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Welcome back. My friends, it is ADHD, peripheral possibilities, and we are back with a new episode and a new season. Today, we're going to talk about ADHD in midlife. If you've ever felt like you're constantly losing this thread of conversations and you are maybe getting distracted all the time is getting worse. Perhaps you've been diagnosed with ADHD or you're thinking about going for a diagnosis. You are not alone. MetLife can feel like a real uncertain time for so many of us. The great news is it's also a chance for us to discover new ways of doing things. To discover and reclaim who we really are and who we want to be. And I want to talk about a few things we can do. Of course. So grab a cup of tea. Sit down and let's get started. Before we dive into the main topic of today. I just wanted to talk a little bit about the break I took over the summer. It started because I was not very well. And then it just kind of kept going. And I think it's actually a really useful thing for me to share with you for a few reasons. I am a person who is always. Pushing myself to be productive. If I'm not doing something, it feels really hard. And although there are different kinds of rest and I'm a big fan of active rest and creative rest. There are some times when you just need a break. And I gave myself permission with a big capital P. I recognize that for me to be able to help you. As a coach. And as somebody talking about ADHD online, I had to work with my own capacity and energy. And that is not something that is constant for any of us. Especially if we are in female bodies. Was menopause and with families and we all kinds of things going on. To reclaim our power. In mid-life whether we have ADHD or not, whether we have ovaries or not. We have to focus on giving ourselves grace. And permission. We have to recognize our capacity. And be absolutely unapologetic about the fact that like the sea lakes and moon, like anything that is natural and not made out of concrete or plastic. We are not going to be consistent in the ways that, uh, The productive economic unit should be. Most importantly, if we want to make meaningful change, which is something I am passionate about doing. We have to start by recognizing and respecting our own needs. Seeing that let's get back to ADHD in midlife. Let's begin with the physical changes that our brain experiences as we start to age. And when I say midlife, I'm talking about anything from 35 to 40 upwards. Because let's say the average life span is around 75, maybe a bit longer in some places. By the time you get to 35, you are in midlife and that's quite scary, but you're going to start to experience neurological and physical changes. Because this is something that I come up against a lot. We forget that our brain is part of our body. And the two are one organism is just one of them. Is given the job of producing or taking part in our thoughts and experiences. So as our bodies age, as our arteries, maybe start to be a bit less flexible as we start to lose muscle mass. As our hormone levels, start to shift and decline. Our brain is going to go through some significant changes too. And that means. People who have ADHD or ADHD type brains. Which means that certain connections and areas in our brain, certain of the functions in the neurotransmitter production and uptake. Are different. They're going to start to feel, a, more exaggerated to change. Because as our hormone levels, decline of tools you before. As our estrogen declines, our dopamine production declines. Which means, obviously if we're already challenged, In the area of dopamine regulation. It's just going to get more difficult. Many of us are extremely busy. We are the squashed middle between parents and children and jobs and business. This means it's incredibly hard to balance. Exercise and sleep and nutrition. mindfulness self care, whatever it is we need to do. But those become even more important. The less time we have for them. And of course, when we don't make time for that. It really changes how your brain functions. I can't be the only person who has. Really noticeably experienced the impact of a lack of sleep on. How we focus, how much work we can do. Or motivation or determination to stick with our goals. For lots of you. Midlife just feels like an endless list of responsibilities where tickling businesses, careers. Some of us have small children. I was 36 when my daughter was born. And that is an incredible lot to take on. I want to share a different way of looking at it. And this is part of the shift I have made myself over the last year. Especially over the summer. I want to think about how we can focus on this as a real chance for growth and change. A real. Shift where we can pivot into a different way of thinking and acting and being. So one of the things that often happens is, especially if we've started a family, we might need to change our career. This is still predominantly something that happens to women, but you know, it. A fair few number of men who take up the role of caring for their children at home. This means we've got an opportunity to change our career. To reassess our priorities. To think about what a life that we would enjoy might be like, And of course the great thing about having ADHD. Isn't that we are inherently more creative. But we have a divergent thinking style. That means we're more likely to spot opportunities. To have a new way of looking at things. And to have that impulsive push to just take a risk and go for it. So if we can find ways to integrate looking after ourselves, And nurturing these new ideas, these new possibilities. At the same time as building your business, looking after your family, whatever it is that you're doing. It can have a compound effect on how we feel going forward. And some of you have already taken my ADHD, growth archetype quiz and something I've noticed from just about every single person is that they are all very adaptive. And some of them are incredibly good. Uh, investigating and synthesizing the information they've got by far, the biggest number of people who've taken that quiz so far are what I call adaptive explorers. Which means. They already have this advantage over lots of people in that word. Still thinking a little bit more. Expansively a little bit more. Experimentally I would love you to take the quiz and let me know how you get on. And if you agree with the results that you get. I'll include a link in the show notes. And of course, in all of my places online. It's a great way to start thinking about. What is my next step? And what are the possible challenges I may come up against? When I'm trying to reassess who I am, who I want to be. where, I want to go. And of course, we need to look at practical ideas here. It's great for me to sit here and say, let's reclaim our power in midlife with ADHD. But what does that mean? Some of us have only just discovered that the reason. Life has felt so challenging is because we have a differently structured brain. And that kind of cause a lot of challenges throughout our life. So the first thing that we can do. Is to recognize that these challenges, these difficulties, these things have happened to us in the past. Are actually great chances for us to recognize things about ourself. And things for the world. And to turn it around and see, well, what can I learn? From what I've been through so far. Instead of thinking. Good grief. That was really hard. And we've all been there and we all do it. It's normal to think. I've had enough. That's all key, but what can you learn from the circumstances? That took you to that break to that burn note. To that. Giving up, you could hear whatever it was. Use that as a chance to really discover something about yourself. But what you need, what your priorities are. And the wonderful thing is that our brains don't stop changing as we get older. So when we practice reframing these difficult circumstances, as challenges, as opportunities to learn exciting new things about ourselves and the world. Our brains are going to start to do that more regularly. It will feel awkward to begin with. I can guarantee it. If something terrible has happened in your life, please don't think. I'm seeing use this as a learning or teaching moment. That's not what I want at all. We have to acknowledge that trauma happens and it's especially likely to happen to people who are new to divergent, whether they know it or not. What I am seeing is that. These challenges that are not trauma. Or are not the big T trauma are ones that we can use to see ourselves. Our strengths. Uh, what we want to do differently. What we can learn about the world about ourselves. When we reframe them. As a chance to learn. And to challenge ourselves rather than feel like the world is persecuting us. So, whether that means you've got problems at work. Whether you need to rebalance family life. Why do you need to reprioritize looking after yourself? These are opportunities for you to reassess. Rebalance. And make small incremental changes. The next thing we can do to give ourselves a bit more power. As we enter midlife is to focus on our goals and celebrations. Now I am not a fan of reward charts for children generally. the reward is too far away from the action for the young person, for the child to recognize it and really embrace it. And that's something that we experienced. Before we knew about ADHD earned. Dopamine reward system. So I'm a big fan of micro goals and micro rewards and actions. That can be, I am going to sit down and record the first podcast for several months. And after half an hour, I'm going to go and dance to my favorite tune. I'm going to have a really lovely cup of tea. I am going to go and snuggle with my dog. That's the kind of reward and celebration. And small task that I think is helpful for us. Another thing you can do that I think has made a big difference for me. Is finding five minutes in the morning. Five minutes before anyone else gets up and just sitting quietly. You can go outside. If you're lucky enough to have a garden, you can just be somewhere quiet and soft and warm. And have a coffee or a tea. But those five minutes. If you are really present. Feel like. Plugging yourself into. An incredibly energizing circuit. I'm not a morning person, as anyone will tell you. But that practice in the morning can set your brain up for success throughout the day and the last thing that we're going to talk about is embracing power in community. This is a lot easier now than it was. Even 20 years ago. But ADHD people in particular often seem to thrive when we find other people with our kind of brains. No things like mirror neurons are oversimplified. And I think mostly disproved. But we do enjoy the energy and the way that a neurodivergent conversation can travel quickly in interesting and exciting ways. So making an effort to make community with people who understand how you talk, who you think will have huge benefits. ADHD can affect our social dynamics. But it also can allow us to experience a very deep connection. And two. Make friends very quickly with people who recognize themselves in us. When we've spent many years feeling like we are the only zebra in the zoo. When we suddenly meet a whole bunch of them. It is nothing short of miraculous. And this is even more true. If you've been in a role where you are. Uh, solo business owner you're in management. And the challenges that you experience are not ones it's easy to share, given the hierarchy that operates in most of these organizations. We do based in partnerships where we are all equal, but we are working in our own zone of genius. So if you're in a business, It's challenging. If you're a manager in charge of a team. Finding a community. Can make all the difference to how you feel about things that are hard for you. When you recognize it. Oh, actually. Other people go through this. They also have ADHD and it is harder for us for some things. If you're a working parent and it is especially challenging, given many of us have neurodivergent children. Online groups can be invaluable. And there are some which are wonderful. Look for ones where the interaction is generally positive or uplifting. Empathetic, but not a competition. You might also find it making a peer grip at work. Uh, an ADHD group of buddies can make a big difference to. Of course again, keep it focused on empowerment, empathy, and support. And if you can make it into a cheerleading squad. Those are the best groups where we all celebrate. Everybody's progress. If you're feeling overwhelmed by midlife changes. I'm here to remind you. You are whole capable. Resilient. Way more creative than you give yourself credit for. And you can still be on a path to growth. Think about just one thing you could do this week. To reclaim some of your power. And that might mean that you ask someone for help. It might mean you try a new way of organizing things. It might mean you have a five minute early coffee by yourself where you don't do anything. You don't look at your phone. You just enjoy being. Oh, it might be that you meet contact with people at work. And form a neuro divergent group whatever it is. Take a step forward. It may even be spending five minutes doing the ADHD growth archetype quiz on my website. It's a great place to start understanding your stage of self-awareness. As well as how you can take your next steps without getting stuck. I'll be talking about the different archetypes. Why I created it. What you can learn from it in a future episode. And if you want to take part in it, it's free. There's no obligation to anything else. Just go and do the quiz. And let me know how you get on. Thank you for being here today. It's so good to be back. If you have found it to be valuable. Please leave a comment. Like it, share it with a friend. Or if you have two minutes, leave a review on whatever podcast platform you're listening. As always. Stay curious. S And take care of yourselves.
00:00:00
Welcome back. My friends, it is ADHD, peripheral possibilities, and we are back with a new episode and a new season. Today, we're going to talk about ADHD in midlife. If you've ever felt like you're constantly losing this thread of conversations and you are maybe getting distracted all the time is getting worse. Perhaps you've been diagnosed with ADHD or you're thinking about going for a diagnosis. You are not alone. MetLife can feel like a real uncertain time for so many of us. The great news is it's also a chance for us to discover new ways of doing things. To discover and reclaim who we really are and who we want to be. And I want to talk about a few things we can do. Of course. So grab a cup of tea. Sit down and let's get started. Before we dive into the main topic of today. I just wanted to talk a little bit about the break I took over the summer. It started because I was not very well. And then it just kind of kept going. And I think it's actually a really useful thing for me to share with you for a few reasons. I am a person who is always. Pushing myself to be productive. If I'm not doing something, it feels really hard. And although there are different kinds of rest and I'm a big fan of active rest and creative rest. There are some times when you just need a break. And I gave myself permission with a big capital P. I recognize that for me to be able to help you. As a coach. And as somebody talking about ADHD online, I had to work with my own capacity and energy. And that is not something that is constant for any of us. Especially if we are in female bodies. Was menopause and with families and we all kinds of things going on. To reclaim our power. In mid-life whether we have ADHD or not, whether we have ovaries or not. We have to focus on giving ourselves grace. And permission. We have to recognize our capacity. And be absolutely unapologetic about the fact that like the sea lakes and moon, like anything that is natural and not made out of concrete or plastic. We are not going to be consistent in the ways that, uh, The productive economic unit should be. Most importantly, if we want to make meaningful change, which is something I am passionate about doing. We have to start by recognizing and respecting our own needs. Seeing that let's get back to ADHD in midlife. Let's begin with the physical changes that our brain experiences as we start to age. And when I say midlife, I'm talking about anything from 35 to 40 upwards. Because let's say the average life span is around 75, maybe a bit longer in some places. By the time you get to 35, you are in midlife and that's quite scary, but you're going to start to experience neurological and physical changes. Because this is something that I come up against a lot. We forget that our brain is part of our body. And the two are one organism is just one of them. Is given the job of producing or taking part in our thoughts and experiences. So as our bodies age, as our arteries, maybe start to be a bit less flexible as we start to lose muscle mass. As our hormone levels, start to shift and decline. Our brain is going to go through some significant changes too. And that means. People who have ADHD or ADHD type brains. Which means that certain connections and areas in our brain, certain of the functions in the neurotransmitter production and uptake. Are different. They're going to start to feel, a, more exaggerated to change. Because as our hormone levels, decline of tools you before. As our estrogen declines, our dopamine production declines. Which means, obviously if we're already challenged, In the area of dopamine regulation. It's just going to get more difficult. Many of us are extremely busy. We are the squashed middle between parents and children and jobs and business. This means it's incredibly hard to balance. Exercise and sleep and nutrition. mindfulness self care, whatever it is we need to do. But those become even more important. The less time we have for them. And of course, when we don't make time for that. It really changes how your brain functions. I can't be the only person who has. Really noticeably experienced the impact of a lack of sleep on. How we focus, how much work we can do. Or motivation or determination to stick with our goals. For lots of you. Midlife just feels like an endless list of responsibilities where tickling businesses, careers. Some of us have small children. I was 36 when my daughter was born. And that is an incredible lot to take on. I want to share a different way of looking at it. And this is part of the shift I have made myself over the last year. Especially over the summer. I want to think about how we can focus on this as a real chance for growth and change. A real. Shift where we can pivot into a different way of thinking and acting and being. So one of the things that often happens is, especially if we've started a family, we might need to change our career. This is still predominantly something that happens to women, but you know, it. A fair few number of men who take up the role of caring for their children at home. This means we've got an opportunity to change our career. To reassess our priorities. To think about what a life that we would enjoy might be like, And of course the great thing about having ADHD. Isn't that we are inherently more creative. But we have a divergent thinking style. That means we're more likely to spot opportunities. To have a new way of looking at things. And to have that impulsive push to just take a risk and go for it. So if we can find ways to integrate looking after ourselves, And nurturing these new ideas, these new possibilities. At the same time as building your business, looking after your family, whatever it is that you're doing. It can have a compound effect on how we feel going forward. And some of you have already taken my ADHD, growth archetype quiz and something I've noticed from just about every single person is that they are all very adaptive. And some of them are incredibly good. Uh, investigating and synthesizing the information they've got by far, the biggest number of people who've taken that quiz so far are what I call adaptive explorers. Which means. They already have this advantage over lots of people in that word. Still thinking a little bit more. Expansively a little bit more. Experimentally I would love you to take the quiz and let me know how you get on. And if you agree with the results that you get. I'll include a link in the show notes. And of course, in all of my places online. It's a great way to start thinking about. What is my next step? And what are the possible challenges I may come up against? When I'm trying to reassess who I am, who I want to be. where, I want to go. And of course, we need to look at practical ideas here. It's great for me to sit here and say, let's reclaim our power in midlife with ADHD. But what does that mean? Some of us have only just discovered that the reason. Life has felt so challenging is because we have a differently structured brain. And that kind of cause a lot of challenges throughout our life. So the first thing that we can do. Is to recognize that these challenges, these difficulties, these things have happened to us in the past. Are actually great chances for us to recognize things about ourself. And things for the world. And to turn it around and see, well, what can I learn? From what I've been through so far. Instead of thinking. Good grief. That was really hard. And we've all been there and we all do it. It's normal to think. I've had enough. That's all key, but what can you learn from the circumstances? That took you to that break to that burn note. To that. Giving up, you could hear whatever it was. Use that as a chance to really discover something about yourself. But what you need, what your priorities are. And the wonderful thing is that our brains don't stop changing as we get older. So when we practice reframing these difficult circumstances, as challenges, as opportunities to learn exciting new things about ourselves and the world. Our brains are going to start to do that more regularly. It will feel awkward to begin with. I can guarantee it. If something terrible has happened in your life, please don't think. I'm seeing use this as a learning or teaching moment. That's not what I want at all. We have to acknowledge that trauma happens and it's especially likely to happen to people who are new to divergent, whether they know it or not. What I am seeing is that. These challenges that are not trauma. Or are not the big T trauma are ones that we can use to see ourselves. Our strengths. Uh, what we want to do differently. What we can learn about the world about ourselves. When we reframe them. As a chance to learn. And to challenge ourselves rather than feel like the world is persecuting us. So, whether that means you've got problems at work. Whether you need to rebalance family life. Why do you need to reprioritize looking after yourself? These are opportunities for you to reassess. Rebalance. And make small incremental changes. The next thing we can do to give ourselves a bit more power. As we enter midlife is to focus on our goals and celebrations. Now I am not a fan of reward charts for children generally. the reward is too far away from the action for the young person, for the child to recognize it and really embrace it. And that's something that we experienced. Before we knew about ADHD earned. Dopamine reward system. So I'm a big fan of micro goals and micro rewards and actions. That can be, I am going to sit down and record the first podcast for several months. And after half an hour, I'm going to go and dance to my favorite tune. I'm going to have a really lovely cup of tea. I am going to go and snuggle with my dog. That's the kind of reward and celebration. And small task that I think is helpful for us. Another thing you can do that I think has made a big difference for me. Is finding five minutes in the morning. Five minutes before anyone else gets up and just sitting quietly. You can go outside. If you're lucky enough to have a garden, you can just be somewhere quiet and soft and warm. And have a coffee or a tea. But those five minutes. If you are really present. Feel like. Plugging yourself into. An incredibly energizing circuit. I'm not a morning person, as anyone will tell you. But that practice in the morning can set your brain up for success throughout the day and the last thing that we're going to talk about is embracing power in community. This is a lot easier now than it was. Even 20 years ago. But ADHD people in particular often seem to thrive when we find other people with our kind of brains. No things like mirror neurons are oversimplified. And I think mostly disproved. But we do enjoy the energy and the way that a neurodivergent conversation can travel quickly in interesting and exciting ways. So making an effort to make community with people who understand how you talk, who you think will have huge benefits. ADHD can affect our social dynamics. But it also can allow us to experience a very deep connection. And two. Make friends very quickly with people who recognize themselves in us. When we've spent many years feeling like we are the only zebra in the zoo. When we suddenly meet a whole bunch of them. It is nothing short of miraculous. And this is even more true. If you've been in a role where you are. Uh, solo business owner you're in management. And the challenges that you experience are not ones it's easy to share, given the hierarchy that operates in most of these organizations. We do based in partnerships where we are all equal, but we are working in our own zone of genius. So if you're in a business, It's challenging. If you're a manager in charge of a team. Finding a community. Can make all the difference to how you feel about things that are hard for you. When you recognize it. Oh, actually. Other people go through this. They also have ADHD and it is harder for us for some things. If you're a working parent and it is especially challenging, given many of us have neurodivergent children. Online groups can be invaluable. And there are some which are wonderful. Look for ones where the interaction is generally positive or uplifting. Empathetic, but not a competition. You might also find it making a peer grip at work. Uh, an ADHD group of buddies can make a big difference to. Of course again, keep it focused on empowerment, empathy, and support. And if you can make it into a cheerleading squad. Those are the best groups where we all celebrate. Everybody's progress. If you're feeling overwhelmed by midlife changes. I'm here to remind you. You are whole capable. Resilient. Way more creative than you give yourself credit for. And you can still be on a path to growth. Think about just one thing you could do this week. To reclaim some of your power. And that might mean that you ask someone for help. It might mean you try a new way of organizing things. It might mean you have a five minute early coffee by yourself where you don't do anything. You don't look at your phone. You just enjoy being. Oh, it might be that you meet contact with people at work. And form a neuro divergent group whatever it is. Take a step forward. It may even be spending five minutes doing the ADHD growth archetype quiz on my website. It's a great place to start understanding your stage of self-awareness. As well as how you can take your next steps without getting stuck. I'll be talking about the different archetypes. Why I created it. What you can learn from it in a future episode. And if you want to take part in it, it's free. There's no obligation to anything else. Just go and do the quiz. And let me know how you get on. Thank you for being here today. It's so good to be back. If you have found it to be valuable. Please leave a comment. Like it, share it with a friend. Or if you have two minutes, leave a review on whatever podcast platform you're listening. As always. Stay curious. S And take care of yourselves.
