175 // How to Stop Feeling Exhausted from ADHD Masking

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How much time do you want to spend wishing you were someone else,
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wishing you could be like them, wishing you could have their life,
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or even acting like somebody else, or just wanting to do things the way that somebody else does?
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This place of comparison and consequently ADHD masking can be completely exhausting.
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So in today's episode, I want to give you a few questions to consider and a
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few steps to follow that are going to help you get out of the cycle of comparison and ADHD masking.
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Hey friends, welcome to the ADHD with Confidence podcast. I'm your host, Kelsey Sprunk.
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And today we're going to talk about comparison and ADHD masking because chances
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are, if that is a place that you are stuck in, you are exhausted.
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It is exhausting to look at others' lives via social media or the people that
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you're surrounded with, what the world says, and feel like you are not enough.
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It's exhausting to compare yourself to who you used to be, maybe in a different
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stage of life, or who you thought you should be, or who you think you should be going forward.
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All those forms of comparison are incredibly defeating, discouraging, and exhausting.
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The other part is ADHD masking. Now, ADHD masking is when we are hiding traits
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of our ADHD in order to try and fit in, in order to try and appear more neurotypical
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where that seems to fit the situation.
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Now I'm going to talk today about why that's so incredibly exhausting,
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what kind of questions you can consider, and then at the end there,
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what steps you can follow to break that cycle of ADHD masking and comparison.
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Before we get to that, if you have been listening for a while and you don't
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mind scrolling down and leaving a quick star rating or a review,
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I would greatly appreciate it.
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That's one of the best ways to help bring this podcast to others who need to
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hear this encouragement, who want to live confidently with ADHD.
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Now, thinking about today, when we're talking about how much time we want to
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spend in that comparison or
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that ADHD masking, essentially wishing that we could be like someone else.
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For me, for example, I spent a lot of years wishing that I found it more life-giving,
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that I enjoyed it more to be at home all the time, that I was more introverted,
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that I didn't need as many people around.
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And I wasted a lot of time and a lot of energy on this instead of recognizing
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that I am somebody who is very outgoing, very social, and I thrive in that arena.
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Now I have four questions for you to consider. The first one is,
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what are you missing out on when you don't fully embrace who you are?
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What I mean by that is that if we're spending a lot of our time and our energy
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trying to be like somebody else, masking who we are, masking the parts of who
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we've been created to be.
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What are we missing out on? Are we missing out on opportunities?
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Are we missing out on feeling like we're living a fulfilling and meaningful life?
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Are we missing out on being able to feel fully seen and loved and understood
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by others when we're not willing to show who we truly are?
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The second question is, what is your family missing out on? The people close
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to you, What are they missing out on when you don't want to be yourself,
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when you don't want to be authentic to who you are?
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The third question, how much happier or more content in your life could you
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be if you accepted the way you are with your strengths, your weaknesses.
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And what is or isn't life-giving for you?
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How much happier could you be in your life if you were able to accept that?
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Now, the fourth question, what is the world around you missing out on when you
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don't fully embrace who you are?
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What I mean by that is when we're constantly trying to be like somebody else,
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we're trying to, you know, dampen the parts of us that we feel like are undesirable.
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We spend so much energy on that, that we don't have the time,
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the energy, or the opportunity to really explore and develop who we are and who we can be.
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And I think it's so beautiful how many different personalities there are,
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how many different interests and strengths and passions there are out there.
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And I think we each need to embrace the ones that God has given us,
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because that is when we're going to be able to step into our God-given purpose
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to be able to serve and love others.
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And that's what's going to be life-giving for us. That's what's going to fill
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us with that joy and that energy.
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So I have three steps for you here. If you are feeling tempted at work,
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in your relationships, when you're out, wherever it is, to mask,
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to hide who you truly are.
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The first step is awareness. It's always awareness. It's just understanding,
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giving yourself grace, compassion, and curiosity.
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When is this happening? When am I comparing? When am I masking?
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And how do I do that? What kind of things do I feel are unacceptable that I
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need to change about myself?
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Another part of it is what triggers that. What kind of narrative or perspective or story is.
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Is behind it that you're telling yourself in these different situations?
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Does it have to do with something that you're telling yourself?
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Is it about who that person is and things that they say or how they respond?
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What is going on here? So in this first step, you don't need to come to any
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conclusions. It's about an awareness of when is this happening and what perspectives
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and stories are being told.
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The second step, if you are struggling with ADHD masking, is choosing to unmask.
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This needs to be a conscious choice sometimes. When we've been stuck in this
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cycle of ADHD masking, it needs to be a conscious choice.
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And within this, we can look at what new perspective do we want to take.
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So, for example, for me, something I can feel self-conscious about is interrupting
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or joining another conversation.
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And there are different stories I can tell. One is that's always rude.
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That's never acceptable. People aren't going to like you, whatever it is.
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But there are also times where I recognize that
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if other people are social like I am the more the merrier that you know to have
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fun conversations with people or who are similar and there's also opportunity
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for me to meet new people and make new connections make new friendships,
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talk about things that are life-giving and have that social connection that
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can be so incredibly beneficial to both parties. Does it always work out that way?
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No, but I believe that it is worth that risk. And so for me,
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unmasking is taking on that new perspective of the fact that you could speak
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into that person's life. You could encourage them.
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You could walk alongside them. You could learn about who they are.
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There can be so much positive to it as well. And so recognizing that instead
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of always holding in that desire to impulsively interrupt that it doesn't necessarily
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need to be the case all the time.
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It's okay and it's good for me to unmask and authentically show up as who I
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am. So what is that for you?
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Number three, this is really important. As far as unmasking,
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we need to know when we're taking the mask off, what is underneath?
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If we take a mask off and we don't know who we are.
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It can feel even scarier and unstable as we take off this mask and then question,
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okay, well, what's left? What's beneath the mask? And I think that can be sometimes
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a reason why we compare, we look to others.
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And we say, well, what are they doing? Is that what I'm supposed to be doing?
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Because we don't have that piece of self-trust.
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And that's something that we work on a lot here in the podcast as well.
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But part of understanding who you are is understanding what are your strengths
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that you bring to your life and to those around you?
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What are the things that you struggle with? How do you want to work with those?
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What are you interested in? What are you passionate about? and what are your
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needs now here on the podcast i talk a lot about needs and i have it's coming
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up so soon a 30-day adhd confidence course and we're going to talk about,
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understanding who you are we're going to work through all this so you understand
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your strengths your goals your purpose your passions and also how you can thrive
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so i have three tiers to that the basic one survival
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is your nutrition your hydration and your rest.
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The next level is what you need after those survival needs are met.
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These are your foundational needs.
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So for me, it's things like social connection, exercise, and my faith.
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So those need to be met first before I can get into that top tier,
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which is life-giving needs.
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So what is life-giving for you? What are the things that light you up,
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that give you more energy, that make your life feel fulfilling and meaningful?
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These are the types of things that we can work on through either ADHD coaching
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or through the upcoming course.
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If you want to check that out, go to ADHDwithconfidence.com forward slash offerings.
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You can book a free 15 minute intake coaching call or you can sign up for the course waitlist.
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So steps number one, awareness.
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Number two, choosing to unmask. And then number three, understanding who you genuinely are.
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We need to know who we are in order to like who we are, accept and love who
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we are. So it starts with building that peace in order to have the confidence
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to unmask and to show up as who we are.
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I hope you found something encouraging or helpful in today's episode.
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Once again, if you're willing to scroll down and leave a star rating or a review,
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I always greatly appreciate it.
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Thanks for being here today, and until next time, God bless.