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00:00:37.200It is available on Amazon and on my website www.com.
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00:00:49.920On this podcast, we host it for real stories, full interviews, and we have a honest reflection about the journey of our speakers or our guests.
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00:01:01.600We share conversation with them in order for us to be able to extract their lessons and how they were able to survive very difficult experiences.
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00:01:07.920So that we don't have to reinvent the world, but to learn from them and to grow a rise together.
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00:01:27.840Because thriving isn't about just surviving the past, it's about living with courage, gratitude, and harmony for holistic well-being.
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00:01:29.760Thank you for joining me.
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00:01:32.719Welcome back to the Authentic Triving Podcast.
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00:01:36.480On this episode, we're going to be talking about friendship issues.
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00:01:38.480What is actually going on?
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00:01:55.439I've listened to some videos where people are saying that they have to fast and pray in order for them to have good friendship because they were absolutely tired and overwhelmed from the frustration that they experienced from friendship.
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00:01:58.560Some people say that they've actually just left it now.
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00:02:06.799Fine, there is no way to make friends um good friends as an adult because it is just too complicated.
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00:02:21.280People have formed strong, strong beliefs that do not align with one another, and some people just feel that when you make friends as an adult, you are asking for war, you are asking for betrayal, but that is not always true.
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00:02:30.560There are people that have made friends as an adult and they are really, really soaring, they are helping one another, they are really doing well together.
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00:02:36.080So how come some adult friendship end up in betrayal, in backbiting?
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00:02:45.759How come some end up in you confiding in them and then they just divulge that information to anybody that is willing to listen to them?
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00:02:48.319What is actually going on?
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00:03:00.319I remember in primary school, if you want to make friends, you you are likely to make friends of people that you sit with, people that maybe you have similar interests with, or your personality are very, very similar.
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00:03:05.919And before you know it, you're vibing together, you are going to see one another, and things like that.
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00:03:20.560And such friendship can even go to secondary school, university, and even as you are working, there's some friends that I know from primary school that excuse me that I see chat with thanks to social media.
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00:03:27.680There's just some from secondary school that I've seen them not often, but at least I see talk to them.
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00:03:32.000So, you know, I know that sometimes such friendship might slip into a different level.
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00:03:41.919You might have people that were your inner core and secondary school in uni, but they are no longer in your inner core because distance, because you don't see them at all.
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00:03:52.159However, there are some friends that even when you don't see them every time, whenever you pick up the phone or you see them, it's a safe time.
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00:03:54.479You know, that distance was never there.
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00:03:58.879You just cash up and you are fine, no but no judgment whatsoever.
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00:04:03.599Like, why did you not call me or why did you not reply my test and things like that?
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00:04:06.240They just really, really vibe well together.
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00:04:15.039If you have any friendship like that, comment in the in the in the in the chat session and let us know what you've done to sustain such friendship.
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00:04:24.639If you are an adult and you find out that you've been struggling with making friends or even keeping friends that you made as an adult, what has been the issue?
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00:04:36.079I really want to read your comments to see if some of the research that I've done, if it is um if it if it's the same or if it's similar at all.
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00:04:46.720So today we're going to be checking um our attachment style because attachment style has a way of affecting how we connect to people.
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00:04:48.319We have the secure attachment.
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00:04:54.000So, for example, for people that have the secure attachment, these actually start from when we're children, right?
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00:05:06.560So, as a child, your parents contribute significantly, or your caregivers they they contribute significantly to the type of attachment that you are going to cultivate and develop as you go along.
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00:05:18.240For people that have secure attachment, they are comfortable with closeness, they are comfortable with you being in their space, and you not being in their space, they're absolutely fine with that.
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00:05:28.879They have this tendency to be able to communicate very clearly how they feel and what you mean to them and how they appreciate you and things like that.
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00:05:31.600They don't overreact a distance, right?
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00:05:40.399So even if they don't see you for a while, they don't start judging you or feel insecure that you have other friends now and they don't mean anything to you.
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00:05:51.120No, secure attachment will allow you to have other friends and they are fine with it, it doesn't hinder or change their level of care towards you.
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00:05:54.560Now, there are people that have anxious attachment.
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00:05:59.279For people that have anxious attachment, they overthink communication.
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00:06:06.800So let's say, for example, they send you a test in the morning, and maybe you're so busy going to work, you've not replied their test, they get really anxious.
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00:06:10.160They're thinking, ah, why has this person not replied me?
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00:06:14.319I sent them a test this morning, they've still not replied me, and things like that.
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00:06:28.000Or sometimes they they when you send them a test, they can misconstrue what you mean by that, especially if the meaning they attach to it does not align with what you meant by that test, right?
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00:06:31.279They also fear that they are being excluded.
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00:06:34.560So those are the kind of friends that they don't like big friendship group.
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00:06:50.800So maybe my friend is not a friend to another friend, and then when all the friendship will come together, they want to be included so badly because they fear that you if they are not part of the conversation or they don't they don't understand what's going on with everybody, they are being excluded.
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00:06:53.920Okay, they overinvest early.
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00:06:56.720These are people that you just meet, it's not even up to two months.
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00:07:08.160You actually know everything about them, you know um where they live, you know what they do, you know deep things about them, maybe what they've been through.
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00:07:19.680Um, and they share deep stuff, they just overshare things very, very early enough because they're anxious that if they don't do that, the friendship might not be secured, right?
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00:07:26.160They can also have this a mistake, emotional intimacy, emotional intensity for intimacy.
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00:07:27.839So they can call you every time.
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00:07:33.439They always want you to call them, they can call you, they can test you, always want to be in communication with you.
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00:07:38.560They see that as good ways to build um friendship.
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00:07:41.839Now, we also have the avoidance attachment.
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00:07:46.959People that have avoided attachment, they have this emotional distance.
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00:07:58.639It's not as if they don't like you, they like you, but they they they kind of protect themselves, they don't want to be too invested because they are probably preempted that this friendship is not going to last.
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00:08:01.680So, what's the point of investing so much in this friendship?
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00:08:11.519So they are kind of distanced a bit, no matter how much you show to them that it means so much to you, they distance themselves, they don't easily just open up, okay?
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00:08:14.879They see themselves as I'm very, very independent.
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00:08:18.879Um, even if I don't have friendship, I'm good, I'm I'm alright.
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00:08:21.759They because they want to protect themselves.
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00:08:25.040These are people, maybe they've been disappointed a lot.
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00:08:32.960Maybe one of their parents was not readily available for them, or both their parents were not readily available to them.
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00:08:40.480Okay, so if they've had enough letdown in their life, they will have this avoiders attachment.
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00:08:56.399They want to avoid, they want to protect themselves, they withdraw during vulnerability, they don't like to be vulnerable to people because vulnerability brings connection, so they kind of just avoid that to preserve their own wellness and well-being.
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00:09:01.360Okay, now we have people that have the fearful uh uh avoidance.
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00:09:09.919One minute they blow out, one minute they blow cold, one minute they are sharing things with you, they are letting into their space, and the next minute they push back.
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00:09:11.919These are people that when you just meet it, they'll call.
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00:09:15.440But when you call them to that, why you why is this person calling me a lot?
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00:09:16.879It's not as if they stay.
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00:09:18.639Let me just leave that call.
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00:09:21.519So they are blowing out and code.
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00:09:39.360They cleave the the these are people that will crave closeness with others, but they are afraid that this person might hurt them, especially those that have been let down with loads of close relationship, maybe father, mother, siblings, and things like that, or previous close friendship as well.
00:09:39.519 -->
00:09:43.919So they are not consistent with their emotional availability.
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00:09:47.440One minute they are very intense, they are there for you.
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00:09:49.200The next minute they are not.
00:09:49.440 -->
00:09:54.720So attachment does not just show up in romance, like people think that oh, when they are dated as well.
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00:10:05.600It shows up in friendship, it shows up as being a parent as well, it shows up in all types of relationships that we go through, it shows up in different areas.
00:10:05.759 -->
00:10:16.799So, attachment is so so important, it's so important that you begin to understand your own attachment and just observe people and see how their attachment is showing up.
00:10:17.039 -->
00:10:27.519Now, having said this, I'm not saying you should go around and start telling your friend you have secure attachments, you have avoidance attachments, you have insecure attachments, you have fearful avoidance.
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00:10:29.120No, don't do that, please.
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00:10:39.360Many friendships um, um, you just know this thing so that it will help you to be more emotionally intelligent.
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00:10:47.200This is the reason why I thought this podcast will be very um informative and useful to people as well.
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00:10:51.360Now, let us also explore our values and our alignment.
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00:10:58.320Now, some friendships do not last not only because of attachment, some friendship do not last because of our values.
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00:11:09.519If I have a grow value and loyalty, of course, loyalty is one of my, and I have I like people to be accountable for their actions, and I like to be accountable as well.
00:11:09.679 -->
00:11:14.000And I have someone that just freestyle their life, wants to be friends with me.
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00:11:29.120It's not going to be possible because it does not align with my value, and some people do not like change at all, they want to remain the same, they don't want to invest in their knowledge, they don't want to invest in themselves, they just want to be the same like that.
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00:11:37.440People like that, you know, someone that has a growth mindset and a fixed mindset is so so difficult for such friendship to last.
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00:11:51.600So, even though both of them will be good people, but it doesn't mean that friendship is going to work, it's going to be one-sided, um, one-sided, because one person might be patient, okay.
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00:11:53.039I will just put up with this person.
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00:12:01.919But the more you keep telling the person that oh, I've done this course, or I'm doing this course, or I'm applying for this, or I'm doing this business, they will see you as too much.
00:12:02.159 -->
00:12:05.360This person is always too much, always doing this, always spreading across.
00:12:05.519 -->
00:12:06.879Please, please, please, that's enough.
00:12:07.039 -->
00:12:14.480And before you know it, such friendship we just wither and go because they will be thinking, What is going on?
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00:12:16.320Why is this person all over the place?
00:12:16.559 -->
00:12:21.840Now, we also have friendships that break as a result of one-sided benefits.
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00:12:30.639I don't know if you've had those friends that whenever they call you, it is either something is pursuing them or they are pursuing something.
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00:12:34.399They are always calling you when they want one information or the other.
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00:12:49.519They might be calling you when they need support financially, they might be calling you when they need help to babysit their child, they might be calling you when they just feel that you have an answer to their problem, so you are like a solution friend to them.
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00:12:54.480That's the only time they will never call you to just say, How are you doing?
00:12:54.639 -->
00:12:57.919Um, I just wanted to check on you because I'm not here from you anywhere.
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00:12:59.759They won't do that, right?
00:13:00.399 -->
00:13:07.519There is also friendship that do not last long as a result of different expectations, different positioning.
00:13:07.759 -->
00:13:16.480There are some people that one of them sealed the other friend as a colleague, but the other person seal this one as a friend.
00:13:16.639 -->
00:13:17.679So I'll give you an example.
00:13:17.759 -->
00:13:19.600Let's say you work with someone, right?
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00:13:38.240And at work, you guys vibe together, you have your lunch together, you might even give the person the right to work, or they give you a right to work, and you go to work together, you come back together, and the one person will begin to see that friendship as this person is my friend, and you begin to share too much.
00:13:38.399 -->
00:13:48.639Meanwhile, the other person is just treating you well because they see you as a good colleague, but outside of work, you don't have anything in common, your values are not the same.
00:13:48.799 -->
00:14:07.919There is hardly anything that both of you can speak about that is the same or that is in alignment, and you see such things that why the other one is expecting a lot of commitment because you've put them in a friendship bracket now, they're expecting a lot of commitment that outside of work you can carry on with that bonding.
00:14:08.080 -->
00:14:31.039But outside of work, when you call them, they might not over the weekend they might not want to anger with you, not because you are beneath them, not because they hate you, but because you don't have anything that is you know that that bonded together outside of work, and you don't expect that person to now start talking about work over the weekend or during their off time.
00:14:31.200 -->
00:14:37.039So such friendship is not balanced, the expectation is different, the position is different.
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00:14:40.240So such friendship will not survive.
00:14:40.559 -->
00:14:44.799Now there is emotional in an emotional labor imbalance, right?
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00:14:58.639Where one is very, very caring when you're doing your birthday, they will call you when your baby is celebrating birthday, they might just sit on your status, they will send a message, they might even buy a gift for the baby.
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00:15:11.759They are very, you know, they they show loads of they engage with you emotionally, they connect, but the other person might just not be like that, and I think a bit of love language will come into that.
00:15:11.919 -->
00:15:15.120Their own love language might not be that, it might just be time.
00:15:15.279 -->
00:15:20.480So they might spend time with you on your birthday seat with you, but they will not come with a gift.
00:15:20.799 -->
00:15:27.679When your child is doing birthday, if you invite them when the child is having a party, they might be there, but they will still not come with a gift, right?
00:15:27.840 -->
00:15:36.960So you you start thinking that ah, emotionally I'm very, very invested in this person, but all this person is gonna just spend time, she's just there for no other thing.
00:15:37.120 -->
00:15:48.559And such people might not even have a lot to give to you when you're going through emotional struggle because they themselves they don't have um the ability to empathize with people, they just the way they think is just different.
00:15:48.720 -->
00:15:54.240So when you see that things like this, it doesn't work, then you just know that that friendship will not work.
00:15:54.399 -->
00:16:15.360Chemistry might introduce friendship, however, you have to realize that it is when you align with that person at a deeper level with values, um, with having similar things, interests, that is when those friendships will begin to develop, and then those things will begin to sustain it as well.
00:16:17.120 -->
00:16:25.200This episode is occupied by the conversation, a whole of the transformation for the mind, body, and soul.
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00:16:40.960If you are ready to write a contact, move away from the present, feel, feel, and move together, telephone to move from surviving to Friday.
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00:16:47.919Why to visit our website, www.asebconsultancy.com.
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00:17:25.440Thank you.
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00:17:26.720Back to the program now.
00:17:26.880 -->
00:17:31.440Now, I would like to at this point, I would like to introduce the uh user tray.
00:17:31.519 -->
00:17:37.839I know this analogy has been on for a while, but I'm just going to also put my own take on this.
00:17:38.160 -->
00:17:49.039If you begin to realize that friendship has a different level, you will have peace of mind and you stop worrying when people come or live your life.
00:17:49.759 -->
00:17:57.039My opinion is that friendship is like a season, and a good image to use to describe this is a tree.
00:17:57.599 -->
00:18:02.640Now imagine the big tree in front of your house or any tree that you can see around you.
00:18:03.119 -->
00:18:09.519You have leaves, you have branches, and then you have the roots of the tree, right?
00:18:10.480 -->
00:18:17.279Now, the leaves, these are the seasonal people in your life.
00:18:17.599 -->
00:18:20.160They are seasonal people in your life.
00:18:20.400 -->
00:18:25.599Now, when I mean seasonal, these are people that perhaps you work with them.
00:18:25.759 -->
00:18:40.480So, in that season of you being in that business, in that establishment, you might be very, very close because you might do your business strategy together, you might be in the same work space together.
00:18:40.720 -->
00:18:52.799So that friendship, you have lunch together, you talk about how to move the business or the company forward, how to delegate and things like that, you will have a lot of things in common.
00:18:53.039 -->
00:18:55.039Now, don't expect that friendship.
00:18:55.200 -->
00:19:05.200Some friendship will not survive if one person leave that establishment or leave that business because that was a seasonal friendship.
00:19:05.519 -->
00:19:23.279If the person decides to leave and then start a different business, and as a result of distance, maybe there was nothing else that bonded apart from that particular project or maybe that workplace and things like that, you'll see that it will not work at all.
00:19:23.599 -->
00:19:24.799It will not work.
00:19:24.960 -->
00:19:30.000That friendship will just naturally wither gradually, and then that is it.
00:19:30.160 -->
00:19:45.440You see that one person will probably get tired of calling the other, and then the other person will just get tired of also receiving food coming or not pick as much because they are using their time and their energy for other things that is not top priority in their life.
00:19:45.680 -->
00:20:00.319You don't need to be angry with such people, you just put them in the right compartment and realize that this person is a good person, is still a good person, it's not a bad person all of a sudden, they've not hurt you.
00:20:00.640 -->
00:20:05.680The season of that friendship has just ended, and it's okay to let go.
00:20:05.839 -->
00:20:08.880And if you bump into them, you can say hi to them.
00:20:09.039 -->
00:20:17.680And if maybe you're having your outs and about, or you guys were able to, you know, have a chat over a cup of tea, a cup of coffee.
00:20:17.920 -->
00:20:31.119You see, you'll see that this person is still good, the the energy is still there, the vibing is still there, it's just not something that needs to be nurtured as as you go along with your life.
00:20:31.519 -->
00:20:33.440Now we have the brushes.
00:20:33.680 -->
00:20:37.680Now, these are supportive friends, but their support is limited.
00:20:37.839 -->
00:20:39.200I'll give you a story.
00:20:39.359 -->
00:20:52.960So, for example, when my children were very, very young, I used to take them to dancing, and my daughter was doing the dancing for ballerina tapping and um contemporary dancing as well.
00:20:53.200 -->
00:20:58.559And I made friends with this mother that also had a child in dancing.
00:20:58.720 -->
00:21:10.000The connection did not just end there, they also went to the same nursery as my daughter, and even when I was pregnant with my second child, I remember I was overdue, I was so restless.
00:21:10.160 -->
00:21:17.200She just told me, Sonia, can you bring your first daughter to our side to play with my daughter so that you can rest a little bit?
00:21:17.359 -->
00:21:19.359Because I can see you are getting tired.
00:21:19.599 -->
00:21:23.279Recuperate before the baby comes so that you're not tired.
00:21:23.359 -->
00:21:28.720You know, when the baby comes, you might be having a sleepless night, we are feeding in the night.
00:21:28.880 -->
00:21:30.559I really appreciated that.
00:21:30.799 -->
00:21:32.960They would do dance competition together.
00:21:33.119 -->
00:21:46.880Me and this woman, when the baby came, she was the one that was coming to the house to pick my first child to take her to dancing class to ensure that she carried on with the dancing class as well, you know.
00:21:47.119 -->
00:21:55.279So things like that in that time, it was a seasonal friends, friendship because it nourished me a lot.
00:21:55.440 -->
00:21:57.920I'm not even gonna lie, it was really, really good.
00:21:58.000 -->
00:21:59.680That woman was helpful, she was a good.
00:22:00.079 -->
00:22:02.640Good woman, and she still is a good woman.
00:22:02.799 -->
00:22:08.000However, as our daughters got older, they went into primary school.
00:22:08.240 -->
00:22:12.079The first thing is that they went into a different primary school.
00:22:12.319 -->
00:22:14.319So that was the first separation.
00:22:14.559 -->
00:22:16.559But they were still in the same dance school.
00:22:16.640 -->
00:22:18.640So we're still there helping one another.
00:22:18.799 -->
00:22:23.519Sometimes I also pick the daughter, and I'll take they were going to the same swimming class as well.
00:22:23.599 -->
00:22:26.559And we'll support one another in that way.
00:22:27.759 -->
00:22:34.640Now, before you know it, the children got older again, and then they went into a different secondary school.
00:22:34.880 -->
00:22:39.279Unfortunately, I would say the girl stopped dancing.
00:22:39.440 -->
00:22:51.839She stopped, she went into all that is drama, and my daughter stopped dancing, went into gymnastics, and then the swimming class had to move my children to a different swimming time, and then we're not saying so.
00:22:51.920 -->
00:22:57.599You can see the touch was going, was the the wedge was just getting wider and wider.
00:22:57.759 -->
00:23:00.720We invested in different things, different activities.
00:23:00.880 -->
00:23:01.759Were they good?
00:23:01.920 -->
00:23:04.720This she was my branch as of that time.
00:23:05.119 -->
00:23:12.799And if I see Sienna when I go to the supermarket, we bump into one another, we give each other a warm hug, and I say hi to her.
00:23:12.960 -->
00:23:17.519I don't expect this woman to become uh a part and parcel of me.
00:23:17.680 -->
00:23:24.400What brought us together was our children, and when that season had passed, it was fine to let her go.
00:23:24.640 -->
00:23:32.079At the time where she was my friend, she was very, very supportive, and I was also very supportive of her.
00:23:32.240 -->
00:23:35.200Our children, they were good friends, you know.
00:23:35.279 -->
00:23:41.519It was really good, it was um emotionally benefiting friendship in that season.
00:23:41.839 -->
00:23:43.519Will I say she was a bad person?
00:23:43.599 -->
00:23:51.920No, because see the friendship just drifted apart like that when the mushua or the similarity was taken away.
00:23:52.400 -->
00:23:55.680Now you have your roots, your roots.
00:23:55.759 -->
00:23:58.079If you see a tree, a tree is standing.
00:23:58.160 -->
00:23:59.279Do you see the root?
00:23:59.519 -->
00:24:05.519You don't, but you see the leaf, you see the branches, you see the trunk, you see the path, but you don't see the roots.
00:24:05.759 -->
00:24:15.359There are some friends, they are your roots, they might not even be your family members, and as we're going along, I also want to also throw this here.
00:24:15.599 -->
00:24:27.279It's not all your siblings that will be your friends, they will remain your siblings because blood is blood, but not all your siblings will be your friend.
00:24:27.839 -->
00:24:32.319I nearly got frustrated over this because obviously this person is my sibling.
00:24:32.480 -->
00:24:37.039We have to, you know, have to be involved, they have to be involved in me and all of those stuff.
00:24:37.200 -->
00:24:44.559But the truth is you will pull your hair out at the end of the day if you think that all your family members will be your friends.
00:24:44.720 -->
00:24:49.440It's not all that will be your friends, not all your family members will have the same value as you.
00:24:49.680 -->
00:25:08.240So you see, you might grow up in the same household with someone, it doesn't mean that the person will have the same value alignment with you, so it starts from there, and then the earlier you understand that, the better for you, so that you don't end up ruining your family relationship.
00:25:08.480 -->
00:25:20.160I'm speaking from experience here, and I know if you reflect, you also see that okay, there are some family members that I know that oh, I may have taken things away too much.
00:25:20.319 -->
00:25:23.519I thought they were my they were um my friend.
00:25:23.839 -->
00:25:26.640No, they are your blood, just me, they are your friends.
00:25:26.799 -->
00:25:29.359The earlier you get out, the better for you.
00:25:29.759 -->
00:25:32.720So it is so important that we understand this.
00:25:32.880 -->
00:25:35.440Your roots, they are there for you.
00:25:35.519 -->
00:25:44.160They might not even call you every day, but your roots, you call them 12 midnight, they are right there for you.
00:25:44.400 -->
00:25:49.279If they cannot come physically on that phone, they are there for you.
00:25:49.519 -->
00:26:04.160These are the people that will stand for you in a tough time when you are ill, when you you are in deep trouble, when you've messed up, these are the people that you can be vulnerable with, and they will never tell anyone.
00:26:04.319 -->
00:26:08.240And if that they will not judge you, they will stand there for you.
00:26:08.400 -->
00:26:12.960If you are lucky to even have one root, you are a blessed person.
00:26:13.359 -->
00:26:14.960You are blessed.
00:26:15.279 -->
00:26:22.160I am so lucky, I have my roots, and I I am so so thankful for them.
00:26:22.319 -->
00:26:24.400Never take your roots for granted.
00:26:24.559 -->
00:26:31.039Just because they don't judge you, just because they accept you the way you are, doesn't mean you should take them for granted.
00:26:31.200 -->
00:26:34.160They are regimes that should be appreciated.
00:26:34.480 -->
00:26:39.039It is high time we start putting friendship into compartments.
00:26:40.160 -->
00:26:46.640It will help our sanity, it will help us with other things that we need to do.
00:26:46.880 -->
00:26:51.680Friendship are not the same, friendship are very, very different.
00:26:52.079 -->
00:27:01.680Okay, so put people in depends on put people in the right compartment, it will help with your sanity so you don't end up judging people.
00:27:01.920 -->
00:27:06.319This person did this or overcommitting where you're not supposed to go commit.
00:27:06.640 -->
00:27:10.079People that are not willing to jump the ocean for you, right?
00:27:10.319 -->
00:27:32.559Jump the mud for you, just a small mud pond, and then you are jumping the ocean for them, and they didn't ask you to, it is you that is overcommitting, and they don't even see you as a friend, they might see you as a as a as a mentee, but you are seeing them as a friend, so it is so important that you know who the person is.
00:27:32.799 -->
00:27:47.359Now, there are other things that also ruin friendship, boundaries, lack of boundary, any relationship at all where the boundary is not known and defined, abuse is inevitable.
00:27:47.599 -->
00:27:53.039Whether it's being a parent and a child, if there is no boundary, abuse is inevitable.
00:27:53.279 -->
00:28:03.759A spouse, uh um, people that are married, if it is not defined what you can take and what you cannot take, your negotiable and your non-negotiable, there will be abuse.
00:28:03.920 -->
00:28:16.319Friendship, whether what colleague and anything at all, your neighbors, if you do not address things and communicate, use opportunities to communicate your boundaries, abuse is inevitable.
00:28:16.480 -->
00:28:26.000This is why it is so important for us to speak up, communicate because any relationship at all, communication is very, very important.
00:28:26.240 -->
00:28:28.000People are not mind readers.
00:28:28.160 -->
00:28:30.079We need to share how we really feel.
00:28:30.319 -->
00:28:40.640People should not be assuming assumption is one of the things that kills relationships, so you need to know what you are sharing, what are you exposing about yourself?
00:28:40.880 -->
00:28:44.960Is this person they have the capacity to keep their mouth shut?
00:28:45.119 -->
00:28:52.720Are you being used and you think you are being kind, hoping that everything will be okay later?
00:28:52.799 -->
00:28:54.799They will also do the same for you.
00:28:54.960 -->
00:28:57.279But these people don't even see you like that.
00:28:57.440 -->
00:29:04.319So, this is the time that we'll begin to ask, why are some friendships not working out?
00:29:04.559 -->
00:29:44.880I hope I've been able to cover this, knowing by sharing awareness of attachment patterns, and also thinking about misaligned expectations, and then be able to understand that if you do not communicate your boundaries, things can go out of out of um out of can get out of hand really quickly, and also think about your your values as well, what you have in common with our friendship, and think about the motive behind it, the language that we use one another, that communication, how do we do it?
00:29:45.039 -->
00:29:58.799I'm going to be doing a part two on how we can begin to blossom our adult relationship because don't think it's only childhood friendship that lasts, adult relationship is sustainable as well.
00:29:59.039 -->
00:30:05.279But what do we need to do different to ensure that our adult relationships are sustainable?
00:30:05.440 -->
00:30:12.960Before I share on the next episode, I would really appreciate it if you can share some tips because nobody knows it all.
00:30:13.119 -->
00:30:20.160What are the tips that you are using to nourish, to develop, to grow your adult friendship?
00:30:20.480 -->
00:30:22.000Share, share, share.
00:30:22.079 -->
00:30:34.240I just want to read your comment, and then hopefully other people will also read and claim for this and just learn and begin to help one another until I come your way again.
00:30:34.480 -->
00:30:36.480I remain at Piersonia.
00:30:36.960 -->
00:30:42.079Keep driving authentically and living your best life.
00:30:42.400 -->
00:30:46.640Take care now, and God bless you.
