WEBVTT
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I send to you this letter note.
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My secret home.
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My artichoke.
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My art choke.
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My artichoke.
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My artichoke.
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Hey everyone, this is Drew Prohaska, the host and producer of the Artichoke Storytelling series.
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We started as a live curated storytelling show in New York's Hudson Valley, which showcases the best storytelling talent from the New York City area, and we've since branched out to include storytelling workshops, story slams where local storytellers can share their tales, and a series of one-person shows, and now, something I've been dying to do, a podcast where we can dip into our archives and share our favorite artichoke stories with you.
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Now, this episode is about people's big breaks.
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We're gonna hear true personal stories about brushes with success.
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Now, I for one thought my big break was gonna happen when I was eight years old.
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See, my mom worked in advertising, and I I guess because her bosses were too cheap to hire real actors, my sister and I were got cast in a lot of local commercials and magazine ads around the Washington, DC area.
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And for some reason, whenever I was in a commercial, you would see me, little tiny Drew, but they would dub some other kid's voice over mine, which was pretty weird.
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But you know, that didn't matter in the end because I was on TV.
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I was the shortest kid in my third grade class, and this was the only thing that made me feel big.
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So of course I would just rub it in all the other kids' faces.
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Now, one day my mom dropped the biggest news on me.
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I was gonna audition for a movie called DC Cab, starring none other than Mr.
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T.
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Now, if you're too young to know who Mr.
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T is, he was a big, muscular black man with a mohawk and about 800 pounds of gold chains around his neck, and every kid in America just worshipped him.
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He was on a TV show called The A Team, where he would he and a bunch of Vietnam vets would drive around in a van just kicking ass and pitying fools.
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And he fought Sylvester Stallone and Rocky III.
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There was even a Mr.
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T Breakfast Cereal, and he even had a Saturday morning cartoon in which he traveled around the world with the US Olympics gymnastic team, just solving mysteries for some reason.
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He was the absolute coolest, and I was gonna star in an R-rated comedy with him, Little Blonde 8-year-old me.
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Now, over the next couple of weeks, I bragged about it to everybody, just everybody.
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I was such a little prick.
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When kids would come, kids would pick on me at school, I would just stand up and say, I pity all of you fools.
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It didn't matter to me what they said.
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I was gonna kick ass on screen with Mr.
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T.
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But here's the thing that no one told me.
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There was a reason they would dub some other kid's voiceover mine, as it turns out I can't act.
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Not even a little bit.
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Like I was horrendous.
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So yeah, yeah, I did not get to star in DC Cab with Mr.
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T, and of course, I it went on to sweep the Oscars in 1983.
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Uh that's not true, it was the movie was terrible.
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But the worst part is that I had to go back to the playground in front of all my classmates and just eat crow for the rest of the school year.
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Now, our first story comes from our very own amazing podcast producer, Carly Shiraki.
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Carly's a five-time Emmy nominated host, writer, producer, performer, and veteran storyteller.
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And I got to meet her when we first had her up at the Artichoke in January of 2023, and our audience completely fell in love with her.
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Now here's Carly with her Artichoke debut story: Dress Codes Are Bananas.
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Okay.
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Hi, people.
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Hi.
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All right.
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Uh so I graduated college with a theater degree.
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Yes.
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Okay.
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Uh, and those you're gonna relate to this perhaps.
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Um, the first couple years out of school, I worked a million jobs.
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I uh was an after-school yoga teacher for kindergartners.
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I played the guitar at Whole Foods for babies every Thursday morning.
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Uh I was a like bar mitzvah and school dance DJ.
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Uh I went to fancy parties on stilts and served dessert.
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Like, I had so many side hustles.
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And I was getting to a point where I was just, I was burning out.
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I like, I really was in desperate need of a main hustle.
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And right around that time, right around that time, the uh local CBS2 affiliate in Chicago announced that they were looking for their next traffic reporter.
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And they were gonna have a contest, and the person that won the contest was gonna get to be a traffic reporter for three months, and the job was gonna pay$25,000.
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And that is more money than I had made in the previous 12 months, so my eyeballs like turned into little dollar signs, and I was like, okay, I'm doing this.
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So I made an audition video and I made it to the top 75, and then from there I advanced to a top 10 finalist position to become Chicago's next traffic reporter.
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And as a top 10 finalist, I had to do an actual day of live traffic reporting.
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Like it was a serious thing.
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They were gonna put us all on TV one at a time, do the thing, and then people were gonna vote.
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So um I was the only person in the top 10 who had no journalism experience.
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Uh, I was also the youngest, and at every stage of the like competition, I had worn different color Converse sneakers.
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Like just by accident, that's just like what my wardrobe was then.
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So I had like black sneakers in my audition video, and then I had green Converse sneakers the day we did the top 75 audition, which was a mistake because the traffic is reported in front of a green screen, and that audition was in front of a green.
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It was fine.
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It was fine.
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And then and then I came in for like another day of training with red Converse sneakers, and they just thought it was a riot.
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Like they thought, who's this kid with our Converse sneakers?
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Uh they thought I was real wild.
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And so when they were talking us through uh like preparation for our big on-air day, they were very clear about the fact that on the day that we came to do our on-air traffic report, we had to dress business casual.
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And they were like really looking at me when they said that.
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And I was like, okay, I get it.
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All right, all right, all right.
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And so I like go home to my closet.
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Like, business casual is still a triggering phrase to me.
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Like it's just the worst.
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And like I'm sweating, like I'm I don't know.
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So I go to my closet, like fling open the doors into my closet, and it reflects the life that I am living.
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It's like multicolored leggings and like three different tutos that I wear on the weekends when I'm like leading birthday parties for five-year-olds.
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Like, I just have nothing business casual.
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So I go, I go shopping and I get this sensible black dress that just like screams news reporter person.
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And but I still want to like maintain the meanness of it all.
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So I buy uh bright yellow high heels, like three-inch high heels, and I'm like, I am a lady, but I'm still like a little bit fun.
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Uh and I and I spend days practicing, just like walking back and forth in my apartment because like I'm not used to walking in three inch heels, but I feel pretty good.
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We they they gave us like real training, so I feel confident about what I'm about to do.
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And I wake up the morning of my traffic report at 3:30, because that is what time in the morning these people wake up and I'm I'm like getting my life together.
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I put on my dress and I I put on my Converse sneakers because I'm gonna drive in the sneakers because who drives in heels?
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Um and so I had my heels in a plastic bag, I grabbed some snacks, I'm like getting everything together, and I go down to my car, and it's dark and it's freezing cold because it's Chicago, and I'm driving down Lakeshore, and my knuckles are like frozen over the steering wheel, and I'm I'm feeling so nervous because I actually need this job.
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Like I'm I'm burning out, I'm running out of cash, um, and I feel like I have a decent chance, actually, in spite of it all.
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So I pull into the station and I go to grab my heels, and as I go to grab the bag, I double take it and I realize that instead of grabbing a bag of yellow heels, I have grabbed a bag of yellow bananas.
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And I and I burst into tears because I'm wearing my Converse sneakers, which they explicitly told me not to wear.
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I'm like, they're gonna think that I am not taking this seriously.
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I'm I'm I'm like sobbing, and I run up to the station and I'm like, listen, my roommate's gonna be up in three hours.
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She can bring the shoes down.
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Like, I'm so sorry.
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And they they're like, calm down.
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They're like, wear the Converse sneakers, bring the bananas into the studio, tell the story on air.
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And I'm like, okay, I'll do it.
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So I go in and I report the traffic.
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And first of all, let me just say there's no way I could have done that in Heels because these people are running from this the like desk where the anchors are to the green screen, like back and forth, back and forth, and there's a bunch of cables that you have to like jump over because you get like three seconds to go from one place to the next.
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There's no way I could have done that in heels.
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But I report the living daylights out of the traffic.
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And sure enough, in between, the traffic hits.
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I'm telling the story of the bananas.
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And at one point, some of my friends showed up to like support me.
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Um they were gonna just like wait outside the window, you know, in the studios, there's always like the window to the street.
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And they the producers gave my friends the bananas so I could like tell the story, and then they like cut to my friends like eating bananas, like, no Carly.
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So it's like a whole thing.
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And um, and I finished the traffic report and I float out of there because I'm like, I nailed it.
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People are like high-fiving me, like patting me on the back.
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I feel so good.
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And then I float off to the interview with the suits because like even they can't actually let the Chicago people vote as a traffic reporter in.
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So there's like an interview portion of it, and I sit down, I'm feeling like a million bucks, and they're like, that was great.
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So why do you want to be a traffic reporter?
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And I'm like, oh, oh my God.
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What?
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Like, I hadn't thought through the fact that they could potentially ask me that question, and I have no I have no answer for it because I don't want to be a traffic reporter.
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I'm a pretty but I'm like, I'm like, oh, you know, like bring some flavor to the mornings.
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Like, I just like fumble something.
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Um, and I and I walk out and and I don't get the job.
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Oddly enough, the guy that did get the job is still doing it though, and that was like 12 years ago.
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So, like, it I guess it worked out the way that it was supposed to, but I was I was crushed because it just felt like okay, back to the grind.
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And so, you know, that's what I did.
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I went back, I hustled, I worked a million jobs, and about 10 months after the whole traffic situation, I got another audition for a live morning show.
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But this one was for preschoolers and involved a chicken puppet.
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And and that job I did get Converse Sneakers and all.
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Thank you.
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Carly is the greatest.
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In fact, your kids might know her as the former host of the children's TV program Sunny Side Up on Sprout.
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And if her voice sounds familiar to you, well, she's been the promotional voice of Southwest Airlines for years.
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I am so psyched to have her on board.
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Up next, we have our pal Rory Scholl talking about his big break.
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Rory's a storyteller and improv comedian who I've known from the storytelling scene for years, and you may have seen him on the marvelous Mrs.
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Mazel, The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, or in his traveling game show, The Big Quiz Thing.
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Here's Rory Scholl with his story Jingle All the Way.
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Say, did you know that the Tyrannosaurus Rex is a member of the deer family?
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Yeah.
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That's just one of the many lies I tell children at the Museum of Natural History.
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Um, because they're kids, who cares?
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Um I do birthday party tours for spoiled Upper West Side rich kids at the museum, you know, where they pick a theme like dinosaurs or space, or and I dress up like a character, and we walk around the museum, and then I take them down to the basement, and they eat dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets, and I question every life choice I've ever made.
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Um there is one aspect I love about it.
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I bring my guitar sometimes and we improvise songs, you know, like Parker and the Mystery of the Museum and things like that.
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And I I enjoy that part.
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So I'm doing a tour for, oh, let's say Cooper.
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You know, one of these names that needs to be retired, you know, uh Cooper or Parker or Lexi or Madison, you know.
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Upper West Side parents, stop naming your kids after streets you see out of your window.
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That would be great.
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So we're doing space, and he asked me a question, like, what's the difference between a meteor and a meteorite?
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I'm like, one's edible, Cooper.
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I don't know.
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Um we go down to the basement and they start eating their nuggets, and I go and check my phone messages, and I get a message.
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It's like, hey Rory, it's Cindy from CBS.
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We really loved your audition tapes, and we'd love you to be on our show, and we'll see you in two weeks in Burbank.
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And it's a good thing I was wearing an astronaut costume because I was over the moon.
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That's for the dads in the audience.
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You can use that if you want to.
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Um, a couple months, like I totally forgot about this audition.
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My songwriting partner and I auditioned to be on a new reality show uh by Mark Burnett.
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It was called Jingles about the exciting world of jingle writers.
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Yes, that's why you have never heard of it.
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Um but uh I was very excited.
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It was like, suck it, Coopers of the World, I'm out of here, I'm about to be famous, this is my big break, and we're off.
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So two weeks later, my partner and I, we got on the plane, and we're excited to go.
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I'm excited about this new opportunity, and uh Sam is excited because he had a girlfriend there, uh, the one that got away, and her husband just died, so he was excited.
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Um and Sam was married at the time, but it doesn't matter.
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I promised him I wouldn't use his real name.
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Uh so anyway, Sam and I are we're we're we land in Birdbank and we get into our hotel room and they take our cell phones and we're not allowed to watch the news.
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Take, you know, not can't can't watch newspapers because you don't want jingle writers being influenced by the outside world.
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And I'm the first hour or two I'm there, we're having a blast, and then I realized, you know, reality show, it's not real uh reality at all.
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I can see the lot from our hotel window that they're we're gonna be filming at, but still they make all the contestants get on a bus and drive, you know, and get off, they film us getting off the bus like oh, Hollywood, you know, and we're like, and they did a good job of you know making a diverse cast.
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There was like a little uh country and western uh duo, uh husband and wife from Tennessee, and there was a boy band from Vegas, and there was like you know, blues blues people and jazz and all these different and we were the goofy comics from New York, um comedy songwriters.
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And so uh I was like, Well, I'm gonna make the best of this.
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You know, I'm gonna ham it up, someone's gonna see me, and I'm gonna be hosting uh my own talk show before before this is all over.
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And so, you know, in every interview, I'm like, yeah, I love jingles.
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I sing them all the time, and products, I use products every day, you know.
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Um and uh so when they're interviewing the other people, I make sure like I can't be edited out of this.
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Like I'm in the background drinking a cup of coffee whether interviewing someone, or they're interviewing the jazz cup, I'm throwing a football to no one.
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I'm like, just you're not editing me out uh of this at all.
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Um so the next day uh they tell us the rules.
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So every week they're gonna give us a new product, and we have to come up with the jingle and a commercial, and we can mock up the product if we want to.
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And I'm like, okay, this is this is very exciting.
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So we get to meet our um our three judges.
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So we're all waiting in the lot on the stage, and our first judge walks in, and she's a lovely person.
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She works for an agency, I think it was called Kaplan Thaler or something like that.
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She's an she's an agent, and she gives us advice, and I'm rooting for y'all, and here's what I'm looking for in a in a song, and and good luck to everybody.
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And then the next judge comes in, and I think her name is Kathy, and Kathy wrote the uh Toys Are Us jingle.
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You know, I don't want to grow up.
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Right?
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But you would have thought she wrote the fucking white album the way she talked about her process.
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Um very serious woman, and uh I was like, alright, very good.
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And and then we're all set to meet our celebrity judge, and a door opens to the side, and I don't know if the smoke machine was broken or if it was a teamster out there having a cigarette, but the tiniest bit of smoke wafted in.
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And then in walks our celebrity judge, just dressed head to toe in leather with sunglasses, and he walks in the middle, he stands on the stage, and it's Gene Simmons.
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Yeah.
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Gene Simmons from KISS, if you were born after 2000.
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Which no one here was.
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Okay, good.
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So we all know Gene Simmons.
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And Gene Simmons takes the stage and he looks at us and he's like, Jingle writers.
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If you're not serious about writing jingles, there's the door.
00:17:47.920 --> 00:17:50.559
And he's pointing in the wrong direction.
00:17:50.799 --> 00:17:54.559
And I I lean over to Sam.
00:17:54.880 --> 00:17:55.680
You all know now.
00:17:55.759 --> 00:17:59.519
Uh I lean over to Sam and I say, This is never gonna see the light of day.
00:17:59.759 --> 00:18:16.319
Um so my new plan is to um uh uh befriend Gene Simmons, because this is at a time when he had like he had like five or six reality shows on TV at the time.
00:18:16.400 --> 00:18:18.640
So I was like, well, I'm just gonna make this dude love me.
00:18:18.799 --> 00:18:21.599
And he'll put me on something, and somebody's gonna see me, and this is it.
00:18:21.680 --> 00:18:24.160
It's my big break, suck it, Coopers of the World.
00:18:24.400 --> 00:18:29.119
And um so every time I would see him, I was like, Gene, and he'd he'd totally ignore me.
00:18:29.359 --> 00:18:32.160
Didn't didn't want anything to do with me at all.
00:18:32.400 --> 00:18:43.759
Um so new new new plan um was just to uh uh do everything I could in front of the cameras and befriend a cameraman or you know a key grip or somebody and somebody's gonna love me and put me on TV.
00:18:43.839 --> 00:18:49.839
Um so we get our first uh products and we have to come up with a jingle for uh and a product for gum.
00:18:50.000 --> 00:19:02.240
And so Sam and I decide on something called fruit it up, and we write a reggae song, and we make the gum look like little joints, and uh which is great for CBS.
00:19:02.319 --> 00:19:03.440
They loved it.
00:19:04.319 --> 00:19:09.279
And so um our host of the show was I think her name was Kim Kimberly Caldwell.
00:19:09.440 --> 00:19:12.720
I think she was like the fifth runner up on American Idol season four.
00:19:13.039 --> 00:19:14.079
You're shaking your head.
00:19:14.160 --> 00:19:16.079
Yep, big Caldwell fan in the back there.
00:19:16.240 --> 00:19:17.039
Alright, good.
00:19:17.200 --> 00:19:20.400
So she entered, she introduces us, we go in, we sing our fruited up song.
00:19:20.480 --> 00:19:24.319
And Gene Simmons is on a throne, and the two women are on stools.
00:19:24.559 --> 00:19:25.839
I mean, give me a break.
00:19:25.920 --> 00:19:35.680
We know he's producing the show, and uh so so we we get down, we sing our little fruited up song, and uh um uh Kaplan Thaler lady loves us.
00:19:35.839 --> 00:19:38.960
And the Toys Are Us woman, Kathy, she hates us.
00:19:39.119 --> 00:19:40.799
And so it's up to Gene Simmons.
00:19:40.880 --> 00:19:44.400
And and uh and Sam says, Well, what do you think, Mr.
00:19:44.559 --> 00:19:45.200
Simpson?
00:19:45.359 --> 00:19:52.799
And I was like, I said, Is it too late to get a new partner?
00:19:53.119 --> 00:19:56.720
You know, and he said, That's alright, I've been called worse.
00:19:56.799 --> 00:19:57.839
And I was like, All right, cool.
00:19:57.920 --> 00:20:00.400
So he goes, I'm gonna leave it up to a coin flip.
00:20:00.640 --> 00:20:00.960
Okay.
00:20:01.359 --> 00:20:02.720
He says, Call it.
00:20:02.960 --> 00:20:08.480
And I say, heads, and it's tails, and we are off the first episode.
00:20:08.720 --> 00:20:09.599
That's it.
00:20:09.839 --> 00:20:14.400
So we go outside, and you know, Caldwell uh interviews us.
00:20:14.799 --> 00:20:15.920
Well, well, that didn't go so well.
00:20:16.079 --> 00:20:17.759
I was like, Yeah, no, it did not.
00:20:18.000 --> 00:20:27.200
Uh and Sam's like, you know, Rory, uh, if someone says heads or tails, you always say heads or tails, and you said the wrong thing, and everything I said, well, Sam, you know what?
00:20:27.279 --> 00:20:28.720
The only reason you're here is to get laid.
00:20:28.799 --> 00:20:29.279
And he goes, What?
00:20:29.440 --> 00:20:29.839
And I go, what?
00:20:30.000 --> 00:20:30.720
And the cameras go, what?
00:20:30.880 --> 00:20:32.480
And I was like, uh, no, no, no.
00:20:32.559 --> 00:20:34.799
So we gotta nothing.
00:20:35.200 --> 00:20:36.480
We're we'll leave now.
00:20:36.720 --> 00:20:41.759
Um I didn't want, we didn't need that on camera, so we're leaving.
00:20:42.160 --> 00:20:49.680
My new new new plan after this was to make the people doing the exit interview fall in love with me.
00:20:49.759 --> 00:20:51.119
Oh, they're gonna love it.
00:20:51.519 --> 00:20:53.359
They're gonna love me and put me on something.
00:20:53.519 --> 00:20:54.799
Look out for this exit interview.
00:20:54.880 --> 00:20:56.319
I'm gonna be charming.
00:20:56.720 --> 00:20:59.519
So they're like, uh, well, we're sorry that didn't work out.
00:20:59.599 --> 00:21:01.359
Um, were there any judges you didn't like?
00:21:01.440 --> 00:21:04.640
And uh and we were like, oh no, because they're very manipulative, these people.
00:21:04.799 --> 00:21:06.000
I was like, no, no, everyone was fine.
00:21:06.079 --> 00:21:07.279
They're like, well, which one didn't you like?
00:21:07.359 --> 00:21:09.519
I was like, well, I mean, Kathy didn't like us, I guess.
00:21:09.599 --> 00:21:10.559
So you didn't like Kathy.
00:21:10.640 --> 00:21:11.759
No, I didn't say I didn't like Kathy.
00:21:12.000 --> 00:21:13.119
Would you say Kathy's a bitch?
00:21:13.200 --> 00:21:14.640
No, but out of the three is Kathy a bitch?
00:21:14.720 --> 00:21:17.200
I was like, well, yeah, I guess Kathy's a bitch, and like, well, Kathy's a bitch.
00:21:17.279 --> 00:21:18.480
I was like, oh fuck.
00:21:18.880 --> 00:21:21.759
Uh so that didn't work at all.
00:21:22.640 --> 00:21:31.519
So we're leaving, we're walking to the bus, and actually we we pass Kathy on the lot, and she's just like, okay, have fun, go back to New York and tell your jokes.
00:21:31.839 --> 00:21:33.839
And I was like, Sam, Kathy is a bitch.
00:21:34.160 --> 00:21:36.000
Um we were alright.
00:21:36.160 --> 00:21:38.480
So our Hollywood dream did not work out.
00:21:38.559 --> 00:21:44.480
Uh, but I will say, when I was back in New York two weeks later, I did a show and I got a standing ovation.
00:21:44.559 --> 00:21:50.319
All right, because not a five year old in the audience didn't love the ballad of Cooper and the dinosaur birthday.
00:21:50.559 --> 00:21:51.759
Thank you very much.
00:21:54.079 --> 00:21:59.119
I desperately want someone to give that jingle writing reality TV show a second chance.
00:21:59.279 --> 00:21:59.839
It's Carly.
00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:07.119
Again, and if you haven't heard, we're highlighting students from the Artichoke storytelling workshops in every episode of this pod.
00:22:07.359 --> 00:22:13.119
Today we're gonna hear from Daniel Aubrey, who took his first class this year at age 90.
00:22:13.279 --> 00:22:16.240
Here he is with a story from his class show.
00:22:19.680 --> 00:22:20.000
Okay.
00:22:21.119 --> 00:22:22.079
Da-da-da-da.
00:22:23.279 --> 00:22:25.200
Let's rock and roll.
00:22:27.119 --> 00:22:41.759
So I am the only child of moderately wealthy but not rich, middle-aged parents growing up in a townhouse in New York.
00:22:43.279 --> 00:22:45.200
And it's a bit lonely.
00:22:46.559 --> 00:22:58.640
Uh I don't have many peers to talk to, so I find a refuge in the darkened space of movie theaters.
00:22:59.039 --> 00:23:04.079
And in the process, I fall in love with a medium.
00:23:04.319 --> 00:23:09.519
I fall in love with film, sell you Lloyd, movies, call it what you will.
00:23:10.319 --> 00:23:16.880
And I have this epiphany when I'm give or take, 15, that that's what I want to do the rest of my life.
00:23:17.039 --> 00:23:19.279
I want to direct motion pictures.
00:23:20.480 --> 00:23:37.039
Well, through a savant blend of nepotism and good luck, um, over the next couple of years, I get to work on three feature films during my summer holidays in Europe, um, in France, where I come from.
00:23:37.519 --> 00:23:38.960
And so I'm on my way.
00:23:39.119 --> 00:23:41.519
I'm on the way to living my dream.
00:23:42.160 --> 00:23:52.160
It's now Christmas, and I'm spending it with my parents in a little town in Mexico called Cuernavaca, where they have a house.
00:23:52.400 --> 00:23:56.640
It's been described as a sunny place for shady people.
00:23:57.519 --> 00:23:59.920
My parents, bless them, are not shady.
00:24:00.079 --> 00:24:07.200
They're lovely people, but their rich Texas neighbors may have a skeleton or two in their closet.
00:24:07.839 --> 00:24:31.039
I'm having lunch, and at the lunch is a friend, uh Russian emigre film producer, friend of our the families, and he announces at lunch that he is producing a movie based on Cervantes' novel Don Quixote, with none other than my absolute hero, Orson Wells.
00:24:32.559 --> 00:24:37.519
I have seen Citizen Kane, his masterpiece, 20 times.
00:24:37.839 --> 00:24:40.559
I know the movie frame by frame.
00:24:40.960 --> 00:24:49.119
I am besotted by the notion that he did this movie when he was 25 years old, and here I am already 20, and I've done nothing.
00:24:50.720 --> 00:24:52.079
But it gets better.
00:24:52.319 --> 00:24:56.160
Oscar says, Danielle, I know you've been an assistant director.
00:24:56.240 --> 00:24:58.000
We're looking for an assistant director.
00:24:58.160 --> 00:24:59.039
Are you interested?
00:24:59.279 --> 00:25:00.480
Am I interested?
00:25:00.640 --> 00:25:05.599
I would crawl on my knees through broken glass to get this job.
00:25:06.559 --> 00:25:08.720
It turns out that there's no budget.
00:25:08.880 --> 00:25:12.240
It's Frank Sinatra mob money that's financing.
00:25:12.319 --> 00:25:14.079
This is a very shoestring production.
00:25:14.319 --> 00:25:20.559
But the next day, I show up at the location about a hundred miles outside of Mexico City.
00:25:20.720 --> 00:25:26.640
Uh, Wells and his crew and his uh actors are having uh breakfast.
00:25:26.799 --> 00:25:36.160
Uh, the production manager, a little Spaniard named Salazar, introduces me to Wells, who barely looks up from his breakfast.
00:25:36.400 --> 00:25:44.480
Now, Wells' breakfast consists of a strip steak 12 inches long with six eggs on top.
00:25:44.799 --> 00:25:45.039
Okay.
00:25:45.519 --> 00:25:51.039
Which accounts for the fact that ten years later Orson Wells weighed in at over 300 pounds.
00:25:51.359 --> 00:25:53.279
But that's in the future.
00:25:53.759 --> 00:25:58.160
Anyway, minutes later, all hell breaks loose.
00:25:58.480 --> 00:26:12.720
It turns out that Salazar, in addition to being the production manager, is also the prop master, and he has forgotten Don Quixote's fake beard in Mexico City two hours away.
00:26:14.640 --> 00:26:20.480
I have never seen such an eruption as Wells in Full Fury.
00:26:20.720 --> 00:26:22.400
It was awesome to watch.
00:26:22.640 --> 00:26:25.680
He called this poor guy every name under the sun.
00:26:26.079 --> 00:26:28.559
His mother was brought in, his sisters.
00:26:28.720 --> 00:26:30.319
It was horrible to see.
00:26:30.480 --> 00:26:37.759
I am sure that if Salazar could have made the earth open for him and to be swallowed whole, he would have done it.
00:26:38.079 --> 00:26:41.119
Eventually, Wells simmered down a bit.
00:26:41.200 --> 00:26:43.039
And in the meantime, I'd had an idea.
00:26:43.119 --> 00:26:43.920
So I said, Mr.
00:26:44.000 --> 00:26:46.720
Wells, are we shooting any close-ups today?
00:26:46.799 --> 00:26:49.759
And he said, no, no, it's all medium shot and long shots.
00:26:50.000 --> 00:26:55.519
They're walking, they're riding across this cornfield on their horse and their mule.
00:26:55.680 --> 00:26:58.240
Um I said, okay, I'll be back in a few minutes.
00:26:58.400 --> 00:27:06.480
So I went into the cornfield, I shucked a few ears of corn, I found Salazar cowering in his trailer.
00:27:06.799 --> 00:27:11.200
Miraculously, in his kit he had some wood paste of some kind.
00:27:11.359 --> 00:27:18.000
And out of the corn silks, we fashioned a beard for Don Quixote.
00:27:18.799 --> 00:27:28.799
Well, when I brought the actor in front of Wells, it was like a small child who'd been given the greatest Christmas present ever.
00:27:29.440 --> 00:27:34.480
From that moment on, as far as Wells was concerned, I walked on water.
00:27:35.039 --> 00:27:36.720
I could do no wrong.
00:27:37.759 --> 00:27:45.119
I tried, and at one point he said that I was the best assistant director he'd ever had because I anticipated his needs.
00:27:45.279 --> 00:27:48.720
I knew in advance, before him, what he wanted.
00:27:49.359 --> 00:27:51.759
But all good things come to an end.
00:27:52.400 --> 00:27:56.880
I was about to discover that nepotism cuts both ways.
00:27:57.279 --> 00:28:06.079
Uh the son of a famous Spanish director named Luis Banuel also wanted to be uh his assistant director.
00:28:06.240 --> 00:28:08.319
And I was quietly displaced.
00:28:08.559 --> 00:28:09.920
I was told to go home.
00:28:10.079 --> 00:28:15.200
I was not allowed to say goodbye to Wells because it might upset him.
00:28:16.000 --> 00:28:17.680
Do I have any regrets?
00:28:18.000 --> 00:28:18.880
Absolutely not.
00:28:19.039 --> 00:28:22.240
This is still one of the peak experiences of my life.
00:28:22.559 --> 00:28:25.279
The Spanish gypsies have a saying.
00:28:28.799 --> 00:28:29.440
Can they?
00:28:29.759 --> 00:28:31.279
Absolutely not.
00:28:35.920 --> 00:28:37.839
And now my chat with Daniel Aubrey.
00:28:38.079 --> 00:28:49.039
I know you identify with a broad definition of storyteller, and you've been a screenwriter and all these different things, but what was it like learning this technical style of personal storytelling?
00:28:49.519 --> 00:28:51.119
It was very intuitive.
00:28:51.359 --> 00:28:56.880
For some reason, I don't have stage fright, which is considered a bad thing among actors.
00:28:56.960 --> 00:29:05.279
You know, the great actors like Laurence Olivier used to vomit every night before going on stage because they were so terrified.
00:29:05.599 --> 00:29:06.799
But I don't have it.
00:29:06.960 --> 00:29:16.000
So what I really found very interesting because I had didn't have that experience, was the rapport with the audience.
00:29:16.160 --> 00:29:22.079
Having them laugh when some some sometimes surprises me, you know.
00:29:22.319 --> 00:29:25.119
It was the rapport with the audience that really intrigued me.
00:29:25.279 --> 00:29:25.920
Yeah.
00:29:26.400 --> 00:29:29.680
It's a great way of creating community, you know.
00:29:30.640 --> 00:29:36.559
There was one piece of advice that Drew gave me, which I thought was very valuable.
00:29:36.799 --> 00:29:38.400
He said, don't write it down.
00:29:38.559 --> 00:29:51.119
Because when you write it down, then you're memorizing and you're vulnerable to you know forgetting and getting stuck in the middle of a story, which and there's nothing, of course, more embarrassing and upsetting.
00:29:51.279 --> 00:29:52.799
So I I really took that to heart.
00:29:52.960 --> 00:29:56.480
I don't write it down, I just rehearsed it a few times.
00:29:56.720 --> 00:30:05.200
And the last time I did one uh in uh Norma's Lavengers, I only rehearsed it once or twice.
00:30:05.440 --> 00:30:06.240
How'd that feel?
00:30:06.400 --> 00:30:07.680
Yeah, and it felt great.
00:30:07.839 --> 00:30:09.359
And it felt very liberating.
00:30:09.599 --> 00:30:12.799
Yeah, I think you're way more present with the audience for that exchange.
00:30:12.960 --> 00:30:15.839
When it's not written, you know, you're not running on autopilot.
00:30:16.000 --> 00:30:18.799
You're in the moment, you're responding in real time.
00:30:19.039 --> 00:30:19.440
Yeah.
00:30:19.920 --> 00:30:20.240
Yeah.
00:30:20.480 --> 00:30:24.160
Well, thank you for being game for a chat, and we'll see you around soon.
00:30:24.480 --> 00:30:25.200
Wonderful.
00:30:25.680 --> 00:30:34.240
I love it when Daniel takes the stage because he's lived one of those lives that's been so rich in story, and my jaws just constantly hitting the floor listening to him.
00:30:34.480 --> 00:30:38.319
I'm always excited to hear him tell a story at one of our monthly Story Slams.
00:30:38.400 --> 00:30:47.759
And if you might be interested in taking a shot at live storytelling, our story slams take place every fourth Thursday at Norma's in Wappinger's Falls.
00:30:48.000 --> 00:30:56.160
And if the idea of standing on stage and bearing your soul scares the bejesus out of you, our storytelling workshops are great for helping you gain that confidence.
00:30:56.400 --> 00:31:00.480
Graduates of the workshops have gone on to win like multiple Moth Story Slams.
00:31:00.559 --> 00:31:05.359
They've appeared on popular storytelling podcasts and have even told their stories on PBS.
00:31:05.599 --> 00:31:13.680
You can sign up for our newsletter at artichokeshow.com to be the first to hear when our next storytelling session becomes available.
00:31:14.160 --> 00:31:16.079
And that's it for this episode, folks.
00:31:16.240 --> 00:31:24.559
We'll be back with a new episode shortly, but we hope to see you at our next mainstage show in Beacon on Saturday, September 12th.
00:31:24.880 --> 00:31:30.000
Our theme song, The Artichoke, was written and performed by the Goth folk duo Charming Disaster.
00:31:30.240 --> 00:31:32.559
Please, please, please buy their music.
00:31:32.720 --> 00:31:34.079
They are incredible.
00:31:34.400 --> 00:31:43.359
Carly and Rory's stories were recorded at the Howland Cultural Center in Beacon, New York, and Daniel's story was recorded at Norma's in Wappinger's Falls.
00:31:43.599 --> 00:31:46.319
Huge thanks to the staffs of both establishments.
00:31:46.559 --> 00:31:56.880
Thank you to Carly Shiracki for producing and editing this episode, to Adam Selpst, our graphic designer, and to my dog Lula for keeping quiet while I recorded this.
00:31:57.039 --> 00:31:59.119
She's a very good girl.
00:31:59.440 --> 00:32:01.119
Take care, everybody.
00:00:00.320 --> 00:00:04.000
I send to you this letter note.
00:00:04.719 --> 00:00:06.559
My secret home.
00:00:07.200 --> 00:00:08.960
My artichoke.
00:00:10.240 --> 00:00:11.919
My art choke.
00:00:12.400 --> 00:00:13.759
My artichoke.
00:00:14.480 --> 00:00:15.919
My artichoke.
00:00:17.039 --> 00:00:22.160
Hey everyone, this is Drew Prohaska, the host and producer of the Artichoke Storytelling series.
00:00:22.399 --> 00:00:47.920
We started as a live curated storytelling show in New York's Hudson Valley, which showcases the best storytelling talent from the New York City area, and we've since branched out to include storytelling workshops, story slams where local storytellers can share their tales, and a series of one-person shows, and now, something I've been dying to do, a podcast where we can dip into our archives and share our favorite artichoke stories with you.
00:00:48.240 --> 00:00:51.200
Now, this episode is about people's big breaks.
00:00:51.359 --> 00:00:55.439
We're gonna hear true personal stories about brushes with success.
00:00:55.759 --> 00:01:00.000
Now, I for one thought my big break was gonna happen when I was eight years old.
00:01:00.159 --> 00:01:12.239
See, my mom worked in advertising, and I I guess because her bosses were too cheap to hire real actors, my sister and I were got cast in a lot of local commercials and magazine ads around the Washington, DC area.
00:01:12.400 --> 00:01:22.159
And for some reason, whenever I was in a commercial, you would see me, little tiny Drew, but they would dub some other kid's voice over mine, which was pretty weird.
00:01:22.319 --> 00:01:26.319
But you know, that didn't matter in the end because I was on TV.
00:01:26.480 --> 00:01:32.480
I was the shortest kid in my third grade class, and this was the only thing that made me feel big.
00:01:32.560 --> 00:01:37.040
So of course I would just rub it in all the other kids' faces.
00:01:37.280 --> 00:01:39.760
Now, one day my mom dropped the biggest news on me.
00:01:39.920 --> 00:01:45.519
I was gonna audition for a movie called DC Cab, starring none other than Mr.
00:01:45.840 --> 00:01:46.159
T.
00:01:46.799 --> 00:01:48.319
Now, if you're too young to know who Mr.
00:01:48.480 --> 00:01:57.920
T is, he was a big, muscular black man with a mohawk and about 800 pounds of gold chains around his neck, and every kid in America just worshipped him.
00:01:58.079 --> 00:02:06.400
He was on a TV show called The A Team, where he would he and a bunch of Vietnam vets would drive around in a van just kicking ass and pitying fools.
00:02:06.560 --> 00:02:09.120
And he fought Sylvester Stallone and Rocky III.
00:02:09.360 --> 00:02:10.240
There was even a Mr.
00:02:10.400 --> 00:02:20.960
T Breakfast Cereal, and he even had a Saturday morning cartoon in which he traveled around the world with the US Olympics gymnastic team, just solving mysteries for some reason.
00:02:21.199 --> 00:02:30.000
He was the absolute coolest, and I was gonna star in an R-rated comedy with him, Little Blonde 8-year-old me.
00:02:30.479 --> 00:02:34.400
Now, over the next couple of weeks, I bragged about it to everybody, just everybody.
00:02:34.560 --> 00:02:35.759
I was such a little prick.
00:02:35.919 --> 00:02:41.199
When kids would come, kids would pick on me at school, I would just stand up and say, I pity all of you fools.
00:02:41.280 --> 00:02:43.280
It didn't matter to me what they said.
00:02:43.439 --> 00:02:46.159
I was gonna kick ass on screen with Mr.
00:02:46.319 --> 00:02:46.560
T.
00:02:46.879 --> 00:02:48.879
But here's the thing that no one told me.
00:02:49.039 --> 00:02:56.000
There was a reason they would dub some other kid's voiceover mine, as it turns out I can't act.
00:02:56.240 --> 00:02:57.280
Not even a little bit.
00:02:57.439 --> 00:02:58.800
Like I was horrendous.
00:02:58.960 --> 00:03:02.719
So yeah, yeah, I did not get to star in DC Cab with Mr.
00:03:02.879 --> 00:03:07.039
T, and of course, I it went on to sweep the Oscars in 1983.
00:03:07.199 --> 00:03:09.280
Uh that's not true, it was the movie was terrible.
00:03:09.439 --> 00:03:19.039
But the worst part is that I had to go back to the playground in front of all my classmates and just eat crow for the rest of the school year.
00:03:19.439 --> 00:03:24.479
Now, our first story comes from our very own amazing podcast producer, Carly Shiraki.
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Carly's a five-time Emmy nominated host, writer, producer, performer, and veteran storyteller.
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And I got to meet her when we first had her up at the Artichoke in January of 2023, and our audience completely fell in love with her.
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Now here's Carly with her Artichoke debut story: Dress Codes Are Bananas.
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Okay.
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Hi, people.
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Hi.
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All right.
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Uh so I graduated college with a theater degree.
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Yes.
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Okay.
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Uh, and those you're gonna relate to this perhaps.
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Um, the first couple years out of school, I worked a million jobs.
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I uh was an after-school yoga teacher for kindergartners.
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I played the guitar at Whole Foods for babies every Thursday morning.
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Uh I was a like bar mitzvah and school dance DJ.
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Uh I went to fancy parties on stilts and served dessert.
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Like, I had so many side hustles.
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And I was getting to a point where I was just, I was burning out.
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I like, I really was in desperate need of a main hustle.
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And right around that time, right around that time, the uh local CBS2 affiliate in Chicago announced that they were looking for their next traffic reporter.
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And they were gonna have a contest, and the person that won the contest was gonna get to be a traffic reporter for three months, and the job was gonna pay$25,000.
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And that is more money than I had made in the previous 12 months, so my eyeballs like turned into little dollar signs, and I was like, okay, I'm doing this.
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So I made an audition video and I made it to the top 75, and then from there I advanced to a top 10 finalist position to become Chicago's next traffic reporter.
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And as a top 10 finalist, I had to do an actual day of live traffic reporting.
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Like it was a serious thing.
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They were gonna put us all on TV one at a time, do the thing, and then people were gonna vote.
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So um I was the only person in the top 10 who had no journalism experience.
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Uh, I was also the youngest, and at every stage of the like competition, I had worn different color Converse sneakers.
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Like just by accident, that's just like what my wardrobe was then.
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So I had like black sneakers in my audition video, and then I had green Converse sneakers the day we did the top 75 audition, which was a mistake because the traffic is reported in front of a green screen, and that audition was in front of a green.
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It was fine.
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It was fine.
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And then and then I came in for like another day of training with red Converse sneakers, and they just thought it was a riot.
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Like they thought, who's this kid with our Converse sneakers?
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Uh they thought I was real wild.
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And so when they were talking us through uh like preparation for our big on-air day, they were very clear about the fact that on the day that we came to do our on-air traffic report, we had to dress business casual.
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And they were like really looking at me when they said that.
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And I was like, okay, I get it.
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All right, all right, all right.
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And so I like go home to my closet.
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Like, business casual is still a triggering phrase to me.
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Like it's just the worst.
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And like I'm sweating, like I'm I don't know.
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So I go to my closet, like fling open the doors into my closet, and it reflects the life that I am living.
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It's like multicolored leggings and like three different tutos that I wear on the weekends when I'm like leading birthday parties for five-year-olds.
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Like, I just have nothing business casual.
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So I go, I go shopping and I get this sensible black dress that just like screams news reporter person.
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And but I still want to like maintain the meanness of it all.
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So I buy uh bright yellow high heels, like three-inch high heels, and I'm like, I am a lady, but I'm still like a little bit fun.
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Uh and I and I spend days practicing, just like walking back and forth in my apartment because like I'm not used to walking in three inch heels, but I feel pretty good.
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We they they gave us like real training, so I feel confident about what I'm about to do.
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And I wake up the morning of my traffic report at 3:30, because that is what time in the morning these people wake up and I'm I'm like getting my life together.
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I put on my dress and I I put on my Converse sneakers because I'm gonna drive in the sneakers because who drives in heels?
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Um and so I had my heels in a plastic bag, I grabbed some snacks, I'm like getting everything together, and I go down to my car, and it's dark and it's freezing cold because it's Chicago, and I'm driving down Lakeshore, and my knuckles are like frozen over the steering wheel, and I'm I'm feeling so nervous because I actually need this job.
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Like I'm I'm burning out, I'm running out of cash, um, and I feel like I have a decent chance, actually, in spite of it all.
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So I pull into the station and I go to grab my heels, and as I go to grab the bag, I double take it and I realize that instead of grabbing a bag of yellow heels, I have grabbed a bag of yellow bananas.
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And I and I burst into tears because I'm wearing my Converse sneakers, which they explicitly told me not to wear.
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I'm like, they're gonna think that I am not taking this seriously.
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I'm I'm I'm like sobbing, and I run up to the station and I'm like, listen, my roommate's gonna be up in three hours.
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She can bring the shoes down.
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Like, I'm so sorry.
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And they they're like, calm down.
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They're like, wear the Converse sneakers, bring the bananas into the studio, tell the story on air.
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And I'm like, okay, I'll do it.
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So I go in and I report the traffic.
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And first of all, let me just say there's no way I could have done that in Heels because these people are running from this the like desk where the anchors are to the green screen, like back and forth, back and forth, and there's a bunch of cables that you have to like jump over because you get like three seconds to go from one place to the next.
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There's no way I could have done that in heels.
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But I report the living daylights out of the traffic.
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And sure enough, in between, the traffic hits.
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I'm telling the story of the bananas.
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And at one point, some of my friends showed up to like support me.
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Um they were gonna just like wait outside the window, you know, in the studios, there's always like the window to the street.
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And they the producers gave my friends the bananas so I could like tell the story, and then they like cut to my friends like eating bananas, like, no Carly.
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So it's like a whole thing.
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And um, and I finished the traffic report and I float out of there because I'm like, I nailed it.
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People are like high-fiving me, like patting me on the back.
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I feel so good.
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And then I float off to the interview with the suits because like even they can't actually let the Chicago people vote as a traffic reporter in.
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So there's like an interview portion of it, and I sit down, I'm feeling like a million bucks, and they're like, that was great.
00:10:06.639 --> 00:10:08.960
So why do you want to be a traffic reporter?
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And I'm like, oh, oh my God.
00:10:13.279 --> 00:10:13.679
What?
00:10:13.919 --> 00:10:21.120
Like, I hadn't thought through the fact that they could potentially ask me that question, and I have no I have no answer for it because I don't want to be a traffic reporter.
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I'm a pretty but I'm like, I'm like, oh, you know, like bring some flavor to the mornings.
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Like, I just like fumble something.
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Um, and I and I walk out and and I don't get the job.
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Oddly enough, the guy that did get the job is still doing it though, and that was like 12 years ago.
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So, like, it I guess it worked out the way that it was supposed to, but I was I was crushed because it just felt like okay, back to the grind.
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And so, you know, that's what I did.
00:10:48.240 --> 00:10:58.080
I went back, I hustled, I worked a million jobs, and about 10 months after the whole traffic situation, I got another audition for a live morning show.
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But this one was for preschoolers and involved a chicken puppet.
00:11:02.480 --> 00:11:07.519
And and that job I did get Converse Sneakers and all.
00:11:08.080 --> 00:11:08.960
Thank you.
00:11:12.879 --> 00:11:14.879
Carly is the greatest.
00:11:15.039 --> 00:11:20.799
In fact, your kids might know her as the former host of the children's TV program Sunny Side Up on Sprout.
00:11:20.879 --> 00:11:26.480
And if her voice sounds familiar to you, well, she's been the promotional voice of Southwest Airlines for years.
00:11:26.639 --> 00:11:29.120
I am so psyched to have her on board.
00:11:29.360 --> 00:11:33.120
Up next, we have our pal Rory Scholl talking about his big break.
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Rory's a storyteller and improv comedian who I've known from the storytelling scene for years, and you may have seen him on the marvelous Mrs.
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Mazel, The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, or in his traveling game show, The Big Quiz Thing.
00:11:46.159 --> 00:11:50.000
Here's Rory Scholl with his story Jingle All the Way.
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Say, did you know that the Tyrannosaurus Rex is a member of the deer family?
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Yeah.
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That's just one of the many lies I tell children at the Museum of Natural History.
00:12:05.279 --> 00:12:07.840
Um, because they're kids, who cares?
00:12:08.080 --> 00:12:28.399
Um I do birthday party tours for spoiled Upper West Side rich kids at the museum, you know, where they pick a theme like dinosaurs or space, or and I dress up like a character, and we walk around the museum, and then I take them down to the basement, and they eat dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets, and I question every life choice I've ever made.
00:12:28.639 --> 00:12:31.919
Um there is one aspect I love about it.
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I bring my guitar sometimes and we improvise songs, you know, like Parker and the Mystery of the Museum and things like that.
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And I I enjoy that part.
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So I'm doing a tour for, oh, let's say Cooper.
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You know, one of these names that needs to be retired, you know, uh Cooper or Parker or Lexi or Madison, you know.
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Upper West Side parents, stop naming your kids after streets you see out of your window.
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That would be great.
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So we're doing space, and he asked me a question, like, what's the difference between a meteor and a meteorite?
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I'm like, one's edible, Cooper.
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I don't know.
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Um we go down to the basement and they start eating their nuggets, and I go and check my phone messages, and I get a message.
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It's like, hey Rory, it's Cindy from CBS.
00:13:18.879 --> 00:13:25.440
We really loved your audition tapes, and we'd love you to be on our show, and we'll see you in two weeks in Burbank.
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And it's a good thing I was wearing an astronaut costume because I was over the moon.
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That's for the dads in the audience.
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You can use that if you want to.
00:13:34.960 --> 00:13:38.240
Um, a couple months, like I totally forgot about this audition.
00:13:38.320 --> 00:13:44.000
My songwriting partner and I auditioned to be on a new reality show uh by Mark Burnett.
00:13:44.159 --> 00:13:48.399
It was called Jingles about the exciting world of jingle writers.
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Yes, that's why you have never heard of it.
00:13:51.519 --> 00:13:54.399
Um but uh I was very excited.
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It was like, suck it, Coopers of the World, I'm out of here, I'm about to be famous, this is my big break, and we're off.
00:14:01.360 --> 00:14:05.679
So two weeks later, my partner and I, we got on the plane, and we're excited to go.
00:14:05.840 --> 00:14:16.559
I'm excited about this new opportunity, and uh Sam is excited because he had a girlfriend there, uh, the one that got away, and her husband just died, so he was excited.
00:14:16.720 --> 00:14:20.639
Um and Sam was married at the time, but it doesn't matter.
00:14:22.080 --> 00:14:24.960
I promised him I wouldn't use his real name.
00:14:25.279 --> 00:14:34.879
Uh so anyway, Sam and I are we're we're we land in Birdbank and we get into our hotel room and they take our cell phones and we're not allowed to watch the news.
00:14:35.039 --> 00:14:41.360
Take, you know, not can't can't watch newspapers because you don't want jingle writers being influenced by the outside world.
00:14:41.600 --> 00:14:50.720
And I'm the first hour or two I'm there, we're having a blast, and then I realized, you know, reality show, it's not real uh reality at all.
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I can see the lot from our hotel window that they're we're gonna be filming at, but still they make all the contestants get on a bus and drive, you know, and get off, they film us getting off the bus like oh, Hollywood, you know, and we're like, and they did a good job of you know making a diverse cast.
00:15:05.919 --> 00:15:19.600
There was like a little uh country and western uh duo, uh husband and wife from Tennessee, and there was a boy band from Vegas, and there was like you know, blues blues people and jazz and all these different and we were the goofy comics from New York, um comedy songwriters.
00:15:19.759 --> 00:15:22.559
And so uh I was like, Well, I'm gonna make the best of this.
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You know, I'm gonna ham it up, someone's gonna see me, and I'm gonna be hosting uh my own talk show before before this is all over.
00:15:29.440 --> 00:15:33.039
And so, you know, in every interview, I'm like, yeah, I love jingles.
00:15:33.120 --> 00:15:36.399
I sing them all the time, and products, I use products every day, you know.
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Um and uh so when they're interviewing the other people, I make sure like I can't be edited out of this.
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Like I'm in the background drinking a cup of coffee whether interviewing someone, or they're interviewing the jazz cup, I'm throwing a football to no one.
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I'm like, just you're not editing me out uh of this at all.
00:15:53.039 --> 00:15:57.279
Um so the next day uh they tell us the rules.
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So every week they're gonna give us a new product, and we have to come up with the jingle and a commercial, and we can mock up the product if we want to.
00:16:05.200 --> 00:16:07.519
And I'm like, okay, this is this is very exciting.
00:16:07.679 --> 00:16:10.240
So we get to meet our um our three judges.
00:16:10.399 --> 00:16:15.200
So we're all waiting in the lot on the stage, and our first judge walks in, and she's a lovely person.
00:16:15.360 --> 00:16:18.320
She works for an agency, I think it was called Kaplan Thaler or something like that.
00:16:18.480 --> 00:16:26.720
She's an she's an agent, and she gives us advice, and I'm rooting for y'all, and here's what I'm looking for in a in a song, and and good luck to everybody.
00:16:26.960 --> 00:16:34.720
And then the next judge comes in, and I think her name is Kathy, and Kathy wrote the uh Toys Are Us jingle.
00:16:34.879 --> 00:16:36.879
You know, I don't want to grow up.
00:16:39.120 --> 00:16:39.759
Right?
00:16:41.279 --> 00:16:46.159
But you would have thought she wrote the fucking white album the way she talked about her process.
00:16:47.120 --> 00:16:56.559
Um very serious woman, and uh I was like, alright, very good.
00:16:56.960 --> 00:17:10.319
And and then we're all set to meet our celebrity judge, and a door opens to the side, and I don't know if the smoke machine was broken or if it was a teamster out there having a cigarette, but the tiniest bit of smoke wafted in.
00:17:11.039 --> 00:17:22.559
And then in walks our celebrity judge, just dressed head to toe in leather with sunglasses, and he walks in the middle, he stands on the stage, and it's Gene Simmons.
00:17:23.200 --> 00:17:23.599
Yeah.
00:17:23.839 --> 00:17:28.319
Gene Simmons from KISS, if you were born after 2000.
00:17:29.920 --> 00:17:32.640
Which no one here was.
00:17:32.960 --> 00:17:33.440
Okay, good.
00:17:33.519 --> 00:17:35.039
So we all know Gene Simmons.
00:17:35.200 --> 00:17:40.400
And Gene Simmons takes the stage and he looks at us and he's like, Jingle writers.
00:17:40.880 --> 00:17:44.880
If you're not serious about writing jingles, there's the door.
00:17:47.920 --> 00:17:50.559
And he's pointing in the wrong direction.
00:17:50.799 --> 00:17:54.559
And I I lean over to Sam.
00:17:54.880 --> 00:17:55.680
You all know now.
00:17:55.759 --> 00:17:59.519
Uh I lean over to Sam and I say, This is never gonna see the light of day.
00:17:59.759 --> 00:18:16.319
Um so my new plan is to um uh uh befriend Gene Simmons, because this is at a time when he had like he had like five or six reality shows on TV at the time.
00:18:16.400 --> 00:18:18.640
So I was like, well, I'm just gonna make this dude love me.
00:18:18.799 --> 00:18:21.599
And he'll put me on something, and somebody's gonna see me, and this is it.
00:18:21.680 --> 00:18:24.160
It's my big break, suck it, Coopers of the World.
00:18:24.400 --> 00:18:29.119
And um so every time I would see him, I was like, Gene, and he'd he'd totally ignore me.
00:18:29.359 --> 00:18:32.160
Didn't didn't want anything to do with me at all.
00:18:32.400 --> 00:18:43.759
Um so new new new plan um was just to uh uh do everything I could in front of the cameras and befriend a cameraman or you know a key grip or somebody and somebody's gonna love me and put me on TV.
00:18:43.839 --> 00:18:49.839
Um so we get our first uh products and we have to come up with a jingle for uh and a product for gum.
00:18:50.000 --> 00:19:02.240
And so Sam and I decide on something called fruit it up, and we write a reggae song, and we make the gum look like little joints, and uh which is great for CBS.
00:19:02.319 --> 00:19:03.440
They loved it.
00:19:04.319 --> 00:19:09.279
And so um our host of the show was I think her name was Kim Kimberly Caldwell.
00:19:09.440 --> 00:19:12.720
I think she was like the fifth runner up on American Idol season four.
00:19:13.039 --> 00:19:14.079
You're shaking your head.
00:19:14.160 --> 00:19:16.079
Yep, big Caldwell fan in the back there.
00:19:16.240 --> 00:19:17.039
Alright, good.
00:19:17.200 --> 00:19:20.400
So she entered, she introduces us, we go in, we sing our fruited up song.
00:19:20.480 --> 00:19:24.319
And Gene Simmons is on a throne, and the two women are on stools.
00:19:24.559 --> 00:19:25.839
I mean, give me a break.
00:19:25.920 --> 00:19:35.680
We know he's producing the show, and uh so so we we get down, we sing our little fruited up song, and uh um uh Kaplan Thaler lady loves us.
00:19:35.839 --> 00:19:38.960
And the Toys Are Us woman, Kathy, she hates us.
00:19:39.119 --> 00:19:40.799
And so it's up to Gene Simmons.
00:19:40.880 --> 00:19:44.400
And and uh and Sam says, Well, what do you think, Mr.
00:19:44.559 --> 00:19:45.200
Simpson?
00:19:45.359 --> 00:19:52.799
And I was like, I said, Is it too late to get a new partner?
00:19:53.119 --> 00:19:56.720
You know, and he said, That's alright, I've been called worse.
00:19:56.799 --> 00:19:57.839
And I was like, All right, cool.
00:19:57.920 --> 00:20:00.400
So he goes, I'm gonna leave it up to a coin flip.
00:20:00.640 --> 00:20:00.960
Okay.
00:20:01.359 --> 00:20:02.720
He says, Call it.
00:20:02.960 --> 00:20:08.480
And I say, heads, and it's tails, and we are off the first episode.
00:20:08.720 --> 00:20:09.599
That's it.
00:20:09.839 --> 00:20:14.400
So we go outside, and you know, Caldwell uh interviews us.
00:20:14.799 --> 00:20:15.920
Well, well, that didn't go so well.
00:20:16.079 --> 00:20:17.759
I was like, Yeah, no, it did not.
00:20:18.000 --> 00:20:27.200
Uh and Sam's like, you know, Rory, uh, if someone says heads or tails, you always say heads or tails, and you said the wrong thing, and everything I said, well, Sam, you know what?
00:20:27.279 --> 00:20:28.720
The only reason you're here is to get laid.
00:20:28.799 --> 00:20:29.279
And he goes, What?
00:20:29.440 --> 00:20:29.839
And I go, what?
00:20:30.000 --> 00:20:30.720
And the cameras go, what?
00:20:30.880 --> 00:20:32.480
And I was like, uh, no, no, no.
00:20:32.559 --> 00:20:34.799
So we gotta nothing.
00:20:35.200 --> 00:20:36.480
We're we'll leave now.
00:20:36.720 --> 00:20:41.759
Um I didn't want, we didn't need that on camera, so we're leaving.
00:20:42.160 --> 00:20:49.680
My new new new plan after this was to make the people doing the exit interview fall in love with me.
00:20:49.759 --> 00:20:51.119
Oh, they're gonna love it.
00:20:51.519 --> 00:20:53.359
They're gonna love me and put me on something.
00:20:53.519 --> 00:20:54.799
Look out for this exit interview.
00:20:54.880 --> 00:20:56.319
I'm gonna be charming.
00:20:56.720 --> 00:20:59.519
So they're like, uh, well, we're sorry that didn't work out.
00:20:59.599 --> 00:21:01.359
Um, were there any judges you didn't like?
00:21:01.440 --> 00:21:04.640
And uh and we were like, oh no, because they're very manipulative, these people.
00:21:04.799 --> 00:21:06.000
I was like, no, no, everyone was fine.
00:21:06.079 --> 00:21:07.279
They're like, well, which one didn't you like?
00:21:07.359 --> 00:21:09.519
I was like, well, I mean, Kathy didn't like us, I guess.
00:21:09.599 --> 00:21:10.559
So you didn't like Kathy.
00:21:10.640 --> 00:21:11.759
No, I didn't say I didn't like Kathy.
00:21:12.000 --> 00:21:13.119
Would you say Kathy's a bitch?
00:21:13.200 --> 00:21:14.640
No, but out of the three is Kathy a bitch?
00:21:14.720 --> 00:21:17.200
I was like, well, yeah, I guess Kathy's a bitch, and like, well, Kathy's a bitch.
00:21:17.279 --> 00:21:18.480
I was like, oh fuck.
00:21:18.880 --> 00:21:21.759
Uh so that didn't work at all.
00:21:22.640 --> 00:21:31.519
So we're leaving, we're walking to the bus, and actually we we pass Kathy on the lot, and she's just like, okay, have fun, go back to New York and tell your jokes.
00:21:31.839 --> 00:21:33.839
And I was like, Sam, Kathy is a bitch.
00:21:34.160 --> 00:21:36.000
Um we were alright.
00:21:36.160 --> 00:21:38.480
So our Hollywood dream did not work out.
00:21:38.559 --> 00:21:44.480
Uh, but I will say, when I was back in New York two weeks later, I did a show and I got a standing ovation.
00:21:44.559 --> 00:21:50.319
All right, because not a five year old in the audience didn't love the ballad of Cooper and the dinosaur birthday.
00:21:50.559 --> 00:21:51.759
Thank you very much.
00:21:54.079 --> 00:21:59.119
I desperately want someone to give that jingle writing reality TV show a second chance.
00:21:59.279 --> 00:21:59.839
It's Carly.
00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:07.119
Again, and if you haven't heard, we're highlighting students from the Artichoke storytelling workshops in every episode of this pod.
00:22:07.359 --> 00:22:13.119
Today we're gonna hear from Daniel Aubrey, who took his first class this year at age 90.
00:22:13.279 --> 00:22:16.240
Here he is with a story from his class show.
00:22:19.680 --> 00:22:20.000
Okay.
00:22:21.119 --> 00:22:22.079
Da-da-da-da.
00:22:23.279 --> 00:22:25.200
Let's rock and roll.
00:22:27.119 --> 00:22:41.759
So I am the only child of moderately wealthy but not rich, middle-aged parents growing up in a townhouse in New York.
00:22:43.279 --> 00:22:45.200
And it's a bit lonely.
00:22:46.559 --> 00:22:58.640
Uh I don't have many peers to talk to, so I find a refuge in the darkened space of movie theaters.
00:22:59.039 --> 00:23:04.079
And in the process, I fall in love with a medium.
00:23:04.319 --> 00:23:09.519
I fall in love with film, sell you Lloyd, movies, call it what you will.
00:23:10.319 --> 00:23:16.880
And I have this epiphany when I'm give or take, 15, that that's what I want to do the rest of my life.
00:23:17.039 --> 00:23:19.279
I want to direct motion pictures.
00:23:20.480 --> 00:23:37.039
Well, through a savant blend of nepotism and good luck, um, over the next couple of years, I get to work on three feature films during my summer holidays in Europe, um, in France, where I come from.
00:23:37.519 --> 00:23:38.960
And so I'm on my way.
00:23:39.119 --> 00:23:41.519
I'm on the way to living my dream.
00:23:42.160 --> 00:23:52.160
It's now Christmas, and I'm spending it with my parents in a little town in Mexico called Cuernavaca, where they have a house.
00:23:52.400 --> 00:23:56.640
It's been described as a sunny place for shady people.
00:23:57.519 --> 00:23:59.920
My parents, bless them, are not shady.
00:24:00.079 --> 00:24:07.200
They're lovely people, but their rich Texas neighbors may have a skeleton or two in their closet.
00:24:07.839 --> 00:24:31.039
I'm having lunch, and at the lunch is a friend, uh Russian emigre film producer, friend of our the families, and he announces at lunch that he is producing a movie based on Cervantes' novel Don Quixote, with none other than my absolute hero, Orson Wells.
00:24:32.559 --> 00:24:37.519
I have seen Citizen Kane, his masterpiece, 20 times.
00:24:37.839 --> 00:24:40.559
I know the movie frame by frame.
00:24:40.960 --> 00:24:49.119
I am besotted by the notion that he did this movie when he was 25 years old, and here I am already 20, and I've done nothing.
00:24:50.720 --> 00:24:52.079
But it gets better.
00:24:52.319 --> 00:24:56.160
Oscar says, Danielle, I know you've been an assistant director.
00:24:56.240 --> 00:24:58.000
We're looking for an assistant director.
00:24:58.160 --> 00:24:59.039
Are you interested?
00:24:59.279 --> 00:25:00.480
Am I interested?
00:25:00.640 --> 00:25:05.599
I would crawl on my knees through broken glass to get this job.
00:25:06.559 --> 00:25:08.720
It turns out that there's no budget.
00:25:08.880 --> 00:25:12.240
It's Frank Sinatra mob money that's financing.
00:25:12.319 --> 00:25:14.079
This is a very shoestring production.
00:25:14.319 --> 00:25:20.559
But the next day, I show up at the location about a hundred miles outside of Mexico City.
00:25:20.720 --> 00:25:26.640
Uh, Wells and his crew and his uh actors are having uh breakfast.
00:25:26.799 --> 00:25:36.160
Uh, the production manager, a little Spaniard named Salazar, introduces me to Wells, who barely looks up from his breakfast.
00:25:36.400 --> 00:25:44.480
Now, Wells' breakfast consists of a strip steak 12 inches long with six eggs on top.
00:25:44.799 --> 00:25:45.039
Okay.
00:25:45.519 --> 00:25:51.039
Which accounts for the fact that ten years later Orson Wells weighed in at over 300 pounds.
00:25:51.359 --> 00:25:53.279
But that's in the future.
00:25:53.759 --> 00:25:58.160
Anyway, minutes later, all hell breaks loose.
00:25:58.480 --> 00:26:12.720
It turns out that Salazar, in addition to being the production manager, is also the prop master, and he has forgotten Don Quixote's fake beard in Mexico City two hours away.
00:26:14.640 --> 00:26:20.480
I have never seen such an eruption as Wells in Full Fury.
00:26:20.720 --> 00:26:22.400
It was awesome to watch.
00:26:22.640 --> 00:26:25.680
He called this poor guy every name under the sun.
00:26:26.079 --> 00:26:28.559
His mother was brought in, his sisters.
00:26:28.720 --> 00:26:30.319
It was horrible to see.
00:26:30.480 --> 00:26:37.759
I am sure that if Salazar could have made the earth open for him and to be swallowed whole, he would have done it.
00:26:38.079 --> 00:26:41.119
Eventually, Wells simmered down a bit.
00:26:41.200 --> 00:26:43.039
And in the meantime, I'd had an idea.
00:26:43.119 --> 00:26:43.920
So I said, Mr.
00:26:44.000 --> 00:26:46.720
Wells, are we shooting any close-ups today?
00:26:46.799 --> 00:26:49.759
And he said, no, no, it's all medium shot and long shots.
00:26:50.000 --> 00:26:55.519
They're walking, they're riding across this cornfield on their horse and their mule.
00:26:55.680 --> 00:26:58.240
Um I said, okay, I'll be back in a few minutes.
00:26:58.400 --> 00:27:06.480
So I went into the cornfield, I shucked a few ears of corn, I found Salazar cowering in his trailer.
00:27:06.799 --> 00:27:11.200
Miraculously, in his kit he had some wood paste of some kind.
00:27:11.359 --> 00:27:18.000
And out of the corn silks, we fashioned a beard for Don Quixote.
00:27:18.799 --> 00:27:28.799
Well, when I brought the actor in front of Wells, it was like a small child who'd been given the greatest Christmas present ever.
00:27:29.440 --> 00:27:34.480
From that moment on, as far as Wells was concerned, I walked on water.
00:27:35.039 --> 00:27:36.720
I could do no wrong.
00:27:37.759 --> 00:27:45.119
I tried, and at one point he said that I was the best assistant director he'd ever had because I anticipated his needs.
00:27:45.279 --> 00:27:48.720
I knew in advance, before him, what he wanted.
00:27:49.359 --> 00:27:51.759
But all good things come to an end.
00:27:52.400 --> 00:27:56.880
I was about to discover that nepotism cuts both ways.
00:27:57.279 --> 00:28:06.079
Uh the son of a famous Spanish director named Luis Banuel also wanted to be uh his assistant director.
00:28:06.240 --> 00:28:08.319
And I was quietly displaced.
00:28:08.559 --> 00:28:09.920
I was told to go home.
00:28:10.079 --> 00:28:15.200
I was not allowed to say goodbye to Wells because it might upset him.
00:28:16.000 --> 00:28:17.680
Do I have any regrets?
00:28:18.000 --> 00:28:18.880
Absolutely not.
00:28:19.039 --> 00:28:22.240
This is still one of the peak experiences of my life.
00:28:22.559 --> 00:28:25.279
The Spanish gypsies have a saying.
00:28:28.799 --> 00:28:29.440
Can they?
00:28:29.759 --> 00:28:31.279
Absolutely not.
00:28:35.920 --> 00:28:37.839
And now my chat with Daniel Aubrey.
00:28:38.079 --> 00:28:49.039
I know you identify with a broad definition of storyteller, and you've been a screenwriter and all these different things, but what was it like learning this technical style of personal storytelling?
00:28:49.519 --> 00:28:51.119
It was very intuitive.
00:28:51.359 --> 00:28:56.880
For some reason, I don't have stage fright, which is considered a bad thing among actors.
00:28:56.960 --> 00:29:05.279
You know, the great actors like Laurence Olivier used to vomit every night before going on stage because they were so terrified.
00:29:05.599 --> 00:29:06.799
But I don't have it.
00:29:06.960 --> 00:29:16.000
So what I really found very interesting because I had didn't have that experience, was the rapport with the audience.
00:29:16.160 --> 00:29:22.079
Having them laugh when some some sometimes surprises me, you know.
00:29:22.319 --> 00:29:25.119
It was the rapport with the audience that really intrigued me.
00:29:25.279 --> 00:29:25.920
Yeah.
00:29:26.400 --> 00:29:29.680
It's a great way of creating community, you know.
00:29:30.640 --> 00:29:36.559
There was one piece of advice that Drew gave me, which I thought was very valuable.
00:29:36.799 --> 00:29:38.400
He said, don't write it down.
00:29:38.559 --> 00:29:51.119
Because when you write it down, then you're memorizing and you're vulnerable to you know forgetting and getting stuck in the middle of a story, which and there's nothing, of course, more embarrassing and upsetting.
00:29:51.279 --> 00:29:52.799
So I I really took that to heart.
00:29:52.960 --> 00:29:56.480
I don't write it down, I just rehearsed it a few times.
00:29:56.720 --> 00:30:05.200
And the last time I did one uh in uh Norma's Lavengers, I only rehearsed it once or twice.
00:30:05.440 --> 00:30:06.240
How'd that feel?
00:30:06.400 --> 00:30:07.680
Yeah, and it felt great.
00:30:07.839 --> 00:30:09.359
And it felt very liberating.
00:30:09.599 --> 00:30:12.799
Yeah, I think you're way more present with the audience for that exchange.
00:30:12.960 --> 00:30:15.839
When it's not written, you know, you're not running on autopilot.
00:30:16.000 --> 00:30:18.799
You're in the moment, you're responding in real time.
00:30:19.039 --> 00:30:19.440
Yeah.
00:30:19.920 --> 00:30:20.240
Yeah.
00:30:20.480 --> 00:30:24.160
Well, thank you for being game for a chat, and we'll see you around soon.
00:30:24.480 --> 00:30:25.200
Wonderful.
00:30:25.680 --> 00:30:34.240
I love it when Daniel takes the stage because he's lived one of those lives that's been so rich in story, and my jaws just constantly hitting the floor listening to him.
00:30:34.480 --> 00:30:38.319
I'm always excited to hear him tell a story at one of our monthly Story Slams.
00:30:38.400 --> 00:30:47.759
And if you might be interested in taking a shot at live storytelling, our story slams take place every fourth Thursday at Norma's in Wappinger's Falls.
00:30:48.000 --> 00:30:56.160
And if the idea of standing on stage and bearing your soul scares the bejesus out of you, our storytelling workshops are great for helping you gain that confidence.
00:30:56.400 --> 00:31:00.480
Graduates of the workshops have gone on to win like multiple Moth Story Slams.
00:31:00.559 --> 00:31:05.359
They've appeared on popular storytelling podcasts and have even told their stories on PBS.
00:31:05.599 --> 00:31:13.680
You can sign up for our newsletter at artichokeshow.com to be the first to hear when our next storytelling session becomes available.
00:31:14.160 --> 00:31:16.079
And that's it for this episode, folks.
00:31:16.240 --> 00:31:24.559
We'll be back with a new episode shortly, but we hope to see you at our next mainstage show in Beacon on Saturday, September 12th.
00:31:24.880 --> 00:31:30.000
Our theme song, The Artichoke, was written and performed by the Goth folk duo Charming Disaster.
00:31:30.240 --> 00:31:32.559
Please, please, please buy their music.
00:31:32.720 --> 00:31:34.079
They are incredible.
00:31:34.400 --> 00:31:43.359
Carly and Rory's stories were recorded at the Howland Cultural Center in Beacon, New York, and Daniel's story was recorded at Norma's in Wappinger's Falls.
00:31:43.599 --> 00:31:46.319
Huge thanks to the staffs of both establishments.
00:31:46.559 --> 00:31:56.880
Thank you to Carly Shiracki for producing and editing this episode, to Adam Selpst, our graphic designer, and to my dog Lula for keeping quiet while I recorded this.
00:31:57.039 --> 00:31:59.119
She's a very good girl.
00:31:59.440 --> 00:32:01.119
Take care, everybody.
