WEBVTT
00:00:01.600 --> 00:00:04.719
Good morning and welcome to the Coffee Cup Mindfulness Podcast.
00:00:04.799 --> 00:00:09.839
My name is Chris, and I'll be here every weekday morning to help you start your day more focused and grounded.
00:00:10.000 --> 00:00:11.279
Let's get started.
00:00:11.759 --> 00:00:17.120
So the other day, I was sitting at a stoplight, and I was second in line behind another car.
00:00:17.280 --> 00:00:19.440
The light turned green and the car didn't go.
00:00:19.600 --> 00:00:24.399
And I saw their head looking down, and I have to admit, I kind of lost my mind.
00:00:24.559 --> 00:00:28.320
I laid on the horn and yelled, Come on, get off your phone.
00:00:28.559 --> 00:00:30.800
The person looked up and drove forward.
00:00:31.120 --> 00:00:38.159
I'm amazed at how quickly I can take such an event and then weave an intricate doomsday story in my mind.
00:00:38.479 --> 00:00:42.640
Kids these days, which at my age, by the way, includes anyone under the age of 35.
00:00:43.119 --> 00:00:47.039
No attention span, unsafe driving, the end of civil society.
00:00:47.280 --> 00:00:51.759
Quite the outcome because I was only delayed about two or three seconds at that light.
00:00:52.000 --> 00:00:53.280
And that's the thing, right?
00:00:53.439 --> 00:00:58.240
When we weave these stories based on judgments, it's never puppies and rainbows.
00:00:58.320 --> 00:01:00.320
It's always the story of our own demise.
00:01:00.880 --> 00:01:02.159
This is human nature.
00:01:02.320 --> 00:01:04.640
Our brains have a strong negativity bias.
00:01:04.799 --> 00:01:07.280
We're always on the lookout for that next tiger.
00:01:07.920 --> 00:01:09.840
But let's go back to that stoplight.
00:01:10.079 --> 00:01:13.519
How do you think I felt after the car in front of me moved?
00:01:13.840 --> 00:01:15.760
Was all right with the world again?
00:01:16.719 --> 00:01:18.079
I think you know better.
00:01:18.319 --> 00:01:21.840
I was cranky for the rest of the drive and for about an hour afterward.
00:01:22.000 --> 00:01:26.799
My neck and shoulders were tense, I was short tempered, and just not very fun to be around.
00:01:27.680 --> 00:01:29.359
Has anything like this happened to you?
00:01:30.879 --> 00:01:34.000
Now, what did I actually know about that situation?
00:01:34.159 --> 00:01:36.239
Did I know the person was on their phone?
00:01:36.560 --> 00:01:36.879
No.
00:01:37.200 --> 00:01:39.519
I suspected, but that's not the same.
00:01:39.920 --> 00:01:43.359
And if they were, did I know why they were on their phone?
00:01:43.920 --> 00:01:45.439
No, I didn't know that either.
00:01:45.920 --> 00:01:53.439
The truth is that I knew nothing about this person except that they were sitting ahead of me at the stoplight and didn't go on green as quickly as I wanted them to.
00:01:53.680 --> 00:01:54.319
That's it.
00:01:54.959 --> 00:01:58.959
The rest was all judgment because they didn't move quickly enough.
00:01:59.120 --> 00:02:02.799
I made all kinds of judgments about what was going on in the situation.
00:02:02.959 --> 00:02:10.240
I judged them, their motivations, and by extension, their generation and how they were responsible for the demise of life as we know it.
00:02:11.360 --> 00:02:13.520
What if I could have written a different story?
00:02:13.680 --> 00:02:19.759
One that picked up the delay, and I was able to say, they're not going when I expect them to.
00:02:20.000 --> 00:02:21.439
I find that frustrating.
00:02:22.319 --> 00:02:23.840
Two important things happen here.
00:02:24.000 --> 00:02:25.599
First, I only deal with what I observe.
00:02:25.759 --> 00:02:31.120
I don't create some additional narrative based on my judgments and assumptions of the person in the situation.
00:02:31.360 --> 00:02:32.800
I keep it contained.
00:02:33.919 --> 00:02:38.240
And second, I can attune to my own feelings in the situation.
00:02:38.479 --> 00:02:41.439
You see, non-judgment isn't the same as non-preference.
00:02:41.599 --> 00:02:44.960
Did I want this person to get a move on so I wouldn't be laid?
00:02:45.120 --> 00:02:46.000
Sure I did.
00:02:46.319 --> 00:02:49.840
But I have no control over the actions of and motivations of others.
00:02:50.080 --> 00:02:56.719
When I allow my judgments about what those may be, I give them control over my mood.
00:02:58.000 --> 00:03:07.919
But when I can then turn inward, focusing my attention on my own discomfort, I can actually provide myself what I need, being seen and heard and some self-compassion.
00:03:08.240 --> 00:03:09.919
See, that puts me back in control.
00:03:10.159 --> 00:03:19.120
Not only in control of lot not losing my mind at a traffic light, but also able to manage those thoughts and emotions as they come through.
00:03:20.479 --> 00:03:26.159
By leaning into the I don't know position, I can focus all my energy on what I can't control.
00:03:26.319 --> 00:03:31.360
I have a much stronger sense of control over my own emotions.
00:03:31.840 --> 00:03:35.840
Are they justified in slowing traffic down to look at their phone?
00:03:36.159 --> 00:03:37.039
I don't know.
00:03:37.680 --> 00:03:41.680
By leaning into non-judgmental observation, it ultimately doesn't matter.
00:03:42.000 --> 00:03:50.879
When their motivations don't control my mindset, I'm likely to have a better day and show for everyone in my life more grounded and calm.
00:03:51.439 --> 00:03:53.759
Maybe you're listening to this on your morning drive.
00:03:53.919 --> 00:03:59.520
Maybe you've already had an opportunity to make judgments about others and other situations, or not.
00:04:00.159 --> 00:04:09.439
As you move throughout your day, I invite you to release yourself from unnecessary judgments and see what effect that has on your heart and mind.
00:04:10.080 --> 00:04:12.319
Until next time, be well.
00:04:13.520 --> 00:04:19.839
If you'd like to support the show and go deeper into the topics discussed here, please join my Patreon community.
00:04:20.000 --> 00:04:21.759
I'd love to connect with you over there.
00:04:21.920 --> 00:04:23.680
All links are in the description.
00:04:23.920 --> 00:04:26.480
Thanks for being here, and I'll see you next time.
00:00:01.600 --> 00:00:04.719
Good morning and welcome to the Coffee Cup Mindfulness Podcast.
00:00:04.799 --> 00:00:09.839
My name is Chris, and I'll be here every weekday morning to help you start your day more focused and grounded.
00:00:10.000 --> 00:00:11.279
Let's get started.
00:00:11.759 --> 00:00:17.120
So the other day, I was sitting at a stoplight, and I was second in line behind another car.
00:00:17.280 --> 00:00:19.440
The light turned green and the car didn't go.
00:00:19.600 --> 00:00:24.399
And I saw their head looking down, and I have to admit, I kind of lost my mind.
00:00:24.559 --> 00:00:28.320
I laid on the horn and yelled, Come on, get off your phone.
00:00:28.559 --> 00:00:30.800
The person looked up and drove forward.
00:00:31.120 --> 00:00:38.159
I'm amazed at how quickly I can take such an event and then weave an intricate doomsday story in my mind.
00:00:38.479 --> 00:00:42.640
Kids these days, which at my age, by the way, includes anyone under the age of 35.
00:00:43.119 --> 00:00:47.039
No attention span, unsafe driving, the end of civil society.
00:00:47.280 --> 00:00:51.759
Quite the outcome because I was only delayed about two or three seconds at that light.
00:00:52.000 --> 00:00:53.280
And that's the thing, right?
00:00:53.439 --> 00:00:58.240
When we weave these stories based on judgments, it's never puppies and rainbows.
00:00:58.320 --> 00:01:00.320
It's always the story of our own demise.
00:01:00.880 --> 00:01:02.159
This is human nature.
00:01:02.320 --> 00:01:04.640
Our brains have a strong negativity bias.
00:01:04.799 --> 00:01:07.280
We're always on the lookout for that next tiger.
00:01:07.920 --> 00:01:09.840
But let's go back to that stoplight.
00:01:10.079 --> 00:01:13.519
How do you think I felt after the car in front of me moved?
00:01:13.840 --> 00:01:15.760
Was all right with the world again?
00:01:16.719 --> 00:01:18.079
I think you know better.
00:01:18.319 --> 00:01:21.840
I was cranky for the rest of the drive and for about an hour afterward.
00:01:22.000 --> 00:01:26.799
My neck and shoulders were tense, I was short tempered, and just not very fun to be around.
00:01:27.680 --> 00:01:29.359
Has anything like this happened to you?
00:01:30.879 --> 00:01:34.000
Now, what did I actually know about that situation?
00:01:34.159 --> 00:01:36.239
Did I know the person was on their phone?
00:01:36.560 --> 00:01:36.879
No.
00:01:37.200 --> 00:01:39.519
I suspected, but that's not the same.
00:01:39.920 --> 00:01:43.359
And if they were, did I know why they were on their phone?
00:01:43.920 --> 00:01:45.439
No, I didn't know that either.
00:01:45.920 --> 00:01:53.439
The truth is that I knew nothing about this person except that they were sitting ahead of me at the stoplight and didn't go on green as quickly as I wanted them to.
00:01:53.680 --> 00:01:54.319
That's it.
00:01:54.959 --> 00:01:58.959
The rest was all judgment because they didn't move quickly enough.
00:01:59.120 --> 00:02:02.799
I made all kinds of judgments about what was going on in the situation.
00:02:02.959 --> 00:02:10.240
I judged them, their motivations, and by extension, their generation and how they were responsible for the demise of life as we know it.
00:02:11.360 --> 00:02:13.520
What if I could have written a different story?
00:02:13.680 --> 00:02:19.759
One that picked up the delay, and I was able to say, they're not going when I expect them to.
00:02:20.000 --> 00:02:21.439
I find that frustrating.
00:02:22.319 --> 00:02:23.840
Two important things happen here.
00:02:24.000 --> 00:02:25.599
First, I only deal with what I observe.
00:02:25.759 --> 00:02:31.120
I don't create some additional narrative based on my judgments and assumptions of the person in the situation.
00:02:31.360 --> 00:02:32.800
I keep it contained.
00:02:33.919 --> 00:02:38.240
And second, I can attune to my own feelings in the situation.
00:02:38.479 --> 00:02:41.439
You see, non-judgment isn't the same as non-preference.
00:02:41.599 --> 00:02:44.960
Did I want this person to get a move on so I wouldn't be laid?
00:02:45.120 --> 00:02:46.000
Sure I did.
00:02:46.319 --> 00:02:49.840
But I have no control over the actions of and motivations of others.
00:02:50.080 --> 00:02:56.719
When I allow my judgments about what those may be, I give them control over my mood.
00:02:58.000 --> 00:03:07.919
But when I can then turn inward, focusing my attention on my own discomfort, I can actually provide myself what I need, being seen and heard and some self-compassion.
00:03:08.240 --> 00:03:09.919
See, that puts me back in control.
00:03:10.159 --> 00:03:19.120
Not only in control of lot not losing my mind at a traffic light, but also able to manage those thoughts and emotions as they come through.
00:03:20.479 --> 00:03:26.159
By leaning into the I don't know position, I can focus all my energy on what I can't control.
00:03:26.319 --> 00:03:31.360
I have a much stronger sense of control over my own emotions.
00:03:31.840 --> 00:03:35.840
Are they justified in slowing traffic down to look at their phone?
00:03:36.159 --> 00:03:37.039
I don't know.
00:03:37.680 --> 00:03:41.680
By leaning into non-judgmental observation, it ultimately doesn't matter.
00:03:42.000 --> 00:03:50.879
When their motivations don't control my mindset, I'm likely to have a better day and show for everyone in my life more grounded and calm.
00:03:51.439 --> 00:03:53.759
Maybe you're listening to this on your morning drive.
00:03:53.919 --> 00:03:59.520
Maybe you've already had an opportunity to make judgments about others and other situations, or not.
00:04:00.159 --> 00:04:09.439
As you move throughout your day, I invite you to release yourself from unnecessary judgments and see what effect that has on your heart and mind.
00:04:10.080 --> 00:04:12.319
Until next time, be well.
00:04:13.520 --> 00:04:19.839
If you'd like to support the show and go deeper into the topics discussed here, please join my Patreon community.
00:04:20.000 --> 00:04:21.759
I'd love to connect with you over there.
00:04:21.920 --> 00:04:23.680
All links are in the description.
00:04:23.920 --> 00:04:26.480
Thanks for being here, and I'll see you next time.
