ABOUT THIS EPISODE
Why can we spot every red flag in our friends’ relationships but completely miss—or ignore—the same patterns in our own?
In this episode of Badass Basic Bitch, Brianna sits down with Sabrina Zohar, dating coach, entrepreneur, podcast host, and debut author of Why Am I Like This?, for an honest conversation about the patterns we repeat in dating, where they actually come from, and what it takes to finally break them.
Before becoming a leading voice in the dating and relationship space, Sabrina found herself repeatedly dating emotionally unavailable men and struggling with many of the same patterns she now helps others understand. A devastating personal loss became a turning point that pushed her deeper into therapy, self-reflection, and eventually content creation. What started with TikTok videos evolved into a top-ranked podcast, a community of people ready to "do the work," and ultimately her first book.
Sabrina and Brianna unpack why understanding your patterns intellectually isn't always enough to change them, how early experiences influence the relationships we choose as adults, and why taking radical responsibility doesn't mean blaming yourself for everything that's happened to you.
They also get into one of the most misunderstood topics in modern dating: boundaries. Sabrina explains the difference between a boundary, a request, and a wall—and why protecting yourself so aggressively that nobody can get close isn't necessarily healing.
From attachment and emotional triggers to Disney movies, family dynamics, self-worth, and the neuroscience behind our reactions, this episode is about getting curious about the question so many of us have asked ourselves:
Why am I like this?
And, more importantly: What am I going to do about it?
In This Episode, We Discuss:
- Sabrina’s journey from unhealthy dating patterns to becoming a dating coach and author
- The personal loss that became a catalyst for changing her life
- How therapy helped Sabrina recognize her own patterns
- The unexpected TikTok journey that eventually led to her podcast and book
- Why we repeatedly choose emotionally unavailable partners
- The “bullshit blueprint” of early developmental maladaptive coping mechanisms
- How childhood and early experiences influence adult relationships
- Why knowing better doesn’t automatically mean we do better
- How intellectualizing our emotions can keep us disconnected from what we're actually feeling
- Why it’s easier to identify someone else’s red flags than our own
- What radical responsibility looks like in relationships
- Why taking responsibility is different from taking blame
- How your relationship with yourself impacts the relationships you build with others
- The difference between boundaries, walls, and requests
- Why overly rigid boundaries can sometimes become another form of self-protection
- The neuroscience behind emotional triggers and relationship patterns
- How the prefrontal cortex and amygdala influence our reactions
- The surprising ways movies, media, and cultural narratives shape our expectations of love
- Why healing isn't something you eventually “finish”
- Therapy, journaling, relationships, and other ways we can continue healing
- Sabrina’s experience writing honestly about her own family dynamics
- Why sharing vulnerable personal stories can help other people feel less alone
- What Sabrina hopes readers take away from Why Am I Like This?
Memorable Quote
“Healthy love starts with the relationship you have with yourself.” — Sabrina Zohar
Key Takeaways
Understanding Your Pattern Isn't the Same as Changing It
You can read the books, go to therapy, listen to podcasts, and understand exactly why you behave the way you do—and still find yourself repeating the same patterns.
Sabrina explains that many of our reactions aren't simply conscious decisions. They're connected to coping mechanisms and behaviors we learned much earlier in life. Recognizing the pattern matters, but changing it requires more than intellectual awareness.
Radical Responsibility Is Where Your Power Lives
It's easy to focus exclusively on what another person did wrong: the red flags they showed, the way they communicated, or the ways they disappointed us.
But Sabrina challenges us to also ask harder questions about ourselves.
Why did I stay? What was I attracted to? What did this dynamic activate in me? What patterns am I bringing into this relationship?
Radical responsibility isn't about blaming yourself for someone else's behavior. It's about identifying the part you can control so you can make a different choice next time.
A Boundary Is Not a Wall
Boundaries have become a major part of conversations around relationships and healing—but not everything labeled a boundary is actually one.
There is a difference between communicating what you need, establishing what you will do to protect your well-being, and constructing a wall that prevents anyone from getting close enough to hurt you.
Healthy relationships require boundaries, but they also require communication, vulnerability, and flexibility.
Your Brain Has a History
Our responses in relationships don't happen in a vacuum.
Sabrina discusses how early experiences shape learned behaviors and coping mechanisms that can continue showing up long after the original circumstances are gone. When something triggers us, the emotional part of the brain can react before the rational part has fully caught up.
Understanding where a behavior originated can help us stop treating it as proof that something is fundamentally wrong with us—and start deciding whether that behavior still serves us.
Even Our Ideas About Love Were Learned Somewhere
Family dynamics aren't the only things shaping our expectations about relationships.
Movies, television, social media, and even the stories many of us consumed as children can influence what we believe romance is supposed to look like.
Part of breaking your relationship blueprint means getting curious about where your expectations came from in the first place—and deciding whether they're actually compatible with the kind of relationship you want today.
Healing Is Not a Finish Line
There isn't a magical moment where you become completely “healed” and never get triggered, insecure, anxious, or hurt again.
Healing is ongoing.
Sometimes it looks like therapy or journaling. Sometimes it's recognizing a pattern a little faster than you did before. Sometimes it's spending time with people you love, making a healthier decision, or responding differently to something that once would have completely derailed you.
Progress doesn't require perfection.
Your Story Can Make Someone Else Feel Less Alone
Writing Why Am I Like This? required Sabrina to get vulnerable about her own relationships, family dynamics, and experiences.
That vulnerability serves a bigger purpose.
When we're willing to talk honestly about the messy parts of our lives, someone else gets the opportunity to recognize themselves in our story. Shame thrives in isolation. Connection reminds us that many of the things we thought were uniquely wrong with us are deeply human experiences.
About Why Am I Like This?
In her debut book, Sabrina Zohar explores the patterns, coping mechanisms, experiences, and beliefs that influence how we show up in relationships.
Rather than simply telling readers what they should or shouldn't do when dating, Sabrina aims to give them a practical roadmap for understanding why they behave the way they do, where those patterns came from, and how they can begin making different choices.
If you've ever found yourself asking:
Why do I keep choosing the same type of person?
Why can I see the red flags but still stay?
Why do I react this way when I'm triggered?
Why am I like this?
This one's for you.
Connect with Sabrina Zohar
📱 Instagram: @sabrina.zohar
🎵 TikTok: @sabrina.zohar
🌐 Website: sabrinazohar.com
📚 Book: Why Am I Like This?
Follow Sabrina for conversations about dating, relationships, attachment, boundaries, self-worth, healing, and breaking the patterns keeping you stuck.
Connect with Badass Basic Bitch
📱 Instagram: @badassbasicbitchpodcast
🎙️ Hosted by: Brianna Dunbar-DeMike
If this episode made you recognize a pattern you've been repeating—or finally gave you language for something you've been trying to understand—send it to the friend who's been having the same conversations with you for years.
Follow and subscribe to Badass Basic Bitch wherever you listen, and leave a review to help more women discover the show.
We'll see you next week!
