ABOUT THIS EPISODE
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You leave the party first. You pay extra for the room on your own. You say yes, then spend the whole evening counting down until you can go home. And somewhere along the way, you decided that made you the difficult one.
On this week’s episode of The ADHD Women’s Wellbeing Podcast, I’m joined by Alice Bramhill, registered mental health nurse, interpersonal psychotherapist and accredited therapeutic coach specialising in neurodivergent adults. Her first book, I Need My Space (But I Like You Too!): A Neurodivergent Guide to All Types of Relationships, is out now.
Alice has nearly 30 years of clinical experience. She was diagnosed with ADHD at 47 and autism at 50, and is a parent carer to two neurodivergent children.
Masking until there’s nothing left. Being the fixer, the capable one, the people pleaser. Families who keep casting you in your old role. A nervous system that panics every time you say no.
You’re allowed to need your space.
This is a fantastic conversation that I know will resonate so strongly with so many of you.
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In this episode, we cover:
- Why relationships sit at the heart of our mental health, and what interpersonal psychotherapy can offer neurodivergent adults
- How masking leads to an erosion of self and a lack of authenticity in our relationships
- What an emotionally sustainable life looks like, and why so many social expectations simply aren't sustainable for us
- Why it's okay to leave the party after an hour, and how to communicate your social battery without shame
- Rejection sensitivity and why it isn't our job to manage other people's emotions
- Shrinking versus discernment, and how to navigate the fear of loneliness when you start pulling back
- Setting boundaries with family when you've always been cast as the fixer, the capable one or the people pleaser
- What emotional labour really means, and where information sharing ends and over-explaining begins
- Why your nervous system may push back when you start saying no, and how to practise it gently
- Noticing the shoulds, starting with a maybe and why it's okay to disappoint people
Timestamps:
00:00 - Welcome and introducing Alice Bramhill
01:30 - Why Alice wrote I Need My Space
02:30 - Interpersonal psychotherapy and why relationships shape our mental health
05:30 - Masking, authenticity and the erosion of self
07:30 - Building an emotionally sustainable life
09:30 - Redefining the terms of engagement and leaving when you're done
11:30 - Rejection sensitivity and other people's emotions
14:00 - Needing space in friendships and on holidays
16:30 - Shrinking, discernment and the fear of loneliness
20:30 - Shedding, permission and life after diagnosis
21:30 - Perimenopause and caring less about what others think
25:00 - Who Alice wrote the book for
26:30 - Boundaries with family and stepping out of old roles
30:30 - What emotional labour really means
34:00 - The fixers, the capable ones and the people pleasers
36:30 - When your nervous system pushes back
39:00 - Cycle breakers and generational change
41:00 - Noticing automatic yeses and starting with a maybe
42:30 - Catching the shoulds and getting curious
44:00 - Asking why and giving yourself permission to disappoint people
46:00 - Where to find Alice's book, Substack and one-to-one support
Links and Resources:
- Find my popular ADHD Women's Wellbeing workshops and resources on my website here.
- Follow the podcast on Instagram: @adhd_womenswellbeing_pod
- Get my book, The ADHD Women's Wellbeing Toolkit (also available in ebook and audiobook) here
- Join the More Yourself membership community here
Kate Moryoussef is a women's ADHD lifestyle and wellbeing author, coach and EFT practitioner who helps overwhelmed and unfulfilled newly diagnosed women with ADHD find more calm, balance, hope, health, compassion, creativity and clarity.
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