Caregiving & hygiene

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[SPEAKER_05]: Hello, and welcome to another episode of Beyond the Spectrum, every age, every knee.
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[SPEAKER_05]: I have to make sure I say that because I think there is another podcast out there by the name of Beyond the Spectrum.
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[SPEAKER_05]: And while wishing them the very best, we wish to also promote clarity.
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[SPEAKER_05]: So anyway, we're going to be talking today.
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[SPEAKER_05]: And by we, since I do not speak French, I mean, our good friend, who's at a piece of L of L?
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[SPEAKER_05]: Marisa's not with us that today and as you know one of the great things about this platform in the show is that we have revolving Hosts and co-hosts because life does what it does for everybody but life does twice as much of what it does for those of us who are parents or caregivers to those who are New or divergent or special needs, but we're gonna be talking today about
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[SPEAKER_05]: hygiene that may seem like an odd topic, but then again, you may think that's right up my alley.
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[SPEAKER_05]: Either way, we are gonna get right into it on another episode of Beyond The Spectrum.
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[SPEAKER_05]: Alright, you know, the greatest temptation is to resist the urge to just let that continue to play and ride out and go.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I know.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I know.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Let's just do that today.
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[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe we should do that.
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[SPEAKER_05]: But before we get started, I want to think our friends at Billy footwear.
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[SPEAKER_05]: They make adaptive footwear for all the story of the founder Billy Price is one of inspiration and is amazing.
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[SPEAKER_05]: Billy suffered a catastrophic accident that left him paralyzed his first week of college.
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[SPEAKER_05]: a prototype was created in Billy Footwear was born and millions of lives have been inspired since and I know that literally because they have actually sold over a million pairs of shoes and that was of about more than two years ago so if you click on the link that you will find in the show notes you will get 10% off your final purchase and that includes when they happen to have a sale of any kind.
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[SPEAKER_05]: They are a great company with a great cost.
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[SPEAKER_05]: The other thing we want
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[SPEAKER_05]: caregiver, or father, to one who's neurodivergent or has special needs.
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[SPEAKER_05]: One encourages you to join our men's group, the dead.
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[SPEAKER_05]: When I say men's group, you may think as I once did that, you know, you envision guys sitting around a campfire trying to figure out who's got the biggest kill, who can grow a beard, the fastest, which is what I used to think, but I, the opportunity of being part of a men's group.
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[SPEAKER_05]: just in general, and I thought after about two years being in that group, and missing only one call or one meeting, that if men
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[SPEAKER_05]: who are neurodivergent and I'm not of the special needs community need to find a place where they're encouraged to express their hopes, fears, desires, wins, victories, and losses.
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[SPEAKER_05]: Then that probably applies twice as much.
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[SPEAKER_05]: I did the same thing at then in the last show.
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[SPEAKER_05]: I just said, plobbly, right?
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[SPEAKER_05]: But I think if you notice.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I think everybody gets the gist, Sean.
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[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, probably, applies 10 times more.
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[SPEAKER_05]: So to those of us who are caregivers or dads, because society, let's just face it.
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[SPEAKER_05]: And Susan, you know, it encourages women to state their uncertainty a little more than it does for men.
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[SPEAKER_05]: And unfortunately, what we've done is bought into that.
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[SPEAKER_05]: So there's a bunch of men out there who just aren't sure.
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[SPEAKER_05]: aren't even comfortable raising their hand to say, I don't know.
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[SPEAKER_05]: I'm afraid of this.
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[SPEAKER_05]: I'm certain or I have a place where they can simply share the victories.
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[SPEAKER_05]: And so if you look at the link which you'll find in the show notes, registration is free and let's get into the show.
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[SPEAKER_05]: So we're talking about hygiene.
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[SPEAKER_05]: What does that mean when your parents are caregiver to a child, especially
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[SPEAKER_05]: in and out of the episode, as we speak at the time of this recording, my family and I are preparing to go home to my home of the U.S. originalist and surprise my dad for his birthday.
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[SPEAKER_05]: And it is a big milestone because
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[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, my dad doesn't know how I haven't seen him in a while, even though we talk all the time.
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[SPEAKER_05]: But it is Elijah's first time on a plane.
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[SPEAKER_05]: And flying from California, it's not like the East Coast where there's a direct flight.
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[SPEAKER_05]: So I'm going to be sharing and documenting everything about it.
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[SPEAKER_05]: Hopefully people will be inspired and get something from it.
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[SPEAKER_05]: We've had guests on the show that are certified autism travel agents.
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[SPEAKER_05]: and everything, and we'll explore that more.
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[SPEAKER_05]: But I'll be sharing some of what the person of experience has been.
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[SPEAKER_05]: Thus far, I haven't wrapped my head around the joy that I expect to take place.
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[SPEAKER_05]: And it's just been stressful, some of my own doing, but here we are.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, okay, this is a big day.
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[SPEAKER_02]: This is a momentous day.
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[SPEAKER_02]: You know, I mean, this is, this is a very big milestone.
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[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, yeah.
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[SPEAKER_02]: You listeners, how old your son is.
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[SPEAKER_02]: So there is context here.
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[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, there's a context.
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[SPEAKER_05]: He's 19.
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[SPEAKER_05]: He was diagnosed with autism at the age of three.
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[SPEAKER_05]: And I've already accepted that there's going to be lessons and wisdom given, and I choose to receive it from this trip for one of several reasons.
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[SPEAKER_05]: My dad is, is actual birthday was last week.
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[SPEAKER_05]: but he turned 80, two or three, I'm not sure.
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[SPEAKER_05]: And ever since Elijah has been diagnosed and we've talked about travel, we've always thought that being in the Los Angeles area, what we would do is have a warm-up trip.
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[SPEAKER_05]: We would fly to the Bay Area up to San Francisco or the Vegas or some short trip.
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[SPEAKER_05]: You know, came up with the idea, not just the idea, but really first the acceptance that my dad is not one to say, I thought he can't say no, but when it comes to the idea of coming out here, which he's done on numerous occasions.
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[SPEAKER_05]: But he's got at a phase of life, or he's just not crazy about sitting on a plane for a couple hours.
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[SPEAKER_05]: And to get from here to the words, my islands are by his horse and we're on a plane on more than one plane.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
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[SPEAKER_05]: several hours.
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[SPEAKER_05]: And she pretty much arrived at the conclusion that you know what he's not going to say that he's not getting on a plane, but that's not something he wants to do.
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[SPEAKER_05]: So she just said, you know, whatever you guys just come down and we surprise him like for his birthday, we just what if we do that?
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[SPEAKER_05]: And without thinking about it, I just said, yeah, let's do it.
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[SPEAKER_05]: Laura said the same thing, my wife, and we agree that we would figure it out.
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[SPEAKER_05]: And like many other things in life, if you wait to, or we for the perfect time, or when things are right, and the only thing that will happen is the passage of time.
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[SPEAKER_05]: Because for many things, there just isn't such thing as a right time.
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[SPEAKER_05]: You know, I used to just have this thing where I was like, you know, we get on a plane.
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[SPEAKER_05]: I think I'm going to be on the news.
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[SPEAKER_05]: I just, I just can't see anywhere around that.
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[SPEAKER_05]: But we did, what I will say that we've done so far is we did TSA precheck and while since it is the U.S. original Islands of Passport is not needed, we just happened to months before this plan was even made.
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[SPEAKER_05]: gotten him a passport and everything.
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[SPEAKER_05]: And so it's worked out in that regard.
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[SPEAKER_05]: So we're going to be crazy enough to believe that more serendipitous things will take place and it's going to work itself out.
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[SPEAKER_05]: Does that make me immune from the what other people think and the stairs and all that kind of stuff?
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[SPEAKER_05]: No, but you know, we're going to do the best that we can and it's it's interesting because like I said, it's a long flight.
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[SPEAKER_05]: We have a three hour layer where we leave
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[SPEAKER_05]: lack thereof, all those things.
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[SPEAKER_05]: And it all ties into today's topic of hygiene as well.
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[SPEAKER_05]: Today hygiene isn't a problem because the idea of getting shaved and taking a bath and all that kind of thing to get on a plane for the first time is kind of exciting to them, but we don't really know what it's going to be like until we go.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Well, I'm excited that you're documenting this process and this journey.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Wow.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I wish there was sort of like a real time live stream that we could also be pretty too.
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[SPEAKER_02]: So that I want to see your dad's reaction, John, because that's going to be precious.
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[SPEAKER_05]: I'm already thinking of exactly how that's going to be filmed because that is exactly my thought to so we're going to make sure that we take care of that.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
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[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
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[SPEAKER_05]: Well, we're documenting my video along the way as much as I can.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
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[SPEAKER_05]: And take each step, too.
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[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Fantastic.
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[SPEAKER_02]: So, okay.
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[SPEAKER_02]: So let's let's weave in some hygiene here.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And I think that hygiene is especially something that, well, let me speak for myself, that I think about all the time in terms of my daughter who's also 19.
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[SPEAKER_02]: like a Lisha her name is Eversona.
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[SPEAKER_02]: She was diagnosed with autism when she was two and a half years old and she still happens to be in high school.
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[SPEAKER_02]: She's a 12th grader.
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[SPEAKER_02]: She's a senior in high school and graduating in June.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And what?
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[SPEAKER_02]: It's a milestone my talking I just we celebrate my we celebrate all kinds of tiny big all victory's big and small for none are really small yes right we're just like what let's celebrate but so we have teenagers okay so let's talk about it and teenagers
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[SPEAKER_02]: Right?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Then we have hygiene and, you know, kiddos on the spectrum, you know, kiddos with disabilities, unique needs, complex medical needs, you fill in the blank, right?
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[SPEAKER_02]: So I just feel like it's all
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[SPEAKER_02]: kind of like a band diagram, sort of situation, right?
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[SPEAKER_02]: So you know, hygiene teenagers spectrum, other names.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And it's, you know, again, I think it's sometimes even if I'm not wanting to think about it, I have to think about it because then a lot of, you know, particular, whatever.
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[SPEAKER_05]: That's how usually starts because when they're small and they don't necessarily want to take about
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[SPEAKER_05]: You know, first of all, we understand as caregivers that we have to pick our battles.
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[SPEAKER_05]: You know, normal or neurotypical parenting.
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[SPEAKER_05]: You know, especially in communities of color, such as ours, I just think people can correct me from wrong.
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[SPEAKER_05]: I just think this is culturally accurate.
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[SPEAKER_05]: You know, which is that, you know, you do what you're told and there's a certain amount of, you move when you say move and, you know, and then we say, no, get in the bath, but what happens is you realize that you have to pick and choose your battles because there's certain things for which you cannot compromise.
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[SPEAKER_05]: And then there's certain things,
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[SPEAKER_05]: that you grew up without compromise as a person of color, that you have to make that compromise because the battles need to be chosen.
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[SPEAKER_05]: And hygiene may be one of them, and maybe one day, all right, we'll make sure we take a bath tomorrow and you can kind of skip there and bargain.
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[SPEAKER_05]: But when it becomes an issue, is when your nose tells you for the very first time because they can stick to the internet.
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[SPEAKER_05]: No, no, no, no, that has to take place today.
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[SPEAKER_02]: There is, I mean, we call it, I'm like, somebody is functified in this house and it's not me.
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[SPEAKER_02]: By the way, it's just me and her in the house.
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[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, we have cats too, but you know, they're pretty clean animals, they self-clean, like they're just,
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[SPEAKER_02]: I just, you know, one of the things that I think we can, you know, start off with is sort of the beginning stages of life, right?
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[SPEAKER_02]: So we have a newborn toddler early years, and I know that, you know, children on the spectrum can be very diverse to, well, this we do know for a fact, very, you know, a verse to, um,
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[SPEAKER_02]: sensory sensitivity you know sensory things that could be water that could be touched that could be so that could be Arizona was she absolutely would not step on sand so being here in Los Angeles it was like we'd live so close to the beach and you you know ultimately she found a solution which was she put rain boots on and she called them her her beach boots okay but
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[SPEAKER_02]: But water is something that it's, again, it's such a spectrum like some kiddos love being in the water.
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[SPEAKER_02]: They find so much calm and peace and regulation being in the water.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Others, it's like, it's like, you know, as if you're asking them to put themselves in a, in a table of like acid or like 500 pins and needles sticking up at them, right?
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[SPEAKER_02]: We don't, you know,
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[SPEAKER_02]: We don't have, we can't tell, especially with our kiddos who are not able to communicate yet, you know, what's really going on.
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[SPEAKER_02]: So I feel like we have to acknowledge all of the different...
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[SPEAKER_02]: pieces and factors and ingredients that can go into what does it mean to, you know, be hygienic.
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[SPEAKER_02]: What is that mean?
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[SPEAKER_02]: Are we talking just about being cleaning?
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[SPEAKER_02]: Are we talking about health and safety and everything else that can be part of it?
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[SPEAKER_02]: What do you think, Sean?
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[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
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[SPEAKER_05]: Well, I think it means several things to different parents and in it,
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[SPEAKER_05]: It's a good example of why we need to remain conscious and curious, because my perspective is always limited to that of raising a boy.
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[SPEAKER_05]: when it comes to realizing a daughter and you're talking about purity.
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[SPEAKER_05]: You're talking about aspects that I know nothing about and other people are in a similar situation.
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[SPEAKER_05]: And we've had a conversation about this before.
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[SPEAKER_05]: I think it's a great idea if you could share some of that because there's someone out there that has a daughter that's newly diagnosed and is,
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[SPEAKER_05]: on paper, nowhere near, them experiencing, say, their first industrial cycle, but as time, knowing how time moves, that's gonna come before you know it.
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[SPEAKER_05]: And somebody's either thinking about it or there's somebody out there listening that has no idea, but now that I've mentioned it, is saying, wait a minute, I didn't even think about that.
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[SPEAKER_05]: How do you deal with that?
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[SPEAKER_05]: You dealt with yours in a very effective and I think creative way.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Why don't you share that if you don't mind?
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[SPEAKER_02]: I'm laughing.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I'm not laughing.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I am laughing because
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[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, it's such a journey, and I will say even though before, actually probably as soon as Arizona was diagnosed with autism, she was two and a half like I said, and when she was three, four, five, six, she had a really, really, really hard time learning how to potty train.
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[SPEAKER_02]: So because it was such a challenge, it was like,
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[SPEAKER_02]: her brain and her body were not communicating in a way that yeah, yeah, right.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And so it was it was so challenging to try to come up with different ways for her to be able to learn how to do that sort of instinctively and intrinsically from the inside out of okay, I need to use the bathroom as opposed to just
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[SPEAKER_02]: going in our pants or on the floor or whatever it was, right?
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[SPEAKER_02]: It was a very, very lengthy process, very challenging.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And so at the start of that process.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And again, this is everything is just such a lesson for us to just be focused on our child that's in front of us, as opposed to always hearing the comparisons or listening to the noise outside, which is, oh, my daughter was potty trained at 18 months.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Whatever it is, right?
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[SPEAKER_02]: So I remember thinking that this was such a big lesson for me.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Like, I'm just going to focus on my daughter, Arizona.
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[SPEAKER_02]: What she's able to do today, let's see if we can make progress.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Let's continue to move forward.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I don't care if it's one millimeter at a time.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Our goal, my goal, which I wanted for her to be able to experience, was independent toilet aid, right?
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[SPEAKER_02]: And I even took classes at the Regional Center on, you know, toilet training 101.
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[SPEAKER_02]: All kinds of managing behaviors around toilet training.
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[SPEAKER_02]: It was like a very, very big part of.
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[SPEAKER_02]: my early motherhood.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Okay?
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[SPEAKER_02]: So as soon as that started happening, I was like, oh no.
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[SPEAKER_02]: You know, because there's going to be, she is a female, right?
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[SPEAKER_02]: Born female.
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[SPEAKER_02]: She is going to get her period someday.
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[SPEAKER_02]: She's going to get her, she's going to get her, she's going
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[SPEAKER_02]: because there were so many challenges with potty trading.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And I was like, oh my goodness, I don't even know what to do.
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[SPEAKER_02]: So around the time that Arizona was, I think she was probably four at the time.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I met this mother who's friends of a friend.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And she had a daughter who was also diagnosed with autism.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And in that,
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[SPEAKER_02]: day and age, all of the therapy centers, social skills, all of the groups that we were a part of for kiddos on this spectrum, Arizona was typically the only girl in those groups and classes.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Things have changed.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Now I see a little bit more of a spring thing of girls and different therapies and, you know, centers and things like that, groups, but back then there was really not a lot.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And so I glammed onto this mom.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I was like, hold on a second.
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[SPEAKER_02]: You have a girl, and her daughter was two years older than Arizona.
19:17.335 --> 19:21.862
[SPEAKER_02]: So I just use she was like my she's still such a very good friend of mine today.
19:21.923 --> 19:37.909
[SPEAKER_02]: She was like my my beacon in the dark like she was like my light house and now Obviously you have one person on the spectrum that is one person on the spectrum and so Arizona and her daughter didn't have a lot of like necessarily same sort of characteristics qualities
19:37.889 --> 19:39.532
[SPEAKER_02]: temperaments even.
19:40.994 --> 19:48.467
[SPEAKER_02]: But they were both girls and they were both, you know, going through this experience of being, you know, having, having differently wired brains.
19:49.128 --> 19:59.647
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I just kept, you know, asking her like, what should I look forward to in terms of like bodies changing and puberty coming up.
19:59.667 --> 20:02.732
[SPEAKER_02]: And so she really, really helped me with that.
20:02.712 --> 20:15.608
[SPEAKER_02]: And so because I was so worried about, you know, the pending puberty happening, and this especially Arizona getting her period, let's be real.
20:15.993 --> 20:24.409
[SPEAKER_02]: Because to me, that was going to be the biggest sort of unexpected thing from her eyes, you know?
20:24.429 --> 20:27.074
[SPEAKER_05]: Yes, she doesn't know that it's coming and it happens one day.
20:27.094 --> 20:34.247
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, I mean, if you just saw blood out of the blue coming from your body, right, right.
20:34.267 --> 20:37.393
[SPEAKER_02]: I think that would be very, you know,
20:37.576 --> 20:38.717
[SPEAKER_02]: Try it because you want it.
20:38.898 --> 20:39.519
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
20:39.539 --> 20:39.999
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
20:40.019 --> 20:50.153
[SPEAKER_02]: So I, you know, I had the force I probably because I was so scared about it to just start talking to her in a in a very sort of literal way.
20:50.193 --> 20:59.685
[SPEAKER_02]: And then every time I experienced my, you know, monthly visitor if you were I would be like Arizona come take a look.
21:00.053 --> 21:23.142
[SPEAKER_02]: Sorry if this is TMI, sorry if this is too graphic, but for Arizona, it was often and still is so effective to be so literal with her about everything that is going to take place right and I would show her and here's what's happening and look I'm going to change my pad and change my sanitary because this is going to happen for a few days and Arizona come take a look.
21:23.122 --> 21:27.672
[SPEAKER_02]: every for probably about two years before she actually got her period.
21:27.692 --> 21:30.237
[SPEAKER_02]: So I would say when she was around 11 years old onward.
21:32.182 --> 21:39.257
[SPEAKER_02]: So much so that actually when her period finally did come, which was a month after she turned 13,
21:39.473 --> 21:46.300
[SPEAKER_02]: fun fact, I got my period a month after I turned 13, which is so kind of like kind of interesting, right?
21:48.242 --> 21:50.324
[SPEAKER_02]: So it was sort of a non event.
21:51.124 --> 21:53.387
[SPEAKER_02]: It was actually a non event.
21:53.467 --> 22:09.042
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I had built up all this fear in my own mind around how horrible this is this was going to be how how much of a meltdown
22:10.304 --> 22:12.286
[SPEAKER_02]: It just didn't turn out to be that way.
22:12.347 --> 22:15.490
[SPEAKER_02]: And now she just handles everything by herself.
22:15.811 --> 22:21.878
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, I was like, it was a big a shock of my life time until this point to be honest.
22:23.080 --> 22:27.686
[SPEAKER_05]: Few things in life are as powerful as the unknown.
22:30.750 --> 22:39.180
[SPEAKER_05]: You know, the unknown can be something that is powerful and inspires hope.
22:39.532 --> 22:52.087
[SPEAKER_05]: It can also be, and unfortunately, I don't know, fortunately, unfortunately, more accurately, just say factually, it is something that more often than not inspires fear.
22:52.968 --> 22:57.853
[SPEAKER_05]: And that's because what's equally as powerful as the unknown is the imagination.
22:58.314 --> 23:06.383
[SPEAKER_05]: And the imagination is as underestimated as it is powerful.
23:06.937 --> 23:14.083
[SPEAKER_05]: because we, and I'm seeing that to myself now as we get ready for this day to explain for the first place.
23:14.924 --> 23:36.842
[SPEAKER_05]: And I have to say that most situations that I really worry about in life generally speaking, none that I have experienced have been as no experience has been as difficult as
23:37.666 --> 23:42.674
[SPEAKER_05]: You know, and by the same talking, we have situations where we, I think most people can relate to that.
23:43.115 --> 23:49.045
[SPEAKER_05]: Everybody's got some situation where things turn out to be more difficult, where they opposite is true.
23:49.065 --> 24:01.024
[SPEAKER_05]: It turned out to be more difficult than they expected, but I also consider that one of my many blessings to count because my life has been a series of.
24:01.679 --> 24:10.189
[SPEAKER_05]: blessings and circumstances, you know, but that goes back to kind of why we're here because everybody's experience is not the same.
24:10.269 --> 24:24.825
[SPEAKER_05]: And as you and Maurice have stated before, as you guys were the first to say this on this show, which is that we're here sharing our experiences we're not advocating as experts.
24:24.845 --> 24:29.931
[SPEAKER_05]: And I believe even the people that we have that we have on
24:31.008 --> 24:32.131
[SPEAKER_05]: even then, they're human beings.
24:32.231 --> 24:35.579
[SPEAKER_05]: Everybody's just sharing what their experience has been professional or otherwise.
24:36.060 --> 24:43.437
[SPEAKER_05]: The second that somebody acknowledges that they're an expert, they're acknowledging subconsciously or consciously that there isn't anything left to learn.
24:43.838 --> 24:46.384
[SPEAKER_05]: And if there isn't anything left to learn, then why be here?
24:46.820 --> 24:47.662
[SPEAKER_01]: Hmm.
24:47.682 --> 24:47.942
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
24:48.523 --> 24:48.764
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
24:50.027 --> 24:50.568
[SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely.
24:51.089 --> 24:51.490
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
24:51.510 --> 24:52.091
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
24:52.111 --> 24:52.612
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
24:52.632 --> 25:00.067
[SPEAKER_05]: So, um, the other thing, I guess we even though the procedure is different because of where the razor goes.
25:00.588 --> 25:02.813
[SPEAKER_05]: The other thing that we can know.
25:02.833 --> 25:04.897
[SPEAKER_05]: No, but they do is shaving.
25:04.917 --> 25:07.883
[SPEAKER_05]: That's a part of IG like for me when Elijah was, yeah.
25:07.863 --> 25:14.534
[SPEAKER_05]: probably, I don't know how old he was, but as before, he had facial hair and knowing his sensitivity to textures.
25:15.575 --> 25:17.779
[SPEAKER_05]: And this is an example of where things weren't as bad as I thought.
25:18.059 --> 25:24.029
[SPEAKER_05]: I used to think, how are we going to be at a point where him shaving is some normal thing?
25:25.451 --> 25:27.935
[SPEAKER_05]: And that's going to be such a problem.
25:28.556 --> 25:29.297
[SPEAKER_05]: And you know what?
25:30.357 --> 25:55.051
[SPEAKER_05]: It hasn't really been, now he still doesn't shave himself, you know, but we had our experience and the other thing about hygiene is that it becomes easier to deal with when our children care about how they look and they take pride in it and as soon as that happens, then it's like, I want to smell good, I want to look good and in his case, you know, we think he's never verbalized cut my hair like that.
25:55.071 --> 25:56.753
[SPEAKER_05]: He never says that.
25:56.733 --> 26:22.258
[SPEAKER_05]: because in his case, he has some limitations, but he is verbal, but even though he's never said that, he went from wearing his hair in a curly front to just, first asking for it to be cut shorter, and he would say, go to a black barber shop, get a black, you know, and because I don't I think we had shown him a couple of pictures, and then he figured out what he wanted, and he started cutting his hair for himself with a pair of scissors.
26:22.999 --> 26:26.402
[SPEAKER_05]: And that included, and that
26:26.990 --> 26:27.270
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
26:27.711 --> 26:29.693
[SPEAKER_05]: And he did a damn good job of it too.
26:29.713 --> 26:30.654
[SPEAKER_00]: Say what?
26:31.595 --> 26:31.896
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
26:32.196 --> 26:32.537
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
26:32.557 --> 26:32.897
[SPEAKER_05]: He did.
26:33.297 --> 26:36.041
[SPEAKER_05]: He had a little little fade with a high top.
26:36.061 --> 26:37.482
[SPEAKER_05]: And he and he did that.
26:37.542 --> 26:38.824
[SPEAKER_05]: And then at one point.
26:38.904 --> 26:43.269
[SPEAKER_05]: And then it eventually it was just like one curl that was sticking up.
26:43.289 --> 26:49.677
[SPEAKER_05]: And then it got to the point where eventually he just said you started saying shave like shave bald.
26:49.697 --> 26:51.939
[SPEAKER_05]: And I was like okay.
26:51.960 --> 26:56.625
[SPEAKER_05]: And I've been taking a while to find the right barber shop to take him to because trip to the
26:57.213 --> 27:04.422
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm sure what I did in my effort to protect him and my own feelings was over-complicated because I was getting anxiety doing that.
27:04.462 --> 27:05.143
[SPEAKER_05]: Totally.
27:05.303 --> 27:06.725
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm like, they're not understanding.
27:06.825 --> 27:07.706
[SPEAKER_05]: I don't know what I'm going to do.
27:08.487 --> 27:17.479
[SPEAKER_05]: We never got the chance to do that because he went from the scissors to picking up Clippers on his own and just cutting his hair.
27:18.100 --> 27:22.225
[SPEAKER_05]: Now, when he would do that, I went from
27:23.065 --> 27:28.991
[SPEAKER_05]: I started, let me back up a bit, what we did, I started cutting it for him and I enjoyed the heck out of it.
27:29.091 --> 27:30.973
[SPEAKER_05]: It was cathartic.
27:30.993 --> 27:41.424
[SPEAKER_05]: It was like this connection time and eventually what he started doing is cutting it on his own and what he would do is because you could see the front pretty easy.
27:42.305 --> 27:49.613
[SPEAKER_05]: He would do that and then he has not quite mastered looking in the mirror to see the back.
27:50.167 --> 27:51.729
[SPEAKER_05]: patches in the back that had here.
27:52.570 --> 27:57.215
[SPEAKER_05]: And I'd be like, dude, you look like we live in a, you know, in a, you know, in a shawl in temple.
27:57.395 --> 27:59.437
[SPEAKER_05]: Like I just, I got here.
27:59.918 --> 28:01.139
[SPEAKER_00]: I think I didn't run it around.
28:01.179 --> 28:01.640
[SPEAKER_00]: I got it.
28:01.900 --> 28:02.581
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
28:02.601 --> 28:08.367
[SPEAKER_05]: And to be honest, my selfish thought was people are going to be like, oh my gosh, look at who got his hair.
28:08.887 --> 28:13.052
[SPEAKER_05]: As soon as they found out that I did, why'd you leave big gloves or patches of hair in the back?
28:13.910 --> 28:21.201
[SPEAKER_05]: But my wife, Laura, in her wisdom, is like, you know what, just leave him and let it be because that's how he's gonna learn how to do it.
28:21.221 --> 28:25.207
[SPEAKER_01]: And he's like, why is why?
28:25.428 --> 28:29.514
[SPEAKER_05]: Why is one just, yes, so just let it be.
28:29.574 --> 28:34.602
[SPEAKER_05]: And so now there's like little bits in the back but the other thing that's interesting that happened is, he,
28:35.257 --> 28:51.418
[SPEAKER_05]: Um, he got real sensitive to the clippers that we use, so the one that he used that's used for the face, because fairly close, that's what he uses and it takes a little more and he wasn't, he wasn't sensitive to the sound of the regular clippers before.
28:51.918 --> 29:03.593
[SPEAKER_05]: Now, he still doesn't shave on his own, but part of him taking me about is that, you know, one of us will help him do that.
29:03.809 --> 29:07.335
[SPEAKER_05]: But it's not as close, so it doesn't get that clean.
29:07.355 --> 29:09.278
[SPEAKER_05]: So that's been our evolution.
29:09.359 --> 29:21.579
[SPEAKER_05]: And it's, in now, what's happened is of let it go because for any parent, whether you're a child is neurotypical or otherwise, the biggest battle is trying to strike a balance between giving your child fish and teaching them the fish.
29:21.980 --> 29:22.701
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, man.
29:22.761 --> 29:23.823
[SPEAKER_05]: Yes.
29:24.044 --> 29:29.513
[SPEAKER_05]: And so the fish that he now has, which relates to his own hygiene,
29:30.083 --> 29:36.719
[SPEAKER_05]: I had to eventually embrace that being let go because I remember that that's our time to connect.
29:36.739 --> 29:39.065
[SPEAKER_05]: What is it about me, yeah, is it about him?
29:39.446 --> 29:39.726
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
29:39.746 --> 29:40.609
[SPEAKER_05]: No.
29:40.629 --> 29:44.498
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, that's the that is the never ending question.
29:45.085 --> 29:45.486
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
29:46.248 --> 29:49.035
[SPEAKER_02]: And it's part of this beautiful journey of life together.
29:49.476 --> 30:02.487
[SPEAKER_02]: But I was going to say something about the idea that, you know, there is self awareness with our kiddos children, including adult children young adult children.
30:02.467 --> 30:06.615
[SPEAKER_02]: who are starting to take an interest in how they present themselves to the world.
30:06.975 --> 30:11.163
[SPEAKER_02]: So I know Elijah forever wanted to just be in a full suit every day.
30:11.183 --> 30:20.661
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know when he's changed since if anything has changed, Arizona when she started high school, she decided she was going to have like a goth look.
30:20.641 --> 30:46.682
[SPEAKER_02]: Which I don't know where she got that from because that's not anything like my aesthetic, but she kind of like this Wednesday Adams sort of look and so she would do you know she were two braids every day I have to do her hair still.
30:46.662 --> 30:49.533
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, but that doesn't mean that she smelled good.
30:51.199 --> 30:51.721
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, John.
30:51.781 --> 30:53.387
[SPEAKER_05]: That's funny.
30:53.427 --> 30:55.997
[SPEAKER_05]: You say that because with him with the soon know what I'm saying
30:56.534 --> 30:57.395
[SPEAKER_05]: It was kind of like that.
30:57.476 --> 31:00.801
[SPEAKER_05]: I got the look good, but do I have to take care of the other stuff?
31:00.821 --> 31:01.643
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, they go in.
31:01.663 --> 31:05.950
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, and she is a girl who always has like to take a shower every night.
31:06.571 --> 31:07.693
[SPEAKER_02]: About every night.
31:08.034 --> 31:12.161
[SPEAKER_02]: I have to get in there with her in the bath in the shower.
31:12.181 --> 31:19.453
[SPEAKER_02]: If I want to do any shaving, you know, I'm well, I have to do the shaving for her because she can't.
31:19.433 --> 31:29.663
[SPEAKER_02]: And she has, you know, um, she has, you know, dark thick brown.
31:29.930 --> 31:32.053
[SPEAKER_02]: dark brown hair on her legs on her arms.
31:32.313 --> 31:33.855
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm not that hairy of a person.
31:34.135 --> 31:42.725
[SPEAKER_02]: So it came from her father side, but either way, like it's very noticeable if she doesn't shave and when you don't shave, especially under your arms.
31:43.206 --> 31:55.200
[SPEAKER_02]: And I know men boys are different or whatever, but you can it the sweat hangs it hangs out in there and just as in there.
31:55.220 --> 31:59.565
[SPEAKER_02]: So it's like
31:59.545 --> 32:06.760
[SPEAKER_02]: in school and class, you're doing PE, adaptive PE, or whatever it may be in your school, right?
32:06.880 --> 32:08.663
[SPEAKER_02]: It's just, uh, can you imagine?
32:09.866 --> 32:15.377
[SPEAKER_05]: I, I've woken myself up from a non-existent, from a non-existent sleep.
32:15.357 --> 32:25.352
[SPEAKER_05]: When I've just used the bathroom, it's just not being, you know, graphic, but literally just going to the bathroom, you know, like, pull up a shirt and move something and you're like, wait a minute, I, I shower today.
32:25.372 --> 32:30.020
[SPEAKER_05]: I smell like that now.
32:30.100 --> 32:31.602
[SPEAKER_02]: What is that mustiness?
32:32.764 --> 32:34.086
[SPEAKER_05]: Well, there's a word for it.
32:34.667 --> 32:35.969
[SPEAKER_05]: Okay.
32:35.989 --> 32:37.311
[SPEAKER_05]: Is it my word for it?
32:37.531 --> 32:37.912
[SPEAKER_05]: Okay.
32:37.932 --> 32:41.297
[SPEAKER_05]: When I was at like my late teens, like, I'm probably my 20s.
32:42.323 --> 32:49.599
[SPEAKER_05]: I would develop this thing and it could use the bathroom and I'm like, man, I took a bath today.
32:49.619 --> 32:51.062
[SPEAKER_05]: Why do I have a case of crotchettis?
32:51.383 --> 32:52.385
[SPEAKER_05]: Why is that?
32:52.405 --> 32:54.089
[SPEAKER_00]: We what crotchettis?
32:54.771 --> 32:55.332
[SPEAKER_05]: Crotchettis.
32:56.414 --> 32:58.138
[SPEAKER_00]: Wait, you have to spell that.
32:59.131 --> 33:12.032
[SPEAKER_05]: it can be spelled as you wish all I knew was that you know you could have something emanate from the crotchettist area and you'd be like I know I shower and I shower well with pride.
33:12.052 --> 33:12.593
[SPEAKER_05]: Why is there?
33:13.034 --> 33:15.017
[SPEAKER_05]: Why is there still a case of crotchettist?
33:15.037 --> 33:17.220
[SPEAKER_01]: So, yes, man.
33:17.341 --> 33:19.184
[SPEAKER_05]: Okay, it's interesting for the trip.
33:19.785 --> 33:23.330
[SPEAKER_05]: My wife comes over you say, Laura comes over me yesterday because we're like we need these travel things.
33:23.350 --> 33:24.312
[SPEAKER_05]: We're trying to
33:24.967 --> 33:28.801
[SPEAKER_05]: compartmentalize everything because I'm a king of a lot, right?
33:29.303 --> 33:29.985
[SPEAKER_05]: And it's interesting.
33:30.527 --> 33:34.943
[SPEAKER_05]: I say I'm the king of a lot, but I was just admitting yesterday that I realized that my tendency to
33:36.442 --> 33:40.968
[SPEAKER_05]: Maybe not my tendency to pack at the last minute, which is full transparency.
33:41.048 --> 33:42.009
[SPEAKER_05]: We're leaving tonight.
33:42.109 --> 33:44.692
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm packing when I get up, when we finish recording here, okay?
33:45.033 --> 33:46.635
[SPEAKER_05]: So only a couple days, so it's not that bad.
33:47.155 --> 33:48.998
[SPEAKER_05]: But I got this.
33:49.018 --> 33:51.661
[SPEAKER_05]: But what I would tend to do is overpack.
33:51.861 --> 33:57.268
[SPEAKER_05]: When I used to go from Saint Thomas to Saint Croix as a kid, uncle would pick me up from the airport and he would say,
33:58.312 --> 34:10.785
[SPEAKER_05]: But you came to stay because my mentality on my life has been that, and rather I have too many things that I don't need, then not have something I need and find out when I'm in the park.
34:10.805 --> 34:12.847
[SPEAKER_05]: But that's not the king of a lot.
34:13.027 --> 34:15.130
[SPEAKER_05]: That's actually a scarcity mindset.
34:16.651 --> 34:24.720
[SPEAKER_05]: So, trying to minimize it, I'm like, and I've never been one to get travel size toothpaste or shaving cream or anything like that.
34:24.740 --> 34:27.002
[SPEAKER_05]: I just jam everything in the bag.
34:27.708 --> 34:33.595
[SPEAKER_05]: In my effort to evolve, I'm telling my wife, I was like, we should make sure we take like, because we have like electric toothbrushes to their big, right?
34:34.156 --> 34:37.039
[SPEAKER_05]: Let's lead those, we should get some travel toothbrushes, travel to you, don't we?
34:37.059 --> 34:37.179
[SPEAKER_04]: Sure.
34:38.020 --> 34:40.723
[SPEAKER_05]: My wife goes, I got this for you guys.
34:41.524 --> 34:51.416
[SPEAKER_05]: And they're not a sponsor, so I'm not going to get me thing for it, but it was a can of mando, which is a brand of full body deodorant.
34:51.436 --> 34:52.917
[SPEAKER_02]: They have no for men too.
34:53.758 --> 34:56.061
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, yeah.
34:56.429 --> 35:00.779
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, they have it for everybody and they and they tell you you spray like everywhere.
35:00.899 --> 35:06.712
[SPEAKER_05]: So You know something I need to make sure I treat Mark Crochett as before they take that No, thank you.
35:06.732 --> 35:11.984
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't think anybody's gonna ever take that ever They should it works.
35:12.164 --> 35:13.948
[SPEAKER_05]: Kills Crochett is right away
35:15.008 --> 35:19.493
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, yeah, let's contact a trademark attorney.
35:19.893 --> 35:29.923
[SPEAKER_02]: But I, that is hilarious because, yeah, listen, and especially when you're traveling far, do you know what I'm saying?
35:29.943 --> 35:32.406
[SPEAKER_02]: Because you're going to wet fly to Miami or something, right?
35:32.426 --> 35:41.235
[SPEAKER_02]: Take a three hour layover or whatever, have a layover, because you're going to fly overnight, which is really like five hours.
35:41.536 --> 35:46.266
[SPEAKER_02]: And so you'll get there like 5 a.m. That's the other thing.
35:46.606 --> 35:49.312
[SPEAKER_02]: They are time, but it's really 3 a.m. Our time, right?
35:49.713 --> 35:49.973
[SPEAKER_05]: Right.
35:50.034 --> 35:51.036
[SPEAKER_05]: That's the other thing that's worth.
35:51.216 --> 35:51.797
[SPEAKER_05]: We're sharing.
35:51.817 --> 35:54.162
[SPEAKER_05]: I'll share how it worked out.
35:54.547 --> 36:00.677
[SPEAKER_05]: But this morning, Laurel's over and tells me she grabs the iPad and she goes, I found this a sleeping pod.
36:00.817 --> 36:01.258
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm like, what?
36:01.438 --> 36:08.309
[SPEAKER_05]: Because what we're doing is, because usually you go through either Miami or, or in this case, you know, Atlanta.
36:08.449 --> 36:11.053
[SPEAKER_05]: And she says, and the airline that we booked on is Delta.
36:11.073 --> 36:14.158
[SPEAKER_05]: She says, in their lounge, they have a sleep pod.
36:14.138 --> 36:25.190
[SPEAKER_05]: It's like, oh, okay, because Elijah for years has struggled with sleep, those in the audience, so probably know that boys generally speaking produce less melatonin than girls.
36:25.691 --> 36:28.614
[SPEAKER_05]: Those on the spectrum produce even less melatonin.
36:29.054 --> 36:35.121
[SPEAKER_05]: So keeping rock star hours is part of our experiences caregivers when autism is part of the puzzle.
36:35.922 --> 36:38.745
[SPEAKER_05]: And there were times, you know, we had
36:39.232 --> 36:55.485
[SPEAKER_05]: he would go about like 20 hours like without sleep and we would just be like beat and with medication which we turned to as a last resort he stabilized in that regard and so we fly out tonight
36:55.465 --> 37:04.124
[SPEAKER_05]: 10.45, you know, there's a car that picks us up like 6.6.45 with TSA and everything like that.
37:04.465 --> 37:11.922
[SPEAKER_05]: So that alone is a big window between when we get picked up and when we depart, when the plane takes off.
37:11.902 --> 37:23.385
[SPEAKER_05]: So you've got that, then you have to three-hour layover and so we've got the pod and we're going to see how that goes because he's probably going to take some medication like, I think we're going to give it a turn like maybe on the way to the airport.
37:23.486 --> 37:24.828
[SPEAKER_05]: Again, this is trial and error.
37:24.848 --> 37:27.093
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
37:27.434 --> 37:30.660
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, so we're going to see how that works so that he continues to get the secret.
37:30.700 --> 37:33.606
[SPEAKER_05]: Like you said, there's three-hour difference.
37:33.586 --> 37:34.468
[SPEAKER_05]: in terms of time.
37:35.130 --> 37:44.355
[SPEAKER_05]: So it's only there's a three hour difference and then we get there and you kind of hit the ground sort of running you get, you know, so
37:45.331 --> 37:47.055
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it's daytime.
37:47.095 --> 38:03.610
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, you're going to have the full day tomorrow and then it's going to be a lot of oh my gosh and you know seeing all your friends and family and you know the the surprise of it all for your father and which I think is fantastic and amazing and I'm so excited for you all.
38:03.590 --> 38:08.255
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, and then also traveling to your kind of like off schedule.
38:08.915 --> 38:11.037
[SPEAKER_02]: So very, right?
38:11.158 --> 38:18.205
[SPEAKER_02]: And, um, you know, sometimes you miss a bath or a shower on a travel day getting somewhere and on the way back.
38:18.325 --> 38:27.534
[SPEAKER_05]: I've noticed that that sometimes happens and it's just something to be, folk folk travels, not only on your playlist, but on your bike.
38:28.675 --> 38:29.496
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean,
38:30.016 --> 38:36.826
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, when people walk by, you're like, woo, like I will, you know, I'll pick up Arizona from school, which I do every day.
38:36.866 --> 38:41.673
[SPEAKER_02]: And she'll get in the car and it's like a hot box.
38:41.773 --> 38:44.036
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, what is happening?
38:44.136 --> 38:47.401
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, I love the outfits that she puts together.
38:47.641 --> 38:49.404
[SPEAKER_02]: I love her sense of style.
38:50.165 --> 38:51.487
[SPEAKER_02]: But it's just, there's this thing.
38:51.527 --> 38:57.475
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, you have been, she's like obsessed with this
38:57.455 --> 39:11.195
[SPEAKER_02]: It's delicious and she puts it on everything and she dips her, you know, garlic non crackers into the garlic Well, it's like sauce and I'm like honey pie that garlic is coming through your pores.
39:12.096 --> 39:16.442
[SPEAKER_05]: Okay There's vampires that are countries away going
39:17.384 --> 39:33.722
[SPEAKER_02]: They always say ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding,
39:34.546 --> 39:42.286
[SPEAKER_05]: That again, the analogy that I've used about Superman coming to earth, discovering that he has heat vision and it starts out as a problem.
39:42.526 --> 39:44.913
[SPEAKER_05]: You know he probably burned down the kids barn, right?
39:45.374 --> 39:45.614
[SPEAKER_05]: Right.
39:45.654 --> 39:49.805
[SPEAKER_05]: But when he learned to harness it, he didn't put up a coffee on my lower perfect temperature.
39:49.825 --> 39:50.968
[SPEAKER_05]: Don't touch anybody else.
39:51.370 --> 39:54.134
[SPEAKER_05]: that not giving to F's.
39:54.935 --> 39:55.195
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
39:55.355 --> 40:01.223
[SPEAKER_05]: That is something else to like how you harness that in the right direction because that can be a gift also.
40:01.503 --> 40:02.244
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, of course.
40:02.545 --> 40:02.905
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
40:02.925 --> 40:03.166
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
40:03.186 --> 40:03.366
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
40:03.386 --> 40:04.668
[SPEAKER_02]: No, no, no, no, of course.
40:05.329 --> 40:09.074
[SPEAKER_02]: As we know, I think we're the ones who care our concern.
40:09.975 --> 40:11.297
[SPEAKER_02]: It's us, right?
40:11.397 --> 40:11.697
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
40:12.098 --> 40:12.318
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
40:12.338 --> 40:13.159
[SPEAKER_02]: It's it's
40:13.679 --> 40:17.803
[SPEAKER_02]: We need to be asking ourselves all the time, which I do all the time.
40:17.843 --> 40:18.945
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you for this reminder.
40:19.025 --> 40:37.324
[SPEAKER_02]: Again, Sean, it which is what can we change about our response or reaction or expectation, you know, around, you know, it's like, I'm just so worried that people are gonna like, maybe make fun of her or, you know, a potential,
40:37.709 --> 40:53.018
[SPEAKER_02]: someone who she might want to date at some point in what she's not at that stage but at some you know she wants to find love and a partner and that's a whole other thing too yeah we that's the thing that worries us and you know what though I will here's where I'm gonna give you some grace
40:53.588 --> 41:14.072
[SPEAKER_05]: Okay, you don't sound like you you you you you you're concerned about her more than you're concerned about what other people think and the reason why that's easy for me to see Because because that has been my evolution I would be lying of us so that I don't care what other people think Yeah, not only do I care not only do I care less, but my reasons for caring Yes, too.
41:14.432 --> 41:18.297
[SPEAKER_05]: I used to care before about how it might look, but I care about what
41:18.277 --> 41:20.020
[SPEAKER_05]: he's going, he would go through.
41:20.421 --> 41:23.045
[SPEAKER_05]: And I'm going to tie this into because I'm going to keep everybody posted.
41:24.288 --> 41:36.589
[SPEAKER_05]: The last episode, which actually aired today, I shared with Maurice and the audience that I have my first social encounter where it got
41:37.582 --> 41:38.844
[SPEAKER_05]: ugly.
41:38.864 --> 41:39.064
[SPEAKER_03]: No.
41:39.404 --> 41:40.586
[SPEAKER_05]: You know, yeah.
41:40.606 --> 41:50.219
[SPEAKER_05]: Elijah is going through a phase where it has been for where he collects brochures, business cards, literature of any kind, and shopping bags of different sizes.
41:50.960 --> 41:54.765
[SPEAKER_05]: And I didn't name or it wasn't before.
41:54.805 --> 41:57.309
[SPEAKER_05]: I still won't name the location, but I won't tell you.
41:58.310 --> 42:01.134
[SPEAKER_05]: We've gone to, when we go into Target, he does the same thing.
42:01.154 --> 42:05.800
[SPEAKER_05]: And within Target, there's a counter for CVS drugstore, drugstore within the store.
42:05.780 --> 42:09.766
[SPEAKER_05]: And when he goes there, he will ask for a paper bag.
42:10.568 --> 42:27.033
[SPEAKER_05]: And so several lessons here, what I used to do, because he would ask, and he's not clear with his speech, and I would speak up for him and tell them what he's asking for, want to help him, but two of them really being honest, it's so we can get through with it quickly also.
42:27.454 --> 42:28.536
[SPEAKER_01]: I know, I get it.
42:28.556 --> 42:33.103
[SPEAKER_05]: And what I, yes, and what I've done in my attempt to give him fish,
42:34.248 --> 42:44.813
[SPEAKER_05]: feeding him fish is to back up and let him ask, and if he says it, and they don't understand, my concern is more for him than them.
42:44.913 --> 42:48.662
[SPEAKER_05]: So if he is not clear, and they're, I'm sorry, I can't understand you.
42:48.777 --> 42:50.700
[SPEAKER_05]: Whereas I would speak for him.
42:51.060 --> 42:54.244
[SPEAKER_05]: I'll have him repeat it 50 times if it takes that.
42:54.765 --> 42:57.008
[SPEAKER_05]: So what he does is he'll ask for a paper bag.
42:57.369 --> 42:58.951
[SPEAKER_05]: They give it to a couple of weeks ago.
42:58.991 --> 43:10.887
[SPEAKER_05]: We went in there, they gave him the bag and the pharmacist, because then she had on a white coat, she was standing a little bit towards the back and she was just looking at him like he had three horns and two tails.
43:11.542 --> 43:20.395
[SPEAKER_05]: And I understand looking, because other people looked to it and they're kind of like, you know, but she was just staring like gawking, like I expect her to ice-to-water because she wasn't blinking.
43:20.876 --> 43:29.088
[SPEAKER_05]: And I usually don't say anything, but my response was he's just getting a paper bag and some brochures door, he's not gonna rob you.
43:30.350 --> 43:34.516
[SPEAKER_05]: And her response was, oh, oh, oh, I'm just, and I was like, yeah, like, whatever.
43:34.636 --> 43:35.157
[SPEAKER_05]: So that's that.
43:35.357 --> 43:36.859
[SPEAKER_05]: The following week we go in there.
43:37.701 --> 43:40.705
[SPEAKER_05]: And now granted, we've gone to other places,
43:41.579 --> 44:03.030
[SPEAKER_05]: with a pharmacy counter any asked for a bag and they've said sorry we can't give you a bag unless you're actually picking up our prescription for a really security purposes okay so this time we go back to the same target a week later he asks again and I'm telling him you know and for those that are watching on YouTube you'll see he'll take his thumb on most like right by his ear and I've his index finger up
44:04.377 --> 44:08.446
[SPEAKER_05]: towards his head, and he'll say, excuse me, a bronze CVS paper bag, please.
44:08.827 --> 44:14.620
[SPEAKER_05]: And sometimes they'll say it either quiet or very fast altogether, because he's big on brands and specifics.
44:14.640 --> 44:14.760
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
44:14.780 --> 44:17.586
[SPEAKER_05]: I would tell him, all you have to do is just say, you know, might have a bag.
44:17.606 --> 44:18.408
[SPEAKER_05]: So he's asking.
44:19.110 --> 44:22.858
[SPEAKER_05]: And the person buying the counter kind of looks around almost as though is it okay.
44:23.480 --> 44:26.304
[SPEAKER_05]: And I guess somebody told them, can't.
44:26.325 --> 44:29.910
[SPEAKER_05]: And I said, yeah, you can't, unless we're putting you up in prescription.
44:29.950 --> 44:32.494
[SPEAKER_05]: So then he says to me, almost like, what can we get our prescription?
44:32.514 --> 44:35.880
[SPEAKER_05]: Like, we don't get them at this location.
44:36.681 --> 44:43.632
[SPEAKER_05]: And I didn't even realize the gift of him being to discern, OK, well, if I can't get it without the prescription,
44:43.983 --> 44:45.786
[SPEAKER_05]: Daddy, what if we get a prescription?
44:46.427 --> 44:46.527
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
44:46.547 --> 44:47.329
[SPEAKER_05]: They said no to that.
44:47.689 --> 44:51.035
[SPEAKER_05]: And I overlooked the next gift that came.
44:51.055 --> 44:57.105
[SPEAKER_05]: Because when he kept asking, then he, and they said no, he then asked, could buy the bag, buy the bag?
44:58.428 --> 45:02.154
[SPEAKER_05]: And I'm thinking, that's fantastic for him to then look if I give you money when you give me the bag.
45:02.174 --> 45:03.937
[SPEAKER_05]: He's bartering.
45:03.977 --> 45:04.438
[SPEAKER_05]: And
45:05.127 --> 45:10.792
[SPEAKER_05]: The guy behind the counter says, oh, by the, he looks back almost like, what can we sell the back and he's given a no again.
45:11.592 --> 45:19.159
[SPEAKER_05]: And he keeps asking he's not out, but he's persistent and he asked the guy behind the counter by name because he can see his name tag.
45:19.859 --> 45:21.841
[SPEAKER_05]: And there's whole time the pharmacy is still steric.
45:21.921 --> 45:23.262
[SPEAKER_05]: The pharmacist is still steric.
45:23.663 --> 45:30.428
[SPEAKER_05]: And someone's looking kind of, yeah, and some of them are looking like sympathetically, like a wish I could wish you could have a sorry I can't.
45:31.109 --> 45:34.932
[SPEAKER_05]: And he's asking other people that walk by, some of them are employees.
45:34.912 --> 45:35.914
[SPEAKER_05]: some of them are not.
45:35.974 --> 45:36.997
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm like, they don't even work here.
45:37.037 --> 45:38.460
[SPEAKER_05]: They can't, they can't do that.
45:38.480 --> 45:43.190
[SPEAKER_05]: And I'll be honest and say that I got, I was less impatient with them at this point and like, we need to go.
45:43.611 --> 45:44.773
[SPEAKER_05]: They're not going to give it to us.
45:45.214 --> 45:48.221
[SPEAKER_05]: We need to go and we'll figure it out next time.
45:48.722 --> 45:49.584
[SPEAKER_05]: And he's still asking.
45:50.205 --> 45:54.675
[SPEAKER_05]: And the guy behind the counter says, sorry, man, you're going to have to like take it when I'm like,
45:55.043 --> 45:56.366
[SPEAKER_05]: you can see that's what I'm trying to do.
45:56.466 --> 46:03.120
[SPEAKER_05]: And then at this point, I've also told them as he continues to ask, I've told them, you can ignore him.
46:03.161 --> 46:03.601
[SPEAKER_05]: It's okay.
46:03.622 --> 46:05.004
[SPEAKER_05]: You're not being rude, just ignore him.
46:05.025 --> 46:06.207
[SPEAKER_05]: Like I'm telling, like don't engage.
46:06.247 --> 46:07.189
[SPEAKER_05]: It's okay.
46:07.209 --> 46:08.091
[SPEAKER_05]: But he's still asking.
46:08.632 --> 46:12.681
[SPEAKER_05]: And then the guy says, sorry, man, you're going to have to take him or else I'm going to have to call somebody.
46:12.998 --> 46:17.484
[SPEAKER_05]: And I said, call somebody, you're going to call me, but we're going to call, like, for what?
46:17.504 --> 46:22.970
[SPEAKER_05]: Like, like, we're going to call, like, what, you know, and then who's somebody?
46:22.990 --> 46:24.833
[SPEAKER_05]: And he says, well, we can't get our work done.
46:25.554 --> 46:31.301
[SPEAKER_05]: And so we, we left and I said, look, let's go to get the other bags that you want.
46:31.661 --> 46:33.243
[SPEAKER_05]: So he goes to the optometry department.
46:33.784 --> 46:34.645
[SPEAKER_05]: And they have a little bag.
46:34.665 --> 46:36.407
[SPEAKER_05]: This is optical with a,
46:36.674 --> 46:45.318
[SPEAKER_05]: with a little bag that says optical with a string on it, right?
46:45.819 --> 46:51.274
[SPEAKER_05]: So they give him the optical bag and everything and the girl is
46:51.524 --> 47:00.336
[SPEAKER_05]: friendly she's same energy that she's that she's always given and it's like night and day and we left there on the way home You just kept apologizing to me.
47:00.376 --> 47:12.352
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm like, I don't know your expectations are unmanaged or mismanaged You don't have anything to apologize about so I contacted the store and this is what has turned inspired since the last episode Yeah, we contacted the store twice asking for the manager.
47:12.492 --> 47:19.962
[SPEAKER_05]: Actually what I did is I went into Gemini AI to ask about where you know for
47:20.228 --> 47:25.896
[SPEAKER_05]: Contact information and not only gave contact information, but drafted, you know, an email and everything.
47:25.956 --> 47:27.979
[SPEAKER_05]: I liked the idea that came with it.
47:27.999 --> 47:31.904
[SPEAKER_05]: So what I did as I contacted the store asked for the manager twice.
47:32.124 --> 47:38.633
[SPEAKER_05]: Nobody got back to me and they gave me the number for CVS because it said, well, it's, we don't hire them or train them.
47:38.974 --> 47:40.396
[SPEAKER_05]: I said, yeah, but they're still in your house though.
47:40.416 --> 47:47.626
[SPEAKER_05]: If you come over to my house, you know, and, you know, your guess to somebody you brings with you, spill something on my carpet or whatever.
47:47.766 --> 47:48.447
[SPEAKER_05]: It's like,
47:48.882 --> 47:50.445
[SPEAKER_05]: you know, it's all connected.
47:51.106 --> 47:51.227
[SPEAKER_04]: Right.
47:51.247 --> 48:03.351
[SPEAKER_05]: But anyway, a contact at CBS had a great report with them and they gave me a case number and then I contacted Target Corporate and had a similar experience with them.
48:03.732 --> 48:07.920
[SPEAKER_05]: But as far as a store itself goes in, it is a store here in the San Fernando Valley.
48:07.900 --> 48:11.509
[SPEAKER_05]: um, they, nobody's ever called me back.
48:12.050 --> 48:15.078
[SPEAKER_05]: And all I'm doing is just keeping receipts and taking notes and we'll see what takes place.
48:15.479 --> 48:21.133
[SPEAKER_05]: But what was, and what was really interesting in this heart and disheartening is that when I call the store,
48:22.936 --> 48:25.582
[SPEAKER_05]: I got less humanity than I did from AI.
48:26.124 --> 48:28.509
[SPEAKER_05]: Because the person that I call it, the story, just said, Wow.
48:29.271 --> 48:32.058
[SPEAKER_05]: I think in Midas said, oh, that shouldn't have happened.
48:32.118 --> 48:34.523
[SPEAKER_05]: I don't know how to make sure if they said that after all the calls I've made.
48:34.844 --> 48:39.395
[SPEAKER_05]: But when I signed in to Gemini and it said, well, you know, tell me the story.
48:39.415 --> 48:41.620
[SPEAKER_05]: And I told it everything that took place.
48:41.600 --> 48:44.143
[SPEAKER_05]: It literally says, and this is not a human being.
48:44.163 --> 48:44.764
[SPEAKER_05]: I did say it.
48:45.104 --> 48:48.769
[SPEAKER_05]: It says, Sean, I'm so sorry that you and your son had to go through that.
48:48.849 --> 48:50.071
[SPEAKER_05]: That should not take place.
48:50.411 --> 48:52.794
[SPEAKER_05]: They should be aware of their Americans for disabilities.
48:53.175 --> 48:53.936
[SPEAKER_05]: It's like everything.
48:54.296 --> 48:57.520
[SPEAKER_05]: I know more compassion from artificial intelligence that I did from store.
48:57.540 --> 48:58.021
[SPEAKER_01]: I get it.
48:58.041 --> 49:00.344
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, wow.
49:01.185 --> 49:02.066
[SPEAKER_05]: So we'll see what happens.
49:02.106 --> 49:03.828
[SPEAKER_05]: I'll keep everybody posted as a progress.
49:03.848 --> 49:09.075
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I mean, it's so really, it's so understandable and relatable.
49:10.220 --> 49:11.021
[SPEAKER_03]: over here.
49:11.421 --> 49:18.269
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it's just, we want, we want to change the world.
49:18.650 --> 49:20.292
[SPEAKER_02]: We don't want to change our children, right?
49:20.912 --> 49:28.161
[SPEAKER_02]: So, but it's hard to not step in, intervene, rush things along.
49:28.281 --> 49:31.705
[SPEAKER_02]: It's so, so very, very, very challenging.
49:32.343 --> 49:33.224
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, yeah.
49:33.344 --> 49:34.646
[SPEAKER_02]: Tenant, do that.
49:34.906 --> 49:35.627
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
49:35.647 --> 49:39.312
[SPEAKER_05]: And so we always said that we're audience members as well as host.
49:39.793 --> 49:47.022
[SPEAKER_05]: Because as I'm saying that, I'm taking mental notes to make sure I keep that in mind tonight as we travel, you know?
49:48.404 --> 49:51.207
[SPEAKER_02]: Wait, are you going to take some medication too, Mr. Sean?
49:52.369 --> 49:53.210
[SPEAKER_05]: I already have.
49:55.373 --> 49:56.494
[SPEAKER_02]: OK. OK, I mean.
49:56.812 --> 50:03.862
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, that's a whole other thing altogether.
50:04.485 --> 50:05.067
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
50:06.042 --> 50:13.254
[SPEAKER_05]: When I said I did medication, I didn't go to the corner and hit a poochie and you know buy something we'll have.
50:13.494 --> 50:23.330
[SPEAKER_05]: I have a prescription because of the self discovery that I've been on and everything and I've shared no, you know, my old diagnosis of ADHD, that kind of thing.
50:23.831 --> 50:29.400
[SPEAKER_05]: And by the same token, I know I know when it's time to maybe kind of pull back and that kind of things.
50:29.420 --> 50:32.505
[SPEAKER_05]: So that goes back to the stuff we talk about on the show all the time which is
50:32.485 --> 50:39.572
[SPEAKER_05]: Stay curious, be more childlike, and let's try it, is the consciousness raised and ask as many questions as you possibly can.
50:39.592 --> 50:40.833
[SPEAKER_05]: Absolutely.
50:41.014 --> 50:41.814
[SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely.
50:41.834 --> 50:43.276
[SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely.
50:43.316 --> 50:47.200
[SPEAKER_02]: And you know what, your experience at the at the pharmacy?
50:47.340 --> 51:00.113
[SPEAKER_02]: I will tell you, like, for all the people who were present and experiencing that, everyone is going to that, that made a mark on whether it's,
51:00.869 --> 51:08.558
[SPEAKER_02]: You know they're processing what happened that's going to stay with them and stick with them for sure It's a learning moment.
51:08.638 --> 51:09.879
[SPEAKER_02]: It's a learning opportunity.
51:10.500 --> 51:30.623
[SPEAKER_02]: It's you know life experience lived experience being in the real world So I you know, I'm hoping that everyone can Hopefully move forward with some additional compassion and like we never know what's going on
51:31.717 --> 51:37.746
[SPEAKER_05]: And the lessons are there, but they're also wasted if we don't take them to, you know, and don't act.
51:37.766 --> 51:38.046
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
51:38.547 --> 51:38.887
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
51:38.907 --> 51:40.269
[SPEAKER_05]: So, right.
51:40.289 --> 51:41.211
[SPEAKER_04]: Do some little things.
51:41.651 --> 51:42.032
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
51:42.973 --> 51:46.298
[SPEAKER_05]: People always say the knowledge is part, which it is, but action is king.
51:46.458 --> 51:49.763
[SPEAKER_05]: And you can't take action if you're not at least asking questions.
51:50.144 --> 51:52.467
[SPEAKER_05]: And those are the things that we talked about in past episodes.
51:52.487 --> 51:54.450
[SPEAKER_05]: Like, what is the gift of a diagnosis?
51:54.931 --> 52:00.559
[SPEAKER_05]: And we try to talk about
52:02.125 --> 52:07.810
[SPEAKER_05]: overlooking or belittling someone who's in a situation that's so dark that all they see is the challenges.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, right, right.
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[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, you know, all our situations are different.
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[SPEAKER_05]: And in our case, especially in Lord knows we need each other.
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[SPEAKER_05]: We really all do.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yes, yes, absolutely.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Listen, everything is an opportunity for our own awakening.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And I hope you take that into your
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[SPEAKER_02]: beautiful inaugural trip right we'll do it right and pay attention to all of the the beautiful signs and lessons and guidance from the universe like I'm I'm ecstatic for you guys
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[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, you know, we are too, because as much as we're worried, we are excited and I'm really I'm so thankful for this platform and this opportunity, you know, as we wind down the episode because I'm always reminded, you know, so I've had a bunch of work things, you know, my financial services business that took place this morning, I have some believe it or not or just one.
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[SPEAKER_05]: just a few minutes long that's taking place after.
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[SPEAKER_05]: And I had contemplated, I had contemplated, and my gosh, how are we going to...
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[SPEAKER_05]: I'm going to do this show today and then the other thing I did is, so as I shared my own discovery, I began therapy as well.
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[SPEAKER_05]: So I had a couple sessions and got to a point where I was like, and it was once a week.
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[SPEAKER_05]: I was like, I could stretch these out.
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[SPEAKER_05]: I don't need to, you know, so now they're like once a month and, you know, kind of as needed.
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[SPEAKER_05]: Just for a matter of self-discovery.
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[SPEAKER_05]: And so there was one that was scheduled for today and I got the text message that it was taking
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[SPEAKER_05]: I don't know about that.
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[SPEAKER_05]: I don't know that I need that.
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[SPEAKER_05]: I kind of want to check it out.
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[SPEAKER_05]: I'm really like nine o'clock in the morning, and I'm like, am I going to do that on the same day?
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[SPEAKER_05]: And then we're traveling on the same day that we're recording.
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[SPEAKER_05]: I don't know if I should, should I, but I'm so glad and thankful that I did both.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
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[SPEAKER_05]: Because I've, I've received, um,
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[SPEAKER_05]: innumerously, and in ways that are still yet uncounted, and it is my deepest hope and desire that somebody out there will hear this episode, or see this episode if you're catching it on YouTube, and get the giving portion of it, not just from me, but from you as well.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, well, and I would also like to offer that you have been able to to release and in your releasing, you have also been sharing your truth and what is real and true for you and your family right now.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And that is the most precious gift.
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[SPEAKER_02]: So, and I echo your your words.
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[SPEAKER_02]: We are here, you know, we're we're
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[SPEAKER_02]: for our life and our living and our work, it's all the same, you know?
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[SPEAKER_02]: And so we are you, we see you, we are here for you.
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[SPEAKER_02]: you know, I would offer that you, you know, respond to the comments under our YouTube channel and write questions that you think might be of interest to you.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, we really want to build this community and make it a very sort of palpable, like, you know, engaging dynamic, living and breathing altogether.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Let's be on this journey.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Because, right, I mean,
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[SPEAKER_05]: And I'll share something like really transparent for the past at least five years.
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[SPEAKER_05]: I've had a, and I think I've talked about this before, what I simply call a thing, health wise, meaning that I get my annual physical and I've had other tests and stuff done and nothing can be found as to what's wrong.
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[SPEAKER_05]: I love moments where I just feel either fatigue or
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[SPEAKER_05]: kind of, you know, run down and you was kind of related to like, there's some high blood pressure I'm in a kitchen for that.
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[SPEAKER_05]: But other stuff that just doesn't really add up.
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[SPEAKER_05]: And I was feeling that this morning and took some deep breaths and did some relaxation and a rakey session.
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[SPEAKER_05]: Okay.
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[SPEAKER_05]: And I felt better after.
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[SPEAKER_05]: But I feel even better, I don't know it's a combination of it.
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[SPEAKER_05]: After being here, you said releasing.
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[SPEAKER_05]: So the hope is that not that we're evangelical, but I'm hoping that somebody in the deepest ways just reminded again that they're not alone because while I didn't feel alone, I'm here with my family as I'm preparing it, everything.
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[SPEAKER_05]: while I didn't feel alone, being able to release here has reminded me that I am not alone.
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[SPEAKER_05]: So the hope that anybody out there that hears or sees this is reminded that they too are not alone.
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[SPEAKER_05]: And if you want to feel less alone, you can go to our website, which is beyondvispectrumpodcast.com, and you can reach us there as well.
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[SPEAKER_05]: or you can email us at change the world, change the world at beyond the spectrum podcast.com.
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[SPEAKER_05]: That is the email address.
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[SPEAKER_05]: And we'd love to hear your thoughts.
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[SPEAKER_05]: If there's anyone that you think we should be speaking with, we'd love to hear that.
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[SPEAKER_05]: We have some great guest lineup.
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[SPEAKER_05]: Susanna, I want to as I'm always.
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[SPEAKER_05]: Thank you so much for your friendship today.
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[SPEAKER_02]: So happy to be here and we'll see you soon.
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[SPEAKER_05]: Yep, and we've got some great shows coming up.
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[SPEAKER_05]: Remember, be more child-like, less child-ish questions and more powerful than statements.
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[SPEAKER_05]: And again, thanks to Billy Footwear, click on the link in the show notes to get your discount.
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[SPEAKER_05]: And we will see you very, very soon, again, on another episode of Beyond The Spectrum.