WEBVTT
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Well, I want to welcome each and every one of you back to Beyond 60 Unscripted.
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This is where we unpack topics that are important and just interesting to people who are looking to be the best versions of themselves at 60 Are Beyond.
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You know, today's conversation is one that I am excited about and one that I have been looking forward to for a very long time.
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Because it discusses the challenges of how we think about beauty, how we think about aging, identity, and what it means to truly what I'm gonna call come home to being yourself.
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My guest today is Janice Cosby Adams, or Jan, as many of you may know her.
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Jan and Jan, I is it okay.
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I hope it's okay if I say your age because you've been telling your age.
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Yes, absolutely.
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Jan is 69 years old.
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You will not believe it when you see her.
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She is exquisitely beautiful and radiant in every sense of the word.
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And one thing striking about Jan is that she has had gray hair since she was in her teens.
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That was one of the first things I noticed about Jan when I when I met her.
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And I Jen, I don't know if you remember this, but I said Jan, how do you keep your hair so beautiful?
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Your hair is absolutely beautiful.
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So you know, today many women are choosing to embrace their gray hair because um, you know, because it is it is it is fashionable, it is uh everybody's there's blue, there's purple, pink hair, and gray is just another one of those things.
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But what makes this important for people beyond 60 is that they are embracing their gray hair.
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And if you want to color your hair, so be it.
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But if you don't, you don't.
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The other thing you need to know about Jan is she's an author, and she has a newly released book, which I am going to share right here, and it is called Gratefully Wisdom from My Hair, and Gratefully describes her transformative journey of authenticity, revelation, wisdom, and understanding of beauty, identity, and truth, which has all which have all been gained as each gray strand emerged.
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So we're going to talk about confidence, societal expectations, expectations from our own family sometimes, I think, beauty standards, aging, self-acceptance, and what it really means to grow into yourself over time.
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So, Jan, welcome to Beyond 60 Unscripted.
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I am just so excited and so happy that you're here.
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Thank you so much, Ruth.
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I am just honored, elated, and excited to be here with you.
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I'm a big fan of yours.
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And likewise, we have a mutual admiration society.
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Thank you.
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You're welcome.
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You are welcome.
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Um, before we get into the deeper parts of our story, Jan, please tell uh our audience just a little bit about your background and uh and about what you've learned about dating while gray, about the myth of aging alone.
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These are all topics you address in your book, redefining beauty, aging, and power.
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I love all these topics because your hair has become more than hair.
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Your hair has become a platform.
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It's become a teacher, a witness.
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These are all things in your book and all books and almost a companion through different seasons of your life.
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So tell us a little bit about gratefully before we get started.
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Yeah, so thank you, Ruth.
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Um, you know, my gray hair, I have had this gray hair most of my life.
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And I started getting strands when I was actually in elementary school, believe it or not.
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And of course, the older that I got in high school, I had even more.
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And by the time I was in college, I was salt and pepper.
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And I really didn't think anything of it.
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Um, it wasn't a big deal, but before I get to that journey of the gray hair getting grayer, you know, I think that we're always trying to find inspiration, something to inspire us.
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Yeah.
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But we're always looking outside of ourselves.
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We're looking, you know, on Facebook or Instagram or we see a star or somebody that we admire, and we want them to inspire us.
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But when I started writing this book years ago, I knew that I knew that I wanted to write a book about my hair.
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But I thought that people would think I was crazy because I was writing a book about my hair.
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But my hair has been the most consistent thing in my life.
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My gray hair has been the most consistent thing in my life, more so than friendships, husbands.
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It's it's my gray hair has been with me through thick and thin.
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And so I knew I wanted to write this book because honestly, my gray hair has broken barriers, it's opened doors for me.
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Yeah.
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And so um, my gray hair, a lot of times we don't like to say that we are inspired by something that we've done.
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It's it's almost like we were afraid to, it's like bragging, yeah, yeah.
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Self-promoting.
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But and that's why I was so hesitant about even admitting what I was writing about when people would ask me what I was writing about.
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But I my gray hair has truly inspired me.
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And so that's um, it's been with me longer.
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And gray hair is wiry, it's stubborn, you know, it doesn't like to lay down, and but it's manageable, and that's pretty much who I am.
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That's my life.
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And yeah, you you certainly talk about that in your book.
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And since I've known you, I'm so jealous of your gray hair.
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It's so pretty.
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So thank you.
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But before we dive fully into your story, I want to talk a little bit about our Beyond 60 buzz, where we look at a story, trend, or ideal that has people talking and collect connected back to life after 60.
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So, Jan, I know that you are also very involved and interested in fashion.
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So, today's buzz comes from a Yahoo creators article, which is entitled, Why Many Fashion Editors Say Personal Style Gets Better After 60.
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Now, that's not what we always see, but the article makes a point of saying, of connecting uh beautifully to your story because style after 60 is not about chasing trends, it is about presence, it's about confidence and knowing yourself and knowing what you are and who you are.
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And so it it's really a it helps you to bring about a stronger sense of self.
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And I hear you saying that.
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Does that ring true for you?
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Just tell us a little bit about that.
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I think it can get better if you allow it to.
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Okay, I think getting older, I I run into a lot of older people, and I when I mean older, I'm saying let's say 50 and above.
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Yeah.
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Um, they will tell me, oh Jan, you look so pretty, you look nice, you take good care of yourselves.
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And I used to do this.
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I used to do this.
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There, for some reason or another, when we get a certain age, we feel like we don't have to try new things, uh, new trends, new styles.
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And uh we kind of wear the same old look.
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I think that, but there are women now and men who are stepping out there and are just going for it.
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You know, you're not trying to impress anybody, but you're doing it because you want to, you want to freely express yourself.
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Yeah.
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And I certainly uh abide by that rule.
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You know, I I still wear, I like to dress sexy.
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I, you know, I know how to dress uh comfortably, but I don't want to be comfortable and old phobic either.
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I'm not embracing that.
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Right.
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We think that the older we get, we feel freer, and we're not really concerned about what people think.
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Yeah.
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So we do step out there and we we're just we're just so fly.
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We can be fly.
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We can be 60, 70, 80, and fly.
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And that's the way I feel about it.
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We can't, and then also believe that we are still beautiful, that we are still sexy, that we still have it going on.
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So, you know that that's really important because when you say that, and and when I read this article, in addition, what it says to me is beauty doesn't have to be about trying to look younger, it's being yourself, like you said, looking gorgeous, looking fly, just being yourself, right?
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And and capitalizing as you did on your gray hair.
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And that's not the only thing you have, but I mean, it really is kind of your signature.
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And and so is that would that be right?
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It is, and let me give you another example.
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Here's a brand.
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You probably remember, I'm sure your listeners, your viewers uh know this this former model, like Lauren Hutton.
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Yes, she was a model.
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Lauren, you know, she was a regular looking model, but the one thing that Lauren had that other people didn't have was that gap.
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Yes, that's right.
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That's right, gap between her teeth.
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But that was her signature.
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She made that into something special.
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And then you know what that did?
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People started closing their gaps because that gap, that gap became really, really sexy.
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And she was known for that.
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So I think it's really all about embracing who we are, accepting who we are.
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It's okay to look different.
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And unfortunately, Ruth, the problem is that why do we embrace that when we turn 60 or 65?
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We we're free, you know, because we're trying to be a part of the the crowd, you know, be like the Joneses, the young when we're younger, 30, 25, and 40.
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But I would challenge my younger friends and sisters to embrace, be natural, be who you are, starting at an early age, too.
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You know, that that is so important.
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So, with that, uh let me just transition a little bit, Jan.
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I want to start at the beginning.
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When all of this began, so take us back to your teenage years, which is such a formative time, because you just talked about younger people being willing to embrace themselves.
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Um, tell us a little bit what it was like to first notice that your hair was turning gray and and how you then fit in when most people what how you decided not to fit in, so to speak, all the way, because most people are trying to fit in and they're trying to look like everybody else.
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Tell tell tell our listeners a little bit about that.
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Yeah, so again, I did have a few strands when I was in elementary school.
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My mother and father grayed early.
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Okay.
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Father had beautiful hair and he colored his hair.
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Back in the day, he used this product called uh uh Great Day for Men.
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Sort of like uh the one now, correct?
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Like uh yeah, the uh for men or something like that for men.
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So back then it was it was some product called Great Day for Men.
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And so my father, he had this beautiful head of gray hair, but he would color it.
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But my father did a very poor job of coloring his his hair.
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As a matter of fact, it looked so awkward, it was like a green color.
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Okay.
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Then my mother, she grayed early too, and she would get her hair done, beautiful hair.
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Then she'd have my aunt come over, who was a beautician, come over to our home and color her hair.
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But then guess what mom did?
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As soon as my aunt left, she would plop on her wig.
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I saw that in your book.
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It's the craziest thing.
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So, but there was it, but again, there was this stigma about gray hair.
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So when I started getting gray hair as a younger woman, I I was like, you know what?
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I'm not going to color it.
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I'm just going to step out there.
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And actually, I liked the way it looked.
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I thought it was it was cute.
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And people would always sort of challenge me and say, hey, Jan, are you going to color your hair?
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Back then, I don't know if you remember this, Ruth.
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We used to have hair sprays.
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Oh, yes.
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Remember that?
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Where you they came in all different shades.
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And I don't even know if they still make that product anymore, but they do.
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They do where you could spray it.
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And I would do that occasionally because I wanted to kind of look cool like the other girls did.
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But you know, that would wear off and everything and make your hair kind of brittle.
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Yeah.
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I just became so comfortable with looking different.
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I kind of dressed a little bit different when the square toe shoes came out.
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I was wearing those shoes.
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I know I remember the girls telling me that I looked like George Washington about the feet.
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Oh but it kids can be so cruel, but clearly it didn't deter you.
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It really didn't.
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I can't, I don't know why it didn't deter me.
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I don't have an explanation for that.
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But I've always kind of marched to a different beat when it comes to fashion.
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So I was the right person to have the gray hair and you know to try to rock it.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Did you ever feel any pressure at all from your peers?
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You just you sort of hinted at that, but any pressure from anyone to hide or change your gray hair, Jan?
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Yeah, I did when um I think around my 20s, I had met a young man who I really liked.
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And uh one of my friends' girlfriends said, you know what, I just think you do better if you dyed your hair all burned, you know, that would look a really pretty color on you because nobody wants you know, a young girl that's got gray, and he's gonna think that you're gonna be gray within 10 years is not gonna want you, you're gonna look old.
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And you know, I really thought about that, and really that did affect me for a minute.
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And really, okay, it did, it did, and I did spray my hair during that time with spray, but um I didn't look like myself.
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I felt I looked, I don't know, I didn't know a lot about being authentic or owning your look back then, but I just didn't like the way it looked on.
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So I just kept rocking the salt.
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I was salt and pepper back then at that time.
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So I was just very comfortable with it.
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And and Jan, uh uh how did you feel?
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Do you remember how you felt when you decided this is who I am?
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I'm not gonna cover my hair.
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Yeah, I think I felt empowered.
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I I think I liked the idea of um owning me.
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I I just didn't want to feel like that I was that I had to copy someone.
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Okay.
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I didn't want to copy anyone.
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And for some reason or another, I didn't see gray hair as old.
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Okay.
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Because I think that's immediately a few years ago, and not but I still today, you know, when I talk to women, there are women who are 80, 90, you know, who have gray hair and they're you know dying in dark, very dark.
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Um, but I just never felt that gray hair meant old.
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I never bought into that.
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And you know, I guess it was so much a part of you from the early strands in your school age years to teenage years.
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Um, so there's there's it's really powerful because it was something you live with.
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It's just like you referred to Lauren Hutton's gap.
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Right.
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It was something she had and it became a part of who she is.
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Right.
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Right.
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So it that seems to me that that's that uh gray companion, so to speak, gave you the courage and confidence that this is who I am.
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Right.
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But I will also tell you this, Ruth.
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Um, you know, there were times when I talk about it in the book, and I don't know why this happened to me.
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I was at a conference in Chicago, and again, you can read about it in the book, and I was in a room of people, executives, and I just freaked out.
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I got really nervous because I kept looking around the room, looking around the room, and I noticed I was, I was, there were very few people of color in the room.
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I've been around that, no problem.
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Yeah.
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The thing that freaked me out more than anything was there was nobody in the room with gray hair.
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Okay.
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And I had my uh some of my employees were there, uh, my boss was in the room, and I I just freaked out.
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I thought about do they see me as old?
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Uh, do they see me as outdated?
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Am I relevant?
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And it just hit me.
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I just had a uh a moment where I felt like I do they see me as uh relevant.
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And um, I had to pull myself together.
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I left out of that conference room, went into the bathroom, and looked at myself in the mirror.
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And then when I came out, I ran into a woman who said to me, Oh my god, your hair is beautiful.
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Yeah.
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And I said, Well, thank you.
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And she uh looked at me and she said, I need to show you something.
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And she raised up her bangs and you could see just the edges of gray in around her hair and her hairline.
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And she said, Listen, you're bold.
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I admire you.
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I have gray when I'm too chicken to wear it.
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And she said, There's so many women in there that have gray hair.
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I couldn't believe it.
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She was, she just gave me um just so much confidence in that moment.
00:17:56.799 --> 00:17:59.119
Yeah, and she said that I was courageous.
00:17:59.279 --> 00:18:04.079
She admired me because she thought I was courageous and bold for wearing my gray hair.
00:18:04.319 --> 00:18:10.160
You know, when I when I first saw your gray hair, Janet, I didn't think about that, although I know you're all those things.
00:18:10.240 --> 00:18:11.680
I just thought it was just beautiful.
00:18:11.839 --> 00:18:15.279
And I wanted, I was like, I want my hair to look like that.
00:18:15.359 --> 00:18:18.559
But but you know, it was it just goes with you.
00:18:18.799 --> 00:18:24.880
So um it, you know, there's a reason for everything, and this just suits you so so well.
00:18:25.119 --> 00:18:25.759
Thank you.
00:18:26.000 --> 00:18:32.240
So over the years, and fast forward to today, beauty standards have shifted a lot.
00:18:32.480 --> 00:18:41.920
And um, even though before they they could be pretty forgiving and they can still be pretty uh unforgiving, um especially for women.
00:18:42.559 --> 00:18:53.759
Um when you meet people who don't know you and don't know your story, do they do they sometimes make assumptions about your age or or anything about you?
00:18:54.079 --> 00:18:56.799
Yeah, well, the first thing, it's confusing.
00:18:56.960 --> 00:19:01.759
It can be very confusing because I have this full head of white hair.
00:19:01.839 --> 00:19:09.279
Some people, some people will challenge me and say, well, Janet's not gray, it's silver, it's still gray, it's just gray hair.
00:19:09.680 --> 00:19:13.279
But um people will always want to know my age.
00:19:13.359 --> 00:19:17.759
Um, they always question it because they don't get the face and the gray hair.
00:19:17.839 --> 00:19:20.960
And then also the style that goes along with it.
00:19:21.119 --> 00:19:31.200
Again, remember people think of gray hair as old and aged and you know, bent over and not very, you know, relevant.
00:19:31.359 --> 00:19:36.000
They always um say that men with gray hair, you look distinguished.
00:19:36.079 --> 00:19:38.640
Yeah, but yeah, you know, women with gray hair.
00:19:38.799 --> 00:19:47.839
So, you know, when people approach me, it's usually the age thing, and it's usually uh, how do you get your hair so light and how long have you been?
00:19:47.920 --> 00:19:49.519
It's a whole conversation.
00:19:49.759 --> 00:19:51.680
People get it in the in your business.
00:19:51.839 --> 00:19:55.680
It's it's the best conversation starter in the world.
00:19:56.000 --> 00:19:58.160
Oh, I'll bet it is.
00:19:58.400 --> 00:20:06.799
I mean, my friends, my family, I'm sure it's get it gets on their nerves all the time because I'm I am stopped by men and women.
00:20:06.880 --> 00:20:12.400
And the crazy thing about gray hair, especially when you have a you know a funky cut and it's current.
00:20:12.559 --> 00:20:13.759
Um men love it.
00:20:13.920 --> 00:20:15.440
Men seem to love it.
00:20:15.759 --> 00:20:18.240
Well, it it does look good on you.
00:20:18.400 --> 00:20:19.279
It does.
00:20:19.599 --> 00:20:24.319
So um do you consider yourself an influencer?
00:20:24.400 --> 00:20:30.480
Because I kind of think you are, because you're helping people to gain the confidence to go gray.
00:20:30.559 --> 00:20:33.200
Uh, do you consider yourself an influencer?
00:20:33.599 --> 00:20:34.400
I didn't.
00:20:34.480 --> 00:20:40.000
I you know, my my sister now tells me, my sister Natalie tells me that I was a brand before I knew it.
00:20:40.160 --> 00:20:41.039
Yeah, yeah.
00:20:41.279 --> 00:20:49.519
And so, and I, you know, now that I look at Ruth, probably because I was an influencer before influencers were popular.
00:20:49.759 --> 00:20:52.559
And before we even had that name, influencer.
00:20:52.799 --> 00:21:04.559
Absolutely, because you know, I was grayed, people would look at me and they would say, and I would encourage others to kind of go gray or try, because I would tell people, listen, um, you can rock your gray hair.
00:21:04.640 --> 00:21:06.240
If you don't like it, you can always color it.
00:21:06.400 --> 00:21:06.720
That's right.
00:21:06.880 --> 00:21:09.039
You know, try it and then color it.
00:21:09.279 --> 00:21:17.519
And uh, but I would tell you, most of the people that I have encouraged to go gray, they love it because it just does something that lights your face.
00:21:18.319 --> 00:21:20.400
I don't care what your complexion is.
00:21:20.559 --> 00:21:28.880
Yeah, so I guess you could say, I yes, I do at this point, especially this age, I do consider myself an influencer.
00:21:29.279 --> 00:21:30.960
So, and that it feels good.
00:21:31.039 --> 00:21:33.359
So I guess I've been influencing for a while now.
00:21:33.599 --> 00:21:34.480
I know, I know.
00:21:34.880 --> 00:21:38.000
Does it give you, in a sense, some sense of validation?
00:21:38.079 --> 00:21:48.720
You don't feel like you needed that, but does it on some level give you some sense of validation that you it validates your journey and your decision early on to be yourself?
00:21:48.960 --> 00:21:49.200
Right.
00:21:49.359 --> 00:21:55.839
Because I really absolutely because I do not feel also that gray hair has aged me.
00:21:56.160 --> 00:21:59.759
I don't, and I think that's the reason that's what people.
00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:16.799
people how they translate wearing gray hair if I wear gray hair is going to age me and and so you know I think that you can become comfortable in your grayness if you just give it a just give it a try just give it a try.
00:22:17.279 --> 00:22:17.839
Yeah.
00:22:18.160 --> 00:22:24.000
Well you're you're truly striking not just because of your gray hair but because of your overall presence.
00:22:24.319 --> 00:22:32.799
So you are I mean it and I think what I hear you saying and well this I'm gonna ask you this.
00:22:34.799 --> 00:22:52.000
What do you tell people who may not have gray hair but may have a gap like Lauren Hutton or some other distinguishing feature that they have viewed as sort of a burden but it could be a blessing in a way.
00:22:52.319 --> 00:26:07.279
And you know what I just did a talk uh recently uh uh to a group of young women you know a trend we were mentioning trends earlier yeah a trend started because someone was courageous that's right there was one person who started that trend and everybody copied that trend yeah yeah you know my book could have been about freckles root yeah it could have been about owning your freckles that's right it could have been about owning your big floppy ears it could be owning a thin nose a narrow nose it's really about becoming comfortable in who you are your authentic self embracing and owning um unfortunately in this society there are certain features that we see as beauty standards yeah I totally believe I believe that's changing it's changing it's changing slowly uh and now all different types of features are being embraced you know there's an asymmetric asymmetrical look yeah uh that this European standard but it's like I said the gap uh lips you know now we're putting fillers in our lips yeah because um that's attractive it wasn't attractive 25 years ago it was maybe I would say even maybe 10 or 15 years ago it was absolutely yeah look at the bodies you know you and I grew up in the era of twiggy yeah it's about the shape it's about being i'm i'm a i'm a shaping girl you know i'm a moody you are too i know your shape you're a very shapely woman that is that's a good look that's a new look that's something that we need to embrace if you're thin rock it if you're shapely rock it be try to be who you are and we all are a trend we can all start a trend we are a trend we just don't know it because we don't embrace it well that then I think you've said it but that then leads me to saying how would you what does feeling beautiful mean to you at this stage in your life is there you just said a lot of the things but is there something like how has your definition of beauty changed over time your own not just what society says but your own and what does beautiful mean to you at this point in your life you know at this point in my life beauty to me means being present present have being uh having a presence yeah and um sharing what's inside of you too along with what's the outer part of you yeah because a lot of times we do we just want people to see the surface yeah but if you can merge the two together yeah equally and you can show the the energy that's within you the kindness the everything that's within you as a person yeah I think that's unstoppable because you can you can meet a there are plenty of beautiful people out there.
00:26:07.519 --> 00:26:53.440
Yeah but if you don't have the personality and your aura your presence your countenance your grace that all counts and that to me represents beauty and at this point in my life I'm probably I'm really very uh deliberate about sharing who I am as Jan you know I was a you know chief marketing executive that was a role that was a title you know for a national health care system you know that yeah but that was that was the front you know but who is Jan really that's the beauty of Jan more than anything what I who I am on the inside and what how that manifests itself on the outside of me.
00:26:53.680 --> 00:31:45.920
That that is so important because as as you become more confident in yourself more self-acceptance yes then you start to accept yourself and I I just have to believe that shows externally as well and and I heard you say that that you got to start from the inside with self-acceptance and and move to the outside and it just glows on absolutely that people see that yes people will see it and they will feel it yes they will it does and it what I'm hearing you say is that while people fear aging you're wearing it with ease and we all should wear it with ease yes and it's sound I also hear you saying that people will see that inner self-confidence that inner glow if you let it shine right absolutely yeah yeah so what what do you wish women in their 30s or 40s you alluded to this at the beginning but I want to come back to it what do you wish women in their 30s or 40s understood about getting a getting older 20s 30s 40s whatever age when people whatever because it's different for every person if someone starts to say oh I'm almost 30 I'm feeling older I'm almost 40 or almost 50 what what do you wish people knew about getting older who are younger at this point first of all I think that um women in their 20s 30s and 40s and I mentioned this in a in a on a panel just recently they need to really acknowledge that they are getting older because I do believe that their 30s and 40s I think we feel that we're going to look this way the rest of our lives yeah that the way we look but we are aging we are aging we're aging every day and 30 year olds are aging 30 yeah you're not the same every minute every hour every year we are aging yeah that's number one number two I would tell my youngins because I have a lot of young women that I've mentored I'll just tell them number one take good care of your skin uh uh take good care of your health you don't start it when you turn 50 or you have an ache you start exercising yeah or you see you have a little blemish or you have a little wrinkle you need to start taking care of yourself now yeah and I believe that's one thing I actually did I've always loved skincare for some reason I don't know why and it will all tell on you and I would also tell young people um say to yourself every day that you are beautiful yeah that you are deserving that you are somebody own it look yourself in the mirror I don't care if people think if they feel that you are being arrogant believe in yourself and own who you are try to be as authentic as you possibly can and that is so challenging today it is in social media and you know again the trends try to be you set a trend yeah you be a trend don't don't copy you know I was um uh around a lot of young people recently and I noticed no one in the room everybody had long hair nobody had a short you know sassy cut everybody the same yeah break out of that mold break out of it yeah and and own something different be who you are you don't have to look like the person standing next to you you know Jan there's such a quiet but what I'm gonna call a bold courage and confidence in your story you're not attention seeking you're steady and unwavering and I I am so thankful for you sharing your journey with us it's a reminder that confidence isn't something you wait for it's something you decide it's something you embrace and I hear heard you say look in the mirror every day and say I'm beautiful I'm gonna be confident and once you start to tell yourself that you start to believe it because we tell ourselves all the negative things and we believe those and you know we got to tell ourselves the positive things and it's not arrogant it's not prideful it is just accepting who you are absolutely absolutely and doesn't that just shine through don't you you know how you see a person when they just walk in there you see another person walk in the room and they're just kind of but then you see another person I mean oh my God they just radiate it's not that they're the most beautiful person in the room but they just have confidence and style and class and there's this aura about them.
00:31:46.240 --> 00:32:42.720
Yeah they own the and they stop that they did not conversation in the room that's inward that is an inward thing pushing out yes so to everyone listening you know I want to just say maybe there's something you've been hiding that needs to be embraced to celebrate it maybe there's something that has just bothered you about yourself that uh you're finding difficult to accept you know I will say the the the model I think she's a model either model and actually is Winnie Harlow I don't know yes her name who has um Beneligo Beneligo and she is she you know I'm sure she grew up with this and yet she's a model and she is different and she is embracing who she is yeah so that that is and whatever it is that you think you have or that is holding you back it can also set you free.
00:32:42.960 --> 00:33:51.440
Yes absolutely yes yes look Rose as they do yes yes yes so as we close do you have any final words or lessons learned you would like to share with our audience no i i think that again we are all searching for inspiration yeah and believe me I would challenge all of your viewers to find something within themselves that can inspire yes them and others we all have it we just have to embrace it and claim it and also stop putting off for tomorrow do it today whenever you whenever you do try to do it today and if you don't start over again tomorrow start it again tomorrow start it again that is wonderful and before we go I uh want to remind our audience to purchase a copy of Jan's book Gratefully Wisdom from my hair and Jan where can people get your book?
00:33:51.680 --> 00:33:57.599
Yes they can go to my website jansgrayglam.com and that's gray with an A.
00:33:57.759 --> 00:34:00.000
I always spell gray with an A, not an E.
00:34:00.240 --> 00:34:02.960
So that's JansgrayGlam.com.
00:34:03.359 --> 00:34:18.000
All right all right so now um I'm gonna close with our we always close each segment with a silver lining where we offer a reflection and uh a takeaway on something about living well after 60.
00:34:18.239 --> 00:34:28.960
So today's silver lining is this retirement can just be a beautiful time to stop dressing for who you are who you thought you had to be and start showing up for who you really are.
00:34:29.039 --> 00:34:31.199
And we touched on that in your conversation.
00:34:31.519 --> 00:36:10.400
For many people you know when we and Jan you touched on this too because you had a big job yes in a national system uh for many people work comes with a uniform whether it is literal or emotional but I hear you saying that you can play with that a little bit you don't have to be just straight up and down right you need to dress for professionalism you dress for responsibility you dress for expectations but in retirement you can sort of let it go you still want to look good you want to be fly but there can be a chance as what makes me feel alive what makes me feel comfortable in my own skin what have I always wanted to try that I couldn't try when when I was working maybe it's letting your hair go gray maybe it's wearing brighter colors I used to wear black or navy blue or brown all the time this this blouse in pink with with black vocal dots is a believe it or not it's a it's a it's a bold move for me and I'm trying to and you are wearing it you are rocking it thank you you know but maybe it's wearing a brighter color uh choosing comfort without having to apologize for it and I heard you say something about taking care of your skin your body your hair and your spirit in a way that is loving instead of feeling bad or corrective so the final tip for this week is choose one thing about your appearance or your style that you've been treating like a flaw and ask yourself what would happen if you treated it like a part of your body that you could build around because beauty at this age is not about disappearing it's about arriving.
00:36:10.639 --> 00:36:59.599
So Jan thank you thank you thank you so much for being here and for sharing your wisdom your perspective and everything you've learned and to our listeners thank you for joining us for another episode of Beyond 60 unscripted we hope today's conversation reminds you that beauty does not end at a certain age it deepens it changes it becomes more honest so this week this week today take a look in the mirror and see try to see what not what time has taken away but has what confidence and life has helped you to become until next time keep growing keep glowing and keep becoming the best version of yourself at 60 and beyond
00:00:05.839 --> 00:00:11.839
Well, I want to welcome each and every one of you back to Beyond 60 Unscripted.
00:00:12.080 --> 00:00:21.920
This is where we unpack topics that are important and just interesting to people who are looking to be the best versions of themselves at 60 Are Beyond.
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You know, today's conversation is one that I am excited about and one that I have been looking forward to for a very long time.
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Because it discusses the challenges of how we think about beauty, how we think about aging, identity, and what it means to truly what I'm gonna call come home to being yourself.
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My guest today is Janice Cosby Adams, or Jan, as many of you may know her.
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Jan and Jan, I is it okay.
00:00:52.159 --> 00:00:55.280
I hope it's okay if I say your age because you've been telling your age.
00:00:55.679 --> 00:00:56.880
Yes, absolutely.
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Jan is 69 years old.
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You will not believe it when you see her.
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She is exquisitely beautiful and radiant in every sense of the word.
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And one thing striking about Jan is that she has had gray hair since she was in her teens.
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That was one of the first things I noticed about Jan when I when I met her.
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And I Jen, I don't know if you remember this, but I said Jan, how do you keep your hair so beautiful?
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Your hair is absolutely beautiful.
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So you know, today many women are choosing to embrace their gray hair because um, you know, because it is it is it is fashionable, it is uh everybody's there's blue, there's purple, pink hair, and gray is just another one of those things.
00:01:46.719 --> 00:01:53.760
But what makes this important for people beyond 60 is that they are embracing their gray hair.
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And if you want to color your hair, so be it.
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But if you don't, you don't.
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The other thing you need to know about Jan is she's an author, and she has a newly released book, which I am going to share right here, and it is called Gratefully Wisdom from My Hair, and Gratefully describes her transformative journey of authenticity, revelation, wisdom, and understanding of beauty, identity, and truth, which has all which have all been gained as each gray strand emerged.
00:02:25.360 --> 00:02:38.879
So we're going to talk about confidence, societal expectations, expectations from our own family sometimes, I think, beauty standards, aging, self-acceptance, and what it really means to grow into yourself over time.
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So, Jan, welcome to Beyond 60 Unscripted.
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I am just so excited and so happy that you're here.
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Thank you so much, Ruth.
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I am just honored, elated, and excited to be here with you.
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I'm a big fan of yours.
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And likewise, we have a mutual admiration society.
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Thank you.
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You're welcome.
00:03:00.159 --> 00:03:01.039
You are welcome.
00:03:01.199 --> 00:03:20.960
Um, before we get into the deeper parts of our story, Jan, please tell uh our audience just a little bit about your background and uh and about what you've learned about dating while gray, about the myth of aging alone.
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These are all topics you address in your book, redefining beauty, aging, and power.
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I love all these topics because your hair has become more than hair.
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Your hair has become a platform.
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It's become a teacher, a witness.
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These are all things in your book and all books and almost a companion through different seasons of your life.
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So tell us a little bit about gratefully before we get started.
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Yeah, so thank you, Ruth.
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Um, you know, my gray hair, I have had this gray hair most of my life.
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And I started getting strands when I was actually in elementary school, believe it or not.
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And of course, the older that I got in high school, I had even more.
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And by the time I was in college, I was salt and pepper.
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And I really didn't think anything of it.
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Um, it wasn't a big deal, but before I get to that journey of the gray hair getting grayer, you know, I think that we're always trying to find inspiration, something to inspire us.
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Yeah.
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But we're always looking outside of ourselves.
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We're looking, you know, on Facebook or Instagram or we see a star or somebody that we admire, and we want them to inspire us.
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But when I started writing this book years ago, I knew that I knew that I wanted to write a book about my hair.
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But I thought that people would think I was crazy because I was writing a book about my hair.
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But my hair has been the most consistent thing in my life.
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My gray hair has been the most consistent thing in my life, more so than friendships, husbands.
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It's it's my gray hair has been with me through thick and thin.
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And so I knew I wanted to write this book because honestly, my gray hair has broken barriers, it's opened doors for me.
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Yeah.
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And so um, my gray hair, a lot of times we don't like to say that we are inspired by something that we've done.
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It's it's almost like we were afraid to, it's like bragging, yeah, yeah.
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Self-promoting.
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But and that's why I was so hesitant about even admitting what I was writing about when people would ask me what I was writing about.
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But I my gray hair has truly inspired me.
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And so that's um, it's been with me longer.
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And gray hair is wiry, it's stubborn, you know, it doesn't like to lay down, and but it's manageable, and that's pretty much who I am.
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That's my life.
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And yeah, you you certainly talk about that in your book.
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And since I've known you, I'm so jealous of your gray hair.
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It's so pretty.
00:06:01.680 --> 00:06:02.319
So thank you.
00:06:02.480 --> 00:06:14.079
But before we dive fully into your story, I want to talk a little bit about our Beyond 60 buzz, where we look at a story, trend, or ideal that has people talking and collect connected back to life after 60.
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So, Jan, I know that you are also very involved and interested in fashion.
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So, today's buzz comes from a Yahoo creators article, which is entitled, Why Many Fashion Editors Say Personal Style Gets Better After 60.
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Now, that's not what we always see, but the article makes a point of saying, of connecting uh beautifully to your story because style after 60 is not about chasing trends, it is about presence, it's about confidence and knowing yourself and knowing what you are and who you are.
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And so it it's really a it helps you to bring about a stronger sense of self.
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And I hear you saying that.
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Does that ring true for you?
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Just tell us a little bit about that.
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I think it can get better if you allow it to.
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Okay, I think getting older, I I run into a lot of older people, and I when I mean older, I'm saying let's say 50 and above.
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Yeah.
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Um, they will tell me, oh Jan, you look so pretty, you look nice, you take good care of yourselves.
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And I used to do this.
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I used to do this.
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There, for some reason or another, when we get a certain age, we feel like we don't have to try new things, uh, new trends, new styles.
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And uh we kind of wear the same old look.
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I think that, but there are women now and men who are stepping out there and are just going for it.
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You know, you're not trying to impress anybody, but you're doing it because you want to, you want to freely express yourself.
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Yeah.
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And I certainly uh abide by that rule.
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You know, I I still wear, I like to dress sexy.
00:07:58.079 --> 00:08:04.879
I, you know, I know how to dress uh comfortably, but I don't want to be comfortable and old phobic either.
00:08:04.959 --> 00:08:06.240
I'm not embracing that.
00:08:06.480 --> 00:08:06.800
Right.
00:08:07.120 --> 00:08:13.920
We think that the older we get, we feel freer, and we're not really concerned about what people think.
00:08:14.079 --> 00:08:14.319
Yeah.
00:08:14.480 --> 00:08:18.800
So we do step out there and we we're just we're just so fly.
00:08:18.879 --> 00:08:20.000
We can be fly.
00:08:20.160 --> 00:08:23.040
We can be 60, 70, 80, and fly.
00:08:23.199 --> 00:08:25.040
And that's the way I feel about it.
00:08:25.199 --> 00:08:31.839
We can't, and then also believe that we are still beautiful, that we are still sexy, that we still have it going on.
00:08:32.159 --> 00:08:48.639
So, you know that that's really important because when you say that, and and when I read this article, in addition, what it says to me is beauty doesn't have to be about trying to look younger, it's being yourself, like you said, looking gorgeous, looking fly, just being yourself, right?
00:08:48.879 --> 00:08:52.399
And and capitalizing as you did on your gray hair.
00:08:52.639 --> 00:08:57.600
And that's not the only thing you have, but I mean, it really is kind of your signature.
00:08:57.759 --> 00:09:00.559
And and so is that would that be right?
00:09:00.799 --> 00:09:02.320
It is, and let me give you another example.
00:09:02.399 --> 00:09:03.039
Here's a brand.
00:09:03.279 --> 00:09:09.200
You probably remember, I'm sure your listeners, your viewers uh know this this former model, like Lauren Hutton.
00:09:09.279 --> 00:09:10.559
Yes, she was a model.
00:09:11.120 --> 00:09:17.840
Lauren, you know, she was a regular looking model, but the one thing that Lauren had that other people didn't have was that gap.
00:09:18.080 --> 00:09:18.879
Yes, that's right.
00:09:19.600 --> 00:09:21.919
That's right, gap between her teeth.
00:09:22.080 --> 00:09:23.840
But that was her signature.
00:09:24.080 --> 00:09:27.360
She made that into something special.
00:09:27.440 --> 00:09:29.120
And then you know what that did?
00:09:29.360 --> 00:09:36.480
People started closing their gaps because that gap, that gap became really, really sexy.
00:09:36.879 --> 00:09:38.639
And she was known for that.
00:09:38.960 --> 00:09:44.879
So I think it's really all about embracing who we are, accepting who we are.
00:09:45.039 --> 00:09:46.639
It's okay to look different.
00:09:46.720 --> 00:09:53.759
And unfortunately, Ruth, the problem is that why do we embrace that when we turn 60 or 65?
00:09:54.000 --> 00:10:04.480
We we're free, you know, because we're trying to be a part of the the crowd, you know, be like the Joneses, the young when we're younger, 30, 25, and 40.
00:10:04.720 --> 00:10:15.440
But I would challenge my younger friends and sisters to embrace, be natural, be who you are, starting at an early age, too.
00:10:15.759 --> 00:10:17.840
You know, that that is so important.
00:10:18.080 --> 00:10:21.759
So, with that, uh let me just transition a little bit, Jan.
00:10:22.000 --> 00:10:23.519
I want to start at the beginning.
00:10:23.840 --> 00:10:34.720
When all of this began, so take us back to your teenage years, which is such a formative time, because you just talked about younger people being willing to embrace themselves.
00:10:34.960 --> 00:10:54.159
Um, tell us a little bit what it was like to first notice that your hair was turning gray and and how you then fit in when most people what how you decided not to fit in, so to speak, all the way, because most people are trying to fit in and they're trying to look like everybody else.
00:10:54.320 --> 00:10:57.039
Tell tell tell our listeners a little bit about that.
00:10:57.279 --> 00:11:00.720
Yeah, so again, I did have a few strands when I was in elementary school.
00:11:00.879 --> 00:11:03.360
My mother and father grayed early.
00:11:03.519 --> 00:11:03.840
Okay.
00:11:04.320 --> 00:11:08.080
Father had beautiful hair and he colored his hair.
00:11:08.159 --> 00:11:13.840
Back in the day, he used this product called uh uh Great Day for Men.
00:11:14.399 --> 00:11:16.159
Sort of like uh the one now, correct?
00:11:16.399 --> 00:11:19.519
Like uh yeah, the uh for men or something like that for men.
00:11:19.679 --> 00:11:23.360
So back then it was it was some product called Great Day for Men.
00:11:23.519 --> 00:11:27.840
And so my father, he had this beautiful head of gray hair, but he would color it.
00:11:28.000 --> 00:11:31.200
But my father did a very poor job of coloring his his hair.
00:11:31.279 --> 00:11:35.360
As a matter of fact, it looked so awkward, it was like a green color.
00:11:35.759 --> 00:11:36.000
Okay.
00:11:36.240 --> 00:11:42.080
Then my mother, she grayed early too, and she would get her hair done, beautiful hair.
00:11:42.240 --> 00:11:47.360
Then she'd have my aunt come over, who was a beautician, come over to our home and color her hair.
00:11:47.440 --> 00:11:49.279
But then guess what mom did?
00:11:49.519 --> 00:11:52.080
As soon as my aunt left, she would plop on her wig.
00:11:52.320 --> 00:11:53.840
I saw that in your book.
00:11:54.960 --> 00:11:56.559
It's the craziest thing.
00:11:57.360 --> 00:12:00.639
So, but there was it, but again, there was this stigma about gray hair.
00:12:00.720 --> 00:12:05.679
So when I started getting gray hair as a younger woman, I I was like, you know what?
00:12:05.759 --> 00:12:07.120
I'm not going to color it.
00:12:07.200 --> 00:12:09.039
I'm just going to step out there.
00:12:09.360 --> 00:12:12.559
And actually, I liked the way it looked.
00:12:12.720 --> 00:12:14.399
I thought it was it was cute.
00:12:14.559 --> 00:12:19.039
And people would always sort of challenge me and say, hey, Jan, are you going to color your hair?
00:12:19.279 --> 00:12:21.200
Back then, I don't know if you remember this, Ruth.
00:12:21.360 --> 00:12:22.879
We used to have hair sprays.
00:12:23.039 --> 00:12:23.600
Oh, yes.
00:12:23.759 --> 00:12:24.320
Remember that?
00:12:24.399 --> 00:12:26.320
Where you they came in all different shades.
00:12:26.399 --> 00:12:29.200
And I don't even know if they still make that product anymore, but they do.
00:12:29.360 --> 00:12:32.080
They do where you could spray it.
00:12:32.159 --> 00:12:37.519
And I would do that occasionally because I wanted to kind of look cool like the other girls did.
00:12:37.919 --> 00:12:41.519
But you know, that would wear off and everything and make your hair kind of brittle.
00:12:41.840 --> 00:12:42.080
Yeah.
00:12:42.639 --> 00:12:45.679
I just became so comfortable with looking different.
00:12:45.840 --> 00:12:50.159
I kind of dressed a little bit different when the square toe shoes came out.
00:12:50.240 --> 00:12:52.240
I was wearing those shoes.
00:12:52.320 --> 00:12:57.200
I know I remember the girls telling me that I looked like George Washington about the feet.
00:12:57.360 --> 00:13:03.519
Oh but it kids can be so cruel, but clearly it didn't deter you.
00:13:03.840 --> 00:13:04.879
It really didn't.
00:13:05.039 --> 00:13:08.080
I can't, I don't know why it didn't deter me.
00:13:08.159 --> 00:13:10.320
I don't have an explanation for that.
00:13:10.559 --> 00:13:15.200
But I've always kind of marched to a different beat when it comes to fashion.
00:13:15.440 --> 00:13:21.440
So I was the right person to have the gray hair and you know to try to rock it.
00:13:21.600 --> 00:13:21.759
Yeah.
00:13:22.000 --> 00:13:22.159
Yeah.
00:13:22.320 --> 00:13:25.039
Did you ever feel any pressure at all from your peers?
00:13:25.120 --> 00:13:31.679
You just you sort of hinted at that, but any pressure from anyone to hide or change your gray hair, Jan?
00:13:31.919 --> 00:13:39.519
Yeah, I did when um I think around my 20s, I had met a young man who I really liked.
00:13:39.759 --> 00:13:59.759
And uh one of my friends' girlfriends said, you know what, I just think you do better if you dyed your hair all burned, you know, that would look a really pretty color on you because nobody wants you know, a young girl that's got gray, and he's gonna think that you're gonna be gray within 10 years is not gonna want you, you're gonna look old.
00:14:00.000 --> 00:14:05.039
And you know, I really thought about that, and really that did affect me for a minute.
00:14:05.120 --> 00:14:15.360
And really, okay, it did, it did, and I did spray my hair during that time with spray, but um I didn't look like myself.
00:14:15.600 --> 00:14:24.799
I felt I looked, I don't know, I didn't know a lot about being authentic or owning your look back then, but I just didn't like the way it looked on.
00:14:25.039 --> 00:14:27.759
So I just kept rocking the salt.
00:14:27.840 --> 00:14:30.320
I was salt and pepper back then at that time.
00:14:30.559 --> 00:14:32.799
So I was just very comfortable with it.
00:14:33.120 --> 00:14:36.879
And and Jan, uh uh how did you feel?
00:14:37.039 --> 00:14:40.879
Do you remember how you felt when you decided this is who I am?
00:14:41.039 --> 00:14:43.200
I'm not gonna cover my hair.
00:14:43.679 --> 00:14:47.200
Yeah, I think I felt empowered.
00:14:47.360 --> 00:14:54.240
I I think I liked the idea of um owning me.
00:14:54.559 --> 00:15:02.559
I I just didn't want to feel like that I was that I had to copy someone.
00:15:02.799 --> 00:15:03.120
Okay.
00:15:03.519 --> 00:15:05.679
I didn't want to copy anyone.
00:15:05.840 --> 00:15:10.799
And for some reason or another, I didn't see gray hair as old.
00:15:10.960 --> 00:15:11.279
Okay.
00:15:11.519 --> 00:15:24.960
Because I think that's immediately a few years ago, and not but I still today, you know, when I talk to women, there are women who are 80, 90, you know, who have gray hair and they're you know dying in dark, very dark.
00:15:25.440 --> 00:15:30.000
Um, but I just never felt that gray hair meant old.
00:15:30.159 --> 00:15:31.840
I never bought into that.
00:15:32.879 --> 00:15:40.639
And you know, I guess it was so much a part of you from the early strands in your school age years to teenage years.
00:15:41.440 --> 00:15:45.840
Um, so there's there's it's really powerful because it was something you live with.
00:15:45.919 --> 00:15:48.480
It's just like you referred to Lauren Hutton's gap.
00:15:48.639 --> 00:15:48.879
Right.
00:15:49.120 --> 00:15:52.799
It was something she had and it became a part of who she is.
00:15:52.960 --> 00:15:53.120
Right.
00:15:53.279 --> 00:15:53.519
Right.
00:15:53.600 --> 00:16:06.159
So it that seems to me that that's that uh gray companion, so to speak, gave you the courage and confidence that this is who I am.
00:16:06.399 --> 00:16:06.879
Right.
00:16:07.120 --> 00:16:09.039
But I will also tell you this, Ruth.
00:16:09.200 --> 00:16:15.679
Um, you know, there were times when I talk about it in the book, and I don't know why this happened to me.
00:16:15.840 --> 00:16:26.799
I was at a conference in Chicago, and again, you can read about it in the book, and I was in a room of people, executives, and I just freaked out.
00:16:26.879 --> 00:16:36.080
I got really nervous because I kept looking around the room, looking around the room, and I noticed I was, I was, there were very few people of color in the room.
00:16:36.159 --> 00:16:37.759
I've been around that, no problem.
00:16:37.919 --> 00:16:38.159
Yeah.
00:16:38.399 --> 00:16:42.879
The thing that freaked me out more than anything was there was nobody in the room with gray hair.
00:16:43.200 --> 00:16:43.519
Okay.
00:16:43.919 --> 00:16:51.360
And I had my uh some of my employees were there, uh, my boss was in the room, and I I just freaked out.
00:16:51.440 --> 00:16:54.559
I thought about do they see me as old?
00:16:54.799 --> 00:16:56.720
Uh, do they see me as outdated?
00:16:56.960 --> 00:16:58.240
Am I relevant?
00:16:58.480 --> 00:16:59.759
And it just hit me.
00:16:59.840 --> 00:17:08.960
I just had a uh a moment where I felt like I do they see me as uh relevant.
00:17:09.200 --> 00:17:11.519
And um, I had to pull myself together.
00:17:11.599 --> 00:17:15.920
I left out of that conference room, went into the bathroom, and looked at myself in the mirror.
00:17:16.079 --> 00:17:21.200
And then when I came out, I ran into a woman who said to me, Oh my god, your hair is beautiful.
00:17:21.359 --> 00:17:22.000
Yeah.
00:17:22.319 --> 00:17:24.319
And I said, Well, thank you.
00:17:24.640 --> 00:17:29.039
And she uh looked at me and she said, I need to show you something.
00:17:29.119 --> 00:17:37.440
And she raised up her bangs and you could see just the edges of gray in around her hair and her hairline.
00:17:37.839 --> 00:17:41.200
And she said, Listen, you're bold.
00:17:41.440 --> 00:17:42.720
I admire you.
00:17:43.039 --> 00:17:46.880
I have gray when I'm too chicken to wear it.
00:17:47.039 --> 00:17:49.599
And she said, There's so many women in there that have gray hair.
00:17:49.680 --> 00:17:50.319
I couldn't believe it.
00:17:50.480 --> 00:17:56.640
She was, she just gave me um just so much confidence in that moment.
00:17:56.799 --> 00:17:59.119
Yeah, and she said that I was courageous.
00:17:59.279 --> 00:18:04.079
She admired me because she thought I was courageous and bold for wearing my gray hair.
00:18:04.319 --> 00:18:10.160
You know, when I when I first saw your gray hair, Janet, I didn't think about that, although I know you're all those things.
00:18:10.240 --> 00:18:11.680
I just thought it was just beautiful.
00:18:11.839 --> 00:18:15.279
And I wanted, I was like, I want my hair to look like that.
00:18:15.359 --> 00:18:18.559
But but you know, it was it just goes with you.
00:18:18.799 --> 00:18:24.880
So um it, you know, there's a reason for everything, and this just suits you so so well.
00:18:25.119 --> 00:18:25.759
Thank you.
00:18:26.000 --> 00:18:32.240
So over the years, and fast forward to today, beauty standards have shifted a lot.
00:18:32.480 --> 00:18:41.920
And um, even though before they they could be pretty forgiving and they can still be pretty uh unforgiving, um especially for women.
00:18:42.559 --> 00:18:53.759
Um when you meet people who don't know you and don't know your story, do they do they sometimes make assumptions about your age or or anything about you?
00:18:54.079 --> 00:18:56.799
Yeah, well, the first thing, it's confusing.
00:18:56.960 --> 00:19:01.759
It can be very confusing because I have this full head of white hair.
00:19:01.839 --> 00:19:09.279
Some people, some people will challenge me and say, well, Janet's not gray, it's silver, it's still gray, it's just gray hair.
00:19:09.680 --> 00:19:13.279
But um people will always want to know my age.
00:19:13.359 --> 00:19:17.759
Um, they always question it because they don't get the face and the gray hair.
00:19:17.839 --> 00:19:20.960
And then also the style that goes along with it.
00:19:21.119 --> 00:19:31.200
Again, remember people think of gray hair as old and aged and you know, bent over and not very, you know, relevant.
00:19:31.359 --> 00:19:36.000
They always um say that men with gray hair, you look distinguished.
00:19:36.079 --> 00:19:38.640
Yeah, but yeah, you know, women with gray hair.
00:19:38.799 --> 00:19:47.839
So, you know, when people approach me, it's usually the age thing, and it's usually uh, how do you get your hair so light and how long have you been?
00:19:47.920 --> 00:19:49.519
It's a whole conversation.
00:19:49.759 --> 00:19:51.680
People get it in the in your business.
00:19:51.839 --> 00:19:55.680
It's it's the best conversation starter in the world.
00:19:56.000 --> 00:19:58.160
Oh, I'll bet it is.
00:19:58.400 --> 00:20:06.799
I mean, my friends, my family, I'm sure it's get it gets on their nerves all the time because I'm I am stopped by men and women.
00:20:06.880 --> 00:20:12.400
And the crazy thing about gray hair, especially when you have a you know a funky cut and it's current.
00:20:12.559 --> 00:20:13.759
Um men love it.
00:20:13.920 --> 00:20:15.440
Men seem to love it.
00:20:15.759 --> 00:20:18.240
Well, it it does look good on you.
00:20:18.400 --> 00:20:19.279
It does.
00:20:19.599 --> 00:20:24.319
So um do you consider yourself an influencer?
00:20:24.400 --> 00:20:30.480
Because I kind of think you are, because you're helping people to gain the confidence to go gray.
00:20:30.559 --> 00:20:33.200
Uh, do you consider yourself an influencer?
00:20:33.599 --> 00:20:34.400
I didn't.
00:20:34.480 --> 00:20:40.000
I you know, my my sister now tells me, my sister Natalie tells me that I was a brand before I knew it.
00:20:40.160 --> 00:20:41.039
Yeah, yeah.
00:20:41.279 --> 00:20:49.519
And so, and I, you know, now that I look at Ruth, probably because I was an influencer before influencers were popular.
00:20:49.759 --> 00:20:52.559
And before we even had that name, influencer.
00:20:52.799 --> 00:21:04.559
Absolutely, because you know, I was grayed, people would look at me and they would say, and I would encourage others to kind of go gray or try, because I would tell people, listen, um, you can rock your gray hair.
00:21:04.640 --> 00:21:06.240
If you don't like it, you can always color it.
00:21:06.400 --> 00:21:06.720
That's right.
00:21:06.880 --> 00:21:09.039
You know, try it and then color it.
00:21:09.279 --> 00:21:17.519
And uh, but I would tell you, most of the people that I have encouraged to go gray, they love it because it just does something that lights your face.
00:21:18.319 --> 00:21:20.400
I don't care what your complexion is.
00:21:20.559 --> 00:21:28.880
Yeah, so I guess you could say, I yes, I do at this point, especially this age, I do consider myself an influencer.
00:21:29.279 --> 00:21:30.960
So, and that it feels good.
00:21:31.039 --> 00:21:33.359
So I guess I've been influencing for a while now.
00:21:33.599 --> 00:21:34.480
I know, I know.
00:21:34.880 --> 00:21:38.000
Does it give you, in a sense, some sense of validation?
00:21:38.079 --> 00:21:48.720
You don't feel like you needed that, but does it on some level give you some sense of validation that you it validates your journey and your decision early on to be yourself?
00:21:48.960 --> 00:21:49.200
Right.
00:21:49.359 --> 00:21:55.839
Because I really absolutely because I do not feel also that gray hair has aged me.
00:21:56.160 --> 00:21:59.759
I don't, and I think that's the reason that's what people.
00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:16.799
people how they translate wearing gray hair if I wear gray hair is going to age me and and so you know I think that you can become comfortable in your grayness if you just give it a just give it a try just give it a try.
00:22:17.279 --> 00:22:17.839
Yeah.
00:22:18.160 --> 00:22:24.000
Well you're you're truly striking not just because of your gray hair but because of your overall presence.
00:22:24.319 --> 00:22:32.799
So you are I mean it and I think what I hear you saying and well this I'm gonna ask you this.
00:22:34.799 --> 00:22:52.000
What do you tell people who may not have gray hair but may have a gap like Lauren Hutton or some other distinguishing feature that they have viewed as sort of a burden but it could be a blessing in a way.
00:22:52.319 --> 00:26:07.279
And you know what I just did a talk uh recently uh uh to a group of young women you know a trend we were mentioning trends earlier yeah a trend started because someone was courageous that's right there was one person who started that trend and everybody copied that trend yeah yeah you know my book could have been about freckles root yeah it could have been about owning your freckles that's right it could have been about owning your big floppy ears it could be owning a thin nose a narrow nose it's really about becoming comfortable in who you are your authentic self embracing and owning um unfortunately in this society there are certain features that we see as beauty standards yeah I totally believe I believe that's changing it's changing it's changing slowly uh and now all different types of features are being embraced you know there's an asymmetric asymmetrical look yeah uh that this European standard but it's like I said the gap uh lips you know now we're putting fillers in our lips yeah because um that's attractive it wasn't attractive 25 years ago it was maybe I would say even maybe 10 or 15 years ago it was absolutely yeah look at the bodies you know you and I grew up in the era of twiggy yeah it's about the shape it's about being i'm i'm a i'm a shaping girl you know i'm a moody you are too i know your shape you're a very shapely woman that is that's a good look that's a new look that's something that we need to embrace if you're thin rock it if you're shapely rock it be try to be who you are and we all are a trend we can all start a trend we are a trend we just don't know it because we don't embrace it well that then I think you've said it but that then leads me to saying how would you what does feeling beautiful mean to you at this stage in your life is there you just said a lot of the things but is there something like how has your definition of beauty changed over time your own not just what society says but your own and what does beautiful mean to you at this point in your life you know at this point in my life beauty to me means being present present have being uh having a presence yeah and um sharing what's inside of you too along with what's the outer part of you yeah because a lot of times we do we just want people to see the surface yeah but if you can merge the two together yeah equally and you can show the the energy that's within you the kindness the everything that's within you as a person yeah I think that's unstoppable because you can you can meet a there are plenty of beautiful people out there.
00:26:07.519 --> 00:26:53.440
Yeah but if you don't have the personality and your aura your presence your countenance your grace that all counts and that to me represents beauty and at this point in my life I'm probably I'm really very uh deliberate about sharing who I am as Jan you know I was a you know chief marketing executive that was a role that was a title you know for a national health care system you know that yeah but that was that was the front you know but who is Jan really that's the beauty of Jan more than anything what I who I am on the inside and what how that manifests itself on the outside of me.
00:26:53.680 --> 00:31:45.920
That that is so important because as as you become more confident in yourself more self-acceptance yes then you start to accept yourself and I I just have to believe that shows externally as well and and I heard you say that that you got to start from the inside with self-acceptance and and move to the outside and it just glows on absolutely that people see that yes people will see it and they will feel it yes they will it does and it what I'm hearing you say is that while people fear aging you're wearing it with ease and we all should wear it with ease yes and it's sound I also hear you saying that people will see that inner self-confidence that inner glow if you let it shine right absolutely yeah yeah so what what do you wish women in their 30s or 40s you alluded to this at the beginning but I want to come back to it what do you wish women in their 30s or 40s understood about getting a getting older 20s 30s 40s whatever age when people whatever because it's different for every person if someone starts to say oh I'm almost 30 I'm feeling older I'm almost 40 or almost 50 what what do you wish people knew about getting older who are younger at this point first of all I think that um women in their 20s 30s and 40s and I mentioned this in a in a on a panel just recently they need to really acknowledge that they are getting older because I do believe that their 30s and 40s I think we feel that we're going to look this way the rest of our lives yeah that the way we look but we are aging we are aging we're aging every day and 30 year olds are aging 30 yeah you're not the same every minute every hour every year we are aging yeah that's number one number two I would tell my youngins because I have a lot of young women that I've mentored I'll just tell them number one take good care of your skin uh uh take good care of your health you don't start it when you turn 50 or you have an ache you start exercising yeah or you see you have a little blemish or you have a little wrinkle you need to start taking care of yourself now yeah and I believe that's one thing I actually did I've always loved skincare for some reason I don't know why and it will all tell on you and I would also tell young people um say to yourself every day that you are beautiful yeah that you are deserving that you are somebody own it look yourself in the mirror I don't care if people think if they feel that you are being arrogant believe in yourself and own who you are try to be as authentic as you possibly can and that is so challenging today it is in social media and you know again the trends try to be you set a trend yeah you be a trend don't don't copy you know I was um uh around a lot of young people recently and I noticed no one in the room everybody had long hair nobody had a short you know sassy cut everybody the same yeah break out of that mold break out of it yeah and and own something different be who you are you don't have to look like the person standing next to you you know Jan there's such a quiet but what I'm gonna call a bold courage and confidence in your story you're not attention seeking you're steady and unwavering and I I am so thankful for you sharing your journey with us it's a reminder that confidence isn't something you wait for it's something you decide it's something you embrace and I hear heard you say look in the mirror every day and say I'm beautiful I'm gonna be confident and once you start to tell yourself that you start to believe it because we tell ourselves all the negative things and we believe those and you know we got to tell ourselves the positive things and it's not arrogant it's not prideful it is just accepting who you are absolutely absolutely and doesn't that just shine through don't you you know how you see a person when they just walk in there you see another person walk in the room and they're just kind of but then you see another person I mean oh my God they just radiate it's not that they're the most beautiful person in the room but they just have confidence and style and class and there's this aura about them.
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Yeah they own the and they stop that they did not conversation in the room that's inward that is an inward thing pushing out yes so to everyone listening you know I want to just say maybe there's something you've been hiding that needs to be embraced to celebrate it maybe there's something that has just bothered you about yourself that uh you're finding difficult to accept you know I will say the the the model I think she's a model either model and actually is Winnie Harlow I don't know yes her name who has um Beneligo Beneligo and she is she you know I'm sure she grew up with this and yet she's a model and she is different and she is embracing who she is yeah so that that is and whatever it is that you think you have or that is holding you back it can also set you free.
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Yes absolutely yes yes look Rose as they do yes yes yes so as we close do you have any final words or lessons learned you would like to share with our audience no i i think that again we are all searching for inspiration yeah and believe me I would challenge all of your viewers to find something within themselves that can inspire yes them and others we all have it we just have to embrace it and claim it and also stop putting off for tomorrow do it today whenever you whenever you do try to do it today and if you don't start over again tomorrow start it again tomorrow start it again that is wonderful and before we go I uh want to remind our audience to purchase a copy of Jan's book Gratefully Wisdom from my hair and Jan where can people get your book?
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Yes they can go to my website jansgrayglam.com and that's gray with an A.
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I always spell gray with an A, not an E.
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So that's JansgrayGlam.com.
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All right all right so now um I'm gonna close with our we always close each segment with a silver lining where we offer a reflection and uh a takeaway on something about living well after 60.
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So today's silver lining is this retirement can just be a beautiful time to stop dressing for who you are who you thought you had to be and start showing up for who you really are.
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And we touched on that in your conversation.
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For many people you know when we and Jan you touched on this too because you had a big job yes in a national system uh for many people work comes with a uniform whether it is literal or emotional but I hear you saying that you can play with that a little bit you don't have to be just straight up and down right you need to dress for professionalism you dress for responsibility you dress for expectations but in retirement you can sort of let it go you still want to look good you want to be fly but there can be a chance as what makes me feel alive what makes me feel comfortable in my own skin what have I always wanted to try that I couldn't try when when I was working maybe it's letting your hair go gray maybe it's wearing brighter colors I used to wear black or navy blue or brown all the time this this blouse in pink with with black vocal dots is a believe it or not it's a it's a it's a bold move for me and I'm trying to and you are wearing it you are rocking it thank you you know but maybe it's wearing a brighter color uh choosing comfort without having to apologize for it and I heard you say something about taking care of your skin your body your hair and your spirit in a way that is loving instead of feeling bad or corrective so the final tip for this week is choose one thing about your appearance or your style that you've been treating like a flaw and ask yourself what would happen if you treated it like a part of your body that you could build around because beauty at this age is not about disappearing it's about arriving.
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So Jan thank you thank you thank you so much for being here and for sharing your wisdom your perspective and everything you've learned and to our listeners thank you for joining us for another episode of Beyond 60 unscripted we hope today's conversation reminds you that beauty does not end at a certain age it deepens it changes it becomes more honest so this week this week today take a look in the mirror and see try to see what not what time has taken away but has what confidence and life has helped you to become until next time keep growing keep glowing and keep becoming the best version of yourself at 60 and beyond
