Chasing Thoughts | S03 E06: The Balance Blueprint: Flow Meets Organization

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What is my next challenge in daring to be human?
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How do I connect with life?
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How can I let go of my need for fixed answers in favor of aliveness?
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How do I live free from the experiences that shaped me?
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How can we be the change the world needs right now?
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Join us weekly for Stony Conversations about life.
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It is our mission to allow life itself to reveal to us the answers.
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Welcome to Chasing Thoughts.
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Good morning everybody. Welcome to Chasing Thoughts.
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Hey Keith, how was your week?
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It was good. It was good. Got a lot done.
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I had a really busy week.
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I had a lot of stress and anxiety going away.
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Very relaxing too.
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Like I find like the more I get into the work,
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the more like a lot of the stress and anxiety goes away.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, I had a really busy week. I went backpacking last week,
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which was awesome. It was fun.
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We did 50 miles in five days.
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It was perfect. It was beautiful.
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I was like, I'm going to go back to the office and I'm going to
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go back to the office and then my sister arrived with her U-Haul.
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And then, and so it's been kind of chaotic for me.
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And I had to meet with a marketing client this morning.
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And the whole time my inner dialogue was really negative.
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They hate you. They want to fire you.
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They think you're dumb right now.
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No data to support those thoughts. Like everything was good.
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And I recognize again.
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It's just how important self care is and how when I get too busy,
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all those negative thoughts get louder in my head and it's
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frustrating because I want to do all this stuff.
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But moving fast is not what this body wants.
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It's not what this system wants at all.
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Yeah.
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I wish I had saved this video.
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I just saw it probably like 20 minutes ago,
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but it was a video, a podcast and the guy was talking about
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living fast and how speed is reactive.
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Like so constantly going like that. It's reactive.
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Reactive is from that fight or flight response.
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And when you're in that response, it draws your focus towards you.
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And then we have that negative negativity bias built in.
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So it's like cranking up the volume to 10 on all the negative
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thoughts that we can have.
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Yeah.
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And it sucks. And it's too bad.
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But so many of us feel like we have to live that way or we have to
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live that way because of our circumstances.
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Our culture is set up that way.
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I'm really hoping.
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In a hundred years we've evolved enough that that's not the case.
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Right. That someday in the future.
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We treat ourselves the way that we need to be treated to be fully
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human.
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Yeah. I mean, I think it's, I think the, the data just shows that
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the way things are now is just not sustainable.
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You know, the, the more industrialized first world your country is,
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the more of a likelihood you're going to be on antidepressants,
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anti anxieties, all kinds of mental health medications.
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You know, the food gets worse, you know,
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because everything is driven by greed and profit. And then.
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Yeah. It's just, it's just not sustainable.
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Yeah. I know.
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I think the question is just how bad does it need to get before it
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gets better?
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And we don't know. I mean, there have been really dark ages through
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history.
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And then usually after that always comes sort of a period of
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renaissance.
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Can you skip that? Or is it like we talk about,
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is there a cultural suffering that is necessary in order to
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awaken to the next evolution?
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You know, my, my hope is that as, as we,
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as time has gone on from when human beings first began walking
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around on the planet to today,
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the threats that we have faced have gotten so diminished that
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the biggest threat to our, to our own like happiness and well-being
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is the suffering that we create in our own heads,
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the psychological suffering that goes on.
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I think Victor Frankel talked about that a lot.
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And then there's, there's all kinds of books, the open focus
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brain, the body keeps a score. I mean, that, that talks about this.
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So my hope is that,
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that dark period is not as bad as previous dark periods have been.
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You know what I mean? Because I do feel that there is an awakening
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going on, you know, a spiritual awakening where people are
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realizing that spirituality is not something that you choose to
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have in your life or not. You know, it just, it just is.
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We are spiritual beings. It's part of the makeup of who we are.
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And I believe that there is like this, this change that's going
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on where people are recognizing that and then finding new ways.
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You know, I just saw a video clip of Maria Sabina, the,
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like the, what are they called? Like the mother of psychedelics
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and stuff that introduced psilocybin to the world.
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It was her great grandson talking about how we're getting to this
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point where, where we see people are hurting like mentally,
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you know, with a lot of this stuff that's treated with just
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Western medicine are now coming more to the ancient plants,
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you know, and actually finding relief.
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Yeah.
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You know, so I really believe there is like this awakening going
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on. So that's like where my hope lies and then that,
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and we're just not going to have to go through as much.
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Yeah.
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I heard a funny comedy bit by Mark Marin the other day talking
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about Prozac and he was saying, if you are alive in today's
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American culture, particularly, you should be depressed.
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Like you're looking at people suffering everywhere.
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Like you're actually have a normal response,
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but because society tells you it's not,
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you get medicated for it. And then because the masses are
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medicated, changes happening less fast because we're not feeling
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the like discomfort and disgust with ourselves that we need to
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feel in order to change. And I thought,
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that's such a smart way to say it, right? Like that's happening
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or not, but it certainly is interesting to think about.
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And I think the difference in what you're talking about with
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like ancient medicines and plant medicines is current like
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antidepressants are designed to stop it, right?
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Stop feeling this way. Stop thinking this way.
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The other ones are designed to lead you through it.
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Yes.
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And that's a huge difference. It doesn't just take it away from
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you. It actually helps you work through it.
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Yeah. Yeah.
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And that's, that's why I love that, that analogy with black
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holes and white holes, you know, so with the black hole,
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everything gets brought into it and it's sucked into it.
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Nothing can escape. And a lot of the,
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the antidepressants and stuff, what they do is it gives us a
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ledge in that black hole to step on.
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So we don't fall completely through, but over time,
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you need more and more. And then you start having side effects
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from those meds. And then you need more meds to deal with those
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side effects, you know, and whereas, I mean,
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psilocybin and cannabis for me was that thing that brought me
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through it. I was able to work through and still am working
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through that fear so that you can go on the other side.
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And that's, that's where the white hole comes in where,
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where nothing can enter it, but, but everything comes out,
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you know, and they believe the big bang was,
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or one of the theories is that it was a white hole.
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So literally life comes from moving through that singularity of fear.
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Yeah.
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It's not for the faint of heart.
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No, it's the hardest thing I've ever done.
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And like I said, still doing it in my life, man.
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I know all day, all morning, I've been working since my,
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you know, thoughts are negative and my anxiety is high.
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And so it has been work for me today to remember who I am,
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bring myself to center, not listen to those thoughts.
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And that's effort.
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Yeah. Yeah.
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So I know we talked on Monday and there was a topic that we came
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up with and you said, let's talk about that.
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But for the life of me, when I was preparing for this yesterday,
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I could not remember it.
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And I didn't text you because I was unloading the U-Haul.
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So what were we going to talk about?
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Oh my God. This is so funny, dude.
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So this morning I woke up and I'm like, all right,
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what, what were we going to talk about?
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I completely forgot too. And it was a good one.
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Yeah. I remember.
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Yeah, that's that we should, we should do that.
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Yeah. Was it in our tax?
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Yeah.
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I remember talking about what the zillion things to talk about,
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but I do remember being excited about whatever we were talking about
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on Monday.
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I was just checking,
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checking the taxes to see if there was, if it was in there, but.
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And on Monday too, I was talking about like how, like,
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I want to start organizing things more, writing things down,
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and I was like, I don't know what to do with that.
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I don't know what to do with that.
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I don't know what to do with that stuff like that.
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And then the day I talk about that, I don't, I don't.
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Yeah.
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That's that balance that you and I are both trying to really feel into
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is being with the flow and space and being organized and productive
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in the world.
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And yeah.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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And that, that was.
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That was the thing that I, that I prepared for, for my notes for.
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So I got the title and the date on there and that was it.
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Hey, you've got to celebrate whatever you accomplish,
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even if it's 1% that you've got towards your goal,
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you celebrate it because that makes.
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Yes.
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Yeah, I did something.
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Yeah.
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No, I'm going to hang that.
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I'm going to get some tape and just hanging on the wall,
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but my computer. So like next on Monday, I'm like, all right.
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I'm going to hang up my phone.
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I'm going to hang up my phone.
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I'm going to hang up my phone.
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It's not the notes going, right?
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Oh, yeah.
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That reminder, but.
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Baby steps.
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Yeah.
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And that's, that's really been like the,
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the biggest thing I've been finding like going.
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Having the structure verse flow.
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You know, is.
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Cause I've been thinking about that a lot, like,
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I decided like just the distractions are gonna stop.
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I know I'm gonna wanna distract myself
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and I know it's gonna flow right in naturally into that.
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And my brain is gonna convince me
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that that's okay in the moment.
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So having like the awareness of all those things
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like that I'm not gonna be like, okay, don't do this,
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get going, like no, that's not gonna happen.
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You know, my brain's gonna be like,
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this is what needs to be done or this is okay.
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You know, you have plenty of time, whatever.
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So just setting that intention that no matter what,
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as soon as I'm done with like my routine, I'm up and moving.
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And that helped me stay more consistent
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with my working out and stuff.
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And then getting into work, like once I started moving,
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like the flow came more natural, you know?
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And then, so within that,
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then I started building the structure of what I wanna do
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for the month and then each day what I'm gonna do.
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Yeah.
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I think you're right.
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Having some sort of, for me at least morning routine
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because what can happen to me is I'll grab a cup of tea
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and my laptop right when I wake up
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and start working on the couch, right?
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Oh, I'll see what came in.
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Oh, I'll do this and that.
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And then before I know it, it's 11 o'clock.
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I haven't eaten or brushed my teeth.
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I'm still sitting there.
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And now half the day's gone and I feel frustrated
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and I don't know what to do
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because at that point do I go shower
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and then go back to what, and I get discombobulated
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versus when I discipline myself and I say,
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no electronics for the first hour.
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I have my cup of tea, I sit outside,
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I go upstairs and brush my teeth, I make my bed.
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00:13:53,560 --> 00:13:58,440
Then when I get to work, I feel so much better
253
00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:01,920
and the whole day can be organized.
254
00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:06,040
But man, if I don't get that morning routine right,
255
00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:09,040
that for me is a real crux I've noticed
256
00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:13,760
that can totally help me figure out how my month goes.
257
00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:14,600
Yeah.
258
00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:17,920
Yeah, I'm very much the same.
259
00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:21,680
Like my morning routine, which for me is like,
260
00:14:21,680 --> 00:14:26,560
I have a cup of coffee and I read and for about an hour.
261
00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:29,320
And I just need that time.
262
00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:32,000
First of all, my body hurts so bad
263
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:33,400
when I wake up in the morning.
264
00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:36,000
So being able to just sit there and not move,
265
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,240
like for some reason, like once I get up,
266
00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:40,760
I'm like, I feel pretty good now.
267
00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:43,760
But just that time to,
268
00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:47,080
oh, I don't know, I guess it's kind of like
269
00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:50,120
revving up my imagination for the day.
270
00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:50,960
Yeah.
271
00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:53,600
You know, getting into the book and seeing the story
272
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:56,000
completely play out in front of me and stuff.
273
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:59,200
You know, like, because when I remember what I've read,
274
00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:04,000
I see it in my head like I would if I saw a movie.
275
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:05,360
Yeah, me too.
276
00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:07,000
Yeah, which I love that.
277
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:07,840
You know what I mean?
278
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:11,000
So like it's such a great way to kind of
279
00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:13,720
gently move into the day for me
280
00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:16,880
and then just start my imagination going.
281
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:19,000
Yeah, that's smart.
282
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:22,920
I think it's particularly smart that you're not on electronics
283
00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:26,560
because I think that not only can mess with our brains
284
00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:29,360
from a very like flashing lights and colors
285
00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:31,080
right in the morning,
286
00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:36,080
but also it just did design to suck our time.
287
00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:40,440
So it's not a good place to start your day.
288
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,000
Yeah.
289
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:43,080
Yeah.
290
00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:46,520
Yeah, in fact, even, so I'm doing this just
291
00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:49,000
because I have like arthritis and stuff
292
00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:54,000
and I don't want to be like, you know, like really hard up
293
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:55,440
by the time I'm like 55.
294
00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:57,640
So I'm trying to stay as loose and flexible.
295
00:15:57,640 --> 00:15:59,840
So I'm doing this Tai Chi thing.
296
00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:04,840
And but it also goes into Taoism, which I love, man.
297
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:09,960
And the guy that was teaching it was talking about how
298
00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:13,240
in Taoism, one of the things that you do in the morning
299
00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:15,480
is as soon as you wake up,
300
00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:20,480
you go right outside, 10 minutes, just breathing,
301
00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:25,440
not doing anything, you know, so I leave my phone in the house.
302
00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:27,480
I don't even put my shoes on, you know,
303
00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:29,400
just go outside, stand in the grass
304
00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:32,080
and just kind of feel the sun and everything.
305
00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:36,080
And there's nothing miraculous about it, you know,
306
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:39,600
but it's, I don't know, it just feels
307
00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:43,800
like such a great, peaceful way to start the day.
308
00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:46,200
Yeah, I love that.
309
00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:48,760
Yeah, most mornings I try to go out on my porch,
310
00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:51,080
but it's not always the first thing that I do.
311
00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:52,920
And I think I'd like to change that
312
00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:56,520
because I think what you're saying sounds really powerful
313
00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:57,360
and nice.
314
00:16:57,360 --> 00:17:02,360
And for me, it's a lot about when I go right to my phone
315
00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:09,080
or my email or working, it's like the world gets me first.
316
00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:11,720
Right?
317
00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:14,080
I'm not spending any time for myself
318
00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:16,680
or to even like acknowledge myself.
319
00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:20,920
And when I do have a slower morning
320
00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:24,160
where I'm going sitting on my porch or doing something,
321
00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:29,160
it feels so self-honoring, like, okay, I'm a human,
322
00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:34,440
I know myself, it almost seems like I would never wake up
323
00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:36,720
and ignore my husband, right?
324
00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:38,760
When I see him I say good morning,
325
00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:41,760
but I'm totally okay ignoring myself.
326
00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:42,760
Yeah.
327
00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:47,000
You know, morning and not giving myself that time
328
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:51,360
to just be without work or doing or tasks.
329
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:58,280
And it's such an easy and I think natural habit to get into,
330
00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:01,600
you know, especially with like all the dopamine release
331
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:03,520
that comes from social media or whatever,
332
00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:07,160
like, oh, 20 people like this, somebody commented that,
333
00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:09,320
you know, whatever was good.
334
00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:11,440
So you wake up, the first thing that you do
335
00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:13,160
is you start checking all that stuff,
336
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:17,560
which means that stuff is more important than you.
337
00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:20,280
Like your identity is coming from that.
338
00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:22,320
And then that's when you're gonna start getting into like,
339
00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:25,040
oh, I got a negative comment or something, you know,
340
00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:27,720
and where it starts becoming devastating.
341
00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:30,840
Yeah.
342
00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:35,840
Yeah, I think I need to rein in some habits again.
343
00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:37,560
I've gotten a little off track.
344
00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:39,280
And that's summer and I'm busy.
345
00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:40,520
And I think this is pretty normal.
346
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:43,360
It's easier for me in the fall and winter
347
00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:46,040
when things are very regulated in my life.
348
00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:51,840
So I think that's something I need to do here
349
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:53,720
because I've been all over the place.
350
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:55,400
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
351
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:59,120
Dude, I really think like that whole idea of busy,
352
00:18:59,120 --> 00:19:03,320
like when we talked about how to live better
353
00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:06,840
even though we're in the society that we're in, you know,
354
00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:09,520
and I think that's one of the things is learning
355
00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:14,320
how to keep our minds slow when our bodies are busy.
356
00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:18,840
Yes, because that's when you're present.
357
00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:23,840
Yeah, and a lot of those old habits come up
358
00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:26,160
when we do get busy.
359
00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:27,000
Yes.
360
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:32,600
You know, in fact, I was just reading,
361
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:36,600
and why am I not gonna remember his name?
362
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:39,280
Whatever, like I want to remember something,
363
00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:40,840
my brain's just like, yeah, no, no, no, no, no,
364
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:42,920
it's like playing keep away with me.
365
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:44,920
Joe, Joe Dispenza, geez.
366
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:52,120
And I think one of the dangers of like too much structure,
367
00:19:52,120 --> 00:19:54,200
like we have like this super structure,
368
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:57,800
which is the way our society is built for us to be,
369
00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:02,760
you know, where we have like basically eight hours of time
370
00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:04,040
where we can just be alone,
371
00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:08,680
but the other, all that other time is accounted for
372
00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:13,680
in a very routine way, you know, just same job, same tasks,
373
00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:15,880
everything is the same.
374
00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:20,000
And he talks about like we stop thinking
375
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:21,440
from our prefrontal cortex,
376
00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:25,560
because that lights up when there's new ideas, new experiences,
377
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:26,400
all that stuff.
378
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:30,880
So we start thinking from earlier parts of our brain,
379
00:20:30,880 --> 00:20:34,160
like parts that evolved earlier on.
380
00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:38,160
And so it becomes this routine thing
381
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:42,960
and not all of our brain is working the way it should.
382
00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:46,360
It doesn't demand all of that focus
383
00:20:46,360 --> 00:20:49,240
that a new experience or a new task would.
384
00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:52,440
So even the protons that like, or the protons,
385
00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:55,440
the proteins that are being released by our genes and stuff
386
00:20:55,440 --> 00:21:00,440
actually become like subpar.
387
00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:04,240
They're proteins that you see in aging.
388
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:08,920
And that's just from simply living life
389
00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:13,920
in this super routine that our society pushes.
390
00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:18,920
Yeah. Yeah, that's important for me to remember
391
00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:22,920
because I can really get into routine
392
00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:26,920
in ways that feel really good to me and comfortable.
393
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:29,480
Yeah, that's the hard thing,
394
00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:31,320
because especially with like autism,
395
00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:33,920
like there's a demand for routine.
396
00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:36,920
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
397
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:41,920
Yeah, it's interesting to get to know yourself deeper and deeper
398
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:46,920
and build these new patterns and routines in your life
399
00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:47,920
to support you.
400
00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:48,920
I mean, that's what we're both doing
401
00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:49,920
is really trying to figure out
402
00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:51,920
not only our businesses and interacting with the world,
403
00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:53,920
but what do we need to be optimized?
404
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:56,920
And who are we and how does this human body
405
00:21:56,920 --> 00:21:59,920
and this consciousness all work together
406
00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:02,920
so that we can honor it?
407
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:07,920
I love that Bruce Lifton podcast I sent you is so great
408
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:09,920
and it talks a lot about sort of the stuff
409
00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:12,920
you are mentioning is, you know,
410
00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:14,920
how it works with your DNA
411
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:16,920
and how your brain recodes itself
412
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:19,920
and how your beliefs impact that
413
00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:22,920
and how it turns on certain genetic indicators
414
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:25,920
and really fun, fun stuff.
415
00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:27,920
But one thing he said,
416
00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:29,920
now I'm going to forget what it was.
417
00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:32,920
See, my brain's all spacey today.
418
00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:34,920
Were you smoking before?
419
00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:35,920
Yeah, I did.
420
00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:36,920
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
421
00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:38,920
Because we always do that.
422
00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:40,920
You know, it's kind of the podcast vibe,
423
00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:44,920
but partially because when I got home from that client meeting,
424
00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:51,920
I was so stressed and we'd,
425
00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:52,920
I always say this,
426
00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:55,920
but it helps me feel like I'm in a good mood
427
00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:56,920
and I'm not in a good mood.
428
00:22:56,920 --> 00:23:00,920
I always say this, but it helps me feel like I'm in my body.
429
00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:01,920
Yeah.
430
00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:03,920
Because when I'm stressed out,
431
00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:05,920
it's like I'm up here hanging out above my body
432
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:08,920
and I can't feel anything.
433
00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:12,920
And then when I smoke, I'm like, okay, I'm here.
434
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:15,920
And the stress goes away.
435
00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:17,920
Yeah, it does.
436
00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:22,920
Does that for my, my, my focus and my thoughts like normally.
437
00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:27,920
I feel like, like skipping a rock across like a calm lake.
438
00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:29,920
Like I feel like my thoughts are like that.
439
00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:32,920
They're just surface level and they, they can't go deep.
440
00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:37,920
And then when I smoke, I'm like, you know, like, you know,
441
00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:39,920
like bugs, the old bugs, bunny cartoons,
442
00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:43,920
like where he just digs in the earth and just like digs like so fast.
443
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:45,920
And I'm like, that's what it feels like.
444
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:47,920
I'm just digging so deep down into my,
445
00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:50,920
into my consciousness and into who I am.
446
00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:52,920
So easily.
447
00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:54,920
It's beautiful.
448
00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:55,920
It really is.
449
00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:59,920
I'm very, very grateful for it, particularly in my life right now,
450
00:23:59,920 --> 00:24:04,920
because I'm going through a chapter of inner exploration.
451
00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:09,920
And I'm so stoked.
452
00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:11,920
I get to spend so much time doing it.
453
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:12,920
Right.
454
00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:13,920
So good.
455
00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:16,920
I love it so much.
456
00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:20,920
I love it. I love it so much.
457
00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:25,920
Dude, I was thinking about that the other day and then this thought
458
00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:28,920
hit me like a frying pan, like right in the face, like,
459
00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:31,920
the hell are you doing?
460
00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:33,920
Like you're doing nothing.
461
00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:37,920
You're, you're, you're talking into your phone or into your computer,
462
00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:39,920
you know, and then that's it.
463
00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:41,920
And you think.
464
00:24:41,920 --> 00:24:43,920
You can make a living doing this.
465
00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:46,920
And it's weird because like that thought has like.
466
00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:49,920
Just taken a seat in my mind.
467
00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:52,920
So even though I'm like, I'm, because when I work,
468
00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:55,920
all the other thoughts kind of disappear, especially after I smoke.
469
00:24:55,920 --> 00:25:01,920
But, um, so it's easy to ignore it, but I still feel it sitting there.
470
00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:04,920
And it's, it's pissing me off.
471
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:05,920
Yes. Yeah.
472
00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:09,920
I have a very similar thing going on with the same path.
473
00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:13,920
And that's part of what was stressing me out today as this client was talking
474
00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:16,920
about video production and could I do this and that.
475
00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:20,920
And I said, yes. And, but inside I was just thinking,
476
00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:23,920
I'm not good enough to do this. I'm not educated for the,
477
00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:26,920
all the insecure thoughts.
478
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:30,920
And so then I lack confidence. So then I think they don't like me.
479
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:33,920
So then I'm showing up smaller because.
480
00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:37,920
Right. And it's like a snowball where if I could just be like,
481
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:39,920
I'm like, I'm not gonna get that.
482
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:40,920
I'm not gonna get that.
483
00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:42,920
I'm not gonna get that.
484
00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:43,920
Shut up.
485
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:45,920
It's still show up big.
486
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:47,920
But because of where I was this morning.
487
00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:48,920
I couldn't do it. Right.
488
00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:50,920
Sometimes you're able to get on top of it.
489
00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:51,920
And sometimes you're not.
490
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:56,920
Yeah.
491
00:25:56,920 --> 00:25:58,920
Yeah.
492
00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:00,920
Sometimes it comes like as a knock on the door.
493
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:02,920
And sometimes it comes as like,
494
00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:04,920
someone kicking the door down.
495
00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:05,920
Yeah.
496
00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:11,000
thing in my life or my life can't be good so that I love my work and I feel good about
497
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:13,000
my work and I have a good merit.
498
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:14,000
Right?
499
00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:18,160
There's this idea that something has to be bad, something has to be drudgery, it has
500
00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:20,320
to be hard.
501
00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:27,080
And so it's hard to accept that you can get what you want.
502
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:30,600
And I'm right there with you as I build this new life.
503
00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:43,320
Yeah, you know, it's interesting how in mental health, emotions that are bad have become disorders.
504
00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:50,120
And then I guess like the unspoken part is that the emotions that are good, that's where
505
00:26:50,120 --> 00:26:56,520
we should be 100% of the time and if we're not, something's wrong.
506
00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:58,200
Yeah.
507
00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:01,400
And we need to start learning to recognize that.
508
00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:12,880
I really believe there's this emotional state like in this liminal period in between the
509
00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:20,040
happiness and the sadness, the good and the bad, that that's where we're designed to be.
510
00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:25,400
You know, because then we can move through, which is what we'll do.
511
00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:26,400
Yeah.
512
00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:35,640
Do you have anything that you do to, I guess, bring yourself into the moment, recover when
513
00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:40,680
you're really anxious or stressed, when you're not showing up as you want to?
514
00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:51,600
Like what are your tools for in the moment transformation or like getting a hold of yourself?
515
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:58,200
So one of the first things I learned when I started the coaching classes was the power
516
00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:04,200
of focus and visualizations.
517
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:11,600
And so one of the things I do is like, I'll get into that state and then there'll be a
518
00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:16,240
point where I'm like, oh, wait, this is what's going on.
519
00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:21,040
You know, so I'll get all anxious and my first reaction is going to be like, why am I feeling
520
00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:22,040
this way?
521
00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:26,520
I shouldn't feel this way to drawing off, pushing all my focus into it, even though I'm
522
00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:32,560
like trying to think of why I shouldn't be like this, you know, so, but then I start feeling
523
00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:33,560
it more.
524
00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:38,720
And then I come to this realization like, okay, this is what's going on.
525
00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:42,400
Anxiety is an alarm signal.
526
00:28:42,400 --> 00:28:45,640
So something is making me feel uneasy.
527
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:47,000
Like there's a fear there.
528
00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:51,520
And I know like, shoot, not supposed to use that word because, you know, feel like, oh,
529
00:28:51,520 --> 00:28:55,000
I'm not afraid of anything, you know, whatever.
530
00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:58,160
But there's a fear there that's triggering it.
531
00:28:58,160 --> 00:29:06,720
And then I'm able to, I just kind of like work through the steps of how my mind works,
532
00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:14,440
you know, so then once I sort of define it where it's coming from, now I can give it
533
00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:20,360
the meaning that I choose to give it because my mind in my, my fight or flight response
534
00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:25,520
is already giving it a meaning, but that's meaning that meaning is being given to me.
535
00:29:25,520 --> 00:29:27,440
My consciousness.
536
00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:31,840
Now my consciousness can choose the meaning that fits.
537
00:29:31,840 --> 00:29:36,600
So one of the biggest areas that I, that I struggle with is, is distracting myself because
538
00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:38,320
I have a fear that I'm not good enough.
539
00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:44,840
Just like I said, like this thing that hit me with a frying pan, I call it Sandy because
540
00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:48,440
she's always taken swings at me.
541
00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:56,560
And sitting just like I'm this recliner in my brain telling me how bad I suck and how
542
00:29:56,560 --> 00:30:01,480
everything I'm doing is just delusional and all this stuff.
543
00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:08,280
And it's a fear of not being enough, not being good enough.
544
00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:18,240
And then I just, I start, now I can give myself my own meaning, which is my brain is trying
545
00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:19,240
to keep me safe.
546
00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:20,600
So this is not a bad thing.
547
00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:21,600
This is a good thing.
548
00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:30,040
And there is some risk here because I might be dealt, I might confront people that, that
549
00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:40,200
judge me this way, you know, and which would then sort of solidify that fear, oh, see,
550
00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:41,480
see that this is what they think.
551
00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:46,520
But then I, that's when I start to go through all the stuff I am grateful for, you know,
552
00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:48,600
the stuff that, that lights up my heart.
553
00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:53,560
I know this answer is like so long, but I've never thought about it before like down like
554
00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:54,560
this.
555
00:30:54,560 --> 00:31:02,120
And like one of the things is, is, you know, there's no center of the universe, you know,
556
00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:06,280
like reading stuff on, on like from Neil deGrasse Tyson or whatever.
557
00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:12,680
So the center of the universe is, is directly related to the observer.
558
00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:19,920
So while I'm just this little piece of nothing, like kind of clawing for this significance
559
00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:24,360
of if other people accept me, then I'm worthy.
560
00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:32,040
And at the same time, I am literally the center of the universe I made from the universe.
561
00:31:32,040 --> 00:31:39,360
You know, the universe creates galaxies, galaxies create stars, stars create planets and life.
562
00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:45,120
You know, and, and I connect with more of that.
563
00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:57,320
I push my focus to more of my eternal side, you know, that side of consciousness.
564
00:31:57,320 --> 00:32:08,720
And then without trying to quiet this, this just naturally the, the balances shift.
565
00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:17,480
How long do you think that usually takes you from, from the point where I start getting
566
00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:23,720
anxious, a couple of days, because I'll live with the anxiety for a few days before I'm
567
00:32:23,720 --> 00:32:25,960
like, wait, hold on.
568
00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:27,800
Why am I feeling this?
569
00:32:27,800 --> 00:32:28,800
Yeah.
570
00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:29,800
Yeah.
571
00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:32,720
Like you said, that awareness moment is huge.
572
00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:33,720
Yeah.
573
00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:34,720
Yeah.
574
00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:43,440
I find that I'm getting better and better at recognizing when I'm off, but giving myself
575
00:32:43,440 --> 00:32:47,000
permission to change it.
576
00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:48,800
I'm not as fast at.
577
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:54,320
So I'll recognize that I'm off, but then or anxious or, but then the next thought is
578
00:32:54,320 --> 00:32:58,200
more like, well, I shouldn't be this way.
579
00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:01,040
So fucking keep going on, Mindy.
580
00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:03,760
Like don't be a pussy and take a time off.
581
00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:04,760
Right.
582
00:33:04,760 --> 00:33:09,400
So I'm getting stuck on the permission to respond to that.
583
00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:11,160
And then finally it gets more painful.
584
00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:17,320
I get more anxious and I go, oh my gosh, I'm going to have to, you know, sit down and spend
585
00:33:17,320 --> 00:33:22,160
some time changing my thoughts or journaling or doing something.
586
00:33:22,160 --> 00:33:28,040
And so it's interesting to me because I'm realizing more what the block looks like for
587
00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:31,520
me in that process.
588
00:33:31,520 --> 00:33:39,000
And then I think sometimes when I do notice it, especially if I'm have meetings or sessions
589
00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:45,640
or things I need to do, I can do things like wash my face or my hands.
590
00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:51,600
Like water can help saying things to myself in the mirror can help getting a hug or asking
591
00:33:51,600 --> 00:33:56,880
my husband to say something to me can help or even texting a friend and saying, like,
592
00:33:56,880 --> 00:33:59,080
can you tell me that I'm not crazy and I'm good?
593
00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:00,440
And they're like, you're not crazy.
594
00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:01,440
You're good.
595
00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:02,440
I'm like, okay, thanks.
596
00:34:02,440 --> 00:34:03,440
Right.
597
00:34:03,440 --> 00:34:09,840
There's certain kind of tools sometimes listening to a certain song can help pop me out of it.
598
00:34:09,840 --> 00:34:14,360
So sometimes I'm able to recognize it and respond quickly.
599
00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:17,320
And in that, those moments, it moves quicker.
600
00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:25,400
But the bigger, the bigger times like this last week when I didn't feel like there was
601
00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:28,160
time in my life for me to respond.
602
00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:29,160
Right.
603
00:34:29,160 --> 00:34:30,880
Going back to the speed.
604
00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:32,440
No, I have all the stuff going on.
605
00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:33,440
I have people here.
606
00:34:33,440 --> 00:34:34,440
I have this.
607
00:34:34,440 --> 00:34:36,080
I have to get this work done.
608
00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:40,520
I don't have time for my mental health.
609
00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:42,640
That's become a word that I hate have.
610
00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:43,640
Yeah.
611
00:34:43,640 --> 00:34:46,160
Or maybe a phrase have to.
612
00:34:46,160 --> 00:34:47,160
Yeah.
613
00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:57,040
Because that, that always whenever I identify that underlying thing that I'm afraid of that
614
00:34:57,040 --> 00:34:59,400
phrase is always there.
615
00:34:59,400 --> 00:35:00,400
Yeah.
616
00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:01,400
Yeah.
617
00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:06,400
I was thinking it was interesting when you were talking because I was thinking anytime
618
00:35:06,400 --> 00:35:11,240
I feel like I need something from somebody, I need this contract.
619
00:35:11,240 --> 00:35:12,240
I need this job.
620
00:35:12,240 --> 00:35:13,560
I need you to like me.
621
00:35:13,560 --> 00:35:15,120
I need you to say yes.
622
00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:19,200
I need that puts me in a bad place.
623
00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:20,960
I don't like that place.
624
00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:22,600
I'm not saying that we can't be needed.
625
00:35:22,600 --> 00:35:26,200
Of course, all humans need love and respect and blah, blah, blah.
626
00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:29,160
What I'm talking about is the truth is I'm okay.
627
00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:31,360
If that person doesn't love me, that person will.
628
00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:34,560
If I don't get that contract, I'll get that contract.
629
00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:35,560
Right?
630
00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:42,360
But I get into this illusion that I have to need this and hold on to this and manipulate
631
00:35:42,360 --> 00:35:48,000
someone to do something for me to like me or to approve of what I'm doing.
632
00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:51,200
And man, that's a mess.
633
00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:52,200
Yeah.
634
00:35:52,200 --> 00:35:53,200
Yeah.
635
00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:54,200
Yeah.
636
00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:59,960
Because that's what I realized in my life when I'm doing that.
637
00:35:59,960 --> 00:36:04,320
It's because I feel inferior to that person.
638
00:36:04,320 --> 00:36:09,880
I have to figure out the song and dance that they need to see me do in order for them to
639
00:36:09,880 --> 00:36:11,920
be like, all right, you check the box.
640
00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:13,920
I'll like you.
641
00:36:13,920 --> 00:36:15,920
Yeah.
642
00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:18,480
And that feels icky.
643
00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:19,480
Yeah.
644
00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:22,480
When I do, I'm like, why are you a bitch?
645
00:36:22,480 --> 00:36:25,760
Why are you such a bench, man?
646
00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:28,120
Yeah.
647
00:36:28,120 --> 00:36:33,920
But I think right now what you and I are experiencing, or I'll talk for myself when I'm experiencing
648
00:36:33,920 --> 00:36:40,960
where I feel it more icky and it feels more like bouncing around is actually good because
649
00:36:40,960 --> 00:36:42,920
I used to not be aware of it at all.
650
00:36:42,920 --> 00:36:45,000
It's just the way I operate it.
651
00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:52,880
Now I'm having periods of joy and authenticity and flow and beingness and then the periods
652
00:36:52,880 --> 00:37:00,720
of conforming and wanting and needing someone to like me feel so much worse because I have
653
00:37:00,720 --> 00:37:01,720
the other side.
654
00:37:01,720 --> 00:37:02,720
Yeah.
655
00:37:02,720 --> 00:37:08,440
I mean, that it's sort of getting really bumpy and then I'll come out on the other side of
656
00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:10,480
this transformation.
657
00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:16,320
But right now it seems like both the peaceful times are better, they're amazing, and the
658
00:37:16,320 --> 00:37:19,760
other times when I'm insecure are worse.
659
00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:20,760
Yeah.
660
00:37:20,760 --> 00:37:21,760
Yeah.
661
00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:27,840
Once you start becoming aware of it, that's where, yeah, it starts feeling so much worse.
662
00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:28,840
Yeah.
663
00:37:28,840 --> 00:37:29,840
Yeah.
664
00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:36,240
And so I think it's a gift ultimately because it's awareness and suffering that creates
665
00:37:36,240 --> 00:37:40,760
the change that I want to see, which is more freedom and flow.
666
00:37:40,760 --> 00:37:41,760
Yeah.
667
00:37:41,760 --> 00:37:47,200
That's been one of the things that has helped me out that I really think like it was this
668
00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:53,400
week where I finally put it into effect and it's been so good.
669
00:37:53,400 --> 00:37:58,560
Like I'm excited to wake up and start the next day.
670
00:37:58,560 --> 00:37:59,920
You know?
671
00:37:59,920 --> 00:38:02,200
And so like when you ask like, how long does that take me?
672
00:38:02,200 --> 00:38:07,160
So to get from the point where I have that awareness, that could take a couple of days,
673
00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:10,560
you know, before you should take like months.
674
00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:19,240
And now like a couple of days, but then I've gotten good enough at practicing identifying
675
00:38:19,240 --> 00:38:24,640
like the fear and then giving it a meaning, you know?
676
00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:33,880
And when we started the season three and going from business to art to creation, I realized
677
00:38:33,880 --> 00:38:40,840
like, so I had this wall here and I kept bumping up against it and that change didn't break
678
00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:41,920
down the wall.
679
00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:47,400
It like teleported me like Star Trek style, like to the other side.
680
00:38:47,400 --> 00:38:50,360
And I was like, holy shit, that was so cool.
681
00:38:50,360 --> 00:38:52,920
And then it happened with something else.
682
00:38:52,920 --> 00:38:53,920
Yeah.
683
00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:57,640
And I was like, well, like with how I'm seeing things and how I'm recognizing things and
684
00:38:57,640 --> 00:38:58,760
beliefs and everything.
685
00:38:58,760 --> 00:39:03,480
And then one little change and then boom, I'm like, oh my God, you know?
686
00:39:03,480 --> 00:39:11,360
So what I found was that from the meaning that has gotten to the point where it takes
687
00:39:11,360 --> 00:39:12,360
seconds.
688
00:39:12,360 --> 00:39:13,360
Yeah.
689
00:39:13,360 --> 00:39:20,000
Like where I knew my brain was going to do all this stuff and tell me why it's okay
690
00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:21,200
to distract myself.
691
00:39:21,200 --> 00:39:23,520
But I'm like, nope, this is the meaning.
692
00:39:23,520 --> 00:39:24,680
This is what I do.
693
00:39:24,680 --> 00:39:25,680
It's my image.
694
00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:33,880
I get to spend my entire day in my imagination creating, you know, and I get moving, you know?
695
00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:35,760
So it pushes me beyond that.
696
00:39:35,760 --> 00:39:40,560
And then when I actually start doing the stuff, everything disappears.
697
00:39:40,560 --> 00:39:41,560
Yeah.
698
00:39:41,560 --> 00:39:45,360
You know, all of the anxiety trepidation is gone.
699
00:39:45,360 --> 00:39:46,360
Yeah.
700
00:39:46,360 --> 00:39:56,480
So I realized like the more time I spend figuring out the why, the more time I spent
701
00:39:56,480 --> 00:39:57,880
in misery.
702
00:39:57,880 --> 00:39:58,880
Right.
703
00:39:58,880 --> 00:39:59,880
Right.
704
00:39:59,880 --> 00:40:00,880
Yeah.
705
00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:04,240
You know, you know, because like people always say like, if you find the big enough why,
706
00:40:04,240 --> 00:40:10,600
and so I'm like, I've done these classes and I'm a coach and why am I feeling this way?
707
00:40:10,600 --> 00:40:15,400
And I realized like spending all that time looking for the why is like just destroying
708
00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:16,400
me.
709
00:40:16,400 --> 00:40:23,720
It's keeping me focused on a mindset that is limiting.
710
00:40:23,720 --> 00:40:29,360
So it's almost doing like this trust fall, you know, knowing that nobody's behind you,
711
00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:32,800
just the universe is there going to catch you, you know?
712
00:40:32,800 --> 00:40:36,480
And because it's just, it's just, it's a coin, you know, it's a flip of the coin.
713
00:40:36,480 --> 00:40:37,920
What side are you going to focus on?
714
00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:44,200
And I realized that the more I just say, okay, I get to create my meaning, it can be whatever
715
00:40:44,200 --> 00:40:48,480
I want, you know, do that feels aligned, feels good.
716
00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:49,480
Okay, boom.
717
00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:50,760
Now I'm going to focus on that.
718
00:40:50,760 --> 00:40:54,960
And then everything else quiets down.
719
00:40:54,960 --> 00:41:01,600
So it was more about pushing the focus onto, onto the meaning that I choose for it instead
720
00:41:01,600 --> 00:41:05,120
of figuring out the why this is happening.
721
00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:06,120
Yeah.
722
00:41:06,120 --> 00:41:07,120
Yeah.
723
00:41:07,120 --> 00:41:09,040
You know what's funny?
724
00:41:09,040 --> 00:41:16,520
What I hear you kind of saying is get the reframe and then own it.
725
00:41:16,520 --> 00:41:17,520
Yeah.
726
00:41:17,520 --> 00:41:18,520
Yeah.
727
00:41:18,520 --> 00:41:19,520
Yeah.
728
00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:23,520
And it's funny because I had a similar thing happen recently.
729
00:41:23,520 --> 00:41:27,520
I love when people talk about how they change their lives on social media.
730
00:41:27,520 --> 00:41:32,520
So I was thinking, oh man, I would love to talk about working from home and gardening
731
00:41:32,520 --> 00:41:34,480
and being there for my family.
732
00:41:34,480 --> 00:41:40,520
And I'm like, but I don't really like, I'm not, I'm not qualified to talk about that
733
00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:43,440
right in my head.
734
00:41:43,440 --> 00:41:49,040
And then I realized I've been doing this for almost three years, like content creation,
735
00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:55,040
coaching, making a living off of it, making more money than my husband does as a professor
736
00:41:55,040 --> 00:41:56,040
at the college.
737
00:41:56,040 --> 00:42:03,240
Like, why am I telling myself that I can't talk about those things or I'm a fraud.
738
00:42:03,240 --> 00:42:06,680
And it's because I'm afraid that it's going to end.
739
00:42:06,680 --> 00:42:11,200
And then everybody's going to say, oh, see, yeah, you had it for five years, but then
740
00:42:11,200 --> 00:42:13,200
you had to go work at Burger King, bitch.
741
00:42:13,200 --> 00:42:16,160
Like, and I'm going to be destroyed.
742
00:42:16,160 --> 00:42:17,160
Right.
743
00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:22,960
And when I realized, like, how long I had actually been successful in this lifestyle,
744
00:42:22,960 --> 00:42:26,760
I'm like, there's people on the internet who did this three months ago who are killing
745
00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:31,960
it and talking about the change they made because they fucking own it.
746
00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:32,960
Yeah.
747
00:42:32,960 --> 00:42:33,960
Right.
748
00:42:33,960 --> 00:42:36,560
And so it's like, both are true.
749
00:42:36,560 --> 00:42:41,520
I am anxious and I'm a beginner at content creation and I've been doing it for a while
750
00:42:41,520 --> 00:42:43,680
and I've gotten great results.
751
00:42:43,680 --> 00:42:45,680
So where am I going to put my focus?
752
00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:47,840
Like you were saying, right?
753
00:42:47,840 --> 00:42:48,840
They're both true.
754
00:42:48,840 --> 00:42:51,240
Oh, not good stuff.
755
00:42:51,240 --> 00:42:52,240
Yeah.
756
00:42:52,240 --> 00:42:56,840
And then just think about the energy that will come into you when you think of, I've
757
00:42:56,840 --> 00:43:00,640
been doing this for three years successful at it.
758
00:43:00,640 --> 00:43:03,640
But I'm a beginner and don't know what I'm doing.
759
00:43:03,640 --> 00:43:10,640
I mean, just feel, you can just feel the energy with both of those statements.
760
00:43:10,640 --> 00:43:18,760
But I think for me, I need to have the routines like my morning meditation or my morning journaling
761
00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:23,760
to fucking remind myself that that's the truth.
762
00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:24,760
Yes.
763
00:43:24,760 --> 00:43:31,640
My brain and my body don't get it yet, they're still going back to the old way.
764
00:43:31,640 --> 00:43:32,640
Yeah.
765
00:43:32,640 --> 00:43:33,640
Yeah.
766
00:43:33,640 --> 00:43:38,680
I mean, it's like, it's not, it's not our brains deep.
767
00:43:38,680 --> 00:43:40,880
Like our brain has a default mode.
768
00:43:40,880 --> 00:43:44,260
Like, you know, when you don't touch your computer for a while and it goes to the whatever screen
769
00:43:44,260 --> 00:43:51,600
saver or whatever, you know, and it's, it's slightly anxious and scanning your environments
770
00:43:51,600 --> 00:43:52,600
for threats.
771
00:43:52,600 --> 00:43:53,600
Yeah.
772
00:43:53,600 --> 00:44:03,240
I remember I was talking at a college and this girl was telling how even at family functions,
773
00:44:03,240 --> 00:44:07,520
she'll start to feel overwhelmed and so she'll have to, you know, go into her bedroom or
774
00:44:07,520 --> 00:44:09,280
whatever.
775
00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:13,520
And she said to recharge her batteries.
776
00:44:13,520 --> 00:44:16,600
And she does that by scrolling on her phone on social media.
777
00:44:16,600 --> 00:44:21,480
So I asked her how long it takes before her batteries are recharged.
778
00:44:21,480 --> 00:44:25,120
And she's like, they never get recharged.
779
00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:30,560
So one of the things that I learned was like, when we, when we go into that mindless scrolling,
780
00:44:30,560 --> 00:44:34,400
and I love, I think there's something to be said for binge watching some shows.
781
00:44:34,400 --> 00:44:38,880
Sometimes I think it's what you need sometimes, you know, but when you're doing it to distract
782
00:44:38,880 --> 00:44:40,640
yourself, you know what I mean?
783
00:44:40,640 --> 00:44:45,960
Like, instead of for me, instead of working, I'm going to watch, you know, the new, the
784
00:44:45,960 --> 00:44:51,440
super fans episodes of the office or whatever, you know, your brain goes into this default
785
00:44:51,440 --> 00:44:57,600
mode, which makes you feel more anxious and then makes you low, always looking for threats,
786
00:44:57,600 --> 00:45:01,480
which means your brain is going to want to give you what you're focused on.
787
00:45:01,480 --> 00:45:05,360
So you're going to come up with all these reasons that you're, you're start seeing all
788
00:45:05,360 --> 00:45:06,360
these threats.
789
00:45:06,360 --> 00:45:07,360
Yeah.
790
00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:16,200
You know, so it's, it's so important to be, to warm that engine up so that you can get
791
00:45:16,200 --> 00:45:21,880
into these new, those new patterns and do the things that, that, that give you the energy
792
00:45:21,880 --> 00:45:23,720
to push you in that direction.
793
00:45:23,720 --> 00:45:24,720
Yeah.
794
00:45:24,720 --> 00:45:34,400
And I think that recognizing the difference because I, I have the same thing you're talking
795
00:45:34,400 --> 00:45:35,840
about and it happened to me this week.
796
00:45:35,840 --> 00:45:40,680
So I was overwhelmed doing a lot, felt really stressful.
797
00:45:40,680 --> 00:45:45,360
And so like at three o'clock one afternoon, I just told my husband, like, I'm just going
798
00:45:45,360 --> 00:45:47,520
to like lay in bed and watch TV.
799
00:45:47,520 --> 00:45:51,360
I'm, I just have had too much of the world.
800
00:45:51,360 --> 00:45:54,880
And I binge watched, uh, have you watched three body project?
801
00:45:54,880 --> 00:45:55,880
Oh yeah.
802
00:45:55,880 --> 00:46:00,160
That's such an awesome show, man.
803
00:46:00,160 --> 00:46:09,840
But I, I was doing it in the name of self care, but I never asked myself what I needed.
804
00:46:09,840 --> 00:46:10,840
Right.
805
00:46:10,840 --> 00:46:14,720
I never sat down and said like, Mindy, what do you really need right now?
806
00:46:14,720 --> 00:46:20,920
I just was trying to book and watch something so I'd stop thinking, right?
807
00:46:20,920 --> 00:46:23,760
And being overwhelmed.
808
00:46:23,760 --> 00:46:25,920
And I think that's the difference.
809
00:46:25,920 --> 00:46:33,880
And when I can remember to ask myself what I really need, then I make choices like a
810
00:46:33,880 --> 00:46:40,160
walk, meditation, like learning something new that I've been wanting to learn, even
811
00:46:40,160 --> 00:46:42,680
listening to an audio book and gardening, right?
812
00:46:42,680 --> 00:46:48,280
There's tons of ways that I can actually care for myself that aren't scrolling on my phone
813
00:46:48,280 --> 00:46:50,560
or binge watching TV.
814
00:46:50,560 --> 00:46:56,960
And like you said, sometimes that's necessary, but it's not often when I check in with myself
815
00:46:56,960 --> 00:47:03,880
and ask myself, what do I really, really need that my soul says six hours of three body
816
00:47:03,880 --> 00:47:04,880
project.
817
00:47:04,880 --> 00:47:05,880
Yeah.
818
00:47:05,880 --> 00:47:06,880
Yeah.
819
00:47:06,880 --> 00:47:07,880
Right.
820
00:47:07,880 --> 00:47:17,600
And so I think that's something I'd like to do more in my future is before I select one
821
00:47:17,600 --> 00:47:20,440
of those activities of I'm overwhelmed.
822
00:47:20,440 --> 00:47:24,840
I just have to stop this from happening, right?
823
00:47:24,840 --> 00:47:27,760
Taking a minute to ask myself what I really need.
824
00:47:27,760 --> 00:47:28,760
Yeah.
825
00:47:28,760 --> 00:47:33,520
I think that is so, that's so smart.
826
00:47:33,520 --> 00:47:36,760
That's like what when I like say, like we got to Scooby do it.
827
00:47:36,760 --> 00:47:37,760
Yeah.
828
00:47:37,760 --> 00:47:42,920
See really who it's about, you know, and like pulling the mask off the monster at the end.
829
00:47:42,920 --> 00:47:43,920
Yeah.
830
00:47:43,920 --> 00:47:49,800
Because there was so much stuff that I would say I would be doing in the name of whatever,
831
00:47:49,800 --> 00:47:53,200
you know, and then you pull the mask off and you're like, oh, this is actually just all
832
00:47:53,200 --> 00:47:59,080
about me and distraction and not wanting to feel a certain way.
833
00:47:59,080 --> 00:48:00,080
Yeah.
834
00:48:00,080 --> 00:48:01,560
Distraction is huge.
835
00:48:01,560 --> 00:48:02,560
Yeah.
836
00:48:02,560 --> 00:48:07,240
I mean, there is a major difference between not wanting to feel a certain way and wanting
837
00:48:07,240 --> 00:48:09,240
to feel a certain way.
838
00:48:09,240 --> 00:48:10,240
Yes.
839
00:48:10,240 --> 00:48:11,240
Well said.
840
00:48:11,240 --> 00:48:12,240
Yeah.
841
00:48:12,240 --> 00:48:18,360
Like when we put all the focus on not wanting, I mean, that's what we're going to feel.
842
00:48:18,360 --> 00:48:21,040
Yeah.
843
00:48:21,040 --> 00:48:23,240
And that's what distraction is, right?
844
00:48:23,240 --> 00:48:30,040
As I'm laying there watching the three body project, even unconsciously I'm like, oh,
845
00:48:30,040 --> 00:48:31,040
good.
846
00:48:31,040 --> 00:48:32,040
Stop the overwhelm.
847
00:48:32,040 --> 00:48:33,040
Stop the overwhelm.
848
00:48:33,040 --> 00:48:34,040
Stop the overwhelm.
849
00:48:34,040 --> 00:48:35,040
Stop the overwhelm.
850
00:48:35,040 --> 00:48:36,040
Stop the overwhelm.
851
00:48:36,040 --> 00:48:37,040
Stop the overwhelm.
852
00:48:37,040 --> 00:48:38,040
Stop the overwhelm.
853
00:48:38,040 --> 00:48:39,040
Stop the overwhelm.
854
00:48:39,040 --> 00:48:41,600
Which is not, it's still focusing on the overwhelm versus I think if I would have made a healthier
855
00:48:41,600 --> 00:48:47,720
choice, I would have found, you know, peace and beauty in my garden and appreciation and
856
00:48:47,720 --> 00:48:48,720
gratitude.
857
00:48:48,720 --> 00:48:57,040
Those things are more accessible in those other activities than in binge watching TV.
858
00:48:57,040 --> 00:49:02,040
No, I just like, when you were saying that,
859
00:49:04,540 --> 00:49:07,340
like you're just going through your mind watching the show
860
00:49:07,340 --> 00:49:09,820
like stop the overwhelm, stop the overwhelm.
861
00:49:09,820 --> 00:49:11,460
And then you mentioned gardening.
862
00:49:11,460 --> 00:49:14,900
And immediately I'm like, okay, that is a relaxing,
863
00:49:14,900 --> 00:49:18,420
like I've never seen like a movie or anything
864
00:49:18,420 --> 00:49:20,620
where a gardener was like running around like crazy.
865
00:49:20,620 --> 00:49:23,620
It's always like slow, just digging in the dirt,
866
00:49:23,620 --> 00:49:25,780
big sun half, you know?
867
00:49:25,780 --> 00:49:30,780
So we can focus on telling ourselves to stop the overwhelm
868
00:49:31,340 --> 00:49:35,220
or we can take the action of relaxation,
869
00:49:35,220 --> 00:49:39,620
of slowing down just by going in your garden.
870
00:49:39,620 --> 00:49:40,460
Yeah.
871
00:49:41,300 --> 00:49:44,860
Yeah, the other thing I have found interesting is
872
00:49:44,860 --> 00:49:47,500
as I've been thinking about habits and routines
873
00:49:47,500 --> 00:49:49,220
and how I want to set up my life,
874
00:49:50,820 --> 00:49:54,260
there are certain things, watching TV is one of them.
875
00:49:54,260 --> 00:49:56,060
That's what made me think of this,
876
00:49:56,060 --> 00:49:58,500
that I think I'd like to stop watching TV,
877
00:49:58,500 --> 00:49:59,940
like just for a month.
878
00:49:59,940 --> 00:50:02,340
Like I really want to understand its place in my life
879
00:50:02,340 --> 00:50:06,460
because I feel like I'm using it unconsciously.
880
00:50:07,780 --> 00:50:10,460
When I had that thought, I was like,
881
00:50:10,460 --> 00:50:12,820
oh no, I'm not going to say I'm going to stop watching TV.
882
00:50:12,820 --> 00:50:13,860
I don't want to do that.
883
00:50:15,860 --> 00:50:20,420
And I was getting curious about what that was about.
884
00:50:20,420 --> 00:50:24,620
Right, because it wasn't just this feeling like,
885
00:50:24,620 --> 00:50:25,980
oh, I'm going to miss TV.
886
00:50:25,980 --> 00:50:27,980
I love TV.
887
00:50:27,980 --> 00:50:30,780
It was like, no, I can't be without it.
888
00:50:31,940 --> 00:50:33,220
Yeah, yeah.
889
00:50:33,220 --> 00:50:35,820
And so I started sort of playing around with thoughts
890
00:50:35,820 --> 00:50:38,020
in my head like, oh, I'm going to stop drinking.
891
00:50:38,020 --> 00:50:39,380
I'm going to stop eating meat.
892
00:50:39,380 --> 00:50:40,380
I'm going to stop.
893
00:50:40,380 --> 00:50:45,380
And which thoughts bring up a dependency feeling?
894
00:50:45,380 --> 00:50:47,380
That's really interesting.
895
00:50:47,380 --> 00:50:49,380
And it's like an inconvenient truth.
896
00:50:49,380 --> 00:50:50,820
I don't want to talk about it.
897
00:50:50,820 --> 00:50:52,380
I don't want to say which thoughts.
898
00:50:54,380 --> 00:50:56,380
Brought that feeling up because I don't,
899
00:50:56,380 --> 00:50:59,380
I'm scared that I'm going to have to take action on it.
900
00:51:01,380 --> 00:51:04,380
Yeah, you know, like the one time I felt something similar
901
00:51:04,380 --> 00:51:10,380
was when thinking about when I realized my,
902
00:51:10,380 --> 00:51:12,380
my issue of PTSD was like,
903
00:51:12,380 --> 00:51:16,380
my issue of PTSD was an issue of identity.
904
00:51:16,380 --> 00:51:21,380
And thinking about my first thought was like,
905
00:51:21,380 --> 00:51:24,380
all right, I'm going to change my identity and like take veteran
906
00:51:24,380 --> 00:51:26,380
out and then like, and it was that reaction.
907
00:51:26,380 --> 00:51:30,380
Like, no, I felt like I would be cutting off a limb.
908
00:51:30,380 --> 00:51:31,380
Yeah.
909
00:51:31,380 --> 00:51:38,380
You know, like that, that desire to not do it, do that was so strong.
910
00:51:38,380 --> 00:51:41,380
Yeah. And when you have that feeling,
911
00:51:41,380 --> 00:51:46,380
do you think it's fear or do you think it's like,
912
00:51:46,380 --> 00:51:48,380
is it good or bad?
913
00:51:48,380 --> 00:51:50,380
What's that feeling saying to you?
914
00:51:50,380 --> 00:51:56,380
It wasn't, it wasn't a bad feeling as far as like,
915
00:51:56,380 --> 00:51:58,380
I didn't feel anxiety.
916
00:51:58,380 --> 00:52:01,380
I didn't feel anger.
917
00:52:01,380 --> 00:52:06,380
It was a sternness of no, almost like,
918
00:52:06,380 --> 00:52:11,380
an intuition, like this intuitive thought of, nope,
919
00:52:11,380 --> 00:52:12,380
that's not it.
920
00:52:12,380 --> 00:52:14,380
And it was so strong.
921
00:52:14,380 --> 00:52:16,380
Like I did feel that sense of like,
922
00:52:16,380 --> 00:52:18,380
I would be denying a part of myself.
923
00:52:18,380 --> 00:52:21,380
So, so yeah, I never thought about how the feeling,
924
00:52:21,380 --> 00:52:25,380
but, but it wasn't something that I would say is a negative.
925
00:52:25,380 --> 00:52:26,380
It didn't give me, you know,
926
00:52:26,380 --> 00:52:29,380
that negative feeling that anxiety gives me.
927
00:52:29,380 --> 00:52:30,380
Yeah.
928
00:52:30,380 --> 00:52:31,380
I think it's like,
929
00:52:31,380 --> 00:52:36,380
I think it's like, I think it's like, I think it's like,
930
00:52:36,380 --> 00:52:37,380
you know,
931
00:52:37,380 --> 00:52:40,380
that, that, that negative feeling that anxiety gives me.
932
00:52:40,380 --> 00:52:41,380
Yeah.
933
00:52:41,380 --> 00:52:46,380
Have you ever had a feeling kind of the opposite direction where
934
00:52:46,380 --> 00:52:51,380
your intuition tells you like, do this, do this, do this.
935
00:52:51,380 --> 00:52:53,380
And you just let it keep saying that,
936
00:52:53,380 --> 00:52:56,380
and you don't make the change that you are being told to make.
937
00:52:56,380 --> 00:52:57,380
Do you want to start?
938
00:52:57,380 --> 00:52:58,380
Yeah.
939
00:52:58,380 --> 00:53:01,380
I do that all the time.
940
00:53:01,380 --> 00:53:02,380
Yeah.
941
00:53:02,380 --> 00:53:04,380
How do,
942
00:53:04,380 --> 00:53:10,380
how do we get better at responding to that faster?
943
00:53:10,380 --> 00:53:12,380
And, and this is, this is the,
944
00:53:12,380 --> 00:53:16,380
what I've found is, is the cool thing. Like.
945
00:53:16,380 --> 00:53:21,380
The answer is both harder than you can imagine and easier than you
946
00:53:21,380 --> 00:53:25,380
can imagine. Like at the same, like one of those paradoxes.
947
00:53:25,380 --> 00:53:32,380
I think it's to get better, you have to practice.
948
00:53:32,380 --> 00:53:33,380
Yeah.
949
00:53:33,380 --> 00:53:34,380
So it's,
950
00:53:34,380 --> 00:53:41,380
so each time that you choose to honor that instead of to ignore it.
951
00:53:41,380 --> 00:53:44,380
Like, I mean, it's got to be.
952
00:53:44,380 --> 00:53:49,380
Such a major party in your head.
953
00:53:49,380 --> 00:53:52,380
You know, because I mean, there's that whole like pain versus pleasure
954
00:53:52,380 --> 00:53:56,380
principle. So you can use that to benefit you, you know, because
955
00:53:56,380 --> 00:53:57,380
there's,
956
00:53:57,380 --> 00:54:02,380
when you don't listen to that intuitive thing, like do this,
957
00:54:02,380 --> 00:54:08,380
you know, the, your anxiety is saying, if you do that, you may be
958
00:54:08,380 --> 00:54:11,380
like someone may judge you.
959
00:54:11,380 --> 00:54:14,380
So your anxiety, your natural inclination is to,
960
00:54:14,380 --> 00:54:19,380
is to associate doing that intuitive thing with, with pain.
961
00:54:19,380 --> 00:54:22,380
Right. And we're designed to move away from pain and towards
962
00:54:22,380 --> 00:54:25,380
pleasure. So we move away from doing the intuitive thing.
963
00:54:25,380 --> 00:54:29,380
And we move towards the distraction, even though the distraction makes
964
00:54:29,380 --> 00:54:33,380
us feel worse than if we did the, the intuitive thing that we say is
965
00:54:33,380 --> 00:54:34,380
painful.
966
00:54:34,380 --> 00:54:35,380
Yeah.
967
00:54:35,380 --> 00:54:40,380
So this is again, where since we are not our thoughts, we can override
968
00:54:40,380 --> 00:54:41,380
those and be like,
969
00:54:41,380 --> 00:54:46,380
I'm going to put, I'm going to associate pleasure with doing the
970
00:54:46,380 --> 00:54:49,380
intuitive thing and pain.
971
00:54:49,380 --> 00:54:53,380
Like one of the ways that when I started like cutting weight, I
972
00:54:53,380 --> 00:54:54,380
lost 50 pounds.
973
00:54:54,380 --> 00:54:57,380
Like Sandy was like, um,
974
00:54:57,380 --> 00:55:00,380
drew on me to stop buying like the junk food and all that stuff.
975
00:55:00,380 --> 00:55:04,380
And I'm like, no, you know, I mean, not, we don't have much, you
976
00:55:04,380 --> 00:55:09,380
know, but I'm like, because I'm like, no, I want to be strong
977
00:55:09,380 --> 00:55:15,380
enough where I could see that there and not have it.
978
00:55:15,380 --> 00:55:18,380
You know, even though I know I'm just set myself up for failure.
979
00:55:18,380 --> 00:55:22,380
Um, but I used to like go to the fridge and there'll be, there'll
980
00:55:22,380 --> 00:55:26,380
be ice cream there. Right. Sandy's sleeping. Like I just come in
981
00:55:26,380 --> 00:55:29,380
from the garage. I just got done smoking. So I, you know, kind of
982
00:55:29,380 --> 00:55:31,380
get the munchies a little bit, whatever.
983
00:55:31,380 --> 00:55:35,380
And I would like look at the ice cream and be like, in the
984
00:55:35,380 --> 00:55:39,380
morning, I'm going to be so pissed off.
985
00:55:39,380 --> 00:55:43,380
You know, with how I feel, you know, and then, and then I, then I,
986
00:55:43,380 --> 00:55:46,380
I'll spend a little time thinking about that. And I'm staring at
987
00:55:46,380 --> 00:55:49,380
the ice cream. I'll do this. And I know this makes me look like
988
00:55:49,380 --> 00:55:52,380
such an idiot. And then I start telling myself, like, in the
989
00:55:52,380 --> 00:55:56,380
morning, I'm going to feel amazing. I'm going to feel more
990
00:55:56,380 --> 00:55:59,380
confident. I'm going to feel better about myself. I'm going to
991
00:55:59,380 --> 00:56:02,380
feel more disciplined, you know, and it's kind of like in dodge
992
00:56:02,380 --> 00:56:07,380
ball. Um, when he had like a, a, a donor or something and he
993
00:56:07,380 --> 00:56:10,380
would like electrocute himself when he thought about it, even,
994
00:56:10,380 --> 00:56:13,380
uh, Will Ferrell did it on the office with the cake and he's
995
00:56:13,380 --> 00:56:16,380
like yelling at the cake. He's like, no, no, like,
996
00:56:16,380 --> 00:56:21,380
control me. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm like, Hey, you know, I'll just
997
00:56:21,380 --> 00:56:24,380
start, I'll start trying to flip that pain versus pleasure
998
00:56:24,380 --> 00:56:30,380
principle. And it helped me out a lot. Yeah. You know, so.
999
00:56:32,380 --> 00:56:34,380
Yeah, you know what's interesting? This is what I
1000
00:56:34,380 --> 00:56:37,380
thought of when you were talking, I don't know what you said
1001
00:56:37,380 --> 00:56:43,380
reminded me of it, but there was a time when I considered that
1002
00:56:43,380 --> 00:56:47,380
inner voice God speaking to me, right? We're both from Christian
1003
00:56:47,380 --> 00:56:53,380
backgrounds. And when I believed that and my identity was
1004
00:56:53,380 --> 00:56:58,380
someone who serves God, I would follow that voice. I'd go up to
1005
00:56:58,380 --> 00:57:02,380
people and say, Hey, God told me to come over here and talk to
1006
00:57:02,380 --> 00:57:05,380
you. And so I don't know what I'm supposed to say. I do all sorts
1007
00:57:05,380 --> 00:57:12,380
of weird shit. No questions asked. But now what must be
1008
00:57:12,380 --> 00:57:18,380
happening is now I believe that's my intuition or myself. But
1009
00:57:18,380 --> 00:57:22,380
I don't have the identity as someone who listens to myself or
1010
00:57:22,380 --> 00:57:27,380
follows myself. Because otherwise I would be behaving the same
1011
00:57:27,380 --> 00:57:34,380
way I did when my identity was as a Christian. That's really
1012
00:57:34,380 --> 00:57:39,380
interesting to me. Yeah, it's interesting too, because I know
1013
00:57:39,380 --> 00:57:42,380
exactly what you're talking about, like, with like God told me
1014
00:57:42,380 --> 00:57:46,380
to do this, like, I mean, you could do anything just by saying
1015
00:57:46,380 --> 00:57:50,380
like God told me to do this, you know, because you're saying a
1016
00:57:50,380 --> 00:57:53,380
power bigger than me that knows everything and is taking care
1017
00:57:53,380 --> 00:57:57,380
of me told me to do this. So, you know, you have trust in that
1018
00:57:57,380 --> 00:58:01,380
thing bigger than you, you don't have to have self trust in
1019
00:58:01,380 --> 00:58:06,380
order to take action. Yeah. And then when you realize that
1020
00:58:06,380 --> 00:58:11,380
your intuition, then the judgment of other people or
1021
00:58:11,380 --> 00:58:14,380
whatever, whatever that fear is, it keeps you doing it. That
1022
00:58:14,380 --> 00:58:18,380
that now takes the place of God, that is the supreme being. So
1023
00:58:18,380 --> 00:58:24,380
fear is the supreme being in your in our lives. Yes. Yeah, or
1024
00:58:24,380 --> 00:58:29,380
I tell myself, you know, that's not really your inner voice or
1025
00:58:29,380 --> 00:58:34,380
right, some kind of pushing down and not owning it, not
1026
00:58:34,380 --> 00:58:41,380
validating it. I mean, I'm glad I saw that right now, because
1027
00:58:41,380 --> 00:58:44,380
I really do want to have an identity as someone who follows
1028
00:58:44,380 --> 00:58:49,380
their intuition. And I do want to believe everything I say to
1029
00:58:49,380 --> 00:58:54,380
myself. So one of the one of the things that I love about
1030
00:58:54,380 --> 00:58:58,380
Eckhart Tolle and as I'm coming towards the end of the
1031
00:58:58,380 --> 00:59:01,380
Joe Dispensah book I'm reading, like I can't wait to get to
1032
00:59:01,380 --> 00:59:04,380
another one of his, I have so many books that I want to read
1033
00:59:04,380 --> 00:59:11,380
at the same time, but but he talked about learning to
1034
00:59:11,380 --> 00:59:16,380
recognize when you're thinking from like consciousness or
1035
00:59:16,380 --> 00:59:22,380
and your thoughts. And I've gotten and visualizations helped
1036
00:59:22,380 --> 00:59:26,380
me out on this like so much just seeing a divide in my in
1037
00:59:26,380 --> 00:59:31,380
my mind between my thoughts and then the consciousness. So the
1038
00:59:31,380 --> 00:59:35,380
way I see it in my head is like my brain and all the
1039
00:59:35,380 --> 00:59:37,380
electrical impulses. Those are my thoughts. And then there's
1040
00:59:37,380 --> 00:59:44,380
like this sun that's just above my brain. And that's me. That's
1041
00:59:44,380 --> 00:59:48,380
that's the consciousness. And for some reason allows me to kind
1042
00:59:48,380 --> 00:59:55,380
of feel a gap between certain thoughts, you know, thoughts and
1043
00:59:55,380 --> 01:00:00,380
like more of like the intuition. And then just trying to spend
1044
01:00:00,380 --> 01:00:04,380
more time thinking from that level, you know, has helped me
1045
01:00:04,380 --> 01:00:12,380
out so much. Because then I can I can see that those those
1046
01:00:12,380 --> 01:00:16,380
thoughts are just things they're just bits of information
1047
01:00:16,380 --> 01:00:21,380
are going by to come by like the computing system of my mind
1048
01:00:21,380 --> 01:00:28,380
of my brain to see if these things fit. Does this fair fit
1049
01:00:28,380 --> 01:00:34,380
here? Do we need to be afraid of this? You know, and 99.99
1050
01:00:34,380 --> 01:00:36,380
nine percent of the time it's no, you know, because I don't
1051
01:00:36,380 --> 01:00:41,380
need to be afraid of the judgment of others. Yeah, you
1052
01:00:41,380 --> 01:00:46,380
know, and then thinking from that spot, I can kind of look
1053
01:00:46,380 --> 01:00:49,380
down on it and see that happening instead of if I'm in my
1054
01:00:49,380 --> 01:00:53,380
thoughts, whatever is going through, I'm thinking that this
1055
01:00:53,380 --> 01:00:59,380
is real. I don't know if that makes any sense, but I never
1056
01:00:59,380 --> 01:01:06,380
try to like, I think, let me see if you relate to this. A
1057
01:01:06,380 --> 01:01:10,380
couple months ago, I would have totally agreed with you. And
1058
01:01:10,380 --> 01:01:16,380
that was a good process. I feel like where I'm at with pushing
1059
01:01:16,380 --> 01:01:20,380
my comfort zone right now in my life and a lot of different
1060
01:01:20,380 --> 01:01:30,380
areas. It's like my my brain goes into like panic or
1061
01:01:30,380 --> 01:01:34,380
freeze. So even when I see it that way and go, okay, brain,
1062
01:01:34,380 --> 01:01:38,380
like, this isn't real, like, we're going to do this other
1063
01:01:38,380 --> 01:01:44,380
thing. This is it's like a glitch is like and it doesn't
1064
01:01:44,380 --> 01:01:49,380
my brain's just like, no, no, no, no, no, no, is like a panic
1065
01:01:49,380 --> 01:01:56,380
response. And I mean, I'm guessing that's just pushing
1066
01:01:56,380 --> 01:02:00,380
my comfort zone a little bit, like really edging out on
1067
01:02:00,380 --> 01:02:07,380
that growth zone. But it's been challenging for me to
1068
01:02:07,380 --> 01:02:13,380
respond to that, or to not be frustrated with myself for
1069
01:02:13,380 --> 01:02:18,380
responding that way to have compassion. Do you ever
1070
01:02:18,380 --> 01:02:21,380
respond that way? Do you know what I mean when your brain
1071
01:02:21,380 --> 01:02:25,380
just doesn't want to reframe or it doesn't want to stop
1072
01:02:25,380 --> 01:02:31,380
feeling bad or think about like it has an attachment to it.
1073
01:02:31,380 --> 01:02:36,380
And I have to find ways to soften that attachment before I
1074
01:02:36,380 --> 01:02:39,380
can believe a reframe.
1075
01:02:39,380 --> 01:02:44,380
Yeah, yeah, there are there are times that I call them my
1076
01:02:44,380 --> 01:02:47,380
depressive cycles like where where I've said before, like I
1077
01:02:47,380 --> 01:02:52,380
can be depressed, but I'm happy. So I'll start feeling
1078
01:02:52,380 --> 01:02:56,380
normally starts with like I'm easily frustrated, and I'm just
1079
01:02:56,380 --> 01:03:02,380
angry for no no reason. And my anger looks nothing like it
1080
01:03:02,380 --> 01:03:05,380
used to you know, because like before I would be snapping at
1081
01:03:05,380 --> 01:03:10,380
Sandy and the girls, whatever, but now I'm just more melancholy
1082
01:03:10,380 --> 01:03:16,380
just you know, and it'll be like you know, a few days will go
1083
01:03:16,380 --> 01:03:23,380
by, and I'll do all the things, all the tools that I have, you
1084
01:03:23,380 --> 01:03:27,380
know, at my disposal tried out nothing works, still feeling
1085
01:03:27,380 --> 01:03:31,380
that way. And then it'll hit me like, Oh, okay, wait, I'm just
1086
01:03:31,380 --> 01:03:37,380
going through a period of depression. Yeah. And what I've
1087
01:03:37,380 --> 01:03:44,380
learned to be able to do is is surrendered to that.
1088
01:03:44,380 --> 01:03:48,380
I'll be like, Okay, it's what I feel, and it's just a feeling
1089
01:03:48,380 --> 01:03:54,380
and it will change. So we're all good. Yeah. But like you said,
1090
01:03:54,380 --> 01:04:00,380
like, we're all different. You know, so that took me a
1091
01:04:00,380 --> 01:04:04,380
lot of time to get to that point. And I mean, I've been
1092
01:04:04,380 --> 01:04:08,380
working on all this stuff now for 10 years from when I started
1093
01:04:08,380 --> 01:04:13,380
it to today. So that took me 10 years to get to the point to be
1094
01:04:13,380 --> 01:04:17,380
able to do that. You know, and we're all in different places,
1095
01:04:17,380 --> 01:04:22,380
this me with working and people's judgment of am I going to
1096
01:04:22,380 --> 01:04:26,380
or just believing in myself that that's still that brick wall,
1097
01:04:26,380 --> 01:04:30,380
like I'm still practicing all that stuff, you know, so it's
1098
01:04:30,380 --> 01:04:34,380
important to know where you're at. And then also how much you
1099
01:04:34,380 --> 01:04:38,380
can push them when you need to stop pushing, you know, just
1100
01:04:38,380 --> 01:04:42,380
retreat to the garden, man. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's hard
1101
01:04:42,380 --> 01:04:48,380
because the dreams I have right now are so big. And for the
1102
01:04:48,380 --> 01:04:51,380
first time in my life, they really seem like they're coming
1103
01:04:51,380 --> 01:04:56,380
true, like it's happening, it could happen. And so when I reach
1104
01:04:56,380 --> 01:05:00,380
those limits, and I need to give myself care and compassion,
1105
01:05:00,380 --> 01:05:05,380
the resistance is like, no, I want this so bad, I have to keep
1106
01:05:05,380 --> 01:05:09,380
doing these things to make it happen. And I can't give up and
1107
01:05:09,380 --> 01:05:14,380
I can't. Right. And I think that, of course, there's some good
1108
01:05:14,380 --> 01:05:20,380
pushing of self, right, to get right. But knowing when to push
1109
01:05:20,380 --> 01:05:24,380
and when to give myself compassion is something that I'm
1110
01:05:24,380 --> 01:05:31,380
still learning. Yeah. And you know, like the greatest athletes
1111
01:05:31,380 --> 01:05:34,380
in the world, you know, especially like the, what do they
1112
01:05:34,380 --> 01:05:37,380
call it, like the X games or whatever, like the crazy people,
1113
01:05:37,380 --> 01:05:44,380
you know, like the cliff diving in those suits and stuff.
1114
01:05:44,380 --> 01:05:47,380
There's always like when there's, when there's tragedies that
1115
01:05:47,380 --> 01:05:52,380
happen, there's always like a thing of they pushed a little
1116
01:05:52,380 --> 01:05:58,380
too much. You know, so when you when you push, I mean, it's
1117
01:05:58,380 --> 01:06:02,380
good to push to a point. But when you push too far, that's
1118
01:06:02,380 --> 01:06:07,380
when injury happens, you know, even even working out. You know,
1119
01:06:07,380 --> 01:06:10,380
you push a little too far, I mean, you can throw out your back,
1120
01:06:10,380 --> 01:06:13,380
you know, because you start getting a little bit, you get
1121
01:06:13,380 --> 01:06:16,380
tired and fatigued, and you start getting sloppy, and then
1122
01:06:16,380 --> 01:06:22,380
it's easy to make a mistake. Yeah. I think for me, this is where
1123
01:06:22,380 --> 01:06:31,380
routines and schedule comes in really handy. Because it's hard
1124
01:06:31,380 --> 01:06:36,380
for me to self assess whether or not I'm doing enough or not.
1125
01:06:36,380 --> 01:06:39,380
In any area, am I doing enough rest? Am I doing enough
1126
01:06:39,380 --> 01:06:43,380
exercise? Am I doing enough work? Am I doing, but when I have a
1127
01:06:43,380 --> 01:06:47,380
routine, I look and go, yeah, I followed my routine, so
1128
01:06:47,380 --> 01:06:50,380
everything's okay. Right. Oh, I worked out three times a
1129
01:06:50,380 --> 01:06:54,380
week. I did five hours of work a day, I did. But when I don't have
1130
01:06:54,380 --> 01:07:00,380
that, it's harder for me to quantify, which makes it more
1131
01:07:00,380 --> 01:07:05,380
anxiety producing. And I don't think it's true for like
1132
01:07:05,380 --> 01:07:09,380
autistic people, but that's one of the things I really get out
1133
01:07:09,380 --> 01:07:14,380
of my routine is a sense of steadiness and self awareness
1134
01:07:14,380 --> 01:07:18,380
that I'm doing the things I really want in my heart to do,
1135
01:07:18,380 --> 01:07:22,380
not just being pushed around by my own emotions or life.
1136
01:07:22,380 --> 01:07:27,380
Right, right. Yeah. Yeah, that, and that, the thing I love,
1137
01:07:27,380 --> 01:07:30,380
because I mean, even just this, this whole conversation shows
1138
01:07:30,380 --> 01:07:33,380
how we build our own worlds, you know, and there's not one
1139
01:07:33,380 --> 01:07:38,380
right way. So I'm very routine driven as well. Like, to the
1140
01:07:38,380 --> 01:07:43,380
point like where if I work out Monday, if I don't work out
1141
01:07:43,380 --> 01:07:49,380
Tuesday, I'm like, weeks shot. So Monday, I'll try again. So
1142
01:07:49,380 --> 01:07:53,380
the way I looked at it, like almost hurt me more than
1143
01:07:53,380 --> 01:07:58,380
heck. Yeah. And, and then like, started looking at, okay, is
1144
01:07:58,380 --> 01:08:02,380
routine good or bad, you know, and like this whole thing of
1145
01:08:02,380 --> 01:08:05,380
like, there is no such thing as good or bad there, like there
1146
01:08:05,380 --> 01:08:11,380
just is. So it's the meaning that I give to it, you know, but I
1147
01:08:11,380 --> 01:08:15,380
knew I had this very strong drive for routine. But with the
1148
01:08:15,380 --> 01:08:20,380
places that I would put, put those routines into place, like
1149
01:08:20,380 --> 01:08:24,380
just did more harm for me than good, you know, so I found a way
1150
01:08:24,380 --> 01:08:29,380
to incorporate routine in a very strange way that now allows
1151
01:08:29,380 --> 01:08:34,380
me like, I feel like I'm finally figuring out my work style.
1152
01:08:34,380 --> 01:08:38,380
You know, we're all have the skeleton of a routine. This is
1153
01:08:38,380 --> 01:08:42,380
the stuff I want to get done for this week. But without like,
1154
01:08:42,380 --> 01:08:45,380
okay, Monday at nine o'clock, I'm starting this. Right. Because
1155
01:08:45,380 --> 01:08:50,380
like, I fail that every time. So at night, when I go out to
1156
01:08:50,380 --> 01:08:56,380
smoke, I have on my phone and my notes, it's like took me hours
1157
01:08:56,380 --> 01:09:01,380
to create but every show that I'm watching on all the different
1158
01:09:01,380 --> 01:09:05,380
streaming platforms we have, like the shows, the episode
1159
01:09:05,380 --> 01:09:09,380
movies that I want to watch. And then I'll go through so like
1160
01:09:09,380 --> 01:09:14,380
they want to do Netflix, then Disney, then HBO, whatever, you
1161
01:09:14,380 --> 01:09:17,380
know, and I go through almost like back in the old TV days,
1162
01:09:17,380 --> 01:09:21,380
like we're whatever's on on Monday, like you got to wait until
1163
01:09:21,380 --> 01:09:24,380
next Monday. Yeah. So and that's what I'll do. I'll just go
1164
01:09:24,380 --> 01:09:29,380
through that list and then start over again. Me and my brother
1165
01:09:29,380 --> 01:09:32,380
used to really be into wrestling like when when we were kids
1166
01:09:32,380 --> 01:09:41,380
and then in 93, I graduated, stopped watching it stuff and I
1167
01:09:41,380 --> 01:09:44,380
was in it for whatever reason, I'm getting like really nostalgic
1168
01:09:44,380 --> 01:09:49,380
lately. So I made a list of every wrestling match that is on
1169
01:09:49,380 --> 01:09:54,380
the streaming service. And I'm going through just like if I was
1170
01:09:54,380 --> 01:09:58,380
watching Saturday afternoon, like wrestling again.
1171
01:09:58,380 --> 01:10:03,380
Yeah, that's cool. And just that outlet for routine has helped
1172
01:10:03,380 --> 01:10:09,380
me out. I've even opened up my because for for me eating like I
1173
01:10:09,380 --> 01:10:11,380
didn't know there's there's autistic, I don't know what you
1174
01:10:11,380 --> 01:10:14,380
call it level eating. But I was like, oh, I'm a picky eater,
1175
01:10:14,380 --> 01:10:18,380
like, but I'm not a picky eater, like my eating falls into like
1176
01:10:18,380 --> 01:10:23,380
an autistic range. Yeah. But it's opened me up on even trying
1177
01:10:23,380 --> 01:10:28,380
new things. You know, because I'm meeting that need that desire
1178
01:10:28,380 --> 01:10:31,380
and drive I have for the routine, but I'm doing it in a way that
1179
01:10:31,380 --> 01:10:37,380
I chose for myself. You know, and and and now I don't have as
1180
01:10:37,380 --> 01:10:40,380
much of a need for it in other areas where that I used to.
1181
01:10:40,380 --> 01:10:45,380
Yeah. Yeah, I think maybe for the next couple weeks, before I go
1182
01:10:45,380 --> 01:10:50,380
on my next backpacking trip, I'm going to try to stick for me to
1183
01:10:50,380 --> 01:10:55,380
a more the one that you don't like between six and seven, you're
1184
01:10:55,380 --> 01:10:59,380
doing this between seven, because I think that's better for me.
1185
01:10:59,380 --> 01:11:02,380
And I need it out because that's the way I used to live. I've
1186
01:11:02,380 --> 01:11:06,380
lived the other way. And I need to test that out again and see how
1187
01:11:06,380 --> 01:11:14,380
that feels. Because I feel like even if it's just to help me
1188
01:11:14,380 --> 01:11:19,380
understand how I'm moving forward, I need some sort of tracking
1189
01:11:19,380 --> 01:11:25,380
or metric or yeah, yeah. So I'm going to try that this next week
1190
01:11:25,380 --> 01:11:30,380
and see what happens. Yeah, let's let's check back in. I'm going
1191
01:11:30,380 --> 01:11:39,380
to write this down right now. Yeah, check back in. Yeah. Yeah,
1192
01:11:39,380 --> 01:11:43,380
because I'm going to do I'm going to do my thing of like having
1193
01:11:43,380 --> 01:11:47,380
that like the stuff I want to get done and then just kind of do
1194
01:11:47,380 --> 01:11:51,380
what I feel intuitively is like the top priority and see how
1195
01:11:51,380 --> 01:11:58,380
that works for me. Yeah. What about your frying pan thought?
1196
01:11:58,380 --> 01:12:02,380
How do you feel about going into next week with that and is there
1197
01:12:02,380 --> 01:12:07,380
anything that you want to talk about or just want to let that
1198
01:12:07,380 --> 01:12:13,380
thought be there?
1199
01:12:13,380 --> 01:12:17,380
Yeah, I don't know. You know what? I wish I could do sometimes
1200
01:12:17,380 --> 01:12:21,380
like have a conversation with with that part. But I guess I could
1201
01:12:21,380 --> 01:12:26,380
I would just judge the hell out of myself for doing it. But I
1202
01:12:26,380 --> 01:12:33,380
think that's yeah, because I want to know why I still
1203
01:12:33,380 --> 01:12:38,380
apparently have a belief that I'm not good enough. Yeah.
1204
01:12:38,380 --> 01:12:43,380
You know, like what are the metrics that I'm using the jars
1205
01:12:43,380 --> 01:12:50,380
out off of? Yeah. Yeah, good one to understand. I think I'll
1206
01:12:50,380 --> 01:12:56,380
try that too, because that's kind of the work of that woman I
1207
01:12:56,380 --> 01:12:59,380
sent you one of her things because I liked it a lot where her
1208
01:12:59,380 --> 01:13:03,380
coaching style is just to say like, okay, where do you feel it?
1209
01:13:03,380 --> 01:13:06,380
Okay, you feel it here. Okay, bring it a little bit closer. That
1210
01:13:06,380 --> 01:13:10,380
thought feeling. Okay, let's just pour a little compassion into
1211
01:13:10,380 --> 01:13:13,380
like just at okay, what does it have to say to you? Why is it
1212
01:13:13,380 --> 01:13:17,380
here? What's it do it? You know, really that sort of self
1213
01:13:17,380 --> 01:13:22,380
talk or self relationship. But it would be interesting for
1214
01:13:22,380 --> 01:13:27,380
both of us to kind of go into this fear of it's not possible
1215
01:13:27,380 --> 01:13:30,380
to be a digital creator or an artist or it's not possible to
1216
01:13:30,380 --> 01:13:33,380
make whatever make money at this or it's not whatever the
1217
01:13:33,380 --> 01:13:39,380
thought says and just say what are you like, Scooby do it. Yeah.
1218
01:13:39,380 --> 01:13:42,380
And some time with it and be like, what's really happening
1219
01:13:42,380 --> 01:13:46,380
here? I like that. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, let's do that too. And
1220
01:13:46,380 --> 01:13:52,380
we'll report back. I will also write this down. Talk to fear
1221
01:13:52,380 --> 01:14:01,380
and make and keep schedule.
1222
01:14:01,380 --> 01:14:04,380
All right. Those are my to do. I think that's very helpful
1223
01:14:04,380 --> 01:14:08,380
for me. I will do those things and report back. Yeah. And I
1224
01:14:08,380 --> 01:14:10,380
just love the fact that we're doing the same thing, but we're
1225
01:14:10,380 --> 01:14:16,380
doing it our ways. Yeah. Yeah. Instead of like saying like,
1226
01:14:16,380 --> 01:14:19,380
no, no, no, but you have to do it my way, like that's the right
1227
01:14:19,380 --> 01:14:22,380
way because that's what worked for me. So that that's just the
1228
01:14:22,380 --> 01:14:28,380
answer. Yeah. Yeah, it's very cool. Yeah. All right, well,
1229
01:14:28,380 --> 01:14:33,380
anything you want to say before we close up? Just I'm just
1230
01:14:33,380 --> 01:14:37,380
loving like the new vibe of the show. Like sometimes like, I
1231
01:14:37,380 --> 01:14:41,380
know I forget things like smoking, but I just feel like I
1232
01:14:41,380 --> 01:14:44,380
don't know. It's like it goes deeper for me at least. I hope
1233
01:14:44,380 --> 01:14:48,380
that comes across too. And I mean, right now that's why you
1234
01:14:48,380 --> 01:14:52,380
and I are here because we love this. Yeah. Love it too. Great.
1235
01:14:52,380 --> 01:14:55,380
But we're doing exactly what we've been talking about and not
1236
01:14:55,380 --> 01:15:01,380
conforming to what other we think other people want to hear.
1237
01:15:01,380 --> 01:15:06,380
Yeah. Yeah. So this is a place I feel like I'm practicing that
1238
01:15:06,380 --> 01:15:12,380
in my life and it feels really good. Yeah, I've actually put up
1239
01:15:12,380 --> 01:15:17,380
a video that I probably would not have put up before. But this
1240
01:15:17,380 --> 01:15:21,380
is like, because like you being you being on here with me
1241
01:15:21,380 --> 01:15:24,380
like gives me the courage to say stuff that I'm like, no, no,
1242
01:15:24,380 --> 01:15:28,380
I'm going to get judged. So yeah, it was about, you know,
1243
01:15:28,380 --> 01:15:31,380
everyone talks about like be a lion, not a lamb and stuff. And
1244
01:15:31,380 --> 01:15:35,380
I hear that a lot in Christianity, but Jesus referred to us
1245
01:15:35,380 --> 01:15:41,380
as sheep and he referred to Satan as a lion, you know, and so
1246
01:15:41,380 --> 01:15:44,380
like the whole video was like maybe sheep are more badass than
1247
01:15:44,380 --> 01:15:47,380
we thought, you know, but like I would never want to like when
1248
01:15:47,380 --> 01:15:51,380
they do that headbutton thing like do that. Things could
1249
01:15:51,380 --> 01:15:53,380
probably like kill you if you did that if they hit you like
1250
01:15:53,380 --> 01:15:57,380
just straight up on the head. I like that. That's really cool.
1251
01:15:57,380 --> 01:16:03,380
Yeah. All right. Well, thank you everybody. It's been
1252
01:16:03,380 --> 01:16:06,380
wonderful to spend an hour with you on Friday and we will see
1253
01:16:06,380 --> 01:16:12,380
you next week. Yes, you guys later. Thank you so much for
1254
01:16:12,380 --> 01:16:19,380
joining us. We are so grateful for all of our listeners. Please
1255
01:16:19,380 --> 01:16:23,380
support us in doing what we love. It's as simple as hitting
1256
01:16:23,380 --> 01:16:27,380
that like or subscribe button. It would really mean a lot to
1257
01:16:27,380 --> 01:16:51,380
us. Thanks guys. And we'll see you next week.