Capacity Is Currency: Stop Overfunctioning & Burning Out | Kamia Hayes

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Welcome to this episode of Breaking Curses with Excellence.
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I'm your host, Christy Christina.
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I have today with me.
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Camille Hayes.
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Hi, I am Hello.
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I am Camilla Hayes and I am a capacity liberation specialist and I help high achieving women or high um responsibility responsibility women to stop being everything for everybody.
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Oh, that's so important.
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So so important.
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Yeah.
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So I'm excited for our conversation today.
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I know you have a book.
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We'll talk about your book.
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Tell us a little bit about your history, uh, what you feel comfortable sharing, what made you the woman that you are today?
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So I am still a work in progress.
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Okay.
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I it's like, yeah, it seems like it seems like every other day I'm discovering right something new about myself.
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But um I grew up in what used to be a small town in Central Florida.
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Um, yeah, in Lakeland.
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Used to be a small town, but that's a whole nother side tangent.
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Okay.
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But um, but you know, growing up, I grew up with parents who were very, very, very active in the church to the point like we went to church for everything.
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Like we was, we were always in the church.
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And I watched my dad be of service to a lot of people.
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Like anybody that called him for anything, he would be there.
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He would go visit the sick.
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He would go, you know, um, when he retired, he started like taking, he took uh liking, I guess you could say, or he he got close to a few people that were older than him.
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So he would take them to doctor's appointments and, you know, just all kinds of things.
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Um, my mom got sick.
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She had a stroke, she had a few strokes in 2012, but um it didn't get her to the point where she needed somebody to take care of her until about 2020, she was diagnosed with dementia.
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And so um my dad, while he was doing for everybody else, he was taking care of my mom as well, never stopping to take a break.
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And so around 2021, the end of 2021, um my dad basically confided in me, I guess you can say, and he told me, like, I had done a Facebook Live and I was just talking about how, you know, sometimes I deal with anxiety and depression, and these are the things that I do, and all of those things.
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And my dad was here with me.
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And so um, when he went home, he called me and he said, You know what?
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Um, I've been dealing with what you was talking about.
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And I was like, really?
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And he said, Yes.
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And so when he shared that with me, I would say two weeks later is when I call it, he hit a brick wall because two weeks after that, he was in the bed, he wouldn't leave out the bedroom, he wouldn't leave the house.
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And that's pretty much you know how it ended up being until he died, which was in 2023.
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And so I'm so sorry.
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It's okay, yeah.
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So 2023, both of my parents passed, um, nine months apart.
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And so um uh I started noticing the same patterns with myself, right?
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So I was the family manager, I was the person that, you know, everybody would call for everything while still dealing with my own um life.
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I'm a white man and a mom of six.
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Okay, yeah.
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So, you know, um still trying to manage my own life and found myself in the middle of a mental health crisis.
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And because it didn't look the same as when my dad experienced his, I didn't realize that that's what was going on.
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So um, yeah, so that's pretty much that I got on a journey where I wanted to be able to figure out how can I expand my capacity?
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How can I expand my emotional capacity?
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Because like I got tired of telling my son, like, mommy doesn't have the capacity to do this every time he asked me to do something.
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I got tired of starting things but never finishing things.
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And, you know, just all the things that come with with your cup being over, you know, overrunning.
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And so while I was on that journey, um, one of the things that God revealed to me is like you don't you have a cup and your cup is the same size, right?
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If I use the analogy from my book, I would say your trash can.
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Everybody has the same trash can on the block, right?
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Whatever you could fit in there is what you can fit in there.
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You can't make it bigger, right?
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And so that was like a right, and so that was like an eye-opener for me.
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And it's like, okay, so capacity isn't something that you expand, it's something that you steward.
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And I hadn't been a good steward over my capacity at all.
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You know, first first and foremost, I want to say I'm so sorry for your loss.
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Yeah, thank you.
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We're dealing that with in our home.
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Um my spouse just lost both parents.
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Um a year and a half apart.
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Uh mom died February of this year.
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So I know it's is very hard and it's very heavy, no matter how long.
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Um losing parents is something that I feel like we're never prepared for.
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So I wanna I wanna I wanna give space for that first and foremost.
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But I also want to say like I resonate so much, and I know there are so many women who resonate with the the idea of just doing the most and thinking that that's you know what you're supposed to do.
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Like I'm not supposed to rest, like I'm not supposed to sit.
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Um I need to do more.
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I'm not doing enough.
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You know, there's people who are giving beyond their capacity and still feel like they're not doing enough.
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So truly need uh grateful for your voice and the way that you have shared that journey.
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Um I I want to talk about the book, right?
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I want to I wanna start talking about so from what you've observed, you know, your book is called It's Trash Day, right?
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What inspired that title and what do you feel like women for the most part need to let go of and let go in the trash?
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Yes, so the reason why, well, what inspired the It's Trash Day title?
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Um many years ago, I was leaving my house going to work, and it was trash day, and um I had my windows down, and there was it it did not smell good at all in the neighborhood because the trash truck was you know coming through the neighborhood.
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But um I I learned a lot of things and analogies, right?
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So I'm able to see a life lesson and everything.
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I love it, yes, and so in this instance, it's like okay, this is a nice neighborhood, these houses still look good, the yard still look good, everything looks good.
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If I wouldn't have rolled my windows down, I wouldn't have been able to smell anything, right?
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I wrote my windows down, I was able to smell the trash truck, even in this beautiful, you know, even in this beautiful neighborhood.
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Yes, and so it clicked.
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Like I've been walking around and I look well put together and I look like I have it all together, but really there is a stench of trash that I don't realize like this, I don't realize the smell, right?
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So I look good, but I still got all of this stuff, you know, going on.
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And so basically that's that's where it came from.
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Um, yeah, that's where it came from.
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It it and I forgot about it.
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And when I decided I was gonna write a book, I didn't know what to call it.
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And then I was like, wow, it's trash day, like that's perfect.
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And so here we are.
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Yes, yes, yes.
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That that's that that's powerful.
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I love that you can see things like that.
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It's it's so um, it's so ripe, right?
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Like you can have a beautiful area, beautiful neighborhood, and that stench.
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What what do you feel like in your work and what you've observed, maybe even in your life, that women or men, you know, because men listen sometimes to what is that trash that we need to take out?
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What is what is that uh stench that most commonly is there?
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So I believe that the main thing is um something that I call your inheritance.
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And so within the It's Trash Day book, I created something called capacity as currency, right?
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And so with capacity as currency, we take your currency, which is your time, your energy, your emotional availability, and your mental bandwidth.
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Those are the coins, right?
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And then we have capacity accounts, and the accounts are your family, your home life, your career, your social and personal life, and then the mental load that that kind of lays be, you know, underneath all of that.
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Whenever I whenever I see men and women, but of course, my you know, my I work with yes, and so a lot of times we get these things as an inheritance, right?
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And think about it as like parents, right?
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We want to leave something for our children, right?
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So we might have all of these um investments and all of the things so that we can leave our children with a financial inheritance.
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But what we don't think about is those mindsets, right?
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A lot of the things that we do, we're doing it because we saw the generation before us do it.
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Whether they told us this is how you're supposed to do it, or whether we watched them do it.
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I watched my father serve himself to death.
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I was six years old and I would go after church with my dad to people's house to pray for them.
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I watched him get out of his bed at two o'clock in the morning because somebody wanted him to go and find their son who was on a crack binge.
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Right?
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And so I watched him sacrifice himself for other people and disguised it as ministry.
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Yes, that was my inheritance.
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Yes, so yeah, a lot of times, like we we don't understand why we are the way that we are.
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I've always wanted to know that as a little kid, I needed to know why it had to make sense to me, right?
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Same, same, same.
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I love things that make sense, and I'm trying to make sense of my own feelings, right?
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Of other people's actions, like it needs to make sense, and so you know I'll tell you why this is this is so personal for me, right?
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Just hearing what you just said.
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I was raised in an extremely religious home as well, very active.
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Um they they signed up to be full-time servants, so you know, work was a thing that needed to be done, but it was not the priority, right?
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Doing for others, serving others was, and so I very much grew up with that mentality that I should empty and pour myself out completely in behalf of my brothers and sisters, right?
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That was my way of following Christ, right?
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That was my way of being a good steward and servant of God.
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And so I realized these latter years that I didn't have boundaries, right?
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I I felt guilty telling people I can't do something for that.
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I mean, to this day.
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I was just telling my mom the other day, somebody asked me, not somebody I'm super close with, to to loan them some money.
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I said no, which I know was the healthy thing to do.
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But I felt guilty.
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I didn't even have to work.
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And so it does it's an inheritance, right?
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That because my dad was he wasn't the great at home, but he was giving to everybody.
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We were picking strangers up, taking them to a hotel room so they had somewhere to sleep.
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We were going at night to families' homes because the husband was being abusive.
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It was just constant giving, giving, giving, giving.
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And so I didn't think of that as my inheritance, if I'm honest.
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I just I thought I remember thinking like this is some kind of curse in my mind that that I that I'm I'm exhausting myself.
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Yeah.
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And so, but that's for me what I felt was the equivalent of a good Christian, right?
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Of a good, a good girl servant of God, a following Christ.
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You know, he poured out his entire soul for people.
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So um I really that really resonates with me.
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And I know it's gonna resonate with a lot of people as well.
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Um so thank you for sharing that.
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Thank you so much for sharing that.
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Um but yeah, so so much I'm seeing that you're saying, I'm like, yes, yes, yes, me too.
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Or you know, I know that there's other people.
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Um why do you think that we have and this probably goes into inheritance, honestly?
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A lot of times women we're we're tied to our performance.
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Like we feel like our work is tied to how well we're performing in every space in our lives, right?
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Home, work, you know, friends, whatever the case may be.
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Why do you think we as women do that so much?
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I believe that it started like with women feeling like they have to prove themselves, right?
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So my mom worked, but she also, you know, took care of the home.
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But her, like if you look at other generations, like women didn't work.
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They were homemakers, not because they wanted to be all the time.
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It was because they were told that this is what they needed to do.
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So once the women started, you know, going in the workplace, we're doing these corporate jobs, and you know, we're trying to move up the ladder, we have to perform, we'll we have to perform better than our male counterparts.
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And so we've we feel like we have to prove ourselves in certain environments because we find our value in what we do instead of who we are.
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And we also, yeah, we also attach our identity to that as well.
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Like I'm almost 50.
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And we don't look like it's just, I'm just saying.
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Thank you.
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Thank you.
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I I just recently, maybe a few months ago, sat down and said, what is it that I who am I?
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What is it that I even like?
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Right?
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I I love being around my family.
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I love for all my children to be home, be here with me, you know, even if I'm in the room, just knowing that they're in the house.
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I like to host my family, I like to do all of these things, but what else do I like to do?
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Who am I?
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Because I've been a mom since I was 20, you know, I've been working since I was 16.
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So I've been an employee, you know, since, and so it's like, how do I detach my identity from doing and and and attach it to who I am as far as being?
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And a lot of women don't know how to do that, and enough people aren't talking about that.
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Absolutely.
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That that yes, yes, I know that this is gonna this is gonna speak to somebody.
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So many, so many of us tie our positions to our mother, we are mother, right?
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I'm a mother.
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What do you like to do as a mother?
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What do you enjoy doing as a mother?
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I don't know, but my kids are involved in XY.
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Exactly.
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And then what happens when your kids are adults and then they leave, right?
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What happens when your kids grow up and they leave?
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And you're still a mother, don't get me wrong.
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I still mother my adult children, I just do it different.
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But you go from being fully engulfed in their life, you don't even know what you want to do anymore, you know.
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As a wife, if all we talk about is okay, so you're gonna pick the kids up, they have this, they have that.
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If that's all you talk about, then what happens when the kids leave?
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That's why these people divorce a lot of times when kids leave, because I don't know how to be a wife, I just know how to be a mom.
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Or you know what I'm saying?
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So it's like you don't even know what you like to do together, right?
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Like exactly because as empty nesters, what are we about to go do?
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Have have fun.
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We don't even know.
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We don't even know how to compromise on our likes and dislikes because we've been parents.
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That's all we've been parents.
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Um, the conversations, there's hardly anything to talk about now because all we talked about was our kids.
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So yeah, that is why people get divorced because their lives were centered around their children.
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It's so, and I know this is a hard thing, I feel like, especially for our community, you know, to realize like we gotta be able to have our own identities and our marriages need to have a priority that we keep it going aside from the kids.
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Like this is our bond for life, this is our promise for life.
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Kids obviously are a huge priority, and when you're working together, it's huge, but we have to be able to take care of our relationship with our spouse.
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Yeah, yeah.
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I feel like it's it's getting more, it's getting more common now.
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You know, it even like, you know, pastors, you know, they're they're talking more about it, you know.
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Like when it came to my dad, um, I went through like, I guess I don't know if it was, I don't know if it was shock, if it was like, I don't know what it was, but I went through a season where I was angry when it, I mean, when he first told me like I can't do this anymore, right?
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I was angry.
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And the reason why I was angry is because even after my dad um hit his brick wall, his phone would ring constantly.
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I remember getting, I took his phone from him and I felt like I was working in a call center with calls in the queue.
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Like his phone was literally ringing all day.
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And so I made a voicemail and I said, you know, he's taking a break, he's resting, he's not taking phone calls, all of that.
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Do you know that there were still certain people that were still calling?
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Because they were so used to him, you know, putting them first.
00:18:56.640 --> 00:19:02.799
And so I went through a season where I was like upset because of the lack of respect, right?
00:19:02.880 --> 00:19:06.160
Like respect his wishes, respect our wishes.
00:19:06.319 --> 00:19:18.799
But then, too, it was like, listen, y'all young creatures or y'all young, you know, men who look up to older men, you need to always prioritize yourself and your family.
00:19:19.279 --> 00:19:20.400
Because guess what?
00:19:20.559 --> 00:19:26.720
The the older men who ran themselves to death, by the time they realize it, it was too late.
00:19:27.680 --> 00:19:29.200
So you need to learn from them.
00:19:29.279 --> 00:19:30.559
You need to learn from my dad.
00:19:30.720 --> 00:19:35.839
You need to say no, you need to schedule, you know, vacation time.
00:19:36.160 --> 00:19:37.759
Yes, take a sabbatical.
00:19:38.000 --> 00:19:38.559
Guess what?
00:19:38.720 --> 00:19:44.079
If you're a pastor and you take a sabbatical, the the church will still be here when you get back.
00:19:44.319 --> 00:20:00.160
They will, they will, you know, but it's like I don't know, you know, take vacations at work, don't have months worth of PTO and just not take it.
00:20:00.400 --> 00:20:04.079
No, take a break, it's there for a reason.
00:20:05.680 --> 00:20:07.599
You know, go and do nothing.
00:20:08.000 --> 00:20:13.920
Yes, yes, have a staycation where you're at home and you're just doing whatever you like.
00:20:15.039 --> 00:20:21.440
Yeah, it is and some of us were raised in environments where that just wasn't a thing, right?
00:20:21.519 --> 00:20:24.720
You didn't take off time unless you needed to, right?
00:20:25.039 --> 00:20:33.759
There was no planned and even if we're on vacation, there were still phone calls, there was still, you know, oh let me do this email real quick, you know.
00:20:35.119 --> 00:20:36.559
Please, yes, yes.
00:20:36.880 --> 00:20:39.920
Men and women, please take that time.
00:20:40.079 --> 00:20:43.359
And it's true, the congregation could be having responsibility for me.
00:20:43.839 --> 00:20:48.160
You know, and everybody needs his help as God to the pastor.
00:20:48.400 --> 00:20:55.599
Um I understand why you feel that completely.
00:20:56.240 --> 00:21:04.400
Um as a wife, a full-time professional grad student, kudos, first of all.
00:21:04.799 --> 00:21:09.759
Um what what were some signs for you?
00:21:10.079 --> 00:21:13.599
I know we talked about some, but if you could share more, please do.
00:21:13.759 --> 00:21:19.359
Just so that that woman who's listening can also know that she's overfunctioning, right?
00:21:19.599 --> 00:21:23.440
What helped you realize that you needed to break that cycle?
00:21:23.599 --> 00:21:30.079
What said my body, my mind, whatever screaming at me, hey, you're doing too much, you know, with your science.
00:21:32.240 --> 00:21:33.759
Um, multiple things.
00:21:33.920 --> 00:21:45.599
So one of the things was um because my parents needing me was a it it wasn't like an overnight thing, I guess you can say.
00:21:45.680 --> 00:21:47.759
Like it wasn't something that was quick, right?
00:21:48.000 --> 00:21:52.480
So that season of my life dragged on for a few years.
00:21:52.640 --> 00:21:58.079
And so um, I remember just coping the wrong way.
00:21:58.240 --> 00:22:03.200
Like all my life, I I I haven't been a drinker, you know, I wasn't a partier.
00:22:03.440 --> 00:22:07.839
I like to dance, but I was scared to dance in public, you know, all of those things.
00:22:07.920 --> 00:22:18.319
And I went through a season where I literally would get like drunk on the weekends, like a college freshman, okay, that just got freed.
00:22:18.480 --> 00:22:20.720
And, you know, yeah, it was bad.
00:22:20.799 --> 00:22:23.359
Like, and I did it every single weekend.
00:22:23.680 --> 00:22:27.440
And um I was coping the wrong way.
00:22:27.519 --> 00:22:31.119
And I remember asking my dad, because of course he didn't know, right?
00:22:31.279 --> 00:22:37.440
I'm not telling him that, but I remember asking him, How did you know when you needed help?
00:22:37.680 --> 00:22:42.480
Because my dad was against medication for um, you know, mental health.
00:22:42.640 --> 00:22:44.720
He was against that for so many years.
00:22:44.880 --> 00:22:56.240
Like I remember taking my mom to a doctor's appointment, and the doctor suggesting he the doctor was like, she's severely depressed, and you know, we can put her on medication.
00:22:56.319 --> 00:22:59.279
And my dad was like, No, you're not putting her on medication.
00:22:59.599 --> 00:23:00.160
Yes.
00:23:00.400 --> 00:23:06.400
And so when it started to happen to him, he knew that he needed medication.
00:23:06.559 --> 00:23:14.319
And he ended up, you know, he ended up getting on medication um for anxiety and depression, you know, at the end of his life.
00:23:14.559 --> 00:23:19.440
But I said, How did you know that you needed help?
00:23:19.839 --> 00:23:23.680
And he said, because I couldn't take it anymore.
00:23:24.559 --> 00:23:28.160
And that was eye-opening for me because it was like, you know what?
00:23:28.480 --> 00:23:32.960
Like sometimes I physically felt like my head was about to explode.
00:23:33.359 --> 00:23:39.200
Like it was, I was able to go to work, I was able to do my job, and that's it.
00:23:39.440 --> 00:23:44.400
I was able to, you know, handle whatever I needed to for my parents, but I didn't cook.
00:23:44.640 --> 00:23:46.559
Like I hadn't cooked three years.
00:23:46.720 --> 00:23:48.880
I went three years without cooking.
00:23:50.319 --> 00:23:52.720
So, how do you think that affects your family?
00:23:52.960 --> 00:23:58.559
Like I raised my first set of kids where I cooked every single day.
00:23:58.720 --> 00:24:03.759
My first set of kids got home cooked meals, and every now and then we went out to eat.
00:24:04.640 --> 00:24:12.400
My my B team, they won't even hardly eat my food because they're so used to eating stuff that's bad for them.
00:24:12.720 --> 00:24:15.119
Because I was just managing.
00:24:15.440 --> 00:24:17.519
My cholesterol went up.
00:24:18.319 --> 00:24:20.720
I ended up having to get on cholesterol pills.
00:24:20.799 --> 00:24:21.200
You know why?
00:24:21.359 --> 00:24:27.039
Because I didn't even have the energy and the capacity to cook healthy meals.
00:24:27.200 --> 00:24:30.720
So my body started saying, Okay, girl.
00:24:31.680 --> 00:24:32.960
Let me show you something.
00:24:33.119 --> 00:24:33.440
Yeah.
00:24:33.680 --> 00:24:35.519
One or two things, matter of fact.
00:24:35.920 --> 00:24:36.319
Yes.
00:24:37.039 --> 00:24:42.240
So it's not just it's not just us that it affects, it affects our family, right?
00:24:42.319 --> 00:24:44.880
It affects our kids in ways that we don't realize.
00:24:45.039 --> 00:24:46.640
I wasn't spending time with them.
00:24:46.880 --> 00:24:52.960
I would get off from work and be so mentally drained that I would just be in the bed watching TV.
00:24:53.839 --> 00:25:01.119
Like I'll binge watch a whole five season um show in a weekend.
00:25:01.359 --> 00:25:01.920
Yes.
00:25:02.160 --> 00:25:02.400
Yes.
00:25:02.640 --> 00:25:04.640
Because that's all you have capacity to do.
00:25:04.960 --> 00:25:05.359
Yeah.
00:25:05.759 --> 00:25:06.400
That's it.
00:25:07.359 --> 00:25:07.920
Wow.
00:25:08.160 --> 00:25:12.079
Yeah, that that's that's a lot.
00:25:12.400 --> 00:25:12.960
That's a lot.
00:25:13.039 --> 00:25:16.160
And I can I can really like wow.
00:25:17.440 --> 00:25:40.720
It's so true, and we're not because you know, again, just just saying how much this resonates, you know, I I still I still cook a lot, but I I used to cook even more before everything happened with the you know, the in-laws, and you know, it wasn't constant grief and and dealing with affairs and this and that.
00:25:40.880 --> 00:25:42.880
You know, we had a lot more time with our little guy.
00:25:42.960 --> 00:25:50.240
So it's it's just I appreciate the reminder, and I think I hope that whoever's listening, this can be a reminder for them as well.
00:25:52.960 --> 00:25:55.519
Slow down, right?
00:25:55.680 --> 00:26:00.720
Because if you don't slow down, your body will your body will eventually arrest you.
00:26:00.960 --> 00:26:02.880
Absolutely, and it starts with us, right?
00:26:03.039 --> 00:26:07.440
So, like you said, I wasn't doing all these things, and yeah, I didn't get the home cooked meals either.
00:26:07.519 --> 00:26:08.400
But guess what?
00:26:09.680 --> 00:26:10.799
Family didn't either.
00:26:11.119 --> 00:26:12.640
But it started, you know what I mean?
00:26:12.720 --> 00:26:15.839
It starts with us internally, how we take care of ourselves.
00:26:15.920 --> 00:26:19.519
So thank you so much for bringing um that to attention.
00:26:20.079 --> 00:26:24.160
You know, um with generational beliefs, right?
00:26:25.440 --> 00:26:34.720
And family patterns often contribute to us being chronic caretakers or feeling like we need to be the nurturers for everybody.
00:26:37.839 --> 00:26:48.319
What beliefs would you say or would you give as examples that really explain cause us to explain ourselves more than we should?
00:26:48.880 --> 00:26:52.319
Is there some common ones that you share?
00:26:52.799 --> 00:26:58.240
Um, I think one of the most common ones is if I don't do it, it's not gonna get done.
00:27:00.720 --> 00:27:07.359
And if it does and if it does get done, it's not gonna get done, right?
00:27:08.480 --> 00:27:20.319
You know, yes, yes, yes do you know I was so stressed out, and what I did is I brought somebody in to do laundry for me, right?
00:27:21.119 --> 00:27:26.559
So she would come in, she would wash the clothes, drown, fold them, and all I had to do was put them up, right?
00:27:26.799 --> 00:27:36.880
But I was so petty and particular about how I like my clothes folded that I would literally refold the clothes before I put them in the drawer.
00:27:39.440 --> 00:27:46.480
So I it it's a um well, if it's not done my way, it's not done the right way.
00:27:47.119 --> 00:27:48.400
Who said that?
00:27:48.720 --> 00:27:49.759
Who said that?
00:27:49.920 --> 00:27:53.839
But it has been passed down to I don't know how many generations.
00:27:56.000 --> 00:28:03.039
I I remember getting out of my mom's house and realizing, oh, there's multiple ways to do things, yeah.
00:28:03.359 --> 00:28:05.920
And they're not, there's nothing wrong with them.
00:28:07.200 --> 00:28:08.720
Nothing wrong, yeah.
00:28:08.960 --> 00:28:11.440
Oh, those are some classics.
00:28:11.519 --> 00:28:14.319
I feel like, especially in Black Home School, yeah.
00:28:14.480 --> 00:28:21.279
If it's not, if I don't do it, and then what's crazy too is like a lot of times we feel like we're too far gone, right?
00:28:21.519 --> 00:28:30.000
Oh, well, I've been doing it for the last 15 years, so it's like I don't feel like training anyone to do it.
00:28:30.160 --> 00:28:41.680
I still just being transparent, I still have a hard time training my daughter to cook because when I go in the kitchen, nine times out of 10, I'm always in a rush.
00:28:42.000 --> 00:28:45.680
It's always something that's like, oh, I gotta hurry up and do this.
00:28:45.920 --> 00:28:50.000
Um, I can really, and when I can't take my time, she's not here.
00:28:50.240 --> 00:28:56.799
And so um I don't feel like stopping in order to teach her.
00:28:57.440 --> 00:29:04.079
And we literally just had a conversation because I'm like, you don't like to come in the kitchen with me, and I don't feel like dealing with your attitude.
00:29:04.240 --> 00:29:12.000
But at the same time, if she knew how to cook, I that's one less thing that I would have to do.
00:29:12.319 --> 00:29:22.240
So I got to the point where I was like, listen, family gatherings, you know, I will always try to cook everything because I don't know how they food gonna taste.
00:29:22.319 --> 00:29:26.880
I don't know what, honey, now it's like I don't care if it's nasty.
00:29:27.279 --> 00:29:28.480
I ain't cooking.
00:29:28.720 --> 00:29:28.960
Right.
00:29:29.119 --> 00:29:29.359
Okay.
00:29:29.599 --> 00:29:36.720
So if you come and you you come over here and we have family dinner and your mac and cheese don't taste like my mac and cheese, I don't care.
00:29:36.880 --> 00:29:38.000
We got mac and cheese.
00:29:38.079 --> 00:29:40.400
And if I don't like it, I'm just not gonna eat it.
00:29:40.559 --> 00:29:48.880
But I didn't have to, I didn't have to bread cheese, I didn't have to, you know, do all of the things that you have to do in order to prep and cook the mac and cheese.
00:29:48.960 --> 00:29:50.880
Somebody else did it, right?
00:29:51.279 --> 00:29:53.599
So we gotta get out of this, yeah.
00:29:53.759 --> 00:29:55.039
We gotta get out of this.
00:29:55.200 --> 00:29:56.559
It has to be perfect.
00:29:56.799 --> 00:30:02.000
There's a difference between perfection and excellence, and we mix that up.
00:30:03.119 --> 00:30:05.359
Okay, so so so dive into it for us.
00:30:05.440 --> 00:30:08.720
Like give give us some some insight on the difference between the two.
00:30:09.039 --> 00:30:13.440
Because perfection leaves no room for error, and it's impossible.
00:30:13.599 --> 00:30:17.920
So it's like you'll be chasing something that you'll never you'll never accomplish.
00:30:18.079 --> 00:30:31.920
You know, most people on drugs, like drug addicts that I've spoken to, the reason why they kept getting high is because they were always chasing the first one, and they never ever experienced that again.
00:30:32.319 --> 00:30:39.039
So if we're always chasing something that we'll never experience, then you're gonna run yourself crazy.
00:30:40.079 --> 00:30:41.920
But excellence is okay.
00:30:42.079 --> 00:30:48.240
It excellence because you should care about what you put out, you should care about what you do, right?
00:30:48.400 --> 00:30:56.079
You should care about how you present yourself, all of those things, but you got to give yourself grace enough to know that it's not gonna be perfect.
00:30:56.640 --> 00:31:00.000
Perfection, no grace, excellence, grace.
00:31:00.160 --> 00:31:00.880
Yes, right?
00:31:01.200 --> 00:31:02.559
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
00:31:02.799 --> 00:31:08.240
Thank you so much for showing the difference between that because I think unfortunately we sometimes we can put them together.
00:31:08.480 --> 00:31:26.079
Yes, yes, and then we do nothing, we don't accomplish the thing because so we don't put the thing out into the um into the world because we feel like it has to look a certain way when my my just okay, a lot of times it's somebody's best.
00:31:26.559 --> 00:31:40.400
Oh my goodness, exceeds their expectations, and it's just okay for me, or it's like I don't even like it, but if I don't put it out there, then how many lives are being impacted?
00:31:40.799 --> 00:31:49.279
And I can possibly speak one thing to them, and I think it's nothing, and it changes their whole perspective on life.
00:31:49.599 --> 00:31:52.799
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
00:31:52.960 --> 00:31:56.720
I think I'm sure you have some, um, and feel free to share.
00:31:56.799 --> 00:32:08.319
But moments where people said simple things to you and it changed the whole trajectory, like the way that some of my therapists talked to me, the way they're reminded of things, I will never forget.
00:32:08.480 --> 00:32:12.240
And they probably thought, well, that you know, that may have not given as much guidance.
00:32:12.319 --> 00:32:15.039
No, it cleared up so many things in my brain.
00:32:15.519 --> 00:32:20.559
But like you said, we're robbing people if we don't put it out there because we want it to be perfect.
00:32:21.680 --> 00:32:23.279
We're robbing people, yeah.
00:32:23.519 --> 00:32:24.079
I agree.
00:32:24.240 --> 00:32:36.000
So on my journey to expanding my capacity, um, I remember, and I think it was maybe like our second therapy session, and I was like just exploding.
00:32:36.160 --> 00:32:43.119
I'm telling her, honey, I I let out so much that I had been holding in, and I was like, why am I like this?
00:32:43.359 --> 00:32:44.799
What is the problem?
00:32:44.960 --> 00:32:46.559
Why do I keep giving up?
00:32:46.799 --> 00:32:51.519
Why don't I have the emotional capacity to be able to do the thing, right?
00:32:52.079 --> 00:32:54.160
And she said, Well, here's the thing.
00:32:54.319 --> 00:32:57.599
She said, You don't you don't get more capacity.
00:32:57.920 --> 00:33:02.400
She was like, you know, take iPhone, for example.
00:33:02.640 --> 00:33:08.880
She said, when you run out of storage, you you you empty out space, right?
00:33:09.039 --> 00:33:11.599
You don't buy more storage, you empty out space.
00:33:11.759 --> 00:33:13.200
And you know what I told her?
00:33:13.519 --> 00:33:16.480
No, I have bought more storage.
00:33:17.519 --> 00:33:19.039
But here's the thing.
00:33:19.279 --> 00:33:32.480
But if we think about it, the reason why I pay for the highest level of storage, I don't even$40 a month or something, when the lowest level, let's say it's$10 a month, over time.
00:33:32.720 --> 00:33:42.000
How much money, how much currency have I placed into that because I didn't have the capacity to sit down and clear out space?
00:33:42.240 --> 00:33:43.759
It's expensive.
00:33:44.960 --> 00:33:54.079
It's expensive, it's costing you, it's costing you in the physical, I mean in your body, but it's also costing your pockets and your finances.
00:33:55.359 --> 00:34:02.400
So, how can I be financially responsible when I won't even sit down and clear up the space?
00:34:07.759 --> 00:34:08.400
Yeah.
00:34:10.559 --> 00:34:12.400
You just taught a whole lesson there.
00:34:12.960 --> 00:34:14.320
You gotta clear up space.
00:34:15.280 --> 00:34:17.199
Yes, you have to clear up space.
00:34:17.360 --> 00:34:18.719
We were just talking about that this morning.
00:34:18.800 --> 00:34:25.599
Like, maybe we need to have a garage sale because you know, we love our things, but we have too much.
00:34:26.719 --> 00:34:30.960
And so it's the same thing with you know, obviously storage, things like that.
00:34:31.119 --> 00:34:31.920
It costs you.
00:34:32.239 --> 00:34:32.719
Yes.
00:34:32.960 --> 00:34:34.400
Uh timing too much stuff.
00:34:34.880 --> 00:34:36.400
Yes, it costs you.
00:34:36.800 --> 00:34:39.280
Um, thank you so much for wow.
00:34:39.679 --> 00:34:45.360
I love I love the way that you think, and I think it's gonna be a huge benefit to a lot of people.
00:34:46.000 --> 00:34:49.440
Um I I love how you talk about being a steward.
00:34:49.920 --> 00:34:53.360
You know, we have to be a good steward of our time, our resources, right?
00:34:53.599 --> 00:34:55.199
Our focus, our attention.
00:34:56.000 --> 00:34:59.280
What does freedom look like, right?
00:34:59.360 --> 00:35:02.880
For a woman who has spent years putting everyone else first.
00:35:03.440 --> 00:35:04.400
What is that freedom?
00:35:04.559 --> 00:35:06.000
What are some of the benefits too?
00:35:06.159 --> 00:35:08.880
Can you share with having a freedom?
00:35:09.440 --> 00:35:12.960
So I believe that freedom looks different for everybody, right?
00:35:13.440 --> 00:35:19.519
Um I think that freedom looks like finally being able to breathe.
00:35:20.400 --> 00:35:26.960
And and not being like, you know, sometimes we just it's like we're just waiting for the next thing to happen.
00:35:27.199 --> 00:35:39.199
When you've been so like when you've been so busy managing everything, sometimes you're just waiting for the next thing to happen and you're just bracing yourself.
00:35:39.519 --> 00:35:42.719
What would it be like if you can just breathe and relax?
00:35:42.800 --> 00:35:47.840
And I'm not talking about a weekend retreat, I mean like on a regular basis.
00:35:48.000 --> 00:35:49.760
That's what freedom looks like.
00:35:49.920 --> 00:35:56.320
Like we are so our society, and this is where capacity liberation comes in, right?
00:35:56.639 --> 00:36:02.719
Because like the society will tell you to chase financial freedom, right?
00:36:03.199 --> 00:36:06.159
I'm gonna tell you to treat your capacity as currency.
00:36:07.280 --> 00:36:15.840
So capacity liberation and financial freedom go hand in hand, right?
00:36:16.000 --> 00:36:30.639
Because when you free up your capacity, whenever you're um, whenever you meet with somebody like a financial specialist, the first thing that they're gonna do is they're gonna say, okay, let's see, we need to um see where all of your money is going.
00:36:31.119 --> 00:36:31.440
Right?
00:36:31.760 --> 00:36:38.639
So, what I want you to do is I want you to take a ledger of all of your finances over the next 30 days.
00:36:39.039 --> 00:36:44.719
Every time you make a purchase, you need to take a you need to write it down or you need to put it in this app, right?
00:36:45.599 --> 00:36:49.679
When it comes to your capacity, do the same thing.
00:36:51.039 --> 00:36:59.440
Whenever you, whenever somebody calls you and say, you know, hey Christy, I want to see if you can come speak at my event two weeks from now.
00:37:00.480 --> 00:37:04.559
You'll check if somebody asks you to borrow money, you're gonna look at your bank account.
00:37:04.639 --> 00:37:07.920
You're gonna look at your bank account and see if you have it available, right?
00:37:08.480 --> 00:37:10.079
Right, you're right, you're right.
00:37:10.320 --> 00:37:15.199
So if somebody asks you to come to an event, you need to check your capacity.
00:37:15.599 --> 00:37:16.239
Yes.
00:37:16.559 --> 00:37:18.880
Do I even have it available?
00:37:19.679 --> 00:37:20.320
Right?
00:37:20.960 --> 00:37:27.199
So I want you to chase your, I want you to chase your freedom when it comes to your capacity this the same way.
00:37:27.360 --> 00:37:28.480
I want you to stop.
00:37:29.280 --> 00:37:47.280
Freedom looks like not pouring more into your um career, not pouring more into your family than you do into yourself, doing the things that you love to do.
00:37:47.519 --> 00:37:48.800
And guess what, girl?
00:37:48.960 --> 00:37:51.519
If you don't know what you love to do, that's okay.
00:37:51.679 --> 00:37:53.679
That's the benefit of social media.
00:37:53.920 --> 00:37:58.400
Get on TikTok and be like, oh, I think I'm gonna do that.
00:37:58.800 --> 00:38:00.639
Okay, and try it.
00:38:01.280 --> 00:38:03.519
Yes, try it and see if you like it.
00:38:04.400 --> 00:38:10.880
Make a make a um commitment to yourself to try something new once a month until you find the thing that works.
00:38:12.159 --> 00:38:13.360
That's what you do.
00:38:14.079 --> 00:38:15.119
Absolutely love that.
00:38:15.599 --> 00:38:23.280
I um it's just it's just so you know, God's timing is always so perfect, right?
00:38:24.239 --> 00:38:27.119
When you hear you hear a word when you need to hear a word.
00:38:27.440 --> 00:38:44.639
I know this is a podcast for everybody else, but what you said is real talk for me because I do um I do make sure I take time for myself and I have my things that I like to do, but I I can really get overwhelmed with trying to do everything for everybody and then everything in my business.
00:38:44.800 --> 00:38:48.079
I think I need to say yes to everything because what if this is it?
00:38:48.239 --> 00:38:48.880
You know what I mean?
00:38:48.960 --> 00:38:51.119
Like I gotta say yes, I gotta say yes, I gotta say yes.
00:38:51.199 --> 00:38:53.679
But what if you don't have capacity, like you said?
00:38:54.239 --> 00:38:56.239
Because every yes is a no.
00:38:57.039 --> 00:39:04.239
If you say yes, if you say yes to that speaking engagement, then you're saying no to your son or your daughter, right?
00:39:04.400 --> 00:39:04.719
Yes.
00:39:04.880 --> 00:39:16.719
If you say yes to if every weekend is booked with engagements and business stuff and you know, all of the things that is taken away from your home life, every yes is a no.
00:39:17.119 --> 00:39:20.159
So which which which no is more important?
00:39:20.400 --> 00:39:25.199
If I say my family mean the world to me, but I'm always away from them.
00:39:25.920 --> 00:39:26.800
How does that work?
00:39:26.880 --> 00:39:27.599
That don't work.
00:39:27.760 --> 00:39:30.400
Is it it's not giving their priority?
00:39:30.639 --> 00:39:34.800
Is it is it true that they are the most important thing to me?
00:39:35.280 --> 00:39:44.000
Right, right, and so yeah, we gotta we gotta take you know, take inventory and be intentional.
00:39:44.800 --> 00:39:46.480
Absolutely, absolutely.
00:39:46.880 --> 00:39:58.400
And I I think um I'm I'm just thinking about some times where I felt so horrible and I was thinking, well, I'm trying to do this for the family, but reality is me being there is most important, right?
00:39:58.559 --> 00:40:06.320
Like um and so that that's that like you said, that goes together with financial freedom.
00:40:06.719 --> 00:40:12.159
I I love the way that you put that because we think that we have to do the hustle, right?
00:40:12.320 --> 00:40:16.400
We have to hustle like crazy in order to get to the financial freedom.
00:40:16.880 --> 00:40:21.760
We don't look at what we currently have, figure some things out so we can make fake space for it.
00:40:22.000 --> 00:40:24.559
We try to expand our capacity, yeah.
00:40:24.719 --> 00:40:25.599
And that's not gonna happen.
00:40:27.360 --> 00:40:27.679
Right.
00:40:27.920 --> 00:40:29.039
That's not gonna happen.
00:40:29.119 --> 00:40:41.360
And it's I feel like the most people who um are financially wealthy is because they made, let me change it, the people who did it themselves, not the ones that inherited the money, right?
00:40:41.440 --> 00:40:52.480
But the people who, you know, just regular Joe Smoes, the reason why they became financially wealthy is because they made smart investments.
00:40:54.079 --> 00:41:02.320
So when it comes to your capacity, the way that you're going to make it to capacity liberation is by making smart investments.
00:41:03.280 --> 00:41:04.159
Absolutely.
00:41:04.400 --> 00:41:04.880
Yes.
00:41:05.840 --> 00:41:18.800
And don't get me wrong, there are seasons where, like when you are starting and you're building a business or you know, like me, I'm in school, I'm an entrepreneur, I'm a full-time uh claims adjuster.
00:41:19.280 --> 00:41:24.159
That's without even those are three big roles without even including my family, right?
00:41:24.320 --> 00:41:26.960
So there are seasons of sacrifice.
00:41:27.280 --> 00:41:32.719
When you look at once again, when you look at your money, there might be seasons where you you're putting out a lot, right?
00:41:32.880 --> 00:41:44.320
Your kids might be small, or you know, you you you're whatever it is, there's seasons where you have to pour out more and you have to sacrifice things so that you can reach that goal.
00:41:44.480 --> 00:41:45.440
Yeah, right, right.
00:41:45.599 --> 00:41:47.679
So I'm not saying like always say no.
00:41:47.760 --> 00:41:55.920
There are gonna be times where your family is going to, not that they're not a priority, but they can't get as much time as they usually would.
00:41:56.159 --> 00:42:07.039
So when that's where intention comes in, that's where, okay, if I'm if I'm looking at the stewardship, it's more about quality than quantity in this season of my life.
00:42:07.280 --> 00:42:13.199
And so, you know, how do we make the best of the Sunday afternoon that we have together?
00:42:15.679 --> 00:42:17.039
I love that perspective.
00:42:17.199 --> 00:42:18.880
Thank you so much for sharing that.
00:42:18.960 --> 00:42:20.320
Like, that's huge.
00:42:20.559 --> 00:42:25.039
I want to know um for you what you would like.
00:42:25.119 --> 00:42:28.400
I love to give a few minutes at the end, right?
00:42:28.719 --> 00:42:34.400
To talk about whatever my guest wants to talk about, whatever they want the audience to hear.
00:42:35.119 --> 00:42:44.320
So if somebody's struggling with that, right, right, they're they're they're trying to extend or they have overextended their capacity, right?
00:42:45.039 --> 00:42:46.239
What would you say to them?
00:42:46.320 --> 00:42:54.800
What what do you want the audience to really take away from this episode of breaking curse of excellence?
00:42:55.840 --> 00:43:06.000
So if if they were struggling um in the area of capacity and they don't know where to start, I believe that you should start with the why.
00:43:06.960 --> 00:43:07.599
Right?
00:43:07.760 --> 00:43:11.199
Um, take hoarders, for example, right?
00:43:11.360 --> 00:43:19.840
The TV show hoarders, the the um crew, they go into the house, they see all the junk you have, yes, right?
00:43:20.239 --> 00:43:31.599
And before they clean it out, like they do clean it out, but they also bring in um psychologists to figure out why is it that they're hoarding all of these things?
00:43:31.679 --> 00:43:32.320
What happened?
00:43:32.480 --> 00:43:35.760
What made you feel like you need to keep all of these things?
00:43:35.920 --> 00:43:50.880
So the first thing that you have to do is you have to really sit down and focus on like why is it that I because here's the thing every role that we have, it comes with a list of responsibilities.
00:43:51.119 --> 00:43:57.280
So if you're looking at your responsibilities, what responsibility have I just taken on myself?
00:43:57.519 --> 00:43:59.760
Because I feel like once again, if I do it, it's perfect.
00:44:00.559 --> 00:44:03.360
If if my husband does it, it's just all right.
00:44:03.840 --> 00:44:04.159
Right?
00:44:04.320 --> 00:44:09.440
Okay, so what responsibilities are you taking on that you really don't have to?
00:44:09.599 --> 00:44:11.199
Like, who told you that?
00:44:12.719 --> 00:44:14.000
Why am I doing this?
00:44:14.079 --> 00:44:16.639
And who told me that this is how it's supposed to be?
00:44:17.760 --> 00:44:18.719
Absolutely.
00:44:18.960 --> 00:44:27.119
That's where I start sitting and really just looking at my life and saying, Well, how did I get here and why am I still here?
00:44:27.599 --> 00:44:28.239
Yes.
00:44:28.559 --> 00:44:29.119
Yes.
00:44:29.360 --> 00:44:29.679
Yeah.
00:44:30.079 --> 00:44:31.199
Thank you so much for that.
00:44:31.519 --> 00:44:32.000
For that.
00:44:32.079 --> 00:44:40.639
Um, I know I've said that a thousand times, but that perspective is is is really huge to sit down and look at the why.
00:44:40.800 --> 00:44:45.519
You know, I I encourage people to do that when it comes to the the trauma and the effects of trauma.
00:44:45.679 --> 00:44:55.599
Like, you know, you realize this is why you do it, but I didn't think of doing that with, you know, um, in the the way that you mentioned it, like about hoarding.
00:44:55.679 --> 00:45:00.000
I do, I remember that watching hoarders and other psychologists would come in, yeah.
00:45:00.159 --> 00:45:02.800
Therapists would come in and talk, like, why do you do this?
00:45:03.039 --> 00:45:06.559
Yeah, because if you don't get to the why, you can clean up, right?
00:45:06.719 --> 00:45:12.400
But if if they didn't get to the why and and help them through that process, then guess what?
00:45:12.880 --> 00:45:15.920
Six months from now, it'll be they'll find more junk.
00:45:16.079 --> 00:45:16.960
You know what I'm saying?
00:45:17.039 --> 00:45:20.159
So you yeah, so you need a team.
00:45:20.320 --> 00:45:25.599
Don't like you need to realize that, like, I can't do this on my own.
00:45:25.920 --> 00:45:27.840
I can't do this by myself.
00:45:28.079 --> 00:45:31.119
I got myself in this hole, but I need help.
00:45:31.280 --> 00:45:44.239
Somebody else is gonna have to help pull me out of this hole and not not be afraid to go to therapy, you know, not be afraid to be transparent with somebody that you trust and say, look, I don't have it all together.
00:45:44.400 --> 00:45:46.159
Girl, I just look like this.
00:45:46.480 --> 00:45:52.880
My life is in shambles, you know, just being okay with, you know, just being transparent and saying that.
00:45:53.119 --> 00:45:56.800
But then also you have to give yourself grace.
00:45:56.960 --> 00:46:03.280
If it took you 40 years, or let's say your adult life, let's say it took you 20 years to get where you are.
00:46:03.679 --> 00:46:08.239
Like I've been hearing this all of my life, you know, losing my parents.
00:46:08.400 --> 00:46:10.559
I was 45 when my parents died, right?
00:46:10.639 --> 00:46:12.079
Or 44 and 45.
00:46:12.400 --> 00:46:21.119
So if I'm used to them in my life for 45 years, I can't expect for myself to be okay three years later.
00:46:21.760 --> 00:46:22.400
You know?
00:46:22.639 --> 00:46:28.639
Now, what I can do is look back and say, okay, this doesn't hurt me as much as it did.
00:46:28.800 --> 00:46:35.840
I'm not having meltdowns, you know, when I hear this particular song like I used to when it first happened.
00:46:36.000 --> 00:46:45.840
So it's like you have to be able to celebrate the small things, but at the same time, give yourself grace to say, you know what, it took me a long time to get here.
00:46:46.000 --> 00:46:53.920
So I can't expect for, you know, um, in a week, because I wrote down all of these things and now I understand why.
00:46:54.239 --> 00:46:55.519
What are you gonna do about it?
00:46:55.679 --> 00:46:57.599
Now that you know about it, what are you gonna do?
00:46:57.760 --> 00:46:58.719
What are you gonna do?
00:46:59.280 --> 00:47:13.519
Because you can stay in that awareness stage for the rest of your life, or you can do something different, you can have hard conversations, you can say no, you can put up a sense, right?
00:47:13.840 --> 00:47:17.920
You can you can write a you can renegotiate the contract.
00:47:19.119 --> 00:47:32.880
Okay, I know this is how I've been doing it for the last 10 years, but if I'm going to continue to do this particular role in your life, we need to we need to renegotiate these terms because it's no longer benefiting me.
00:47:35.039 --> 00:47:48.079
Yeah, no longer we can wow that that that phrase that that phrase right there, that that definitely needs to be in one of our advertisements with the word.
00:47:48.400 --> 00:47:51.519
Like we you can renegotiate the contract.
00:47:51.679 --> 00:47:55.679
Yeah, I've been doing it for this long, but this is no longer working for me.
00:47:56.000 --> 00:47:56.559
That's right.
00:47:56.719 --> 00:48:02.800
And it doesn't mean it doesn't always mean, you know, cutting people off who like, you know, friends or whatever.
00:48:02.960 --> 00:48:11.039
Like sometimes you just need to have a conversation and say, this is who I was, you know, when we first started, our friendship, our relationship, but it's no longer who I am.
00:48:11.199 --> 00:48:12.960
I can't keep doing this thing for you.
00:48:13.039 --> 00:48:15.280
I can't keep showing up in this way for you.
00:48:15.519 --> 00:48:19.519
It it is killing me, but it's it's helping you.
00:48:21.199 --> 00:48:25.280
So let's let's talk about what this thing is supposed to look like.
00:48:26.079 --> 00:48:30.880
Because if you had a job and the job, you love the job, but it's it.
00:48:31.360 --> 00:48:34.800
I signed up for this, but y'all got me doing all this stuff.
00:48:35.119 --> 00:48:37.920
We need to renegotiate because guess what?
00:48:38.000 --> 00:48:41.519
The compensation don't match the work that I'm doing.
00:48:42.719 --> 00:48:44.320
How many times does that happen?
00:48:44.480 --> 00:48:46.159
I mean, they were test it every time.
00:48:46.320 --> 00:48:49.280
Every job, every job we tested.
00:48:49.679 --> 00:48:51.920
Yes, yes, thank you.
00:48:52.880 --> 00:49:06.559
That that that really spoke to me in so many ways, and I know it's gonna speak to the audience as well, because um our goal is always to reach those who are in this place so they can make the changes.
00:49:06.800 --> 00:49:09.199
So tell me about the work that you do.
00:49:09.360 --> 00:49:14.960
And are you looking for new clients or who who who are you trying to draw?
00:49:15.199 --> 00:49:16.559
Are you good where you're at?
00:49:16.719 --> 00:49:18.320
How can people find your book?
00:49:18.480 --> 00:49:23.360
It's trash day, so they can read about, you know, um, and make their life better.
00:49:23.519 --> 00:49:25.039
Please tell us all of that.
00:49:25.440 --> 00:49:28.639
Yes, so I am accepting new clients.
00:49:28.880 --> 00:49:35.440
Um, and I am in the process of putting together a six-week intensive.
00:49:35.679 --> 00:49:39.519
Um, and it's going to be called the Capacity Connection.
00:49:39.599 --> 00:49:44.719
And basically, what we're going to do is we're going to go through your life, right?
00:49:44.880 --> 00:49:52.159
We're going to talk about your capacity accounts, where are you making deposits and withdrawals, right?
00:49:52.400 --> 00:50:02.400
Um, and then we're going to put together a plan because I feel like if if I if I educate you, like I said, I don't want you to stay in the awareness stage forever.
00:50:02.559 --> 00:50:07.440
You know, you you got to be able to move from that that stage in order to see different.
00:50:07.599 --> 00:50:16.880
So instead of me telling you, like, oh, well, what you need to do is you need to learn time management and you need to learn, no, you need to throw away some stuff.
00:50:20.239 --> 00:50:23.760
Before trash they get here, you need to go and put that stuff in the trash.
00:50:24.960 --> 00:50:27.519
And don't chase the trash truck.
00:50:27.840 --> 00:50:29.920
Do not chase the trash truck.
00:50:30.159 --> 00:50:32.559
Once you throw that thing out, yes.
00:50:32.800 --> 00:50:42.000
But you wouldn't run behind the garbage truck and be like, hey, I know this milk expired a week ago, but I still want it, so I didn't mean to throw it away.
00:50:45.360 --> 00:50:46.559
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
00:50:46.960 --> 00:50:51.119
So we're gonna eliminate some stuff and we are not chasing the trash truck.
00:50:51.280 --> 00:50:52.960
Once it's gone, it's gone.
00:50:53.199 --> 00:50:56.880
And that's when you'll start to feel a sense of relief.
00:50:57.599 --> 00:50:57.920
Right?
00:50:58.239 --> 00:51:01.119
You'll understand why you always say yes.
00:51:01.440 --> 00:51:03.440
What is it that I inherited?
00:51:03.679 --> 00:51:11.679
And now that I know what I inherited and I know who I I know what I want for my life, how can I work towards becoming that?
00:51:13.039 --> 00:51:13.519
Mm-hmm.
00:51:13.920 --> 00:51:18.239
Yes, and you can find me on social media, um, Facebook and Instagram.
00:51:18.400 --> 00:51:19.440
Those are my jams.
00:51:19.679 --> 00:51:22.880
Um, and and it's my name, Camilla Hayes.
00:51:23.119 --> 00:51:28.800
Okay, yes, and that way in the book is trashdaybook.com.
00:51:29.199 --> 00:51:30.559
Trashdaybook.com.
00:51:30.639 --> 00:51:30.880
Okay.
00:51:31.119 --> 00:51:32.559
No, it's trashday book.
00:51:32.639 --> 00:51:34.559
So the name of the book, the title, yes.
00:51:34.719 --> 00:51:34.800
Okay.
00:51:34.960 --> 00:51:39.760
So it's trashdaybook.com is where you can you can purchase the book.
00:51:40.000 --> 00:51:41.360
Amazing, amazing.
00:51:41.519 --> 00:51:49.519
Thank you so much for you know, uh something I'm seeing in you is that while you took that audit, right?
00:51:49.679 --> 00:51:54.719
You said I'm overdoing, you still have found a way to now healthily give.
00:51:56.800 --> 00:51:57.760
To be of service.
00:51:58.559 --> 00:52:04.239
And so that that that's huge for those of us who love to give and love to help and be of service.
00:52:05.119 --> 00:52:07.199
Do it from a healthy uh perspective, right?
00:52:07.360 --> 00:52:09.039
Yes, you gotta get wisdom.
00:52:09.840 --> 00:52:10.880
Wisdom and discernment.
00:52:11.199 --> 00:52:12.000
Yes, yeah.
00:52:12.159 --> 00:52:14.960
Well that that's a huge takeaway for me as well.
00:52:15.119 --> 00:52:19.760
Like, you know, those of us who love to help, we can we can find a way to do it healthily.
00:52:22.239 --> 00:52:24.079
We can clear out some things, yeah.
00:52:25.199 --> 00:52:29.119
Um but still find a way to have that joy in helping others.
00:52:29.360 --> 00:52:34.000
So thank you for all that you're doing, all that you shared here today with us.
00:52:34.320 --> 00:52:40.000
Um I pray and I hope that everyone who's listened takes heed to everything she says.
00:52:40.320 --> 00:52:40.559
Right?
00:52:40.639 --> 00:52:42.719
The the analogies were on point.
00:52:43.519 --> 00:52:47.360
The ways of looking at things, the inheritance, looking back, you know.
00:52:47.440 --> 00:52:51.199
I always say we have to look back in order to find the why.
00:52:52.079 --> 00:52:54.079
We have to look back enough to learn a lesson.
00:52:54.559 --> 00:52:59.760
We don't stay there, but we look back enough, and actually like you emphasize that today.
00:53:00.159 --> 00:53:03.840
We have to find out the why and then we can go for it.
00:53:04.239 --> 00:53:11.920
Because if we don't find out the why, right, we repeat cycles, verses, bad, unhealthy habits, and mindsets.
00:53:12.079 --> 00:53:24.239
So please listen to everything she said, look her up on Instagram, Facebook, the website is it's trashdebook.com.
00:53:24.559 --> 00:53:24.800
Yeah.
00:53:26.159 --> 00:53:28.800
So please check out the book as well.
00:53:29.039 --> 00:53:34.400
Um also find out more about her six-week intensive that she's gonna be working on.
00:53:34.559 --> 00:53:35.760
I'm so excited.
00:53:35.920 --> 00:53:40.159
Um I'm so grateful for you taking the time out with us today.
00:53:40.320 --> 00:53:42.880
I'm excited for those who this episode is gonna help.
00:53:43.039 --> 00:53:44.880
Those connections are going to help.
00:53:45.280 --> 00:53:53.840
And the whole point is to break those unhealthy cycles curses and leave them and leave them.
00:53:54.800 --> 00:53:58.159
With excellence, like you said, right?
00:53:58.400 --> 00:54:02.480
With excellence, which gives grace and space for it not to be perfect.
00:54:03.360 --> 00:54:08.880
So until next time, listeners, please continue to break curses with excellence.
00:54:08.960 --> 00:54:16.239
You got this, you are loved, you are seen, you are worthy of having boundaries and being loved in spite of that.
00:54:17.760 --> 00:54:18.800
Thanks for listening.