WEBVTT
00:00:15.679 --> 00:00:18.960
Welcome to All Things Reformed Baptist.
00:00:19.120 --> 00:00:25.600
You want to know what's on my mind today is the danger of playing the victim.
00:00:25.760 --> 00:00:27.839
And I want to be fully transparent.
00:00:28.160 --> 00:00:31.440
For much of my life, I played the victim.
00:00:31.600 --> 00:00:33.200
It was easy to do so.
00:00:33.359 --> 00:00:35.280
I grew up without a mom.
00:00:35.439 --> 00:00:36.719
I don't know who my dad is.
00:00:36.880 --> 00:00:38.000
Grew up in foster care.
00:00:38.240 --> 00:00:43.679
Experienced all kinds of abuse that was that was uh you know directed towards me.
00:00:44.079 --> 00:00:45.600
And I played victim.
00:00:45.840 --> 00:00:48.960
And now I want to talk about the danger of doing that.
00:00:49.119 --> 00:00:53.840
And what what do we do with our pain, with our story, and how do we move forth?
00:00:54.079 --> 00:00:55.359
So let's talk about it.
00:00:55.520 --> 00:01:00.399
Let's talk about something that has quietly settled into many Christian hearts and homes.
00:01:00.560 --> 00:01:02.880
The habit of playing the victim.
00:01:03.039 --> 00:01:12.799
Now, real pain exists, real injustice happens, real wounds are inflicted by others, sometimes by people who should have protected us.
00:01:13.120 --> 00:01:16.000
Scripture never asks us to pretend otherwise.
00:01:16.319 --> 00:01:24.959
Joseph was betrayed and sowed, David was hunted, Paul was beaten and abandoned, Jesus was falsely accused and crucified.
00:01:25.200 --> 00:01:33.920
The Bible is honest about suffering, but honesty about suffering is not the same thing as making victimhood our identity.
00:01:34.159 --> 00:01:36.000
That is where the danger begins.
00:01:36.640 --> 00:01:44.319
Playing the victim is what happens when we take legitimate pain and turn it into a permanent posture.
00:01:44.640 --> 00:01:50.000
We begin to interpret every difficulty through the lens of what has what was done to us.
00:01:50.319 --> 00:02:10.560
We rehearse the offense, we protect the wound, we use it to explain our anger, our withdrawal, our lack of growth, our strained relationships, or our refusal to take responsibility and why we have unhealthy coping mechanisms like drinking or pornography use.
00:02:10.879 --> 00:02:16.719
You see, over time the wound becomes a lens, then a shield, and then a home.
00:02:16.960 --> 00:02:23.280
We stop moving forward because the story of what happened to us feels safer than a hard work of healing and obedience.
00:02:23.599 --> 00:02:25.520
This posture is not biblical.
00:02:25.599 --> 00:02:27.919
It is actually a form of bondage.
00:02:28.400 --> 00:02:37.439
It keeps us locked in the past, it quietly elevates our pain above God's purposes, it often masks bitterness, self-pity, and pride.
00:02:37.599 --> 00:02:47.120
The pride of believing our suffering exempts us from the ordinary calls of Scripture to forgive, to put off the old self, and to walk in newness of life.
00:02:47.360 --> 00:02:53.680
You see, Hebrews 12, verse 15 warns that a root of bitterness can spring up and defile many.
00:02:54.159 --> 00:02:57.759
Bitterness rarely announces itself as bitterness.
00:02:57.919 --> 00:03:03.439
It often dresses itself as I'm just hurt or you don't understand what I've been through.
00:03:03.599 --> 00:03:05.840
And meanwhile, it spreads.
00:03:06.159 --> 00:03:09.360
Scripture calls us to something better.
00:03:09.680 --> 00:03:21.039
Joseph, after years of betrayal and injustice, looked at his brothers and said in Genesis chapter 50, 20, You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good.
00:03:21.360 --> 00:03:25.599
He did not deny the evil, he refused to let the evil have the final word.
00:03:26.000 --> 00:03:38.719
Paul, who suffered far more than most of us ever will, wrote in Philippians chapter 3, verse 13 through 14, One thing I do, forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead.
00:03:38.879 --> 00:03:41.120
I press on towards the goal.
00:03:41.360 --> 00:03:42.719
You see, he has scars.
00:03:42.800 --> 00:03:46.080
He did not make make the scars his identity, though.
00:03:46.400 --> 00:03:48.879
Peter points us to Christ himself.
00:03:49.039 --> 00:03:57.280
In 1 Peter chapter 2, verse 23, he says, When I was when when he was reviled, he did not revile in return.
00:03:57.520 --> 00:04:04.159
When he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued in trusting himself to him who judges justly.
00:04:04.800 --> 00:04:08.879
Jesus absorbed real injustice without becoming a victim in spirit.
00:04:09.039 --> 00:04:11.680
So so what do we what do we have to do then?
00:04:11.840 --> 00:04:15.360
Well first thing is you got to tell the truth about the pain.
00:04:15.680 --> 00:04:25.759
Name it, bring it into the light with trusted, mature believers, do not minimize genuine wrong, but then refuse to let the pain become your name.
00:04:26.079 --> 00:04:32.319
You are not the betrayed one or the wounded one as your primary identity.
00:04:32.560 --> 00:04:35.759
If you are in Christ, you are a new creation.
00:04:36.000 --> 00:04:39.279
Just look at 2 Corinthians 5, verse 17.
00:04:39.759 --> 00:04:44.480
You are forgiven, adopted, and dwelt by the Spirit and called to walk in freedom.
00:04:44.959 --> 00:04:50.639
I would say another thing is actively put off bitterness and put on forgiveness and responsibility.
00:04:50.959 --> 00:04:54.879
Ephesians chapter 4, verse 31 through 32 is clear.
00:04:55.199 --> 00:05:03.439
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you along with all malice.
00:05:03.839 --> 00:05:09.199
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you.
00:05:09.680 --> 00:05:12.720
Forgiveness does not mean pretending that nothing happened.
00:05:12.800 --> 00:05:19.839
It means releasing the right to keep exacting payment so that you can obey God and move forward.
00:05:20.319 --> 00:05:24.319
Another thing I would say is take responsibility for what is yours.
00:05:24.560 --> 00:05:32.480
Even if others sinned against you, you are still accountable for your own responses, your growth, your relationships, and your obedience today.
00:05:32.639 --> 00:05:35.199
No one owes you anything today.
00:05:35.920 --> 00:05:41.040
Galatians chapter 6, verse 5 says, Each will bear his own load.
00:05:41.279 --> 00:05:45.199
Victim thinking quietly shifts that load unto everyone else.
00:05:45.519 --> 00:05:50.399
Biblical thinking picks it up with the strength that Christ Jesus supplies.
00:05:50.800 --> 00:05:54.800
The longer that we play the victim, the more the chains tighten.
00:05:54.959 --> 00:05:57.519
We become reactive rather than faithful.
00:05:57.759 --> 00:06:00.800
We demand that others manage our emotions.
00:06:01.040 --> 00:06:02.480
We resist correction.
00:06:02.639 --> 00:06:06.160
We stand, we we we we we stall spiritually.
00:06:06.959 --> 00:06:09.759
But the gospel offers a better way.
00:06:10.560 --> 00:06:20.639
Christ entered our suffering, bore our sin, and rose again so that we would not remain defined by what has been done to us.
00:06:20.959 --> 00:06:26.639
He calls us to rise, to forgive, to walk, and to press on.
00:06:27.120 --> 00:06:32.560
Acknowledge the womb, then by God's grace, refuse to live inside it.
00:06:32.879 --> 00:06:45.759
Bring it to the cross, leave it there, and move forward as a child of God who has been given a new story, one written by the one who redeems what others meant for evil.
00:06:46.319 --> 00:06:48.000
That is not denial.
00:06:48.399 --> 00:06:52.079
That is true freedom in Jesus Christ.
00:06:52.480 --> 00:06:53.680
That is it for today.
00:06:53.839 --> 00:06:56.399
I look forward to seeing you on the next episode.
00:00:15.679 --> 00:00:18.960
Welcome to All Things Reformed Baptist.
00:00:19.120 --> 00:00:25.600
You want to know what's on my mind today is the danger of playing the victim.
00:00:25.760 --> 00:00:27.839
And I want to be fully transparent.
00:00:28.160 --> 00:00:31.440
For much of my life, I played the victim.
00:00:31.600 --> 00:00:33.200
It was easy to do so.
00:00:33.359 --> 00:00:35.280
I grew up without a mom.
00:00:35.439 --> 00:00:36.719
I don't know who my dad is.
00:00:36.880 --> 00:00:38.000
Grew up in foster care.
00:00:38.240 --> 00:00:43.679
Experienced all kinds of abuse that was that was uh you know directed towards me.
00:00:44.079 --> 00:00:45.600
And I played victim.
00:00:45.840 --> 00:00:48.960
And now I want to talk about the danger of doing that.
00:00:49.119 --> 00:00:53.840
And what what do we do with our pain, with our story, and how do we move forth?
00:00:54.079 --> 00:00:55.359
So let's talk about it.
00:00:55.520 --> 00:01:00.399
Let's talk about something that has quietly settled into many Christian hearts and homes.
00:01:00.560 --> 00:01:02.880
The habit of playing the victim.
00:01:03.039 --> 00:01:12.799
Now, real pain exists, real injustice happens, real wounds are inflicted by others, sometimes by people who should have protected us.
00:01:13.120 --> 00:01:16.000
Scripture never asks us to pretend otherwise.
00:01:16.319 --> 00:01:24.959
Joseph was betrayed and sowed, David was hunted, Paul was beaten and abandoned, Jesus was falsely accused and crucified.
00:01:25.200 --> 00:01:33.920
The Bible is honest about suffering, but honesty about suffering is not the same thing as making victimhood our identity.
00:01:34.159 --> 00:01:36.000
That is where the danger begins.
00:01:36.640 --> 00:01:44.319
Playing the victim is what happens when we take legitimate pain and turn it into a permanent posture.
00:01:44.640 --> 00:01:50.000
We begin to interpret every difficulty through the lens of what has what was done to us.
00:01:50.319 --> 00:02:10.560
We rehearse the offense, we protect the wound, we use it to explain our anger, our withdrawal, our lack of growth, our strained relationships, or our refusal to take responsibility and why we have unhealthy coping mechanisms like drinking or pornography use.
00:02:10.879 --> 00:02:16.719
You see, over time the wound becomes a lens, then a shield, and then a home.
00:02:16.960 --> 00:02:23.280
We stop moving forward because the story of what happened to us feels safer than a hard work of healing and obedience.
00:02:23.599 --> 00:02:25.520
This posture is not biblical.
00:02:25.599 --> 00:02:27.919
It is actually a form of bondage.
00:02:28.400 --> 00:02:37.439
It keeps us locked in the past, it quietly elevates our pain above God's purposes, it often masks bitterness, self-pity, and pride.
00:02:37.599 --> 00:02:47.120
The pride of believing our suffering exempts us from the ordinary calls of Scripture to forgive, to put off the old self, and to walk in newness of life.
00:02:47.360 --> 00:02:53.680
You see, Hebrews 12, verse 15 warns that a root of bitterness can spring up and defile many.
00:02:54.159 --> 00:02:57.759
Bitterness rarely announces itself as bitterness.
00:02:57.919 --> 00:03:03.439
It often dresses itself as I'm just hurt or you don't understand what I've been through.
00:03:03.599 --> 00:03:05.840
And meanwhile, it spreads.
00:03:06.159 --> 00:03:09.360
Scripture calls us to something better.
00:03:09.680 --> 00:03:21.039
Joseph, after years of betrayal and injustice, looked at his brothers and said in Genesis chapter 50, 20, You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good.
00:03:21.360 --> 00:03:25.599
He did not deny the evil, he refused to let the evil have the final word.
00:03:26.000 --> 00:03:38.719
Paul, who suffered far more than most of us ever will, wrote in Philippians chapter 3, verse 13 through 14, One thing I do, forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead.
00:03:38.879 --> 00:03:41.120
I press on towards the goal.
00:03:41.360 --> 00:03:42.719
You see, he has scars.
00:03:42.800 --> 00:03:46.080
He did not make make the scars his identity, though.
00:03:46.400 --> 00:03:48.879
Peter points us to Christ himself.
00:03:49.039 --> 00:03:57.280
In 1 Peter chapter 2, verse 23, he says, When I was when when he was reviled, he did not revile in return.
00:03:57.520 --> 00:04:04.159
When he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued in trusting himself to him who judges justly.
00:04:04.800 --> 00:04:08.879
Jesus absorbed real injustice without becoming a victim in spirit.
00:04:09.039 --> 00:04:11.680
So so what do we what do we have to do then?
00:04:11.840 --> 00:04:15.360
Well first thing is you got to tell the truth about the pain.
00:04:15.680 --> 00:04:25.759
Name it, bring it into the light with trusted, mature believers, do not minimize genuine wrong, but then refuse to let the pain become your name.
00:04:26.079 --> 00:04:32.319
You are not the betrayed one or the wounded one as your primary identity.
00:04:32.560 --> 00:04:35.759
If you are in Christ, you are a new creation.
00:04:36.000 --> 00:04:39.279
Just look at 2 Corinthians 5, verse 17.
00:04:39.759 --> 00:04:44.480
You are forgiven, adopted, and dwelt by the Spirit and called to walk in freedom.
00:04:44.959 --> 00:04:50.639
I would say another thing is actively put off bitterness and put on forgiveness and responsibility.
00:04:50.959 --> 00:04:54.879
Ephesians chapter 4, verse 31 through 32 is clear.
00:04:55.199 --> 00:05:03.439
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you along with all malice.
00:05:03.839 --> 00:05:09.199
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you.
00:05:09.680 --> 00:05:12.720
Forgiveness does not mean pretending that nothing happened.
00:05:12.800 --> 00:05:19.839
It means releasing the right to keep exacting payment so that you can obey God and move forward.
00:05:20.319 --> 00:05:24.319
Another thing I would say is take responsibility for what is yours.
00:05:24.560 --> 00:05:32.480
Even if others sinned against you, you are still accountable for your own responses, your growth, your relationships, and your obedience today.
00:05:32.639 --> 00:05:35.199
No one owes you anything today.
00:05:35.920 --> 00:05:41.040
Galatians chapter 6, verse 5 says, Each will bear his own load.
00:05:41.279 --> 00:05:45.199
Victim thinking quietly shifts that load unto everyone else.
00:05:45.519 --> 00:05:50.399
Biblical thinking picks it up with the strength that Christ Jesus supplies.
00:05:50.800 --> 00:05:54.800
The longer that we play the victim, the more the chains tighten.
00:05:54.959 --> 00:05:57.519
We become reactive rather than faithful.
00:05:57.759 --> 00:06:00.800
We demand that others manage our emotions.
00:06:01.040 --> 00:06:02.480
We resist correction.
00:06:02.639 --> 00:06:06.160
We stand, we we we we we stall spiritually.
00:06:06.959 --> 00:06:09.759
But the gospel offers a better way.
00:06:10.560 --> 00:06:20.639
Christ entered our suffering, bore our sin, and rose again so that we would not remain defined by what has been done to us.
00:06:20.959 --> 00:06:26.639
He calls us to rise, to forgive, to walk, and to press on.
00:06:27.120 --> 00:06:32.560
Acknowledge the womb, then by God's grace, refuse to live inside it.
00:06:32.879 --> 00:06:45.759
Bring it to the cross, leave it there, and move forward as a child of God who has been given a new story, one written by the one who redeems what others meant for evil.
00:06:46.319 --> 00:06:48.000
That is not denial.
00:06:48.399 --> 00:06:52.079
That is true freedom in Jesus Christ.
00:06:52.480 --> 00:06:53.680
That is it for today.
00:06:53.839 --> 00:06:56.399
I look forward to seeing you on the next episode.
