Melania

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Welcome to bonding i'm troy bond and if you were here to watch the melania movie
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you're in the wrong it's impossible because you would have killed yourself there's
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so much to talk about and i'm gonna forget about most of it because i have the
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attention span of the dog from up,
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i did see the melania movie though last week and because i have the the regal
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or i did have the regale paths then i lose my debit card i lose my debit card
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probably 15 times a year if not more
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sometimes i'll get a new card in the mail and i'll throw it out just because
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it's like when old people get out of jail and they don't know how to live on
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the outside i don't know how to live
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with a card even though cash is pretty obsolete i feel homeless every time i
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pay with cash with something the only place you can pay for cash is sex which
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even most sex workers take apple pay now or.
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Buying a dollar pizza slice but that comes at the risk of diarrhea
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but what in life doesn't if you're not risking diarrhea
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three times a week what's the point of even buying new
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underwear you just and i would hold i still have a pair of underwear i had when
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i was 13 i wore it the first ever talent show i performed at this was 2009 it
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was i was doing a jackson 5 medley with a bunch of,
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female backup dancers probably the only time in my life i've
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had women dance with me and i was wearing these black dress pants with half
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of them were gold because i couldn't afford the shin guards he would wear so
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they were like half gold half black and i did a move between rock and robin
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and stop the love you save and i split my pants from the crotch all the way up to the button,
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and i was terrified when i first started because i was like 17 no i was i was
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13 i think i was 13 yeah i was 13 and we rehearsed for like i want to say seven
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months and i wasn't nervous to be.
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Dancing in front of my classmates i was
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nervous to be in front of that many people and the only time i
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was ever nervous on stage was when those curtains opened up and
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it was just the entire middle school middle
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schoolers are notoriously forgiving and there's
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these teachers who are making 35 000 a year had to jump start their car with
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two jumper cables and one of their husband's nipples 40 of these kids were gonna
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turn out to be addicted to pills because we were overachievers and they'll get to Connecticut.
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One of the students went to jail the next day for drinking a beer in eighth grade.
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And I remember being like, oh, I'm never going to drink alcohol ever in my life.
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And seeing that sea of 300 people, 400 people, however many are in a middle school, I can't tell.
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I was like, oh, shit, I want to run now. But then the music started playing
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and I was like, well, I guess I can't go nowhere.
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So that's why I'm not really too afraid when I'm on stage.
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When you tour, it's so crazy because social media is so fickle.
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And you can have hundreds of thousands of followers, but your life is dictated
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by how many tickets you sell.
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So like there's one weekend where you'll sell over a thousand tickets and you're
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like, yeah, this is everything I wanted.
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Then you'll go like when I went to Charleston, South Carolina last June.
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I was like, I'd love to go to Charleston, South Carolina. Wits end.
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Great club. Heard nothing but great things. Had a great time.
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Did not sell that many tickets. And this was in June of that time.
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And I was like, man, the only thing that could make this worse is if Charlie
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Kirk got shot and I didn't wait long enough to tweet about it.
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And I don't know why I said that so specifically. And this was in June,
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too. What an odd thing to say.
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But anyway, I saw the Melania movie, a place where I knew there wouldn't be
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a shooting because it was just me and one other person. And the other person
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was an employee there who was taking a nap.
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And that movie cost like 70 million, 40 million, I think, to make.
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Or Amazon bought the rights for $40 million. It made $8 million at the box office
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for a movie about former escort turned Epstein trafficker turned first lady turned.
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Worst mid-duolingo lesson I've ever seen in my life. It's not that I hate Melania Trump.
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It's just that I don't want her to be in the spotlight so much anymore,
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Brian. I mean, what is she even famous for?
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What are you famous for? Oh, you let an obese man squirt in your belly and then
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he turned around and got it on with Stormy Daniels.
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That's got to be quite a thing for your confidence.
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You know, at least Stormy got the milk for free.
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You let the whole cow by you yes you did
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you you you dirty dirty slovenian girl
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yes look at babin trump that boy is
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gonna grow up to be fucking evil have you
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seen priest slender man he's like seven and a
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half feet tall you never hear him speak because he
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has his mommy's accent you never hear him speak i've
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seen one video of him with trump driving listening to taylor swift that's sort
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of part of the enigma of this guy is i think trump was like supposed to in my
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head the he wanted to lose in 2016 because,
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he has incredible power to see things before this is
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before the dementia kicked in and i think him running for president expedited
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his dementia because he could have had another 10 good years and
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he was already a horrible racist person and given what we know about the epstein
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files now this is the stuff that they were keeping oh damn i just knocked over
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my spider-man but i found an sd card oh that's good you know what not every
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not every not everything you lose is a loss we know now how far back the epstein
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files go and but my point was.
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Without knowing any of that, and much of that might not have ever came to light,
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had Trump just taken over for Wendy Williams when the time was right?
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That's what I think he was born to do.
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I think he hates every moment of being president, and I think he misses reality
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TV so goddamn much, and I think his brand was in the toilet because who the
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fuck was talking about anything other than Donald Trump's hair in 2016?
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He had a brief moment of relevancy during all the birther stuff,
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but truthfully, he loved pop culture.
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He loved talking about he was saying they keep making all these movies you can't do it,
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you can't have it he just wanted to be in Trump Tower sitting in his diaper
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in his steaming pile of Trump shit talking about Katy Perry and Russell Crowe.
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Getting divorced and being racist toward the
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Obamas why was everyone so surprised when he
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tweeted out that video that was AI that's honestly
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why he loves AI so much because that's old people shit old
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people love ai and child
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predators and he fits both of the criteria everyone's
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also acting like he's professor snape and i
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didn't get that far into harry potter because i'm not a
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fucking pussy but in harry
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potter from what i know snape was always kind of a dick and everyone thought
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he was the villain to like the last book which i don't know what what the last
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book is because my dad threw it at me he threw one of them at me i forget because
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it was pretty damn hard and it was an accident.
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What I told the social worker, the one where Dumbledore died,
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that's the one that he threw at me.
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So I kind of stopped reading after that. I never really kept up with the movies.
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But from what I know, Snape was a guy who was always a dick in the movies.
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Alan Rickman, Harry Potter.
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That is him. There would be no Mexicans in my classroom.
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I could go Excarnia Liviosa in the middle of Fifth Avenue, and I wouldn't lose
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any voters, Harry Potter.
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I want to bang your mother, Harry Potter, so I will take it out on you. Snape was a Death Eater.
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I think that's what they were called, the Voldemort followers,
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who was in love with Harry's mom and he just kind of like cucked her from afar
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and when she died and Harry's dad died, I think Harry's dad's name was Hakim.
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When he died Snape was like there to protect Harry and he was like a double
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agent for the Death Eaters and then when the time came Snape sucked his dick
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or whatever and ended up being a good guy all along I forget but like they're
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trying to say Trump was Snape in what fucking world do you live in?
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Not even the ones where you have to use the gender assigned bathroom of Hogwarts that J.K.
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Rowling created could come up with some bullshit like that like Trump was the
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Snape And the Death Eaters were the elites that were at the sex parties that he went to.
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And he sucked Bill Clinton's dick to save the kids. Fuck no.
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At some point, you have to admit that the swamp you wanted to drain,
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he was only there to deeper enrich himself into it.
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He doesn't give a fuck about you or those kids or the alleged one that he drowned
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in Lake Michigan or his own family.
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He maybe cares about his daughter, Ivanka. That's it.
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The rest of them he could give a fuck about. He buried his ex-wife on a golf course.
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Snape wouldn't do no shit like that. Also, their walks are very different.
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Trump walked like he got to shit himself.
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Self snape walks like he's trying to show off his bob i wish i knew harry potter
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enough to compare him to an actual character that was in those movies oh you
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know who he is trump is the guy
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in the first harry potter movie that had voldemore all up in his head and shit
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right i forget what the guy's name is but he wore something on his head and
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then at the end of the movie he unwrapped it and turned out that the bigger
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monster was behind him and in this case trump is the guy unwrapping the shit
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on his head and the bigger guy behind him was Jeffrey Epstein.
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Like, it's amazing to me that a lot of these conspiracy theories that we've
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been hearing about for years, that part's not amazing to me that they're turning out to be true.
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It's amazing to me that you have morons who hold their pencil like this,
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able to connect the dots for something as innocuous as Pizzagate, which,
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knowing what we know now, it's very likely that John Podesta was the guy who
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a lot of people think he is, but had nothing to do with Pizzagate.
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Comet Pizza ended up being a safe space that people in D.C. could go to.
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And then a lunatic with a gun ruined it. But the community slowly built it back.
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You're able to do these guess who's.
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And so many of your conspiracy theories sound like somebody who somebody that
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escaped a sane asylum and snorted half a gram of cocaine and then sat down to write a Mad Lib.
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That's what they sound like. I had crazier creative writing exercises when I
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was in middle school getting molested than a lot of what these people write through.
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And like, there is literally a cabal written by Eric, who's the most evil people
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on the planet are a part of.
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And Donald Trump's name is mentioned in the Epstein files more times than Harry
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Potter is mentioned in the first Harry Potter book.
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And you are, you're turning a goddamn daredevil eye to what's in front of you.
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He needs to be hung along with everybody else who was on those lists.
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Honey, man, there's not even anything funny to say about it anymore.
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It's just like i don't know just bad reminds me of when sandy hook happened
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and you expected some level of gun control to happen then but then they were
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like no man we can justify letting a few.
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Parents having to return their receipts right before christmas we don't give
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a fuck about these kids i had to watch pam bondy the attorney general at her
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hearing yesterday which is just like the embodiment of somebody who is at a
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applebee's and they the the keeps returning the fajitas because they're not sizzling enough.
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One of my top 10 least favorite phrases of all time to hear people say is go, how dare you?
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Cause I fucking did bitch. That's why that's all Pam body could say during these hearings yesterday.
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That for cinnamon Hitler, because that's what she was putting on that real show for.
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She need, I mean, like her and cash Patel look like they've seen the Epstein
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files. Look at cash's face.
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That's a dude who has seen his boss do horrible shit. to children.
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And Pam Bondi has the attitude as somebody who knows that she's protecting those very people.
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And in the words of Phil Leotardo, he should fucking die. I don't know. They're all villains.
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I guess the good thing about this is like people are nakedly being racist like Megyn Kelly.
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I was watching her on on Pierce Morgan.
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Don't ask me why. Pierce Morgan, also in the files.
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Bitch about the Super Bowl. which i gotta say was the greatest one of the greatest
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halftimes i've seen in years loved kendrick's too i'm not pitting them against
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each other i'm just saying like compared to that and,
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i haven't even watched the turning point halftime for funsies although it's
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increasingly looking like erica probably had her husband popped off and i never
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thought i'd say this but i'm starting to feel bad for the guy if what i read
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was true which is that he left everything in his will that He revised very briefly right before he died,
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saying his kids get everything and Erica doesn't get a dime unless she could
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prove infidelity, which means Charlie's gay ass was suspecting something.
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And I mean gay in the literal sense, because I've read some of the texts that
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he sent to Candace Owens, and I don't know too many dudes that get that excited over Nicki Minaj.
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Although if he knew what Nicki was doing now, he would be all,
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this one's for the boys with the boomer systems.
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Yeah, it's looking more, if I were to put on my conspiracy hat,
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I would say Erica was sleeping with JD and they paid the same guy who did Trump,
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except this time the guy was paid to do the job and Trump got that,
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or Charlie got that ultimate fade and JD then went and got his wife knocked
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up because he had to cover his tracks after getting some ass.
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That's just my thinking, that's my conspiracy theory of the week,
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I can't back it up with nothing, that's just me talking recklessly out of my ass.
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Let's go to some questions, shall we? Let's see what you guys asked this week.
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There was a lot of great questions.
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Last week there's a lot of great interaction we
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had this week let's see oh that was
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me opening my alternate instagram page let's go
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to oh wow see this is why i don't check i accidentally
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just open my messages on instagram and i never do that
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because it could be pretty terrible and that
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was a death threat from someone who found my old stand-up
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clips not old i posted a couple of weeks ago but the amount of
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people who just be like man i will rip your dick off i'm
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like jesus christ Christ why why do you start there one time somebody in like
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2010 commented on my on my YouTube channel they were like I'm gonna eat your
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dog and cut it up with slices of tomato and I was just like Jesus Christmas
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why does that still stick with me 13 years later okay.
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How did I celebrate my 30th and did the book suck? Actually,
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Chloe, I have the book right up here on my shelf.
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I have not gotten the chance to read it yet, but it is up there.
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I have a lot of books I got to get through. How did I celebrate my 30th? What did I do?
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My brother came over, which was amazing. Logan. Shout out Logan Bond.
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He's putting out some music right now.
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I think there are a lot of cover of Creed songs, but he'll get to the good stuff when time comes.
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He has an incredible voice for someone who has such an intense case of CTE.
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And the biggest thing i did was i went to see the dark
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night on a rooftop it was cool new york has like this indoor theater
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but it's outside it's on a rooftop
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hence the name rooftop theater and
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it was like minus 12 degrees but it was
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insulated on the inside and i haven't seen the dark night in theaters in
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forever i've probably seen it 3 000 times but i haven't seen
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it in a theater so i wasn't able to like stop everyone
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and tell them the facts that i probably
00:16:15.393 --> 00:16:18.573
already told them last time i was watching it and i had a nice little
00:16:18.573 --> 00:16:21.413
it wasn't it was a very fruity drink but i
00:16:21.413 --> 00:16:24.673
had like three of them bitches and i thought i
00:16:24.673 --> 00:16:27.653
was gonna wake up when i was 31 it was amazing now i
00:16:27.653 --> 00:16:32.293
gotta be a man i gotta do shit seriously like make sure my replica lightsabers
00:16:32.293 --> 00:16:35.653
are displayed next to my bottoming side because that's the duality of troy bond
00:16:35.653 --> 00:16:41.933
he has the force and possibly autism coolest star wars toy or action figure
00:16:41.933 --> 00:16:46.433
you had growing up that's a great question because there have been many through the years.
00:16:47.563 --> 00:16:51.823
The first one that comes to mind was, there were these, first of all,
00:16:51.883 --> 00:16:53.823
I grew up in the best era of Star Wars toys.
00:16:53.983 --> 00:17:00.063
I was born in 96, the prequels came out in 99, and every single year after that,
00:17:00.203 --> 00:17:06.383
it was just nothing but Star Wars mania on the shelves, right up to when Revenge of the Sith came out.
00:17:06.483 --> 00:17:10.783
And actually, when they did Force Friday in 2015, which was when there used
00:17:10.783 --> 00:17:14.303
to be a Toys R Us in Times Square. If you've ever visited New York, you've probably gone.
00:17:14.423 --> 00:17:16.683
It's the one with the giant Ferris wheel that was in the middle of it.
00:17:16.683 --> 00:17:18.063
I think now it's a methadone clinic.
00:17:18.523 --> 00:17:22.543
But back then, like you could go, you could get punched by a guy dressed like Spider-Man.
00:17:22.743 --> 00:17:26.543
You could pay thousands of dollars in up sales for a Lego.
00:17:26.803 --> 00:17:30.423
There was a giant Captain Rex. It was super cool. But I went for Force Friday,
00:17:31.143 --> 00:17:32.523
moved a bunch of kids out of the way.
00:17:32.663 --> 00:17:35.523
I got like this Kylo Ren lightsaber. I got a bunch of legacy figures.
00:17:36.083 --> 00:17:40.163
When I was a kid, the hot ticket item, every kid wanted a lightsaber.
00:17:40.283 --> 00:17:45.603
And there were so many different variations of lightsabers. You had the clip-up, the clip flip-up ones.
00:17:46.183 --> 00:17:50.163
You had the electronic ones yet i always wanted one of these it's probably why
00:17:50.163 --> 00:17:53.523
i have so many of them now because my dad never let me get them when i was a
00:17:53.523 --> 00:17:56.683
kid because he was right when he said all i would do is flip it around and play
00:17:56.683 --> 00:18:00.923
with them so this one is obi-wan and this one right here is darth vare both
00:18:00.923 --> 00:18:05.103
both replicas i probably have about 13 more in my in my bedroom.
00:18:06.803 --> 00:18:09.663
The coolest lightsaber and it was on
00:18:09.663 --> 00:18:12.783
the market for like a year i remember but it was
00:18:12.783 --> 00:18:15.743
spring lotus so you could just flip it up and then it was
00:18:15.743 --> 00:18:19.423
amazing my brothers used to beat the fuck out of each other with it and there
00:18:19.423 --> 00:18:22.883
was also this toy that came out when wrench of the sith came out which was a
00:18:22.883 --> 00:18:27.503
anakin skywalker doll but it came with darth vader's clothes so like some days
00:18:27.503 --> 00:18:30.883
you wanted to be anakin some days you wanted to be darth vader you can mix match
00:18:30.883 --> 00:18:35.103
however you wanted it to be it's probably offended in my multiple personality the disorder.
00:18:36.365 --> 00:18:40.445
If you were a white politician, what would my controversy be?
00:18:40.705 --> 00:18:43.985
Oh, dog, white collar crime. I've always wanted to do that, but I've never been
00:18:43.985 --> 00:18:46.825
in this position of power. No one's ever taken me seriously enough.
00:18:47.125 --> 00:18:49.865
But I've always wanted to commit white collar crime.
00:18:50.605 --> 00:18:52.545
Just like, because I know I wouldn't go to jail.
00:18:53.585 --> 00:18:56.945
I guess Elizabeth Holmes went to jail, but that was for a lot of different reasons.
00:18:57.125 --> 00:18:58.805
She was the first one that came to mind.
00:18:59.725 --> 00:19:05.045
I think about that guy. I think he was the governor of Virginia who did blackface.
00:19:05.445 --> 00:19:07.565
And he said like he was in a Michael Jackson costume.
00:19:08.405 --> 00:19:11.925
I don't think I'll ever get in a blackface scandal. I think I'm allowed to do
00:19:11.925 --> 00:19:14.885
it. But I think Drake did it and he got in trouble too.
00:19:15.945 --> 00:19:21.805
Yeah, it would be that. I'd probably try to enrich myself in Congress or something.
00:19:22.985 --> 00:19:25.545
Yeah, that's what I would go with. I'd want to be a white collar criminal.
00:19:25.805 --> 00:19:29.765
Do I collect Legos? Fuck no, I'll tell you why. Legos piss me off.
00:19:30.485 --> 00:19:34.305
Legos are like, to me,
00:19:35.045 --> 00:19:38.105
a seafood boil right i see everyone else
00:19:38.105 --> 00:19:40.845
enjoying them i see people lose their minds over them they
00:19:40.845 --> 00:19:43.745
go crazy for them there's so many different parts i'm like how could
00:19:43.745 --> 00:19:47.925
i not enjoy something like this and then i try it and then i want to kill myself
00:19:47.925 --> 00:19:52.985
like i have collected action figures i've collected comic books i've collected
00:19:52.985 --> 00:19:57.865
regular books i've collected movies i've tried collecting legos they make it
00:19:57.865 --> 00:20:01.745
out of the box i try for like i guess i just don't have the patience for them but like,
00:20:02.485 --> 00:20:05.405
it's like puzzles i understand why
00:20:05.405 --> 00:20:08.525
people get into them and i think legos are beautiful once they're constructed just
00:20:08.525 --> 00:20:11.425
have never been able to get into them i've played every lego star wars game
00:20:11.425 --> 00:20:17.985
that's the shit but lego legos like harry potter legos star wars legos indiana
00:20:17.985 --> 00:20:22.465
jones legos mega blocks i fuck with and i love like people have given me gifts
00:20:22.465 --> 00:20:26.405
of legos before and those ones i really try to put together and i have someone
00:20:26.405 --> 00:20:31.045
gave me a beautiful slave one boba fett starship it's black history month my bad.
00:20:32.404 --> 00:20:36.704
People have given me completed Legos. My friend Reggie gave me this Y-Wing that
00:20:36.704 --> 00:20:39.424
was super rare a few years ago. I still have that put together.
00:20:39.644 --> 00:20:42.144
Love them. For me. For me.
00:20:42.904 --> 00:20:45.864
It's just not my thing. But I'm trying to get into them, man.
00:20:46.084 --> 00:20:48.764
Although this new Smartbrick thing looks dumb as hell.
00:20:49.424 --> 00:20:52.044
Like, I don't understand how they can put out the Lego Death Star.
00:20:52.884 --> 00:20:56.004
Which a lot of people complained about because it's only half of the Death Star.
00:20:56.164 --> 00:20:58.404
But, like, they already gave you a full Death Star a few years ago.
00:20:59.224 --> 00:21:02.144
And I thought that was pretty cool. i want to make either death
00:21:02.144 --> 00:21:05.544
star i would make either lego death star the play
00:21:05.544 --> 00:21:08.624
sets look really fun i would like a play set like the
00:21:08.624 --> 00:21:12.044
death star the star destroyer looks really cool i
00:21:12.044 --> 00:21:14.984
got my manager for her birthday last year the lego daily
00:21:14.984 --> 00:21:17.784
bugle and she's still working on that and that's the thing like
00:21:17.784 --> 00:21:20.524
i don't know where i'm gonna keep it i live
00:21:20.524 --> 00:21:24.024
in a new york city apartment every time somebody farts i feel a little bit more
00:21:24.024 --> 00:21:27.964
cramped like i already have so much shin in here i don't know where i'm gonna
00:21:27.964 --> 00:21:32.584
keep a i'll find a place if you recommend me good legos you recommend me good
00:21:32.584 --> 00:21:35.004
lego shrek i'm gonna find a good lego right i don't want to be stepping on that
00:21:35.004 --> 00:21:37.724
motherfucker because that hurt every time i step on a lego it hurts shrek it
00:21:37.724 --> 00:21:39.544
hurt me a lot if you were arranging,
00:21:40.244 --> 00:21:44.164
if you were arranging in the 1300s what
00:21:44.164 --> 00:21:49.504
kind of dragon would you be and why i don't know too many dragons to be honest
00:21:49.504 --> 00:21:53.084
with you my brother i know the ones from game of thrones i forgot what their
00:21:53.084 --> 00:22:01.584
names were scaly fiery and hakeem those are the three dragons game of thrones i would want to be.
00:22:02.624 --> 00:22:06.764
I'd want to be the dragon that had a family with donkey and shrek because that's
00:22:06.764 --> 00:22:10.904
the only dragon fc happy have a happy ending to be honest with you spaghetti
00:22:10.904 --> 00:22:17.204
or meat what kind of question i mean it's it's technically a question eli naha
00:22:17.204 --> 00:22:19.584
i gotta start saying people's names when they ask me these questions.
00:22:20.890 --> 00:22:26.190
I can eat spaghetti every day of my life. I could eat, I'd want it to be my
00:22:26.190 --> 00:22:29.830
last meal in prison so I could stab one of the guards with a fork and make a
00:22:29.830 --> 00:22:32.330
run forward to the nearest Olive Garden and eat more spaghetti.
00:22:33.390 --> 00:22:36.550
I'm trying to eat less meat. I'm down like once a week.
00:22:37.590 --> 00:22:41.950
I had chicken wings last week for the Super Bowl and I forgot I wasn't eating
00:22:41.950 --> 00:22:46.070
meat and I felt like I was carrying a dead baby for three days.
00:22:47.210 --> 00:22:50.410
Spaghetti I could eat every day of the week. fettuccine baked ziti lasagna
00:22:50.410 --> 00:22:53.550
linguine rigatoni all of
00:22:53.550 --> 00:22:56.390
it first time i watched sopranos i think i gained like 10 pounds
00:22:56.390 --> 00:22:59.590
because i thought i was italian and i was eating spaghetti three times a week also
00:22:59.590 --> 00:23:03.730
living in this apartment in queens that had no floor sometimes i
00:23:03.730 --> 00:23:08.530
sound like a toddler when i'm over sharing fuck mary kill size noodles count
00:23:08.530 --> 00:23:14.290
duke who are jar jar binks all right this is pretty easy you gotta fuck size
00:23:14.290 --> 00:23:19.590
noodles because she has the lips and those lips are the lips and her movements
00:23:19.590 --> 00:23:21.790
are based off of mc jagger look it up.
00:23:23.681 --> 00:23:28.381
I'd kill Jar Jar because, let's be honest, who wouldn't after a few minutes
00:23:28.381 --> 00:23:30.661
of being around that noise?
00:23:31.341 --> 00:23:35.901
And I love Jar Jar. And I would marry Count Dooku for his wealth.
00:23:36.081 --> 00:23:41.481
What if I told you the government was now under the protection of Darth Lord
00:23:41.481 --> 00:23:44.341
of the Sith called Darth Syphilis?
00:23:44.581 --> 00:23:47.621
I don't believe you. He came to me for help.
00:23:48.261 --> 00:23:53.841
You must join me, Obi-Wan. And together, we can destroy the Republican Party.
00:23:54.401 --> 00:23:58.241
It may be difficult to secure the release of the Epstein files, Obi-Wan.
00:23:59.141 --> 00:24:03.661
It is obvious that we cannot... It is obvious this contest cannot be decided
00:24:03.661 --> 00:24:09.221
by our knowledge of the Epstein files, but by our skills with our brainless supporters.
00:24:10.361 --> 00:24:18.521
Hmm, Count Joku. Master Yoda, you have interfered with us releasing Epstein files for the last time.
00:24:18.521 --> 00:24:21.701
Much you learn you still
00:24:21.701 --> 00:24:24.781
have hmm powerful you have become dooku
00:24:24.781 --> 00:24:28.001
hmm the epstein files
00:24:28.001 --> 00:24:36.101
i sense in you idf son or ice daughter goddamn kill them both kill them both
00:24:36.101 --> 00:24:41.441
sign the wife up for boxing classes do at-home training walk on her back while
00:24:41.441 --> 00:24:42.961
she's on her stomach fuck them
00:24:42.961 --> 00:24:47.221
both yeah I would get in trouble For saying that But I don't really care,
00:24:48.201 --> 00:24:54.161
What does being in love Feel like for you I asked my mom this A few months A
00:24:54.161 --> 00:24:57.721
few years ago It might have been A few months ago I don't know I smoke a lot
00:24:57.721 --> 00:25:00.001
of weed And she encapsulated it The best.
00:25:01.201 --> 00:25:06.001
Although she is divorced So Might want to rethink that But it was beautiful
00:25:06.001 --> 00:25:08.941
advice She said to me I said mom How do you know If you're in love with someone
00:25:08.941 --> 00:25:12.001
And she said When it hurts To not be around them.
00:25:13.581 --> 00:25:18.741
That hit me the hardest. That's what I think about. Because there's many different degrees of it.
00:25:18.981 --> 00:25:20.041
You can love someone. You can
00:25:20.041 --> 00:25:22.481
be in love with a person. You can love someone and be in love with them.
00:25:23.561 --> 00:25:29.481
It feels to me like nothing else matters.
00:25:29.981 --> 00:25:34.341
Right? Like, there's a great song by Whitney Houston, My Love Is Your Love.
00:25:34.461 --> 00:25:39.441
That's the best embodiment of when it's at its purest and when it's true.
00:25:39.741 --> 00:25:45.361
And I think, like, when you catch yourself being weird or stepping outside of
00:25:45.361 --> 00:25:49.141
your comfort zone or unmasking and are not showing a part of you that you would generally like,
00:25:50.061 --> 00:25:55.021
and that it's just the norm with that person and you don't feel that emotional
00:25:55.021 --> 00:25:57.301
hangover, that's really a sweep.
00:25:59.121 --> 00:26:03.761
It's hard for me not to get emotional because the person I love is sitting right in the other room.
00:26:04.661 --> 00:26:07.541
Luckily, she's working and she doesn't hear me. Oh, no, she hears me.
00:26:08.301 --> 00:26:12.381
Would you vote for Gavin Newsom in a 2020 presidential election?
00:26:12.741 --> 00:26:13.881
Election. Why or why not?
00:26:14.381 --> 00:26:19.401
I would rather shoot myself in the balls with a Revolutionary War style rifle
00:26:19.401 --> 00:26:22.981
than vote for Gavin Newsom in the 2028 election. And I'll tell you why.
00:26:23.081 --> 00:26:26.341
That is the worst fucking idea for the Democratic Party. And it's exactly what
00:26:26.341 --> 00:26:27.361
they're going to fucking do.
00:26:28.261 --> 00:26:31.781
Oh, Jesus Christmas. It would be hilarious because Trump Jr.
00:26:32.141 --> 00:26:36.901
Is dating his ex-wife, the artist formerly known as Kimberly Guilfoyle's face.
00:26:37.661 --> 00:26:39.181
It is...
00:26:39.976 --> 00:26:44.316
Gavin Newsom is an establishment Democrat that was smart enough to get a bunch
00:26:44.316 --> 00:26:48.856
of Gen Z fresh out of college interns to run his social media platform.
00:26:49.076 --> 00:26:52.596
And the only reason people find him anywhere near worthy of governance is because
00:26:52.596 --> 00:26:55.616
he sometimes swears and he claps back at Trump the way he wants to be.
00:26:55.716 --> 00:26:59.136
Now, I do believe Gavin Newsom is out for blood and is crazy enough to want
00:26:59.136 --> 00:27:01.256
Republicans, but he takes APAC money.
00:27:01.396 --> 00:27:04.696
He can't accept the fact that he takes APAC money. He just goes,
00:27:04.776 --> 00:27:05.556
oh, that's very interesting.
00:27:05.656 --> 00:27:07.556
Very interesting you bring that up. I haven't brought that up in a long time
00:27:07.556 --> 00:27:08.856
shut up you bradley cooper
00:27:08.856 --> 00:27:11.656
looking motherfucking con man used to be cool
00:27:11.656 --> 00:27:14.796
the fact that you did cocaine and you slept with your campaign manager's wife
00:27:14.796 --> 00:27:20.776
that was cool now look at you i'm tired of this both sidesism i can't play both
00:27:20.776 --> 00:27:25.076
sides with somebody who advocates who advocates for the right for a woman not
00:27:25.076 --> 00:27:27.816
to be able to choose what they want to do with their body because guess what
00:27:27.816 --> 00:27:33.116
and hispanics are learning this lesson right now look at valentina gomez down in Texas,
00:27:33.216 --> 00:27:36.456
who ran in Missouri and then got fucking booted.
00:27:36.556 --> 00:27:39.696
So then she carpetbacks her way to Texas running as a Republican.
00:27:39.696 --> 00:27:43.176
And even the Republicans are like, me, no, speak at the Taco Bell because they
00:27:43.176 --> 00:27:46.116
fucking hate you. Voting for Trump isn't going to make you wait.
00:27:46.616 --> 00:27:50.016
Fuck, why'd I start off on this rant? But everything I said was accurate. Newsom.
00:27:50.736 --> 00:27:54.516
Newsom sat down with Kirk in exchange for ideas, debate, whatever. It's fine.
00:27:54.996 --> 00:27:58.636
I get it. A lot of people debated with Kirk. Hassan sat down and debated with
00:27:58.636 --> 00:28:01.156
Kirk. It's not that I lose respect for him. It's I just can't stand...
00:28:02.571 --> 00:28:04.331
I remember when Trump was in
00:28:04.331 --> 00:28:06.971
California during the wildfires and they were just kind of hand in hand.
00:28:07.091 --> 00:28:13.271
I don't get an... It's just there's so many other candidates that don't reek of politician.
00:28:13.931 --> 00:28:16.831
And I'm lucky enough to live in Zora, Mom Donnie's, New York City,
00:28:16.871 --> 00:28:20.211
so I know what it looks like when an outsider takes on the politician and wins.
00:28:20.631 --> 00:28:26.191
The first ever election I voted for, Bernie Sanders, and I lost and the fire never went away.
00:28:26.331 --> 00:28:29.951
I think Gavin Newsom will be detrimental to the Democratic Party.
00:28:29.951 --> 00:28:33.851
I'm also saying this as a leftist who think there should be way more candidates
00:28:33.851 --> 00:28:37.571
who don't take this corporate money, who are in it for the working class people,
00:28:37.671 --> 00:28:41.271
who are going to stick it to the 1%, not the ones that are parting with them in Calabasas.
00:28:41.371 --> 00:28:43.251
I'm sorry. I just, Gavin Newsom is not my guy.
00:28:43.931 --> 00:28:46.491
If she didn't pull the shit that she did with Bernie in 2020,
00:28:46.711 --> 00:28:49.271
although I might be able to forgive her once I start to see the playing field
00:28:49.271 --> 00:28:50.371
because it's not looking good.
00:28:50.731 --> 00:28:53.951
Elizabeth Warren, I would really like to see somewhat of her caliber.
00:28:55.091 --> 00:28:58.031
It's obvious that the democrats are either going to take the house or
00:28:58.031 --> 00:29:01.051
the senate possibly both although very unlikely in
00:29:01.051 --> 00:29:03.871
november unless trump nationalizes the elections and
00:29:03.871 --> 00:29:06.871
there are no elections which is very possible too
00:29:06.871 --> 00:29:09.651
i just think we could do a lot better than gavin
00:29:09.651 --> 00:29:12.471
newsom he can't even govern his own state i think
00:29:12.471 --> 00:29:15.311
his initiative behind electric vehicles was very good for the country and
00:29:15.311 --> 00:29:18.051
honestly it's going to be like joe biden when
00:29:18.051 --> 00:29:20.991
in 2020 2019 when i sat here
00:29:20.991 --> 00:29:23.771
until was blue in the face and said i'm not gonna vote for joe biden and
00:29:23.771 --> 00:29:26.471
then i had to end up voting for joe biden so if i end up having to vote for
00:29:26.471 --> 00:29:29.331
gavin newsom and he loses i'm gonna have the
00:29:29.331 --> 00:29:32.531
i told you so metal for the thousandth time and i'm so tired
00:29:32.531 --> 00:29:36.051
of being right all the time but dear god anyone but gavin newsom please and
00:29:36.051 --> 00:29:39.831
please kamala please please go back into the woods with hillary because nobody
00:29:39.831 --> 00:29:46.131
wants you either i did in 2024 when you were the best of a bad situation can
00:29:46.131 --> 00:29:49.411
i not vote for the lesser of two evils for once in my lifetime no probably not
00:29:49.411 --> 00:29:50.371
because i don't have $100 million,
00:29:50.711 --> 00:29:52.971
you don't have $100 million. So it's got to come from somewhere.
00:29:53.711 --> 00:29:59.391
Do I know any female wrestlers besides Rhea Ripley, Machine Gun Maddie?
00:29:59.491 --> 00:30:01.711
That's a good name. Chyna comes to mind,
00:30:02.734 --> 00:30:05.674
I don't really know too many more. My dad was an amateur pro wrestler when I
00:30:05.674 --> 00:30:09.394
was growing up. Not that that would be why I would know so many female wrestlers.
00:30:09.574 --> 00:30:12.494
I mean, I watch WWE and everything, but I don't really know that many.
00:30:12.674 --> 00:30:15.674
I should go to more female wrestling shows.
00:30:17.194 --> 00:30:20.194
Brad, what are you going to do? What are you going to do?
00:30:22.134 --> 00:30:25.474
Great shout out from the Royal Brunei concert, Aiden.
00:30:26.334 --> 00:30:29.234
Am I aware about the massacre that happened in Iran?
00:30:29.254 --> 00:30:37.594
I don't know too much about it. I know the broad strokes of the situation, and I know that the U.S.
00:30:37.694 --> 00:30:42.574
Is thinking about doing what it always does, which meddle things up where we shouldn't.
00:30:42.654 --> 00:30:47.914
I know that there are many protesters fighting against the government,
00:30:47.914 --> 00:30:50.474
and the government is straight up slaughtering its civilians.
00:30:50.474 --> 00:30:56.354
And I'm ignorant to the rest of the plight and I need to do better and learn
00:30:56.354 --> 00:31:00.574
more about the situation because all I know is the American propaganda that
00:31:00.574 --> 00:31:02.934
I've heard, but I do need to read more.
00:31:03.054 --> 00:31:07.694
Everyone should read more up upon it and by next week, I will have more information.
00:31:07.874 --> 00:31:11.974
Should I go to Ohio to see you? Of course, I'll be there March 20th and 21st
00:31:11.974 --> 00:31:16.674
and one of those days is Rosie's 22nd birthday and she will be out there too.
00:31:16.694 --> 00:31:18.294
That way, I don't have to buy her a birthday present.
00:31:18.494 --> 00:31:22.194
I will be at the attic and you can get those tickets at troybond.comey.io.
00:31:22.554 --> 00:31:24.814
Way more tour dates are coming as well, I promise.
00:31:26.354 --> 00:31:32.434
Hi, Troy. Is there a way to see or hear the BBC show you were on while in Belfast?
00:31:32.434 --> 00:31:33.974
That is a great question.
00:31:34.594 --> 00:31:36.094
I have to find that.
00:31:37.434 --> 00:31:40.674
That was a great time. It was weird because, like, it wasn't weird,
00:31:41.654 --> 00:31:50.094
but two Feburaries ago, this time 2024, fresh out of rehab, I have London Dublin,
00:31:50.094 --> 00:31:54.814
Belfast, and Amsterdam I would love to go back to I'm dying to go back to,
00:31:55.820 --> 00:32:00.020
And I did this interview, this lovely woman. I can't remember her name.
00:32:00.920 --> 00:32:03.540
It's me and a couple others. And they were like, as soon as you're done,
00:32:03.640 --> 00:32:05.920
you can go. I was like, no, I'll stay for the whole thing.
00:32:06.460 --> 00:32:09.740
And it was NPR. So after me and the next guy after me was so boring.
00:32:09.860 --> 00:32:12.820
I was like, yeah, I'm going to do the American thing. I'm going to head out this way.
00:32:14.340 --> 00:32:19.960
If you could travel through time, would you want to go to the past or the future? Damn.
00:32:20.920 --> 00:32:23.960
I'd be scared to go either way, to be honest with you, because of the whole,
00:32:23.960 --> 00:32:26.740
if you touch a butterfly the butterfly effect i don't know i would
00:32:26.740 --> 00:32:29.860
rather i would go back in time and watch ronald reagan
00:32:29.860 --> 00:32:33.480
get shot and laugh because i know that shit was hilarious recommend
00:32:33.480 --> 00:32:36.340
us a good comedy film i don't know
00:32:36.340 --> 00:32:39.360
what your taste in movies is so if i recommend
00:32:39.360 --> 00:32:42.300
you one and you hate it it's gonna be a shot in the dark but
00:32:42.300 --> 00:32:46.320
let me see the last comedy movie
00:32:46.320 --> 00:32:50.080
i watched i mean i don't
00:32:50.080 --> 00:32:53.440
know it's i was gonna say king of comedy which isn't
00:32:53.440 --> 00:32:56.100
really a comedy but it is i don't
00:32:56.100 --> 00:32:59.000
know it's like the joker but you know what actually yeah king of comedy
00:32:59.000 --> 00:33:03.340
everyone listening to this should go watch king of comedy do you and your brothers
00:33:03.340 --> 00:33:09.300
get into a lots of mischief together as kids any good stories we grew up in
00:33:09.300 --> 00:33:17.820
a karate school and if i was michael they were tito and marlin And we all pretty much got along.
00:33:18.300 --> 00:33:23.640
It was in many ways every man for himself, but we looked out for each other pretty...
00:33:25.150 --> 00:33:29.350
Pretty closely. I have two years on my youngest, on my younger brother,
00:33:29.490 --> 00:33:32.770
Logan, and eight years on my youngest brother, Jack.
00:33:32.870 --> 00:33:36.510
So like, it was, we're very, Jack was always like sort of my baby.
00:33:37.330 --> 00:33:42.390
And, and Logan was my best friend growing up and we would never really, really fight.
00:33:42.510 --> 00:33:46.550
But one time I remember the only time I've ever broken a bone was on my brother, Logan,
00:33:46.810 --> 00:33:51.530
on his leg, because we had to go to karate and there's kids out there who have
00:33:51.530 --> 00:33:52.270
a weight worse than this,
00:33:52.330 --> 00:33:58.110
but I just want you to imagine this we went to karate monday through saturday
00:33:58.110 --> 00:34:02.290
sometimes sunday as well if we had a tournament or a private lesson monday tuesday
00:34:02.290 --> 00:34:06.810
wednesday thursday most of the time we'd have fridays off for like.
00:34:08.027 --> 00:34:11.007
There'd be a board breaking class once in a while. And maybe we'd have a demonstration.
00:34:11.207 --> 00:34:14.327
But Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. So every day after school,
00:34:14.407 --> 00:34:15.447
get out of school at 3.30.
00:34:15.787 --> 00:34:18.527
We're at the karate school from 4 till 9.30.
00:34:19.407 --> 00:34:25.267
Every day. And then Saturday, we'd have earlier afternoon classes and maybe
00:34:25.267 --> 00:34:26.247
private lessons, whatever.
00:34:26.487 --> 00:34:30.207
And I hated it growing up. I just wanted to know what it was like to stay home
00:34:30.207 --> 00:34:33.347
and be normal and watch TV and essentially be lazy.
00:34:33.527 --> 00:34:36.507
And I'm grateful that my parents kept me in it now. but as
00:34:36.507 --> 00:34:39.307
a kid I was so miserable and I hated it so much but there
00:34:39.307 --> 00:34:43.707
was one Thursday where my dad said we didn't have to go to karate and then all
00:34:43.707 --> 00:34:47.267
week we were looking forward to just staying home not doing anything which we
00:34:47.267 --> 00:34:53.307
never got to do and one and my dad had called me I was like 14 and he said get
00:34:53.307 --> 00:34:57.287
up we got to go to the school I was so mad and I took it out on my brother Logan.
00:34:57.907 --> 00:35:00.727
And I went to go kick him and he like
00:35:00.727 --> 00:35:03.747
elbow knee blocked me and my foot
00:35:03.747 --> 00:35:06.787
just kicked him right in the shin and i broke like
00:35:06.787 --> 00:35:09.967
three toes i was so mad but
00:35:09.967 --> 00:35:12.767
i didn't feel at first because the adrenaline was just up
00:35:12.767 --> 00:35:15.567
and as i was doing that my youngest brother who if
00:35:15.567 --> 00:35:20.747
i was 14 he was about six
00:35:20.747 --> 00:35:23.547
had just run up the wall like a
00:35:23.547 --> 00:35:27.007
little half black fucking ninja and then grabbed me
00:35:27.007 --> 00:35:29.827
by the back of my throat in a japanese headlock and
00:35:29.827 --> 00:35:33.527
just pulled me down and i couldn't breathe and i
00:35:33.527 --> 00:35:36.447
think about that to this day because now he is a
00:35:36.447 --> 00:35:39.047
social worker and uh the calmest boy out of
00:35:39.047 --> 00:35:41.987
all three of us but he must have just looked at my older two brothers or my
00:35:41.987 --> 00:35:47.007
younger two brothers and was like ah look at those or or yeah he must have looked
00:35:47.007 --> 00:35:52.167
at me and logan yeah that's what i meant to say and was like you know what i'm
00:35:52.167 --> 00:36:00.207
not gonna end up like these fucking guys am i actually 6-4 or actually 6'1",
00:36:00.207 --> 00:36:04.627
but say 6'4", to pull more bitches.
00:36:05.027 --> 00:36:09.647
I'm actually, I tell guys that are 5'10", I'm 5'11", because it's true.
00:36:11.107 --> 00:36:15.447
And I'm two toddlers in a trench coat. How do blind people know when they are
00:36:15.447 --> 00:36:18.107
done wiping after they shit?
00:36:18.627 --> 00:36:19.787
That's a great question.
00:36:21.187 --> 00:36:26.307
It's like good music. You got to feel it. Favorite what if or theory from Star
00:36:26.307 --> 00:36:27.947
Wars? I mean, it's not a what if. I'm right.
00:36:28.127 --> 00:36:35.307
But Yoda was dead the entire time Luke was on Dagobah because we never see him and R2 react.
00:36:35.627 --> 00:36:38.587
R2 is actually pretty scared the entire time he's on Dagobah.
00:36:38.587 --> 00:36:42.207
You can even, when he starts seeing stuff fly, because remember,
00:36:42.407 --> 00:36:43.987
droids can't see ghosts.
00:36:44.707 --> 00:36:48.487
3PO didn't even see Luke at the end of The Last Jedi. Probably why Luke's so confused.
00:36:49.527 --> 00:36:53.647
R2 slowly reaches for the light thing when Yoda has it.
00:36:53.767 --> 00:36:58.087
When they're outside the hut, when they're in Yoda's hut, before Luke finds
00:36:58.087 --> 00:37:03.047
out who Yoda is, R2 is standing on his tippy toes looking outside in the rain, which as far as I know,
00:37:03.327 --> 00:37:07.307
most machinery wouldn't love to be outside in the rain because he's terrified
00:37:07.307 --> 00:37:11.747
of what's in there and he's even talking mad shit he's with Luke the entire
00:37:11.747 --> 00:37:15.067
reason because something doesn't feel right on this planet because droids can't
00:37:15.067 --> 00:37:19.147
see ghosts so Yoda was dead the whole time Luke was on Dagobah Yoda could have
00:37:19.147 --> 00:37:22.887
been using some sort of Jedi force projection to make himself look a little bit more real.
00:37:24.367 --> 00:37:31.447
If Kylo Ren was able to be fooled by Luke in The Last Jedi Luke could have been
00:37:31.447 --> 00:37:34.967
fooled by Yoda in Empire Strikes Back and would make sense as to where Luke
00:37:34.967 --> 00:37:37.027
learned the force projection technique from,
00:37:37.996 --> 00:37:43.776
And in Heir to the Empire, it begins with Ben telling Luke that he can't come
00:37:43.776 --> 00:37:46.816
visit him anymore because he's going to join the nether-nether-nether regions
00:37:46.816 --> 00:37:48.896
of the Force and he's not going to be able to commune with him anymore.
00:37:48.916 --> 00:37:52.236
So that may have been when Yoda dies at the end of Return of the Jedi.
00:37:52.236 --> 00:37:56.836
That may have been the last time he was able to do this certain technique with Luke.
00:37:57.056 --> 00:38:00.916
And now he's only able to communicate with him through Force ghostry.
00:38:01.056 --> 00:38:03.916
I don't know. That's my theory. And I'm 98% sure I'm right.
00:38:04.516 --> 00:38:06.716
What do you think is Michael's most slept on album?
00:38:07.356 --> 00:38:11.756
It's got to be Invincible. Invincible is so crazy because every Michael album
00:38:11.756 --> 00:38:13.496
is sort of put out with an intention, right?
00:38:13.656 --> 00:38:16.376
Off the Wall was there to tell you, hey, I'm not a kid anymore.
00:38:16.896 --> 00:38:20.316
Thriller was there to tell you I deserve more than one Grammy than Off the Wall.
00:38:20.956 --> 00:38:25.216
Bad was there to tell you I may have just sold the number one album of all time,
00:38:25.376 --> 00:38:27.836
but I'm going to break even more records with this album.
00:38:28.836 --> 00:38:32.056
Dangerous was there to tell you, okay, you're not going to give me any Grammys
00:38:32.056 --> 00:38:34.716
for Bad, even though you made me sit there for the whole ceremony and deliver
00:38:34.716 --> 00:38:37.136
the best performance anyone is seeing at the Grammys.
00:38:37.556 --> 00:38:41.076
Cool. I'm going to develop my own sound. I'm not going to use Quincy.
00:38:41.296 --> 00:38:44.956
I'm going to use people who are going to listen to how I'm going to dictate
00:38:44.956 --> 00:38:47.716
it to them. And then I'm going to give it to the public the same exact way.
00:38:49.056 --> 00:38:52.076
And history was there to say they didn't kill me.
00:38:52.476 --> 00:38:55.856
You know, I'm back. It should have been called this time around, in my opinion.
00:38:56.076 --> 00:38:58.536
The Blood on the Dance Floor history in the mix was there to be like,
00:38:58.716 --> 00:39:02.156
I left a few songs off history is what I wanted. And I don't really like the remix.
00:39:02.416 --> 00:39:08.336
And Invincible was there to say, I'm not being left behind in the 20th century.
00:39:08.536 --> 00:39:11.116
Here's an album so futuristic, people are going to call it a flop.
00:39:11.296 --> 00:39:14.416
Even though it went double platinum, and in 20 years, people are going to realize
00:39:14.416 --> 00:39:16.896
that it's probably my blackest album next to Off the Wall.
00:39:18.129 --> 00:39:22.209
Sorry, that was too much dead air. Can I make an Amazon wish list so we can
00:39:22.209 --> 00:39:24.069
bless our favorite Dominican lesbian?
00:39:24.369 --> 00:39:28.569
Things haven't gotten that bad yet, but as soon as they do, you will all be the first to know.
00:39:29.109 --> 00:39:32.309
Unfortunately, we're out of time for questions. There was a lot of great ones,
00:39:32.589 --> 00:39:35.549
a lot of horny ones. I'll get back to all of them next week.
00:39:35.989 --> 00:39:39.169
Road dates so far to plug, March 20th and 21st, Ohio.
00:39:39.669 --> 00:39:42.889
More stuff coming next week. April 10th, Broadway Comedy Club,
00:39:42.949 --> 00:39:46.689
and I will be at your mom's house in about an hour. Peace in the Middle East.
00:39:47.249 --> 00:39:51.649
Thank you for listening to Bonding. I've been Troy Bond, and you have been wet this entire time.