00:00:02Navigating Divorce and Death
00:09:52Financial Decisions After Divorce or Death
00:18:16Preparing for Life Changes
ABOUT THIS EPISODE
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Ever wondered how to navigate the stormy seas of divorce or the loss of a loved one? Our episode of Cashflows tackles these heart-wrenching life changes with the wisdom of Cash Matthews, who offers invaluable insights and personal stories that highlight the importance of preparation and resilience. Learn how to cope with the initial emotional shock and find out why resources like the book "Suddenly Single" can become lifelines during these turbulent times. Discover practical steps to regain your footing when friends' support wanes, and long-term resilience becomes a solo journey.
Financial decisions can feel overwhelming when you become suddenly single, but this episode breaks them down into manageable steps. From scrutinizing bank statements for overlooked expenses to updating beneficiaries and removing names from joint accounts, we cover all the essential actions to protect your financial future. Hear personal anecdotes about the importance of having an up-to-date will and the emotional catharsis that comes from tackling smaller debts first. Additionally, we explore prepaid funerals, veterans benefits, and estate planning, emphasizing the relief that comes from being prepared. Don't miss our introduction to the "My Financial Plan" program, designed to ease the burden during these challenging transitions.
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English
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SHOW NOTES 🔗
TRANSCRIPT 🔗
WEBVTT
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Hello, entrepreneurs, dreamers, business owners and happy people with high hopes.
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Welcome to Cash Flows with your host, cash Matthews.
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All right, welcome to Cash Flows, Glad you're here today.
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My name is Cash Matthews and we're here today with Kenneth Baucum, the executive producer of our show, and another riveting edition of the Cash Flows podcast.
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Yeah, yeah, ready to get it going here.
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And, of course, today, though, we're going to talk about some difficult topics.
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Yeah, I don't like this topic.
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It is not one of my favorites.
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Yeah, but it is helpful for those that it affects, right?
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Yeah, you know my mom and dad were divorced and my dad left our family when I was young and it was tough for my mother and there was no internet and she didn't have many friends and she didn't have a support group.
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She just had to grind it out and that's what she did.
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You know she had to do part-time jobs and you know I say in the book we call suddenly single what to do when it's just you and I have been unfortunate and fortunate to do.
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My life revolved around this and in my career I've been through maybe 200 divorces and about a hundred deaths and I know that sounds like a lot, but I've been doing this a long time.
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And, um, you know we have a big group of people here 86, uh, about actually about 9,000 people in Tulsa and our networking group that we created and about 6,000, uh in Austin, and so I've just been a guy that's seen a bunch of it a couple hundred divorces, about a hundred deaths in my client and friend group and I'll just it's ugly every single time.
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There's not a lot of people say stuff like that.
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It's usually the person going oh, it's going to be a great divorce.
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You know there's always some tearing and it's man, it's tough and it's tough on the kids and it's tough on the friends and you know watching my parents go through it and then the aftermath can last a lifetime and there's not a whole lot of choices there.
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Once it happens to you, right yeah.
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Yeah, and you, you had mentioned this before.
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You know, half the time, you know, marriage ends in divorce and the other half in death, Like that's.
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That's the two ways.
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That's not a very good sales pitch, just so you know, not really, but but that's your way out.
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I mean, that's sort of it, and we like to talk about it because it's tough, so you can prepare for it.
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And if you're watching this or listening, we're sorry if you're in a spot where this has happened, if you're going through death or divorce, you're about to.
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You know there's a lot of people that will talk to you.
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Um, I had a friend that died up in Dallas five years ago and everybody swore an allegiance to his spouse.
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And what I found?
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Those allegiances last no more than six weeks.
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You're really special.
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Friends will stick around four to six weeks and people are back to their normal life and that's what they're supposed to do.
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So we're supposed to move on, we're supposed to rise up and we're supposed to go to the next positive thing.
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And what I found?
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That those people who promised they'll be there, they're not bad people.
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It's just hard to pick up somebody else's burden for a long, long time and it can take years to be resolved.
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They'll be rooting for you and they'll like your posts.
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But man, to be, to be right there with you, that's a different deal.
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Right, and that's difficult, right.
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It's a difficult thing for people to go through and there's a lot of stuff that has to be done really for either of those two situations, you know.
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So, when you become suddenly single, there's a lot of things that need to happen, and I know you've written a book on this.
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Do you have like a checklist or a set of things that people can go through, something you'd like to share, so that we have an idea of how to move forward?
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Yeah, kenneth, that's actually here.
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We're going to talk about that today.
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First, if you'd like to get a free copy of the Suddenly Single book, just email us at cashflowsattulsabongcom.
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Tulsa Bong is our networking group that's very prolific here in Tulsa and Austin.
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We would love to give you one of these books in person or over coffee, whatever's best for you.
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The condition is, we'd love to meet you, but if we could only meet you through a Zoom call or sending a book, we'll do that too.
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We'd love to give you one of these books for no charge and we'll even pay for the coffee just to help you get started.
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If you've got a few questions, there's nothing you can buy when we meet.
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Uh, you just might need somebody to talk to.
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So it's scary going through this stuff, um, and it doesn't sound very good in public to say that I've been through a couple hundred divorces, um, but I've been side by side with my friends and family and customers and my networking friends and so, man, it ain't easy.
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If you're going through it and my heart aches for you and I pray you'll be able to get back up and go do the next good thing and you're going to want to do that for yourself, for your kids, for your family.
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You do it because the only option is through.
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You know you can't roll around in it.
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It's kind of like peeing in the bed.
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It's sort of warm for a minute, but you know you gotta move through it.
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I don't even know if that was a good example, but maybe it's, I don't know We'll, we'll, we'll.
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This is not the best show in the world, you know we're.
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We're in the top 45 million though so I'm good with that.
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Anyway, there's a lot of stuff you'll want to do when you're going through.
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I just had a friend of mine that's in one of our networking groups and had read the book and was married and curiosity to me why she read the book and I knew she and her husband things could be going weird.
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And but when people split up, and in the book we talk about the number one thing to do, whether it's death or divorce.
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But if there's a divorce pending or you can see it on the horizon or you're talking about it number one go change all your passwords immediately.
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And she had said to me oh, I don't want to do that, he'll get mad at me.
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They're already mad, they're leaving and they're making a different plan without you in it.
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And that sounds harsh.
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But that's what's happened.
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And and if you don't change your passwords, they can see your checkbook, your telephone log.
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I got a call from a dude one day and he goes who are you?
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And I said cash.
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And uh, he's like why did you call my wife 11 times last month.
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Like, why did you call my wife 11 times last month?
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And I was like, oh, okay, hang on a second.
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Turns out it was the ex-husband who had been spying on her from her phone records.
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I'd been acting in the role of her financial advisor and we were just talking about sorting everything out.
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Oh, and she was 84 years old and uh, so you know, not in my age bracket.
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I'm super happy with my wife and I tried to explain that to him and I'm like, hey, I'm just trying to help her out.
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Man, you're the one that left and I made sure she changed her passwords right after.
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But he'd kind of been stalking her and he's the one that asked.
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Now he's following her around questioning what she's doing and I'm like, dude, I think you lost your right to do that Right.
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So, hey, if you're out there, don't put up with this kind of crap.
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My friend, who locally read this and said, hey, if that ever happens, I told her, change the passwords.
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Well, she didn't change the passwords, ended up getting divorced and he ran off with all the money and it happens.
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And, uh, you know, if that's all we talked about today, just this one thing do the pastor.
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It'd be a great four minute podcast.
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That'd be great.
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But I'm going to give you a couple of other things here and I'm not going to read all of them.
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But when you go through a breakup or death, you want to get your social security evaluated.
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Uh, when you're checking out spousal benefits, you need to usually go to the office and I think you should do that and just say what are my options?
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Tell me my options.
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You can find your own stuff personally at socialsecuritygov and I've actually found them to be pretty helpful to work with.
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That should be encouraging to you, right?
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Yeah, people talk about the government, kenneth, like you know bad or whatever.
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But you know I'm not saying go to the DMV where we make those jokes all day long, right, but I think you just go in, do a local interview, determine spousal benefits, spousal continuation benefits, and one of the things you want to do is make sure they are not on your checking account or cell phone or that they can't turn off your cable or electric.
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If they've had access or authority, that needs to be removed right away.
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There's no easy way to say that.
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Right, right, makes sense, right, yeah, yeah, well, and so I'm kind of curious.
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When it comes to the bank, though is it enough to just do that at the bank, or we need to, like, get checks reprinted and everything right, because their names are at the top of the checks too?
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Yeah, I think you would reprint the checks, remove them from the account, maybe even set up new accounts, but change the password.
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You don't want to be reminded every time you write a check that this person existed previously, and that's true for both death and divorce.
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So you know, these are little things, but they're things that you can do along the way.
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I find them therapeutic, and when you see somebody go through this, I mean it takes months, it can take years, but it gives you something to focus on on that day and that is part of your recovery.
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And divorce and death Sorry, got my tang all tangled.
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Divorce and death are about entering this period that we call recovery.
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I want to tell you there is life on the other side.
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Yeah, it does get better and you keep moving on and that's what you want to do.
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Sometimes it's tough when you just want to crawl up in the fetal position.
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One of the other things let me just move on here is you want to check all of your automated bank drafts I call them ACH automated clearinghouse that comes out and find what you're paying for Is this benefit me or them?
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And if it's not for your benefit, go to the bank, cut it off and you know you'll probably find a gym membership or two that's never been used.
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There's a lot of financial forensics on your bank statement so just taking a look, I like to look at the last six months of bank statements.
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Right.
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That's where you can find also life insurance policies and benefit plans and health insurance plans, and just because they're usually being drafted once a year.
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Sometimes, in fact, if you have time, go look at 13 months worth of bank statements and see what is going on inside your bank account.
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That makes sense, yeah, yeah, that makes sense, and I, yeah, and I can even think of stuff for myself, right Drafted annually instead of just monthly.
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So it definitely makes sense going back 13 months.
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Yeah, yeah, that's exactly right.
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I've got some stuff on quarterly billing, yeah, and so you know you would find that over 13 months, but 13 months is a good idea.
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A lot of people have a cell phone plan with both people on one plan and you need to ask your cell phone carrier how do I divide this?
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Or, if your spouse has passed away, how do I take this person off of the cell phone plan?
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If that's what you want to do and that's a good time to change your number if you need it, you don't have to do that, but for some people that makes sense.
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There are a lot of ways to do these things as well, and you want to take your name off of loans and debts and accounts that no longer factor in.
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You know that could be the bank or the credit card company.
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Usually, if it's a divorce, the judge will issue some type of called a qualified divorce order, also called a quadro, one of the things I've seen people do on their banking accounts, and I don't know if every bank does this, but it's called transfer on death.
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So this is an opportunity for you to check with your bank and see if you can do that to who would be your beneficiaries later in life.
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See, you want to remove your former spouse as your beneficiary as well.
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Yeah.
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And if you don't trust them, really get up, really get on with that.
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Oh, yeah, well, and those beneficiaries are so important anyway to keep up to date all the time, you know, whether it's on a 401k or accounts or whatever.
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Yeah, the number of people that have been through a divorce that left their spouse on there and and, like you know, I saw one the other day ex spouse had been on there eight years and I'm like why is that person your beneficiary?
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And uh, so we need to take care of those things.
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Yeah, I remember being in a previous job and finding out just how many people, how many employees didn't even have beneficiaries.
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Well, I can't say it's a hard word uh, tongue all tangled right, um, but didn't have those on those accounts.
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So you know, first of all have them and second of all check them out.
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Yeah, kenneth, that makes that's the exact right thing to do.
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You know you maintain them, just like you maintain anything else in life, like your car.
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So this, this next part's a little tougher.
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But you're going to need to redo your will and when there's a death it's yucky and you need to get with your attorney or advisor or CPA or whoever and use a professional and have them redo your will.
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You know, this stuff is not like the at-home appendectomy kit.
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That's simple, right, but this is something you need a professional.
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Ask them to update your will and an update is not the same as rewriting an entirely new and it shouldn't be that expensive.
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But make sure you take care of that and it's.
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It ain't easy and if you're going through it, especially if there's a death man, I'm sorry you know, but this is another one of those things you can focus on and it'll get you through another day or week and you know that's part of the recovery.
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Yeah, no-transcript, and you're going to ask questions how am I doing?
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Where am I Cash?
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I just had one lady.
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She goes, man, I just feel like a bucket of hair and I've used that.
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But you know, you just got to get up and put one foot in front of the other and you need to count the money.
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At some point you need to find out where your money is, where all the debts are.
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You need to look at your retirement plan, social security.
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If you've done what's called a quadro, a qualified divorce order, you need to take a look at that.
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You need to do an update, write it down, put it in a notebook.
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I'm a big notebook guy.
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If you have debts, write down those debts.
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I like to write them in descending order.
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So if you have a $200 debt and an $800 debt and a $10,000 debt, I like to put the smaller one first, because I like to pay off the easy ones first.
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And.
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I don't know if it, let me know.
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If any of you are like me, like I need a win.
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You know, I heard somebody say pay off the highest interest one first, and that's probably mathematically right, but it's not emotionally right Sometimes.
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Just paying off that $200 account just where you have one less bill, man, that's just a win and I don't know, we all kind of need a win sometimes.
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Right.
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You're going to need to redo your health insurance a lot of times and maybe you need to find a qualified health insurance professional to help you through that, because there are time deadlines for that.
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If you're on COBRA continuation insurance and if you want to talk to a health professional immediately, you need to make that happen.
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So your insurance, your beneficiaries, your will all of that needs to be maintained and changed.
00:15:05.831 --> 00:15:10.807
So I mentioned a minute ago financial forensics and that can be done in a lot of ways.
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If you've stored documents and have old policies and you may think they're canceled they may not be Just make sure to make the call, have your advisor with you, your CPA, your accountant, to make those calls, to know what to say and ask these questions Is this old life policy active?
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Does it have any cash value?
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Like we said, go through all those statements for 13 months.
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A lot of people have these old child policies that were written on them, that were paid up and aren't collecting premiums anymore, but still they still show up or you can find out about them.
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So if you've gone through death, you want to make sure to check if your spouse was a veteran and uh, man, there's different benefits there.
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Right.
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So first go see what benefits are available, you know, uh, for like being the spouse of a veteran, and I think all of that stuff is valuable.
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But here's a tough one, and this is one of the tough ones Give everything away that belonged to your spouse the clothing, that type of stuff.
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That was tough man.
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When my mom died, one of my chores was to get rid of her stuff and on one hand I didn't want to do it, but on the other hand it wasn't going to bring her back.
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Right.
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But on both hands.
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I hated it.
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I really hated it.
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There's sentimental value.
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But then somebody, somebody is going to find a woman's dress in your closet one day.
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Um, you just have to buck up and do it.
00:16:42.160 --> 00:16:43.986
And if you've gone through a divorce, same thing.
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I don't think you want those reminders there.
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You know the daily reminder.
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So I think it's important to give everything away, you know.
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So let it be a blessing to somebody else.
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You know, maybe this is a time where you start to connect with a charitable organization and you feel good about giving those things away, those things that were high value to them and low value to me.
00:17:06.653 --> 00:17:08.837
You know, give those things away.
00:17:08.837 --> 00:17:14.852
I collect books and coins and bicycles and if they're no longer important to you, sell them off.
00:17:14.852 --> 00:17:16.557
Seek out a professional.
00:17:16.557 --> 00:17:18.488
I have bikes.
00:17:18.488 --> 00:17:19.811
My wife doesn't care about bikes.
00:17:19.811 --> 00:17:21.175
You put them in a garage sale.
00:17:21.175 --> 00:17:26.285
But you know, sell off those things if you don't need them and if you don't value them Right.
00:17:26.285 --> 00:17:27.027
Does that make sense?
00:17:27.207 --> 00:17:28.309
Yeah, yeah, I think so.
00:17:28.569 --> 00:17:29.913
Okay, so clear the space.
00:17:29.913 --> 00:17:31.355
I think that's important.
00:17:31.355 --> 00:17:40.428
And you know, when there's a death, there's another thing going on, but prepaid funerals, because they don't send you a reminder every six months.
00:17:40.428 --> 00:17:48.088
Just in case your spouse bought one 27 years ago, you need to check and see if there's a prepaid funeral.
00:17:48.088 --> 00:17:53.138
Yeah, you know, I don't know how to find those things, but dig around.
00:17:53.585 --> 00:17:53.786
Yeah.
00:17:54.086 --> 00:17:57.756
And if you can see death coming, you need to ask these questions.
00:17:57.756 --> 00:18:00.048
And that's yucky and this is the worst podcast ever.
00:18:00.048 --> 00:18:03.678
It's hard to talk about, but my friend in Dallas who died.
00:18:03.678 --> 00:18:06.236
He was sick for three months and they never talked about the will.
00:18:06.577 --> 00:18:06.878
Oh, wow.
00:18:07.561 --> 00:18:10.948
And it turned out they didn't have one and it was a disaster.
00:18:10.948 --> 00:18:15.374
But in times like these you got to, you got to just take action.
00:18:15.374 --> 00:18:26.270
So, as I mentioned, there's a lot of prepaid funerals people don't know about and when you're in that moment of death it's confusing.
00:18:26.270 --> 00:18:26.932
There's a lot of pressure.
00:18:26.932 --> 00:18:37.633
You know there's funeral pressure, like we need to do this by Thursday and, man, we'll look for the first source of comfort, and that's how often people pay too much for funerals.
00:18:37.633 --> 00:18:42.369
But um, as far as the product, I don't know that much about prepaid funerals.
00:18:42.369 --> 00:18:46.910
I know you pay for it, but I like I do like the idea of knowing where you're going to be buried.
00:18:46.910 --> 00:18:57.487
My mother and my stepdad eventually had a prepaid thing and he bought a place to be buried right next to her, but then he got married again and so there was a big like oh, where are we going to put him?
00:18:57.487 --> 00:19:01.740
And so you know if those plans can change.
00:19:01.740 --> 00:19:04.025
If you need one, I know where there's an empty one.
00:19:05.666 --> 00:19:07.048
I just tried to make a funeral joke.
00:19:07.048 --> 00:19:07.708
I'm sorry about that.
00:19:07.728 --> 00:19:15.193
Well, you know you did, but you know you also mentioned the veterans benefits earlier too, and I feel like that's another spot that you know can come into play Right.
00:19:15.193 --> 00:19:24.000
So maybe the husband fought in a particular war or served in the services, so maybe that makes the spouse you know eligible when it comes to you know where they're being buried.
00:19:24.000 --> 00:19:25.461
Maybe they then have some options.
00:19:26.305 --> 00:19:40.815
Yeah, and if you're depending on the level your spouse was, absolutely, maybe they have a spot in a national cemetery or something, and there are other VA benefits that you can call the VA and find out about or your advisor can help you understand those a little bit better.
00:19:40.815 --> 00:19:53.577
So if you're a military bereaved, you may have the right to be buried in a particular place, but I would learn those details right away as we begin recovery.
00:19:53.577 --> 00:19:56.854
On the financial side, you're going to make a list of every debt.
00:19:56.854 --> 00:20:02.268
You have all the money, where it all is, and time to write it all down In this moment.
00:20:02.268 --> 00:20:03.794
Revisit your own financial plan.
00:20:03.794 --> 00:20:05.769
Find out how much cash you have in the bank.
00:20:05.769 --> 00:20:11.009
Where the investments are, make a decent list of them, and that's not that easy.
00:20:11.009 --> 00:20:14.744
Where the investments are, make a decent list of them, and that's not that easy.
00:20:14.744 --> 00:20:20.516
But you want to find out if your former spouse is the beneficiary on some other account from someone else.
00:20:20.516 --> 00:20:22.423
A brother, sister, aunt, uncle have left them in the way of money.
00:20:22.423 --> 00:20:24.147
That makes sense, right, right right.
00:20:24.469 --> 00:20:26.373
Okay, well, that's an attorney question.
00:20:26.373 --> 00:20:30.067
And here's one that I see happen very frequently, and this is not an easy one.
00:20:30.067 --> 00:20:36.578
But if you decide you need to sell your house, you need to know something your house won't miss you.
00:20:36.578 --> 00:20:41.991
It's not emotional, it's just a bunch of sticks and if you leave, it won't miss you.
00:20:41.991 --> 00:20:42.653
You'll miss it.
00:20:42.653 --> 00:20:43.576
I totally get that.
00:20:43.576 --> 00:20:46.926
But you need to have that conversation as quickly as possible.
00:20:46.926 --> 00:20:51.049
Do I need to keep a five-bedroom bath house when it's just me, Right?
00:20:51.049 --> 00:20:53.332
Yeah, so you need to have that talk.
00:20:53.372 --> 00:20:54.854
And that's a real estate question.
00:20:54.854 --> 00:20:59.057
So your favorite qualified realtor or CPA can help you with that.
00:20:59.057 --> 00:21:01.358
But you got to ask those questions, right?
00:21:01.358 --> 00:21:03.980
So here's another tough one who's paying the bills?
00:21:03.980 --> 00:21:07.366
This is my final one who's paying the bills?
00:21:07.366 --> 00:21:24.786
Because if your spouse is the one that always paid the bills property tax, automobile tax, license plates, auto insurance make sure when this happens, you take your former spouse off the insurance, because that'll reduce your premium and you're no longer liable, and I think that's important.
00:21:24.786 --> 00:21:31.691
But in this rush to when everything happens, when a death or divorce happens, we aren't thinking clearly.
00:21:31.691 --> 00:21:34.390
There's so much pressure, we're so lost.
00:21:34.390 --> 00:21:45.866
Some of this stuff you can delegate but, like things for insurance require authorization and you know for your kids to call one of the companies are the bills paid.
00:21:45.866 --> 00:21:49.355
You'll need a power of attorney for things like that.
00:21:49.935 --> 00:21:50.155
Yeah.
00:21:50.718 --> 00:21:52.531
So your attorney can hook you up with that.
00:21:52.531 --> 00:21:57.334
And, man, I hate this topic, but once we address it we've taken the first step.
00:21:58.415 --> 00:21:58.656
Yeah.
00:21:58.817 --> 00:21:59.317
To fix it.
00:21:59.659 --> 00:22:03.334
Yeah Well, and of course nobody likes to be suddenly single, right.
00:22:03.334 --> 00:22:04.056
No one likes it.
00:22:04.056 --> 00:22:07.128
They don't want to be in that place and be in that spot, right.
00:22:08.590 --> 00:22:14.118
Well, having been through a bunch of deaths, kenneth, I can tell you it does get better.
00:22:14.118 --> 00:22:26.018
I mean, in those first few weeks, or that first year, man, it's terrible, but the people that have fared the best are the most prepared.
00:22:26.018 --> 00:22:27.665
There aren't as many things about to hit them in the face.
00:22:27.665 --> 00:22:34.209
Sure, sure you know we, we have a program called my financial plan where you can store everything.
00:22:35.070 --> 00:22:35.311
Right.
00:22:35.732 --> 00:22:43.698
And everything is in one spot and we tell people, hey, don't leave a mess, leave a password, and uh, but life after divorce or death?
00:22:43.698 --> 00:22:49.506
You know your birth certificate doesn't have an expiration date, but there's one coming and you need to plan for it.
00:22:49.506 --> 00:22:54.407
Um, yeah, and you, you need to plan for it, yeah, and you need to execute that plan.
00:22:54.407 --> 00:22:56.929
So we like talking about the hard topics here.
00:22:56.929 --> 00:23:06.114
On Cash Flows, and if you want to get a copy of the book Suddenly Single, please email us at cashflowsattulsabongcom.
00:23:06.114 --> 00:23:08.194
Bong is spelled B-O-N-G.
00:23:08.194 --> 00:23:12.856
It's the Business Owners Networking Group and I was on the debate team and didn't know what a bong was.
00:23:12.856 --> 00:23:17.319
Email us cashflows at tulssabongcom.
00:23:17.319 --> 00:23:19.941
We'd love to put a book in your hand over a cup of coffee.
00:23:19.941 --> 00:23:30.817
Look at you know, hug your neck, get face to face, and we don't charge for that and we'd love to make sure you have access to that information.
00:23:30.817 --> 00:23:34.755
So, Kenneth, I think we did good work here.
00:23:35.144 --> 00:23:36.089
Yeah, I think so.
00:23:36.089 --> 00:23:42.895
It's a difficult topic and difficult conversation, but I think it's really really helpful info for people in those situations.
00:23:43.105 --> 00:23:47.450
Yeah, I mean, it just guts me to talk about these things, especially with my friends.
00:23:47.450 --> 00:23:55.190
I don't like talking about it, but when we do talk about it, you know, we just create a better plan.
00:23:55.190 --> 00:23:58.499
And so with that, I want to wrap this one up.
00:23:58.499 --> 00:24:07.866
Man, if you are hurting right now, let's at least go grab coffee and we'll get an extra shot in your espresso, and for at least for a little while.
00:24:07.866 --> 00:24:09.671
So we're going to wrap this up today.
00:24:09.671 --> 00:24:11.233
My name's Cash Matthews.
00:24:11.233 --> 00:24:15.703
This show is Cash Flows here today with our executive producer, Kenneth Baucum.
00:24:15.703 --> 00:24:18.148
Today we're talking about suddenly single.
00:24:18.148 --> 00:24:26.737
It's a tough one, it's necessary and it's relevant, and we're glad you're here today and we appreciate you being part of the Cash Flows podcast.
00:24:26.737 --> 00:24:28.247
Thank you for stopping by.
00:24:32.496 --> 00:24:33.538
That's our show for today.
00:24:33.538 --> 00:24:45.087
Stay tuned for another riveting edition of Cash Flows.
00:00:02.845 --> 00:00:07.873
Hello, entrepreneurs, dreamers, business owners and happy people with high hopes.
00:00:07.873 --> 00:00:11.429
Welcome to Cash Flows with your host, cash Matthews.
00:00:14.141 --> 00:00:16.750
All right, welcome to Cash Flows, Glad you're here today.
00:00:16.750 --> 00:00:26.411
My name is Cash Matthews and we're here today with Kenneth Baucum, the executive producer of our show, and another riveting edition of the Cash Flows podcast.
00:00:26.839 --> 00:00:29.925
Yeah, yeah, ready to get it going here.
00:00:29.925 --> 00:00:33.654
And, of course, today, though, we're going to talk about some difficult topics.
00:00:34.659 --> 00:00:35.643
Yeah, I don't like this topic.
00:00:35.643 --> 00:00:37.750
It is not one of my favorites.
00:00:38.039 --> 00:00:41.451
Yeah, but it is helpful for those that it affects, right?
00:00:42.439 --> 00:00:53.366
Yeah, you know my mom and dad were divorced and my dad left our family when I was young and it was tough for my mother and there was no internet and she didn't have many friends and she didn't have a support group.
00:00:53.366 --> 00:00:56.701
She just had to grind it out and that's what she did.
00:00:56.701 --> 00:01:09.507
You know she had to do part-time jobs and you know I say in the book we call suddenly single what to do when it's just you and I have been unfortunate and fortunate to do.
00:01:09.507 --> 00:01:22.605
My life revolved around this and in my career I've been through maybe 200 divorces and about a hundred deaths and I know that sounds like a lot, but I've been doing this a long time.
00:01:22.605 --> 00:01:47.825
And, um, you know we have a big group of people here 86, uh, about actually about 9,000 people in Tulsa and our networking group that we created and about 6,000, uh in Austin, and so I've just been a guy that's seen a bunch of it a couple hundred divorces, about a hundred deaths in my client and friend group and I'll just it's ugly every single time.
00:01:49.007 --> 00:01:51.272
There's not a lot of people say stuff like that.
00:01:51.272 --> 00:01:53.852
It's usually the person going oh, it's going to be a great divorce.
00:01:53.852 --> 00:02:08.431
You know there's always some tearing and it's man, it's tough and it's tough on the kids and it's tough on the friends and you know watching my parents go through it and then the aftermath can last a lifetime and there's not a whole lot of choices there.
00:02:08.431 --> 00:02:11.756
Once it happens to you, right yeah.
00:02:11.937 --> 00:02:14.147
Yeah, and you, you had mentioned this before.
00:02:14.147 --> 00:02:18.002
You know, half the time, you know, marriage ends in divorce and the other half in death, Like that's.
00:02:18.002 --> 00:02:19.104
That's the two ways.
00:02:19.625 --> 00:02:24.592
That's not a very good sales pitch, just so you know, not really, but but that's your way out.
00:02:24.673 --> 00:02:30.635
I mean, that's sort of it, and we like to talk about it because it's tough, so you can prepare for it.
00:02:30.635 --> 00:02:39.183
And if you're watching this or listening, we're sorry if you're in a spot where this has happened, if you're going through death or divorce, you're about to.
00:02:39.183 --> 00:02:42.711
You know there's a lot of people that will talk to you.
00:02:42.711 --> 00:02:48.807
Um, I had a friend that died up in Dallas five years ago and everybody swore an allegiance to his spouse.
00:02:48.807 --> 00:02:50.112
And what I found?
00:02:50.112 --> 00:02:52.943
Those allegiances last no more than six weeks.
00:02:52.943 --> 00:02:54.308
You're really special.
00:02:54.370 --> 00:02:59.867
Friends will stick around four to six weeks and people are back to their normal life and that's what they're supposed to do.
00:02:59.867 --> 00:03:06.068
So we're supposed to move on, we're supposed to rise up and we're supposed to go to the next positive thing.
00:03:06.068 --> 00:03:07.950
And what I found?
00:03:07.950 --> 00:03:10.721
That those people who promised they'll be there, they're not bad people.
00:03:10.721 --> 00:03:18.183
It's just hard to pick up somebody else's burden for a long, long time and it can take years to be resolved.
00:03:18.183 --> 00:03:20.930
They'll be rooting for you and they'll like your posts.
00:03:20.930 --> 00:03:23.604
But man, to be, to be right there with you, that's a different deal.
00:03:23.925 --> 00:03:25.868
Right, and that's difficult, right.
00:03:25.868 --> 00:03:34.201
It's a difficult thing for people to go through and there's a lot of stuff that has to be done really for either of those two situations, you know.
00:03:34.201 --> 00:03:39.242
So, when you become suddenly single, there's a lot of things that need to happen, and I know you've written a book on this.
00:03:39.242 --> 00:03:45.454
Do you have like a checklist or a set of things that people can go through, something you'd like to share, so that we have an idea of how to move forward?
00:03:46.800 --> 00:03:48.426
Yeah, kenneth, that's actually here.
00:03:48.426 --> 00:03:49.907
We're going to talk about that today.
00:03:49.907 --> 00:03:59.134
First, if you'd like to get a free copy of the Suddenly Single book, just email us at cashflowsattulsabongcom.
00:03:59.134 --> 00:04:03.926
Tulsa Bong is our networking group that's very prolific here in Tulsa and Austin.
00:04:03.926 --> 00:04:08.213
We would love to give you one of these books in person or over coffee, whatever's best for you.
00:04:08.213 --> 00:04:19.379
The condition is, we'd love to meet you, but if we could only meet you through a Zoom call or sending a book, we'll do that too.
00:04:19.379 --> 00:04:32.519
We'd love to give you one of these books for no charge and we'll even pay for the coffee just to help you get started.
00:04:32.444 --> 00:04:33.901
If you've got a few questions, there's nothing you can buy when we meet.
00:04:33.901 --> 00:04:34.793
Uh, you just might need somebody to talk to.
00:04:34.793 --> 00:04:47.041
So it's scary going through this stuff, um, and it doesn't sound very good in public to say that I've been through a couple hundred divorces, um, but I've been side by side with my friends and family and customers and my networking friends and so, man, it ain't easy.
00:04:47.041 --> 00:04:57.603
If you're going through it and my heart aches for you and I pray you'll be able to get back up and go do the next good thing and you're going to want to do that for yourself, for your kids, for your family.
00:04:57.603 --> 00:05:01.196
You do it because the only option is through.
00:05:01.196 --> 00:05:03.584
You know you can't roll around in it.
00:05:03.584 --> 00:05:06.310
It's kind of like peeing in the bed.
00:05:06.310 --> 00:05:09.975
It's sort of warm for a minute, but you know you gotta move through it.
00:05:09.975 --> 00:05:14.387
I don't even know if that was a good example, but maybe it's, I don't know We'll, we'll, we'll.
00:05:14.649 --> 00:05:17.321
This is not the best show in the world, you know we're.
00:05:17.321 --> 00:05:20.021
We're in the top 45 million though so I'm good with that.
00:05:20.021 --> 00:05:24.524
Anyway, there's a lot of stuff you'll want to do when you're going through.
00:05:24.524 --> 00:05:37.050
I just had a friend of mine that's in one of our networking groups and had read the book and was married and curiosity to me why she read the book and I knew she and her husband things could be going weird.
00:05:37.050 --> 00:05:44.134
And but when people split up, and in the book we talk about the number one thing to do, whether it's death or divorce.
00:05:44.134 --> 00:05:51.723
But if there's a divorce pending or you can see it on the horizon or you're talking about it number one go change all your passwords immediately.
00:05:51.723 --> 00:05:55.728
And she had said to me oh, I don't want to do that, he'll get mad at me.
00:05:55.728 --> 00:06:01.968
They're already mad, they're leaving and they're making a different plan without you in it.
00:06:01.968 --> 00:06:03.178
And that sounds harsh.
00:06:03.178 --> 00:06:05.646
But that's what's happened.
00:06:05.646 --> 00:06:10.321
And and if you don't change your passwords, they can see your checkbook, your telephone log.
00:06:10.742 --> 00:06:12.995
I got a call from a dude one day and he goes who are you?
00:06:12.995 --> 00:06:14.398
And I said cash.
00:06:14.398 --> 00:06:20.065
And uh, he's like why did you call my wife 11 times last month.
00:06:20.065 --> 00:06:23.690
Like, why did you call my wife 11 times last month?
00:06:23.690 --> 00:06:26.035
And I was like, oh, okay, hang on a second.
00:06:26.035 --> 00:06:31.199
Turns out it was the ex-husband who had been spying on her from her phone records.
00:06:31.199 --> 00:06:34.206
I'd been acting in the role of her financial advisor and we were just talking about sorting everything out.
00:06:34.206 --> 00:06:41.350
Oh, and she was 84 years old and uh, so you know, not in my age bracket.
00:06:41.370 --> 00:06:46.642
I'm super happy with my wife and I tried to explain that to him and I'm like, hey, I'm just trying to help her out.
00:06:46.642 --> 00:06:52.521
Man, you're the one that left and I made sure she changed her passwords right after.
00:06:52.521 --> 00:06:56.096
But he'd kind of been stalking her and he's the one that asked.
00:06:56.096 --> 00:07:03.548
Now he's following her around questioning what she's doing and I'm like, dude, I think you lost your right to do that Right.
00:07:03.548 --> 00:07:10.492
So, hey, if you're out there, don't put up with this kind of crap.
00:07:10.492 --> 00:07:15.940
My friend, who locally read this and said, hey, if that ever happens, I told her, change the passwords.
00:07:15.940 --> 00:07:21.499
Well, she didn't change the passwords, ended up getting divorced and he ran off with all the money and it happens.
00:07:21.519 --> 00:07:26.021
And, uh, you know, if that's all we talked about today, just this one thing do the pastor.
00:07:26.021 --> 00:07:27.406
It'd be a great four minute podcast.
00:07:27.406 --> 00:07:27.937
That'd be great.
00:07:27.937 --> 00:07:32.538
But I'm going to give you a couple of other things here and I'm not going to read all of them.
00:07:32.538 --> 00:07:37.057
But when you go through a breakup or death, you want to get your social security evaluated.
00:07:37.057 --> 00:07:44.509
Uh, when you're checking out spousal benefits, you need to usually go to the office and I think you should do that and just say what are my options?
00:07:44.509 --> 00:07:45.490
Tell me my options.
00:07:45.490 --> 00:07:54.240
You can find your own stuff personally at socialsecuritygov and I've actually found them to be pretty helpful to work with.
00:07:54.240 --> 00:07:56.326
That should be encouraging to you, right?
00:07:56.326 --> 00:07:59.740
Yeah, people talk about the government, kenneth, like you know bad or whatever.
00:07:59.800 --> 00:08:20.187
But you know I'm not saying go to the DMV where we make those jokes all day long, right, but I think you just go in, do a local interview, determine spousal benefits, spousal continuation benefits, and one of the things you want to do is make sure they are not on your checking account or cell phone or that they can't turn off your cable or electric.
00:08:20.187 --> 00:08:24.560
If they've had access or authority, that needs to be removed right away.
00:08:24.560 --> 00:08:26.024
There's no easy way to say that.
00:08:26.444 --> 00:08:30.225
Right, right, makes sense, right, yeah, yeah, well, and so I'm kind of curious.
00:08:30.225 --> 00:08:37.200
When it comes to the bank, though is it enough to just do that at the bank, or we need to, like, get checks reprinted and everything right, because their names are at the top of the checks too?
00:08:46.375 --> 00:08:49.144
Yeah, I think you would reprint the checks, remove them from the account, maybe even set up new accounts, but change the password.
00:08:49.144 --> 00:08:52.176
You don't want to be reminded every time you write a check that this person existed previously, and that's true for both death and divorce.
00:08:52.176 --> 00:08:55.885
So you know, these are little things, but they're things that you can do along the way.
00:08:55.885 --> 00:09:09.115
I find them therapeutic, and when you see somebody go through this, I mean it takes months, it can take years, but it gives you something to focus on on that day and that is part of your recovery.
00:09:09.115 --> 00:09:15.109
And divorce and death Sorry, got my tang all tangled.
00:09:15.629 --> 00:09:19.559
Divorce and death are about entering this period that we call recovery.
00:09:19.559 --> 00:09:22.105
I want to tell you there is life on the other side.
00:09:22.105 --> 00:09:26.683
Yeah, it does get better and you keep moving on and that's what you want to do.
00:09:26.683 --> 00:09:30.424
Sometimes it's tough when you just want to crawl up in the fetal position.
00:09:30.424 --> 00:09:43.475
One of the other things let me just move on here is you want to check all of your automated bank drafts I call them ACH automated clearinghouse that comes out and find what you're paying for Is this benefit me or them?
00:09:43.475 --> 00:09:51.506
And if it's not for your benefit, go to the bank, cut it off and you know you'll probably find a gym membership or two that's never been used.
00:09:51.506 --> 00:10:01.326
There's a lot of financial forensics on your bank statement so just taking a look, I like to look at the last six months of bank statements.
00:10:01.626 --> 00:10:01.807
Right.
00:10:02.335 --> 00:10:10.702
That's where you can find also life insurance policies and benefit plans and health insurance plans, and just because they're usually being drafted once a year.
00:10:10.702 --> 00:10:18.628
Sometimes, in fact, if you have time, go look at 13 months worth of bank statements and see what is going on inside your bank account.
00:10:18.868 --> 00:10:25.121
That makes sense, yeah, yeah, that makes sense, and I, yeah, and I can even think of stuff for myself, right Drafted annually instead of just monthly.
00:10:25.121 --> 00:10:27.342
So it definitely makes sense going back 13 months.
00:10:27.876 --> 00:10:29.182
Yeah, yeah, that's exactly right.
00:10:29.182 --> 00:10:37.000
I've got some stuff on quarterly billing, yeah, and so you know you would find that over 13 months, but 13 months is a good idea.
00:10:37.000 --> 00:10:45.341
A lot of people have a cell phone plan with both people on one plan and you need to ask your cell phone carrier how do I divide this?
00:10:45.341 --> 00:10:50.460
Or, if your spouse has passed away, how do I take this person off of the cell phone plan?
00:10:50.460 --> 00:10:58.967
If that's what you want to do and that's a good time to change your number if you need it, you don't have to do that, but for some people that makes sense.
00:10:59.775 --> 00:11:07.827
There are a lot of ways to do these things as well, and you want to take your name off of loans and debts and accounts that no longer factor in.
00:11:07.827 --> 00:11:12.235
You know that could be the bank or the credit card company.
00:11:12.235 --> 00:11:27.471
Usually, if it's a divorce, the judge will issue some type of called a qualified divorce order, also called a quadro, one of the things I've seen people do on their banking accounts, and I don't know if every bank does this, but it's called transfer on death.
00:11:27.471 --> 00:11:35.746
So this is an opportunity for you to check with your bank and see if you can do that to who would be your beneficiaries later in life.
00:11:35.746 --> 00:11:40.371
See, you want to remove your former spouse as your beneficiary as well.
00:11:40.994 --> 00:11:41.115
Yeah.
00:11:41.475 --> 00:11:45.124
And if you don't trust them, really get up, really get on with that.
00:11:45.465 --> 00:11:52.506
Oh, yeah, well, and those beneficiaries are so important anyway to keep up to date all the time, you know, whether it's on a 401k or accounts or whatever.
00:11:53.395 --> 00:12:05.961
Yeah, the number of people that have been through a divorce that left their spouse on there and and, like you know, I saw one the other day ex spouse had been on there eight years and I'm like why is that person your beneficiary?
00:12:05.961 --> 00:12:10.109
And uh, so we need to take care of those things.
00:12:10.294 --> 00:12:15.897
Yeah, I remember being in a previous job and finding out just how many people, how many employees didn't even have beneficiaries.
00:12:15.897 --> 00:12:22.123
Well, I can't say it's a hard word uh, tongue all tangled right, um, but didn't have those on those accounts.
00:12:22.123 --> 00:12:24.784
So you know, first of all have them and second of all check them out.
00:12:25.265 --> 00:12:28.187
Yeah, kenneth, that makes that's the exact right thing to do.
00:12:28.187 --> 00:12:31.851
You know you maintain them, just like you maintain anything else in life, like your car.
00:12:31.851 --> 00:12:39.039
So this, this next part's a little tougher.
00:12:39.039 --> 00:12:49.466
But you're going to need to redo your will and when there's a death it's yucky and you need to get with your attorney or advisor or CPA or whoever and use a professional and have them redo your will.
00:12:49.466 --> 00:12:53.400
You know, this stuff is not like the at-home appendectomy kit.
00:12:53.400 --> 00:12:56.615
That's simple, right, but this is something you need a professional.
00:12:56.615 --> 00:13:04.259
Ask them to update your will and an update is not the same as rewriting an entirely new and it shouldn't be that expensive.
00:13:04.259 --> 00:13:06.866
But make sure you take care of that and it's.
00:13:06.866 --> 00:13:19.961
It ain't easy and if you're going through it, especially if there's a death man, I'm sorry you know, but this is another one of those things you can focus on and it'll get you through another day or week and you know that's part of the recovery.
00:13:20.263 --> 00:13:29.831
Yeah, no-transcript, and you're going to ask questions how am I doing?
00:13:29.831 --> 00:13:31.455
Where am I Cash?
00:13:31.455 --> 00:13:33.339
I just had one lady.
00:13:33.339 --> 00:13:37.075
She goes, man, I just feel like a bucket of hair and I've used that.
00:13:37.075 --> 00:13:42.937
But you know, you just got to get up and put one foot in front of the other and you need to count the money.
00:13:42.937 --> 00:13:47.195
At some point you need to find out where your money is, where all the debts are.
00:13:47.195 --> 00:13:50.852
You need to look at your retirement plan, social security.
00:13:50.852 --> 00:13:55.894
If you've done what's called a quadro, a qualified divorce order, you need to take a look at that.
00:13:55.894 --> 00:13:59.851
You need to do an update, write it down, put it in a notebook.
00:13:59.851 --> 00:14:01.095
I'm a big notebook guy.
00:14:01.095 --> 00:14:03.505
If you have debts, write down those debts.
00:14:03.505 --> 00:14:07.051
I like to write them in descending order.
00:14:07.051 --> 00:14:16.371
So if you have a $200 debt and an $800 debt and a $10,000 debt, I like to put the smaller one first, because I like to pay off the easy ones first.
00:14:17.134 --> 00:14:17.274
And.
00:14:17.595 --> 00:14:18.798
I don't know if it, let me know.
00:14:18.798 --> 00:14:21.455
If any of you are like me, like I need a win.
00:14:21.455 --> 00:14:29.148
You know, I heard somebody say pay off the highest interest one first, and that's probably mathematically right, but it's not emotionally right Sometimes.
00:14:29.148 --> 00:14:38.730
Just paying off that $200 account just where you have one less bill, man, that's just a win and I don't know, we all kind of need a win sometimes.
00:14:39.092 --> 00:14:39.273
Right.
00:14:39.384 --> 00:14:50.278
You're going to need to redo your health insurance a lot of times and maybe you need to find a qualified health insurance professional to help you through that, because there are time deadlines for that.
00:14:50.278 --> 00:14:58.068
If you're on COBRA continuation insurance and if you want to talk to a health professional immediately, you need to make that happen.
00:14:58.068 --> 00:15:05.831
So your insurance, your beneficiaries, your will all of that needs to be maintained and changed.
00:15:05.831 --> 00:15:10.807
So I mentioned a minute ago financial forensics and that can be done in a lot of ways.
00:15:10.807 --> 00:15:29.153
If you've stored documents and have old policies and you may think they're canceled they may not be Just make sure to make the call, have your advisor with you, your CPA, your accountant, to make those calls, to know what to say and ask these questions Is this old life policy active?
00:15:29.686 --> 00:15:31.393
Does it have any cash value?
00:15:31.393 --> 00:15:36.495
Like we said, go through all those statements for 13 months.
00:15:36.495 --> 00:15:49.037
A lot of people have these old child policies that were written on them, that were paid up and aren't collecting premiums anymore, but still they still show up or you can find out about them.
00:15:49.037 --> 00:15:58.618
So if you've gone through death, you want to make sure to check if your spouse was a veteran and uh, man, there's different benefits there.
00:15:59.119 --> 00:15:59.298
Right.
00:15:59.725 --> 00:16:09.730
So first go see what benefits are available, you know, uh, for like being the spouse of a veteran, and I think all of that stuff is valuable.
00:16:09.730 --> 00:16:17.166
But here's a tough one, and this is one of the tough ones Give everything away that belonged to your spouse the clothing, that type of stuff.
00:16:17.166 --> 00:16:18.609
That was tough man.
00:16:18.609 --> 00:16:29.072
When my mom died, one of my chores was to get rid of her stuff and on one hand I didn't want to do it, but on the other hand it wasn't going to bring her back.
00:16:30.034 --> 00:16:30.235
Right.
00:16:30.535 --> 00:16:31.397
But on both hands.
00:16:31.397 --> 00:16:32.158
I hated it.
00:16:32.158 --> 00:16:33.440
I really hated it.
00:16:33.440 --> 00:16:38.707
There's sentimental value.
00:16:38.707 --> 00:16:40.433
But then somebody, somebody is going to find a woman's dress in your closet one day.
00:16:40.433 --> 00:16:42.160
Um, you just have to buck up and do it.
00:16:42.160 --> 00:16:43.986
And if you've gone through a divorce, same thing.
00:16:43.986 --> 00:16:46.253
I don't think you want those reminders there.
00:16:46.253 --> 00:16:48.057
You know the daily reminder.
00:16:48.057 --> 00:16:51.832
So I think it's important to give everything away, you know.
00:16:51.832 --> 00:16:54.018
So let it be a blessing to somebody else.
00:16:54.018 --> 00:17:06.653
You know, maybe this is a time where you start to connect with a charitable organization and you feel good about giving those things away, those things that were high value to them and low value to me.
00:17:06.653 --> 00:17:08.837
You know, give those things away.
00:17:08.837 --> 00:17:14.852
I collect books and coins and bicycles and if they're no longer important to you, sell them off.
00:17:14.852 --> 00:17:16.557
Seek out a professional.
00:17:16.557 --> 00:17:18.488
I have bikes.
00:17:18.488 --> 00:17:19.811
My wife doesn't care about bikes.
00:17:19.811 --> 00:17:21.175
You put them in a garage sale.
00:17:21.175 --> 00:17:26.285
But you know, sell off those things if you don't need them and if you don't value them Right.
00:17:26.285 --> 00:17:27.027
Does that make sense?
00:17:27.207 --> 00:17:28.309
Yeah, yeah, I think so.
00:17:28.569 --> 00:17:29.913
Okay, so clear the space.
00:17:29.913 --> 00:17:31.355
I think that's important.
00:17:31.355 --> 00:17:40.428
And you know, when there's a death, there's another thing going on, but prepaid funerals, because they don't send you a reminder every six months.
00:17:40.428 --> 00:17:48.088
Just in case your spouse bought one 27 years ago, you need to check and see if there's a prepaid funeral.
00:17:48.088 --> 00:17:53.138
Yeah, you know, I don't know how to find those things, but dig around.
00:17:53.585 --> 00:17:53.786
Yeah.
00:17:54.086 --> 00:17:57.756
And if you can see death coming, you need to ask these questions.
00:17:57.756 --> 00:18:00.048
And that's yucky and this is the worst podcast ever.
00:18:00.048 --> 00:18:03.678
It's hard to talk about, but my friend in Dallas who died.
00:18:03.678 --> 00:18:06.236
He was sick for three months and they never talked about the will.
00:18:06.577 --> 00:18:06.878
Oh, wow.
00:18:07.561 --> 00:18:10.948
And it turned out they didn't have one and it was a disaster.
00:18:10.948 --> 00:18:15.374
But in times like these you got to, you got to just take action.
00:18:15.374 --> 00:18:26.270
So, as I mentioned, there's a lot of prepaid funerals people don't know about and when you're in that moment of death it's confusing.
00:18:26.270 --> 00:18:26.932
There's a lot of pressure.
00:18:26.932 --> 00:18:37.633
You know there's funeral pressure, like we need to do this by Thursday and, man, we'll look for the first source of comfort, and that's how often people pay too much for funerals.
00:18:37.633 --> 00:18:42.369
But um, as far as the product, I don't know that much about prepaid funerals.
00:18:42.369 --> 00:18:46.910
I know you pay for it, but I like I do like the idea of knowing where you're going to be buried.
00:18:46.910 --> 00:18:57.487
My mother and my stepdad eventually had a prepaid thing and he bought a place to be buried right next to her, but then he got married again and so there was a big like oh, where are we going to put him?
00:18:57.487 --> 00:19:01.740
And so you know if those plans can change.
00:19:01.740 --> 00:19:04.025
If you need one, I know where there's an empty one.
00:19:05.666 --> 00:19:07.048
I just tried to make a funeral joke.
00:19:07.048 --> 00:19:07.708
I'm sorry about that.
00:19:07.728 --> 00:19:15.193
Well, you know you did, but you know you also mentioned the veterans benefits earlier too, and I feel like that's another spot that you know can come into play Right.
00:19:15.193 --> 00:19:24.000
So maybe the husband fought in a particular war or served in the services, so maybe that makes the spouse you know eligible when it comes to you know where they're being buried.
00:19:24.000 --> 00:19:25.461
Maybe they then have some options.
00:19:26.305 --> 00:19:40.815
Yeah, and if you're depending on the level your spouse was, absolutely, maybe they have a spot in a national cemetery or something, and there are other VA benefits that you can call the VA and find out about or your advisor can help you understand those a little bit better.
00:19:40.815 --> 00:19:53.577
So if you're a military bereaved, you may have the right to be buried in a particular place, but I would learn those details right away as we begin recovery.
00:19:53.577 --> 00:19:56.854
On the financial side, you're going to make a list of every debt.
00:19:56.854 --> 00:20:02.268
You have all the money, where it all is, and time to write it all down In this moment.
00:20:02.268 --> 00:20:03.794
Revisit your own financial plan.
00:20:03.794 --> 00:20:05.769
Find out how much cash you have in the bank.
00:20:05.769 --> 00:20:11.009
Where the investments are, make a decent list of them, and that's not that easy.
00:20:11.009 --> 00:20:14.744
Where the investments are, make a decent list of them, and that's not that easy.
00:20:14.744 --> 00:20:20.516
But you want to find out if your former spouse is the beneficiary on some other account from someone else.
00:20:20.516 --> 00:20:22.423
A brother, sister, aunt, uncle have left them in the way of money.
00:20:22.423 --> 00:20:24.147
That makes sense, right, right right.
00:20:24.469 --> 00:20:26.373
Okay, well, that's an attorney question.
00:20:26.373 --> 00:20:30.067
And here's one that I see happen very frequently, and this is not an easy one.
00:20:30.067 --> 00:20:36.578
But if you decide you need to sell your house, you need to know something your house won't miss you.
00:20:36.578 --> 00:20:41.991
It's not emotional, it's just a bunch of sticks and if you leave, it won't miss you.
00:20:41.991 --> 00:20:42.653
You'll miss it.
00:20:42.653 --> 00:20:43.576
I totally get that.
00:20:43.576 --> 00:20:46.926
But you need to have that conversation as quickly as possible.
00:20:46.926 --> 00:20:51.049
Do I need to keep a five-bedroom bath house when it's just me, Right?
00:20:51.049 --> 00:20:53.332
Yeah, so you need to have that talk.
00:20:53.372 --> 00:20:54.854
And that's a real estate question.
00:20:54.854 --> 00:20:59.057
So your favorite qualified realtor or CPA can help you with that.
00:20:59.057 --> 00:21:01.358
But you got to ask those questions, right?
00:21:01.358 --> 00:21:03.980
So here's another tough one who's paying the bills?
00:21:03.980 --> 00:21:07.366
This is my final one who's paying the bills?
00:21:07.366 --> 00:21:24.786
Because if your spouse is the one that always paid the bills property tax, automobile tax, license plates, auto insurance make sure when this happens, you take your former spouse off the insurance, because that'll reduce your premium and you're no longer liable, and I think that's important.
00:21:24.786 --> 00:21:31.691
But in this rush to when everything happens, when a death or divorce happens, we aren't thinking clearly.
00:21:31.691 --> 00:21:34.390
There's so much pressure, we're so lost.
00:21:34.390 --> 00:21:45.866
Some of this stuff you can delegate but, like things for insurance require authorization and you know for your kids to call one of the companies are the bills paid.
00:21:45.866 --> 00:21:49.355
You'll need a power of attorney for things like that.
00:21:49.935 --> 00:21:50.155
Yeah.
00:21:50.718 --> 00:21:52.531
So your attorney can hook you up with that.
00:21:52.531 --> 00:21:57.334
And, man, I hate this topic, but once we address it we've taken the first step.
00:21:58.415 --> 00:21:58.656
Yeah.
00:21:58.817 --> 00:21:59.317
To fix it.
00:21:59.659 --> 00:22:03.334
Yeah Well, and of course nobody likes to be suddenly single, right.
00:22:03.334 --> 00:22:04.056
No one likes it.
00:22:04.056 --> 00:22:07.128
They don't want to be in that place and be in that spot, right.
00:22:08.590 --> 00:22:14.118
Well, having been through a bunch of deaths, kenneth, I can tell you it does get better.
00:22:14.118 --> 00:22:26.018
I mean, in those first few weeks, or that first year, man, it's terrible, but the people that have fared the best are the most prepared.
00:22:26.018 --> 00:22:27.665
There aren't as many things about to hit them in the face.
00:22:27.665 --> 00:22:34.209
Sure, sure you know we, we have a program called my financial plan where you can store everything.
00:22:35.070 --> 00:22:35.311
Right.
00:22:35.732 --> 00:22:43.698
And everything is in one spot and we tell people, hey, don't leave a mess, leave a password, and uh, but life after divorce or death?
00:22:43.698 --> 00:22:49.506
You know your birth certificate doesn't have an expiration date, but there's one coming and you need to plan for it.
00:22:49.506 --> 00:22:54.407
Um, yeah, and you, you need to plan for it, yeah, and you need to execute that plan.
00:22:54.407 --> 00:22:56.929
So we like talking about the hard topics here.
00:22:56.929 --> 00:23:06.114
On Cash Flows, and if you want to get a copy of the book Suddenly Single, please email us at cashflowsattulsabongcom.
00:23:06.114 --> 00:23:08.194
Bong is spelled B-O-N-G.
00:23:08.194 --> 00:23:12.856
It's the Business Owners Networking Group and I was on the debate team and didn't know what a bong was.
00:23:12.856 --> 00:23:17.319
Email us cashflows at tulssabongcom.
00:23:17.319 --> 00:23:19.941
We'd love to put a book in your hand over a cup of coffee.
00:23:19.941 --> 00:23:30.817
Look at you know, hug your neck, get face to face, and we don't charge for that and we'd love to make sure you have access to that information.
00:23:30.817 --> 00:23:34.755
So, Kenneth, I think we did good work here.
00:23:35.144 --> 00:23:36.089
Yeah, I think so.
00:23:36.089 --> 00:23:42.895
It's a difficult topic and difficult conversation, but I think it's really really helpful info for people in those situations.
00:23:43.105 --> 00:23:47.450
Yeah, I mean, it just guts me to talk about these things, especially with my friends.
00:23:47.450 --> 00:23:55.190
I don't like talking about it, but when we do talk about it, you know, we just create a better plan.
00:23:55.190 --> 00:23:58.499
And so with that, I want to wrap this one up.
00:23:58.499 --> 00:24:07.866
Man, if you are hurting right now, let's at least go grab coffee and we'll get an extra shot in your espresso, and for at least for a little while.
00:24:07.866 --> 00:24:09.671
So we're going to wrap this up today.
00:24:09.671 --> 00:24:11.233
My name's Cash Matthews.
00:24:11.233 --> 00:24:15.703
This show is Cash Flows here today with our executive producer, Kenneth Baucum.
00:24:15.703 --> 00:24:18.148
Today we're talking about suddenly single.
00:24:18.148 --> 00:24:26.737
It's a tough one, it's necessary and it's relevant, and we're glad you're here today and we appreciate you being part of the Cash Flows podcast.
00:24:26.737 --> 00:24:28.247
Thank you for stopping by.
00:24:32.496 --> 00:24:33.538
That's our show for today.
00:24:33.538 --> 00:24:45.087
Stay tuned for another riveting edition of Cash Flows.
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