S2 E29 - Dealing With Irrational

Kena: How do you equip yourself to deal with irrational and unpredictable people? Welcome to the Call Me Courage midweek inspiration and motivation. This week we're talking about something I think many of us experience at one point or another. How do you become equipped to deal with irrational and unpredictable people? And today's episode is simply called Dealing with Irrational. I'm Kena and this is a gentle pause in the middle of the week a moment to breathe, reflect. and reconnect with your inner courage. This space is about me inspiring you and maybe sparking something within you along the way. These short reflections are here to help you slow down, listen inward, and realign with what feels true for you so you can move forward with clarity, intention, and heart. Hello, let's talk about irrational. This topic has been a theme in my life for a very long time. I learned early that when you're dealing with someone who is unpredictable, you can find yourself constantly trying to figure it out. What version of this person am I going to get today? Or maybe the rules change from day to day, or sometimes even minute to minute. And when you're living In that kind of environment, you develop coping skills. Sometimes they're useful and sometimes they're not. and sometimes we carry those coping skills with us long after we no longer need them. Growing up, my mother was only 19 when I was born. She struggled with feeling unloved, searching for purpose, and periods of severe depression. My brother was born just 14 months after me, and for anybody wondering, having another baby is definitely not a cure for depression or lack of feeling loved. In fact, being a new mother means you suddenly need to give more love, attention, and emotional energy. And when someone isn't capable of doing that, children find their own ways of coping. Even as babies, we learn to watch, we learn to listen, we learn to anticipate. We learn to read the room. Is mom okay today? What's the mood? What do I need to do to stay safe? And those skills can become deeply ingrained. I think about that when I look at the world around us. We see people and organizations making agreements, changing positions, moving the goalposts, and sometimes behaving in ways that simply don't make sense. The rules keep changing. What do we do when we know we're dealing with someone or something that is irrational? Because here's something I've learned. You cannot always reason with irrationality, and you certainly can't control it. instead of spending all your energy Trying to find out why someone is behaving the way that they are, sometimes the better question is: how do I equip myself to respond? If you know you're dealing with someone who changes the rules constantly, you need a game plan. You need to know your boundaries. You need to know what you're willing to accept. You need to know what you're not willing to accept. And most importantly, you need to know. What you will do if those boundaries are crossed, because you can't always control someone else's behavior. But you can decide how you will respond to it. and if it is possible and safe to do so, sometimes the healthiest response is simply to walk away, disassociate, create distance, stop participating in the chaos. Sometimes walking away isn't possible. Maybe it's a family member, or maybe it's someone you work with. Maybe there are circumstances that make a complete separation difficult. But even then, you don't have to lay yourself down to take the abuse. You can create boundaries. You can seek support. You can protect your peace. And you can begin creating a plan for what comes next. I remember one time when I had what I can only describe as a premonition. I had this thought. My husband is going to come home and smash the television. Crazy thought, right? Except it didn't feel crazy to me. I knew the environment I was living in. I knew the unpredictability. And unfortunately, that night my thoughts became reality. He came home angry and blamed me for his anger. He picked up our little 13-inch black and white television, you know, back in the day when we had black and white, and he threw it across the room. here's the part that is difficult for me to admit. I stayed. I stayed for many years after that. I became incredibly good at trying to make someone else happy. I turned myself inside out. I tried to anticipate. what would make things better. I tried to avoid conflict. I tried to be the person I thought I needed to be so that everything would be okay. But eventually something changed. I found my clarity, I found my confidence, and I found my courage. The catalyst came during a conversation when he told me I could never quit smoking. And I remember thinking, yeah, watch me. And then another thought followed. I'm leaving you. And I did. Looking back, I realized that wasn't just about quitting smoking. It was about finally realizing I get to choose my life. I get to decide what I will accept. I get to decide what I won't accept. And I get to choose myself. That's what courage looked like for me. Not the absence of fear, not suddenly become fearless. It was finally having enough clarity, confidence, and courage to take the next step. And that is what I want for you if you find yourself dealing with someone who is irrational, unpredictable, controlling, or continually moving the goalpost. I'm not telling you that walking away is easy. It isn't. And I am certainly not telling you that. Every situation can be solved with a simple decision to leave. But I am telling you this: you deserve to live a life where you don't have to constantly manage someone else's irrationality in order to feel okay. If you are in a situation that is harmful or abusive, please don't try to navigate it alone. Reach out to someone you trust and seek the appropriate support. You don't have to figure out Everything out today. sometimes the first courageous step is simply admitting this isn't okay. And then asking, what do I need to do to move forward? Your courage challenge. So here's my thoughts for you this week. Think about the people or situation in your life where the rules seem to constantly change. Where you find yourself walking on eggshells, where you constantly are trying to anticipate someone else's reactions. And instead of asking, how can I make this person behave differently? Ask yourself, what is my game plan? What are my boundaries? What do I need? Who can support me? And what would choosing myself look like? You may not have all the answers today. That's okay. You don't need the whole staircase. Sometimes you just need the courage to take that next step. And here's your mantra for this week. I choose me. I choose me. I choose me. Thank you for joining the Call Me Courage midweek inspiration and motivation. If today's message resonates with you, there is a deeper way we can walk together through the five-week courage journey. ready to explore your own clarity, confidence, and courage, send me a direct message and let's set up a complimentary 20-minute discovery sessioin Choose yourself. Discover yourself. Trust yourself. Become aligned with who you are meant to be. And as we close, remember, you are allowed to pause, you are allowed to choose differently, and you are allowed to trust what feels true for you. Until we meet again, choose courage gently, and remember your strength lies within. Bye-bye.