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My addiction, it was so rampant and it was controlling everything that I did to the point of where all my hopes, dreams, and aspirations were completely just cut.
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Hey, hello, and welcome to a new episode of Breaking Down Addiction, a podcast brought to you by National Addiction Specialists.
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I will be your lovely and gracious host today, Johnny Phillip.
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And I'm joined with the very special and one of my buddies, Michael Rosettino.
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Thank you so much.
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Yeah, thanks for Rosettano.
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Rosatano.
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Rossettano.
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Yeah.
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Thank you.
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You got it.
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That won't be the only mistake today.
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Right.
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It's all good.
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Uh yeah, thank you for joining us today.
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You and I have become buddies over the last year.
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We do the same kind of work.
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Brothers in recovery.
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Um, but I always like to kick these off with the same question.
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And that is, if you were sitting across from yourself in active addiction, what would you say?
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Man, uh it's kind of a loaded question.
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I feel like there's so many things that I that I would say uh to myself in active addiction, but to me, I mean, honestly, from where I was at at the time, I would just say, man, just give it up, dude.
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Like this is this is ridiculous.
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Like this, I think, and I actually did say that to myself in active addiction.
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Probably more than once.
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More than once, yeah.
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But just just give it up, man.
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Like, this is not working for you.
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This is not what um your higher powers put you on this earth to do.
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You know, you you were uh meant for so much more, and this is this just ain't it, you know.
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When you were in active addiction, did you feel as if you didn't deserve a good life?
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I you know, honestly, I never really felt like I didn't deserve a good life.
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I but I also didn't feel like I deserved in a way, I felt like I did and I didn't.
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Because to me, that word deserve kind of gets thrown around too much.
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I just felt like that you could say the word destiny, maybe, or something like that.
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I felt like my addiction, it was so rampant and it was controlling everything that I did to the point of where all my hopes, dreams, and aspirations were completely just cut, you know.
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And I just I felt like I knew there was some type of greatness ahead of me, but it was just I couldn't get there because of my addiction.
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Now, do I deserve a good life?
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Do I not?
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I don't know.
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You know, there's a lot of people out there who are going through things that are out of their their own circumstance.
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They can't help that, you know, people in third world countries and this and that.
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So it's like, I don't know, man.
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I felt like that I was supposed to um definitely live a different life, a better life.
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So I like that answer.
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Yeah.
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And yes, deserve or deserving is is a word that's thrown around a lot lately.
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So like thank you so much for knowing where you went with it.
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Um so I I know a little bit about your story just from us talking, from us meeting, having breakfast, being out in the field.
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And I remember we ran into each other at a conference in December, and you told me some key parts of your story that I didn't know before.
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So I think we're all in for a wild ride here.
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Yeah.
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And you you've really come out on the other side and you're really inspiring.
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And I I've just love getting to know you.
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You're such a lovely dude.
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Well, I appreciate that, man.
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So are you, likewise, likewise for sure.
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Um which I didn't know that your family had some ties to pro wrestling.
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Yeah.
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So you kind of you grew up in this family with ties to pro wrestling.
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Did that help shape who you are, or did that help form rebellion at that point?
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I I think it no.
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I mean, I think it definitely helped shape who I am.
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Like definitely the good parts of me um and the sober parts of me.
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Um, you know, my my grandfather and father, um, now when they wrestled, they went by the name Rossi.
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So most of my friends actually call me Rossi.
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Most of the people that know me um, you know, call me Rossi.
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And and in a way, it's it's kind of an homage to my my father and grandfather.
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But my grandfather, Lynn Rossi, and you know, for the listeners out there, they could Google him.
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He's got his own Wikipedia page.
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Um, he was a very famous pro wrestler in the 70s, 60s, and 70s here.
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Cool, cool era of wrestling.
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And in the southeast, back then, wrestling was more of a territorial thing.
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It wasn't like it is now, where it's like you got two or three different organizations that run the whole thing.
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Back then, the Southeast was where all the anybody who is anybody came through the Southeast, Memphis, uh, Nashville, Birmingham.
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Um, that's where you came come to get your start.
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Like Hulk Hogan came through Memphis.
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Uh so people are cutting their teeth in these markets.
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Right.
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And that's that's where they made the most money.
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That was the most popular market.
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Now you had different territories, but you know, Vince McMahon kind of ended those territory days.
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But my grandfather, he was a household name.
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He was on TV every week.
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Um, and he owned a health food store right here in Brentwood for 40 years, um, sold vitamins and herbs, and I grew up in that.
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Um so he was was he, in all tents and purposes, he a healthy guy.
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Oh, yeah.
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Yeah.
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I mean, he lived till he was like 93, and um and he was healthy up until the end physically, but he ended up getting dementia and come to find out he had cancer, and it kind of, you know, uh derailed quickly when he got sick.
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But, you know, my grand my dad was a pro wrestler too.
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He wasn't as quote unquote famous as my grandfather because he he didn't like the business and where it was going.
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Uh it changed a lot in the 80s.
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It definitely changed a lot.
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And and my dad always felt like he had a greater purpose than not that that's not a great, you know, profession or whatever, but he just felt himself that he had a greater purpose.
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He ended up becoming an alderman in the town of Nolansville when they first became a city.
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He had aspirations to be a mayor.
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Um, and he um unfortunately he got cancer and died when I was 20.
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And that's kind of part of my story.
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That's kind of when addiction took over after that.
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So uh did you ever feel as if, you know, your grandfather pro wrestler, your father, did you feel like you or anybody else in your family was next to hold that torch?
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Um, or was there never it's it's kind of funny.
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There was never any pressure pressure, which that's what I loved about my my dad and grandfather.
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Like they almost didn't want us to get into the business because they knew how shady the business was and how shady it had become and how tough it is.
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I mean, it's like becoming a pro wrestler and being making money at it is almost like becoming a musician.
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I mean, you're you know, it's like you you got one out of one in a million chance of becoming famous and known and you know you have to put in so many sacrifices.
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Yeah, and wrestlers are on the road a lot, just like musicians.
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Oh, yeah, all the time and thousands of miles on it, especially in the indie circuits.
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I mean, you're not um getting flown all over the country, you're not riding in buses, you're driving your own car, and you're you know, and you're you're having to put you know oil all over your body every day and do all this crazy stuff that pro wrestling entails.
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Like to me, that wasn't appealing to me or my brother.
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But what's funny about it is my sister got into it some.
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That's why.
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And uh she did a few matches and promoted a few shows, and um, and people know the Rossi name in the wrestling circuit.
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Yeah.
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Um and but it was uh yeah, no, they never pressured us, which I loved, you know.
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They never uh, you know, if there's two men in this world that I could say um to me that are the best men I've ever known, it's it's my grandfather and and dad, hands down.
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So um it just it sucks that it's wonderful, by the way.
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It is, yeah.
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It just sucks that you know my dad had to leave this earth so quickly, but that's just what happened, you know.
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How old was he?
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He was fifty.
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Oh god.
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And I was twenty I was around twenty.
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That's that's really young.
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Yeah, yeah.
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I mean, I I'll be 47 in a few months, and I couldn't think of in three years it being the end for me.
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So I'm I'm sorry that you had to deal with that.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Which brings me my my next point, which your your father passed away.
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Um I imagine this kind of started off some usage or maybe helped project it into a new dimension, and especially you found some perk set as this tell us about all that, yeah.
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And this is kind of where it starts, right?
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You know, like in high school, I used in high school, I I wouldn't call it the word used.
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I mean, I I got high and drank and partied, partied, and it, but it was never like I did smoke a lot of pot.
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I'm like, you know, but it was never like I could take it or leave it.
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You know what I mean?
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It wasn't to the point where it was like this raging addiction where it controlled my whole life, and you know, um, but yeah, when my dad passed, I remember um we were cleaning out some of his stuff in the house.
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And somehow I'd got tasked with cleaning out the medicine cabinet.
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Or maybe I was just there and I just started cleaning it out.
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Um and you and that medicine cabinet were together at last.
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Oh, right.
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Yeah, it was like destiny or something.
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But I uh I opened the cabinet and there's two big giant bottles, Per Cassette tens, and there's 200 in each bottle.
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And my dad, he my dad was like 300 pounds.
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He used to bench like 600 when he was in his prime, and he had like inch-long hair.
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I I always call him like the missing link.
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I mean, he was like a big, like you you wouldn't want to mess with this guy at any point, even when he was older.
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And but he was the nicest guy, but um he never took any pain pills while he had cancer.
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I mean, we're talking stage four cancer where the guy's getting chemo every day and like in real pain, like justifiably should be taking Percocassets, let alone like oxyades or something.
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And um but but I get them out of the cabinet, and you know, I'd heard of pain pills before, and I think I'd I'd taken some pain pills, like when I'd got a tooth pulled and things like that.
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So I get them out of the cabinet and I take one, and like 15 minutes later, I'm like, ooh, like, yeah, like I like this feeling, you know.
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Like I have 400 more of these.
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I have 400 of these.
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And and it just like it numbed everything for me.
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Like, I I I don't think I cried about my father's death.
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Um I might have cried at the funeral, but even after that, for I don't know, man, six months to a year or something, because I I I had those pills for a while.
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They lasted me a while, maybe six months or so, but it was just a gradual, you know, okay using more and more and more and more warming up.
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And then, you know, I I run out and I'm like, oh shit, what do I do now?
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Right.
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Like, and did you like this more than smoking weed at that point then?
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Definitely.
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Okay, yeah.
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I mean, and for whatever reason, like nothing else ever hooked me.
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Alcohol, take it or leave it, coke, take it or leave it.
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Anything, Xanax, take it or leave it.
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I didn't like Xanax, I was more of a upper guy, but yeah, even like any other drug, it never got me like that.
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Where I was like, oh, you know, love at first sight, oh, I gotta take this every day.
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It was nothing, nothing, anything like that.
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For whatever reason, opiates does that to me.
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And I don't know why.
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I couldn't tell you why.
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I don't know.
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You know?
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Alcohol was my thing.
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Right.
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Like Yeah, I'm everything I could take or leave.
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If you gave me a bottle of vodka, it was go time.
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Right.
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Um you uh well before I get into my next question.
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So you're taking Percocets at this point.
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What do you do after you run out of those?
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Because I think that's probably important.
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Right, yeah.
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Um, and you know, I'm trying to recall back to that time.
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Um, and I I think I made it a little while without like taking anything.
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I remember um kind of going through a period of like of the withdrawals, and because I had never felt them before.
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And I was just like, hmm, like this is weird, right?
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And I kind of got I I didn't take them for a while, and then somehow I came back up on them again where I started taking them.
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So there was actually there was actually a span of like a few years where I didn't use much of anything other than your typical smoking or something like that.
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Um, but then I got into this sound audio engineering school called SAE um in in Nashville.
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It's one of the more prominent it's a really good school for that.
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Right.
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One of the more prominent audio engineering schools um in the country, I would say that and kind of like full cell that type of school.
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Yeah.
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And um I did that and I did pretty well there.
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Graduated, I got my technical certificate.
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And this, so I'm I'm probably about 25, 24, 25 at this point.
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And I went overseas to to hang out with my brother in Barcelona.
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I went there for like I don't know, a few months.
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Um came back.
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Um, then I went, he had moved to South Korea right after that.
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And I went to South Korea, stayed with him for a month, and I came back and I started working an internship, and it just, I don't know, it's it was just really uh boring.
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And this there was a band, a local band that was pretty popular.
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Um, and I won't mention their name because I don't, you know, there was some stuff that happened there, and I don't want to bring them up in the public, but they were a really popular like jam funk band in the area, and they needed a sound guy because they recorded every show.
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And like people in the jam band does.
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Right.
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And so I would set up all this.
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So I moved in with this guy, and then I got introduced to cocaine when I was there, and then there was like one of the band members or somebody had you know sold pills and I started doing pills again.
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I always hated cocaine, but I ended up getting on this like six-month cocaine run or like a year-long cocaine run.
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And I hated this stuff, like it made me paranoid.
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I'm looking out the blind, you know.
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Um probably not sleeping well.
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No, no, definitely not, you know.
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Um, and I went on the road with them for like a year and a half doing sound, went all over East Coast, South, you know, um, did all these shows with them, and but it was just constant using.
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After that ended, is when my addiction really just took off.
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I mean, I was just at that point, I was a full-blown addict, you know.
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Were you getting your hands on more than Percocets?
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Yeah, I was at at that point.
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I I I discovered back then they had the um the opanas.
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The opanas are really big.
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No, I'm sorry.
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It was oxies at first.
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The oxyades had come out.
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Okay.
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You know, the famous, infamous oxy8s.
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Yeah.
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That's when those came out.
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I graduated to a pana's after that kind of fizzled out.
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But the oxyades, I started doing those, and you know, you hear all the stories about oxyties, right?
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Like they've come out with documentaries, they've come out with shows, actual TV shows about who is the famous family that, you know, uh was it the Sacklers?
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The Sacklers, yeah.
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And then they end up pretty much deeming them like you know, they were terrible, and they, you know, made a new formula for them where you couldn't snort them anymore and all that stuff.
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Um but that's really what got me hooked to the extreme, you know.
00:17:39.519 --> 00:17:48.960
So you're you're you're doing the 80s and then you go to O'Panna's and at some point here your your addiction gets really, really bad.
00:17:49.359 --> 00:17:49.599
Right.
00:17:49.920 --> 00:17:52.720
You have multiple treatment stays, yeah, right?
00:17:52.960 --> 00:17:56.319
Yeah, and then you stay for six months at place of hope.
00:17:56.400 --> 00:17:57.680
Uh yeah.
00:17:57.920 --> 00:18:00.400
So you get six months clean at this point.
00:18:01.119 --> 00:18:01.440
Yeah.
00:18:01.599 --> 00:18:06.079
So yeah, I end up going to place of hope and and shout out to them.
00:18:06.160 --> 00:18:06.720
They're awesome.
00:18:06.799 --> 00:18:07.039
Yeah.
00:18:07.279 --> 00:18:18.559
If you've ever met those guys down there, but I have, and and just to go from you know, your your usage going through the roof, yeah, multiple treatment stays, and then getting six months at place.
00:18:19.039 --> 00:18:21.440
Yeah, that's oh it was it was huge.
00:18:21.519 --> 00:18:28.960
And this I would say this was like 2000, I I think it was 2010 that I hit my first treatment.
00:18:29.119 --> 00:18:34.240
And yeah, stayed with them um but uh totally free, right?
00:18:34.400 --> 00:18:36.880
They're a free grant funded free place.
00:18:37.119 --> 00:18:38.240
Um that's awesome.
00:18:38.319 --> 00:18:39.119
It's so needed.
00:18:39.279 --> 00:18:44.400
Yeah, especially after that two billion of funding for mental health services and SUD for the Samsung grants.
00:18:44.720 --> 00:18:46.480
I know, and then it being reversed.
00:18:46.640 --> 00:18:47.680
So Yeah.
00:18:47.920 --> 00:18:50.000
Um, there's a lot going on these days.
00:18:50.240 --> 00:18:50.720
Oh, yeah.
00:18:51.039 --> 00:18:51.440
But keep going.
00:18:51.680 --> 00:18:52.880
And I could go on about that.
00:18:53.279 --> 00:18:55.359
That makes me absolutely sick.
00:18:55.519 --> 00:18:58.079
But that's a whole nother podcast, right?
00:18:58.240 --> 00:18:59.440
But exactly.
00:18:59.680 --> 00:19:11.759
Um no, I mean they they have a halfway house built into their program, and they just gave me an opportunity to finally like see what recovery's like.
00:19:12.000 --> 00:19:16.240
Um, but you know, for whatever reason, I just hadn't had enough.
00:19:16.400 --> 00:19:17.759
I hadn't had enough pain yet.
00:19:17.839 --> 00:19:25.839
Like I I ended up meeting um a girl that was part of like their worship team there.
00:19:26.000 --> 00:19:27.359
She wasn't an addict.
00:19:27.599 --> 00:19:30.240
And you know, six months sober.
00:19:30.559 --> 00:19:34.400
Um first girl that gave me any attention, I fell in love with, right?
00:19:34.640 --> 00:19:38.400
First pretty girl that came up to me, I fell immediately in love with.
00:19:38.640 --> 00:19:41.200
Um we're all imperfect people, right?
00:19:41.359 --> 00:19:44.319
Yeah, it it's like I I've always been one of those people.
00:19:44.400 --> 00:19:52.000
I'm like a lover, not a fighter, like uh, you know, I could fall in love with a you know paperbag, or you know what I mean?
00:19:52.079 --> 00:19:56.400
It's just I'm one of those people, but I could tell that about yeah, you got a big heart.
00:19:56.640 --> 00:19:57.039
Yeah.
00:19:57.279 --> 00:20:02.079
And but, you know, I mean, we decided to get married.
00:20:02.160 --> 00:20:06.640
She was like, I think at the time I was like, I don't know, let's see, 2010.
00:20:06.720 --> 00:20:10.880
I was like 26, 27, um, something like that.
00:20:11.119 --> 00:20:11.680
Yeah.
00:20:11.920 --> 00:20:14.400
Um, but she was a lot younger than me.
00:20:14.559 --> 00:20:16.880
She was like five years, six years younger than me.
00:20:17.039 --> 00:20:19.359
And we get married like really quick.
00:20:19.519 --> 00:20:22.640
I mean, like six months into being together, and it was just stupid.
00:20:22.799 --> 00:20:25.839
Like it was, it was we shouldn't have done that.
00:20:26.000 --> 00:20:27.680
Um, we we both knew.
00:20:27.839 --> 00:20:37.839
And then I think about a year and a half into our marriage, I started using again, um, maybe a year in.
00:20:38.000 --> 00:20:42.160
I can't really remember too, too well, but maybe a year, year and a half in.
00:20:42.400 --> 00:20:49.359
And she finds out, and I ended up we were staying with her father in Columbia, Tennessee.
00:20:49.680 --> 00:21:03.359
And up to this point, I hadn't really gotten to the point of where I was like committing crimes and stealing and doing stuff like that for to get stuff until up until this point.
00:21:03.599 --> 00:21:10.480
Well, her dad was a truck driver, he owned a bunch of trucks, semi-trucks, he made a lot of money.
00:21:11.440 --> 00:21:18.240
And he was, we were staying in in their house, and he was never, he wasn't home much.
00:21:18.480 --> 00:21:20.640
Well, I'd come across driver life, yeah.
00:21:20.799 --> 00:21:21.920
Right, gone all the time.
00:21:22.160 --> 00:21:25.759
I come across his uh checkbook, an empty checkbook.
00:21:25.920 --> 00:21:35.200
Oh boy, you know, and I'm thinking, hmm, you know, the addict brain, I'm needing something, and I'm like, I'll just write myself a check.
00:21:35.440 --> 00:21:35.920
Why not?
00:21:36.000 --> 00:21:36.319
You know.
00:21:36.640 --> 00:21:42.799
So I I I write a small amount, I take it to the bank, they cash it, it works.
00:21:43.119 --> 00:21:45.519
So then I start doing it again.
00:21:45.680 --> 00:21:47.279
I do it five or six times.
00:21:47.440 --> 00:21:51.440
Well, he ends up finding out and he's pissed, right?
00:21:51.519 --> 00:21:52.960
Like rightfully so.
00:21:53.200 --> 00:21:56.000
And this guy was already a hard ass to begin with.
00:21:56.799 --> 00:21:58.000
He liked me.
00:21:58.880 --> 00:22:03.279
And I connected with him where others couldn't.
00:22:04.720 --> 00:22:05.839
You guys had a special bond.
00:22:06.160 --> 00:22:06.720
We had a bond.
00:22:07.039 --> 00:22:07.599
But you broke the bond.
00:22:07.839 --> 00:22:11.440
Even his daughter didn't connect with him like me and him did.
00:22:11.599 --> 00:22:11.920
Yeah.
00:22:12.079 --> 00:22:14.160
I mean, and I broke the bond.
00:22:14.240 --> 00:22:17.359
And I and you know, I felt so guilty about it.
00:22:17.440 --> 00:22:21.440
Like he caught me, and I just felt so bad about it.
00:22:21.519 --> 00:22:23.359
And and he wasn't even that mad.
00:22:23.599 --> 00:22:26.000
He was just really upset, you know.
00:22:26.400 --> 00:22:27.359
That you broke his trust.
00:22:27.519 --> 00:22:28.799
That I broke his trust.
00:22:29.119 --> 00:22:35.599
So I told my my now ex-wife, but I told her, I'll go back to treatment, right?
00:22:35.759 --> 00:22:38.559
It was that desperate attempt to save my marriage.
00:22:38.720 --> 00:22:40.319
Um, I'll go back to treatment.
00:22:40.400 --> 00:22:41.680
Don't leave me, don't leave me.
00:22:42.319 --> 00:22:46.160
So I go back to place of hope, and they let me back in.
00:22:46.319 --> 00:22:53.200
And I just wasn't, I I wasn't in hindsight, I was only doing it to save my marriage.
00:22:53.279 --> 00:22:55.680
I wasn't doing it for you, for me.
00:22:55.839 --> 00:22:56.319
Yeah.
00:22:56.640 --> 00:23:05.359
And and I remember this is this is the and and I haven't really told I haven't thought about this in a while.
00:23:05.519 --> 00:23:05.759
Okay.
00:23:05.920 --> 00:23:07.279
Maybe you brought it up somehow.
00:23:07.359 --> 00:23:08.079
I don't know.
00:23:08.400 --> 00:23:14.799
But when I was in there the second time, and they probably don't even know this, but it's whatever.
00:23:15.200 --> 00:23:19.440
But while I was in there the second time, and this is the addict brain, right?
00:23:19.599 --> 00:23:22.720
This is the manipulation that takes over.
00:23:23.119 --> 00:23:30.400
I would, I I remember I faked having kidney stones while I was in treatment there.
00:23:31.119 --> 00:23:42.720
And I'd already been through like the first month of the program, so I'd kind of stepped back down and it was like not halfway, but a little bit like not as loose as halfway.
00:23:42.799 --> 00:23:47.839
It was kind of like a transition between treatment and halfway that they were doing.
00:23:48.319 --> 00:23:52.319
And I remember telling them, Oh, I think I have kidney stones.
00:23:52.480 --> 00:23:58.000
So they took me to the Murray County, uh the clinic near the hospital.
00:23:58.640 --> 00:24:03.839
And I tell the Murray County people that I have kidney stones.
00:24:04.000 --> 00:24:06.480
And I don't, I don't know why they just believed me.
00:24:06.559 --> 00:24:07.839
Like they didn't do any test.
00:24:08.160 --> 00:24:12.319
Yeah, and they gave me and they gave me Per Cassette fives.
00:24:12.799 --> 00:24:14.319
And I remember getting them.
00:24:14.480 --> 00:24:17.920
I I they because the center dropped me off.
00:24:18.079 --> 00:24:19.759
They're like, call us when you're ready.
00:24:20.160 --> 00:24:26.160
So I walk over to Walgreens, get the prescription, I'll take them back in the center with me.
00:24:26.319 --> 00:24:31.279
Here I am getting high in the center, you know, and I left.
00:24:31.440 --> 00:24:32.640
I ended up leaving.
00:24:32.880 --> 00:24:34.480
And they never even knew.
00:24:34.640 --> 00:24:36.640
I don't think I've told them to this day.
00:24:37.279 --> 00:24:39.519
You know, but and it's fine if they don't now.
00:24:39.680 --> 00:24:40.960
And actually, I work with them.
00:24:41.039 --> 00:24:46.559
Like they're one of um our my biggest partners, and and I love those people over there.
00:24:46.720 --> 00:24:52.559
I mean, they're they're like a family to me, even now, you know, brother Mike and all those people there.
00:24:53.039 --> 00:24:57.680
I'm sure people in their sick addict brain have pulled things before.
00:24:58.160 --> 00:24:58.720
Of course, yeah.
00:24:58.799 --> 00:25:00.880
And they they wouldn't hold any of that against me.
00:25:00.960 --> 00:25:09.279
I I know they wouldn't, but it's just you it you think back on stuff like that, and it's it, you know, I'm like, like, fuck, man.
00:25:09.359 --> 00:25:12.799
Like this is uh what crazy behavior, you know.
00:25:13.440 --> 00:25:21.279
And so I get out, but the back up a little bit before I get out, my ex-wife.
00:25:21.680 --> 00:25:27.599
I remember she had to take me to the dentist or something, and I remember her taking me.
00:25:27.759 --> 00:25:36.160
This was I was in that little transition period, so they let her come get me, and I was so excited to see her because I hadn't seen her in like a couple months.
00:25:36.480 --> 00:25:42.559
So we go to the dentist, and on the way back, she's not talking at all.
00:25:42.960 --> 00:25:48.880
And I just had this feeling in my gut that something was wrong, and I said, It's over, isn't it?
00:25:49.119 --> 00:25:55.279
You know, and she's like, Yeah, and talking about our marriage, you know, our relationship.
00:25:55.839 --> 00:25:56.720
You you knew it, you know.
00:25:56.880 --> 00:25:57.839
I knew it, I knew it.
00:25:57.920 --> 00:26:12.079
And I was like, you know, I mean, all right, like, you know, because she wanted to go back to college and all this stuff, or she wanted she'd never been to college, she wanted to go to college, she was younger, and I was just like, you know, go do your thing, right?
00:26:12.240 --> 00:26:23.680
Like, and and I was sad, you know, and I was heartbroken, but you know, wasn't gonna hold anybody back, and I and I was well aware of what I was doing.
00:26:23.759 --> 00:26:25.759
I mean, I was actively using at the time.
00:26:26.000 --> 00:26:29.200
Does she know now that you're on the other side?
00:26:29.440 --> 00:26:30.480
Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:26:30.720 --> 00:26:34.319
I mean, we don't talk or anything, but she we're friends on Facebook.
00:26:34.480 --> 00:26:35.279
She knows she knows.
00:26:35.599 --> 00:26:38.400
I'm sure from afar, she's like, fuck yeah, I might be able to do it.
00:26:38.559 --> 00:26:39.519
I'm I'm sure, yeah.
00:26:39.680 --> 00:26:44.160
And she's she's an awesome person, like nothing against her or anything, you know.
00:26:44.319 --> 00:26:47.920
But yeah, I mean, she she's she knows.
00:26:48.079 --> 00:27:00.240
Um but yeah, I mean it it it's just you know, the uh the damages of addiction, uh the path, the the war path that we lead, you know, during addiction.
00:27:00.400 --> 00:27:05.839
Um and this path that you're on, fentanyl gets introduced at some point.
00:27:06.079 --> 00:27:06.720
Right, yeah.
00:27:06.960 --> 00:27:14.880
So you know, fast forward, um and I just want to say this leads to criminal charges, yes, possible eight years.
00:27:15.279 --> 00:27:16.079
Yeah, yeah.
00:27:16.400 --> 00:27:24.000
Um anything else you want to add to that that means too, and how how you got into fentanyl and what that looks like.
00:27:24.400 --> 00:27:24.640
Right.
00:27:24.880 --> 00:27:39.039
So you know, fast forward eight years, a few years, I don't know, four or five years, and I'm um I I I would have moments of like a few months clean, then I'd get back in, you know.
00:27:39.759 --> 00:27:45.759
But um I I got sober again.
00:27:46.000 --> 00:27:48.480
Um where did I get sober again at?
00:27:48.559 --> 00:27:49.519
I'm trying to think.
00:27:49.759 --> 00:27:50.880
Oh yeah, yeah.
00:27:51.119 --> 00:27:58.079
So I I start using this was right before fentanyl, but this is an important part of the story.
00:27:58.400 --> 00:28:05.279
So I ended up getting in trouble for um this is when I got into the opana phase.
00:28:05.440 --> 00:28:10.880
And they had these opanas out at the time, they called them moons, and they had a half moon on them.
00:28:11.039 --> 00:28:16.799
They don't sell them anymore because they were just basically they were it was just dope, is what it was.
00:28:16.960 --> 00:28:20.079
Like they, you know, um, but they had a half moon on them.
00:28:20.160 --> 00:28:21.920
You could crush them up and snort them.
00:28:22.079 --> 00:28:25.759
They were terrible, like they should have never been released into the world.
00:28:25.920 --> 00:28:29.920
Um, same thing as Oxy80, you know, they were like the new Oxy80.
00:28:30.000 --> 00:28:30.240
Okay.
00:28:30.480 --> 00:28:34.640
So I start doing those, and I have this insatiable habit.
00:28:34.799 --> 00:28:38.480
I mean, you're like a two, three hundred dollar a day habit, right?
00:28:38.640 --> 00:28:44.880
And I was laying hard right I was laying hardwood floors because I did that for like 10 years.
00:28:45.200 --> 00:28:55.920
And I'm spending every penny I own on that, and some, you know, so I'm having to find other ways to be able to get these pills, right?
00:28:56.559 --> 00:29:06.000
So I'm working on these houses all over Brentwood, all over this area, some million-dollar houses, stuff like that, doing hardwood.
00:29:06.079 --> 00:29:12.559
And a lot of the time, and when you're I would do sand and finish hardwood, so we're bringing in these big bags, there's dust, you know.
00:29:12.640 --> 00:29:18.000
People usually leave for three or four days when you're sanding a floor just because the dust gets everywhere.
00:29:18.240 --> 00:29:19.519
It's loud as shit.
00:29:19.599 --> 00:29:31.440
I mean, you're running these big machines, and every I probably worked on 50 to 100 houses at this time.
00:29:32.000 --> 00:29:38.240
Every house, every single fucking house that I worked on, I stole from.
00:29:38.559 --> 00:29:39.680
Every one of them.
00:29:40.400 --> 00:29:55.200
And I would put on some rubber gloves, I would wait for like one of my crew members to be in another room, or I would wait till they leave because I was like, I'd got to where I was like kind of like the lead man.
00:29:55.599 --> 00:29:58.079
So I would say, hey, I'm gonna stay and finish up.
00:29:58.240 --> 00:30:01.599
And I would go fumbling through these people's belongings.
00:30:01.839 --> 00:30:05.519
Money, jewelry, money, jewelry, coins, whatever was value.
00:30:05.759 --> 00:30:13.119
I remember this poor guy, this poor bastard that lived in uh Belmade or something.
00:30:13.839 --> 00:30:16.480
And I went through his cabinet.
00:30:16.640 --> 00:30:18.720
He had this cabinet like this over here.
00:30:19.279 --> 00:30:22.960
And he had all this silver, like gauntlets and plates.
00:30:23.119 --> 00:30:25.359
I mean, from one side to the other.
00:30:25.519 --> 00:30:35.519
And I end up taking like a whole section of a shelf of this stuff, and I drive it all the way to Franklin, Kentucky because I'm afraid I'm like, I don't want to sell it at a pawn shop here.
00:30:36.000 --> 00:30:39.759
So I go all the way to Franklin, Kentucky to sell this stuff at a pawn shop.
00:30:39.839 --> 00:30:43.039
I mean, it's just shit like that that I go.
00:30:43.359 --> 00:30:45.599
I mean, it makes me it's like, oh, you know, yeah.
00:30:46.559 --> 00:30:51.680
You were being you, you Michael, were being driven by this addiction.
00:30:51.920 --> 00:30:52.319
It's insane.
00:30:54.079 --> 00:30:59.359
You're zombified from this the from the pills and then from wanting to get more pills.
00:30:59.519 --> 00:31:00.000
Yeah.
00:31:00.240 --> 00:31:03.680
And then fentanyl comes into play here.
00:31:04.000 --> 00:31:04.160
Right.
00:31:04.240 --> 00:31:08.640
Fentanyl, and yeah, which is the strongest thing out there, right?
00:31:08.960 --> 00:31:16.160
Um, and for for the listeners out there, I believe fentanyl is what is it, like a hundred times stronger than heroin?
00:31:16.319 --> 00:31:16.799
Something like that.
00:31:17.359 --> 00:31:18.000
Yeah, yeah.
00:31:18.160 --> 00:31:19.039
Um, it's crazy.
00:31:19.519 --> 00:31:21.119
That's what we're dealing with nowadays.
00:31:21.279 --> 00:31:23.599
And this, how does it turn into eight years?
00:31:23.680 --> 00:31:24.400
Do you get busted?
00:31:24.480 --> 00:31:31.920
And I ended up getting um, so I ended up not getting busted for any of the houses.
00:31:32.319 --> 00:31:33.200
Amazingly.
00:31:33.440 --> 00:31:41.920
I mean, there was there was a couple times the owners brought up things, but I would be like, oh, well, there's a there was a crew, there was some crew painting there, you know.
00:31:42.160 --> 00:31:45.200
They could never really prove anything, you know.
00:31:45.440 --> 00:31:52.880
Um, but I was living with this woman um that my mom knew.
00:31:53.279 --> 00:31:55.519
I was living with this woman behind her.
00:31:55.599 --> 00:31:59.039
I was like renting this like room or whatever.
00:31:59.279 --> 00:32:04.880
Um, it was like a standalone garage or whatever, carport garage.
00:32:05.200 --> 00:32:08.240
And I ended up finding her checkbook.
00:32:08.559 --> 00:32:11.599
So I'm writing checks out of her checkbook, right?
00:32:12.559 --> 00:32:21.039
And you know, I end up, I mean, it's like, you know, I don't know,$10,000 worth of checks.
00:32:21.519 --> 00:32:31.599
So she finds out, and my mom was actually doing her accounting because she had just had a stroke and she couldn't do like she needed help doing stuff.
00:32:31.759 --> 00:32:34.319
She's like a friend of the family growing up.
00:32:34.880 --> 00:32:40.640
And she, you know, she was like, I'm not gonna press charges if you go to treatment.
00:32:41.039 --> 00:32:45.279
So, but the state ended up picking it up, anyways.
00:32:45.680 --> 00:32:47.519
Okay, so this comes into play.
00:32:47.839 --> 00:33:03.119
So I had seven forgeries, which are two felonies per check, because it's theft over 500 is a felony, they were all over 500, and the forgery is a felony, so 14 felonies right there, right off the rip.
00:33:05.599 --> 00:33:14.240
So my aunt had um, my aunt was like, Hey, you need to go to this place in Alabama.
00:33:14.480 --> 00:33:18.960
I'm like, Alabama, and she's like, Yeah, it's called Teen Challenge.
00:33:19.200 --> 00:33:24.000
And it's you know, we just make a donation, it's a year-long place, you know.
00:33:24.319 --> 00:33:32.079
My my friend, you know, uh Bobby Sue, her cousin's uncle went there, and you know, he's he's been good.
00:33:32.319 --> 00:33:40.480
Yeah, he's been, you know, following Christ for seven years now, and you know, um, you could go there and like be a preacher and all like what?
00:33:40.640 --> 00:33:45.519
So, but at the time, it's like this is my this is kind of my option, right?
00:33:46.400 --> 00:33:51.599
And for whatever reason, I was like, you know what, I'm gonna go, screw it, right?
00:33:52.400 --> 00:33:59.359
And I show up to this place, you know, and it's in Lincoln, Alabama.
00:33:59.680 --> 00:34:03.359
I mean, this place is in the middle of BFE, right?
00:34:03.519 --> 00:34:05.119
For lack of a better term.
00:34:05.359 --> 00:34:17.760
And it's this old dilapidated middle school that they've, you know, it's all privately funded and you know, donations, and they get food donated from Walmart and all this stuff.
00:34:18.000 --> 00:34:21.360
And it's right next to the Talladega super speedway.
00:34:21.599 --> 00:34:22.320
No shit.
00:34:22.400 --> 00:34:28.239
I mean, you can hear the cars going along the thing when you know, when they're going.
00:34:28.480 --> 00:34:29.360
It's crazy.
00:34:29.679 --> 00:34:44.159
And it's like, and I I don't want to badmouth any sinners or anything like that, but teen challenge was is was one of the most unique and insane experiences I've ever experienced in my life.
00:34:44.639 --> 00:34:46.639
And how how long were you at teen challenge for?
00:34:46.880 --> 00:34:47.760
Eight months.
00:34:48.000 --> 00:34:49.360
Okay, so you're in there eight months.
00:34:49.440 --> 00:34:50.079
What do they have you do?
00:34:50.400 --> 00:34:52.719
And I have a warrant for my arrest at this time.
00:34:52.880 --> 00:34:55.360
And the but the cops can't come get you in there.
00:34:55.679 --> 00:35:01.679
They could, but they knew I was like, hey, you know, I'm gonna turn myself in.
00:35:01.760 --> 00:35:04.000
Like I'm I'm going to, but I need to do this.
00:35:04.079 --> 00:35:06.000
They're like, you can come get me if I want.
00:35:06.079 --> 00:35:07.920
Here's my, but they never came and got me.
00:35:08.079 --> 00:35:08.239
Okay.
00:35:08.400 --> 00:35:12.239
But I'm which surprising they didn't because it was only like a three-hour drive.
00:35:12.400 --> 00:35:12.719
Right.
00:35:12.960 --> 00:35:14.719
Because they've come and got me for less.
00:35:15.039 --> 00:35:16.880
14 federal charges here.
00:35:17.280 --> 00:35:18.320
Yeah, that's a lot.
00:35:18.719 --> 00:35:30.079
And so I'm in this place, like they had us weed eating at Talladega Super Speedway, like five days a week, eight hours a day in the hot ass Alabama sun.
00:35:30.320 --> 00:35:33.679
We're getting stung by hornets, like it's insane, dude.
00:35:33.920 --> 00:35:37.519
And this property is 7,000 acres, right?
00:35:38.000 --> 00:35:46.079
Like, dude, they would have us clean up after the races, and half the treatment center would relapse because they're fine and beers and drugs.
00:35:46.239 --> 00:35:47.679
Yeah, dude, it's crazy.
00:35:48.000 --> 00:35:56.079
And um in the place, like they had a t-shirt printing thing in their in their facility, like in the rec center.
00:35:56.559 --> 00:35:57.360
14 challenge.
00:35:57.920 --> 00:35:58.639
14 challenge.
00:35:58.800 --> 00:35:59.119
Okay.
00:35:59.280 --> 00:36:04.639
And they were the old manual wheels, so it wasn't like digital printing or uh, yeah, yeah.
00:36:04.800 --> 00:36:06.880
So you got all these poor bastards in there.
00:36:06.960 --> 00:36:13.280
I mean, and they're pulling, they're working, some of them are working 24 hours, like they're pulling doubles and stuff, they're working through the night, too.
00:36:13.440 --> 00:36:19.440
And they're in there, no AC, just you know, printing these t-shirts, just sweating their ass off.
00:36:19.519 --> 00:36:22.400
And I mean, this place was like a Bible boot camp, dude.
00:36:22.480 --> 00:36:23.199
No joke.
00:36:23.440 --> 00:36:25.599
And you're doing all this work pro bono.
00:36:26.000 --> 00:36:26.800
All of it, yeah.
00:36:26.960 --> 00:36:31.360
I mean, it was 700 bucks to get in, but then you earn your keep, right?
00:36:31.920 --> 00:36:38.719
You gotta you gotta learn, you gotta recite um like five Bible verses a week.
00:36:38.800 --> 00:36:40.320
You have to learn, it's all the stuff.
00:36:40.400 --> 00:36:43.360
You can't um hum secular music.
00:36:43.519 --> 00:36:53.679
Um, you uh you can't uh wear all these weird rules, like you have to wear socks if you're wearing flip-flops, and like just weird stuff.
00:36:53.840 --> 00:36:56.400
Uh they make you shave every day.
00:36:56.559 --> 00:37:00.559
Like, I mean, this is a legit like Jesus had a beard, supposedly.
00:37:00.800 --> 00:37:01.039
Exactly.
00:37:01.280 --> 00:37:02.400
Anyways, yeah.
00:37:02.800 --> 00:37:10.639
So I end up kind of getting into this mode of where I met some really good people there.
00:37:11.199 --> 00:37:14.400
There was a couple life coaches, they called them life coaches here.
00:37:14.800 --> 00:37:17.360
So some goods coming out of this, some goods coming out of it.
00:37:17.519 --> 00:37:23.840
Okay, and one of the life coaches there, his name's Joe Smith, and and God bless him.
00:37:24.000 --> 00:37:26.320
If he sees this, I I love that man.
00:37:26.400 --> 00:37:27.440
He's amazing.
00:37:27.760 --> 00:37:36.320
But one day I'm in the I'm in the little uh worship chapel, and I'm in there dinking around on the piano.
00:37:36.400 --> 00:37:44.239
I don't know how to play piano, but I'm in there dinking around, and I was kind of I'd kind of written this song and I was singing it really.
00:37:44.320 --> 00:37:45.280
I was really getting into it.
00:37:45.360 --> 00:37:46.719
I didn't think anybody was in there.
00:37:47.679 --> 00:37:55.920
And I hear this, and you know, the lights are low, and he's standing in the back corner, and I'm like, holy shit, what are you doing?
00:37:56.000 --> 00:37:56.880
And what are you doing in here?
00:37:57.360 --> 00:37:57.679
Embarrassed.
00:37:57.840 --> 00:38:01.840
I was embarrassed listening, and he's like, Oh my god.
00:38:02.480 --> 00:38:08.079
He's like, Michael Rossettano, you have a gift, and you're going on the road with me.
00:38:08.480 --> 00:38:15.519
And so Joseph Smith was in a famous gospel band for years called the Booth Brothers.
00:38:15.679 --> 00:38:17.119
They traveled all over the world.
00:38:17.280 --> 00:38:18.400
I mean, they were huge.
00:38:18.559 --> 00:38:18.880
Okay.
00:38:19.039 --> 00:38:20.079
Um, never heard of them.
00:38:20.239 --> 00:38:21.760
They were on one of the circuits.
00:38:21.920 --> 00:38:23.679
What is the famous gospel singer?
00:38:23.760 --> 00:38:30.559
Uh, I can't, you would probably know if you if I said this guy, this other guy's name, but um, they were huge.
00:38:30.800 --> 00:38:34.719
Um, I like he played in Carnegie Hall and all over the world.
00:38:34.960 --> 00:38:39.760
And he had come to Team Challenge like seven years prior than shackled.
00:38:39.920 --> 00:38:46.800
He had got addicted, got kicked out of the band, and he ended up coming there, made a life for himself, ended up becoming a life coach working there.
00:38:47.360 --> 00:38:52.719
So we end up going to these churches every weekend all across Alabama, Mississippi.
00:38:52.880 --> 00:38:55.199
And that was kind of like my perk.
00:38:55.440 --> 00:39:08.159
You know, like I would go and I would stand up in these churches and I would give my testimony and I would talk about how Jesus Christ has saved my soul and how I've been redeemed, and I'm not an addict anymore.
00:39:08.320 --> 00:39:11.360
I am a creation in Christ and all this stuff.
00:39:11.679 --> 00:39:16.480
And and in a way, I loved it because it stroked my ego.
00:39:16.639 --> 00:39:16.960
Right.
00:39:17.199 --> 00:39:17.440
Right.
00:39:17.599 --> 00:39:26.159
You know, like, and also I am a musician, so I got that kind of, you know, it's like you the other people come up to you and oh man, you sound so good.
00:39:26.320 --> 00:39:27.920
I love that song, and blah, blah, blah.
00:39:28.000 --> 00:39:29.039
You know, it's just like so.
00:39:29.119 --> 00:39:33.519
You're getting to play as well as I'm getting to play and play my own songs and play.
00:39:33.840 --> 00:39:42.559
So it was like it was kind of like a perk of being there, and I ended up really liking it there because of that.
00:39:42.719 --> 00:39:44.159
And that's a great perk.
00:39:44.719 --> 00:39:46.719
It is worth the$700 right there.
00:39:47.039 --> 00:39:47.280
Right.
00:39:47.360 --> 00:39:47.519
Yeah.
00:39:47.760 --> 00:39:49.440
And I meet some great people.
00:39:49.519 --> 00:39:54.639
Um, Chris Emery, one of my friends of this day, and um, great people there.
00:39:54.880 --> 00:39:59.760
And I mean, the program, you know, is what it is, but I get it.
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:01.679
And it were, it's for some people.
00:40:01.760 --> 00:40:04.800
It's for, you know, like every every there's places for everybody out there.
00:40:05.039 --> 00:40:06.719
I'm sure they help a lot of people, right?
00:40:06.800 --> 00:40:07.119
Yeah.
00:40:07.360 --> 00:40:11.360
And you you do you get in a drug court routine challenge?
00:40:11.679 --> 00:40:11.840
Right.
00:40:12.079 --> 00:40:33.360
So I I had this case looming over me, but I also I already had I had something that I was already charged for prior, something smaller, like a misdemeanor that I had to be in court for like eight months after I had gotten a teen challenge.
00:40:33.440 --> 00:40:37.199
So that's what I told the cops is I will be in court this date.
00:40:37.519 --> 00:40:45.280
So if you guys want to come get me, you can before that, or I'll be in court right there for you on a silver platter.
00:40:45.920 --> 00:40:57.760
So Joe, my life coach, drives me up to Alabama and he's telling me the whole way, God's got you, brother.
00:40:57.920 --> 00:41:05.840
You know, we're gonna walk out of that courtroom and, you know, they're gonna let you come back here and you know, everything exonerated.
00:41:06.079 --> 00:41:08.480
Yeah, and I'm like, Joe, you don't understand, man.
00:41:08.559 --> 00:41:10.400
I love you, brother, but you don't understand.
00:41:10.559 --> 00:41:14.960
Like, I have a 14 uh felony warrant out for me.
00:41:15.039 --> 00:41:16.480
This is just for something else.
00:41:16.639 --> 00:41:19.360
I had not even turned myself in for the warrant yet.
00:41:19.519 --> 00:41:22.239
Yeah, like they are not letting me out of that courtroom.
00:41:22.559 --> 00:41:24.719
Soon as I get in the courtroom, I sat down.
00:41:24.960 --> 00:41:26.000
Two sheriff come up.
00:41:26.159 --> 00:41:27.599
Are you Michael Rossano yep?
00:41:27.679 --> 00:41:28.320
Please come with us.
00:41:28.400 --> 00:41:32.719
I mean, it's like I didn't even get my name called on the docket yet, you know?
00:41:32.880 --> 00:41:36.559
And Joe's like, I'm like, I told you, dude.
00:41:36.880 --> 00:41:46.559
So this this is part like where it starts getting this this is when the shit starts getting crazy, really crazy.
00:41:46.880 --> 00:41:52.960
So I go to jail and where where was that court at?
00:41:53.840 --> 00:41:56.320
Where did I Williamson County?
00:41:56.639 --> 00:41:57.920
Was it Williamson County?
00:41:58.159 --> 00:42:00.400
No, Murray County is where I first started.
00:42:00.559 --> 00:42:01.760
Murray County.
00:42:02.719 --> 00:42:06.800
I'm in Murray County, and that place, that jail is awful.
00:42:06.880 --> 00:42:11.599
I gotta hope they've improved that jail, but that jail was an absolute shithole.
00:42:11.840 --> 00:42:24.880
Um, and I go in there, I'm in there for like a week, and I bond out, and I knew I had the charge, I had the charge in Williamson.
00:42:25.039 --> 00:42:26.239
I had that pending.
00:42:26.400 --> 00:42:27.519
That was the felony.
00:42:27.679 --> 00:42:29.039
I had that pending.
00:42:30.159 --> 00:42:36.880
And I knew that I was gonna have to go to Williamson after I bond out of Murray.
00:42:37.039 --> 00:42:41.840
But if I would have got stuck in Murray, I would have had to stay there forever and blah, blah, blah.
00:42:42.000 --> 00:42:45.920
My fastest path to getting out of jail was through Williamson County.
00:42:46.480 --> 00:42:47.840
And bonding yourself out.
00:42:47.920 --> 00:42:48.320
Yeah, yeah.
00:42:48.639 --> 00:42:54.400
Bond out of uh my mom, um, God bless her, bonds me out of Murray County.
00:42:54.639 --> 00:43:00.880
I go up to the desk, and when you I don't know if you've ever been in jail before, but I have.
00:43:01.039 --> 00:43:08.400
You know, before you get out, they run your name through a system to make sure you don't have any holds anywhere, any warrants pending.
00:43:08.639 --> 00:43:09.199
You know, yeah.
00:43:09.760 --> 00:43:12.239
This is not a search NCIC or something.
00:43:12.480 --> 00:43:13.840
This is not a good search right now.
00:43:14.079 --> 00:43:14.880
Yeah, right.
00:43:15.119 --> 00:43:18.880
And I'm standing up there and I'm thinking, okay, well, I'm just gonna go to Williamson County.
00:43:18.960 --> 00:43:24.639
I can bond out of Williamson County, maybe go back to Teen Challenge while I'm fighting this felony case.
00:43:25.119 --> 00:43:29.679
And they're like, You have a hold in Monroe County, Tennessee.
00:43:29.920 --> 00:43:34.960
And my exact words to the guy was, where in the fuck is Monroe County?
00:43:36.719 --> 00:43:37.920
Like, what the fuck is that?
00:43:38.079 --> 00:43:39.360
I don't know where that is either.
00:43:39.599 --> 00:43:45.039
And they're like, It's um uh it's up in the mountains in East Tennessee.
00:43:45.119 --> 00:43:49.039
And I'm thinking, what in the hell did I do in Monroe County and when?
00:43:49.360 --> 00:43:49.760
Yeah.
00:43:50.000 --> 00:43:52.480
Like I've never committed a crime in East Tennessee.
00:43:52.559 --> 00:43:53.840
What is happening?
00:43:54.000 --> 00:43:59.760
You know, so like, well, if they don't come get you within 72 hours, you and it was like a petty thing.
00:44:00.480 --> 00:44:03.519
I mean, it was like a theft under$50 or something.
00:44:03.679 --> 00:44:05.920
And I'm trying to rack my brain.
00:44:06.800 --> 00:44:13.280
Like, what happened in this town in East Tennessee up in the mountains?
00:44:13.920 --> 00:44:15.280
I'm racking my brain.
00:44:15.360 --> 00:44:16.480
Like, what happened?
00:44:16.800 --> 00:44:26.000
So I go back to my cell, and I remember there was this guy that I was at Place of Hope with one time.
00:44:26.159 --> 00:44:27.199
We had become buddies.
00:44:27.280 --> 00:44:28.320
He was a drummer.
00:44:28.719 --> 00:44:31.119
And I went and saw him one time.
00:44:32.000 --> 00:44:35.840
And we were both using again at the time.
00:44:36.639 --> 00:44:40.000
He we we both didn't tell each other we were using.
00:44:40.400 --> 00:44:45.199
It was one of those things where we acted like we were still both clean, but we were both still using.
00:44:45.360 --> 00:44:46.960
And I went and saw his band play.
00:44:47.039 --> 00:44:55.360
Well, one time he had a we went to a a pawn shop and he had got me to pawn something for him because he didn't have his ID.
00:44:55.599 --> 00:44:56.639
It was a ring.
00:44:56.800 --> 00:45:00.719
And I remember thinking at the time, oh my God, like this doesn't seem right.
00:45:00.880 --> 00:45:03.920
Like, but he was just saying he I believed him, right?
00:45:04.000 --> 00:45:05.679
So I went in there, used my ID.
00:45:05.760 --> 00:45:10.000
We'll come to find out it was like his ex's ring, and he had stolen it.
00:45:10.159 --> 00:45:11.760
So that's what it was.
00:45:12.000 --> 00:45:19.440
And the one time that I actually didn't steal something, you know, um This is a long string of bad luck here.
00:45:19.519 --> 00:45:19.920
Oh, dude.
00:45:20.000 --> 00:45:21.360
So also bad decisions.
00:45:21.599 --> 00:45:25.679
So I'm thinking, okay, this place is like four and a half hours away.
00:45:25.760 --> 00:45:29.360
They are not gonna come get me on some petty theft, you know.
00:45:29.519 --> 00:45:33.599
Um, I'll wait 72 hours here and then they'll transfer me to Williams County.
00:45:33.760 --> 00:45:34.559
Nope.
00:45:35.199 --> 00:45:44.000
These cops drive their happy asses all the way from four and a half hours away from Monroe County and come pick me up.
00:45:44.239 --> 00:45:48.559
For this small charge, small, tiny charge.
00:45:48.960 --> 00:45:55.760
I go all the way to this town, and these guys are, I mean, they're country as could be, you know.
00:45:56.000 --> 00:46:00.800
Um, and I'm like, y'all really, y'all got nothing better to do?
00:46:01.039 --> 00:46:07.119
Like, you know, and he's like, you, you know, you commit the crime, you do the time, you know.
00:46:07.519 --> 00:46:12.639
I mean, it's like some, it's like some uh Andy Griffith type stuff, you know?
00:46:12.960 --> 00:46:17.840
And they take me up there, and I'm telling you, man, and I'm not shitting you.
00:46:18.079 --> 00:46:20.639
This jail, I thought Murray was bad.
00:46:20.880 --> 00:46:23.840
This jail was underground.
00:46:24.239 --> 00:46:47.840
The jail was underneath in the ground, and you walk down in there, and it's like perfect, it's like a perfect square, the hallways, and they're so small you have to go sideways when somebody else is coming through there, and it's just these cinder blocks, and it's damp, and there's these lights flickering.
00:46:48.159 --> 00:46:49.920
I mean, it's like a fucking movie.
00:46:50.079 --> 00:46:50.559
No shit.
00:46:50.800 --> 00:46:51.199
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:46:51.360 --> 00:46:52.239
It's not terrible.
00:46:52.719 --> 00:46:57.360
And where they take me down in this dungeon, it's like Zelda.
00:46:57.440 --> 00:46:58.960
You're going down and down.
00:46:59.599 --> 00:47:09.679
And they open the door to this pod, and there's a long fluorescent light that's like, you know, half of it's burnt out, it's flickering.
00:47:10.079 --> 00:47:21.679
There's this, there's this uh air conditioned duck that's half the size of this room blowing like hurricane force blizzard winds out of it.
00:47:21.920 --> 00:47:31.440
And there's all these guys walking around like zombies in their sheets all wrapped around their head, walking around like this.
00:47:31.920 --> 00:47:34.960
And there's a top level and a bottom level.
00:47:35.199 --> 00:47:38.239
And the bottom level, they had bunks.
00:47:39.119 --> 00:47:44.320
And the bottom level, the top bunk, you couldn't even lift all the way up, and you'd hit your head on.
00:47:44.480 --> 00:47:47.360
I mean, it was the most insane shit I'd ever seen in my life.
00:47:47.519 --> 00:47:51.519
I mean, I I thought I was in, I really I thought I was in a like a bad dream.
00:47:51.679 --> 00:47:51.840
Yeah.
00:47:52.239 --> 00:47:55.760
And they're using dope in there, they're passing needles through the door.
00:47:55.840 --> 00:47:57.039
It was insane.
00:47:57.679 --> 00:48:02.320
And my mother, and God bless her, I love my mom.
00:48:02.480 --> 00:48:04.400
She's still around, she's amazing.
00:48:04.639 --> 00:48:10.960
She comes and bonds me out of Monroe County so I can finally get to Williamson County.
00:48:11.119 --> 00:48:11.760
What a gal.
00:48:12.159 --> 00:48:15.599
And uh I end up, so I'm on this gel train, right?
00:48:15.679 --> 00:48:18.239
I'm going, I end up Williamson County.
00:48:18.559 --> 00:48:24.559
They let me bond out after four months under the condition that I go back to Teen Challenge and I finish.
00:48:24.800 --> 00:48:26.480
So I'll speed this up a little bit.
00:48:26.559 --> 00:48:33.840
So I go back to Teen Challenge, and I'm like, this is like, this is like four and a half months later.
00:48:34.079 --> 00:48:36.320
So a lot of the people I was in with are gone.
00:48:36.719 --> 00:48:38.559
I mean, same counselors and stuff.
00:48:38.639 --> 00:48:41.199
So I go back and I finish my four months.
00:48:41.280 --> 00:48:43.199
I do the finish the year.
00:48:43.519 --> 00:48:48.320
And um I got out and I and I go back.
00:48:48.559 --> 00:48:52.639
Um I'm home and I took a drug court deal.
00:48:52.880 --> 00:48:55.920
And you're you're on drug court, and I know this part of the story.
00:48:56.000 --> 00:48:57.519
There it involves some cough syrup.
00:48:57.760 --> 00:48:58.800
Cough syrup, yeah.
00:48:58.960 --> 00:49:05.920
So I'm on drug court, and I have to report to drug court within like a week.
00:49:06.239 --> 00:49:12.480
And there was this girl that I was with, and I won't say her name, but there was this girl that I was with who I who I'd loved.
00:49:12.639 --> 00:49:30.159
You know, she it was like, you know, you got that one in your life that um kind of your first true love that, you know, you just that one person that's like, um, well, that was her, you know, and I'd got her back through all this shit.
00:49:30.239 --> 00:49:31.360
I'd got her back.
00:49:31.519 --> 00:49:38.320
And she had a son that I was kind of in a way like a father to for a couple years, some uh young child.
00:49:38.639 --> 00:49:45.280
And um, you know, we were talking about possibly getting married and this and that.
00:49:45.760 --> 00:49:49.519
Well, I uh I met my grandparents' house.
00:49:49.679 --> 00:49:55.519
I'm I'm living there, and I'd got sick and I took some cough syrup.
00:49:55.760 --> 00:50:03.039
Well that your grandmother gave me my grandmother gave to me, and I didn't know what it was.
00:50:03.440 --> 00:50:06.000
I just thought it was like cough syrup.
00:50:06.320 --> 00:50:13.119
Um I knew it the possibility of it being prescription, but I didn't think it would have anything in it.
00:50:13.199 --> 00:50:16.079
Like I just didn't, it doesn't compute in my mind.
00:50:16.159 --> 00:50:16.559
Yeah.
00:50:16.880 --> 00:50:20.880
So I go to court, they drug test me.
00:50:21.360 --> 00:50:26.079
No, I go to drug the drug court office, they drug test me and it pops for codeine.
00:50:26.320 --> 00:50:28.159
So it was a codeine cops room.
00:50:28.400 --> 00:50:35.679
And I'm telling the lady, you know, and I work with this recovery court now, they're good friends of mine nowadays, you know.
00:50:36.159 --> 00:50:42.559
I spoke at their annual luncheon uh a few weeks ago in front of like 200 people, you know.
00:50:42.960 --> 00:50:51.280
And I'm telling them, and of course, they're you know, in their mind, and I they have every right to believe this way, like this guy's full of shit, you know?
00:50:51.519 --> 00:50:52.239
Right, right, right.
00:50:52.559 --> 00:50:58.719
So I go up in front of the judge, and he's like, you know, they put me in jail.
00:50:58.880 --> 00:51:00.800
Like they take put me in jail, right?
00:51:00.880 --> 00:51:02.079
They sanction me.
00:51:02.320 --> 00:51:13.440
And I'm in jail for a few days, and it's like a Tuesday, and I go up in front of the judge, and he's and I read this like three-page dissertation basically pleading for my freedom.
00:51:13.840 --> 00:51:17.039
And your grandmother actually tries to as well.
00:51:17.199 --> 00:51:19.840
Like, I I didn't know there was coding in it.
00:51:19.920 --> 00:51:22.000
And yeah, she comes to court, yeah.
00:51:22.159 --> 00:51:22.719
Yeah.
00:51:22.960 --> 00:51:32.639
So I'm thinking, okay, worse that's gonna happen, 30-day rehab, you know, that type of thing.
00:51:33.360 --> 00:51:34.880
At the most at the worst.
00:51:35.039 --> 00:51:36.719
But I'm thinking they're just gonna let me out.
00:51:36.800 --> 00:51:38.559
Like it's a misunderstanding.
00:51:39.199 --> 00:51:39.519
No.
00:51:40.079 --> 00:51:50.400
They um the judge says, son, you know, um, basically, uh you went to teen challenge.
00:51:50.719 --> 00:51:55.039
We didn't tell you to go to teen challenge, you went on your own.
00:51:55.440 --> 00:52:04.800
And, you know, we uh like to do things the 12-step way around here, basically, is what he said to me.
00:52:05.199 --> 00:52:09.679
And we feel like you need to go to a 12-step based treatment center.
00:52:10.159 --> 00:52:13.519
Okay, I'm thinking in my head, 30 days, no problem.
00:52:13.920 --> 00:52:15.360
Easy peasy.
00:52:15.920 --> 00:52:22.079
And he's like, we want you to go to Morgan County Recovery Court in East Tennessee.
00:52:22.159 --> 00:52:23.519
And I'm like, what the fuck?
00:52:23.679 --> 00:52:38.559
East, no, not East again, you know, and so I remember somebody telling me, oh, you could get out, somebody in the court telling me, you can get out in three months on good behavior.
00:52:39.199 --> 00:52:47.760
And I'm like, okay, three months, like so they take me in a cop car, me and this other guy named Brian.
00:52:47.920 --> 00:52:49.039
They take us up there.
00:52:49.119 --> 00:52:55.840
We're going through all these switchbacks up in the fucking mountains, and I'm thinking, good lord, where this is like some deliverance shit, you know?
00:52:56.159 --> 00:53:03.280
They're taking me up, and we get there, and the place is, and I had no idea it was like this.
00:53:03.360 --> 00:53:06.239
You gotta think, I have no idea what this place looks like.
00:53:06.960 --> 00:53:10.480
I haven't talked to anybody, nobody in jail knows what it looks like.
00:53:10.639 --> 00:53:11.519
They haven't been there.
00:53:11.679 --> 00:53:26.000
So we pull up to this place and it's surrounded by barbed wire, and it's the annex of the Morgan County prison that they've rented out to drug court for their residential treatment space.
00:53:27.360 --> 00:53:30.400
So it's basically a prison, is what it is.
00:53:31.039 --> 00:53:32.320
It's a prison rehab.
00:53:32.639 --> 00:53:33.599
You might be there for a year.
00:53:33.760 --> 00:53:35.519
So I get up, get this shit.
00:53:35.599 --> 00:53:42.719
So I'm I'm walking up to the I walk up in the gate and I hear this familiar voice.
00:53:42.880 --> 00:53:48.239
And it was this guy, his name was Andrew, and he used to call me Roswell.
00:53:48.320 --> 00:53:51.199
He was the only person in my life that ever called me that.
00:53:51.440 --> 00:53:54.960
And he said, Roswell, what the hell are you doing here?
00:53:55.039 --> 00:53:58.719
And I'm I I knew immediately, I said, What the hell are you doing here?
00:53:58.880 --> 00:54:01.119
You haven't seen this guy in like 10 years.
00:54:01.440 --> 00:54:03.360
He was another guy who went through PlayStation.
00:54:04.400 --> 00:54:07.840
And he's like, Well, I'm getting out in about a week.
00:54:07.920 --> 00:54:10.320
And he's like, How long they say you got?
00:54:10.480 --> 00:54:19.119
And I said, Well, they said I could get out on three months and get behavior, and he's like, I'm like, I'm like, what, dude?
00:54:19.280 --> 00:54:29.280
And he's like, dude, the the earliest I've ever seen anybody get out of here was ten and a half months, and that's because that poor bastard had a heart attack.
00:54:30.559 --> 00:54:31.440
That's a knife in your heart.
00:54:31.840 --> 00:54:34.079
Dude, I'm like, I'm like, what?
00:54:34.639 --> 00:54:38.480
And this, you're thinking that this girl is also slipping away, too, right?
00:54:38.719 --> 00:54:39.920
Because you're going away for a long time.
00:54:40.159 --> 00:54:40.719
Yeah, dude.
00:54:40.800 --> 00:54:41.440
Yeah, man.
00:54:41.519 --> 00:54:44.719
I'm like, so my whole world crashes, man.
00:54:44.800 --> 00:54:46.480
Like, I'm devastated.
00:54:46.719 --> 00:54:51.199
Like, to the point where I'm like crying at night and hiding it from the other guys.
00:54:51.360 --> 00:54:53.440
I mean, I'm fucking devastated.
00:54:53.599 --> 00:54:55.119
And I'm writing her letters.
00:54:55.280 --> 00:55:00.400
I couldn't use the phone, but like once every couple weeks, and I'm writing her letters and letters after letters.
00:55:00.559 --> 00:55:12.159
And you know, it's funny as we bring this up, but I found uh we cleaned out the storage shed of my aunt's or my stepgrandmother's the other day.
00:55:12.400 --> 00:55:16.960
She lives in Ohio, but she had a storage unit here and asked us to clean it out.
00:55:17.039 --> 00:55:21.440
And I found four books of mine that I'd had from Morgan County.
00:55:21.599 --> 00:55:27.840
A lot of songs that I had written, and there were letters that I didn't send to this woman.
00:55:27.920 --> 00:55:31.280
Oh, wow that for whatever reason I held back on soon.
00:55:31.440 --> 00:55:37.840
There were letters that she sent me, and I had the letter that she finally sent me saying, Hey, it's over.
00:55:37.920 --> 00:55:40.960
Like I found somebody, like I can't do this anymore.
00:55:41.440 --> 00:55:43.360
And I tell you, man, I was devastated.
00:55:43.519 --> 00:55:45.760
I was absolutely devastated.
00:55:45.920 --> 00:55:54.800
And I was angry and I was mad and I hated the world and I hated God and I hated recovery and I hated everything at this point, you know?
00:55:55.440 --> 00:56:04.320
Because here's the thing, man, like a lot of people when they go through recovery, right?
00:56:04.639 --> 00:56:13.599
And what I love about this day and age in recovery and recovery settings and treatment centers, recovery and treatment has evolved.
00:56:14.320 --> 00:56:14.719
Absolutely.
00:56:14.960 --> 00:56:16.000
Thank you, Jesus.
00:56:17.280 --> 00:56:20.159
Like thank God it has.
00:56:20.480 --> 00:56:23.440
Tell us a little bit about your your thoughts on that.
00:56:23.679 --> 00:56:31.119
I mean, you know, I mean, at one time, here I was I was thrown in so many directions.
00:56:31.280 --> 00:56:32.719
I met Teen Challenge.
00:56:32.800 --> 00:56:36.239
I'm told, hey, Jesus is the only way, right?
00:56:36.800 --> 00:56:38.639
This AA stuff is nonsense.
00:56:38.800 --> 00:56:42.880
Then I go to Morgan County, I'm told NA and AA are the only way.
00:56:43.119 --> 00:56:43.760
12 steps.
00:56:43.920 --> 00:56:45.519
12 steps, you know.
00:56:45.679 --> 00:56:50.000
Um, made a fearless and more inventory, you know, all that stuff.
00:56:50.239 --> 00:56:53.840
And I'm just like, I don't know what the hell to believe anymore.
00:56:54.000 --> 00:56:57.199
I don't know anything, I don't know what my higher power is.
00:56:57.360 --> 00:57:06.079
I don't know how to stay sober, I don't know what works for me or what doesn't, because I everything that I tried, I ended up failing.
00:57:06.320 --> 00:57:11.360
And I just felt at this time I was so just stretched in so many different things.
00:57:11.519 --> 00:57:19.199
I was believing, I was reading eight different religions, trying to find what I believed in and doing all this crazy shit.
00:57:19.360 --> 00:57:23.599
I had never done any mental health therapy ever.
00:57:24.800 --> 00:57:28.719
So, and sorry, we're going a little long.
00:57:29.360 --> 00:57:29.679
It's okay.
00:57:29.920 --> 00:57:33.920
And this kind of brings you to a different facility here.
00:57:34.159 --> 00:57:34.480
Right.
00:57:34.719 --> 00:57:38.719
So I I get out of there.
00:57:38.960 --> 00:57:40.800
I ended up making a band.
00:57:41.360 --> 00:57:43.039
I was clean for like six months.
00:57:43.199 --> 00:57:44.880
I graduated drug court after that.
00:57:45.039 --> 00:57:45.440
Get out.
00:57:45.519 --> 00:57:50.079
I was clean for like six months when I got out, started using again fentanyl.
00:57:50.239 --> 00:57:51.840
That's when I found fentanyl.
00:57:52.079 --> 00:57:54.159
Started doing fentanyl like every day.
00:57:54.320 --> 00:57:56.559
I was started doing hardwood again.
00:57:56.719 --> 00:58:06.320
This guy had introduced me to it, and it was just like boom, you know, like nine months of just straight snorting fentanyl every damn day.
00:58:06.639 --> 00:58:29.039
And I get to this point again, and I remember um I had met this girl um that ended up becoming my second wife, but I remember staring at them in the mirror where I was living and literally spitting in the mirror at myself, spitting in my own face.
00:58:29.360 --> 00:58:32.480
And just I was just fucking disgusted with myself.
00:58:32.639 --> 00:58:33.840
I was so disgusted.
00:58:33.920 --> 00:58:35.599
I hated myself, you know.
00:58:35.679 --> 00:58:37.599
I'm like, how can you be doing this again?
00:58:37.760 --> 00:58:39.039
I was stealing again.
00:58:39.199 --> 00:58:41.760
I was stealing from the guy that I was living with.
00:58:41.920 --> 00:58:47.679
I mean, this poor guy is such a you know, this guy was a beautiful soul who let me and his wife live with him.
00:58:47.840 --> 00:58:55.440
I'm sitting here stealing from the guy thousands of dollars worth of music equipment that he had and just all your old tricks, all my old tricks, man.
00:58:55.519 --> 00:58:58.239
And and I'm just like, I'm so disgusted with myself.
00:58:58.400 --> 00:59:02.400
I mean, when I think about it to this day, it pisses me off, you know.
00:59:02.559 --> 00:59:05.920
And it's not I don't beat myself up for it anymore, but it just pisses me off.
00:59:06.000 --> 00:59:08.880
I'm like, dude, come on, you know, like that's not you.
00:59:09.360 --> 00:59:11.840
Um that was that was addict right.
00:59:12.400 --> 00:59:12.800
Yeah.
00:59:13.119 --> 00:59:18.960
And so, you know, I I spit in the mirror and I'm like, this is it.
00:59:19.199 --> 00:59:20.000
This is it.
00:59:20.159 --> 00:59:24.960
So my ex-wife, my now ex-wife, let's call it second ex-wife.
00:59:25.440 --> 00:59:27.280
I'm glad you can laugh about it now.
00:59:27.599 --> 00:59:28.159
Right.
00:59:29.119 --> 00:59:30.159
Great story.
00:59:30.559 --> 00:59:32.960
Um, so yeah.
00:59:34.159 --> 00:59:40.239
So she like, she's like, look, dude, here's the ultimatum, right?
00:59:40.639 --> 00:59:41.840
You got three months.
00:59:42.000 --> 00:59:44.480
I'm moving to South Florida where my mother lives.
00:59:44.559 --> 00:59:50.400
She wants me to open up this nail salon, and I'm tired of your shit.
00:59:50.639 --> 00:59:54.320
You know, if you want to make a change, you move down to South Florida with me.
00:59:54.400 --> 00:59:55.760
I'm going to live with mom.
00:59:56.400 --> 00:59:57.840
You know, you got three months.
00:59:57.920 --> 01:00:00.960
So I waited till like the 89th day, naturally.
01:00:02.000 --> 01:00:05.760
And I'm on probation at this time for all that stuff.
01:00:05.920 --> 01:00:09.599
You know, I'm still on an eight-year probation, even with the drug court.
01:00:09.679 --> 01:00:13.519
That's how bad things, you know, even after graduating drug court.
01:00:14.000 --> 01:00:19.280
And um, I think I had like five or six years of the probation left.
01:00:19.599 --> 01:00:24.079
They don't know that I'm about to just up and leave and go to Florida.
01:00:24.239 --> 01:00:26.079
They know nothing about this, right?
01:00:26.320 --> 01:00:33.199
And this is like 2020, right before COVID, February 2020.
01:00:33.440 --> 01:00:43.440
So I go, it's it's it's I leave the day before my birthday, and I ended up putting fentanyl under my tongue and getting on an airplane.
01:00:43.599 --> 01:00:46.000
Could you imagine if I got caught in the airport?
01:00:46.159 --> 01:00:49.760
I would have done my six on the probation and probably 10 more.
01:00:49.920 --> 01:00:50.239
Yeah.
01:00:50.480 --> 01:00:51.119
You know.
01:00:51.519 --> 01:00:55.679
Um, but I take it, I put it like in a balloon under my tongue.
01:00:55.840 --> 01:01:00.960
And I knew when I got down there, I'm like, I'm gonna run out, and I'm not gonna ask anybody on the street.
01:01:01.039 --> 01:01:04.559
Because down there, you'll get killed for doing something like that, just randomly.
01:01:04.719 --> 01:01:09.599
I mean, Fort Lauderdale, it's a you know, it's a tough town when it comes to that.
01:01:09.760 --> 01:01:10.320
Yeah.
01:01:10.639 --> 01:01:19.119
Um, and it was February 7th, the day before my real birthday, February 8th.
01:01:19.360 --> 01:01:22.000
And the next day I had a little dope left.
01:01:22.320 --> 01:01:23.679
I knew it was gonna run out.
01:01:23.840 --> 01:01:29.039
And my ex-wife was like, hey, I want to take you to SeaWorld for your birthday.
01:01:29.840 --> 01:01:30.480
Okay, cool.
01:01:30.639 --> 01:01:39.119
You know, so we go to SeaWorld, and we're in Orlando, and we're at SeaWorld, and we go and see Shamu, you know, the well.
01:01:39.920 --> 01:01:41.920
And have you ever been to SeaWorld?
01:01:42.159 --> 01:01:42.480
I haven't.
01:01:42.880 --> 01:01:43.280
Yeah, okay.
01:01:43.360 --> 01:01:51.360
So like the shamu is like this auditorium seating, and you know, the famous well, and he's launching people up in the air and all that.
01:01:51.440 --> 01:01:54.320
Like there's dolphins knocking soccer balls up in the air.
01:01:54.800 --> 01:01:56.880
I'm just saying you're gonna go do dope in the bathroom.
01:01:57.039 --> 01:01:57.280
Yeah.
01:01:57.440 --> 01:01:57.679
Okay.
01:01:57.920 --> 01:02:02.880
So I'm sitting up and he stands, and as I tell her, I say, I need to go use the bathroom.
01:02:02.960 --> 01:02:07.360
So I go in this public bathroom, and it's nasty.
01:02:07.440 --> 01:02:17.039
This bathroom's nasty, you know, it's kids all and I go into the stall, and there's the the toilet paper roll, you know, they got the plastic, the brown plastic.
01:02:17.519 --> 01:02:25.119
And I take out like the last of my dope, and I snort it off the toilet, and God knows what was on there, you know.
01:02:25.599 --> 01:02:32.480
And I'm and I snort it off of there, and I have this moment of clarity right there in the stall.
01:02:33.920 --> 01:02:36.159
You know, just nasty as could be.
01:02:36.800 --> 01:02:42.480
And I just have this moment of clarity where I'm like, dude, this is fucked.
01:02:42.719 --> 01:02:45.119
Like, this is this is insane, man.
01:02:45.519 --> 01:02:46.480
You're telling yourself out loud.
01:02:46.639 --> 01:02:48.320
I'm telling myself enough is enough.
01:02:48.480 --> 01:02:50.400
I'm telling myself out loud, literally.
01:02:50.480 --> 01:02:53.840
I mean, there's probably people in the bathroom probably thinking, who that what is wrong with that guy?
01:02:54.880 --> 01:02:56.639
Yeah, and I'm like, this is insane, man.
01:02:56.800 --> 01:02:57.760
This is insane.
01:02:58.000 --> 01:03:03.840
So I go back up and I remember watching Shamu and just being like, This is why this is insane.
01:03:04.000 --> 01:03:06.559
Like, I'm high as shit right now watching shamu.
01:03:06.800 --> 01:03:09.360
Like, it was just all like this, you know.
01:03:09.599 --> 01:03:13.760
And we get back and I end up, we go to this nail slice.
01:03:14.079 --> 01:03:20.960
The next day, I'm out of dope, and I'm and I had a couple of Suboxone strips, and I'm like, Oh, I can take these now.
01:03:21.119 --> 01:03:26.400
So my wife goes into this, my ex-wife goes into this thing to get some nail supplies.
01:03:26.719 --> 01:03:35.199
Um, and um I take it and I literally go into pre-sip withdrawal within like two minutes.
01:03:35.519 --> 01:03:36.880
I mean, it was brutal.
01:03:37.199 --> 01:03:41.440
Sounds terrible, brutal because you're supposed to wait 72 hours with fentanyl.
01:03:41.519 --> 01:03:44.000
Only I didn't read the fine print.
01:03:44.079 --> 01:03:46.079
You you know, with fentanyl, it's longer.
01:03:46.159 --> 01:03:48.159
With heroin, you can wait 24 hours.
01:03:48.320 --> 01:03:50.639
Fentanyl, it's 72 hours.
01:03:50.800 --> 01:03:53.599
So I'm at like 20th hour, you know.
01:03:53.840 --> 01:03:55.679
And I think for Vivi, you gotta wait a week.
01:03:55.920 --> 01:03:56.480
Yeah, right.
01:03:56.719 --> 01:03:57.280
Yeah.
01:03:57.599 --> 01:04:09.360
So she comes back, and I'm literally like, I'm like, like, you know, I'm I'm like just puking out the door, and I'm sweating and just acting crazy.
01:04:09.440 --> 01:04:14.159
And I'm like, take me to the hospital, you know, and she's like, what's going on?
01:04:14.320 --> 01:04:16.159
And on the way there, it's like truth there.
01:04:16.480 --> 01:04:21.199
I've been using fentanyl and I'm in and I stole from Jonah, and I've done it.
01:04:21.599 --> 01:04:23.039
And she's like, What the fuck?
01:04:23.199 --> 01:04:27.840
You know, so we're like, she's taking me to the hospital, she's pissed, right?
01:04:28.159 --> 01:04:35.440
Um, and I end up in the hospital bed and I wake up like 18 hours later, they shot me full of Ada van and everything.
01:04:35.519 --> 01:04:49.920
And I wake up like 18 hours later, and um, you know, um, I I'll say this, man, and you know, there's I won't go into my whole I don't I you know about my ex-wife and stuff.
01:04:50.079 --> 01:04:59.199
She she did some things to me that was pretty crazy, but she saved my life that day, and I'll never forgive her for it, or I'll never forget her for it.
01:04:59.519 --> 01:05:00.159
Totally understand.
01:05:00.480 --> 01:05:09.840
Um and but you know, we uh I wake up and I'm like, I had insurance at the time.
01:05:10.000 --> 01:05:16.239
First time I had insurance in years, um, because she had like was on me about getting insurance for months.
01:05:16.320 --> 01:05:19.679
And so I find the first place that'll take my insurance.
01:05:19.840 --> 01:05:23.360
Um, and it was uh sunrise detox in Lake Worth.
01:05:23.840 --> 01:05:29.360
And I go in there, and this place, you know, it's it's basically just a bare bones detox.
01:05:29.599 --> 01:05:34.400
Like it's white walls, you know, nothing much to it, you know.
01:05:34.639 --> 01:05:37.920
Um, it's not like some of the centers we have here.
01:05:38.000 --> 01:05:41.119
I mean, this place was just you get what you get, right?
01:05:41.280 --> 01:05:41.760
Right.
01:05:42.079 --> 01:05:50.719
And I about two days in, um, I had a dream with my father in it.
01:05:51.039 --> 01:05:56.079
And basically he was just saying to me, like, you know what you need to do, son.
01:05:56.159 --> 01:06:02.719
Like, and I hadn't had a dream of my father in it in years, like in Since he died, I don't think, you know.
01:06:03.119 --> 01:06:08.079
And I um I go up to the front and I'm like, I I want to leave.
01:06:08.159 --> 01:06:09.519
I AMA basically.
01:06:09.679 --> 01:06:14.320
And they were for everybody out there that me AMA means leaving against medical advice.
01:06:14.719 --> 01:06:15.119
Medical advice.
01:06:15.360 --> 01:06:15.599
Go ahead.
01:06:15.840 --> 01:06:18.559
Which I don't ever suggest doing for anybody out there.
01:06:18.719 --> 01:06:21.519
But it's part of my story, you know.
01:06:21.760 --> 01:06:23.360
I end up leaving.
01:06:23.599 --> 01:06:36.719
But prior to me leaving that day, one of the things that got my wheels turning was I went outside that a little smoking area, and there was this guy in the smoking area.
01:06:36.880 --> 01:06:37.760
I always see him.
01:06:37.840 --> 01:06:40.960
And this guy was about 500 pounds.
01:06:41.280 --> 01:06:43.039
Big, big fella.
01:06:43.599 --> 01:06:52.719
And every time I would walk out during those two days, he he wore like a flat boo, uh flat bill foo-boo hat.
01:06:52.800 --> 01:06:57.519
He had these Fubu jeans and like this like diamond-studded shirt.
01:06:57.679 --> 01:07:02.960
And he'd be sitting there in a chair like this, and he'd have a lit cigarette dangling out of the bottom of his mouth.
01:07:03.199 --> 01:07:08.880
It'd be like stuck on it, and I'd always go over and I'd take it out, you know, because I'm afraid he'd burn himself.
01:07:08.960 --> 01:07:09.280
Yeah, yeah.
01:07:09.440 --> 01:07:11.119
He had a nice shirt, you know.
01:07:11.440 --> 01:07:13.280
So every time this would happen.
01:07:13.360 --> 01:07:18.880
And but nobody ever would see this guy awake, never heard him talk, didn't know his name.
01:07:19.119 --> 01:07:21.920
And every time, and I'm like, how, and it would blow my mind.
01:07:22.079 --> 01:07:26.880
I spent a lot of my time there wondering how this guy would light cigarettes and stuff, and who this guy.
01:07:27.119 --> 01:07:29.679
He just fascinated me for some reason.
01:07:30.079 --> 01:07:38.239
And we're out there one time, we go out there the second day or whatever, and I put the cigarette out again, and I'm sitting at this table.
01:07:38.320 --> 01:07:41.039
Well, he's behind us in this couch.
01:07:41.760 --> 01:07:44.320
Sitting at this table, I'm bullshitting with these guys.
01:07:44.880 --> 01:07:51.679
I'm a musician, and you know, I want to do this, and I got these dreams about playing music and writing again and all this.
01:07:52.239 --> 01:08:02.719
And all of a sudden, we hear somebody talk, and the guy's like, hey man, and we we all it's like uh it's like half baked.
01:08:02.800 --> 01:08:04.800
You ever see the guy on the couch, you know?
01:08:05.039 --> 01:08:08.960
Totally, like every time he says something, it's like this profound thing, you know.
01:08:09.039 --> 01:08:09.840
We're we jump, yeah.
01:08:10.079 --> 01:08:11.920
Because the guy's always sleeping, yeah.
01:08:12.159 --> 01:08:17.359
And we're like, oh shitty, you know, and you say, Hey man, this is his his exact words.
01:08:17.600 --> 01:08:19.600
Hey, you ever heard of Recovery Unplugged?
01:08:19.680 --> 01:08:20.800
They do music and shit.
01:08:20.880 --> 01:08:21.600
You should go there.
01:08:21.760 --> 01:08:23.039
And he fell right back asleep.
01:08:23.119 --> 01:08:24.880
And he had a cigarette back in his mouth.
01:08:24.960 --> 01:08:30.000
And I'm and I remember thinking, how did he like, did y'all see anybody like that?
01:08:31.439 --> 01:08:37.600
So come to find out this guy's name was Miles, and that got my wheels turning, see?
01:08:38.079 --> 01:08:48.800
And this I always tell people, and I and I talk a lot at in treatment centers, and I go play music in various treatment centers around middle Tennessee and and stuff like that.
01:08:50.000 --> 01:08:50.960
Yeah, man, yeah.
01:08:51.279 --> 01:08:53.760
And it's something I love to do.
01:08:54.000 --> 01:08:59.439
Um, but I always tell people, like, man, some of the the program's great, right?
01:08:59.600 --> 01:09:03.039
A lot of these centers, the program's great, the therapy's great, this and that.
01:09:03.279 --> 01:09:09.279
But you're probably gonna get the most out of each other, you know, listen to each other because you never know.
01:09:09.439 --> 01:09:14.239
I mean, yeah, that guy Miles, he saved my life that day.
01:09:15.039 --> 01:09:18.960
He set me on a trajectory to where I'm at now.
01:09:19.439 --> 01:09:20.720
I truly believe that.
01:09:20.800 --> 01:09:23.359
If it wasn't, it's like the butterfly effect, right?
01:09:23.840 --> 01:09:31.199
That one thing that he said got my wheels turning about recovery unplugged, you know?
01:09:31.600 --> 01:09:35.600
And right then I was fixated on going to recovery unplugged.
01:09:35.840 --> 01:09:40.720
So I get out, I get my ex-wife to take me to Recovery Unplugged.
01:09:41.199 --> 01:09:43.039
I end up getting accepted there.
01:09:43.119 --> 01:09:44.720
I had this crazy out-of-pocket.
01:09:45.039 --> 01:10:02.640
Like, there's no way because I worked in admissions for three years there, and I know insurances and I know out-of-pockets and deductibles, and my and my out-of-pocket was like$8,000, and they were only gonna make like$400 if I didn't pay a dime after I got out.
01:10:03.600 --> 01:10:09.760
And the director or she ended up becoming my boss, her name was Erica.
01:10:09.920 --> 01:10:15.199
Um, she was just like kind of a standard manager then.
01:10:15.760 --> 01:10:18.000
And she approved me to come in then.
01:10:18.159 --> 01:10:22.159
You know, she and I I've even read my file when I started working there.
01:10:22.239 --> 01:10:23.520
I was able to pull up my file.
01:10:23.680 --> 01:10:32.720
And it basically said, Hey, if this guy doesn't pay anything on his out of pocket when he gets out, we're only we're basically scholarshipping him, you know, whatever reason, they let me in.
01:10:32.960 --> 01:10:40.960
And I remember talking to the admissions person on the line, and I come to find out she was new.
01:10:41.199 --> 01:10:46.800
And I remember telling her, I said, Look, and she was kind of pushing back on the out of pocket.
01:10:46.960 --> 01:10:48.399
I'm gonna have to talk to my manager.
01:10:48.800 --> 01:10:52.000
And I told her, I said, Look, this is what's gonna happen.
01:10:52.239 --> 01:10:54.159
And I've heard the recording.
01:10:54.560 --> 01:11:10.640
Um, and I said, My God is gonna talk to your God, and then your God is gonna talk to your boss's God, and then they're gonna talk to whoever the their God is, and they're gonna have a big God powwow, and y'all are gonna let me in.
01:11:10.960 --> 01:11:14.319
That was my exact words, and they end up letting me in.
01:11:15.279 --> 01:11:26.560
So I uh but man, no, I mean I went there for 12 days, that's it, but I just when I got out, dude, I just I didn't look back, man.
01:11:26.720 --> 01:11:30.159
Like I just I was so freaking motivated.
01:11:30.399 --> 01:11:32.560
COVID hit two weeks after I got out.
01:11:32.640 --> 01:11:36.479
I mean, literally the initial shutdown where everything was really shut down.
01:11:36.560 --> 01:11:37.119
Remember that?
01:11:37.199 --> 01:11:38.399
Oh it was terrible.
01:11:38.479 --> 01:11:40.000
I mean, people were commits.
01:11:40.319 --> 01:11:41.119
I mean, it was terrible.
01:11:41.279 --> 01:11:43.760
And then when when do you start working admissions then?
01:11:44.000 --> 01:11:46.560
So about a year and a half later, okay.
01:11:46.720 --> 01:11:48.399
I ended up staying down in Florida.
01:11:48.560 --> 01:11:57.039
I was still on probation, and they ended up finding out I was down there, but they were cool with it because everything went virtual because of COVID.
01:11:57.119 --> 01:11:57.279
Right.
01:11:57.520 --> 01:12:03.840
And the officer just kind of was like, okay, you know, like you're sober, you know.
01:12:04.239 --> 01:12:09.920
Um, but yeah, I mean, I worked at this marble place called Sinai Marble.
01:12:10.000 --> 01:12:11.279
It's on Pompano Beach.
01:12:11.359 --> 01:12:12.560
They're awesome people.
01:12:12.880 --> 01:12:16.000
And I sold marble for like a year and a half for pool decks.
01:12:16.079 --> 01:12:23.520
Here I am, new in recovery, like going all over South Florida, you know, all these rich people selling them marble pavers and stuff.
01:12:23.680 --> 01:12:25.199
I just busted my ass, man.
01:12:25.279 --> 01:12:27.760
I ended up making a lot of money doing that.
01:12:27.920 --> 01:12:28.560
It's awesome.
01:12:28.720 --> 01:12:34.960
And um started my life over there, and then a friend of mine, Luke, said, Hey, we got a position open here.
01:12:35.039 --> 01:12:36.079
He was a case manager.
01:12:36.399 --> 01:12:37.760
Opportunity at RU.
01:12:37.920 --> 01:12:38.800
R U, yeah.
01:12:38.960 --> 01:12:39.199
Yeah.
01:12:39.439 --> 01:12:46.319
And I was like, man, this is I've always wanted to work in treatment, always, but I never could stay sober long enough, right?
01:12:46.479 --> 01:12:48.800
So about a year and a half at this point, right?
01:12:49.199 --> 01:12:56.159
The longest I really ever had sober, like without institutions keeping me sober.
01:12:56.319 --> 01:12:59.680
But so I started working there and I got into admissions.
01:12:59.760 --> 01:13:00.479
I loved it, man.
01:13:00.560 --> 01:13:01.039
I loved it.
01:13:01.119 --> 01:13:06.479
You know, I worked in the office uh about six months into me working in admissions.
01:13:06.560 --> 01:13:10.880
I'm sitting on my couch and um in Pompano.
01:13:11.119 --> 01:13:11.920
We have an apartment.
01:13:12.000 --> 01:13:14.159
I've already gained back all these things in life.
01:13:14.239 --> 01:13:16.319
I'm two and a half years sober at this point.
01:13:16.399 --> 01:13:26.479
Well, two years sober, and I get a knock on the door, doom doom, doom, doom, and I look through the peephole, and it's two sheriffs, cops.
01:13:26.720 --> 01:13:32.319
And I'm like, Oh shit, they must be here for the neighbor because the neighbor just got his door kicked in.
01:13:32.399 --> 01:13:34.000
You know, it's kind of a bad neighborhood.
01:13:34.720 --> 01:13:37.359
And they were like, Are you Michael Rossitano?
01:13:37.439 --> 01:13:39.039
And I said, Who's asking?
01:13:39.279 --> 01:13:42.239
And the Browts County Sheriff's Office.
01:13:42.319 --> 01:13:43.760
We got a warrant for your arrest.
01:13:43.840 --> 01:13:46.079
And I'm like, What are you talking about?
01:13:46.560 --> 01:13:48.960
So I opened the door, they're like, Do you have your ID?
01:13:49.119 --> 01:13:52.319
And I'm like, so I closed the door, I'm like, no, but let me get it.
01:13:52.399 --> 01:13:54.079
So I closed the door on them.
01:13:54.399 --> 01:13:58.159
And I'm thinking at that moment, I knew what it was.
01:13:58.319 --> 01:14:05.279
It was all that music equipment I stole in Brentwood, that guy's house that I lived with, came back to catch up with me.
01:14:05.680 --> 01:14:07.279
I knew eventually it was.
01:14:07.439 --> 01:14:10.079
I knew, and I knew the bell was gonna toll, right?
01:14:10.159 --> 01:14:13.920
And I just it sucked, man.
01:14:14.159 --> 01:14:19.039
And you know, I even thought at the time, man, I could run out the back sliding glass door.
01:14:19.119 --> 01:14:24.960
If I make my way to Tennessee, my charge is in Tennessee, so I just turned myself in there, I bond out.
01:14:25.680 --> 01:14:26.560
But I didn't.
01:14:26.880 --> 01:14:32.800
I opened the door and they took me to jail, and I ended up staying in Brouwer County jail for 42 days.
01:14:32.960 --> 01:14:35.199
There I'm almost two years sober.
01:14:35.439 --> 01:14:37.359
Just started my job with RU.
01:14:37.600 --> 01:14:42.239
Like in Recovery Unplugged, man, they stood behind me 1 million percent.
01:14:42.399 --> 01:14:47.439
I mean, they put my boss at the time put money on the phone like every day, Erica.
01:14:47.520 --> 01:14:51.520
Yeah, you know, I remember like Erica helping you and put money, yeah, man.
01:14:51.760 --> 01:14:53.119
Did they transfer you to Tennessee?
01:14:53.359 --> 01:14:55.359
Yeah, 42 days later, man.
01:14:55.600 --> 01:15:05.039
During that time when I was in jail, my ex-wife ended up stealing all this money from us and just trying to do all this crazy stuff, man.
01:15:05.119 --> 01:15:06.159
It was such a shame.
01:15:06.319 --> 01:15:07.199
It was such a shame.
01:15:07.279 --> 01:15:10.319
I I never I didn't think she was capable of doing that.
01:15:10.479 --> 01:15:12.000
She wasn't an addict.
01:15:12.239 --> 01:15:13.199
She was, you know.
01:15:14.079 --> 01:15:15.920
People are sick from many different things.
01:15:16.159 --> 01:15:19.279
Man, it was my whole world came crashing down.
01:15:19.359 --> 01:15:20.319
I'm sober, you know?
01:15:20.399 --> 01:15:20.800
Yeah.
01:15:21.039 --> 01:15:26.239
And so they transport me, they come and get me in in an airplane.
01:15:26.399 --> 01:15:32.319
They take my hands and you know, cuff, uh, ankles cuffed.
01:15:32.399 --> 01:15:33.359
I'm walking through the airport.
01:15:34.479 --> 01:15:36.319
Dude, it's like I'm like, what am I, a murderer?
01:15:36.399 --> 01:15:37.439
Like, this is crazy, man.
01:15:37.520 --> 01:15:43.039
But they had me for a grand larceny, grand theft charge, theft over 10 under 50.
01:15:43.359 --> 01:15:50.560
Um, they fly me back to, you know, Tennessee, and I bond out four hours later because my charge was in Tennessee.
01:15:50.800 --> 01:15:57.920
So basically I just ended up, and what's crazy is all I had was I got arrested at home with nothing.
01:15:58.079 --> 01:16:04.880
All I had was shorts and a white t-shirt on because it was like in the morning, it was my day off and flip-flops, you know.
01:16:05.039 --> 01:16:06.000
I didn't have shit.
01:16:06.239 --> 01:16:14.800
So all my stuff is back in Tennessee in some storage unit somewhere because my ex-wife had just thrown all my shit in the storage unit, like half of it broke.
01:16:14.880 --> 01:16:16.159
It was crazy.
01:16:16.399 --> 01:16:21.439
Um, and nothing I did would ever warrant that type of behavior from her.
01:16:21.520 --> 01:16:23.119
That was so crazy about it.
01:16:23.439 --> 01:16:33.039
And, you know, um, and I uh they I bond out and I'm walking down Broadway at like 7 a.m.
01:16:33.199 --> 01:16:34.640
with the clear gel bag.
01:16:34.720 --> 01:16:41.760
I'm looking crazy because I have this skin condition called sebarrea and the gel water really messed it up and flared it up.
01:16:41.840 --> 01:16:48.800
So I'm looking all my hair is all crazy, disheveled, look like I'm using again because just the way I, you know, look.
01:16:49.039 --> 01:16:49.680
Right.
01:16:50.079 --> 01:16:59.359
And you know, I opened my bank account thinking I'll have like$18,000 in there and I got like$200 because my ex-wife had wiped it out.
01:16:59.760 --> 01:17:00.079
Yeah.
01:17:00.319 --> 01:17:04.479
So I barely had enough money to get an Uber to my mom's.
01:17:04.720 --> 01:17:15.119
So I go to my mom's and I just started working again, and I end up getting therapy through Recovery Unplugged because I was so I never dealt with mental health in my life.
01:17:15.279 --> 01:17:19.439
I mean, I was so so much anxiety and just going through all that, man.
01:17:19.520 --> 01:17:25.680
And and our you does you this huge solid of never firing you, never fire me, man.
01:17:25.920 --> 01:17:28.000
No, yeah, just unbelievable.
01:17:28.079 --> 01:17:28.880
Yeah, unbelievable.
01:17:29.119 --> 01:17:33.199
And now you're in this uh clinical navigator role, right?
01:17:33.439 --> 01:17:36.399
And you help run Tune Up Tuesdays there, right?
01:17:36.479 --> 01:17:36.800
Yeah.
01:17:36.960 --> 01:17:40.560
Um, Recovery Unplugged has many different services, right?
01:17:40.960 --> 01:17:46.239
But um, what does holistic care mean to you right now?
01:17:46.560 --> 01:17:47.039
Yeah, man.
01:17:47.119 --> 01:17:48.960
I mean, to me it's what you guys do.
01:17:49.279 --> 01:17:54.960
Yeah, I mean, uh, what I love about what we do, it's it's just a whole comprehensive approach.
01:17:55.039 --> 01:17:57.039
It's not one thing or the other, you know.
01:17:57.279 --> 01:18:01.680
Like uh I think what worked for me at Recovery Unplugged was the mental health aspect.
01:18:01.760 --> 01:18:10.399
You know, I never realized how much guilt I carried from stuff that I did to my grandfather, you know, when I was using stuff that I had done to people.
01:18:10.479 --> 01:18:12.960
I mean, I carried that guilt so long.
01:18:13.119 --> 01:18:16.319
I mean, even two, three years after I got sober.
01:18:16.399 --> 01:18:20.399
I mean, I just thought I was like, man, I'm just how do I get rid of this person?
01:18:20.560 --> 01:18:23.119
Like I was just terrible, I was terrible, you know.
01:18:23.359 --> 01:18:29.039
And I really beat myself up a lot over things that I had done to people, people I loved.
01:18:29.199 --> 01:18:34.479
You know, that's what I that's what I said back in the beginning of this was I I was never meant to be that way.
01:18:34.640 --> 01:18:36.640
You know, I was I wasn't raised that way.
01:18:36.720 --> 01:18:42.720
I wasn't my fabric of my being, I was not meant to be this type of person, you know.
01:18:43.039 --> 01:18:45.039
And it's just crazy.
01:18:45.199 --> 01:18:46.640
I got promoted eight months ago.
01:18:46.720 --> 01:18:48.640
I got the best job I've ever had in my life.
01:18:48.720 --> 01:18:50.399
I get to help people every day.
01:18:50.560 --> 01:19:01.840
I get to go speak at events, and people come ask me to do things for judicial things, and I work with all the drug courts in the area, and I, you know, um get to make an impact.
01:19:02.479 --> 01:19:05.680
Congratulations for this 180.
01:19:05.920 --> 01:19:06.479
Yeah, man.
01:19:06.560 --> 01:19:08.800
It's just been uh you've done a lot of work though.
01:19:08.960 --> 01:19:09.279
Yeah.
01:19:09.600 --> 01:19:12.720
This doesn't just come from you sitting on your ass not doing anything.
01:19:12.800 --> 01:19:14.159
Right now service work, networking.
01:19:14.720 --> 01:19:15.039
Right, man.
01:19:15.760 --> 01:19:23.600
And you know, there's every couple of days, man, we're all sit back and think, like, it this is my life now.
01:19:23.680 --> 01:19:25.439
Like this is like I get to do this.
01:19:25.920 --> 01:19:26.720
It's a beautiful life.
01:19:26.880 --> 01:19:28.159
And you seem so happy.
01:19:28.560 --> 01:19:33.039
I am time will make a lot of these things that make you feel bad.
01:19:33.279 --> 01:19:33.439
Right.
01:19:33.760 --> 01:19:35.600
Will make you'll feel a lot better.
01:19:35.920 --> 01:19:40.560
And also, you know, your recovery program, like you being sober for even longer.
01:19:40.880 --> 01:19:41.199
Right.
01:19:41.359 --> 01:19:44.159
Um just life ebbs and flows.
01:19:44.319 --> 01:19:52.800
And I think recovery, like I've been sober for 13 and a half years, my program has constantly changed, and I've tried new things.
01:19:53.359 --> 01:19:55.039
Things that don't work, things that do work.
01:19:55.359 --> 01:19:55.520
Right.
01:19:55.680 --> 01:19:56.960
Um, and then your life changes.
01:19:57.359 --> 01:19:57.520
Right.
01:19:57.680 --> 01:20:00.079
You know, like I'm married with a child now.
01:20:00.880 --> 01:20:01.119
Yeah.
01:20:01.840 --> 01:20:07.199
It's pretty wild that I I think that that's my life at almost 47 years old.
01:20:07.760 --> 01:20:10.319
Um, I I never thought I deserved a great life.
01:20:11.439 --> 01:20:12.399
That's the way that I feel.
01:20:12.720 --> 01:20:13.600
Yeah, right, yeah, yeah.
01:20:14.000 --> 01:20:15.760
I'm more blessed than I deserve to be.
01:20:15.920 --> 01:20:16.159
Yeah.
01:20:16.399 --> 01:20:21.840
And I I do feel even everything that you've done, that you are the exact amount of blessed.
01:20:22.079 --> 01:20:22.239
Right.
01:20:22.479 --> 01:20:25.039
Because you're such a good dude and you've worked through all this stuff.
01:20:25.199 --> 01:20:25.359
Right.
01:20:25.520 --> 01:20:29.840
And you've served a lot of time in different programs, and jail and everything.
01:20:30.000 --> 01:20:30.399
Yeah.
01:20:30.640 --> 01:20:37.920
Um one last thing that I do want to touch on is that National Addiction Specialist does have many different services.
01:20:38.159 --> 01:20:38.640
Right, yeah.
01:20:38.880 --> 01:20:40.560
And you've been with us in the past.
01:20:40.800 --> 01:20:41.119
I have.
01:20:41.359 --> 01:20:43.760
And how how was your experience with NAS?
01:20:44.239 --> 01:20:48.640
You know, I have nothing but good things to say about NAS.
01:20:48.800 --> 01:20:56.319
And um, you know, they help, they've helped me through times as well, tough times as well, you know.
01:20:56.479 --> 01:21:01.760
Um, and I I needed help even after getting sober, you know, after getting clean.
01:21:01.840 --> 01:21:04.000
And NES was was there for me.
01:21:04.079 --> 01:21:07.199
I mean, um, through those times as well.
01:21:07.279 --> 01:21:09.199
And they've they've been fantastic.
01:21:09.279 --> 01:21:11.439
I mean, the therapy they provide.
01:21:11.920 --> 01:21:18.000
Um what I love about what you guys do here is you don't turn many people down, right?
01:21:18.159 --> 01:21:19.840
Yeah, and give a lot of opportunities.
01:21:20.159 --> 01:21:25.279
Give a lot of opportunities and the grant the grants and all that stuff, man.
01:21:25.359 --> 01:21:36.319
I know there's there's a few people that I've known who have have used y'all, and I've been able to to help people um that have gotten out of us to to get help with you guys too.
01:21:36.800 --> 01:21:37.840
And I really appreciate that.
01:21:38.159 --> 01:21:43.199
Yeah, and I I think it's uh I think the work that that y'all do is is great, man.
01:21:43.359 --> 01:21:50.159
I mean, for the things that y'all do here, um, the way that y'all help people, I got nothing but good things to say.
01:21:50.319 --> 01:21:53.600
I mean, look, I mean, there's there's good and bad everywhere.
01:21:53.840 --> 01:21:55.520
Everybody's got good and bad things.
01:21:55.600 --> 01:22:04.239
It all depends on your experience, but from everything that I've experienced with with NAS, it's been nothing but a pleasure, man.
01:22:04.720 --> 01:22:06.479
I appreciate kind words.
01:22:07.119 --> 01:22:12.640
Um and I I just I I love what you do with Recovery Unplugged.
01:22:12.800 --> 01:22:13.920
I've seen it.
01:22:14.079 --> 01:22:16.960
Um, and thank you for the kind words on NAS.
01:22:17.119 --> 01:22:17.279
Yeah.
01:22:17.439 --> 01:22:25.279
And we didn't get to touch on your Titans channel, but uh, what what is it just for the listeners in case they want us to check out your Tennessee Titans podcast?
01:22:25.600 --> 01:22:25.840
Right.
01:22:26.000 --> 01:22:48.479
And I before that, real quick, and I know it's it's getting a little late, but I do want to say now that and and I want to throw this in there because I feel like I have to, but I have a uh, you know, I I I've touched on relationships in my life, but now I have a woman in my life that is that is absolutely uh fantastic and been with her two years.
01:22:48.560 --> 01:22:49.840
And um that's amazing.
01:22:50.000 --> 01:22:50.960
Yeah, well deserved.
01:22:51.359 --> 01:23:00.319
Yeah, her name's Michelle, and she's the she's the most kind, caring, considerate woman that I've ever been with in my life, a true partner.
01:23:00.720 --> 01:23:06.000
And uh, you know, um I remember last time when I told my story, I didn't include her in.
01:23:06.079 --> 01:23:07.359
I just felt like I needed to.
01:23:07.439 --> 01:23:25.680
So um, and there's other people who've helped me along the way, uh, you know, a roommate that I have lived with for three and a half years, and I've become like an uncle to her child, and you know, that was also a great distraction for me after all coming back to Tennessee and going through all that.
01:23:25.760 --> 01:23:29.359
And they've so it's all holistic, comprehensive.
01:23:29.600 --> 01:23:33.119
But um, with the Titans, yeah.
01:23:33.199 --> 01:23:34.640
I have a Titans YouTube channel.
01:23:34.800 --> 01:23:47.119
Me and a me and a guy, a guy, a friend of mine started it before I joined, about maybe eight months before I joined, but me and him kind of became partners in it, and it's called the Titan Upload Network.
01:23:47.199 --> 01:23:54.399
If you're into the Tennessee Titans, you know, um, if you're into that type of misery, um, but you and you are Titan Rossi.
01:23:54.720 --> 01:24:10.000
Titans Rossi, I go by uh on X at uh at Titans Rossi on X, and our YouTube channel is the Titan Upload Network, and we have the most subscribers, most subscribers for a fan-made Titans channel on YouTube.
01:24:10.319 --> 01:24:11.359
Um amazing.
01:24:11.439 --> 01:24:11.920
Congrats.
01:24:12.000 --> 01:24:14.720
Yeah, I'm sure you it's a lot of work running a podcast.
01:24:14.960 --> 01:24:15.600
It is, yeah.
01:24:16.079 --> 01:24:22.319
More than people that are listening to how much work it's if you want to make it good, it is, you know.
01:24:22.399 --> 01:24:27.039
Yeah, it's uh if you want to make it quality and you know, it is, but I love it, man.
01:24:27.119 --> 01:24:31.840
And it's all all these things are part of the recovery, right?
01:24:32.079 --> 01:24:32.640
Yeah, I agree.
01:24:32.720 --> 01:24:38.479
You know, so and please check out um uh Michael's Tennessee Titan channel.
01:24:38.640 --> 01:24:40.880
Please check out Recovery Unplugged.
01:24:41.279 --> 01:24:47.119
Um, if you like the podcast, please like and subscribe and listen to or watch wherever you get your podcasts.
01:24:47.359 --> 01:24:51.359
And Michael, I just I can't appreciate you more for saying everything you said.
01:24:51.439 --> 01:24:55.600
It was a wild ride and also very funny at times, and I'm glad we can go back and laugh at it.
01:24:55.680 --> 01:25:02.720
And and uh I hope this helps a lot of people listening to this because anything's possible if you do the right thing and do the hard work.
01:25:03.119 --> 01:25:03.359
Right.
01:25:03.520 --> 01:25:05.039
And I appreciate you and I love you, brother.
01:25:05.279 --> 01:25:06.239
Yeah, love you too, man.
01:25:06.479 --> 01:25:06.800
Thank you.
01:25:06.880 --> 01:25:07.199
Yeah.
00:00:00.320 --> 00:00:13.199
My addiction, it was so rampant and it was controlling everything that I did to the point of where all my hopes, dreams, and aspirations were completely just cut.
00:00:19.359 --> 00:00:27.920
Hey, hello, and welcome to a new episode of Breaking Down Addiction, a podcast brought to you by National Addiction Specialists.
00:00:28.160 --> 00:00:31.760
I will be your lovely and gracious host today, Johnny Phillip.
00:00:31.920 --> 00:00:37.039
And I'm joined with the very special and one of my buddies, Michael Rosettino.
00:00:37.439 --> 00:00:37.920
Thank you so much.
00:00:38.079 --> 00:00:39.600
Yeah, thanks for Rosettano.
00:00:39.759 --> 00:00:40.399
Rosatano.
00:00:40.560 --> 00:00:41.280
Rossettano.
00:00:41.359 --> 00:00:41.520
Yeah.
00:00:41.679 --> 00:00:41.920
Thank you.
00:00:42.000 --> 00:00:42.479
You got it.
00:00:42.799 --> 00:00:44.560
That won't be the only mistake today.
00:00:44.880 --> 00:00:45.039
Right.
00:00:45.119 --> 00:00:46.079
It's all good.
00:00:46.640 --> 00:00:49.439
Uh yeah, thank you for joining us today.
00:00:49.679 --> 00:00:52.560
You and I have become buddies over the last year.
00:00:52.799 --> 00:00:54.479
We do the same kind of work.
00:00:54.719 --> 00:00:56.479
Brothers in recovery.
00:00:56.719 --> 00:01:00.240
Um, but I always like to kick these off with the same question.
00:01:00.399 --> 00:01:05.599
And that is, if you were sitting across from yourself in active addiction, what would you say?
00:01:06.159 --> 00:01:08.719
Man, uh it's kind of a loaded question.
00:01:08.799 --> 00:01:21.359
I feel like there's so many things that I that I would say uh to myself in active addiction, but to me, I mean, honestly, from where I was at at the time, I would just say, man, just give it up, dude.
00:01:21.519 --> 00:01:23.680
Like this is this is ridiculous.
00:01:23.840 --> 00:01:28.640
Like this, I think, and I actually did say that to myself in active addiction.
00:01:29.040 --> 00:01:29.599
Probably more than once.
00:01:29.840 --> 00:01:30.640
More than once, yeah.
00:01:30.719 --> 00:01:32.319
But just just give it up, man.
00:01:32.400 --> 00:01:34.640
Like, this is not working for you.
00:01:34.879 --> 00:01:39.760
This is not what um your higher powers put you on this earth to do.
00:01:40.000 --> 00:01:46.879
You know, you you were uh meant for so much more, and this is this just ain't it, you know.
00:01:47.120 --> 00:01:51.040
When you were in active addiction, did you feel as if you didn't deserve a good life?
00:01:51.359 --> 00:01:58.640
I you know, honestly, I never really felt like I didn't deserve a good life.
00:01:58.879 --> 00:02:06.799
I but I also didn't feel like I deserved in a way, I felt like I did and I didn't.
00:02:06.959 --> 00:02:11.280
Because to me, that word deserve kind of gets thrown around too much.
00:02:11.520 --> 00:02:16.879
I just felt like that you could say the word destiny, maybe, or something like that.
00:02:17.039 --> 00:02:32.159
I felt like my addiction, it was so rampant and it was controlling everything that I did to the point of where all my hopes, dreams, and aspirations were completely just cut, you know.
00:02:32.560 --> 00:02:43.360
And I just I felt like I knew there was some type of greatness ahead of me, but it was just I couldn't get there because of my addiction.
00:02:43.599 --> 00:02:46.400
Now, do I deserve a good life?
00:02:46.560 --> 00:02:47.120
Do I not?
00:02:47.199 --> 00:02:47.680
I don't know.
00:02:47.759 --> 00:02:54.639
You know, there's a lot of people out there who are going through things that are out of their their own circumstance.
00:02:54.800 --> 00:02:58.879
They can't help that, you know, people in third world countries and this and that.
00:02:58.960 --> 00:03:00.639
So it's like, I don't know, man.
00:03:00.719 --> 00:03:08.800
I felt like that I was supposed to um definitely live a different life, a better life.
00:03:09.120 --> 00:03:10.639
So I like that answer.
00:03:10.879 --> 00:03:11.199
Yeah.
00:03:11.520 --> 00:03:16.560
And yes, deserve or deserving is is a word that's thrown around a lot lately.
00:03:16.719 --> 00:03:20.159
So like thank you so much for knowing where you went with it.
00:03:20.879 --> 00:03:29.599
Um so I I know a little bit about your story just from us talking, from us meeting, having breakfast, being out in the field.
00:03:30.159 --> 00:03:37.360
And I remember we ran into each other at a conference in December, and you told me some key parts of your story that I didn't know before.
00:03:37.840 --> 00:03:40.000
So I think we're all in for a wild ride here.
00:03:40.319 --> 00:03:40.479
Yeah.
00:03:40.800 --> 00:03:44.719
And you you've really come out on the other side and you're really inspiring.
00:03:45.120 --> 00:03:48.879
And I I've just love getting to know you.
00:03:49.199 --> 00:03:50.400
You're such a lovely dude.
00:03:51.039 --> 00:03:52.159
Well, I appreciate that, man.
00:03:52.319 --> 00:03:54.639
So are you, likewise, likewise for sure.
00:03:54.879 --> 00:04:01.039
Um which I didn't know that your family had some ties to pro wrestling.
00:04:01.360 --> 00:04:01.599
Yeah.
00:04:01.840 --> 00:04:05.599
So you kind of you grew up in this family with ties to pro wrestling.
00:04:06.000 --> 00:04:11.680
Did that help shape who you are, or did that help form rebellion at that point?
00:04:12.000 --> 00:04:13.120
I I think it no.
00:04:13.280 --> 00:04:16.959
I mean, I think it definitely helped shape who I am.
00:04:17.199 --> 00:04:23.360
Like definitely the good parts of me um and the sober parts of me.
00:04:23.600 --> 00:04:30.160
Um, you know, my my grandfather and father, um, now when they wrestled, they went by the name Rossi.
00:04:30.480 --> 00:04:32.959
So most of my friends actually call me Rossi.
00:04:33.199 --> 00:04:36.959
Most of the people that know me um, you know, call me Rossi.
00:04:37.279 --> 00:04:43.439
And and in a way, it's it's kind of an homage to my my father and grandfather.
00:04:43.519 --> 00:04:48.879
But my grandfather, Lynn Rossi, and you know, for the listeners out there, they could Google him.
00:04:48.959 --> 00:04:51.040
He's got his own Wikipedia page.
00:04:51.199 --> 00:04:57.360
Um, he was a very famous pro wrestler in the 70s, 60s, and 70s here.
00:04:57.680 --> 00:04:59.199
Cool, cool era of wrestling.
00:04:59.600 --> 00:05:05.279
And in the southeast, back then, wrestling was more of a territorial thing.
00:05:05.519 --> 00:05:11.120
It wasn't like it is now, where it's like you got two or three different organizations that run the whole thing.
00:05:11.360 --> 00:05:21.759
Back then, the Southeast was where all the anybody who is anybody came through the Southeast, Memphis, uh, Nashville, Birmingham.
00:05:22.000 --> 00:05:25.040
Um, that's where you came come to get your start.
00:05:25.120 --> 00:05:27.279
Like Hulk Hogan came through Memphis.
00:05:27.360 --> 00:05:30.879
Uh so people are cutting their teeth in these markets.
00:05:31.120 --> 00:05:31.360
Right.
00:05:31.439 --> 00:05:33.680
And that's that's where they made the most money.
00:05:33.839 --> 00:05:35.439
That was the most popular market.
00:05:35.600 --> 00:05:42.560
Now you had different territories, but you know, Vince McMahon kind of ended those territory days.
00:05:42.800 --> 00:05:45.279
But my grandfather, he was a household name.
00:05:45.360 --> 00:05:46.879
He was on TV every week.
00:05:47.040 --> 00:05:56.399
Um, and he owned a health food store right here in Brentwood for 40 years, um, sold vitamins and herbs, and I grew up in that.
00:05:56.560 --> 00:06:00.720
Um so he was was he, in all tents and purposes, he a healthy guy.
00:06:00.959 --> 00:06:01.360
Oh, yeah.
00:06:01.439 --> 00:06:01.680
Yeah.
00:06:01.759 --> 00:06:16.240
I mean, he lived till he was like 93, and um and he was healthy up until the end physically, but he ended up getting dementia and come to find out he had cancer, and it kind of, you know, uh derailed quickly when he got sick.
00:06:16.399 --> 00:06:19.600
But, you know, my grand my dad was a pro wrestler too.
00:06:19.680 --> 00:06:28.560
He wasn't as quote unquote famous as my grandfather because he he didn't like the business and where it was going.
00:06:28.720 --> 00:06:31.920
Uh it changed a lot in the 80s.
00:06:32.079 --> 00:06:33.759
It definitely changed a lot.
00:06:33.920 --> 00:06:45.120
And and my dad always felt like he had a greater purpose than not that that's not a great, you know, profession or whatever, but he just felt himself that he had a greater purpose.
00:06:45.279 --> 00:06:50.079
He ended up becoming an alderman in the town of Nolansville when they first became a city.
00:06:50.319 --> 00:06:52.560
He had aspirations to be a mayor.
00:06:52.639 --> 00:06:58.000
Um, and he um unfortunately he got cancer and died when I was 20.
00:06:58.160 --> 00:07:00.160
And that's kind of part of my story.
00:07:00.319 --> 00:07:03.360
That's kind of when addiction took over after that.
00:07:03.519 --> 00:07:13.360
So uh did you ever feel as if, you know, your grandfather pro wrestler, your father, did you feel like you or anybody else in your family was next to hold that torch?
00:07:13.519 --> 00:07:16.240
Um, or was there never it's it's kind of funny.
00:07:16.319 --> 00:07:22.480
There was never any pressure pressure, which that's what I loved about my my dad and grandfather.
00:07:22.639 --> 00:07:31.600
Like they almost didn't want us to get into the business because they knew how shady the business was and how shady it had become and how tough it is.
00:07:31.759 --> 00:07:39.439
I mean, it's like becoming a pro wrestler and being making money at it is almost like becoming a musician.
00:07:39.680 --> 00:07:51.920
I mean, you're you know, it's like you you got one out of one in a million chance of becoming famous and known and you know you have to put in so many sacrifices.
00:07:52.160 --> 00:07:55.040
Yeah, and wrestlers are on the road a lot, just like musicians.
00:07:55.439 --> 00:08:00.160
Oh, yeah, all the time and thousands of miles on it, especially in the indie circuits.
00:08:00.240 --> 00:08:13.680
I mean, you're not um getting flown all over the country, you're not riding in buses, you're driving your own car, and you're you know, and you're you're having to put you know oil all over your body every day and do all this crazy stuff that pro wrestling entails.
00:08:13.920 --> 00:08:17.120
Like to me, that wasn't appealing to me or my brother.
00:08:17.199 --> 00:08:20.399
But what's funny about it is my sister got into it some.
00:08:20.639 --> 00:08:21.279
That's why.
00:08:21.519 --> 00:08:29.519
And uh she did a few matches and promoted a few shows, and um, and people know the Rossi name in the wrestling circuit.
00:08:29.600 --> 00:08:29.759
Yeah.
00:08:29.920 --> 00:08:35.279
Um and but it was uh yeah, no, they never pressured us, which I loved, you know.
00:08:35.440 --> 00:08:48.399
They never uh, you know, if there's two men in this world that I could say um to me that are the best men I've ever known, it's it's my grandfather and and dad, hands down.
00:08:48.639 --> 00:08:52.399
So um it just it sucks that it's wonderful, by the way.
00:08:52.559 --> 00:08:53.200
It is, yeah.
00:08:53.279 --> 00:08:59.279
It just sucks that you know my dad had to leave this earth so quickly, but that's just what happened, you know.
00:08:59.600 --> 00:09:00.480
How old was he?
00:09:01.039 --> 00:09:02.159
He was fifty.
00:09:02.639 --> 00:09:02.879
Oh god.
00:09:03.200 --> 00:09:04.960
And I was twenty I was around twenty.
00:09:05.519 --> 00:09:06.639
That's that's really young.
00:09:06.960 --> 00:09:07.679
Yeah, yeah.
00:09:08.159 --> 00:09:14.080
I mean, I I'll be 47 in a few months, and I couldn't think of in three years it being the end for me.
00:09:14.159 --> 00:09:15.679
So I'm I'm sorry that you had to deal with that.
00:09:16.000 --> 00:09:16.480
Yeah, yeah.
00:09:16.639 --> 00:09:21.919
Which brings me my my next point, which your your father passed away.
00:09:22.720 --> 00:09:35.519
Um I imagine this kind of started off some usage or maybe helped project it into a new dimension, and especially you found some perk set as this tell us about all that, yeah.
00:09:35.600 --> 00:09:37.840
And this is kind of where it starts, right?
00:09:37.919 --> 00:09:43.919
You know, like in high school, I used in high school, I I wouldn't call it the word used.
00:09:44.000 --> 00:09:50.159
I mean, I I got high and drank and partied, partied, and it, but it was never like I did smoke a lot of pot.
00:09:50.240 --> 00:09:55.200
I'm like, you know, but it was never like I could take it or leave it.
00:09:55.279 --> 00:09:56.000
You know what I mean?
00:09:56.080 --> 00:10:11.360
It wasn't to the point where it was like this raging addiction where it controlled my whole life, and you know, um, but yeah, when my dad passed, I remember um we were cleaning out some of his stuff in the house.
00:10:11.679 --> 00:10:16.240
And somehow I'd got tasked with cleaning out the medicine cabinet.
00:10:16.480 --> 00:10:20.320
Or maybe I was just there and I just started cleaning it out.
00:10:20.559 --> 00:10:25.200
Um and you and that medicine cabinet were together at last.
00:10:25.440 --> 00:10:25.840
Oh, right.
00:10:26.000 --> 00:10:27.519
Yeah, it was like destiny or something.
00:10:28.159 --> 00:10:35.759
But I uh I opened the cabinet and there's two big giant bottles, Per Cassette tens, and there's 200 in each bottle.
00:10:36.000 --> 00:10:39.840
And my dad, he my dad was like 300 pounds.
00:10:40.000 --> 00:10:46.799
He used to bench like 600 when he was in his prime, and he had like inch-long hair.
00:10:47.039 --> 00:10:48.960
I I always call him like the missing link.
00:10:49.039 --> 00:10:55.279
I mean, he was like a big, like you you wouldn't want to mess with this guy at any point, even when he was older.
00:10:55.519 --> 00:11:02.559
And but he was the nicest guy, but um he never took any pain pills while he had cancer.
00:11:02.720 --> 00:11:15.600
I mean, we're talking stage four cancer where the guy's getting chemo every day and like in real pain, like justifiably should be taking Percocassets, let alone like oxyades or something.
00:11:15.919 --> 00:11:29.519
And um but but I get them out of the cabinet, and you know, I'd heard of pain pills before, and I think I'd I'd taken some pain pills, like when I'd got a tooth pulled and things like that.
00:11:29.679 --> 00:11:39.120
So I get them out of the cabinet and I take one, and like 15 minutes later, I'm like, ooh, like, yeah, like I like this feeling, you know.
00:11:39.200 --> 00:11:41.039
Like I have 400 more of these.
00:11:41.279 --> 00:11:42.639
I have 400 of these.
00:11:42.879 --> 00:11:47.279
And and it just like it numbed everything for me.
00:11:47.440 --> 00:11:52.080
Like, I I I don't think I cried about my father's death.
00:11:52.480 --> 00:12:05.360
Um I might have cried at the funeral, but even after that, for I don't know, man, six months to a year or something, because I I I had those pills for a while.
00:12:05.440 --> 00:12:15.200
They lasted me a while, maybe six months or so, but it was just a gradual, you know, okay using more and more and more and more warming up.
00:12:15.600 --> 00:12:19.759
And then, you know, I I run out and I'm like, oh shit, what do I do now?
00:12:19.840 --> 00:12:20.159
Right.
00:12:20.240 --> 00:12:24.320
Like, and did you like this more than smoking weed at that point then?
00:12:25.039 --> 00:12:25.600
Definitely.
00:12:25.840 --> 00:12:26.480
Okay, yeah.
00:12:26.639 --> 00:12:32.480
I mean, and for whatever reason, like nothing else ever hooked me.
00:12:33.120 --> 00:12:36.159
Alcohol, take it or leave it, coke, take it or leave it.
00:12:36.320 --> 00:12:38.720
Anything, Xanax, take it or leave it.
00:12:38.960 --> 00:12:47.919
I didn't like Xanax, I was more of a upper guy, but yeah, even like any other drug, it never got me like that.
00:12:48.240 --> 00:12:53.200
Where I was like, oh, you know, love at first sight, oh, I gotta take this every day.
00:12:53.279 --> 00:12:55.600
It was nothing, nothing, anything like that.
00:12:55.919 --> 00:12:59.200
For whatever reason, opiates does that to me.
00:12:59.600 --> 00:13:00.559
And I don't know why.
00:13:00.879 --> 00:13:02.240
I couldn't tell you why.
00:13:02.559 --> 00:13:03.279
I don't know.
00:13:03.600 --> 00:13:04.000
You know?
00:13:04.559 --> 00:13:05.759
Alcohol was my thing.
00:13:06.000 --> 00:13:06.240
Right.
00:13:06.879 --> 00:13:09.840
Like Yeah, I'm everything I could take or leave.
00:13:10.080 --> 00:13:13.200
If you gave me a bottle of vodka, it was go time.
00:13:13.600 --> 00:13:13.840
Right.
00:13:14.240 --> 00:13:18.399
Um you uh well before I get into my next question.
00:13:18.639 --> 00:13:21.039
So you're taking Percocets at this point.
00:13:21.759 --> 00:13:23.919
What do you do after you run out of those?
00:13:24.159 --> 00:13:25.519
Because I think that's probably important.
00:13:26.080 --> 00:13:26.799
Right, yeah.
00:13:26.960 --> 00:13:30.480
Um, and you know, I'm trying to recall back to that time.
00:13:30.720 --> 00:13:39.200
Um, and I I think I made it a little while without like taking anything.
00:13:39.440 --> 00:13:47.200
I remember um kind of going through a period of like of the withdrawals, and because I had never felt them before.
00:13:47.360 --> 00:13:51.200
And I was just like, hmm, like this is weird, right?
00:13:52.000 --> 00:14:00.559
And I kind of got I I didn't take them for a while, and then somehow I came back up on them again where I started taking them.
00:14:00.720 --> 00:14:11.039
So there was actually there was actually a span of like a few years where I didn't use much of anything other than your typical smoking or something like that.
00:14:11.279 --> 00:14:19.519
Um, but then I got into this sound audio engineering school called SAE um in in Nashville.
00:14:19.600 --> 00:14:22.799
It's one of the more prominent it's a really good school for that.
00:14:23.200 --> 00:14:23.600
Right.
00:14:23.840 --> 00:14:31.600
One of the more prominent audio engineering schools um in the country, I would say that and kind of like full cell that type of school.
00:14:32.000 --> 00:14:32.399
Yeah.
00:14:32.639 --> 00:14:36.799
And um I did that and I did pretty well there.
00:14:37.039 --> 00:14:39.440
Graduated, I got my technical certificate.
00:14:39.600 --> 00:14:45.360
And this, so I'm I'm probably about 25, 24, 25 at this point.
00:14:46.000 --> 00:14:50.720
And I went overseas to to hang out with my brother in Barcelona.
00:14:50.799 --> 00:14:54.159
I went there for like I don't know, a few months.
00:14:54.399 --> 00:14:56.720
Um came back.
00:14:57.200 --> 00:15:01.200
Um, then I went, he had moved to South Korea right after that.
00:15:01.279 --> 00:15:12.240
And I went to South Korea, stayed with him for a month, and I came back and I started working an internship, and it just, I don't know, it's it was just really uh boring.
00:15:12.799 --> 00:15:17.360
And this there was a band, a local band that was pretty popular.
00:15:17.600 --> 00:15:33.919
Um, and I won't mention their name because I don't, you know, there was some stuff that happened there, and I don't want to bring them up in the public, but they were a really popular like jam funk band in the area, and they needed a sound guy because they recorded every show.
00:15:34.240 --> 00:15:37.440
And like people in the jam band does.
00:15:37.919 --> 00:15:38.240
Right.
00:15:38.480 --> 00:15:39.840
And so I would set up all this.
00:15:40.080 --> 00:15:54.879
So I moved in with this guy, and then I got introduced to cocaine when I was there, and then there was like one of the band members or somebody had you know sold pills and I started doing pills again.
00:15:54.960 --> 00:16:01.919
I always hated cocaine, but I ended up getting on this like six-month cocaine run or like a year-long cocaine run.
00:16:02.000 --> 00:16:04.240
And I hated this stuff, like it made me paranoid.
00:16:04.320 --> 00:16:06.000
I'm looking out the blind, you know.
00:16:06.159 --> 00:16:08.080
Um probably not sleeping well.
00:16:08.320 --> 00:16:10.320
No, no, definitely not, you know.
00:16:10.559 --> 00:16:26.240
Um, and I went on the road with them for like a year and a half doing sound, went all over East Coast, South, you know, um, did all these shows with them, and but it was just constant using.
00:16:27.120 --> 00:16:32.399
After that ended, is when my addiction really just took off.
00:16:32.559 --> 00:16:37.360
I mean, I was just at that point, I was a full-blown addict, you know.
00:16:37.759 --> 00:16:40.639
Were you getting your hands on more than Percocets?
00:16:40.879 --> 00:16:42.799
Yeah, I was at at that point.
00:16:42.879 --> 00:16:47.679
I I I discovered back then they had the um the opanas.
00:16:48.000 --> 00:16:49.200
The opanas are really big.
00:16:49.519 --> 00:16:50.240
No, I'm sorry.
00:16:50.399 --> 00:16:51.759
It was oxies at first.
00:16:51.919 --> 00:16:53.679
The oxyades had come out.
00:16:53.840 --> 00:16:54.159
Okay.
00:16:54.320 --> 00:16:57.360
You know, the famous, infamous oxy8s.
00:16:57.440 --> 00:16:57.600
Yeah.
00:16:57.759 --> 00:16:59.120
That's when those came out.
00:16:59.279 --> 00:17:03.200
I graduated to a pana's after that kind of fizzled out.
00:17:03.360 --> 00:17:10.799
But the oxyades, I started doing those, and you know, you hear all the stories about oxyties, right?
00:17:10.960 --> 00:17:21.759
Like they've come out with documentaries, they've come out with shows, actual TV shows about who is the famous family that, you know, uh was it the Sacklers?
00:17:22.000 --> 00:17:23.359
The Sacklers, yeah.
00:17:23.599 --> 00:17:33.119
And then they end up pretty much deeming them like you know, they were terrible, and they, you know, made a new formula for them where you couldn't snort them anymore and all that stuff.
00:17:33.359 --> 00:17:39.279
Um but that's really what got me hooked to the extreme, you know.
00:17:39.519 --> 00:17:48.960
So you're you're you're doing the 80s and then you go to O'Panna's and at some point here your your addiction gets really, really bad.
00:17:49.359 --> 00:17:49.599
Right.
00:17:49.920 --> 00:17:52.720
You have multiple treatment stays, yeah, right?
00:17:52.960 --> 00:17:56.319
Yeah, and then you stay for six months at place of hope.
00:17:56.400 --> 00:17:57.680
Uh yeah.
00:17:57.920 --> 00:18:00.400
So you get six months clean at this point.
00:18:01.119 --> 00:18:01.440
Yeah.
00:18:01.599 --> 00:18:06.079
So yeah, I end up going to place of hope and and shout out to them.
00:18:06.160 --> 00:18:06.720
They're awesome.
00:18:06.799 --> 00:18:07.039
Yeah.
00:18:07.279 --> 00:18:18.559
If you've ever met those guys down there, but I have, and and just to go from you know, your your usage going through the roof, yeah, multiple treatment stays, and then getting six months at place.
00:18:19.039 --> 00:18:21.440
Yeah, that's oh it was it was huge.
00:18:21.519 --> 00:18:28.960
And this I would say this was like 2000, I I think it was 2010 that I hit my first treatment.
00:18:29.119 --> 00:18:34.240
And yeah, stayed with them um but uh totally free, right?
00:18:34.400 --> 00:18:36.880
They're a free grant funded free place.
00:18:37.119 --> 00:18:38.240
Um that's awesome.
00:18:38.319 --> 00:18:39.119
It's so needed.
00:18:39.279 --> 00:18:44.400
Yeah, especially after that two billion of funding for mental health services and SUD for the Samsung grants.
00:18:44.720 --> 00:18:46.480
I know, and then it being reversed.
00:18:46.640 --> 00:18:47.680
So Yeah.
00:18:47.920 --> 00:18:50.000
Um, there's a lot going on these days.
00:18:50.240 --> 00:18:50.720
Oh, yeah.
00:18:51.039 --> 00:18:51.440
But keep going.
00:18:51.680 --> 00:18:52.880
And I could go on about that.
00:18:53.279 --> 00:18:55.359
That makes me absolutely sick.
00:18:55.519 --> 00:18:58.079
But that's a whole nother podcast, right?
00:18:58.240 --> 00:18:59.440
But exactly.
00:18:59.680 --> 00:19:11.759
Um no, I mean they they have a halfway house built into their program, and they just gave me an opportunity to finally like see what recovery's like.
00:19:12.000 --> 00:19:16.240
Um, but you know, for whatever reason, I just hadn't had enough.
00:19:16.400 --> 00:19:17.759
I hadn't had enough pain yet.
00:19:17.839 --> 00:19:25.839
Like I I ended up meeting um a girl that was part of like their worship team there.
00:19:26.000 --> 00:19:27.359
She wasn't an addict.
00:19:27.599 --> 00:19:30.240
And you know, six months sober.
00:19:30.559 --> 00:19:34.400
Um first girl that gave me any attention, I fell in love with, right?
00:19:34.640 --> 00:19:38.400
First pretty girl that came up to me, I fell immediately in love with.
00:19:38.640 --> 00:19:41.200
Um we're all imperfect people, right?
00:19:41.359 --> 00:19:44.319
Yeah, it it's like I I've always been one of those people.
00:19:44.400 --> 00:19:52.000
I'm like a lover, not a fighter, like uh, you know, I could fall in love with a you know paperbag, or you know what I mean?
00:19:52.079 --> 00:19:56.400
It's just I'm one of those people, but I could tell that about yeah, you got a big heart.
00:19:56.640 --> 00:19:57.039
Yeah.
00:19:57.279 --> 00:20:02.079
And but, you know, I mean, we decided to get married.
00:20:02.160 --> 00:20:06.640
She was like, I think at the time I was like, I don't know, let's see, 2010.
00:20:06.720 --> 00:20:10.880
I was like 26, 27, um, something like that.
00:20:11.119 --> 00:20:11.680
Yeah.
00:20:11.920 --> 00:20:14.400
Um, but she was a lot younger than me.
00:20:14.559 --> 00:20:16.880
She was like five years, six years younger than me.
00:20:17.039 --> 00:20:19.359
And we get married like really quick.
00:20:19.519 --> 00:20:22.640
I mean, like six months into being together, and it was just stupid.
00:20:22.799 --> 00:20:25.839
Like it was, it was we shouldn't have done that.
00:20:26.000 --> 00:20:27.680
Um, we we both knew.
00:20:27.839 --> 00:20:37.839
And then I think about a year and a half into our marriage, I started using again, um, maybe a year in.
00:20:38.000 --> 00:20:42.160
I can't really remember too, too well, but maybe a year, year and a half in.
00:20:42.400 --> 00:20:49.359
And she finds out, and I ended up we were staying with her father in Columbia, Tennessee.
00:20:49.680 --> 00:21:03.359
And up to this point, I hadn't really gotten to the point of where I was like committing crimes and stealing and doing stuff like that for to get stuff until up until this point.
00:21:03.599 --> 00:21:10.480
Well, her dad was a truck driver, he owned a bunch of trucks, semi-trucks, he made a lot of money.
00:21:11.440 --> 00:21:18.240
And he was, we were staying in in their house, and he was never, he wasn't home much.
00:21:18.480 --> 00:21:20.640
Well, I'd come across driver life, yeah.
00:21:20.799 --> 00:21:21.920
Right, gone all the time.
00:21:22.160 --> 00:21:25.759
I come across his uh checkbook, an empty checkbook.
00:21:25.920 --> 00:21:35.200
Oh boy, you know, and I'm thinking, hmm, you know, the addict brain, I'm needing something, and I'm like, I'll just write myself a check.
00:21:35.440 --> 00:21:35.920
Why not?
00:21:36.000 --> 00:21:36.319
You know.
00:21:36.640 --> 00:21:42.799
So I I I write a small amount, I take it to the bank, they cash it, it works.
00:21:43.119 --> 00:21:45.519
So then I start doing it again.
00:21:45.680 --> 00:21:47.279
I do it five or six times.
00:21:47.440 --> 00:21:51.440
Well, he ends up finding out and he's pissed, right?
00:21:51.519 --> 00:21:52.960
Like rightfully so.
00:21:53.200 --> 00:21:56.000
And this guy was already a hard ass to begin with.
00:21:56.799 --> 00:21:58.000
He liked me.
00:21:58.880 --> 00:22:03.279
And I connected with him where others couldn't.
00:22:04.720 --> 00:22:05.839
You guys had a special bond.
00:22:06.160 --> 00:22:06.720
We had a bond.
00:22:07.039 --> 00:22:07.599
But you broke the bond.
00:22:07.839 --> 00:22:11.440
Even his daughter didn't connect with him like me and him did.
00:22:11.599 --> 00:22:11.920
Yeah.
00:22:12.079 --> 00:22:14.160
I mean, and I broke the bond.
00:22:14.240 --> 00:22:17.359
And I and you know, I felt so guilty about it.
00:22:17.440 --> 00:22:21.440
Like he caught me, and I just felt so bad about it.
00:22:21.519 --> 00:22:23.359
And and he wasn't even that mad.
00:22:23.599 --> 00:22:26.000
He was just really upset, you know.
00:22:26.400 --> 00:22:27.359
That you broke his trust.
00:22:27.519 --> 00:22:28.799
That I broke his trust.
00:22:29.119 --> 00:22:35.599
So I told my my now ex-wife, but I told her, I'll go back to treatment, right?
00:22:35.759 --> 00:22:38.559
It was that desperate attempt to save my marriage.
00:22:38.720 --> 00:22:40.319
Um, I'll go back to treatment.
00:22:40.400 --> 00:22:41.680
Don't leave me, don't leave me.
00:22:42.319 --> 00:22:46.160
So I go back to place of hope, and they let me back in.
00:22:46.319 --> 00:22:53.200
And I just wasn't, I I wasn't in hindsight, I was only doing it to save my marriage.
00:22:53.279 --> 00:22:55.680
I wasn't doing it for you, for me.
00:22:55.839 --> 00:22:56.319
Yeah.
00:22:56.640 --> 00:23:05.359
And and I remember this is this is the and and I haven't really told I haven't thought about this in a while.
00:23:05.519 --> 00:23:05.759
Okay.
00:23:05.920 --> 00:23:07.279
Maybe you brought it up somehow.
00:23:07.359 --> 00:23:08.079
I don't know.
00:23:08.400 --> 00:23:14.799
But when I was in there the second time, and they probably don't even know this, but it's whatever.
00:23:15.200 --> 00:23:19.440
But while I was in there the second time, and this is the addict brain, right?
00:23:19.599 --> 00:23:22.720
This is the manipulation that takes over.
00:23:23.119 --> 00:23:30.400
I would, I I remember I faked having kidney stones while I was in treatment there.
00:23:31.119 --> 00:23:42.720
And I'd already been through like the first month of the program, so I'd kind of stepped back down and it was like not halfway, but a little bit like not as loose as halfway.
00:23:42.799 --> 00:23:47.839
It was kind of like a transition between treatment and halfway that they were doing.
00:23:48.319 --> 00:23:52.319
And I remember telling them, Oh, I think I have kidney stones.
00:23:52.480 --> 00:23:58.000
So they took me to the Murray County, uh the clinic near the hospital.
00:23:58.640 --> 00:24:03.839
And I tell the Murray County people that I have kidney stones.
00:24:04.000 --> 00:24:06.480
And I don't, I don't know why they just believed me.
00:24:06.559 --> 00:24:07.839
Like they didn't do any test.
00:24:08.160 --> 00:24:12.319
Yeah, and they gave me and they gave me Per Cassette fives.
00:24:12.799 --> 00:24:14.319
And I remember getting them.
00:24:14.480 --> 00:24:17.920
I I they because the center dropped me off.
00:24:18.079 --> 00:24:19.759
They're like, call us when you're ready.
00:24:20.160 --> 00:24:26.160
So I walk over to Walgreens, get the prescription, I'll take them back in the center with me.
00:24:26.319 --> 00:24:31.279
Here I am getting high in the center, you know, and I left.
00:24:31.440 --> 00:24:32.640
I ended up leaving.
00:24:32.880 --> 00:24:34.480
And they never even knew.
00:24:34.640 --> 00:24:36.640
I don't think I've told them to this day.
00:24:37.279 --> 00:24:39.519
You know, but and it's fine if they don't now.
00:24:39.680 --> 00:24:40.960
And actually, I work with them.
00:24:41.039 --> 00:24:46.559
Like they're one of um our my biggest partners, and and I love those people over there.
00:24:46.720 --> 00:24:52.559
I mean, they're they're like a family to me, even now, you know, brother Mike and all those people there.
00:24:53.039 --> 00:24:57.680
I'm sure people in their sick addict brain have pulled things before.
00:24:58.160 --> 00:24:58.720
Of course, yeah.
00:24:58.799 --> 00:25:00.880
And they they wouldn't hold any of that against me.
00:25:00.960 --> 00:25:09.279
I I know they wouldn't, but it's just you it you think back on stuff like that, and it's it, you know, I'm like, like, fuck, man.
00:25:09.359 --> 00:25:12.799
Like this is uh what crazy behavior, you know.
00:25:13.440 --> 00:25:21.279
And so I get out, but the back up a little bit before I get out, my ex-wife.
00:25:21.680 --> 00:25:27.599
I remember she had to take me to the dentist or something, and I remember her taking me.
00:25:27.759 --> 00:25:36.160
This was I was in that little transition period, so they let her come get me, and I was so excited to see her because I hadn't seen her in like a couple months.
00:25:36.480 --> 00:25:42.559
So we go to the dentist, and on the way back, she's not talking at all.
00:25:42.960 --> 00:25:48.880
And I just had this feeling in my gut that something was wrong, and I said, It's over, isn't it?
00:25:49.119 --> 00:25:55.279
You know, and she's like, Yeah, and talking about our marriage, you know, our relationship.
00:25:55.839 --> 00:25:56.720
You you knew it, you know.
00:25:56.880 --> 00:25:57.839
I knew it, I knew it.
00:25:57.920 --> 00:26:12.079
And I was like, you know, I mean, all right, like, you know, because she wanted to go back to college and all this stuff, or she wanted she'd never been to college, she wanted to go to college, she was younger, and I was just like, you know, go do your thing, right?
00:26:12.240 --> 00:26:23.680
Like, and and I was sad, you know, and I was heartbroken, but you know, wasn't gonna hold anybody back, and I and I was well aware of what I was doing.
00:26:23.759 --> 00:26:25.759
I mean, I was actively using at the time.
00:26:26.000 --> 00:26:29.200
Does she know now that you're on the other side?
00:26:29.440 --> 00:26:30.480
Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:26:30.720 --> 00:26:34.319
I mean, we don't talk or anything, but she we're friends on Facebook.
00:26:34.480 --> 00:26:35.279
She knows she knows.
00:26:35.599 --> 00:26:38.400
I'm sure from afar, she's like, fuck yeah, I might be able to do it.
00:26:38.559 --> 00:26:39.519
I'm I'm sure, yeah.
00:26:39.680 --> 00:26:44.160
And she's she's an awesome person, like nothing against her or anything, you know.
00:26:44.319 --> 00:26:47.920
But yeah, I mean, she she's she knows.
00:26:48.079 --> 00:27:00.240
Um but yeah, I mean it it it's just you know, the uh the damages of addiction, uh the path, the the war path that we lead, you know, during addiction.
00:27:00.400 --> 00:27:05.839
Um and this path that you're on, fentanyl gets introduced at some point.
00:27:06.079 --> 00:27:06.720
Right, yeah.
00:27:06.960 --> 00:27:14.880
So you know, fast forward, um and I just want to say this leads to criminal charges, yes, possible eight years.
00:27:15.279 --> 00:27:16.079
Yeah, yeah.
00:27:16.400 --> 00:27:24.000
Um anything else you want to add to that that means too, and how how you got into fentanyl and what that looks like.
00:27:24.400 --> 00:27:24.640
Right.
00:27:24.880 --> 00:27:39.039
So you know, fast forward eight years, a few years, I don't know, four or five years, and I'm um I I I would have moments of like a few months clean, then I'd get back in, you know.
00:27:39.759 --> 00:27:45.759
But um I I got sober again.
00:27:46.000 --> 00:27:48.480
Um where did I get sober again at?
00:27:48.559 --> 00:27:49.519
I'm trying to think.
00:27:49.759 --> 00:27:50.880
Oh yeah, yeah.
00:27:51.119 --> 00:27:58.079
So I I start using this was right before fentanyl, but this is an important part of the story.
00:27:58.400 --> 00:28:05.279
So I ended up getting in trouble for um this is when I got into the opana phase.
00:28:05.440 --> 00:28:10.880
And they had these opanas out at the time, they called them moons, and they had a half moon on them.
00:28:11.039 --> 00:28:16.799
They don't sell them anymore because they were just basically they were it was just dope, is what it was.
00:28:16.960 --> 00:28:20.079
Like they, you know, um, but they had a half moon on them.
00:28:20.160 --> 00:28:21.920
You could crush them up and snort them.
00:28:22.079 --> 00:28:25.759
They were terrible, like they should have never been released into the world.
00:28:25.920 --> 00:28:29.920
Um, same thing as Oxy80, you know, they were like the new Oxy80.
00:28:30.000 --> 00:28:30.240
Okay.
00:28:30.480 --> 00:28:34.640
So I start doing those, and I have this insatiable habit.
00:28:34.799 --> 00:28:38.480
I mean, you're like a two, three hundred dollar a day habit, right?
00:28:38.640 --> 00:28:44.880
And I was laying hard right I was laying hardwood floors because I did that for like 10 years.
00:28:45.200 --> 00:28:55.920
And I'm spending every penny I own on that, and some, you know, so I'm having to find other ways to be able to get these pills, right?
00:28:56.559 --> 00:29:06.000
So I'm working on these houses all over Brentwood, all over this area, some million-dollar houses, stuff like that, doing hardwood.
00:29:06.079 --> 00:29:12.559
And a lot of the time, and when you're I would do sand and finish hardwood, so we're bringing in these big bags, there's dust, you know.
00:29:12.640 --> 00:29:18.000
People usually leave for three or four days when you're sanding a floor just because the dust gets everywhere.
00:29:18.240 --> 00:29:19.519
It's loud as shit.
00:29:19.599 --> 00:29:31.440
I mean, you're running these big machines, and every I probably worked on 50 to 100 houses at this time.
00:29:32.000 --> 00:29:38.240
Every house, every single fucking house that I worked on, I stole from.
00:29:38.559 --> 00:29:39.680
Every one of them.
00:29:40.400 --> 00:29:55.200
And I would put on some rubber gloves, I would wait for like one of my crew members to be in another room, or I would wait till they leave because I was like, I'd got to where I was like kind of like the lead man.
00:29:55.599 --> 00:29:58.079
So I would say, hey, I'm gonna stay and finish up.
00:29:58.240 --> 00:30:01.599
And I would go fumbling through these people's belongings.
00:30:01.839 --> 00:30:05.519
Money, jewelry, money, jewelry, coins, whatever was value.
00:30:05.759 --> 00:30:13.119
I remember this poor guy, this poor bastard that lived in uh Belmade or something.
00:30:13.839 --> 00:30:16.480
And I went through his cabinet.
00:30:16.640 --> 00:30:18.720
He had this cabinet like this over here.
00:30:19.279 --> 00:30:22.960
And he had all this silver, like gauntlets and plates.
00:30:23.119 --> 00:30:25.359
I mean, from one side to the other.
00:30:25.519 --> 00:30:35.519
And I end up taking like a whole section of a shelf of this stuff, and I drive it all the way to Franklin, Kentucky because I'm afraid I'm like, I don't want to sell it at a pawn shop here.
00:30:36.000 --> 00:30:39.759
So I go all the way to Franklin, Kentucky to sell this stuff at a pawn shop.
00:30:39.839 --> 00:30:43.039
I mean, it's just shit like that that I go.
00:30:43.359 --> 00:30:45.599
I mean, it makes me it's like, oh, you know, yeah.
00:30:46.559 --> 00:30:51.680
You were being you, you Michael, were being driven by this addiction.
00:30:51.920 --> 00:30:52.319
It's insane.
00:30:54.079 --> 00:30:59.359
You're zombified from this the from the pills and then from wanting to get more pills.
00:30:59.519 --> 00:31:00.000
Yeah.
00:31:00.240 --> 00:31:03.680
And then fentanyl comes into play here.
00:31:04.000 --> 00:31:04.160
Right.
00:31:04.240 --> 00:31:08.640
Fentanyl, and yeah, which is the strongest thing out there, right?
00:31:08.960 --> 00:31:16.160
Um, and for for the listeners out there, I believe fentanyl is what is it, like a hundred times stronger than heroin?
00:31:16.319 --> 00:31:16.799
Something like that.
00:31:17.359 --> 00:31:18.000
Yeah, yeah.
00:31:18.160 --> 00:31:19.039
Um, it's crazy.
00:31:19.519 --> 00:31:21.119
That's what we're dealing with nowadays.
00:31:21.279 --> 00:31:23.599
And this, how does it turn into eight years?
00:31:23.680 --> 00:31:24.400
Do you get busted?
00:31:24.480 --> 00:31:31.920
And I ended up getting um, so I ended up not getting busted for any of the houses.
00:31:32.319 --> 00:31:33.200
Amazingly.
00:31:33.440 --> 00:31:41.920
I mean, there was there was a couple times the owners brought up things, but I would be like, oh, well, there's a there was a crew, there was some crew painting there, you know.
00:31:42.160 --> 00:31:45.200
They could never really prove anything, you know.
00:31:45.440 --> 00:31:52.880
Um, but I was living with this woman um that my mom knew.
00:31:53.279 --> 00:31:55.519
I was living with this woman behind her.
00:31:55.599 --> 00:31:59.039
I was like renting this like room or whatever.
00:31:59.279 --> 00:32:04.880
Um, it was like a standalone garage or whatever, carport garage.
00:32:05.200 --> 00:32:08.240
And I ended up finding her checkbook.
00:32:08.559 --> 00:32:11.599
So I'm writing checks out of her checkbook, right?
00:32:12.559 --> 00:32:21.039
And you know, I end up, I mean, it's like, you know, I don't know,$10,000 worth of checks.
00:32:21.519 --> 00:32:31.599
So she finds out, and my mom was actually doing her accounting because she had just had a stroke and she couldn't do like she needed help doing stuff.
00:32:31.759 --> 00:32:34.319
She's like a friend of the family growing up.
00:32:34.880 --> 00:32:40.640
And she, you know, she was like, I'm not gonna press charges if you go to treatment.
00:32:41.039 --> 00:32:45.279
So, but the state ended up picking it up, anyways.
00:32:45.680 --> 00:32:47.519
Okay, so this comes into play.
00:32:47.839 --> 00:33:03.119
So I had seven forgeries, which are two felonies per check, because it's theft over 500 is a felony, they were all over 500, and the forgery is a felony, so 14 felonies right there, right off the rip.
00:33:05.599 --> 00:33:14.240
So my aunt had um, my aunt was like, Hey, you need to go to this place in Alabama.
00:33:14.480 --> 00:33:18.960
I'm like, Alabama, and she's like, Yeah, it's called Teen Challenge.
00:33:19.200 --> 00:33:24.000
And it's you know, we just make a donation, it's a year-long place, you know.
00:33:24.319 --> 00:33:32.079
My my friend, you know, uh Bobby Sue, her cousin's uncle went there, and you know, he's he's been good.
00:33:32.319 --> 00:33:40.480
Yeah, he's been, you know, following Christ for seven years now, and you know, um, you could go there and like be a preacher and all like what?
00:33:40.640 --> 00:33:45.519
So, but at the time, it's like this is my this is kind of my option, right?
00:33:46.400 --> 00:33:51.599
And for whatever reason, I was like, you know what, I'm gonna go, screw it, right?
00:33:52.400 --> 00:33:59.359
And I show up to this place, you know, and it's in Lincoln, Alabama.
00:33:59.680 --> 00:34:03.359
I mean, this place is in the middle of BFE, right?
00:34:03.519 --> 00:34:05.119
For lack of a better term.
00:34:05.359 --> 00:34:17.760
And it's this old dilapidated middle school that they've, you know, it's all privately funded and you know, donations, and they get food donated from Walmart and all this stuff.
00:34:18.000 --> 00:34:21.360
And it's right next to the Talladega super speedway.
00:34:21.599 --> 00:34:22.320
No shit.
00:34:22.400 --> 00:34:28.239
I mean, you can hear the cars going along the thing when you know, when they're going.
00:34:28.480 --> 00:34:29.360
It's crazy.
00:34:29.679 --> 00:34:44.159
And it's like, and I I don't want to badmouth any sinners or anything like that, but teen challenge was is was one of the most unique and insane experiences I've ever experienced in my life.
00:34:44.639 --> 00:34:46.639
And how how long were you at teen challenge for?
00:34:46.880 --> 00:34:47.760
Eight months.
00:34:48.000 --> 00:34:49.360
Okay, so you're in there eight months.
00:34:49.440 --> 00:34:50.079
What do they have you do?
00:34:50.400 --> 00:34:52.719
And I have a warrant for my arrest at this time.
00:34:52.880 --> 00:34:55.360
And the but the cops can't come get you in there.
00:34:55.679 --> 00:35:01.679
They could, but they knew I was like, hey, you know, I'm gonna turn myself in.
00:35:01.760 --> 00:35:04.000
Like I'm I'm going to, but I need to do this.
00:35:04.079 --> 00:35:06.000
They're like, you can come get me if I want.
00:35:06.079 --> 00:35:07.920
Here's my, but they never came and got me.
00:35:08.079 --> 00:35:08.239
Okay.
00:35:08.400 --> 00:35:12.239
But I'm which surprising they didn't because it was only like a three-hour drive.
00:35:12.400 --> 00:35:12.719
Right.
00:35:12.960 --> 00:35:14.719
Because they've come and got me for less.
00:35:15.039 --> 00:35:16.880
14 federal charges here.
00:35:17.280 --> 00:35:18.320
Yeah, that's a lot.
00:35:18.719 --> 00:35:30.079
And so I'm in this place, like they had us weed eating at Talladega Super Speedway, like five days a week, eight hours a day in the hot ass Alabama sun.
00:35:30.320 --> 00:35:33.679
We're getting stung by hornets, like it's insane, dude.
00:35:33.920 --> 00:35:37.519
And this property is 7,000 acres, right?
00:35:38.000 --> 00:35:46.079
Like, dude, they would have us clean up after the races, and half the treatment center would relapse because they're fine and beers and drugs.
00:35:46.239 --> 00:35:47.679
Yeah, dude, it's crazy.
00:35:48.000 --> 00:35:56.079
And um in the place, like they had a t-shirt printing thing in their in their facility, like in the rec center.
00:35:56.559 --> 00:35:57.360
14 challenge.
00:35:57.920 --> 00:35:58.639
14 challenge.
00:35:58.800 --> 00:35:59.119
Okay.
00:35:59.280 --> 00:36:04.639
And they were the old manual wheels, so it wasn't like digital printing or uh, yeah, yeah.
00:36:04.800 --> 00:36:06.880
So you got all these poor bastards in there.
00:36:06.960 --> 00:36:13.280
I mean, and they're pulling, they're working, some of them are working 24 hours, like they're pulling doubles and stuff, they're working through the night, too.
00:36:13.440 --> 00:36:19.440
And they're in there, no AC, just you know, printing these t-shirts, just sweating their ass off.
00:36:19.519 --> 00:36:22.400
And I mean, this place was like a Bible boot camp, dude.
00:36:22.480 --> 00:36:23.199
No joke.
00:36:23.440 --> 00:36:25.599
And you're doing all this work pro bono.
00:36:26.000 --> 00:36:26.800
All of it, yeah.
00:36:26.960 --> 00:36:31.360
I mean, it was 700 bucks to get in, but then you earn your keep, right?
00:36:31.920 --> 00:36:38.719
You gotta you gotta learn, you gotta recite um like five Bible verses a week.
00:36:38.800 --> 00:36:40.320
You have to learn, it's all the stuff.
00:36:40.400 --> 00:36:43.360
You can't um hum secular music.
00:36:43.519 --> 00:36:53.679
Um, you uh you can't uh wear all these weird rules, like you have to wear socks if you're wearing flip-flops, and like just weird stuff.
00:36:53.840 --> 00:36:56.400
Uh they make you shave every day.
00:36:56.559 --> 00:37:00.559
Like, I mean, this is a legit like Jesus had a beard, supposedly.
00:37:00.800 --> 00:37:01.039
Exactly.
00:37:01.280 --> 00:37:02.400
Anyways, yeah.
00:37:02.800 --> 00:37:10.639
So I end up kind of getting into this mode of where I met some really good people there.
00:37:11.199 --> 00:37:14.400
There was a couple life coaches, they called them life coaches here.
00:37:14.800 --> 00:37:17.360
So some goods coming out of this, some goods coming out of it.
00:37:17.519 --> 00:37:23.840
Okay, and one of the life coaches there, his name's Joe Smith, and and God bless him.
00:37:24.000 --> 00:37:26.320
If he sees this, I I love that man.
00:37:26.400 --> 00:37:27.440
He's amazing.
00:37:27.760 --> 00:37:36.320
But one day I'm in the I'm in the little uh worship chapel, and I'm in there dinking around on the piano.
00:37:36.400 --> 00:37:44.239
I don't know how to play piano, but I'm in there dinking around, and I was kind of I'd kind of written this song and I was singing it really.
00:37:44.320 --> 00:37:45.280
I was really getting into it.
00:37:45.360 --> 00:37:46.719
I didn't think anybody was in there.
00:37:47.679 --> 00:37:55.920
And I hear this, and you know, the lights are low, and he's standing in the back corner, and I'm like, holy shit, what are you doing?
00:37:56.000 --> 00:37:56.880
And what are you doing in here?
00:37:57.360 --> 00:37:57.679
Embarrassed.
00:37:57.840 --> 00:38:01.840
I was embarrassed listening, and he's like, Oh my god.
00:38:02.480 --> 00:38:08.079
He's like, Michael Rossettano, you have a gift, and you're going on the road with me.
00:38:08.480 --> 00:38:15.519
And so Joseph Smith was in a famous gospel band for years called the Booth Brothers.
00:38:15.679 --> 00:38:17.119
They traveled all over the world.
00:38:17.280 --> 00:38:18.400
I mean, they were huge.
00:38:18.559 --> 00:38:18.880
Okay.
00:38:19.039 --> 00:38:20.079
Um, never heard of them.
00:38:20.239 --> 00:38:21.760
They were on one of the circuits.
00:38:21.920 --> 00:38:23.679
What is the famous gospel singer?
00:38:23.760 --> 00:38:30.559
Uh, I can't, you would probably know if you if I said this guy, this other guy's name, but um, they were huge.
00:38:30.800 --> 00:38:34.719
Um, I like he played in Carnegie Hall and all over the world.
00:38:34.960 --> 00:38:39.760
And he had come to Team Challenge like seven years prior than shackled.
00:38:39.920 --> 00:38:46.800
He had got addicted, got kicked out of the band, and he ended up coming there, made a life for himself, ended up becoming a life coach working there.
00:38:47.360 --> 00:38:52.719
So we end up going to these churches every weekend all across Alabama, Mississippi.
00:38:52.880 --> 00:38:55.199
And that was kind of like my perk.
00:38:55.440 --> 00:39:08.159
You know, like I would go and I would stand up in these churches and I would give my testimony and I would talk about how Jesus Christ has saved my soul and how I've been redeemed, and I'm not an addict anymore.
00:39:08.320 --> 00:39:11.360
I am a creation in Christ and all this stuff.
00:39:11.679 --> 00:39:16.480
And and in a way, I loved it because it stroked my ego.
00:39:16.639 --> 00:39:16.960
Right.
00:39:17.199 --> 00:39:17.440
Right.
00:39:17.599 --> 00:39:26.159
You know, like, and also I am a musician, so I got that kind of, you know, it's like you the other people come up to you and oh man, you sound so good.
00:39:26.320 --> 00:39:27.920
I love that song, and blah, blah, blah.
00:39:28.000 --> 00:39:29.039
You know, it's just like so.
00:39:29.119 --> 00:39:33.519
You're getting to play as well as I'm getting to play and play my own songs and play.
00:39:33.840 --> 00:39:42.559
So it was like it was kind of like a perk of being there, and I ended up really liking it there because of that.
00:39:42.719 --> 00:39:44.159
And that's a great perk.
00:39:44.719 --> 00:39:46.719
It is worth the$700 right there.
00:39:47.039 --> 00:39:47.280
Right.
00:39:47.360 --> 00:39:47.519
Yeah.
00:39:47.760 --> 00:39:49.440
And I meet some great people.
00:39:49.519 --> 00:39:54.639
Um, Chris Emery, one of my friends of this day, and um, great people there.
00:39:54.880 --> 00:39:59.760
And I mean, the program, you know, is what it is, but I get it.
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:01.679
And it were, it's for some people.
00:40:01.760 --> 00:40:04.800
It's for, you know, like every every there's places for everybody out there.
00:40:05.039 --> 00:40:06.719
I'm sure they help a lot of people, right?
00:40:06.800 --> 00:40:07.119
Yeah.
00:40:07.360 --> 00:40:11.360
And you you do you get in a drug court routine challenge?
00:40:11.679 --> 00:40:11.840
Right.
00:40:12.079 --> 00:40:33.360
So I I had this case looming over me, but I also I already had I had something that I was already charged for prior, something smaller, like a misdemeanor that I had to be in court for like eight months after I had gotten a teen challenge.
00:40:33.440 --> 00:40:37.199
So that's what I told the cops is I will be in court this date.
00:40:37.519 --> 00:40:45.280
So if you guys want to come get me, you can before that, or I'll be in court right there for you on a silver platter.
00:40:45.920 --> 00:40:57.760
So Joe, my life coach, drives me up to Alabama and he's telling me the whole way, God's got you, brother.
00:40:57.920 --> 00:41:05.840
You know, we're gonna walk out of that courtroom and, you know, they're gonna let you come back here and you know, everything exonerated.
00:41:06.079 --> 00:41:08.480
Yeah, and I'm like, Joe, you don't understand, man.
00:41:08.559 --> 00:41:10.400
I love you, brother, but you don't understand.
00:41:10.559 --> 00:41:14.960
Like, I have a 14 uh felony warrant out for me.
00:41:15.039 --> 00:41:16.480
This is just for something else.
00:41:16.639 --> 00:41:19.360
I had not even turned myself in for the warrant yet.
00:41:19.519 --> 00:41:22.239
Yeah, like they are not letting me out of that courtroom.
00:41:22.559 --> 00:41:24.719
Soon as I get in the courtroom, I sat down.
00:41:24.960 --> 00:41:26.000
Two sheriff come up.
00:41:26.159 --> 00:41:27.599
Are you Michael Rossano yep?
00:41:27.679 --> 00:41:28.320
Please come with us.
00:41:28.400 --> 00:41:32.719
I mean, it's like I didn't even get my name called on the docket yet, you know?
00:41:32.880 --> 00:41:36.559
And Joe's like, I'm like, I told you, dude.
00:41:36.880 --> 00:41:46.559
So this this is part like where it starts getting this this is when the shit starts getting crazy, really crazy.
00:41:46.880 --> 00:41:52.960
So I go to jail and where where was that court at?
00:41:53.840 --> 00:41:56.320
Where did I Williamson County?
00:41:56.639 --> 00:41:57.920
Was it Williamson County?
00:41:58.159 --> 00:42:00.400
No, Murray County is where I first started.
00:42:00.559 --> 00:42:01.760
Murray County.
00:42:02.719 --> 00:42:06.800
I'm in Murray County, and that place, that jail is awful.
00:42:06.880 --> 00:42:11.599
I gotta hope they've improved that jail, but that jail was an absolute shithole.
00:42:11.840 --> 00:42:24.880
Um, and I go in there, I'm in there for like a week, and I bond out, and I knew I had the charge, I had the charge in Williamson.
00:42:25.039 --> 00:42:26.239
I had that pending.
00:42:26.400 --> 00:42:27.519
That was the felony.
00:42:27.679 --> 00:42:29.039
I had that pending.
00:42:30.159 --> 00:42:36.880
And I knew that I was gonna have to go to Williamson after I bond out of Murray.
00:42:37.039 --> 00:42:41.840
But if I would have got stuck in Murray, I would have had to stay there forever and blah, blah, blah.
00:42:42.000 --> 00:42:45.920
My fastest path to getting out of jail was through Williamson County.
00:42:46.480 --> 00:42:47.840
And bonding yourself out.
00:42:47.920 --> 00:42:48.320
Yeah, yeah.
00:42:48.639 --> 00:42:54.400
Bond out of uh my mom, um, God bless her, bonds me out of Murray County.
00:42:54.639 --> 00:43:00.880
I go up to the desk, and when you I don't know if you've ever been in jail before, but I have.
00:43:01.039 --> 00:43:08.400
You know, before you get out, they run your name through a system to make sure you don't have any holds anywhere, any warrants pending.
00:43:08.639 --> 00:43:09.199
You know, yeah.
00:43:09.760 --> 00:43:12.239
This is not a search NCIC or something.
00:43:12.480 --> 00:43:13.840
This is not a good search right now.
00:43:14.079 --> 00:43:14.880
Yeah, right.
00:43:15.119 --> 00:43:18.880
And I'm standing up there and I'm thinking, okay, well, I'm just gonna go to Williamson County.
00:43:18.960 --> 00:43:24.639
I can bond out of Williamson County, maybe go back to Teen Challenge while I'm fighting this felony case.
00:43:25.119 --> 00:43:29.679
And they're like, You have a hold in Monroe County, Tennessee.
00:43:29.920 --> 00:43:34.960
And my exact words to the guy was, where in the fuck is Monroe County?
00:43:36.719 --> 00:43:37.920
Like, what the fuck is that?
00:43:38.079 --> 00:43:39.360
I don't know where that is either.
00:43:39.599 --> 00:43:45.039
And they're like, It's um uh it's up in the mountains in East Tennessee.
00:43:45.119 --> 00:43:49.039
And I'm thinking, what in the hell did I do in Monroe County and when?
00:43:49.360 --> 00:43:49.760
Yeah.
00:43:50.000 --> 00:43:52.480
Like I've never committed a crime in East Tennessee.
00:43:52.559 --> 00:43:53.840
What is happening?
00:43:54.000 --> 00:43:59.760
You know, so like, well, if they don't come get you within 72 hours, you and it was like a petty thing.
00:44:00.480 --> 00:44:03.519
I mean, it was like a theft under$50 or something.
00:44:03.679 --> 00:44:05.920
And I'm trying to rack my brain.
00:44:06.800 --> 00:44:13.280
Like, what happened in this town in East Tennessee up in the mountains?
00:44:13.920 --> 00:44:15.280
I'm racking my brain.
00:44:15.360 --> 00:44:16.480
Like, what happened?
00:44:16.800 --> 00:44:26.000
So I go back to my cell, and I remember there was this guy that I was at Place of Hope with one time.
00:44:26.159 --> 00:44:27.199
We had become buddies.
00:44:27.280 --> 00:44:28.320
He was a drummer.
00:44:28.719 --> 00:44:31.119
And I went and saw him one time.
00:44:32.000 --> 00:44:35.840
And we were both using again at the time.
00:44:36.639 --> 00:44:40.000
He we we both didn't tell each other we were using.
00:44:40.400 --> 00:44:45.199
It was one of those things where we acted like we were still both clean, but we were both still using.
00:44:45.360 --> 00:44:46.960
And I went and saw his band play.
00:44:47.039 --> 00:44:55.360
Well, one time he had a we went to a a pawn shop and he had got me to pawn something for him because he didn't have his ID.
00:44:55.599 --> 00:44:56.639
It was a ring.
00:44:56.800 --> 00:45:00.719
And I remember thinking at the time, oh my God, like this doesn't seem right.
00:45:00.880 --> 00:45:03.920
Like, but he was just saying he I believed him, right?
00:45:04.000 --> 00:45:05.679
So I went in there, used my ID.
00:45:05.760 --> 00:45:10.000
We'll come to find out it was like his ex's ring, and he had stolen it.
00:45:10.159 --> 00:45:11.760
So that's what it was.
00:45:12.000 --> 00:45:19.440
And the one time that I actually didn't steal something, you know, um This is a long string of bad luck here.
00:45:19.519 --> 00:45:19.920
Oh, dude.
00:45:20.000 --> 00:45:21.360
So also bad decisions.
00:45:21.599 --> 00:45:25.679
So I'm thinking, okay, this place is like four and a half hours away.
00:45:25.760 --> 00:45:29.360
They are not gonna come get me on some petty theft, you know.
00:45:29.519 --> 00:45:33.599
Um, I'll wait 72 hours here and then they'll transfer me to Williams County.
00:45:33.760 --> 00:45:34.559
Nope.
00:45:35.199 --> 00:45:44.000
These cops drive their happy asses all the way from four and a half hours away from Monroe County and come pick me up.
00:45:44.239 --> 00:45:48.559
For this small charge, small, tiny charge.
00:45:48.960 --> 00:45:55.760
I go all the way to this town, and these guys are, I mean, they're country as could be, you know.
00:45:56.000 --> 00:46:00.800
Um, and I'm like, y'all really, y'all got nothing better to do?
00:46:01.039 --> 00:46:07.119
Like, you know, and he's like, you, you know, you commit the crime, you do the time, you know.
00:46:07.519 --> 00:46:12.639
I mean, it's like some, it's like some uh Andy Griffith type stuff, you know?
00:46:12.960 --> 00:46:17.840
And they take me up there, and I'm telling you, man, and I'm not shitting you.
00:46:18.079 --> 00:46:20.639
This jail, I thought Murray was bad.
00:46:20.880 --> 00:46:23.840
This jail was underground.
00:46:24.239 --> 00:46:47.840
The jail was underneath in the ground, and you walk down in there, and it's like perfect, it's like a perfect square, the hallways, and they're so small you have to go sideways when somebody else is coming through there, and it's just these cinder blocks, and it's damp, and there's these lights flickering.
00:46:48.159 --> 00:46:49.920
I mean, it's like a fucking movie.
00:46:50.079 --> 00:46:50.559
No shit.
00:46:50.800 --> 00:46:51.199
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:46:51.360 --> 00:46:52.239
It's not terrible.
00:46:52.719 --> 00:46:57.360
And where they take me down in this dungeon, it's like Zelda.
00:46:57.440 --> 00:46:58.960
You're going down and down.
00:46:59.599 --> 00:47:09.679
And they open the door to this pod, and there's a long fluorescent light that's like, you know, half of it's burnt out, it's flickering.
00:47:10.079 --> 00:47:21.679
There's this, there's this uh air conditioned duck that's half the size of this room blowing like hurricane force blizzard winds out of it.
00:47:21.920 --> 00:47:31.440
And there's all these guys walking around like zombies in their sheets all wrapped around their head, walking around like this.
00:47:31.920 --> 00:47:34.960
And there's a top level and a bottom level.
00:47:35.199 --> 00:47:38.239
And the bottom level, they had bunks.
00:47:39.119 --> 00:47:44.320
And the bottom level, the top bunk, you couldn't even lift all the way up, and you'd hit your head on.
00:47:44.480 --> 00:47:47.360
I mean, it was the most insane shit I'd ever seen in my life.
00:47:47.519 --> 00:47:51.519
I mean, I I thought I was in, I really I thought I was in a like a bad dream.
00:47:51.679 --> 00:47:51.840
Yeah.
00:47:52.239 --> 00:47:55.760
And they're using dope in there, they're passing needles through the door.
00:47:55.840 --> 00:47:57.039
It was insane.
00:47:57.679 --> 00:48:02.320
And my mother, and God bless her, I love my mom.
00:48:02.480 --> 00:48:04.400
She's still around, she's amazing.
00:48:04.639 --> 00:48:10.960
She comes and bonds me out of Monroe County so I can finally get to Williamson County.
00:48:11.119 --> 00:48:11.760
What a gal.
00:48:12.159 --> 00:48:15.599
And uh I end up, so I'm on this gel train, right?
00:48:15.679 --> 00:48:18.239
I'm going, I end up Williamson County.
00:48:18.559 --> 00:48:24.559
They let me bond out after four months under the condition that I go back to Teen Challenge and I finish.
00:48:24.800 --> 00:48:26.480
So I'll speed this up a little bit.
00:48:26.559 --> 00:48:33.840
So I go back to Teen Challenge, and I'm like, this is like, this is like four and a half months later.
00:48:34.079 --> 00:48:36.320
So a lot of the people I was in with are gone.
00:48:36.719 --> 00:48:38.559
I mean, same counselors and stuff.
00:48:38.639 --> 00:48:41.199
So I go back and I finish my four months.
00:48:41.280 --> 00:48:43.199
I do the finish the year.
00:48:43.519 --> 00:48:48.320
And um I got out and I and I go back.
00:48:48.559 --> 00:48:52.639
Um I'm home and I took a drug court deal.
00:48:52.880 --> 00:48:55.920
And you're you're on drug court, and I know this part of the story.
00:48:56.000 --> 00:48:57.519
There it involves some cough syrup.
00:48:57.760 --> 00:48:58.800
Cough syrup, yeah.
00:48:58.960 --> 00:49:05.920
So I'm on drug court, and I have to report to drug court within like a week.
00:49:06.239 --> 00:49:12.480
And there was this girl that I was with, and I won't say her name, but there was this girl that I was with who I who I'd loved.
00:49:12.639 --> 00:49:30.159
You know, she it was like, you know, you got that one in your life that um kind of your first true love that, you know, you just that one person that's like, um, well, that was her, you know, and I'd got her back through all this shit.
00:49:30.239 --> 00:49:31.360
I'd got her back.
00:49:31.519 --> 00:49:38.320
And she had a son that I was kind of in a way like a father to for a couple years, some uh young child.
00:49:38.639 --> 00:49:45.280
And um, you know, we were talking about possibly getting married and this and that.
00:49:45.760 --> 00:49:49.519
Well, I uh I met my grandparents' house.
00:49:49.679 --> 00:49:55.519
I'm I'm living there, and I'd got sick and I took some cough syrup.
00:49:55.760 --> 00:50:03.039
Well that your grandmother gave me my grandmother gave to me, and I didn't know what it was.
00:50:03.440 --> 00:50:06.000
I just thought it was like cough syrup.
00:50:06.320 --> 00:50:13.119
Um I knew it the possibility of it being prescription, but I didn't think it would have anything in it.
00:50:13.199 --> 00:50:16.079
Like I just didn't, it doesn't compute in my mind.
00:50:16.159 --> 00:50:16.559
Yeah.
00:50:16.880 --> 00:50:20.880
So I go to court, they drug test me.
00:50:21.360 --> 00:50:26.079
No, I go to drug the drug court office, they drug test me and it pops for codeine.
00:50:26.320 --> 00:50:28.159
So it was a codeine cops room.
00:50:28.400 --> 00:50:35.679
And I'm telling the lady, you know, and I work with this recovery court now, they're good friends of mine nowadays, you know.
00:50:36.159 --> 00:50:42.559
I spoke at their annual luncheon uh a few weeks ago in front of like 200 people, you know.
00:50:42.960 --> 00:50:51.280
And I'm telling them, and of course, they're you know, in their mind, and I they have every right to believe this way, like this guy's full of shit, you know?
00:50:51.519 --> 00:50:52.239
Right, right, right.
00:50:52.559 --> 00:50:58.719
So I go up in front of the judge, and he's like, you know, they put me in jail.
00:50:58.880 --> 00:51:00.800
Like they take put me in jail, right?
00:51:00.880 --> 00:51:02.079
They sanction me.
00:51:02.320 --> 00:51:13.440
And I'm in jail for a few days, and it's like a Tuesday, and I go up in front of the judge, and he's and I read this like three-page dissertation basically pleading for my freedom.
00:51:13.840 --> 00:51:17.039
And your grandmother actually tries to as well.
00:51:17.199 --> 00:51:19.840
Like, I I didn't know there was coding in it.
00:51:19.920 --> 00:51:22.000
And yeah, she comes to court, yeah.
00:51:22.159 --> 00:51:22.719
Yeah.
00:51:22.960 --> 00:51:32.639
So I'm thinking, okay, worse that's gonna happen, 30-day rehab, you know, that type of thing.
00:51:33.360 --> 00:51:34.880
At the most at the worst.
00:51:35.039 --> 00:51:36.719
But I'm thinking they're just gonna let me out.
00:51:36.800 --> 00:51:38.559
Like it's a misunderstanding.
00:51:39.199 --> 00:51:39.519
No.
00:51:40.079 --> 00:51:50.400
They um the judge says, son, you know, um, basically, uh you went to teen challenge.
00:51:50.719 --> 00:51:55.039
We didn't tell you to go to teen challenge, you went on your own.
00:51:55.440 --> 00:52:04.800
And, you know, we uh like to do things the 12-step way around here, basically, is what he said to me.
00:52:05.199 --> 00:52:09.679
And we feel like you need to go to a 12-step based treatment center.
00:52:10.159 --> 00:52:13.519
Okay, I'm thinking in my head, 30 days, no problem.
00:52:13.920 --> 00:52:15.360
Easy peasy.
00:52:15.920 --> 00:52:22.079
And he's like, we want you to go to Morgan County Recovery Court in East Tennessee.
00:52:22.159 --> 00:52:23.519
And I'm like, what the fuck?
00:52:23.679 --> 00:52:38.559
East, no, not East again, you know, and so I remember somebody telling me, oh, you could get out, somebody in the court telling me, you can get out in three months on good behavior.
00:52:39.199 --> 00:52:47.760
And I'm like, okay, three months, like so they take me in a cop car, me and this other guy named Brian.
00:52:47.920 --> 00:52:49.039
They take us up there.
00:52:49.119 --> 00:52:55.840
We're going through all these switchbacks up in the fucking mountains, and I'm thinking, good lord, where this is like some deliverance shit, you know?
00:52:56.159 --> 00:53:03.280
They're taking me up, and we get there, and the place is, and I had no idea it was like this.
00:53:03.360 --> 00:53:06.239
You gotta think, I have no idea what this place looks like.
00:53:06.960 --> 00:53:10.480
I haven't talked to anybody, nobody in jail knows what it looks like.
00:53:10.639 --> 00:53:11.519
They haven't been there.
00:53:11.679 --> 00:53:26.000
So we pull up to this place and it's surrounded by barbed wire, and it's the annex of the Morgan County prison that they've rented out to drug court for their residential treatment space.
00:53:27.360 --> 00:53:30.400
So it's basically a prison, is what it is.
00:53:31.039 --> 00:53:32.320
It's a prison rehab.
00:53:32.639 --> 00:53:33.599
You might be there for a year.
00:53:33.760 --> 00:53:35.519
So I get up, get this shit.
00:53:35.599 --> 00:53:42.719
So I'm I'm walking up to the I walk up in the gate and I hear this familiar voice.
00:53:42.880 --> 00:53:48.239
And it was this guy, his name was Andrew, and he used to call me Roswell.
00:53:48.320 --> 00:53:51.199
He was the only person in my life that ever called me that.
00:53:51.440 --> 00:53:54.960
And he said, Roswell, what the hell are you doing here?
00:53:55.039 --> 00:53:58.719
And I'm I I knew immediately, I said, What the hell are you doing here?
00:53:58.880 --> 00:54:01.119
You haven't seen this guy in like 10 years.
00:54:01.440 --> 00:54:03.360
He was another guy who went through PlayStation.
00:54:04.400 --> 00:54:07.840
And he's like, Well, I'm getting out in about a week.
00:54:07.920 --> 00:54:10.320
And he's like, How long they say you got?
00:54:10.480 --> 00:54:19.119
And I said, Well, they said I could get out on three months and get behavior, and he's like, I'm like, I'm like, what, dude?
00:54:19.280 --> 00:54:29.280
And he's like, dude, the the earliest I've ever seen anybody get out of here was ten and a half months, and that's because that poor bastard had a heart attack.
00:54:30.559 --> 00:54:31.440
That's a knife in your heart.
00:54:31.840 --> 00:54:34.079
Dude, I'm like, I'm like, what?
00:54:34.639 --> 00:54:38.480
And this, you're thinking that this girl is also slipping away, too, right?
00:54:38.719 --> 00:54:39.920
Because you're going away for a long time.
00:54:40.159 --> 00:54:40.719
Yeah, dude.
00:54:40.800 --> 00:54:41.440
Yeah, man.
00:54:41.519 --> 00:54:44.719
I'm like, so my whole world crashes, man.
00:54:44.800 --> 00:54:46.480
Like, I'm devastated.
00:54:46.719 --> 00:54:51.199
Like, to the point where I'm like crying at night and hiding it from the other guys.
00:54:51.360 --> 00:54:53.440
I mean, I'm fucking devastated.
00:54:53.599 --> 00:54:55.119
And I'm writing her letters.
00:54:55.280 --> 00:55:00.400
I couldn't use the phone, but like once every couple weeks, and I'm writing her letters and letters after letters.
00:55:00.559 --> 00:55:12.159
And you know, it's funny as we bring this up, but I found uh we cleaned out the storage shed of my aunt's or my stepgrandmother's the other day.
00:55:12.400 --> 00:55:16.960
She lives in Ohio, but she had a storage unit here and asked us to clean it out.
00:55:17.039 --> 00:55:21.440
And I found four books of mine that I'd had from Morgan County.
00:55:21.599 --> 00:55:27.840
A lot of songs that I had written, and there were letters that I didn't send to this woman.
00:55:27.920 --> 00:55:31.280
Oh, wow that for whatever reason I held back on soon.
00:55:31.440 --> 00:55:37.840
There were letters that she sent me, and I had the letter that she finally sent me saying, Hey, it's over.
00:55:37.920 --> 00:55:40.960
Like I found somebody, like I can't do this anymore.
00:55:41.440 --> 00:55:43.360
And I tell you, man, I was devastated.
00:55:43.519 --> 00:55:45.760
I was absolutely devastated.
00:55:45.920 --> 00:55:54.800
And I was angry and I was mad and I hated the world and I hated God and I hated recovery and I hated everything at this point, you know?
00:55:55.440 --> 00:56:04.320
Because here's the thing, man, like a lot of people when they go through recovery, right?
00:56:04.639 --> 00:56:13.599
And what I love about this day and age in recovery and recovery settings and treatment centers, recovery and treatment has evolved.
00:56:14.320 --> 00:56:14.719
Absolutely.
00:56:14.960 --> 00:56:16.000
Thank you, Jesus.
00:56:17.280 --> 00:56:20.159
Like thank God it has.
00:56:20.480 --> 00:56:23.440
Tell us a little bit about your your thoughts on that.
00:56:23.679 --> 00:56:31.119
I mean, you know, I mean, at one time, here I was I was thrown in so many directions.
00:56:31.280 --> 00:56:32.719
I met Teen Challenge.
00:56:32.800 --> 00:56:36.239
I'm told, hey, Jesus is the only way, right?
00:56:36.800 --> 00:56:38.639
This AA stuff is nonsense.
00:56:38.800 --> 00:56:42.880
Then I go to Morgan County, I'm told NA and AA are the only way.
00:56:43.119 --> 00:56:43.760
12 steps.
00:56:43.920 --> 00:56:45.519
12 steps, you know.
00:56:45.679 --> 00:56:50.000
Um, made a fearless and more inventory, you know, all that stuff.
00:56:50.239 --> 00:56:53.840
And I'm just like, I don't know what the hell to believe anymore.
00:56:54.000 --> 00:56:57.199
I don't know anything, I don't know what my higher power is.
00:56:57.360 --> 00:57:06.079
I don't know how to stay sober, I don't know what works for me or what doesn't, because I everything that I tried, I ended up failing.
00:57:06.320 --> 00:57:11.360
And I just felt at this time I was so just stretched in so many different things.
00:57:11.519 --> 00:57:19.199
I was believing, I was reading eight different religions, trying to find what I believed in and doing all this crazy shit.
00:57:19.360 --> 00:57:23.599
I had never done any mental health therapy ever.
00:57:24.800 --> 00:57:28.719
So, and sorry, we're going a little long.
00:57:29.360 --> 00:57:29.679
It's okay.
00:57:29.920 --> 00:57:33.920
And this kind of brings you to a different facility here.
00:57:34.159 --> 00:57:34.480
Right.
00:57:34.719 --> 00:57:38.719
So I I get out of there.
00:57:38.960 --> 00:57:40.800
I ended up making a band.
00:57:41.360 --> 00:57:43.039
I was clean for like six months.
00:57:43.199 --> 00:57:44.880
I graduated drug court after that.
00:57:45.039 --> 00:57:45.440
Get out.
00:57:45.519 --> 00:57:50.079
I was clean for like six months when I got out, started using again fentanyl.
00:57:50.239 --> 00:57:51.840
That's when I found fentanyl.
00:57:52.079 --> 00:57:54.159
Started doing fentanyl like every day.
00:57:54.320 --> 00:57:56.559
I was started doing hardwood again.
00:57:56.719 --> 00:58:06.320
This guy had introduced me to it, and it was just like boom, you know, like nine months of just straight snorting fentanyl every damn day.
00:58:06.639 --> 00:58:29.039
And I get to this point again, and I remember um I had met this girl um that ended up becoming my second wife, but I remember staring at them in the mirror where I was living and literally spitting in the mirror at myself, spitting in my own face.
00:58:29.360 --> 00:58:32.480
And just I was just fucking disgusted with myself.
00:58:32.639 --> 00:58:33.840
I was so disgusted.
00:58:33.920 --> 00:58:35.599
I hated myself, you know.
00:58:35.679 --> 00:58:37.599
I'm like, how can you be doing this again?
00:58:37.760 --> 00:58:39.039
I was stealing again.
00:58:39.199 --> 00:58:41.760
I was stealing from the guy that I was living with.
00:58:41.920 --> 00:58:47.679
I mean, this poor guy is such a you know, this guy was a beautiful soul who let me and his wife live with him.
00:58:47.840 --> 00:58:55.440
I'm sitting here stealing from the guy thousands of dollars worth of music equipment that he had and just all your old tricks, all my old tricks, man.
00:58:55.519 --> 00:58:58.239
And and I'm just like, I'm so disgusted with myself.
00:58:58.400 --> 00:59:02.400
I mean, when I think about it to this day, it pisses me off, you know.
00:59:02.559 --> 00:59:05.920
And it's not I don't beat myself up for it anymore, but it just pisses me off.
00:59:06.000 --> 00:59:08.880
I'm like, dude, come on, you know, like that's not you.
00:59:09.360 --> 00:59:11.840
Um that was that was addict right.
00:59:12.400 --> 00:59:12.800
Yeah.
00:59:13.119 --> 00:59:18.960
And so, you know, I I spit in the mirror and I'm like, this is it.
00:59:19.199 --> 00:59:20.000
This is it.
00:59:20.159 --> 00:59:24.960
So my ex-wife, my now ex-wife, let's call it second ex-wife.
00:59:25.440 --> 00:59:27.280
I'm glad you can laugh about it now.
00:59:27.599 --> 00:59:28.159
Right.
00:59:29.119 --> 00:59:30.159
Great story.
00:59:30.559 --> 00:59:32.960
Um, so yeah.
00:59:34.159 --> 00:59:40.239
So she like, she's like, look, dude, here's the ultimatum, right?
00:59:40.639 --> 00:59:41.840
You got three months.
00:59:42.000 --> 00:59:44.480
I'm moving to South Florida where my mother lives.
00:59:44.559 --> 00:59:50.400
She wants me to open up this nail salon, and I'm tired of your shit.
00:59:50.639 --> 00:59:54.320
You know, if you want to make a change, you move down to South Florida with me.
00:59:54.400 --> 00:59:55.760
I'm going to live with mom.
00:59:56.400 --> 00:59:57.840
You know, you got three months.
00:59:57.920 --> 01:00:00.960
So I waited till like the 89th day, naturally.
01:00:02.000 --> 01:00:05.760
And I'm on probation at this time for all that stuff.
01:00:05.920 --> 01:00:09.599
You know, I'm still on an eight-year probation, even with the drug court.
01:00:09.679 --> 01:00:13.519
That's how bad things, you know, even after graduating drug court.
01:00:14.000 --> 01:00:19.280
And um, I think I had like five or six years of the probation left.
01:00:19.599 --> 01:00:24.079
They don't know that I'm about to just up and leave and go to Florida.
01:00:24.239 --> 01:00:26.079
They know nothing about this, right?
01:00:26.320 --> 01:00:33.199
And this is like 2020, right before COVID, February 2020.
01:00:33.440 --> 01:00:43.440
So I go, it's it's it's I leave the day before my birthday, and I ended up putting fentanyl under my tongue and getting on an airplane.
01:00:43.599 --> 01:00:46.000
Could you imagine if I got caught in the airport?
01:00:46.159 --> 01:00:49.760
I would have done my six on the probation and probably 10 more.
01:00:49.920 --> 01:00:50.239
Yeah.
01:00:50.480 --> 01:00:51.119
You know.
01:00:51.519 --> 01:00:55.679
Um, but I take it, I put it like in a balloon under my tongue.
01:00:55.840 --> 01:01:00.960
And I knew when I got down there, I'm like, I'm gonna run out, and I'm not gonna ask anybody on the street.
01:01:01.039 --> 01:01:04.559
Because down there, you'll get killed for doing something like that, just randomly.
01:01:04.719 --> 01:01:09.599
I mean, Fort Lauderdale, it's a you know, it's a tough town when it comes to that.
01:01:09.760 --> 01:01:10.320
Yeah.
01:01:10.639 --> 01:01:19.119
Um, and it was February 7th, the day before my real birthday, February 8th.
01:01:19.360 --> 01:01:22.000
And the next day I had a little dope left.
01:01:22.320 --> 01:01:23.679
I knew it was gonna run out.
01:01:23.840 --> 01:01:29.039
And my ex-wife was like, hey, I want to take you to SeaWorld for your birthday.
01:01:29.840 --> 01:01:30.480
Okay, cool.
01:01:30.639 --> 01:01:39.119
You know, so we go to SeaWorld, and we're in Orlando, and we're at SeaWorld, and we go and see Shamu, you know, the well.
01:01:39.920 --> 01:01:41.920
And have you ever been to SeaWorld?
01:01:42.159 --> 01:01:42.480
I haven't.
01:01:42.880 --> 01:01:43.280
Yeah, okay.
01:01:43.360 --> 01:01:51.360
So like the shamu is like this auditorium seating, and you know, the famous well, and he's launching people up in the air and all that.
01:01:51.440 --> 01:01:54.320
Like there's dolphins knocking soccer balls up in the air.
01:01:54.800 --> 01:01:56.880
I'm just saying you're gonna go do dope in the bathroom.
01:01:57.039 --> 01:01:57.280
Yeah.
01:01:57.440 --> 01:01:57.679
Okay.
01:01:57.920 --> 01:02:02.880
So I'm sitting up and he stands, and as I tell her, I say, I need to go use the bathroom.
01:02:02.960 --> 01:02:07.360
So I go in this public bathroom, and it's nasty.
01:02:07.440 --> 01:02:17.039
This bathroom's nasty, you know, it's kids all and I go into the stall, and there's the the toilet paper roll, you know, they got the plastic, the brown plastic.
01:02:17.519 --> 01:02:25.119
And I take out like the last of my dope, and I snort it off the toilet, and God knows what was on there, you know.
01:02:25.599 --> 01:02:32.480
And I'm and I snort it off of there, and I have this moment of clarity right there in the stall.
01:02:33.920 --> 01:02:36.159
You know, just nasty as could be.
01:02:36.800 --> 01:02:42.480
And I just have this moment of clarity where I'm like, dude, this is fucked.
01:02:42.719 --> 01:02:45.119
Like, this is this is insane, man.
01:02:45.519 --> 01:02:46.480
You're telling yourself out loud.
01:02:46.639 --> 01:02:48.320
I'm telling myself enough is enough.
01:02:48.480 --> 01:02:50.400
I'm telling myself out loud, literally.
01:02:50.480 --> 01:02:53.840
I mean, there's probably people in the bathroom probably thinking, who that what is wrong with that guy?
01:02:54.880 --> 01:02:56.639
Yeah, and I'm like, this is insane, man.
01:02:56.800 --> 01:02:57.760
This is insane.
01:02:58.000 --> 01:03:03.840
So I go back up and I remember watching Shamu and just being like, This is why this is insane.
01:03:04.000 --> 01:03:06.559
Like, I'm high as shit right now watching shamu.
01:03:06.800 --> 01:03:09.360
Like, it was just all like this, you know.
01:03:09.599 --> 01:03:13.760
And we get back and I end up, we go to this nail slice.
01:03:14.079 --> 01:03:20.960
The next day, I'm out of dope, and I'm and I had a couple of Suboxone strips, and I'm like, Oh, I can take these now.
01:03:21.119 --> 01:03:26.400
So my wife goes into this, my ex-wife goes into this thing to get some nail supplies.
01:03:26.719 --> 01:03:35.199
Um, and um I take it and I literally go into pre-sip withdrawal within like two minutes.
01:03:35.519 --> 01:03:36.880
I mean, it was brutal.
01:03:37.199 --> 01:03:41.440
Sounds terrible, brutal because you're supposed to wait 72 hours with fentanyl.
01:03:41.519 --> 01:03:44.000
Only I didn't read the fine print.
01:03:44.079 --> 01:03:46.079
You you know, with fentanyl, it's longer.
01:03:46.159 --> 01:03:48.159
With heroin, you can wait 24 hours.
01:03:48.320 --> 01:03:50.639
Fentanyl, it's 72 hours.
01:03:50.800 --> 01:03:53.599
So I'm at like 20th hour, you know.
01:03:53.840 --> 01:03:55.679
And I think for Vivi, you gotta wait a week.
01:03:55.920 --> 01:03:56.480
Yeah, right.
01:03:56.719 --> 01:03:57.280
Yeah.
01:03:57.599 --> 01:04:09.360
So she comes back, and I'm literally like, I'm like, like, you know, I'm I'm like just puking out the door, and I'm sweating and just acting crazy.
01:04:09.440 --> 01:04:14.159
And I'm like, take me to the hospital, you know, and she's like, what's going on?
01:04:14.320 --> 01:04:16.159
And on the way there, it's like truth there.
01:04:16.480 --> 01:04:21.199
I've been using fentanyl and I'm in and I stole from Jonah, and I've done it.
01:04:21.599 --> 01:04:23.039
And she's like, What the fuck?
01:04:23.199 --> 01:04:27.840
You know, so we're like, she's taking me to the hospital, she's pissed, right?
01:04:28.159 --> 01:04:35.440
Um, and I end up in the hospital bed and I wake up like 18 hours later, they shot me full of Ada van and everything.
01:04:35.519 --> 01:04:49.920
And I wake up like 18 hours later, and um, you know, um, I I'll say this, man, and you know, there's I won't go into my whole I don't I you know about my ex-wife and stuff.
01:04:50.079 --> 01:04:59.199
She she did some things to me that was pretty crazy, but she saved my life that day, and I'll never forgive her for it, or I'll never forget her for it.
01:04:59.519 --> 01:05:00.159
Totally understand.
01:05:00.480 --> 01:05:09.840
Um and but you know, we uh I wake up and I'm like, I had insurance at the time.
01:05:10.000 --> 01:05:16.239
First time I had insurance in years, um, because she had like was on me about getting insurance for months.
01:05:16.320 --> 01:05:19.679
And so I find the first place that'll take my insurance.
01:05:19.840 --> 01:05:23.360
Um, and it was uh sunrise detox in Lake Worth.
01:05:23.840 --> 01:05:29.360
And I go in there, and this place, you know, it's it's basically just a bare bones detox.
01:05:29.599 --> 01:05:34.400
Like it's white walls, you know, nothing much to it, you know.
01:05:34.639 --> 01:05:37.920
Um, it's not like some of the centers we have here.
01:05:38.000 --> 01:05:41.119
I mean, this place was just you get what you get, right?
01:05:41.280 --> 01:05:41.760
Right.
01:05:42.079 --> 01:05:50.719
And I about two days in, um, I had a dream with my father in it.
01:05:51.039 --> 01:05:56.079
And basically he was just saying to me, like, you know what you need to do, son.
01:05:56.159 --> 01:06:02.719
Like, and I hadn't had a dream of my father in it in years, like in Since he died, I don't think, you know.
01:06:03.119 --> 01:06:08.079
And I um I go up to the front and I'm like, I I want to leave.
01:06:08.159 --> 01:06:09.519
I AMA basically.
01:06:09.679 --> 01:06:14.320
And they were for everybody out there that me AMA means leaving against medical advice.
01:06:14.719 --> 01:06:15.119
Medical advice.
01:06:15.360 --> 01:06:15.599
Go ahead.
01:06:15.840 --> 01:06:18.559
Which I don't ever suggest doing for anybody out there.
01:06:18.719 --> 01:06:21.519
But it's part of my story, you know.
01:06:21.760 --> 01:06:23.360
I end up leaving.
01:06:23.599 --> 01:06:36.719
But prior to me leaving that day, one of the things that got my wheels turning was I went outside that a little smoking area, and there was this guy in the smoking area.
01:06:36.880 --> 01:06:37.760
I always see him.
01:06:37.840 --> 01:06:40.960
And this guy was about 500 pounds.
01:06:41.280 --> 01:06:43.039
Big, big fella.
01:06:43.599 --> 01:06:52.719
And every time I would walk out during those two days, he he wore like a flat boo, uh flat bill foo-boo hat.
01:06:52.800 --> 01:06:57.519
He had these Fubu jeans and like this like diamond-studded shirt.
01:06:57.679 --> 01:07:02.960
And he'd be sitting there in a chair like this, and he'd have a lit cigarette dangling out of the bottom of his mouth.
01:07:03.199 --> 01:07:08.880
It'd be like stuck on it, and I'd always go over and I'd take it out, you know, because I'm afraid he'd burn himself.
01:07:08.960 --> 01:07:09.280
Yeah, yeah.
01:07:09.440 --> 01:07:11.119
He had a nice shirt, you know.
01:07:11.440 --> 01:07:13.280
So every time this would happen.
01:07:13.360 --> 01:07:18.880
And but nobody ever would see this guy awake, never heard him talk, didn't know his name.
01:07:19.119 --> 01:07:21.920
And every time, and I'm like, how, and it would blow my mind.
01:07:22.079 --> 01:07:26.880
I spent a lot of my time there wondering how this guy would light cigarettes and stuff, and who this guy.
01:07:27.119 --> 01:07:29.679
He just fascinated me for some reason.
01:07:30.079 --> 01:07:38.239
And we're out there one time, we go out there the second day or whatever, and I put the cigarette out again, and I'm sitting at this table.
01:07:38.320 --> 01:07:41.039
Well, he's behind us in this couch.
01:07:41.760 --> 01:07:44.320
Sitting at this table, I'm bullshitting with these guys.
01:07:44.880 --> 01:07:51.679
I'm a musician, and you know, I want to do this, and I got these dreams about playing music and writing again and all this.
01:07:52.239 --> 01:08:02.719
And all of a sudden, we hear somebody talk, and the guy's like, hey man, and we we all it's like uh it's like half baked.
01:08:02.800 --> 01:08:04.800
You ever see the guy on the couch, you know?
01:08:05.039 --> 01:08:08.960
Totally, like every time he says something, it's like this profound thing, you know.
01:08:09.039 --> 01:08:09.840
We're we jump, yeah.
01:08:10.079 --> 01:08:11.920
Because the guy's always sleeping, yeah.
01:08:12.159 --> 01:08:17.359
And we're like, oh shitty, you know, and you say, Hey man, this is his his exact words.
01:08:17.600 --> 01:08:19.600
Hey, you ever heard of Recovery Unplugged?
01:08:19.680 --> 01:08:20.800
They do music and shit.
01:08:20.880 --> 01:08:21.600
You should go there.
01:08:21.760 --> 01:08:23.039
And he fell right back asleep.
01:08:23.119 --> 01:08:24.880
And he had a cigarette back in his mouth.
01:08:24.960 --> 01:08:30.000
And I'm and I remember thinking, how did he like, did y'all see anybody like that?
01:08:31.439 --> 01:08:37.600
So come to find out this guy's name was Miles, and that got my wheels turning, see?
01:08:38.079 --> 01:08:48.800
And this I always tell people, and I and I talk a lot at in treatment centers, and I go play music in various treatment centers around middle Tennessee and and stuff like that.
01:08:50.000 --> 01:08:50.960
Yeah, man, yeah.
01:08:51.279 --> 01:08:53.760
And it's something I love to do.
01:08:54.000 --> 01:08:59.439
Um, but I always tell people, like, man, some of the the program's great, right?
01:08:59.600 --> 01:09:03.039
A lot of these centers, the program's great, the therapy's great, this and that.
01:09:03.279 --> 01:09:09.279
But you're probably gonna get the most out of each other, you know, listen to each other because you never know.
01:09:09.439 --> 01:09:14.239
I mean, yeah, that guy Miles, he saved my life that day.
01:09:15.039 --> 01:09:18.960
He set me on a trajectory to where I'm at now.
01:09:19.439 --> 01:09:20.720
I truly believe that.
01:09:20.800 --> 01:09:23.359
If it wasn't, it's like the butterfly effect, right?
01:09:23.840 --> 01:09:31.199
That one thing that he said got my wheels turning about recovery unplugged, you know?
01:09:31.600 --> 01:09:35.600
And right then I was fixated on going to recovery unplugged.
01:09:35.840 --> 01:09:40.720
So I get out, I get my ex-wife to take me to Recovery Unplugged.
01:09:41.199 --> 01:09:43.039
I end up getting accepted there.
01:09:43.119 --> 01:09:44.720
I had this crazy out-of-pocket.
01:09:45.039 --> 01:10:02.640
Like, there's no way because I worked in admissions for three years there, and I know insurances and I know out-of-pockets and deductibles, and my and my out-of-pocket was like$8,000, and they were only gonna make like$400 if I didn't pay a dime after I got out.
01:10:03.600 --> 01:10:09.760
And the director or she ended up becoming my boss, her name was Erica.
01:10:09.920 --> 01:10:15.199
Um, she was just like kind of a standard manager then.
01:10:15.760 --> 01:10:18.000
And she approved me to come in then.
01:10:18.159 --> 01:10:22.159
You know, she and I I've even read my file when I started working there.
01:10:22.239 --> 01:10:23.520
I was able to pull up my file.
01:10:23.680 --> 01:10:32.720
And it basically said, Hey, if this guy doesn't pay anything on his out of pocket when he gets out, we're only we're basically scholarshipping him, you know, whatever reason, they let me in.
01:10:32.960 --> 01:10:40.960
And I remember talking to the admissions person on the line, and I come to find out she was new.
01:10:41.199 --> 01:10:46.800
And I remember telling her, I said, Look, and she was kind of pushing back on the out of pocket.
01:10:46.960 --> 01:10:48.399
I'm gonna have to talk to my manager.
01:10:48.800 --> 01:10:52.000
And I told her, I said, Look, this is what's gonna happen.
01:10:52.239 --> 01:10:54.159
And I've heard the recording.
01:10:54.560 --> 01:11:10.640
Um, and I said, My God is gonna talk to your God, and then your God is gonna talk to your boss's God, and then they're gonna talk to whoever the their God is, and they're gonna have a big God powwow, and y'all are gonna let me in.
01:11:10.960 --> 01:11:14.319
That was my exact words, and they end up letting me in.
01:11:15.279 --> 01:11:26.560
So I uh but man, no, I mean I went there for 12 days, that's it, but I just when I got out, dude, I just I didn't look back, man.
01:11:26.720 --> 01:11:30.159
Like I just I was so freaking motivated.
01:11:30.399 --> 01:11:32.560
COVID hit two weeks after I got out.
01:11:32.640 --> 01:11:36.479
I mean, literally the initial shutdown where everything was really shut down.
01:11:36.560 --> 01:11:37.119
Remember that?
01:11:37.199 --> 01:11:38.399
Oh it was terrible.
01:11:38.479 --> 01:11:40.000
I mean, people were commits.
01:11:40.319 --> 01:11:41.119
I mean, it was terrible.
01:11:41.279 --> 01:11:43.760
And then when when do you start working admissions then?
01:11:44.000 --> 01:11:46.560
So about a year and a half later, okay.
01:11:46.720 --> 01:11:48.399
I ended up staying down in Florida.
01:11:48.560 --> 01:11:57.039
I was still on probation, and they ended up finding out I was down there, but they were cool with it because everything went virtual because of COVID.
01:11:57.119 --> 01:11:57.279
Right.
01:11:57.520 --> 01:12:03.840
And the officer just kind of was like, okay, you know, like you're sober, you know.
01:12:04.239 --> 01:12:09.920
Um, but yeah, I mean, I worked at this marble place called Sinai Marble.
01:12:10.000 --> 01:12:11.279
It's on Pompano Beach.
01:12:11.359 --> 01:12:12.560
They're awesome people.
01:12:12.880 --> 01:12:16.000
And I sold marble for like a year and a half for pool decks.
01:12:16.079 --> 01:12:23.520
Here I am, new in recovery, like going all over South Florida, you know, all these rich people selling them marble pavers and stuff.
01:12:23.680 --> 01:12:25.199
I just busted my ass, man.
01:12:25.279 --> 01:12:27.760
I ended up making a lot of money doing that.
01:12:27.920 --> 01:12:28.560
It's awesome.
01:12:28.720 --> 01:12:34.960
And um started my life over there, and then a friend of mine, Luke, said, Hey, we got a position open here.
01:12:35.039 --> 01:12:36.079
He was a case manager.
01:12:36.399 --> 01:12:37.760
Opportunity at RU.
01:12:37.920 --> 01:12:38.800
R U, yeah.
01:12:38.960 --> 01:12:39.199
Yeah.
01:12:39.439 --> 01:12:46.319
And I was like, man, this is I've always wanted to work in treatment, always, but I never could stay sober long enough, right?
01:12:46.479 --> 01:12:48.800
So about a year and a half at this point, right?
01:12:49.199 --> 01:12:56.159
The longest I really ever had sober, like without institutions keeping me sober.
01:12:56.319 --> 01:12:59.680
But so I started working there and I got into admissions.
01:12:59.760 --> 01:13:00.479
I loved it, man.
01:13:00.560 --> 01:13:01.039
I loved it.
01:13:01.119 --> 01:13:06.479
You know, I worked in the office uh about six months into me working in admissions.
01:13:06.560 --> 01:13:10.880
I'm sitting on my couch and um in Pompano.
01:13:11.119 --> 01:13:11.920
We have an apartment.
01:13:12.000 --> 01:13:14.159
I've already gained back all these things in life.
01:13:14.239 --> 01:13:16.319
I'm two and a half years sober at this point.
01:13:16.399 --> 01:13:26.479
Well, two years sober, and I get a knock on the door, doom doom, doom, doom, and I look through the peephole, and it's two sheriffs, cops.
01:13:26.720 --> 01:13:32.319
And I'm like, Oh shit, they must be here for the neighbor because the neighbor just got his door kicked in.
01:13:32.399 --> 01:13:34.000
You know, it's kind of a bad neighborhood.
01:13:34.720 --> 01:13:37.359
And they were like, Are you Michael Rossitano?
01:13:37.439 --> 01:13:39.039
And I said, Who's asking?
01:13:39.279 --> 01:13:42.239
And the Browts County Sheriff's Office.
01:13:42.319 --> 01:13:43.760
We got a warrant for your arrest.
01:13:43.840 --> 01:13:46.079
And I'm like, What are you talking about?
01:13:46.560 --> 01:13:48.960
So I opened the door, they're like, Do you have your ID?
01:13:49.119 --> 01:13:52.319
And I'm like, so I closed the door, I'm like, no, but let me get it.
01:13:52.399 --> 01:13:54.079
So I closed the door on them.
01:13:54.399 --> 01:13:58.159
And I'm thinking at that moment, I knew what it was.
01:13:58.319 --> 01:14:05.279
It was all that music equipment I stole in Brentwood, that guy's house that I lived with, came back to catch up with me.
01:14:05.680 --> 01:14:07.279
I knew eventually it was.
01:14:07.439 --> 01:14:10.079
I knew, and I knew the bell was gonna toll, right?
01:14:10.159 --> 01:14:13.920
And I just it sucked, man.
01:14:14.159 --> 01:14:19.039
And you know, I even thought at the time, man, I could run out the back sliding glass door.
01:14:19.119 --> 01:14:24.960
If I make my way to Tennessee, my charge is in Tennessee, so I just turned myself in there, I bond out.
01:14:25.680 --> 01:14:26.560
But I didn't.
01:14:26.880 --> 01:14:32.800
I opened the door and they took me to jail, and I ended up staying in Brouwer County jail for 42 days.
01:14:32.960 --> 01:14:35.199
There I'm almost two years sober.
01:14:35.439 --> 01:14:37.359
Just started my job with RU.
01:14:37.600 --> 01:14:42.239
Like in Recovery Unplugged, man, they stood behind me 1 million percent.
01:14:42.399 --> 01:14:47.439
I mean, they put my boss at the time put money on the phone like every day, Erica.
01:14:47.520 --> 01:14:51.520
Yeah, you know, I remember like Erica helping you and put money, yeah, man.
01:14:51.760 --> 01:14:53.119
Did they transfer you to Tennessee?
01:14:53.359 --> 01:14:55.359
Yeah, 42 days later, man.
01:14:55.600 --> 01:15:05.039
During that time when I was in jail, my ex-wife ended up stealing all this money from us and just trying to do all this crazy stuff, man.
01:15:05.119 --> 01:15:06.159
It was such a shame.
01:15:06.319 --> 01:15:07.199
It was such a shame.
01:15:07.279 --> 01:15:10.319
I I never I didn't think she was capable of doing that.
01:15:10.479 --> 01:15:12.000
She wasn't an addict.
01:15:12.239 --> 01:15:13.199
She was, you know.
01:15:14.079 --> 01:15:15.920
People are sick from many different things.
01:15:16.159 --> 01:15:19.279
Man, it was my whole world came crashing down.
01:15:19.359 --> 01:15:20.319
I'm sober, you know?
01:15:20.399 --> 01:15:20.800
Yeah.
01:15:21.039 --> 01:15:26.239
And so they transport me, they come and get me in in an airplane.
01:15:26.399 --> 01:15:32.319
They take my hands and you know, cuff, uh, ankles cuffed.
01:15:32.399 --> 01:15:33.359
I'm walking through the airport.
01:15:34.479 --> 01:15:36.319
Dude, it's like I'm like, what am I, a murderer?
01:15:36.399 --> 01:15:37.439
Like, this is crazy, man.
01:15:37.520 --> 01:15:43.039
But they had me for a grand larceny, grand theft charge, theft over 10 under 50.
01:15:43.359 --> 01:15:50.560
Um, they fly me back to, you know, Tennessee, and I bond out four hours later because my charge was in Tennessee.
01:15:50.800 --> 01:15:57.920
So basically I just ended up, and what's crazy is all I had was I got arrested at home with nothing.
01:15:58.079 --> 01:16:04.880
All I had was shorts and a white t-shirt on because it was like in the morning, it was my day off and flip-flops, you know.
01:16:05.039 --> 01:16:06.000
I didn't have shit.
01:16:06.239 --> 01:16:14.800
So all my stuff is back in Tennessee in some storage unit somewhere because my ex-wife had just thrown all my shit in the storage unit, like half of it broke.
01:16:14.880 --> 01:16:16.159
It was crazy.
01:16:16.399 --> 01:16:21.439
Um, and nothing I did would ever warrant that type of behavior from her.
01:16:21.520 --> 01:16:23.119
That was so crazy about it.
01:16:23.439 --> 01:16:33.039
And, you know, um, and I uh they I bond out and I'm walking down Broadway at like 7 a.m.
01:16:33.199 --> 01:16:34.640
with the clear gel bag.
01:16:34.720 --> 01:16:41.760
I'm looking crazy because I have this skin condition called sebarrea and the gel water really messed it up and flared it up.
01:16:41.840 --> 01:16:48.800
So I'm looking all my hair is all crazy, disheveled, look like I'm using again because just the way I, you know, look.
01:16:49.039 --> 01:16:49.680
Right.
01:16:50.079 --> 01:16:59.359
And you know, I opened my bank account thinking I'll have like$18,000 in there and I got like$200 because my ex-wife had wiped it out.
01:16:59.760 --> 01:17:00.079
Yeah.
01:17:00.319 --> 01:17:04.479
So I barely had enough money to get an Uber to my mom's.
01:17:04.720 --> 01:17:15.119
So I go to my mom's and I just started working again, and I end up getting therapy through Recovery Unplugged because I was so I never dealt with mental health in my life.
01:17:15.279 --> 01:17:19.439
I mean, I was so so much anxiety and just going through all that, man.
01:17:19.520 --> 01:17:25.680
And and our you does you this huge solid of never firing you, never fire me, man.
01:17:25.920 --> 01:17:28.000
No, yeah, just unbelievable.
01:17:28.079 --> 01:17:28.880
Yeah, unbelievable.
01:17:29.119 --> 01:17:33.199
And now you're in this uh clinical navigator role, right?
01:17:33.439 --> 01:17:36.399
And you help run Tune Up Tuesdays there, right?
01:17:36.479 --> 01:17:36.800
Yeah.
01:17:36.960 --> 01:17:40.560
Um, Recovery Unplugged has many different services, right?
01:17:40.960 --> 01:17:46.239
But um, what does holistic care mean to you right now?
01:17:46.560 --> 01:17:47.039
Yeah, man.
01:17:47.119 --> 01:17:48.960
I mean, to me it's what you guys do.
01:17:49.279 --> 01:17:54.960
Yeah, I mean, uh, what I love about what we do, it's it's just a whole comprehensive approach.
01:17:55.039 --> 01:17:57.039
It's not one thing or the other, you know.
01:17:57.279 --> 01:18:01.680
Like uh I think what worked for me at Recovery Unplugged was the mental health aspect.
01:18:01.760 --> 01:18:10.399
You know, I never realized how much guilt I carried from stuff that I did to my grandfather, you know, when I was using stuff that I had done to people.
01:18:10.479 --> 01:18:12.960
I mean, I carried that guilt so long.
01:18:13.119 --> 01:18:16.319
I mean, even two, three years after I got sober.
01:18:16.399 --> 01:18:20.399
I mean, I just thought I was like, man, I'm just how do I get rid of this person?
01:18:20.560 --> 01:18:23.119
Like I was just terrible, I was terrible, you know.
01:18:23.359 --> 01:18:29.039
And I really beat myself up a lot over things that I had done to people, people I loved.
01:18:29.199 --> 01:18:34.479
You know, that's what I that's what I said back in the beginning of this was I I was never meant to be that way.
01:18:34.640 --> 01:18:36.640
You know, I was I wasn't raised that way.
01:18:36.720 --> 01:18:42.720
I wasn't my fabric of my being, I was not meant to be this type of person, you know.
01:18:43.039 --> 01:18:45.039
And it's just crazy.
01:18:45.199 --> 01:18:46.640
I got promoted eight months ago.
01:18:46.720 --> 01:18:48.640
I got the best job I've ever had in my life.
01:18:48.720 --> 01:18:50.399
I get to help people every day.
01:18:50.560 --> 01:19:01.840
I get to go speak at events, and people come ask me to do things for judicial things, and I work with all the drug courts in the area, and I, you know, um get to make an impact.
01:19:02.479 --> 01:19:05.680
Congratulations for this 180.
01:19:05.920 --> 01:19:06.479
Yeah, man.
01:19:06.560 --> 01:19:08.800
It's just been uh you've done a lot of work though.
01:19:08.960 --> 01:19:09.279
Yeah.
01:19:09.600 --> 01:19:12.720
This doesn't just come from you sitting on your ass not doing anything.
01:19:12.800 --> 01:19:14.159
Right now service work, networking.
01:19:14.720 --> 01:19:15.039
Right, man.
01:19:15.760 --> 01:19:23.600
And you know, there's every couple of days, man, we're all sit back and think, like, it this is my life now.
01:19:23.680 --> 01:19:25.439
Like this is like I get to do this.
01:19:25.920 --> 01:19:26.720
It's a beautiful life.
01:19:26.880 --> 01:19:28.159
And you seem so happy.
01:19:28.560 --> 01:19:33.039
I am time will make a lot of these things that make you feel bad.
01:19:33.279 --> 01:19:33.439
Right.
01:19:33.760 --> 01:19:35.600
Will make you'll feel a lot better.
01:19:35.920 --> 01:19:40.560
And also, you know, your recovery program, like you being sober for even longer.
01:19:40.880 --> 01:19:41.199
Right.
01:19:41.359 --> 01:19:44.159
Um just life ebbs and flows.
01:19:44.319 --> 01:19:52.800
And I think recovery, like I've been sober for 13 and a half years, my program has constantly changed, and I've tried new things.
01:19:53.359 --> 01:19:55.039
Things that don't work, things that do work.
01:19:55.359 --> 01:19:55.520
Right.
01:19:55.680 --> 01:19:56.960
Um, and then your life changes.
01:19:57.359 --> 01:19:57.520
Right.
01:19:57.680 --> 01:20:00.079
You know, like I'm married with a child now.
01:20:00.880 --> 01:20:01.119
Yeah.
01:20:01.840 --> 01:20:07.199
It's pretty wild that I I think that that's my life at almost 47 years old.
01:20:07.760 --> 01:20:10.319
Um, I I never thought I deserved a great life.
01:20:11.439 --> 01:20:12.399
That's the way that I feel.
01:20:12.720 --> 01:20:13.600
Yeah, right, yeah, yeah.
01:20:14.000 --> 01:20:15.760
I'm more blessed than I deserve to be.
01:20:15.920 --> 01:20:16.159
Yeah.
01:20:16.399 --> 01:20:21.840
And I I do feel even everything that you've done, that you are the exact amount of blessed.
01:20:22.079 --> 01:20:22.239
Right.
01:20:22.479 --> 01:20:25.039
Because you're such a good dude and you've worked through all this stuff.
01:20:25.199 --> 01:20:25.359
Right.
01:20:25.520 --> 01:20:29.840
And you've served a lot of time in different programs, and jail and everything.
01:20:30.000 --> 01:20:30.399
Yeah.
01:20:30.640 --> 01:20:37.920
Um one last thing that I do want to touch on is that National Addiction Specialist does have many different services.
01:20:38.159 --> 01:20:38.640
Right, yeah.
01:20:38.880 --> 01:20:40.560
And you've been with us in the past.
01:20:40.800 --> 01:20:41.119
I have.
01:20:41.359 --> 01:20:43.760
And how how was your experience with NAS?
01:20:44.239 --> 01:20:48.640
You know, I have nothing but good things to say about NAS.
01:20:48.800 --> 01:20:56.319
And um, you know, they help, they've helped me through times as well, tough times as well, you know.
01:20:56.479 --> 01:21:01.760
Um, and I I needed help even after getting sober, you know, after getting clean.
01:21:01.840 --> 01:21:04.000
And NES was was there for me.
01:21:04.079 --> 01:21:07.199
I mean, um, through those times as well.
01:21:07.279 --> 01:21:09.199
And they've they've been fantastic.
01:21:09.279 --> 01:21:11.439
I mean, the therapy they provide.
01:21:11.920 --> 01:21:18.000
Um what I love about what you guys do here is you don't turn many people down, right?
01:21:18.159 --> 01:21:19.840
Yeah, and give a lot of opportunities.
01:21:20.159 --> 01:21:25.279
Give a lot of opportunities and the grant the grants and all that stuff, man.
01:21:25.359 --> 01:21:36.319
I know there's there's a few people that I've known who have have used y'all, and I've been able to to help people um that have gotten out of us to to get help with you guys too.
01:21:36.800 --> 01:21:37.840
And I really appreciate that.
01:21:38.159 --> 01:21:43.199
Yeah, and I I think it's uh I think the work that that y'all do is is great, man.
01:21:43.359 --> 01:21:50.159
I mean, for the things that y'all do here, um, the way that y'all help people, I got nothing but good things to say.
01:21:50.319 --> 01:21:53.600
I mean, look, I mean, there's there's good and bad everywhere.
01:21:53.840 --> 01:21:55.520
Everybody's got good and bad things.
01:21:55.600 --> 01:22:04.239
It all depends on your experience, but from everything that I've experienced with with NAS, it's been nothing but a pleasure, man.
01:22:04.720 --> 01:22:06.479
I appreciate kind words.
01:22:07.119 --> 01:22:12.640
Um and I I just I I love what you do with Recovery Unplugged.
01:22:12.800 --> 01:22:13.920
I've seen it.
01:22:14.079 --> 01:22:16.960
Um, and thank you for the kind words on NAS.
01:22:17.119 --> 01:22:17.279
Yeah.
01:22:17.439 --> 01:22:25.279
And we didn't get to touch on your Titans channel, but uh, what what is it just for the listeners in case they want us to check out your Tennessee Titans podcast?
01:22:25.600 --> 01:22:25.840
Right.
01:22:26.000 --> 01:22:48.479
And I before that, real quick, and I know it's it's getting a little late, but I do want to say now that and and I want to throw this in there because I feel like I have to, but I have a uh, you know, I I I've touched on relationships in my life, but now I have a woman in my life that is that is absolutely uh fantastic and been with her two years.
01:22:48.560 --> 01:22:49.840
And um that's amazing.
01:22:50.000 --> 01:22:50.960
Yeah, well deserved.
01:22:51.359 --> 01:23:00.319
Yeah, her name's Michelle, and she's the she's the most kind, caring, considerate woman that I've ever been with in my life, a true partner.
01:23:00.720 --> 01:23:06.000
And uh, you know, um I remember last time when I told my story, I didn't include her in.
01:23:06.079 --> 01:23:07.359
I just felt like I needed to.
01:23:07.439 --> 01:23:25.680
So um, and there's other people who've helped me along the way, uh, you know, a roommate that I have lived with for three and a half years, and I've become like an uncle to her child, and you know, that was also a great distraction for me after all coming back to Tennessee and going through all that.
01:23:25.760 --> 01:23:29.359
And they've so it's all holistic, comprehensive.
01:23:29.600 --> 01:23:33.119
But um, with the Titans, yeah.
01:23:33.199 --> 01:23:34.640
I have a Titans YouTube channel.
01:23:34.800 --> 01:23:47.119
Me and a me and a guy, a guy, a friend of mine started it before I joined, about maybe eight months before I joined, but me and him kind of became partners in it, and it's called the Titan Upload Network.
01:23:47.199 --> 01:23:54.399
If you're into the Tennessee Titans, you know, um, if you're into that type of misery, um, but you and you are Titan Rossi.
01:23:54.720 --> 01:24:10.000
Titans Rossi, I go by uh on X at uh at Titans Rossi on X, and our YouTube channel is the Titan Upload Network, and we have the most subscribers, most subscribers for a fan-made Titans channel on YouTube.
01:24:10.319 --> 01:24:11.359
Um amazing.
01:24:11.439 --> 01:24:11.920
Congrats.
01:24:12.000 --> 01:24:14.720
Yeah, I'm sure you it's a lot of work running a podcast.
01:24:14.960 --> 01:24:15.600
It is, yeah.
01:24:16.079 --> 01:24:22.319
More than people that are listening to how much work it's if you want to make it good, it is, you know.
01:24:22.399 --> 01:24:27.039
Yeah, it's uh if you want to make it quality and you know, it is, but I love it, man.
01:24:27.119 --> 01:24:31.840
And it's all all these things are part of the recovery, right?
01:24:32.079 --> 01:24:32.640
Yeah, I agree.
01:24:32.720 --> 01:24:38.479
You know, so and please check out um uh Michael's Tennessee Titan channel.
01:24:38.640 --> 01:24:40.880
Please check out Recovery Unplugged.
01:24:41.279 --> 01:24:47.119
Um, if you like the podcast, please like and subscribe and listen to or watch wherever you get your podcasts.
01:24:47.359 --> 01:24:51.359
And Michael, I just I can't appreciate you more for saying everything you said.
01:24:51.439 --> 01:24:55.600
It was a wild ride and also very funny at times, and I'm glad we can go back and laugh at it.
01:24:55.680 --> 01:25:02.720
And and uh I hope this helps a lot of people listening to this because anything's possible if you do the right thing and do the hard work.
01:25:03.119 --> 01:25:03.359
Right.
01:25:03.520 --> 01:25:05.039
And I appreciate you and I love you, brother.
01:25:05.279 --> 01:25:06.239
Yeah, love you too, man.
01:25:06.479 --> 01:25:06.800
Thank you.
01:25:06.880 --> 01:25:07.199
Yeah.
