WEBVTT
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Hi guys, welcome back to the show.
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Um, it's a late night episode, as you can see.
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I don't even have my glasses on, so I can't even see myself.
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Um, but I really just wanted to make a late night episode right before I go to bed because um I've been seeing this topic on uh TikTok for a minute and I agree with it and I don't agree with it, so I thought I'd just come on here and make a uh tiny episode about it just because I wanted to.
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But also, guys, um uh somebody commented something funny on my YouTube, uh, one of my YouTube episodes, and they were like, the inconsistency is crazy.
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And I've gotten a lot of new listeners lately um from TikTok, uh just from YouTube, and I just want to let all the new listeners know know like this is such a odd podcast because I have a lot to say all the time.
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Like when I'm by myself, I never shut the fuck up.
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Like internally, I'm always talking to myself, I'm always like you know, just there's a lot going on in my head.
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So with there being a lot going on in my head, like I struggle sometimes saying shit outside, um, and I also struggle with just like constant communication outside of this podcast, like there's so many people I need to text back at this very moment, and I just struggle with that for whatever reason I struggle with it.
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Um so it'll be like eight episodes a month, and then I'll take like two months off, and it's just because like I have a chemical imbalance that I can't ignore.
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I don't tell you guys I have it for shits and gigs, I don't tell you guys I have it to fit into some type of club or stereotype.
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Like I'm actually severely mentally challenged and and sometimes just not saying anything or just like actually being by myself, like not on my phone, like just you know, actually taking the time to just like be quiet and process how I really feel about stuff, that is how that's my medication, you know what I'm saying?
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I didn't try the Trazodone, bitch, I didn't try the Zolov, I didn't try everything else, nothing else is working until I get by myself.
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So for all the new people, if you go down and look at all the episodes and be like, damn bitch, you had a you had a a drop off after fucking May, didn't you?
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I did, but it's only because like in order for me to be okay enough to do this, I have to be alone and be quiet for like an ample amount of time.
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And my friends in real life know that.
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Um I just feel bad for you guys because I want you to watch this podcast and stuff, and I want you guys to support me, but I also want you guys to understand like I'm not just like doing other shit.
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Like, I'm just I'm just chilling, I'm just kinda trying to like get my brain to be nice to me so I can come on here and entertain you guys because you know I'm not nice to myself a lot of the time.
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So when I come on here, I'm having a good time, so it's just like I have to be in the right state of mind to have a good time, if that makes sense.
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Okay, to the topic that I wanted to talk about.
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Um, also everybody who um subscribed on YouTube, everybody who followed me on uh TikTok, thank you so much.
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That's very nice, and I hope you guys continue to listen, even though this podcast is so baby.
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Um, I hope you stay until we're not baby anymore.
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You know what I'm saying?
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Because as much as I shut the fuck up, guys, I promise I have a lot planned for this podcast.
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Look at the intro again.
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It was so nice.
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Oh my god.
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Shout out to El Damaso just um, but okay, seriously.
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Um the topic that I just wanted to come on and do a quick, quick um episode about is because I've been seeing a lot of uh conversation around healing in relationships.
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Um and I just think that somebody needs to be an advocate for uh reclusivity.
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Somebody has to be an advocate for being by yourself, being alone.
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Um and I know the toss-up between being lonely and being alone are really uh defined uh differently depending on who you ask.
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But honestly, guys, like I saw this one video where this girl was like, all the healing you need to do, you need to do it in another relationship.
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And I literally commented and I was like, I'm gonna talk about this on my podcast because through the ears of a dumbass, this is so misleading.
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And I feel like, especially now, because I mean the climate had to do everything now that everything's so fucking expensive, everything like everybody gets embarrassed quickly because everybody's getting recorded and posted online.
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Like, there's so many things that contribute to this, like hoarder mentality, it's like you just have to have a person, you know what I'm saying?
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Like, you can do whatever you need to do with another person, just as long as you have another person, and it's just like with the new generation already have like having like social anxiety, can't fucking set a doctor's appointment, can't look people in the eye, you know what I'm saying?
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Like, we don't really need to be pushing.
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I don't even know what that is pushing, so I guess I can't say that it is, but like, I just feel like pushing people into a concept where they need to cling on to somebody in order for their mental health to be better.
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I feel like that is where we're starting to be like, okay, all right, hold on now.
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Because, in my opinion, everything you need to do mental needs to be done by yourself or by somebody who's got a degree and that that can actually help you.
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You know what I'm saying?
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But I saw the comments and the people were like, Yeah, I didn't know that I was a bitch until I met him.
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I didn't know I needed to change this until I met him.
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And it's just like, but that's not healing, those are just boundaries that that person set in a relationship that was a whole totally different person from the other person you were dating that obviously didn't have those boundaries.
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And I and I feel that you guys, not you guys obviously, but I feel that I feel that some people are losing the art of understanding what words mean and and also just flat out what healing means.
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Healing means, even if it doesn't have to do with a relationship, even if there's something about yourself that you don't like, you know what I'm saying?
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But it was caused by trauma, and you know it was because of somebody else or some incident that happened to you that was outside of your um control.
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I feel like going through the the steps of therapy, psychotherapy, getting on medication, getting diagnosed, knowing what you have, and being like, okay, I don't want to let this define me.
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You know what I'm saying?
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I think that is where healing comes from.
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And then also like when you are healing from a negative experience in a relationship or like a toxic relationship, an abusive relationship, I feel like nobody respects the amount of time you need by yourself in order to get into another relationship.
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And that goes back to what I used to talk to y'all about marriage.
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Like, because women have these things where they say, Oh, well, a man knows if he wants to marry you in three, three, three years.
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Men don't know shit, actually.
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They have never known shit.
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So you guys tell you, tell yourselves these things that make you delusional, you know what I'm saying?
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It's like, who even who even said that was true?
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You know what I'm saying?
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That might have been true about one nigga out of eight billion, you know what I'm saying?
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Or you know, four billion.
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It's just like they don't know shit.
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So I I feel like it's just getting to a dangerous cycle of like repetition, but nobody is breaking down what the repetition of these words means.
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It's like you just say shit just because other people say it, but you have to like stop and be like, wait, wait, wait, I need to be alone.
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You know what I'm saying?
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I just think that's so dangerous to try to tell people that all of the healing they can do can be done in a relationship because it really can't.
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You're gonna go through relationship after relationship if you think, well, what I couldn't fix of myself in that last relationship, this new nigga can fix it for me.
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Like what that's taking the self out of the self-healing, you know what I'm saying?
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It's just like you're just waiting on somebody else to like, you know, I don't know how to I don't know how to explain what I'm saying, but like going back to the marriage thing, like saying like I said, men know who they want to date, men know who they want to marry within the first two, three years, which is false.
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I hate when y'all say I hate to hear a woman say that because it's just like girl, get real, you know what I'm saying?
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But it's just like nobody respects the amount of time it takes to have something that changes or something that matters.
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Because in three years, you've mind you, you've only known this nigga or this woman for three years, and now you want to spend the rest of your life with him.
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That is not nearly long enough to do that, you know?
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And I've talked about that in old episodes, just like so.
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Conjuring up personality disorders that you didn't know about, or you know, emotions that you've never experienced, it's just like, oh, now you acting different.
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He's not acting different, he just stopped masking, you know what I'm saying?
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Three years is such a little bit of time, and for somebody who used to be in a relationship where it was a constant battle of manipulation, if somebody knows they can get something good out of you, if somebody knows you're a good person and you have a good heart, or not even that you're a good person, you have a good heart, bitch.
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If they could get anything out of you that they deem worthy of getting out of you, they will literally put up a front for years, and it's gonna take a lot of years to finally see that the front has stopped because they are like Tony level award, like they can like I fear that a lot of people underestimate how good, how strong, and how long people can lie to you.
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That's why I'm always just like you need to be by yourself so that way you can understand what the fuck is going on around you, you know what I'm saying?
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Prime example when people lie to me, or like when people successfully lie to me, I will say, I take that as a personal hit.
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I'm not mad at you, I get mad at myself because bitch, I should have known you were lying to me.
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You know what I'm saying?
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If there's anything y'all need to know about me, my head is always on a swivel.
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90% of what people say to me, unless you show me physical proof, I think it's bullshit because people just love to say shit.
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Y'all would be so surprised how much people just lie for no fucking reason, almost daily, you know what I'm saying?
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Back to my other episode where I was telling y'all that how lying is a new form of creativity.
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When when once people realize that they can get people to lock the fuck in, as long as they're saying attention-grabbing words or bullshit, anything that sounds outlandish, it it could have never happened, but the attention that you get from that is worth it, you know what I'm saying?
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And people do that in real life without the clicks, without the comments, without this, without the reposts, like people feed off of that in real life too, you know what I'm saying?
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Just the fact that you believed them, probably get their jollies off, you know what I'm saying?
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Like they went in the bathroom, like, uh, oh my god, you know.
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So it's just like I just want you guys to, especially the women, especially the women, because I'm not gonna lie, y'all, it's really hard being a girl's girl, it really is.
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And I'll be I'll be at work and I work with 90% 100 108, near nigga in there.
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That's crazy.
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I work with 100% women, and yes, I'm one of the oldest, but it's just like if I was a mom, I would be so I would be so disappointed in some of the women I work with.
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Cause just to hear how they just let men do them, it's just like I literally forget that I'm at work sometimes because I'll be my chest start to raise.
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I'm like, you do know that you're an idiot, right?
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You do know that's the dumbest shit I've ever heard.
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And with me, like you could tell me all the dumbass shit, like all your dumbass decisions, as long as we don't skip over the fact that you're a dumbass.
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You know what I'm saying?
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Like, I'm I'm that that's one of my red flags in my personality.
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Like, you don't get to tell Zarya dumbass shit without me and you understanding that you're a dumbass for this decision.
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Because I don't want to hear, oh well, no, you don't under No, I understand.
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I understand perfectly.
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Anytime I come up here and tell y'all I did some stupid ass shit, I'm like, guys, I did some stupid ass shit.
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But I would never be like, guys, I did something, hear me out.
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It wasn't stupid at the time.
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I just it was dumb, it was dumb.
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And to and to not even think it's dumb is is dangerous, you know what I'm saying?
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Like I told y'all a couple episodes ago, these niggas look at the weight of our feet when we walk to see if we're kidnappable, like, like, I don't know, I don't know.
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I just feel like nobody's gonna suffer from you taking the time you need to take for your mental health alone, and if somebody is gonna suffer for that, outside of like your spouse or your children, it's not like they need to take some time for them, their mental self, their mental health too, you know.
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Obviously, outside of being a caregiver or whatever the fuck like that, but I I I just don't really I don't like the message that it sends to young women and gullible women that you have to heal in a relationship, or a relationship is the only way that you can get better in relationships, and I and I don't I don't think that is, you know what I'm saying?
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It's like what what example did she use?
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I know I'm rambling, guys, but it just really threw me off because I was like, you know, some people get their life advice from Chat GBT.
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So some people, when they hear shit for the first time, they're so gullible that that's all they need, you know what I'm saying?
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They don't need any further explanations, they don't need any fucking personal experience to like be like, oh, that's what she meant.
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Like sometimes people just hear shit for the first time and be like, yep, that's what I'm gonna do.
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It got a hundred thousand likes, everybody agree, fuck it.
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You know, some people are that gullible.
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So, me knowing that, not being gullible, it's just like, well, hold on now, hold on, hold on.
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Being alone is not bad.
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Being alone is probably one of the greatest things you could ever do for yourself.
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And when I hear people say that they don't like to be alone or they need somebody to be around to do stuff, it's just like I think that is one of the saddest things, you know.
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And and and don't get me wrong, guys.
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Like, when I talk to people, people think I'm pathetic, people think I'm sad because I genuinely could be by myself forever, you know.
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I I I only get anxious when I start to be around people, you know what I'm saying?
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So I I couldn't give a fuck about having kids, getting married, like even the thought of getting married is just crazy.
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Like waking up to the same motherfucker every day, like that made me want to throw up.
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Like, I don't like permanency in humans.
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I always, if that's the case, I'll be by myself for the rest of my life.
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But permanency, having somebody permanently tied to me, absolutely fucking not.
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That's that sounds like the worst thing ever to me, and I'm not lying.
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But because I think like that, everything I do is heightened, you know.
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If I travel by myself, you know, now I'm up and up my weapons, you know what I'm saying?
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Now I'm you know, looking around every corner, now I'm watching a crime break, you know what I'm saying?
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I'm watching Law and Order, I'm watching criminal minds, like I'm watching tactics, and like okay, well, let's see what I shouldn't do.
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Now that I'm out here by myself, you know what I'm saying?
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If I I you know, there's just things that come with doing things alone, like your senses get heightened, you become more patient, you just I don't know, you like yourself more, you know what I'm saying?
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You're you're you're able to realize how you think without a biased opinion, you know what I'm saying?
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Everybody likes uh proximity, you know what I'm saying?
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Everybody has FOMO, or I want to think this way just because my favorite person said that, or I don't want to miss out on this because all my favorite people are doing it, even though it's probably not even something you'd be interested in on your own, but you don't know that because you've never been on your own.
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Your whole personality is bits and pieces from everybody around you that you're just kind of fucking forcing to fit together, you know, and I think that's why it's important to be by your alone, especially people my age, like we're wrapping up this 20 shit, we're stepping into our 30s.
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You do not want to step into your 30s as an amalgamation of everybody you've ever met in your entire life, and you have no idea who the fuck you're even on, you know.
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I think that I think that's genuinely why being alone is so important because constantly being told shit without being taught shit is really dangerous, you know.
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And sometimes the only person who can teach you something is you because you have to self-learn, you have to crack open a book.
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You just do, you know what I'm saying?
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You know you you can't trust a verbal source all the time.
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Because people are assholes, and some and and most people aren't out to do you good, and it's fucked up to think like that, but it's also fucked up to think the opposite and get got every Sunday, you know what I'm saying, or every Tuesday.
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It's just like, damn, people taking my kindness for weakness hard as fuck, and it's just like because your kindness is weak.
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Make it strong, bitch.
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Be alone for a couple, you know, months, weeks, years.
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See if you can make that kindness a little stronger, you know what I'm saying?
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You can still be kind, you don't have to be an asshole, but letting people take advantage of you, being gullible, you can you can not do those things.
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So I try not to victim blame, but it's just like I didn't grow up gullible, I didn't grow up weak-minded.
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I had a bad mom.
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The last thing my mom was was a punk ass bitch ever.
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She was not a punk ass bitch.
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So growing up like that, when I see people that just believe things for the first time, or people who just like take let people take advantage of them, or it's just like damn, you know what I'm saying?
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Like, damn, damn, it's like damn, try mama, try, try, mama.
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But but then you guys you also have to realize, like, I am severely depressed, you know what I'm saying?
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Like, I've been on medications, I've been to the whole psych ward, I'm 28, like, you know what I'm saying?
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So my life is how I feel is a represent representation of how I've lived.
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Or no, it's not actually.
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No, it's not, because if it was, I'd be dead.
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I'd be y'all was see just ankles just hanging right here.
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No, I'm just joking.
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I'm just joking.
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I'm not, I'm dead ass though, but um yeah.
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I don't know, guys.
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I I just the the moral of this episode is that I just wanted everybody to know that being alone is not okay.
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And if you're scared to be alone, I think you should try it.
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I think you should try it.
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Because the scariest thing is to put your trust in another human and to put all your eggs in a in a human basket.
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The most, the hardest thing you can do is be by yourself and like it.
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And I think if you're really scared of that, then you should try it because there's another personality on the end of being alone, and you might fuck with it.
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You know what I'm saying?
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That might be you, that might be the you that you're you've been trying to get to the whole time.
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You've just been letting everybody else stack their personality on top of yours, it's been pushing yours down.
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So, yeah, I think you guys, I I think everybody just needs to remember the importance of being alone, and not every healing process has to be done through somebody else.
00:20:18.160 --> 00:20:19.440
You can do it all by yourself.
00:20:19.519 --> 00:20:20.160
You can.
00:20:20.319 --> 00:20:26.559
There are just certain boundaries you're gonna have to learn from certain people, and that's okay, that's just fine.
00:20:27.680 --> 00:20:30.880
But okay, guys, I'm gonna end the episode here.
00:20:30.960 --> 00:20:32.240
I'm kind of tired.
00:20:32.400 --> 00:20:33.599
I'm gonna go to bed.
00:20:33.839 --> 00:20:36.400
Um, yeah.
00:20:36.720 --> 00:20:38.960
Patreon is coming, I promise.
00:20:39.119 --> 00:20:42.160
Uh, give me a comment on this episode, tell me how you feel.
00:20:42.319 --> 00:20:50.240
If you guys want to suggest any topics or you guys have any stories or questions that you want me to talk about, you can send them to me on TikTok, Instagram.
00:20:50.319 --> 00:20:54.880
Um, my link tree is in my uh TikTok bio, thought it was in there the whole time.
00:20:55.119 --> 00:20:57.599
Realized it wasn't like four days ago, so my bad, y'all.
00:20:57.680 --> 00:21:03.039
Uh, if you hit the link tree in my bio on TikTok, you'll see all of my um I even started a blog.
00:21:03.200 --> 00:21:04.880
Um, I'll put it in there as well.
00:21:04.960 --> 00:21:06.400
Um, I started writing a book.
00:21:06.480 --> 00:21:12.799
I can't tell you guys about the book yet because the idea is it came from a dream, so now it's like spiritual to me.
00:21:12.880 --> 00:21:21.680
And if I tell people about it before I finish writing it, then I feel like I'm gonna like block something that the universe was trying to give me.
00:21:21.759 --> 00:21:22.160
I don't know.
00:21:22.319 --> 00:21:23.519
I don't know, but yeah.
00:21:23.680 --> 00:21:25.759
Um, I'm having a lot of fun, guys.
00:21:26.000 --> 00:21:30.319
Um, and hopefully I'll have a lot of stuff for you guys too soon.
00:21:30.559 --> 00:21:35.759
So just keep hanging on with me, and yeah, I'll see you guys in the next episode.
00:21:36.319 --> 00:21:36.799
Bye.
00:00:16.559 --> 00:00:19.120
Hi guys, welcome back to the show.
00:00:19.440 --> 00:00:22.160
Um, it's a late night episode, as you can see.
00:00:22.320 --> 00:00:25.359
I don't even have my glasses on, so I can't even see myself.
00:00:25.600 --> 00:00:48.000
Um, but I really just wanted to make a late night episode right before I go to bed because um I've been seeing this topic on uh TikTok for a minute and I agree with it and I don't agree with it, so I thought I'd just come on here and make a uh tiny episode about it just because I wanted to.
00:00:48.240 --> 00:00:59.679
But also, guys, um uh somebody commented something funny on my YouTube, uh, one of my YouTube episodes, and they were like, the inconsistency is crazy.
00:01:00.000 --> 00:01:18.480
And I've gotten a lot of new listeners lately um from TikTok, uh just from YouTube, and I just want to let all the new listeners know know like this is such a odd podcast because I have a lot to say all the time.
00:01:18.640 --> 00:01:20.799
Like when I'm by myself, I never shut the fuck up.
00:01:20.879 --> 00:01:29.840
Like internally, I'm always talking to myself, I'm always like you know, just there's a lot going on in my head.
00:01:30.159 --> 00:01:52.480
So with there being a lot going on in my head, like I struggle sometimes saying shit outside, um, and I also struggle with just like constant communication outside of this podcast, like there's so many people I need to text back at this very moment, and I just struggle with that for whatever reason I struggle with it.
00:01:52.640 --> 00:02:03.519
Um so it'll be like eight episodes a month, and then I'll take like two months off, and it's just because like I have a chemical imbalance that I can't ignore.
00:02:03.680 --> 00:02:10.400
I don't tell you guys I have it for shits and gigs, I don't tell you guys I have it to fit into some type of club or stereotype.
00:02:10.479 --> 00:02:33.199
Like I'm actually severely mentally challenged and and sometimes just not saying anything or just like actually being by myself, like not on my phone, like just you know, actually taking the time to just like be quiet and process how I really feel about stuff, that is how that's my medication, you know what I'm saying?
00:02:33.280 --> 00:02:40.639
I didn't try the Trazodone, bitch, I didn't try the Zolov, I didn't try everything else, nothing else is working until I get by myself.
00:02:40.800 --> 00:02:48.560
So for all the new people, if you go down and look at all the episodes and be like, damn bitch, you had a you had a a drop off after fucking May, didn't you?
00:02:48.800 --> 00:02:56.639
I did, but it's only because like in order for me to be okay enough to do this, I have to be alone and be quiet for like an ample amount of time.
00:02:56.800 --> 00:02:58.800
And my friends in real life know that.
00:02:59.120 --> 00:03:10.000
Um I just feel bad for you guys because I want you to watch this podcast and stuff, and I want you guys to support me, but I also want you guys to understand like I'm not just like doing other shit.
00:03:10.159 --> 00:03:22.000
Like, I'm just I'm just chilling, I'm just kinda trying to like get my brain to be nice to me so I can come on here and entertain you guys because you know I'm not nice to myself a lot of the time.
00:03:22.080 --> 00:03:28.639
So when I come on here, I'm having a good time, so it's just like I have to be in the right state of mind to have a good time, if that makes sense.
00:03:28.800 --> 00:03:32.639
Okay, to the topic that I wanted to talk about.
00:03:32.800 --> 00:03:41.360
Um, also everybody who um subscribed on YouTube, everybody who followed me on uh TikTok, thank you so much.
00:03:41.520 --> 00:03:46.319
That's very nice, and I hope you guys continue to listen, even though this podcast is so baby.
00:03:46.400 --> 00:03:49.919
Um, I hope you stay until we're not baby anymore.
00:03:50.000 --> 00:03:50.560
You know what I'm saying?
00:03:50.639 --> 00:03:54.000
Because as much as I shut the fuck up, guys, I promise I have a lot planned for this podcast.
00:03:54.159 --> 00:03:55.120
Look at the intro again.
00:03:55.199 --> 00:03:55.919
It was so nice.
00:03:56.000 --> 00:03:56.879
Oh my god.
00:03:57.439 --> 00:04:03.280
Shout out to El Damaso just um, but okay, seriously.
00:04:03.439 --> 00:04:15.919
Um the topic that I just wanted to come on and do a quick, quick um episode about is because I've been seeing a lot of uh conversation around healing in relationships.
00:04:16.560 --> 00:04:24.560
Um and I just think that somebody needs to be an advocate for uh reclusivity.
00:04:25.040 --> 00:04:30.000
Somebody has to be an advocate for being by yourself, being alone.
00:04:30.480 --> 00:04:42.000
Um and I know the toss-up between being lonely and being alone are really uh defined uh differently depending on who you ask.
00:04:42.720 --> 00:04:51.040
But honestly, guys, like I saw this one video where this girl was like, all the healing you need to do, you need to do it in another relationship.
00:04:51.199 --> 00:04:58.879
And I literally commented and I was like, I'm gonna talk about this on my podcast because through the ears of a dumbass, this is so misleading.
00:04:59.120 --> 00:05:12.879
And I feel like, especially now, because I mean the climate had to do everything now that everything's so fucking expensive, everything like everybody gets embarrassed quickly because everybody's getting recorded and posted online.
00:05:12.959 --> 00:05:20.240
Like, there's so many things that contribute to this, like hoarder mentality, it's like you just have to have a person, you know what I'm saying?
00:05:20.319 --> 00:05:35.360
Like, you can do whatever you need to do with another person, just as long as you have another person, and it's just like with the new generation already have like having like social anxiety, can't fucking set a doctor's appointment, can't look people in the eye, you know what I'm saying?
00:05:35.439 --> 00:05:38.639
Like, we don't really need to be pushing.
00:05:40.959 --> 00:05:52.720
I don't even know what that is pushing, so I guess I can't say that it is, but like, I just feel like pushing people into a concept where they need to cling on to somebody in order for their mental health to be better.
00:05:52.879 --> 00:05:56.399
I feel like that is where we're starting to be like, okay, all right, hold on now.
00:05:56.560 --> 00:06:04.959
Because, in my opinion, everything you need to do mental needs to be done by yourself or by somebody who's got a degree and that that can actually help you.
00:06:05.120 --> 00:06:05.920
You know what I'm saying?
00:06:06.079 --> 00:06:10.399
But I saw the comments and the people were like, Yeah, I didn't know that I was a bitch until I met him.
00:06:10.560 --> 00:06:12.720
I didn't know I needed to change this until I met him.
00:06:12.800 --> 00:06:23.439
And it's just like, but that's not healing, those are just boundaries that that person set in a relationship that was a whole totally different person from the other person you were dating that obviously didn't have those boundaries.
00:06:23.600 --> 00:06:35.680
And I and I feel that you guys, not you guys obviously, but I feel that I feel that some people are losing the art of understanding what words mean and and also just flat out what healing means.
00:06:36.000 --> 00:06:43.040
Healing means, even if it doesn't have to do with a relationship, even if there's something about yourself that you don't like, you know what I'm saying?
00:06:43.120 --> 00:06:50.399
But it was caused by trauma, and you know it was because of somebody else or some incident that happened to you that was outside of your um control.
00:06:51.199 --> 00:07:04.240
I feel like going through the the steps of therapy, psychotherapy, getting on medication, getting diagnosed, knowing what you have, and being like, okay, I don't want to let this define me.
00:07:04.319 --> 00:07:04.959
You know what I'm saying?
00:07:05.040 --> 00:07:06.879
I think that is where healing comes from.
00:07:06.959 --> 00:07:25.439
And then also like when you are healing from a negative experience in a relationship or like a toxic relationship, an abusive relationship, I feel like nobody respects the amount of time you need by yourself in order to get into another relationship.
00:07:25.600 --> 00:07:28.720
And that goes back to what I used to talk to y'all about marriage.
00:07:28.959 --> 00:07:36.399
Like, because women have these things where they say, Oh, well, a man knows if he wants to marry you in three, three, three years.
00:07:36.560 --> 00:07:38.079
Men don't know shit, actually.
00:07:38.240 --> 00:07:39.519
They have never known shit.
00:07:39.680 --> 00:07:46.160
So you guys tell you, tell yourselves these things that make you delusional, you know what I'm saying?
00:07:46.240 --> 00:07:47.920
It's like, who even who even said that was true?
00:07:48.000 --> 00:07:48.639
You know what I'm saying?
00:07:48.720 --> 00:07:51.759
That might have been true about one nigga out of eight billion, you know what I'm saying?
00:07:51.839 --> 00:07:53.600
Or you know, four billion.
00:07:53.839 --> 00:07:56.399
It's just like they don't know shit.
00:07:56.720 --> 00:08:07.759
So I I feel like it's just getting to a dangerous cycle of like repetition, but nobody is breaking down what the repetition of these words means.
00:08:07.839 --> 00:08:16.319
It's like you just say shit just because other people say it, but you have to like stop and be like, wait, wait, wait, I need to be alone.
00:08:16.399 --> 00:08:17.680
You know what I'm saying?
00:08:18.639 --> 00:08:31.839
I just think that's so dangerous to try to tell people that all of the healing they can do can be done in a relationship because it really can't.
00:08:32.000 --> 00:08:43.679
You're gonna go through relationship after relationship if you think, well, what I couldn't fix of myself in that last relationship, this new nigga can fix it for me.
00:08:43.759 --> 00:08:49.519
Like what that's taking the self out of the self-healing, you know what I'm saying?
00:08:49.600 --> 00:09:10.960
It's just like you're just waiting on somebody else to like, you know, I don't know how to I don't know how to explain what I'm saying, but like going back to the marriage thing, like saying like I said, men know who they want to date, men know who they want to marry within the first two, three years, which is false.
00:09:11.039 --> 00:09:16.320
I hate when y'all say I hate to hear a woman say that because it's just like girl, get real, you know what I'm saying?
00:09:16.559 --> 00:09:25.039
But it's just like nobody respects the amount of time it takes to have something that changes or something that matters.
00:09:25.279 --> 00:09:34.320
Because in three years, you've mind you, you've only known this nigga or this woman for three years, and now you want to spend the rest of your life with him.
00:09:34.559 --> 00:09:37.120
That is not nearly long enough to do that, you know?
00:09:37.200 --> 00:09:39.679
And I've talked about that in old episodes, just like so.
00:09:47.519 --> 00:09:56.480
Conjuring up personality disorders that you didn't know about, or you know, emotions that you've never experienced, it's just like, oh, now you acting different.
00:09:56.559 --> 00:09:59.600
He's not acting different, he just stopped masking, you know what I'm saying?
00:09:59.759 --> 00:10:21.679
Three years is such a little bit of time, and for somebody who used to be in a relationship where it was a constant battle of manipulation, if somebody knows they can get something good out of you, if somebody knows you're a good person and you have a good heart, or not even that you're a good person, you have a good heart, bitch.
00:10:21.840 --> 00:10:47.440
If they could get anything out of you that they deem worthy of getting out of you, they will literally put up a front for years, and it's gonna take a lot of years to finally see that the front has stopped because they are like Tony level award, like they can like I fear that a lot of people underestimate how good, how strong, and how long people can lie to you.
00:10:47.519 --> 00:10:56.639
That's why I'm always just like you need to be by yourself so that way you can understand what the fuck is going on around you, you know what I'm saying?
00:10:56.720 --> 00:11:05.600
Prime example when people lie to me, or like when people successfully lie to me, I will say, I take that as a personal hit.
00:11:05.679 --> 00:11:09.759
I'm not mad at you, I get mad at myself because bitch, I should have known you were lying to me.
00:11:09.840 --> 00:11:10.639
You know what I'm saying?
00:11:10.799 --> 00:11:14.720
If there's anything y'all need to know about me, my head is always on a swivel.
00:11:14.960 --> 00:11:20.399
90% of what people say to me, unless you show me physical proof, I think it's bullshit because people just love to say shit.
00:11:20.559 --> 00:11:27.679
Y'all would be so surprised how much people just lie for no fucking reason, almost daily, you know what I'm saying?
00:11:27.840 --> 00:11:32.799
Back to my other episode where I was telling y'all that how lying is a new form of creativity.
00:11:32.960 --> 00:11:48.480
When when once people realize that they can get people to lock the fuck in, as long as they're saying attention-grabbing words or bullshit, anything that sounds outlandish, it it could have never happened, but the attention that you get from that is worth it, you know what I'm saying?
00:11:48.559 --> 00:11:57.039
And people do that in real life without the clicks, without the comments, without this, without the reposts, like people feed off of that in real life too, you know what I'm saying?
00:11:57.200 --> 00:12:01.120
Just the fact that you believed them, probably get their jollies off, you know what I'm saying?
00:12:01.200 --> 00:12:04.399
Like they went in the bathroom, like, uh, oh my god, you know.
00:12:04.639 --> 00:12:16.799
So it's just like I just want you guys to, especially the women, especially the women, because I'm not gonna lie, y'all, it's really hard being a girl's girl, it really is.
00:12:16.960 --> 00:12:22.879
And I'll be I'll be at work and I work with 90% 100 108, near nigga in there.
00:12:22.960 --> 00:12:23.840
That's crazy.
00:12:24.080 --> 00:12:37.919
I work with 100% women, and yes, I'm one of the oldest, but it's just like if I was a mom, I would be so I would be so disappointed in some of the women I work with.
00:12:38.000 --> 00:12:48.159
Cause just to hear how they just let men do them, it's just like I literally forget that I'm at work sometimes because I'll be my chest start to raise.
00:12:48.240 --> 00:12:49.759
I'm like, you do know that you're an idiot, right?
00:12:49.840 --> 00:12:51.679
You do know that's the dumbest shit I've ever heard.
00:12:51.759 --> 00:12:59.759
And with me, like you could tell me all the dumbass shit, like all your dumbass decisions, as long as we don't skip over the fact that you're a dumbass.
00:12:59.840 --> 00:13:00.480
You know what I'm saying?
00:13:00.559 --> 00:13:03.679
Like, I'm I'm that that's one of my red flags in my personality.
00:13:03.840 --> 00:13:10.960
Like, you don't get to tell Zarya dumbass shit without me and you understanding that you're a dumbass for this decision.
00:13:11.120 --> 00:13:14.320
Because I don't want to hear, oh well, no, you don't under No, I understand.
00:13:14.480 --> 00:13:15.519
I understand perfectly.
00:13:15.759 --> 00:13:19.600
Anytime I come up here and tell y'all I did some stupid ass shit, I'm like, guys, I did some stupid ass shit.
00:13:19.679 --> 00:13:23.039
But I would never be like, guys, I did something, hear me out.
00:13:23.279 --> 00:13:24.720
It wasn't stupid at the time.
00:13:24.879 --> 00:13:27.360
I just it was dumb, it was dumb.
00:13:27.519 --> 00:13:32.720
And to and to not even think it's dumb is is dangerous, you know what I'm saying?
00:13:32.799 --> 00:13:43.279
Like I told y'all a couple episodes ago, these niggas look at the weight of our feet when we walk to see if we're kidnappable, like, like, I don't know, I don't know.
00:13:44.320 --> 00:14:07.120
I just feel like nobody's gonna suffer from you taking the time you need to take for your mental health alone, and if somebody is gonna suffer for that, outside of like your spouse or your children, it's not like they need to take some time for them, their mental self, their mental health too, you know.
00:14:07.360 --> 00:14:30.480
Obviously, outside of being a caregiver or whatever the fuck like that, but I I I just don't really I don't like the message that it sends to young women and gullible women that you have to heal in a relationship, or a relationship is the only way that you can get better in relationships, and I and I don't I don't think that is, you know what I'm saying?
00:14:30.559 --> 00:14:32.559
It's like what what example did she use?
00:14:32.639 --> 00:14:40.159
I know I'm rambling, guys, but it just really threw me off because I was like, you know, some people get their life advice from Chat GBT.
00:14:40.320 --> 00:14:45.360
So some people, when they hear shit for the first time, they're so gullible that that's all they need, you know what I'm saying?
00:14:45.440 --> 00:14:51.360
They don't need any further explanations, they don't need any fucking personal experience to like be like, oh, that's what she meant.
00:14:51.440 --> 00:14:54.480
Like sometimes people just hear shit for the first time and be like, yep, that's what I'm gonna do.
00:14:54.559 --> 00:14:57.120
It got a hundred thousand likes, everybody agree, fuck it.
00:14:57.279 --> 00:14:58.879
You know, some people are that gullible.
00:14:58.960 --> 00:15:04.960
So, me knowing that, not being gullible, it's just like, well, hold on now, hold on, hold on.
00:15:05.519 --> 00:15:07.200
Being alone is not bad.
00:15:07.360 --> 00:15:11.519
Being alone is probably one of the greatest things you could ever do for yourself.
00:15:11.840 --> 00:15:21.120
And when I hear people say that they don't like to be alone or they need somebody to be around to do stuff, it's just like I think that is one of the saddest things, you know.
00:15:21.200 --> 00:15:24.320
And and and don't get me wrong, guys.
00:15:24.399 --> 00:15:33.360
Like, when I talk to people, people think I'm pathetic, people think I'm sad because I genuinely could be by myself forever, you know.
00:15:33.440 --> 00:15:36.960
I I I only get anxious when I start to be around people, you know what I'm saying?
00:15:37.200 --> 00:15:45.360
So I I couldn't give a fuck about having kids, getting married, like even the thought of getting married is just crazy.
00:15:45.519 --> 00:15:48.480
Like waking up to the same motherfucker every day, like that made me want to throw up.
00:15:48.559 --> 00:15:50.639
Like, I don't like permanency in humans.
00:15:50.799 --> 00:15:53.840
I always, if that's the case, I'll be by myself for the rest of my life.
00:15:53.919 --> 00:15:57.759
But permanency, having somebody permanently tied to me, absolutely fucking not.
00:15:57.840 --> 00:16:00.720
That's that sounds like the worst thing ever to me, and I'm not lying.
00:16:01.039 --> 00:16:08.159
But because I think like that, everything I do is heightened, you know.
00:16:08.240 --> 00:16:11.679
If I travel by myself, you know, now I'm up and up my weapons, you know what I'm saying?
00:16:11.759 --> 00:16:15.440
Now I'm you know, looking around every corner, now I'm watching a crime break, you know what I'm saying?
00:16:15.519 --> 00:16:21.440
I'm watching Law and Order, I'm watching criminal minds, like I'm watching tactics, and like okay, well, let's see what I shouldn't do.
00:16:21.519 --> 00:16:23.279
Now that I'm out here by myself, you know what I'm saying?
00:16:23.360 --> 00:16:35.759
If I I you know, there's just things that come with doing things alone, like your senses get heightened, you become more patient, you just I don't know, you like yourself more, you know what I'm saying?
00:16:35.840 --> 00:16:41.360
You're you're you're able to realize how you think without a biased opinion, you know what I'm saying?
00:16:41.600 --> 00:16:44.799
Everybody likes uh proximity, you know what I'm saying?
00:16:44.879 --> 00:16:58.159
Everybody has FOMO, or I want to think this way just because my favorite person said that, or I don't want to miss out on this because all my favorite people are doing it, even though it's probably not even something you'd be interested in on your own, but you don't know that because you've never been on your own.
00:16:58.240 --> 00:17:10.960
Your whole personality is bits and pieces from everybody around you that you're just kind of fucking forcing to fit together, you know, and I think that's why it's important to be by your alone, especially people my age, like we're wrapping up this 20 shit, we're stepping into our 30s.
00:17:11.039 --> 00:17:18.960
You do not want to step into your 30s as an amalgamation of everybody you've ever met in your entire life, and you have no idea who the fuck you're even on, you know.
00:17:19.440 --> 00:17:30.880
I think that I think that's genuinely why being alone is so important because constantly being told shit without being taught shit is really dangerous, you know.
00:17:31.039 --> 00:17:36.640
And sometimes the only person who can teach you something is you because you have to self-learn, you have to crack open a book.
00:17:36.960 --> 00:17:38.720
You just do, you know what I'm saying?
00:17:38.880 --> 00:17:42.799
You know you you can't trust a verbal source all the time.
00:17:43.039 --> 00:17:54.079
Because people are assholes, and some and and most people aren't out to do you good, and it's fucked up to think like that, but it's also fucked up to think the opposite and get got every Sunday, you know what I'm saying, or every Tuesday.
00:17:54.160 --> 00:17:59.279
It's just like, damn, people taking my kindness for weakness hard as fuck, and it's just like because your kindness is weak.
00:17:59.440 --> 00:18:00.400
Make it strong, bitch.
00:18:00.480 --> 00:18:03.119
Be alone for a couple, you know, months, weeks, years.
00:18:03.359 --> 00:18:07.039
See if you can make that kindness a little stronger, you know what I'm saying?
00:18:07.119 --> 00:18:15.119
You can still be kind, you don't have to be an asshole, but letting people take advantage of you, being gullible, you can you can not do those things.
00:18:15.440 --> 00:18:23.440
So I try not to victim blame, but it's just like I didn't grow up gullible, I didn't grow up weak-minded.
00:18:23.519 --> 00:18:24.400
I had a bad mom.
00:18:24.559 --> 00:18:27.359
The last thing my mom was was a punk ass bitch ever.
00:18:27.440 --> 00:18:28.640
She was not a punk ass bitch.
00:18:28.720 --> 00:18:40.000
So growing up like that, when I see people that just believe things for the first time, or people who just like take let people take advantage of them, or it's just like damn, you know what I'm saying?
00:18:40.160 --> 00:18:48.480
Like, damn, damn, it's like damn, try mama, try, try, mama.
00:18:48.880 --> 00:18:55.680
But but then you guys you also have to realize, like, I am severely depressed, you know what I'm saying?
00:18:55.759 --> 00:19:00.799
Like, I've been on medications, I've been to the whole psych ward, I'm 28, like, you know what I'm saying?
00:19:00.880 --> 00:19:07.680
So my life is how I feel is a represent representation of how I've lived.
00:19:08.480 --> 00:19:09.920
Or no, it's not actually.
00:19:10.000 --> 00:19:11.759
No, it's not, because if it was, I'd be dead.
00:19:11.839 --> 00:19:14.240
I'd be y'all was see just ankles just hanging right here.
00:19:14.400 --> 00:19:15.440
No, I'm just joking.
00:19:17.200 --> 00:19:18.079
I'm just joking.
00:19:18.160 --> 00:19:21.359
I'm not, I'm dead ass though, but um yeah.
00:19:22.480 --> 00:19:23.759
I don't know, guys.
00:19:23.920 --> 00:19:32.160
I I just the the moral of this episode is that I just wanted everybody to know that being alone is not okay.
00:19:32.240 --> 00:19:35.599
And if you're scared to be alone, I think you should try it.
00:19:36.160 --> 00:19:37.519
I think you should try it.
00:19:37.839 --> 00:19:45.519
Because the scariest thing is to put your trust in another human and to put all your eggs in a in a human basket.
00:19:46.000 --> 00:19:50.640
The most, the hardest thing you can do is be by yourself and like it.
00:19:50.799 --> 00:19:59.440
And I think if you're really scared of that, then you should try it because there's another personality on the end of being alone, and you might fuck with it.
00:19:59.519 --> 00:20:00.160
You know what I'm saying?
00:20:00.240 --> 00:20:03.359
That might be you, that might be the you that you're you've been trying to get to the whole time.
00:20:03.440 --> 00:20:08.319
You've just been letting everybody else stack their personality on top of yours, it's been pushing yours down.
00:20:08.720 --> 00:20:18.079
So, yeah, I think you guys, I I think everybody just needs to remember the importance of being alone, and not every healing process has to be done through somebody else.
00:20:18.160 --> 00:20:19.440
You can do it all by yourself.
00:20:19.519 --> 00:20:20.160
You can.
00:20:20.319 --> 00:20:26.559
There are just certain boundaries you're gonna have to learn from certain people, and that's okay, that's just fine.
00:20:27.680 --> 00:20:30.880
But okay, guys, I'm gonna end the episode here.
00:20:30.960 --> 00:20:32.240
I'm kind of tired.
00:20:32.400 --> 00:20:33.599
I'm gonna go to bed.
00:20:33.839 --> 00:20:36.400
Um, yeah.
00:20:36.720 --> 00:20:38.960
Patreon is coming, I promise.
00:20:39.119 --> 00:20:42.160
Uh, give me a comment on this episode, tell me how you feel.
00:20:42.319 --> 00:20:50.240
If you guys want to suggest any topics or you guys have any stories or questions that you want me to talk about, you can send them to me on TikTok, Instagram.
00:20:50.319 --> 00:20:54.880
Um, my link tree is in my uh TikTok bio, thought it was in there the whole time.
00:20:55.119 --> 00:20:57.599
Realized it wasn't like four days ago, so my bad, y'all.
00:20:57.680 --> 00:21:03.039
Uh, if you hit the link tree in my bio on TikTok, you'll see all of my um I even started a blog.
00:21:03.200 --> 00:21:04.880
Um, I'll put it in there as well.
00:21:04.960 --> 00:21:06.400
Um, I started writing a book.
00:21:06.480 --> 00:21:12.799
I can't tell you guys about the book yet because the idea is it came from a dream, so now it's like spiritual to me.
00:21:12.880 --> 00:21:21.680
And if I tell people about it before I finish writing it, then I feel like I'm gonna like block something that the universe was trying to give me.
00:21:21.759 --> 00:21:22.160
I don't know.
00:21:22.319 --> 00:21:23.519
I don't know, but yeah.
00:21:23.680 --> 00:21:25.759
Um, I'm having a lot of fun, guys.
00:21:26.000 --> 00:21:30.319
Um, and hopefully I'll have a lot of stuff for you guys too soon.
00:21:30.559 --> 00:21:35.759
So just keep hanging on with me, and yeah, I'll see you guys in the next episode.
00:21:36.319 --> 00:21:36.799
Bye.
