WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en
00:00:01.160 --> 00:00:03.390
Good afternoon, Warzone kids. Crazy
00:00:03.400 --> 00:00:05.150
thing happened the other day. I'm super
00:00:05.160 --> 00:00:06.790
psyched about it.
00:00:06.800 --> 00:00:09.430
I was disappointed in myself.
00:00:09.440 --> 00:00:10.910
Now,
00:00:10.920 --> 00:00:13.070
I've been ashamed of myself plenty.
00:00:13.080 --> 00:00:14.790
Plenty. It's just like the weather. Oh,
00:00:14.800 --> 00:00:16.270
it's Vermont, January. It's cold
00:00:16.280 --> 00:00:18.590
outside. I feel shame. That's right. I'm
00:00:18.600 --> 00:00:20.910
a child sex abuse survivor. As an adult,
00:00:20.920 --> 00:00:22.350
I live with borderline personality
00:00:22.360 --> 00:00:23.710
disorder. I'm a recovering addict,
00:00:23.720 --> 00:00:26.510
bulimic. And uh my channel's all about
00:00:26.520 --> 00:00:29.870
moving on in life. And
00:00:29.880 --> 00:00:33.150
it blows my mind
00:00:33.160 --> 00:00:34.710
that
00:00:34.720 --> 00:00:37.630
me feeling disappointed in myself
00:00:37.640 --> 00:00:40.070
is a giant step forward. Cuz if I feel
00:00:40.080 --> 00:00:42.630
disappointed in myself,
00:00:42.640 --> 00:00:44.470
that means
00:00:44.480 --> 00:00:48.790
I could have done better.
00:00:48.800 --> 00:00:50.470
When you feel shame, that's just it got
00:00:50.480 --> 00:00:51.670
you.
00:00:51.680 --> 00:00:53.830
I can't be better. I can't be someone
00:00:53.840 --> 00:00:56.630
down. Shame is about what you are.
00:00:56.640 --> 00:00:58.670
Guilt is about what you do, and I feel
00:00:58.680 --> 00:01:00.750
guilty cuz I could have done better. And
00:01:00.760 --> 00:01:02.110
what is it? A minor thing, like you
00:01:02.120 --> 00:01:03.870
know, big deal.
00:01:03.880 --> 00:01:06.630
But I'm disappointed in myself.
00:01:06.640 --> 00:01:08.270
And I was disappointed in myself cuz I
00:01:08.280 --> 00:01:09.510
did something that was going to like
00:01:09.520 --> 00:01:10.870
slow me down toward to reaching my
00:01:10.880 --> 00:01:12.150
goals.
00:01:12.160 --> 00:01:14.310
Which means I have goals.
00:01:14.320 --> 00:01:16.150
What do you think about that?
00:01:16.160 --> 00:01:17.150
Now,
00:01:17.160 --> 00:01:19.430
I'm a volunteer circle keeper with uh
00:01:19.440 --> 00:01:21.550
Hidden Water. We facilitate uh healing
00:01:21.560 --> 00:01:23.310
circles by and for child sex abuse
00:01:23.320 --> 00:01:25.670
survivors. And um
00:01:25.680 --> 00:01:28.150
that's what I am. And we got this model
00:01:28.160 --> 00:01:29.870
of healing like the you far you're in
00:01:29.880 --> 00:01:31.590
the you're lost in the sea of suffering,
00:01:31.600 --> 00:01:34.910
coping, addiction, cutting yourself,
00:01:34.920 --> 00:01:36.430
working yourself to death, whatever.
00:01:36.440 --> 00:01:38.830
You're lost. And then you face facts.
00:01:38.840 --> 00:01:40.830
This comes with a lot of anger, rage,
00:01:40.840 --> 00:01:43.030
vengeance quest. You know, how can I
00:01:43.040 --> 00:01:45.070
change the past? All that stuff. And
00:01:45.080 --> 00:01:46.870
then the idea in the Hidden Water circle
00:01:46.880 --> 00:01:48.550
is that you're you're lost in the sea of
00:01:48.560 --> 00:01:50.950
suffering. You wash up on the isle of
00:01:50.960 --> 00:01:53.070
facing facts.
00:01:53.080 --> 00:01:56.270
And then on out there ahead on the shore
00:01:56.280 --> 00:01:58.110
is the path to the western lands, a
00:01:58.120 --> 00:02:00.190
place of peace and wholeness where you
00:02:00.200 --> 00:02:02.070
learn to become what you are. When you
00:02:02.080 --> 00:02:04.190
move forward on with your life, you get
00:02:04.200 --> 00:02:06.110
that Jenga tower of yours, yes, that
00:02:06.120 --> 00:02:07.590
psyche of a Jenga tower that just
00:02:07.600 --> 00:02:09.749
collapsed. And when you get it into
00:02:09.759 --> 00:02:11.550
shape again where it's you and where you
00:02:11.560 --> 00:02:13.630
can use it to live in, then you might
00:02:13.640 --> 00:02:15.110
have some goals. You might just start
00:02:15.120 --> 00:02:16.270
thinking about what it is that you want
00:02:16.280 --> 00:02:18.390
to do. That's where I'm at in my life. I
00:02:18.400 --> 00:02:20.190
noticed this. I didn't wake up one day
00:02:20.200 --> 00:02:22.910
say, "I will be healed." I realized that
00:02:22.920 --> 00:02:24.710
I was thinking about the future. I'm I'm
00:02:24.720 --> 00:02:25.870
pointing to it. I was thinking about the
00:02:25.880 --> 00:02:27.790
future of my life.
00:02:27.800 --> 00:02:30.630
And for me to be disappointed in myself
00:02:30.640 --> 00:02:32.590
means I thought I could have done better
00:02:32.600 --> 00:02:34.350
to put me further toward my goals and I
00:02:34.360 --> 00:02:35.470
did.
00:02:35.480 --> 00:02:37.910
Hell yeah, I'll take it.
00:02:37.920 --> 00:02:40.270
Oh my god, it's a beautiful day on the
00:02:40.280 --> 00:02:41.630
trail to the western lands, boys and
00:02:41.640 --> 00:02:43.110
girls. We can get in a lot of miles on
00:02:43.120 --> 00:02:44.310
the trail. We're going to make one
00:02:44.320 --> 00:02:46.110
league per hour cuz that is the
00:02:46.120 --> 00:02:47.830
definition. A league is however far you
00:02:47.840 --> 00:02:49.510
make it in an hour, and on the trail to
00:02:49.520 --> 00:02:51.070
the western lands, that's as far as we
00:02:51.080 --> 00:02:52.790
go every day.
00:02:52.800 --> 00:02:54.510
Daylight's burning. Maybe I'll be
00:02:54.520 --> 00:02:58.200
disappointed in myself yet again.
Kind: captions
Language: en
00:00:01.160 --> 00:00:03.390
Good afternoon, Warzone kids. Crazy
00:00:03.400 --> 00:00:05.150
thing happened the other day. I'm super
00:00:05.160 --> 00:00:06.790
psyched about it.
00:00:06.800 --> 00:00:09.430
I was disappointed in myself.
00:00:09.440 --> 00:00:10.910
Now,
00:00:10.920 --> 00:00:13.070
I've been ashamed of myself plenty.
00:00:13.080 --> 00:00:14.790
Plenty. It's just like the weather. Oh,
00:00:14.800 --> 00:00:16.270
it's Vermont, January. It's cold
00:00:16.280 --> 00:00:18.590
outside. I feel shame. That's right. I'm
00:00:18.600 --> 00:00:20.910
a child sex abuse survivor. As an adult,
00:00:20.920 --> 00:00:22.350
I live with borderline personality
00:00:22.360 --> 00:00:23.710
disorder. I'm a recovering addict,
00:00:23.720 --> 00:00:26.510
bulimic. And uh my channel's all about
00:00:26.520 --> 00:00:29.870
moving on in life. And
00:00:29.880 --> 00:00:33.150
it blows my mind
00:00:33.160 --> 00:00:34.710
that
00:00:34.720 --> 00:00:37.630
me feeling disappointed in myself
00:00:37.640 --> 00:00:40.070
is a giant step forward. Cuz if I feel
00:00:40.080 --> 00:00:42.630
disappointed in myself,
00:00:42.640 --> 00:00:44.470
that means
00:00:44.480 --> 00:00:48.790
I could have done better.
00:00:48.800 --> 00:00:50.470
When you feel shame, that's just it got
00:00:50.480 --> 00:00:51.670
you.
00:00:51.680 --> 00:00:53.830
I can't be better. I can't be someone
00:00:53.840 --> 00:00:56.630
down. Shame is about what you are.
00:00:56.640 --> 00:00:58.670
Guilt is about what you do, and I feel
00:00:58.680 --> 00:01:00.750
guilty cuz I could have done better. And
00:01:00.760 --> 00:01:02.110
what is it? A minor thing, like you
00:01:02.120 --> 00:01:03.870
know, big deal.
00:01:03.880 --> 00:01:06.630
But I'm disappointed in myself.
00:01:06.640 --> 00:01:08.270
And I was disappointed in myself cuz I
00:01:08.280 --> 00:01:09.510
did something that was going to like
00:01:09.520 --> 00:01:10.870
slow me down toward to reaching my
00:01:10.880 --> 00:01:12.150
goals.
00:01:12.160 --> 00:01:14.310
Which means I have goals.
00:01:14.320 --> 00:01:16.150
What do you think about that?
00:01:16.160 --> 00:01:17.150
Now,
00:01:17.160 --> 00:01:19.430
I'm a volunteer circle keeper with uh
00:01:19.440 --> 00:01:21.550
Hidden Water. We facilitate uh healing
00:01:21.560 --> 00:01:23.310
circles by and for child sex abuse
00:01:23.320 --> 00:01:25.670
survivors. And um
00:01:25.680 --> 00:01:28.150
that's what I am. And we got this model
00:01:28.160 --> 00:01:29.870
of healing like the you far you're in
00:01:29.880 --> 00:01:31.590
the you're lost in the sea of suffering,
00:01:31.600 --> 00:01:34.910
coping, addiction, cutting yourself,
00:01:34.920 --> 00:01:36.430
working yourself to death, whatever.
00:01:36.440 --> 00:01:38.830
You're lost. And then you face facts.
00:01:38.840 --> 00:01:40.830
This comes with a lot of anger, rage,
00:01:40.840 --> 00:01:43.030
vengeance quest. You know, how can I
00:01:43.040 --> 00:01:45.070
change the past? All that stuff. And
00:01:45.080 --> 00:01:46.870
then the idea in the Hidden Water circle
00:01:46.880 --> 00:01:48.550
is that you're you're lost in the sea of
00:01:48.560 --> 00:01:50.950
suffering. You wash up on the isle of
00:01:50.960 --> 00:01:53.070
facing facts.
00:01:53.080 --> 00:01:56.270
And then on out there ahead on the shore
00:01:56.280 --> 00:01:58.110
is the path to the western lands, a
00:01:58.120 --> 00:02:00.190
place of peace and wholeness where you
00:02:00.200 --> 00:02:02.070
learn to become what you are. When you
00:02:02.080 --> 00:02:04.190
move forward on with your life, you get
00:02:04.200 --> 00:02:06.110
that Jenga tower of yours, yes, that
00:02:06.120 --> 00:02:07.590
psyche of a Jenga tower that just
00:02:07.600 --> 00:02:09.749
collapsed. And when you get it into
00:02:09.759 --> 00:02:11.550
shape again where it's you and where you
00:02:11.560 --> 00:02:13.630
can use it to live in, then you might
00:02:13.640 --> 00:02:15.110
have some goals. You might just start
00:02:15.120 --> 00:02:16.270
thinking about what it is that you want
00:02:16.280 --> 00:02:18.390
to do. That's where I'm at in my life. I
00:02:18.400 --> 00:02:20.190
noticed this. I didn't wake up one day
00:02:20.200 --> 00:02:22.910
say, "I will be healed." I realized that
00:02:22.920 --> 00:02:24.710
I was thinking about the future. I'm I'm
00:02:24.720 --> 00:02:25.870
pointing to it. I was thinking about the
00:02:25.880 --> 00:02:27.790
future of my life.
00:02:27.800 --> 00:02:30.630
And for me to be disappointed in myself
00:02:30.640 --> 00:02:32.590
means I thought I could have done better
00:02:32.600 --> 00:02:34.350
to put me further toward my goals and I
00:02:34.360 --> 00:02:35.470
did.
00:02:35.480 --> 00:02:37.910
Hell yeah, I'll take it.
00:02:37.920 --> 00:02:40.270
Oh my god, it's a beautiful day on the
00:02:40.280 --> 00:02:41.630
trail to the western lands, boys and
00:02:41.640 --> 00:02:43.110
girls. We can get in a lot of miles on
00:02:43.120 --> 00:02:44.310
the trail. We're going to make one
00:02:44.320 --> 00:02:46.110
league per hour cuz that is the
00:02:46.120 --> 00:02:47.830
definition. A league is however far you
00:02:47.840 --> 00:02:49.510
make it in an hour, and on the trail to
00:02:49.520 --> 00:02:51.070
the western lands, that's as far as we
00:02:51.080 --> 00:02:52.790
go every day.
00:02:52.800 --> 00:02:54.510
Daylight's burning. Maybe I'll be
00:02:54.520 --> 00:02:58.200
disappointed in myself yet again.
