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Hello, hello, and welcome to Kaladi Grooves. I'm your girl,
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Israel Risen. Thank y'all for joining me. I'm gonna say
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it as nicely as I can, okay? Let me explain something,
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because I know some of y'all are watching my journey
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and wondering, how one minute I'm talking about leaving religion
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and the next minute, right, you hear me say something about,
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I'm a father, right, and you're probably thinking, well, wait
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a damn minute, I thought she was done with all that, baby,
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I am, okay, but let me tell you what I'm
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done with exactly, I'm done with being controlled, I'm done
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with fear-based programming, I'm done with being told that Questioning
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something is disrespectful to the divine. I'm done with having
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my intelligence insulted because I refuse to accept somebody else's
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interpretation of a book without examining it for myself. I'm
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done with the idea that my relationship with the infinite
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source must be approved, supervised, authorized, and stamped by another
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motherfucking human being.
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I'm done with.
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I'm not done learning, though, okay? I'm not done learning.
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I'm not done seeking. I'm not done exploring the mysteries
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of existence. I'm certainly not done using language that has
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been meaningful to me.
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Throughout my life. So, yeah.
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See, some of y'all confuse leaving religion with having to
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erase every spiritual expression you ever learned. And that's not
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freedom either. That's just another set of rules. See, you
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leave one institution telling you what you must say only
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to enter another community telling you what you must never say.
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So you leave one group saying you must call God Father.
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Then you find another group saying you better stop calling
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God Father. And I'm standing in the middle thinking, can
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I just be human having a human experience without somebody
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trying to regulate my consciousness?
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So, fuck it.
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Somebody get these people a hobby because apparently my vocabulary,
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it has become a community project that has been deciphered
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here by fucking doing it. You can discern everything about me,
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but you can't discern that pedophile that's sending your fucking poop.
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You can discern everything about me, but you can't discern
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the Jezebel wife that he got. You can discern everything
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about me, but you can't see the mother of your
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church as a whole pedophile. You can discern everything about me,
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but you can't see the fucking person who's been stealing
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from your church community. You can discern everything about me,
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but you cannot fucking see the pedos that walk and
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go to your church every fucking Sunday. You can discern
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everything about me, but you can't see that your pastor
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has a gambling problem. But you can discern everything about me,
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and you can't see that your pastor has a cocaine problem.
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But you can discern everything about me. Y'all better leave
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me the fuck alone. Y'all better leave me the fuck alone. Okay.
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Now let me explain what happens when you hear me
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say Abba Father, okay? Sometimes I'm dealing with a problem
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that I cannot immediately solve, alright? Sometimes I've examined the facts,
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and I've considered the positive, and I've looked at the
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situation from different angles, and I've used my experience, my education,
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my reasoning, my discernment, and I still don't have the answers,
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so I stop and pause, and I get quiet.
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And sometimes.
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47 years familiar, I just yelled out, Abba, Father, help
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me see what I'm missing. Not because I'm suddenly, you know,
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surrendered to my ability to think. Not because I'm waiting
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for some supernatural voice to make every decision for me.
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And certainly not because I believe that repeating a particular
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title automatically generates a miracle. I'm reaching for a language
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of comfort, humility, possibility, and hope. I'm acknowledging that I
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don't know everything. I'm in McDonough, Georgia right now. I
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don't know everything sitting in my living room. I don't
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know nothing.
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I know that. If I can get out of here
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right now, I'll be gone. Trust me. I will move yesterday.
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I'm ready to go. And there's something.
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Incredibly liberating about being able to say that you're just
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I'm acknowledging that I don't know everything and I don't
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have every answer and I don't understand every mystery and
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I don't know everything about consciousness, existence, energy, spirituality, history,
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the universe.
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I don't know anything about people and parenting, relationships. I
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don't know anything.
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And neither does the person screaming at me from behind
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a pulpit. Now, can we finally have an intelligent conversation?
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Because here's the thing. When I say I'm pulling on
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the power of a heavenly solution, I'm talking about opening
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myself to possibilities beyond the narrow thinking that got me
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stuck in the first place. Sometimes that solution arrives through
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like A new perspective and sometimes through an unexpected conversation
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with a stranger. Sometimes through information I hadn't considered. Sometimes
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through a moment of stillness when my mind finally just
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stops racing long enough to recognize like an obvious answer.
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And sometimes after all that praying, the answer is simply
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get up and do the work.
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Imagine that.
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A heavenly solution that requires earthly participation.
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Wow.
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A divine inspiration that still needs a practical plan.
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What?
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Because faith without action can become another beautiful excuse for
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remaining stuck. And I have spent enough of my life waiting.
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So now let's talk about something a little deeper. The programming.
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Because when I Talk about breaking free from programming. I
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know that word makes some people uncomfortable because you have
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to admit that you're programmed. But human beings are influenced
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from the moment we're born. Our families influence us. Our
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cultures influence us. Our schools influence us. Our governments influence us.
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Our religions influence us. Advertising influences us. Social media influences us.
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And reputations. can shape what we believe long before we
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have the maturity or the proper information to really examine.
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Those beliefs critically.
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That's not necessarily some mysterious supernatural operation. That's part of
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how human learning and social influence work. And yes, governments
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have historically conducted disturbing-ass experiments involving psychological manipulation, like the
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CIA's MKUltra program is a documented example. Declassified records and
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government investigations established that the program involved unethical research into
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drugs and behavior in attempts at influencing or controlling human responses,
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and they're still using it to this date, even though
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it's an illegal program. Those historical abuses deserve serious examination,
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but let me make an important distinction, like documented historical
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mind control experiments are not proof that everyone who identifies
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as spiritual chosen has been secretly subjected to this program, okay?
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I'm not saying that at all. We must not replace
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our one unquestioned belief system with another. So, If I'm
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going to demand evidence from religious institutions, then I must
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be willing to demand evidence from alternative spiritual communities and
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conspiracy claims and government narratives and even my own interpretations, right?
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That's called consistency. That's called intellectual integrity. And that is
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what genuine critical thinking requires. So because one of the
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greatest traps after leaving a controlling belief system is immediately
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accepting another explanation that explains to have all the answers,
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you can leave a church that told you everything was
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demonic and find yourself in an online community. telling you
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everything is a government operation. Like, different language, right? Same fear.
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Different authority figures. Same pressure to believe. Different vocabulary. But
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the same discouragement of, like, independent thought. And I fucking
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refuse to exchange one cage for another.
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I just refuse.
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So now for my chosen vessels, my seekers, my question is,
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my people who have always felt like they didn't quite
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fit into the boxes society prepared for.
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Them, you, you my peoples. I'm your peoples. We are
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the peoples. Listen closely.
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You do not have to prove that you are part
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of a secret spiritual category to deserve freedom. You don't
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need a supernatural title to have dignity. Have you seen
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how long these titles are getting to these people? It
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is just getting crazy. You don't need an invisible enemy
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to explain every difficult experience.
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You know what I'm saying?
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And you do not have to convince the world that
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you are extraordinary before you are allowed to live peacefully.
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You already have the right to think. You already have
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the right to question. You already have the right to
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examine what you've been taught. You already have the right
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to change your mind. You already have the right to
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walk away from relationships, organizations, and agreements that are harmful
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or coercive, right?
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And that's where I want to bring.
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In this idea of the spiritual contract because Some people
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hear me say the contract is broken and imagine some
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mysterious document floating around in another dimension. But I'm speaking
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about something that's deeply personal. I'm talking about withdrawing my
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consent from beliefs that taught me to fear my own curiosity.
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I'm talking about releasing obligations I accepted because I was
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terrified of punishment. I'm talking about refusing to Let another
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human being claim ownership over my conscious, in my body,
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my vessel, my property. I'm talking about ending the internal
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agreement that says I must betray myself to belong. Fuck
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that shit. That contract is broken. That's what I mean
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by that shit is broken. The agreement to remain silent
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when something doesn't make sense, broken. The agreement to call
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manipulation love, broken. The agreement to confuse obedience with wisdom, broken.
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The agreement to believe that questioning a religious leader is
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equivalent to questioning the creator, broken. The agreement to live
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in constant fear of divine punishment because I dared to
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study another culture, broken. The agreement to surrender my reasoning
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every time somebody says God told me, broken.
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And let me tell you something else.
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I'm not interested in replacing religious shame with spiritual superiority
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because I I've seen that happen too.
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I was spiritual before I was religious. Remember that.
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People leave organized religion, discover metaphysical teachings, and suddenly start
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treating everybody who disagrees with them as unconscious, unawakened, or
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spiritually inferior.
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Now, wait a damn minute.
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Didn't we just leave a system where everybody thought they
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had exclusive access to truth? So why would we recreate
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the same hierarchy with different terminology? Calling yourself awakened doesn't
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automatically make you wise. Calling yourself chosen doesn't automatically make
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you rich or make you compassionate. Calling yourself enlightened doesn't
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mean you can.
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No longer be mistaken.
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And saying I am doesn't eliminate the responsibility to examine
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your own behavior. If anything, self-awareness, it should make us
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more humble. Because the more I study, the more I
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recognize how much there is to learn.
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I know I'm like, I'd be like, ah, I don't
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know nothing.
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Every time I finish studying something new, I'd be like, damn,
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I don't know nothing. Now let's get back to Abba.
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Because I want this understood. If you catch me saying
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I'm a father, I'm not announcing that I'm returned to
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an institution. I'm not signing up for another denomination. I'm
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not handing my autonomy back to somebody in a robe.
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I'm not declaring that every religious doctrine I once accepted
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is suddenly true again.
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I'm expressing myself. That's it.
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Sometimes I'll say yahuwah. Sometimes I'll say infinite source. Sometimes
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I'll say creator. Sometimes I'll simply, you know, become like.
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Quiet and reflect.
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And sometimes when life like gets especially complicated, you might
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hear me say, Abba, what in the world am I
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supposed to do with this? And then I'm going to
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use my brain, okay? I'm going to examine the situation.
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I'm going to look for evidence. I'm going to consider
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my options. I'm going to ask for trustworthy advice. I'm
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going to Make the best decision I can with the
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information available. Prayer and critical thinking combo do not have
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to be enemies, okay? Prayer and critical thinking do not
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have to be enemies. They can be besties, okay? Reflection
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and reasoning do not have to compete. Spiritual language and
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intellectual honesty can exist in the same human being. a
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much healthier relationship with spirituality than one built entirely around fear. Now,
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I know some people are going to say like, well,
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what about the scriptures? Well, I still read them. I
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read the King James Version of the Holy Bible.
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I love the Apocrypha. I love I explore older translations.
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Like I said, I love the Apocrypha. I examine the Apocrypha.
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I study historical writings because I look at the Nag
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Hammadi text. I examine the Dead Sea Scrolls, the philosophical
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traditions and spiritual literature from different cultures. Not because I
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believe every ancient document must be historically accurate. Not because
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I assume like everything old is like automatically sacred, but
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because like human beings have been asking profound questions about
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existence for thousands of years. And I find that fascinating
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because nobody still.
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Has a clue. Nobody has a clue. Everybody's guessing.
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So I can appreciate a story without treating every sentence
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as a literal description of reality.
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You know what I mean?
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And I'm a writer, so I know sometimes when you're writing,
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you can go into a whole new world, right? And
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so that's why you can't take everything people write literal.
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So I can recognize wisdom in a text without accepting
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every doctrine built around it. And I can admire Yeshua's challenges.
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to like religious hypocrisy without allowing like a modern institution
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to dictate my entire identity and I can study the
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feminine symbolism of wisdom of shakma and the divine without
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demanding that everybody else use the same language I use
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you know that's freedom see at first I was that's
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who I was doing with religion I was screaming.
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You gotta don't need one name and But I.
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Started to think about, like, God, how are you going
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to put God in a little box like that when
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it's an infinite source of omnipresence?
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So I had to check myself, okay? That's freedom.
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You can check yourself. See, not everybody agreeing with me,
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that's freedom. Not everybody validating me, that's freedom. Not everybody
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adopting my beliefs, that's freedom. Freedom means I can explore
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and you can explore without either of us needing to
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dominate the other.
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And here's another thing, y'all.
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When I say I'm breaking free from programming, I don't
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mean that I have suddenly become.
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Immune to influence. You know what I mean? Nobody is
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completely immune.
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Not me, not you, not the professor, not the pastor,
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not the person with three degrees. not the person who
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has studied ancient manuscripts for 50 years. Every one of
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us has assumptions and every one of us has emotional
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attachments and every one of us has blind spots. So
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the goal is not to become a person who can
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never be influenced. The goal is to become a person
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who can recognize influence examine claims and then make informed
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choices and that right there is a lifelong practice so
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And I'm still practicing. It's like some days I get
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real fucking upset.
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Like, I get frustrated. I'm not going to lie.
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Some days I'm pissed. I am past angry bird angry, okay?
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I'm 38 hot glock in here, okay? And then I
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got to remember it's not even worth them orange jumpsuits
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no more. You know, I've been in there and done that.
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It's not even worth it. And then I just got
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to let it go. And then some days I got
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to revisit beliefs. You know, I thought I'd already settled. Like,
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you know, I get so angry, the belief system kicks
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back in. But I guess that's just like my balance.
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I don't know. Some days I just.
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Discover something new that... It just changes my whole perspective
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of everything. And some days I just simply don't know.
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But I no longer interpret uncertainty as spiritual failure.
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I just interpret it as an opportunity to learn.
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So to anyone who hears me calling on Abba and
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thinks I'm contradicting myself, no, beloved. I'm allowing myself to
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be complex because, well, I'm allowing myself to retain meaningful
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parts of my history without carrying every burden attached to them.
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And I'm allowing myself to honor what once comforted me
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while challenging what once frightened me. I'm allowing myself to
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grow without pretending my past never existed. And to those
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who feel they're emerging from years of religious conditioning, I
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want to say this. You don't have to rush. You
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don't have to replace every belief immediately. You don't have
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to announce a new spiritual identity tomorrow. You don't have
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to announce anything. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't
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announce nothing. You don't have to join another movement. You
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don't have to find another leader. You don't have to
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explain every experience through an unseen force. You can simply
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begin with the question, what do I actually know? And
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what have I only been told? That's a powerful place
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to begin. Now, as I close this, I want to
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make my declaration. I withdraw my consent from fear-based control.
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I withdraw my consent from spiritual intimidation. I withdraw my
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consent from doctrines that demand I abandon my conscience. I
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withdraw my consent from the belief that another human being
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owns my relationship with the sacred. I withdraw my consent
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from shame being used as a substitute for accountability. I
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withdraw my consent from unquestioned authority. I withdraw my consent
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from the belief that uncertainty makes me weak. I withdraw
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my consent from living my life of my life afraid
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to ask questions. The contract is broken, not because I've
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performed some mysterious ritual, not because I've uncovered every secret
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of the universe, but because I have made a conscious decision.
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About how I will live.
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I choose inquiry over intimidation. I choose discernment Over blind allegiance.
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I choose. Evidence. Over unsupported. Certainty. I choose. Compassion. Over condemnation.
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I choose. Accountability. Over spiritual performance. I choose. Freedom over conscience.
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I choose peace.
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So if tomorrow you hear me say, Abba Father, I
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need some wisdom. Don't panic, y'all. Don't call the religious police.
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Don't start assembling a committee to investigate my spiritual status.
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I'm simply a woman working through life using every healthy
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resource available to her.
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Okay?
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My experiences, my intelligence, my education, my intuition, my creativity,
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my capacity for reflection, my willingness to learn, and yes,
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sometimes my affirming prayers. Because I don't have to erase
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my history to own my future. I don't have to
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reject every sacred word to reject religious coercion. And I
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don't have to pretend I have all the answers to
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be spiritually independent. The contract with fear is broken. The
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contract with blind obedience is broken. The contract with Shame
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is broken. The contract with surrendering my conscience is broken.
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But my commitment to learning, still standing. My commitment to truth,
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still standing. My commitment to pure love, still standing. My
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commitment to protecting my peace and thinking for myself, stronger
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than ever. And if there is a heavenly solution to
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the challenges before me, I welcome the wisdom to recognize.
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It and the courage to act upon it.
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Because I'm not here to trade one prison of thought
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for another. I'm here to live, to learn, to question,
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to create, to love, and to be.
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I am her. I am she.
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I am free to think, free to question, and free
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to be me. This is Israel Risen. And you're listening to,
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you're listening to Cloudy Grooves, baby. Where the journey, it
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isn't about like having every answer. It's about finally just
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giving yourself permission to ask the questions. The contract is
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broken and the mind is open. Peace, love, wisdom, and sovereignty. Selah, asheh, shalom. Amen.
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To y'all.
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Hello, hello, and welcome to Kaladi Grooves. I'm your girl,
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Israel Risen. Thank y'all for joining me. I'm gonna say
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it as nicely as I can, okay? Let me explain something,
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because I know some of y'all are watching my journey
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and wondering, how one minute I'm talking about leaving religion
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and the next minute, right, you hear me say something about,
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I'm a father, right, and you're probably thinking, well, wait
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a damn minute, I thought she was done with all that, baby,
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I am, okay, but let me tell you what I'm
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done with exactly, I'm done with being controlled, I'm done
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with fear-based programming, I'm done with being told that Questioning
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something is disrespectful to the divine. I'm done with having
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my intelligence insulted because I refuse to accept somebody else's
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interpretation of a book without examining it for myself. I'm
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done with the idea that my relationship with the infinite
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source must be approved, supervised, authorized, and stamped by another
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motherfucking human being.
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I'm done with.
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I'm not done learning, though, okay? I'm not done learning.
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I'm not done seeking. I'm not done exploring the mysteries
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of existence. I'm certainly not done using language that has
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been meaningful to me.
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Throughout my life. So, yeah.
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See, some of y'all confuse leaving religion with having to
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erase every spiritual expression you ever learned. And that's not
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freedom either. That's just another set of rules. See, you
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leave one institution telling you what you must say only
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to enter another community telling you what you must never say.
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So you leave one group saying you must call God Father.
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Then you find another group saying you better stop calling
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God Father. And I'm standing in the middle thinking, can
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I just be human having a human experience without somebody
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trying to regulate my consciousness?
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So, fuck it.
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Somebody get these people a hobby because apparently my vocabulary,
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it has become a community project that has been deciphered
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here by fucking doing it. You can discern everything about me,
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but you can't discern that pedophile that's sending your fucking poop.
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You can discern everything about me, but you can't discern
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the Jezebel wife that he got. You can discern everything
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about me, but you can't see the mother of your
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church as a whole pedophile. You can discern everything about me,
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but you can't see the fucking person who's been stealing
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from your church community. You can discern everything about me,
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but you cannot fucking see the pedos that walk and
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go to your church every fucking Sunday. You can discern
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everything about me, but you can't see that your pastor
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has a gambling problem. But you can discern everything about me,
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and you can't see that your pastor has a cocaine problem.
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But you can discern everything about me. Y'all better leave
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me the fuck alone. Y'all better leave me the fuck alone. Okay.
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Now let me explain what happens when you hear me
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say Abba Father, okay? Sometimes I'm dealing with a problem
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that I cannot immediately solve, alright? Sometimes I've examined the facts,
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and I've considered the positive, and I've looked at the
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situation from different angles, and I've used my experience, my education,
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my reasoning, my discernment, and I still don't have the answers,
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so I stop and pause, and I get quiet.
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And sometimes.
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47 years familiar, I just yelled out, Abba, Father, help
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me see what I'm missing. Not because I'm suddenly, you know,
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surrendered to my ability to think. Not because I'm waiting
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for some supernatural voice to make every decision for me.
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And certainly not because I believe that repeating a particular
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title automatically generates a miracle. I'm reaching for a language
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of comfort, humility, possibility, and hope. I'm acknowledging that I
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don't know everything. I'm in McDonough, Georgia right now. I
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don't know everything sitting in my living room. I don't
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know nothing.
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I know that. If I can get out of here
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right now, I'll be gone. Trust me. I will move yesterday.
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I'm ready to go. And there's something.
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Incredibly liberating about being able to say that you're just
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I'm acknowledging that I don't know everything and I don't
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have every answer and I don't understand every mystery and
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I don't know everything about consciousness, existence, energy, spirituality, history,
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the universe.
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I don't know anything about people and parenting, relationships. I
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don't know anything.
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And neither does the person screaming at me from behind
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a pulpit. Now, can we finally have an intelligent conversation?
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Because here's the thing. When I say I'm pulling on
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the power of a heavenly solution, I'm talking about opening
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myself to possibilities beyond the narrow thinking that got me
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stuck in the first place. Sometimes that solution arrives through
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like A new perspective and sometimes through an unexpected conversation
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with a stranger. Sometimes through information I hadn't considered. Sometimes
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through a moment of stillness when my mind finally just
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stops racing long enough to recognize like an obvious answer.
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And sometimes after all that praying, the answer is simply
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get up and do the work.
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Imagine that.
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A heavenly solution that requires earthly participation.
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Wow.
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A divine inspiration that still needs a practical plan.
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What?
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Because faith without action can become another beautiful excuse for
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remaining stuck. And I have spent enough of my life waiting.
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So now let's talk about something a little deeper. The programming.
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Because when I Talk about breaking free from programming. I
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know that word makes some people uncomfortable because you have
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to admit that you're programmed. But human beings are influenced
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from the moment we're born. Our families influence us. Our
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cultures influence us. Our schools influence us. Our governments influence us.
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Our religions influence us. Advertising influences us. Social media influences us.
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And reputations. can shape what we believe long before we
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have the maturity or the proper information to really examine.
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Those beliefs critically.
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That's not necessarily some mysterious supernatural operation. That's part of
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how human learning and social influence work. And yes, governments
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have historically conducted disturbing-ass experiments involving psychological manipulation, like the
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CIA's MKUltra program is a documented example. Declassified records and
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government investigations established that the program involved unethical research into
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drugs and behavior in attempts at influencing or controlling human responses,
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and they're still using it to this date, even though
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it's an illegal program. Those historical abuses deserve serious examination,
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but let me make an important distinction, like documented historical
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mind control experiments are not proof that everyone who identifies
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as spiritual chosen has been secretly subjected to this program, okay?
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I'm not saying that at all. We must not replace
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our one unquestioned belief system with another. So, If I'm
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going to demand evidence from religious institutions, then I must
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be willing to demand evidence from alternative spiritual communities and
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conspiracy claims and government narratives and even my own interpretations, right?
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That's called consistency. That's called intellectual integrity. And that is
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what genuine critical thinking requires. So because one of the
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greatest traps after leaving a controlling belief system is immediately
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accepting another explanation that explains to have all the answers,
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you can leave a church that told you everything was
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demonic and find yourself in an online community. telling you
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everything is a government operation. Like, different language, right? Same fear.
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Different authority figures. Same pressure to believe. Different vocabulary. But
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the same discouragement of, like, independent thought. And I fucking
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refuse to exchange one cage for another.
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I just refuse.
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So now for my chosen vessels, my seekers, my question is,
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my people who have always felt like they didn't quite
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fit into the boxes society prepared for.
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Them, you, you my peoples. I'm your peoples. We are
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the peoples. Listen closely.
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You do not have to prove that you are part
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of a secret spiritual category to deserve freedom. You don't
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need a supernatural title to have dignity. Have you seen
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how long these titles are getting to these people? It
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is just getting crazy. You don't need an invisible enemy
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to explain every difficult experience.
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You know what I'm saying?
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And you do not have to convince the world that
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you are extraordinary before you are allowed to live peacefully.
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You already have the right to think. You already have
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the right to question. You already have the right to
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examine what you've been taught. You already have the right
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to change your mind. You already have the right to
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walk away from relationships, organizations, and agreements that are harmful
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or coercive, right?
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And that's where I want to bring.
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In this idea of the spiritual contract because Some people
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hear me say the contract is broken and imagine some
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mysterious document floating around in another dimension. But I'm speaking
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about something that's deeply personal. I'm talking about withdrawing my
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consent from beliefs that taught me to fear my own curiosity.
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I'm talking about releasing obligations I accepted because I was
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terrified of punishment. I'm talking about refusing to Let another
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human being claim ownership over my conscious, in my body,
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my vessel, my property. I'm talking about ending the internal
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agreement that says I must betray myself to belong. Fuck
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that shit. That contract is broken. That's what I mean
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by that shit is broken. The agreement to remain silent
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when something doesn't make sense, broken. The agreement to call
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manipulation love, broken. The agreement to confuse obedience with wisdom, broken.
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The agreement to believe that questioning a religious leader is
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equivalent to questioning the creator, broken. The agreement to live
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in constant fear of divine punishment because I dared to
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study another culture, broken. The agreement to surrender my reasoning
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every time somebody says God told me, broken.
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And let me tell you something else.
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I'm not interested in replacing religious shame with spiritual superiority
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because I I've seen that happen too.
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I was spiritual before I was religious. Remember that.
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People leave organized religion, discover metaphysical teachings, and suddenly start
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treating everybody who disagrees with them as unconscious, unawakened, or
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spiritually inferior.
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Now, wait a damn minute.
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Didn't we just leave a system where everybody thought they
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had exclusive access to truth? So why would we recreate
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the same hierarchy with different terminology? Calling yourself awakened doesn't
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automatically make you wise. Calling yourself chosen doesn't automatically make
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you rich or make you compassionate. Calling yourself enlightened doesn't
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mean you can.
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No longer be mistaken.
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And saying I am doesn't eliminate the responsibility to examine
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your own behavior. If anything, self-awareness, it should make us
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more humble. Because the more I study, the more I
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recognize how much there is to learn.
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I know I'm like, I'd be like, ah, I don't
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know nothing.
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Every time I finish studying something new, I'd be like, damn,
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I don't know nothing. Now let's get back to Abba.
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Because I want this understood. If you catch me saying
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I'm a father, I'm not announcing that I'm returned to
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an institution. I'm not signing up for another denomination. I'm
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not handing my autonomy back to somebody in a robe.
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I'm not declaring that every religious doctrine I once accepted
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is suddenly true again.
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I'm expressing myself. That's it.
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Sometimes I'll say yahuwah. Sometimes I'll say infinite source. Sometimes
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I'll say creator. Sometimes I'll simply, you know, become like.
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Quiet and reflect.
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And sometimes when life like gets especially complicated, you might
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hear me say, Abba, what in the world am I
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supposed to do with this? And then I'm going to
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use my brain, okay? I'm going to examine the situation.
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I'm going to look for evidence. I'm going to consider
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my options. I'm going to ask for trustworthy advice. I'm
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going to Make the best decision I can with the
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information available. Prayer and critical thinking combo do not have
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to be enemies, okay? Prayer and critical thinking do not
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have to be enemies. They can be besties, okay? Reflection
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and reasoning do not have to compete. Spiritual language and
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intellectual honesty can exist in the same human being. a
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much healthier relationship with spirituality than one built entirely around fear. Now,
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I know some people are going to say like, well,
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what about the scriptures? Well, I still read them. I
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read the King James Version of the Holy Bible.
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I love the Apocrypha. I love I explore older translations.
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Like I said, I love the Apocrypha. I examine the Apocrypha.
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I study historical writings because I look at the Nag
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Hammadi text. I examine the Dead Sea Scrolls, the philosophical
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traditions and spiritual literature from different cultures. Not because I
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believe every ancient document must be historically accurate. Not because
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I assume like everything old is like automatically sacred, but
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because like human beings have been asking profound questions about
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existence for thousands of years. And I find that fascinating
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because nobody still.
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Has a clue. Nobody has a clue. Everybody's guessing.
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So I can appreciate a story without treating every sentence
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as a literal description of reality.
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You know what I mean?
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And I'm a writer, so I know sometimes when you're writing,
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you can go into a whole new world, right? And
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so that's why you can't take everything people write literal.
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So I can recognize wisdom in a text without accepting
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every doctrine built around it. And I can admire Yeshua's challenges.
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to like religious hypocrisy without allowing like a modern institution
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to dictate my entire identity and I can study the
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feminine symbolism of wisdom of shakma and the divine without
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demanding that everybody else use the same language I use
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you know that's freedom see at first I was that's
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who I was doing with religion I was screaming.
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You gotta don't need one name and But I.
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Started to think about, like, God, how are you going
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to put God in a little box like that when
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it's an infinite source of omnipresence?
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So I had to check myself, okay? That's freedom.
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You can check yourself. See, not everybody agreeing with me,
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that's freedom. Not everybody validating me, that's freedom. Not everybody
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adopting my beliefs, that's freedom. Freedom means I can explore
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and you can explore without either of us needing to
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dominate the other.
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And here's another thing, y'all.
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When I say I'm breaking free from programming, I don't
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mean that I have suddenly become.
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Immune to influence. You know what I mean? Nobody is
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completely immune.
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Not me, not you, not the professor, not the pastor,
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not the person with three degrees. not the person who
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has studied ancient manuscripts for 50 years. Every one of
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us has assumptions and every one of us has emotional
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attachments and every one of us has blind spots. So
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the goal is not to become a person who can
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never be influenced. The goal is to become a person
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who can recognize influence examine claims and then make informed
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choices and that right there is a lifelong practice so
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And I'm still practicing. It's like some days I get
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real fucking upset.
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Like, I get frustrated. I'm not going to lie.
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Some days I'm pissed. I am past angry bird angry, okay?
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I'm 38 hot glock in here, okay? And then I
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got to remember it's not even worth them orange jumpsuits
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no more. You know, I've been in there and done that.
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It's not even worth it. And then I just got
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to let it go. And then some days I got
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to revisit beliefs. You know, I thought I'd already settled. Like,
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you know, I get so angry, the belief system kicks
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back in. But I guess that's just like my balance.
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I don't know. Some days I just.
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Discover something new that... It just changes my whole perspective
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of everything. And some days I just simply don't know.
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But I no longer interpret uncertainty as spiritual failure.
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I just interpret it as an opportunity to learn.
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So to anyone who hears me calling on Abba and
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thinks I'm contradicting myself, no, beloved. I'm allowing myself to
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be complex because, well, I'm allowing myself to retain meaningful
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parts of my history without carrying every burden attached to them.
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And I'm allowing myself to honor what once comforted me
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while challenging what once frightened me. I'm allowing myself to
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grow without pretending my past never existed. And to those
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who feel they're emerging from years of religious conditioning, I
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want to say this. You don't have to rush. You
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don't have to replace every belief immediately. You don't have
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to announce a new spiritual identity tomorrow. You don't have
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to announce anything. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't
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announce nothing. You don't have to join another movement. You
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don't have to find another leader. You don't have to
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explain every experience through an unseen force. You can simply
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begin with the question, what do I actually know? And
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what have I only been told? That's a powerful place
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to begin. Now, as I close this, I want to
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make my declaration. I withdraw my consent from fear-based control.
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I withdraw my consent from spiritual intimidation. I withdraw my
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consent from doctrines that demand I abandon my conscience. I
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withdraw my consent from the belief that another human being
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owns my relationship with the sacred. I withdraw my consent
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from shame being used as a substitute for accountability. I
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withdraw my consent from unquestioned authority. I withdraw my consent
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from the belief that uncertainty makes me weak. I withdraw
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my consent from living my life of my life afraid
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to ask questions. The contract is broken, not because I've
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performed some mysterious ritual, not because I've uncovered every secret
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of the universe, but because I have made a conscious decision.
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About how I will live.
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I choose inquiry over intimidation. I choose discernment Over blind allegiance.
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I choose. Evidence. Over unsupported. Certainty. I choose. Compassion. Over condemnation.
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I choose. Accountability. Over spiritual performance. I choose. Freedom over conscience.
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I choose peace.
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So if tomorrow you hear me say, Abba Father, I
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need some wisdom. Don't panic, y'all. Don't call the religious police.
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Don't start assembling a committee to investigate my spiritual status.
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I'm simply a woman working through life using every healthy
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resource available to her.
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Okay?
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My experiences, my intelligence, my education, my intuition, my creativity,
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my capacity for reflection, my willingness to learn, and yes,
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sometimes my affirming prayers. Because I don't have to erase
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my history to own my future. I don't have to
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reject every sacred word to reject religious coercion. And I
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don't have to pretend I have all the answers to
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be spiritually independent. The contract with fear is broken. The
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contract with blind obedience is broken. The contract with Shame
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is broken. The contract with surrendering my conscience is broken.
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But my commitment to learning, still standing. My commitment to truth,
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still standing. My commitment to pure love, still standing. My
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commitment to protecting my peace and thinking for myself, stronger
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than ever. And if there is a heavenly solution to
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the challenges before me, I welcome the wisdom to recognize.
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It and the courage to act upon it.
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Because I'm not here to trade one prison of thought
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for another. I'm here to live, to learn, to question,
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to create, to love, and to be.
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I am her. I am she.
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I am free to think, free to question, and free
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to be me. This is Israel Risen. And you're listening to,
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you're listening to Cloudy Grooves, baby. Where the journey, it
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isn't about like having every answer. It's about finally just
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giving yourself permission to ask the questions. The contract is
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broken and the mind is open. Peace, love, wisdom, and sovereignty. Selah, asheh, shalom. Amen.
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To y'all.
