What If You Stopped Asking Who Would Choose You

WEBVTT
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Hi, everybody.
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Welcome to Bedroom Unscripted.
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If you can't tell, it's just my voice tonight.
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So I'm going to do things a little bit different.
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I'm going to touch on something that's personal for me, women's health, body image, and the lifestyle.
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Something that I think that a lot of women experience, but we don't always talk about it openly enough.
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So we're going to touch on body image, confidence, the way we feel about ourselves, and how that can affect our experience and lifestyle.
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I have posted in the groups and been, I'm very open about this part about myself.
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But there's a lot of people that don't know.
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I actually did have bariatric surgery in 2020.
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That part of my life and journey, truthfully, is separate from the lifestyle.
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It's intertwined in a sense because it's still, it's still me at my core.
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But I didn't enjoy the lifestyle until after, well after I had my surgery and had the weight loss in my skin removal.
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So I'm going to touch a little bit about that and how it's giving me a different perspective on my body and how I see myself.
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But let's be honest, we can always talk about the fun parts of lifestyle.
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We talk about meeting people, the attraction, the intimacy, exploring our sexuality, the fun, like having new experiences.
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But what about the things that go on inside of our heads?
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What happens when you're standing in a room full of people and you start comparing yourself to every other woman there?
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I've done it.
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I know everyone listening has done it.
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What happens when you wonder whether you're attractive enough?
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What is someone going to be interested in you?
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Whether your body is going to change how someone sees you.
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So we're going to, we're going to get a little deep tonight.
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This is a big, this is a big thing.
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So what happens when the way you see yourself is completely different from the way other people see you?
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And that's even that goes for personality, that goes for like your body, that goes for um what you're capable of.
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Like someone will always see you differently than you see yourself.
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So that's what I would talk about today.
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And it's not from a place of judgment, but a place of sincerity and honesty.
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Because I don't think we talk enough about what it means to feel comfortable in your own skin.
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So I'm going to start off this conversation with my bariatric journey.
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I have, ooh, I have struggled.
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We touched on this in a podcast earlier.
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A couple, like a couple of, I think maybe our second episode.
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I have always had body image issues.
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I don't have body dysmorphia.
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The person I see in the mirror, I know who that's the person I see.
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Whether or not I felt comfortable in that body, that's a different story.
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So I made the decision to have baractive surgery in 2020.
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Actually, COVID was good for me because we all had to sit at home.
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And what better way to make a life, a huge life change?
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That was the precipice I needed to make that decision.
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I kept putting it off.
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I've always been athletic.
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I lost the same hundred pounds probably six times.
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I've done Taibo, I've done all the Shaun T stuff, P90X, everything.
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I played sports.
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It was, I had PCOS, metabolic syndrome, thyroid issues, you name it.
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So everything I tried was not working.
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So I made that decision to have surgery, and I was actually very successful.
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I had the bypass.
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Um I lost, I was 375 pounds, and my lowest weight was 130.
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So I that played a part of seeing myself differently.
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For one, the main reason to do it was to be healthy, to be around longer for my family and friends.
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That's also something that I think people don't understand about weight loss.
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You know, you know, people see the outside and assume everything has changed.
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But they also assume you feel amazing that you're confident and you love everything about yourself.
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Now that was I loved a lot more things about myself because I was able to get control of something that was truly weighing me down.
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Was I had sleep apnea, all the comorbidities, it was unhealthy.
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Did it give me confidence to a point?
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But confidence isn't that simple.
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Your body can change, but your mindset is still kind of catching up.
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But I give us, I think it gives us, we need to give ourselves permission to acknowledge that.
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We don't have to pretend every part of our journey has been easy just because we made progress.
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But for me, like my very active journey has made me think about what it really means to feel good about myself.
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It's it's I mean, to a point is how I look.
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Like your first impression is someone who like your smile, your eyes, your body, you know, people get to know you after that, like with the initial attraction.
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But these are so that that's something that I bring into the lifestyle in a sense, because I know what it's like to feel not confident about myself.
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And truthfully, the lifestyle has given me more confidence because I was able to go into a room, dress how I want to, or not have clothes on and feel okay.
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I have a lot of surgery scars for my skin removal.
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I proudly wear them.
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I have tattoos that have moved, and people always ask about them, and I'm very upfront.
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Um, do I think my journey in the lifestyle would be different if I hadn't had surgery?
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Yes.
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Because I know how it feels to go into the room, a room and be the largest person there and to be looked at and judged before you even get to talk to me.
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Now, here's something that I think is super important as well.
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Let's talk about the mirror.
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That is, oof, that's one thing that I think humans in general, we scrutinize our bodies.
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So, how many times have you looked at yourself and immediately noticed something you don't like?
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Maybe like your stomach, your skin, your scars, your weight, your age.
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Like we're all getting older.
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We have wrinkles, smiles, like laugh lines.
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But our because because our bodies change over time.
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So when you do look at yourselves, let's start picking out things we love instead of harping on the negative.
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And I've always said this it is okay to love yourself and your body as it is, but still want to change it.
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Like as right now, I still like to pack on more muscle, but I still love the body I have now and what it gives me and what it, what I'm able to do with it.
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But keeping the mindset of negativity when we look at ourselves and pointing out flaws will always be the reason why we struggle with our confidence, our confidence.
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Like we're surrounded by messages of how we're supposed to look with social media, filters, beauty standards, other people's opinions.
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And it feels like there's always somebody to compare ourselves to.
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And in the lifestyle, I it kind of makes it more, it makes those feelings more noticeable.
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You might meet women who seem incredibly confident and they have different body types, different personalities, different experiences.
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And, you know, it goes back to also, I think we've touched a little bit, like if your partner's attracted to someone else and like they look totally different than you.
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Like, do you how does that make you feel?
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Do you feel less than?
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But then it's like, well, then they're attracted to someone who looks like you.
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It's like, well, are they trying to like find someone like me?
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So it's it's very much can be a mind fuck when it comes to your body and your confidence being in the lifestyle.
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Because we can't look at it as everything's a competition.
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Like, am I attractive enough?
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Do I look good?
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Would somebody choose me?
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So why are we treating it like it's a competition?
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Like learning to be your authentic self and being confident in that is hella attractive.
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And someone else, like women who are confident, that doesn't make that doesn't give you any less value.
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Someone's beauty does not take away from your beauty.
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So we have to treat our bodies like they're constantly being graded or like compared to others.
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And I think we're allowed to be women who are still figuring out your confidence, like have those insecurities, and still navigating what it's like to be in the lifestyle and learning to love yourself and how you want to move.
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So I think this is where the conversation gets really important.
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The lifestyle can put you in situations where attraction, vulnerability, intimacy, and comparison all come together.
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So you might feel confident walking into a party, and then suddenly you feel insecure when you start comparing yourself to someone else.
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You might feel super confident with your partner and very comfortable, but then nervous about seeing someone new.
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Like every time you take your clothes off, like, is it like do you have that moment of self-doubt?
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But also, like, I feel like insecurities can start to make it to where you don't explore, have a new experience.
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And that's the only reason why you're not, because you're just telling yourself, like, you're not worth it.
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Like, maybe someone won't like my body.
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And I just encourage you to see yourself for the positive, like wonderful, beautiful human you are.
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And then this is okay.
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I am so guilty of this, and he will tell you like sometimes like you can mistake insecurity and for something, like for like feeling like down about yourself and like their partner sees you differently.
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It's like, oh, I'm having a bad body image day, and it's just like then I will be totally sensitive about other things.
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And he's like, What is like what's up?
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I'm like, Well, I don't feel good about myself today.
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It's like, well, that shouldn't affect anything else in your life.
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Let's talk about it.
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Do what like you know, I think you're fucking sexy, but there's times where like I need that reassurance that I know when you have someone in your life that truly means it and can help you when you're feeling maybe less secure in your body, maybe less confident and can help see you, like help show you in a different yourself in a different light.
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And we never want to make it to where like you question your own worth.
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Like I think the lifestyle can highlight the positive things about relationships, about yourself, but also they can find the little flaws and cracks of things too.
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But we don't need to let it change how we feel about ourselves.
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But truthfully, I so I have I mean, everybody who's seen me at parties knows what I'm doing.
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I will eventually end up half naked dancing on the dance like on the dance floor.
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I love it.
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It is something that has given me the freedom to be myself and to just that's the way I was I actually have gained more confidence.
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So I've taught I've touched on appearance, and while yes, that is like important because when you meet someone, that's what the first thing they see.
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I think navigating and moving through the lifestyle we want to be able to build each other up.
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Like it is not a competition.
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It's we're here to explore ourselves, to explore our sexuality, to meet new people, to whatever whatever you are in the lifestyle for.
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So just highlighting what we enjoy about each other, but also knowing that we're real humans and do want to change.
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But women's health is more than just your appearance.
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It's so much bigger than what we see in the mirror because our bodies change as we get older.
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Our hormones, our energy, our sexual desire can change.
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So then our relationships with food and exercise change as well.
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At a certain point, like we need to make sure we are communicating with our doctors.
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Like, what are my hormones?
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Like my libido, if your libido changes, making sure you're go see the doctor, like hormone levels, making sure everything is where it should be, because that will affect how you see yourself and what how your mental state will be because of it.
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And then some women experience changes after surgery or pregnancy, during menopause, medications.
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We all know that there are certain medications that you're on that will make it harder to orgasm, if at all.
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So just being aware of like all the health challenges that we will face as humans, as women, as we get older.
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And then those will affect how we feel about intimacy.
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So maybe you don't feel like yourself.
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Maybe your confidence has taken a hit, then your body responds differently than it used to be.
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But that doesn't mean you're broken.
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I want to say it again.
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It does not mean you're broken.
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It means that you're human.
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So if something is affecting your health, like your comfort, your sex life, you deserve to talk about it without feeling ashamed.
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Talk to your doctor, talk to your best friend, your partner, and get the information from the healthcare professionals who will actually listen to you.
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I am very fortunate that I have a nurse practitioner that I have seen since I had my surgery.
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That she listens to all my concerns, that I, so I've been seeing her for six, seven years.
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And I have never felt more like my opinion matters when I've gone to the doctor.
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So find that person that can help you with your health concerns and moving forward with making helping you feel like your best self.
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Um, women, I think we can we spend so much time worrying about whether our bodies look right that we forget to ask whether we are actually feeling well.
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So are you taking care of yourself?
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Are you listening to your bodies?
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Are you getting the support you need?
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Are we giving ourselves the same compassion we give to other women going through something difficult?
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We're all guilty of that.
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You, we are worst critics, and we will say the meanest things to ourselves.
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And you would never say that to your best friend.
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So why say it to yourself?
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Because we deserve to have that compassion inward.
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I think one of the hardest things about body image, though, is that sometimes we make our worth dependent on whether somebody else wants us.
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The attention can feel amazing.
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Being desired feels validating.
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There's there's absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying that.
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We all want someone to come and be like, you are so fucking sexy.
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I love it.
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I love telling people that.
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But what happens when the attraction isn't there?
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When people aren't constantly validating that feeling that you need?
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And then it's kind of a multitude of things when the life's out.
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Like, what if somebody does isn't interested anymore or you feel like you're overlooked?
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What happens when another woman gets attention that you were hoping for?
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Does that make you start questioning yourself?
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But here's something I want us to remember: rejection is not a measurement of your worth.
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Not everybody is going to be attracted to everybody.
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We all have preferences, and attraction is personal.
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So someone not choosing you doesn't mean you're unattractive.
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It does not mean that your body is wrong.
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It doesn't mean you need to change yourself to become someone else's ideal image.
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You don't need universal approval to be desirable.
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And you don't need to feel completely confident every single day to be worthy of intimacy, pleasure, and connection.
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I think real confidence is learning how to be kind to yourself, even on the days that you don't feel your best.
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That was me yesterday at the gym.
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I felt like it was a shit workout, but today I feel so good.
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But it doesn't change my worth.
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It truly doesn't.
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It's about like understanding that your body doesn't have to be perfect for like enjoying being in it.
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And learning that you can want to improve things about yourself without hating who you are right now.
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So, what I want other women to know, if there's one thing to take away from this episode, please don't put your life on hold until you think your body is good enough.
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There will always be someone who finds you attractive.
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Don't wait until you lose another 20 pounds to buy the outfit you love.
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I love my job.
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So I work in retail.
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People come in and try out outfits, like lingerie outfits.
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It is the best feeling when they come out and they're like, this looked amazing and I feel great.
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So we celebrate that.
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So buy the outfit that you love for your body that you have.
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Don't wait for your stomach to be different, to feel sexy or like your legs, your thighs, your upper back.
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Like this, you will never explore parts of yourself, like your sexuality, if you have, if you're waiting to absolutely have no insecurities about your body.
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You will miss out on so many things and experiences because of that.
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That doesn't mean it's not a hard road.
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I have spent my whole life feeling less than over, like less than.
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But it's always still a work in progress.
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And you can have those goals of changing without punishing yourself.
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Give yourself room to grow.
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Your journey is yours.
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Give yourself room to heal.
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We all have things that in our past that we take with us along the way with new relationships, new friendships, new jobs, everything who how we interact with people.
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Let's let's give ourselves some grace.
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So I want to leave you guys with something to think about.
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If you took away everyone else's opinion for a moment, if you stopped comparing yourself to other women, and if you stopped looking at your body through the lens of what you think other people want, how would you feel about yourself?
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Yeah.
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I bet you said I'd feel like a bad bitch.
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But what would you change if you stopped asking?
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Like, am I good enough for them?
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And start asking, am I comfortable with myself?
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Am I respecting my needs?
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Am I enjoying the life I'm living?
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That kind of changes the whole trajectory of your life versus always looking at the negative and like your body is tied to your worth.
00:20:54.480 --> 00:20:57.680
I know body images is something to fix with one conversation.
00:20:57.839 --> 00:21:01.680
Like I've stated, it's it's been years and years for me.
00:21:01.839 --> 00:21:05.039
And I don't believe that confidence means never feeling insecure.
00:21:05.279 --> 00:21:09.680
Because I do feel like I'm a confident woman, but there are days I am insecure.
00:21:09.920 --> 00:21:14.319
I think it means learning not to let those insecurities make every decision for you.
00:21:16.000 --> 00:21:28.960
I like so my bariatric journey has not necessarily been a part of my lifestyle journey, except for when you see my scars and people ask about them.
00:21:29.680 --> 00:21:36.160
But all that doesn't define my entire story because my body is part of who I am, but it's not the only thing I bring to the table.
00:21:36.480 --> 00:21:51.359
It's my personality, it's my craziness, like just being myself, like bringing music for people to dance to, being a DJ, holding that space for people that need someone to talk to in the moment.
00:21:51.920 --> 00:21:54.319
All that has nothing to do with your appearance.
00:21:54.559 --> 00:21:56.559
The same is true for you as well.
00:21:56.799 --> 00:22:02.400
You're more than your weight, you're more than your measurements, you're more than whether somebody finds you attractive.
00:22:02.640 --> 00:22:08.799
You are a whole person with experiences, feelings, desires, boundaries, and a life worth living.
00:22:09.039 --> 00:22:13.759
So let's keep having these conversations and being kinder to ourselves and to other women.
00:22:14.000 --> 00:22:20.640
Let's make room for honest discussions about health, intimacy, confidence, and the things we don't always feel comfortable saying out loud.
00:22:20.880 --> 00:22:35.920
That's one thing that I've really enjoyed about being a lifestyle, because it's given us the like an avenue to ask people questions that have experienced other things.
00:22:36.559 --> 00:22:49.599
When it comes, even like especially when it comes to your health, like, oh, I did, I'm starting to feel differently, or oh, maybe I am as you know, we mature, like our hormones change, and just having people that you can be honest about.
00:22:49.680 --> 00:23:06.240
It's not just about the quote unquote sexy things, it's about real life and going through them with other people as well, and having that feedback and navigating this journey together.
00:23:07.440 --> 00:23:12.480
Because behind everybody is a person with a story, and we all deserve the chance to tell ours.
00:23:13.119 --> 00:23:14.079
Thank you for listening.
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This is Colleen Morris.