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Wherever there are shadows, there are people ready to kick at the darkness until it bleeds daylight.
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This is Bleeding Daylight with your host, Rodney Olsen.
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Welcome to Bleeding Daylight, thanks for listening.
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You'll find hundreds more inspiring episodes waiting for you at bleedingdaylight.net.
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I'd love to connect with you, so please follow Bleeding Daylight on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube.
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Some say the wounds from a father's absence is a psychological issue.
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Others say it's a spiritual one.
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What if the healing requires both?
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Is it possible for even a good father to unintentionally leave wounds?
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How do we begin to walk towards true healing?
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Today's guest takes us on his own journey towards wholeness.
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I'm excited about today's guest because his story is one that will truly encourage you.
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Fremon Williams is a husband, father, pastor, speaker and author who lost his dad at just 15 and carried a deep father wound for years.
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That was until he encountered Jesus outside a nightclub at 2am.
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That moment changed everything and now he helps others heal, discover their identity and live with purpose.
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His book Healing Father Wounds is a gift to anyone walking that road and I can't wait to dig into it with him.
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Fremon, welcome to Bleeding Daylight.
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Thanks for having me Rodney, really looking forward to this.
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I'm wondering if you can take me back to that 15-year-old boy who lost his father.
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What was going on for you at that point and how did that enormous loss affect you over the next few years?
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In the book, I actually talked about that day I found out and it wasn't until I started writing that I really went back there mentally but also emotionally and spiritually.
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It was almost like a numbing feeling.
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I'll never forget waking up, it was an early Saturday morning during the summer.
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I'm out of school, I'm sleeping in and believe it or not, actually wasn't a family member, but it was a family friend that came.
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It was a good friend of my mom and she woke me up and she said, baby, I got to tell you some news.
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Unfortunately, your father passed away.
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It almost felt like a dream because I had just woken up.
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So I kind of just looked at her and kind of was wondering, was this real or not?
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And I think I went back to sleep and then woke back up and realized, wait, that's not a dream.
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And I don't know, it just kind of created this vacuum of emotions to where I just kind of felt numb, just didn't really know how to process.
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My mother obviously was processing her own emotions.
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My family was processing their own emotions.
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And it kind of took me some time to really recognize what emotions I was going through.
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As a 15-year-old boy, it's hard to name all of your emotions.
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But later on, I realized that was grief, it was anger, it was confusion, it was hurt, it was sadness.
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It was all of that, but I never knew it at the time.
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So I kind of bottled it all in and just numbed it with all sorts of things.
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So as I got older, 15, 16, 17, going on, getting out of high school, just numbed it with so many other vices that I thought would take the pain away when I realized all it did was really kind of numb it.
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And the pain just came right back.
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And oftentimes it came back even worse.
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That's where I found myself getting all sorts of bad situations, bad relationships, bad choices, all of it, just bad.
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And it was really trying to fill a void and heal a father wound with all of the things that weren't equipped to heal it the way that it should have been.
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It was a very dark time in my teenage years.
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You've mentioned that term that I also mentioned in the introduction of father wound.
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Now that might be a new phrase for some people.
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Tell me, what does a father wound actually mean?
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Yeah, I'm glad you asked that because that's not a term that you probably hear a whole lot.
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People don't just go around throwing that around very often, but essentially the way that I defined it and the way I've heard others define it as well is a intentional or unintentional hurt caused by a father or absence of a father that causes a person to feel hurt.
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It can be because of a father unintentionally or intentionally using their words to tear them down or even their physical to hurt them or do something against them.
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Or it could just be the absence of a father that also leaves a father wound.
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I do believe that father wounds can happen to really just about anybody.
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You know, there are some people that receive father wounds.
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They have great fathers.
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What I've realized is that it is a underlying strategic attack against people from the enemy, I believe, that causes people to feel like their natural father has done them wrong.
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And what it begins to do is then takes down their view of their heavenly father.
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They say to themselves, well, if my natural father was harsh, then I think my heavenly father is probably also harsh.
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If my natural father is busy, then my heavenly father is also busy.
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If my natural father treats me this way, then my heavenly father will probably treat me this way.
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And so what happens is we begin to take down the view of our natural father.
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When that happens is it then inhibits our relationship with our heavenly father.
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But the truth is this, our heavenly father is not a reflection of our earthly father.
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Our heavenly father is the perfection of our earthly father.
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So we should never bring our heavenly father's character down to the level of our earthly father's character.
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We should always bring our earthly father's character up to the standard of God's character.
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And so what happens is we have these father wounds.
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It causes us to view our relationship with God improperly.
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And if the enemy can cause us to view our relationship with God improperly, it'll change our entire life.
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So a father wound can be very detrimental to people.
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That's why it's so important to really examine our hearts and see if that's something we have there, a father wound, and heal from it.
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You mentioned that you tried to numb the pain that you were feeling in a variety of ways.
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And yet again, as I mentioned in the introduction, that all stopped one night at a nightclub.
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Tell me about that turnaround in your life.
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The thing about having a father wound is it causes you to want to look for a lot of affirmation, validation, people to say, oh man, look at you, man, you're awesome, you're this.
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And so what I was doing in my late teenage years is really just finding anybody that would celebrate me, finding anybody that would say, oh man, you're awesome, or you're this, or just anything that would make me feel better about myself.
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And so I would go to whatever extent to do that, to where I would go clubbing and I would be at the club, just partying and jumping on stages and chairs and just going crazy.
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And I just wanted attention.
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I was wanting somebody to say, oh man, look at that guy.
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He's something, he's that.
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Even if they're saying something negative, I just wanted somebody to talk about me.
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I just wanted somebody to mention my name.
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I wanted to be seen.
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And what it was is it was a father wound.
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I wanted to be seen by my father.
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Knowing that my father's not around, he doesn't see me.
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So I want all these other people to see me.
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So anyways, I'm just partying and having a good time, air quotes, because it really wasn't a good time.
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Only when I go home and I feel bad.
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But I remember I was at this club one night and I'm just doing my Freeman thing that night and just partying really hard.
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I'm walking out of the nightclub.
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I'm half drunk.
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There are people that were from my church in the parking lot, praying for people.
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They approached me and said, hey, sir, do you need prayer for anything?
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And I'm looking at myself and looking at my watch.
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I'm like, it's two o'clock in the morning.
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You can pray that I find the after party.
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And they're like, no, we're Christians and we just want to know, do you have a relationship with Jesus?
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And they began to ask me these questions and they start talking to me about their relationship with God and how we can be closer to God.
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And they wanted to give me an opportunity to rededicate my life to Jesus.
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And it really wasn't so much of their words that they were saying as much as it was the Holy Spirit's words.
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And Rodney, it was like I can remember like it was yesterday where it's almost like time stopped.
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It's just kind of like that aha moment.
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And I really believe looking back, it was a presence of the Holy Spirit there just wrecked me.
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And it was almost like I felt heaven open up and look down on me and say, hey, son, I've been waiting for you to get it right.
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I've been waiting for you to come back home.
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And I gave my life to Christ outside the nightclub two o'clock in the morning.
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I was half drunk, Rodney, but I was full of the Holy Spirit.
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And I came to church the next Sunday.
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I've been here ever since.
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We would like to think that that wraps up the story and that everything was wonderful after that.
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And yet we see a God who lovingly calls us to do the hard work, to walk the journey.
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So I'm guessing that although something had radically changed in you, you still had the work to do to overcome those father wounds and to realize that God is the true father.
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Tell me about the start of that journey.
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So that journey took a while.
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And to be honest, Rodney, I'm still on that journey.
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I don't think you ever fully completely heal from wounds.
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I mean, if you do, there's still a little bit of scar tissue, you know what I mean, to where it's like, OK, I know I healed from it, but I can still see the wound.
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I can still see the scar.
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So there's still some trepidation, if you will, around certain areas.
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And I have to keep my eyes on that.
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But yeah, I would say it took years.
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And that's my encouragement to anybody listening, is that you have to give yourself patience.
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The Bible talks about Romans 12 too, to be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
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This is a pattern that you have to change.
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It's a lifestyle that you have to adapt.
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It takes time.
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It took me really getting into the word and learning how to allow God to search my heart, to examine my heart and to see if there's anything that offends him.
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And I was reading through Psalms and there was a verse that really just breathed life into me.
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And it was a verse that says that God is the father to the fatherless.
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And I remember when the first time seeing that verse, I almost fell back and it was just like the words jumped off the pages into my heart.
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And I believe God was telling me, hey, son, I know you don't have a natural father, but I am the father of all fathers and I'm going to be your father, even though you're fatherless.
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And what I began to do in that moment, I believe, is walk myself into freedom, where I began to break up with the lie that I was fatherless and begin to believe the truth that I have a heavenly father who can father me.
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And I think that's when it began.
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That's when the journey really began when I started realizing, okay, our God is not just Jesus.
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Yes, He's our savior.
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He's not just the Holy Spirit.
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Yes, He's our helper, but He's also our father.
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I began to really start to dive into what it looks like for God to be our father.
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Is God walking this earth like fleshly man?
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No, He already did that with Jesus.
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So how is He going to be my father?
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And then I began to read more and more into the word where I saw examples of Paul fathering Timothy.
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He says, hey, I'm going to be your spiritual father in the faith.
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And I said, okay.
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So that shows me that there can be spiritual fathers.
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And so I began to find other men in my life that were father figures to me.
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And I would just kind of look at from afar and start to learn from and be a sponge around.
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And that's when I began to learn how to be more of a man, how to treat a lady, how to live my life in an appropriate Christian manly way.
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And so God just began to send so many men around my life.
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And not only send them, I was more aware of that.
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I think that was a big thing that I learned over my journey is I have to be aware that God is already putting people in my place.
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I have to then position myself to allow that re-fathering to take place.
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Now, that doesn't mean that I'm hanging out with them all the time and going to their house and eating their food.
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Now, some of that may have happened, but really what was happening more importantly was a spiritual fathering where I'm watching them from afar and God is using them to help me heal from the hurt that I experienced.
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There's a phrase you mentioned there that you had to break up with the lie.
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I'm wondering, do you think that there are lies that we hold onto because they bring us comfort, they do us damage, but they bring us some kind of false comfort and we need to be more intentional about actually breaking up with them, not just disproving them in our mind, but breaking up with those lies that hold us?
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Absolutely.
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I mean, there's so many lies unfortunately that we believe, especially as it relates to father wounds.
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I'm not good enough.
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I won't amount to anything.
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You're going to be just like your father.
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You'll die like your father.
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The list goes on.
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Whenever you believe those lies, you empower the liar.
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And who's the liar?
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The devil.
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He's a father of all lies.
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And so you have to identify what lie have you believed about your father or lie you believe because of the absence of a father.
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I know for me, the lie that I believe for so long is that I'm abandoned.
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I'm rejected.
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That I won't have somebody in my life that's going to help me.
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And I believe that lie to where I just went around trying to find acceptance, trying to find somebody to affirm me because I believe the lie that I'll never get it from my father or that I couldn't have it.
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Once I stopped believing that lie and started believing that no, God has accepted me, that my acceptance comes from him, that my affirmation comes from him.
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You know, one of the most beautiful pictures in scripture of the father affirming the son is when Jesus gets water baptized and he comes out of the water and the sky is open and the father in heaven says, this is my son whom I'm well pleased.
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And what's so interesting about that scripture is that this was before Jesus has done any miracles.
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He hasn't turned water into wine.
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He hasn't healed the leopard.
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He hasn't done any mighty sign jet, but from a relationship, the father affirms his son, not from his actions.
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He affirmed his son.
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And that was just a reminder to me that my father in heaven affirms me, validates me, sees me, hears me, loves me, not because of the things I do for him, but because of the relationship I have with him.
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That was the truth that I began to hang on to.
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And I believe that truth, man, that set me free.
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It helped me so much to heal for my father.
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It was so much so that I'm now free enough to then help other people overcome those same lies, to overcome the same rejections and the same abandonment issues and the same habits that they've been handed down.
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And now they can change the narrative.
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I think another lie that I believed is that what was handed to me from my father, I'm going to have to hand to my children.
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And that's just not true.
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We can't choose the family we're born into.
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We can't choose the different things that may have been handed to us.
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Many people have been handed racial biases, but you don't want to hand those to your children.
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You may have been handed addiction in your family, but you don't want to hand that to your child.
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And what I learned is that it may have been handed to me, but it doesn't have to be handed through me, that it can stop with me.
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It may have ran in my family, but it doesn't have to run through me.
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And so there's some people that may have fathers who are present, and maybe their father was an alcoholic.
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Maybe their father was a drug addict.
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Maybe their father abused them.
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Maybe their father did all these negative things.
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And you're thinking to yourself, well, because it happened to my family, I have to pass this on.
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And that's just not true.
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The truth is that God can change you and that when you get transformed, you don't have to transfer those things.
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The other side of it is true that what does not get transformed does get transferred.
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And so I learned really quickly, okay, I'm going to transform my mind as it relates to father wounds, and I'm not passing father wounds down to my children.
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There are certain father wounds that we can recognize, those that come from an abusive father, an alcoholic father, those sorts of things that you've mentioned.
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But you also said earlier that sometimes it can be a good father who unintentionally passes down a father wound.
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Now, if we've lived with a good father and we don't recognize those father wounds, how do we know that we're needing help to overcome those sorts of wounds?
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If there's an unintentional wound that has happened, how do we know that?
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Because to us, it's just normal.
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Yeah.
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That's a great question.
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I think at the end of the day, you have to understand that the father that you do have is doing his very best.
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I think sometimes that we can look at the imperfections of a father and start to think that, okay, he's not that good of a father, but I want to tell you, if you have a father in your life, he's not perfect, but he's doing his best.
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He's showing up.
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Okay.
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If you are close enough to see some of his weaknesses, it's not for you to point out those weaknesses, it's for you to cover those weaknesses.
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And I think that's the disgusting tactic of the enemy is that he will try and really highlight all the negative, right?
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Because the closer you are to somebody, the closer you can see their negative, right?
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The closer you can see their weaknesses.
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And he'll try and get you to highlight just the negative things that your father may have done, even though he's a great father, he's doing everything he can.
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And the next thing you know, you're starting to think that, well, because they have this weakness, because they've done this negative thing, well, I guess my father in heaven.
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So I would say maximize your father.
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Honestly, if you haven't told your father, I can't stand you.
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You're not doing a good enough job.
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Well, father, you're probably not doing a good enough job because the truth is your natural father is going to father you and discipline you and tell you to do things or not to do things that you don't always like.
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And a good father disciplines and corrects who he loves, but then the enemy will take that discipline and that correction that you received and then now cause you to have offense and bitterness and anger to rise up and then now reject and push away and cause there to be distance between you and your father when really your father's trying to do the thing that you need the most.
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And so I would say if you have a great father, honor him.
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If you have a great father, thank him.
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If you have a great father, help him the best that you can, because I'm going to tell you from example, I wish I had a natural father present that could see me raising my children and give me advice.
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I may not want the advice.
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I may not always agree with the advice, but it would be nice to have it.
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It's so easy to diminish and talk down the good that you have in your life as a father.
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And if that's the case, no, instead maximize that father.
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Tell him how much you love him, honor him, support him and allow God to use that relationship for the benefit of both.
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You started to learn about father wounds.
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You started to deal with your own father wounds.
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When was it along that journey that you decided, God has taught me certain things and I know that I'm still on that journey, but I want to help others coming behind me?
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When was it that you started to work with others who were suffering from father wounds?
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It was a summer morning in May of 2023.
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My family and I, we took a vacation to Puerto Rico and I woke up early one morning and I went to catch the sunrise on the beach and sitting out there just listening to the waves crash and watching the little crabs pop out of the sand.
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And I'm thinking I'm just there just to relax.
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And I felt a stirring or this encouragement.
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At first, I couldn't tell if it was my voice, God's voice or any of these voices.
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And I felt I need to start taking notes.
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I'm like, okay.
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So I pull out my phone and I start taking notes.
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And Rodney, it was like lightning shot through my thumbs.
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God just begins to download to me and speak to me and tell me about writing this book and about how it needs to heal father wounds.
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And like you said, I was still on my own journey.
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I'm thinking to myself, how in the world could I do this?
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Who am I that I'm worthy enough to be used by God to share this story?
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And I just felt the Lord saying, no, use your story.
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And so I began to just take notes of all the things that he started asking me to do.
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And it took me about three years to finally get the book done from when he first told me to when it published.
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But it was that moment that I really felt a stirring and a next step to start writing this book.
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And what was so interesting is as I started taking steps to write it, there were so many people that began to enter into my life that had father wounds.
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And every time I would leave a conversation with them, I kind of felt the Holy Spirit saying, see, this is why you need the book.
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This is why you need to write this book.
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The conversation after conversation, it would lead to, oh yeah, I think I have a father wound.
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Oh yeah, I don't have a father in my life or wherever the case may be.
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And every single time I would have those conversations, God would say, see, keep going.
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And eventually the book got out there.
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So I would say that's where it really started for me, just hearing from the Lord.
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Over those three years as you're writing the book, I'm sure that God was using that to continue the work in you.
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Was there any time during the writing of that that you had to stop and just say, oh, God is wanting to correct something or heal something in me before I write this next chapter?
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Oh, 1000%.
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1000%.
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Before the book ever speaks to readers, the book was speaking to the writer.
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It spoke to me.
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And like I mentioned earlier, reliving some of the seasons I went through, it really made me number one appreciative of what God has led me through, but it also caused me to really ensure that these things that I'm teaching, I'm actually living.
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It definitely was a journey for me to still understand that I'm still growing and healing on this journey.
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There's one part of my story where I started writing about my mother doing the best that she could to help me.
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And I remember going to her and just thanking her and honoring her and just letting her know like, hey, you did the best you possibly could.
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And I thought she did a great job.
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But yeah, there was all sorts of things that God began to use to really ensure that, I'm completely on the right track to heal and that these wounds are now turning into scars.
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All throughout the book, God was speaking to me still.
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Pete If we're not intentional, we can easily slip backwards.
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Do you often find yourself battling with that need to be recognized that you did when you had that father wound?
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Or is that something that God has fully dealt with?
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Is that something that still pops up and kind of taunts you at times that I need to get recognition, I need to get recognition?
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And then you realize, no, actually, I don't.
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I have the recognition of my heavenly father.
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David Absolutely.
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I wish that it would be a once and done, but it doesn't work like that.
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I think about Paul.
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He asked God, beg God, take it away from me three times.
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And God said, no, it's like a thorn in his side.
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He talked about it.
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And nobody really knows what that thorn was.
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If it was a physical element, if it was an insecurity, if it was a fear, who knows?
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We'll find out when we get to heaven, I guess.
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But three times he said, God, can you take it away?
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And God said, no, my grace is sufficient.
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I am a strong in your weakness.
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Absolutely.
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It is a weakness for me.
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It is a weakness for me to search for approval, search for validation, search for affirmation that I have to constantly keep at bay and keep my eye on.
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And every time I start to sense those feelings arise and feel all the negative emotions that come with a father wound arise, I have to take those back to God and admit that, hey, I'm weak in this area, God.
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I need help with this area, God.
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And he gives me the strength to overcome it.
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They don't leave.
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The enemy's not the enemy because he's smart.
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He's the enemy because he's old.
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He sees the tactics that have worked for so long.
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And so he just keeps them up.
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He's not a quitter, but he is a loser, right?
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But he's going to keep throwing those fiery darts.
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He's going to keep trying to attack those weak areas in your life.
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But every time I'm attacked with the thoughts of, look, you need validation.
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Look, they didn't say anything to you.
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Look, they didn't recognize you.
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Hey, you did that project and nobody mentioned it.
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Hey, you're doing good over here.
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Nobody celebrated you.
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I start reminding myself, but my heavenly father does.
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That's a lie.
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My heavenly father sees.
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My heavenly father knows.
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Everything I do is not useless.
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Everything I do is as unto the Lord.
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And so I have to constantly remind myself of the word and not really think about the lies and allow those lies to get any sort of authority in my life.
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For someone listening at the moment who recognizes that their father did the best job that they could, and yet there is still something underlying that they feel they're missing from their father.
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They're recognizing they probably do have some kind of father wound.
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What would your words be to that person as they start to explore that and start to seek the healing that they need?
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I would say trust the journey, trust the journey, know that healing is possible to start with just having conversations, start with opening up, start with being honest, start with forgiving them.
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And I would say this, forgiveness doesn't always have to involve the other person.
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Matter of fact, you can forgive somebody that's not even around.
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You can forgive somebody that you don't talk to, but forgiveness is required of us.
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The Bible says that we should forgive others so God can forgive us.
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And so it's a prerequisite for us to forgive other people so you can receive the forgiveness that God has for us.
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But just have conversations, be in faith that God can and will restore and heal and maximize the relationship that you do have with your father.
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Trust and reconciliation are different than forgiveness.
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Trust is saying, OK, I believe you again.
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I trust you again.
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I'm going to open up to you again.
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And reconciliation is saying, OK, now I want to take that step further and I want you to be in my life again.
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Neither trust or reconciliation is required by God to us, but forgiveness is.
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And so I would say just start there.
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Forgive.
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Most of the time, a good father who is trying to do his absolute best to raise you and he has done something to hurt you, majority of the time he probably has no idea or he didn't mean anything by it.
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He didn't mean to do that.
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My daughter, one day she came to me in tears.
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She said, Dad, you called me ugly.
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And she was just so upset that I would call her ugly.
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And I felt horrible.
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I said, baby, I did not call you ugly.
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What are you talking about?
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She said, yes, you did.
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And she began to explain to me the situation.
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And she said, yeah, well, you told me that when I do this, it's ugly.
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It was the way she was talking, the way she was doing.
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And so she took that as her father calling her ugly.
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And I had to apologize like, baby, no, I'm not calling you ugly.
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I'm so sorry you heard that.
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Here I am trying to do my very best, but still knowing that there's things I can do, things I can say that can leave or allow there to be a father.
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And that's the other thing too, like you have to recognize the tactic of the enemy.
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He will take something that is said to you, something that was done to you.
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And sometimes it's nothing that was intentionally wrong, but he will take something and then try and exploit it and make it wrong.
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Oh, see, he thinks you're ugly.
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Oh, see, he doesn't care about you.
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See, he didn't return your phone call.
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He probably is thinking nothing about you when he probably didn't even know his phone was ringing.
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I mean, there's all sorts of little things that can happen that the enemy will just exploit, try and blow out a proportion that really had nothing to do with your father or father's relationship.
361
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And the enemy is just trying to destroy it.
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For those who have had the opportunity to read your book, Healing Father Wounds, what's the response?
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Have people come back to you and say, thank you for writing this.
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This has made a huge difference for me and has set me on a very different path.
365
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You know, it is funny because I was really nervous to hear the responses of people.
366
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Again, just highlights and eludes the fact of what I'm saying that, yeah, Father Wounds will continue to try and create back in your life.
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And I think that was one of them was like, I'm searching for the approval of people.
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I had to take that to the Lord.
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I was like, God, I did this book for you and I didn't do it for the approval of other people, whether they like it or not.
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That's not it.
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I did it because you called me to do it in May of 2023 on this beach.
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So whether people like it, great.
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If they don't, great.
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But yes, people did reach out to me and say they loved it.
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I've heard nothing but great responses from both men, women, fathers, sons who loved the book.
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I've heard that people have really found healing for themselves.
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And I think that's the thing.
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It's like, I don't want people who read the book to feel like, oh, see, I need to now go tell my father he needs to do better.
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No, no, no, no.
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It's really about examining yourself and saying, okay, let me just heal my wound.
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Let me do my part.
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It's not about getting the speck out of somebody else's eye.
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It's about getting the log out of your own eye and saying, okay, where have I believed the lie of a Father Wound?
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And so that's been the general response is like, this has helped me grow.
385
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This has helped me heal so much so that I've heard of some churches that are now doing a small group with this book.
386
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There's a conference that I've been asked to communicate this book at churches.
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I mean, honestly, that was like mind blowing to me.
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I never wrote the book with intentions or hopes that that would happen.
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I just wrote the book out of obedience.
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And then the doors started opening and I'm just completely in awe and grateful for how the Lord has opened doors for this book, because all I really want to do is to help people get healing the way that I was able to get healing.
391
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And so telling my story of how I was able to get healing, but yeah, I've heard nothing but great responses and I'm hoping that I'll continue that people will just continue to get healing.
392
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Darrell Bock It should really come as no surprise to us that the enemy wants to use Father Wounds to hold us down because it goes to the very heart of our most vital relationship and that is with our Heavenly Father.
393
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Do you think we often miss that point that the enemy is trying to break the relationship with our earthly Father because he's actually wanting to break the relationship with our Heavenly Father?
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Chris Yeah, again, I think it's a very subtle, strategic attack that you don't even realize, but it's really evident physically.
395
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The statistics point to a fatherless epidemic and problem.
396
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I think it's about one in four children in America are without a father.
397
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That's about 25% of the population.
398
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That's a lot of kids.
399
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The amount of issues that then come from that are enormous.
400
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I think it's about 80% or so, if not more, of suicides of teenagers come from those who are in fatherless homes.
401
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I think it's about 90% of those who are incarcerated come from fatherless homes.
402
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95% of those who are runaways come from fatherless homes.
403
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It is so evident physically in people's lives.
404
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How much more is it making a difference spiritually?
405
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It's such a strategic, subtle, little sneaky attack of the enemy is just to say, all right, I'm going to try and remove the father or remove the father's influence or get somebody to not want to view their father as a good man, and then that's going to just slowly bring down their view of their Heavenly Father.
406
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It is so unfortunate how he works.
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That's why I just really want to call to fathers who are doing a great job to continue it.
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No matter what your family may think, no matter what your children may say, no matter the mistakes that you've made, you stay in the game, Father.
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You matter.
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You're needed.
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We don't celebrate fathers as much as I think that we should, in my opinion.
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You look at Mother's Day and every brunch restaurant is full and you can find no flowers on the shelf at any store.
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We go all out.
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Even monetarily, statistics show that we spend way more money on Mother's Day.
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I love mothers.
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God knows I love my mom.
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I'm a mama's boy, but at the same time, how much more should we honor our fathers?
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We beat up our fathers.
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You're not doing a good enough job.
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You need to show up more.
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I get it.
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Men, we love challenge, right?
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Sometimes men will show up to a challenge, but every now and then, a father needs some encouragement too.
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I know it's hard.
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I know it's not easy.
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I know you're dealing with the pressures of trying to provide.
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I know that there are tears that you've cried in your car on your way home that people have never seen.
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In the shower, you're battling with these thoughts, but can I tell you something, Father?
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You do not need to suffer in silence.
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Yes, it is difficult.
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Yes, it is not easy, but God's grace is sufficient.
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He gives you strength.
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He gives you power.
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He gives you the ability to do things that you can't do on your own.
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You can do this.
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Don't quit.
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Don't throw in the towel.
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You will reap a harvest if you faint not.
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Stick in the game, Fathers.
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You're needed.
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Fremon, I want to thank you for the work that you've done within your own life to see those wounds healed, which has led to you helping others overcome those wounds as well.
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Thank you for writing the book, Healing Father Wounds, and thank you especially today for spending time on Bleeding Daylight.
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It's been an honor.
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Rodney, thank you so much for having me.
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Thank you for listening to Bleeding Daylight.
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Please help us to shine more light into the darkness by sharing this episode with others.
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00:33:55,280 --> 00:33:59,520
For further details and more episodes, please visit bleedingdaylight.net.
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Wherever there are shadows, there are people ready to kick at the darkness until it bleeds daylight.
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This is Bleeding Daylight with your host, Rodney Olsen.
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Welcome to Bleeding Daylight, thanks for listening.
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You'll find hundreds more inspiring episodes waiting for you at bleedingdaylight.net.
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I'd love to connect with you, so please follow Bleeding Daylight on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube.
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Some say the wounds from a father's absence is a psychological issue.
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Others say it's a spiritual one.
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What if the healing requires both?
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Is it possible for even a good father to unintentionally leave wounds?
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How do we begin to walk towards true healing?
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Today's guest takes us on his own journey towards wholeness.
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I'm excited about today's guest because his story is one that will truly encourage you.
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Fremon Williams is a husband, father, pastor, speaker and author who lost his dad at just 15 and carried a deep father wound for years.
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That was until he encountered Jesus outside a nightclub at 2am.
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That moment changed everything and now he helps others heal, discover their identity and live with purpose.
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His book Healing Father Wounds is a gift to anyone walking that road and I can't wait to dig into it with him.
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Fremon, welcome to Bleeding Daylight.
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Thanks for having me Rodney, really looking forward to this.
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I'm wondering if you can take me back to that 15-year-old boy who lost his father.
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What was going on for you at that point and how did that enormous loss affect you over the next few years?
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In the book, I actually talked about that day I found out and it wasn't until I started writing that I really went back there mentally but also emotionally and spiritually.
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It was almost like a numbing feeling.
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I'll never forget waking up, it was an early Saturday morning during the summer.
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I'm out of school, I'm sleeping in and believe it or not, actually wasn't a family member, but it was a family friend that came.
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It was a good friend of my mom and she woke me up and she said, baby, I got to tell you some news.
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Unfortunately, your father passed away.
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It almost felt like a dream because I had just woken up.
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So I kind of just looked at her and kind of was wondering, was this real or not?
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And I think I went back to sleep and then woke back up and realized, wait, that's not a dream.
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And I don't know, it just kind of created this vacuum of emotions to where I just kind of felt numb, just didn't really know how to process.
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My mother obviously was processing her own emotions.
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My family was processing their own emotions.
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And it kind of took me some time to really recognize what emotions I was going through.
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As a 15-year-old boy, it's hard to name all of your emotions.
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But later on, I realized that was grief, it was anger, it was confusion, it was hurt, it was sadness.
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It was all of that, but I never knew it at the time.
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So I kind of bottled it all in and just numbed it with all sorts of things.
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So as I got older, 15, 16, 17, going on, getting out of high school, just numbed it with so many other vices that I thought would take the pain away when I realized all it did was really kind of numb it.
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And the pain just came right back.
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And oftentimes it came back even worse.
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That's where I found myself getting all sorts of bad situations, bad relationships, bad choices, all of it, just bad.
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And it was really trying to fill a void and heal a father wound with all of the things that weren't equipped to heal it the way that it should have been.
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It was a very dark time in my teenage years.
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You've mentioned that term that I also mentioned in the introduction of father wound.
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Now that might be a new phrase for some people.
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Tell me, what does a father wound actually mean?
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Yeah, I'm glad you asked that because that's not a term that you probably hear a whole lot.
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People don't just go around throwing that around very often, but essentially the way that I defined it and the way I've heard others define it as well is a intentional or unintentional hurt caused by a father or absence of a father that causes a person to feel hurt.
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It can be because of a father unintentionally or intentionally using their words to tear them down or even their physical to hurt them or do something against them.
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Or it could just be the absence of a father that also leaves a father wound.
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I do believe that father wounds can happen to really just about anybody.
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You know, there are some people that receive father wounds.
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They have great fathers.
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What I've realized is that it is a underlying strategic attack against people from the enemy, I believe, that causes people to feel like their natural father has done them wrong.
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And what it begins to do is then takes down their view of their heavenly father.
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They say to themselves, well, if my natural father was harsh, then I think my heavenly father is probably also harsh.
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If my natural father is busy, then my heavenly father is also busy.
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If my natural father treats me this way, then my heavenly father will probably treat me this way.
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And so what happens is we begin to take down the view of our natural father.
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When that happens is it then inhibits our relationship with our heavenly father.
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But the truth is this, our heavenly father is not a reflection of our earthly father.
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Our heavenly father is the perfection of our earthly father.
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So we should never bring our heavenly father's character down to the level of our earthly father's character.
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We should always bring our earthly father's character up to the standard of God's character.
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And so what happens is we have these father wounds.
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It causes us to view our relationship with God improperly.
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And if the enemy can cause us to view our relationship with God improperly, it'll change our entire life.
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So a father wound can be very detrimental to people.
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That's why it's so important to really examine our hearts and see if that's something we have there, a father wound, and heal from it.
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You mentioned that you tried to numb the pain that you were feeling in a variety of ways.
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And yet again, as I mentioned in the introduction, that all stopped one night at a nightclub.
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Tell me about that turnaround in your life.
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The thing about having a father wound is it causes you to want to look for a lot of affirmation, validation, people to say, oh man, look at you, man, you're awesome, you're this.
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And so what I was doing in my late teenage years is really just finding anybody that would celebrate me, finding anybody that would say, oh man, you're awesome, or you're this, or just anything that would make me feel better about myself.
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And so I would go to whatever extent to do that, to where I would go clubbing and I would be at the club, just partying and jumping on stages and chairs and just going crazy.
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And I just wanted attention.
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I was wanting somebody to say, oh man, look at that guy.
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He's something, he's that.
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Even if they're saying something negative, I just wanted somebody to talk about me.
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I just wanted somebody to mention my name.
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I wanted to be seen.
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And what it was is it was a father wound.
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I wanted to be seen by my father.
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Knowing that my father's not around, he doesn't see me.
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So I want all these other people to see me.
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So anyways, I'm just partying and having a good time, air quotes, because it really wasn't a good time.
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Only when I go home and I feel bad.
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But I remember I was at this club one night and I'm just doing my Freeman thing that night and just partying really hard.
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I'm walking out of the nightclub.
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I'm half drunk.
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There are people that were from my church in the parking lot, praying for people.
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They approached me and said, hey, sir, do you need prayer for anything?
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And I'm looking at myself and looking at my watch.
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I'm like, it's two o'clock in the morning.
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You can pray that I find the after party.
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And they're like, no, we're Christians and we just want to know, do you have a relationship with Jesus?
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And they began to ask me these questions and they start talking to me about their relationship with God and how we can be closer to God.
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And they wanted to give me an opportunity to rededicate my life to Jesus.
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And it really wasn't so much of their words that they were saying as much as it was the Holy Spirit's words.
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And Rodney, it was like I can remember like it was yesterday where it's almost like time stopped.
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It's just kind of like that aha moment.
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And I really believe looking back, it was a presence of the Holy Spirit there just wrecked me.
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And it was almost like I felt heaven open up and look down on me and say, hey, son, I've been waiting for you to get it right.
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I've been waiting for you to come back home.
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And I gave my life to Christ outside the nightclub two o'clock in the morning.
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I was half drunk, Rodney, but I was full of the Holy Spirit.
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And I came to church the next Sunday.
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I've been here ever since.
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We would like to think that that wraps up the story and that everything was wonderful after that.
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And yet we see a God who lovingly calls us to do the hard work, to walk the journey.
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So I'm guessing that although something had radically changed in you, you still had the work to do to overcome those father wounds and to realize that God is the true father.
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Tell me about the start of that journey.
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So that journey took a while.
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And to be honest, Rodney, I'm still on that journey.
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I don't think you ever fully completely heal from wounds.
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I mean, if you do, there's still a little bit of scar tissue, you know what I mean, to where it's like, OK, I know I healed from it, but I can still see the wound.
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I can still see the scar.
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So there's still some trepidation, if you will, around certain areas.
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And I have to keep my eyes on that.
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But yeah, I would say it took years.
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And that's my encouragement to anybody listening, is that you have to give yourself patience.
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The Bible talks about Romans 12 too, to be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
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This is a pattern that you have to change.
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It's a lifestyle that you have to adapt.
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It takes time.
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It took me really getting into the word and learning how to allow God to search my heart, to examine my heart and to see if there's anything that offends him.
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And I was reading through Psalms and there was a verse that really just breathed life into me.
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And it was a verse that says that God is the father to the fatherless.
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And I remember when the first time seeing that verse, I almost fell back and it was just like the words jumped off the pages into my heart.
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And I believe God was telling me, hey, son, I know you don't have a natural father, but I am the father of all fathers and I'm going to be your father, even though you're fatherless.
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And what I began to do in that moment, I believe, is walk myself into freedom, where I began to break up with the lie that I was fatherless and begin to believe the truth that I have a heavenly father who can father me.
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And I think that's when it began.
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That's when the journey really began when I started realizing, okay, our God is not just Jesus.
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Yes, He's our savior.
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He's not just the Holy Spirit.
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Yes, He's our helper, but He's also our father.
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I began to really start to dive into what it looks like for God to be our father.
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Is God walking this earth like fleshly man?
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No, He already did that with Jesus.
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So how is He going to be my father?
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And then I began to read more and more into the word where I saw examples of Paul fathering Timothy.
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He says, hey, I'm going to be your spiritual father in the faith.
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And I said, okay.
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So that shows me that there can be spiritual fathers.
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And so I began to find other men in my life that were father figures to me.
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And I would just kind of look at from afar and start to learn from and be a sponge around.
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And that's when I began to learn how to be more of a man, how to treat a lady, how to live my life in an appropriate Christian manly way.
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And so God just began to send so many men around my life.
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And not only send them, I was more aware of that.
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I think that was a big thing that I learned over my journey is I have to be aware that God is already putting people in my place.
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I have to then position myself to allow that re-fathering to take place.
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Now, that doesn't mean that I'm hanging out with them all the time and going to their house and eating their food.
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Now, some of that may have happened, but really what was happening more importantly was a spiritual fathering where I'm watching them from afar and God is using them to help me heal from the hurt that I experienced.
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There's a phrase you mentioned there that you had to break up with the lie.
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I'm wondering, do you think that there are lies that we hold onto because they bring us comfort, they do us damage, but they bring us some kind of false comfort and we need to be more intentional about actually breaking up with them, not just disproving them in our mind, but breaking up with those lies that hold us?
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Absolutely.
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I mean, there's so many lies unfortunately that we believe, especially as it relates to father wounds.
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I'm not good enough.
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I won't amount to anything.
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You're going to be just like your father.
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You'll die like your father.
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The list goes on.
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Whenever you believe those lies, you empower the liar.
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And who's the liar?
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The devil.
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He's a father of all lies.
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And so you have to identify what lie have you believed about your father or lie you believe because of the absence of a father.
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I know for me, the lie that I believe for so long is that I'm abandoned.
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I'm rejected.
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That I won't have somebody in my life that's going to help me.
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And I believe that lie to where I just went around trying to find acceptance, trying to find somebody to affirm me because I believe the lie that I'll never get it from my father or that I couldn't have it.
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Once I stopped believing that lie and started believing that no, God has accepted me, that my acceptance comes from him, that my affirmation comes from him.
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You know, one of the most beautiful pictures in scripture of the father affirming the son is when Jesus gets water baptized and he comes out of the water and the sky is open and the father in heaven says, this is my son whom I'm well pleased.
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And what's so interesting about that scripture is that this was before Jesus has done any miracles.
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He hasn't turned water into wine.
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He hasn't healed the leopard.
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He hasn't done any mighty sign jet, but from a relationship, the father affirms his son, not from his actions.
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He affirmed his son.
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And that was just a reminder to me that my father in heaven affirms me, validates me, sees me, hears me, loves me, not because of the things I do for him, but because of the relationship I have with him.
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That was the truth that I began to hang on to.
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And I believe that truth, man, that set me free.
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It helped me so much to heal for my father.
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It was so much so that I'm now free enough to then help other people overcome those same lies, to overcome the same rejections and the same abandonment issues and the same habits that they've been handed down.
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And now they can change the narrative.
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I think another lie that I believed is that what was handed to me from my father, I'm going to have to hand to my children.
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And that's just not true.
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We can't choose the family we're born into.
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We can't choose the different things that may have been handed to us.
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Many people have been handed racial biases, but you don't want to hand those to your children.
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You may have been handed addiction in your family, but you don't want to hand that to your child.
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And what I learned is that it may have been handed to me, but it doesn't have to be handed through me, that it can stop with me.
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It may have ran in my family, but it doesn't have to run through me.
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And so there's some people that may have fathers who are present, and maybe their father was an alcoholic.
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Maybe their father was a drug addict.
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Maybe their father abused them.
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Maybe their father did all these negative things.
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And you're thinking to yourself, well, because it happened to my family, I have to pass this on.
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And that's just not true.
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The truth is that God can change you and that when you get transformed, you don't have to transfer those things.
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The other side of it is true that what does not get transformed does get transferred.
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And so I learned really quickly, okay, I'm going to transform my mind as it relates to father wounds, and I'm not passing father wounds down to my children.
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There are certain father wounds that we can recognize, those that come from an abusive father, an alcoholic father, those sorts of things that you've mentioned.
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But you also said earlier that sometimes it can be a good father who unintentionally passes down a father wound.
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Now, if we've lived with a good father and we don't recognize those father wounds, how do we know that we're needing help to overcome those sorts of wounds?
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If there's an unintentional wound that has happened, how do we know that?
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Because to us, it's just normal.
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Yeah.
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That's a great question.
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I think at the end of the day, you have to understand that the father that you do have is doing his very best.
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I think sometimes that we can look at the imperfections of a father and start to think that, okay, he's not that good of a father, but I want to tell you, if you have a father in your life, he's not perfect, but he's doing his best.
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He's showing up.
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Okay.
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If you are close enough to see some of his weaknesses, it's not for you to point out those weaknesses, it's for you to cover those weaknesses.
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And I think that's the disgusting tactic of the enemy is that he will try and really highlight all the negative, right?
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Because the closer you are to somebody, the closer you can see their negative, right?
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The closer you can see their weaknesses.
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And he'll try and get you to highlight just the negative things that your father may have done, even though he's a great father, he's doing everything he can.
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And the next thing you know, you're starting to think that, well, because they have this weakness, because they've done this negative thing, well, I guess my father in heaven.
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So I would say maximize your father.
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Honestly, if you haven't told your father, I can't stand you.
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You're not doing a good enough job.
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Well, father, you're probably not doing a good enough job because the truth is your natural father is going to father you and discipline you and tell you to do things or not to do things that you don't always like.
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And a good father disciplines and corrects who he loves, but then the enemy will take that discipline and that correction that you received and then now cause you to have offense and bitterness and anger to rise up and then now reject and push away and cause there to be distance between you and your father when really your father's trying to do the thing that you need the most.
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And so I would say if you have a great father, honor him.
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If you have a great father, thank him.
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If you have a great father, help him the best that you can, because I'm going to tell you from example, I wish I had a natural father present that could see me raising my children and give me advice.
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I may not want the advice.
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I may not always agree with the advice, but it would be nice to have it.
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It's so easy to diminish and talk down the good that you have in your life as a father.
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And if that's the case, no, instead maximize that father.
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Tell him how much you love him, honor him, support him and allow God to use that relationship for the benefit of both.
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You started to learn about father wounds.
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You started to deal with your own father wounds.
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When was it along that journey that you decided, God has taught me certain things and I know that I'm still on that journey, but I want to help others coming behind me?
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When was it that you started to work with others who were suffering from father wounds?
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It was a summer morning in May of 2023.
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My family and I, we took a vacation to Puerto Rico and I woke up early one morning and I went to catch the sunrise on the beach and sitting out there just listening to the waves crash and watching the little crabs pop out of the sand.
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And I'm thinking I'm just there just to relax.
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And I felt a stirring or this encouragement.
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At first, I couldn't tell if it was my voice, God's voice or any of these voices.
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And I felt I need to start taking notes.
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I'm like, okay.
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So I pull out my phone and I start taking notes.
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And Rodney, it was like lightning shot through my thumbs.
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God just begins to download to me and speak to me and tell me about writing this book and about how it needs to heal father wounds.
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And like you said, I was still on my own journey.
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I'm thinking to myself, how in the world could I do this?
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Who am I that I'm worthy enough to be used by God to share this story?
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And I just felt the Lord saying, no, use your story.
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And so I began to just take notes of all the things that he started asking me to do.
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And it took me about three years to finally get the book done from when he first told me to when it published.
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But it was that moment that I really felt a stirring and a next step to start writing this book.
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And what was so interesting is as I started taking steps to write it, there were so many people that began to enter into my life that had father wounds.
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And every time I would leave a conversation with them, I kind of felt the Holy Spirit saying, see, this is why you need the book.
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This is why you need to write this book.
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The conversation after conversation, it would lead to, oh yeah, I think I have a father wound.
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Oh yeah, I don't have a father in my life or wherever the case may be.
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And every single time I would have those conversations, God would say, see, keep going.
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And eventually the book got out there.
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So I would say that's where it really started for me, just hearing from the Lord.
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Over those three years as you're writing the book, I'm sure that God was using that to continue the work in you.
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Was there any time during the writing of that that you had to stop and just say, oh, God is wanting to correct something or heal something in me before I write this next chapter?
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Oh, 1000%.
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1000%.
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Before the book ever speaks to readers, the book was speaking to the writer.
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It spoke to me.
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And like I mentioned earlier, reliving some of the seasons I went through, it really made me number one appreciative of what God has led me through, but it also caused me to really ensure that these things that I'm teaching, I'm actually living.
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It definitely was a journey for me to still understand that I'm still growing and healing on this journey.
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There's one part of my story where I started writing about my mother doing the best that she could to help me.
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And I remember going to her and just thanking her and honoring her and just letting her know like, hey, you did the best you possibly could.
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And I thought she did a great job.
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But yeah, there was all sorts of things that God began to use to really ensure that, I'm completely on the right track to heal and that these wounds are now turning into scars.
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All throughout the book, God was speaking to me still.
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Pete If we're not intentional, we can easily slip backwards.
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Do you often find yourself battling with that need to be recognized that you did when you had that father wound?
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Or is that something that God has fully dealt with?
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Is that something that still pops up and kind of taunts you at times that I need to get recognition, I need to get recognition?
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And then you realize, no, actually, I don't.
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I have the recognition of my heavenly father.
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David Absolutely.
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I wish that it would be a once and done, but it doesn't work like that.
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I think about Paul.
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He asked God, beg God, take it away from me three times.
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And God said, no, it's like a thorn in his side.
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He talked about it.
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And nobody really knows what that thorn was.
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If it was a physical element, if it was an insecurity, if it was a fear, who knows?
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We'll find out when we get to heaven, I guess.
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But three times he said, God, can you take it away?
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And God said, no, my grace is sufficient.
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I am a strong in your weakness.
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Absolutely.
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It is a weakness for me.
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It is a weakness for me to search for approval, search for validation, search for affirmation that I have to constantly keep at bay and keep my eye on.
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And every time I start to sense those feelings arise and feel all the negative emotions that come with a father wound arise, I have to take those back to God and admit that, hey, I'm weak in this area, God.
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I need help with this area, God.
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And he gives me the strength to overcome it.
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They don't leave.
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The enemy's not the enemy because he's smart.
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He's the enemy because he's old.
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He sees the tactics that have worked for so long.
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And so he just keeps them up.
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He's not a quitter, but he is a loser, right?
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But he's going to keep throwing those fiery darts.
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He's going to keep trying to attack those weak areas in your life.
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But every time I'm attacked with the thoughts of, look, you need validation.
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Look, they didn't say anything to you.
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Look, they didn't recognize you.
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Hey, you did that project and nobody mentioned it.
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Hey, you're doing good over here.
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Nobody celebrated you.
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I start reminding myself, but my heavenly father does.
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That's a lie.
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My heavenly father sees.
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My heavenly father knows.
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Everything I do is not useless.
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Everything I do is as unto the Lord.
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And so I have to constantly remind myself of the word and not really think about the lies and allow those lies to get any sort of authority in my life.
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For someone listening at the moment who recognizes that their father did the best job that they could, and yet there is still something underlying that they feel they're missing from their father.
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They're recognizing they probably do have some kind of father wound.
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What would your words be to that person as they start to explore that and start to seek the healing that they need?
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I would say trust the journey, trust the journey, know that healing is possible to start with just having conversations, start with opening up, start with being honest, start with forgiving them.
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And I would say this, forgiveness doesn't always have to involve the other person.
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Matter of fact, you can forgive somebody that's not even around.
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You can forgive somebody that you don't talk to, but forgiveness is required of us.
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The Bible says that we should forgive others so God can forgive us.
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And so it's a prerequisite for us to forgive other people so you can receive the forgiveness that God has for us.
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But just have conversations, be in faith that God can and will restore and heal and maximize the relationship that you do have with your father.
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Trust and reconciliation are different than forgiveness.
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Trust is saying, OK, I believe you again.
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I trust you again.
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I'm going to open up to you again.
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And reconciliation is saying, OK, now I want to take that step further and I want you to be in my life again.
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Neither trust or reconciliation is required by God to us, but forgiveness is.
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And so I would say just start there.
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Forgive.
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Most of the time, a good father who is trying to do his absolute best to raise you and he has done something to hurt you, majority of the time he probably has no idea or he didn't mean anything by it.
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He didn't mean to do that.
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My daughter, one day she came to me in tears.
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She said, Dad, you called me ugly.
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And she was just so upset that I would call her ugly.
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And I felt horrible.
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I said, baby, I did not call you ugly.
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What are you talking about?
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She said, yes, you did.
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And she began to explain to me the situation.
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And she said, yeah, well, you told me that when I do this, it's ugly.
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It was the way she was talking, the way she was doing.
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And so she took that as her father calling her ugly.
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And I had to apologize like, baby, no, I'm not calling you ugly.
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I'm so sorry you heard that.
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Here I am trying to do my very best, but still knowing that there's things I can do, things I can say that can leave or allow there to be a father.
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And that's the other thing too, like you have to recognize the tactic of the enemy.
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He will take something that is said to you, something that was done to you.
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And sometimes it's nothing that was intentionally wrong, but he will take something and then try and exploit it and make it wrong.
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Oh, see, he thinks you're ugly.
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Oh, see, he doesn't care about you.
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See, he didn't return your phone call.
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He probably is thinking nothing about you when he probably didn't even know his phone was ringing.
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I mean, there's all sorts of little things that can happen that the enemy will just exploit, try and blow out a proportion that really had nothing to do with your father or father's relationship.
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And the enemy is just trying to destroy it.
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For those who have had the opportunity to read your book, Healing Father Wounds, what's the response?
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Have people come back to you and say, thank you for writing this.
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This has made a huge difference for me and has set me on a very different path.
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You know, it is funny because I was really nervous to hear the responses of people.
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Again, just highlights and eludes the fact of what I'm saying that, yeah, Father Wounds will continue to try and create back in your life.
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And I think that was one of them was like, I'm searching for the approval of people.
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I had to take that to the Lord.
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I was like, God, I did this book for you and I didn't do it for the approval of other people, whether they like it or not.
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That's not it.
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I did it because you called me to do it in May of 2023 on this beach.
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So whether people like it, great.
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If they don't, great.
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But yes, people did reach out to me and say they loved it.
375
00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:05,560
I've heard nothing but great responses from both men, women, fathers, sons who loved the book.
376
00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:09,340
I've heard that people have really found healing for themselves.
377
00:29:09,460 --> 00:29:10,520
And I think that's the thing.
378
00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:17,460
It's like, I don't want people who read the book to feel like, oh, see, I need to now go tell my father he needs to do better.
379
00:29:17,580 --> 00:29:18,140
No, no, no, no.
380
00:29:18,820 --> 00:29:23,420
It's really about examining yourself and saying, okay, let me just heal my wound.
381
00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:24,440
Let me do my part.
382
00:29:24,480 --> 00:29:27,300
It's not about getting the speck out of somebody else's eye.
383
00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:32,220
It's about getting the log out of your own eye and saying, okay, where have I believed the lie of a Father Wound?
384
00:29:32,340 --> 00:29:35,580
And so that's been the general response is like, this has helped me grow.
385
00:29:35,660 --> 00:29:41,820
This has helped me heal so much so that I've heard of some churches that are now doing a small group with this book.
386
00:29:42,140 --> 00:29:45,760
There's a conference that I've been asked to communicate this book at churches.
387
00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:48,940
I mean, honestly, that was like mind blowing to me.
388
00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:54,080
I never wrote the book with intentions or hopes that that would happen.
389
00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:56,060
I just wrote the book out of obedience.
390
00:29:56,420 --> 00:30:08,640
And then the doors started opening and I'm just completely in awe and grateful for how the Lord has opened doors for this book, because all I really want to do is to help people get healing the way that I was able to get healing.
391
00:30:08,820 --> 00:30:16,680
And so telling my story of how I was able to get healing, but yeah, I've heard nothing but great responses and I'm hoping that I'll continue that people will just continue to get healing.
392
00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:30,600
Darrell Bock It should really come as no surprise to us that the enemy wants to use Father Wounds to hold us down because it goes to the very heart of our most vital relationship and that is with our Heavenly Father.
393
00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:41,920
Do you think we often miss that point that the enemy is trying to break the relationship with our earthly Father because he's actually wanting to break the relationship with our Heavenly Father?
394
00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:51,080
Chris Yeah, again, I think it's a very subtle, strategic attack that you don't even realize, but it's really evident physically.
395
00:30:51,580 --> 00:30:56,740
The statistics point to a fatherless epidemic and problem.
396
00:30:57,200 --> 00:31:01,100
I think it's about one in four children in America are without a father.
397
00:31:01,500 --> 00:31:02,920
That's about 25% of the population.
398
00:31:03,100 --> 00:31:04,000
That's a lot of kids.
399
00:31:04,420 --> 00:31:10,440
The amount of issues that then come from that are enormous.
400
00:31:10,660 --> 00:31:17,280
I think it's about 80% or so, if not more, of suicides of teenagers come from those who are in fatherless homes.
401
00:31:17,460 --> 00:31:22,600
I think it's about 90% of those who are incarcerated come from fatherless homes.
402
00:31:22,780 --> 00:31:27,040
95% of those who are runaways come from fatherless homes.
403
00:31:27,340 --> 00:31:32,200
It is so evident physically in people's lives.
404
00:31:32,460 --> 00:31:34,800
How much more is it making a difference spiritually?
405
00:31:34,800 --> 00:31:52,400
It's such a strategic, subtle, little sneaky attack of the enemy is just to say, all right, I'm going to try and remove the father or remove the father's influence or get somebody to not want to view their father as a good man, and then that's going to just slowly bring down their view of their Heavenly Father.
406
00:31:52,540 --> 00:31:54,900
It is so unfortunate how he works.
407
00:31:55,040 --> 00:32:00,280
That's why I just really want to call to fathers who are doing a great job to continue it.
408
00:32:00,380 --> 00:32:06,520
No matter what your family may think, no matter what your children may say, no matter the mistakes that you've made, you stay in the game, Father.
409
00:32:06,660 --> 00:32:07,280
You matter.
410
00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:08,220
You're needed.
411
00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:11,580
We don't celebrate fathers as much as I think that we should, in my opinion.
412
00:32:12,100 --> 00:32:18,760
You look at Mother's Day and every brunch restaurant is full and you can find no flowers on the shelf at any store.
413
00:32:19,040 --> 00:32:20,280
We go all out.
414
00:32:20,460 --> 00:32:25,480
Even monetarily, statistics show that we spend way more money on Mother's Day.
415
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:26,300
I love mothers.
416
00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:27,640
God knows I love my mom.
417
00:32:27,720 --> 00:32:31,900
I'm a mama's boy, but at the same time, how much more should we honor our fathers?
418
00:32:32,300 --> 00:32:33,420
We beat up our fathers.
419
00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:35,000
You're not doing a good enough job.
420
00:32:35,140 --> 00:32:37,540
You need to show up more.
421
00:32:37,620 --> 00:32:38,200
I get it.
422
00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:39,620
Men, we love challenge, right?
423
00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:44,480
Sometimes men will show up to a challenge, but every now and then, a father needs some encouragement too.
424
00:32:45,160 --> 00:32:46,280
I know it's hard.
425
00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:47,800
I know it's not easy.
426
00:32:47,880 --> 00:32:50,600
I know you're dealing with the pressures of trying to provide.
427
00:32:50,860 --> 00:32:55,800
I know that there are tears that you've cried in your car on your way home that people have never seen.
428
00:32:55,940 --> 00:32:59,960
In the shower, you're battling with these thoughts, but can I tell you something, Father?
429
00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:02,640
You do not need to suffer in silence.
430
00:33:03,520 --> 00:33:04,780
Yes, it is difficult.
431
00:33:05,100 --> 00:33:08,700
Yes, it is not easy, but God's grace is sufficient.
432
00:33:08,900 --> 00:33:09,960
He gives you strength.
433
00:33:10,340 --> 00:33:11,440
He gives you power.
434
00:33:11,720 --> 00:33:14,780
He gives you the ability to do things that you can't do on your own.
435
00:33:15,060 --> 00:33:15,900
You can do this.
436
00:33:16,100 --> 00:33:16,760
Don't quit.
437
00:33:16,880 --> 00:33:17,920
Don't throw in the towel.
438
00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:20,900
You will reap a harvest if you faint not.
439
00:33:20,900 --> 00:33:22,500
Stick in the game, Fathers.
440
00:33:22,700 --> 00:33:23,120
You're needed.
441
00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:35,040
Fremon, I want to thank you for the work that you've done within your own life to see those wounds healed, which has led to you helping others overcome those wounds as well.
442
00:33:35,440 --> 00:33:42,880
Thank you for writing the book, Healing Father Wounds, and thank you especially today for spending time on Bleeding Daylight.
443
00:33:43,320 --> 00:33:44,020
It's been an honor.
444
00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:45,520
Rodney, thank you so much for having me.
445
00:33:47,320 --> 00:33:49,840
Thank you for listening to Bleeding Daylight.
446
00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:54,640
Please help us to shine more light into the darkness by sharing this episode with others.
447
00:33:55,280 --> 00:33:59,520
For further details and more episodes, please visit bleedingdaylight.net.
