somehow helping you.
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And what they've done is they've managed to sneak this stump into this story.
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So apparently, if you utilize this stump.
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It sounds like you don't know.
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It sounds like you're stumbling through this.
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It sounds like you're kind of making it up.
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I'm sorry.
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Let me clear my throat.
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Ahem.
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Ahem.
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Mark, there's no way he understands that reference.
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I know he's just like.
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Alright, we found one of his autistic uh that song, apparently.
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I fucking love that song, dude.
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Uh okay, now that you've cleared your throat, continue.
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Apparently, you must have an ally on the outside world that's put this stump into this story to help you out in some way.
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Now, it must utilize from what I'm seeing.
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I see anything.
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I start kicking it.
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Ah What does it do?
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It it screams.
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Oh, that was it.
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I thought that was the worm.
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No, that was the stump.
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It's screaming.
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Hello?
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Hey guys, I'm I'm the I'm the I'm the side quest stump.
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Hey, what what you doing down there?
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What what uh what what is it?
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What what's the the side quest there?
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Oh well there's multiple side quests that you guys can do.
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Yeah, oh so if you pick one of the rings that is that one which which one do you pick?
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He doesn't have eyes.
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Which one do I pick?
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Um You can't just gotta tell him which one you feel.
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There's there's eight rings.
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I got one.
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I I got it for you.
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Where do where do I find the dice?
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Yeah, roll full.
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Uh looking for a D8?
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Yeah, I don't see the oh, I found it.
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I found it.
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Uh I rolled an eight.
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I picked the eighth one.
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Okay.
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Uh the eighth one.
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So as soon as you uh that's gonna be the outermost.
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Yeah, the outermost.
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Um after the seventh one.
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Yes, as you hit it, the stump goes, well, the way it as you said, he goes, ah, and you see that this the rings start to vibrate and start to look like a hypnosis uh swirling ring, as all of a sudden a vacuum force sucks you guys in, and it just grabs AI and John, and you get sucked into the stump as it sucks you off and shoots you out into a familiar landscape of chapter eight, which is prey.
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So this is the one where you this is the one where you guys had the different biomes and all that jazz.
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Oh, okay.
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And it shoots you out in the middle of the desert again, and you look around, you see nothing around you except for now this stump, which now has seven rings remaining.
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Oh, we just had to get dropped off a knee in the hot one.
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Yeah, we're not not in that last desert that we were in, but this desert.
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We got we got poked from one desert to the next.
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The last desert is more orange, and this one's a little bit more yellow.
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I'm the side quest stomp!
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So can we just like touch your other rings and just go from place to place?
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Well, you're in this story currently, so you gotta do the side quest.
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Oh, right, right, right.
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Okay.
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I pressed the one, the first ring.
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As you press the first string, he goes, oh, and the hypnosis rings start again, and it sucks you in.
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He was lying.
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And as it sucks you in, it takes you now to uh you go back to chapter one, uh, you look around, you see the rolling hills of the screensaver again, and as you look into it, the stuff I don't I don't want Bugberry.
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What's his name?
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Uh who's the but what's the bugbear's name?
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It's Dragnor.
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I don't want Dragnor.
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Uh it's so as you look at the stump now, uh because you are in chapter one, you see that the innermost ring, which is the one that you hit, is now darkened, and the outermost ring is now darkened.
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So there are Oh no, did we waste it?
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Yeah, you fucking wasted that.
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Oh man.
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Uh I hold the stump up and I go, how do you hold a stump up?
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It's in the ground.
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It's a fucking magic stump.
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I don't know what it can do.
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It's you try to pick it up.
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I'm a stump, I'm in the ground, I'm the I'm the side quest stump.
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So you gotta stop fingering the stump.
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You keep giving in the old pokey pokey, and then it's it's it's dying, it's slowly dying.
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I lean down and I go, I wish to go back to chapter eight.
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Oh, um I made- I wish, I wish, with all my might, that you're a dragon and take flight.
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Are you two?
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Is that the Dragontails?
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Something like that, yeah.
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Uh he's like, well, roll persuasion, you know, with advantage, because I was a Dragon Tails kid, so I'll give you advantage on that.
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Alright.
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Persuasion with advantage is 15.
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Alright, I'll give it to you.
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He's like, okay, fine, just this once on the side quest stop.
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Wait, but does that mean we can't do do chapter one?
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It you have to pick one of them are gonna be wasted because you were mean to me and I'm I was trying to help you out.
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I wasn't mean to him.
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You just started- We hit you with our car, that was an accident.
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Yeah, but you also tried to pick him up.
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You tried to help him.
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That's pretty rude.
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You gotta kill him.
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You didn't listen to my explanation.
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You just started poking me.
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It's pretty rude.
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I feel like I'd be a nice little thing considered.
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I'm the side quest up.
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Alright, do you want uh you want chapter one or chapter eight?
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Let's do eight.
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Let's do eight.
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Alright, well, let's go back to chapter eight.
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Alrighty! And God knows we've tried Dragnor enough fucking times.
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Hypnosis rings again and it sucks you in, and it drops you back out in chapter eight.
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So you're back in the heated desert, and you see the yellowish desert and the side quest stump just hanging there.
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Alright, what do we do?
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Oh, yes, you wanna know that you you wanna know your side quest.
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Yes.
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Oh, well, you gotta ask.
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I swear to god, I'm gonna poke all the fucking rings.
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If you poke all the rings, that's got that's gonna start all the side quests, you won't be able to go to them again.
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I am side quest stump.
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You you you take over.
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I gotta I gotta look to my inventory.
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Okay, alright.
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Yeah, ask ask nicely.
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I don't want to deal with you.
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You're kind of mean.
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Tell us what the side quest is.
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Oh, of course I can tell you what the side quest is.
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And then he his stump, the rings form into straight lines, and a little magic projection appears upon the stump.
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And it looks like a holographic map of the clock of the story that you're in.
00:15:46.000 --> 00:15:52.240
And he starts pointing to the snowy mountain area where you guys were at.
00:15:52.480 --> 00:15:59.039
And he goes, Well, you guys are familiar over here with the Yeti that lives over here.
00:15:59.840 --> 00:16:08.960
He had a little cat that he took care of, and now there's no one to take care of the cat, so you guys just gotta check and make sure that the cat's okay.
00:16:09.440 --> 00:16:10.639
Let me get this straight.
00:16:10.879 --> 00:16:19.679
Our side quest is to make sure this little kitten gets taken care of like every other week.
00:16:20.000 --> 00:16:22.720
No, no, just make sure the cat's okay, like right now.
00:16:23.120 --> 00:16:25.039
Right now, and then we'll get out of here.
00:16:25.279 --> 00:16:26.960
Yeah, you can get out of here, yeah.
00:16:27.200 --> 00:16:29.440
I mean something wonky may be afoot.
00:16:29.519 --> 00:16:30.159
I don't know.
00:16:30.320 --> 00:16:32.159
I am the side quest stop.
00:16:32.639 --> 00:16:34.399
Okay, are you coming with us?
00:16:34.720 --> 00:16:36.960
I'm a stop, I gotta stay right here.
00:16:37.039 --> 00:16:38.080
I can't move.
00:16:38.320 --> 00:16:39.919
But you can come back to me when you're done.
00:16:40.320 --> 00:16:43.759
We can only stay in one spot in every story.
00:16:44.080 --> 00:16:47.120
That's right, I only stay in one spot, but you gotta bring me back the cat.
00:16:47.279 --> 00:16:52.639
So if you show me that like the cat's okay and that it likes you guys, then you'll be all good to go.
00:16:52.799 --> 00:16:54.480
And then on the side quest stop.
00:16:55.120 --> 00:17:03.039
We just leave the cat in front of you, or do we have to like show it that it's live and then take it back to its house?
00:17:03.279 --> 00:17:06.079
No, no, you can leave the cat, the cat will make its way back.
00:17:06.240 --> 00:17:07.200
I'll make sure it gets there.
00:17:07.279 --> 00:17:14.160
I'll say, hey cat, you can go back, and it will go meow, and then it will take like a long thing, and then you know how cats have nine lives.
00:17:14.319 --> 00:17:15.440
Well, this one also has a lot of people.
00:17:17.119 --> 00:17:18.640
Oh, okay, that's hold on.
00:17:18.720 --> 00:17:20.640
Before you leave, I look at the stump.
00:17:20.799 --> 00:17:22.640
I go, what's wrong with the cat?
00:17:23.119 --> 00:17:24.079
What's wrong with the cat?
00:17:24.319 --> 00:17:25.200
I c I don't know.
00:17:25.359 --> 00:17:26.480
I can't walk over there.
00:17:26.559 --> 00:17:30.000
All I know is that the side quest is to go get the stump or the cat.
00:17:30.400 --> 00:17:32.640
I hold out the side quest stump.
00:17:33.039 --> 00:17:38.640
I hold out my my hand palm facing the stump.
00:17:39.279 --> 00:17:42.720
Oh damn, it looks like you got some weak knees and palms are sweaty.
00:17:43.759 --> 00:17:48.400
Acid rain is quite corrosive to wood.
00:17:48.640 --> 00:17:51.599
Listen here, bitch! Alright?
00:17:51.920 --> 00:17:53.440
I don't fuck around.
00:17:53.599 --> 00:17:55.039
I don't even use a bidet.
00:17:55.200 --> 00:18:01.440
I just shit that hard that I rely on the splashback so you can fucking tighten the fuck up.
00:18:01.920 --> 00:18:03.440
I cock my wrist.
00:18:04.960 --> 00:18:06.160
Do you make the sound?
00:18:06.240 --> 00:18:08.640
Do you go ch I do, I go chch.
00:18:09.200 --> 00:18:10.640
Fucking try me.
00:18:11.440 --> 00:18:13.680
What's wrong with the cat?
00:18:14.000 --> 00:18:15.279
Bitch, I don't know.
00:18:15.359 --> 00:18:18.000
I'm just the sacquist! Alright, alright.
00:18:18.079 --> 00:18:20.720
I need a stump and a bird to stop fighting.
00:18:21.039 --> 00:18:22.319
Here's what we gotta do.
00:18:22.559 --> 00:18:24.319
What does the cat look like?
00:18:24.880 --> 00:18:25.680
It's a cat.
00:18:25.920 --> 00:18:26.640
Oh great.
00:18:26.799 --> 00:18:28.960
Does it have like a collar or anything?
00:18:29.279 --> 00:18:30.799
Oh yeah, he's got a little collar.
00:18:30.880 --> 00:18:31.839
His name's Mr.
00:18:32.000 --> 00:18:32.799
Whisker.
00:18:33.119 --> 00:18:34.400
How how big is he?
00:18:34.559 --> 00:18:36.000
It's a normal cat.
00:18:36.240 --> 00:18:42.960
Like, if you're trying to think I'm gonna do some fuck you thing that this is actually gonna be the panther that's in the story, it's not.
00:18:43.119 --> 00:18:45.279
It's a normal ass cat, don't worry.
00:18:45.599 --> 00:18:46.400
It better be.
00:18:46.559 --> 00:18:49.200
Yeah, it's a it's not gonna be like a fuck you.
00:18:49.279 --> 00:18:51.039
This is a big monster you're going to fight.
00:18:51.119 --> 00:18:52.720
This is this is a cat.
00:18:52.960 --> 00:18:56.240
This seems just like Yeah, like a rover.
00:18:56.400 --> 00:18:58.640
Go check on my animal, make sure it's okay.
00:18:58.720 --> 00:19:00.160
We get paid and leave.
00:19:00.319 --> 00:19:01.200
It's a side quest.
00:19:01.920 --> 00:19:02.799
Alright, let's go.
00:19:02.960 --> 00:19:04.240
Let's uh start looking at it.
00:19:04.559 --> 00:19:05.440
Hold my ankles.
00:19:05.759 --> 00:19:14.000
You're lucky you picked this one and not Drag Norse, because Drag Norse was like, collect a hundred blueberries, so can't do that anymore.
00:19:14.720 --> 00:19:15.519
That sounds easier.
00:19:15.680 --> 00:19:16.880
Yeah, can we go back?
00:19:17.200 --> 00:19:18.319
Nope, major choice.
00:19:18.480 --> 00:19:23.200
Bye! Oh I'm gonna I'm gonna hope that you walk away from me.
00:19:23.279 --> 00:19:25.359
I can't walk away from you, so it's more dramatic.
00:19:25.519 --> 00:19:28.720
My bye's more dramatic if you walk away now.
00:19:29.119 --> 00:19:29.680
Worm.
00:19:29.920 --> 00:19:34.559
Oh, the worm was the worm stayed, then the worm that's not nice to call me a worm.
00:19:34.720 --> 00:19:37.759
I mean, uh I start walking away.
00:19:38.559 --> 00:19:39.440
Grab my ankles.
00:19:39.599 --> 00:19:40.319
Grab my ankles.
00:19:40.559 --> 00:19:41.599
I grab his ankles.
00:19:41.839 --> 00:19:43.440
I take off flying.
00:19:43.680 --> 00:19:45.599
Yeah, you're able to fly.
00:19:45.920 --> 00:19:46.240
Okay.
00:19:46.960 --> 00:19:48.079
So you're able to soar.
00:19:48.240 --> 00:19:53.039
As you soar, you enter into the climate of where you were at.
00:19:53.200 --> 00:20:00.240
As you're flying continuously, you stumble upon the ice palace that you guys had initially made.
00:20:00.480 --> 00:20:06.079
You also see the corpse of the dead snowman in the ice palace.
00:20:06.160 --> 00:20:09.440
And that remember, this ice palace was at the bottom of the mountain.
00:20:09.519 --> 00:20:15.680
And so he you don't know where he lives, but you know that his house is on top of the mountain.
00:20:15.839 --> 00:20:25.759
I will say, with you flying all the way there, you're a little bit too tired to now lift uh John all the way up and fly upwards towards the mountain.
00:20:25.839 --> 00:20:31.599
You're able to kind of glide and ride the airwaves, but now that you have to go directly up, there's no air to glide upon.
00:20:31.759 --> 00:20:33.519
So you'll need to climb it.
00:20:33.839 --> 00:20:34.960
Alright, we land.
00:20:35.359 --> 00:20:37.279
Alright, you take over.
00:20:37.440 --> 00:20:38.319
You lead the way.
00:20:38.480 --> 00:20:40.079
I I got us up this far.
00:20:40.160 --> 00:20:47.359
I think it's only fair that you uh you use your your special skills to get us the rest of the way up.
00:20:47.440 --> 00:20:49.119
I know you you're very familiar with them.
00:20:49.359 --> 00:20:50.000
Yes.
00:20:50.240 --> 00:20:52.079
Yes, uh, in fact I am.
00:20:52.319 --> 00:20:56.720
Uh I want to God, you know I hate cats.
00:20:56.880 --> 00:20:58.400
You fucking know that.
00:20:58.640 --> 00:21:02.880
And I gotta go check on this little bitch.
00:21:03.279 --> 00:21:08.319
I start uh I start sniffing, start sniffing around, see if I can catch a scent.
00:21:08.640 --> 00:21:11.200
Roll investigation.
00:21:11.519 --> 00:21:14.960
Grant, can you put the microphone in your mouth next time you speak?
00:21:15.519 --> 00:21:19.920
Does it is it actually not like does it sound like this what I'm talking about?
00:21:20.160 --> 00:21:22.079
Yeah, that that that hurts the listener.
00:21:22.240 --> 00:21:23.680
It kills the listener.
00:21:24.400 --> 00:21:25.759
Uh three.
00:21:26.400 --> 00:21:26.720
Okay.
00:21:27.039 --> 00:21:28.319
You smell snow.
00:21:28.559 --> 00:21:29.119
Mm-hmm.
00:21:29.519 --> 00:21:31.279
I'm surprised I smell that.
00:21:31.599 --> 00:21:34.079
I want to turn into a polar bear.
00:21:34.400 --> 00:21:34.799
Ooh.
00:21:35.039 --> 00:21:36.400
Yeah, you're a polar bear.
00:21:36.640 --> 00:21:37.759
Okay, great.
00:21:38.000 --> 00:21:39.920
Uh holy shit.
00:21:40.079 --> 00:21:41.200
That's fucking huge.
00:21:41.359 --> 00:21:43.359
Yeah, it looks pretty good, huh?
00:21:43.599 --> 00:21:45.599
I'm a fucking polar bear.
00:21:45.680 --> 00:21:49.759
So if this little cat gets in my face, I'm gonna fucking eat him.
00:21:49.920 --> 00:21:55.119
Of course, I'm gonna show the stump he's okay, and then toss him right down my gullet.
00:21:55.359 --> 00:21:56.480
Okay, sounds good to me.
00:21:56.640 --> 00:21:58.319
That's technically good enough.
00:21:58.640 --> 00:21:59.440
All right, hop on.
00:21:59.519 --> 00:21:59.759
Uh
00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:07.279
My shoulder up here and I'll I'll start walking, see if I hop up there like I'm a parrot on a fucking pirate ship.
00:22:07.519 --> 00:22:11.200
Uh I start looking for uh uh footprints.
00:22:11.519 --> 00:22:11.839
Okay.
00:22:12.400 --> 00:22:20.079
You are able to find a a track of footprints, I will say, because the Yeti had to walk down.
00:22:20.400 --> 00:22:25.279
It's a little gonna be a little bit harder to manage, but you find a pair.
00:22:25.440 --> 00:22:39.759
So I'm gonna say roll a nature or survival check, whichever one you prefer, to see if you can follow them up because it's not just like a normal path, it's up a mountain, so it's not gonna be a sturdy situation.
00:22:39.920 --> 00:22:42.559
So in order to follow where they go, 14.
00:22:42.799 --> 00:22:46.880
Okay, 14, you're able to track them all the way back.
00:22:47.039 --> 00:22:51.759
So I'm assuming you guys are just climbing this mountain continuously, tracking these tracks.
00:22:52.079 --> 00:23:05.359
As you continue up, you see a clearing at the top of this mountain, and you see a log cabin, a tiny little log cabin, and there is some fire coming out of the chimney.
00:23:05.519 --> 00:23:09.920
Or smoke coming out of the chimney, not fire, but there's smoke coming out of the chimney.
00:23:10.000 --> 00:23:13.839
There's a glowing warmth that this cabin is radiating.
00:23:14.079 --> 00:23:15.279
This must be the place.
00:23:15.839 --> 00:23:17.519
Yeah, let's uh let's go in.
00:23:17.599 --> 00:23:19.599
Uh, hold on, hold on.
00:23:19.759 --> 00:23:20.640
I knock on the door.
00:23:20.880 --> 00:23:27.759
You knock on the door and you hear a little jingle of a collar kind of running away.
00:23:28.079 --> 00:23:29.680
What are you doing, you little shit?
00:23:29.920 --> 00:23:32.319
I saw you smile before you started talking.
00:23:32.640 --> 00:23:34.000
What are you doing?
00:23:34.880 --> 00:23:35.359
Mark?
00:23:35.599 --> 00:23:35.920
Mark?
00:23:36.960 --> 00:23:37.519
No, no, no.
00:23:37.599 --> 00:23:39.759
I don't he's doing something, isn't he?
00:23:40.079 --> 00:23:41.039
Who, Grant?
00:23:41.279 --> 00:23:41.759
Yeah.
00:23:42.000 --> 00:23:42.880
Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:23:42.960 --> 00:23:47.599
There's there's something in this fucking place, but there's only one way to find out.
00:23:47.839 --> 00:23:48.559
No, there's not.
00:23:48.640 --> 00:23:49.440
There's several.
00:23:49.680 --> 00:23:51.519
I I knock a little harder.
00:23:51.599 --> 00:23:52.160
What do I hear?
00:23:52.400 --> 00:23:55.039
You knock a little harder, you hear nothing.
00:23:55.279 --> 00:23:56.480
Actually, roll perception.
00:23:56.559 --> 00:23:58.079
I'll let you roll perception for this.
00:23:58.559 --> 00:23:58.880
Okay.
00:23:59.759 --> 00:24:00.960
I got an eight.
00:24:01.279 --> 00:24:02.240
You hear nothing.
00:24:02.720 --> 00:24:03.440
But I'm a bird.
00:24:03.599 --> 00:24:04.799
Do I get a roll again?
00:24:05.039 --> 00:24:05.359
No.
00:24:07.279 --> 00:24:09.680
That's one of the worst arguments you've had.
00:24:10.240 --> 00:24:11.680
They hear, they hear well.
00:24:11.839 --> 00:24:14.079
I fly up and look in the chimney.
00:24:15.839 --> 00:24:16.160
Okay.
00:24:17.039 --> 00:24:22.480
Um I'd go ahead and make a constitution saving throw with a disadvantage.
00:24:22.960 --> 00:24:23.839
Is there a fire?
00:24:24.079 --> 00:24:26.559
I said there was smoke coming out of the chimney.
00:24:27.519 --> 00:24:35.680
That's very irresponsible as a pet owner to leave a fire going and leave your pet in the home.
00:24:36.000 --> 00:24:36.640
But he's dead.
00:24:36.880 --> 00:24:37.759
He killed his owner.
00:24:38.799 --> 00:24:39.279
He left.
00:24:39.359 --> 00:24:40.559
He left of his own volition.
00:24:41.039 --> 00:24:43.839
All we did was say he's a little bitch, and then he's like, I gotta go there.
00:24:45.839 --> 00:24:48.400
He could be a bad pet owner, you don't know.
00:24:48.720 --> 00:24:51.519
As you you just stuck your face into smoke.
00:24:54.000 --> 00:24:54.480
13.
00:24:54.799 --> 00:24:56.799
You have black lug right now.
00:24:57.359 --> 00:24:58.480
Oh no.
00:25:00.160 --> 00:25:06.319
You're telling me one hit of smoke is the same as two decades in a West Virginia coal mine.
00:25:06.559 --> 00:25:06.880
Yes.
00:25:07.039 --> 00:25:08.720
Smoking kills, kids.
00:25:08.960 --> 00:25:10.160
Smoking kills.
00:25:10.400 --> 00:25:11.440
It's a good lesson.
00:25:11.599 --> 00:25:13.599
Alright, I punched the front door open.
00:25:13.839 --> 00:25:16.319
Alright, make a strength check.
00:25:16.960 --> 00:25:19.039
Do I get an advantage because I'm a polar bear?
00:25:19.279 --> 00:25:20.400
Yeah, I'll give you advantage.
00:25:20.480 --> 00:25:21.519
You're a fucking bear.
00:25:21.759 --> 00:25:22.640
Hell yeah.
00:25:24.160 --> 00:25:27.519
Uh ten and uh fuck.
00:25:28.079 --> 00:25:28.720
Seven.
00:25:29.519 --> 00:25:35.359
Okay, with a ten, you are able to crack this door open, so you're able to peek inside.
00:25:35.519 --> 00:25:42.799
The door is still latched though, so it's weakened now, but you're at least able to see inside.
00:25:43.200 --> 00:25:44.240
Okay, look inside.
00:25:44.720 --> 00:25:48.079
Alright, as you look inside, you see it looks like a normal log cabin.
00:25:48.160 --> 00:25:51.519
There's some random odds and ends and bobbles.
00:25:52.000 --> 00:25:55.680
You also see uh those odds and ends and bobbles.
00:25:55.839 --> 00:26:02.960
There's about four items that are emulating arcane magic on a table.
00:26:03.279 --> 00:26:23.119
Also on the table is this little black cat, and it has its paw next to all of the items look breakable, and it's on the table, and its paw is right next to the first item, and it's like batting it a little bit, almost close to knocking it off the table.
00:26:23.440 --> 00:26:24.480
Well, it seems fine.
00:26:24.559 --> 00:26:26.000
Let's get the hell out of here.
00:26:26.480 --> 00:26:27.920
We gotta show him to the stomach.
00:26:28.079 --> 00:26:29.839
Uh right, right, right, right.
00:26:30.240 --> 00:26:31.039
Uh I go.
00:26:31.359 --> 00:26:32.559
Is there a window?
00:26:33.519 --> 00:26:34.000
Yeah.
00:26:34.240 --> 00:26:34.559
Okay.
00:26:34.960 --> 00:26:40.720
I go around to the window and I I go, Don't knock that over.
00:26:42.079 --> 00:26:43.839
Kitty, kitty, come in.
00:26:44.079 --> 00:26:47.839
And I start tapping, and I go, unlock it! Unlock the window.
00:26:48.160 --> 00:27:07.359
As you start tapping, it gets startled and it spasms and it knocks the first item over, and as it falls on the table or off the table, it lands on the ground and shatters, and you see purple mist evaporate out, and it goes, mew! And it like scurries away.
00:27:08.000 --> 00:27:15.599
We gotta think fast, and then I grab John by the back of the collar of his shirt and Is it wait?
00:27:15.680 --> 00:27:18.400
Is he a polar bear wearing a sh a polar?
00:27:18.960 --> 00:27:20.079
I forgot he's a polar bear.
00:27:20.400 --> 00:27:21.920
You're a polar bear!
00:27:22.160 --> 00:27:23.039
Break in!
00:27:23.279 --> 00:27:27.680
I I tried that! He tried, he rolled a 10 for strength with advantage.
00:27:27.920 --> 00:27:30.480
Well, you didn't try to crash through the glass.
00:27:30.880 --> 00:27:33.119
I I headbutt the glass window.
00:27:33.359 --> 00:27:37.680
Alright, go ahead and make another strength check with an uh advantage.
00:27:39.039 --> 00:27:41.119
I do like to think he's a polar bear in a suit, though.
00:27:41.279 --> 00:27:41.680
Yeah.
00:27:42.000 --> 00:27:42.799
21.
00:27:43.759 --> 00:27:47.839
Alright, yeah, you're the glass is fucking shattered.
00:27:48.559 --> 00:27:50.799
Alright, crawl through the window.
00:27:51.119 --> 00:27:52.720
There's no way you fit.
00:27:53.359 --> 00:27:57.279
You go in, unlock the door, I'll come around.
00:27:58.640 --> 00:27:59.759
Will he fit?
00:28:00.000 --> 00:28:08.799
I'd say with a 21, you fucking shattered this glass and like the surrounding siding around it, so you can fucking fit through this.
00:28:09.119 --> 00:28:09.599
Okay, great.
00:28:09.839 --> 00:28:10.400
Okay, nice.
00:28:10.880 --> 00:28:11.519
Go in.
00:28:11.839 --> 00:28:16.079
Alright, as you go in, you see that there is two stories to this cabin.
00:28:16.319 --> 00:28:19.039
So there is the table with all of the items on.
00:28:19.279 --> 00:28:24.720
You notice that one item is broken on the floor.
00:28:24.880 --> 00:28:27.119
The other three have disappeared.
00:28:27.440 --> 00:28:28.720
Hold on one sec.
00:28:28.960 --> 00:28:30.079
Hi, my love.
00:28:30.880 --> 00:28:32.000
Oh, thank you.
00:28:32.960 --> 00:28:34.160
Oh, look at this.
00:28:34.480 --> 00:28:34.799
Dude.
00:28:35.119 --> 00:28:36.000
Hi, Chesca.
00:28:36.319 --> 00:28:36.720
Wow.
00:28:37.119 --> 00:28:38.240
Are those spaghettios?
00:28:38.559 --> 00:28:40.079
No, they're stuffed peppers.
00:28:40.400 --> 00:28:42.079
Oh nice.
00:28:42.480 --> 00:28:42.960
Nice.
00:28:43.119 --> 00:28:44.079
Hey, how's it going?
00:28:44.559 --> 00:28:47.599
Courtesy and what are they stuffed with?
00:28:47.920 --> 00:28:51.119
Ground beef, rice, etc.
00:28:51.519 --> 00:28:52.079
Hell yeah.
00:28:52.240 --> 00:28:52.559
Wow.
00:28:52.799 --> 00:28:53.680
That looks good.
00:28:53.839 --> 00:28:54.559
Real good.
00:28:55.440 --> 00:28:56.160
Way better than what I had.
00:28:56.240 --> 00:28:57.920
I had uh microwave macaroni and cheese.
00:28:58.160 --> 00:28:58.480
You know what?
00:28:58.559 --> 00:29:00.000
Sometimes that hits though.
00:29:00.400 --> 00:29:00.640
It does.
00:29:00.960 --> 00:29:02.720
That's low-key like a comfort meal.
00:29:02.960 --> 00:29:03.200
Yeah.
00:29:03.359 --> 00:29:03.519
Yeah.
00:29:03.920 --> 00:29:10.160
I don't know if I should be eating them five times a week, but it could hit five times a week.
00:29:10.640 --> 00:29:11.200
Thank you, baby.
00:29:11.920 --> 00:29:14.160
That's gonna hit your heart pretty good if you don't.
00:29:14.799 --> 00:29:14.960
Yeah.
00:29:15.279 --> 00:29:16.960
It's buffalo chicken mac and cheese, too.
00:29:17.119 --> 00:29:17.519
Oh yeah?
00:29:17.680 --> 00:29:18.319
That sounds good.
00:29:18.720 --> 00:29:22.400
Do you want this cut out of the podcast, or do you want your voice to be in it?
00:29:22.559 --> 00:29:23.200
I don't care.
00:29:23.440 --> 00:29:24.079
Alright.
00:29:25.359 --> 00:29:27.920
She's like, all three listeners are gonna hear me.
00:29:28.319 --> 00:29:29.920
Talk about stuffed peppers.
00:29:30.480 --> 00:29:31.039
I love you.
00:29:31.359 --> 00:29:32.400
Love you too.
00:29:35.119 --> 00:29:42.640
Uh so as you walk in, you notice that the broken item is still on the ground, but the other three have disappeared.
00:29:42.880 --> 00:29:44.880
The ones that were on the table.
00:29:45.279 --> 00:29:50.319
And you also hear a small thud come from upstairs.
00:29:50.640 --> 00:29:51.680
There's an upstairs.
00:29:51.839 --> 00:29:52.319
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:29:52.640 --> 00:29:53.519
This is a two-story.
00:29:53.759 --> 00:29:55.920
So you hear a small thud from the upstairs.
00:29:56.240 --> 00:29:58.319
I look through the books, what do I see?
00:29:58.720 --> 00:30:04.079
It's just scrapbooks of this Yeti and his cat going on like vacation.
00:30:04.960 --> 00:30:06.559
I start tossing him in the fire.
00:30:06.880 --> 00:30:14.000
Yeah, it it rolls He's dead, Mark! We killed him! You don't have to feel guilty now memories too.
00:30:15.680 --> 00:30:29.920
And as I'm doing that, I open up one book while John isn't looking, and I see a picture of him and his cat, and I take it out and I put it in my in my belongings, and I toss the rest of the book into the fire.
00:30:30.079 --> 00:30:30.240
Okay.
00:30:30.400 --> 00:30:32.160
And I go, let's get this fucking cat.
00:30:32.400 --> 00:30:32.960
Alright.
00:30:33.200 --> 00:30:37.599
I'll block the downstairs, you go up there, and you start scurrying around.
00:30:37.680 --> 00:30:46.240
So if it if you if you come bring it down here, I'll just open my mouth and I'll catch it in my mouth and we'll be on our way.
00:30:48.079 --> 00:30:49.039
I'll just add it.
00:30:49.119 --> 00:30:53.200
So if I catch the cat, I will try to throw it.
00:30:53.440 --> 00:30:54.240
No, no, no, no, no.
00:30:54.400 --> 00:30:55.119
So you go up there.
00:30:56.400 --> 00:30:57.200
No, wrong.
00:30:57.279 --> 00:30:58.480
Alright, this is what happens.
00:30:58.559 --> 00:30:58.799
Okay.
00:30:59.200 --> 00:31:02.480
You go up there, you start flapping your wings, causing chaos.
00:31:02.559 --> 00:31:03.279
It gets scared.
00:31:03.359 --> 00:31:05.680
It goes, I'm gonna go back downstairs.
00:31:05.839 --> 00:31:13.920
And as it's going downstairs, I'm going to be laying on the floor like I'm a bearskin rug with my mouth open.
00:31:14.160 --> 00:31:24.160
And then it's gonna run right in my mouth, and I just walk gently, gently press down, hard enough to hold it, and then we walk back.
00:31:24.400 --> 00:31:26.160
I'm glad you understood what I was asking.
00:31:26.400 --> 00:31:30.400
It's not that I'm worried that you got it in your mouth, it's how we're gonna get it in there.
00:31:30.559 --> 00:31:31.680
That's what I was worried about.
00:31:32.000 --> 00:31:32.400
Yes.
00:31:33.519 --> 00:31:34.480
I understand.
00:31:34.640 --> 00:31:36.480
All right, perfect, perfect.
00:31:36.640 --> 00:31:36.960
All right.
00:31:37.039 --> 00:31:41.279
Uh yeah, I go upstairs, I start uh start flapping around.
00:31:41.680 --> 00:31:42.559
Walk upstairs.
00:31:42.880 --> 00:31:43.519
Perfect.
00:31:43.680 --> 00:31:48.880
Uh as you walk upstairs, you see a just regular bedroom.
00:31:48.960 --> 00:31:49.599
You see the cat.
00:31:50.160 --> 00:31:51.440
Mark, how did you do that?
00:31:54.960 --> 00:31:56.720
You just want me in this position?
00:31:56.960 --> 00:31:58.000
Yeah, just how'd you do it?
00:31:58.079 --> 00:31:58.480
I want to see it.
00:31:58.880 --> 00:32:02.799
You're gonna screenshot and then I know you, I know you.
00:32:03.599 --> 00:32:05.359
Oh no, I'm doing that again.
00:32:05.680 --> 00:32:08.160
No, I just we it's good for DD.
00:32:08.559 --> 00:32:10.400
Sure, let me describe with words then.
00:32:10.640 --> 00:32:12.559
I lay down on my stomach.
00:32:12.880 --> 00:32:17.119
Oh, that's a surefire way for me to get you to do it again because I know you can't describe it with words.
00:32:19.279 --> 00:32:21.839
Use all your words to describe it.
00:32:24.720 --> 00:32:29.119
Mouth, mouth agape laying on the floor on my stomach.
00:32:29.279 --> 00:32:33.359
And then my feet are also out uh like a starfish.
00:32:33.599 --> 00:32:36.559
A haiego apparently as if you're doing.
00:32:37.359 --> 00:32:38.720
Do I have to Google this?
00:32:39.039 --> 00:32:41.599
There's a there's a whole list of shit Mark has to Google.
00:32:41.680 --> 00:32:46.799
Alright, I'm gonna press escape to cancel that uh screenshot handbook in there.
00:32:47.119 --> 00:32:48.000
I knew it.
00:32:48.240 --> 00:32:50.240
Well, you can't just hit me with this.
00:32:50.799 --> 00:32:54.240
And then not expect me to do it.
00:32:56.000 --> 00:32:57.920
Alright, uh, does anybody run down?
00:32:58.160 --> 00:33:00.720
So as you walk up, you start to cause chaos.
00:33:00.799 --> 00:33:03.359
You see the cat and three items on the bed.
00:33:03.920 --> 00:33:15.839
So as you start to flap, the cat does get scared and it baps away two of the items uh and they shatter into different mists, and there's one item still radiating in.
00:33:16.000 --> 00:33:27.119
Fuck! It knocks the items that weren't on the table, they were now on the bed, which I said you have to listen, and it baps them off of the table.
00:33:27.279 --> 00:33:28.720
So there's two or off of the bed.
00:33:28.799 --> 00:33:30.559
So there's two items now broken.
00:33:30.799 --> 00:33:31.279
I'm listening.
00:33:31.359 --> 00:33:32.559
You change it.
00:33:32.720 --> 00:33:44.720
If you ever have a dream that you had you so there's currently one magic item remaining, but that pales in comparison to this cat who is freaking the fuck out.
00:33:44.880 --> 00:33:48.559
It's bouncing all over the walls, it's going meow, etc.
00:33:49.119 --> 00:33:52.319
And it starts spamming and it bolts.
00:33:52.720 --> 00:33:54.960
I focus on the item.
00:33:55.119 --> 00:33:56.720
I don't look away from the item.
00:33:56.880 --> 00:33:57.119
Okay.
00:33:57.279 --> 00:33:58.480
And I'm laying down on the ground.
00:33:58.559 --> 00:34:01.039
I'm going, how's it uh uh Yeah.
00:34:01.200 --> 00:34:06.960
So, John, all you hear is uh I'm gonna do some foley for you here.
00:34:07.359 --> 00:34:09.599
This is this is what you hear.
00:34:09.760 --> 00:34:11.519
Ah, it's gonna make a mouse.
00:34:14.480 --> 00:34:18.079
And the meows get uh louder and louder.
00:34:18.320 --> 00:34:19.679
Have fun editing that.
00:34:19.840 --> 00:34:22.400
Uh the I'm not changing anything.
00:34:22.639 --> 00:34:24.559
The meows get louder and louder.
00:34:24.800 --> 00:34:26.719
Wait, you guys are posting this?
00:34:29.199 --> 00:34:30.079
We have to.
00:34:30.239 --> 00:34:33.039
That's the date's coming up, it's Wednesday.
00:34:33.679 --> 00:34:42.800
The cat appears at the top of the uh stairs, so you have to make a dexterity saving throw to be able to catch this cat within your mouth.
00:34:43.119 --> 00:34:43.360
Okay.
00:34:43.679 --> 00:34:44.400
Dexterity.
00:34:45.199 --> 00:34:46.320
Come on, baby.
00:34:46.639 --> 00:34:48.880
Fifteen fifteen, you got it.
00:34:49.039 --> 00:34:55.840
You have softly caught this cat, and it's like it's freaking out in your mouth because it thinks it's about to get eaten.
00:34:56.239 --> 00:35:07.920
Uh cut to Tyler upstairs, you see one item, which is a shirt, but the shirt looks to be made out of quartz.
00:35:08.000 --> 00:35:09.119
I'll say quartz.
00:35:09.360 --> 00:35:10.400
Why do you say quartz?
00:35:10.800 --> 00:35:12.320
Because it's made out of quartz.
00:35:12.960 --> 00:35:13.679
Okay, good to know.
00:35:13.920 --> 00:35:17.519
I uh while the cat's freaking out, I cast speak with animals.
00:35:17.679 --> 00:35:18.000
Yeah.
00:35:18.239 --> 00:35:22.800
And and I I tell it to don't worry, I'm not gonna eat you.
00:35:22.880 --> 00:35:25.039
I'm here to make sure you're okay.
00:35:25.519 --> 00:35:29.360
And then the cat replies and goes, Hello.
00:35:30.239 --> 00:35:30.559
Oh.
00:35:31.199 --> 00:35:35.440
So you just showed up to my home to see if I was okay.
00:35:35.840 --> 00:35:36.320
Correct.
00:35:36.400 --> 00:35:38.320
I mean, we had to make sure you're alright.
00:35:38.400 --> 00:35:53.760
I gotta take you to a tree stump to make sure he's gonna make sure you're okay, and then you're off on your own, and you go back to your little house, your warm, cozy little nook, and take a look at your the photo album of all the uh places you've been with your your dead owner.
00:35:54.079 --> 00:35:56.239
My My Dead owner?
00:35:56.719 --> 00:35:58.000
My own is dead.
00:35:58.239 --> 00:36:00.559
No, I'm my own is dead.
00:36:00.880 --> 00:36:05.360
No, no, no, no, no, it's not dead, it's not dead, it's just it must be my uh my accent.
00:36:05.840 --> 00:36:09.760
Your uh your your fat your fed owner.
00:36:09.840 --> 00:36:10.719
You know, he's fed.
00:36:10.800 --> 00:36:15.280
He's he's good, he's getting groceries, and he's gonna bring you back a cake.
00:36:15.679 --> 00:36:17.280
Roll persuasion.
00:36:17.360 --> 00:36:22.000
Roll it with disadvantage, though, because the cat didn't know his owner was dead.
00:36:23.519 --> 00:36:26.800
Oh, 10 and 11, so 10.
00:36:26.960 --> 00:36:31.280
Alright, with a 10 that does succeed, and the cat goes, well, fine.
00:36:31.679 --> 00:36:34.400
Um, sure, I'll go wherever you need me to go.
00:36:34.480 --> 00:36:35.039
I'm a cat.
00:36:35.760 --> 00:36:36.159
Great.
00:36:36.239 --> 00:36:41.599
I'm gonna I'm uh I yell up to uh AI and back, all right, let's go.
00:36:42.000 --> 00:36:45.920
Wait, this seems like the kind of guy that would have a leash for his cat.
00:36:47.039 --> 00:36:49.679
Oh uh I heard him from up there.
00:36:49.760 --> 00:36:51.599
I uh yes, I do have a leash.
00:36:51.679 --> 00:36:52.880
Uh he speaks English?
00:36:54.000 --> 00:36:56.480
I don't speak it, but I can understand it.
00:36:56.960 --> 00:36:58.159
Oh, I see you're not fluent.
00:36:58.400 --> 00:37:00.159
I'm not fluent, but I can understand it.
00:37:00.320 --> 00:37:02.079
I'm the same way with Spanish.
00:37:02.400 --> 00:37:02.880
Mmm.
00:37:03.199 --> 00:37:03.519
C.
00:37:04.159 --> 00:37:05.679
That's my favorite letter.
00:37:06.559 --> 00:37:11.280
But Mark, can you do you know Spanish enough to like understand what people are saying but not speak it?
00:37:11.679 --> 00:37:20.559
Went to uh I went to Mexico with me and four other guys from college, and I was the only one that could that could buy the hookers.
00:37:20.800 --> 00:37:21.360
Yes.
00:37:24.880 --> 00:37:30.159
I was the only one that could have some sort of communic yeah, communication between.
00:37:30.320 --> 00:37:31.199
Yeah, it's crazy.
00:37:31.440 --> 00:37:34.159
Yeah, just a whole lot of asking where the library is.
00:37:34.960 --> 00:37:37.360
Just imagine how dumb the other guys were.
00:37:38.480 --> 00:37:40.480
That's where that English 090 came in.
00:37:40.639 --> 00:37:41.760
Yes, yes.
00:37:43.440 --> 00:37:47.039
And if you want to know the context of that joke, look through Mark's Instagram.
00:37:47.440 --> 00:37:50.400
Yeah, you can find it on my free special on YouTube.
00:37:50.719 --> 00:37:51.519
Oh, yeah, there you go.
00:37:51.599 --> 00:37:52.079
Which one is that?
00:37:52.400 --> 00:37:53.119
Incognito.
00:37:53.280 --> 00:37:53.679
There you go.
00:37:53.920 --> 00:37:54.800
Is that your first one?
00:37:55.039 --> 00:37:55.679
Yep.
00:37:56.000 --> 00:37:56.480
All right.
00:37:56.719 --> 00:37:57.440
It's a good one.
00:37:57.599 --> 00:37:58.320
Oh, thanks.
00:37:59.519 --> 00:38:01.519
Before the bird sucked.
00:38:02.880 --> 00:38:04.400
Hey, oh, oh, oh.
00:38:07.760 --> 00:38:09.679
Yeah, you're not the only one.
00:38:12.880 --> 00:38:16.880
Um the numbers don't lie, and they spell disaster, sacrifice.
00:38:18.320 --> 00:38:19.440
I know that reference.
00:38:19.519 --> 00:38:19.920
I love that.
00:38:20.000 --> 00:38:21.599
Uh Did you get that reference?
00:38:21.920 --> 00:38:24.239
I couldn't uh I could I could know, but it was funny to me.
00:38:24.400 --> 00:38:31.599
I I think I could re-release the whole uh second album on my third album, and no one would notice.
00:38:33.039 --> 00:38:33.679
Go for it.
00:38:33.840 --> 00:38:34.639
I might do that.
00:38:34.800 --> 00:38:35.760
Uh Mark's version.
00:38:37.840 --> 00:38:45.199
Listen, we need we need some oh, so you have the rights to it instead of uh Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:38:45.840 --> 00:38:48.159
So the cat understands Spanish.
00:38:48.719 --> 00:38:51.039
English, but showing for lore.
00:38:51.280 --> 00:38:54.239
Yeah, the cat also understands Spanish.
00:38:54.559 --> 00:39:00.480
I gotta be honest, I don't trust it to not scare you off or run away or slip out of its leash.
00:39:00.639 --> 00:39:03.760
I think I'm gonna hold on to it just like this.
00:39:04.159 --> 00:39:05.519
I mean, that's fine.
00:39:05.599 --> 00:39:06.480
I'm a cat.
00:39:06.800 --> 00:39:09.119
Um well You seem kind of chill.
00:39:09.440 --> 00:39:12.239
I'm a I am a cat, so that's what we are.
00:39:12.320 --> 00:39:14.000
It I'm the stone!
00:39:17.840 --> 00:39:19.920
You asked me to be more descriptive.
00:39:20.000 --> 00:39:22.480
It's very clear who's talking, isn't it?
00:39:24.159 --> 00:39:30.400
Um you are more than welcome to have uh the remaining magic item that's upstairs.
00:39:30.480 --> 00:39:35.360
I mean, it's I have no use for it and uh cut back upstairs.
00:39:35.440 --> 00:39:36.320
I'm already wearing it.
00:39:36.480 --> 00:39:37.360
Oh, you're wearing it?
00:39:37.519 --> 00:39:38.480
I mean, it's a shirt.
00:39:38.559 --> 00:39:40.239
Uh it'd be ridiculous not to wear it.
00:39:40.719 --> 00:39:43.199
Also, it's made of quartz, is that right?
00:39:44.800 --> 00:39:46.159
Quartz is not malleable.
00:39:46.320 --> 00:39:48.800
No, but you could like slip in, you know.
00:39:49.119 --> 00:39:49.440
Okay.
00:39:49.840 --> 00:39:54.559
As you walk upstairs, John, you see AI.
00:39:55.519 --> 00:39:58.000
To AI, it looks like you're just wearing a quartz shirt.
00:39:58.239 --> 00:40:01.199
John, to you, it looks like AI has grown tits.
00:40:02.480 --> 00:40:04.960
Oh, hey, buddy.
00:40:05.519 --> 00:40:07.760
Uh what uh you know.
00:40:08.960 --> 00:40:11.760
Is uh uh you go I'm alright.
00:40:11.920 --> 00:40:13.360
Yeah, how are you doing?
00:40:13.440 --> 00:40:16.400
You uh you got anything you want to get off your chest?
00:40:18.320 --> 00:40:23.599
No, I just found this shirt and uh I I feel like it's gonna be really good for for defense, you know?
00:40:24.000 --> 00:40:27.760
I feel like if something's coming at me, like boom, it's gonna ping right off, you know?
00:40:27.920 --> 00:40:29.199
Yeah, got no chance.
00:40:29.440 --> 00:40:35.920
Okay, you want me to I I you thought I was a handful before in combat, but you know, something's coming at me now.
00:40:36.559 --> 00:40:37.920
Nothing's gonna beat me.
00:40:38.639 --> 00:40:41.199
Yeah, I think I think that'll that'll work out.
00:40:41.360 --> 00:40:44.239
I mean, you know, if they're if they're not into it, yeah, sure.
00:40:44.480 --> 00:40:45.119
What do you think?
00:40:45.199 --> 00:40:47.119
Does it does it look good?
00:40:47.360 --> 00:40:49.920
Yeah, well, I got no problems with it.
00:40:50.079 --> 00:40:50.960
Let's go.
00:40:51.760 --> 00:40:52.000
Okay.
00:40:52.639 --> 00:40:55.119
Do you want to do you wanna try it on?
00:40:55.360 --> 00:40:57.199
I don't think it'll fit.
00:40:57.440 --> 00:40:59.280
Hey Cat, I take the shirt off.
00:40:59.679 --> 00:41:02.079
Oh, as you take it off.
00:41:02.159 --> 00:41:05.519
Uh I thought you looked like Christopher Gnome's husband.
00:41:08.960 --> 00:41:13.360
Yeah, as you take it off, you see that it's you see the court shirt become normal again.
00:41:13.760 --> 00:41:14.320
Whoa.
00:41:14.880 --> 00:41:16.719
Maybe I do want to try it on.
00:41:16.880 --> 00:41:18.079
I try it on.
00:41:18.639 --> 00:41:25.360
Alright, as you put it on and you slip into it, um, you see John just a normal shirt.
00:41:25.599 --> 00:41:28.800
But AI, you see now that John has tits.
00:41:28.960 --> 00:41:32.960
He has six of them that are all hanging down because he's a dog.
00:41:33.519 --> 00:41:36.000
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:41:36.559 --> 00:41:38.719
Uh wait, he has six because he's a dog.
00:41:38.800 --> 00:41:40.960
How many first of all, dogs have eight?
00:41:41.119 --> 00:41:41.760
First of all.
00:41:42.000 --> 00:41:43.840
Second of all, he's a polar bear.
00:41:44.079 --> 00:41:44.719
Oh shit.
00:41:44.880 --> 00:41:54.320
Um I'm gonna do Oh what I did the peace sign too much, and apparently balloons come up on Discord when you do that.
00:41:54.639 --> 00:41:55.599
Is it the peace sign?
00:41:55.679 --> 00:41:56.239
Is that what it is?
00:41:56.400 --> 00:41:56.800
I don't know.
00:41:56.880 --> 00:42:02.719
Oh yeah, it is to accidentally figure that out is how come it only works for you?
00:42:02.880 --> 00:42:05.599
That's because you have fucking sausage fingers, relax.
00:42:06.559 --> 00:42:09.920
Uh I just looked up polar bear tits.
00:42:10.159 --> 00:42:11.280
Uh oh.
00:42:11.760 --> 00:42:12.079
Oh.
00:42:12.480 --> 00:42:14.079
Yeah, what's what's gonna pop up for you?
00:42:14.239 --> 00:42:18.000
Well, they have they have four, but this is what it says.
00:42:18.079 --> 00:42:20.639
I I'm reading this off of Reddit, so take it what you will.
00:42:20.880 --> 00:42:25.519
Being attacked by a bear, try to feel for its nipples as it's eating you.
00:42:25.760 --> 00:42:29.599
Polar bears only have four nipples, while grizzlies have six.
00:42:29.760 --> 00:42:33.679
Once armed with this information, you'll feel much smarter.
00:42:34.000 --> 00:42:34.480
Wow.
00:42:34.960 --> 00:42:36.960
So yeah, Mark's got four tits right now.
00:42:37.360 --> 00:42:40.079
I think it looks better on me than it does on you.
00:42:40.239 --> 00:42:41.679
Maybe I should wait a cat.
00:42:41.920 --> 00:42:43.280
What does this shirt do?
00:42:43.599 --> 00:42:46.559
Oh, it Oh, that's just not my voice.
00:42:46.719 --> 00:42:58.400
Um yes, it um whatever you put inside the shirt, animate or inanimate, literally anything, it gets tits.
00:42:59.920 --> 00:43:01.920
That's just what it does.
00:43:03.760 --> 00:43:05.039
You gotta be kidding me.
00:43:05.199 --> 00:43:15.920
So this all the magic and the mischief and the in the realm of of magic uh that could ever possibly exist.
00:43:17.039 --> 00:43:19.280
Someone made a shirt with tits.
00:43:19.760 --> 00:43:23.599
Listen, my owner gets very lonely at times.
00:43:23.840 --> 00:43:25.440
I knew it was this type of guy.
00:43:25.599 --> 00:43:27.360
I knew it was this type of guy.
00:43:27.679 --> 00:43:30.320
Does he also eat mac and cheese five times a week?
00:43:32.079 --> 00:43:33.679
Oh, now I can't cut that part.
00:43:33.760 --> 00:43:34.559
I gotta keep it.
00:43:35.519 --> 00:43:37.039
Everyone's gonna know.
00:43:38.239 --> 00:43:41.440
Alright, well, uh, I guess we'll keep this titty shirt.
00:43:41.519 --> 00:43:43.519
Hopefully it comes in uh use.
00:43:44.559 --> 00:43:49.840
Maybe some more uh bugs bunny type of theme that uh AI can do.
00:43:50.000 --> 00:43:53.760
I guess I'll just wear it for right now and and we'll go.
00:43:54.079 --> 00:43:55.440
Yeah, I'll go with that.
00:43:55.679 --> 00:43:59.760
Okay, so am I seeing you know how like when a dog's been ran through.
00:44:00.239 --> 00:44:03.840
And it's had a bunch of puppies and like it's just got like saggy nipples.
00:44:04.079 --> 00:44:05.519
Am I seeing that on Mark?
00:44:05.599 --> 00:44:08.320
Or am I seeing like four voluptuous breasts?
00:44:08.480 --> 00:44:10.880
You're seeing they are very voluptuous.
00:44:11.119 --> 00:44:12.320
I'm seeing jugs.
00:44:12.559 --> 00:44:14.559
All of the titties are like good.
00:44:16.320 --> 00:44:20.960
I'm seeing uh what's the bazungas as they say.
00:44:21.199 --> 00:44:25.280
Boy, oi, oi, oi, oi, car alarm, a wooga, a wooga.
00:44:26.159 --> 00:44:28.800
I'm seeing ape titties, is what I'm seeing.
00:44:29.119 --> 00:44:29.920
Ape titties?
00:44:30.159 --> 00:44:31.920
Yeah, you are seeing ape titties.
00:44:32.079 --> 00:44:37.280
It's not like it's not titties relative to the thing that they're on.
00:44:37.440 --> 00:44:38.880
It's ape titties.
00:44:39.360 --> 00:44:42.159
Ape titties are wrong because ape titties kind of suck.
00:44:42.320 --> 00:44:44.239
Like, what's the word I'm looking for?
00:44:44.400 --> 00:44:45.199
What what are we?
00:44:45.360 --> 00:44:47.280
I know we're humans, but what are we?
00:44:47.760 --> 00:44:48.320
You see what I'm saying?
00:44:48.639 --> 00:44:54.239
Homo sapiens, like not Homo sapiens, but like we are, but that's not what I'm looking for.
00:44:54.400 --> 00:44:55.519
But like, what are we?
00:44:55.920 --> 00:44:57.599
We're the same as like monkeys.
00:44:57.920 --> 00:44:58.639
Primates?
00:44:58.880 --> 00:44:59.760
Primate titties.
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:00.719
Primate titties.
00:45:01.039 --> 00:45:01.199
Yes.
00:45:01.440 --> 00:45:05.119
No matter what, the shirt goes on, you see Primeape titties.
00:45:05.440 --> 00:45:06.000
Hell yeah.
00:45:06.239 --> 00:45:07.840
Prime ape titties.
00:45:08.320 --> 00:45:08.960
Yes.
00:45:09.199 --> 00:45:11.760
They're primeape titties.
00:45:12.400 --> 00:45:13.679
Alright, we're gonna go.
00:45:13.840 --> 00:45:22.400
Alright, so as you guys head down the mountain, you come back to the stump, and as you approach closer to the stump, you just hear them in the background going.
00:45:22.800 --> 00:45:28.239
You know, it's it's kind of rude to walk away from people while they're talking.
00:45:28.880 --> 00:45:35.440
Oh, you're back! Oh! The cat! That's so nice! I'm the side quest stump.
00:45:36.320 --> 00:45:37.760
What's our reward?
00:45:38.159 --> 00:45:40.880
Oh! Did you find the magic item?
00:45:41.199 --> 00:45:43.440
Yeah, but you're supposed to give us something when we come back.
00:45:43.519 --> 00:45:45.039
We stole that fair and square.
00:45:45.280 --> 00:45:46.880
Oh no, that's the magic item.
00:45:47.039 --> 00:45:48.559
You went on the side quest, cut the side.
00:45:48.639 --> 00:45:49.679
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:45:50.000 --> 00:45:51.199
You have the T D shirt.
00:45:51.599 --> 00:45:53.199
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:45:53.440 --> 00:45:56.800
Because if we would have just stolen this, we'd have had it.
00:45:57.280 --> 00:45:59.440
Yeah, but you couldn't have gotten back.
00:45:59.920 --> 00:46:03.280
So you you're telling us you would have kidnapped us.
00:46:03.360 --> 00:46:05.679
You would have would have kept us here against our will.
00:46:06.000 --> 00:46:08.239
You were pretty mean to me, so yeah.
00:46:10.800 --> 00:46:12.480
Do me a favor, take the shirt off.
00:46:13.039 --> 00:46:14.000
I take it off.
00:46:14.320 --> 00:46:15.599
I put it on the stump.
00:46:15.840 --> 00:46:25.039
Alright, this Oh! I'm the side quest stomp! Oh boy! I don't why is it going, oh boy, I can't see him.
00:46:26.880 --> 00:46:30.159
Oh no, I mean but I know what the shirt does.
00:46:31.760 --> 00:46:36.159
So I I look like I have titties now.
00:46:37.199 --> 00:46:40.000
Did you achieve what you wanted to achieve here?
00:46:40.239 --> 00:46:41.760
I guess I rip the shirt off.
00:46:41.840 --> 00:46:43.599
I go, let's fucking take us back.
00:46:43.920 --> 00:46:44.239
Okay.
00:46:44.880 --> 00:46:56.719
And then the hypnosis circle starts to go again and it sucks you back into the stump and you appear right back into um the doom buggy.
00:46:56.960 --> 00:47:02.079
You see the worm and you cranking over like the hood.
00:47:02.159 --> 00:47:10.079
The smoke has stopped, and as soon as you pop back, they slam the hood down, and you goes, Father, where have you been?
00:47:10.320 --> 00:47:12.800
I I uh We was busy.
00:47:12.960 --> 00:47:15.199
We we had the we gotta You met this guy?
00:47:15.360 --> 00:47:16.400
I point the stomp.
00:47:16.639 --> 00:47:18.400
I'm the side quest stump.
00:47:18.800 --> 00:47:20.800
Yeah, I thought you know we we went somewhere.
00:47:20.880 --> 00:47:34.639
We we went back to chapter eight with the with the with the uh we we we saw the Yeti's uh cat and uh it guys into some stuff, so we uh we stole some of his clothes and uh we gonna We're gonna save those for another time.
00:47:34.960 --> 00:47:35.920
Oh, that's nice.
00:47:36.000 --> 00:47:38.719
I hope that we will be able to go back to chapter one.
00:47:38.960 --> 00:47:40.480
That was my favorite chapter.
00:47:40.719 --> 00:47:43.280
Well, you don't have very good opinions, so don't worry about it.
00:47:43.440 --> 00:47:43.760
Aw.
00:47:44.000 --> 00:47:45.119
That's fair enough.
00:47:45.280 --> 00:47:52.159
And then you see uh Ranger pick up his head and he goes, What?
00:47:52.800 --> 00:47:57.360
And with that, we will end our fun little side quest.
00:47:58.719 --> 00:48:02.880
Hey guys, thank you so much for listening to another episode of Comedy and Dice.
00:48:03.039 --> 00:48:05.039
Thank you so much to our cast.
00:48:05.199 --> 00:48:08.159
I have been Tyler Wood playing AIE.
00:48:08.239 --> 00:48:16.079
We have Grant Janik as our DM, Mark Brady as John Lick, and out for this episode was Shane Smith playing Ranger Danger.
00:48:16.239 --> 00:48:23.199
If you would like to check us out, we have a live show coming up this Saturday at the Gathering Place in Chapel Hill.
00:48:23.360 --> 00:48:24.400
It's gonna be a lot of fun.
00:48:24.559 --> 00:48:28.239
Come on out, win some prizes, and watch some live DD fun.
00:48:28.800 --> 00:48:32.320
If you want to support us directly, please support on Patreon.
00:48:32.400 --> 00:48:35.039
That is patreon.com slash comedyand dice.
00:48:35.360 --> 00:48:38.800
That is patreon.com slash comedy, the letter in dice.
00:48:39.199 --> 00:48:43.840
We appreciate everybody that does that, but also it means so much that you just listen each and every week.
00:48:43.920 --> 00:48:48.880
And we truly do appreciate your support in any form that you can give it.
00:48:49.119 --> 00:48:50.480
And thank you so much for listening.
00:48:50.639 --> 00:48:55.519
Be on the lookout for our next episode coming out July 8th.
00:48:55.679 --> 00:48:56.719
We will see you then.
00:48:56.960 --> 00:48:58.079
Goodbye.
00:48:59.440 --> 00:49:00.960
Oh yeah, he's got a little caller.
00:49:01.119 --> 00:49:02.000
His name's Mr.
00:49:02.159 --> 00:49:02.960
Whisker.