00:00:01.919 --> 00:00:08.400
Not one but two people come up to her and said, You're not very professional, you should go home.
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We're losing connection with ourselves.
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We have so much wisdom within ourselves.
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This is Chats Behind the Chair.
00:00:21.679 --> 00:00:23.600
I'm Janie and I'm joined by Deborah.
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And today we're going to talk about Support Crew.
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The people we need around us when we're building a business, working with people, and trying to keep everything moving.
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Because no one really does it on their own.
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Deborah, welcome.
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Thank you, Janie.
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How are you doing today?
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Thank you.
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This episode we're talking all about support crew.
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It's all the people that surround us that support us.
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And even though when we don't believe in ourselves, they believe in us that keeps us going.
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Isn't that so important?
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To have someone believe in you is such a beautiful thing.
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Absolutely.
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So I'm going to start with a story.
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So a few years ago, we actually hosted a lot of women on the move.
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And it was a model where we'd invited a number of women from Plunkett Mothers that give, you know, of themselves to their children, their families, and it was a day out for them.
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And we would have a getting connected mindfully session in the morning, and then we would have a team of eight makeup artists and hairdressers.
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We would do all the hair makeup.
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They would do a deportment session and then we'd take photos of them.
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Oh, how amazing.
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A really beautiful day for themselves.
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How empowering as well.
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Yeah.
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In this particular session, we had a lady called Margaret.
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And we talked a lot about what we're going to be talking about today, about our inner voices.
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So anyway, after the seminar, next few days, she decided to pick up a guitar that she'd had for a long time, hadn't been playing for a long time, go down to Queenstown, down by the lakefront, and just start busking.
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It's a very brave thing to do.
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Well, you know, she thought she'd give it a go.
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And not one but two people come up to her and said, You're not very professional, you should go home.
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Well, that's gonna kill your confidence, isn't it?
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Jeepers.
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That hurts.
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Can you imagine what that would be like?
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It would be crushing.
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Crushing.
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And what what percentage do you think would people just get up and just take off and and not come back?
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I would be crying in the car after that.
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Tail between my legs.
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Yeah, and you're probably curious about what happened, right?
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Yes, I am.
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Okay, we're gonna park that right now and come back.
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So much of our life is about our how we operate and what we try and what we give up is about our thought process and our beliefs about ourselves.
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And it's really, it's a lot of it's about how we've been programmed as children.
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And so, Janie, when we're at like from zero to seven is actually when our imprint time starts as children.
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And everything that our mind is creating millions and millions of neural networks.
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So what's said to us often has a huge long-term effect on how what we believe in ourselves.
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So I'm gonna give you an example of this.
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So at this stage of your mind, it's just your m main part of your mind is your unconscious.
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And so you're observing, you know, and you're absorbing all of the information.
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And so if someone, you know, that you kind of is around you says to you, you know, you're dumb.
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You're too much, you're too loud, you're too sensitive.
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You're stupid.
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Um, you're not good enough.
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Constantly you start believing in those beliefs.
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I can give you a good example.
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I usually I had a um a weekend with a mum and a young child once, and the whole weekend, she was about probably, she was quite young, she was about four.
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And her mother would constantly say, Oh, you're clumsy.
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You know, she'd fall over even quite late at night.
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You're clumsy, you're being clumsy.
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And so she was imprinting that into this child's neurology.
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So I sort of observed it for the weekend, and at the end of the weekend I said, just can I give you some feedback?
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So I knocked on her door.
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I said, Well, you know, at the moment your child is, you know, in her imprint time and she's gonna be believing that she's clumsy, and she will start having more and more accidents to almost reinforce that message.
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And if she carries on doing that, a child becomes more and more accidents will come into her life.
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So you've got to be really careful.
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We had a man at one of our courses, and he realised that he had had an imprint time from his father that had told him that he's no good for nothing.
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Oh please.
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Yeah, like that's what he was taught.
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And all his children, his brothers and sisters were taught this too.
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So he went along to this family reunion shortly after, and he started talking to all his cousins, and it turns out the grandfather had been the one that had told all his children that they're good for nothing, and that it that belief had come into his generation, and he in turn had told his children the same thing.
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Isn't that crazy?
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Just I just subconsciously just passed that message on.
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It was like a seed that got planted that now is spread.
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So, how can you change a belief when it's that deeply installed?
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There is some actual processes and lots of modalities that help belief systems.
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Like some of the key ones that I see a lot is you're not good enough, you don't deserve.
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You know, there's some of those deep ones.
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I had one that I had got removed, which was really, really cool, and it changed my whole way of life.
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Can you tell us what it was?
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Just that I didn't deserve.
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So I just always felt like I deep down didn't deserve.
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So, you know, getting a car, I just, you know, a lot of the big things I've done in my life, I was really struggling to think I deserved.
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And so I certainly got rid of that, and that's been, you know, opened your mind up to other opportunities.
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And now you do deserve.
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I do deserve.
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Yeah, well that you know, you work hard, right?
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But you know, that old saying, sticks and stone will break your bones, but names will never hurt you.
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They actually do hurt you deep down, and you don't, especially in the younger years.
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Like I remember listening to little boys said to me, you know, I'm dumb.
00:06:01.839 --> 00:06:03.279
All my friends are calling me dumb.
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And I used to get told that a little bit myself.
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And I said to him, Do you know what dumb actually means?
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And he kind of looked at me.
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I'm like, dumb is meaning you cannot speak.
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You know, we dumb down society.
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You know, they people they try and dumb us down by sort of stopping us having a voice.
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And that's why the beauty of these podcasts, anyone can have a voice now.
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Yeah, so true.
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Such a cool thing.
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Well, I think I had the belief, well, I was told a lot, you cry too much, you're too sensitive.
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And it was only in the last couple of years that I've realized that my sensitivity is actually like my greatest gift.
00:06:37.120 --> 00:06:39.040
So it's my ability to connect with people.
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I understand people, I've got empathy.
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But it took me a long time to get to that stage.
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Can you think of a time where, you know, you had a complete belief change about a subject that you used to believe in completely?
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I'm gonna give you an example, right?
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So in the salon back in the day, even when I started collective, it was very common that people would smoke.
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Mm-hmm and they would just light up and we would be standing above them and we would just Inhale.
00:07:05.759 --> 00:07:06.560
Inhale.
00:07:06.879 --> 00:07:12.560
And um then it was just completely I know I wasn't a smoker, but I completely accepted that.
00:07:12.800 --> 00:07:16.160
Now all of a sudden we had a society change in belief.
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And can you imagine if someone lit up a cigarette now in a Salon situation?
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It's so disgusting.
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It's so strong, isn't it?
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Yeah, it is, but it it there's a whole community, a society change in belief.
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And so when you get to seven, part of our mind starts to develop, which is it's our conscious mind.
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So that's why some certain beliefs are changed at that point, and you start to get an opinion.
00:07:40.800 --> 00:07:44.879
So when you get to seven years old, your conscious mind starts to be formed.
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And that actually starts to get ourselves to actually start making decisions.
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Right.
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And we start to sort of have our opinions from seven to fourteen.
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And that's when our modelling stage is really important.
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So there, you know, the community raises a child.
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So that's where your mentors and your like sports coaches and your singing coaches and your teachers and all those people around become quite like you start to model yourself on, you know, other people.
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Now, this can be a good thing, it can be a bad thing, because if you start hanging out with a group of kids that are being really naughty, you'll start to become one or three of the average person you hang out with, right?
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But modelling is really strong point where you start to form your own ideas, and then when you get to 14 to 21 is when you start to learn to really socialise.
00:08:32.720 --> 00:08:36.960
So we all go through these development parts of our personalities.
00:08:37.200 --> 00:08:53.200
And, you know, but that crucial time between zero and seven, your imprint has a huge effect on the beliefs about ourselves, whether we walk towards a challenge or we think oh we can't or fail and we walk away from it instead of really trying.
00:08:53.519 --> 00:08:54.559
Right, that's amazing.
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So self-talk is huge.
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I mean, we have thoughts, as I've mentioned in the last podcast, 64,000 thoughts a day, you know, and there can be a lot of negativity in that.
00:09:05.360 --> 00:09:15.120
So it's good sometimes to just, you know, when something happens when we're a little bit challenged, just to sit back and actually observe what we're saying to ourselves.
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It's really powerful.
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I had an interesting experience this morning.
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I decided to go for a walk and not listen to music and instead listen to my thoughts.
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And oh my goodness, I was all over the place.
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And the things that were going through my mind, I was like, wow, I've never actually given myself the chance to just follow where my thoughts go.
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Well, it's because all that gadget, we're so connected.
00:09:34.240 --> 00:09:36.080
We're losing connection with ourselves.
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We have so much wisdom within ourselves.
00:09:38.559 --> 00:09:42.960
And that's it, you know, I'm really wanting to do a a chat around that creativity.
00:09:43.120 --> 00:09:46.799
And when you've got busy minds like creatives, there is a lot of thoughts.
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And there's a lot of looping.
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A lot of looping.
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So take me back.
00:09:51.279 --> 00:09:53.200
I'm interested to know what happened to Margaret.
00:09:53.759 --> 00:10:00.080
So we actually hosted another Woman on the Move, and Margaret was also sponsored into that course.
00:10:00.399 --> 00:10:05.519
And Margaret she'd shared with us what had happened with her first attempt in busking.
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Okay.
00:10:06.320 --> 00:10:13.360
So at this actual course, she announced that she was going into the Golden Cart Guitar Awards in Gore.
00:10:13.679 --> 00:10:13.840
Okay.
00:10:14.080 --> 00:10:19.440
Now she wasn't planning on doing one session, she was planning on doing eight songs.
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Okay.
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Aim for the stars.
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Yeah.
00:10:22.399 --> 00:10:24.720
Okay, so I become a support crew for her.
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Now I can't sing.
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I couldn't sing probably to save myself, but I do know people.
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And one of my clients, one of my I've done it here for many years, it was very much part of the Country and Western group in Queenstown.
00:10:38.799 --> 00:10:48.399
So I reached out to her and she then reached out to some of her network, and we found an amazing man called Reg Tagett, and he is just an icon.
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So he took her under his wing and started helping her because there's a whole lot of layers that you have to be prepared for.
00:10:55.600 --> 00:10:58.480
You know, the song sheets and all sorts of things that have to be done.
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So anyway, what I did for it being a support crew was I went to a house and we went for all of our outfits to work out what outfit she'd wear.
00:11:06.720 --> 00:11:13.919
Now, one of the special things that she did was she actually wrote a song and she came and she sung it to me the very first time.
00:11:14.080 --> 00:11:16.159
And it was called I Know What It's Like.
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And I still have that recording.
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It is the most beautiful song.
00:11:20.159 --> 00:11:26.240
And at some stage I'm gonna help her record that song because it still runs in my head, so I know that it's a great song.
00:11:26.480 --> 00:11:34.480
So anyway, we helped her as much as we could, and then I went down to the golden, to the gore, golden guitar event.
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And there was, I don't know, three, four, four hundred people in the room, and she got up there and she rocked.
00:11:40.240 --> 00:11:42.000
She just was so incredible.
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And she ended up actually being asked to be a guest artist.
00:11:46.159 --> 00:11:50.799
So she goes around many of the country western events and she's a guest artist.
00:11:51.120 --> 00:11:57.759
No, from someone that was told to go home to someone that she just knew that she needed to practice.
00:11:58.000 --> 00:12:02.960
Well, we have to remember when we start doing anything, we don't know what we don't know.
00:12:03.120 --> 00:12:12.320
And some things look really easy, you know, you even from when you're a child and you watch your parents drive the car, you know, you think it looks good and very, very easy to do.
00:12:12.639 --> 00:12:14.320
But the thing is you don't know.
00:12:14.399 --> 00:12:22.639
So as soon as you start, we're unconsciously um skilled, and then straight away you get in the driver's seat, for example, and you go, This is really, really hard.
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And you're having to think, you know, what are you doing?
00:12:25.279 --> 00:12:29.679
And you all of a sudden you hit this sort of wall and your internal voices kick in.
00:12:29.919 --> 00:12:31.679
They're not good and you can't do it.
00:12:31.840 --> 00:12:41.519
And you know, I've just realized that, you know, lately I've been trying to do social media learning, and I've never done in my whole life because I've always had people to do it for me, and it's really difficult.
00:12:42.000 --> 00:12:44.879
Trying anything new is so tricky to start off with.
00:12:44.960 --> 00:12:49.840
I was actually having that conversation with my son this morning who didn't want to go up the mountain because it's too hard.
00:12:50.000 --> 00:12:52.720
And I said to him, Remember when you started to ride a bike?
00:12:53.039 --> 00:12:54.879
It was hard, and now you can do it.
00:12:55.039 --> 00:12:55.279
Yeah.
00:12:55.440 --> 00:12:56.960
So you just got to keep trying.
00:12:57.279 --> 00:13:00.320
So straight away you know you're unconsciously unskilled.
00:13:00.399 --> 00:13:04.639
You don't know until you know, and then you become consciously unskilled.
00:13:04.799 --> 00:13:09.360
And that's where you really know you're not good at something, and that's where we can sometimes want to give up.
00:13:09.600 --> 00:13:18.879
And what we need to do is just keep practicing, keep our, you know, internal voices encouraging, thinking about what we want to achieve to make sure we move through that point.
00:13:19.039 --> 00:13:22.559
And then all of a sudden, you'll become consciously skilled.
00:13:23.600 --> 00:13:23.840
Right?
00:13:24.080 --> 00:13:25.919
Where you know what you're doing.
00:13:26.000 --> 00:13:34.399
And then when you actually stop thinking about having to what you do, for example, when you're driving a car, you become unconsciously skilled.
00:13:34.639 --> 00:13:36.799
So you just do it automatically.
00:13:37.360 --> 00:13:37.759
Yeah.
00:13:38.000 --> 00:13:46.320
And it doesn't matter what age you are, whether you're 80 or you're eight or whatever age, every single person has to go through this learning curve.
00:13:46.639 --> 00:13:48.080
And it is a learning curve.
00:13:48.399 --> 00:13:49.360
It totally is.
00:13:49.600 --> 00:13:50.240
It totally is.
00:13:50.320 --> 00:13:52.320
Because so much in life it looks easy.
00:13:52.399 --> 00:13:55.919
You know, even doing this podcast, what a mission we've done.
00:13:56.480 --> 00:13:56.879
Yeah.
00:13:57.039 --> 00:13:59.200
And I'm sure there's times that you wanted to give up.
00:13:59.440 --> 00:13:59.919
I did.
00:14:00.080 --> 00:14:01.919
I just, I mean, that's a big conversation.
00:14:02.000 --> 00:14:03.679
Like I thought it would be really easy.
00:14:03.840 --> 00:14:07.360
And what we did the first three, nine times.
00:14:07.840 --> 00:14:12.080
And I thought it would be, you know, I didn't know until we knew.
00:14:12.480 --> 00:14:16.240
And so there's been big learning curves around doing this podcast for me.
00:14:16.320 --> 00:14:22.000
And yes, I did want to give up a number of times because it was difficult, it was challenging, it was hard.
00:14:22.080 --> 00:14:23.679
And there was fear around it.
00:14:23.919 --> 00:14:25.759
Everything we do knew.
00:14:25.919 --> 00:14:26.960
There is fear.
00:14:27.279 --> 00:14:30.879
And if you don't push through that fear, there's no growth, right?
00:14:31.039 --> 00:14:31.519
Yeah, yeah.
00:14:31.600 --> 00:14:33.600
Well, fear knocks on your door.
00:14:33.759 --> 00:14:35.840
And like, what are people gonna think about you?
00:14:36.000 --> 00:14:37.360
What if you fail?
00:14:37.600 --> 00:14:43.759
Now, you know, it's so important your support crew to always let people that you know that you're supporting us.
00:14:43.919 --> 00:14:47.919
Fear stands for the first steps in learning.
00:14:48.159 --> 00:14:53.279
We're gonna fail, we're gonna fall down, and it's gonna be sometimes it's difficult to get back up again.
00:14:53.360 --> 00:14:55.679
But your support crew are gonna be there.
00:14:55.840 --> 00:14:59.840
They're gonna be encouraging you to get back up and keep trying.
00:15:00.159 --> 00:15:00.639
I love that.
00:15:00.799 --> 00:15:02.000
Thanks for sharing, Deborah.
00:15:02.159 --> 00:15:02.879
Thanks, Janie.
00:15:06.639 --> 00:15:09.279
Well, thanks for joining us today on Chats Behind the Chair.
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If you could please do us a favour, we would love for you to subscribe and also share this episode with a friend who you think might enjoy it.
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It's one of the best ways you can help us grow.
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Have a fantastic week, and we'll catch you back here soon on Chats Behind the Chair.