Intro
You're listening to A Little Bit Better, a podcast where we talk about how breaking goals into small steps can lead to big results. Here we'll examine the cause and effect of our thoughts and actions and inactions and how they influence how we live our lives. I'm your host Chris Swail, a life and health coach. Let's get started!
Hi, it's Chris. Welcome back to A Little Bit Better, the podcast. Today's episode is called One Magic Question. Life presents challenges to us, expected or not. It always has it always will. We can get stalled, stumped, defeated, stuck in non-supportive thought and behavior patterns, including, but not limited to, existing in a sort of puddle or haze of self-shame or even self-loathing, in regrets or wishes, do overs or whatnot. It happens to us all. Last episode, we spoke about wrestling with ourselves, doing that work actively challenging ourselves, which is great, but kind of hard. And sometimes you kind of just don't know where to start, right? It may come natural to you depending on the situation, or your own behaviours and thoughts and habits. It may be very clear just how or what you need to do, but if not, and really for all types of challenges icky, tense, stressful or anxiety ridden situations. I fall back on what I'm calling One Magic Question.
This isn't one of those ridiculous, too good to be true, these false claims of, one fix and everything will be perfect. Those things never pan out. This magic question won't instantly and fully fix all your woes in a neat and tidy swoop. But its impact is profound, which is why I feel that it's a little bit of magic. This allows you to heal and allows you to move forward and in many cases it allows you to forgive, if needed. I use this question all the time in my coaching practice with my clients and I use it with myself. A lot of times we struggle with things like how to be kinder to ourselves, how to forgive ourselves, how to forgive others, how to practice self compassion, self love, self awareness, or even awareness of other people. We can use this question to bring a sense of broader perspective in for us to have compassion for other people and empathy and just a clearer vision and understanding of our own patterns and thoughts and those of others. It really is an amazing tool, this one magic question, that you can use almost any time that you're feeling a little like, wah!
So what is it?! I know, I know don't wait any longer. What's this question? Are you ready? Here it is: Does this really matter? In the full story of my life? Yeah, that's, that's it. That's the question. You can massage that and create your own variation, of course, but essentially you're just asking, Is this really that important? Or how important is this? How important is this in the overall scheme of my life, to my relationships, my career, my happiness, my family, my finances, my productivity, my health, whatever avenue, it doesn't matter.
In the moment, things can feel bigger and heavier than they are, truly. And that can start a downward spiral, or a circular behavior, thought or action, behavior patterns that keep us stuck or that just don't serve us in general. That aren't friendly to ourselves or to others. Asking this question is tapping into the power of taking a pause. I'm sure you've heard the saying, "just sleep on it" when you need to make a major decision or if you're in a tricky situation. Taking a pause is often an excellent strategy, to allow yourself time, to allow yourself to calm down so you can think more clearly when you need to respond to something, especially when you've encountered something negative, like aggressive words or unkind words from somebody else. When you give yourself time before responding. You can just get yourself out of that red zone where we often make those knee jerk reactions that we regret later. Making decisions when we're feeling really ramped up, can inflate issues, it can make things worse. Time helps calm us down so we can see situations clearer, which in turn helps us respond in a wiser fashion and see solutions easier. The effect can be immediate mental and physical release. It doesn't mean that you don't have to own up to your own poor or hurtful behavior, if you have done something towards others. It doesn't mean you can just skirt responsibilities and such. But asking the question, Does this really matter? gives you that little bit of space to breathe and reset. Then you can choose what to do. You can choose the best course of action with a more stable grounded base.
So does it matter? Or how much does this really matter? Beyond that calming effect, so that you can make decisions and think clearer, asking yourself about the worth, about how much that moment, that situation really matters in your whole story, the whole story of your life, allows you to look at what does holding on to it do to you right now. Sometimes we will just play something, a scene over and over, will obsess over a mistake or poor words or words we wish we had said instead. We can scrutinize and we can self punish ourselves. But what does that actually do? It doesn't correct anything, it only hurts ourselves. It can fill us with anxiety, with stress. And stress manifests itself physically and mentally. Holding on to these less desirable individual moments can even contribute to lower self esteem and can build social anxiety.
So evaluate the worth of that moment, experience or feeling as it relates in your full life story. That will help you move forward with self compassion and ease. Each situation is individual, of course, they all have unique attributes and factors. So the next step will be up to you to decide. By asking this question, Does this matter? Or how much does this truly matter? You'll be able to get a clearer picture of what those next steps are going to be or could be.
Sometimes the best course of action is to forget, is to just move on. But until we do that active work on this by asking ourselves that question, we often can't. So we stay stuck with it and then it becomes a bigger thing. And has bigger consequences to ourselves and sometimes to others. When we consciously ask that question, it can sometimes just simply give us permission to let it go. Sometimes that's all it takes. Sometimes there is a little bit more work involved and you may have to steal up your courage or do physical things that feel scary, but when you feel clear on what needs to be done, those things somehow feel easier.
An example is if you have a relationship with someone that feels toxic, perhaps you had harsh words, sometimes just walking away is the right thing to do rather than to drag on an unhealthy friendship or relationship, especially when you know in your heart that this person is not a support person for you. That's an example of when maybe you do just wipe your hands and walk away.
Does this matter? Maybe it does matter enough that you actively take note, you just take a mental note. Okay, if I find myself in a situation like this again, I will aim to approach it in this way instead, insert whatever way you would like to be instead. Again, there may not be actual corrective action that you need to take with anybody else. It may just be that you made that mental note. And so the next time a situation like that comes up, your brain will activate and say, Oh, I've been here before. This is how I want to behave instead.
Does this truly matter? There will be times when corrective action is required, or you feel that it's necessary. So by asking yourself how much this matters, you give yourself that time to look at what corrective action you need to take to mend a situation, to heal yourself, or to help and support others. It may be conversations, it can be writing a letter, it could be journaling, going for a walk, it could be just gifting somebody something. There are obviously limitless solutions to problems because there are probably limitless problems and challenges right? This is, this is life, this is part of what makes it interesting and beautiful.
10:02
So again, this one magic question is simply about evaluating how important, what is the worth of this situation in your whole life, in every chapter of your life? Asking this question allows you to release negative thoughts, loathing anger, it can help you reduce anxiety, shame, and other non supportive thoughts and behaviors. It can help you be brave to take the next steps to take the steps that you feel are the right steps to take. Evaluating the worth of a moment or situation can help you move forward. It can even inspire you, which can build your confidence and make you more productive. It can heal old wounds and wounds that are completely separate from that actual situation because it can put a whole bunch of things in perspective for you. Mental healing, physical healing, these are amazing benefits of letting go. And so often letting go begins with that one magic question. How much does this matter? Does this really matter in the grand scheme of my life?
Okay, so next time you find yourself in a tricky situation or in circular negative thought patterns or behavior patterns, in an uncomfortable relationship or situation, if you're just feeling kinda icky and like ah, are in a rut, just ask yourself that question. How much does this matter? How does it matter? And then give yourself that time to just think on that, sit there with it, and chances are the air, the fog will clear and you'll be able to see the way forward. That sounds a little bit better. We'll see you next time.
Thanks for listening to A Little Bit Better. If you've enjoyed this episode, please leave me a review. Your ratings and reviews help more people like you find this podcast. Share the love! Subscribe to A Little Bit Better so you never miss an episode. Share it with your friends and family. You can follow me on Instagram at @chris.swail. And my website is ALittleBitBetter.ca. I'd love to hear from you and if you'd like information about my coaching, please reach out. I am Chris Swail, I am excited to connect again with you soon. So until next time, have fun being a little bit better!
You're listening to A Little Bit Better, a podcast where we talk about how breaking goals into small steps can lead to big results. Here we'll examine the cause and effect of our thoughts and actions and inactions and how they influence how we live our lives. I'm your host Chris Swail, a life and health coach. Let's get started!
Hi, it's Chris. Welcome back to A Little Bit Better, the podcast. Today's episode is called One Magic Question. Life presents challenges to us, expected or not. It always has it always will. We can get stalled, stumped, defeated, stuck in non-supportive thought and behavior patterns, including, but not limited to, existing in a sort of puddle or haze of self-shame or even self-loathing, in regrets or wishes, do overs or whatnot. It happens to us all. Last episode, we spoke about wrestling with ourselves, doing that work actively challenging ourselves, which is great, but kind of hard. And sometimes you kind of just don't know where to start, right? It may come natural to you depending on the situation, or your own behaviours and thoughts and habits. It may be very clear just how or what you need to do, but if not, and really for all types of challenges icky, tense, stressful or anxiety ridden situations. I fall back on what I'm calling One Magic Question.
This isn't one of those ridiculous, too good to be true, these false claims of, one fix and everything will be perfect. Those things never pan out. This magic question won't instantly and fully fix all your woes in a neat and tidy swoop. But its impact is profound, which is why I feel that it's a little bit of magic. This allows you to heal and allows you to move forward and in many cases it allows you to forgive, if needed. I use this question all the time in my coaching practice with my clients and I use it with myself. A lot of times we struggle with things like how to be kinder to ourselves, how to forgive ourselves, how to forgive others, how to practice self compassion, self love, self awareness, or even awareness of other people. We can use this question to bring a sense of broader perspective in for us to have compassion for other people and empathy and just a clearer vision and understanding of our own patterns and thoughts and those of others. It really is an amazing tool, this one magic question, that you can use almost any time that you're feeling a little like, wah!
So what is it?! I know, I know don't wait any longer. What's this question? Are you ready? Here it is: Does this really matter? In the full story of my life? Yeah, that's, that's it. That's the question. You can massage that and create your own variation, of course, but essentially you're just asking, Is this really that important? Or how important is this? How important is this in the overall scheme of my life, to my relationships, my career, my happiness, my family, my finances, my productivity, my health, whatever avenue, it doesn't matter.
In the moment, things can feel bigger and heavier than they are, truly. And that can start a downward spiral, or a circular behavior, thought or action, behavior patterns that keep us stuck or that just don't serve us in general. That aren't friendly to ourselves or to others. Asking this question is tapping into the power of taking a pause. I'm sure you've heard the saying, "just sleep on it" when you need to make a major decision or if you're in a tricky situation. Taking a pause is often an excellent strategy, to allow yourself time, to allow yourself to calm down so you can think more clearly when you need to respond to something, especially when you've encountered something negative, like aggressive words or unkind words from somebody else. When you give yourself time before responding. You can just get yourself out of that red zone where we often make those knee jerk reactions that we regret later. Making decisions when we're feeling really ramped up, can inflate issues, it can make things worse. Time helps calm us down so we can see situations clearer, which in turn helps us respond in a wiser fashion and see solutions easier. The effect can be immediate mental and physical release. It doesn't mean that you don't have to own up to your own poor or hurtful behavior, if you have done something towards others. It doesn't mean you can just skirt responsibilities and such. But asking the question, Does this really matter? gives you that little bit of space to breathe and reset. Then you can choose what to do. You can choose the best course of action with a more stable grounded base.
So does it matter? Or how much does this really matter? Beyond that calming effect, so that you can make decisions and think clearer, asking yourself about the worth, about how much that moment, that situation really matters in your whole story, the whole story of your life, allows you to look at what does holding on to it do to you right now. Sometimes we will just play something, a scene over and over, will obsess over a mistake or poor words or words we wish we had said instead. We can scrutinize and we can self punish ourselves. But what does that actually do? It doesn't correct anything, it only hurts ourselves. It can fill us with anxiety, with stress. And stress manifests itself physically and mentally. Holding on to these less desirable individual moments can even contribute to lower self esteem and can build social anxiety.
So evaluate the worth of that moment, experience or feeling as it relates in your full life story. That will help you move forward with self compassion and ease. Each situation is individual, of course, they all have unique attributes and factors. So the next step will be up to you to decide. By asking this question, Does this matter? Or how much does this truly matter? You'll be able to get a clearer picture of what those next steps are going to be or could be.
Sometimes the best course of action is to forget, is to just move on. But until we do that active work on this by asking ourselves that question, we often can't. So we stay stuck with it and then it becomes a bigger thing. And has bigger consequences to ourselves and sometimes to others. When we consciously ask that question, it can sometimes just simply give us permission to let it go. Sometimes that's all it takes. Sometimes there is a little bit more work involved and you may have to steal up your courage or do physical things that feel scary, but when you feel clear on what needs to be done, those things somehow feel easier.
An example is if you have a relationship with someone that feels toxic, perhaps you had harsh words, sometimes just walking away is the right thing to do rather than to drag on an unhealthy friendship or relationship, especially when you know in your heart that this person is not a support person for you. That's an example of when maybe you do just wipe your hands and walk away.
Does this matter? Maybe it does matter enough that you actively take note, you just take a mental note. Okay, if I find myself in a situation like this again, I will aim to approach it in this way instead, insert whatever way you would like to be instead. Again, there may not be actual corrective action that you need to take with anybody else. It may just be that you made that mental note. And so the next time a situation like that comes up, your brain will activate and say, Oh, I've been here before. This is how I want to behave instead.
Does this truly matter? There will be times when corrective action is required, or you feel that it's necessary. So by asking yourself how much this matters, you give yourself that time to look at what corrective action you need to take to mend a situation, to heal yourself, or to help and support others. It may be conversations, it can be writing a letter, it could be journaling, going for a walk, it could be just gifting somebody something. There are obviously limitless solutions to problems because there are probably limitless problems and challenges right? This is, this is life, this is part of what makes it interesting and beautiful.
10:02
So again, this one magic question is simply about evaluating how important, what is the worth of this situation in your whole life, in every chapter of your life? Asking this question allows you to release negative thoughts, loathing anger, it can help you reduce anxiety, shame, and other non supportive thoughts and behaviors. It can help you be brave to take the next steps to take the steps that you feel are the right steps to take. Evaluating the worth of a moment or situation can help you move forward. It can even inspire you, which can build your confidence and make you more productive. It can heal old wounds and wounds that are completely separate from that actual situation because it can put a whole bunch of things in perspective for you. Mental healing, physical healing, these are amazing benefits of letting go. And so often letting go begins with that one magic question. How much does this matter? Does this really matter in the grand scheme of my life?
Okay, so next time you find yourself in a tricky situation or in circular negative thought patterns or behavior patterns, in an uncomfortable relationship or situation, if you're just feeling kinda icky and like ah, are in a rut, just ask yourself that question. How much does this matter? How does it matter? And then give yourself that time to just think on that, sit there with it, and chances are the air, the fog will clear and you'll be able to see the way forward. That sounds a little bit better. We'll see you next time.
Thanks for listening to A Little Bit Better. If you've enjoyed this episode, please leave me a review. Your ratings and reviews help more people like you find this podcast. Share the love! Subscribe to A Little Bit Better so you never miss an episode. Share it with your friends and family. You can follow me on Instagram at @chris.swail. And my website is ALittleBitBetter.ca. I'd love to hear from you and if you'd like information about my coaching, please reach out. I am Chris Swail, I am excited to connect again with you soon. So until next time, have fun being a little bit better!
