When Talent Exceeds Character | Ashley McDonough

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You just have to be really intentional about it.
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You know, a word like integrity on the locker room wall doesn't do anything by itself.
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Like, kids, kids need to see what that looks like.
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They need to hear it named.
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Ashley McDonough is a senior volleyball recruiting coach at NCSA, IMG Academy, where she guides thousands of athletes and families through the recruiting journey each year.
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A former college volleyball coach of 13 years.
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She's the founder of Coach by Christ, a faith-based leadership ministry, and the author of two leadership books.
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In today's conversation, we cover a lot of ground from the gap between talent and character to her personal sports hero.
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Don't miss that one.
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And she also shared great insight for young coaches and then helped us look at some practical ways coaches can integrate character development into their plan.
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You can find out more about Ashley at our website, coachbychrist.com.
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Let's go ahead and jump into the conversation.
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Ashley McDonough, I'm excited about today.
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This is gonna be such a great conversation.
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I really look forward to hearing some of your wisdom and insight.
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Um welcome to Coach Dad.
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Glad to have you on here.
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Thanks for having me.
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Free speed.
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Yeah, so glad.
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So listen, we start off every interview the same exact way.
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And so I've got to ask you, Ashley, tell me, who is your sports hero growing up and why?
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Well, um, probably the biggest one, I have two, but probably my biggest one is Walter Payton, growing up a Chicago Bears fan.
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Um my parents had season tickets from about 81 to 96, so we were there uh throughout the Chicago heydays.
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And uh so uh, but I choose Walter Payton.
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I mean, obviously he's you know one of the greatest of all time, arguably the greatest of all time.
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Um but he means a lot to me and meant a lot to me um because uh in 1988 my brother was diagnosed with stage three near uh neuroblastoma.
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Um so he was only 10 months old.
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He had a tumor the size of a grapefruit that had developed in his abdomen, and he also had tumors that were coiled around his spine as well.
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And so um my dad had a coworker who ran into um Walter Payton in a, I believe it was a um Ritz-Carlton hotel in the elevator, and he had, you know, was kind of like, hey, are you Walter Payton?
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And it's like, well, no doubt it's Walter Payton, but um, but he he had explained to him, my dad's coworker had explained to him that, you know, my parents were huge Bear fans, we were big Bear fans, and that they were season ticket holders, had been for several years, and um uh had asked Walter if he would write a letter to my brother, to the family, um, you know, just because they knew he knew it would mean a lot to us.
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And so uh Walter Payton being the guy he was, there's a reason that, you know, the man of the year award is named after him.
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Um just a great, wonderful human being.
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He was always known for being very selfless and and very caring and very generous.
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Um, but he wrote a letter to my brother.
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It was written on Hotel Stationery, and um it said, Dear Ryan, always know that God is with you.
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Sign number 34, Walter Peyton, and then sweetness in in italics uh or in quotes.
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And um he left it down at the front desk of the hotel, as far as I can remember.
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Um, and then he, you know, his coworker gave it to my dad.
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And um, so my brother has that in a frame.
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Um, but yeah, it's it's easy for me to be able to pick somebody like Walter Payton, I think, for that reason, other than just him being awesome.
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Um, and then my second one would be Ozzie Kean, uh a baseball fan growing up, um, Chicago White Sox.
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And so um Ozzie was just one of those guys who was very personable with fans.
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He was always on the sidelines signing um autographs for kids and things like that.
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And I had a I used to have a card, I I can't it disappeared at some point in life, but I had a card signed by Ozzie, I know, when he when um I had from when I was younger, and uh yeah, just loved him.
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And then I I just really enjoyed watching his career and then him move from player to coach and all of that kind of stuff.
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So, but Walter and then Ozzy, Ozzy Keen would be my two favorite athletes growing up.
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Wow, talk about a that that is a gold mine of greatness right there, one of the greatest of all times, and just what an amazing story uh about that letter to your brother.
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So tell me, is your brother doing okay?
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How's how's everything going with him now?
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Oh, yeah.
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I mean, he's uh four four year just over four years younger than me.
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He's um 39 now, so he's been in remission since he was about five or six years old.
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Um you know, he he's he's fine now.
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But I mean, if you it's crazy to think of somebody at especially an infant having stage three cancer at that in that year, like in 88, like the odds of overcoming.
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So um yeah, it's pretty amazing.
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Wow.
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Wow, that's amazing.
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I appreciate you sharing that story.
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Thank you.
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Yeah.
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So tell tell me about your transition then into from player to coach.
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What did that look like?
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Yeah, so at the at the time when I really started coaching, um, because I had helped out with like camps and clinics and things like that prior to really calling myself a coach, I suppose.
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Um, but when I really started coaching, at the time I was working for Bay Area Turning Point in the Houston area, it's in Webster, Texas.
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Um, and I was the event uh education and events coordinator, and then also the violence prevention coordinator as well.
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So my back my bachelor's degree was in criminology um and sociology.
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And so um I was working with Bay Area Turning Point in those roles.
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Well, Bay Area Turning Point is an organization that supports survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault.
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And so um, being a person who was writing a lot of the curriculum for it and then having to go out and teach it, I worked with Houston Independent School District, Galveston ISD, Clear Creek Independent School District.
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So I was teaching that information uh to seventh and tenth graders.
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So we would discuss things like healthy relationships, unhealthy relationships, um, healthy communication.
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Um, and then I was also teaching that same stuff, but the grown-up version of it, to various HR departments.
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So all of the aerospace engineering companies uh had an opportunity to speak with NASA at NASA's Mission Control Theater a couple of times.
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It's really cool.
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Um, so I was doing this.
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Well, the work that Bay Area Turning Point does is incredibly important and it's a it's a great organization, but it does start to burn you out at a certain point discussing sexual assault and domestic violence day in and day out.
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So I reached out to the club director that I I had played for many prior, like a lot of years before that.
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Um, and he offered me a spot to come in.
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I was helping out with camps and clinics.
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He offered me a spot to help coach one of their club teams that coming year.
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Um, but it was about an hour, 45 minutes, an hour away from home.
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And so it was gonna be a little bit of a challenge doing that while also coach or working for a Barry Turning Point full-time.
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But one of the local uh clubs that was a little bit closer to where I lived offered me an opportunity to coach their 13's three team.
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So pretty much developmental seventh graders at that point, um, but or eighth grade, except seventh grade, and really enjoyed it, really loved it.
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And it that just one coaching opportunity kept leading to the next one.
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So once I started coaching one, I started getting asked to do more.
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And so that club eventually asked me to coach two teams each season.
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Uh, Gulf Coast Volleyball Association, absolutely love them, they're the best.
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Uh, and then I from there was getting asked to coach different high school teams.
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Um, junior high wound up coaching for one of the junior high teams for CCISD.
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And then um a friend of mine asked me if I wanted to be a volunteer, like help out with the JV program down at Lutheran South Academy.
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And then um, and he's still the head volleyball varsity coach there now.
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He's been there for over 20 years.
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Um, and then yeah, it just one to the next.
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And then uh one day the volleyball coaching staff kind of changed over at the University of Houston in 2001, I believe, and maybe 2009, they actually took, but I started, I I reached out in 2010, January 2010, and I had basically just said, like, hey, y'all are new in town.
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I'm here, um, and kind of asked if I could be a volunteer.
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And so um the head coach responded to my email, which honestly I was not expecting that.
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And I went in and she asked me, like, what were my goals?
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Like, why did I want to volunteer for the volleyball program, things like that.
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And more or less, I was like, well, I know how to coach volleyball, but I don't know any of the backside of what y'all do in terms of recruiting and marketing and community outreach and program management and just all the background things that go on in college athletics.
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And so she offered me the opportunity to help out a few days a week.
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And I, for the most part, worked with um Nicole Miller, who was the recruiting coordinator and assistant coach at Houston at the time.
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And uh, you could ask anybody in college volleyball.
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Most people know who Nicole is, um, but one of the best in the business, amazing, good, a great Ella.
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I'm happy to call her a great friend.
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Um, but she's she's a wonderful person.
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And she basically taught me everything I needed to know about recruiting and just everything on that side of things.
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And then that just kind of led one college job to the next.
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I mean, after they left, they went on to at the time uh coach at Cincinnati.
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And I continued coaching high school and club in the Houston area for about another year after they left.
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And then Nicole wound up being one of my references to help me get my first paid college coaching job in upstate New York at a junior college.
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And um, for my whopping like$8,000 a year stipend, I lived in a basement room of a Syracuse professor.
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It was awesome, I'll tell you.
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Uh but I did that, and then uh eventually Knox College in Western Illinois hired me as their head coach, D3, and then uh centery college of Louisiana, down in Shreeport, Louisiana.
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And uh that's where I wound up finishing out my college coaching career.
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I love it.
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So, what were some of the things that early in your coaching career, what were some of the things that kind of inspired you and helped you like that gave you a drive and and that were some goals of yours to have, maybe?
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Early on in my career, um, I think I was kinda to be honest, I think at the early parts of it, I was pretty swept up and just being able to coach for a living.
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Like I it's especially since that wasn't my educational background, that was never really like quote unquote the plan.
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It just one opportunity to the next, and I just really loved it.
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And um uh so I think early on, I I was just happy to be there, you know, to be honest with you.
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I was just happy to be there.
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Uh, I enjoyed coaching, I enjoyed the relationships that I had with the kids and the families and the parents and um with you know, obviously the club in the high school level college, same thing, but still a little bit different, not as much parent interaction at that level as you would when you're coaching youth sports.
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But um, yeah, I just really enjoyed it.
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And so at the beginning of it, just frankly happy to be there and and to get to play volleyball for a living is kind of how I looked at it and get to um make an impact on young people and just really have really great relationships with those kids and families.
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Yeah.
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So if there's one piece of advice you could give to a young coach or maybe to somebody that's just getting into coaching, what would that piece of advice be?
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You know, um, I would say the biggest and most important thing is to coach, remember that you're coaching a person before you're coaching the player.
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And so you have to think like that's somebody's kid, um, especially, especially at the youth level, uh, that's somebody's child.
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Um, and so I think that when you kind of when you try to look at it through that lens first, you want to make sure that you're treating that kid as if they were your own.
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And I think that if you try to look at it as I'm coaching somebody's child, I'm coaching the person versus the player first.
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I think that when you really understand that, you gain a stronger understanding sometimes of where parents maybe are coming from when they might have a complaint or they want to talk to you about something that, you know, um, and and I think it's really easy, especially for youth coaches in nowadays, especially because of the value and the money that um people are putting into the sports and how much time and energy it takes and all that.
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But I think when you look at it through that lens, it becomes a lot easier to navigate some of the challenges and working with parents too.
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Um doesn't mean that you're a doormat and you're gonna let parents run the show, because that's especially with me, like that's not gonna happen.
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Um, but at the same time, I think it makes it a lot easier to be empathetic when you think about the kid as a person first versus what can they do for you on the court.
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Um and so I think that that's probably the most important thing to remember, especially in youth sports.
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Not to say that that's not important in in collegiate athletics or anything like that, because it it is, and that still should be, you know, I'm coaching a person before I'm coaching a player.
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But I think with youth sports, it's even more important for coaches to try to keep that in mind.
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Yeah, yeah, that's really good advice.
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I appreciate that.
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So then um kind of your latest book.
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Does it feel weird to say latest?
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Like multiple book author.
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Does that just seem kind of like it's kind of a yeah?
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It is because I never expected to write one.
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So now I have two that are published, and I'm working on my third one.
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So yeah, it's like I that was another one of those things.
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Like this wasn't the plan, it just kind of happened.
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How cool.
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I love it.
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I love it.
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So in your latest book, you talk about the gap between talent and character.
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Talk a little bit about that for us.
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Help us to to understand what that means.
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Yeah, so when character matches capacity, it's basically talking about the it's a lot hard, it's a lot easier to develop your capacity, which is your skill set and what you're able to do work-wise in a certain environment.
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And it's really easy, especially in sports, for us to develop our capacity because we have private lessons, small groups, camps, recruiting services.
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You've got all these different, you know, jump training coaches and strength coaches now for junior high kids and everything else.
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It's wild.
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But um, you have all these opportunities to continue to develop your capacity.
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And you could say that same thing because the book isn't just about sports, it's also just about business and everything else, like because that same principle applies, I think, every area.
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So like I could go to go to work and learn a new skill at work.
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I can do another LinkedIn certification, you know, to get better at using AI or to get better at right at writing or whatever it might be.
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You can always develop your capacity.
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There's opportunities for us to learn, grow, and develop.
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Your character, on the other hand, is a lot slower to develop most of the time because your character tends to develop the most in the hard moments, not the easy ones.
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Um, and so, and not to say, like, I'm like, yes, let's have a rough day today, you know, like nothing like that.
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But I think it's a lot easier to grow that capacity and then sometimes not think about your character development as much.
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Um, and I think it's a cop-out for a lot of people, and then coaches or parents or whoever, just to be like, oh, well, that's just the way so-and-so is, or like, this is just how I am.
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I'm just blunt and straightforward.
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And like, no, you can learn to grow and change and develop and to be molded.
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You can choose that.
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Um, but I don't think that it's something that we talk about nearly as much.
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And I don't think that coaches focus nearly as much.
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I don't think that bosses focus nearly as much on developing the character of the individual to make sure that their character is able to keep up with their capacity.
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Um, first of all, but then second, how does that person's character contribute to the team environment, whether that's at work or whether that's on a sports team?
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And so um I think that when you start to have this huge gap between somebody who is super high achieving, but they might have, we'll just say, a low moral compass.
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Um, maybe sometimes it's uh the compass is going to eventually it's gonna point, it's gonna show people what direction you're actually going in terms of your character.
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Um and so your character development really has to be molded, shaped, and formed.
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And I don't think that we can allow ourselves to get to a certain point where we just continue to develop our actual skill set while ignoring the character development that has to be there to support it.
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Because if you don't have the character to support it, eventually you're going to be exposed for who you really are.
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Um and I think that it's a lot easier for people to forgive a lapse in capacity than it is a lapse in character.
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And so um I think it's really important to make sure that we're not just training one more so than the other.
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So when we look at the idea of the the gap between ability and character, then as a coach and and as a dad, I'm looking at this idea that this is stuff then I want to make sure that I develop that in my kids and in my athletes.
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And so what are some things that you can do?
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I mean, is it possible as a coach to make that a part of what you're doing with your team to develop that?
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Or do you feel like that that's something that has to be done outside of the coaching realm?
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Oh gosh, no, you can definitely uh you can you can intentionally develop character the same way that you would any other skill in a sport, you know, in mind, whether it's passing or dating or blocking or whatever it might be.
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You can as a coach and as a parent, you can help shape that person's character and reroute them.
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It's not like we're as human beings, we're incapable of learning a new skill or realizing like, hey, I came from here, but I'm trying to get here now.
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Um, you know, and so I think that as coaches, we we're just adults, I think as adults, I think we we make a mistake when we act like character is something that a kid either has or they don't.
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And you know, we I I would never look at a freshman in college, if I was still coaching, I would never look at a freshman who can't pass a ball very well and say, Well, I guess she wasn't born a pastor.
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We're just gonna move on from that skill.
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Like we're not gonna work on that, right?
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Right.
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You know, as a coach, we teach it, we rep it, we correct it, we we reinforce it.
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And I think that character can be trained the exact same way.
00:19:26.720 --> 00:19:33.279
Like you teach ownership, you teach humility, you teach honesty and resilience and how to respond to correction.
00:19:33.440 --> 00:19:41.440
And that, man, that's a big one, right there, is just how to respond to correction without being offended or being like, well, they must not like me, or you know, whatever it might be.
00:19:41.599 --> 00:19:58.400
Um and then you give athletes a chance to practice those uh traits, especially when they're under pressure, and then you can really see, you know, what they're made of and and what what their capabil what they're capable can't talk, what they're capable of.
00:19:58.640 --> 00:20:03.839
Um you know, and the key is that like I think you just have to be really intentional about it.
00:20:04.000 --> 00:20:09.119
You know, a word like integrity on the locker room wall doesn't do anything by itself.
00:20:09.279 --> 00:20:12.240
Like kids kids need to see what that looks like.
00:20:12.400 --> 00:20:16.000
They need to hear it named, and then it it shows up.
00:20:16.160 --> 00:20:33.599
Uh when it shows up, um you have they have to be, I'm sorry, when it doesn't show up, you have to be able to correct that, and then you have to show them what real integrity looks like, or whatever the you know your tag word is that you've got on the wall in your locker room.
00:20:33.839 --> 00:20:49.920
Um but I think that most character reps we'll call them are small, they're not very glamorous, and I think that's why they they matter probably more than anything else does, because that's what those kids are gonna carry with them for the rest of their lives.
00:20:50.000 --> 00:20:56.319
You know, at the start of this, you had said at a certain point everybody becomes a former athlete, right?
00:20:56.559 --> 00:21:03.039
And so the day that you stop putting on that jersey, there you there's a there's an expiration date.
00:21:03.279 --> 00:21:11.119
You know, I I loved watching uh all the social media clips recently of Verland, uh Verland, I can never say his name, Verlander.
00:21:11.279 --> 00:21:13.759
He played for after when I can't say his name.
00:21:14.079 --> 00:21:20.720
Um when you know his last game ever, and his wife and his kids were able to run out onto the field and get to hug him.
00:21:20.799 --> 00:21:22.319
And you know, that was his last day.
00:21:22.480 --> 00:21:26.079
That was his last day as a as a pro baseball player, his last start.
00:21:26.319 --> 00:21:31.279
And so, even the best of us, you have a final game, a final match, a final day.
00:21:31.519 --> 00:21:42.079
And so you want to make sure that all the character reps that you've gone through and as a coach that you've put these kids through, these people through, um that's what sticks.
00:21:42.240 --> 00:21:46.000
Because that's what's gonna carry on with them after, you know, they hang that jersey up.
00:21:46.240 --> 00:21:46.640
Yeah.
00:21:46.960 --> 00:21:48.720
I love that's that's so good.
00:21:48.799 --> 00:21:59.680
I love the the the point that you can you can teach it, coach it, rep it, replicate it, um, in the same way that you do any other skill because it's trainable and teachable.
00:22:00.079 --> 00:22:01.200
Um, that's fantastic.
00:22:01.359 --> 00:22:03.119
What what does that look like?
00:22:03.359 --> 00:22:13.920
So in in a in designing a practice session or you know, some different types of things for the kids, what what does that look like uh as a coach?
00:22:14.079 --> 00:22:18.079
How do I incorporate that into the work that I'm trying to do with my kids?
00:22:19.279 --> 00:22:21.279
I mean, you have to bottle it first.
00:22:21.519 --> 00:22:30.640
You know, if if I preach accountability and then I blame the ref every time we lose, I just taught my team that accountability is optional.
00:22:30.880 --> 00:22:31.119
Right.
00:22:31.359 --> 00:22:37.359
So if I talk about humility, but I make everything about Coach Ashley, they're gonna see that too.
00:22:37.680 --> 00:22:42.880
And then so then you make character a part of the actual standard of the program.
00:22:43.039 --> 00:22:53.519
You know, you have to talk about ownership, you have to talk about resilience, you have to talk about integrity, empathy, how we communicate with our teammates, the the our word choices.
00:22:54.640 --> 00:23:08.000
Um, you know, I I think that how we respond when we're corrected, and how we treat a kid who never goes in, the starters are still watching.
00:23:08.160 --> 00:23:09.599
Everybody's watching that still.
00:23:09.839 --> 00:23:29.200
Um, you know, so I think that it you have to be able to celebrate those things as intentionally as you would celebrate your super stud having another record-breaking game, or as you celebrate, you know, in our again, my sport and kills and aces and and wins and in a phenomenal dig and things like that.
00:23:29.359 --> 00:23:34.799
Like, and and I think that when character is missing as a coach, your job is to coach it.
00:23:34.960 --> 00:23:37.599
You know, don't shame the kid, but you can't ignore it either.
00:23:37.680 --> 00:23:39.359
You can't just let things slide.
00:23:39.920 --> 00:23:47.839
So name what happened if it's something you know that wasn't great, if it wasn't a great display um of behavior or whatever else.
00:23:47.920 --> 00:23:55.680
Like, you gotta name what happened, you gotta explain why it matters, and then you have to give the kid a path forward, and that's how you coach the person.
00:23:55.759 --> 00:23:57.920
That's that's not just the player.
00:23:58.240 --> 00:23:59.680
Yeah, I love that.
00:24:00.000 --> 00:24:10.559
So as I hear you say that, I think to myself, well, man, I I feel like I'm one of those guys maybe that doesn't have a character to match up to my ability level, right?
00:24:11.119 --> 00:24:16.319
Um, that maybe my ability has exceeded the character that I have.
00:24:16.559 --> 00:24:30.079
And one of the things I say to people, I mention this to people all the time, including my son, uh, my boy, is that I feel like my baseball career was capped not because of ability, but because of my character.
00:24:30.319 --> 00:24:48.240
I feel like it was something, and I tell people this, that that I feel like God was protecting me from going to another level and playing somewhere else because my character would not have been able to handle the pressure, the freedom, the separation, you know, handle the the new level.
00:24:48.480 --> 00:24:52.720
Um, and so God basically was like, okay, you're done in college, you're not gonna play after that.
00:24:53.119 --> 00:24:55.279
So what could I have done then?
00:24:55.519 --> 00:25:07.440
Or what can other people do that say, Well, I I want to keep playing after this next level in front of me, but I think my character needs to develop as well, more so than my talent does or my abilities.
00:25:07.759 --> 00:25:14.960
What are some things I could personally do to become a person of character that can match that talent that I've got?
00:25:16.559 --> 00:25:26.720
Well, I mean, you know, I've watched incredibly talented athletes get opportunities that their character just wasn't ready to handle.
00:25:26.880 --> 00:25:32.079
You know, they had that physical ability, um, but they couldn't handle being corrected.
00:25:32.160 --> 00:25:37.839
They couldn't handle sitting behind somebody, they couldn't handle the failure or the perception of failure.
00:25:38.000 --> 00:25:42.880
Um, they couldn't handle being uncomfortable or not being the center of attention anymore.
00:25:42.960 --> 00:25:47.119
And eventually, you know, the talent couldn't, it couldn't cover it anymore.
00:25:47.359 --> 00:26:03.279
Um, you know, I've I've spent a lot of my coaching career, I think, believing that if I worked harder, if I won more, if I built a better program, if I proved I was good enough, that, you know, then I would I would finally feel secure.
00:26:03.519 --> 00:26:20.160
And I think my identity, and and when I say my identity, I mean like, and if anybody else is kind of experiencing that too, to to tie back to your question, is that I think that, you know, I I put way too much stock in being Coach Ashley.
00:26:20.480 --> 00:26:23.839
And to I put too much stock in what my teams were doing.
00:26:24.000 --> 00:26:27.680
And so when things went badly, I didn't just think like, oh, we lost.
00:26:27.839 --> 00:26:31.119
Like somewhere in my head, I was thinking like I failed, I failed, I failed.
00:26:31.279 --> 00:26:33.119
And I think that's a dangerous way to lead.
00:26:33.200 --> 00:26:51.119
And I think that's a dangerous way for a kid or a person to try to progress forward and to take on a bigger role, whether that's a leadership role, a bigger role, like you, like you said, to that next level, to that next phase of whatever their sport is, whether it's going from high school to college, college to pro, like whatever it might be.
00:26:51.359 --> 00:27:09.200
Um and I and again, I think it's it's a dangerous position to put yourself in because now you start asking athletes or your coaches or the people around you to carry things that belong to you.
00:27:09.359 --> 00:27:17.759
And I think that their performance, your performance starts to become your validation and mistakes start to feel personal.
00:27:18.000 --> 00:27:24.640
Success starts to become like the sense of proof that you're doing all right.
00:27:25.200 --> 00:27:34.880
And so I think that self-examination and realizing like what am I what am I centering my identity on?
00:27:35.200 --> 00:27:36.880
I think is big here.
00:27:37.279 --> 00:27:42.960
And really coming down to the core of like, is my identity tied to my sport?
00:27:43.279 --> 00:27:45.200
Because if it is, at some point it's gonna go away.
00:27:45.359 --> 00:27:46.720
So then what do you do?
00:27:47.119 --> 00:27:57.279
Or I'm maybe not developing some of those intrinsic qualities, those leadership qualities, those character traits that I probably should be.
00:27:57.440 --> 00:28:01.920
Um, because again, I'm trying to coast on my capability for as long as I can.
00:28:02.400 --> 00:28:19.440
Um and I'm gonna so Sherman Smith, former NFL coach, running backs coach, running back, and NFL running back, uh, uh he was actually, I think, the running back coach in the 2014 Super Bowl with the Seahawks.
00:28:19.519 --> 00:28:24.240
He coached Sherman um Marshawn Lynch, he was his running back coach.
00:28:24.480 --> 00:28:27.519
So obviously, you know, pretty phenomenal dude.
00:28:27.680 --> 00:28:36.079
Um, but he all he said something once when I got to hear him talk, and he said, if you put something in the center of your life that you can lose, you'll always be insecure.
00:28:36.799 --> 00:28:40.480
And I think that that brought a lot of things when I heard him say that.
00:28:40.559 --> 00:28:44.319
This was a couple a few years ago, but it brought everything kind of, I think, together for me.
00:28:44.640 --> 00:28:54.960
In that, you know, God had to pull a lot um of that self out of me.
00:28:55.279 --> 00:29:14.319
And so I think when you allow God, especially if you're a person of faith, um, if you allow God to pull apart the ego, to pull apart the self, and you start to root your identity in something higher, yeah, uh, then it takes away a lot of that insecurity.
00:29:14.480 --> 00:29:18.960
And so I think that that makes the transition to that next level easier.
00:29:19.519 --> 00:29:31.599
Um, not because there's a magic wand involved or anything like that, but I think that when you have, when you're not it, when you're not coaching or competing from a place of insecurity, I think that makes a huge difference.
00:29:31.759 --> 00:29:37.200
Um, you know, I I had um I'm not bragging or anything, but like I had plenty of capacity.
00:29:37.359 --> 00:29:49.279
You know, the the the deeper work was whether my character, my identity, my faith, I think were strong enough to carry the influence that I had without making the role about me.
00:29:49.599 --> 00:29:59.359
And I think athletes, there's no difference, and whether you're a coach or an athlete or regular old, you know, in the sport in the college athletic world, I've learned this, and hopefully nobody takes offense.
00:29:59.519 --> 00:30:02.000
The NARP, the non-athletic regular person.
00:30:02.240 --> 00:30:06.319
Um, you know, we used to say you gotta make NARP friends too, y'all.
00:30:06.559 --> 00:30:14.559
Um you gotta see what they're seeing what their college experience is like as well, not just the athletic side of things, because our life is much different.
00:30:14.640 --> 00:30:17.599
Um but yeah, the NARPs.
00:30:17.839 --> 00:30:30.319
Um, but when again, I think that when when you put something in the center of your life that you cannot lose, which is God, then that insecurity kind of falls away.
00:30:30.400 --> 00:30:34.400
And so things become a lot easier in terms of making your decisions.
00:30:34.480 --> 00:30:40.480
Like it's easier to make a a moral decision when your center isn't yourself.
00:30:40.720 --> 00:30:55.519
Um, but yeah, I think that I think that that's a much harder lesson uh for any athlete or coach that you could ever learn than you know anything you could learn possibly at a coaching clinic or at a skills camp if you're an athlete or whatever.
00:30:55.599 --> 00:31:03.839
It's just learning to take self out of your center or to take your sport out of your center or money or whatever it is for you as an individual.
00:31:04.079 --> 00:31:07.440
And yeah, a Sherman Smith, man, that dude's awesome.
00:31:07.599 --> 00:31:12.480
But um I don't think I could answer that in a better way than what he said.
00:31:12.559 --> 00:31:16.480
It's just if when you put something in the center of your life that you can lose, you'll always be insecure.
00:31:16.559 --> 00:31:32.160
And so I think that once you realize that your your identity is not rooted in your sport, uh sport is graphically not your identity, then I think the rest of your coaching or athletic career, there there's a much clearer path ahead for you.
00:31:32.960 --> 00:31:34.400
That's fantastic, actually.
00:31:34.480 --> 00:31:35.839
What a great quote.
00:31:36.079 --> 00:31:52.799
Um so so kind of um this idea of identity, what uh what are some things that you can do in a practical sense to help your kids get that?
00:31:53.039 --> 00:31:54.079
Do you know what I mean by that?
00:31:54.160 --> 00:31:56.559
Is that that's kind of an ambiguous sounding question.
00:31:56.720 --> 00:31:58.960
Do you kind of understand where I'm going with that?
00:31:59.920 --> 00:32:01.039
Um, yeah.
00:32:01.279 --> 00:32:11.599
Like how do you like how do you weave teaching that character, I guess, into who they are or into their development?
00:32:12.079 --> 00:32:32.799
Yeah, so how do you separate from them for how do you help them separate, you know, Jim the baseball player, Ashley the volleyball player, um that that core identity uh and move that away from their sport or their success, or you know, like you said, like Sherman said, you know, the things you could lose.
00:32:33.039 --> 00:32:35.920
How do you how do you help them begin to recognize that?
00:32:36.000 --> 00:32:38.079
What are some things you can do to help them do that?
00:32:38.559 --> 00:32:53.200
Well, I mean, I think as a coach from and I'm speaking as a coach, but um I think that you can try to keep things simple and keep things repeatable, um, just like you would with any other drill.
00:32:53.440 --> 00:32:59.119
I don't think it needs to become a 20-minute character lecture every day at the start of practice.
00:32:59.279 --> 00:33:02.960
You know, I think one thing is a quick ownership circle.
00:33:03.119 --> 00:33:10.880
And again, as a coach, and that's how I'm speaking here, and that's what I know, but you know, uh an ownership circle.
00:33:11.039 --> 00:33:14.079
Like, what's one thing you need to own from yesterday?
00:33:14.160 --> 00:33:14.799
Kind of a thing.
00:33:14.880 --> 00:33:18.960
You know, we're not blaming a kid, we're not asking for explanations, just ownership.
00:33:19.039 --> 00:33:21.119
What's something that you can own from yesterday?
00:33:21.359 --> 00:33:28.480
Um, I think you can you can you can also coach the response to mistakes inside of a drill.
00:33:28.559 --> 00:33:38.960
If an athlete like has errors, like their next job is to reset physically to make good eye contact, to call the ball, get on, you know, the next play, um, whatever it is.
00:33:39.039 --> 00:33:44.319
Like, you know, so you're you're you're training recovery, you're not just training technique.
00:33:44.400 --> 00:34:05.839
And at the end of practice, um, again, as a coach, you can uh have players recognize a teammate for something that had nothing to do with the stats, like effort, encouragement, honesty, um, you know, serving, maybe they they serve the team in in a different sort of capacity, like especially if they're a bench player, um, you know, encourage them for staying engaged.
00:34:06.079 --> 00:34:13.440
And then, you know, I think then you can put them into tough situations in sport to test those things out.
00:34:13.519 --> 00:34:15.519
Like, how did they recover after they made a mistake?
00:34:15.679 --> 00:34:23.440
Well, they made 5,000 mistakes at practice, so now they're accustomed to it and they know how to handle it and they know what questions to ask afterwards.
00:34:23.599 --> 00:34:26.159
Um, and I think that character is the same way.
00:34:26.239 --> 00:34:31.760
Like, if if you're trying to reinforce that, you see a kid, I'm gonna use an example.
00:34:31.920 --> 00:34:43.039
So I had this player, Sherry Mae, and Sherry, my little share bear, um, she was my one of my DS when I coached at uh Knox College.
00:34:43.360 --> 00:34:51.519
And Sherry was one of my captains by the time she was a junior, junior senior, and she didn't she didn't really play a whole lot.
00:34:51.760 --> 00:34:56.000
Okay, like in a lot of people are like, she's a captain, but she's never on the court.
00:34:56.079 --> 00:35:08.639
And I'm like, she brings more than what she can do physically, you know, and what she brought from uh perspective side of things, like she man, she was a very mature kid, right?
00:35:08.719 --> 00:35:22.559
Like she I remember seeing her in the weight room once, for example, and she had a freshman with her, and Cher Bear was probably a junior then, and this kid had never done a proper deadlift, I'm pretty sure this freshman ever in her full life.
00:35:22.960 --> 00:35:35.840
And Sherry was real like she was a good volleyball player, she wasn't a great volleyball player, but she had great form in the weight room, like she was really good at lifting, and uh she was very encouraging too.
00:35:35.920 --> 00:35:51.679
And so, like, Sherry, Sherry had this kid in the weight room with her, and the kid was working on trying to deadlift, and Sherry like caught her out of the corner of her eye, like the next squat rack over, and or the platform over, and Sherry was like, Oh my gosh.
00:35:51.840 --> 00:35:52.639
And she like walks.
00:35:52.719 --> 00:35:58.000
I watch her, like, she walks over this kid, she takes the clips off, she takes the weights off, she takes all the weights off.
00:35:58.079 --> 00:36:06.639
She gets down to just the bar and she puts it on the ground and she looks at this kid and she goes, We're taking all your weights away until you can do proper form with the bar.
00:36:06.880 --> 00:36:08.639
She's like, We're not doing this.
00:36:08.960 --> 00:36:14.639
And I was across the gent, like or the weight room, just observing this in real time.
00:36:14.719 --> 00:36:20.639
I'm Sherry didn't even know I was watching them, and I'm watching this, and I'm like, that's why she's a captain.
00:36:20.880 --> 00:36:33.679
Like, she this is a and then you know the crazy like it the kid played the same position, so technically she was in competition with this freshman right for the same role, but she didn't care, like that didn't matter to her.
00:36:33.760 --> 00:36:43.679
What mattered was that this kid did a proper deadlift and continued to get better at it and get stronger to continue to help the team be successful, and it didn't matter if she was on the court or not.
00:36:43.760 --> 00:36:47.280
For her, it was I need to be the best I can for the team for the program.
00:36:47.679 --> 00:36:49.840
And so when people would be like, Why is Sherry a captain?
00:36:50.000 --> 00:36:51.119
I was like, you don't know her.
00:36:51.199 --> 00:36:54.320
That's if you have to ask that question, you don't know this kid.
00:36:54.480 --> 00:37:02.000
Um, but that was one of those things that like I always tried to say, like when people would say, Who's your favorite?
00:37:02.159 --> 00:37:02.559
Sherry.
00:37:02.639 --> 00:37:05.440
And Sherry used to tell me, Coach, quit telling people I'm your favorite player.
00:37:05.760 --> 00:37:11.039
Like, I'm like, or your favorite player, and it's not because you're a superstar or anything like that.
00:37:11.199 --> 00:37:29.119
So I think it's really important, like as a coach or as a parent or anybody, if you're trying to reinforce that your identity is something bigger than your sport, then you have to find those moments like that, like in the weight room with Sherry, where she put herself in a position where she was trying to make somebody that she was in direct competition with better.
00:37:29.360 --> 00:37:34.320
She was trying to make that kid better that day for the for the for the kid, for the program, for everybody.
00:37:34.800 --> 00:37:36.159
So I don't know.
00:37:36.239 --> 00:37:53.599
I think just uh as an adult that you're mentoring somebody or coaching somebody, you just you gotta find those moments where they do things that are truly outstanding that don't get a lot of attention, and then you need to make like that's why I would tell people Sherry's my favorite.
00:37:53.679 --> 00:37:53.920
Why?
00:37:54.000 --> 00:37:56.159
Because she's such a high character human being.
00:37:56.800 --> 00:38:00.800
That's why, like, she Sherry's my am I the coach or is Sherry the coach?
00:38:00.880 --> 00:38:03.280
Like, she's my role model, you know, kind of the thing.
00:38:03.440 --> 00:38:08.000
And um yeah, I think I think that you just have to reinforce it like you would any other skill.
00:38:08.559 --> 00:38:13.679
So, what a great example, also, of the character uh talent gap right there.
00:38:13.760 --> 00:38:27.920
That that maybe her character exceeded her ability level in that, and what a great example for everybody around her to see, oh man, this this person maybe I feel like I'm a better player, but she's a better person.
00:38:28.480 --> 00:38:32.800
And so that's something I want to model and to be able to move forward towards.
00:38:32.880 --> 00:38:33.599
So I love that.
00:38:33.679 --> 00:38:34.639
That's what a great story.
00:38:34.719 --> 00:38:35.920
I appreciate you sharing that.
00:38:36.880 --> 00:38:38.320
Okay, I want to read something.
00:38:38.480 --> 00:38:43.360
This is a quote from your testimony on your Coached by Christ website.
00:38:43.519 --> 00:38:50.239
So listen, folks, if if you haven't seen Ashley's website, coached by Christ.com, please go check it out.
00:38:50.320 --> 00:38:52.880
Just what a great resource, great information.
00:38:53.119 --> 00:38:57.280
Uh so how many articles have you got now upon the website?
00:38:57.599 --> 00:39:00.880
Jeez, probably about 140.
00:39:01.760 --> 00:39:02.880
Something like that.
00:39:03.280 --> 00:39:03.599
Yeah.
00:39:04.800 --> 00:39:09.679
I've been doing it since January of 2023 or January 5th, something like that.
00:39:09.760 --> 00:39:11.840
So yeah, hot a hot minute now.
00:39:12.159 --> 00:39:12.639
Fantastic.
00:39:12.800 --> 00:39:13.280
I love it.
00:39:13.519 --> 00:39:19.440
Um, so I want to read the quote and then I kind of want want to talk to you about what you say here.
00:39:19.840 --> 00:39:25.760
I think it's really insightful and just some good information, but I want to kind of pull some stuff out from it a little bit.
00:39:25.920 --> 00:39:37.039
So you say one day while sitting on my couch and scanning LinkedIn job postings, it felt as if a voice urged me to start a website discussing the intersection of faith and athletics.
00:39:37.280 --> 00:39:44.000
I was encouraged to change my coaching approach and how I understood my athletes rather than quit coaching altogether.
00:39:44.239 --> 00:39:54.079
Initially, I wrote articles from an academic perspective, but as I researched and studied Christianity for my writing, I began to notice changes within myself.
00:39:54.400 --> 00:39:59.599
So, first off, what a what an amazing what amazing moment in your life.
00:39:59.679 --> 00:40:01.840
Kind of take us take us back to that moment.
00:40:02.000 --> 00:40:07.440
Tell us what's going on in your head and and what was going on in your life right there that kind of moved you in that direction.
00:40:08.639 --> 00:40:18.960
Well, so I I had four back-to-back surgeries between December of 20 and December of 22.
00:40:19.599 --> 00:40:26.719
And so um when I when I had though that moment that you mentioned it with LinkedIn, uh, that was in January of 23.
00:40:26.960 --> 00:40:30.639
So I it I was on my couch recovering from that last surgery.
00:40:30.800 --> 00:40:36.960
I had uh three neck surgeries and then two more labrum tears repaired in my right shoulder.
00:40:37.119 --> 00:40:46.480
Um, so I had a C567 fusion, and then I had a C7 laminotomy, shoulder repair for two labrum tears.
00:40:46.639 --> 00:40:49.840
And when I say back to back, like I finished PT for the shoulder on a Friday.
00:40:49.920 --> 00:40:52.559
I was back in for the neck surgery on Monday for neck.
00:40:53.039 --> 00:41:00.800
And um, so I was basically a walking blob for like two years, two and a half, three years, something like that.
00:41:01.679 --> 00:41:04.719
So, yes, I was I was agnostic.
00:41:04.880 --> 00:41:16.000
I wasn't I wasn't a Christian, and I was married to a Southern Baptist at the time, and uh so quite the polar opposite.
00:41:16.239 --> 00:41:28.079
Um, and uh so I had been going to church, you know, I had been going to church with him for the last couple of years, so it's not like and I grew up going to a Catholic school, so it's not like I was totally oblivious to faith.
00:41:28.159 --> 00:41:39.840
I had just walked away from it at one point in my life, and um, so yeah, I'm sitting on the couch in January of 2023, and I'm recovering from those last that last final fourth surgery.
00:41:40.719 --> 00:41:44.960
And I'm just sitting there going, man, I mean it was volleyball that started it, like that's how I got hurt.
00:41:45.039 --> 00:41:46.400
I got hurt because of volleyball.
00:41:46.559 --> 00:41:55.039
And uh, so I was just sitting there and I'm like, man, I I don't know if I could physically do this anymore.
00:41:55.280 --> 00:42:03.280
You know, I've it's if if surgery one and two wasn't enough to say, hey, you might want to chill, maybe three and four would have done it, and it clearly didn't.
00:42:03.519 --> 00:42:08.159
Uh so I'm sitting there, I'm scrolling for looking for new jobs, and it was.
00:42:08.320 --> 00:42:24.320
It was just like it was like this, and it maybe it was because I was on so many drugs because I was coming out of surgeries, but I it was like I heard a voice that I I think on the website I might have said like nudged me or something like that.
00:42:24.559 --> 00:42:30.239
It was more like a straight up wop in the back of the head kind of a thing, or a big flick in the back of the ear.
00:42:30.400 --> 00:42:44.000
And it was like, dumb dog, you don't have to stop coaching, but you you gotta change the way you're doing it, and you gotta see more than what you've been willing to see up to this point.
00:42:44.559 --> 00:42:52.960
And so I'm sitting there scrolling and I've and I hear this, and I'm like, it literally popped into my head, like, hey, how about you start writing about the intersection of faith and athletics?
00:42:53.039 --> 00:42:57.599
And I'm sitting there like questioning myself like, Am I still high from the anesthesia?
00:42:57.679 --> 00:43:00.159
Like, did these pain pills have do something?
00:43:00.559 --> 00:43:04.639
Um, like this is so weird kind of a deal.
00:43:04.800 --> 00:43:08.239
And uh, and I mean, frankly, it was if you think about it, you know.
00:43:08.320 --> 00:43:11.119
I mean, it's not a normal experience most people have.
00:43:11.519 --> 00:43:32.320
And so, um, yeah, I literally went on to Wix and bought a platform to start writing stuff, and I started writing articles about the intersection of faith and athletics and higher education, and it was like you said, it's it was completely from an academic lens.
00:43:32.559 --> 00:43:42.639
I'm one of those people that I have to like know something to know something, and so I will research something till the end of the ends of the earth and back again before I believe it.
00:43:42.880 --> 00:43:45.679
Just because it's on the internet doesn't make it true, y'all.
00:43:46.079 --> 00:43:50.559
So um we can go, right?
00:43:51.280 --> 00:43:51.760
Exactly.
00:43:52.000 --> 00:43:53.840
See, we're on the same page.
00:43:54.079 --> 00:43:59.760
Um, and so um yeah, it was all from an academic lens, and so I was doing a ton of research.
00:44:00.559 --> 00:44:02.800
I was reading all different types of scripture.
00:44:02.960 --> 00:44:05.440
I wouldn't even say it was just even the Bible at that point.
00:44:05.599 --> 00:44:14.400
Like, it was anything revolving around spirituality and um finding higher powers and all that.
00:44:14.559 --> 00:44:20.800
So, but Christianity, so I was writing about the intersection of faith athletics and higher education.
00:44:21.119 --> 00:44:30.480
And um, the more I did it, it it's you know how like you think something and then it shows up on your Facebook feed and you're like, it reads my mind.
00:44:30.639 --> 00:44:45.280
Um it was kind of like that where I had started writing stuff and I was learning more, and I would at that point say that I had gone from being an atheist back to agnostic.
00:44:45.440 --> 00:44:47.599
I wasn't quite a Christian yet, but I'm still writing.
00:44:47.679 --> 00:44:59.280
I it was a probably a solid eight months of writing articles before seven or you know, seven months, whatever, before um before finding salvation.
00:44:59.920 --> 00:45:09.039
And so, even in the meantime, so I'm writing these articles, a few months passed by, coming out of the surgery, recovery, and all that kind of stuff again.
00:45:09.360 --> 00:45:16.159
And uh, so uh Facebook read my mind, Instagram read my mind.
00:45:16.320 --> 00:45:29.679
All of a sudden, now all these uh what's it called, advertisements and ads on those platforms started pointing towards a graduate cert in ministry through Liberty University.
00:45:29.840 --> 00:45:32.559
And so I was like, wow, the internet's speaking to me again.
00:45:32.719 --> 00:45:34.159
So I signed up for it.
00:45:34.239 --> 00:45:38.639
And when I did, and they're like, okay, well, you'll you can take these two classes this summer, and then you can do these.
00:45:38.719 --> 00:45:39.840
And I was like, oh no, no.
00:45:40.000 --> 00:45:41.760
They're I was like, I'm taking all four at once.
00:45:41.840 --> 00:45:48.880
And they're like, these are accelerated master's classes, and I was like, I I hear you, I understand the words coming out of your mouth.
00:45:49.039 --> 00:45:52.639
Um, I'm doing them all at once because Perch Ashley doesn't have time for this.
00:45:52.719 --> 00:45:56.639
I start season in August, so if we're gonna do this, let's get on it.
00:45:56.880 --> 00:45:58.719
And they were like, good luck.
00:45:58.960 --> 00:46:10.320
Um, and so I took four accelerated master's courses uh that summer of 2023 and to the admissions person at liberty.
00:46:10.639 --> 00:46:12.079
I make straight A's.
00:46:12.239 --> 00:46:18.000
Uh, but I I basically read eight textbooks and wrote over 300 pages.
00:46:18.079 --> 00:46:19.679
If you don't believe me, I can show you the notebook.
00:46:19.760 --> 00:46:20.400
It's like that thick.
00:46:20.480 --> 00:46:23.360
I printed everything out uh over a summer.
00:46:23.599 --> 00:46:31.119
And um, believe it or not, I graduated with a graduate certain ministry, and I still was not saved.
00:46:31.679 --> 00:46:32.719
But I was still writing.
00:46:32.800 --> 00:46:42.000
I was doing a lot of writing, I was doing a lot of researching, and um it was yeah, man, it was it was it's crazy.
00:46:42.239 --> 00:46:45.679
God will talk to you, talk to you, talk to you, give you so many opportunities.
00:46:45.760 --> 00:46:46.880
He'll meet you where you're at.
00:46:46.960 --> 00:46:50.800
So, like again, he was like, You're injured, you're stuck here, you need something to do here.
00:46:50.960 --> 00:46:53.119
This is this is like brain PT for you.
00:46:53.199 --> 00:46:54.159
Start writing.
00:46:54.400 --> 00:46:56.960
Okay, she's gotta get it after this point.
00:46:57.199 --> 00:47:01.519
Still no, okay, Facebook ads implant in front of her face.
00:47:03.199 --> 00:47:04.800
Maybe she'll get it then.
00:47:05.119 --> 00:47:06.639
Okay, she took the courses.
00:47:06.800 --> 00:47:09.360
He's like, she's on the right path, here we go.
00:47:09.519 --> 00:47:15.440
And then it was like she she she gets she graduated Ashley, nothing, still nothing.
00:47:15.760 --> 00:47:30.480
And um it took a lot, it took separating from my uh ex-husband, it took it took bringing me to my knees to the point where I had nothing else left.
00:47:30.880 --> 00:47:38.480
And um, I'm probably getting ahead of the story here, uh, because it it goes much further than sitting there looking at LinkedIn.
00:47:38.719 --> 00:47:45.840
But eventually that year, um, and this is gonna sound absolutely bonkers, so hold on to your britches.
00:47:46.159 --> 00:47:57.199
But I was so I said, I was separated from my husband, and one of my athletes was like, Well, you haven't been going to church because you were going to the same church he was.
00:47:57.440 --> 00:48:04.719
And I'm like, they're like, How about you go to this church, the one that like all of us students typically go to, or we all go to together on Sundays.
00:48:05.119 --> 00:48:06.800
And I was like, Okay, that's cool.
00:48:06.960 --> 00:48:08.719
So I walk, I go in.
00:48:09.119 --> 00:48:12.320
There's a church that my athletes went to, they suggested.
00:48:12.639 --> 00:48:21.440
So I walk in, and these people gave me, they have like these little like snack stands set up in the entryway, and I was like, no wonder the kids come here, there's food.
00:48:21.599 --> 00:48:24.079
I'm like, that's why they wanted me to come.
00:48:24.320 --> 00:48:26.719
And so they're college kids, they want free stuff.
00:48:27.199 --> 00:48:29.039
And so I was like, where did they bring me?
00:48:29.119 --> 00:48:29.599
These weird.
00:48:31.039 --> 00:48:37.360
So I sit, I'm sitting there, and um uh they give me a Diet Coke and a bag of popcorn.
00:48:37.519 --> 00:48:38.800
And I was just like, what is this?
00:48:38.960 --> 00:48:44.880
So I sit down, and it was turns out it was like a sermon and a movie month, like series they were doing.
00:48:44.960 --> 00:48:49.119
So they're showing different clips from different movies, and then they did a sermon piece on it and stuff like that.
00:48:49.280 --> 00:49:02.400
So, anyways, they were doing this piece on the movie King Richard with Will Smith, and it was about the Williams sisters, and then they went to Bradenton, uh, you know, got formally trained, like really trained as tennis players, all that.
00:49:02.639 --> 00:49:14.079
Well, funny thing is, is that was in November, October, November, November of 2023, and I had just been hired by IMG Academy, which is NCSA, about two weeks before that.
00:49:14.159 --> 00:49:18.880
I had already let my athletic director know that I was gonna be leaving um and not coaching anymore.
00:49:19.119 --> 00:49:23.599
Well, Bradenton is IMG Academy.
00:49:23.679 --> 00:49:25.199
That's the former name of it.
00:49:25.280 --> 00:49:35.360
Um, now it's all sports, but it used to be Bradenton, and that literally is up on the big screen now at this church that I had walked into where I thought people were crazy drinking Diet Coke and popcorn and eating popcorn.
00:49:35.679 --> 00:49:43.760
Um then God now sticks my new job up on a big screen, a hundred-foot screen in front of my face, and it was like, do you see?
00:49:44.719 --> 00:49:45.440
That's so cool.
00:49:45.920 --> 00:49:46.639
See what I gotta do.
00:49:46.719 --> 00:49:48.719
You gotta screen in front of you.
00:49:49.119 --> 00:49:58.000
And um, I I I signed up for baptism that day, and then December, I think it was December 3rd was the actual day that I water baptized at that church.
00:49:58.079 --> 00:49:58.960
It's wild.
00:49:59.280 --> 00:50:00.400
It was a little bigger.
00:50:00.719 --> 00:50:02.320
2023 was something.
00:50:02.639 --> 00:50:03.119
Yeah.
00:50:03.440 --> 00:50:04.239
I love that.
00:50:04.480 --> 00:50:26.639
What a what an amazing uh what an amazing story of of kind of that pursuit of how God is just continually moving towards you and moving towards you and moving towards you, and how you kind of I would I don't know, I wouldn't say necessarily you kind of put up your guards and and were pushing him away, but at the same time, every step that you took, and you're like, okay, I'm gonna take one more step.
00:50:26.800 --> 00:50:32.000
God was like, Finally, I've been trying to draw you in here this whole time to get you where you are now.
00:50:32.239 --> 00:50:34.639
Um what a what a brilliant testimony.
00:50:34.719 --> 00:50:35.199
I love that.
00:50:35.360 --> 00:50:36.239
Thank you for sharing that.
00:50:36.400 --> 00:50:37.840
That's really that's really cool.
00:50:38.079 --> 00:50:41.599
Um what um now I want to honor your time.
00:50:41.679 --> 00:50:46.239
It's three o'clock here, so I want to I want to go into one more question and then and then wrap up with you.
00:50:46.400 --> 00:50:48.639
But I think it's kind of an important deal here.
00:50:48.880 --> 00:51:01.440
Um so you talk about how you coached for years before you came to faith, and you were kind of getting out of coaching right at the time that you came into your faith.
00:51:01.760 --> 00:51:11.920
So how as a coach would you have tried to weave your faith into the things that you were doing, and how would that have made you a different coach?
00:51:13.760 --> 00:51:14.800
Oh man.
00:51:15.280 --> 00:51:19.679
I would have I would have lived out the fruits of the spirit more, I'll tell you that.
00:51:20.079 --> 00:51:38.320
Um, I would have been more patient, I would have been less self-centered, I would have been I would have made I would have been more intentional about making sure that my words and my actions were leading people towards Christ, not pulling them away.
00:51:39.599 --> 00:51:45.039
Because especially when you're coaching on a college campus, you have people from all walks and all backgrounds.
00:51:45.840 --> 00:51:58.400
And you might be the only example of Christ that that person meets or has that sort of that kind of close mental relationship with where you have that level of influence on that young developing person.
00:51:59.360 --> 00:52:08.239
So I think I would have embraced the fruits of the spirit more, and I would have made a point of living them out more consistently.
00:52:08.400 --> 00:52:15.840
And I'm not trying to say that I was a bad person, I wasn't, I'm not trying to say that I was, you know, a low character coach or anything like that, because I wasn't.
00:52:16.079 --> 00:52:16.239
Sure.
00:52:16.800 --> 00:52:17.119
Sure.
00:52:18.800 --> 00:52:27.599
But there's definitely a shift, there's a transformation that happens inside of you, and it's not something that you can contain.
00:52:27.760 --> 00:52:30.559
If you're truly transformed, it's not something you can contain.
00:52:30.960 --> 00:52:31.280
Right.
00:52:31.519 --> 00:52:45.039
And so I think that I would have I would have modeled Christ in my words and in my actions and in my decisions more consistently than I did.
00:52:46.079 --> 00:52:59.119
And I have great relationships with a lot of the kids that I've coached over the years, you know, birthdays, weddings, birth of their children now, um, graduate degrees, the whole shebang.
00:52:59.599 --> 00:53:09.440
And uh, so I and I and I think I've become a better mentor years after the fact, you know, because of that transformation.
00:53:09.599 --> 00:53:12.880
And that's probably why a lot of the kids still have relationships with me, to be honest.
00:53:13.039 --> 00:53:26.159
You know, it was the transformation, and they saw the shift because once you've been moved and you've been called to move, other people notice and other people start to see it.
00:53:26.320 --> 00:53:39.679
And it might just be you curse less, it could be as simple as you know, you are more intentional with greeting people when you walk in the gym, making better eye contact, and not just with your starters, with everybody.
00:53:40.159 --> 00:53:44.880
Um, there's so many little little tiny things that can shift and change.
00:53:45.440 --> 00:53:53.039
And if I had been transformed sooner, and it wasn't because he wasn't pursuing me, it was because I was on the run.
00:53:53.679 --> 00:54:05.599
Um I would have lived, I would have, I would have lived this the fruits of the spirit on a day-to-day basis, and nobody would have questioned my character.
00:54:05.760 --> 00:54:10.480
Um, I'm sure there are kids that probably look back and they're just like, forget Coach Ashley.
00:54:10.719 --> 00:54:12.079
She was, you know, XYZ.
00:54:12.320 --> 00:54:15.199
And the flip side, you have the other ones that are like, oh, she's the best.
00:54:15.360 --> 00:54:20.559
You know, you have both, but yeah, um, I wish I would.
00:54:20.639 --> 00:54:27.440
I think if I look back, I probably would have had more of the kids that would have said Coach Ash is the best instead of Coach's grumpy XYZ.
00:54:27.840 --> 00:54:33.440
Um, if I had lit that out and been transformed or allowed myself to have been transformed sooner.
00:54:34.000 --> 00:54:35.199
Yeah, yeah.
00:54:36.320 --> 00:54:39.519
Coach Ashley, listen, what a blessing.
00:54:39.840 --> 00:54:41.760
Thank you so much for your time today.
00:54:41.920 --> 00:54:44.239
Uh, I just there's so much gold in this.
00:54:44.320 --> 00:54:48.239
I hope people go back and and take notes on this and and write stuff down.
00:54:48.400 --> 00:54:50.400
And so many questions I wish we could have covered.
00:54:50.480 --> 00:54:54.159
There are so many things that I would that I think would would have been so beneficial.
00:54:54.400 --> 00:55:00.159
Um please do me a favor and tell people how it is that they can get in touch with you, how they can follow you.
00:55:00.239 --> 00:55:05.519
Um, tell them about your two books and your website just so that they can get figure follow you along.
00:55:05.840 --> 00:55:06.719
Yeah, for sure.
00:55:06.800 --> 00:55:10.800
Um, so as you mentioned, my website is coachedbychrist.com.
00:55:10.880 --> 00:55:12.400
It's just all one, you know.
00:55:12.639 --> 00:55:16.480
Um I've written two books in the last uh year and a half.
00:55:16.559 --> 00:55:18.320
I'm working on my third one right now.
00:55:18.480 --> 00:55:29.280
And uh the first one was Save to Serve, Called to Lead, and it started the prologue as basically my testimony, and then it it um kind of looks back in hindsight.
00:55:29.519 --> 00:55:31.280
What are some of the lessons that I had learned?
00:55:31.360 --> 00:55:33.599
And I kind of did it, and it is weird.
00:55:33.760 --> 00:55:42.639
I kind of wrote it as if I had almost already been changed and transformed, but it was like through the lens of had I been transformed and changed.
00:55:42.800 --> 00:55:49.280
There are some stories in there that like the I've had to go back and tell, like, certain kids know who I'm talking about in the book.
00:55:49.360 --> 00:55:51.119
I didn't name names or anything like that.
00:55:51.280 --> 00:55:59.679
Um, there's a particular family where I mentioned talked about the dad and how amazing the family was, and that's why their kid was so great and like the the what they instilled.
00:55:59.760 --> 00:56:04.159
Um, and I made sure that kid knew, you know, that that was their family I was talking about.
00:56:04.400 --> 00:56:07.440
And uh there's several examples like that in that book.
00:56:07.519 --> 00:56:18.159
But it basically takes you from me where I started to kind of where I ended, and then each chapter in that one has like an athlete and coach devotional, um, which I'm really grateful right now.
00:56:18.239 --> 00:56:22.480
When I'm the the the new volleyball coach at Louisiana Christian had sent me a message, she's a friend of mine.
00:56:22.559 --> 00:56:29.199
I know her parents uh sent me a message and was like, hey, my team is using this as our weekly or our devotional, like for the season.
00:56:29.280 --> 00:56:31.199
So I thought that was really cool.
00:56:31.440 --> 00:56:43.840
Um, and then my second one is when character matches capacity, and that one I think I tried to write more so in like, you know, the Maxwell John Gordon kind of space, Andy Stanley kind of space.
00:56:44.079 --> 00:56:49.599
But I mean, I could have worse mentors or writing mentors than those people, you know, they're pretty awesome.
00:56:49.760 --> 00:56:50.079
Yeah.
00:56:50.239 --> 00:57:10.239
Um, but that one was really trying to drive home, you know, if you want to be the best leader you can, the best parent you can, the best athlete you can, gotta make sure that your character is it it's staying in in pace with your capac, with your uh your skill development, with your capacities development.
00:57:10.400 --> 00:57:15.199
Because, like I said, you know, kind of at the beginning of this, like it's really easy to get better at capacity.
00:57:15.440 --> 00:57:27.440
We can always learn more or practice more or whatever, but that character development is really shaped through all those sandpaper moments that you go through in life where you have to get rubbed down and rubbed raw in order to be smoothed out and refined.
00:57:27.679 --> 00:57:38.480
Um, and so I tried to use different people in the Bible as different examples of how God shaped them as leaders, um, but it wasn't fast and it wasn't easy.
00:57:38.719 --> 00:57:44.480
And I think that that's something that's really important because there's so many talented people out there that I don't think really get that.
00:57:44.639 --> 00:57:48.159
And to be honest, I was one of them um that don't understand that.
00:57:48.320 --> 00:57:55.360
And you think that you can just keep going on on your own fuel and you don't need somebody else filling your tank, and that's not true.
00:57:55.599 --> 00:58:05.280
And so uh that's basically what that second one uh was about, and uh but yeah, and and certainly on my website, my email address and stuff is on there.
00:58:05.360 --> 00:58:09.920
So if anybody ever wanted to reach out or anything like that, I answer emails pretty fast.
00:58:10.239 --> 00:58:12.320
Um, I get back to people pretty quick.
00:58:12.400 --> 00:58:15.280
I'm always happy to have a conversation and chat.
00:58:15.440 --> 00:58:16.880
So yeah, get me up.
00:58:17.039 --> 00:58:25.119
And I'm that of social media, I stick at it, but I am AMAC underscore 83 on uh on um Instagram.
00:58:25.360 --> 00:58:27.840
I try to post a verse of the day every day.
00:58:28.079 --> 00:58:36.400
Been doing that now for about three years, and um little short, quick, quick going into the weekend videos, mostly for geared towards athletes.
00:58:36.719 --> 00:58:38.000
Yeah, yeah, I love it.
00:58:38.239 --> 00:58:38.639
Awesome.
00:58:38.800 --> 00:58:39.760
Thank you so much, Ashley.
00:58:39.840 --> 00:58:41.119
Hey, can I pray for you before we go?
00:58:41.199 --> 00:58:41.760
Is that okay?
00:58:42.079 --> 00:58:42.480
Absolutely.
00:58:42.639 --> 00:58:43.039
Let's go.
00:58:43.519 --> 00:58:44.559
All right, let's pray.
00:58:45.280 --> 00:58:46.239
What a blessing.
00:58:46.480 --> 00:58:48.000
Um in this conversation.
00:58:48.079 --> 00:58:50.320
I'm so grateful for Ashley for her time.
00:58:50.559 --> 00:59:02.639
Uh what a what a an opportunity to hear a testimony of somebody who had their eyes on you well before they knew you and were walking towards you.
00:59:02.719 --> 00:59:10.719
But but God, at the end of the story, we just realized that you were the one that was running after her.
00:59:10.960 --> 00:59:31.599
And so, God, I pray right now for Ashley that as she answered that call and as she is moving through this moment of her life and the next stages of what you're bringing to her, I pray God that you would continue to bless her, that you would open her eyes to see the the greatness of the work that you're doing in, through, and around her.
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I pray God that you would continue to use her as a blessing in the people that she comes into contact with.
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Um, Father, and that you would uh just grant her favor through the next stages of the things of what she's walking to.
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Uh and God, we pray right now specifically for the people that are hearing what Ashley is sharing and recognizing themselves in it.
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Um, maybe before they came to faith in Jesus.
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And and so, God, I pray that those people specifically would hear you as you call them and as you reach out to them, and that they would be willing to uh to answer that call and to move towards you.
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We we love you, Miller, and we pray all of these things in the name of Jesus.
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Amen.
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Thanks for listening to Coach Gack starts at all.