Breaking Old Patterns: Accountability & Change with Anna Di Carlo and Krysti Montes De Oca — Part 1

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Hyperindependence all day long.
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It requires for safety.
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Your nervous system doesn't trust you.
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Which means it doesn't trust its environment.
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Adults don't want to hear that.
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They're like, Well, I admitted it, and I go, cute.
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Yeah.
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That's cute.
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That's acknowledgement.
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That's not accountability.
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Right.
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Okay.
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Accountability says I've acknowledged it and I have course of action of change behavior.
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Right.
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So it's hey team.
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Welcome to the Charge 4 podcast, where I have some amazing guests for you today.
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One will sound familiar, Miss Anna DeCarlo.
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She's got some really cool stuff that she's working on, helping people in a bigger scale.
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And her friend, counterpart, however you want to say it, Miss Christy Montez-Deoka.
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So they're looking to scale the number and the amount of people that they can help uh with their alternative healing methods.
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So uh again, without any further ado, Miss Anna, Miss Christy, welcome to the show.
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Thanks for having us.
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Absolutely.
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Thank you.
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Absolutely.
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Now, Anna, it's been about 18 months since you were on the show, and a lot has happened.
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A lot, but everything new happens daily, right?
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That's right.
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That's right.
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So, you know, we talked a lot about Reiki and energy healing and um lymphatic drainage, those, those types of things.
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But your your list of services and kind of how deep you go with with clients has has changed quite a bit.
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It has.
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So uh Reiki and the energy work is still there, it will always exist, but it looks a little differently now.
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It's more of um an outer sense, I guess you would call it.
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Um so we're talking about patterns and what's really happening in your daily life, what has you stuck, and then we walk through the reasons why you're stuck, right?
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So it's a lot of things of what me and Christy actually talk about and do is human behaviors and patterns and things like that.
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So it's more of a tangible grasp on what's actually happening with the person versus just intuitively.
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Doesn't mean I don't use intuitiveness.
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I definitely do, but a lot of it is based on muscle testing or kinesiology as well as the intuitive aspect.
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Okay.
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And you've also gotten several certifications since we last.
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I did.
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Um, I'm currently working on um neuroplasticity.
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And um outside of that, I'm also, I've got my Silvo, I always mispronounce it, Silvotherapy, which is like a forest therapy.
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It's more than just going in the forest and hugging a tree.
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It has really actually nothing to do with that.
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I mean, there's good science behind the tree hugging too, though.
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There is.
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There's absolutely good science behind it, but it's more or less of you're going there, you're realizing what the colors do for the senses, what the uh smells are doing, everything that affects the body and why it's such an important practice, not even here in the US, but more across overseas and why they do it.
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So it's it's a big thing.
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And we're actually going to California.
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Um, I'm meeting them out there.
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Um excited.
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Yeah, for the Redwoods.
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And so that is going to be a really big place where I can really put that therapy into session and see what that's like.
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Okay.
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We're gonna go hug some big trees.
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Big trees.
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I love it.
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Big big trees.
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That's right.
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Yeah, tree trees that you can't really hug.
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That's way against those big trees.
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Yeah.
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Well, and and for anybody out there uh that wants to go back and listen to Anna's uh first podcast, that was episode two of season two.
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And uh, and again, that was about 18 months ago.
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So uh we posted that one back in January of 25.
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Um, Christy, I know far less about your background, and um, but you you really got here because you had to heal yourself.
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I did.
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I did.
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2018 was a life changer for me.
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I was in full swing of real estate, running a very good career for myself and thinking that was gonna be everything, the end-all be-all, right?
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Like you've made it, you figured it out, you ran the machine.
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Well, I got diagnosed with lupus in 2018 and it started a fight for my life.
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And through that process, I had just learned I didn't know anything about myself.
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Literally, I had no idea how my human body worked, what it took for me to even process food that I would eat in a day.
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And in 2020, I reversed the disease completely off my record.
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My body, everything, my organs started to regenerate.
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And through that process, I had met Anna.
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And Anna was extremely encouraging.
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And she goes, You really know a lot about yourself and how it works and what you do, and you really should teach it.
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And the answer was no.
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I I want to be selfish for me because I had never done that, right?
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Everyone performs.
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So I was like, No, I'm the selfish person you're gonna meet because when I do show up, I want to be fully selfless.
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And I had learned the difference of what that actually was.
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And performing's not showing up selflessly, you are sacrificing, and that is not what we were designed to do.
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So through her encouragement, she goes, please just work with my clients.
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And I said, No, how about I work with you?
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So I started with her first.
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And when her clients were like, You're different, and there's this and there's that, she goes, please just work with my clients, and it exploded from there.
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So I completely changed from running real estate to teaching exactly how I reverse the disease on top of the tools that keep us moving forward and doing it.
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And that is also done through kinesiology, muscle testing.
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But there are so many avenues to learning our human body, it's actually putting them into place, is our challenge.
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That's fantastic.
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Well, you know, I I will say, and uh anybody who listens to the podcast has probably heard me say this before.
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My favorite place to operate is where the most selfless thing I can do is also the most selfish thing that I can possibly do.
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Fair.
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Meaning that everybody in this scenario is getting what they need from the outcome.
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And uh, I think the more people collaborate and the more people think of or use that lens, just it's it's gonna be a space of abundance for everybody.
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Absolutely.
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Um, one of the best things about our friendship, truly, and I hope everybody hears it when I say it, is the best compliment I've ever gotten from Anna is she knows where I stand.
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She doesn't have to guess how I feel, what my boundaries are, what works for me, what doesn't work for me.
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She's never tippy toeing around them.
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She goes, She said it, she meant it.
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I absolutely do.
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I do that 100%.
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There's so much reassurance in knowing who you are and standing on business, right?
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Your nervous system responds well, everyone around you responds well.
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And anybody who doesn't, it's probably because they don't know who they are.
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Yeah.
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And it's been so nice.
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Um, she did an even a better compliment, actually, when we did a different podcast.
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And she goes, you know, she taught me what standards of friendship and relationships look like.
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And I hope everybody has somebody like that in their life because I I hold that high and true to myself or honor that she said that about me was you showed me that this is what a standard of friendship looks like.
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Not take from me, not expect from me, but this is the standard of care as your friend I should have.
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And if it doesn't meet that, maybe they're not my friend.
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Like good, here or better.
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That's exactly where you should stand.
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I love it.
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I absolutely did do that.
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And I and I still should be in that moment.
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I was like, oh, oh, yeah, you're right.
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Yes.
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Yeah.
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Standard of care, here or better.
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Yeah.
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New baseline.
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She created the new baseline.
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Okay.
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That's good.
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That's good.
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Um now, Ana, you've you've kind of changed some of the services that you're that you offer or or the way that you offer them.
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Yep.
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So um, you know, if if I go back 18 months ago, it was primarily uh Reiki, uh soundbed, yes, lymphatic drainage.
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Yep.
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And now I feel like it's like this, but it's it's the services have expanded, but so has the depth of service that you're providing.
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Right.
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And so the depth has really we talk about that a lot, actually.
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We talk about the depth at which people can meet us at.
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Um, so the services have definitely changed.
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One of them being it's not Reiki anymore, it's resolution reset.
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Uh, that is something, again, that kind of brings bridges the gap, right?
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Between human behavior, the patterns that you're going through, how to break those patterns, how to give you tools to navigate everyday life.
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And that's really what we focus on, Christy and I.
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Let's give you tools so that way you know how to navigate your everyday life because circumstances can be different, but all the emotions are exactly the same, right?
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And that leads into a book that I've written.
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So uh I know we're gonna touch base on that too.
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Would you like me to do that now?
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Absolutely.
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Let's dive straight in.
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So uh the book is really fictional characters, fictional events.
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However, again, all circumstances being different that you will ever experience, but the emotions within the book are very real.
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All the emotions that I've experienced that through learning myself between Christy and I, I've realized, oh crap, like this, everybody at some point has felt like they're not enough.
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Everybody at some point has felt that scarcity, that what if I pull away, what is gonna happen?
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What if I leave this relationship or leave this house or leave this whatever, right?
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So that book really focuses more than even the circumstance on the emotion set behind it.
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And then at the back of the book, it starts to give you tools that could help you navigate through just those particular emotions within the book, which is coming back to self.
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So without getting super, super into it, um one of the tools is what we talk about all the time in the moments that you don't know.
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So let's say uh you have all these options in front of you or all these choices, right?
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And you're like, well, God, I don't know what to do, or I don't know how to leave this person, or I don't know how to leave this job, or what this looks like.
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We have these things of reality check.
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Tell me all the things you do know.
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And it could be as simple as, I'm wearing pants, I'm sitting on a chair, right?
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Because when your brain is silly.
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That's right.
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When your brain is looping of I don't know where to go, I don't know what to do, I don't know how to approach this.
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It's time to pause and go, okay, but this is what I do know.
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I know that I have my phone, I know that I have shoes on, I know whatever that is, and that stops the brain from spiraling even further.
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So the back of the book has several different tools that'll help guide that.
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I kind of feel like it is it's the reminder that you need to know where you are in order to even plot out where you're going.
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Think of like GPS on your phone, right?
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The first thing it does is figure out where you are.
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Yeah.
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And then you tell it where you're trying to go, and then a mapping can can happen.
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But if you don't, if you haven't realized where you're at in the situation, I mean you're just flailing.
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Yeah.
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But we expand on what you just said, right?
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I love the GPS analogy.
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There are lots of routes to get to where you're going.
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It's not one way.
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That's right.
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Right.
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And it's always calculating things you're not thinking about.
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So instead of worrying about is it the right step, it's taking a step.
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And I want to expand on your book if it's okay to share.
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Absolutely.
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One of my favorite things watching her process write the book.
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Let's be real.
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To be human is to be biased.
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And if you don't believe that, go look it up, do some independent research, everybody.
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We have biases for our survival mechanisms.
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And my favorite thing watching Anna do this is her actually seeing her own biases.
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Oh my God.
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It was gross.
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It was gross.
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It's been so fun because the moment she thinks that this is the way that it was written in her mind, and this is how she felt about it, and this is what it meant to her, we'll get to talking about it.
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We'll get to breaking it down.
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Then I go, hey, Anna, what about this point of view and this perspective?
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And she goes, I didn't see it until now.
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And we'll sit with it.
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And her bias gets shattered, her delusion of protection in that moment.
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So there will be a lot of books written.
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There will be.
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Because as she unfolds, her true experience of emotion, not that her book is tit for tat of her life, but it's the real emotion of her experience.
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And you will watch it unfold.
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And it has been so fun as a friend, as a collaborator, to see her in the background going, I did it again.
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I got myself again.
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Well, I almost feel like it should be a a step outside, a book about the book, about we're really a book about the experience.
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Oh, yeah, it's coming.
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Meaning, because because really you changed throughout the process the process of writing the book.
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Oh, sure did.
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It was so fun.
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It's been so fun.
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But there was actually a moment, and you know, as funny as is, we can talk about, you know, everything happens for a reason, all things, but you really don't know it until you're in it, right?
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So as I was writing the book, I had a pause in my clientele.
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Literally.
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Christy loves this.
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I get a phone call going, I know the pattern, I know why the pattern's here, and I'm still annoyed.
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Yeah.
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I go, I hear you, girl.
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But you can't help others if you're in your own little spiral, right?
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So as I was seeing my patterns through life, now again, the characters are fictional, the storyline is fictional, fully fictional, but the emotions behind it are real, right?
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So as I'm re-experiencing these emotions, I'm going, oh my God.
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Every time I denied myself, every time I told myself I wasn't good enough, every time I lost an opportunity, I did it to my damn self.
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Right?
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So all these things are coming back up.
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And meanwhile, I have a pause in clientele, and I'm like, great, because I can't clearly, I'm not in a mode where I can help somebody else currently.
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Sure.
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This is not it.
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Well, you were in the you were in the process of kind of deconstructing.
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Sure was.
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And then reconstructing.
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Sure was.
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And I mean, think of a building.
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If if that building is being torn down and rebuilt, people can't be inside.
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It can't, there's no way to service people inside that building.
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Doesn't it?
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So that's really what you were going through.
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I really was.
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And so that first book is really about it's called The Ghost and the Habit.
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The Ghost and the Habit is literally all about self.
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And I love hearing everybody's thought on the on the book title, but the ghost is you, and you're lost in your own habits.
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So that's why even the tools at the back of the book help you to just take a moment to acknowledge yourself, and they're little tools.
00:14:35.279 --> 00:14:47.039
The really, really basics and fundamentals, and as Christy and I have discovered through just everyday living are basics to human behavior, human pattern, human existence.
00:14:47.360 --> 00:14:50.720
And without those basics, we tend to forget and get lost in the sauce.
00:14:51.279 --> 00:14:54.159
So we bring it back to that one first.
00:14:54.240 --> 00:14:57.039
And that yes, there are absolutely more books to be coming.
00:14:57.279 --> 00:14:59.360
I'm already starting on the second book.
00:14:59.519 --> 00:15:01.519
Um that's way out.
00:15:02.080 --> 00:15:08.399
But it that'll hit at the back of the book, there'll be tools on what that book expands on, right?
00:15:08.480 --> 00:15:15.120
So you're slowly building your own toolkit, realizing that I I'm not getting into your story.
00:15:15.360 --> 00:15:19.120
I've given you my emotions that you've at some point felt within yours.
00:15:19.279 --> 00:15:19.440
Right.
00:15:19.600 --> 00:15:19.840
Right?
00:15:20.000 --> 00:15:21.840
There's no interconnecting with them.
00:15:22.080 --> 00:15:22.559
That's right.
00:15:22.720 --> 00:15:27.039
And then knowing how from there to address those with tools.
00:15:27.600 --> 00:15:35.519
I feel like in in the back of each of one of your each of your books going forward, you should have a section that is called Did you get lost in the sauce?
00:15:36.320 --> 00:15:37.120
That's a good idea.
00:15:37.440 --> 00:15:40.879
And it could and it could help them kind of walk back how how they re-engage.
00:15:41.279 --> 00:15:41.919
Truly.
00:15:42.159 --> 00:15:48.399
Because I can see people getting lost in in connecting your story to their own work.
00:15:48.799 --> 00:15:54.000
The resonance of it is going to eat them up and looping it back to you is ingenious.
00:15:54.320 --> 00:16:01.679
You might even you might even have like highlighted areas where it's like, oh, it's almost like you take a detour and it's like, hey, just checking on you.
00:16:01.840 --> 00:16:02.080
Yeah.
00:16:02.720 --> 00:16:03.759
Don't get lost.
00:16:04.399 --> 00:16:05.840
Wait, it's like one of those books.
00:16:06.000 --> 00:16:12.799
You know, like those, the bubbles, those kid books where you're like going through, okay, turn to page 11 if you choose this choice, right?
00:16:13.679 --> 00:16:14.799
Scavenger at your way back.
00:16:15.519 --> 00:16:17.440
Those those could be QR codes in the book.
00:16:17.679 --> 00:16:18.399
That's ingenious.
00:16:18.559 --> 00:16:22.240
Or you scan it, and then they hear you say, Look, I know.
00:16:23.519 --> 00:16:25.279
Yeah, I know this is a journey.
00:16:25.440 --> 00:16:25.600
Yeah.
00:16:26.000 --> 00:16:30.159
And at this point, you may be feeling filling a blank, and that's natural.
00:16:30.240 --> 00:16:41.039
You know, basically, you know, if you think about any line on the planet, like like if you go to a store, the most frustrating thing that can happen is if you think you're in line, but you're not real sure.
00:16:41.360 --> 00:16:42.720
So it's that not knowing.
00:16:42.879 --> 00:16:48.720
And so I think you could have checkpoints throughout the book where it's like, hey, if you're I know that chapter was tough.
00:16:48.879 --> 00:16:49.840
Check in here.
00:16:50.080 --> 00:16:50.399
Yeah.
00:16:50.639 --> 00:16:51.360
Absolutely.
00:16:51.600 --> 00:16:52.320
I like that.
00:16:52.879 --> 00:16:57.440
And I think you would have more engagement because people they'd be like, oh, she gets me.
00:16:57.679 --> 00:16:58.000
Yeah.
00:16:58.159 --> 00:16:58.480
Yeah.
00:16:58.879 --> 00:16:59.200
Yeah.
00:16:59.360 --> 00:17:00.639
That's a good that's a good thing.
00:17:00.720 --> 00:17:04.799
I shouldn't note that for the the second, third, fourth, however many books we're doing here.
00:17:05.119 --> 00:17:08.079
Well, in collaboration of it all, what we know about, right?
00:17:08.160 --> 00:17:14.960
The nervous system is the nervous system repeats its patterns on purpose to educate us and to bring us back to our highest well-being.
00:17:15.279 --> 00:17:24.799
And fun outsider looking in at Anna's world is her first book truly was, you know, her adolescence, her childhood, her finding herself and all of these things.
00:17:24.960 --> 00:17:31.680
And in her real life, like real life, she actually has to now teach her children how not to do that.
00:17:31.839 --> 00:17:32.880
Oh, that's some messed up.
00:17:33.279 --> 00:17:43.680
And it has been in parallel growth since she started writing it, is because she has real kids in real life, in real life stages that she has to parent herself out of.
00:17:44.000 --> 00:17:58.400
Okay, so in that in that same same talk track, so is some of it you teach them to avoid it, or is some of it you give them the tools so that they know how to work through it?
00:17:58.640 --> 00:17:59.759
Oh, yeah, no, we don't avoid it.
00:17:59.839 --> 00:18:01.839
I was gonna say, I'm already gonna go with that one.
00:18:02.400 --> 00:18:04.079
Yeah, no, we don't avoid.
00:18:04.240 --> 00:18:08.319
We uh we teach tools to actually navigate through it, right?
00:18:08.480 --> 00:18:10.240
Because otherwise it just repeats itself.
00:18:10.480 --> 00:18:19.119
Anything that's unlearned, or like the times that we have things that loop in our I've done it myself, where it's looped, I'm like, oh, there's something I've missed.
00:18:19.440 --> 00:18:21.200
Because it's really not anybody else's fault.
00:18:21.279 --> 00:18:21.839
It's me, right?
00:18:21.920 --> 00:18:23.119
It always comes back to self.
00:18:23.279 --> 00:18:26.160
It's just willing whether we're willing to see it or not, right?
00:18:26.799 --> 00:18:29.119
So I I don't avoid with the kids.
00:18:29.200 --> 00:18:32.799
It's like, I do have my human moments, and Christy will attest.
00:18:32.880 --> 00:18:36.319
I'll have a human moment, I'll look at them and be like, and we're gonna do a session on that later.
00:18:36.400 --> 00:18:36.640
Okay.
00:18:36.880 --> 00:18:41.440
Yeah, but we'll talk to Christy or me later, but we'll figure it out because we're still human.
00:18:41.680 --> 00:18:42.160
It's fine.
00:18:42.559 --> 00:18:43.279
That's right.
00:18:43.680 --> 00:18:45.039
Not perfect out here.
00:18:45.920 --> 00:18:47.279
But just knowing where we're at.
00:18:47.440 --> 00:18:47.680
Yeah.
00:18:47.839 --> 00:18:48.240
Yeah.
00:18:48.720 --> 00:18:49.039
Okay.
00:18:49.200 --> 00:18:50.079
That's cool.
00:18:50.319 --> 00:18:58.000
Um, so how has so how has the writing the book, the experience of writing the book, how has it changed you?
00:18:58.240 --> 00:18:59.359
We'll get real specific.
00:18:59.519 --> 00:19:01.200
How has it changed you as a parent?
00:19:01.599 --> 00:19:03.039
Oh, as a parent.
00:19:03.279 --> 00:19:12.400
Well, first I gotta go with myself first, because I had I had during the writing of it, I made sure my girls they get the opportunity to be with my parents during the summer.
00:19:12.559 --> 00:19:13.440
And you know this.
00:19:13.680 --> 00:19:17.359
And so they were they were there during that time with their grandparents.
00:19:17.440 --> 00:19:20.559
So I was able really to self-reflect on myself.
00:19:20.880 --> 00:19:30.799
And how I changed in those moments is realizing all the things, like I said before, the opportunities that I had neglected or the times that I put myself down.
00:19:30.960 --> 00:19:32.319
Nobody else did it, right?
00:19:32.400 --> 00:19:35.279
They they gave me the information, but I agreed to take it.
00:19:35.440 --> 00:19:35.759
That's right.
00:19:35.920 --> 00:19:36.319
Right.
00:19:36.559 --> 00:19:45.839
So, ironically enough, when my girls got back, there were some things that I saw within my oldest that I was like, oh, I see me.
00:19:46.000 --> 00:19:47.039
I see me right there.
00:19:47.279 --> 00:19:49.440
We're not gonna decline every opportunity.
00:19:49.599 --> 00:19:52.400
You're going to take a moment, and that's what I was telling you before the show, right?
00:19:52.559 --> 00:19:56.799
We're gonna take a moment to think about where you actually stand.
00:19:57.200 --> 00:20:04.640
And you better be proud of whatever decision you make because you're the only one that has to live with that consequence, good or bad.
00:20:05.119 --> 00:20:07.519
So I've had real life, Christy's not wrong.
00:20:07.759 --> 00:20:17.839
I've had the parallel for it has been so sincerely divinely put you can't make this stuff up.
00:20:18.319 --> 00:20:21.279
So the parallel to it has just been fascinating.
00:20:21.440 --> 00:20:21.680
Yeah.
00:20:21.920 --> 00:20:22.880
I hope that answers your question.
00:20:23.200 --> 00:20:24.079
No, it absolutely does.
00:20:24.160 --> 00:20:29.920
And uh I think we we all get in um these patterns or rut.
00:20:30.079 --> 00:20:30.240
Yeah.
00:20:30.400 --> 00:20:38.799
And uh one of the things that I know people have heard me say before is uh what's the difference between a a rut and a groove and it's success.
00:20:39.039 --> 00:20:45.680
And that success could be monetarily, it could be it's getting you closer to where you're trying to go or towards your goals, etc.
00:20:46.000 --> 00:20:48.720
But but we we do get stuck in patterns sometimes.
00:20:49.279 --> 00:20:58.400
And um recently I had I literally had to just find a reason to say yes because I had been stuck in a pattern of no.
00:20:59.039 --> 00:21:04.799
And I think just more people need to be aware of the patterns that they're creating.
00:21:05.200 --> 00:21:09.839
I feel like the challenge with being aware is that we don't know how we work, right?
00:21:10.000 --> 00:21:11.359
We don't know how our bodies work.
00:21:11.440 --> 00:21:13.680
So I am an emotion and body coat practitioner, that's Dr.
00:21:13.759 --> 00:21:18.400
Bradley Nelson, which is certified kinesiology, and then I study all the other fun stuff.
00:21:18.640 --> 00:21:23.359
But the challenge I see with my one-on-one clients is they don't know how they work.
00:21:23.759 --> 00:21:29.200
They don't know that the brain is wired to protect you, but then we have innate needs that conflict one another, right?
00:21:29.519 --> 00:21:31.359
Oh, go, you gotta tell, you gotta tell one of them.
00:21:31.599 --> 00:21:33.599
You need expansion, but you need stability.
00:21:33.759 --> 00:21:36.319
That's a direct conflict in your body, right?
00:21:36.400 --> 00:21:40.960
So you literally will go in a circle of I want to go explore, but I'm terrified.
00:21:41.279 --> 00:21:41.839
What?
00:21:42.559 --> 00:21:48.400
So if you know it happens and you know your body is designed to keep you alive, you can become the parent.
00:21:48.480 --> 00:21:51.599
And we talk a lot about becoming the parent.
00:21:51.839 --> 00:21:59.759
You have got to grow up for yourself because you are the only person that is going to advocate, that's going to show up.
00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:05.440
Right back for you, the way your body has been doing all this background work at the same time.
00:22:05.680 --> 00:22:11.039
And I feel the same is true in so, and I know there's a very strong correlation.
00:22:11.119 --> 00:22:17.519
It's it's really kind of one and the same with what y'all are doing, is people have to be their own ad advocate for their own health.
00:22:17.759 --> 00:22:17.920
Yeah.
00:22:18.160 --> 00:22:19.279
A hundred percent.
00:22:19.519 --> 00:22:25.039
And a lot of people, it and this it blows my mind how many people just want to be told what to do.
00:22:25.359 --> 00:22:26.000
Yes, yes.
00:22:26.319 --> 00:22:30.559
They don't want to make a decision because they don't want to be responsible for the outcome.
00:22:31.119 --> 00:22:34.240
So they want to go to the doctor and for the doctor to tell them what to do.
00:22:34.559 --> 00:22:43.599
Well, here's the kicker of that, though, because I love that you said that, and I'm sure Christy will agree with me, is that we automatically want somebody else to blame.
00:22:44.079 --> 00:22:45.440
Kind of like what you said, right?
00:22:45.680 --> 00:22:49.200
But in reality, you still agree to it, right?
00:22:49.359 --> 00:22:50.400
So, good example.
00:22:50.480 --> 00:22:51.839
I had my youngest the other day.
00:22:51.920 --> 00:22:54.079
She Christy knows the story.
00:22:54.319 --> 00:22:56.160
Um, but I had my youngest the other day.
00:22:56.240 --> 00:23:02.720
We're sitting at the dinner table, and she we went, me, Christy, and a group of us, we went to a putt putt place.
00:23:03.039 --> 00:23:04.640
And it was all electronic putt shack.
00:23:04.720 --> 00:23:04.799
Yeah.
00:23:05.359 --> 00:23:05.599
Yeah, yeah.
00:23:06.000 --> 00:23:06.559
I saw the pictures.
00:23:06.799 --> 00:23:07.039
Yes.
00:23:07.200 --> 00:23:10.960
So we were there, they took me and my girls went into a photo booth and had a picture.
00:23:11.119 --> 00:23:15.759
Well, I stood there and said, Look, Emma, if you don't want to do the soccer ones, they have these other ones, and I started naming them.
00:23:15.839 --> 00:23:17.440
And she goes, Well, you spoke for me.
00:23:17.599 --> 00:23:20.400
And I said, Oh, love that.
00:23:20.880 --> 00:23:21.680
Back up.
00:23:22.000 --> 00:23:27.039
I was like, Because every single thing that was chosen, you were asked if you agreed.
00:23:27.839 --> 00:23:29.680
Nobody said yes but you.
00:23:30.000 --> 00:23:33.279
And she just stood there with her mouth open, like, oh shit.
00:23:33.440 --> 00:23:35.119
Like, I don't know where to go from here.
00:23:35.440 --> 00:23:38.319
But when you put it like that, that's our favorite statement from many.
00:23:38.400 --> 00:23:41.200
Well, when you put it like that, accountability, it's a real thing.
00:23:41.359 --> 00:23:42.079
Yeah, people.
00:23:42.480 --> 00:23:45.119
Like, okay, so I'm I'm gonna ask the the two of you.
00:23:45.359 --> 00:23:54.720
Obviously, you have an unfair advantage because uh we've done some done some work together, but yeah, um, so a little bit of I'd love for you to analyze me a little bit.
00:23:55.200 --> 00:24:03.839
Christy in that uh so on the disc profile, I I'm high D, high C, so I want it perfect and I want it right now, so I'm always at conflict with myself.
00:24:04.480 --> 00:24:05.839
And I'm the opposite.
00:24:06.000 --> 00:24:07.519
I don't want to blame someone else.
00:24:07.680 --> 00:24:11.839
I want to be in charge, I want to be the one to blame if it goes sideways.
00:24:12.079 --> 00:24:18.319
So much so that I will not ride with anybody else, I will not let my kids ride with anybody else.
00:24:18.559 --> 00:24:26.640
Like I'm in control of that environment because I do not want something to be outside of my control when it's that important.
00:24:26.960 --> 00:24:28.480
Hyperindependence all day long.
00:24:28.960 --> 00:24:30.240
It requires for safety.
00:24:30.319 --> 00:24:34.319
Your nervous system doesn't trust you, which means it doesn't trust its environment.
00:24:34.640 --> 00:24:34.960
Okay.
00:24:35.440 --> 00:24:43.039
We've got to get you as the main parent in the in the system, and we've got to build the resilience in there that says, I have a hundred percent success rate.
00:24:43.119 --> 00:24:46.720
Every single thing you've ever been faced with, you actually figured it out.
00:24:47.200 --> 00:24:49.839
But the brain can't see that prediction mechanism.
00:24:50.079 --> 00:25:04.880
There is something deep in your core inside that little, well, I call them your little, whatever you want to call them, name him, have a whole relationship with it because there's something that's stuck in that subconscious that says, if I don't know the outcome, I can't trust it, meaning I can't move forward.
00:25:04.960 --> 00:25:07.039
So I need to be in full control.
00:25:07.359 --> 00:25:07.680
Okay.
00:25:07.920 --> 00:25:09.759
Instead of just saying, I trust me.
00:25:10.000 --> 00:25:10.799
I got this.
00:25:11.039 --> 00:25:11.279
Okay.
00:25:11.519 --> 00:25:12.799
Does that last part sound familiar?
00:25:13.039 --> 00:25:13.359
A little bit.
00:25:13.599 --> 00:25:13.680
Okay.
00:25:13.759 --> 00:25:16.880
I just want to make sure that the last part we've not talked about that before.
00:25:17.119 --> 00:25:19.680
But hyperindependence is a trauma response, right?
00:25:19.839 --> 00:25:23.680
It lets us know that we weren't given the tools, and this is no fault or blame to anyone else.
00:25:23.759 --> 00:25:27.200
It's our nervous system, it's the way it is developed through time.
00:25:27.279 --> 00:25:32.000
And there are very specific stages in our nervous system that build our resilience and our confidence.
00:25:32.160 --> 00:25:39.920
And if at any point in time that was shattered, shifted, blamed, or adjusted during development, you've got to rewire it now as an adult.
00:25:40.160 --> 00:25:40.480
Okay.
00:25:41.039 --> 00:25:42.640
And you know exactly which time that is.
00:25:42.799 --> 00:25:43.039
Right.
00:25:43.359 --> 00:25:44.000
Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:25:44.160 --> 00:25:44.400
Uh-huh.
00:25:44.559 --> 00:25:44.960
Well, I will.
00:25:46.240 --> 00:25:47.119
I just want to hit that real quick.
00:25:47.279 --> 00:25:48.160
Well, I know his brain went.
00:25:48.720 --> 00:25:51.359
Well, this is one fundamental we talk about.
00:25:51.440 --> 00:25:53.119
And I, if it gets into here, great.
00:25:53.279 --> 00:25:54.799
If it doesn't, I hope you hear it from me.
00:25:54.960 --> 00:25:55.359
Yeah.
00:25:55.519 --> 00:25:56.880
We do not choose our thoughts.
00:25:57.039 --> 00:26:03.920
And I worked with a neuro on this, and he sat me down and he goes, Look, you can't tell me what you're gonna think next.
00:26:04.079 --> 00:26:05.279
And I go, Yeah, I can.
00:26:05.440 --> 00:26:08.000
I was young and ego, and I was bound to prove him wrong.
00:26:08.160 --> 00:26:09.680
He goes, You can tell me what you're thinking.
00:26:09.839 --> 00:26:11.119
You can tell me what you've thought.
00:26:11.279 --> 00:26:13.200
You can't tell me the next thought that comes.
00:26:14.000 --> 00:26:17.119
And I sat there just fuming.
00:26:17.519 --> 00:26:20.559
I was enraged because I'm hyper-independent.
00:26:21.119 --> 00:26:22.400
I've got it all under control.
00:26:22.480 --> 00:26:25.839
I don't need anyone, and it's all in my hands, or it's not right.
00:26:26.400 --> 00:26:26.720
Okay.
00:26:27.200 --> 00:26:29.680
That's burnout and that's survival.
00:26:30.240 --> 00:26:36.240
But he goes, You have to learn how to manage what your brain does because you cannot control it.
00:26:36.559 --> 00:26:36.799
Right.
00:26:37.359 --> 00:26:40.720
So we don't choose our thoughts, we only navigate them.
00:26:41.359 --> 00:26:45.119
Whenever we're talking and you're getting memory, that's your body's communication.
00:26:45.519 --> 00:26:48.720
That's the way that it processes what is stuck in your muscle memory.
00:26:48.960 --> 00:26:53.599
So the fact that I was talking about something and your body went straight to a memory, you didn't choose that.
00:26:54.000 --> 00:26:56.799
Your body is processing its resonance with me.
00:26:57.039 --> 00:26:57.279
Okay.
00:26:57.440 --> 00:26:58.240
In that information.
00:26:58.319 --> 00:26:59.599
Because you didn't tap into there.
00:26:59.680 --> 00:27:02.079
It just went, whoop, file cabinet, here we go.
00:27:02.319 --> 00:27:02.640
Right.
00:27:03.039 --> 00:27:07.440
That's what blew my mind about learning human behavior to begin with was you know what?
00:27:07.599 --> 00:27:09.920
I'm not choosing what my body's kicking up.
00:27:10.480 --> 00:27:11.599
Where is that coming from?
00:27:12.000 --> 00:27:14.319
Where's the stored information at in here?
00:27:14.640 --> 00:27:17.599
And we've learned muscle memory is big file cabinets in our system.
00:27:17.839 --> 00:27:18.000
Right.
00:27:18.319 --> 00:27:19.759
Let's clean out the file cabinets.
00:27:20.160 --> 00:27:20.480
Okay.
00:27:20.960 --> 00:27:33.440
And I think I think what I'm gonna just interject here with something, but I really think it's important that that was brought up because even as we as we progress forward, people are like, oh, well, I have this survival, oh, or I have this, right?
00:27:33.519 --> 00:27:36.079
And it's almost like this blame game shift.
00:27:37.759 --> 00:27:38.880
Yeah, this guilt thing.
00:27:38.960 --> 00:27:43.920
And it it's a no, we we had survival, right?
00:27:44.240 --> 00:27:51.200
But we actually now have depicted little pieces and bits of it and go, now how do we make it work for us?
00:27:51.839 --> 00:27:52.079
Right?
00:27:52.480 --> 00:27:59.440
And so I think everybody can come to terms with that, but you have to be willing to be the parent of yourself, you have to be willing to take accountability.
00:27:59.759 --> 00:28:01.839
There's look, everybody throws accountability around.
00:28:03.839 --> 00:28:04.319
Please.
00:28:04.640 --> 00:28:06.880
Accountability is a two-step process.
00:28:07.200 --> 00:28:09.440
So adults don't want to hear that.
00:28:09.519 --> 00:28:11.920
They're like, well, I admitted it, and I go, cute.
00:28:12.000 --> 00:28:12.799
Yeah, that's cute.
00:28:12.880 --> 00:28:13.680
That's acknowledgement.
00:28:13.759 --> 00:28:14.720
That's not accountability.
00:28:14.960 --> 00:28:15.119
Right.
00:28:15.200 --> 00:28:19.519
Okay, accountability says I've acknowledged it, and I have course of action of change behavior.
00:28:19.759 --> 00:28:20.000
Right.
00:28:20.799 --> 00:28:24.000
So it's the chain, it always ends up with action behind it.
00:28:24.160 --> 00:28:26.640
You have to have changed behavior to have accountability.
00:28:26.880 --> 00:28:27.519
That's right.
00:28:28.559 --> 00:28:29.759
Otherwise, you're just repeating.
00:28:30.160 --> 00:28:30.880
You're manipulating.
00:28:31.039 --> 00:28:32.160
You're manipulating yourself, girlfriend.
00:28:32.400 --> 00:28:34.400
You're very good at persuasion and manipulation.
00:28:34.799 --> 00:28:38.240
Or justification for things that the reason why we do things all day long.
00:28:38.640 --> 00:28:39.839
People do it every day.
00:28:40.160 --> 00:28:40.720
All the time.
00:28:41.119 --> 00:28:43.200
But I love hearing an adult go, I'm so accountable.
00:28:43.279 --> 00:28:44.160
And I go, that's great.
00:28:44.240 --> 00:28:45.200
How much have you changed?
00:28:45.759 --> 00:28:46.799
And they go, What?
00:28:47.440 --> 00:28:48.000
Right.
00:28:48.480 --> 00:28:51.599
You're very well acknowledged.
00:28:51.920 --> 00:28:57.200
You're very maybe aware of yourself, but you're not doing anything but adding to the bucket of things you already don't like.
00:28:57.440 --> 00:28:57.839
Yeah.
00:28:58.400 --> 00:28:59.359
What are you doing about it?
00:28:59.839 --> 00:29:02.720
I mean, as as just as a human construct, we do that every day.
00:29:03.039 --> 00:29:04.160
Every day.
00:29:05.200 --> 00:29:08.079
We are the master puppet masters of self, right?
00:29:08.240 --> 00:29:18.240
Like we literally pull every string of persuasion and our emotions are designed to help us, not harm us, but we are so stuck in them because we don't understand they have purpose.
00:29:18.480 --> 00:29:21.920
There is eight primary emotions and they have a job that's innate.
00:29:22.079 --> 00:29:25.839
Every human, I don't care who, what, when, and where, it is survival-driven.
00:29:26.079 --> 00:29:28.400
If you learn them, they're not so scary.
00:29:29.200 --> 00:29:31.200
If I'm angry, I need protection.
00:29:31.440 --> 00:29:34.480
Well, I think I think most people just go through life with blinders on.
00:29:34.640 --> 00:29:35.519
Uh bias.
00:29:35.759 --> 00:29:37.759
I just this is the way I'm going.
00:29:38.240 --> 00:29:40.720
I know it's over there, but I'm I'm not looking at it.
00:29:40.880 --> 00:29:41.839
This is me not looking at it.
00:29:42.079 --> 00:29:46.079
Doesn't mean it doesn't exist, but it will show up literally somewhere else, right?
00:29:46.240 --> 00:29:48.720
So whether it be work, I even asked my husband that.
00:29:48.799 --> 00:29:48.960
Yeah.
00:29:49.200 --> 00:29:49.759
You know that.
00:29:50.000 --> 00:29:56.400
I've asked him, he came up to me one day and he was like, you know, I'm really feeling like I'm just not doing enough.
00:29:56.720 --> 00:29:58.400
But I'm doing enough, right?
00:29:58.480 --> 00:29:59.680
He was like, it's the weirdest feeling.
00:29:59.839 --> 00:30:00.400
I said, Great.
00:30:00.559 --> 00:30:01.680
So you've had it at your job.
00:30:01.839 --> 00:30:03.359
Have you had it feeling at home?
00:30:03.599 --> 00:30:04.640
And he was like, What?
00:30:04.799 --> 00:30:12.640
And I said, Because if you don't catch it when it's outside like that, it's gonna slowly work its way in and in and in to it smacks you in the face.
00:30:12.799 --> 00:30:14.960
And then that's when people are like, Well, now I don't know what to do.
00:30:15.039 --> 00:30:16.160
It's everywhere, right?
00:30:16.319 --> 00:30:17.759
But that's what we help teach.
00:30:17.920 --> 00:30:24.079
That's what we help no stop it at the beginning of its cycle, the beginning of the pattern, but you gotta see there's one there to begin with.
00:30:24.160 --> 00:30:24.799
Yeah, right.
00:30:24.960 --> 00:30:26.000
So that's really what we delve into.
00:30:26.240 --> 00:30:27.279
You gotta catch it, right?
00:30:27.359 --> 00:30:30.720
And that's the basic steps we start with is learning how to identify.
00:30:30.880 --> 00:30:35.039
You can rectify anything in your nervous system once you can identify it.
00:30:35.279 --> 00:30:35.440
Right.
00:30:35.519 --> 00:30:36.160
Nothing's broken.
00:30:36.319 --> 00:30:36.799
That's right.
00:30:36.960 --> 00:30:39.200
Acknowledgement required, the mess matters.
00:30:39.279 --> 00:30:42.240
And that is our collaboration space is the mess matters.
00:30:42.400 --> 00:30:48.079
Every single thing we've ever collaborated on was because it was a mess first in anything for ourselves or with others.
00:30:48.240 --> 00:30:48.559
Yeah.
00:30:48.799 --> 00:30:49.359
Truly.
00:30:49.680 --> 00:30:50.000
Sure.
00:30:50.400 --> 00:30:51.599
That's an ooh moment.
00:30:53.759 --> 00:30:55.839
We are so messy, but we're not broken.
00:30:55.920 --> 00:31:01.839
And if anybody who's ever moved, rearranged, or done something, it's messier before it gets better.
00:31:02.000 --> 00:31:08.079
But the feeling you have through that process, through that journey, through that reorganization is what builds that nervous system.
00:31:08.240 --> 00:31:10.079
It builds your strength within yourself.
00:31:10.319 --> 00:31:11.359
We don't like it to start.
00:31:11.519 --> 00:31:12.319
Nobody likes it.
00:31:12.480 --> 00:31:12.799
Okay.
00:31:12.960 --> 00:31:13.519
We got it.
00:31:13.599 --> 00:31:14.880
It's it's uncomfortable.
00:31:14.960 --> 00:31:16.000
That is what intuition is.
00:31:16.079 --> 00:31:17.359
It's not designed to be comfortable.
00:31:17.440 --> 00:31:18.400
We wouldn't do anything.
00:31:18.640 --> 00:31:21.839
So we have to be uncomfortable, but then also look at your data.
00:31:22.079 --> 00:31:24.400
You really do have got a track record of success.
00:31:24.559 --> 00:31:27.440
You may not like all of it, but it's still there.
00:31:27.680 --> 00:31:28.160
That's right.
00:31:28.400 --> 00:31:37.839
Well, and kind of like we were talking before we started the podcast, uh, because my background is a business coach, and so I loved what you said there, is it's messier before it gets better.
00:31:37.920 --> 00:31:38.319
Yes.
00:31:38.480 --> 00:31:42.000
And a lot of people stop as soon as it gets messier.
00:31:42.160 --> 00:31:42.640
Oh, yeah.
00:31:43.119 --> 00:31:52.319
And um, so I love having clients that are that you know, I usually have to shed some light on the fact that it is going to get worse before it gets better.
00:31:52.559 --> 00:31:52.640
Yeah.
00:31:53.039 --> 00:32:04.480
Because if if if you were if you were doing this much work in order to just keep doing what you're doing, you're going to have to do that much work plus this much work in order to write the ship.
00:32:04.880 --> 00:32:06.400
And that's where a lot of people stop.
00:32:06.480 --> 00:32:14.799
Is when as soon as they see it it got harder, and it didn't get harder for a minute, it got harder for three months or whatever that whatever that looks like.
00:32:14.960 --> 00:32:18.960
And so I I I I see the same correlation with people trying to fix themselves.
00:32:19.200 --> 00:32:19.680
Yep.
00:32:19.839 --> 00:32:22.880
Um and so we'll make all kinds of excuses.
00:32:23.279 --> 00:32:30.480
Just the same way, same way business owners will make all kinds of excuses as to why it is what it is, or we do it this way because we've always done it that way.
00:32:30.720 --> 00:32:31.440
Oh my god.
00:32:31.920 --> 00:32:38.240
And and so people do the same thing in their personal lives, and they're just they're just used to it, so they're stuck in that rut.
00:32:38.480 --> 00:32:39.039
That's right.
00:32:39.279 --> 00:32:45.119
And and if you think about getting out of a rut, like it takes a lot of effort to get up and out of that rut.
00:32:45.200 --> 00:32:53.759
And so, whether we're talking about business or in life, it takes a lot of effort beyond what you are currently doing to get out of it.
00:32:54.079 --> 00:33:01.039
See, and I love your approach with that because you are, and correct me if I'm wrong here, but you're you are very business and straightforward in that manner.
00:33:01.440 --> 00:33:04.000
And the issue that we find, right, is people's thresholds.
00:33:04.319 --> 00:33:07.039
And so we have found a way to meet that threshold.
00:33:07.119 --> 00:33:10.799
And I I applaud you for being at the level where I don't have to meet everyone's threshold, it's where you sit.
00:33:10.880 --> 00:33:12.559
I repeat that that's cool.
00:33:12.799 --> 00:33:14.480
And that's that's exactly it.
00:33:14.640 --> 00:33:18.000
Not everybody needs the baby steps, but some people do.
00:33:18.160 --> 00:33:25.200
And we've we've devised a very beautiful stepping stone that says take the wins, build on compound because it matters, right?
00:33:25.359 --> 00:33:27.680
What's the difference between a ditch and a grave?
00:33:28.000 --> 00:33:29.039
One you get out of.
00:33:29.279 --> 00:33:29.599
Okay.
00:33:30.079 --> 00:33:31.200
So pick and choose.
00:33:31.680 --> 00:33:33.279
He's gonna write that down for future, look at it.
00:33:35.839 --> 00:33:39.759
It's really, really important though that we understand where our thresholds are at.
00:33:40.079 --> 00:33:41.920
The depth in which we can meet them, yeah.
00:33:42.160 --> 00:33:44.880
So that we don't set them up for crash and burn.
00:33:45.200 --> 00:33:47.839
And we really do go take your wins.
00:33:47.920 --> 00:33:49.680
Your wins are I didn't run nobody over today.
00:33:49.839 --> 00:33:51.039
Ain't nobody got cussed out today.
00:33:51.119 --> 00:33:51.279
Yeah.
00:33:51.440 --> 00:33:52.400
That's enough of a win.
00:33:52.640 --> 00:33:52.799
Okay.
00:33:52.880 --> 00:33:56.160
So when we first met and first started saying that, I would ask her.
00:33:56.559 --> 00:33:57.200
You're concerned.
00:33:57.440 --> 00:34:00.400
I was because I would be like, Hi, Ben, like, what are you doing?
00:34:00.559 --> 00:34:02.160
And when I asked that, I genuinely mean it.
00:34:02.240 --> 00:34:03.759
And she's like, Well, I didn't kill anybody today.
00:34:03.839 --> 00:34:04.160
We're good.
00:34:04.240 --> 00:34:05.119
And I was like, What?
00:34:05.279 --> 00:34:06.480
And I genuinely meant it.
00:34:06.640 --> 00:34:08.880
That was my win for the day because I had ran real estate.
00:34:08.960 --> 00:34:12.480
And if anybody has ever been in real estate, it's a crapshoot.
00:34:12.639 --> 00:34:12.800
Yeah.
00:34:12.960 --> 00:34:13.360
Oh, absolutely.
00:34:13.920 --> 00:34:14.480
For the day.
00:34:15.679 --> 00:34:21.280
But truly, we we allow ourselves to be human unapologetically and messy.
00:34:21.599 --> 00:34:23.199
It matters for the journey.
00:34:23.360 --> 00:34:30.079
This is not about perfection and performance, which is something we talked about earlier was, you know, I you want it to be perfect.
00:34:30.159 --> 00:34:31.199
You want it to have in control.
00:34:31.280 --> 00:34:35.119
And that's just because the nervous system doesn't trust that it's going to be okay.
00:34:35.519 --> 00:34:43.280
Well, you know, uh, somebody asked me once, it was actually on a podcast uh years ago, and they said um perfect doesn't exist.
00:34:43.920 --> 00:34:44.960
No, what is perfect?
00:34:45.199 --> 00:34:46.559
Well, I want to challenge that.
00:34:46.800 --> 00:34:47.920
Uh-oh, yay.
00:34:48.239 --> 00:34:50.159
Perfect moments can exist.
00:34:50.880 --> 00:34:57.199
Now, I think a lot of people are striving for this perfect life or this perfect journey, and that doesn't exist.
00:34:57.440 --> 00:35:05.199
But I do think there are these shiny, bright moments that we gravitate toward where everything just kind of came together for our benefit.
00:35:05.519 --> 00:35:10.960
And some of it we had control over, and some of it was just the world playing to our advantage that day.
00:35:11.280 --> 00:35:21.519
And I do think there are these perfect moments that you can you can hold on to to give you that confidence the next time you feel like you're in a ditch or you feel like you're in this rut that you can't get out of.
00:35:21.599 --> 00:35:32.559
And you you can kind of pull from that feeling or that confidence that you had in that that last time or that whatever that happened and leverage it for your advantage.
00:35:32.960 --> 00:35:35.039
Moments to meaning is the first thing I thought of.
00:35:35.119 --> 00:35:36.000
Is that what you thought of?
00:35:36.239 --> 00:35:50.880
It is, but I also want to expand on that because I I do believe language matters and learning more about how our psyche works and how our brain processes, when we say perfect moments, right, we do need to remind ourselves mentally and physically that it's our perfect moment.
00:35:51.199 --> 00:35:51.440
Sure.
00:35:51.679 --> 00:35:51.840
Right?
00:35:52.159 --> 00:35:52.719
It's our story.
00:35:53.039 --> 00:35:57.599
That language matters because the psyche does not know anyone else exists, right?
00:35:57.760 --> 00:35:58.800
It doesn't know that.
00:35:58.960 --> 00:36:07.519
And so when we're talking or preaching or advocating out here and sharing, we forget that our language is so important to our brain.
00:36:08.000 --> 00:36:09.679
And so it's like, this was my perfect moment.
00:36:09.840 --> 00:36:11.280
Look at the world showing up for me.
00:36:11.599 --> 00:36:13.840
Look at this space working out for me.
00:36:14.079 --> 00:36:16.559
That feeds right back into what I call your bank account.
00:36:16.639 --> 00:36:17.760
You are the bank account.
00:36:17.920 --> 00:36:18.960
What is withdrawing?
00:36:19.199 --> 00:36:20.239
What is depositing?
00:36:20.320 --> 00:36:21.360
You should know those things.
00:36:21.440 --> 00:36:21.679
Yeah.
00:36:21.840 --> 00:36:29.920
And then really feed that language back into yourself because that's the relationship you're building, that one-on-one of true show up and get it done.
00:36:30.079 --> 00:36:32.400
But your perfect moment was absolutely perfect for you.
00:36:32.480 --> 00:36:35.039
I guarantee if I sat in your moment, it wouldn't feel the same for me.
00:36:35.280 --> 00:36:36.239
Sure, absolutely.
00:36:36.480 --> 00:36:38.079
But it was your perfect moment.
00:36:38.239 --> 00:36:38.639
Yeah.
00:36:38.960 --> 00:36:40.239
And that's the end of discussion.
00:36:40.320 --> 00:36:41.360
And that's what I love hearing.
00:36:41.440 --> 00:36:42.559
People like, this is mine.
00:36:42.639 --> 00:36:44.000
Let's teach you how to have yours.
00:36:44.719 --> 00:36:45.440
That's cool.
00:36:45.679 --> 00:36:46.239
I like that.
00:36:46.559 --> 00:36:47.920
Give it your power back.
00:36:48.159 --> 00:37:03.039
Well, and you know, uh, I I won't I won't name names, uh, but I have family members that you have helped, and and I see how much more equipped they are to handle the things that they couldn't properly handle before.
00:37:03.280 --> 00:37:03.840
What a cost of things.
00:37:04.000 --> 00:37:18.159
And not that not that they're not that they're perfect or any of those things, but they are uh there were there were moments that I had family members that I mean it would take them weeks to recover from a planned experience.
00:37:18.960 --> 00:37:22.159
And now it's more like hours.
00:37:22.639 --> 00:37:23.280
I love that.
00:37:23.840 --> 00:37:26.960
Talk about progress, not perfection, progress.
00:37:27.199 --> 00:37:27.440
Progress.
00:37:27.679 --> 00:37:27.840
Sure.
00:37:28.559 --> 00:37:29.039
I love that.
00:37:29.599 --> 00:37:35.679
Um, have you guys ever talked about you know the correlation of the physical body and the mind?
00:37:35.840 --> 00:37:37.119
Have you guys ever had those conversations?
00:37:37.199 --> 00:37:38.960
I don't want to jump in too far in that.
00:37:39.519 --> 00:37:40.159
Example.
00:37:40.400 --> 00:37:42.880
Example is you talked about recovery, right?
00:37:42.960 --> 00:37:52.559
And a lot of people, I really, really advocate about this is understanding your body's response system of recovery is based off of how well your nervous system's regulated.
00:37:52.719 --> 00:37:54.079
How much stress are you really holding?
00:37:54.159 --> 00:37:56.079
How much silent stressors are you really holding?
00:37:56.320 --> 00:37:59.519
So a lot of my clients sometimes aren't ready to go vulnerable.
00:37:59.679 --> 00:38:00.639
They're not ready to go deep.
00:38:00.800 --> 00:38:02.480
So we talk about why's your left shoulder hurt?
00:38:02.559 --> 00:38:03.679
And why is it bin hurting?
00:38:03.760 --> 00:38:03.920
Yeah.
00:38:04.000 --> 00:38:04.320
Right.
00:38:04.480 --> 00:38:08.159
The muscle memory disruption is also emotional baggage.
00:38:08.639 --> 00:38:09.599
Yeah, we've talked about that.
00:38:09.760 --> 00:38:09.920
Yeah.
00:38:10.079 --> 00:38:14.000
We've talked about not in that way, because you know, we always talk different.
00:38:14.239 --> 00:38:18.960
That's why we can meet everybody where they're at, but we have talked those certain things through.
00:38:19.199 --> 00:38:20.639
And that's I know who he's talking about.
00:38:20.880 --> 00:38:40.159
Well, that's what I'm hearing about your family is like when you yes, take off the emotional part, but then give the tool, you're teaching your body how not to carry that weight of disruption and it can recover, physically recover, which is how I rewired my system and eliminated something that was eating me from the inside out.
00:38:40.639 --> 00:38:46.559
And everybody does not realize most of the time how much silent stressors are tissue eaters.
00:38:46.719 --> 00:38:49.039
They will eat through anything in the system.
00:38:49.119 --> 00:38:50.880
And then we wonder why we feel like crap.
00:38:51.039 --> 00:38:51.199
Yeah.
00:38:51.360 --> 00:38:51.760
100%.
00:38:52.320 --> 00:38:57.039
And a lot of times when we when I talk to people, even it's it's focused on that, right?
00:38:57.119 --> 00:39:01.199
So they're like, oh, well, why is my we've talked about this back pain, right?
00:39:01.280 --> 00:39:02.639
Or shoulder pain or whatever, right?
00:39:02.719 --> 00:39:04.880
We're like, okay, let's talk about what are we holding on to?
00:39:05.039 --> 00:39:05.679
Yeah, what are you carrying?
00:39:05.840 --> 00:39:06.639
Yeah, what are you carrying?
00:39:06.719 --> 00:39:06.800
Yeah.
00:39:06.880 --> 00:39:07.599
So we've talked about this.
00:39:08.000 --> 00:39:11.920
My favorite response with that is, well, I moved a whole house, that's why I'm sore, and I go, cute.
00:39:12.000 --> 00:39:12.960
Wasn't that a month ago?
00:39:13.280 --> 00:39:13.599
Yeah.
00:39:13.840 --> 00:39:14.159
Right.
00:39:14.320 --> 00:39:14.559
Right.
00:39:14.800 --> 00:39:16.159
A month ago you moved a house.
00:39:16.239 --> 00:39:18.880
So why didn't your your body recover yet?
00:39:19.119 --> 00:39:22.320
I had one that was like, oh, 14 years ago I had whiplash.
00:39:22.400 --> 00:39:24.480
And I'm like, 14 years.
00:39:25.280 --> 00:39:25.679
Right.
00:39:25.760 --> 00:39:26.159
Oh, yeah.
00:39:26.320 --> 00:39:28.800
Let's go about a little bit more in depth with that then a little bit.
00:39:29.039 --> 00:39:37.280
Well, I do think though, I mean, people have to be, I'm not say ready, but willing to start and take this journey.
00:39:37.679 --> 00:39:37.920
Yes.
00:39:38.079 --> 00:39:41.840
Uh, point in case, when we met, that was funny.
00:39:42.079 --> 00:39:47.440
We had a lengthy conversation, and uh, I said, I've got to introduce you to my wife.
00:39:47.599 --> 00:39:49.280
My wife absolutely needs you.
00:39:49.440 --> 00:39:53.360
And Anna was like, Does she know that she needs me?
00:39:54.239 --> 00:39:54.719
Fair.
00:39:55.360 --> 00:40:02.000
And then so the first time Emily went, um, Anna was like, Are you here by your own cognition?
00:40:02.159 --> 00:40:03.920
Are you you are you under duress?
00:40:04.159 --> 00:40:04.320
Yes.
00:40:04.559 --> 00:40:06.800
Were you were you required to come here?
00:40:07.360 --> 00:40:09.039
I absolutely did ask that.
00:40:09.199 --> 00:40:10.239
I absolutely did.
00:40:10.480 --> 00:40:11.840
Consent required, everybody.
00:40:12.239 --> 00:40:13.519
Consent required out here.
00:40:13.760 --> 00:40:18.639
And then and then, because Emily went first, and then uh um uh I said, Well, how did it go?
00:40:18.719 --> 00:40:20.400
And she's like, I don't want to tell you yet.
00:40:20.559 --> 00:40:22.719
You need to go, and then we'll we'll talk about it.
00:40:23.039 --> 00:40:28.719
And then after after I went for my first Reiki session, then we had a a great conversation.
00:40:28.880 --> 00:40:30.559
But uh she was ready.
00:40:30.880 --> 00:40:32.960
Uh and and I was I was glad that she was.
00:40:33.119 --> 00:40:33.360
Yeah.
00:40:33.599 --> 00:40:35.199
So we were supposed to meet that day.
00:40:35.360 --> 00:40:35.760
Yeah.
00:40:36.000 --> 00:40:36.559
Yep.
00:40:36.800 --> 00:40:40.239
You you guys definitely did a switch off, and that's okay.
00:40:40.400 --> 00:40:42.559
But divine timing's a real thing too, right?
00:40:42.639 --> 00:40:44.159
Everything really does work out for us.
00:40:44.320 --> 00:40:51.519
I love the GPS where it's like, I don't have to know every piece of the journey to know where I'm headed.
00:40:51.760 --> 00:40:54.480
I just have to be okay with navigating the journey.
00:40:54.639 --> 00:41:00.719
Everyone wants to just either not start and get to the end, or stay at the start and never get to the end.
00:41:01.280 --> 00:41:05.679
It's the in-between part that we kind of get afraid of, but it's designed like that.
00:41:05.840 --> 00:41:11.519
It's literally designed that way as a human to have resistance so that you grow.
00:41:11.760 --> 00:41:14.320
Our nervous system was designed to regenerate.
00:41:14.400 --> 00:41:17.360
And so if you're not regenerating, you're in a swamp.
00:41:17.519 --> 00:41:17.760
Okay.
00:41:17.920 --> 00:41:20.079
You got a swamp ass, and it's not going anywhere.
00:41:20.320 --> 00:41:20.480
Right.
00:41:21.840 --> 00:41:22.239
I did.
00:41:22.880 --> 00:41:26.000
Recently, uh, Matthew McConaughey was on a podcast.
00:41:26.239 --> 00:41:28.639
Team is Jim Cripps here with the Charge Forward Podcast.
00:41:28.719 --> 00:41:30.320
I just want to tell you, I love you.
00:41:30.559 --> 00:41:32.000
I appreciate you listening.
00:41:32.159 --> 00:41:40.400
I appreciate you for subscribing and sharing the Charge Forward Podcast with people you know and you love because that's what we're here for.
00:41:40.559 --> 00:41:55.119
We are here to share the amazing stories, the things that people have been through, the ways that they were able to improve their life so that you can take little nuggets from theirs and help improve your story and be better tomorrow than you were today.
00:41:55.440 --> 00:42:04.480
I hope that this is the tool you needed at the right time, and that you find value in the amazing guests that we bring each and every week.
00:42:04.719 --> 00:42:08.960
Thanks so much, and don't forget, new episodes drop every Thursday.