Why Good Parents Keep Losing Power Struggles

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Parents just come in weak to start with and then they try and clean up the mess.
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How do I get them out of this bad behavior?
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They scream, cuss, throw, and hit me on a daily basis.
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They're gonna get mad because you weren't a leader before, and now all of a sudden you're trying to be a leader and they're gonna go, oh yeah, I'm gonna fight back.
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Welcome to the Bratbusters Parenting Podcast.
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My name's Lisa Bunnage.
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I'm a parenting coach.
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I'm a mom.
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I'm also a grandmother.
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And I'm Amy Bunnage, Lisa's daughter, and I handle the marketing and planning here at Bratbusters.
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While I don't have kids, each episode we'll dive into parenting topics and Lisa will answer your questions.
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Let's get started.
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Okay, sugar pants, what are we talking about today?
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We're talking about parenting power struggles.
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Oh, go on with that one for quite some time, couldn't we?
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I I have a feeling we can.
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Um, maybe if you want to start out by going over what parenting power struggles could look like.
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Well, it's when uh you tell the kids to do something and they say no and you go back and forth arguing.
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It's like, you know, you're just both trying to get your own way, basically.
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And they don't want to do what you've told them to do that they need to do, and they've just gone, no, I'm not doing it.
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And they dig their heels in, then you get mad, back and forth, back and forth.
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I was about to say it's probably like the frustration on the parents' end probably gets them to dig their heels in more, and then it's just this like vicious cycle.
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You you don't always want to win a power struggle.
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It depends on the power struggle.
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Um, yeah, especially with a teenager, you don't always want to win a power struggle.
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So you gotta learn how to manage it correctly, okay?
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Um, so it's a case-by-case study.
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This I can't generalize with this one because sometimes you you're not necessarily losing, you just don't want to win it.
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You just want to say something like this, I'll tell you what, let's just talk about this later.
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You see?
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So sometimes that's appropriate, but I think you're probably talking about the power struggle struggles with younger kids when they just won't do what they should be doing and they need to do.
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Is that it?
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But I think that's an important distinction because yes, I was going in from it from that lens, but I guess from your perspective, there really shouldn't be power struggles in the first place.
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I don't do them.
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Yeah, I don't do it.
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Um, so if I say something's gonna be done, it's gonna be done, you know.
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Um, um, or there's gonna be a consequence if it's not done.
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So, but I'm careful.
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I'm very fair and reasonable, and my expectations aren't gigantic when it comes to them doing whatever I say whenever I say it.
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So I'm very fair and reasonable.
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So when I do ask them to do something, it's very fair and reasonable.
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And if they don't do it, there's a consequence.
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That's it.
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Simple.
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I don't, I don't repeat myself either.
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If I've said, well, you've got to do this and then choose not to do it, I'd say, well, here's your consequence.
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Oh, but I was just gonna do it.
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Well, it's too late.
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You know, I might give them five minutes to do it, and if they choose not to, then then there's a consequence.
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No anger, frustration, or disappointment on your part.
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Just don't don't show it.
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If you feel it, don't show it.
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But you gotta, you see, the thing is that parents just come in weak to start with, and then they try and clean up the mess.
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Say, oh, I need you to, I need you to get uh get ready for school.
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That's weak like that.
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So they're thinking, I'm not gonna do that.
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And then the parents get mad when they're trying to rush at the very last minute.
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I have a system.
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You get up at seven, if you're ready by 7:45, then maybe you can watch 10 minutes of screens, then five minutes in the last five minutes, we go out the door.
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And that's it.
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I have a system.
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I have schedules, I have routines, I have expectations that are very fair and reasonable.
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And if they choose not to follow them, then they just miss out on that screen time maybe in the morning.
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I only use that incentive with screen time or pardon me, school morning routine and potty training.
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It's like bribery, you know, they can actually literally earn because I consider school morning almost like a bodily function.
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It's hard to get up in the morning and get moving for some kids.
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That's why I say, you know, if you get up and get everything done by a certain time, then you can watch a bit of screen time.
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Everything has to be timed and measured, everything.
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So the parents come in two weeks, get ready for school.
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What does that even mean?
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Like, I don't get that.
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What, tomorrow or you know, tonight?
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You know, it's not measurable.
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It's not, it's not organized enough.
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There's no plan.
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You gotta have a plan.
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Schools have plans.
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You look up on the wall, there's step one, step two, everything's laid out.
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Kids know what's needed.
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Okay, do you want to just get right into the parenting question so you have some scenarios to kind of work off of?
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Yes, thank you.
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Okay, the first one here is Tracy from the United States.
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Eight-year-old daughter and I got into the car at the store, but she didn't want to leave yet.
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She refused to put on our seatbelt.
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I stayed calm, I referenced future consequences, but realistically, I can't force her to keep the seatbelt on at her age, and I can't drive until it's on.
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We sat and waited.
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What do you recommend for these situations when you just can't do it for them?
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Okay, that's a really tricky one because it just shows a massive amount of disrespect toward you.
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That's a tough one when you're out and you've got to take action and you can't really take action because you can't force her to wear a seatbelt.
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So that's a really tricky one for me to address.
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I would have started addressing it at home first with stuff that isn't as timely like that.
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You have to get going, just got to keep a seatbelt on.
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I would just say, I'll tell you what, I'll say, if you don't keep your seatbelt on, there'll be a consequence when we get home.
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Then you have to wait it out.
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You just have to.
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Because there's nothing you can do.
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If you can't force an eight-year-old to keep a seatbelt on, you can't force an eight-year-old to keep a seatbelt on.
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You want to gain some respect outside of that car first, like when you're home.
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You want to start gaining respect other ways.
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That's just a tricky one.
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I don't know how you can force an eight-year-old to keep their seatbelt on.
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I have no idea.
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If they if they have no respect for you, which is what sounds like is happening, you got to work on gaining some respect in other ways first before you can, and then she'll keep her seatbelt on because she respects you.
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And like what where would you even start?
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Uh well, I would start at home and I'd say, okay, it's good to start with a chore.
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Make your bed every morning before 10 a.m.
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That covers the weekends if they sleep in too, okay?
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So your bed has to be made every every morning by 10 a.m.
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And just start there.
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You're starting to get respect.
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And then you're on there too.
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No yelling or no angry tones, stuff like that.
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So then have a consequence for yourself too.
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That's how you start gaining respect.
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You usually start quite small.
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If she's not putting her seatbelt on because she doesn't want to go, that's so disrespectful.
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You haven't earned it, it's only because you haven't earned it.
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Parents always want me to help them fix their kids.
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That's you've taught her this, okay?
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It's your lack of leadership which has taught her this disrespect.
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You just haven't earned it.
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You've got to earn it.
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You've got to work for it, okay?
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Um, everyone expects to just get respect and they're mad when they don't.
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But have you earned it?
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Are you respectable?
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Like you gotta, it's like this kid that it was a live I was doing.
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This mom said that her little daughter, she was eight years old, she treats all these kids with like crap, and then she gets mad because no one likes her.
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And I said, here's what I would say.
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I would say to, if that was my daughter, I would say, you know what, sweetie, you gotta be likable to be liked.
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And I'm saying to you, as a parent, you gotta be respectable to be respected, okay?
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Because there's no way they're gonna respect you if you're if you're still yelling, if you're not consistent, if you're not accountable, they're not gonna respect you.
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How is her making her bed have anything to do with this?
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Because you're oh, it's just leadership.
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You're uh you're giving her responsibilities, you're giving her something to do, and then if she doesn't do it, then you can come through with the consequence.
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In other words, I'm a leader, I know what I'm doing.
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So you broke a rule, let's go to the board.
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Here's your consequence.
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See, I'm exercising my leadership, I'm starting to get respect.
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And also you're on that board.
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Make sure you mess up too, okay?
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Because you want to show her that you're also accountable.
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It's a slow burn.
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You start small and you build from there.
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The next one is Talia from the United States.
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So I have a four-year-old daughter that will do just do what she wants, no matter what I do or say.
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And when I get to the blackout stage for media blackout, she just goes and plugs the TV in for herself over and over and turns it on.
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I can't remove the cord, so I don't know what to do.
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Okay.
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Uh, do you play with her?
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How connected are you with her?
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And and that again is such disrespect.
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That she'll probably keep doing that for a while until you get a board going.
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And then the second week you get another board going.
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I might say something like this.
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I might say, no plugging in the TV.
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But then she, no, wait a minute.
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She's already got stupid because she's already got media blackout.
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So by the way, once they've got 24 hour media blackout, your hands are tied.
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They can do whatever they want.
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You can try and physically stop them and fix stuff up physically, but your hands are tired.
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Tied, you can just say, well, that's why you've got media blackout because you're, you know, doing naughty things, something like that.
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But yeah, if she's doing that, you really can't help that one right away because you haven't got respect.
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Okay, she's already got media blackout.
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I would literally get rid of the TV.
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I just would.
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I'd put it in the garage for a week or so and say, look, we can have smaller screens when you get media back, but you've got to be able to control that.
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If you can't control screens with your four-year-old, wow, like you've got to get rid of the screens and you can introduce the small screen if they really want to watch something.
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The whole family's gonna suffer a little bit, but if that's what I would do, there's no way.
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If I couldn't control that, I would get rid of the thing I can't control.
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Just for a week or so.
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Get that screen off the wall, take it off the wall, unplug it, put the plug up where she can't possibly touch it.
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Um, yeah.
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Or else you could put stuff on the oh no, no, I don't want to talk about that because I'm not too sure how that works.
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But there's like safeguards you can put on electrical sock sockets so stuff can't be plugged in.
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But that's getting a little bit too far now.
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But yeah, just take the TV down.
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What?
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That's getting a little too far, but removing the TV completely.
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No, but I don't know.
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But it there's more of a message with that too.
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If the TV's gone, say, well, you know, you were plugging it back in, so it's gonna be put away for now until we've sorted this out.
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And then say, but when you have earned your screen time back, it'll be the computer or something smaller.
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She's gonna be mad, but now you're taking control.
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You see my voice though?
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See how calm I am when I'm saying this?
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Also, do you play with her a lot?
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How connected are you with her?
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If you're not that play is their love language, if you're not connected with them, they tend to not respect you anyway.
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Okay.
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Uh, and playing makes them feel good about themselves.
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So does this behavior board too.
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They're all of a sudden they're starting to get responsibilities, they're starting to be nicer and they're starting to feel better about themselves.
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Because when they feel good, they do good.
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When they feel bad, they do bad.
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When she's doing that, she feels like garbage about herself.
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Her self-esteem's in the toilet, by the way.
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Yeah, she doesn't feel good about herself.
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Then you're allowing her to do that.
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There's no way I'd have a TV up on a wall if I had a kid that I couldn't control.
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No way.
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You're all reading.
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Pardon?
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You're all just gonna be reading and doing non-TV activities.
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Yeah, just get rid of it.
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Get rid of the problem for now.
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It's temporary, okay?
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Uh, you got to work on your leadership skills.
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It's a slow burn.
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It takes a while because you've already trained her that you're not a leader.
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Now you've got to start erasing the past and working on the future.
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What if someone just says or is thinking right now that that's just such a big thing to do to take away the TV?
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Okay, they're your children.
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What's is that too big?
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Setting up your leadership?
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Is that too big?
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They're your kids.
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Yeah, I'd do anything for my kids.
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If I thought taking a TV off the wall was gonna help my parenting and help my kids be better people, I'd be ripping it off the wall myself in two seconds.
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Yeah, there's no way I would question that.
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I just wouldn't.
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There's nothing too drastic for me to make sure that my kids are happy, healthy, and feel good about themselves, by the way.
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And she's not right now.
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Mom, why is there a hole in the drywall?
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Oh, nothing.
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Never mind.
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Okay.
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The next one is Hannah from the United States.
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Six-year-old boy has a history of stealing out things like money, jewelry, and other personal items, and even stole from a local store two summers ago and also purposely breaking or damaging out things and his own toys.
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How do I handle this?
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We've tried taking toys away, making them work to pay us back for things, etc.
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Okay.
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You said that he has a history of doing this.
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I wonder when he started that.
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I'm curious.
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Anyway, and then you just take stuff away, you make him pay for it.
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Okay.
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It's not the only thing that's going on.
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There's no way.
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There's got to be other stuff.
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But I would put down on the behavior board no stealing.
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Just put it down like it is.
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No stealing.
00:11:12.789 --> 00:11:14.710
And then if you do steal, you have to do a chore.
00:11:14.789 --> 00:11:16.470
The punishment doesn't always have to fit the crime.
00:11:16.629 --> 00:11:19.590
But if he's stolen something off someone, he has to return what he stole.
00:11:19.750 --> 00:11:21.909
Number one, I don't care about apologies, by the way.
00:11:21.990 --> 00:11:22.710
They're just empty.
00:11:22.870 --> 00:11:26.549
If you get a kid to say I'm sorry at that point, I don't care about those words anyway.
00:11:26.629 --> 00:11:27.350
I care about amends.
00:11:27.430 --> 00:11:28.470
What are you gonna do to make it up?
00:11:28.549 --> 00:11:29.990
Okay, what are you gonna do to fix it?
00:11:30.149 --> 00:11:31.590
So I'm a problem solver.
00:11:31.669 --> 00:11:33.029
Uh, I'm not just a sugar coater.
00:11:33.269 --> 00:11:34.389
Sorry, I said I was sorry.
00:11:34.470 --> 00:11:35.509
You know, what about forgiveness?
00:11:35.590 --> 00:11:37.269
No, no, no, you gotta make it up, okay?
00:11:37.430 --> 00:11:40.950
So you say to him, okay, so you stole, um, you have to return the item.
00:11:41.110 --> 00:11:43.990
And I'll get into it, it's a little bit different if he steals from a store.
00:11:44.070 --> 00:11:47.830
But if it's just you, you have to return the item first of all, and then I'm gonna get you to do a chore.
00:11:47.909 --> 00:11:50.389
Okay, and then if he won't do that, then it's media blackout.
00:11:50.470 --> 00:11:51.830
But there's other stuff going on.
00:11:52.070 --> 00:11:55.509
Why is he doing why does he feel so bad about himself that he's doing that?
00:11:55.830 --> 00:12:01.190
It's just an again, it's really low self-esteem that would make him do that because he would not feel good about himself while he's doing it.
00:12:01.350 --> 00:12:06.149
So work on other stuff, make sure you're connected with him because connection is always way more important than correction.
00:12:06.310 --> 00:12:08.070
And your consequence is connection.
00:12:08.149 --> 00:12:14.070
So you're on that board too, and make sure you mess up so you get to do your consequence and he'll start feeling better about himself.
00:12:14.149 --> 00:12:15.509
He'll start to respect you more.
00:12:15.669 --> 00:12:18.470
When you're a leader, they don't want to disappoint you because they look up to you.
00:12:18.629 --> 00:12:19.430
You're like a mentor.
00:12:19.509 --> 00:12:22.789
Have you ever had like a coach or a teacher or grandparent that you look up to?
00:12:22.870 --> 00:12:25.669
They make you feel great about yourself and you kind of want to please them.
00:12:25.830 --> 00:12:26.549
That's what this is.
00:12:26.629 --> 00:12:27.509
That's all this is.
00:12:27.669 --> 00:12:27.990
Okay.
00:12:28.389 --> 00:12:31.029
So yeah, uh, put no stealing and just go from there.
00:12:31.190 --> 00:12:34.870
Oh, what I was gonna say is if he steals off a store, he has to return that.
00:12:34.950 --> 00:12:38.389
Um, if he can't return it, if it's something he ate, just say you have to pay for it.
00:12:38.470 --> 00:12:40.710
And then you have to offer to do something nice for them.
00:12:40.789 --> 00:12:42.470
Uh, you might want to offer to sweep the floor.
00:12:42.549 --> 00:12:45.990
He has to do, it has to be like a gesture, something that he does.
00:12:46.149 --> 00:12:46.950
Uh paying for it.
00:12:47.110 --> 00:12:48.629
Yeah, he has to pay for it, obviously.
00:12:48.789 --> 00:12:50.470
But then it has to be also a gesture.
00:12:50.549 --> 00:12:54.389
You know, he's offered, he wants to maybe sweep the front, the front sidewalk or something.
00:12:54.470 --> 00:12:55.590
Get him to do something like that.
00:12:55.669 --> 00:12:56.549
But don't shame him.
00:12:56.629 --> 00:12:57.990
Don't say, have you learned your lesson now?
00:12:58.070 --> 00:12:59.669
Just say that's a really nice thing to do.
00:12:59.830 --> 00:13:03.110
You know, you did something not nice, now you want to replace it with something nice.
00:13:03.350 --> 00:13:05.430
If you won't do that, again, take something away.
00:13:05.830 --> 00:13:07.669
Would you be taking from their allowance?
00:13:07.909 --> 00:13:10.470
Um, the the they have to pay it back.
00:13:10.870 --> 00:13:11.110
Yeah.
00:13:11.269 --> 00:13:12.149
Well, yeah, I would.
00:13:12.310 --> 00:13:13.269
Yeah, of course.
00:13:13.590 --> 00:13:14.549
Yeah, absolutely.
00:13:14.950 --> 00:13:15.190
Okay.
00:13:15.430 --> 00:13:17.669
The next one is Jackie from the United States.
00:13:17.909 --> 00:13:19.990
Five-year-old boy refuses to play sports.
00:13:20.149 --> 00:13:25.990
I forced him into some after-school activities, and I feel like it's backfiring and making him turn further away from sports.
00:13:26.149 --> 00:13:28.629
I think he needs some uh physical outlet.
00:13:28.789 --> 00:13:31.110
Do I force him to do something or suffer through it?
00:13:31.350 --> 00:13:32.389
Um, it depends.
00:13:32.470 --> 00:13:34.870
Like you got, I'd look around, find something that he actually likes.
00:13:34.950 --> 00:13:37.029
What does he like playing with at home aside from screens?
00:13:37.110 --> 00:13:38.310
They all love video games.
00:13:38.470 --> 00:13:40.629
So have him uh just think about what he really likes.
00:13:40.710 --> 00:13:45.590
It might be gymnastics, it might be running, it might be uh there's so many different things going on.
00:13:45.750 --> 00:13:50.629
You might want to ask someone at school, ask the the school, uh, what do they call the gym teacher?
00:13:50.789 --> 00:13:51.830
Ask the gym teacher.
00:13:51.990 --> 00:13:57.269
You know, you uh just you know, go to a school and say, Have you got any ideas for my five-year-old who hates sports?
00:13:57.430 --> 00:13:58.950
Gym teachers are pretty good at stuff like that.
00:13:59.029 --> 00:14:00.070
They might have ideas.
00:14:00.149 --> 00:14:04.789
Um, so yeah, you could even go out with him and just do calisthenics, like old-fashioned goofy stuff.
00:14:04.950 --> 00:14:06.310
Make it fun and goofy.
00:14:06.389 --> 00:14:08.230
And you could just be running around the park with him.
00:14:08.310 --> 00:14:11.110
You could do, I used to do the mini Olympics with my kids when they were little.
00:14:11.269 --> 00:14:14.070
We'd set up obstacle courses and do them in the house.
00:14:14.629 --> 00:14:15.590
Stupid things.
00:14:15.750 --> 00:14:18.629
Just dumb, you know, jumping through hoodle hoops, stuff like that.
00:14:18.710 --> 00:14:21.590
So yeah, you could set, you could do something with them just to keep them active.
00:14:21.750 --> 00:14:23.029
But yeah, ask a gym teacher.
00:14:23.110 --> 00:14:25.990
Say, have you got any ideas to get my kids started being active?
00:14:26.149 --> 00:14:26.549
Ask them.
00:14:26.629 --> 00:14:30.070
They might have something really, they might know of a program that's out there that you've never heard of.
00:14:30.310 --> 00:14:32.950
Okay, the next one is Amber from the United States.
00:14:33.110 --> 00:14:38.149
Or actually, I want to go back to that because I guess, yeah, you don't want to make them not like it and resent it growing up.
00:14:38.389 --> 00:14:43.190
No, you don't want to force them to play the sport that you loved growing up because they're not mini-you's, right?
00:14:43.269 --> 00:14:44.389
They're they're their own people.
00:14:44.549 --> 00:14:46.149
But you want to bring out what they enjoy.
00:14:46.230 --> 00:14:49.669
Like my daughter was a joiner, my son wasn't, but he still did something.
00:14:49.750 --> 00:14:55.830
Like I made him every semester he had to join something and he'd pick different things, try different stuff, but he's more like me.
00:14:55.909 --> 00:14:56.950
We're not real joiners.
00:14:57.110 --> 00:14:59.269
You're an obsessive, compulsive joiner.
00:14:59.509 --> 00:15:01.750
So she wanted to be an I had to hold her back.
00:15:01.909 --> 00:15:04.470
So it might just not be in his nature to be a joiner either.
00:15:04.629 --> 00:15:09.509
So it wasn't my son's, but he knew, you know, you just gotta join something, could be theater or you know, whatever.
00:15:09.590 --> 00:15:11.669
You gotta try something outside of school.
00:15:11.830 --> 00:15:13.029
So, and he did, you know.
00:15:13.190 --> 00:15:14.470
I think he played tennis too.
00:15:14.549 --> 00:15:17.430
He liked he ended up trying tennis and yeah, different things.
00:15:17.669 --> 00:15:19.750
I think this parent is focused on like a sport.
00:15:19.909 --> 00:15:22.310
Like, does it need to be a sport or just like no?
00:15:22.470 --> 00:15:26.389
And that's the thing is, you know, I was never into sports because I didn't like getting kicked and hit.
00:15:26.470 --> 00:15:27.669
I found they're just too aggressive.
00:15:27.750 --> 00:15:31.269
I don't like physical nastiness, and I found sports too scary for me.
00:15:31.430 --> 00:15:32.950
And my son didn't really like that either.
00:15:33.029 --> 00:15:34.310
He said, gee, they get aggressive.
00:15:34.389 --> 00:15:36.470
And yeah, we just don't like that physicality about it.
00:15:36.549 --> 00:15:40.149
So yeah, I was I'm really into fitness though, but I don't like sports.
00:15:40.310 --> 00:15:41.669
I don't like combat sports.
00:15:41.909 --> 00:15:43.350
Any sport to me is combat.
00:15:43.509 --> 00:15:47.110
So yeah, uh, it's not for me, and it's not for all kids either, okay?
00:15:47.269 --> 00:15:48.549
But I love physical fitness.
00:15:48.629 --> 00:15:52.789
He might, gymnastics is a good good example of that, or jujitsu, something like that.
00:15:53.029 --> 00:15:56.149
Where it's still active, but it's not competitive sports.
00:15:56.470 --> 00:15:57.750
Okay, we have one final question.
00:15:57.830 --> 00:16:01.509
So, Amber from the United States, I have a four and five-year-old, both boys.
00:16:01.590 --> 00:16:07.669
They learned a lot of bad behavior from two older children who cussing, hitting, being disrespectful, and not listening.
00:16:07.909 --> 00:16:09.830
If I could speak to you personally, that would be great.
00:16:09.909 --> 00:16:12.070
But how do I get them out of this bad behavior?
00:16:12.230 --> 00:16:15.350
They scream, cuss, throw, and hit me on a daily basis.
00:16:15.509 --> 00:16:18.710
They themselves fight to a point where they fight more than they play together.
00:16:18.870 --> 00:16:20.230
Please, how do I stop this?
00:16:20.470 --> 00:16:22.870
Okay, this has very little to do with them and it's you.
00:16:23.029 --> 00:16:27.750
Um, they're just f by the age of about three to three and a half, they carry your leadership umbrella everywhere.
00:16:27.909 --> 00:16:38.870
So if you're a really calm, uh loving leader, like you play with them, you know, in their world and you're really well connected with them and you know how to correct, okay, they they're not influenced by other people because you said other kids that influence them.
00:16:39.029 --> 00:16:46.629
They're not influential aside from you, okay, because they're they're your leadership is so strong in their life that they'll kind of come to you with everything.
00:16:46.789 --> 00:16:49.430
You're the one that they'll they'll they'll be guided by.
00:16:49.590 --> 00:16:54.950
You know, when you send your kids off to school, if you're not a leader, so you send your kids off to school or out in the playground, whatever.
00:16:55.110 --> 00:17:02.310
And if you're not a leader, they're gonna be very susceptible to bullying, peer pressure, um, you know, as they get older, drug dealing, or whatever.
00:17:02.389 --> 00:17:04.149
They're gonna be very susceptible to other people.
00:17:04.309 --> 00:17:06.950
But when you're a leader, they'll always come to you and tell you everything.
00:17:07.029 --> 00:17:09.109
And they're gonna kind of want to please you when they're little.
00:17:09.190 --> 00:17:11.990
And then when they're teenagers, they're they kind of want to please themselves.
00:17:12.069 --> 00:17:18.150
They kind of, you know, because they were raised with a leader, so therefore they have sort of a high self-esteem and they don't want to disappoint themselves either.
00:17:18.309 --> 00:17:20.230
So yeah, work on your leadership skills.
00:17:20.309 --> 00:17:21.349
It's not them, it's you.
00:17:21.589 --> 00:17:26.390
Parents always want to fix their kids, but it's just they're just a reflection of your lack of leadership or your leadership.
00:17:26.549 --> 00:17:28.069
So work on your leadership skills.
00:17:28.230 --> 00:17:31.910
You want them to look up to you and tell you everything, and you want to be their guiding light.
00:17:31.990 --> 00:17:34.710
You don't want those other kids' bad behavior to be their guiding light.
00:17:34.950 --> 00:17:37.349
Okay, well, that was everything for the questions.
00:17:37.589 --> 00:17:38.549
Okay, I think that's it.
00:17:38.630 --> 00:17:39.829
So it was power struggles.
00:17:39.990 --> 00:17:41.509
I've never done them with kids.
00:17:41.670 --> 00:17:43.670
Um, you know, I'm very careful what I say though.
00:17:43.750 --> 00:17:45.589
My expectations are very fair and reasonable.
00:17:45.750 --> 00:17:46.710
Be careful with that.
00:17:46.870 --> 00:17:56.150
And if you do want them to do something and you do have a combative kid who's gonna say no a lot, you say, I'll tell you what, I'm gonna give you five minutes to whatever, make your bed or whatever it is.
00:17:56.309 --> 00:18:00.870
And then if it's not done, just say, I'll tell you what, wasn't done in the five minutes, so you're gonna get a consequence.
00:18:01.029 --> 00:18:02.470
Just calmly follow through.
00:18:02.630 --> 00:18:09.509
And uh, they're gonna get mad because you weren't a leader before, and now all of a sudden you're trying to be a leader and they're gonna go, oh yeah, I'm gonna fight back.
00:18:09.670 --> 00:18:10.470
So that's okay.
00:18:10.549 --> 00:18:11.349
Just have the consequence.
00:18:11.509 --> 00:18:14.549
Remember, you got the backup consequence, the negative deprivation one.
00:18:14.710 --> 00:18:16.789
So that's the one that you need power over that.
00:18:16.870 --> 00:18:18.069
You need to be able to control that.
00:18:18.230 --> 00:18:26.710
So yeah, don't worry about the power struggles in that if, well, in other words, you don't want to win them all the time, um, especially with young kids, but be careful what you say.
00:18:26.950 --> 00:18:28.710
Be careful what you're struggling over.
00:18:28.870 --> 00:18:33.109
Too many parents just one day they'll be really slack, the next day, do this, do that.
00:18:33.269 --> 00:18:41.750
I told you, you know, they get like, they have like all this energy for all this toughness and this authority one day, the next day they're pleaser parents and they go back and forth, back and forth.
00:18:41.910 --> 00:18:43.750
That's why we do one behavior board at a time.
00:18:43.829 --> 00:18:49.109
Just focus on one behavior or one chore that you want them to do in one week, and then the second week bring on another one.
00:18:49.269 --> 00:18:53.109
But yeah, your leadership is really the guiding light with all this.
00:18:53.190 --> 00:18:54.789
It'll keep them in check when they're little.
00:18:54.870 --> 00:18:57.269
And as teenagers, they're gonna tell you everything.
00:18:57.430 --> 00:18:57.750
Okay.
00:18:58.309 --> 00:18:59.430
So is that it?
00:18:59.670 --> 00:19:00.549
I think that's everything.
00:19:00.789 --> 00:19:04.069
Okay, thanks for joining us back again soon with another parenting topic.
00:19:04.230 --> 00:19:05.509
Happy parenting.
00:19:05.990 --> 00:19:07.190
Thanks for tuning in.
00:19:07.349 --> 00:19:15.509
If you're ready to dive deeper, check out Bratbusters.com to learn more about the behavior board, parenting courses, and private one-on-one coaching with Lisa.
00:19:15.670 --> 00:19:22.150
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The information provided in this podcast is for general informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional advice.
00:19:32.549 --> 00:19:35.269
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00:19:35.430 --> 00:19:37.910
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00:19:38.230 --> 00:19:42.470
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